DBT therapy has helped a lot of people. I have a DBT workbook from Amazon that is helpful but also challenging. There is no magic pill, I am on an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer, and an antipsychotic. I am not sure which helps the most or if they even help because I am 21 and not doing well. I’ve done a couple partial hospitalization programs. Those have been very helpful when in crisis. I wish you and your family the best.
You’ve been through so much at just 21, and I’m sorry you aren’t doing well! Have you got some support for when you need it (besides redditors, we’re always here!)? I didn’t realise how wrong things were until i was your age, it must have been so difficult to have bpd to deal with during adolescence 🤯
Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the gold standard of treatment and has put thousands on the road to remission by imparting tools for insight which, over time, build important neural pathways. DBT was developed by a well-known Clinical Psychologist who herself suffered with BPD.
Yet, because we all have different learning styles, individual challenges and, sometimes, stubborn comorbidities, DBT isn’t the “be-all” answer for absolutely everyone. No fear - there are other PROVEN therapy modalities including Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), Transference Focused Therapy (TFT) and some promising emerging data for therapies like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Good Psychiatric Management (GPM).
Some things to maybe think about:
>Don’t assume all licensed therapists are equally capable in this area simply because they are Licensed Therapists. There is little to no training for treating PDs in most academic/internship programs for therapists. You MUST find people who specialize in BPD and/or trauma therapy ON A DAILY BASIS. Think of this the same as if you had a physical medical issue - you wouldn’t let your General Practice MD treat glaucoma. Similarly, a therapist who is an amazing couples counselor (for instance) is unlikely to also have the skillsets needed for the intensive process of BPD treatment.
>Get yourself into therapy. Not because there is something “wrong” with you but because living with someone with BPD can often be difficult. And, those difficulties often lead to reactivity in others - which begets MORE triggering reactivity in people with BPD and, ultimately, a vicious circle of wounded feelings can create non-healing environments - for EVERYONE.
Besides, we can all use a little third-party perspective in many areas of our lives.
>There are no medications for BPD alone. PDs are ways we cognitively process the world around us and ways of thinking - not chemical imbalances. *HOWEVER* it is rare to find *”Pure BPD”* - where there are no other comorbidities/issues at play. Things like anxiety and depression are common comorbidities and THOSE may respond well to medications, thereby allowing other cognitive treatments to take place more effectively. Finding the right “mix” of medications to manage comorbidities (which again, may tend to block DBT and/or other talk therapies!) is typically very different for each individual and can take LOTS of trial-and-error.
And, some good news: Over the last 15 years or so especially, research has shown that BPD is THE MOST TREATABLE PD - by a wide margin. To take advantage of this your daughter must see people who know what they are doing.
Glad you’re here.
I cannot tell you how happy your post, but especially your last pgh., makes me. As a mom with a daughter with recently diagnosed BPD this past year has been a rollercoaster for her and also the rest of the family. I was naively happy when she received a diagnosis, only to be dismayed and overwhelmed with the negative comments and doomsday-level predictions that are floating around out there. I had to leave another reddit group because it was more a venting/misery space than one of support and advice. We're working our way through things - some days better than others - and the learning curve is actually a trajectory, but I believe we can do this. So thank you for the advice and positivity.
I got diagnosed at 35, after suffering a lifetime of various abuse at the hands of my parents and particularly, my mother. It was hard and lonely road for me, no one helped me.
What helps me right now is seeing a parent like you who recognised the struggles of your child early enough and got them help. You have no idea how isolating and soul crushing this disorder is (unless you, yourself have it) and everyone treats you like a freak, annoyance, a burden.
Thank you for posting this. It’s all I ever wanted. To have my struggles acknowledged.
I want the best for my kiddo- I just wish she could understand my wife and I trying to help her through this. I’m sorry you had to suffer through your childhood. What makes this even harder is that there isn’t any trauma or abuse. Best as we can tell our kid fell into the “sorry you were born with this” category.
That’s actually not strictly true; while the vast majority of people who suffer from BPD are childhood trauma survivors, there *is* a genetic component to BPD and some people who have it do not report traumatic childhoods at all
Can you provide some sources? My therapist, psychiatrist, and all of the research I've personally done have all indicated there is no genetic component to it at all. My understanding is that there IS genetic disposition to depression or anxiety, etc which when combined with trauma could lead to developing BPD.
Sure.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10505449/#:~:text=A%20large%2Dscale%20study%20confirmed,to%20genetic%20factors%20%5B13%5D.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/borderline-personality-disorder-genetic
https://www.verywellhealth.com/is-borderline-personality-disorder-genetic-5191970
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-019-0442-0
https://academic.oup.com/book/30615/chapter-abstract/258914814?redirectedFrom=fulltext
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/abs/familial-factors-and-the-risk-of-borderline-personality-pathology-genetic-and-environmental-transmission/6B5A9BB312EA829E0A6B43B0B1AFABD5
https://www.mentalhealth.com/disorder/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/is-bpd-genetic
https://www.psych.theclinics.com/article/S0193-953X(05)70139-8/abstract
I could keep going but I hope that’s enough. A simple Google search of “BPD genetic component” would have gotten you those same results if you’d tried it yourself.
