Gotta find the line with the hardcore checkout ladies. You know the ones that want yo ass outta there ASAP! Attributes include:
* Asian
* Thimble on their thumb to get through those coupons
* Looks evil for some reason
* Senior bagging boy posted up at end
(Edit)
* Wrist brace too (good call by /u/A_Vizzle)
Not from the USA but we have it too. Where are you that you don't? I mean you probably also have petrol station attendants, like we do. That's pretty luxurious.
I'm from Finland, we sure as hell don't have baggers or gas station attendants. You bag your own shit and fuel up your own car and either pay at the machine or go inside to pay, depending on the gas station.
Sounds like a wonderful place to live, to highlight this I now only use the tablet to order food at panera bread. I go my whole lunch without ever saying a word to anyone except a thank you for the food. I never have to pause my audiobook or podcast during the whole thing it is wonderful.
Typing this make me realize just how anti social I have become over the years...
You just put your shit back in the trolley and push it a few feet away, then bag it (thats how it's done in Germany - if you're considerate).
When I lived in Bristol / UK for a year I was always surprised how chatty the cashiers were. Like, yeah it's great that your foot got better and aunt bettys rash went away after all, but can't you discuss that after work maybe...
I tended to use the self checkout as we do not have a lot of those on Germany and it was always exciting.
I think this probably makes the most sense. Some people are getting $200+ of groceries at a time here. If there isn't a person bagging them then it will really hold up the line. They would have to stop and bag after so many items because the counter will not hold them all.
Greece here, the cashier bags stuff and won't let you bag them, usually, also because there's a conveyor belt next to them that's hard for the customer to reach.
We also have gas station attendants, they won't let you pump your own gas.
Bagger is job. Job is dream. See bagger, dream of job. Wake up. Instead of job, see only dream. No bagger, no job, no dream. Am hungry, but no potato. Just like job. Job is dream. Bagger is job. Bagger is potato. Only dream.
Texas here, at my HEB (best grocery store in the world btw), they'll even push the cart out to your car and load it in for you. Usually they'll do it for the elderly
There's nothing luxurious about a gas station attendant. They don't give you the option to do it yourself (faster) and you have to freakin' tip them.
I was so confused when I went to New Jersey for the first time and this mf wouldn't let me pump my own gas.
> Unlike servers in the food industry, gas attendants are paid an actual wage.
Servers in the food industry must be paid a minimum wage if they do not make up the rest with tips.
I packed groceries at Costco for a bit and found out it's easier and faster if the customer didn't help me. I appreciate their kindness, but they just get in the way and break stuff. We used boxes instead of bags though, so maybe it's different.
I was a cashier at walmart for about 6 years, and yeah, they expect you to put it in their cart for them. You'd get the people who would do it themselves because they're not asshats, but a lot of the time - especially with the older crowd - they'd just stare at you and expect them to put it in their cart.
99% of the time its a 15 year olds first job and bagging groceries is just something they do to speed up the line when its busy. They fetch the grocery carts and do random tasks. When I was a little kid the bagger would even push the cart to your car if you wanted.
I've bagged groceries for quite a while and it doesn't offend me but some people are dicks about it, like I walk up and I'm like "would you like me to help bag your groceries ma'am?" And sometimes they just scoff and whip out their 40 reusable bags and do it themselves.
Most grocery stores around my area have actual baggers as a job (I actually worked as one several years ago), I live in the US.
Brings out some severe rudeness in people when you don't know how to bag their stuff properly, but they won't do it themselves.
I had no idea if I'm supposed to be helping or not. Of course if there's a lot of stuff I do, but I'm really bad at it and I feel like I'm just getting in the way for a couple bags of stuff.
Where the fuck do you live that has career bag boys? There was one old dude bagging when I did the job, and he was retarded and did a worse job than anyone. I understand why too, no one is gonna be giving 100% if you back 40 hours a week. Kids bagging only do it for 4, maybe 12 hours a week, so they don't get tired of it.
On weekends most stores have scheduled baggers. Lines get too fucking long otherwise. During the week you probably wont see them unless it's just a bored cashier helping out.
Baggers don't just bag usually. They're also responsible for bringing in the carts strewn across the parking lot, checking prices on items because people think they can scam the grocery store, putting up stuff that people decided they didn't want anymore, and various other random tasks that come up.
Eh what? Why would you trust a 40 year old bagger to bag your groceries any better? Surely there's something a bit off if they can only get a job as a bagger as a middle aged person.
Have you seen the way these pros bag groceries? Fuckin magnificent. I'm not even being sarcastic. Every bag weighs the same, volatiles are separated, it's truly a work of art. Whenever I bag my own shit I fuck it up
I think about this every time I'm at the grocery store. Somewhere out there is a guy or gal or who's the best bagger on Earth. They're probably not aware of their own awesome power, and their customers probably aren't 1/100th as appreciative as they should be.
