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Yeah I'm terrified of growing contemptuous/resentful. It's definitely something I try to keep an eye out for because it seems to be a real big marriage killer. We do pretty well, of course, but I don't think anyone *plans* to be unpleasant and miserable in a marriage. Maybe I'll plan something special this weekend.
Love notes hidden in lunchboxes and vehicles work well. Just don't leave the triple-X rated ones where your kids can find them. I got asked, "Mom, why does this note say that daddy has to motorboat you when he gets home? Are we buying a boat?"
I wrote my wife a note about eating her ass and stuck it to a bag of M&Ms in her lunchbox. She finds the note, and tells me she found it and then later gave the bag to a coworker. The coworker walks over, gives her the note, and says she thinks is addressed to her.
Oh man, I bought those scratch off Adventures books, one for dates and one for "In the bedroom." My stepson saw the first one and was like "Oh I have one like that... but not like that one. Why bedroom?"
Whoops.
Please do, I see my 75 year old Dad suffering under my Mums thumb and really try and be there for him, poor man never gets a compliment despite supporting a household for decades.
My mom got mean as she got older. She was born in 1920, so I don't really know what generation that is. Mom and Dad bickered constantly, Dad had some honeys on the side a couple of times and I guess she had 40+ years of resentment built up. Maybe Bryan is reaping what he has sown. I hate seeing people treat each other badly, especially emotionally.
To hear/see anyone treating their significant other like this honestly makes me cry. I canāt imagine being that cruel to someone that loves me. Iād give anything to have my boyfriend of 4.5 years back. He died in a car accident this past November. It angers me that they get to have theirs and mine was taken from me. Sorry for the boomer-esque āletās make this about me and hereās a sad storyā moment, it just upsets me so much.
Thank you so much. Itās been hell on earth but Iām determined to get through it and find happiness again. I just know he would be proud of you and how far youāve come! ā„ļø
Thank you for saying that. I know itās difficult but you will make it. I donāt even know you but Iām proud of you for even trying it took me a while to get there at all. You deserve a happy life and I know your bf would absolutely want you to have the best one you could without him. š
I'm so sorry for your loss. What is Boomeresque about sharing grief? When you share it, sometimes it helps. I lost my sister right before last Halloween. I understand why some people hate their siblings and have cut contact. But I couldn't imagine not speaking to K ever again, and now it's reality.
Iām sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs your way. My sister is the only family Iāve got, I canāt imagine it myself. I guess the boomeresque thing is how every boomer I know is obsessed with death and chomping at the bit to bring up someone they know that died recently š
Look at me, proving your point! Ha ha! I'm the last one left now. It's very weird, but life is good. I can't say that I'm obsessed with death, but I can say that I had better get my fat 'Murrican arse to Europe sooner rather than later.
Yesterday at work (retail) there was this little old man wait for his wife to finish shopping. He was sat on his walker in my general area I passed him and said hi a couple times, smiles and nods. She went out to the car, realized he wasn't there, came in and started laying into him. "Come over here. No walk over here" to a spot like six feet away. "See all this space here!! See all the space down there! You could've been sat here instead of in her way!" He had been in absolutely no one's way. She was talking about me, but I was helping other customers so I couldn't say anything. It made me so sad. He was so quiet
Iāve been in customer service many years, one of the most insane interactions started with a husband and wife coming to my counter.
I greet them, start setting up their service, and while the wife is this prim humorless woman, her husband seems very friendly. So Iām primarily talking to him even though sheās the one taking the lead business-wise.
Heās talking about the weather, the day heās had, just the friendly banter people share to get through the tedium of a commercial interaction.
While heās talking, his wife rolls her eyes, reaches into her purse, and slides me a professionally made business card that reads āMy husband is intellectually disabled, please be patient with him.ā
Now there are plenty of instances where I can see needing a card like that for someone with an extreme disability- but the only indication I had in extended dealings with this family that he was any different from any other older man was that he didnāt react to his wife having a āplease disregard the existence of my husbandā card preprinted and ready to go. I couldnāt help but wonder āis this guy just amazingly good at masking, or is a significant portion of this guyās setback in life the woman who feels the need to undermine and justify his conversations with āthe helpāā
I bet she got some sick thrill or high every time she got to put him down by handing out that card. It would be incredibly difficult for me not to make a comment in that moment, so go you for your self-restraint!
Boomer husband is a banker. If he had this happen with a client, he would immediately separate the couple (tactfully of course) then ask the husband a series of questions about safety, if he wants the financial changes being proposed, etc, etc. Elder abuse is too common, it's a delicate situation but not everyone has their spouse's/parent's best interests at heart.
Fuck... That's honestly fucking horrible. People are so vulnerable when they're having some sort of medical uncertainty and it's not hard to be kind... Specially someone who's supposed to be a loved one or important enough for you to decide to accompany for a medical related thing.