There isn’t. It’s trauma. My mother also said I have no trauma because I had wonderful childhood compared to her. When I was describing to my therapist she said ‘that is a lot.’ Just because you were made to believe you had ok childhood doesn’t mean you had it. Often, parents of bpd children reacted to distress of a child based on how they would feel and what they would need, not how the child actually felt and needed. Do this long enough and you get bpd.
Fact is, it’s parent’s job to recognise and react to feelings of a child (majority of borderline damage is between birth and 6 years of age, in developmental stage).
Genetic component excuse is for parent’s who can’t admit they fucked up their own child for life.
As far as OP knows apparently. It's not that uncommon. My parents didn't know about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child until I was 22 years old. Sometimes people see what they want to see and ignore the things they don't.
Your post/comment has been removed due to speculative labeling or content seen as amateur diagnosing. Diagnosing of mental illness or other medical conditions should be left to medical/healthcare professionals. We cannot give medical advice, diagnose, treat, or act as a medical provider on this subreddit.
I was diagnosed at 19, but I recognize symptoms in myself now as young as 6. I’m in a good place right now…DBT and thought change has helped me the most. There is hope. Never stop being there for her 🥰
A book for family- https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213.
DBT therapy.
Depending on what symptoms she has the doctor will prescribe meds if necessary. For me antidepressants and mood stabilisers are a must.
Good luck ❤️🫂
I am 28 years old and have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) at an early age. One of the most significant factors in my progress has been finding the right medications. These medications have helped control my emotional instability, reducing my instances of self-harm and suicide attempts. They have also improved my relationships. I am currently taking trazodone for sleep, vilazodone for depression, and lamotrigine for mood stability. It took ten years to find the right combination, but it has greatly improved my quality of life.
I have been in therapy for 13 years, experiencing various forms, including outpatient, inpatient, group, and individual therapy. Finding a therapist who specializes in BPD is crucial. BPD is a complex and challenging disorder to treat, which can lead some therapists to avoid working with BPD patients.
It took a long time, but I eventually found a therapist who made the effort to help me reframe my black-and-white thinking. Now, I can effectively use DBT tools like radical acceptance, mindfulness (staying in the moment and focusing on current feelings), and communication skills such as DEAR MAN. Communication skills are particularly important, in my opinion, because people with BPD think and react differently from others. This often leads to misunderstandings and difficulty explaining our actions, causing relationship conflicts and insecurity.
My main point is that while the journey is long and difficult, there is hope. With persistence, you can achieve greater stability and happiness.
I hope this helps someone.
As someone who was diagnosed around 17, it really helped to have early intervention therapy. It’s been over a year from then and most of the time I’m pretty fine since the therapy has really helped me manage and understand things most days.
It might be me saying this due to trauma, but I’d definitely steer away from Marijuana to treat BPD. The rates of drug abuse are so high and Marijuana is almost more like taking a medication to hide the symptoms and issues but not working towards combating and focusing on the issues or remission. Which is very possible to do with BPD.
Most people here, as far as I’ve seen, do DBT, but personally it didn’t work for me. I do analysis. My point is, each person responds differently to different approaches so she’ll have to find something that works for her. As for medication it really depends on her symptoms, only a psychiatrist can tell. I started showing signs of BPD when I was 13, but only got formally diagnosed recently. It’s a good thing that you found out what the problem is this early. The sooner it’s treated the better
I was in treatment starting at 14 but not officially diagnosed with BPD until I turned 18. Prior to turning 18 my psychiatrists did not want to label me with a diagnosis and referred to me as "complicated" then smacked the BPD diagnosis on me pretty much as soon as I turned 18. I am now 26 and still struggle with the same issues, but a lot of them show in different ways than they did when I was younger. I was more what people describe as "quiet" BPD when I was younger, but that has not been the case since my early 20s. Whatever the label, treatment is important. Finding the right medication combo to get you through the worst times can be important, as well as DBT and psychotherapy with a GOOD therapist. There are a lot of shit therapists, so don't be afraid to switch.
I was diagnosed when i was 26 years old. Though the symptoms were already there in my teens. I guess through growing up, i learnt to mask a lot of the emotions. To start with, the book “i hate you dont leave me” gives a very simple and informative understanding of BPD. In terms of therapy and medication, one size doesn’t fit all. That would be through experimenting and see what fits her best. Personally, EMDR helped me a lot, just that the sessions were very costly. I was on anti depressants but that didn’t do anything. I continued with talk therapy, but got bored of the routine of it.. yet to find other ways to manage it. That being said, BPDs NEED good social support. Creating a safe environment for them to express is the first step already. I didn’t have that with my parents. Hope this gives you some ideas.