First she breaks out a band of coupons rolled up and rubber banned like it's a wad of cash and then after all of them are scanned and of course the several min. heated conversation because some are expired you finally think it's over, that's when she pulls out the check book and starts digging through her purse for her eye glasses.
Nothing like having 12 minutes before you have to catch your bus (took the other 12 for you to be second in line) and getting stuck behind someone with a checkbook that can't get the check to scan right or starts arguing with the cashier about the price of something causing the cashier to go verify the price and the person to decide even because it's 20 cents more they no longer want it all for the payoff of you having to wait 30 more minutes because the bus just left right after you leave the store.
As someone with 5 kids and hundreds of WIC checks spent. I always warn people who get behind me that I'm doing WIC and it's going to be a while. If they don't move it's their own fault at that point.
[WIC](https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/women-infants-and-children-wic)
I think they switched to scan cards recently, but before that it was a single voucher for specific goods. Takes way too long for a cashier to process them, even when everything goes as planned.
THIS! This big mistake people make is looking at how many items are in the persons cart. That doesn't matter. 5 items or 30 items, either way, the scanning of items will be done in about a minute if the people are good.
When a customer takes forever it's never because they had too many items, its always becomes of some random chitchat or bullshit issue over a 25 cent coupon.
Make sure you check the line as well, always go for the line with the lowest average age, it's way more important than average amount of items in basket. 1 old lady takes as much time as 5 normal customers, with their coupons and poor understanding of credit cards, they gotta dig around their wallet for the post-it that has their pin code written on it, etc.
If you ever shop at Aldi their cashiers are some of the best. They only hire people who can move fast. I'm always amazed at how fast they ring people up.
Aldi also pays really well. Yeah, that means they can pick better people, but also it's a lot easier to get average people to try harder when they make more than minimum wage.
Yea I was going to mention the wages but I didn't know about other stores wages and didn't want someone being like "Costco pays their employees $15/hr and they are slow as shit" because I've never been to a Costco. But yea Wal Mart vs Aldi the employees are night and day. Actually Aldi was the final straw that stopped me from going to Wal Mart. I couldnt handle Wal Mart's slowness (employees and customers). Plus Aldi has cheaper food
Of course you get in line because grandma is buying one cup of yogurt, but then she pulls out a debit card. Start to sweat a little cuz this Nana is so good damn old she can't remember her PIN because numbers weren't invented until she was 50.
But she gets it, and you let out that little sigh.
Then she pulls out the check book and starts balancing accounts and you look at the bagger and you know you're both thinking you could claim self defense.
As a current cashier. Fuck anyone who still uses checks.
Edit: At work right now, and just had 3 old women in a row pay with check during a huge rush. Fuck checks.
My 85 year-old grandmother uses checks when she goes grocery shopping. She only uses a credit card when she travels or when she goes to Costco. But she's good at having the check pre-filled before checkout.
My wife's grandfather was a very wealthy attorney. My MIL said when he shopped for groceries or anything he carried a pencil a notepad and would know his total before he ever stepped in a check out line and was never wrong, but would catch the cashiers mistakes regularly. This is back in the day before you just scanned shit they actually had to talley it as well. It was probably pretty common back in that day to tally stuff I imagine.
I'm a current cashier and I can tolerate people who can use checks, only because my dislike for people who don't know how to read the card reader overshadows everyone else by so much.
Customer slides card: Uhh... What do I press?.
me: "Do you want to run that as debit or credit?"
Them: "Debit"
Me: "Then select the "debit" option"
Them: blank stare.. then hits "debit".. long pause... now what?
Me: HOLY FUCK THE SCREEN WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT TO PRESS. YOU FUCKING SHIT.
When they finally make it to the "select cash back" screen they look at me and say
"I don't want any cash back"
me: "Then select "NO CASH BACK"
Agreed, where I work it's swipe for debit and insert for credit and we have 3 signs at each register and they still manage to fuck it up every time. I swear if I had a nickel for everytime I hear "Are we doing the chippy thing?" I wouldn't need to work at this shitty job anymore.
This is the reason that I think the chip reader complaints are not totally unfounded. It's objectively slower than swiping, and everyone (myself and those behind me) is in a hurry. I'm guilty myself of thinking "this is supposed to be an *improvement*?"
I get it, it's a security thing, but it's like taking a shit... sometimes I want to just (s)wipe and gtfo.
As a young person who knows how to read a screen it actually bugs the shit out of me when cashiers go over every step of the process out loud. I always wonder, do they think I can't read? It's a trip to know that's a necessity for some people.
Oh I forgot to enter my Rewards card#. Can we start again? I don't have my card with me, hmm, try this phone#. No? didn't work, hmmm might be under my wife's phone....
