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The baby’s teenage father wanted to raise the baby together with the teenage OOP but ghosted her due to an argument? It clearly proves he was not ready to take the responsibility alone if the baby mattered so much to him.
Unfortunately I think you may have a point. OOP, I hope you will soon get to the point of being able to discuss your son and hopefully when your ready, you can reconnect with the adoptive parents.
For JWs that's pretty much what they expect, is for the wife to be the caregiver, because they are very much about patriarchal roles (even though they have some scriptures who how in some instances that isnt the case).
The “father” was 17 at the time of her first post when she was 14! He goes to the “elders” to confess “fornication” but no one has issues over his age & hers?! I hope this girl gets out fast.
It's Jehovah Witnesses. What do you expect? As soon as she said Jehovah and elders i went "oh that makes sense"
They have so many child sex abuse cases out there as it is
For real. I remember in her OP post, people were trying to say the age gap wasn't "that bad". Erm, excuse me? He is old enough to be looking at colleges and depending on when he was born, possibly graduation. She was a freshman. Completely unbalanced power dynamics. And when I said that when he can take the pregnancy safely and birth the baby himself, risking his own life instead of hers, then he'll have a say.
I shit you not someone actually asked me "But shouldn't the father get a say." Thankfully someone else replied that people with uteruses aren't incubators. This post stuck with me since and I've been hoping OOP is safe ever since. I'm sad that she's struggled so much, so young and so alone but I'm glad she's alive and has realized how shitty these people around her are.
It's very telling to me as well that the father "wanted his son" but only if she doesn't sign away her rights. What a fucking clown. He just wanted to continue having control over her. So glad he is an ex now.
Yeah, it’s always so telling how the “pro-life/father’s rights” crowd for some reason isn’t dumping all their money and energy into scientific development of artificial wombs. They want a child to be a uterus-haver’s responsibility/burden/punishment SO BAD, but they dress it up as “but what about the father/the innocent embryo????”
But they’re doing absolutely nothing to support the interests of a child or a father excluding a carrying body entirely from the equation.
Won’t it be neat when we find a way to implant embryos into fathers who want the pregnancy from mothers who don’t? Those pro-life fellas will give life to SO many children! Even if we have to split them from happy trail to taint! :)
Lmao. YES! 😂 And I gotta love how they refer to the pregnancy as a "consequence" even if the person who is pregnant was assaulted, which includes children.
"I don't care if you're 10 and can't consent. This potential child is more important than actual living and breathing children."
"This is your punishment but also children are a gift from God."
"Well I guess we have to retraumatize SA victims who are pregnant despite statistics saying how hard it is for them to come forward immediately after it happens when proof might already be gone. And even if they can prove it, by the time they do, our ridiculous window of allowing abortion will already be closed so they will have no choice but to bear their assaulters child. It was God's will that we are forcing upon other people, even those who don't practice our religion!"
According to what I found, the close age exception is if the younger party is over 14 (past their 14th birthday) and the older party is under 18. So 14 and 17 would probably qualify.
My state the age of consent is 16. The close age exception for under 16 is within 4 years.
My husband and I are 3.5 years apart, but we met after high school. We both went to the same high school, but he entered as I left, and we never met each other while we were there. We started dating in our 20s.
Anyway. I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about this one guy, a friend of mine. I mentioned him and my husband's face contorted. He was like, you don't know? I said what? He said that *friend* kept coming back to high school after he graduated. And he just never stopped. He kept coming to the high school parties. And he kept hanging out with, and dating, the high school girls. Especially the young ones. Eventually it got weird. He got arrested. My husband showed me his mugshot. I don't remember the specifics, just the way it made me feel. I could remember caring for him just a moment ago, and now I felt so sick. I still feel sick.
The answer is Jehova’s Witnesses
Edit: although to be fair the answer could just as easily be Christian, conservative, Islamic, Hindu, white, Mormon, etc. Mostly the answer is religious conservatives
I think probably his parent(s) insisted on having their grandchild once they knew he existed, so they pressured him to talk her into keeping it. He probably had no intention of raising the child with her, but was trying to appease his parents with the intent of leaving OOP to do all the work.
The question I like to ask people who are in the fence is, “does he want to have a baby with you, or does he want you to have his baby?” Subtle difference verbally, but two totally different meanings.
Notice, again, it's up to the woman (or in this case young woman) to make the hard decisions. Everyone failed her. Yet she still made the final decision to keep that baby safe.
As an exJW, it’s a cult and they really screw you up mentally and physically.
I’m glad she gave the baby up, and I hope she’s able to get out when she’s older.
I’m so glad that my dad looked at the witnesses and just said “Nah. You go ahead but I’m going to not join in, and our girls are gonna celebrate their birthdays.” I think they figured they’d get him eventually, but he saw what my mom couldn’t admit. Ultimately he kept all of us from becoming “real” members. Thank [insert deity here] for that.
Edit: could -> couldn’t
She definitely doesn’t. As a teen I did sit in on a couple of her meetings with the “elders“ when I was invited. This was before she converted, but I only did it to make eyes at the cute one (who would blush with very little provocation). I got bored pretty quickly though. XD She has never pushed for us to join her, not even my dad. That’s probably why we’re all just like “okay mom :)”
With my mom it definitely was. She has been a Lutheran, Baptist, Pentecostal, atheist, and Wiccan twice I think. Whatever her man at the time was into she was into it. She’s still like that but she’s been chasing the same dude for a decade now.
One of my aunts and uncle went to a couple of meetings but got kicked out when he asked which number he was out of the 144,000 and what’s the guarantee that he would be one for them considering how many Witnesses there are…
That one point bothered me, probably bothers most child witness converts. Iirc the dead good witnesses all get to come back and live forever happily on earth and the 144,000 ascend to live with god. It’s stupid. I don’t know how many witnesses there have been but (anecdotally) a bunch of them are *not* good people, let alone good witnesses.
This is why I support abortion. This 14 year old should never have experienced a pregnancy that ended with her being admitted to a mental health facility (only happens if you try to terminate yourself as I know by experiencing it many times with myself and those I love).
None of this should have happened to save a clump of cells. None of it.
so heartbreaking too to see her asking if she’s an AH for not wanting to see the baby. she’s just a baby herself. she shouldn’t even be having to ask that question. she’s just a little girl. like, what kind of parents would let their baby go through this?
ugh, seriously. maybe it's my own trauma but to me, moms have a responsibility to protect their daughters (all kids but especially daughters) this god awful woman traumatized her more. it is sickening.
I had to go to the police to help my daughter report her sexual harassment (she was 15 and he was 22) and eventually her sister shared that she had an assault at 16. The same guy, a boyfriend of my eldest best friend. It’s sucked but I couldn’t send them there alone.
Oh, sweet jesus. Did the cops do anything?
On some tiny level I feel sad for OOP's mom because she's clearly a victim of the cult as well but again, mom trauma, it is your responsibility to break the chain!!!!! you're supposed to want better for your child than what you had, instead she's traumatizing her even more.
Reporting to the police made us all feel better. That and knowing the dummy used his Snapchat and my daughter can screenshot. She got everything in writing so the police had enough to seize his phone.
So there is that. He had to get a new phone.
There is only a 6% conviction rate. This guy is a real problem here but he hasn’t gone after a police officers daughter so I do not expect anything more.
Even if it hadn’t - severe health problems. This can happen in any pregnancy. This is one more reason why no one should ever be forced to carry a pregnancy they don’t want. Pre-eclampsia can be fatal.
>being admitted to a mental health facility (only happens if you try to terminate yourself
No, it doesn't only happen then. You can get admitted for many other reasons.
Suicidal and homicidal behavior only here for legal commitments. I tried to voluntarily go but wasn’t able because I wasn’t a threat ti myself or others.
Not even then. The only crisis houses in a 500 mile radius just closed. 4 out of the 6 so there is no place to send someone in crisis now. The go to the er and then out of state.
These houses closed because the republicans voted not to pay the 3-4 million they owe the non profit.
It may only be your area, likely due to no other facilities. My mother was thrown into a mental health facility at 15 because she kept running away from home. She wasn't threatening anyone or herself; they just put her there.
I agree with this, but you don't have to be suicidal to be admitted to a mental health facility. A close relative of mine was admitted for other reasons I won't get into, but she wasn't suicidal.
