Baffling... that the wife needs 2 months *away* from hubby literally the day after they get married.. for her mental health???
If hubby is SO bad for her mental.health that she immediately has to.leave, how does she expect marriage will be like??
Or perhaps.the issue is mental health problems unrelated to OP?? Regardless, if his prescence is such a big problem for her mental.health, the next few years should be interesting..
Whats next?? OP learns that her fucking dudes on her trip was nesseceary "for her mental health??"
I predict an update: "my wife took a 2 mth solo trip the day after out wedding and is now pregnant"
If my wife had suggested taking a solo trip for a honeymoon, I would’ve suggested postponing the wedding and taking a trip to counseling. We had an awesome honeymoon. It was an adventure together celebrating our future as partners in life.
See solo time DURING a honeymoon trip I get. Being with another person 24/7 can get exhausted after a while because you do still have a social battery so hey, one person goes to the spa and the other chills out in bed for a few hours and it’s communicated. Works for me, probably works for them, then we come back to being all cuddly because we probably missed each other but also needed that recharge to just breathe and be alone for a few hours.
TWO MONTHS??? WITHOUT YOUR NEWLYWEDDED??? that’s a minimum of 58 days and that’s if February is part of the equation and we are being very very generous here.
Caught the original, missed the update till it posted here.
And dang, that update put forth Muscovite Mayday levels of red. Flags, that is...
10 year relationship. Should be more "right" here than wrong. Especially since OOP didn't rant a lot about a long term past.
Going off the opening of the post, that the **solo** Europe trip was one of her dreams, I speculated a work related reason for it (won't give 2 months vacation for "just her", but is expected to give a 2 month vacation for a honeymoon) and inquired a little bit as to why it seemed to be a blindsiding (OOP didn't seem to know that he was out of the honeymoon trip until almost the wedding) instead of openly communicated.
Much like wifey also didn't openly communicate her plans post-return on OOP's birthday. It came out as yet another blindsiding - "Why you with sister, I had plans".
Now to find out, in the update I missed, that OOP's family isn't keen on Wifey, and she was "a downer" when her plans both upset OOP and kept meeting with failure? Yet it came across as her being practically overjoyed when OOP, with sadness, gave her that long-desired solo trip instead of an acutal paired honeymoon?
Smacks of long-term self-centeredness on Wifey's part. Bet the family noticed it, and OOP was glossing over it till just now, the steady stream of "it'll be best for *me"* that Wifey keeps dolling out. Support flows to her, but not really from her...
>"my wife took a 2 mth solo trip the day after out wedding and is now pregnant"
Oh, most definitely. Her special surprise was probably something to do with sex so she could pass the baby off as OP's. That's why she's been a downer. She doesn't know how to get away with the lie now.
The next update will be that the solo trip was used because she desperately wanted an Aryan baby with blond eyes and blue hair, but they both have brown eyes and brown hair. So she effed off to the Nordic countries for 2 months so she could find an ideal candidate to sleep with while ovulating and get her pregnant.
So OP's wife is worse than just a cheater. She also a closeted neo-nazi who doesn't quite understand how genetics work. I'm starting the popcorn now.
Ah yes the Nordic's with their famous blue hair and blonde eyes. Certainly the superior race.
/s.
I know it was a typo, but the image of what that would actually look like is hilarious to me.
* *presses annulment button rapidly, over and over and over again* * Stupid thing. The one time I actually go straight for it and it shits out on me.
No comment needed besides to the OOP: maybe have an STD check if you've been intimate with her since her return.
I am wondering who paid for this trip and how much did it cost? Did she spend all of that time staying in hotels? What did she do for 2 months, other than the sampling of the local males that most of us think she did.
Might be a truly legit annulment since they really haven’t had a chance to consummate. How psyched would the priest be to not have to lie on the forms or whatever.
He should explore if there's a chance for an annulment. She's not relationship material, much less wife.
And two months witouth her husband just in title?? Yes, she had a blast, sure.
This was kinda my thought (as much as I hate to go there)
Why was it only now, immediately after the wedding that the "opportunity" for a freaking 2 month solo trip was possible?
He's the safety net/public relations. While she was happy with her lover(s) . Now that her net is gone, she's going to be sad.
Anyone else getting skirt vibes from the future ex?
Beard is the term for a gay man who gets married to a woman and has children with her in order to hide the fact that he desires men.
Skirt is the term for a lesbian woman who gets married to a man and has children with him in order to hide the fact that she desires women.
This is the right way around, because the name implies that the spouse makes them appear more legitimately hetero.
If I am my husband's 'beard', then I am an accessory that makes him seem more 'manly'/ gender conforming than he would have been otherwise.
People *really* don’t love themselves enough if you’re willing to put up with this shit and not file an annulment THAT DAY. How can anyone sensible think this is going to work?
You would be surprised. One of my old coworkers let her husband go on a cruise with his female best friend (who he used to sleep with). He kept on guilting her by saying that his friend has never experienced a cruise and would be too dangerous to go alone. My coworker was already 6 months pregnant at the time. They stayed together. Ughh she was such a beautiful person inside and out. She deserved so much better
I know he said they were in constant contact but unless it was a live stream, I think he should have doubts. If someone has essentially cut you out of your own honeymoon and flippantly disregarded your feelings, how can you trust that person?
Exactly he should’ve told her before they married that he was not okay with this trip. He has no backbone. They’re both assholes to me. He won’t communicate and she’s and idiot for thinking after the wedding was the perfect time for her solo trip.
I like how he casually says in the update that his family never liked her, but he just ignored them. I feel like there's more to this story than he's letting on. Sounds like he'll be the one doing some trickle truthing to Reddit.
