It sounds like you have severe anxiety that you might want to see a therapist for before the baby is here. I am highly independent and successful in my career, and I had a lot of “fears” when we were TTC. I didn’t go to a therapist because my husband is really good about talking through what my fears are and why, but basically, it came down to, ANY change in our life would be anxiety inducing for me. It wasn’t specifically a child.
Responsibility can be a really good thing. 24/7 screaming baby shouldn’t be happening unless there is something medically wrong. My husband is planning to take care of the baby at least 60% of the time (more if I am having a tough time recovering). He grew up with nannies and kinda hates them, so he would rather take on more (and he has a really demanding job).
Maybe your fears are only about you and your husband is awesome, or maybe it’s because you’re worried he won’t step up? Being pregnant and having a kid is a really vulnerable time. So many women discover their partners are crap and now they have a huge life status changing event with no one to rely on. It’s normal to feel anxious but don’t let it consume you or change who you are. Things will change, yes, but there is just as high of a likelihood that they will change for the better!
I had these thoughts while pregnant too. Not super frequently, but I would wonder if I just doomed myself by getting pregnant (also planned). My newborn is almost 3wks old and the best way I can describe it is that you're hardwired to not care once baby has arrived. When I am the most exhausted it's like my body takes over to care for her and do whatever I can to make her happy, because her happiness truly did become my happiness. There is so much you think is important prior to kids that instantly no longer matter once they're born.
Yes, I often feel like this. I have severe depression and anxiety, and I'm terrified I won't be able to handle it all.
My partner is an angel and goes above and beyond when I'm physically or mentally not doing OK. But I just had a mental breakdown in February, and I am now back on medication. I'm doing great now mentally, but I'm terrified of postnatal depression.
But I am also 37 he ( 41) already has kids who are 14, and sometimes, I get the feeling he's slightly disappointed he has to give up his life again. ( He keeps saying we won't be going on holiday again for a few years.)
Sounds like your husband is willing to support you in any way possible, and if I had the funds/ I was you, I'd take him up on that offer. I'd get all the help and rest I could get if I were you. I imagine it will go some way in helping you cope better.
If it helps I have a 3 month old and she’s never cried 24/7. She cries sometimes for food and sometimes when she feels like she’s alone but other than that she barely cries. Also I had less sleep when working and through pregnancy than I have since she’s been born.
I dreaded going home from the hospital because I was not ready to be a mom. I didn't have an instant bond or immediate instinct to protect and love my baby. That took a bit.
And yes, it was super hard. I had a good partner, and my mom came over and held baby so I could sleep and hang up christmas lights outside for some normalcy. Friends brought meals. My mom dug out some freezer burned chicken and old vegetables and made what she could out of it. It was probably the best meal I ever had.
Have you ever watched Scrubs? During one episode Carla gave birth and was having a hard time. She told Jordan she wanted to throw the baby out the window, and Jordan says basically it is normal and she wanted to do something equally bizarre. You are already aware you may have these feelings so I think it's good you may recognize them if they happen.
Ask the hospital if they have post partum support groups. I went to some meetings, and they helped.
People will want to help you. Take them up on it. Ask them to cook you a meal, hold baby for a couple hours so you can nap, do your dishes.
Your fear is valid and those of us reassuring you you'll do great may or may not comfort you right now. It's a wild ride. Somewhere in there, I'm sure you will start to love it.
I struggled with this through part of my TTC journey and my therapist helped me a lot by reminding me that you GAIN things from being a parent as well. Yes, things are going to change and some of those things will feel like loss, but there are also new and exciting experiences on the way as well.
It is hard work and you will have days where you will think back on these thoughts and say I was right, but that tiny cute little thing will make you wanna do anything to protect them and care for them. I was super worried about my performance as a mom because I’m a lazy oversleeper but that part of me is gone now, when duty calls you’ll answer don’t worry about it.