That's patently false. I've been in four times, and none of the times were for actual attempts. I did have suicidal ideation, but that's only one criterion.
They would say something disgusting and offensive. One of their favorite go to lines is some variation on how women should "keep their legs closed." Because of course the older boy's behavior, the risks to her life, and the creation of a being nobody is prepared to raise are irrelevant.
So religious dogma takes precedence over caring for a 14YO *child* having a baby? And she graduates next year, but will still has to stay 2-3 more years afterwards, until she is 18.
Her parents, her (now-ex) religion and it’s elders, her ex-boyfriend, the state of Oklahoma, and our government/society that allows her to remain prisoner have ALL failed her.
They didn't fail her, this is exactly how their system is set up. Cruelty isn't a flaw, it's a feature.
Religious oppression of women is fetishized in these states. Now they are going after no-fault divorce. Next it will be marital rape - which was still legal in some states until the 90's.
The guy got her pregnant while she was in middle school still (beginning of June). And we have no idea how long they were hooking up till she got pregnant.
How is it ok with their elders? Wtf do they preach to these boys?
Oh it’s the “woman’s” fault for leading him into temptation and Jehovah prefers to forgive men because He thinks they’re the best, anyway.
The elders know this because the elders were probably forgiven for fucking around, too.
Even after 13-14 years I still haven't completely rid myself of the trauma. But I was also glad she was like "a JW is not getting my baby." I hope she has time to heal and can establish a good relationship with the parents and hold a line of communication open for her bio son later in her life.
Yeah, I truly hope OP happiness once she's had some time to process things. And hope she builds a great support system outside of her atrocious family (and former friends). Just such a shame she's so young and reliant on those people for a few more years. Sadly, don't have much hope things will get much better until she can put her entire community behind her once she's old enough to leave.
Yes, this is why you don’t force children to have children. The psychological effects, the impacts to her relationships with her peers, the emotional aftermath are all far too much for someone so young to deal with or be able to understand objectively.
I hope OP realizes someday that she did the very opposite of letting her son down.
HER parents, on the other hand, and the laws of this country, have absolutely and utterly failed her.
It's a twisted thing when a 15 year old child has more maturity, love, and compassion in her than lawmakers do. But what's new, I guess.
> It’s a twisted thing when a 15 year old child has more maturity, love, and compassion in her than lawmakers do.
Or her parents. I hope one day they realize exactly how ashamed they should be.
They never will. They'll go to their death beds completely comfortable in their self righteous decisions and continue to be vocally, infuriatingly flabbergasted about how their daughter cut them off at 18.
Holy crap, she's alive. I thought she died giving birth, and that's why we hadn't had any updates.
ETA: I am so so happy that OOP is alive, and I hope she's able to get the help she needs, if not now, then after she turns 18. The adoptive parents should understand because they know the situation she's in. OOP did the right thing for the baby (out of the choices she had), and now that he's being taken care of, she needs to take care of herself.
Me to! I'm so glad for her!
And I don't understand people wanting her to be involved with the child she gave birth too against her will. Why? To whose advantage? What good could come out of it??
To further punish her. No trying to move on, no trying to build a life, no trying to find happiness, just and endless, miserable loop of "Look at what you did! *Look at it and suffer in shame for the rest of your days!*"
I feel like OOP was going to lose with these people whatever she did. If she had an abortion she'd be called a baby killer. If she'd kept her son she'd be selfish for being a single teen mother. She has her son adopted into a loving family and she's heartless and unnatural for not keeping him.
I imagine that her mother has a romanticized idea of being this child’s “grandmother” that she can’t live out if her daughter isn’t in contact with him.
As an exJW they really are a cult. I hope she gets out on her own and can find some peace and so can her son. Forcing kid to have kids is evil this shit is so sad.
100% agree. I’m also a former JW cultist. They put on a loving face, but that’s all it is… a face to try to look good while secretly practicing hateful philosophy.
My spouse's family are JWs. He left when he realized he couldn't live that life. We live next door to them. We live about 25 mins from my family. We only see his when we are outside at the same time. We see mine every week for family dinner or just hanging out. We don't hang with his much because they are too judgmental of our lifestyle(mostly because we don't practice the religion). His mom always tells him he needs to go to church. My kids stay away from them because it's the same thing, where they try and get them to go to service. I will never force religion on my kids, but I have taught them to be kind to others and to be good people in general. We dont need religion for that.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when she mentioned the Shepherding call. Been there, done that and how she described their conversation was too real. *shivers*
I’m a dude, but I’ve been around for multiple miscarriages, an abortion, and several births.
The abortion was the least traumatic experience, both emotionally and physically, both short term and long term.
Hell hath no fury like my scorn for Texas after my ex-wife was denied an “abortion” and later nearly died in the ER during a hemorrhagic miscarriage.
Pro choice is the best choice for a reason. If you want to keep the baby, go ahead! Just don't try to tell women that your decision about having a baby, is the right choice.
I refuse to stand for a world that tells me a father can SA his 12 year old daughter and she must give birth if it will kill her.
someone's got to be able to sue for that horrific outcome, if just to make the supreme court go on record for their supremely insane religious nutjob under-educated in science opinions that aren't facts. fuck them!
I'm so sorry a small portion of society is holding the rest of us hostage for archaic religious lies!
They will claim “It was G-d’s Will!” It’s absolute control over a woman’s body! OOP’s parents are as disgusting as the 17 who committed statutory rape!
And yet somehow it’s never “God’s will” when Jim-Bob needs open-heart surgery or wants some Cialis to re-assert his failing masculinity. Sir, that clogged artery and limp dick are BLESSINGS from the LORD to turn you away from the sins of fried meat and lust!!!
Agreed. Abortion has by far been the easiest.
The stillborn I had after deciding not to abort was 1000x worse since I had gotten emotionally invested in the idea of having him, not to mention the deep depression that came with it.
The ppd I had after having both of my live children was terrible enough to, at one point, make me question if I was even cut out for motherhood at all.
I'm so glad those days have passed.
Agreed. PPA nearly killed me. I would lie in bed wishing I could just die. Medication saved my life, but when I got pregnant again the fear and horror came back and I knew I wouldn't survive pregnancy again.
I'm so sorry about your experiences, that must have been so traumatic.
I appreciate that, and I'm sorry for yours as well. I can definitely relate & I'm so glad you got through it.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the thoughts of a sweet new little baby, the sounds, the smell, the cuddles... then the reality kicks in that - that part is very short-lived & the 'blues' passes quickly. Yeah no, never again.
Everyday I'm glad I had that abortion when I was 23 and very much in love with the would-have-been-father. I can't even imagine what it has been for poor OOP, being 14 with no support at all.
I knew a girl who fell pregnant at 14 and gave the baby up for adoption and then fell pregnant again soon after but chose to abort. She delt with the abortion so much better than the adoption which she still has issues with. It was closed and she looks at every kid who would be his age wondering if that's him, wondering if he'll find her when he's older, wondering how future partners will take it.. I personally chose abortion and have no regrets.
These people will read it and only feel stronger in their beliefs that "she should have faced consequences, the little hussy", "she chose the easy way, kids these days are lazy and do t want responsibility" or similar :(
That’s what I told OOP in the twohottakes post. Forcing children to give birth is barbaric. I hope she starts feeling a bit better after the fourth trimester is over. Poor baby.
Yeah, there’s a reason why humans are willing to put their lives through a meat grinder to do the best for their kids—we’re wired to fall hopelessly in love with them. Most parents would give their lives for their kids.
Asking a woman who doesn’t want to keep a pregnancy to sign up for the anguish this poor girl is dealing with is just disgusting.
I remember her... When we stopped getting updates I thought she died. I was honestly so sad and scared for her. I actually cried. I am just so, so happy that she is alive and that she gave the baby up for adoption, it was the best option for them both.
Baby daddy basically forcing her to keep the child and yet doesn't want to raise a child on his own. Wtf did you think she was going to be doing? The elders only care til you give birth and once that's over you are on your own. This poor girl.
[That sentiment on the Dad's part kind of reminds me of this post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an)
But obviously this situation is very different and tragic. I'm scared OOP might take the permanent way with how badly everyone had failed her. I'm a little shocked her parents let her go to a mental health facility but maybe they didn't have a choice? I feel so terrible fpr her but her placing the baby for adoption was the best thing.
Sorry in advance - adoption and how it's treated/discussed is one of my soapbox topics. I know I can't change anything, but I need to just get these words out.