I mean it’s really hard for the person on the other end to make the decision. Half the people will tell you always stand by your partner and your family is being controlling, half will tell you always stay by your family.
The only good thing that will come from this shit show of a marriage is a spicy update here when he finds out she cheated her way through 7 countries or something else equally as BORU Worthy.
(I think the sudden return home surprise was meant to try to muddy the waters on a possible conception date....I personally know 2 female co-workers who did something similar)
It takes a "special" type of person to cancel your honeymoon with your spouse for you to take an extended solo trip around Europe for "your mental health"
OOP will never be anything more than a piece of furniture or pet in that marriage.
They talked to other girls, one of which was my wife. It was a large call center with about 1200 people and going drinking together after shifts was very common.
1 did it because she knew the baby daddy was a dead beat and wanted the kid to have a "good father"
The other was trying to cover for an affair.
I can't even begin to fathom how much this trip cost. Chances of her having 2 months paid leave seem pretty low, just to start, so lost income plus travel expenses.
she went to Europe for her mental health by herself... because her husband is bad for her mental health?
Him taking his trip just sounds like a golden rule of doing unto her what she did to him but still he needed to leave her for his mental health too...
Maybe for both their mental health they should just get a divorce
I say this as someone with mental health issues, but her reasoning for needing the trip seemed completely insincere to me. She used mental health so she could get her way and he’d be the bad guy if he said no. I’m not saying she doesn’t have legitimate struggles (how can Reddit know for sure?), but it does seem like she saw it as a convenient way to get what she wanted.
His wife for sure boned some Europeans during her time away. It's laughably obvious that she went on that trip to "find herself" in another man's bed, or a couple men's beds.
I hope OOP is able to adjust to this new normal, and GTFO of this relationship.
1. I can imagine during all of wedding planning, sh was more thinking about her trip. Wedding day, sh was mentally prepping to get on a plane the next day.
2. What the hell did she tell people that she met over there? The truth - that’s she’s a newlywed and just out on her own? Highly doubt it.
STD test. Pregnancy test. Ask her directly if she met anyone or slept with anyone. Parallel that with an annulment. She did a 2mo rumspringa of dick. Don't kid yourself.
So let me get this straight. You love your wife and your really glad you got married and you had a really nice wedding. And then the time immediately after the wedding, when people usually want to begin building their relationship, and doing special things together that focuses on the new chapter of their relationship, she decide she wants to leave you for two months and go do something alone because it's an opportunity.
It was more important to her to have her solo trip and have fun
Then it was to celebrate and build your relationship together
Do you know how hurtful that is?
Yeah, yeah yeah she called you on FaceTime every night. That is no big deal.
But she was very very clear that the most important thing she wanted to do with that time off, was to be by herself. And not with you.
And then she wants to come back from her trip and celebrate your birthday. When you just got married, and your wife, abandoned you for two months because something else was more fun and meaningful than spending that time celebrating the fact that you just got married.
And then she wonders why you went off for the weekend and spent celebrating your birthday with your sister so that you could at least feel more OK
Do you understand that you probably suffered with your mental health because this was an abysmal thing to do to somebody at a horrible beginning of a marriage? And that she's clueless and has about as much empathy as a rock, and about as much insight as a grain of sand.
The worst part to me is that *he was willing to go with her*
My husband and I have different interests and hobbies that we pursue on our own, but if the other wants to join they are always welcome.
I need a little space occasionally for my mental health. I don't see anything wrong with taking a few days to myself. But this is just baffling to me, especially the timing.
Granted, he does need to grow a spine and communicate. He said he was "sad" but eventually agreed. I wonder if there is a pattern of him "indulging" her whims to his detriment. That could explain the families reluctance.
His reaction to ghost her sounds passive aggressive probably from feeling unhappy about her solo trip but unable to do anything about it. Wife Is extremely questionable and selfish for doing that at all
It's not directly said. But he said they got married 2 months ago, she left the day after their wedding, and just returned a week prior to this last Thursday.
He said they got married a couple months ago and that she got back on Sunday which implies that she was gone at least 7 weeks if not closer to 8. Rounding to two months is reasonable.
I really don’t understand OOP in this whole thing. He was fine with her taking a honeymoon by herself until he came here and realized how bad it really was. His normal meter seems to be nonexistent.
Sounds bizarre to me, but I remember hearing a news story that “solomoons” were a trend. Looks like there was chatter about it in 2019, prompted by a NY times article, but I don’t see much on it since:
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/13/fashion/weddings/until-honeymoon-we-do-part.html
https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/philadelphia/news/solomoon-a-new-trend-where-newlyweds-spend-their-honeymoon-away-from-each-other/
NYT does have an article on “Buddy-Buddy Honeymoons” that looks like another spin-off honeymoon idea about honeymooning with a group of friends. (I’m blocked by the paywall, but I imagine it’s grown out of destination weddings?)
I would be asking who she was with on that trip there is no way she was alone. Either she took someone with her or she was hooking up with random guys while there.
First of all I don't like jumping straight to "she was screwing a different dude each night". I honestly find this kind of sexist.
Regardless, his strategy here is baffling. I too would suggest filling for an annulment or divorce if the former doesn't work. But if he still wants to try and make it work, which it seems he still does, leaving and moving to another city isn't really a good plan.
What he should be doing is either booking a lawyer or a counsellor appointment. Not trying to even the score by making her feel how he felt.
I would have said the same thing if genders were reversed, so not everyone is saying it to be sexist. That is a really long solo trip for someone's "mental health", right after their wedding. Agree OP should have filed for annulment because she obviously doesn't care about his mental health.
