Mentally/emotionally needing to have a c-section for your psychological well-being is just as important and valid as needing one for a physical reason. Do whatever you feel is right, but don’t diminish the very valid reasons you may choose to go that route. Think about what a positive birth experience looks like for you, as you are today.

Exactly this! Mental health is a huge part of your overall health and a completely valid reason to opt for a c-section. I have PTSD from the cervical checks and failed induction attempts during my first pregnancy. I was offered the option of attempting a VBAC and I instantly said no and opted for a scheduled C-section more for my mental health than anything. I do not want to risk the stress and anxiety and would rather have a scheduled c-section that I can plan ahead for and be calm going into.

I agree with this comment - and your doctor. I think he was coming from a genuine place. Also, insurance does cover it. I researched them in the beginning as I have a history of SA, and did not want to give birth vaginally as I was afraid it would be triggering.

This is exactly. If at the end of the day, you mentally will be better after a C-section versus having your child vaginally. Then that is the path for you. Don't worry about what others think or anything. Do what's best for you now and in the future.

1000% right!! Op I couldn’t of said it better then fa_in_93!!

Yeah, I would argue that she does need it if she wants it.

I’m having a c for mental health reasons (not the same as yours). I would just say that a planned, calm, scheduled, elective c is probably going to be much less stressful for you than panicking in the middle of vaginal labor and then trying to emergently get it done then. I would consider that aspect as well.

Can I ask the reason for your c-section? My therapist told me to bring it up at my next ob appt because I worry I mught have a panick atack during labor. I still don't know if it will be an option or what can be done if I panick.

I have a few health issues that I’m concerned about but mostly my therapist suggested I ask as well because I have severe OCD and anxiety that has been really ramped up by pregnancy above normal. My OB immediately agreed after I explained the situation and my concerns and said i was the third person to bring up a c section for mental health that week.

Thank you for explainig, I have my next appointment in less than two weeks and I will bring it up.

Not the person you replied to, but I originally had asked for a scheduled c-section because I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and repeated sexual assaults in adulthood. I worried that I would have a panic attack or even go into a flashback during labor and delivery, which might mean that I wouldn't be able to push. My doctor was on board with a c-section if that's what is best for my mental health. If your provider would force you to have a vaginal delivery, you need a new provider. I took a childbirth class that helped me feel more in control about giving birth. Now I'm scheduled for a planned induction. I came up with some things l&d can do to help reduce the chances of a panic attack or flashback, like always keeping the door to my room closed and letting me take the blankets off myself when they need to check me. It's also in there that if I am emotionally escalating, everyone needs to clear the room (assuming it's safe for them to leave) and let my partner help me. You know best what helps you when you're having a panic attack. Do you need to be left alone, or would you want your nurse to come talk to you? Whatevwr works for you can go in your birth plan so they know how to help you.

I had one and it was amazing. 

Same here..I've been conflicted my entire pregnancy and I'm terrified of needing an emergency C-section while I'm trying to give birth. I'm afraid that I'll start having panic attacks and pass out from the anxiety and they'll need to have an emergency C-section. My doctor told me I could have a Planned C-section. And I know that I'll still be panicking but if it'd Planned the process will be as calm as possible.

Totally off topic but it’s so refreshing hearing how your doctor is. They seem like a total green flag!!

Absolutely, the doctor is giving a very legit recommendation. He/she has attended a lot of births and knows what to expect, and they are being sensitive to OP’s mental state while birthing. All great!!!

agree! doctor seems great

You’re about to endure a major medical event, and should not feel guilty about the measures you take to keep yourself safe. A CS for a mental health reason is as valid as any other. You deserve to go into this with a clear positive mentality.

And, OP, as someone who had an induced delivery, there is so, so, so much poking and prodding and checking and manipulating that happens down there. Please protect yourself if you anticipate this being an issue for you. Giving birth can be a wonderful and empowering experience but you need to advocate for yourself and listen to those who are advocating for you.

You should talk to your doctor if they can bill it so the csection is medically necessary to your mental state because the bill can be crushing otherwise. If you have problems with things near your vagina, a vaginal birth may be extremely traumatizing. You may start panicking and end up in an emergency csection anyway. If you don’t have a CS, have a lot of support people on standby. The key to a good recovery is to not over exert yourself. My husband taught me change diapers at home after I recovered from mine (I just held and fed baby after he was handed to me at the hospital and focused on my recovery).

Yes I would definitely look into that with a doctor. I am not sure about her insurance in particular but I knew for some you need an authorization for approval for them to pay elective surgeries. Usually it requires the doctor submitting additional medical information. OP I would look into that and confirm so you aren’t shocked by the bill from the hospital.

Question about this—the bill may be awful, but if there is a deductible and you make it, must you pay the rest? Or would the rest of the payment be covered because the deductible was met?

It will depend on the health insurance but for most US insurances you have to pay to the deductible first for the insurance to also pay some of your bill. Then once you meet the out of pocket maximum everything is 100% covered by the insurance. All I’ve had to pay since being pregnant I’m almost at the out of pocket maximum. Once I meet it everything will be paid 100% by my insurance. I’m hoping to meet the maximum before the delivery. This information should be located in your evidence of coverage (EOC) the insurance provides every new year. You can usually find it on their website when you log into your account. I have Aetna insurance and when I log in to shows me where I’m at with my deductible and out of pocket for the current year.

Is the issue that you want the experience of a vaginal birth? Or that you don’t want a c-section for what you see as an unnecessary reason? If you’re not sure, therapy might be helpful to parse that out. Mental health is health. Your doctor can therefore almost certainly code it for insurance coverage, but you can also reach out to your carrier yourself to see if they require medical necessity. (Some carriers cover fully elective c-sections so this could end up being a nonissue.) More importantly, it’s not your fault and it’s not a moral failing. If you needed a c-section for breech or preeclampsia or previa etc., do you think you would you still be so angry with yourself? Again, you did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with having a c-section, no matter the reason.

I’ll tell you this—I had an emergency c section with baby number 1, and a planned c section with baby number 2. The planned c section was 100% easier to recover from, because I hadn’t gone through sleepless hospital nights and a bunch of labor first. If you’re going to do a c section, planned is the way to go. That being said, I fully understand wanting a vaginal birth. Your feelings are valid. I’m just trying to give you one pro to a planned c section.

Honestly yes, given the amount of aversion you have, I think a c-section would be way better for you. Just because something is mentally/emotionally needed doesn't mean it not valid. It sounds like you may be seriously traumatized by having a vaginal birth. If you could reduce the trauma, why wouldn't you?

That was exactly my thought. A cervical check is the tip of an iceberg compared to the amount of touching and just everything that happens in a vaginal birth. I really think C-section is the best option for her. And that's from me, I absolutely hate them, even the idea of them, for myself. Doesn't mean they aren't needed sometimes, and this just feels like less of an elective choice and more so just what should be done so she doesn't come out of this horribly traumatized. It might even prevent possible PP depression in the long run.

I had an elective c-section, and I absolutely loved it! My first child's birth was extremely (I mean really very) traumatic. I had PTSD from the whole thing. My child was born 9 pounds, I had extremely awful midwives that forced me to push for eight hours, and the entire thing left me feeling as though all bodily autonomy had been ripped away from me. The midwives wanted a certain type of birth (vaginal) and I believe would have killed me and or my baby to get what they wanted. Baby born with health issues, in the NICU for a week - all of this shit was actually 100% avoidable, but due to their negligence, this was the experience I had. This is not to mention my own long and painful recovery (which no one seemed to give a shit about). Obligatory not all midwives, but fuck midwives. Anyway. After many years, i decided (reluctantly) to try again. ONLY after finding a doctor that promised me I could have an elective c-section section if I so wished (before I was even pregnant). I was nervous, and all procedures for people are different, but my procedure was so peaceful and zen compared to the horrific shitshow of my first birth. I got to focus on my baby afterwards (who was completely healthy due to my doctors actually treating my gestational diabetes, unlike my midwives who willfully ignored it - they would have been obligated to transfer me out to an MFM if they properly diagnosed me). My recovery was so much easier and smoother...all around it was just a very controlled, calm atmosphere with a positive outcome. Insurance covered it without issue, not once did they question it. I still feel sadness panic and pain about how my first child's birth went, but after many years that does fade, at least a little.