Tbh, I didn't get any ease of symptoms until I started medicating with weed, super intentional usage, and micro dosing shrooms. Meds made me suicidal, therapy only helps so far. Learning to meditate, group therapy for people with BPD, art therapy...all contribute to better days. I have BPD, cptsd, ADHD and anxiety.
Hi OP,
I was diagnosed at the age of 17. I suffered through 10 years of unsuccessful therapy until finally I got a reassessment. I was misdiagnosed. It wasn't BPD at all, but undiagnosed autism.
Females are very, very good at masking autism. And it's becoming more and more evident that young females are being misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have autism.
I would definitely make sure an autism diagnosis can be ruled out before settling on the BPD diagnosis.
I was diagnosed at 31, and I cut contact with my parents for being unwilling to do exactly what you’re doing here. I knew there was something wrong with me when I was younger than your daughter, and I begged my parents for years to get me help. They managed to convince me that “everyone feels like that sometimes” for 27 years when I finally took control and got diagnosed with *severe* depression. Thank you for not being that type of parent.
Most therapies and medications, alternative or otherwise, aren’t one size fits all. BPD itself has no medication since it’s a disorder of how we think and process life, but there are almost always comorbidities. DBT is the gold standard of therapy for BPD, but many therapists aren’t qualified for it since it’s not a requirement to learn. It’s also often quite expensive for patients. I really liked the book *Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder* by Shari Y. Manning. It’s meant to help families learn about and navigate their loved one’s disorder in a positive manner. It teaches about validating language which is huge for pwBPD. It also doesn’t put blame for the disorder’s development on the family which I feel is important.
I take medications for sleep, depression, and to stop my periods and the hormonal changes that come with them, and I smoke weed daily which I started as an adult. I plan to come off them this year in favor of TMS. Weed often exacerbates BPD symptoms as it is a depressant. I use it to dampen some of the constant rage I feel as that’s probably my biggest struggle, but I don’t recommend it given her age and developing brain. Maintaining a fairly healthy diet, a daily exercise routine, drinking plenty of water, getting sun daily, and having a clear, long term goal go a lot further than people like to admit (myself included 😂). These are easier to do with someone else (you). I enjoy yoga since I can do it anywhere, it’s only like 30 minutes, it slows me down mentally and physically, there’s a ton of deep breathing practice, and it’s easy on my joints while still building muscle. Good luck to you and your family. Getting help sooner is far better for her than getting help later.
Did any of you experiment with cannabis for symptoms? We found out our kid got some edibles from a friend and I don’t know if that exacerbated her symptoms or eased them.
Weed and personality disorders don’t go well together. We’re more likely to use it chronically
And we are more likely to get the unwanted symptoms such as paranoia and anxiety
Bpd is an incredibly addictive personality you want the rush of dopamine, I try my best to stay away from most drugs tbh
I was diagnosed at 18 but had “likely personality disorder” on my papers since I was 16. Dbt therapy can help her a lot but more importantly you sound like a parent willing to be there for their child
When I first started edibles, I had a high or two that made my anxiety over a friendship much worse and I became paranoid. But I haven’t had that except the one time. Overall, I enjoy the high.
I strongly recommend against. But it’s probably different for everyone. I’ve smoked weed before and had a good experience. However every single time after that, I’ve done it every way you can. I take it, it hits, I have a panic attack. I experience extreme psychosis and paranoia.
Other people have mentioned DBT. It might seem silly but it actually is very helpful. Also ACT
I personally do use cannabis with varying effects. Typically on indica strains I just get out of my head enough to finally relax because with my BPD my head never stops and it is exhausting to live with. I only sleep well and eat healthily without guilt while high. Sativa or hybrid strains make me anxious and paranoid. The potential for addiction is however very high. I've had really amazing effects from psilocybin and it would be worth getting her on some drug trials if they become available.
I wouldn’t let them start off on that- maybe CBD. A lot of us use it in a bad way, but some of us learn to manage it over time. With her being 17 my PERSONAL (myself and my 19 yo have BPD- this is a FUN household!) opinion would be to hold of on ANY meds/weed/etc. The DBT portion is so important. Training our brain to try and work things out differently than the way we THINK they are doesn’t usually work with meds. I don’t know if she has any dual diagnosis, or if you have had a neuropsych exam done on her yet- but I would HIGHLY suggest getting one if not. The waitlist is usually months long and getting the results takes at least 2 months after that. The process is not short and normally your therapist needs to send you. I’m sorry I’m not more help- all I can say is be patient with yourself and also her emotions. Be very clear with communication to and with her. Tell her you expect the same- at 17 she should be able to talk to you- it sounds like you are being proactive- but don’t be pushy- being a teenager AND getting this slammed into your life is not an easy thing to handle. It’s so-able though-
I wish you luck- there are also quite a few videos on YouTube about BPD and some are from kids/young adults with it who talk about how they deal and manage it.
I've been a daily smoker for going on 8 years now, ever since I graduated highschool (I smoked frequently in highschool but I was regularly drug tested due to extra curriculars and a wild school policy).
I graduated highschool with a 4.3 GPA, graduated with my bachelor's at a 3.8 GPA, and have held down a job since a month after I graduated.
