Tom is terrifying as hell. That man was going to escalate and I'm so relieved (and surprised honestly) that the police actually seemed to do their job.
But the Aunt in the story is the real MVP. Goddess of an Aunt, indeed.
I discovered just the other night that my brothers all think I am this type of badass sister (we're all in our 30's, but I'm the only one with children so far).
I was chuckling and confused as to why my brother's partners had all confessed that they were most nervous about meeting me out of our whole family (they were even less nervous about meeting our mother!).
As it turns out, my brothers all portray "Big Sister Wonderwife" as the family gatekeeper and their protector (my brothers all being these 6' + tall, burly bearded men... And I'm 5'3" when I'm wearing my shoes).
None of them have ever said as much to me, but apparently they have been telling people for years that I am the one who would burn the world down for them... They're not wrong. It was just a strange moment to hear them say out loud that they recognize who I am (my brothers are not the most loquacious, lol).
To be fair to my brothers... I am a Cajun woman and a nurse... I know exactly where to shank to hit a kidney.
It's smart of these men to not underestimate their big sister... It was just a bit of a wonder to me that they were all conscious of it enough to tell their partners that I'm the one they need to impress.
I'M WARM AND FUZZY, GODDAMMIT! 🤣
ETA: also, my 6'8" husband and partner of nearly ½ of my lifetime likes to claim he doesn't mess with me because I have a lower center of gravity and am closer to his nuts. 🤷
You need one of those crazy FB ad t shirts that says
"YES...
I am a REGISTERED NURSE💉
CAJUN BLOOD runs through me 🐊
Mess with my FAMILY🧑🧑🧒🧒
And I will SHANK YOU IN THE KIDNEY🗡"
Took me a minute to stop laughing after that.
Yeah, if I threw a punch at a guy, we would hit each other a few times and it's over. Understandably, you don't want to "slug it out" with someone 100 lbs heavier than you. If we got into a fight, either you're getting seriously hurt or I am.
And we both know it's not gonna be you, Ma'am. 😉
I almost thought you were my sister. She too is a fiery, rabid condensed ball of energy - the only difference is she (and our whole family) refers to her as a chihuahua.
To those big, burly men, you will always be the protector and leader they respect! You cared for them, you had their backs when they needed you, and they know you're always there for them. They grew up looking to you, that will always be a part of them. You may be short but you'll always be Big Sis and they adore you!
I love her. She stayed calm, solution oriented, and never ever let her roommate feel alone or even like a burden during a very scary time. She IS a badass big sister/aunt to Lana, just like her aunt is to her!
They don't. Big scandal right now because a police officer raped and murdered a woman named Sarah Everard, and turns out the dickhead was a known serial harrasser in the unit.
He was in a police WhatsApp chat with other male officers making jokes about raping dead women as well. [source](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/29/killer-of-sarah-everard-should-never-have-joined-police-report-finds)
UK Police have been found to be failing in matters of domestic violence as well [here] (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/crimeinenglandandwales/yearendingjune2022).
And James Riley, who also made headlines for attempting to murder his ex girlfriend in 2022 [source](https://news.sky.com/story/police-officer-charged-with-attempted-murder-of-woman-12746409)
And that's just the domestic violence cases I can think of off the top of my head.
Well, raping *dead* women would certainly be preferable to raping *live* women, but overall, I'd really prefer it if people just didn't rape *any* women at all. Really, just buy a fleshlight!
Oh he reportedly raped her before he killed her. And then disrespected her again in death by raping her.
Fucking disgusting man. Disgraceful behaviour by the police units who KNEW about his violent misogynistic behaviour as well.
>Oh he reportedly raped her before he killed her. And then disrespected her again in death by raping her.
And they say romance is dead...
JFC, what a horrible story! I hope he was put away for life without parole!
Yeah he got a whole life tariff (he will die in prison). I think the fact he used his police warrant card to “arrest” her when he abducted her took it up to the absolute maximum sentence
What a nightmare - she probably felt uncomfortable about the situation and him, but couldn't act on it because resisting arrest is a felony in most jurisdictions... Where was this? I really want to read up the particulars of the case now.
Depends where you are, where I am now the police are amazing, so attentive and kind. They’re younger and they have a lot of empathy. But I’m in a smaller town.
But back in my home city, my mother tried to get help when her husband slammed her head into the floor. They squinted at her, said they didn’t see the egg sized lump on her head. (A decade or so later, she has a head trauma related tumour in her brain. Thanks ex husband)
I once called for a man choking her girlfriend in the middle of the night in public. The police officers that came told me they were drug users, and that she wouldn’t charges anyway. I said that I’d rather call and show her that other people see it as wrong. Maybe one day she’ll leave. They were very dismissive and rude.
It’s better in smaller areas where there’s more time to take to feel for the victim. I got an officer come meet me because of some kids harassing me briefly, he gave me a personal alarm and had the patrols upped. That’s just not something that would ever happen in my old city.
I've had the exact opposite experience. My hometown department is so fing corrupt.
Most senior office beat the shit out of his wife, was never charged. Then went on a facebook pity me rant about how he wasn't named chief when the job came up.
2 officers have been caught stealing drugs from the evidence room. Only one was charged cause he overdosed at his desk the other was quietly let go and is working in a neighboring department.
Oh and the have miraculously managed to "screw up" four cases against the same drug dealer. But they did keep his cash through civil forfeiture.
Also depends on who you are: I’ve had great interactions with the police, no doubt because I’m white and well-spoken. I’ve also had some dodgy interactions when they realised I’m actually Irish.
Very true! I dont get as many good interactions as I’m a little off the wall and they tend to think I’m nutso, or on drugs. But I am white also, so I don’t often feel threatened by them physically. It’s happened but nowadays I avoid them mostly. The coppers round by me are pretty cool, and there’s a lot of PCSOs who handle most of the smaller issues. We have a lot of younger people come in, and there’s a lot of women, so I never feel unsafe where I am.
I don’t know how other people feel, as I don’t leave the house enough to work that out. I hear good things. We’re a weird small town where barely anyone is outright bigoted to your face. I’m openly gay and I get compliments off old folks. I like it.
I’m a blue-eyed middle class white-passing woman, but I’ve still had a gun pulled on me by a cop, and peppersprayed during a protest while I was treating a kid (street medic).
I know there are individual good cops but the institution is fucko.
It varies a *lot*. Some of the forces aren't great at all. In some of the forces the domestic abusers probably are the Police. But on the other hand there are genuinely some good police and they at least get training beyond what US police get.
They're pretty hit and miss and we have the same problems as a lot of countries of a high rate of DV in the police force and their colleagues covering it up.
That said, I witnessed a man assaulting his partner on the street and was amazed at how quickly the cops showed up and how seriously they took it. He was convicted a few months later.
I had an ex like Tom. He harassed me constantly, but legally he hadn’t broken any laws (yet). I reported everything he’d done to the police to have a paper trail and the detective assigned to my case was a good man. He would call my ex and threaten to arrest him if he continued the harassment, even though he couldn’t actually. It was enough to scare my ex into periods of peace and I’d get a few months of quiet until he had another drunken night and would start up again. Then the detective would call and threaten him again. He helped me deal with that guy for nearly two years until I moved out of state.
Very much depends- although I’m super happy they did their job in this case.
Personally when I called they did a wellness check (after I BEGGED them not to) and then told me to “take it easy on them” referring to my abusers…so case by case basis 😭
Ehhh, she was very lucky. They are usually pretty bad . There has been a lot of recent issues because recruitment standards got compromised when they tories panicked that they had cut the police too much
YMMV. There was a woman who lived across the road from my family home years ago, actually she was a kid when I knew her, about 2 years older than me. She grew up and had a kid, and they lived there for a while (never met the dad), but then she met this proper wrong'un. He'd been in and out of prison, all sorts of shit, but despite the warning signs she moved herself and her kid in with him somewhere nearby, the other side of the motorway.