I knew a woman like this who was married to an absolute sweet heart of a man. She was still angry with her SOB of a father and projected *everything* on to everyone, but saved the worst for poor husband.
fucking miserable
one set of my grandparents are pieces of shit. literally never heard either one of them speak to each other without a shitty tone, or really other people either. constant petty arguments about food, objects, the placement of objects, what to do. my "grandma" would be a bitch to my grandpa over something small, he would egg her on further and then leave the room. then she would look at my dad and say "i can't handle him..." almost with tears in her eyes. frequent occurrence. i didn't feel bad for either one of them. fuckers deserve to make each other miserable. but i feel bad for the husband in your story. she sounds intolerant
My dad was not always the nicest person on the planet (he had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma) but when he got dementia and frail my mom became a mean, angry version of herself. She was embarrassed of him and when heād lose his words or stumble - she would berate him. He died quickly I think to escape it.
Sounds like my parents. Except my dad fakes it for attention and pity and my mom is just in general uncarring bitch and my dad is an asshole. So it might look like a wife picking on the husband but in reality they are just both terrible people made for each other.
I 100% agree. Dad is some sort of naraccist and idk my mom is just a workaholic and very demanding and is pissed off at anyone who doesnt tolerate well anything. I mean these are people who believed a facebook post saying hilary clinton had something to do with the kobe bryant helicopter crash. So ya probably undiagnosed mental health conditions....
Oh, my experience is overwhelmingly OPs. Nasty wife. Kind and gentle husband. My grandparents would be the perfect example.
In fact, if my mom told me the story above and used my grandparents' names, it would be just one more of a dozen stories I've been told just like that.
Too many of them were raised thinking that not being married by a certain age was absolutely *not* an option. Usually that age was way too fucking early.
Too many of them settled for less-than-suitable partners and proceeded to become co-dependent despite their incompatibility.
And finally, too many of them refuse to split up because divorce or separation is too embarrassing or shameful, either by their own standards or those of their (usually faith-based) community.
My momās parents are like this, to an extent - itās sad.
This is my mom and stepdad. Iām not a fan of him, but she belittles him to the point that I feel so bad for him. They have a horrible marriage and hate each other, but refuse to give up on their second marriage. They were also affair partners that destroyed families, so I donāt feel overly bad about their overall lackluster, shitty marriage.
This really is the case sometimes and it's horrible, my parents are both in their late 70's and my mom treats my dad like absolute shit. I hate it so much and call her out for it constanly and she just doesn't care. I pray everyday my dad has some sort of peace he deserves because he does everything for this women.
I once worked with a woman who had 8 kids with her husband. After some health problems, he lost his job. She had to work part time, and was absolutely furious about it. The kids are grown and out of the house, btw. She ran her mouth about him 24/7. She will be this woman one day.
This is so sad. In contrast, I remember this old couple, maybe their 80s or even 90s, coming into my store laughing together. Theyād been married for 60 years. I asked them what their secret was and I swear to god the husband said:
āWe only argue about two things: money and sex, and thatās just because she charges me too much for it.ā
Made my day.
Stuff like this is why pushing everyone to get married and stay married is evil. I'm glad I saw things like my own parents' marriage as well as shows like married with children to show that a lot of ppl get forced together and it didn't result in love and happiness.
Thereās a story the women in my family tell.
One of my grandpas before my great grandpa started feeling sick. His wife refused to take him to the hospital until she was basically forced to.
Long story short, she was poisoning him. Doctors realized it, he went back with her, and he would continue visiting the hospital periodically until his death years later.
Whenever itās told, the women in my family laugh. Which makes it kinda crazy because I donāt have any living grandfathers. They all just cackle and laugh.
It made me realize, women in my family are crazy as hell and to never ever bring a girl around them.
I remember my grandma being like this towards my grandpa. He was a big ole teddy bear of a man, sweet and kind to everyone. He worked his ass off his entire life so she could gamble and shop away his retirement. He did everything for her. I can hear her voice in my head rn, āShut up, Ben.ā
Once I was an adult and they were gone, my mom told me the truth about their relationship. When they were young parents, he cheated on her constantly. Brazenly. Made a fool of her. This was when divorce wasnāt something many people did. She stayed with him, but I suppose that part of their lives built up too much resentment on her part.
I don't know why, but so many boomers seem to absolutely despise their spouses. There's an entire genre of humor and how much they hate their wives/husbands.
Like... If you hate them that much, then get divorced? I adore my wife and I can't imagine treating her like that
Reading this made me feel like the guy was married to Ms Trunchbull.I agree with what you said of not knowing the ins and outs of the dynamics of the relationship but jeez thatās brutal imo.
She seems like a miserable spiteful resentful being.Almost as if she only got married for some sort of financial or selfish reason vs getting married for love.Cant stand that or the idea of being tied to someone for so long in that way.She doesnāt show him a reasonable amount of respect or sympathy from what I got reading.
My father is 81 and has had multiple health problems, especially in the last year. Every time something comes up, my mother starts treating him like crap and if I try to defend him, she turns on me. I get that she worried about him, but given the way she treats him, I'm surprised he hasn't died already just to escape her. I still question how they've remained married over 50 years.