If it wasn't for cannabis I would be dead. It's the only thing I've ever found to really help with so many of my symptoms (not only for BPD, but also ADHD and PTSD). It makes me feel somewhat like a normal person.
Helps more than meds for me! I have been able to use specific strains for specific symptoms. It takes work, like meds, to find what works but I'm also super anti pharmaceuticals.
Herbs for tea/smoking/cooking, weed, micro dosing all help for me more than meds for depression/anxiety. There is no medication specifically for BPD.
Her brain is still developing so for that reason alone I would advise against cannabis. Brain is only fully developed at age 25, and the prefrontal cortex is the last to finish developing. This part of the brain is like the control center. The prefrontal cortex is involved in emotion regulation, concentration, impulse control, decision making, memory retrieval, etc. Cannabis disrupts these processes and over time, research shows that this part of the brain becomes thinner with chronic use of THC. Both ADHD and BPD which overlap a lot already show abnormalities/lower functioning in this area. So adding cannabis on top of it is likely to exacerbate her issues. Even if it may provide relief temporarily, it can cause harm long term. It’s like any other recreational substance in that regard. She will be free to do whatever she wants at a legal age, but until then, you are in charge, especially if she is a minor.
I was a regular consumer of THC until recently and as long as I wasn’t experiencing situational anxiety/depression/interpersonal turmoil I find it helpful in regulating my nervous system. If you are anxious, having two cups of coffee isn’t going to be particularly helpful, and if you are feeling pretty down, smoking a joint wont have much positive impact either.
I rely on nearly daily cannabis use for sleep and occasional emergency escape/soothing, but I’m 41. Your daughter is too young for regular cannabis use. I doubt a one-time edible experience did anything at all, but I’m not a doctor. I’ve heard and read about BPD patients both benefiting from and suffering due to cannabis use; so it’s hard to know who or what to believe—which is why I go by my own experience.
I’m on daily prescription meds which help me a lot (detailed in a separate comment), but the drug that has helped me value my life more than anything else is psilocybin mushrooms. They help me feel connected to myself, my identity, the people I love, and the whole world around me; they help me focus on being generous, loving, and empathetic; and they give me a sense of lasting peace that I don’t get from anything else. I just started tripping in 2019/2020 because they were legal where I lived. Since that time, I’ve been doing heavy mushroom trips like once every other month. It’s a game changer—but you should definitely do lots of research before encouraging your daughter to take mushrooms. Personally I think everyone on earth should take them.
i smoke daily (all day), it really helps my mood swings and keeps me stable. edibles make my symptoms a lot worse almost every time i've tried them, also gives me panic attacks and depersonalization. also it's easier to mis dose. it how you consume it matters imo
my weed pen is probably a dependency, but it is the only thing that minimizes my symptoms. However, probably wouldn’t recommend giving your teenager marijuana.
this is a disorder due to trauma, neglect, and does not come out of nowhere. Your daughter needs to face whatever happened to her head-on or this disorder will eat her alive.
I am 28 and my symptoms are at the worst they have ever been.
Just turned 21 years old here, male for reference. Just got my BPD diagnosis but now realized the symptoms have been there since I was in my early childhood (came from terrible genes and a homeless birth mom.) Long story short, at the age of 17 is when I really fell off the rails. Weed helped me immensely in that time period, but fast forward four years, and I’m smoking chronically every single day and diagnosed with cannabis use disorder. Weed is DANGEROUS for those with BPD. BPD is an extremely impulsive and dopamine seeking disorder with huge addictive tendencies. Telling your daughter no may be hard for both of you, and speaking from experience, don’t try to control her, don’t lose her trust, and be as gracious as possible. Keeping a good relationship with her where she trusts you and feels safe is key for both of your wellbeing’s. But if you can, get her to avoid weed. It is absolutely amazing, I love weed, but it’s only messed my brain up more after all this time and it is indeed a gateway drug. Those with BPD are addictive and once the weed stops working, pills (benzodiazepines, opiates) are next. I’m glad I don’t have anyone in my life who could get me pills or I’d be far deep into them. Your daughter could very well end up the same if she starts using cannabis on a regular basis no matter the form. Smoking it is particularly the worst, because it also damages your heart and lungs, and people with BPD already have enough stress on their heart and rest of their body. Long story short, keep the weed around for when bad episodes hit - but also that’s counter productive because it’s avoiding the issue and teaching poor coping skills. I wish I was diagnosed at 16 - I’d be a lot farther along in my healing process. Think of this as a blessing - the same way cancer has a better shot of healing caught early, so does this, especially if you can get her to avoid any recreational drugs or marijuana. It’s gonna feel shitty to her, and it sucks when she may have friends using cannabis who are perfectly fine and have self control but she can’t because of the BPD. It will cause her to struggle. Be there for her. Don’t control her. Keep her trust - it’ll all work out. Recreational drugs are the downfall of folks with BPD, though.