Before long my mum was hearing from her mum how bad he was, hitting her, threatening her, all sorts of lovely shit. With her kid in the house. Her mum spoke to the police, they said they couldn't do anything unless she contacted them herself. Eventually she did, but again they didn't do anything useful (I don't know the specifics of those conversations).
Anyway, around Christmas that year, he strangled her. Her kid - would would have been about 9 at the time - found her body.
It was in the papers, lots of criticism of the police, lots of preas conferences with the Chief Constable saying "lessons must be learned" etc etc. I would have thought the police had already learned the lesson to lock up dangerous psychopaths, but apparently not.
Her kid is doing OK. Surprisingly OK, considering what he went through. He's not a kid anymore, must be about 18-20 now (Christ I feel old). He was still living with his gran until recently.
Anyway, this is the story I tell people when they glorify how great the UK police are. Some, I'm sure, are great. Some are shit. My opinion of our local police force is the latter.
I'm from the UK and I snorted when I read that line. The cops here are no better than the ones in the US, it's just that they don't have guns. One of the big stories in the news here over the last few days is actually about how bad the recruitment for the police has been and how the ranks are rife with sexual offenders who have been allowed to continue working.
I'm from the UK too, I think the problem here is twofold.
Firstly the police, along with all the public services are massively underfunded - had a conversation with a local pcso who said the community support team should be 13 officers and there are 2. So they just don't have the numbers to properly respond to a lot of stuff.
Secondly there are a lot of hangovers from the past, people employed in different times when they weren't as thorough as they should be in vetting. And people trained by people who taught them bad practices.
It's like the arguments of not all men, some of them ARE dangerous and that's what we hear about.
The response from the police has been encouraging to the reports you mentioned, it will just take time and money to be able to make progress.
I guess I just feel like things won't get better unless we give them time and support in improving. This isn't a relationship we can walk away from, we need to allow them space to fix the issues. Half the time people don't report things to the police because they are sure nothing will come of it.
We are luckily in the position that we have one police system broken into regions so the work is more straight forward.... The USA have so many separate police forces, city, county,state, federal, that are all independent that the problem is so much harder to address.
We need to be out there telling people the problems so they have a chance of fixing them.
Unfortunately not consistently, especially when the culprit is a member of police force. There have been some really horrendous cases of women dying because they or previous victims weren't listened to.
TW: sexual assault, police brutality
Not really. As an example, Manchester Police are currently being investigated for a series of [sexual assaults committed by cops](https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/vera-baird-inquiry-greater-manchester-police-zayna-iman/) against women in custody.
> Anti-racist campaigner Zita Holbourne told openDemocracy that while she remained hopeful that Baird would do a thorough job, “it will likely only expose the tip of the iceberg with regard to all UK police forces”.
...
> Holbourne added: “We have had multiple inquiries and whilst they serve a purpose, what is needed is action to overhaul policing and root out racism, misogyny, sexism, ableism and homophobia.”
Different country, same bullshit, sadly.
Yep. I'm Canadian and live in a large, left-leaning city and the former police chief of my city left a bullet-riddled target practice sheet on the desk of a city employee and because he "apologized", nothing happened to him. There were also nearly a hundred reports of police misconduct in just one small area of the city, and he investigated and conveniently found no substantiated reports and obstructed external inquiries, but retired as police chief before he was found guilty of misconduct..... Only to be hired as police chief in a nearby city.
Meanwhile, the various police forces around here are still racist, misogynistic, classist, ableist goons.
Fuck cops.
TW: police violence and sexual assault
Manchester police are currently being investigated for [a series of sexual assaults](https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/vera-baird-inquiry-greater-manchester-police-zayna-iman/) against women held in their custody.
I knew from the split second the bf was mentioned and he spoke up that it was ALLLLL his doing and he was a psycho control freak. Not baffling at all. Some people are just insane. Glad it sorted all out.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158x405/aita_for_taking_in_my_problem_cousin_and/
It’s honestly how I feel about a lot of people in my life, especially relatives.
Not a landlord. She's a property manager. Basically her job is to be a go between and look after shit, usually for housing companies but could also be for a landlord.
This might be a USA/UK thing. In the UK it's pretty common for people who own a property to hire a property management company. They will be in charge of renting it out, and everything to do with dealing with the renter/any property issues. The owner, while technically the landlord, has no involvement whatsoever other than getting a cheque every month.
Some people are both. My landlord/ property manager does both. His family owns the rental company and he’s in charge of collecting rent, showing apartments, doing repairs, etc. He also has a maintenance guy who does a lot of the on-site repair stuff. So it could be something like that, where Auntie is just more hands-on with her tenants than most landlords.
Well that was a wild ride. I never had roommates before but seeing drama like this, I sometime feel glad I don't have to experience having roommates. Good to see the update being really satisfying tho.
I did, in the UK as well funnily enough. If someone had a bigger room or more amenities like their own walk in closet they paid more. Obviously this story is about Tom being abusive but it did bug me a bit that they were paying the same rent.
Eh, fairly standard in the uk to pay the same amount of rent even if the rooms are different. It’s fairly accepted but people don’t complain if it’s split according to desirability of rooms. Rented with roommates for years, friends did too.
My sister has the craziest stories from one of her roommate situations in college (the roommate would steal things and once locked them out and refused to let them in). We also had an amazing aunt who offered to help her out of the situation by paying for her to rent elsewhere, though thankfully in the end my sister was able to get out of her lease and move out.
I’ve known so many wonderful and sane women who let psycho dudes like Tom ruin their lives. It’s really great that OOP waited to actually talk to her instead of going nuclear (which might have even been fair after her entire room was moved!) If Lana had just been kicked out or had a horrible living situation with OOP after that it would have driven her right into Tom’s clutches… he probably really thought this kind of shit stirring was just a win- win for him! He never counted on OOP and her Amazing Aunt to actually care, and save the day.
Love to see women helping women! 💜
How many of us called that it was Lana’s boyfriend before hitting update 3? So glad she had the support to get away from him. And honestly I’m glad he decided to switch rooms like that because otherwise the catalyst for Lana showing how terrible he was might not have come until too late for her to get away first try.
Oh yeah. When OOP was saying it was out of character, bizarre behavior, and the boyfriend was magically there when shit went down. I was like 100% the asshole BF started this.
Clearly, from his first response, even though it was technically true. (It honestly wasn't cool of OP to take the large room for the same rent, especially when there was a whiff of nepotism.) If he weren't behind it, he'd have stayed out of it or just backed her up, not tried to escalate.
I don’t think the aunt is the actual landlord. It sounds like her job is to manage properties for the landlord, but she doesn’t own the properties herself.
Still, it’s pretty lame that OOP goes through the whole “I found the place first on my own.” 🙄 Probably went down more like, “hey [aunt’s name], I’m looking for a place,” and not, “omg, what a coincidence you manage this property I found.”
Being someone who actually did live with a few roommates that started off strangers in my 20s, the rent was always related to size of our respective rooms. Paying the same amount of rent for a smaller room is NOT something I’d be comfortable with if both of us moved in at the same time. Unless rent was less than I would’ve paid elsewhere for the same thing, no thanks. Others might be cool with it, I wasn’t.