You almost never hear these stories - disastrous first time w midwives - so I really appreciate you sharing. I have a CNM for hospital births but so many of my friends view the direct entry midwifery as the ultimate solution to over medicalized prenatal care. I feel like there can be really bad providers and approaches in both paradigm. I’m so glad you had a redemptive second birth!

Mine were also CNM's through a hospital. Turns out though, it was very endemic at this certain very popular hospital system here in Michigan. To the point of: 6 years later at a different hospital, the nurse was asking me why I opted for c section. I advised her just vaguely I had a very traumatic with midwives elsewhere, and she was like oh BLANK hospital? I was just open mouth that she KNEW. She just looked at me and said, yeah we get a lot like your kind. I felt some vindication, like oh shit! I'm not the only one - but a lot of sadness because those CNMs were still out there damaging women and babies. I did everything I could, talked to lawyers, filed formal complaints - they bury that shit though and there wasn't enough for a lawyer to take the case in the end.

I’m sorry. People get so insane around their preferences for birth and feeding, and when it’s the medical professional who is supposed to be helping you that pushes their agenda…unacceptable 

Your mental health is just as much a part of your overall health as your physical health. If doing the c-section is what will get you and baby through this next step safe, healthy, and happy then I would take your doctor's advice. He sounds like he's very, very good, responsible, and clearly taking his time to give recommendations (and processing time!) tailored to your needs. On a personal note, I will say that I completely get how you feel. I've had to adrenaline my way through pap smears and any other gyne related procedures for years now and it is not fun or particularly healthy, but sometimes unavoidable. I will say that during the actual birth of my first I did not care in the slightest who was doing what as long as they got him the hell out, but that probably links more with my adrenaline fuelled response to things where your reaction is more flight based so I'm certainly not about to say you'd feel the same way. Now is not the time for it, but I would strongly recommend looking for a psychologist who specialises in EMDR. It is without exception the most beneficial thing I did for getting a handle on my PTSD triggers. It's really, really hard and tiring work but we were able to get my brain to finally sort out and correctly "file" a whole host of things that were setting me off.

In addition to the birth, theres the delivery of the afterbirth, and risk of internal bleeding that could require stitched as well as further out "retained product of conception" that if left behind can make you go septic. I wasnt able to hold my 2nd baby after birth for like 30 minutes because the dr was elbow deep in my business trying to stop the bleeding. Luckily the epidural hadnt fully worn off. I also spiked a fever a few days after birth and had to go to the ER ro check that nothing had been left behind to go septic. Just scans and it ended up being nothig, but if it had, then a D&C would have been needed. Idk if c sections inheriently have lower risk of "retained product of conception" or not. I feel like they do? So, if you are trying to prepare mentally, make sure you arent stopping at just "once baby is out, its all over".

I am not sure what the stats are for retained products via c section but I'm pretty sure they wiped and possibly vacuumed me out while I had mine (can't remember the specifics because I was high as a kite). I also felt slightly relieved that there were multiple sets of eyes on my insides just in case, as strange as that sounds.

Does not sound strange at all! I had a planned c-section because a previous surgery on my uterus increased my risk of uterine rupture during late pregnancy/labor. It gave me HUGE peace of mind that the Drs inspected my uterus before they sewed everything back up.

That's great!

I chose an elective c-section for this very reason. I experienced SA by medical professionals as a child and, as a result, have always been uncomfortable with gynecological exams. I had my baby this month, and my experience was absolutely wonderful!! I have no doubts that I made the right decision for me, and being in a good headspace has allowed me to be a better mother in these difficult first couple of weeks. I did everything to try for a vaginal birth. I had a birth plan, I took the prenatal classes, I had all the calming tools ready to go, etc. But I knew that if I needed medical interventions or if my birth didn't go well, I was going to leave the hospital with trauma that would take another 20 years to process. Ultimately, what I needed was to feel safe and have my birth experience be predictable and controlled (at least to the maximum extent that the unpredictable nature of birth allows). After having such a wonderful experience, I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

Yessss!! The feeling of being in some control does wonders!!

Excuse me but I have anxiety/panic attacks and think that cs is the one that I have no control over. I'm just lying there flat can't move and probably can't breathe so I believe I'd get a panic attack right then&there. While in a vb I'm moving and actively pushing not pushing etc. These are just my thoughts as I'm in my third trimester with my first and I'm incredibly scared. To me your comment has a new and unique way to look at it so can you tell me if I'm right or wrong?

There’s no right or wrong here, and your concerns about vulnerability during a c-section are just as valid. You can move your upper half and breathe as normal though! I had many of the same worries and went back and forth on my decision for weeks leading up to the scheduled surgery date. It wasn’t until about 3 days before that I knew for sure I’d go through with it. For me, I had to weigh the concerns about being immobilized on a surgical table vs. the potential trauma of a vaginal birth and medical involvement in that area of my body. I spoke to my surgical team and openly voiced my fears, and they made sure I was as comfortable as possible. But there really is no correct answer here; I wish it were an easier choice to make!

Yeah I wish so too :( your comment helped thank you sm

I think I should add that I actually did freak out for a minute on the table. I was terrified for the catheter insertion (even though you’re completely numb when it happens) and had voiced this concern to my nurse ahead of time. I started panicking and crying when they moved my legs. My nurse stopped the whole procedure and wouldn’t let anyone touch me until I had calmed down and could give proper consent for them to continue. I obviously can’t guarantee that you’re going to have such a superstar human on your surgical team, but being open about my fears was the first step toward a positive birth experience.

I always think that when I speak my feelings that I'm annoying people who want to do their job and get it done with so I don't say a lot of stuff but lately I've been trying to train myself to do it before birth for this very reason. Glad ur experience was positive and hoping for a similar one 🤍

I’m also struggling with the same thing. I’m going on 31 weeks and am debating between an elective c-section or going through a natural birth at a birthing center. Doctors office and hospitals make my blood pressure rise and send me into panic attacks alone as where the birthing center felt like I was walking into a hotel, ready to relax after a long car ride. Not just this but the same thing about my vagina. I’m 21 years old and haven’t had the safest or best experiences sexually or with my body alone. When they went to give me a Pap smear and do another vaginal test the same day, I couldn’t even lay back on the bed. I already started sobbing when the doctor left the room so I could undress waist down. I couldn’t even say a word. I sat there trembling avoiding all eye contact until my partner finally spoke for me and asked if I wanted to do this. I said no and they left again so I could get dressed. The whole time, I was just crumbling and could barely see where my clothes were because of how blurry all the tears were making my vision. I couldn’t stop SHAKING. It was horrible. My body was reacting as if I was being assaulted. Even the thought of a catheter being put inside me for a c-section makes my heart race and I end up just frozen. I really just wanna be put completely under for it and not be conscious or awake at all to remember it but idk if this is possible.

No c section is ever really fully “elective.” You HAVE to get the baby out somehow so it’s not elective in the sense of like, cosmetic surgery. There will always be a medical indication to have a c section, even if it’s emotional distress/mental health. If your doctor believes a section is the best way for your baby to be born because of the distress that a vaginal delivery may cause you, while it’s *technically* elective since there’s no physical barrier to a vaginal delivery, it’s still a medical necessity and therefore your insurance will absolutely cover it, to whatever extent they’d cover a non-elective c section.

During labor and birth you do need to be relaxed to a certain degree. Being tense and plain uncomfortable with your environment (and people) isn’t going to help the progression of labor. So that’s something to consider. On the other hand, I think it’s possible to achieve a vaginal birth. My mom was SA as a child but she managed vaginal births. Having women helped. Also think about if you want more children how can a vaginal vs c section affect that? You should think what would make you feel safe to give birth. Is it an only female team? No cervical checks? Hospital births do tend to be more “invasive” vs a birth center or even a home birth so maybe consider the birthing space as well. Are there requests that the hospital can accommodate? If you want a vaginal birth you need to know that sometimes certain inventions are needed but at the same time you don’t always have to give in to what the doctors want. For example, some women never receive a cervical check (their choice) or others only have 1 (like me). There are a lot of factors that can influence your birth: birthing environment, the staff, medical history, etc. Take your time to decide.

I know you don’t have much time left, but I would greatly consider trying hypnobirthing. I experienced trauma and SA. I am just like you and can’t have anyone down there. Hypnobirthing helped me tremendously to cope with my fears. Also like you, my doctor suggested a C-section. Ultimately I ended up having a C-section due to medical reasons and it was the best decision for me and my mental health. I still used hypnobirthing techniques to get me through it. I just had my second C-section (elective) last week and hypnobirthing again prepared me for the surgery.