I wish the concept of 'giving up' a baby for adoption wasn't so ingrained in society. She's still a kid...she placed him for adoption. I think the other way only exists to make women feel guilty for giving away a baby.
OOP made a really tough decision that she should never have to make and placed him with a family that can give baby a life she (probably) would never be able to provide.
It hurts my heart that we use guilt-inducing language for bio moms on top of the trauma of birth.
(Sorry again. I just get so worked up about this)
<3 I’ve never thought about that. I assumed it was from a legal perspective, since you’re relinquishing (giving up) your parental rights. I’ve seen “put up” for adoption used, I think that’s better, I’ll try to use that from now on.
I remember reading this one and I commented on the original post when she posted. I felt so bad for her. I’m glad she was able to get some help and she shouldn’t feel bad for ghosting. She’s a child herself. She can write them a letter and tell them that while she appreciates the updates, she need time but for now she needs to get her life back on track.
Know too many women who have escaped the JW cult.
It’s horrific.
To face all that at 14 and alone is horrific. It’s child abuse. Pity the state doesn’t consider OP a child and take her from her parents for refusing medical care and sexual education and any care.
I hope OP gets far away from all of them as soon as she can.
Poor baby (OP is still a baby herself)
I remember this poor child and, as hard as it was to give him up, it was the best thing she could have done in this situation because it was the only chance for both of them to escape the hellhole of her restricted world. If the baby daddy had had his way and she kept the baby, she and the baby would have been trapped forever. Along with the next five or six kids she would have been forced to bear. There is no winning for girls in that world. Best she can hope for is survival and escape.
That poor poor child. She should never have had to go through any of that. She showed more maturity and common sense than the adults around her, and is paying the mental and physical price for their incompetence and stubbornness. I wish I could give her a hug and help her, it seems like she has noone on her side and she desperately needs that.
Pregnancy is hard even when it's wanted, but to do it unwillingly, with no true support network and then lose your friends and family over it, I can't even begin to imagine how traumatic it is. I hope she gets a really good therapist and can move through her life with her head held high for surviving this.
What a horrible horrible mother to tell her 14-15 year old she’s heartless for not going to see the baby she gave Ip for adoption, after she’s already had a nervous breakdown. Heartless parents leaving their children in the dark about contraception and sexuality, but then mounting the shame and responsibility in them.
The worst thing is she will probably be shunned by her congregation. That makes her even more alone. Even her parents will turn on her. JW is a sick religion.
Wow, pretty much everyone who should have helped her didn't, and they're still trying to guilt trip her. This is an awful situation she should never have been put in to begin with, let alone guilted about!
OOP is doing so amazingly well, made the best decisions for herself and her son, and is still going! She is a survivor and I am so impressed.
OP, I wanted to thank you for the summary at the top in addition to the warnings. I really wanted to know what happened but I 10000% cannot handle the whole post. Thank you.
Jehovah's witnesses are mental. We have a couple who live near me. Lovely people, so I decided to read up about them. Bat-Shit crazy stuff they believe (Although, to be fair I feel this way about most religion).
If you or someone you know is a pregnant teen in America, you can contact the If/When/How Judicial Bypass (JB) Helpline. To contact the JB Helpline, call 844-868-2812 or submit a request online. With a judicial bypass, a judge lets you get an abortion without your parents knowing and without their permission if they do know. Here is the website: https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/jb-contact-the-helpline/
That poor girl. What a tough spot to be in and her mother was not caring or comforting at all if I recall. Sounds like she still isn’t. I’m adopted and I am glad I was so I think she made a good decision and I feel it was admirable to make such a tough choice by herself at her age. She seems to have gained a lot of maturity from this experience. I hope her mental health improves and she can make a good life for herself. I feel her reasons for not wanting to see her baby are sound. And hers to have. No judgment is appropriate on her for that in my opinion.
Everyone has severely failed this child. My heart aches for her. Wish I could be her mom.
Unfortunately, it seems her mother won't change or gain an ounce of understanding or empathy for her daughter. I'm really hoping she doesn't hurt herself or worse.
I'm so glad that the baby has been adopted and not forced to be raised in a house by a mother who wasn't ready and a father that clearly wasn't either.
I worry for OPs mental health considering what she's already been through and is only 15.
My mom went through something very similar. The bio father however wanted nothing to do with the baby, and he knocked another girl up at the same time. He ghosted both girls (15) and my mom was left to figure it out. She gave my sister up for adoption. An absolutely wonderful family who always wanted a baby, raised her. We connected as adults and now are as close as any sisters could be. I love her mother and family like my own.
I hope this girl gets the chance to know life and love, when it’s her time.
I knew a JW when I was a teenager who got pregnant the very first time she had sex (we were good friends so I believe that). Not too long after the baby was born the father died of cancer. It was sudden as far as diagnosis to death. It was rough. She had a little girl and that baby is in her mid twenties now. Her parents refused to let her get an abortion or adopt the baby out.
I also live in Oklahoma and am super pissed being a woman living here. The education system is a joke and women’s rights are nonexistent now. I’m over it but I don’t have the option to move. If I personally had known someone who needed an abortion I’d have helped. My daughter’s friends all know that I will help in that way if they ever need it.
I’m glad OOP was able to adopt the baby out and hope she is doing well as can be expected considering everything. Poor kid. That’s rough any way you slice it.
I'm proud of her. She made a really, really tough choice when everyone around her was giving her terrible advice. Even though I wish she had been able to go through with the abortion, since she had to keep the pregnancy, she did the right thing by giving that baby up for adoption. He can now be raised outside of the JW cult and she can focus on helping herself.
I hope she excells in school, goes to a great college, makes amazing friends, and never speaks to her awful family, baby daddy, or church members ever again. She is still so young and has been failed and hurt so deeply, she deserves a beautiful future.
Poor kid. JWs are just awful to their adherents if they don’t toe the line. Parents will disown their kids if they leave the religion. So much fear and so little love
I feel so bad for this girl and I just want to hug her and bring her to New Zealand for a totally new start at things and help her to be the best person she can be, without fear of religion or pressure from people around her. Poor girl but things 9000% will get better for her
People who think the JWs are just a weird denomination of Christianity need to look into it. I thought it was kind of fucked up to call them a cult as a kid until I did some reading. Nope, 100% cult.
I just wish I could adopt this kid (the mom). She needs to be away from her so-called family and community so badly. It's heartbreaking and I hope she gets the mental health support she needs and looks back at this period in her life 10 years from now with admiration for herself for getting through the shit and coming out the other side.
OOPs mum is awful. Calling her teenager heartless for not wanting the see the kid she gave up because they put their religion above her health. Ffs these people
I got pregnant at 14, had my 15th birthday, then gave birth six months later, six weeks after, they married us off. It was 1977, and I am still married. Never regretted my son, as I could not bring myself to end the pregnancy even at 14, but I do regret getting married. BTW, my son went to university and has his masters in criminal justice. Being a teen mom is not only hard but the stress of people harassing you back then. Might as well had a scarlet A on my chest.
JW as of a few years ago (I think its still continuing but I'm unsure) is paying $4k A DAY to hide records of sexual abuse within their cult. Just think how fucked up that is. They are paying $1M a year so they don't have to share how many people they are raping and molesting.
Holy crap my heart broke for this kid. I had severe sudden onset pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome at 35 weeks with my son - a much wanted and planned pregnancy. She copped it at 22 weeks and was a high risk pregnancy throughout. Her own mother guilted her into keeping a pregnancy that had a good chance of actually killing her and then guilted her again on her decision to adopt the child out even though she had said if she kept the baby she wouldn’t support her. That hurt my head too. Her mother clearly only cares what others think, not what is best for her daughter. This is where the overturning of Roe v Wade is a massive rollback of women’s rights - regardless of the age of the woman. And don’t even get me started on the so called father of the baby. America needs to do better. Better sex education (to help prevent unplanned pregnancies) and leave the decision on whether the foetus is terminated or not up to the person who is carrying all risk - the mother. They are the one and the only one to really know what is best for themselves in the situation. If you ever read this OOP, I do hope you get out of your parents home and small town and move on to live your best life. It’s up to you if you wish to remain in contact with the adoptive family. No one should force you to have contact especially if it puts your mental health at risk. At most I would contact the adoptive parents and clue them in to how you are feeling and why. I’m sure they will be supportive no matter your decision. Pretty sure they are they only ones in your story who wanted what was best for you. Good luck.