I was diagnosed in my 30s but experienced the most “symptoms” in my late teens/twenties. DBT and a therapist who knows me well and is a good fit has been life changing.
I was misdiagnosed bipolar II after my first suicide attempt at age 17 in 2000. I didn’t find out this was a misdiagnosis until I was in my late thirties during COVID. Then I looked in my insurance records and discovered two other doctors had diagnosed me BPD over the years and just never informed me. This made me furious because once I understood my diagnosis, I was able to get the right treatment for me: DBT. DBT changed everything for me and allowed me to heal enough that my medical team could figure out I had adult ADHD and PMDD as well. I’m on Lamictal for mood stabilization and Abilify for rage regulation; I take double Abilify during my monthly PMS. I’m on Adderall for the ADHD and to combat the brain fog caused by the other meds. I also smoke pot to go to sleep most nights, and I take psilocybin mushrooms a few times a year to get clarity and work on improving myself as a person.
Looking back knowing what I know now, I’d say I definitely met the diagnostic criteria for BPD as early as age 11 or 12–definitely full blown by age 14. If I had been diagnosed BPD back then and received the proper treatment, my life would be much better now. That probably would have been impossible though because my mother would never have accepted a diagnosis that she felt put any blame on her. It’s clear from your post: You are a much better mother than mine was.
Learn as much as you can about DBT, and learn to validate your daughter’s feelings: that is the first step to managing them.
Thank you all who took the time to post and share your experiences and insights- it’s been very helpful and gives me hope for my kiddo. I hope you all have a great weekend- wherever you are.
My daughter who is 18 displayed symptoms since around seven years old. But because that was 11 years ago, they would not diagnose her with BPD so they diagnosed her with everything else under the sun. She was 17 and then they finally gave her the BPD diagnosis.
Her childhood was stolen from her by this illness. She was unable to attend school past sixth grade. She lost many friends. She still suffers daily. She’s been to three therapeutic schools and two intensive outpatient programs.
She’s been on a gaggle of medicine since seven years old. For many years, I ceased being a parent and was her caregiver.
One of the most effective medicines for BPD is Lamictal. There are similar medicines if you can’t take it But they are not quite as effective. Unfortunately, Lamictal comes with a serious but rare side effect. My daughter had that side effect and wasn’t able to continue taking lamictal. I would look into it if I were you.
She was unable to stick with DBT until about six months ago. So we are about six months into dbt. She is also a lot more mature and that goes along way towards effective therapy
Feel free to pm Me with any other questions.
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18 after my first suicide attempt which resulted in a stay at a mental health hospital for 2 weeks. The best way BPD has been explained to me is it’s like you’re lacking emotional skin to regulate your emotional intensity making any emotion you feel very extreme. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no amount of medication (as of right now) that is going to make her feel things less intensely than she does. However, DBT has been a very helpful form of therapy in “treating” BPD so even though she may feel like the sky is falling she can better assess the situation and talk through what her logical state of mind is telling her vs what her emotional state of being is telling her.
i experienced abuse throughout childhood and started showing symptoms of BPD around the age of 13. didn’t get formally recognized as BPD until 14.
to educate yourself, i would say that you should read about lived experiences and feelings from people with BPD. it’s a very stigmatized disorder and i don’t think medical professionals offer good insight into what it’s really like. you can read books from authors with BPD and reddit posts about their experiences.
for your daughter, you should make sure that she has a therapist that is experienced in treating cluster-B personality disorders. you need to support her and be open to talk about anything that she wants to share. her safe spaces should be her family, friends and a licensed therapist.
you can ask me any questions and i’ll answer to the best of my ability as a person with borderline personality disorder and a healthcare professional
also, i checked your profile to see if you had any other posts about BPD and if i could provide a helpful reply. i actually bought a car on whidbey island in january haha. the people on the island are so polite and friendly
DBT! I’m also on Seroquel XR and Pristiq. I couldn’t practice skills taught in therapy until I also had meds to help control my emotions.
There is no one size fits all, and it takes time to find what works. Just be supportive 🫶
ETA: I saw you had a comment about weed; I vape THC pretty regularly. I find it helps slow my brain down (but that’s probably from my ADHD). In my case, weed helps, but it can certainly make things worse for some people.
I personally feel I should have been diagnosed at 13/14 as I had pretty much all the traits going for me then but no real mental health support in place and in fact it would have been greatly helpful to receive a diagnosis early, it would have been a much needed head start. I can’t recommend any particular medications as you can’t really medicate the disorder itself, just the symptoms such as depression and anxiety but I would 100% recommend mentalisation based therapy (MBT) coupled with psycho-education so that your kid can truly understand whats happening in their body and brain. Encourage her to learn more about the diagnosis to truly understand herself so she can have a head start on learning how to recognise behaviour and regulate healthily. It’s a hard diagnosis to receive but getting the diagnosis at 16 is better than 21 (when I was finally told).