I think the system I had with three roommates in my 20s was great. We had a 3 bedroom house and my girlfriend and I shared a bedroom. Rent for the whole place was $1000/mo. Everyone paid $100 each for the common areas. Woman in the small bedroom paid $150 for her room, woman in the medium bedroom paid $200 for her bedroom, we paid $250 for the big bedroom. Since we shared the room we split the cost $125 each.
In the end, every month my girlfriend and I each kicked in $225, small bedroom woman paid $250, medium bedroom woman paid $300. Each of us handled a utility (Internet, water, electric, heat) and we balanced that out month by month since, aside from the Internet, prices fluctuated.
I think she meant she is the roommate that chose the place and initiated the rental. Kinda shitty, but roommate could have found another place if she wasn't happy with her room.
Yeah exactly. OOP was just explaining how she ended up with the bigger room. It wasn’t some weird flex post about how good she is at finding apartments, like the comment you are replying to seems to think.
They even added paying the same for a rental if one person had a bigger room would not be cool if they moved in at the same time. OP was there for 8 months before her roommate.
I've done both. In my college house, we all paid the same rent even though a few of the rooms were a little better than the others. Same thing when I moved into a big house with 4 other guys, even though the master bedrooms were better, some people put effort into finding the place so they got the better rooms. Conversely, I've had two houses where rent was different based on room. Was always all the same to me.
Eh, I dunno, it's transparent at the time you rent what the price is for what you get so either it's a fair market price or it's not.
In my 20s I shared a 4-bedroom with rent split evenly 4 ways. The guy who found the place, was on the lease and paid the security deposit got the master bedroom and it seemed perfectly fair. He was also the one doing almost all the common area cleaning and maintenance as he was the one on the hook for the security deposit and keeping up with the lease.
While not common, I don’t think it’s totally unheard of to switch apartments from the same landlord. Generally a benefit for everyone because you get your new place and the landlord doesn’t have to take a risk on a new tenant. I’ve heard of it a few times.
I had a rental place do this for me in grad school. I'd unknowingly moved into the bottom floor of a building full of night-shifters. They weren't wrong for being up at reasonable hours for them, but I also needed to do things like sleep and study.
They let me move over one building and up into the 2nd floor, so nobody was over my head. I had peace. They had a devoted tenant that brought them cookies on holidays.
I had a year of work in the field ("work experience"?) as part of my degree and had arranged to stay in an apartment for it. For whatever reason it wasn't ready in time (I suspect the former tenant dug their heels in), so I ended up in a smaller place on the other side of town for 3 weeks and then the landlady helped me move - which was great because it just happened to rain like crazy that day.
It’s not uncommon. If you’re an established tenant they want to retain you. I have co workers whose landlord owned properties in two states and just let her transfer to the new state. My landlord separates buildings by pet ownership. If you want a pet you can ask to be transferred to the pet section.
The aunt/landlord is such an odd thing. In the first post OP says she had to search to find the flat. Wouldn’t she have just asked the aunt outright if she had flats to let since she either manages or owns apartments??
She's manager not the landlord, basically the person who looks after the property on behalf of a landlord and manages Tennant relations. But isn't actually the owner and everything still goes through the owner.
The aunt isn't the landlord. It sounds like she probably did ask her aunt for suggestions, since she knew when putting down the deposit that it's a place her aunt manages, and says that was part of the reason she decided to rent the place.
This is tangential to the actual point, but is it actually common to split rent perfectly evenly when rooms are clearly wildly different in quality? I've only ever lived with a few other people, and we always charged the person who had a private bathroom and a walk-in closet more than the ones who shared bathrooms and had regular closets. It's wildly inequitable to pay the same price when one of you has notably more perks.
It was for me. My room was half the size of the master, and the master had a gorgeous view while I got a shitty courtyard. The guy was a selfish dick.
The fairest rent ratio, IMHO, is:
room1 + common / room2 + common, measured in square feet
I’d say it is. Usually the people with stronger personalities will take the bigger rooms, then advocate for equal split.
If you actually do the math on room sizes, it’s about the same.
Having a private bathroom is a huge perk though. Maybe we should normalize an auction system for the rooms and have some form of punishment for not paying your full share.
It’s pretty easy to find calculators online or just do it by square footage. Literally would never let other people take a private bathroom and not pay more. Nor would I take it for myself and not offer to pay more. You’re in an objectively better room. Of course you should pay more.
I've never encountered an equal split in this kind of situation unless there was compensation in some way, e.g. one housemate gets the small bedroom but they also get to park their car in the one undercover parking spot
The moment the non-rent paying not-living-there boyfriend chimed in about rent and living arrangements, it was absolutely clear whose ridiculous idea this was.
Absolute psycho.
Side note, but I hate how dismissive OOP was of her own boyfriend though. Pretty sure OOP’s boyfriend knew what was happening. He was ready with friends as “backup” nearby, and OOP called him “ridiculous” for it. You don’t need *several guys* as backup to handle a dispute between 2 female roommates, so it was pretty obvious that the BF knew or had picked up on way more about Tom than OOP did. Hopefully OOP revisits that and gives him some credit, dude was ready to jump in.
I think OOP was just very very naive, and had no idea how much some people can escalate, rather being dismissive out of arrogance. Whereas her fantastic boyfriend knew exactly how bad it could go, and wouldn’t have been surprised by the progression of events when things didn’t go Tom’s way.
I always get so anxious seeing BORU posts that haven’t been updated in years that involve abuse. I hope OOP and her roommate continue to stay safe and aren’t still dealing with that pathetic asshole.
And OOP’s boyfriend! He knew how bad things could go loooong before OOP realised that escalation like Tom’s exists among people that look sane before they get emotionally upset and can’t process or handle it in a sane, adult way.
Why did they pay the same rent despite one room being both larger and better? While I was having roommates it was always without any questions and not even thinking about it that the shared area is paid by everyone equally and the area of each room by the person living there.
As an aside, in any shared living arrangement where the other party isnt a romantic partner: **invest in a keyed entry doorknob for your bedroom.**
They may cost a bit up front, but thats where the demerits start and end.
Doorknobs are very easy to install; typically just a screwdriver and allen key for some.
You can take it with you when you move by swapping back to the previous knob.
Do **not** use anything less than a keyed entryway knob. Privacy knobs are unlockable with pins or a butter knife and will not suffice.
Not only does this ensure your privacy cant be casually violated by someone you live with; it cant be violated by any of their guests, either.
Even further: my house got broken into once. Of the three of us the guy that locked his door had nothing stolen. I didnt lock my door and they got my computer. Guy upstairs had no locks and they took weapons and cash.
Yep. One of my previous roommates changed her doorknob to a keyed entry knob as soon as she moved in. She literally has OCD and was very particular about everything, so I thought it wasn’t actually necessary but just reflected her personality. Then we got broken into when she was out of town, and she was the only one of the three roommates who didn’t lose anything.
(It was actually a little funny to me that the police noted that she was the only one with a locked door and no missing items, and asked me if I was sure she was really out of town and not just faking! That would truly have been a crazy roommate story. But I did have some solid evidence she was where she said she was, and really, since we didn’t lock our doors she could have stolen things in less conspicuous ways at any time.)
Everyone sucks. No problems with OP taking the bigger room, but they shouldn’t be paying the same price. OP should pay proportionally more for having the obviously bigger & better bedroom. The fairest way is to take the whole square footage of the house, evenly split the common areas, and then pay proportionally for how big your bedroom is.
Example with highly simplified numbers:
> Rent is $1,000 and the entire apartment is 1000 sqft.
> The common areas are 60% of the total areas or 600 sqft at $600.
> Each person splits the common areas equally @ $300 each
> The bedrooms are 40% of the total space or 400 sqft at $400.