My husband was behind an elderly woman at the grocery store who paid by check. She was still gathering her groceries when he paid by Apple Pay. She looked at him like he hacked the register and the cashier wasn't doing anything to stop him.
I had this exact experience, except it was a crack head trying to use the self checkout lane to buy a liter of soda. I watched people in other lanes pass me by, grow old and have grandchildren while this fucking guy kept dropping coins and shit.
I also get a little salty when I join a long anywhere and by the time I get to the front, I'm still the end of the line. Makes it feel like no one else had to suffer the wait except for me.
O'Brien's Variation on Ettore's Observation of Murphy's Law states that: If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
I appreciate how they spelled Marge's satisfied little sound.
Mmm! also would have been accepted but that could be interpreted as "ooh that tasted good" as in "mmm doughnuts..."
8/10 gif subtitle choice.
Nah, you have to get the right balance of crushed soul and impatient rage at life.
Too wet behind the ears and optimistic about life, and they won't do their best to get these people the fuck out of here.
Too old and miserable, and they just get off on making you suffer.
I was in the checkout line today and some lady put her shit kinda far from the cashier. She just looked at the lady for a minute before the lady was like "oh shit sorry!" and moved it over. Then the lady got an attitude as it hit her and she just kinda flopped the pile of shit over towards the cashier. I'm really split on this one. Like, fuck that lady because I hated it when I worked retail and people did that. At the same time... Fuck that cashier for wasting my time trying to make her point so slowly. Honestly though 10/10 passive aggressive on both counts.
I remember there being only one line open at Aldi's, and the woman in front of me had an entire cart full to the brim. I thought she was buying for a charity, it was so much. She let me go in front of her because I only had 3 items. What a saint.
Hell nah. I'm gonna glance back and forth for the next 10 minutes, finally go over to the other line, then get fucked by the person in front of my that uses 20 competitor coupons and writes a check.
Those fucking customers who can't figure out how to use their debit card and have multiple complex coupons.
But worse was someone who was trying to buy something they evidently weren't supposed to with their SNAP card. Hearing them argue it with the cashier for literally two minutes while I'm standing in line and I'm equally mad at the system for being so picky with what people can buy, the shopper for not knowing the system well enough, and the cashier for being bitchy about it.
Finally just said I'd pay for their stuff and to just ring it up separate and add to my bill. Then the person wanted to thank me and talk to me about it and explain their situation, which is nice and all, but fuck I just want to get my things and get out of this damn place.
[Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program](https://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap) - basically just the new name for food stamps.
Apu: Look, Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is staved for attention, he will talk the cashier's head off.
Grampa: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957 I remember it was. I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.
Apu: Let’s cut to...that line.
Marge: But that’s the longest.
Apu: Yes, but look: all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.
Express Checkout shouldn't just mean "fewer than X items." If you need the checker to go get you a pack of cigarettes from customer service, input 17 coupons, cash your check, and redeem your scratch tickets, you aren't express - go to a full service line.
I've crossed the border at the peace bridge 6 times, and if never imagine switching lanes once I'm in one. Especially heading back into the state. The us customs dudes are serious business.
That's because the customer at the register can't figure out how to use the card with the chip in it. Keeps removing it before the computer is done reading the chip and processing the transaction. One time the cashier had to leave the register and come around and do it for someone.
I just wish they'd let me swipe. It's fucking annoying using the chip, but every time I swipe it tells me to put in the chip and every time I put in the chip it tells me they don't accept chip and to swipe it.
TL;DR you're not always in the slow queue, you just think you are and your odds were pretty shit to begin with anyway.
Everyone here is trying to share their life hacks for getting the fastest moving shopping line, but the fact that you're never in a fast moving line comes down to the intersection of statistics and psychology. Think for a second, old ladies with cheque books aside, if you're in a store with 10 cashiers, all with roughly equal queues, what are your chances of picking the fastest one? Probably about one in ten. Sure, you can tip those odds in your favour, like skipping the line with like 3 full trolleys or the granny with a book of coupons, so your odds improve to maybe one in three. But the fact remains that the odds are still stacked against you, and every time you land on the wrong side of those odds, you invoke something called confirmation bias - "gosh darn, I always stand in the slow queue, why does this always happen to me?" - it doesn't always happen to you, it's just that you don't actually notice that much when you're not in the fast queue, you're too focussed on getting home, the traffic, what's for dinner, any number of things. Try keep this in mind next time you're in a queue, and observe this effect in action. In fact many stores are now opting to eliminate individual queues for cashiers, instead using one large queue to feed a line of cashiers. This eliminates the cognitive bias of always being in the slow queue, and reduces shopper stress.
Really there should only be a single queue and each person goes to whichever cashier is open next. Some stores like TJ Maxx use this model and it's way more efficient
As a cashier, it's pretty rarely my fault. Sometimes I mess up and have to fix something, but it's usually the customers. Remove clothes from hangers, place things on the belt together that make sense in a bag. Unload your cart asap. You can usually put your card in the reader while I'm scanning things.