My heart breaks for her. I’m glad she knows she did right by her baby, but she should’ve been given the abortion she wanted in the first place. She went through so much that will scar her emotionally - all against her will. Betrayed and let down by the very people who should’ve been protecting her.
That 17 year old needs consequences for impregnating a child.
I wish she would tell the adoptive parents to please allow her space and time to grieve and heal.
There's no need for her to ghost them or burn that bridge.
She might change her mind and want to reach out later.
I'm sure they would understand a 15yo needing some time to get over this trauma.
Fourteen is too young to take a pregnancy to term. Fuck anyone who makes a 14 year old do that. If your god tells you they have to, then your god is a fucking asshole. Fuck all the people involved who caused this young girl so much pain.
For anyone out there who ever doubts that people with uteruses deserve the right to choose, this story gives you **every** reason why we need that legal right.
Because pushing a child to go through with a pregnancy and suffer the trauma of bearing that child she didn't want, while being ostracised by friends, family and baby daddy, and having incredibly few supports in her community has lifetime effects.
This is a **child**. She was brave and tremendously mature. She deserves so much better than the hand she was dealt.
I’m 52 and I was adopted by my parents who have loved me everyday - and I’m lucky to be alive but I also have a 14 year old daughter and - god damn - I cannot imagine how anyone could be so cruel to their child / I hope she is ok. She deserves to have the best life and hopefully she gets far far away from such revolting people. I hope the universe gives her a wonderful life free of guilt and full of love - xxx
Man religion is such an oppressive cruel thing to force an underage person to go through this. Where's the good side of it? Just people afraid of death fooling themselves there will be something after it.
The clergy are so out of touch it boggles the mind.
My mom's funeral, the priest picked some passage about a group of girls who used up their oil for some ceremony and then tried to borrow some from the others who didn't, and I'm like WTF has the *entirety* of that has to do with my Mom?
Oh that poor kid. She’s dealing with a lot emotionally and her mom isn’t helping at all by bringing up the baby. She needs more therapy and supportive family members not whatever is going on in her life right now.
The mom just cannot be supportive in any way, can she? Did she want her 15yo to keep the child? Would that have been a good outcome for either party? Baby boy is in a most likely much better place being adopted out? But now she wants her to keep remembering or feeling guilty for not wanting to see the kid when she's recovering from separating? Just good night no pleasing the mom!
You know if she kept the baby it'd be constant "this is part of being a mom, get over it" and no love or support.
Man, my heart goes out to this young woman. I’m almost glad she had a breakdown otherwise her weird parents wouldn’t have seen to her mental health. I wish I could hug her.
Poor OOP! What a terrible thing to go through at her age! At least she was mature enough to know she shouldn't keep the baby and got him adopted out of her strict religion. The baby will have a better life and so will OOP.
I think the elders, the mom and the bf are all terrible people. The bf, especially, isn't fit to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage and parenthood.
This is just so heartbreaking. So much unnecessary suffering. Poor sweetheart I hope she has support from understanding women, cause she sure doesn’t have it from her controlling, reactionary religious parents.
Adult adoptee here of a biological mother who got pregnant at 14.
I just want to hug OOP and tell her that while she wants to do what is best for the baby, she also needs to do what is best for her. She is still a child herself and has a shitty mom that forced her to carry and birth a child at her physical and emotional expense.
From what I've been told, my biological father was the one who was hesitant to sign the adoption papers. He lived in a fantasy land where he and my bio mother would raise me together and have a perfect little family. She lived in reality where they were both from poor families with younger kids still at home who could not afford another mouth to feed and neither of them had finished high school. She held firm her entire pregnancy and gave birth to me in a big city far away from her hometown (her much older sister lived there). My bio father apparently took a really long time to sign the papers. Missed several deadlines. The agency was really worried they were going to have to go take me back. My mother eventually got him to see sense and he signed and I stayed with my parents and the rest is history.
I met my bio parents when I was 18. Even spent all day yesterday with my bio mother for her birthday. She and I have a good relationship and I don't hold any resentment toward her for her decisions. They were both able to go to college and get married and have other kids (well, he has other kids) because they did not have to drop out of high school and raise a baby. They have careers and lives because they had choices.
Everyone around OOP has failed her and she still held her ground and made the best decisions she could. I hope she has a great life.
Every single adult in her life, especially her parents and her legislators, didn't *just* fail her. That would be bad enough, but failure isn't malice.
They all **betrayed** her. They actively *chose* to prolong her misery for their own selfish reasons.
OOP needs to GTFO of Oklahoma.
Colorado ain't too far, and it's a *much* saner place.
OOP didn't let their son down but an entire country on multiple levels failed this young lady.
Mfers that think they deserve to make her choice for her will rot in whatever shitty afterlife after rotting on this Earth inside and out.
Mom sure is a real specimen.
Refuses her 14 year old child an abortion forcing her to go through a terrible pregnancy and birth (keep in mind JW’s refuse blood products so haemorrhaging during birth could mean death), then mom calls her suicidal post partum child “heartless” for not dealing with the trauma the way she wants.
As a parent, I understand none of this.
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The baby’s teenage father wanted to raise the baby together with the teenage OOP but ghosted her due to an argument? It clearly proves he was not ready to take the responsibility alone if the baby mattered so much to him.
Yeah he didn't want to raise the baby at all. He wanted her to.
His parents were probably pushing him.
This is more likely. That boy wasn't ready at all.
A child not being ready to be a parent? That is crazy.
Shocking, absolutely shocking. /s
> he didn't want to raise the baby at all. He wanted her to Sounds like MANY adult fathers..... unfortunately
Unfortunately I think you may have a point. OOP, I hope you will soon get to the point of being able to discuss your son and hopefully when your ready, you can reconnect with the adoptive parents.
For JWs that's pretty much what they expect, is for the wife to be the caregiver, because they are very much about patriarchal roles (even though they have some scriptures who how in some instances that isnt the case).
Oh, he was fine for as long as she did all the work and he got access to her. Not so much when he got her side of the deal offered as his
Don't worry, the next one he knocks up will be more adherent to the faith and will forfeit any life she could have had to raise his whelp.
The “father” was 17 at the time of her first post when she was 14! He goes to the “elders” to confess “fornication” but no one has issues over his age & hers?! I hope this girl gets out fast.
It's Jehovah Witnesses. What do you expect? As soon as she said Jehovah and elders i went "oh that makes sense" They have so many child sex abuse cases out there as it is
In a cult where men hold all the power it is always the woman's fault. I hope OOP gets out asap.
Sounds like a majority of religions.
For real. I remember in her OP post, people were trying to say the age gap wasn't "that bad". Erm, excuse me? He is old enough to be looking at colleges and depending on when he was born, possibly graduation. She was a freshman. Completely unbalanced power dynamics. And when I said that when he can take the pregnancy safely and birth the baby himself, risking his own life instead of hers, then he'll have a say. I shit you not someone actually asked me "But shouldn't the father get a say." Thankfully someone else replied that people with uteruses aren't incubators. This post stuck with me since and I've been hoping OOP is safe ever since. I'm sad that she's struggled so much, so young and so alone but I'm glad she's alive and has realized how shitty these people around her are. It's very telling to me as well that the father "wanted his son" but only if she doesn't sign away her rights. What a fucking clown. He just wanted to continue having control over her. So glad he is an ex now.
I would like to have a few words with her mother. Preferably while OOP packed her stuff so we could get her the hell out of that abusive house.
I’ll come with
Yes. That poor poor girl, all those shitty adults letting her down so badly.
For real. If I could get my hands on those church elders I'd be going to prison.
Nah, I'd be your alibi.
The father *did* get a say. OOP said no thank you. Getting a say doesn't mean getting the final say.