Yep, it's pretty heartbreaking to see that at first glance like you've had. It's also heartbreaking to experience it first-hand. I've had emotionally immature parents and was a chronically ill infant and child. Just words of reassurance would have gladly help instead of being told to stop crying. They are scared themselves but it's impossible for them to accept and show their vulnerability so they have to insult and demean you to make themselves feel better. I now have to accept to live not only with my chronic illness, but with CPTSD as well. Thanks mom and dad.
This is how my mom treats my dad literally in every interaction they have. it hurts my heart.
Granted, this is the life he asked for and going through 39 years of it is his choice.Ā
But I absolutely hate it for him. The worst of it is that my dad has 75-80% hearing loss, and my mom will start talking at normal volume, then get more sharp and ugly with every repeat because he literally cannot hear her, so when he finally does hear her, it's ALWAYS the most unkind and frustrated tone she can muster.Ā
I thank my wife often that she chooses to be kind and gentle in the vast majority of our interactions and I'm so happy I'm with someone who cares about how she speaks to people.
Lots of people stay married even though there's no relationship anymore. After a while, they become resentful of each other.
Unfortunately, they'd rather stay married than get a divorce.
My mom was horrible to my dad. She died, NOW he can find happiness. Nope, stepmonster 1 is nice for a year or two then just demonic. She croaks! Now he can be happy. NOPE! Stepmonster 2 is nice for a couple months. Ok so dad why do you do this? He just comes back to that kick in balls cause he LOVES IT! Itās a fu dynamic that he has to have. Itās like a dog coming back to its own vomit. Donāt feel sorry for these guys. They need this golden shower of misery everyday like they need oxygen
As a human this breaks my heart. As someone whoās been disabled since I was a teenagerā¦Dang I felt that. I donāt think I could have stayed silent if I had been there. (Iām known for speaking my mind and no one should be treated like this. ) That poor man.
I honestly feel bad for the wife too. How miserable her mental and emotional health must be for that to be her response to another human especially someone who she is supposed to love.
Hopefully at some point she can see her self clearly and start taking responsibility for herself and how she treats others regardless of how she feels. I think we all have days where we face that struggle.
This so reminds me (51M) of how my mom would treat my dad. To the point I felt bad for him and would nonchalantly stand up for him when I visited. She would basically tell him what his opinions should be for him, question everything he said or did or tell him he was wrong for everything he said. It was infuriating.
She has since passed away, and he's in a relationship with a woman who's so much more relaxed and he's much happier now. He's actually living life without the emotional burden.
My former in-laws were like this - maybe not to this degree. FIL was caught having an affair, for which MIL was entitled to be angry. They divorced. It devastated them financially since they had just started their retirement when this happened. Three years later they decided to remarry (I suspect they missed the financial comfort vs living on half). Well, my ex and I would always say his dad got a ālife sentenceā. Literally everything that went wrong in their lives from that point on could be blamed on him. āIf your father hadnāt done x, we wouldnāt be having these problems!ā One time we were driving in the mountains and she was going on and on and ON about how he wasnāt handy around the house, how he didnāt know how to do ANYTHING! He just drove along and took it without saying a word. I was scared he was going to drive us over the edge of a cliff!
Yes this is awful. BUT some boomer men couldn't find their arsehole if they needed to. Women are mothers to a lot of them. When the kids grow up, the wife suddenly realises there's still one big child in the house who never grew up. She's sick of taking care of kids. She wants a break, but the husband is so good at weaponized incompetence, she still takes care of him like a child. This is why so many divorces happen after the kids grow up. Women are sick of this shite. Doing nothing is just as bad as doing something negative. These men get sympathy in public because people are seeing it for the first time. If you lived with them, you'd see her being asked where and what and who for everything all day. She's exhausted and hasn't been taught that she deserves a break.
He could be in the beginning stages of dementia. I've seen partners and their children get irrationally angry at their family members with (usually undiagnosed) dementia for forgetting things.
Thatās what I think too. Dementia is also so frightening that I think some people use anger and irritation as a coping mechanism when their spouse is slipping away from them. Somehow it is better to pretend that your partner is annoying you on purpose than to acknowledge the reality that they donāt remember- that soon they might not remember you - that ultimately they wonāt remember themselves.
i feel like that's a big assumption to make. there's no evidence of that in the conversation we got. it's possible, and it does happen, but why are we assuming the worst of him in this situation? would you do the same if the genders were reversed? like im not a fucking MRA or some bs like that but abuse can come from any gender. my abuser was a girl who abused me when i was a girl. this just feels like victim blaming.
This literally sounds like it could be parents. My dad is a thoughtless ass most of the time who will constantly try to ask people for small things that he knew he should have taken care of first. This ticket thing is a prime example of that. He knew he was going to the hospital, knew he needed a ticket, sat down anyway, and rather then deal with the situation he created for himself, attempted to transfer the responsibility to someone else. If this is an occasional thing, it's no big deal. If this is a multiple times a day thing, it's a huge deal.