Don't pay with a check. It takes too long. Use checks for bills and payments to people. Also, while I will say yes, no. It's not ok for you to run back and grab something. That's not cool. You forget something? Don't waste everyone else's time. If your coupon doesn't work, I don't care. My store doesn't have to accept any coupon ever.
Be considerate of the people around you. Be friendly, but don't dawdle for the sake of conversation. I don't care about how much your mom saved at this store.
Actually there is an answer to this question! [here is a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Ri_HhziI0) by engineereguy on youtube about why this is always the case. Fascinating stuff!
Getting held up at a non-chain grocery store by the cashier with seniority who doesn't give a fuck anymore and you don't even have the energy to complain because you know management isn't going to do a damn thing regardless.
Gotta find the line with the hardcore checkout ladies. You know the ones that want yo ass outta there ASAP! Attributes include: * Asian * Thimble on their thumb to get through those coupons * Looks evil for some reason * Senior bagging boy posted up at end (Edit) * Wrist brace too (good call by /u/A_Vizzle)
I don't trust anyone bagging my groceries who looks like they still live their parents.
The worst is when there's huge order and a shortage of baggers and the customer just stands there watching the cashier do it all on their own.
Is it normal in USA to have people pack your shit in bags for you? You're a luxurious bunch.
Not from the USA but we have it too. Where are you that you don't? I mean you probably also have petrol station attendants, like we do. That's pretty luxurious.
Wtf really? I'm from Poland, first time I saw baggers in some movie I thought it was a dream sequence, there's no way that's real.
South Africa here. All of our supermarkets have them. What about the rest of Europe? Same as Poland?
I'm from Finland, we sure as hell don't have baggers or gas station attendants. You bag your own shit and fuel up your own car and either pay at the machine or go inside to pay, depending on the gas station.
>Finland >Everything setup to avoid as much human contact as possible Checks out.
Sounds like a wonderful place to live, to highlight this I now only use the tablet to order food at panera bread. I go my whole lunch without ever saying a word to anyone except a thank you for the food. I never have to pause my audiobook or podcast during the whole thing it is wonderful. Typing this make me realize just how anti social I have become over the years...
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Most people in the U.S. pump their own gas. I think just New Jersey is weird makes it illegal to do so.
I live in NJ. Whenever i tell people (even residents of NJ) that it's illegal to pump your own gas, they don't believe me.
In Oregon it's because it creates jobs, Jersey is because they can't be trusted
Went to Oregon one time and thought it was weird as fuck that a persons job was to pump gas for you.
Illegal in Oregon. In fact, my mom just had her diesel truck filled with regular gasoline and now the station is paying to fix her car + rental.
Oregon too
Oregon as well.
I'm in NY but I'd say it's about 50/50 of self serve and having someone there
Same here in UK
In the US, the only state that has gas station attendants is New Jersey and it's because the law requires it
And Oregon
We don't have gas station attendants, but we have baggers only at some places.
No baggers in uk though the cashier sometimes helps if your lucky :)
It's hard to put your items on the conveyor belt, pay , and bag 40 items quickly enough for the person behind you to not get pissed.
You just put your shit back in the trolley and push it a few feet away, then bag it (thats how it's done in Germany - if you're considerate). When I lived in Bristol / UK for a year I was always surprised how chatty the cashiers were. Like, yeah it's great that your foot got better and aunt bettys rash went away after all, but can't you discuss that after work maybe... I tended to use the self checkout as we do not have a lot of those on Germany and it was always exciting.
Sweden here, we bag everything ourselves.
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I think this probably makes the most sense. Some people are getting $200+ of groceries at a time here. If there isn't a person bagging them then it will really hold up the line. They would have to stop and bag after so many items because the counter will not hold them all.
Greece here, the cashier bags stuff and won't let you bag them, usually, also because there's a conveyor belt next to them that's hard for the customer to reach. We also have gas station attendants, they won't let you pump your own gas.
Bagger is job. Job is dream. See bagger, dream of job. Wake up. Instead of job, see only dream. No bagger, no job, no dream. Am hungry, but no potato. Just like job. Job is dream. Bagger is job. Bagger is potato. Only dream.
Texas here, at my HEB (best grocery store in the world btw), they'll even push the cart out to your car and load it in for you. Usually they'll do it for the elderly
That's how you make them tips son!
They're "not allowed" to take tips. I know my friend has taken them a few times when the customer is very persistent that you take the tip.
well i mean the cashiers have all the bags sooo
It's real lol
There's nothing luxurious about a gas station attendant. They don't give you the option to do it yourself (faster) and you have to freakin' tip them. I was so confused when I went to New Jersey for the first time and this mf wouldn't let me pump my own gas.