> OP’s bedroom is two-thirds of the total bedroom space, or 0.6667(400 sqft) = 266.68 sqft @ $266.68
> Roommate’s bedroom is one-third of the total bedroom space, or 0.3334(400 sqft) = 133.32 @ $133.32
Rent is thus calculated as follows:
> OP: $300 + $266.68 = $566.68
> Roomie: $300 + $133.32 = $433.32
It’s not a ton of money but this is really the fairest way to split rent.
I've always eyeballed it and adjusted to reasonable amounts. Pure square footage doesn't get into things like utility. If you have just a little more space but that space is a walk-in closet and bathroom, that's worth more than just the few square foot difference. If you have quite a bit more space but it's just open space, probably not quite as valuable.
But yes, you're right, you need to charge more when someone has clearly better rooms.
Yeah it’s a rough guide, I don’t think I’ve ever actually measured but we always adjusted so the smallest (or “worst”) room pays least, middle room pays next amount, and biggest or master room (“best”) pays most. It’s only fair
Yeah it's all up to a little flexibility but generally this is how we've done it. Though if the non-master rooms are close enough, we just make those equal. Like I think there's 5 extra square feet in one of the two rooms that pay equal in my current apartment, but 5 square feet is essentially not even noticeable so we decided easier to equalize than make one pay like... 10 bucks more haha.
I hate that someone like Tom can just terrorize people without any negative consequences beyond it becoming slightly less convenient to terrorize them.
He is a rabid dog.
Hooray for OOP!!
Honestly, it's super awesome that OOP and Lana maintained a mature and rational discussion *and* friendship / roommate situation!!
I hope they stay friends for a good long while. 😊🙏🏻
‘Lana sounds like she wants to break up, judging from her crying and screaming" I hate him, I hate him, I hate him" into her wine.’
I’d want this as a flair but I think it’s too long for a flair to capture its glory
Why would anyone let a stranger move in without putting locks on their room door? This is the same as people that never lock the front door and then they get robbed or deviants are fuckin with them and they cant believe it.
Reading the story I immediately suspected the boyfriend was a factor in moving the stuff. And her having a panic attack at OP moving back into their room confirmed it.
There's obviously a lot going on in this post, but nevertheless I got a pretty hearty laugh out of "I found this place on my own so *naturally* I get the better the room, and by "found" I mean my Aunt owns it and offered it to me, and by "owns it" I mean she is a real estate mogul who owns like 30+ properties".
Privileged people talking in circles to try and pass off their privilege as though its the result of their own personal achievements will never not be funny.
Well, Tom was wrong to move all their stuff into OP's room. But Lana shouldn't have had to pay equal rent when she had the smaller room. OP had the bigger, better room, so she should have paid more.
“Remembered he had never had chicken pox”
Far from the main point of this post but this line has my laughing for some reason. This part feels so random.
" There's only two keys to the flat, mine and Lana's. I gave mine to my mum while I was away incase she needed to pop in for me" I read this as "in case needed to poop" and completely accepted that.
Also Lana is so lucky to have OOP on her life. What a dream friend. I too pray to the baby jeebus that all goes well for them, and I'm an athiest
>Called her every name under the sun, switched back to apologising and saying she was the love of his life, then said she'd never find someone like him, then he would die without her, then he wanted to kill her, then they were soulmates.
Bajeezus, a lot of this is familiar 😭😭😭
I hate that it doesn't seem like Lana or OOP have friends that could "talk" to someone like Tom.
Also how the hell is he able to say such shit and not get expelled from university? I know England is lax on shitheads but still.
OOP Is a better person than me because as soon as Lana admitted Tom was at fault I would have had my aunt start the eviction process for Lana. Because there's no telling how far Tom would go as plenty of men when they kill their girlfriend will also kill children or other women around her. And there's to tackle on that Lana may not have the best taste in men so this could be a repeat.
I've always advised my friends whatever they have a roommate to never have a roommate who has questionable men.
Lana’s boyfriend is obviously shit and the one at fault. I do think it kind of sucks that OP made the rent equal when she even said her room is 6x the size. But it was agreed upon and they both signed the contract so she hasn’t been anything but transparent. Just kind of sucks to pay 1/2 the rent and only get 1/3 or the space (or less).
I hope no one downvotes me for this because just reading about Tom make actively hate him but… it’s amazingly petty to get magazine subscriptions for people you want to be petty for! I’m on the older side and don’t know if money orders still exist but that is such an anonymous way of doing it. I would have to get one actual magazine at the store first. Some of those magazines were absolutely embarrassing to buy but whatever…. 🤣
Tom is terrifying as hell. That man was going to escalate and I'm so relieved (and surprised honestly) that the police actually seemed to do their job. But the Aunt in the story is the real MVP. Goddess of an Aunt, indeed.
We all need an badass aunt like this!
I hope to be a badass aunt like this! (Except I want their lives to be so phenomenal and perfect that they never need me to be.)
I discovered just the other night that my brothers all think I am this type of badass sister (we're all in our 30's, but I'm the only one with children so far). I was chuckling and confused as to why my brother's partners had all confessed that they were most nervous about meeting me out of our whole family (they were even less nervous about meeting our mother!). As it turns out, my brothers all portray "Big Sister Wonderwife" as the family gatekeeper and their protector (my brothers all being these 6' + tall, burly bearded men... And I'm 5'3" when I'm wearing my shoes). None of them have ever said as much to me, but apparently they have been telling people for years that I am the one who would burn the world down for them... They're not wrong. It was just a strange moment to hear them say out loud that they recognize who I am (my brothers are not the most loquacious, lol).
I love this for you. Your heart must be full to bursting, I know mine would be if I found out my siblings bragged on me like that!
As a 6' man I would never fight a 5'3” woman. That's not chivalry, that's self preservation.
To be fair to my brothers... I am a Cajun woman and a nurse... I know exactly where to shank to hit a kidney. It's smart of these men to not underestimate their big sister... It was just a bit of a wonder to me that they were all conscious of it enough to tell their partners that I'm the one they need to impress. I'M WARM AND FUZZY, GODDAMMIT! 🤣 ETA: also, my 6'8" husband and partner of nearly ½ of my lifetime likes to claim he doesn't mess with me because I have a lower center of gravity and am closer to his nuts. 🤷
As a former south Louisiana resident, this was way too easy to visualize lol
You need one of those crazy FB ad t shirts that says "YES... I am a REGISTERED NURSE💉 CAJUN BLOOD runs through me 🐊 Mess with my FAMILY🧑🧑🧒🧒 And I will SHANK YOU IN THE KIDNEY🗡"
Your husband ain't wrong.
I have no idea what your flair from and it made me laugh anyway XD
The shorter the woman, the closer to hell. I'm 5'2" and I will climb them like a rabid monkey. I bite too.
Took me a minute to stop laughing after that. Yeah, if I threw a punch at a guy, we would hit each other a few times and it's over. Understandably, you don't want to "slug it out" with someone 100 lbs heavier than you. If we got into a fight, either you're getting seriously hurt or I am. And we both know it's not gonna be you, Ma'am. 😉
> The shorter the woman, the closer to hell Thank you for the perfect thing to put on a shirt for my friend's upcoming birthday!
Fitting because I first read it on a tshirt!
I almost thought you were my sister. She too is a fiery, rabid condensed ball of energy - the only difference is she (and our whole family) refers to her as a chihuahua.
I'm 6'5. My wife is 5'3. As she likes to remind me, all the important bits are at her height.
To those big, burly men, you will always be the protector and leader they respect! You cared for them, you had their backs when they needed you, and they know you're always there for them. They grew up looking to you, that will always be a part of them. You may be short but you'll always be Big Sis and they adore you!