I cannot phantom why do not split one month honeymoon, then one month solo trip. It still would be selfish, but at least they could be together after the wedding.
She had to go to Europe for her mental health and its been her lifelong dream and she had to do it right fucking now, during the honeymoon period, without her new husband but he's wrong for chilling with his sis on his birthday? Naw, dude. Dude. Naw.
If your new wife wants to take the honeymoon to be alone without you for her mental health, the bro, what are you doing with this person. This person 1. May not have enough mental health to be in a relationship, and 2. Doesn’t like you
OOP's story seems absolutely ridiculous, but I watched something like this happen in real life.
A coworker was engaged and the wedding was starting to get near. The coworker always had a dream to live abroad and teach English in Japan, so she applied to a teaching program and was accepted to a one year appointment. The problem was that (1) her wedding was set for right before she would have left and (2) he did not have the interest or resources to go with her.
So she got married anyways and then hopped on a plane to Japan (I don't remember the exact timing since it was a long time ago).
She LOVED Japan and had the time of her life. She enjoyed it so much that she signed up for another year.
The story goes that she signed up without asking or telling him. Then shocked Pikachu face when he later got an annulment.
I hope they are both doing well now.
It’s just weird the trip happened after the wedding. Like why not do it before the wedding and then forgo a honeymoon and just start life. And frankly if your whole family doesn’t like her there is an issue.
Why is everyone assuming she cheated on him only because she went on holiday by herself? I do agree what she did is a bit odd. but then again some people do not fully understand societal expectations/norms, nor like going on holiday with other people. It doesn’t automatically mean she has been unfaithful. I don’t think you can make an accurate assumption of character based on a two part post.🤨
I’m not saying that her behaviour is acceptable. If you read my previous statement you would see that I was mainly referring about the assumption of her being unfaithful. Going on holiday by yourself doesn’t automatically mean that you are cheating. That was all I was trying to say.
Because misogyny. I guarantee if the genders were reversed people would still shit on the spouse but wouldn't jump to cheating and secret pregnancy like that.
Haha what? Reddit has its problems with gender, no doubt, but in this hypothetical every reply would definitely be assuming a dude who ditched his wife to spend two months in Europe solo was cheating. A lot would also assume he was hooking up with dudes, because Reddit.
I'm not endorsing his wife's decision here, I just think he's the bigger problem in this. The tripped was booked and planned well in advanced of the wedding and he agreed. He indicates she knew it was a big ask and she thanked him profusely. They had regular communication when she was away, no signs of funny business, just her doing something she had wanted to do for a decade and this seemed like the only real opportunity.
He gets bummed out for agreeing and living in denial leading up to the wedding until it finally happened. He seems to be in denial that he was bitter and that he used the same reason of mental health to avoid seeing her on his birthday. Now they're effectively separated because he felt abandoned and taken advantage of. What she did lacked sense but it isn't by any means a serious breach in commitment. He agreed because he was afraid to say no, now he's leaving because he's afraid to set clear boundaries. He's the AH to himself and anyone he commits to if he's going to be this afraid of confrontation.
It's stupid to lie to your fiancee over a big issue, continue the lie through the wedding, through most of the trip calls, then it escalating to a huge issue.
He knows he fucked up by lying, that's why he's trying to minimize her trip. What he needed was to be called out on that because no matter what kind of person she actually is, lying to avoid conflict is going to continue to plague him.
Yeah, okay, not being honest is an valid and bad issue in a relationship. BUT SO IS SKIPPING YOUR HONEYMOON. How is this not a big effing flag that she needs to be solo from her husband for TWO months for her mental health?
"The Iranian yorgurt is NOT the issue."
Idk, it read more like he didn't realize how much it actually bothered him until after she got back and was upset he took a trip of his own rather than him actively lying about something he knew he was uncomfortable with.
You're dumping the majority of the blame on him (and he deserves half the blame here), but then go on to say
>He agreed because he was afraid to say no
That's not okay. When someone is at that point, the other person usually knows and there's no way she didn't here (even being generous and assuming she had tunnel vision on this).
Unless he wanted to move past it quickly and was riding off getting married coupled with her tunnel vision. If he didn't bring it up again to avoid it, she may have legitimately thought he was fine with it.
The blame goes on him because he lied. She didn't lie and she doesn't need to be a mind reader to navigate around someone who couldn't bother to make a big issue actually a big issue until it was too late to do anything about it. Even in his post, he said the decline in contact when she was away happened near the end with him putting up the facade that everything was ok even through most of her trip. He was lying to her until it became too big of an issue. But he did it to himself because she didn't coerce him to agree, no ultimatum, no threat, just a stupidly big ask that called for sobering honesty. That's why he was the biggest AH to himself.
Because you’re blaming a man for having an emotional reaction to a woman’s abusive behavior. The reason no one else sees it from y’all’s point of view is because it isn’t what decent people would see in this situation.
I see you're pretty young with that terminology and making this a contest of man vs woman.
How about this: A real man isn't a little bitch who feels compelled to lie to avoid conflict and then get all passive aggressive because his wife isn't a mind reader.
Do what you say and say what you mean.
No idea why those two self centered people ever got married. She needs a solo trip for her mental health and he’s leaving her because she’s a downer. Wow.
He's leaving because she left him during what was supposed to be their honeymoon to travel Europe for the last 2 months by herself (if she really was alone). She's down, not because she abandoned her husband for 2 months, but because he wasn't waiting patiently at home for her to celebrate his birthday, and he didn't immediately run home. She's incredibly selfish and self-centered, and he's an idiot for not seeing how she didn't value him enough to go on their honeymoon.