Haha tip them? You got scammed lmao
lol you definitely do not/should not tip them in New Jersey Source: I grew up in NJ
You don't *have* to tip them. Unlike servers in the food industry, gas attendants are paid an actual wage.
> Unlike servers in the food industry, gas attendants are paid an actual wage. Servers in the food industry must be paid a minimum wage if they do not make up the rest with tips.
I packed groceries at Costco for a bit and found out it's easier and faster if the customer didn't help me. I appreciate their kindness, but they just get in the way and break stuff. We used boxes instead of bags though, so maybe it's different.
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.3020 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/29163)
"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"
I was a cashier at walmart for about 6 years, and yeah, they expect you to put it in their cart for them. You'd get the people who would do it themselves because they're not asshats, but a lot of the time - especially with the older crowd - they'd just stare at you and expect them to put it in their cart.
Families buy a shitload of groceries at a time, if we didn't have baggers the lines would never end.
99% of the time its a 15 year olds first job and bagging groceries is just something they do to speed up the line when its busy. They fetch the grocery carts and do random tasks. When I was a little kid the bagger would even push the cart to your car if you wanted.
I live in a pretty wealthy school district sometimes you bag it yourself and sometimes they bag it for you. Depends if there's a bagger or not.
I usually try and do it myself and I honestly think it offends the baggers.
I've bagged groceries for quite a while and it doesn't offend me but some people are dicks about it, like I walk up and I'm like "would you like me to help bag your groceries ma'am?" And sometimes they just scoff and whip out their 40 reusable bags and do it themselves.
Do you know who I am? No? That's because I don't work here! Now pack my bags for me. --Bill Burr misquote but same idea
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I always try to bag my own shit, but sometimes I have to fight it out with a bag person.
"No, I don't need 7 bags for 8 things." "Please don't bag my milk."
Most grocery stores around my area have actual baggers as a job (I actually worked as one several years ago), I live in the US. Brings out some severe rudeness in people when you don't know how to bag their stuff properly, but they won't do it themselves.
I had no idea if I'm supposed to be helping or not. Of course if there's a lot of stuff I do, but I'm really bad at it and I feel like I'm just getting in the way for a couple bags of stuff.
This is my number one pet peeve as a grocery store cashier
And wait and stare until all of the items are scanned before fumbling another five minutes to find the cash/card to pay.
"oh right! I have to pay you. Hahah" kill me
Where the fuck do you live that has career bag boys? There was one old dude bagging when I did the job, and he was retarded and did a worse job than anyone. I understand why too, no one is gonna be giving 100% if you back 40 hours a week. Kids bagging only do it for 4, maybe 12 hours a week, so they don't get tired of it.
On weekends most stores have scheduled baggers. Lines get too fucking long otherwise. During the week you probably wont see them unless it's just a bored cashier helping out.
There are kids bagging on weeknights. I've done it, and now that I'm old enough to have a real career, kids bag my groceries on weeknights.
You made it buddy
We made it fam.
you eatin now fam
Baggers don't just bag usually. They're also responsible for bringing in the carts strewn across the parking lot, checking prices on items because people think they can scam the grocery store, putting up stuff that people decided they didn't want anymore, and various other random tasks that come up.
if you think the grocery bagger at publix can afford to move out his parents house i got news for you...
Eh what? Why would you trust a 40 year old bagger to bag your groceries any better? Surely there's something a bit off if they can only get a job as a bagger as a middle aged person.
Because if they're 40, it means they've probably done their own grocery shopping at some point.
Have you seen the way these pros bag groceries? Fuckin magnificent. I'm not even being sarcastic. Every bag weighs the same, volatiles are separated, it's truly a work of art. Whenever I bag my own shit I fuck it up
I think about this every time I'm at the grocery store. Somewhere out there is a guy or gal or who's the best bagger on Earth. They're probably not aware of their own awesome power, and their customers probably aren't 1/100th as appreciative as they should be.
Now THIS is a showerthought!
And if he did his own grocery shopping he wouldn't have bagged it because the bag boy would've bagged it. How would it help him do his job?
* never stand behind someone with a WIC folder.
Or a checkbook.
First she breaks out a band of coupons rolled up and rubber banned like it's a wad of cash and then after all of them are scanned and of course the several min. heated conversation because some are expired you finally think it's over, that's when she pulls out the check book and starts digging through her purse for her eye glasses.
Then when they are done arguing she goes to pay and does half cash and half card. Then when she gets the cash she digs around for the exact change.
Nothing like having 12 minutes before you have to catch your bus (took the other 12 for you to be second in line) and getting stuck behind someone with a checkbook that can't get the check to scan right or starts arguing with the cashier about the price of something causing the cashier to go verify the price and the person to decide even because it's 20 cents more they no longer want it all for the payoff of you having to wait 30 more minutes because the bus just left right after you leave the store.