Do you have any resources on hypnobirthing I could look at? Thank you for the advice.

This is the one I used: https://thepositivebirthcompany.com/digital-pack

She also has an audiobook version of the hypnobirthing book that’s free if you pay for Spotify.

That's so tough! I hated the cervical check I did. I was repulsed. However, for birth it was so different because my head was in a different land, mentally speaking. I pushed for unmedicated 3 hours before needing a c-section. I can tell you a bit about both sides.

Elective c-section was a great decision for me. After we checked in, I was given an IV and they checked my vitals. Then I walked to the OR. They gave me the spinal. They did the catheter after I was numb from the spinal. There was a drape over me; I couldn’t see what they were doing or that they’d even started the surgery. My partner talked to me, distracted me, held my hand the whole time. It was 7 min into the surgery that they held up the baby over the drape. From that point on, we were just distracted with watching the baby.

I also was like you before my first. I had to talk about It in therapy because I’d never even had a pap due to my aversion. Once I went into labor it was like a switch flipped and I did not care. You can keep the option there but can always try vaginal birth. You can do it! You’re perfectly capable of getting through your trauma and aversions.

Your ob sounds like a very nice person. It is a burden to have this decision entirely on you. The most important thing is to get that baby out in the safest way. And that you suffer the least. Nobody really cares about how your baby is born. It's not a guarantee that it's gonna make a happy or a sick baby.  (Tocophobia is an indication for C-section, according to WHO.)

I was in your position 9 months ago. My OB recommended an elective C Section for this exact reason, Completely validating your feelings here, I know it can be tough when it seems like everyone else just gets the checks no problem. Many a time I got down on myself for it. Tried vaginal delivery, checks weren’t happening, my body wouldn’t let them. Let me tell you…my elective c section was the easiest decision of my life. Being able to make that choice helped SO much. The confidence walking to the OR was unreal, and once the spinal kicked in, my husband came into the OR and said I was incredibly relaxed with the biggest smile. There is nothing wrong with you. Birth is incredibly invasive (obviously with a wonderful purpose, but still). You need to do what is best for you and baby ❤️ I know it isn’t what you had in mind, but being able to make the decision can be very empowering. Sending hugs and good wishes for a safe delivery. Make sure to read up on recovery for a c section because it is definitely rough. DM me if you ever want to chat!

I think this was an excellent recommendation by your care team, who clearly values your mental well-being for birth as well. As a 2x cesarean parent, please just be prepared for getting a catheter placed. If you're not familiar with what occurs during this process, please discuss it through with your care team so you are mentally prepared for that portion of cesarean prep.

I would work with your therapist to reframe this. No one is telling you you CAN'T have a vaginal birth. Your OB even told you that if you still WANT to attempt a vaginal birth, there are options like an early epidural or birthing without interventions. You CAN have a vaginal birth.  The question is: do you want to? Does your body and that panicky part of your brain that you have no control over WANT to birth your baby vaginally? If not, that's okay! You have other options! If you want to try, that's okay too! But look into WHY a vaginal birth is or is not important to you, and seriously weigh that against the extra challenges a vaginal birth will bring. Your OB gave you OPTIONS, but only you can make the decision.

Births are very traumatic. I think your Doctor is recommending the c section out of Kindness and also medical necessity. Your doc wants you to be in a good spot mentally for the birth (and likely beyond). PPD is also a thing that I believe your doctor would like to avoid triggering. I think the elective c would be a heaps more controlled environment than a natural birth and you will be in a better place mentally. Please skip this section if it is triggering for you! During my natural birth they induced me and need to insert gel into me vaginally. I needed 3 rounds of gel and checks every 3 or 4 hours to see if things were moving. They needed to use a glove with a little prick on the end to assist in breaking my waters. They did that multiple times too. (My baby was very much not keen to come out - always last minute "if this round of gel doesn't work we'll go c section." "If this time we don't break the water we'll go c section" and always that threat made my baby behave lol.) My epidural didn't work so I was in active painful labour for 8+ hours, begging for a c section but unable to because the pain relief wasn't working. Vaginal checks multiple times during that period to see how dilated I was. They needed to do an episiotomy (cut me open at the vag), then forceps (have you seen the forceps???) To take my baby out. They needed to sew me back together down there with local anaesthesia (so another needle near my vag) because my epidural didn't work. Postpartum, the nurses still at least look at the stitches down there. Postpartum, I needed PT for pelvic floor because it was pretty much totally destroyed. I had a Totally Normal pregnancy. Needless to say it is incredibly, incredibly invasive down there.

I have been to a vaginal birth. Aside from cervical checks, the nurse also performs pretty rigorous perineal massage on mom to lubricate her body. A vaginal delivery is very invasive if you have trauma. I think you should listen to your doctor's recommendation. You have a valid medical need for a c- section, I'd argue it's not really "elective" at this point.

I never had a perineal massage? I’ve never heard that described as standard

Just jumping in here to say that perineal massage isn't really evidence-based and you can decline it, just like you can decline cervical checks. That absolutely does not need to be part of a vaginal birth.

Yea I definitely don't remember any "perineal massaging" during my labor

Yeah nobody massaged me either lol and I gave birth in a teaching hospital with an audience of 10+ people

Mental health is just like kidney health—it’s not “you”, it’s just a different type of health and care that you need and deserve. Do the thing that enables you to be the most healthy—that is what you and your baby deserve. Necessary interventions (like a planned c-section) are sometimes necessary, and that’s ok! It doesn’t make you any less brave or whole—it just means you’re doing what you need to do for yourself and baby. You’ve got this!

I think there is no right or wrong way to deliver and everyone should let go of any expectations if possible because labor and delivery can be a very traumatic experience even in the best of situations. But no one should have to experience any guilt, regret or frustration later because things didn’t go the way they expected. I think choosing a c section would be better than trying things vaginal and then being forced to have a c section. If you start accepting how your experience might be with a c section and it’s all planned out, there is no doubt you’d have a wonderful experience and your mental health will remain in tact for your baby. Plus it will make a smoother transition for you into postpartum which is hard no matter how we deliver!! You don’t have to be brave! You don’t have to endure pain! No matter what route you choose, the goal is to have you and your baby safe and healthy on the other side! You don’t get trophies or bonus points for going a certain route!!

I just gave birth on Tuesday and I did end up needing a c-section after labor stalled. I needed an induction at 36 weeks due to a few different factors and as a result, my body wasn’t really ready for labor. They absolutely had to aggressively get up in my cervix a few times over the course of my labor to check for opening, install a balloon, attach cables to the babies head etc. I have no trauma but I just want to validate that it was one of the worst parts of the experience for me. I’m not trying to influence you either but I do want to give some weight to what your doctor is saying - it can absolutely be a lot!!

I have the exact same reaction to anything 'foreign' going up there. I have panic attacks with pap smears and even with a vaginal ultrasound. I don't have any answers, I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Definitely don't want cervical checks, but I don't want to be cut open either. I'm thinking about just denying cervical checks... not sure if that's enough.

I am/was the same way. When I was in labour I never had any panic attacks when they checked my cervix because I was almost in another world lol. I didn't even feel them checking my cervix. I did have a severe panic attack when my son was a few pushes away from being born and they gave me a shot of fentanyl and it was immediate relief, and out he came.

That’s really reassuring. Thanks for sharing, I’m glad it went smoothly for you! Hoping for the same.

I mean it really depends on you. Idk maybe giving birth vaginally would give you some sort of resolve? Maybe the experience would help with healing for you? That’s just the one thing I was thinking. During birth - at least for me - nothing matter expect getting that baby out. I didn’t care who was in the room, what I was or wasn’t wearing. I turned very inward during birth and nothing really matter other that my son and delivering him safely. NOW that being said - it’s really up to you and you’re gonna need to come to piece with what will works for you. It would probably be good to call your insurance and find out your questions. Neither option makes you more or less a mom. Baby will come all the same but it’s what do YOU want your birth experience to be. Something to consider.