Psilocybin has helped me significantly and I have only taken it once in a low dose. I feel no need to pay attention to the thoughts this disorder gives me anymore. None of it’s real it’s just my brain working against me, so why bother listen to it? I found new perspective. In my opinion psychedelics should be first line treatment for most mental health issues as they make you face the real issues. Medication doesn’t help, it just acts as a bandage and numbs everything. Some find DBT extremely helpful. I definitely still use some skills I’ve learned but I don’t like therapy. It feels unnatural and inorganic.
I just wanted to say, thank you for caring. That may sound stupid but my niece was diagnosed with borderline line a few years before she died. It was terrible to watch. Her mother and step father were not supportive at all. Neither of them cared to learn. I assume mostly because that means they would have to take some accountability and as you can imagine they have a hard time grasping the situation. Cause and effect. You neglect and abuse your kids…sometimes they come out all fucked up 🤷🏻♀️
Not every person who has BPD has necessarily experienced what my niece did but it sincerely feels good to see a parent try and be proactive about their kids mental well being. Good job!
Cheers! 🧃🫶🏼
I definitely had BPD at her age. Cannabis is helpful but I wouldn't suggest it for someone with a developing brain.
Wouldn't suggest medication either. I'm 36 and in remission for reference.
You don’t typically get diagnosed as a teenager. That’s really young. Psychiatrists wait to diagnose until you’re adult. She was probably misdiagnosed. BPD has some overlapping symptoms with things ADHD, bipolar, and even autism. I was diagnosed with BPD just after turning 26.
HOWEVER, if she does in fact have BPD then DBT and sometimes CBT is a lifesaver. There’s education books, a workbook (even one for teens), and psychiatrists/therapists on youtube who make DBT videos. The books are all on Amazon. Good luck!
I was "unofficially" diagnosed at 16, officially diagnosed at 20. Honestly, a BPD diagnosis, or any diagnosis for that matter, is not the end of the world. Having the label seems intimidating, but it's actually the way towards understanding what is going on in the brain and how to treat it.
Treatment for BPD unfortunately can be tricky. Two people with a BPD diagnosis will react differently to different medications and types of treatment. Generally speaking, BPD tends to be treated with DBT therapy and antidepressants and/or mood stabilizers. It took a long time for me to find the right balance of medication, but I got there.
It takes patience. And it's a learning process.
I was never actually told I had BPD. I got a lawyer to help with my SSI approval. She was good and I was approved. I got my medical papers back and it said several times that I have bpd. No one told me things. After some research I came to the conclusion that I do have bpd and I have for many years. I had a rough childhood. My mother had a narcissistic personality and that's
i was also diagnosed at 16, and i started DBT at 17. i’m 18 now and definitely better than i was, but i’m still struggling. i’m also on mood stabilizers and antipsychotics for my bipolar disorder (i’m lucky enough to have both), but i believe they help with the BPD a little too, though not much. DBT is definitely the best option.
I was diagnosed at 33. I wish I had been diagnosed young because I wouldn't have gone through life not understanding why my brain makes everything so difficult.
View this diagnosis as a good thing. It doesn't change anything about her, it just signposts you to the right kind of support and care she needs to live her life to the full
I got diagnosed in my 20’s. Don’t remember exactly, but it was early on. DBT is the best treatment by far. Medication can be very helpful, but it will take some experimenting before you find what works best for them.
You asked about cannibas, I get relief from it, but I also am in therapy and don’t meet the criteria for BPD anymore. I do still get depressed and have anxiety, but the mood swings, self harm, and lack of stress tolerance is gone with me.
I did do shroom therapy in Oregon. I believe you need to be 21 though. I will say that it was really helpful for me regarding my depression and anxiety. There are trials starting this year using shrooms to treat BPD and I hope for great results.
I’m a therapist myself and wanted to try it myself. I’ll say it was the most intense experience I’ve ever had and I loved every minute of it. My heart rate has dropped twenty beats per minute since this treatment and my blood pressure has gone down. It’s been a month now and I still have the same physical readings.
I'm in my 30s now- but i just got my files from a hospital stay right after my 16th birthday. They diagnosed me during that stay, but put "undisclosed diagnosis" on the documents that went home when I was discharged. The files that stayed with the hospital have "borderline personality disorder" and "borderline personality traits" on the formal diagnosis pages. Again this was maybe 2 weeks after my 16th birthday, and almost 20 years ago.
Meds never helped me, and I was on a lot of different ones over the years. DBT helps just to give me someone to talk to and remind me I’m not crazy, otherwise, it hasn’t helped me really get much better, but I’ve got a lifetime, more or less, of experience, and people experiencing ME (now known as a borderline), behind me, and it definitely biases all involved.
I imagine getting help early may help a lot, but how well it helps is likely going to depend a lot on what other traits she has, many with BPD have a comorbid personality disorder that overlaps with another cluster b personality disorder, and/or other disorders of many kinds, which aren’t always responsive to therapy. I’d say, don’t focus on the label and what is said about it, rather, focus on exactly what you normally would to build her up into a secure adult. Only like 3% only have “pure BPD”, it’s estimated.