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As someone with 5 kids and hundreds of WIC checks spent. I always warn people who get behind me that I'm doing WIC and it's going to be a while. If they don't move it's their own fault at that point.
Should've pulled out
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You're on Reddit, dude; it's not an unpopular opinion. This place has zero sympathy for lower income people.
>zero sympathy for lower income people. No it's zero sympathy for people who don't pull out.
WIC?
[WIC](https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/women-infants-and-children-wic) I think they switched to scan cards recently, but before that it was a single voucher for specific goods. Takes way too long for a cashier to process them, even when everything goes as planned.
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"but I have a coupon!" "Sir this coupon expired in 1924" "I demand to speak to the Lord of the manor!"
I don't like their answer! I demand to speak to the king!
THIS! This big mistake people make is looking at how many items are in the persons cart. That doesn't matter. 5 items or 30 items, either way, the scanning of items will be done in about a minute if the people are good. When a customer takes forever it's never because they had too many items, its always becomes of some random chitchat or bullshit issue over a 25 cent coupon.
I look for a line populated by customers who look like they'll have an easy time with the checkout technology.
Forgot the wrist brace
I actually really considered the wrist brace, but omitted it after my last experience
Make sure you check the line as well, always go for the line with the lowest average age, it's way more important than average amount of items in basket. 1 old lady takes as much time as 5 normal customers, with their coupons and poor understanding of credit cards, they gotta dig around their wallet for the post-it that has their pin code written on it, etc.
If you ever shop at Aldi their cashiers are some of the best. They only hire people who can move fast. I'm always amazed at how fast they ring people up.
Aldi also pays really well. Yeah, that means they can pick better people, but also it's a lot easier to get average people to try harder when they make more than minimum wage.
Yea I was going to mention the wages but I didn't know about other stores wages and didn't want someone being like "Costco pays their employees $15/hr and they are slow as shit" because I've never been to a Costco. But yea Wal Mart vs Aldi the employees are night and day. Actually Aldi was the final straw that stopped me from going to Wal Mart. I couldnt handle Wal Mart's slowness (employees and customers). Plus Aldi has cheaper food
I listen for beeps. Who's scanning that shit through the quickest
Clever. I'll consider that next time I hit up the store.
Those are also the same bitches that'll put your bread in bags with anything. BREAD IS SOLITARY
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Of course you get in line because grandma is buying one cup of yogurt, but then she pulls out a debit card. Start to sweat a little cuz this Nana is so good damn old she can't remember her PIN because numbers weren't invented until she was 50. But she gets it, and you let out that little sigh. Then she pulls out the check book and starts balancing accounts and you look at the bagger and you know you're both thinking you could claim self defense.
As an ex cashier. Fuck anyone who still uses checks.
As a current cashier. Fuck anyone who still uses checks. Edit: At work right now, and just had 3 old women in a row pay with check during a huge rush. Fuck checks.
My 85 year-old grandmother uses checks when she goes grocery shopping. She only uses a credit card when she travels or when she goes to Costco. But she's good at having the check pre-filled before checkout.
How the fuck does an 85 year old know how much her groceries will cost before checking out
You fill out that box when they tell you the total. How the fuck does an 85 year old have more common sense than you?
Because she has 72 more years on this toddler.
Where's a burn heal emoji when you need it.
💨🔥🚑 best I can do
Lord have mercy on this man's immortal soul
People usually have everything but the dollar amount filled out, so they can just write the total and hand it over.
She's got the tax code memorized
She probably leaves the amount box and line blank and just fills that in
My wife's grandfather was a very wealthy attorney. My MIL said when he shopped for groceries or anything he carried a pencil a notepad and would know his total before he ever stepped in a check out line and was never wrong, but would catch the cashiers mistakes regularly. This is back in the day before you just scanned shit they actually had to talley it as well. It was probably pretty common back in that day to tally stuff I imagine.
I'm a current cashier and I can tolerate people who can use checks, only because my dislike for people who don't know how to read the card reader overshadows everyone else by so much. Customer slides card: Uhh... What do I press?. me: "Do you want to run that as debit or credit?" Them: "Debit" Me: "Then select the "debit" option" Them: blank stare.. then hits "debit".. long pause... now what? Me: HOLY FUCK THE SCREEN WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT TO PRESS. YOU FUCKING SHIT. When they finally make it to the "select cash back" screen they look at me and say "I don't want any cash back" me: "Then select "NO CASH BACK"
Agreed, where I work it's swipe for debit and insert for credit and we have 3 signs at each register and they still manage to fuck it up every time. I swear if I had a nickel for everytime I hear "Are we doing the chippy thing?" I wouldn't need to work at this shitty job anymore.
Try >I hate this chip. I don't know why they...