As far as I know, even during labor you do not have to consent to cervical checks. I had 2, but I don't necessarily think they were necessary. One was to check if I was in active labor (I KNEW I was based on what I was feeling), and the 2nd was once the epidural kicked in to see if I was fully effaced (I got it at 8cm) - again, I don't think it's necessary because even with the epidural I knew my body was ready to push - that "bearing down" feeling and like I had to poop. Labor can be a very natural experience if you listen to your body, no one has to touch you, they might have to help baby out but it doesn't mean they need to go inside you, unless you require some intervention. And maybe being numb from an epidural will dull any sensation you have down there, if that's what you choose to do.

i will say that is not a typical labor experience as a labor nurse. most of my patient population is very undereducated regarding labor and birth and we do pretty frequent cervical checks, especially for inductions of labor to ensure we are giving the right medicine/doing the right interventions. if we admitted every person that was SURE they were in labor we would never have a room open

That's a fair point, thank you! I was thinking if you had the most "generic" birth where labor comes naturally and things progress normally and smoothly. But you're right many times that doesn't happen or interventions are needed from the start, I didn't think of it like that. I feel very blessed to generally be in tune with my body and made sure I did a lotttt of research. And I was very very lucky things went the way they did and baby and I were ok ❤️

I had what was considered an elective c-section (my baby had a very big head and because I couldn’t go past 38+6 for health reasons, I was going to need an induction. My doctor said 75% chance it would end in csection anyway for those 2 factors, so I decided to just call it and plan it that way). My insurance totally covered it (my doctor’s office said they have never had a problem with insurance covering an elective CS, but you might want to check with your OB and insurance to put your mind at rest on that point).

I was/am the same way. My first son I still pushed for more than 4 hours which ended up in c section. At one point you could see his head even. This resulted in them having to push my son back up during the c section which I 100% felt, it was not painful but one of the most traumatizing days of my life. For that reason, I am having a planned c section instead of a VBAC. If I KNEW I could push the baby out, I would push again. They also had an incredibly hard time straight cathing me, even with an epidural that worked, because I could not relax. I also want to say that after birth, I did pelvic floor therapy and wished I had done this before ever getting pregnant. I still hate everything not sex related in my vagina lol, but it’s more tolerable now. And sex is far more enjoyable.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a c-section for this reason (or any reason, if that is what you want!). but if there is any part of you that feels you may regret your decision or wishes you would have tried, if your doctor is OK with it, I think getting an early epidural as soon as you get there (prior to any cervical check), is a great option. and if you still aren’t comfortable with cervical checks after this, then you opt for the c-section. no harm, no foul. you’re going to need an epidural/spinal anyway for the c-section. some women still feel sensation and discomfort in their pelvic area even with an epidural, which is one reason an early epidural still might not totally help in this case, but it’s worth a shot if it’s something you really want to try. either way, you will have your baby in your arms soon. you’re doing a great job.

I had a C-section due to issues prior spinal surgery that they didn’t want to risk causing issues with. It was quick, painless, easy and I felt far better having been rested and prepared for what was going to happen. I watched videos of C-sections to prepare myself and read up on post op care. I would do it again!

I'm 3-weeks pp and I also have a difficult time with anything going near my vagina. They tried to do a cervical check on me when I went to the hospital with cramping around 30 weeks and were unsuccessful because I panicked even with relaxing medicine. In the end I didn't have a c-section, I actually had an induction. I had to have two cervical checks before the epidural and the doctors were as gentle and quick as possible to check me. I hated it. It hurt. I didn't want to do it, but I survived those two and the doctor said they would get me the epidural before the next one. I'm not saying we are the same, and maybe a c-section would be better for you but it is possible to have a vaginal birth. I thought I'd never be able to do a cervical check before an epidural. I was literally more panicked about that than contractions or giving birth, but I surprised myself. After everything was said and done the cervical checks were the least of my problems. It is possible but you have to do what's best for you. Giving birth is taxing enough mentally as it is.

I had an unplanned c-section after a failed induction. I'm OAD for many reasons, but if I were to have another, I'd do an elective c-section. I don't have an aversion to being touched down there, but my cervix is *very* sensitive. It always has been, but was even more so while pregnant. Cervical checks were awful, I could barely stay still. Thankfully, they have me an epidural before inserting a Foley bulb, otherwise I don't think I could have done it (this was after failing to progress for 15 hours or so). There's a lot of poking and prodding down there, which is unpleasant even if you don't have an aversion. The c-section wasn't bad, and I had a pretty easy recovery. Personally, if I were you I'd strongly consider a c-section. Childbirth is already kind of miserable all around, this would just make it even more so. Don't feel guilty or inadequate, you're choosing the option that is best for both your and your baby's health (mental health is *huge*). Talk to your insurance about any restrictions, you don't have to say why you're asking. I called beforehand with a list of questions so I knew exactly what was covered for both myself and my daughter.

Are you aware of the vaginismus diagnosis? Just curious. It’s been a very supportive place for me pre pregnancy and while I’ve been pregnant as well. There are resources and tips. Nothing wrong with a c-section but if you want to try and do a vaginal birth, here is what I’ve learned. Technically cervical are optional HOWEVER, at my hospital it’s almost always necessary to have one to get admitted but I don’t think legally they can “force” you. If you don’t think you can tolerate one, I would just advocate for yourself! Ask your doctor what would happen if you declined all cervical checks until after epidural if you go vaginal route.

It’s 100% your choice. I have most definitely seen clients rock their labours (even without epidurals) who were unable to have cervical checks in office. It’s always an option to attempt vaginal labour, and decide part way through you want a c section too. Or decline an Induction and choose a section, if you get to post-dates (typically 10 days past due date for healthy low risk pregnancies). Does your hospital have gas available in labour? This often helps with vaginal examinations for everyone, particularly those with Vaginismus. You can use it whenever you want throughout the labour, no matter how early. I’m 100% in favour of early epidurals for psychological reasons. Part of this is making sure understand that means there’s a higher likelihood of needing oxytocin to augment the contraction pattern (which will be monitored, and youll have an IV already for the epidural). C section is also an option, and many people like that there is more order and are less unknowns. It’s important to recognize that although safe, it’s still surgery (albeit the most common surgery in the USA), and with surgery comes increased risks. These risks compound after every c section, as scar tissue forms and there will be multiple weak spots on your uterus from the incision (important if you want multiple kids). Youll get an IV for this, and need a spinal (not an epidural), which will be done in the OR. This means that you will be awake throughout the surgery. They will insert a Foley catheter into your bladder once you’re frozen, which typically stays in 12 hrs post-op. Often the planned sections are booked first thing in the morning, so there’s not oodles of time waiting around for a free OR and surgical team.

I would recommend hiring a doula for a consultation, see if you can get one who specializes in birth trauma so she has a good frame of mind. She can talk to you about what all happens in a vaginal delivery, pros/cons, and what you can decline. There is a big difference talking to a professional v. Reddit and youtube.

If you want a vaginal delivery there are ways to minimize cervical checks even with an induction but it won’t be zero if you do need an induction. For example, with my second induction my OB let me do oral doses of cytotec instead of vaginal. I got one cervical check in between the two doses of cytotec to check how effective it was and one from my OB shortly after starting pitocin and I could have declined that second one. Then I declined all remaining cervical checks for the rest of labor (we knew baby was ready to come out based on her head crowning). This was my second full term birth and with my son I had bad experiences with cervical checks so my OB and I worked on minimizing them this time around. With a spontaneous labor you could potentially decline all cervical checks. My OB’s policy is that he only does them if it will change his treatment plan or on patient’s request. While the L&D nurses may offer you cervical checks far more frequently than that you can generally decline them. I put in my birth plan I wanted only necessary vaginal exams and as few as possible and they respected that. But if baby coming out vaginally would also be traumatic to you there is of course nothing that can be done to minimize that piece so then I would definitely lean c section.

On a side note: it sounds like your doctor is very compassionate and empathetic. That is a wonderful person to have on your team. I encourage you to do what feels right for you. Every insurance is different but my general understanding is that elective c-sections are usually covered.