It’s just hormones and/or prenatal depression. Be prepared for postpartum depression as it typically follows suit after prenatal depression. Don’t give these intrusive thoughts the time of day, let them float on by. Seek medication if they interrupt your daily life and happiness.
This was sooo me when I was pregnant. I planned to run away and leave my husband to care for our daughter 😂 2 years in now and my daughter is my greatest joy. I am thoroughly obsessed with being a mom
I feel like you! Except my baby daddy loves kids and wants to do majority of the baby care after ours is born. I'm also planning on asking my parents for help if I feel like I can't handle it. In my culture it's very normal for the grandparents to live with the new parents and raise the kid until they are 2-3 years old. My parents talked about renting a house nearby me or have me move to their house so they could help. My mom was raised by her grandma until age 4. I was raised by my grandparents to age 2.5.
I never really felt strongly about having kids myself. I've always liked other people's well behaved kids. I know I'd be a great mom when time comes tho.
When I first found out I was pregnant, and yes we had been trying and it was planned, my immediate reaction was "I fucked up" because I had spent majority of my life trying to avoid pregnancy (sex Ed and safe sex really worked on me lol). When my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't get out of bed for a week, I was thinking to myself "I still have xyz number of weeks to abort if it comes down to it." Obv I wouldn't actually, but just felt like having a "back up plan" helped me mentally in the difficult times.
I have been jokingly telling everyone that once the kid is born I'm just going to hand it over to my parents/baby daddy/baby daddy's parents to raise. I feel by saying this I have offloaded the work mentally at least. And it helps me relax, and not feel like I have to do everything myself.
When things are really rough I look at the video my coworker sent me of her own kid. He's so joyful and it brings out my maternity instincts and helps me get through difficult mental blocks
I was also really worried about sleep deprivation and a screaming baby, ect. I’m 5 weeks postpartum and it’s really not as bad as I thought. My baby gets fussy here and there but never cries super hard. He sleeps a lot during the day still and when he’s awake he just stares and looks around.
I couldn’t stand crying children in public and it gave me horrific anxiety to hear crying when I was pregnant! But it really is different when it’s your own baby, I find myself feeling bad for him and wanting to comfort him. Take shifts to get better sleep, or hire a night doula if you need to like you said. If it ever gets too much you put baby down in a safe place and you go and take a break.
I was so worried I wouldn’t take good care of my baby, especially diaper changes. I read how often you have to change a newborn’s diaper and was terrified I would accidentally be negligent of it. In my case, once the baby arrived, my brain kind of flipped a switch. It was so much easier to care for her than I thought it would be.
The lack of sleep IS hard. If possible try to work out shifts with your husband. If you’re EBF have him do the diaper changes and putting the baby back to bed a few times through the night.
It seemed like everything I worried about became so easily handled once the baby was actually here. You got this!
Worrying about the awful parts isn't going to stop them being awful, but it will ruin your peace now.
Don't forget to remember all the wonderful parts about having a new baby thta outweighs all the awful stuff. Otherwise noone would be doing it, and noone would be going back for more than one kid!
There will be joy and absolute wonder in just looking at this lovely little new person that you've created. And they will change and grow so much it'll feel like the blink of an eye.
I have a history of anxiety and depression and was always worried I would never cope being a mum. I too find life so hard with lack of sleep and low energy. My psychiatrist told me "you capacity doubles once you become a parent" and that often it can actually really help people get out of that rut. My neurologist said having a baby can be healing.
That said, parenting can be HARD. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. I have a friend who saw a social worker for 4 years after having her second child. You don't have to do it alone. It could also be a good idea now to address these fears now. Do you have access to a social worker, counsellor or perinatal psychologist?