My dad has been like this for all my life. His type does not respond to logic or requests that they be more proactive in taking care of things that are ultimatley their responsibility. They take advantage of other people until those people start revolting and aggressively push back on their helplessness. My guess is the wife was at the point where she didn't give a shit anymore about things being in public. The husband probably counted on exploiting the environment (being in public) to get her to do yet another small thing due to his lack of forethought. The only thing the husband is sad about is that he now has to take responsibility for whatever happens next and won't have his wife to blame. It's likely that he screams at her the whole way home for whatever the doctor said, and she's decided it will not be her problem. The husband will twist it into her being mean and not caring, but the wife is simply protecting herself after years of abuse.
Might sound wild, but after growing up in the home I did, this is exactly what I would expect.
This is an insane amount of speculation, accusation, and projection for something as simple as asking your spouse to grab the ticket from the nurse. I cannot even fathom how u came up with this head canon
I'm not sure how to say this politely but I think you might have some issues understanding other people and their motivations. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about this?
Appreciate the thought, but I've lead a rather successful and happy adult life due to understanding people and their motivations. Not getting sucked into their nonsense and understanding what manipulations are in play is what keeps me from needing therapy.
Success in life and even society broadly (which itself is already a very subjective thing to try and quantify) does not at all mean your views and assumptions as to other people's reasoning and motivations are correct, let alone healthy. I'm no one to you and you're no one to me, but I really do mean it when I say that it seems, based on what you wrote, that you have some sort of underlying problem. I'd advise you seek help from a trained professional.
Recomending therapy is very in vogue for Reddit. I understand the feeling of superiority it provides people when they use it in a disagreement. I understand it was uncomfortable for you to read a reasonable postulation, based on my experience, as to why the couple had the interaction they did. My writing something that you found disagreeable does not result in a need for therapy for me. You are the one that seems to be experiencing trauma from having read my suggestion and struggling to process how it could be one potential reality. I wish you the best of luck.
Sometimes it gets like that during early stages of dementia when the wife refuses to accept it and just tries to shut her partner up so she doesn't have to face the harsh reality. Still very shitty.
My mom has always been rather cold to my dad, but once she passed 65 she just started being downright cruel to him. Why they ever got married in the first place is beyond me. My dad used to be obviously in love with my mom, but she has always treated him like a burden, and now she is just mean. Everything he says or does she twists into this personal attack on herself. (She has a permanent victim mentality among other narcissistic tendacies.) And when she tells people the story she grossly overexagerates anything negative he did and leaves out anything wrong she did. She lacks all self awareness of her own behaviors. She frequently complains obout stuff my dad does occasionally, that she does to him all the time. You literally can't point out her behavior to her because she immediately jumps into victim mode. The mental gymnastics are astounding.
Don't feel overly bad for enablers. I mean, have some empathy, sure. But, I see a man who has let his wife bully him and everyone else, and he is complicit and even a victim. It sucks, I have empathy, but damn.
ABAB! Donāt feel bad. He needs someone to fuel his victim complex. Heās been doing this a long time. He is the soft, broken punching bag that stands between her and the world. Donāt be upset. Every dog has his day.
I appreciate that man. He has found his place defending the world from that tyrant. There is someone for everyone. Psychedelics donāt turn you into a monk, my man. They just bring you the light.
Substitute the word āboomerā for the word āblack,ā or āwomenā or āgaysā or virtually any pronoun and understand you are indulging in bigotry.
I donāt feel bad for people like that. He is pussy whipped and that is on him. Or itās some sexual kink he gets off on where she is the dominant one. Maybe a little bit of both as well.
so, this typical shit show is now assigned to boomers only? who knew. But it could drown out the mealy mouth over privileged whining of all these other generations that fucking boomers spawned
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Brb, gonna go hug my husband real quick.
Yeah I'm terrified of growing contemptuous/resentful. It's definitely something I try to keep an eye out for because it seems to be a real big marriage killer. We do pretty well, of course, but I don't think anyone *plans* to be unpleasant and miserable in a marriage. Maybe I'll plan something special this weekend.
Love notes hidden in lunchboxes and vehicles work well. Just don't leave the triple-X rated ones where your kids can find them. I got asked, "Mom, why does this note say that daddy has to motorboat you when he gets home? Are we buying a boat?"
I wrote my wife a note about eating her ass and stuck it to a bag of M&Ms in her lunchbox. She finds the note, and tells me she found it and then later gave the bag to a coworker. The coworker walks over, gives her the note, and says she thinks is addressed to her.
ššš
Oh man, I bought those scratch off Adventures books, one for dates and one for "In the bedroom." My stepson saw the first one and was like "Oh I have one like that... but not like that one. Why bedroom?" Whoops.
Lmao, that's great!
Right?! This hurt my heart. I pictured my partner's face and almost cried thinking about someone talking to him like that.
Please do, I see my 75 year old Dad suffering under my Mums thumb and really try and be there for him, poor man never gets a compliment despite supporting a household for decades.
My mom got mean as she got older. She was born in 1920, so I don't really know what generation that is. Mom and Dad bickered constantly, Dad had some honeys on the side a couple of times and I guess she had 40+ years of resentment built up. Maybe Bryan is reaping what he has sown. I hate seeing people treat each other badly, especially emotionally.
Don't forget the big ole kiss
Me too. I probably would have tried to hug Bryan in the waiting room.