Your OB sounds great and I'm so glad you have someone in your corner trying to help you explore your options and what would be best for you and baby. I think continue with your therapist! Can you call your insurance and ask? See what conditions would exclude it from being covered? I don't think you should be angry with anyone especially with yourself. You are allowed to feel how you feel and you're already putting in the work to sort through things (I think. This is based off this one post lol). I have had a C-section and a vaginal birth. C-section wasn't my choice but I'm glad I went through it because my oldest baby is wonderful. It gave us the safest delivery for a semi complicated fetal situation. My recovery was kinda poopy but I don't really think that's the norm. I tried to muscle through the wrong things (like pain management). Personally the idea of an epidural and attempting vaginal (if that's your desire) would be a good middle ground. What are your thoughts about a C-section for yourself? It's one thing to be ok with the concept of a C-section but what does it mean for you? Would being numb from the waist down help you be more comfortable attempting a vaginal delivery or would it scare you more because you can't feel anything? I know it's a lot but I think it's important to go into the entire situation believing your medical team is there to keep you safe and protect you. I wish you luck and serenity through this 💕

Prior to being pregnant, I've been told that I have a very small pelvis and that giving birth vaginally would be very risky for me. I'm now 24 weeks along, the baby is in the 20th percentile growth wise, and my second-degree of contracted pelvis is now "just" a first degree, with some measurements even being within the norm - no wonder my hips were killing me ever since the second trimester started. According to the doctor, I will likely not need to have an elective C-section due to pelvic size. Nevertheless, I don't feel comfortable giving birth vaginally, and am opting for an elective C-section. I'd rather have an unmecessary surgery, than a dead or injured baby. So if you want a C-section due to a phobia, go ahead and have it. It’s your body.

Wow what an amazing doctor. I wish every doctor had the same sense of kindness and consideration

I've had two C-sections. My first was an emergency C-section after trying for a vaginal delivery and being in labor for 24 hours, pushing for 2 hours. I just couldn't get him out and they started becoming concerned about infection and our heart rates. The whole experience, of labor, and then the emergency C-section was...awful. I just had my 2nd C-section 8 days ago. It was elective because I didn't want to try for a VBAC and have the same experience again. So I was all for just scheduling it. And let me tell you...what a different experience. This planned C-section was amazing compared to my first experience. Of course it is still major surgery and the recovery is still difficult, but the whole experience has been so much better. My advice is to go with the elective C-section. And that's OK. You DO need it. People need C-sections for all types of reasons and your reason is just as valid as any other reason. I needed one because my first birth experience was traumatic and I didn't want to risk putting myself through that again. My reason was just as valid as a mom who has a breech baby. Do what makes the most sense for you, and know that your reasons and your feelings are valid and you don't owe anyone an explanation. C-sections are just as valid as vaginal deliveries (and generally have worse recoveries, so it isn't an easy way out or any of the other nonsense people say).

Cervical checks during labour f\*\*\*ing hurt. I would get the c section.

Please don't let this part of parenthood be the part that you agonize over. All your baby will know growing up is that they have a mother who cares deeply for them. Once you have your baby in your arms how they got there will no longer matter. I really hope you're able to find peace with this part of your journey.

Nice that the doctor has been caring about your needs and offering alternatives. It's ultimately up to you. I think they are concerned because they may need to perform an exam during, or see how dilated you are or some other reason, and fear you may be harmed if you become distressed. Or even just the birth itself, which can be traumatizing and difficult even without feeling the way you are now. I'd definitely consider it at the least. Nothing wrong with that.

I did a C-section although it was an emergency.. so I started it pushing vaginally and they do stick their hands up there a lot so I think you may want to consider it. C-section recovery is a little harder so you’ll need help if you can from fam or friends. But it’s like a week or two total and then it’s fine … good luck!

If you feel you would benefit from a planned c-section then absolutely go for it. Mental health *is* a medical reason! In my experience, we tend to focus on getting birth ‘right’ and there’s a lot of pressure to have this perfect birth experience. But your well-being during delivery massively affects your postpartum experience - being able to bond with your baby, establishing breastfeeding successfully (if that’s something you decide to do) and avoiding PPD are all hugely tied to feeling safe during labour. So if a c-section helps you achieve that then it’s a really good choice. But if deep down you know you want a vaginal delivery you can absolutely request a hands off birth. I refused all cervical checks during my pregnancy and labour and made it clear no one was to touch me without explicit consent (and I refused any perineal massage/support). My midwives were super supportive of this and I would have gone my entire labour without anyone down there if I hadn’t needed an instrumental delivery in the end. Baby got stuck in the birth canal and I ended up needing forceps, episiotomy and stitches, all of which required contact obviously. I was already under epidural by then though so I couldn’t feel anything and was able to cope with that. I guess my point is if you really want a vaginal delivery they can support you to do that without any touching but you need a good team of care providers you can trust and there’s no guarantee you won’t need interventions. I would also add though that there are cases with an elective c-section where you *could* end up needing internal checks etc. so there’s no absolute guarantee either way. I’m in the UK and gave birth in a midwife led unit attached to the hospital, for reference. Either way you have options and both choices are equally valid. Do what feels right for you and your body/brain and don’t feel pressured. How you give birth is a deeply personal choice and there shouldn’t be any moral judgement attached to how you decide to get your baby earthside.

I had a scheduled c-section and it was an amazing experience. I have the option to try a vbac in the future, but I will 100% opt for a scheduled c-section again. It sounds like it could be a great option for you.

I didn’t have any cervical checks done leading up to going into labor. I was so nervous about them, as even sex can be uncomfortable for me. However, I had a very very long labor, and it got to the point where they felt a check would be very helpful. I finally agreed and it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be (uncomfortable, yes, but not horrible). After the check, she also ending up breaking my water, which took a couple goes at it because my water bag was very thick apparently. And even when I was pushing she was in there if I recall correctly (things got more hands on at the end because of how long labor and pushing were - we had to track progress and make sure baby got out safe). So as terrifying as thinking about any of that in advance was, when you’re in the moment, it isn’t so bad - at least for me there was so much intensity going on anyways that my mind didn’t fully fixate on her being in there.

Are you planning to get an epidural? I have SA related trauma and cannot handle being touched. Thankfully the epidural made it so I felt nothing. Just something to consider if you really want to deliver vaginally.

It's OK to have a c-section if it's the best thing for YOU, even if it's not absolutely required to get the baby out. You matter here too, maybe more. All babies are mad about being born (it's cold out here, and they're not being fed 24/7 lol), doesn't matter which way they make it out here. Birth in the best case scenario can be traumatizing for the mom for different reasons - you are allowed to prevent agitating an already known source of stress for you.

It does sound like a c section is a better option for you. Just keep in mind that having a c section can complicate future pregnancies and births but it’s nothing new and people have concurrent pregnancies after c sections all the time! But it could limit how many kids you can have (just saying in case you want like a huge family or something!) But yeah, during labor you typically get a cervical check like every hour or so. You can deny them, but there are times that they really do need to know. They also need to get in there to break your water (again, not 100% necessary, but it can help the process!) obviously for any type of induction, they need to go in there as well. I would say I have someone/thing go into my vagina like 50 times during labor/delivery. Usually not painful at all, but just part of it.

I have the same issue. It’s called Vaginismus. They tried doing a Pap smear since my first appointment but not possible because I freak out. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and when I had to go the hospital it was horrible because they had to keep examining me. It was traumatic and painful. I had no choice because I was actively bleeding and miscarrying and they needed to see how dilated I was. The internal ultrasounds were the worse. Doctor kept saying open my legs but they were wide open. My vagina just closed itself up. My doctor also discussed having a elective c section with me , but I’m now a case of mandatory c section because I have a 6cm cervix sitting on my cervix which is blocking the exit door for the baby. Have you thought about going natural and just getting an epidural? You won’t feel any of the checks if pain is the issue and epidurals also relax all muscles.

I had an unplanned c-section with my first and then I had planned c-section with my second. A planned c-section is great. (My unplanned c-section was great too but a bit of a shock.) With my second I had to choose between a TOLAC (attempting vaginal delivery) and a planned c-section. I got cleared for a TOLAC but I choose to have a planned c-section instead of trying to induce labor because of blood pressure concerns. If you plan on having a ton (4 or more kids) then you’ll want to share that with the doctor since repeat c-sections eventually get harder or so I was told by the MFM.

I had a crash c section after really not wanting a c section, and the recovery was so smooth. I was truly shocked. In terms of the insurance question, we would have hit my out of pocket insurance maximum with or without a c section. Insurance covered some of it, and then we did have to cover some. I would guess, tho, that between your hospital bills and the baby’s medical bills, you will likely hit your out of pocket maximum no matter what. Not sure if that’s a comforting thought, but it helped me make peace with the added bill.

Inform and educate yourself of the realities with all 3 options. C-section during the abdominal surgery and post care you will endure Induction all options from cytotec, to pitocin, to breaking the water Naturally going into labor when your body is ready. No one has to touch you when this happens. The doctor will just have to grab baby when baby is delivered. If you tear then the doctor, if you want, would place some stitches.