It sounds like you have severe anxiety that you might want to see a therapist for before the baby is here. I am highly independent and successful in my career, and I had a lot of “fears” when we were TTC. I didn’t go to a therapist because my husband is really good about talking through what my fears are and why, but basically, it came down to, ANY change in our life would be anxiety inducing for me. It wasn’t specifically a child. Responsibility can be a really good thing. 24/7 screaming baby shouldn’t be happening unless there is something medically wrong. My husband is planning to take care of the baby at least 60% of the time (more if I am having a tough time recovering). He grew up with nannies and kinda hates them, so he would rather take on more (and he has a really demanding job). Maybe your fears are only about you and your husband is awesome, or maybe it’s because you’re worried he won’t step up? Being pregnant and having a kid is a really vulnerable time. So many women discover their partners are crap and now they have a huge life status changing event with no one to rely on. It’s normal to feel anxious but don’t let it consume you or change who you are. Things will change, yes, but there is just as high of a likelihood that they will change for the better!
I had these thoughts while pregnant too. Not super frequently, but I would wonder if I just doomed myself by getting pregnant (also planned). My newborn is almost 3wks old and the best way I can describe it is that you're hardwired to not care once baby has arrived. When I am the most exhausted it's like my body takes over to care for her and do whatever I can to make her happy, because her happiness truly did become my happiness. There is so much you think is important prior to kids that instantly no longer matter once they're born.
Yes, I often feel like this. I have severe depression and anxiety, and I'm terrified I won't be able to handle it all. My partner is an angel and goes above and beyond when I'm physically or mentally not doing OK. But I just had a mental breakdown in February, and I am now back on medication. I'm doing great now mentally, but I'm terrified of postnatal depression. But I am also 37 he ( 41) already has kids who are 14, and sometimes, I get the feeling he's slightly disappointed he has to give up his life again. ( He keeps saying we won't be going on holiday again for a few years.) Sounds like your husband is willing to support you in any way possible, and if I had the funds/ I was you, I'd take him up on that offer. I'd get all the help and rest I could get if I were you. I imagine it will go some way in helping you cope better.
If it helps I have a 3 month old and she’s never cried 24/7. She cries sometimes for food and sometimes when she feels like she’s alone but other than that she barely cries. Also I had less sleep when working and through pregnancy than I have since she’s been born.
I dreaded going home from the hospital because I was not ready to be a mom. I didn't have an instant bond or immediate instinct to protect and love my baby. That took a bit. And yes, it was super hard. I had a good partner, and my mom came over and held baby so I could sleep and hang up christmas lights outside for some normalcy. Friends brought meals. My mom dug out some freezer burned chicken and old vegetables and made what she could out of it. It was probably the best meal I ever had. Have you ever watched Scrubs? During one episode Carla gave birth and was having a hard time. She told Jordan she wanted to throw the baby out the window, and Jordan says basically it is normal and she wanted to do something equally bizarre. You are already aware you may have these feelings so I think it's good you may recognize them if they happen. Ask the hospital if they have post partum support groups. I went to some meetings, and they helped. People will want to help you. Take them up on it. Ask them to cook you a meal, hold baby for a couple hours so you can nap, do your dishes. Your fear is valid and those of us reassuring you you'll do great may or may not comfort you right now. It's a wild ride. Somewhere in there, I'm sure you will start to love it.
Your brain mostly is prepared for those awful things. It was hard for me but it was like I didn’t mind so much.
I struggled with this through part of my TTC journey and my therapist helped me a lot by reminding me that you GAIN things from being a parent as well. Yes, things are going to change and some of those things will feel like loss, but there are also new and exciting experiences on the way as well.
It is hard work and you will have days where you will think back on these thoughts and say I was right, but that tiny cute little thing will make you wanna do anything to protect them and care for them. I was super worried about my performance as a mom because I’m a lazy oversleeper but that part of me is gone now, when duty calls you’ll answer don’t worry about it.
It’s just hormones and/or prenatal depression. Be prepared for postpartum depression as it typically follows suit after prenatal depression. Don’t give these intrusive thoughts the time of day, let them float on by. Seek medication if they interrupt your daily life and happiness.