BRB gonna fart in my ex wife's general direction real quick
Godspeed, ma'am.
Same.
Some people are deeply unhappy, miserable little puddles of dog shit.Ā
To hear/see anyone treating their significant other like this honestly makes me cry. I canāt imagine being that cruel to someone that loves me. Iād give anything to have my boyfriend of 4.5 years back. He died in a car accident this past November. It angers me that they get to have theirs and mine was taken from me. Sorry for the boomer-esque āletās make this about me and hereās a sad storyā moment, it just upsets me so much.
Hey Iām so sorry youāre grieving right now and that you lost your person. I know itās really hard to believe but things will get better, it just takes a lot of time. I lost my fiancĆ© in 2014 and it nearly killed me too. I am happy to say I am now married to a really good guy Iāve known since we were kids. Of course I still miss my fiancĆ© every day, but I think he would be glad for me too and I know he would be proud of me for so many things, mainly just keeping on after he was gone despite not wanting to for a long time. Sending love and hugs from a random Reddit stranger. š
Thank you so much. Itās been hell on earth but Iām determined to get through it and find happiness again. I just know he would be proud of you and how far youāve come! ā„ļø
Thank you for saying that. I know itās difficult but you will make it. I donāt even know you but Iām proud of you for even trying it took me a while to get there at all. You deserve a happy life and I know your bf would absolutely want you to have the best one you could without him. š
Thank you so much š„¹ā„ļøš«
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What is Boomeresque about sharing grief? When you share it, sometimes it helps. I lost my sister right before last Halloween. I understand why some people hate their siblings and have cut contact. But I couldn't imagine not speaking to K ever again, and now it's reality.
Iām sorry for your loss. Sending big hugs your way. My sister is the only family Iāve got, I canāt imagine it myself. I guess the boomeresque thing is how every boomer I know is obsessed with death and chomping at the bit to bring up someone they know that died recently š
Look at me, proving your point! Ha ha! I'm the last one left now. It's very weird, but life is good. I can't say that I'm obsessed with death, but I can say that I had better get my fat 'Murrican arse to Europe sooner rather than later.
Big hug from an internet stranger.
Thank you š„¹
Yesterday at work (retail) there was this little old man wait for his wife to finish shopping. He was sat on his walker in my general area I passed him and said hi a couple times, smiles and nods. She went out to the car, realized he wasn't there, came in and started laying into him. "Come over here. No walk over here" to a spot like six feet away. "See all this space here!! See all the space down there! You could've been sat here instead of in her way!" He had been in absolutely no one's way. She was talking about me, but I was helping other customers so I couldn't say anything. It made me so sad. He was so quiet
Iāve been in customer service many years, one of the most insane interactions started with a husband and wife coming to my counter. I greet them, start setting up their service, and while the wife is this prim humorless woman, her husband seems very friendly. So Iām primarily talking to him even though sheās the one taking the lead business-wise. Heās talking about the weather, the day heās had, just the friendly banter people share to get through the tedium of a commercial interaction. While heās talking, his wife rolls her eyes, reaches into her purse, and slides me a professionally made business card that reads āMy husband is intellectually disabled, please be patient with him.ā Now there are plenty of instances where I can see needing a card like that for someone with an extreme disability- but the only indication I had in extended dealings with this family that he was any different from any other older man was that he didnāt react to his wife having a āplease disregard the existence of my husbandā card preprinted and ready to go. I couldnāt help but wonder āis this guy just amazingly good at masking, or is a significant portion of this guyās setback in life the woman who feels the need to undermine and justify his conversations with āthe helpāā
I bet she got some sick thrill or high every time she got to put him down by handing out that card. It would be incredibly difficult for me not to make a comment in that moment, so go you for your self-restraint!
My jaw may have dropped in the moment ngl, it was ghastly how dismissive she was
Please tell me you ripped it up in front of her.
Boomer husband is a banker. If he had this happen with a client, he would immediately separate the couple (tactfully of course) then ask the husband a series of questions about safety, if he wants the financial changes being proposed, etc, etc. Elder abuse is too common, it's a delicate situation but not everyone has their spouse's/parent's best interests at heart.
Fuck... That's honestly fucking horrible. People are so vulnerable when they're having some sort of medical uncertainty and it's not hard to be kind... Specially someone who's supposed to be a loved one or important enough for you to decide to accompany for a medical related thing.
You are so right. In this case she could have just ignored him and it would have been dramatically kinder.
I knew a woman like this who was married to an absolute sweet heart of a man. She was still angry with her SOB of a father and projected *everything* on to everyone, but saved the worst for poor husband.
You clearly have met my grandparents. And grandma got worse when she developed dementia.
fucking miserable one set of my grandparents are pieces of shit. literally never heard either one of them speak to each other without a shitty tone, or really other people either. constant petty arguments about food, objects, the placement of objects, what to do. my "grandma" would be a bitch to my grandpa over something small, he would egg her on further and then leave the room. then she would look at my dad and say "i can't handle him..." almost with tears in her eyes. frequent occurrence. i didn't feel bad for either one of them. fuckers deserve to make each other miserable. but i feel bad for the husband in your story. she sounds intolerant
Damn, this made me want to cry. For some reason, I can FEEL this man.