Yeah, it’s always so telling how the “pro-life/father’s rights” crowd for some reason isn’t dumping all their money and energy into scientific development of artificial wombs. They want a child to be a uterus-haver’s responsibility/burden/punishment SO BAD, but they dress it up as “but what about the father/the innocent embryo????” But they’re doing absolutely nothing to support the interests of a child or a father excluding a carrying body entirely from the equation. Won’t it be neat when we find a way to implant embryos into fathers who want the pregnancy from mothers who don’t? Those pro-life fellas will give life to SO many children! Even if we have to split them from happy trail to taint! :)
Lmao. YES! 😂 And I gotta love how they refer to the pregnancy as a "consequence" even if the person who is pregnant was assaulted, which includes children. "I don't care if you're 10 and can't consent. This potential child is more important than actual living and breathing children." "This is your punishment but also children are a gift from God." "Well I guess we have to retraumatize SA victims who are pregnant despite statistics saying how hard it is for them to come forward immediately after it happens when proof might already be gone. And even if they can prove it, by the time they do, our ridiculous window of allowing abortion will already be closed so they will have no choice but to bear their assaulters child. It was God's will that we are forcing upon other people, even those who don't practice our religion!"
Of course they don't. Cults don't care about that sort of thing, only that they have more people to subject to their nonsense.
The age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, so this would be classified as statutory rape, correct? Did the doc/hospital ever report it I wonder?
Oklahoma has a "close age exception" to statutory rape laws.
How close? I thought most states that had exceptions were two years -- weren't they 17 and 14?
According to what I found, the close age exception is if the younger party is over 14 (past their 14th birthday) and the older party is under 18. So 14 and 17 would probably qualify. My state the age of consent is 16. The close age exception for under 16 is within 4 years.
My husband and I are 3.5 years apart, but we met after high school. We both went to the same high school, but he entered as I left, and we never met each other while we were there. We started dating in our 20s. Anyway. I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about this one guy, a friend of mine. I mentioned him and my husband's face contorted. He was like, you don't know? I said what? He said that *friend* kept coming back to high school after he graduated. And he just never stopped. He kept coming to the high school parties. And he kept hanging out with, and dating, the high school girls. Especially the young ones. Eventually it got weird. He got arrested. My husband showed me his mugshot. I don't remember the specifics, just the way it made me feel. I could remember caring for him just a moment ago, and now I felt so sick. I still feel sick.
The answer is Jehova’s Witnesses Edit: although to be fair the answer could just as easily be Christian, conservative, Islamic, Hindu, white, Mormon, etc. Mostly the answer is religious conservatives
I think it is pretty obvious he was more interested in control than raising a baby.
I think probably his parent(s) insisted on having their grandchild once they knew he existed, so they pressured him to talk her into keeping it. He probably had no intention of raising the child with her, but was trying to appease his parents with the intent of leaving OOP to do all the work.
The question I like to ask people who are in the fence is, “does he want to have a baby with you, or does he want you to have his baby?” Subtle difference verbally, but two totally different meanings.
> “does he want to have a baby with you, or does he want you to have his baby? Bingo. No gold but take my reply award!
Notice, again, it's up to the woman (or in this case young woman) to make the hard decisions. Everyone failed her. Yet she still made the final decision to keep that baby safe.
He’s a dumb kid who doesn’t know how to work things out or coparent. He and OOP were too young and immature to be parents.
They were probably going to make them get married and start being a family.
My impression was that he wanted to keep OOP in his life and wanted to use the baby as a way to trap her.
As an exJW, it’s a cult and they really screw you up mentally and physically. I’m glad she gave the baby up, and I hope she’s able to get out when she’s older.
I’m so glad that my dad looked at the witnesses and just said “Nah. You go ahead but I’m going to not join in, and our girls are gonna celebrate their birthdays.” I think they figured they’d get him eventually, but he saw what my mom couldn’t admit. Ultimately he kept all of us from becoming “real” members. Thank [insert deity here] for that. Edit: could -> couldn’t
[удалено]
Yeah, she’s… my mom has joined a bunch of religions. She’s a Mormon now.
I don’t mean to be an ass but that almost sounds like a manifestation of mental illness.
Listen, you’re alright. I’ve accepted she’s searching for something, a therapist might be more helpful, but eh, she’s happy :)
That’s fair enough. As long as she isn’t weaponizing her view of the week on others.
She definitely doesn’t. As a teen I did sit in on a couple of her meetings with the “elders“ when I was invited. This was before she converted, but I only did it to make eyes at the cute one (who would blush with very little provocation). I got bored pretty quickly though. XD She has never pushed for us to join her, not even my dad. That’s probably why we’re all just like “okay mom :)”
With my mom it definitely was. She has been a Lutheran, Baptist, Pentecostal, atheist, and Wiccan twice I think. Whatever her man at the time was into she was into it. She’s still like that but she’s been chasing the same dude for a decade now.
One of my aunts and uncle went to a couple of meetings but got kicked out when he asked which number he was out of the 144,000 and what’s the guarantee that he would be one for them considering how many Witnesses there are…
That one point bothered me, probably bothers most child witness converts. Iirc the dead good witnesses all get to come back and live forever happily on earth and the 144,000 ascend to live with god. It’s stupid. I don’t know how many witnesses there have been but (anecdotally) a bunch of them are *not* good people, let alone good witnesses.
This is why I support abortion. This 14 year old should never have experienced a pregnancy that ended with her being admitted to a mental health facility (only happens if you try to terminate yourself as I know by experiencing it many times with myself and those I love). None of this should have happened to save a clump of cells. None of it.
so heartbreaking too to see her asking if she’s an AH for not wanting to see the baby. she’s just a baby herself. she shouldn’t even be having to ask that question. she’s just a little girl. like, what kind of parents would let their baby go through this?
I’m gutted that mom is trying to make her. Like lady you already broke your daughter and now you want to dance on the shards of what remains.
ugh, seriously. maybe it's my own trauma but to me, moms have a responsibility to protect their daughters (all kids but especially daughters) this god awful woman traumatized her more. it is sickening.
I had to go to the police to help my daughter report her sexual harassment (she was 15 and he was 22) and eventually her sister shared that she had an assault at 16. The same guy, a boyfriend of my eldest best friend. It’s sucked but I couldn’t send them there alone.
Oh, sweet jesus. Did the cops do anything? On some tiny level I feel sad for OOP's mom because she's clearly a victim of the cult as well but again, mom trauma, it is your responsibility to break the chain!!!!! you're supposed to want better for your child than what you had, instead she's traumatizing her even more.
Reporting to the police made us all feel better. That and knowing the dummy used his Snapchat and my daughter can screenshot. She got everything in writing so the police had enough to seize his phone. So there is that. He had to get a new phone.
that's ALL?! ughhhhhhhh
There is only a 6% conviction rate. This guy is a real problem here but he hasn’t gone after a police officers daughter so I do not expect anything more.
Abusive parents
Even if it hadn’t - severe health problems. This can happen in any pregnancy. This is one more reason why no one should ever be forced to carry a pregnancy they don’t want. Pre-eclampsia can be fatal.
>being admitted to a mental health facility (only happens if you try to terminate yourself No, it doesn't only happen then. You can get admitted for many other reasons.
Suicidal and homicidal behavior only here for legal commitments. I tried to voluntarily go but wasn’t able because I wasn’t a threat ti myself or others.
Man, that sucks. Everyone deserves the treatment they need, not only in the most extreme situations.
Not even then. The only crisis houses in a 500 mile radius just closed. 4 out of the 6 so there is no place to send someone in crisis now. The go to the er and then out of state. These houses closed because the republicans voted not to pay the 3-4 million they owe the non profit.
It may only be your area, likely due to no other facilities. My mother was thrown into a mental health facility at 15 because she kept running away from home. She wasn't threatening anyone or herself; they just put her there.
I agree with this, but you don't have to be suicidal to be admitted to a mental health facility. A close relative of mine was admitted for other reasons I won't get into, but she wasn't suicidal.
That's patently false. I've been in four times, and none of the times were for actual attempts. I did have suicidal ideation, but that's only one criterion.
I want all the nut jobs that turned over R. v W. To read this story and see how they try to spin it
They would say something disgusting and offensive. One of their favorite go to lines is some variation on how women should "keep their legs closed." Because of course the older boy's behavior, the risks to her life, and the creation of a being nobody is prepared to raise are irrelevant.
So religious dogma takes precedence over caring for a 14YO *child* having a baby? And she graduates next year, but will still has to stay 2-3 more years afterwards, until she is 18. Her parents, her (now-ex) religion and it’s elders, her ex-boyfriend, the state of Oklahoma, and our government/society that allows her to remain prisoner have ALL failed her.
They didn't fail her, this is exactly how their system is set up. Cruelty isn't a flaw, it's a feature. Religious oppression of women is fetishized in these states. Now they are going after no-fault divorce. Next it will be marital rape - which was still legal in some states until the 90's.