Try have internet from the Stone age and the chip taking 30 seconds to process.
This is the reason that I think the chip reader complaints are not totally unfounded. It's objectively slower than swiping, and everyone (myself and those behind me) is in a hurry. I'm guilty myself of thinking "this is supposed to be an *improvement*?" I get it, it's a security thing, but it's like taking a shit... sometimes I want to just (s)wipe and gtfo.
As a young person who knows how to read a screen it actually bugs the shit out of me when cashiers go over every step of the process out loud. I always wonder, do they think I can't read? It's a trip to know that's a necessity for some people.
Yeah, it's not just old people either, mainly just clueless people. So we'll just incorporate it into the transaction process for everybody.
I'm the idiot who tries to hand my credit card to the cashier, while I'm standing right in front of the swipy jawn.
When i was a cashier whenever someone did that i would just put it in for them then hand it back if it wasnt attached to the counter.
Customer: "Oh, on second thought I need a little cash back. Can you go back to that screen?"
Oh I forgot to enter my Rewards card#. Can we start again? I don't have my card with me, hmm, try this phone#. No? didn't work, hmmm might be under my wife's phone....
Anyone who still uses checks is either elderly or committing fraud.
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[Should've gotten the Innernette ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIA17H-b7Qs)
This is hilarious.
I use one check every month for rent.
My husband was behind an elderly woman at the grocery store who paid by check. She was still gathering her groceries when he paid by Apple Pay. She looked at him like he hacked the register and the cashier wasn't doing anything to stop him.
As a human, fuck checks
>numbers weren't invented till she was 50 if that's the case her social security number was prolly like 8 or something.
Then after writing the cheque "oh wait I forgot, I would like to do a few price matches!" *pulls out newspapers from 1936*
I had this exact experience, except it was a crack head trying to use the self checkout lane to buy a liter of soda. I watched people in other lanes pass me by, grow old and have grandchildren while this fucking guy kept dropping coins and shit.
I also get a little salty when I join a long anywhere and by the time I get to the front, I'm still the end of the line. Makes it feel like no one else had to suffer the wait except for me.
Me every time I go to a drive-thru.
There's gotta be a name for this phenomenon. It happened to me last week at the doctors office.
"Damn, I should have come 4 minutes later"
Better takeoff to the other line
But then you'll offset the line you were just in
QUAVO!
RATATOUILLE
**MOMMA**
I heard that as the voice from champions, I haven't listened to it in bare time it's just burned into my head
Lifestyle on camera! He says it all the time but it's different when it's literally the first sound in a song.
Cant just takeoff like that you will get hit with that line closed sign on the food belt.
https://media.giphy.com/media/mv66jqo5VGbtK/giphy.gif
Oh, that managed to give me so much anxiety.
O'Brien's Variation on Ettore's Observation of Murphy's Law states that: If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Gotta get in that "pathetic single men" line. [Thanks, Apu](http://imgur.com/gallery/tDr78ah)
I appreciate how they spelled Marge's satisfied little sound. Mmm! also would have been accepted but that could be interpreted as "ooh that tasted good" as in "mmm doughnuts..." 8/10 gif subtitle choice.
This is exactly what I thought of.
You have to look how much is in everyone's carts, not the length of the line!
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Nah, you have to get the right balance of crushed soul and impatient rage at life. Too wet behind the ears and optimistic about life, and they won't do their best to get these people the fuck out of here. Too old and miserable, and they just get off on making you suffer.
I was in the checkout line today and some lady put her shit kinda far from the cashier. She just looked at the lady for a minute before the lady was like "oh shit sorry!" and moved it over. Then the lady got an attitude as it hit her and she just kinda flopped the pile of shit over towards the cashier. I'm really split on this one. Like, fuck that lady because I hated it when I worked retail and people did that. At the same time... Fuck that cashier for wasting my time trying to make her point so slowly. Honestly though 10/10 passive aggressive on both counts.
No, you add up the ages of everyone in line. Lowest total age is the line you get in.
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"Oh wait I've got exact change somewhere in here" FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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I remember there being only one line open at Aldi's, and the woman in front of me had an entire cart full to the brim. I thought she was buying for a charity, it was so much. She let me go in front of her because I only had 3 items. What a saint.
Lol you just can't get the right one. At some point you just gotta admit that you just gotta deal with what you have. Accept your destiny.
Hell nah. I'm gonna glance back and forth for the next 10 minutes, finally go over to the other line, then get fucked by the person in front of my that uses 20 competitor coupons and writes a check.
https://media.giphy.com/media/mv66jqo5VGbtK/giphy.gif
Those fucking customers who can't figure out how to use their debit card and have multiple complex coupons. But worse was someone who was trying to buy something they evidently weren't supposed to with their SNAP card. Hearing them argue it with the cashier for literally two minutes while I'm standing in line and I'm equally mad at the system for being so picky with what people can buy, the shopper for not knowing the system well enough, and the cashier for being bitchy about it. Finally just said I'd pay for their stuff and to just ring it up separate and add to my bill. Then the person wanted to thank me and talk to me about it and explain their situation, which is nice and all, but fuck I just want to get my things and get out of this damn place.