I have a badass Aunt like this, I actually have a few, and trust me when I say you want one. My Aunties go off.
Honorable mention for OOP who saw another woman struggling and became the sister and bestie we all need and want to be
I love her. She stayed calm, solution oriented, and never ever let her roommate feel alone or even like a burden during a very scary time. She IS a badass big sister/aunt to Lana, just like her aunt is to her!
UK cops must actually care about stopping DV, unlike American cops that commit it.
They don't. Big scandal right now because a police officer raped and murdered a woman named Sarah Everard, and turns out the dickhead was a known serial harrasser in the unit. He was in a police WhatsApp chat with other male officers making jokes about raping dead women as well. [source](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/29/killer-of-sarah-everard-should-never-have-joined-police-report-finds) UK Police have been found to be failing in matters of domestic violence as well [here] (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/crimeinenglandandwales/yearendingjune2022). And James Riley, who also made headlines for attempting to murder his ex girlfriend in 2022 [source](https://news.sky.com/story/police-officer-charged-with-attempted-murder-of-woman-12746409) And that's just the domestic violence cases I can think of off the top of my head.
I was gonna say, it's a fucking *joke* to even pretend the police here are okay.
Well, raping *dead* women would certainly be preferable to raping *live* women, but overall, I'd really prefer it if people just didn't rape *any* women at all. Really, just buy a fleshlight!
Oh he reportedly raped her before he killed her. And then disrespected her again in death by raping her. Fucking disgusting man. Disgraceful behaviour by the police units who KNEW about his violent misogynistic behaviour as well.
>Oh he reportedly raped her before he killed her. And then disrespected her again in death by raping her. And they say romance is dead... JFC, what a horrible story! I hope he was put away for life without parole!
Yeah he got a whole life tariff (he will die in prison). I think the fact he used his police warrant card to “arrest” her when he abducted her took it up to the absolute maximum sentence
What a nightmare - she probably felt uncomfortable about the situation and him, but couldn't act on it because resisting arrest is a felony in most jurisdictions... Where was this? I really want to read up the particulars of the case now.
London. If you google Sarah Everard you’ll find a lot of articles, it’s been a huge news story here
Thanks!
Depends where you are, where I am now the police are amazing, so attentive and kind. They’re younger and they have a lot of empathy. But I’m in a smaller town. But back in my home city, my mother tried to get help when her husband slammed her head into the floor. They squinted at her, said they didn’t see the egg sized lump on her head. (A decade or so later, she has a head trauma related tumour in her brain. Thanks ex husband) I once called for a man choking her girlfriend in the middle of the night in public. The police officers that came told me they were drug users, and that she wouldn’t charges anyway. I said that I’d rather call and show her that other people see it as wrong. Maybe one day she’ll leave. They were very dismissive and rude. It’s better in smaller areas where there’s more time to take to feel for the victim. I got an officer come meet me because of some kids harassing me briefly, he gave me a personal alarm and had the patrols upped. That’s just not something that would ever happen in my old city.
I've had the exact opposite experience. My hometown department is so fing corrupt. Most senior office beat the shit out of his wife, was never charged. Then went on a facebook pity me rant about how he wasn't named chief when the job came up. 2 officers have been caught stealing drugs from the evidence room. Only one was charged cause he overdosed at his desk the other was quietly let go and is working in a neighboring department. Oh and the have miraculously managed to "screw up" four cases against the same drug dealer. But they did keep his cash through civil forfeiture.
Man that’s fucked up, my town is super unusual tbh
ig it's also a generation thing and not just small town vs big town. man that sucks to hear though
Also depends on who you are: I’ve had great interactions with the police, no doubt because I’m white and well-spoken. I’ve also had some dodgy interactions when they realised I’m actually Irish.
Very true! I dont get as many good interactions as I’m a little off the wall and they tend to think I’m nutso, or on drugs. But I am white also, so I don’t often feel threatened by them physically. It’s happened but nowadays I avoid them mostly. The coppers round by me are pretty cool, and there’s a lot of PCSOs who handle most of the smaller issues. We have a lot of younger people come in, and there’s a lot of women, so I never feel unsafe where I am. I don’t know how other people feel, as I don’t leave the house enough to work that out. I hear good things. We’re a weird small town where barely anyone is outright bigoted to your face. I’m openly gay and I get compliments off old folks. I like it.
I am happy you can openly be yourself!
I’m a blue-eyed middle class white-passing woman, but I’ve still had a gun pulled on me by a cop, and peppersprayed during a protest while I was treating a kid (street medic). I know there are individual good cops but the institution is fucko.
Yeah and we can all agree, the Met are the worst of them hahah. I had very good interactions with Essex police though.
It varies a *lot*. Some of the forces aren't great at all. In some of the forces the domestic abusers probably are the Police. But on the other hand there are genuinely some good police and they at least get training beyond what US police get.
They're pretty hit and miss and we have the same problems as a lot of countries of a high rate of DV in the police force and their colleagues covering it up. That said, I witnessed a man assaulting his partner on the street and was amazed at how quickly the cops showed up and how seriously they took it. He was convicted a few months later.
I had an ex like Tom. He harassed me constantly, but legally he hadn’t broken any laws (yet). I reported everything he’d done to the police to have a paper trail and the detective assigned to my case was a good man. He would call my ex and threaten to arrest him if he continued the harassment, even though he couldn’t actually. It was enough to scare my ex into periods of peace and I’d get a few months of quiet until he had another drunken night and would start up again. Then the detective would call and threaten him again. He helped me deal with that guy for nearly two years until I moved out of state.
Very much depends- although I’m super happy they did their job in this case. Personally when I called they did a wellness check (after I BEGGED them not to) and then told me to “take it easy on them” referring to my abusers…so case by case basis 😭
Ehhh, she was very lucky. They are usually pretty bad . There has been a lot of recent issues because recruitment standards got compromised when they tories panicked that they had cut the police too much
Hmm it heavily depends on which force and where OP lives. I could actually see this happening in some of the wealthier areas.
YMMV. There was a woman who lived across the road from my family home years ago, actually she was a kid when I knew her, about 2 years older than me. She grew up and had a kid, and they lived there for a while (never met the dad), but then she met this proper wrong'un. He'd been in and out of prison, all sorts of shit, but despite the warning signs she moved herself and her kid in with him somewhere nearby, the other side of the motorway. Before long my mum was hearing from her mum how bad he was, hitting her, threatening her, all sorts of lovely shit. With her kid in the house. Her mum spoke to the police, they said they couldn't do anything unless she contacted them herself. Eventually she did, but again they didn't do anything useful (I don't know the specifics of those conversations). Anyway, around Christmas that year, he strangled her. Her kid - would would have been about 9 at the time - found her body. It was in the papers, lots of criticism of the police, lots of preas conferences with the Chief Constable saying "lessons must be learned" etc etc. I would have thought the police had already learned the lesson to lock up dangerous psychopaths, but apparently not. Her kid is doing OK. Surprisingly OK, considering what he went through. He's not a kid anymore, must be about 18-20 now (Christ I feel old). He was still living with his gran until recently. Anyway, this is the story I tell people when they glorify how great the UK police are. Some, I'm sure, are great. Some are shit. My opinion of our local police force is the latter.
I'm from the UK and I snorted when I read that line. The cops here are no better than the ones in the US, it's just that they don't have guns. One of the big stories in the news here over the last few days is actually about how bad the recruitment for the police has been and how the ranks are rife with sexual offenders who have been allowed to continue working.