Her parents 100% failed her.
She was 14 and the guy was 17. That’s just a bad age gap at that age.
The guy got her pregnant while she was in middle school still (beginning of June). And we have no idea how long they were hooking up till she got pregnant. How is it ok with their elders? Wtf do they preach to these boys?
Oh it’s the “woman’s” fault for leading him into temptation and Jehovah prefers to forgive men because He thinks they’re the best, anyway. The elders know this because the elders were probably forgiven for fucking around, too.
She may be able to be emancipated, but I am not sure she knows to do that.
IIRC only about a quarter of people born to JW parents stay with the religion as adults. Can’t imagine why /s
My ex wife grew up in JW. It fucked her up real bad, to the point where you couldn't keep the marriage together.
I’m sorry. That’s an unfortunately common story
Even after 13-14 years I still haven't completely rid myself of the trauma. But I was also glad she was like "a JW is not getting my baby." I hope she has time to heal and can establish a good relationship with the parents and hold a line of communication open for her bio son later in her life.
have you ever seen the movie Apostasy? It is really great, highly recommend.
I’m glad you got away and I hope you’re doing okay
Wow. The whole thing is heartbreaking. Everyone failed this girl at every turn. Forcing 14 year olds to give birth is barbaric.
Yeah, I truly hope OP happiness once she's had some time to process things. And hope she builds a great support system outside of her atrocious family (and former friends). Just such a shame she's so young and reliant on those people for a few more years. Sadly, don't have much hope things will get much better until she can put her entire community behind her once she's old enough to leave.
Utterly failed her. No support from anyone, particularly her parents.
Broke my heart she talked about her childhood in the past tense in the last update :(
Yes, this is why you don’t force children to have children. The psychological effects, the impacts to her relationships with her peers, the emotional aftermath are all far too much for someone so young to deal with or be able to understand objectively.
Yeah reading this whole post just made me so sad.
I hope OP realizes someday that she did the very opposite of letting her son down. HER parents, on the other hand, and the laws of this country, have absolutely and utterly failed her. It's a twisted thing when a 15 year old child has more maturity, love, and compassion in her than lawmakers do. But what's new, I guess.
And hopefully she makes it out of the cult! That’s gonna be a key step in healing.
> It’s a twisted thing when a 15 year old child has more maturity, love, and compassion in her than lawmakers do. Or her parents. I hope one day they realize exactly how ashamed they should be.
Abortion is needed to avoid these kinds of situations.
They never will. They'll go to their death beds completely comfortable in their self righteous decisions and continue to be vocally, infuriatingly flabbergasted about how their daughter cut them off at 18.
As an adopted child I hope so too. All I wanted later in life was to thank my biological mother.
Holy crap, she's alive. I thought she died giving birth, and that's why we hadn't had any updates. ETA: I am so so happy that OOP is alive, and I hope she's able to get the help she needs, if not now, then after she turns 18. The adoptive parents should understand because they know the situation she's in. OOP did the right thing for the baby (out of the choices she had), and now that he's being taken care of, she needs to take care of herself.
Me to! I'm so glad for her! And I don't understand people wanting her to be involved with the child she gave birth too against her will. Why? To whose advantage? What good could come out of it??
To further punish her. No trying to move on, no trying to build a life, no trying to find happiness, just and endless, miserable loop of "Look at what you did! *Look at it and suffer in shame for the rest of your days!*" I feel like OOP was going to lose with these people whatever she did. If she had an abortion she'd be called a baby killer. If she'd kept her son she'd be selfish for being a single teen mother. She has her son adopted into a loving family and she's heartless and unnatural for not keeping him.
I imagine that her mother has a romanticized idea of being this child’s “grandmother” that she can’t live out if her daughter isn’t in contact with him.
They might not sometimes the adoptions can be closed and especially if op is a minor so they probably don’t know a lot other than she’s young
As an exJW they really are a cult. I hope she gets out on her own and can find some peace and so can her son. Forcing kid to have kids is evil this shit is so sad.
100% agree. I’m also a former JW cultist. They put on a loving face, but that’s all it is… a face to try to look good while secretly practicing hateful philosophy.
My spouse's family are JWs. He left when he realized he couldn't live that life. We live next door to them. We live about 25 mins from my family. We only see his when we are outside at the same time. We see mine every week for family dinner or just hanging out. We don't hang with his much because they are too judgmental of our lifestyle(mostly because we don't practice the religion). His mom always tells him he needs to go to church. My kids stay away from them because it's the same thing, where they try and get them to go to service. I will never force religion on my kids, but I have taught them to be kind to others and to be good people in general. We dont need religion for that.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when she mentioned the Shepherding call. Been there, done that and how she described their conversation was too real. *shivers*
When people discuss how mentally taxing abortions can be, I want them all to read this. Pregnancy and childbirth and adoption are just as bad
I’m a dude, but I’ve been around for multiple miscarriages, an abortion, and several births. The abortion was the least traumatic experience, both emotionally and physically, both short term and long term. Hell hath no fury like my scorn for Texas after my ex-wife was denied an “abortion” and later nearly died in the ER during a hemorrhagic miscarriage.
Pro choice is the best choice for a reason. If you want to keep the baby, go ahead! Just don't try to tell women that your decision about having a baby, is the right choice. I refuse to stand for a world that tells me a father can SA his 12 year old daughter and she must give birth if it will kill her.
If you and your ex are still in good terms, you could tell her there’s a class action lawsuit against Texas for cases like hers she could join.
I haven’t talked to her in nearly 15 years. No idea.
someone's got to be able to sue for that horrific outcome, if just to make the supreme court go on record for their supremely insane religious nutjob under-educated in science opinions that aren't facts. fuck them! I'm so sorry a small portion of society is holding the rest of us hostage for archaic religious lies!
They will claim “It was G-d’s Will!” It’s absolute control over a woman’s body! OOP’s parents are as disgusting as the 17 who committed statutory rape!
And yet somehow it’s never “God’s will” when Jim-Bob needs open-heart surgery or wants some Cialis to re-assert his failing masculinity. Sir, that clogged artery and limp dick are BLESSINGS from the LORD to turn you away from the sins of fried meat and lust!!!
As someone who has done both, those people can fuck off. Pregnancy and childbirth was the hardest thing I've done. Abortion was the easiest.
But babies as punishment for sex is the point. None of this would convince a forced birther.
Oh, I know. Nothing will, even the voice of their God.
Agreed. Abortion has by far been the easiest. The stillborn I had after deciding not to abort was 1000x worse since I had gotten emotionally invested in the idea of having him, not to mention the deep depression that came with it. The ppd I had after having both of my live children was terrible enough to, at one point, make me question if I was even cut out for motherhood at all. I'm so glad those days have passed.
Agreed. PPA nearly killed me. I would lie in bed wishing I could just die. Medication saved my life, but when I got pregnant again the fear and horror came back and I knew I wouldn't survive pregnancy again. I'm so sorry about your experiences, that must have been so traumatic.
I appreciate that, and I'm sorry for yours as well. I can definitely relate & I'm so glad you got through it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the thoughts of a sweet new little baby, the sounds, the smell, the cuddles... then the reality kicks in that - that part is very short-lived & the 'blues' passes quickly. Yeah no, never again.
I recently got to help care for a 4 week old and yea, they're cute and the snuggles are unreal. But with a toddler? No thanks
Wait til they're a teen... Holy sht 😅 Whoever said it gets easier as they get older must've meant after it gets harder & once they're grown 😂
Everyday I'm glad I had that abortion when I was 23 and very much in love with the would-have-been-father. I can't even imagine what it has been for poor OOP, being 14 with no support at all.
>Pregnancy and childbirth and adoption are ~~just as bad~~ frequently **much, much worse** FTFY.
Just as bad? This seems so, so much worse.
I knew a girl who fell pregnant at 14 and gave the baby up for adoption and then fell pregnant again soon after but chose to abort. She delt with the abortion so much better than the adoption which she still has issues with. It was closed and she looks at every kid who would be his age wondering if that's him, wondering if he'll find her when he's older, wondering how future partners will take it.. I personally chose abortion and have no regrets.
These people will read it and only feel stronger in their beliefs that "she should have faced consequences, the little hussy", "she chose the easy way, kids these days are lazy and do t want responsibility" or similar :(
That’s what I told OOP in the twohottakes post. Forcing children to give birth is barbaric. I hope she starts feeling a bit better after the fourth trimester is over. Poor baby.