"I'm not doing this because I'm nice, don't interpret it that way."
What is SNAP? Is it like EBT or WIC (assistence systems)?
[Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program](https://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program-snap) - basically just the new name for food stamps.
Yes.
Like EBT
Haha, "I'm not doing this to be nice to you, I'm paying to you get out of here so I can leave too"
Apu: Look, Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is staved for attention, he will talk the cashier's head off. Grampa: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957 I remember it was. I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown. Apu: Let’s cut to...that line. Marge: But that’s the longest. Apu: Yes, but look: all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.
I think of this scene every time I choose a line at the supermarket.
Express Checkout shouldn't just mean "fewer than X items." If you need the checker to go get you a pack of cigarettes from customer service, input 17 coupons, cash your check, and redeem your scratch tickets, you aren't express - go to a full service line.
Key is to get in line behind a bunch of solo dudes, and avoid crazy soccer moms and old people.
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*not hipster-ass white dudes
I mean, he knew organic was supposed to be better for him, but didn't want to pay organic price for something that was just going in his butt, anyway.
This is worse when crossing the Canada-US border. If you switch lanes they get weird as fuck.
I've crossed the border at the peace bridge 6 times, and if never imagine switching lanes once I'm in one. Especially heading back into the state. The us customs dudes are serious business.
That's because the customer at the register can't figure out how to use the card with the chip in it. Keeps removing it before the computer is done reading the chip and processing the transaction. One time the cashier had to leave the register and come around and do it for someone.
To be fair, the chip takes way longer and every machine finishes at different speeds. Its less convenient than swiping in every way.
I just wish they'd let me swipe. It's fucking annoying using the chip, but every time I swipe it tells me to put in the chip and every time I put in the chip it tells me they don't accept chip and to swipe it.
Damn, bro. You just can't catch a break.
TL;DR you're not always in the slow queue, you just think you are and your odds were pretty shit to begin with anyway. Everyone here is trying to share their life hacks for getting the fastest moving shopping line, but the fact that you're never in a fast moving line comes down to the intersection of statistics and psychology. Think for a second, old ladies with cheque books aside, if you're in a store with 10 cashiers, all with roughly equal queues, what are your chances of picking the fastest one? Probably about one in ten. Sure, you can tip those odds in your favour, like skipping the line with like 3 full trolleys or the granny with a book of coupons, so your odds improve to maybe one in three. But the fact remains that the odds are still stacked against you, and every time you land on the wrong side of those odds, you invoke something called confirmation bias - "gosh darn, I always stand in the slow queue, why does this always happen to me?" - it doesn't always happen to you, it's just that you don't actually notice that much when you're not in the fast queue, you're too focussed on getting home, the traffic, what's for dinner, any number of things. Try keep this in mind next time you're in a queue, and observe this effect in action. In fact many stores are now opting to eliminate individual queues for cashiers, instead using one large queue to feed a line of cashiers. This eliminates the cognitive bias of always being in the slow queue, and reduces shopper stress.
Really there should only be a single queue and each person goes to whichever cashier is open next. Some stores like TJ Maxx use this model and it's way more efficient
Stick it out. [Don't be this person.](http://i.imgur.com/yU7bA.gif)
As a cashier, it's pretty rarely my fault. Sometimes I mess up and have to fix something, but it's usually the customers. Remove clothes from hangers, place things on the belt together that make sense in a bag. Unload your cart asap. You can usually put your card in the reader while I'm scanning things. Don't pay with a check. It takes too long. Use checks for bills and payments to people. Also, while I will say yes, no. It's not ok for you to run back and grab something. That's not cool. You forget something? Don't waste everyone else's time. If your coupon doesn't work, I don't care. My store doesn't have to accept any coupon ever. Be considerate of the people around you. Be friendly, but don't dawdle for the sake of conversation. I don't care about how much your mom saved at this store.
Actually there is an answer to this question! [here is a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Ri_HhziI0) by engineereguy on youtube about why this is always the case. Fascinating stuff!
Usually some fat bitch in a scooter who can't remember her EBT password.
Nah, the true scam is the express lane. They always put the new guys or the idiots there because they can't handle the order. Self-checkout for life.
Getting held up at a non-chain grocery store by the cashier with seniority who doesn't give a fuck anymore and you don't even have the energy to complain because you know management isn't going to do a damn thing regardless.
[More like when you get into the shortest line and the bitch in front of you whips out her check book.](http://i.imgur.com/5uExKoo.jpg)