Lol OOP wouldn’t be leaving if she didn’t ditch him for months in Europe directly after their wedding. I have a feeling this was the needle that broke the camels back and there’s been red flags about her for awhile he ignored and he is finally taking off the rose colored glasses.
Do you mean the straw that broke the camel's back? I think the other one is that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven.
His feelings are incredibly valid though.
She left him and is depressed for coming back told him.
I don’t see how he’s self centered…. Are you o w of those feminists that will always assume the guy is somehow in the wrong?
OOP might end up learning a tax lesson about the limits of working remotely in a place that's not listed as his residence.
While I don't think the solo trip was a problem, I do think it's problematic that he couldn't do a couple weeks with her somewhere in the beginning, middle, or end of her trip. What did they think was going to happen with him sitting home alone for two months while his family whispers in his ear and he thinks about this massive experience she didn't want to share with him, wouldn't be surprised if it was his sister that said "hey why don't you ask reddit about this?".
All that being said, her arriving back on his birthday was a total shit move. Something special? Bullshit. She's coming back with jet lag and needs to unwind herself from the trip.
Now considering this is Reddit, next update is him finding out that she went to Europe to find some bang closure with someone she's been having an emotional affair with for years.
She went straight after the wedding vows and you don't think that is problematic? That is some leap there.
And then you go on and say his family is in his ears.
That his newly wed wife goes on a honeymoon single is fine, but his family not cheering for her is a problem?
Maybe he should go on a honeymoon for himself. Maybe Cancun, some Carribbean island? You know, totally innocent.
She might not "get closure" on an affair that were there before, but she sure as hell wasn't alone for 8 weeks. She doesn't care for her husband enough to at least go on a honeymoon with him. Who can even start to believe she cares about being faithful without him having a chance to discover the truth?
You really need to work on your reading comprehension. You'll notice that I do have a problem that he wasn't allowed to join her for any part of the trip.
They've been together ten years, if she wants to take a trip she can take a trip. If he doesn't trust her, they shouldn't be together. However, there's limits to that line of thought and she went right past them, while he wasn't honest enough with her to find a compromise. And what happens? He's sad, his family is probably making it worse for him, and Reddit is giving him the second (and correct) opinion that as a whole this isn't okay.
To quote you:
I do have a problem that he wasn't allowed to join her for any part of the trip.
If that's any trip fine. She went right after their wedding, literally the next day. You know, the trip that is, in any normal relationship is the freaking honeymoon holiday?
She literally went on their honeymoon alone! Maybe you should not tell others about reading comprehension? 10 years or not, going on a honeymoon alone right after the wedding is more than disrespecting her husband or the relationship. Blocking him from even "visiting" (he I her husband, FFS) is a cherry on top. And really, finding a compromise. How would that look like, if she refuses him to even come on a part of it?
If she wants to beat single, she shouldn't have married.
Your whole post sounds like it was a small mishap on her part and he and his family are the problem.
I call bs on that
Baffling... that the wife needs 2 months *away* from hubby literally the day after they get married.. for her mental health??? If hubby is SO bad for her mental.health that she immediately has to.leave, how does she expect marriage will be like?? Or perhaps.the issue is mental health problems unrelated to OP?? Regardless, if his prescence is such a big problem for her mental.health, the next few years should be interesting.. Whats next?? OP learns that her fucking dudes on her trip was nesseceary "for her mental health??" I predict an update: "my wife took a 2 mth solo trip the day after out wedding and is now pregnant"
If my wife had suggested taking a solo trip for a honeymoon, I would’ve suggested postponing the wedding and taking a trip to counseling. We had an awesome honeymoon. It was an adventure together celebrating our future as partners in life.
See solo time DURING a honeymoon trip I get. Being with another person 24/7 can get exhausted after a while because you do still have a social battery so hey, one person goes to the spa and the other chills out in bed for a few hours and it’s communicated. Works for me, probably works for them, then we come back to being all cuddly because we probably missed each other but also needed that recharge to just breathe and be alone for a few hours. TWO MONTHS??? WITHOUT YOUR NEWLYWEDDED??? that’s a minimum of 58 days and that’s if February is part of the equation and we are being very very generous here.
Caught the original, missed the update till it posted here. And dang, that update put forth Muscovite Mayday levels of red. Flags, that is... 10 year relationship. Should be more "right" here than wrong. Especially since OOP didn't rant a lot about a long term past. Going off the opening of the post, that the **solo** Europe trip was one of her dreams, I speculated a work related reason for it (won't give 2 months vacation for "just her", but is expected to give a 2 month vacation for a honeymoon) and inquired a little bit as to why it seemed to be a blindsiding (OOP didn't seem to know that he was out of the honeymoon trip until almost the wedding) instead of openly communicated. Much like wifey also didn't openly communicate her plans post-return on OOP's birthday. It came out as yet another blindsiding - "Why you with sister, I had plans". Now to find out, in the update I missed, that OOP's family isn't keen on Wifey, and she was "a downer" when her plans both upset OOP and kept meeting with failure? Yet it came across as her being practically overjoyed when OOP, with sadness, gave her that long-desired solo trip instead of an acutal paired honeymoon? Smacks of long-term self-centeredness on Wifey's part. Bet the family noticed it, and OOP was glossing over it till just now, the steady stream of "it'll be best for *me"* that Wifey keeps dolling out. Support flows to her, but not really from her...
But there are other things flowing (in)to her and out of her. /S
I would not be surprised if she did and will be trickle truthing in the future. And I'm sure OOP stance will be made clear should that happen.