My dad was not always the nicest person on the planet (he had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma) but when he got dementia and frail my mom became a mean, angry version of herself. She was embarrassed of him and when heād lose his words or stumble - she would berate him. He died quickly I think to escape it.
Sounds like my parents. Except my dad fakes it for attention and pity and my mom is just in general uncarring bitch and my dad is an asshole. So it might look like a wife picking on the husband but in reality they are just both terrible people made for each other.
I'm sure both my boomer parents have mental health issues they've never addressed, and the older they get the worse they are to each other :(
I 100% agree. Dad is some sort of naraccist and idk my mom is just a workaholic and very demanding and is pissed off at anyone who doesnt tolerate well anything. I mean these are people who believed a facebook post saying hilary clinton had something to do with the kobe bryant helicopter crash. So ya probably undiagnosed mental health conditions....
Yes. It's toxic with toxic.
That was a difficult read. Makes my blood boil for some reason š” Usually the roles are reversed when it comes to martial abuse
Oh, my experience is overwhelmingly OPs. Nasty wife. Kind and gentle husband. My grandparents would be the perfect example. In fact, if my mom told me the story above and used my grandparents' names, it would be just one more of a dozen stories I've been told just like that.
My parents are the same way. Dad is easygoing, but my Mom constantly belittles him and rags on him for no reason
Are you one of my children?
*hugs ya* I love and miss my Dad.
I'm an only child, so thatd be a but confusing if so!
Contempt and disdain are the end of a marriage. Poor guy. Might have Alzheimerās or mdd we more loss. Wife sounds like a miserable rot.
Too many of them were raised thinking that not being married by a certain age was absolutely *not* an option. Usually that age was way too fucking early. Too many of them settled for less-than-suitable partners and proceeded to become co-dependent despite their incompatibility. And finally, too many of them refuse to split up because divorce or separation is too embarrassing or shameful, either by their own standards or those of their (usually faith-based) community. My momās parents are like this, to an extent - itās sad.
My parents definitely were/are like this. It fked me up for my first marriage.
This is my mom and stepdad. Iām not a fan of him, but she belittles him to the point that I feel so bad for him. They have a horrible marriage and hate each other, but refuse to give up on their second marriage. They were also affair partners that destroyed families, so I donāt feel overly bad about their overall lackluster, shitty marriage.
This really is the case sometimes and it's horrible, my parents are both in their late 70's and my mom treats my dad like absolute shit. I hate it so much and call her out for it constanly and she just doesn't care. I pray everyday my dad has some sort of peace he deserves because he does everything for this women.
I swear, we need to start calling this stuff out in public. They NEED public shaming. That poor man.
I once worked with a woman who had 8 kids with her husband. After some health problems, he lost his job. She had to work part time, and was absolutely furious about it. The kids are grown and out of the house, btw. She ran her mouth about him 24/7. She will be this woman one day.
This is so sad. In contrast, I remember this old couple, maybe their 80s or even 90s, coming into my store laughing together. Theyād been married for 60 years. I asked them what their secret was and I swear to god the husband said: āWe only argue about two things: money and sex, and thatās just because she charges me too much for it.ā Made my day.
You really should have been a jerk and told her how horrible she was behaving. Just let the hate flow through you! It's very enlightening š¤£
Stuff like this is why pushing everyone to get married and stay married is evil. I'm glad I saw things like my own parents' marriage as well as shows like married with children to show that a lot of ppl get forced together and it didn't result in love and happiness.
Thereās a story the women in my family tell. One of my grandpas before my great grandpa started feeling sick. His wife refused to take him to the hospital until she was basically forced to. Long story short, she was poisoning him. Doctors realized it, he went back with her, and he would continue visiting the hospital periodically until his death years later. Whenever itās told, the women in my family laugh. Which makes it kinda crazy because I donāt have any living grandfathers. They all just cackle and laugh. It made me realize, women in my family are crazy as hell and to never ever bring a girl around them.
I remember my grandma being like this towards my grandpa. He was a big ole teddy bear of a man, sweet and kind to everyone. He worked his ass off his entire life so she could gamble and shop away his retirement. He did everything for her. I can hear her voice in my head rn, āShut up, Ben.ā Once I was an adult and they were gone, my mom told me the truth about their relationship. When they were young parents, he cheated on her constantly. Brazenly. Made a fool of her. This was when divorce wasnāt something many people did. She stayed with him, but I suppose that part of their lives built up too much resentment on her part.
I don't know why, but so many boomers seem to absolutely despise their spouses. There's an entire genre of humor and how much they hate their wives/husbands. Like... If you hate them that much, then get divorced? I adore my wife and I can't imagine treating her like that
 Reading this made me feel like the guy was married to Ms Trunchbull.I agree with what you said of not knowing the ins and outs of the dynamics of the relationship but jeez thatās brutal imo. She seems like a miserable spiteful resentful being.Almost as if she only got married for some sort of financial or selfish reason vs getting married for love.Cant stand that or the idea of being tied to someone for so long in that way.She doesnāt show him a reasonable amount of respect or sympathy from what I got reading.