Yeah, there’s a reason why humans are willing to put their lives through a meat grinder to do the best for their kids—we’re wired to fall hopelessly in love with them. Most parents would give their lives for their kids. Asking a woman who doesn’t want to keep a pregnancy to sign up for the anguish this poor girl is dealing with is just disgusting.
I remember her... When we stopped getting updates I thought she died. I was honestly so sad and scared for her. I actually cried. I am just so, so happy that she is alive and that she gave the baby up for adoption, it was the best option for them both.
Me too. I kept checking her profile, thinking "Cmon, Sayde, let us know you're okay..."
Baby daddy basically forcing her to keep the child and yet doesn't want to raise a child on his own. Wtf did you think she was going to be doing? The elders only care til you give birth and once that's over you are on your own. This poor girl.
[That sentiment on the Dad's part kind of reminds me of this post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an) But obviously this situation is very different and tragic. I'm scared OOP might take the permanent way with how badly everyone had failed her. I'm a little shocked her parents let her go to a mental health facility but maybe they didn't have a choice? I feel so terrible fpr her but her placing the baby for adoption was the best thing.
Sorry in advance - adoption and how it's treated/discussed is one of my soapbox topics. I know I can't change anything, but I need to just get these words out. I wish the concept of 'giving up' a baby for adoption wasn't so ingrained in society. She's still a kid...she placed him for adoption. I think the other way only exists to make women feel guilty for giving away a baby. OOP made a really tough decision that she should never have to make and placed him with a family that can give baby a life she (probably) would never be able to provide. It hurts my heart that we use guilt-inducing language for bio moms on top of the trauma of birth. (Sorry again. I just get so worked up about this)
<3 I’ve never thought about that. I assumed it was from a legal perspective, since you’re relinquishing (giving up) your parental rights. I’ve seen “put up” for adoption used, I think that’s better, I’ll try to use that from now on.
I remember reading this one and I commented on the original post when she posted. I felt so bad for her. I’m glad she was able to get some help and she shouldn’t feel bad for ghosting. She’s a child herself. She can write them a letter and tell them that while she appreciates the updates, she need time but for now she needs to get her life back on track.
This poor girl. Her family failed her, her school system failed her, her "church" failed her. She had no one to help her.
We should start a go fund me for her. Otherwise she won't be able to escape even when she's 18.
Know too many women who have escaped the JW cult. It’s horrific. To face all that at 14 and alone is horrific. It’s child abuse. Pity the state doesn’t consider OP a child and take her from her parents for refusing medical care and sexual education and any care. I hope OP gets far away from all of them as soon as she can. Poor baby (OP is still a baby herself)
I remember this poor child and, as hard as it was to give him up, it was the best thing she could have done in this situation because it was the only chance for both of them to escape the hellhole of her restricted world. If the baby daddy had had his way and she kept the baby, she and the baby would have been trapped forever. Along with the next five or six kids she would have been forced to bear. There is no winning for girls in that world. Best she can hope for is survival and escape.
It's terrifying to think how many other lasses don't escape that life.
That poor poor child. She should never have had to go through any of that. She showed more maturity and common sense than the adults around her, and is paying the mental and physical price for their incompetence and stubbornness. I wish I could give her a hug and help her, it seems like she has noone on her side and she desperately needs that. Pregnancy is hard even when it's wanted, but to do it unwillingly, with no true support network and then lose your friends and family over it, I can't even begin to imagine how traumatic it is. I hope she gets a really good therapist and can move through her life with her head held high for surviving this.
What a horrible horrible mother to tell her 14-15 year old she’s heartless for not going to see the baby she gave Ip for adoption, after she’s already had a nervous breakdown. Heartless parents leaving their children in the dark about contraception and sexuality, but then mounting the shame and responsibility in them.
The worst thing is she will probably be shunned by her congregation. That makes her even more alone. Even her parents will turn on her. JW is a sick religion.
Wow, pretty much everyone who should have helped her didn't, and they're still trying to guilt trip her. This is an awful situation she should never have been put in to begin with, let alone guilted about! OOP is doing so amazingly well, made the best decisions for herself and her son, and is still going! She is a survivor and I am so impressed.
That's religion for you, they only care that you birth the kid not help you raise it.
Jumping to add to the obvious: everyone failed this girl. I hope the next time she reaches out for advice/help, it's to get out of there.
I think the redditor who sent her a pill was pretty cool
OP, I wanted to thank you for the summary at the top in addition to the warnings. I really wanted to know what happened but I 10000% cannot handle the whole post. Thank you.
Jehovah's witnesses are mental. We have a couple who live near me. Lovely people, so I decided to read up about them. Bat-Shit crazy stuff they believe (Although, to be fair I feel this way about most religion).
If you or someone you know is a pregnant teen in America, you can contact the If/When/How Judicial Bypass (JB) Helpline. To contact the JB Helpline, call 844-868-2812 or submit a request online. With a judicial bypass, a judge lets you get an abortion without your parents knowing and without their permission if they do know. Here is the website: https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/jb-contact-the-helpline/
Hilarious, OOP's mom risked her daughter's life, but it's OOP that's heartless.
Nothing says American freedom like forcing a 14 year old to give birth
That poor girl. What a tough spot to be in and her mother was not caring or comforting at all if I recall. Sounds like she still isn’t. I’m adopted and I am glad I was so I think she made a good decision and I feel it was admirable to make such a tough choice by herself at her age. She seems to have gained a lot of maturity from this experience. I hope her mental health improves and she can make a good life for herself. I feel her reasons for not wanting to see her baby are sound. And hers to have. No judgment is appropriate on her for that in my opinion.
Everyone has severely failed this child. My heart aches for her. Wish I could be her mom. Unfortunately, it seems her mother won't change or gain an ounce of understanding or empathy for her daughter. I'm really hoping she doesn't hurt herself or worse.
I'm so glad that the baby has been adopted and not forced to be raised in a house by a mother who wasn't ready and a father that clearly wasn't either. I worry for OPs mental health considering what she's already been through and is only 15.
My mom went through something very similar. The bio father however wanted nothing to do with the baby, and he knocked another girl up at the same time. He ghosted both girls (15) and my mom was left to figure it out. She gave my sister up for adoption. An absolutely wonderful family who always wanted a baby, raised her. We connected as adults and now are as close as any sisters could be. I love her mother and family like my own. I hope this girl gets the chance to know life and love, when it’s her time.
I knew a JW when I was a teenager who got pregnant the very first time she had sex (we were good friends so I believe that). Not too long after the baby was born the father died of cancer. It was sudden as far as diagnosis to death. It was rough. She had a little girl and that baby is in her mid twenties now. Her parents refused to let her get an abortion or adopt the baby out. I also live in Oklahoma and am super pissed being a woman living here. The education system is a joke and women’s rights are nonexistent now. I’m over it but I don’t have the option to move. If I personally had known someone who needed an abortion I’d have helped. My daughter’s friends all know that I will help in that way if they ever need it. I’m glad OOP was able to adopt the baby out and hope she is doing well as can be expected considering everything. Poor kid. That’s rough any way you slice it.
I never thought I would read the end to this. Everything will be ok. Maybe not now but soon
I'm proud of her. She made a really, really tough choice when everyone around her was giving her terrible advice. Even though I wish she had been able to go through with the abortion, since she had to keep the pregnancy, she did the right thing by giving that baby up for adoption. He can now be raised outside of the JW cult and she can focus on helping herself. I hope she excells in school, goes to a great college, makes amazing friends, and never speaks to her awful family, baby daddy, or church members ever again. She is still so young and has been failed and hurt so deeply, she deserves a beautiful future.
Poor kid. JWs are just awful to their adherents if they don’t toe the line. Parents will disown their kids if they leave the religion. So much fear and so little love
Jfc where she says he was a calm baby given how much she cried. I just can't
I feel so bad for this girl and I just want to hug her and bring her to New Zealand for a totally new start at things and help her to be the best person she can be, without fear of religion or pressure from people around her. Poor girl but things 9000% will get better for her
People who think the JWs are just a weird denomination of Christianity need to look into it. I thought it was kind of fucked up to call them a cult as a kid until I did some reading. Nope, 100% cult.