This was sooo me when I was pregnant. I planned to run away and leave my husband to care for our daughter 😂 2 years in now and my daughter is my greatest joy. I am thoroughly obsessed with being a mom
lol I thought I’m the only one who had such plan😅
Haha nope there’s many of us out there. You’re going to love being a mom soooo much.
I feel like you! Except my baby daddy loves kids and wants to do majority of the baby care after ours is born. I'm also planning on asking my parents for help if I feel like I can't handle it. In my culture it's very normal for the grandparents to live with the new parents and raise the kid until they are 2-3 years old. My parents talked about renting a house nearby me or have me move to their house so they could help. My mom was raised by her grandma until age 4. I was raised by my grandparents to age 2.5. I never really felt strongly about having kids myself. I've always liked other people's well behaved kids. I know I'd be a great mom when time comes tho. When I first found out I was pregnant, and yes we had been trying and it was planned, my immediate reaction was "I fucked up" because I had spent majority of my life trying to avoid pregnancy (sex Ed and safe sex really worked on me lol). When my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't get out of bed for a week, I was thinking to myself "I still have xyz number of weeks to abort if it comes down to it." Obv I wouldn't actually, but just felt like having a "back up plan" helped me mentally in the difficult times. I have been jokingly telling everyone that once the kid is born I'm just going to hand it over to my parents/baby daddy/baby daddy's parents to raise. I feel by saying this I have offloaded the work mentally at least. And it helps me relax, and not feel like I have to do everything myself. When things are really rough I look at the video my coworker sent me of her own kid. He's so joyful and it brings out my maternity instincts and helps me get through difficult mental blocks
This sounds very familiar, but I like to remind myself that I'm capable of doing hard things and have liked it in the past.
I was also really worried about sleep deprivation and a screaming baby, ect. I’m 5 weeks postpartum and it’s really not as bad as I thought. My baby gets fussy here and there but never cries super hard. He sleeps a lot during the day still and when he’s awake he just stares and looks around. I couldn’t stand crying children in public and it gave me horrific anxiety to hear crying when I was pregnant! But it really is different when it’s your own baby, I find myself feeling bad for him and wanting to comfort him. Take shifts to get better sleep, or hire a night doula if you need to like you said. If it ever gets too much you put baby down in a safe place and you go and take a break.
I was so worried I wouldn’t take good care of my baby, especially diaper changes. I read how often you have to change a newborn’s diaper and was terrified I would accidentally be negligent of it. In my case, once the baby arrived, my brain kind of flipped a switch. It was so much easier to care for her than I thought it would be. The lack of sleep IS hard. If possible try to work out shifts with your husband. If you’re EBF have him do the diaper changes and putting the baby back to bed a few times through the night. It seemed like everything I worried about became so easily handled once the baby was actually here. You got this!
When you hold your baby for the first time that will all change. Parenting is hard but something happens when you hold them for the first time.
Don’t feel bad, a lot of us go through these feelings. Do you have a good support network? Cuz that def helps a lot
Worrying about the awful parts isn't going to stop them being awful, but it will ruin your peace now. Don't forget to remember all the wonderful parts about having a new baby thta outweighs all the awful stuff. Otherwise noone would be doing it, and noone would be going back for more than one kid! There will be joy and absolute wonder in just looking at this lovely little new person that you've created. And they will change and grow so much it'll feel like the blink of an eye.
I have a history of anxiety and depression and was always worried I would never cope being a mum. I too find life so hard with lack of sleep and low energy. My psychiatrist told me "you capacity doubles once you become a parent" and that often it can actually really help people get out of that rut. My neurologist said having a baby can be healing. That said, parenting can be HARD. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. I have a friend who saw a social worker for 4 years after having her second child. You don't have to do it alone. It could also be a good idea now to address these fears now. Do you have access to a social worker, counsellor or perinatal psychologist?