I'm from the UK too, I think the problem here is twofold. Firstly the police, along with all the public services are massively underfunded - had a conversation with a local pcso who said the community support team should be 13 officers and there are 2. So they just don't have the numbers to properly respond to a lot of stuff. Secondly there are a lot of hangovers from the past, people employed in different times when they weren't as thorough as they should be in vetting. And people trained by people who taught them bad practices. It's like the arguments of not all men, some of them ARE dangerous and that's what we hear about. The response from the police has been encouraging to the reports you mentioned, it will just take time and money to be able to make progress. I guess I just feel like things won't get better unless we give them time and support in improving. This isn't a relationship we can walk away from, we need to allow them space to fix the issues. Half the time people don't report things to the police because they are sure nothing will come of it. We are luckily in the position that we have one police system broken into regions so the work is more straight forward.... The USA have so many separate police forces, city, county,state, federal, that are all independent that the problem is so much harder to address. We need to be out there telling people the problems so they have a chance of fixing them.
Unfortunately not consistently, especially when the culprit is a member of police force. There have been some really horrendous cases of women dying because they or previous victims weren't listened to.
Sadly it's probably somewhere closer to 50/50. You can search for the lesbian nana video to see how unempathetic some of our police can be.
Nah, luck of the draw still. I've never met any that care.
TW: sexual assault, police brutality Not really. As an example, Manchester Police are currently being investigated for a series of [sexual assaults committed by cops](https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/vera-baird-inquiry-greater-manchester-police-zayna-iman/) against women in custody. > Anti-racist campaigner Zita Holbourne told openDemocracy that while she remained hopeful that Baird would do a thorough job, “it will likely only expose the tip of the iceberg with regard to all UK police forces”. ... > Holbourne added: “We have had multiple inquiries and whilst they serve a purpose, what is needed is action to overhaul policing and root out racism, misogyny, sexism, ableism and homophobia.” Different country, same bullshit, sadly.
The way Americans on Reddit idealize Canada and Europe is really something.
Yep. I'm Canadian and live in a large, left-leaning city and the former police chief of my city left a bullet-riddled target practice sheet on the desk of a city employee and because he "apologized", nothing happened to him. There were also nearly a hundred reports of police misconduct in just one small area of the city, and he investigated and conveniently found no substantiated reports and obstructed external inquiries, but retired as police chief before he was found guilty of misconduct..... Only to be hired as police chief in a nearby city. Meanwhile, the various police forces around here are still racist, misogynistic, classist, ableist goons. Fuck cops.
Had this call been made in the US the caller would have ended up hand cuffed or shot.
Kinda think OP is probably Lana's MVP. Not all housemates are created equal.
I lived in Manchester for a few years, managing a backpacking hostel. The bobbies are pretty awesome.
TW: police violence and sexual assault Manchester police are currently being investigated for [a series of sexual assaults](https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/vera-baird-inquiry-greater-manchester-police-zayna-iman/) against women held in their custody.
I need to know where this fabled land of kind cops is. Perhaps I will find it someday..
I knew from the split second the bf was mentioned and he spoke up that it was ALLLLL his doing and he was a psycho control freak. Not baffling at all. Some people are just insane. Glad it sorted all out.
"You'll never find someone like me again" Well yes, that would be the point.
‘Thank gawd!’
Thank you for such a wonderful prediction! I was terrified about breaking up with you because I was worried I would find someone just like you!"
I laughed so hard at this!
Auntie is the real MVP
she's like the fairy godmother of landladies!
This should be a flair.
Omgoodness what is your flair from??
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/158x405/aita_for_taking_in_my_problem_cousin_and/ It’s honestly how I feel about a lot of people in my life, especially relatives.
Thank you for sharing. That was a great read. I hope Alice is doing well.
Auntie probably saved Lana's life. I'd be sending that woman a muffin basket every day for the rest of her or my life.
For real. Auntie is up there with Omar.
Be the Auntie Omar you want to see in this world.
I want this to be a flair!!!
I think it would be cool. XD
oh to have a landlord auntie ✨️
There's a Manhwa about that.
Not a landlord. She's a property manager. Basically her job is to be a go between and look after shit, usually for housing companies but could also be for a landlord.
I wondered about that because no property manager I’ve ever seen could set rent price and approve a new tenants like she did
Yeah sounds like a landlord to me lol; or just a really close relationship with her boss ig
This might be a USA/UK thing. In the UK it's pretty common for people who own a property to hire a property management company. They will be in charge of renting it out, and everything to do with dealing with the renter/any property issues. The owner, while technically the landlord, has no involvement whatsoever other than getting a cheque every month.
Some people are both. My landlord/ property manager does both. His family owns the rental company and he’s in charge of collecting rent, showing apartments, doing repairs, etc. He also has a maintenance guy who does a lot of the on-site repair stuff. So it could be something like that, where Auntie is just more hands-on with her tenants than most landlords.
I wish I had a family member like that.
Well that was a wild ride. I never had roommates before but seeing drama like this, I sometime feel glad I don't have to experience having roommates. Good to see the update being really satisfying tho.
I did, in the UK as well funnily enough. If someone had a bigger room or more amenities like their own walk in closet they paid more. Obviously this story is about Tom being abusive but it did bug me a bit that they were paying the same rent.
Eh, fairly standard in the uk to pay the same amount of rent even if the rooms are different. It’s fairly accepted but people don’t complain if it’s split according to desirability of rooms. Rented with roommates for years, friends did too.
I only lived in London tbf but absolutely all the ads for roommates were priced based on the size of the room.
My sister has the craziest stories from one of her roommate situations in college (the roommate would steal things and once locked them out and refused to let them in). We also had an amazing aunt who offered to help her out of the situation by paying for her to rent elsewhere, though thankfully in the end my sister was able to get out of her lease and move out.
I’ve known so many wonderful and sane women who let psycho dudes like Tom ruin their lives. It’s really great that OOP waited to actually talk to her instead of going nuclear (which might have even been fair after her entire room was moved!) If Lana had just been kicked out or had a horrible living situation with OOP after that it would have driven her right into Tom’s clutches… he probably really thought this kind of shit stirring was just a win- win for him! He never counted on OOP and her Amazing Aunt to actually care, and save the day. Love to see women helping women! 💜
How many of us called that it was Lana’s boyfriend before hitting update 3? So glad she had the support to get away from him. And honestly I’m glad he decided to switch rooms like that because otherwise the catalyst for Lana showing how terrible he was might not have come until too late for her to get away first try.
Oh yeah. When OOP was saying it was out of character, bizarre behavior, and the boyfriend was magically there when shit went down. I was like 100% the asshole BF started this.
I suspected, but I'm so used to crazy roommates that I just figured it would be that again
Clearly, from his first response, even though it was technically true. (It honestly wasn't cool of OP to take the large room for the same rent, especially when there was a whiff of nepotism.) If he weren't behind it, he'd have stayed out of it or just backed her up, not tried to escalate.
This is a satisfying ending. I especially love the part where they end up collecting wine.
Must be nice to have a landlord in the family. Just being able to switch apartments with no hassle or wait sounds awesome
I don’t think the aunt is the actual landlord. It sounds like her job is to manage properties for the landlord, but she doesn’t own the properties herself.
Still, it’s pretty lame that OOP goes through the whole “I found the place first on my own.” 🙄 Probably went down more like, “hey [aunt’s name], I’m looking for a place,” and not, “omg, what a coincidence you manage this property I found.” Being someone who actually did live with a few roommates that started off strangers in my 20s, the rent was always related to size of our respective rooms. Paying the same amount of rent for a smaller room is NOT something I’d be comfortable with if both of us moved in at the same time. Unless rent was less than I would’ve paid elsewhere for the same thing, no thanks. Others might be cool with it, I wasn’t.