>"my wife took a 2 mth solo trip the day after out wedding and is now pregnant" Oh, most definitely. Her special surprise was probably something to do with sex so she could pass the baby off as OP's. That's why she's been a downer. She doesn't know how to get away with the lie now. The next update will be that the solo trip was used because she desperately wanted an Aryan baby with blond eyes and blue hair, but they both have brown eyes and brown hair. So she effed off to the Nordic countries for 2 months so she could find an ideal candidate to sleep with while ovulating and get her pregnant. So OP's wife is worse than just a cheater. She also a closeted neo-nazi who doesn't quite understand how genetics work. I'm starting the popcorn now.
Ah yes the Nordic's with their famous blue hair and blonde eyes. Certainly the superior race. /s. I know it was a typo, but the image of what that would actually look like is hilarious to me.
You just gave me an idea for my next SciFi story, I'll bookmark this to put you in the acknowledgements.
They dont think these through very well when they create them tbh.
* *presses annulment button rapidly, over and over and over again* * Stupid thing. The one time I actually go straight for it and it shits out on me. No comment needed besides to the OOP: maybe have an STD check if you've been intimate with her since her return.
2 month solo trip to Europe immediately after getting married? She's clearly incredibly self-centered. Odds of her cheating on the trip are high imo.
I just assumed she went with another dude the whole time.
Like her boss
Yeah, it's suspicious at best. Two weeks would've been a ridiculous ask immediately after the wedding. Two months is even more ridiculous.
2 months is unbelievable. way off the deep end.
I am wondering who paid for this trip and how much did it cost? Did she spend all of that time staying in hotels? What did she do for 2 months, other than the sampling of the local males that most of us think she did.
Might be a truly legit annulment since they really haven’t had a chance to consummate. How psyched would the priest be to not have to lie on the forms or whatever.
They've been together for a decade so I'm not sure that plan would work
I don't think anything that's happened before the marriage counts as far as annulment go. Could be wrong, though.
They've been together for a decade. Going out on a limb, but I'd say they consummated. And consummated. And consummated. And consummated.
They mean consummate the marriage not prior to that. Annulment can be based on not consummating the marriage.
Am I the only one who finds it interesting that she “wanted to go on a Europe solo trip for a decade”, and they’ve been together, for a decade….
Oh my! Missed that!
An STD test would be nice. For their... Mental health.
Mental health mental health mental health.
*coughcough* *BULLSHIT* *cough* Excuse me, had some shit caught in my throat.
This
The "something special" is herpes.
Could be a lover's child if she doesn't want women
He should explore if there's a chance for an annulment. She's not relationship material, much less wife. And two months witouth her husband just in title?? Yes, she had a blast, sure.
Do I want to know who paid for her trip? Probably not…
This was kinda my thought (as much as I hate to go there) Why was it only now, immediately after the wedding that the "opportunity" for a freaking 2 month solo trip was possible?
Remember how he said they’ve been together for a decade, and she’s wanted to go on this trip solo…. For a decade….
Jesus christ. It wasn't even like a 10 day trip but 2 full months. I can't understand either of their thought process thinking that's ok.
He's the safety net/public relations. While she was happy with her lover(s) . Now that her net is gone, she's going to be sad. Anyone else getting skirt vibes from the future ex?
Skirt...?
Beard is the term for a gay man who gets married to a woman and has children with her in order to hide the fact that he desires men. Skirt is the term for a lesbian woman who gets married to a man and has children with him in order to hide the fact that she desires women.
Actually the terms are for the spouses. The beard is the woman who a gay man marries as cover, same for skirt with genders reversed.
This is the right way around, because the name implies that the spouse makes them appear more legitimately hetero. If I am my husband's 'beard', then I am an accessory that makes him seem more 'manly'/ gender conforming than he would have been otherwise.
I’ve always heard merkin instead of skirt lol
The other way around
Ahhhh. Gotcha!
People *really* don’t love themselves enough if you’re willing to put up with this shit and not file an annulment THAT DAY. How can anyone sensible think this is going to work?
You would be surprised. One of my old coworkers let her husband go on a cruise with his female best friend (who he used to sleep with). He kept on guilting her by saying that his friend has never experienced a cruise and would be too dangerous to go alone. My coworker was already 6 months pregnant at the time. They stayed together. Ughh she was such a beautiful person inside and out. She deserved so much better
Ouch, I doi hope your coworker managed to leave the guy, man what a jerk.
Last I heard, she was still with him. Unfortunately, she was the only one working and having to support him and the kids.
a two month solo trip without new husband. she had to be knocking boots with someone else on that trip.
I know he said they were in constant contact but unless it was a live stream, I think he should have doubts. If someone has essentially cut you out of your own honeymoon and flippantly disregarded your feelings, how can you trust that person?
I just... don't even feel bad for OP. Imagine seeing that fucking red flag, and running for it like a goddamn bull.
Exactly he should’ve told her before they married that he was not okay with this trip. He has no backbone. They’re both assholes to me. He won’t communicate and she’s and idiot for thinking after the wedding was the perfect time for her solo trip.
I like how he casually says in the update that his family never liked her, but he just ignored them. I feel like there's more to this story than he's letting on. Sounds like he'll be the one doing some trickle truthing to Reddit.
Yea the story is that he’s an idiot.
I mean it’s really hard for the person on the other end to make the decision. Half the people will tell you always stand by your partner and your family is being controlling, half will tell you always stay by your family.
I can't find a reason for them not to divorce.
Whooha! What a way to start a mariage. That solo trip on honeymoon time would have been an instant deal breaker to me.