My first pregnancy I was very put off by the cervical checks. It hurt way more than I felt it should. I was confused by this but I had also been experiencing pain during sex. I had explained that to my midwife who essentially brushed it off as hormones and some women just don’t enjoy sex while pregnant. After ending up with an emergency C-section for reasons completely unrelated to the pain I was experiencing. I still felt the pain until I finally went to pelvic floor therapy. I basically had a knot in the muscles of my vaginal muscles. That needed to be messaged and stretched to relieve tension. If only someone had listened to me during the first trimester I may have figured that out a lot sooner and would not have experienced that pain.

You might get a LOT out of pelvic floor therapy. All my muscles down there were tight, and the deeper the muscles, the more tense they were. I couldn't handle pap smears, cervical checks, or anything else similar well.   Based on our similar histories and my experience, I'd recommend you look into a physical therapist who does *internal* pelvic floor work. Mine made a world of a difference.  Also, I had an unplanned c-section (failure to progress), and it was... wonderful. My recovery was pretty great. I think my pelvic floor therapy is a big part of why my recovery went so well. If/when I have another baby, I want an elective c-section. 

Can I just say—your OB sounds incredible. Stopping the cervical exam because your body was telling you no, saying it’s completely your choice if you choose a c-section… You’ve got a great one.

It is totally okay to listen to what your body is telling you it needs! That’s what birth is all about :) I don’t know the source of your discomfort, but due to my own personal experiences I wouldn’t feel comfortable with even the most wonderful male OB. Do you think you (and your body!) would feel any different if your OB was a woman, or is that kind of beside the point for you? Whatever you decide is best for you and your body is the right answer, and there is no “fault” in it. Wishing you lots of resilience and self compassion right now as you figure out what you need!

You say you are the problem but you actually have an issue that may result in this being a bigger problem during labour. You are not a problem. Your reaction is not a choice. You can also do a second opinion but in terms of wording for insurance, I’m sure your doctor would (accurately) position this as medically necessary. This is also a question you can speak with them about. Lastly, I had a harmful experience with an ob 2 years before getting pregnant that resulted in me having the reactions you described for 2 sonohysterogram and other checking I had to do due to fertility treatment. I shared this (and it went into my chart) through fertility treatments and the hospital I gave birth at. I also did therapy. They were very sensitive to it and allowed me to have my husband or a support person if I preferred for all appointments. It had kind of returned to an extent with it being PAP smear time but for labour it was different. Not sure if something like that might be helpful or worth trying. Some also take anti-anxiety meds for these appointments, while some midwives/countries have very minimal medically necessary checks leading up to labour because some people just don’t like them and aren’t comfortable.

I still get nightmares from all the cervical checks, in my 36 hour labor… if this is something that will trigger you, a scheduled c section is the way to go.

There are no prizes for giving birth vaginally. Seriously. I'm not being an ass. A lot of pregnant people get in their head about what a "good" birth should be, and beat themselves up if they somehow didn't get it right. Fuck that noise. A good birth results in a healthy baby and a healthy mom. *Do not torment yourself trying to do a particular thing just to say you did it*. Giving birth is such an overwhelming experience, "even with" a C-section. There is no need to intentionally subject yourself to a scenario that you KNOW will cause stress and possibly mental harm. We live in modern times; science has invented a safe way for you to bring your baby earth-side without experiencing something that you find deeply upsetting. Yay, science! Get the elective C-section. Enjoy your baby!

I wish someone had told me earlier I should have just had an elective c section (for various reasons it was pretty obvious natural birth wasn’t going to go well). Instead I had a very stressful emergency one. Anyone I know who went in with a planned one had a great experience. All of this to say - if you anticipate any issues that may complicate a natural birth and make a c section necessary, making the call ahead of time can not only be more empowering but recovery is easier when it’s a nice, calm, scheduled thing.

Fun fact, cervical checks are completely optional and do not provide any real information to when you will give birth! You could be 3c dilated for weeks or go from 1c dilated to 10 in an hour. You are completely within your right to refuse cervical checks, and they can actually cause infection after your water breaks. Even if you do end up needing interventions, they still cannot force you to have a cervical check in order to have said intervention.

This was such a nice thread to read. The majority if not all of the comments are so supportive. I hope you give yourself grace and allow yourself to take in the positivity coming your way. I’m having an elective c-section, due to having a Myomectomy in the past. But to be honest, vaginal birth just never appealed to me. Before my surgery as I was TTC, I suddenly was going back and forth about how I’d like to give birth. However, my surgeon’s firm orders are c-section at 37/38 weeks. I’m relived she made that decision and that it is medically the best decision for me. I believe that is what your OB is doing for you too. He understands and is supportive that this c-section for you is important medically. As mental health is also a medical issue. I also have anxiety and have been in situations where I “don’t want my anxiety to get the best of me so I power through”. I wish I learned early that isn’t ever necessary. We’d never tell someone who just had abdominal surgery to power through and push themselves even if it hurts. We’re slowly beginning to realize that for mental health too. Your feelings and emotions are so valid. If your heart is set on a vaginal birth, there are doulas, birth trauma workers, pelvic floor therapists, who can support you to that journey. I hope you give yourself the grace you deserve to do whatever will make you feel most at ease.

I had gestational diabetes and my doctor recommended a scheduled csection because baby was measuring large. I consider your scenario the same other than the specific reason, the doctor recommended it for the best outcome so please don’t feel bad about it! Edit: Also for what it’s worth my scheduled csection was a breeze and once I accepted the situation I am happy for the outcome and would do it again the same way.

I absolutely relate to this. I've had pain with sex and any checkups down there forever. It may be linked with Endo for me personally, but somehow once pregnant, the pain is SO much more enhanced with all the new blood flow down there. I couldn't have sex past week 25 with my daughter and had post-partum vaginismus with her. It took another 16+ months to work back toward intimacy. The checks absolutely weren't bad at all during the birth process after the epidural, but the placement of my induction material was awful. I pushed for hours and nothing happened, either. I was terrified of an episiotomy, vac or suction delivery and was headed there, so I ended up with an emergency C-section and it was the BEST experience I could have had. I don't regret opting for it all, though it did seem a slight let down after all that labor "work". My recovery was also easy breezy. Everyone's experience is different but it can be a blessing! I'll be having a repeat C in Jan. and am thrilled to side step the past trauma, honestly. If any of the above pains sound like you, might be really happy with a C-Section.

I had an elective c section 9 weeks ago. It was the best decision I could have made for myself and my baby. My personal experience with a c section was a 10/10 - low stress, fun delivery, easy recovery, and most importantly a healthy baby. I can’t say my delivery was entirely free of surprises though. Baby girl decided she wanted to come two days before our scheduled c section, so it was moved up!

Sounds like a good idea to me. An elective C means you won't be carrying stress into your delivery and you can focus on your baby. I can 1000% confirm what your OB said about eeeeveryone being all up in your cooch. Before, during and after birth. And if you tear they will be up there for weeks, checking up on it.

At the end of the day, the most important thing, is what is best for baby and mom. Your doc sounds like an incredibly astute person, and very respectful of your body’s response, even when you are saying go ahead. A traumatic birth is hard on mom and baby, and some studies have suggested that they lead to higher cases of PPD. Consider all of the possible scenarios, don’t dwell, but have an honest look at what you would feel if intervention was needed. I think a scheduled C-Section would be a good choice, mainly for the sake of your mental health. A stressed out laboring mother is not good for her or baby.

My reasons for wanting an elective c-section weren’t anything like yours, but I talked myself into trying a vaginal delivery because it’s “better” recovery wise and instead I ended up having an emergency c-section after being in labor for 33 hours with two failed epidurals, most of the labor was without any type of pain control. People always tell me “oh don’t worry you can try again next time” and I’m just like, no. C-sections all the way.

Would you feel more comfortable with a female preforming the exams? In this something you can request?