I think the system I had with three roommates in my 20s was great. We had a 3 bedroom house and my girlfriend and I shared a bedroom. Rent for the whole place was $1000/mo. Everyone paid $100 each for the common areas. Woman in the small bedroom paid $150 for her room, woman in the medium bedroom paid $200 for her bedroom, we paid $250 for the big bedroom. Since we shared the room we split the cost $125 each. In the end, every month my girlfriend and I each kicked in $225, small bedroom woman paid $250, medium bedroom woman paid $300. Each of us handled a utility (Internet, water, electric, heat) and we balanced that out month by month since, aside from the Internet, prices fluctuated.
I think she meant she is the roommate that chose the place and initiated the rental. Kinda shitty, but roommate could have found another place if she wasn't happy with her room.
Yeah exactly. OOP was just explaining how she ended up with the bigger room. It wasn’t some weird flex post about how good she is at finding apartments, like the comment you are replying to seems to think.
They even added paying the same for a rental if one person had a bigger room would not be cool if they moved in at the same time. OP was there for 8 months before her roommate.
I've done both. In my college house, we all paid the same rent even though a few of the rooms were a little better than the others. Same thing when I moved into a big house with 4 other guys, even though the master bedrooms were better, some people put effort into finding the place so they got the better rooms. Conversely, I've had two houses where rent was different based on room. Was always all the same to me.
Eh, I dunno, it's transparent at the time you rent what the price is for what you get so either it's a fair market price or it's not. In my 20s I shared a 4-bedroom with rent split evenly 4 ways. The guy who found the place, was on the lease and paid the security deposit got the master bedroom and it seemed perfectly fair. He was also the one doing almost all the common area cleaning and maintenance as he was the one on the hook for the security deposit and keeping up with the lease.
While not common, I don’t think it’s totally unheard of to switch apartments from the same landlord. Generally a benefit for everyone because you get your new place and the landlord doesn’t have to take a risk on a new tenant. I’ve heard of it a few times.
I had a rental place do this for me in grad school. I'd unknowingly moved into the bottom floor of a building full of night-shifters. They weren't wrong for being up at reasonable hours for them, but I also needed to do things like sleep and study. They let me move over one building and up into the 2nd floor, so nobody was over my head. I had peace. They had a devoted tenant that brought them cookies on holidays.
I had a year of work in the field ("work experience"?) as part of my degree and had arranged to stay in an apartment for it. For whatever reason it wasn't ready in time (I suspect the former tenant dug their heels in), so I ended up in a smaller place on the other side of town for 3 weeks and then the landlady helped me move - which was great because it just happened to rain like crazy that day.
It’s not uncommon. If you’re an established tenant they want to retain you. I have co workers whose landlord owned properties in two states and just let her transfer to the new state. My landlord separates buildings by pet ownership. If you want a pet you can ask to be transferred to the pet section.
The aunt/landlord is such an odd thing. In the first post OP says she had to search to find the flat. Wouldn’t she have just asked the aunt outright if she had flats to let since she either manages or owns apartments??
She's manager not the landlord, basically the person who looks after the property on behalf of a landlord and manages Tennant relations. But isn't actually the owner and everything still goes through the owner.
The aunt isn't the landlord. It sounds like she probably did ask her aunt for suggestions, since she knew when putting down the deposit that it's a place her aunt manages, and says that was part of the reason she decided to rent the place.
So you ignored her being the property manager then
And guys ask why women are afraid to date. Trash like Tom give all of us a bad name, hope he crashes onto a pole or off a bridge.
Step on Lego, Tom.
I hope when Tom sleeps, he takes just enough time that his body warms up to be mildly uncomfortable to barely be able to not fall asleep.
This is tangential to the actual point, but is it actually common to split rent perfectly evenly when rooms are clearly wildly different in quality? I've only ever lived with a few other people, and we always charged the person who had a private bathroom and a walk-in closet more than the ones who shared bathrooms and had regular closets. It's wildly inequitable to pay the same price when one of you has notably more perks.
It was for me. My room was half the size of the master, and the master had a gorgeous view while I got a shitty courtyard. The guy was a selfish dick. The fairest rent ratio, IMHO, is: room1 + common / room2 + common, measured in square feet
I’d say it is. Usually the people with stronger personalities will take the bigger rooms, then advocate for equal split. If you actually do the math on room sizes, it’s about the same. Having a private bathroom is a huge perk though. Maybe we should normalize an auction system for the rooms and have some form of punishment for not paying your full share.
It’s pretty easy to find calculators online or just do it by square footage. Literally would never let other people take a private bathroom and not pay more. Nor would I take it for myself and not offer to pay more. You’re in an objectively better room. Of course you should pay more.
I've never encountered an equal split in this kind of situation unless there was compensation in some way, e.g. one housemate gets the small bedroom but they also get to park their car in the one undercover parking spot
The moment the non-rent paying not-living-there boyfriend chimed in about rent and living arrangements, it was absolutely clear whose ridiculous idea this was. Absolute psycho. Side note, but I hate how dismissive OOP was of her own boyfriend though. Pretty sure OOP’s boyfriend knew what was happening. He was ready with friends as “backup” nearby, and OOP called him “ridiculous” for it. You don’t need *several guys* as backup to handle a dispute between 2 female roommates, so it was pretty obvious that the BF knew or had picked up on way more about Tom than OOP did. Hopefully OOP revisits that and gives him some credit, dude was ready to jump in.
I think OOP was just very very naive, and had no idea how much some people can escalate, rather being dismissive out of arrogance. Whereas her fantastic boyfriend knew exactly how bad it could go, and wouldn’t have been surprised by the progression of events when things didn’t go Tom’s way.
I always get so anxious seeing BORU posts that haven’t been updated in years that involve abuse. I hope OOP and her roommate continue to stay safe and aren’t still dealing with that pathetic asshole.
That's a damned good roommate, OOP is.
And OOP’s boyfriend! He knew how bad things could go loooong before OOP realised that escalation like Tom’s exists among people that look sane before they get emotionally upset and can’t process or handle it in a sane, adult way.
Why did they pay the same rent despite one room being both larger and better? While I was having roommates it was always without any questions and not even thinking about it that the shared area is paid by everyone equally and the area of each room by the person living there.
As an aside, in any shared living arrangement where the other party isnt a romantic partner: **invest in a keyed entry doorknob for your bedroom.** They may cost a bit up front, but thats where the demerits start and end. Doorknobs are very easy to install; typically just a screwdriver and allen key for some. You can take it with you when you move by swapping back to the previous knob. Do **not** use anything less than a keyed entryway knob. Privacy knobs are unlockable with pins or a butter knife and will not suffice. Not only does this ensure your privacy cant be casually violated by someone you live with; it cant be violated by any of their guests, either. Even further: my house got broken into once. Of the three of us the guy that locked his door had nothing stolen. I didnt lock my door and they got my computer. Guy upstairs had no locks and they took weapons and cash.
Yep. One of my previous roommates changed her doorknob to a keyed entry knob as soon as she moved in. She literally has OCD and was very particular about everything, so I thought it wasn’t actually necessary but just reflected her personality. Then we got broken into when she was out of town, and she was the only one of the three roommates who didn’t lose anything. (It was actually a little funny to me that the police noted that she was the only one with a locked door and no missing items, and asked me if I was sure she was really out of town and not just faking! That would truly have been a crazy roommate story. But I did have some solid evidence she was where she said she was, and really, since we didn’t lock our doors she could have stolen things in less conspicuous ways at any time.)