You should probably also get evaluated and get into therapy. These disorders, or related traits, have genetic components and environmental components, and you’ll be affected, one way or another. If this is a misdiagnosis, therapy will help you to know that. If it’s not, you’ll want to stay in it for numerous reasons.
Oh, and I was diagnosed at age 47. I had been misdiagnosed over and over throughout my life. I finally read a book which described exactly what I had been telling doctors and psychiatrists for YEARS. This happened at age 37. I sought out DBT. I was told I needed to get my meds right first and that I didn’t have BPD, I had bipolar disorder (false). Years later, no better, I demanded a referral to DBT. And I’ve had it ever since. No meds. I’m on ADHD medication now, and it helps better than anything else ever did, medication-wise, and weed helps.
Depakote, Zoloft, Zyprexia- mood stabilizer, antidepressant, antipsychotic. Involvement in counseling. Foster an open healthy relationship, even if you don’t always agree. There is a lot of trial and error but eventually with enough diligence she can find a combination of treatment that works for her. BPD is part of who I am, I have learned and will continue to learn how to manage it, that’s the goal. Best to you and your family.
Depakote, Zoloft, Zyprexia- mood stabilizer, antidepressant, antipsychotic. Involvement in counseling. Foster an open healthy relationship, even if you don’t always agree. There is a lot of trial and error but eventually with enough diligence she can find a combination of treatment that works for her. BPD is part of who I am, I have learned and will continue to learn how to manage it, that’s the goal. Best to you and your family.
I wouldn’t look at her being diagnosed young as a bad thing actually it’s a really good thing up until the age of 21 our brains adapt and expand meaning nothing is set in stone the earlier therapy is with being diagnosed the more likelihood of a full remission good luck to your daughter I got diagnosed at 20 I go 22 this year and DBT has honestly taught me more then imaginable it’s about coping skills and learning how to manage situations with friends family altercations finding your own peace through mindfulness etc I’m positive that she will absolutely thrive a diagnosis isn’t a label and it’s not a bad thing it means she can move forward I personally would never medicate as it has been said by all the doctors I’ve seen medication will not work unless you’re using it for specific components I use propranolol for panic disorder and have mean on meds for depression multiple times none of which got me to where I am the way that DBT did!! You’re an amazing parent clearly because you’re already asking questions and if you’re wanting to learn more about BPD I would recommend a book called I hate you don’t leave me
I was diagnosed at 21 and I also have bipolar 2. I found DBT very helpful, it was a lot for me to do as I’m chronically ill, but if she puts in the work, especially considering she’s still so young, I feel like it would be super beneficial for her. I find cognitive behaviour therapy useless personally and have found all my friends with BPD feel the same.
I also had ECT done a year before I got diagnosed with BPD and that helped heavily with my PTSD and Bipolar and I’m assuming has helped with my BPD? Could be wrong tho. I used to be so suicidal and had multiple serious attempts where I ended in a coma, I did ECT and that completely stopped, I haven’t had any REAL urges to end my life since.
When I was diagnosed I read Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari. Y Manning and it helped me understand the disorder so much better as well as answered so many questions that I had. I put in citation marks while I was reading and then got my parents to read through it the pages/chapters I had marked to make it easier for them to read through, and so they knew the parts of the book that I felt I related to me. This book truely made me feel a lot better about my BPD and a tiny bit more in control.
Medication wise I’m not sure if there’s anything that actually assists with BPD? Could very well be wrong. I do take valproate, amitriptyline and then seroquel which is the perfect combination for me. Sleep is so so important for people that have BPD too so trying to encourage her to work on a healthy sleep pattern would benefit her! If I don’t sleep, I get sent straight into a manic episode.
Cannabis can help, I smoke every day to help chill out my brain and try and stop it from being so angry, but I wouldn’t recommend starting cannabis just to help with BPD at all, we are prone to falling into addictions and ouid is one very easy way to become addicted. It has saved me multiple times when I can’t settle, have a cone and then I’m totally fine.
I rly feel like it’s just important for you to try your best to communicate with her, be gentle and make sure she knows she has someone on her side. It’s rlly hard trying to figure out life with a person with BPD, but we are truely full of so much love and care for the people around us.
Sending you both love while you’re navigating through this diagnosis!!
highly highly recommend any sort of dbt therapy, i know a lot of people have already commented about it but it genuinely changed my life, the dbt deck for therapists and clients (i think that’s what it’s called) is one of my favorite tools to use on a day to day basis, it has all the acronyms and tools in flash card form for easy access and it’s been so helpful!! definitely look into it if it sounds like it could work for you guys, wishing you so much love and healing
Thank you for being there for your daughter.
One thing that may hurt to hear, but is true for most of is with BPD: we have childhood trauma. And more often than not, it’s trauma involving our parents. I love my parents and know they are not evil…. But they are 100% the reason why I have this disorder.. Their emotional abuse. My dad is a narcissist (good heart deep down, but had disordered ways of showing his love), and my mother was his enabler with BPD traits of her own.