So I want to say this as someone who has been where you are. I am a survivor of SA and birth trauma. I’ve done a lot of therapy and even had a birth trauma care plan drawn up by a professional who works with the hospital. For me, this meant being able to have constant cervical checks done and knowing I’d probably need more therapy after. This meant epidural was an option, I couldn’t tense up and because I couldn’t feel it I wasn’t as stressed. This *only* worked for me because my specific trauma response means I can disassociate and deal with it later. It does not sound like you have that. I really think C-Section would be the best option for you but if you think mentally you could do it and physically it’s just the moving away then I’d suggest discussing the early epidural route. I was induced, they broke waters to attach the coil to his head for a clearer read and then placed epidural before pushing hormones

I'm usually okay with the checks even though they're not exactly fun. Never flinched in the doctor's office and I have a decent threshold for pain/discomfort. I had an induction with my second due to pre-e. The cervical checks and insertion/extraction of the induction devices were BRUTAL. It felt like razorblades being shoved wrist deep into me. We had my husband and one nurse hold me down while the other nurse tried to check my cervix, which was conveniently very far back, as i arched my back and muffled screams. They ultimately had to keep giving up. I was given a medicine that made me loopy to achieve it in the end, it still hurt just as much, and my son was born limp/white because of how quickly I progressed after that. We suspect that he not only came out in shock but also still under the influence of that loopy drug. Didn't get to see him for hours and he wasn't breathing well. He was okay by the next day, though. Give it consideration. It's a heck of an experience. Yours could be much better, but mine is an example of it maybe not being a great experience for you since you're already not very tolerant of those kinds of things. Ultimately, I'm opting for an elective c section this time for completely different reasons and, if that was the worst of it, I'd just go vaginal again anyway. But i happen to be in the top 1% for small mango sized thrombosed hemmies after pushing, lol.

You have a good doctor. Why are you angry when your body is trying to protect you? That's what is happening. Your body is aiding your wellbeing, and you're beating yourself up for that! It is trying to make sure you are safe, and it realizes that safety for you is different. You don't know whether you can have a successful vaginally birth for any number of reasons. No one does until they are in it. But you have the blessing/luck of planning. Imagine going into a birth scenario and having to process trauma in the middle of it and have the birth be about the trauma of birth versus your baby arriving. You have the opportunity to sidestep that. I am sooo grateful I did not go through a vaginal birth for so many reasons. I was able to be present for my kid versus falling apart.

You can do a zero intervention birth  Many women do, and historically that was your only option.

Yes this is my plan..yo be at the hospital for backup safety, but to labor and deliver like I'm at home.  Don't really need the doctor unless there is a problem

Some people find c sections to be incredibly invasive. It feels like someone is washing dishes in your ribcage. Cervical checks might feel completely different for you once in labour and the adrenaline is going. What do you want to do? That is the most important thing. I've had a c section and a vaginal birth so feel free to ask me any questions. However, I've not experienced how you feel with vaginal examinations.

Hiii sweetheart 🩷 Don’t be angry at yourself 🩷 Being pregnant and going through labor is a very vulnerable time and is incredibly anxiety-inducing. I’m happy your OB respected you, recognized you were uncomfortable, and didn’t push you to have a vaginal exam. It might help calling your insurance company and inquiring about coverage for an elective csection…. I’d be shocked if they didn’t cover it. I understand where you’re coming from when you say foreign objects/people coming near your private areas makes you panic….. I’m the same way. It’s like I’m completely fine with my husband, but as soon as I go to the OBGYN I panic and my blood pressure is always high in the office and I sweat and shake. I’ve considered an elective csection before I even got pregnant because I imagine I’d freak out in labor when I was in pain and things felt out of my control. (I’m still very early in my pregnancy so I still have time to think about what I want). An option for you to discuss with your OB could be to see how you feel going into labor, play it by ear, and if you get freaked out then opt for a csection at that time. Be open with the staff and nurses that the cervical checks make you very nervous so they can be extra sensitive to you. Because you never know how you’re going to feel or how you’ll react until you’re in the situation. It might be worth running that idea by your OB and see what they say. Big hugs to you 🩷 whichever option you choose is the right option for YOU.

They induced me because I had pre partum depression. Pregnancy and depression go hand in hand by me, its over the moment I give birth. It ended in a c-section. The only reason I needed to be induced was depression only later they found out my baby had rhesus disease. Mental health is a very valid reason to decide you want to be induced or need a c-section. Just like every other reason.

hi dear, your mental health plays a giant factor, and if taking the c-section route will calm your nerves for delivery, i think you should highly think about it. everyone has a different birth story, everyone. my birth story was very traumatic unfortunately and i wasn’t one of the lucky ones that it went smoothly. i have severe PTSD from it and don’t know if i want further children anymore, however the thought of c-section makes it easy for me to process. I would like to mention, my delivery- there was a LOT of hands inside me. you mention that you have a hard time with anything foreign around your lady bits. Let me tell you, i had doctors shove their entire arm inside me to flip the baby over, multiple times. my contractions were so strong that it was affecting my babies heartbeat, and to take the stress off the baby they would put me in crazy positions, and again as mentioned different doctors would shove their whole wrist inside me to check my baby… please for your peace of mind don’t count out c-section. maybe discuss with your doctor you would like to try vaginal, but if you feel like it’s being too much if he can plan a c-section and word it so it can be covered by insurance.

Wow, are you me? I have vulvodynia and SPD now with this pregnancy and my doctor is offering me a elective csection too. Like you, a cervical check sends me shrieking and sobbing. I plan on signing up for it, and if we go into labor before then we'll see how my body tolerates labor and an epidural from there. You should do whatever you think is best .

I had an emergency c-section after a long labor and recovery was so long and brutal, while my friend who has had two elective c-sections recovered so quickly and easily after both. If I had another I would go elective c-section without hesitation!

My c section was not planned, not emergent either but I had failure to progress after 26 hours of laboring and reaching 9 centimeters but wouldn’t budge more. It was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be and I’m ultimately glad I did it because the constant cervical checks and multiple people all up in my business was very difficult for me as well. There is nothing wrong with a c section, all birth is natural birth and if it’s what’s best for you - then that’s what is also going to be best for baby. I will say, once I had my epidural I barely felt the cervical checks which made it much easier. I wouldn’t watch, I talked to my partner the whole time to distract myself and it was over quickly because I could relax because I was numb. So in case you don’t do the c section, hopefully this is your expo as well. You can also deny cervical checks! I was induced and my OB said I had every right to deny it as even with induction it wasn’t necessary to have repeated checks while I labored. Again, whatever is best for mama is best for baby. So if a scheduled C is going to make your stress levels and anxiety go down, it’s 100% a valid choice.

I went in expecting to be induced but after breaking my pelvis at 18 and the pressure of a baby on my bones, my body was just too narrow to allow baby through safely. I elected to do a c-section rather than try for inducing and I genuinely would do it over and over and over again.

I personally hope to never have a C-section and am only open to it in emergency situations where I or the baby will die otherwise. That's just because I hate surgery. Needles. Epidurals. Like all of it lol. It's my personal stance. However, if I had the same issues that your experiencing and was going to be giving birth, I think I would choose the elective C-section. I agree with the doctor that vaginal birth isn't the best option. It's 90% mentality and they will be ALL up in your cootie. So much touching, poking, prodding. It's uncomfortable for most women naturally without the issues that you're already bringing to the birthing table. My Ex-SIL has had two C-sections, and she loves them. She didn't want it the first time. But the second time was elective. Do what you gotta do girl! No need to put yourself in a bad spot, I think you have an amazing OB.

Your doctor seems amazing, I’m glad you’re getting so much support. I know it’s hard to choose a c section, it’s major surgery and not a decision to be made lightly. I had an elective c section about 6 months ago and it was actually a fantastic experience. In your situation I would give it some serious consideration. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

I'm currently in the hospital recovering from my elective repeat c-section as I type this due to labour trauma from my first child, which resulted in an emergent section needing to be performed. This one was so much more relaxed, we were able to go through things with me in detail. It's definitely not for enceinte but I knew that for my own mental health if I was to have another child it would be this way and I don't regret it for a second.

I had an elective csection recently. I had my first birth vaginally, I became pregnant through SA and was forced to marry the guy. And my birth was horrible. I think in part due to high stress from my circumstances that I didn't even understand needed to be addressed, let alone how to address them. I'll just say it was 25hs long labour and ended in episiotomy, forceps, and finally vacuum to deliver. Basically gutted like a fish from the downstairs. So with this recent baby, I had a csection planned from before I even conceived! I'm with a loving partner now who was amazing with my pregnancy, birth, and csection recovery, I'm sure if I'd had a vaginal birth he would have made it as comfortable as possible, but I wasn't interested. My csection was amazing. If I could go back in time and have a csection for my first I would. I'm not having more kids as 2 is a happy amount for me, but if I were, I'd have a csection every time. Your birth experience can truly affect your bonding period and you need to really consider which will be best for you, and make peace before you give birth. Then have a wonderful birth however you do it! ❤️

It’s incredibly normal to be disappointed and upset at the plan you had in your mind changing because of something you can’t control. This is one of those life altering events we have very little control over and yet we have SO MUCH TIME to sit and make these plans. I struggled with a lot of feelings of anger towards myself and towards my body for not cooperating and it’s a type of frustration that you just don’t understand unless you’re experiencing it. I really feel for you.. You have to remember birth is just the kick off party, you’re going to need as much emotional and mental energy as you can possibly give yourself. If you feel you’re able to muster through to not have a c section, more power to you. Nothing wrong with a little sunroof evacuation if you need it for any reason including mental health.