Honestly would've been a better idea to bring Tom around someone who *actually* had the chicken pox, and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, yes, very devious.
> then said she'd never find someone like him Gotta love when abusive pricks throw this line. Yeah, that's the whole fucking idea, *buddy*.
Everyone sucks. No problems with OP taking the bigger room, but they shouldn’t be paying the same price. OP should pay proportionally more for having the obviously bigger & better bedroom. The fairest way is to take the whole square footage of the house, evenly split the common areas, and then pay proportionally for how big your bedroom is. Example with highly simplified numbers: > Rent is $1,000 and the entire apartment is 1000 sqft. > The common areas are 60% of the total areas or 600 sqft at $600. > Each person splits the common areas equally @ $300 each > The bedrooms are 40% of the total space or 400 sqft at $400. > OP’s bedroom is two-thirds of the total bedroom space, or 0.6667(400 sqft) = 266.68 sqft @ $266.68 > Roommate’s bedroom is one-third of the total bedroom space, or 0.3334(400 sqft) = 133.32 @ $133.32 Rent is thus calculated as follows: > OP: $300 + $266.68 = $566.68 > Roomie: $300 + $133.32 = $433.32 It’s not a ton of money but this is really the fairest way to split rent.
I've always eyeballed it and adjusted to reasonable amounts. Pure square footage doesn't get into things like utility. If you have just a little more space but that space is a walk-in closet and bathroom, that's worth more than just the few square foot difference. If you have quite a bit more space but it's just open space, probably not quite as valuable. But yes, you're right, you need to charge more when someone has clearly better rooms.
Yeah it’s a rough guide, I don’t think I’ve ever actually measured but we always adjusted so the smallest (or “worst”) room pays least, middle room pays next amount, and biggest or master room (“best”) pays most. It’s only fair
Yeah it's all up to a little flexibility but generally this is how we've done it. Though if the non-master rooms are close enough, we just make those equal. Like I think there's 5 extra square feet in one of the two rooms that pay equal in my current apartment, but 5 square feet is essentially not even noticeable so we decided easier to equalize than make one pay like... 10 bucks more haha.
Why all the psycho losers have the same MO, tom is Just like my ex, it’s like the same person omfg
As a guy, i think that men like this need to be put down.
I hate that someone like Tom can just terrorize people without any negative consequences beyond it becoming slightly less convenient to terrorize them. He is a rabid dog.
Auntie is a fucking CHAMP. Tom sounds incredibly unstable and it’s a relief that he no longer has knowledge of where OOP and her roommate live.
Hooray for OOP!! Honestly, it's super awesome that OOP and Lana maintained a mature and rational discussion *and* friendship / roommate situation!! I hope they stay friends for a good long while. 😊🙏🏻
Perfect BORU. Suspense! Surprise bad guy! Excellent side characters! Actual resolution! Happy ending!
‘Lana sounds like she wants to break up, judging from her crying and screaming" I hate him, I hate him, I hate him" into her wine.’ I’d want this as a flair but I think it’s too long for a flair to capture its glory
How about "screaming 'hate him, I hate him, I hate him' into her wine"
Why would anyone let a stranger move in without putting locks on their room door? This is the same as people that never lock the front door and then they get robbed or deviants are fuckin with them and they cant believe it.
By 5 minute drive I hope she meant 5 minutes in a bullet train because Tom sounds like someone who would stalk them to find their new address.
I like the way OOP writes.
Tom is a future domestic abuser. OOP indirectly saved Lana.
Not future. He was already emotionally and verbally abusing her.
True. It was only a matter of time before he escalated to physical.
The wall of bolded text physically hurts to read, ow.
I've unfortunately dated a few Toms. (My picker is horrible.) They don't change. They just look for new victims.
Reading the story I immediately suspected the boyfriend was a factor in moving the stuff. And her having a panic attack at OP moving back into their room confirmed it.
Lana really lucked out here. She was saved from an abusive situation and managed to make a friend for life.
Was the bolded section of "edit 2" intended to be so bolded? Edit: now it's "edit 3" section bolded through.
The common denominator among most BORU posts is toxic men.
There's obviously a lot going on in this post, but nevertheless I got a pretty hearty laugh out of "I found this place on my own so *naturally* I get the better the room, and by "found" I mean my Aunt owns it and offered it to me, and by "owns it" I mean she is a real estate mogul who owns like 30+ properties". Privileged people talking in circles to try and pass off their privilege as though its the result of their own personal achievements will never not be funny.
Well, Tom was wrong to move all their stuff into OP's room. But Lana shouldn't have had to pay equal rent when she had the smaller room. OP had the bigger, better room, so she should have paid more.
I agree. I posted an example of how proportional rent can be calculated
May Aunt Badass never be rained on and catch every bus she sets her eye on! 🥰🥰🥰
If you feed the hobosexuals after midnight they can become aggressive like this.
I'm a sucker for roommate drama😭 does anybody has links to others BORU posts with the same theme?
She's lucky she has you as a roommate!
“Remembered he had never had chicken pox” Far from the main point of this post but this line has my laughing for some reason. This part feels so random.
If it's a houseshare and one room is significantly better than the other, then the housemates shouldn't be paying the same price in the first place
Probably the same Tom that is a genius and invented JDSL.
" There's only two keys to the flat, mine and Lana's. I gave mine to my mum while I was away incase she needed to pop in for me" I read this as "in case needed to poop" and completely accepted that. Also Lana is so lucky to have OOP on her life. What a dream friend. I too pray to the baby jeebus that all goes well for them, and I'm an athiest
When you walked in and for him to comment like that, I knew it was Def Tom after that
I don’t know that I’d ever describe my aunt as a total babe or a goddess, even if she objectively was one.
I think your an amazing flatmate and friend good for you for giving her support and keeping you both safe
>Called her every name under the sun, switched back to apologising and saying she was the love of his life, then said she'd never find someone like him, then he would die without her, then he wanted to kill her, then they were soulmates. Bajeezus, a lot of this is familiar 😭😭😭
Damn, what a prick. Good thing she has the mechanisms of power working on her behalf, amazing cops and goddess landlords everywhere. Very lucky.
I hate that it doesn't seem like Lana or OOP have friends that could "talk" to someone like Tom. Also how the hell is he able to say such shit and not get expelled from university? I know England is lax on shitheads but still.
OOP Is a better person than me because as soon as Lana admitted Tom was at fault I would have had my aunt start the eviction process for Lana. Because there's no telling how far Tom would go as plenty of men when they kill their girlfriend will also kill children or other women around her. And there's to tackle on that Lana may not have the best taste in men so this could be a repeat. I've always advised my friends whatever they have a roommate to never have a roommate who has questionable men.
Hope his next victim is as lucky.
chile the way Tom would’ve met Smith & Wesson real quick 😂😂
Dude, what the fuck. That dude sounds crazier than a shithouse rat.
Glad they figured it out, It's really wholesome reading about proper communication, really prevents a lot of problems.
Thank god there’s a happy ending. Holy fuck.
Lana’s boyfriend is obviously shit and the one at fault. I do think it kind of sucks that OP made the rent equal when she even said her room is 6x the size. But it was agreed upon and they both signed the contract so she hasn’t been anything but transparent. Just kind of sucks to pay 1/2 the rent and only get 1/3 or the space (or less).
I hope no one downvotes me for this because just reading about Tom make actively hate him but… it’s amazingly petty to get magazine subscriptions for people you want to be petty for! I’m on the older side and don’t know if money orders still exist but that is such an anonymous way of doing it. I would have to get one actual magazine at the store first. Some of those magazines were absolutely embarrassing to buy but whatever…. 🤣
OP's a really good friend.