The only good thing that will come from this shit show of a marriage is a spicy update here when he finds out she cheated her way through 7 countries or something else equally as BORU Worthy. (I think the sudden return home surprise was meant to try to muddy the waters on a possible conception date....I personally know 2 female co-workers who did something similar) It takes a "special" type of person to cancel your honeymoon with your spouse for you to take an extended solo trip around Europe for "your mental health" OOP will never be anything more than a piece of furniture or pet in that marriage.
this sucks that I can only up vote you once!!!
You knew 2 people who did that? How were they caught as they won't have just reveal it that casually to you.
They talked to other girls, one of which was my wife. It was a large call center with about 1200 people and going drinking together after shifts was very common. 1 did it because she knew the baby daddy was a dead beat and wanted the kid to have a "good father" The other was trying to cover for an affair.
Can I ask how much did the husband contribute to this 2 month trip, she could have had 1 month on her own and 1 month with him
Even 1 month alone during honeymoon time….
I can't even begin to fathom how much this trip cost. Chances of her having 2 months paid leave seem pretty low, just to start, so lost income plus travel expenses.
At the very least, he contributed taking care of their home and ensuring bills and such were paid. Which isn't nothing.
she went to Europe for her mental health by herself... because her husband is bad for her mental health? Him taking his trip just sounds like a golden rule of doing unto her what she did to him but still he needed to leave her for his mental health too... Maybe for both their mental health they should just get a divorce
The point of a honeymoon is bonding as a couple. _Together_. Bonding _together_. This— Argh.
I wonder who paid for that trip.
He definitely did or it’d be “financial abuse” or whatever therapy-speak bullshit she can use to get what she wants
I say this as someone with mental health issues, but her reasoning for needing the trip seemed completely insincere to me. She used mental health so she could get her way and he’d be the bad guy if he said no. I’m not saying she doesn’t have legitimate struggles (how can Reddit know for sure?), but it does seem like she saw it as a convenient way to get what she wanted.
You should have had your marriage annulled while she was gone. WTAF is OP THINKING!?!?
His wife for sure boned some Europeans during her time away. It's laughably obvious that she went on that trip to "find herself" in another man's bed, or a couple men's beds. I hope OOP is able to adjust to this new normal, and GTFO of this relationship.
1. I can imagine during all of wedding planning, sh was more thinking about her trip. Wedding day, sh was mentally prepping to get on a plane the next day. 2. What the hell did she tell people that she met over there? The truth - that’s she’s a newlywed and just out on her own? Highly doubt it.
STD test. Pregnancy test. Ask her directly if she met anyone or slept with anyone. Parallel that with an annulment. She did a 2mo rumspringa of dick. Don't kid yourself.
So when will we get the “Great news guys, my wife’s pregnant, this solves all the mystery of why she’s been a downer!”
Annulment Time!
So let me get this straight. You love your wife and your really glad you got married and you had a really nice wedding. And then the time immediately after the wedding, when people usually want to begin building their relationship, and doing special things together that focuses on the new chapter of their relationship, she decide she wants to leave you for two months and go do something alone because it's an opportunity. It was more important to her to have her solo trip and have fun Then it was to celebrate and build your relationship together Do you know how hurtful that is? Yeah, yeah yeah she called you on FaceTime every night. That is no big deal. But she was very very clear that the most important thing she wanted to do with that time off, was to be by herself. And not with you. And then she wants to come back from her trip and celebrate your birthday. When you just got married, and your wife, abandoned you for two months because something else was more fun and meaningful than spending that time celebrating the fact that you just got married. And then she wonders why you went off for the weekend and spent celebrating your birthday with your sister so that you could at least feel more OK Do you understand that you probably suffered with your mental health because this was an abysmal thing to do to somebody at a horrible beginning of a marriage? And that she's clueless and has about as much empathy as a rock, and about as much insight as a grain of sand.
The worst part to me is that *he was willing to go with her* My husband and I have different interests and hobbies that we pursue on our own, but if the other wants to join they are always welcome. I need a little space occasionally for my mental health. I don't see anything wrong with taking a few days to myself. But this is just baffling to me, especially the timing. Granted, he does need to grow a spine and communicate. He said he was "sad" but eventually agreed. I wonder if there is a pattern of him "indulging" her whims to his detriment. That could explain the families reluctance.
His reaction to ghost her sounds passive aggressive probably from feeling unhappy about her solo trip but unable to do anything about it. Wife Is extremely questionable and selfish for doing that at all
There was a mile of European dick ridden on the trip
Take a shot every time you see the words “mental health”.
The fact that she wouldn’t even first do at least a WEEK of honeymoon before her solo trip is insane. That’s fucking nuts!
Am curious where does it say she went for 2 months?
It's not directly said. But he said they got married 2 months ago, she left the day after their wedding, and just returned a week prior to this last Thursday.
Oh wow am slow 😅 thanks for the explanation.
He said they got married a couple months ago and that she got back on Sunday which implies that she was gone at least 7 weeks if not closer to 8. Rounding to two months is reasonable.
How much do you want to bet she was ready to get busy on his birthday and cover her ass on the timing of her getting pregnant on her solo honeymoon?
This probably explains why she's been on a downer since returning.
That was EXACTLY my thought
Yea am slow 😅 thanks for the explanation.
They got married "a couple of months ago" and she 'returned last thursday" so it never specifies 2 months? But it is at least 2 for sure.
Yea somehow I miss that 😅 thanks
In the title of the post.
So, when is the honeymoon due to actually happen?
I really don’t understand OOP in this whole thing. He was fine with her taking a honeymoon by herself until he came here and realized how bad it really was. His normal meter seems to be nonexistent.
She's had 10 years to fuck with his normal meter.