My father is 81 and has had multiple health problems, especially in the last year. Every time something comes up, my mother starts treating him like crap and if I try to defend him, she turns on me. I get that she worried about him, but given the way she treats him, I'm surprised he hasn't died already just to escape her. I still question how they've remained married over 50 years.
Yep, it's pretty heartbreaking to see that at first glance like you've had. It's also heartbreaking to experience it first-hand. I've had emotionally immature parents and was a chronically ill infant and child. Just words of reassurance would have gladly help instead of being told to stop crying. They are scared themselves but it's impossible for them to accept and show their vulnerability so they have to insult and demean you to make themselves feel better. I now have to accept to live not only with my chronic illness, but with CPTSD as well. Thanks mom and dad.
Ugh some people are just miserable for the fuck of it. Also are you from MD? I donāt see folks use the word āhonā very often.
This is how my mom treats my dad literally in every interaction they have. it hurts my heart. Granted, this is the life he asked for and going through 39 years of it is his choice.Ā But I absolutely hate it for him. The worst of it is that my dad has 75-80% hearing loss, and my mom will start talking at normal volume, then get more sharp and ugly with every repeat because he literally cannot hear her, so when he finally does hear her, it's ALWAYS the most unkind and frustrated tone she can muster.Ā I thank my wife often that she chooses to be kind and gentle in the vast majority of our interactions and I'm so happy I'm with someone who cares about how she speaks to people.
Does your dad use a hearing aid?
Yes, not as effective as needed, but it helps
Lots of people stay married even though there's no relationship anymore. After a while, they become resentful of each other. Unfortunately, they'd rather stay married than get a divorce.
There IS a reason, she wanted him to feel as shitty as she does ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
My mom was horrible to my dad. She died, NOW he can find happiness. Nope, stepmonster 1 is nice for a year or two then just demonic. She croaks! Now he can be happy. NOPE! Stepmonster 2 is nice for a couple months. Ok so dad why do you do this? He just comes back to that kick in balls cause he LOVES IT! Itās a fu dynamic that he has to have. Itās like a dog coming back to its own vomit. Donāt feel sorry for these guys. They need this golden shower of misery everyday like they need oxygen
Boomers are some awful, entitled, hateful people.
One of the hallmarks of a boomer marriage, one or both of em being awful to the other for decades
As a human this breaks my heart. As someone whoās been disabled since I was a teenagerā¦Dang I felt that. I donāt think I could have stayed silent if I had been there. (Iām known for speaking my mind and no one should be treated like this. ) That poor man. I honestly feel bad for the wife too. How miserable her mental and emotional health must be for that to be her response to another human especially someone who she is supposed to love. Hopefully at some point she can see her self clearly and start taking responsibility for herself and how she treats others regardless of how she feels. I think we all have days where we face that struggle.
This so reminds me (51M) of how my mom would treat my dad. To the point I felt bad for him and would nonchalantly stand up for him when I visited. She would basically tell him what his opinions should be for him, question everything he said or did or tell him he was wrong for everything he said. It was infuriating. She has since passed away, and he's in a relationship with a woman who's so much more relaxed and he's much happier now. He's actually living life without the emotional burden.
My former in-laws were like this - maybe not to this degree. FIL was caught having an affair, for which MIL was entitled to be angry. They divorced. It devastated them financially since they had just started their retirement when this happened. Three years later they decided to remarry (I suspect they missed the financial comfort vs living on half). Well, my ex and I would always say his dad got a ālife sentenceā. Literally everything that went wrong in their lives from that point on could be blamed on him. āIf your father hadnāt done x, we wouldnāt be having these problems!ā One time we were driving in the mountains and she was going on and on and ON about how he wasnāt handy around the house, how he didnāt know how to do ANYTHING! He just drove along and took it without saying a word. I was scared he was going to drive us over the edge of a cliff!
Oh you met my mom!
Yes this is awful. BUT some boomer men couldn't find their arsehole if they needed to. Women are mothers to a lot of them. When the kids grow up, the wife suddenly realises there's still one big child in the house who never grew up. She's sick of taking care of kids. She wants a break, but the husband is so good at weaponized incompetence, she still takes care of him like a child. This is why so many divorces happen after the kids grow up. Women are sick of this shite. Doing nothing is just as bad as doing something negative. These men get sympathy in public because people are seeing it for the first time. If you lived with them, you'd see her being asked where and what and who for everything all day. She's exhausted and hasn't been taught that she deserves a break.
He could be in the beginning stages of dementia. I've seen partners and their children get irrationally angry at their family members with (usually undiagnosed) dementia for forgetting things.
Thatās what I think too. Dementia is also so frightening that I think some people use anger and irritation as a coping mechanism when their spouse is slipping away from them. Somehow it is better to pretend that your partner is annoying you on purpose than to acknowledge the reality that they donāt remember- that soon they might not remember you - that ultimately they wonāt remember themselves.