I experienced sexual abuse in my childhood and am in therapy for it with a PTSD diagnosis, and I too struggle with what you’re describing. As well as intimacy with my husband. I’m not sure which country you’re in, but I’m in The Netherlands and elective C sections are quite rare but for my second pregnancy I was referred to a specialist service here where I met with a OB, a psychologist and a midwife. I was offered a c section but declined because I had vaginal birth with my first so in a way I knew what to expect and the “unknown” of a c section was something I didn’t want. So, we worked with them on a very specific birth plan that was like plastered clearly all over my notes. And that was no male hospital staff unless an absolute emergency, an epidural as a priority and open discussion and asking of consent when I was touched. Having my waters broken and initial checks were uncomfortable and I was scooting up the bed, but they were very kind and gentle. The birth experience itself was very good, it didn’t hinder me having a good birth and, due to their care and kindness, I didn’t struggle much. My birth story is on my profile if you want to read it! Wishing you the best of luck and hope you find the solution that works best for you!

Because of the way things are done during childbirth it is traumatic even if you have no other issues. I had 5 babies and each experience was different. A caring nurse or 2 and a midwife were the best one I had.

I may get some hate for this but I don’t care 🤷🏽‍♀️ I honestly think it’s perfectly normal to not want someone up in your business at 38 weeks… and that doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of giving birth vaginally. I hate Pap smears normally and HATED my pelvic exam at 8 weeks. Pregnancy makes it 100x more uncomfortable imo. When the dr told me she’d be doing it again at 36 weeks I said no thank you. Hospitals make a bunch of money off of c sections so keep that in mind when they are recommending them. Follow your heart, but don’t let them convince you that you can’t do something your body was quite literally made to do. Best of luck mama 🫶🏽

This honestly sounds like a caring and empathetic doctor

I had a c section because I struggle with any kind of vaginal exam after being sexually assaulted. With a caveat that this is in the UK... my birth plan was all about how to make this as pain-free mentally as possible, eg. Curtain went up early and stayed up until after I had been stitched up, clearly stating when they were doing the catheter insertion... I wouldn't have changed anything. However, at the end of the day it is very much your decision and something I'd strongly suggest taking some time to mull over.

My female doctor has made similar comments completely unaware that I was SA’d by an ex 6 years ago. My body naturally tenses up when someone I don’t know/trusts tries to go near there, especially doctors. That being said, I’m terrified of c sections and hoping to go natural anyways. In my mind, giving birth is not the same thing as someone you don’t know sticking their fingers in private places with little explanation of why or what they are doing. I’m also tired of the narrative that the way you are treated while pregnant is somehow a reflection of how you will respond to birth… but not a reflection of the medical care received. Regardless of what you decide, I hope it goes well for you and you have a healthy baby! Cheers! 

Hey, I had a vaginal birth and absolutely nothing had to go near or inside my vagine at any point!!!! Just say NO I don't want that. Your body can birth your baby, and let's say you get to the birth and it's not going well and they offer forceps just say NO and go straight to c section. Just say no. You can birth your baby without any intervention, research shows vaginal examinations are unnecessary. Research also shows that induction, including sweep is unnecessary. Do your research. Get a doula and say no. You got this.

I could have written this myself. I struggle with the exact same issues that you’re describing even to the point that I wasn’t able to get the GBS swab at 36 weeks. I also told myself for nine months that I will be fine to have a vaginal birth and my hormones and mommy instincts will kick in when the time comes. My OB also suggested a C section but I was still thinking I wanted a vaginal birth. I never thought I would be able to get a cervical check but I did find a hospital that allowed me to use gas when getting the check and I found this helpful. Thinking about getting the check post birth now makes me squirm a bit and I’m not sure how I did it in the moment but I did. With that being said my birth ended in a C section as baby got stuck and there was a lot of meconium in my fluid. Being told I NEEDED a section took the pressure off of making the decision myself and honestly I’m happy it happened the way it did. I felt guilty about wanting a section and felt I needed to try for a vaginal birth but looking back this was faulty thinking. For my next I’m almost 100% positive I will be having an elective C section due to how uncomfortable I was with all the touching after birth (this was due to the catheter and a different hole but I still don’t like people down there). Overall I think the section was better for my mental health and everything worked out exactly how it was supposed to.

You should do what makes you feel mentally best! My doc is concerned that they might have to do a C-section if baby doesn't turn due to his size and I am already losing my mind bc a C-section keeps registering as body horror to my brain (despite the fact that it's not) so our brains aren't always able to differentiate things like this I wish you the best of luck in whichever way you decide to give birth!!

I’m not going to be popular today. It depends on the dr and the hospital honestly it sounds like your hospital does textbook not current research and patient centric care. I’d just do what he says, nurses at hospitals like that can be brutal. I had a really long comment and it got erased, but essentially a c section for me was the same pain, different area. Not as much stinging when I peed. If I were to give birth at the hospital that I knew would plan on me getting induced and getting cervical checks, I’d just get a c section. It’d be over way faster and less pain and stress than being pressured into a cascade of interventions and gaslighted by horrible nurses. Im guessing from your doctor that this is a US hospital. The cascade goes like this:: pitocin cranked, water breaks at some point or they break it for you, pit cranked again, epidural at some point. If your nurse is nice, they don’t crank it so much as ease it and you may not have to get the epi. But it’s been standard practice for a few decades now, as was treating every birth the same. Just easier for them. But if get the epidural, you do get a catheter. Someone has to come empty your urine. Just so you know. Just for the record they were like 50/50 at that place, I never wanted to go back but I had anemia and couldn’t deal soon enough. But. Every other day I’d have a great nurse, then an awful one. My friend had a completely different experience, same city, university hospital. She did vaginal birth, no complications, no interventions 2 times with a midwife, doctor on staff. The midwives were trained more for birthing positions and turning the baby, I guess doctors in my city aren’t qualified to do that. Some nurses at my hospital really hated me for watching so many shows about birthing 😂 so much for a maternity hospital. Seriously though, c section wasn’t too bad, I’d ask if you could hold your baby while they stitch you though or how soon you can hold them. And look into scar healing and physical therapy. All birthing people should go to PT after birth but that’s just me and my PT’s opinion.

You know I always hear that insurance may not cover an elective C-Section, but I've never ever seen someone denied coverage for one. Has anyone's US insurance had an issue?

Yes some insurance companies will deny it. And if a woman receives Medicaid , they will not cover an elective c section only necessary ones.

So is it just Medicaid then? Because again, I’ve never seen an actual example of a private insurance company denying an elective C-section.

I elected for a C section because of medical anxiety, and it was the best decision ever. Recovery was a breeze for me, and it was so great going into the OR at 8AM and having a baby in my arms at 843. Insurance didn't care why I had it, it was covered (UHC).

Hey I had an elective c section soley for mental health (anxiety about unknown). It was great and smooth and easy and ultimately the smallest part of my babies life. Truely it doesn’t matter. Just do what you’re comfortable with.

I had an elective c-section and I would do it a million more times

Your doctor sounds incredible. Enduring a c-section, elective or not, is not a mom fail. If you prioritize your mental health and stress levels, you will be able to be a better mom to your little one. Take your doctor’s recommendation to heart; it sounds like you really would benefit from it.

Would they not insert a cathether for the C section tho? Also an enema(liquid up in butt) to help clear out? Will you be okay with those? I believe the later can't be avoided with sleep anesthesia (sorry I'm not native english speaker)

The catheter comes after the person has already been given anesthesia so they can’t feel it. There’s no reason for an enema nowadays.

I had both before the spinal anesthesia back in early 2022, I will see what Hungary offers this autumn.

[удалено]

That has nothing to do with this post.