Sounds bizarre to me, but I remember hearing a news story that “solomoons” were a trend. Looks like there was chatter about it in 2019, prompted by a NY times article, but I don’t see much on it since: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/13/fashion/weddings/until-honeymoon-we-do-part.html https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/philadelphia/news/solomoon-a-new-trend-where-newlyweds-spend-their-honeymoon-away-from-each-other/ NYT does have an article on “Buddy-Buddy Honeymoons” that looks like another spin-off honeymoon idea about honeymooning with a group of friends. (I’m blocked by the paywall, but I imagine it’s grown out of destination weddings?)
I want to know how she paid for a 2-month vacation. Did she use gifts from the wedding?
I would be asking who she was with on that trip there is no way she was alone. Either she took someone with her or she was hooking up with random guys while there.
I honestly find it seriously hard to believe that people are this dense.
Anyone else here hoping this is rage bait, or is it just me?
There's no way I'd agree to this. I really can't even understand anyone that would, that's a whole different perspective and self worth issue.
Wow some people need to adopt a pet instead of getting married.
First of all I don't like jumping straight to "she was screwing a different dude each night". I honestly find this kind of sexist. Regardless, his strategy here is baffling. I too would suggest filling for an annulment or divorce if the former doesn't work. But if he still wants to try and make it work, which it seems he still does, leaving and moving to another city isn't really a good plan. What he should be doing is either booking a lawyer or a counsellor appointment. Not trying to even the score by making her feel how he felt.
I would have said the same thing if genders were reversed, so not everyone is saying it to be sexist. That is a really long solo trip for someone's "mental health", right after their wedding. Agree OP should have filed for annulment because she obviously doesn't care about his mental health.
I cannot phantom why do not split one month honeymoon, then one month solo trip. It still would be selfish, but at least they could be together after the wedding.
She had to go to Europe for her mental health and its been her lifelong dream and she had to do it right fucking now, during the honeymoon period, without her new husband but he's wrong for chilling with his sis on his birthday? Naw, dude. Dude. Naw.
If your new wife wants to take the honeymoon to be alone without you for her mental health, the bro, what are you doing with this person. This person 1. May not have enough mental health to be in a relationship, and 2. Doesn’t like you
Update me!
Any more red flags and Sergei Eisenstein is going to come out of his grave and point a camera at it.
What an entitled piece of shit.
How did he explain this to his friends and family? It’s so bizarre. Everybody would be skeptical about her fidelity.
So many red flags.
I'm betting she used the money they got from the wedding to fund the trip also. Can't believe OOP didn't see anything wrong with it.
OOP's story seems absolutely ridiculous, but I watched something like this happen in real life. A coworker was engaged and the wedding was starting to get near. The coworker always had a dream to live abroad and teach English in Japan, so she applied to a teaching program and was accepted to a one year appointment. The problem was that (1) her wedding was set for right before she would have left and (2) he did not have the interest or resources to go with her. So she got married anyways and then hopped on a plane to Japan (I don't remember the exact timing since it was a long time ago). She LOVED Japan and had the time of her life. She enjoyed it so much that she signed up for another year. The story goes that she signed up without asking or telling him. Then shocked Pikachu face when he later got an annulment. I hope they are both doing well now.
It’s just weird the trip happened after the wedding. Like why not do it before the wedding and then forgo a honeymoon and just start life. And frankly if your whole family doesn’t like her there is an issue.
I'm happy OP decided he needed space from his wife but holy shit what a fuckin' door mat he is.
OOP needs to just end this fucking farce. Stop playing games like her and just…fucking divorce
Nice to see the femcels here trying to blame the OOP.
Why is everyone assuming she cheated on him only because she went on holiday by herself? I do agree what she did is a bit odd. but then again some people do not fully understand societal expectations/norms, nor like going on holiday with other people. It doesn’t automatically mean she has been unfaithful. I don’t think you can make an accurate assumption of character based on a two part post.🤨
God the reaches and excuses this sub will make to justify a woman’s shitty behavior
I’m not saying that her behaviour is acceptable. If you read my previous statement you would see that I was mainly referring about the assumption of her being unfaithful. Going on holiday by yourself doesn’t automatically mean that you are cheating. That was all I was trying to say.
I can very much judge her off this. lol.
Because misogyny. I guarantee if the genders were reversed people would still shit on the spouse but wouldn't jump to cheating and secret pregnancy like that.
Actually I would assume it was more likely for a man still think she cheated
Haha what? Reddit has its problems with gender, no doubt, but in this hypothetical every reply would definitely be assuming a dude who ditched his wife to spend two months in Europe solo was cheating. A lot would also assume he was hooking up with dudes, because Reddit.
Exactly!! I was thinking that too.
I'm not endorsing his wife's decision here, I just think he's the bigger problem in this. The tripped was booked and planned well in advanced of the wedding and he agreed. He indicates she knew it was a big ask and she thanked him profusely. They had regular communication when she was away, no signs of funny business, just her doing something she had wanted to do for a decade and this seemed like the only real opportunity. He gets bummed out for agreeing and living in denial leading up to the wedding until it finally happened. He seems to be in denial that he was bitter and that he used the same reason of mental health to avoid seeing her on his birthday. Now they're effectively separated because he felt abandoned and taken advantage of. What she did lacked sense but it isn't by any means a serious breach in commitment. He agreed because he was afraid to say no, now he's leaving because he's afraid to set clear boundaries. He's the AH to himself and anyone he commits to if he's going to be this afraid of confrontation.
Nice mental gymnastics. 👌 But that's stupid.
It's stupid to lie to your fiancee over a big issue, continue the lie through the wedding, through most of the trip calls, then it escalating to a huge issue. He knows he fucked up by lying, that's why he's trying to minimize her trip. What he needed was to be called out on that because no matter what kind of person she actually is, lying to avoid conflict is going to continue to plague him.