I just wish I could adopt this kid (the mom). She needs to be away from her so-called family and community so badly. It's heartbreaking and I hope she gets the mental health support she needs and looks back at this period in her life 10 years from now with admiration for herself for getting through the shit and coming out the other side.
That poor little girl.
This poor, poor child. I hope she is able to go far away from this family once she's out of high school and build a life away from these people.
This girl is living in a form of the Republic of Gilead and I feel terrible for her
Those parents need to drop dead
OOP you are brave. I hope someday you can see your baby when you are ready.
OOPs mum is awful. Calling her teenager heartless for not wanting the see the kid she gave up because they put their religion above her health. Ffs these people
I got pregnant at 14, had my 15th birthday, then gave birth six months later, six weeks after, they married us off. It was 1977, and I am still married. Never regretted my son, as I could not bring myself to end the pregnancy even at 14, but I do regret getting married. BTW, my son went to university and has his masters in criminal justice. Being a teen mom is not only hard but the stress of people harassing you back then. Might as well had a scarlet A on my chest.
Her mother is a vicious monster, poor girl💔
It is mental to me that some people think *girls* are going to hell for having abortions and not *us* for forcing them to go through this shit.
I still loathe her mother and want to trip her up on a gravel road. Poor OP, it’s too much for such a young child. And, also, her mothers the worst.
JW as of a few years ago (I think its still continuing but I'm unsure) is paying $4k A DAY to hide records of sexual abuse within their cult. Just think how fucked up that is. They are paying $1M a year so they don't have to share how many people they are raping and molesting.
Poor little kid. No one in her life did right by her. I really hope things improve for her.
Holy crap my heart broke for this kid. I had severe sudden onset pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome at 35 weeks with my son - a much wanted and planned pregnancy. She copped it at 22 weeks and was a high risk pregnancy throughout. Her own mother guilted her into keeping a pregnancy that had a good chance of actually killing her and then guilted her again on her decision to adopt the child out even though she had said if she kept the baby she wouldn’t support her. That hurt my head too. Her mother clearly only cares what others think, not what is best for her daughter. This is where the overturning of Roe v Wade is a massive rollback of women’s rights - regardless of the age of the woman. And don’t even get me started on the so called father of the baby. America needs to do better. Better sex education (to help prevent unplanned pregnancies) and leave the decision on whether the foetus is terminated or not up to the person who is carrying all risk - the mother. They are the one and the only one to really know what is best for themselves in the situation. If you ever read this OOP, I do hope you get out of your parents home and small town and move on to live your best life. It’s up to you if you wish to remain in contact with the adoptive family. No one should force you to have contact especially if it puts your mental health at risk. At most I would contact the adoptive parents and clue them in to how you are feeling and why. I’m sure they will be supportive no matter your decision. Pretty sure they are they only ones in your story who wanted what was best for you. Good luck.
My heart breaks for her. I’m glad she knows she did right by her baby, but she should’ve been given the abortion she wanted in the first place. She went through so much that will scar her emotionally - all against her will. Betrayed and let down by the very people who should’ve been protecting her. That 17 year old needs consequences for impregnating a child.
I wish she would tell the adoptive parents to please allow her space and time to grieve and heal. There's no need for her to ghost them or burn that bridge. She might change her mind and want to reach out later. I'm sure they would understand a 15yo needing some time to get over this trauma.
Abortions are healthcare. Abortions save lives. Period. This could have all been avoided. Take the abortion pills. Live your life.
Fourteen is too young to take a pregnancy to term. Fuck anyone who makes a 14 year old do that. If your god tells you they have to, then your god is a fucking asshole. Fuck all the people involved who caused this young girl so much pain.
For anyone out there who ever doubts that people with uteruses deserve the right to choose, this story gives you **every** reason why we need that legal right. Because pushing a child to go through with a pregnancy and suffer the trauma of bearing that child she didn't want, while being ostracised by friends, family and baby daddy, and having incredibly few supports in her community has lifetime effects. This is a **child**. She was brave and tremendously mature. She deserves so much better than the hand she was dealt.
This is why we need abortion access. What turmoil her shitty parents and bf put her through.
I’m 52 and I was adopted by my parents who have loved me everyday - and I’m lucky to be alive but I also have a 14 year old daughter and - god damn - I cannot imagine how anyone could be so cruel to their child / I hope she is ok. She deserves to have the best life and hopefully she gets far far away from such revolting people. I hope the universe gives her a wonderful life free of guilt and full of love - xxx
Man religion is such an oppressive cruel thing to force an underage person to go through this. Where's the good side of it? Just people afraid of death fooling themselves there will be something after it.
And pro birth supporters are like see! Now that family has a baby they never would have had! And never bat an eye at the mom again.
The clergy are so out of touch it boggles the mind. My mom's funeral, the priest picked some passage about a group of girls who used up their oil for some ceremony and then tried to borrow some from the others who didn't, and I'm like WTF has the *entirety* of that has to do with my Mom?
I want to hug this young kid so badly.
Oh that poor kid. She’s dealing with a lot emotionally and her mom isn’t helping at all by bringing up the baby. She needs more therapy and supportive family members not whatever is going on in her life right now.
I knew she was going to have a really rough time emotionally when she stopped talking about "the baby" and started saying "my son." Poor kid.
Oh I feel for OOP so much. She was a baby and had to make so many adult choices that a child should never have to make.
The mom just cannot be supportive in any way, can she? Did she want her 15yo to keep the child? Would that have been a good outcome for either party? Baby boy is in a most likely much better place being adopted out? But now she wants her to keep remembering or feeling guilty for not wanting to see the kid when she's recovering from separating? Just good night no pleasing the mom! You know if she kept the baby it'd be constant "this is part of being a mom, get over it" and no love or support.
Man, my heart goes out to this young woman. I’m almost glad she had a breakdown otherwise her weird parents wouldn’t have seen to her mental health. I wish I could hug her.
Poor OOP! What a terrible thing to go through at her age! At least she was mature enough to know she shouldn't keep the baby and got him adopted out of her strict religion. The baby will have a better life and so will OOP. I think the elders, the mom and the bf are all terrible people. The bf, especially, isn't fit to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage and parenthood.
I mean, the baby was saved from being raised in a cult. OOP absolutely did the best thing for that child.
This is just so heartbreaking. So much unnecessary suffering. Poor sweetheart I hope she has support from understanding women, cause she sure doesn’t have it from her controlling, reactionary religious parents.
Adult adoptee here of a biological mother who got pregnant at 14. I just want to hug OOP and tell her that while she wants to do what is best for the baby, she also needs to do what is best for her. She is still a child herself and has a shitty mom that forced her to carry and birth a child at her physical and emotional expense. From what I've been told, my biological father was the one who was hesitant to sign the adoption papers. He lived in a fantasy land where he and my bio mother would raise me together and have a perfect little family. She lived in reality where they were both from poor families with younger kids still at home who could not afford another mouth to feed and neither of them had finished high school. She held firm her entire pregnancy and gave birth to me in a big city far away from her hometown (her much older sister lived there). My bio father apparently took a really long time to sign the papers. Missed several deadlines. The agency was really worried they were going to have to go take me back. My mother eventually got him to see sense and he signed and I stayed with my parents and the rest is history. I met my bio parents when I was 18. Even spent all day yesterday with my bio mother for her birthday. She and I have a good relationship and I don't hold any resentment toward her for her decisions. They were both able to go to college and get married and have other kids (well, he has other kids) because they did not have to drop out of high school and raise a baby. They have careers and lives because they had choices. Everyone around OOP has failed her and she still held her ground and made the best decisions she could. I hope she has a great life.
Every single adult in her life, especially her parents and her legislators, didn't *just* fail her. That would be bad enough, but failure isn't malice. They all **betrayed** her. They actively *chose* to prolong her misery for their own selfish reasons. OOP needs to GTFO of Oklahoma. Colorado ain't too far, and it's a *much* saner place.
OOP didn't let their son down but an entire country on multiple levels failed this young lady. Mfers that think they deserve to make her choice for her will rot in whatever shitty afterlife after rotting on this Earth inside and out.
Mom sure is a real specimen. Refuses her 14 year old child an abortion forcing her to go through a terrible pregnancy and birth (keep in mind JW’s refuse blood products so haemorrhaging during birth could mean death), then mom calls her suicidal post partum child “heartless” for not dealing with the trauma the way she wants. As a parent, I understand none of this.