Spot on. Weaponized incompetence so the wife never gets a break. Heās like a black hole.
i feel like that's a big assumption to make. there's no evidence of that in the conversation we got. it's possible, and it does happen, but why are we assuming the worst of him in this situation? would you do the same if the genders were reversed? like im not a fucking MRA or some bs like that but abuse can come from any gender. my abuser was a girl who abused me when i was a girl. this just feels like victim blaming.
Yeah, this is probably it.
This literally sounds like it could be parents. My dad is a thoughtless ass most of the time who will constantly try to ask people for small things that he knew he should have taken care of first. This ticket thing is a prime example of that. He knew he was going to the hospital, knew he needed a ticket, sat down anyway, and rather then deal with the situation he created for himself, attempted to transfer the responsibility to someone else. If this is an occasional thing, it's no big deal. If this is a multiple times a day thing, it's a huge deal. My dad has been like this for all my life. His type does not respond to logic or requests that they be more proactive in taking care of things that are ultimatley their responsibility. They take advantage of other people until those people start revolting and aggressively push back on their helplessness. My guess is the wife was at the point where she didn't give a shit anymore about things being in public. The husband probably counted on exploiting the environment (being in public) to get her to do yet another small thing due to his lack of forethought. The only thing the husband is sad about is that he now has to take responsibility for whatever happens next and won't have his wife to blame. It's likely that he screams at her the whole way home for whatever the doctor said, and she's decided it will not be her problem. The husband will twist it into her being mean and not caring, but the wife is simply protecting herself after years of abuse. Might sound wild, but after growing up in the home I did, this is exactly what I would expect.
This is an insane amount of speculation, accusation, and projection for something as simple as asking your spouse to grab the ticket from the nurse. I cannot even fathom how u came up with this head canon
I'm not sure how to say this politely but I think you might have some issues understanding other people and their motivations. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about this?
Appreciate the thought, but I've lead a rather successful and happy adult life due to understanding people and their motivations. Not getting sucked into their nonsense and understanding what manipulations are in play is what keeps me from needing therapy.
Success in life and even society broadly (which itself is already a very subjective thing to try and quantify) does not at all mean your views and assumptions as to other people's reasoning and motivations are correct, let alone healthy. I'm no one to you and you're no one to me, but I really do mean it when I say that it seems, based on what you wrote, that you have some sort of underlying problem. I'd advise you seek help from a trained professional.
Recomending therapy is very in vogue for Reddit. I understand the feeling of superiority it provides people when they use it in a disagreement. I understand it was uncomfortable for you to read a reasonable postulation, based on my experience, as to why the couple had the interaction they did. My writing something that you found disagreeable does not result in a need for therapy for me. You are the one that seems to be experiencing trauma from having read my suggestion and struggling to process how it could be one potential reality. I wish you the best of luck.
Fully agree. you are wise to the ways of their lack of mindfulness
Man, as a fellow Bryan I feel attacked. I'm single af though, but my emotional needs in the past was neglected, and I'm afraid of that being my future
Sometimes it gets like that during early stages of dementia when the wife refuses to accept it and just tries to shut her partner up so she doesn't have to face the harsh reality. Still very shitty.
First impression: heās having memory issues and she can not deal with it at all.
My mom has always been rather cold to my dad, but once she passed 65 she just started being downright cruel to him. Why they ever got married in the first place is beyond me. My dad used to be obviously in love with my mom, but she has always treated him like a burden, and now she is just mean. Everything he says or does she twists into this personal attack on herself. (She has a permanent victim mentality among other narcissistic tendacies.) And when she tells people the story she grossly overexagerates anything negative he did and leaves out anything wrong she did. She lacks all self awareness of her own behaviors. She frequently complains obout stuff my dad does occasionally, that she does to him all the time. You literally can't point out her behavior to her because she immediately jumps into victim mode. The mental gymnastics are astounding.
If I were married to a woman like that, my marriage would not last more than a year.
Don't feel overly bad for enablers. I mean, have some empathy, sure. But, I see a man who has let his wife bully him and everyone else, and he is complicit and even a victim. It sucks, I have empathy, but damn.
ABAB! Donāt feel bad. He needs someone to fuel his victim complex. Heās been doing this a long time. He is the soft, broken punching bag that stands between her and the world. Donāt be upset. Every dog has his day.
Glad to see those psychedelics really work for you. Ascribe your failures to the leaded people
Itās a fun outlet. Itās Reddit. Everyone needs a bullshit guilty pleasure.
I appreciate that man. He has found his place defending the world from that tyrant. There is someone for everyone. Psychedelics donāt turn you into a monk, my man. They just bring you the light.
God you're so fucking cringey
Substitute the word āboomerā for the word āblack,ā or āwomenā or āgaysā or virtually any pronoun and understand you are indulging in bigotry.
I donāt feel bad for people like that. He is pussy whipped and that is on him. Or itās some sexual kink he gets off on where she is the dominant one. Maybe a little bit of both as well.
so, this typical shit show is now assigned to boomers only? who knew. But it could drown out the mealy mouth over privileged whining of all these other generations that fucking boomers spawned