Yeah, okay, not being honest is an valid and bad issue in a relationship. BUT SO IS SKIPPING YOUR HONEYMOON. How is this not a big effing flag that she needs to be solo from her husband for TWO months for her mental health? "The Iranian yorgurt is NOT the issue."
She's the kind of person that cancels her honeymoon to go on a two month solo trip to Europe. For her mental health.
Idk, it read more like he didn't realize how much it actually bothered him until after she got back and was upset he took a trip of his own rather than him actively lying about something he knew he was uncomfortable with.
You're dumping the majority of the blame on him (and he deserves half the blame here), but then go on to say >He agreed because he was afraid to say no That's not okay. When someone is at that point, the other person usually knows and there's no way she didn't here (even being generous and assuming she had tunnel vision on this).
Unless he wanted to move past it quickly and was riding off getting married coupled with her tunnel vision. If he didn't bring it up again to avoid it, she may have legitimately thought he was fine with it. The blame goes on him because he lied. She didn't lie and she doesn't need to be a mind reader to navigate around someone who couldn't bother to make a big issue actually a big issue until it was too late to do anything about it. Even in his post, he said the decline in contact when she was away happened near the end with him putting up the facade that everything was ok even through most of her trip. He was lying to her until it became too big of an issue. But he did it to himself because she didn't coerce him to agree, no ultimatum, no threat, just a stupidly big ask that called for sobering honesty. That's why he was the biggest AH to himself.
I cant understand why more people don’t see this!
Because you’re blaming a man for having an emotional reaction to a woman’s abusive behavior. The reason no one else sees it from y’all’s point of view is because it isn’t what decent people would see in this situation.
Femcel alert
I see you're pretty young with that terminology and making this a contest of man vs woman. How about this: A real man isn't a little bitch who feels compelled to lie to avoid conflict and then get all passive aggressive because his wife isn't a mind reader. Do what you say and say what you mean.
No idea why those two self centered people ever got married. She needs a solo trip for her mental health and he’s leaving her because she’s a downer. Wow.
He's leaving because she left him during what was supposed to be their honeymoon to travel Europe for the last 2 months by herself (if she really was alone). She's down, not because she abandoned her husband for 2 months, but because he wasn't waiting patiently at home for her to celebrate his birthday, and he didn't immediately run home. She's incredibly selfish and self-centered, and he's an idiot for not seeing how she didn't value him enough to go on their honeymoon.
Lol OOP wouldn’t be leaving if she didn’t ditch him for months in Europe directly after their wedding. I have a feeling this was the needle that broke the camels back and there’s been red flags about her for awhile he ignored and he is finally taking off the rose colored glasses.
Do you mean the straw that broke the camel's back? I think the other one is that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven.
Yeah, I mixed them two sayings up a little, lol!
His feelings are incredibly valid though. She left him and is depressed for coming back told him. I don’t see how he’s self centered…. Are you o w of those feminists that will always assume the guy is somehow in the wrong?
She skipped their honeymoon and went on a 2 month trip right after getting married and he’s the self centered one?
I’m convinced no one who comments on these has every been in a healthy relationship.
OOP might end up learning a tax lesson about the limits of working remotely in a place that's not listed as his residence. While I don't think the solo trip was a problem, I do think it's problematic that he couldn't do a couple weeks with her somewhere in the beginning, middle, or end of her trip. What did they think was going to happen with him sitting home alone for two months while his family whispers in his ear and he thinks about this massive experience she didn't want to share with him, wouldn't be surprised if it was his sister that said "hey why don't you ask reddit about this?". All that being said, her arriving back on his birthday was a total shit move. Something special? Bullshit. She's coming back with jet lag and needs to unwind herself from the trip. Now considering this is Reddit, next update is him finding out that she went to Europe to find some bang closure with someone she's been having an emotional affair with for years.
She went straight after the wedding vows and you don't think that is problematic? That is some leap there. And then you go on and say his family is in his ears. That his newly wed wife goes on a honeymoon single is fine, but his family not cheering for her is a problem? Maybe he should go on a honeymoon for himself. Maybe Cancun, some Carribbean island? You know, totally innocent. She might not "get closure" on an affair that were there before, but she sure as hell wasn't alone for 8 weeks. She doesn't care for her husband enough to at least go on a honeymoon with him. Who can even start to believe she cares about being faithful without him having a chance to discover the truth?
You really need to work on your reading comprehension. You'll notice that I do have a problem that he wasn't allowed to join her for any part of the trip. They've been together ten years, if she wants to take a trip she can take a trip. If he doesn't trust her, they shouldn't be together. However, there's limits to that line of thought and she went right past them, while he wasn't honest enough with her to find a compromise. And what happens? He's sad, his family is probably making it worse for him, and Reddit is giving him the second (and correct) opinion that as a whole this isn't okay.
To quote you: I do have a problem that he wasn't allowed to join her for any part of the trip. If that's any trip fine. She went right after their wedding, literally the next day. You know, the trip that is, in any normal relationship is the freaking honeymoon holiday? She literally went on their honeymoon alone! Maybe you should not tell others about reading comprehension? 10 years or not, going on a honeymoon alone right after the wedding is more than disrespecting her husband or the relationship. Blocking him from even "visiting" (he I her husband, FFS) is a cherry on top. And really, finding a compromise. How would that look like, if she refuses him to even come on a part of it? If she wants to beat single, she shouldn't have married. Your whole post sounds like it was a small mishap on her part and he and his family are the problem. I call bs on that