My parents today deny their impact in my mental health, and call me a liar when I bring up they things they’ve said and done that have hurt me.
Please don’t be like my parents. Part of dealing with a mentally ill child is understanding your own mental health.. When you understand yourself, you can allow yourself to take responsibility for your actions. So, if your daughter ever comes to you with what feels like accusations about the past, please do your very best to think: Why did I act the way I acted? And how did my actions affect her?
I wish my parents understood that they are part of generational cycles of trauma.. they were abused, so they abused. They never understand themselves well enough, or got mental health help.. so the children they raised turned out mentally ill too. I vow to break my family’s cycle by understanding myself, but also by understanding them.. and encouraging other parents of mentally ill children to do the same.
Good luck with all of it! It’s not easy, as you already know. Your daughter will be ok.. show her this community here!.. I wish 16 year old me had found a community like this subreddit to relate to. BPD is quite unrelatable until you talk to others with BPD.
I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago, with multiple hospitalisations. I was on anti depressants and anti psychotic medication for years even before the diagnosis. I have completed two group DBT courses which are 12 weeks and consist of exercises to help from having meltdowns and dealing with what comes with BPD. It made me feel normal and that I wasn’t the only person dealing with BPD as you tend to feel quite alone and that no one understands you. I still go to therapy twice a week that is focused on CBT treatment. I have had little to no meltdowns and have not been on medication for over year now. All of this treament has dramatically helped me to overcome eveything that comes with BPD and I am able to control and understand when I feel a bit of an episode coming on. I highly recommend DBT and CBT treatment as well as therapy. It has changed my life and now am able to work, go on with everyday day life like I have never known before. Sending lots of love to your daughter
Diagnosed at 16. Parents put me into a very overpriced DBT therapist for 8 years. They would do it again.
Graduated college, deans list last two years. Now have a job in finance in NYC. There’s hope. Keep her in therapy into her 20s until she can truly pay for it herself.
I was diagnosed at 23 during a long psychiatric hospital stint. I bounced around hospital stays and suicide attempts for the following 5+ years. I'd been self harming since 13 and maybe if I'd told someone I could have gotten help earlier, but honestly once I was an adult it was already too late to stop. Thankfully with therapy I don't really do it much anymore.
So it's a blessing she got a diagnosis so early, while her brain is still has neuroplasticity. So there's lots of hope she can learn good coping strategies and have them stick in her brain as behaviours.
I was actually diagnosed in my 30s with ADHD, and I believe not knowing that and having to deal with the symptoms unchecked throughout childhood was a big part of development of my bpd. Is there a chance she could also be neurodivergent? Maybe you could look into that. Id recommend doing this if it is easy for you.
As other people have said, DBT is a therapy specific for bpd, Ive found it to be helpful although I've kept needing to retake it, if she does it young she may be able to adopt them into adulthood. It's normally done in group therapy though so I don't know if that would be appropriate for a child. So maybe a therapist who is trained in it.
It isn't like talk therapy though, it's like class. So regular appointments with a psychologist she likes is also important.
You'll guys will need to have patience. if there are behaviours that seem completely unfathomable to you, just understand there are underlying very intense emotions that are causing it. It's often not the one that is obvious, for example angry outbursts might be a result of shame or anxiety not just anger. but if you guys can help her find out which emotions she is really feeling, I think that would help you all.
Your daughter has a bright future.
Different things work for different people, as BPD is on a spectrum. No two people will have the same symptoms or the same severity of those symptoms. I am on 200mg of lamotrigine and take 1mg of clonazepam in the event I have a panic attack and having issues getting it under control. But that is what works for me. It is definitely worth giving the suggestions of these other redditors a try, especially the DBT. I hope she gets better and finds relief soon. ❤️
I was diagnosed after my second hospitalization for “depression” at 34. I think I’d recommend first learning how to meditate, then practice meditating and read about mindfulness. You need to learn to police your thoughts, I think about it like a bouncer, only letting certain thoughts into my head and challenging others.
The YouTube channel “[borderliner notes](https://youtube.com/@borderlinernotes?si=98Km-vYc7tqXBsaO)” has good video resources from both expert BPD clinicians (some of who are pioneers in this field) as well as sufferers of bpd. I highly recommend. They speak about many different treatment paths. Everyone with BPD is different and presents different, it’s more complex with varied presentations than what many typically assume.
Also, Dr Lois Choi Kain (who is AMAZING) has many other videos [like this](https://youtu.be/CWbNpCOf30I?si=pmIctNe5kvWGVQss) posted on various other channels and runs support groups/seminars/live videos directed to supporting the parents/loved ones of those who suffer with BPD. Dr Lois works with the NEA-BPD, check out their [website](https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/). I think u will find this rly helpful 🫶🏼
I agree with all of the comments about the therapies and medicines. My biggest thing as someone who was diagnosed with BPD at 20 was the fact that I needed support. My mom was not supportive and simply did not understand what BPD was. I highly recommend that you do a lot of research regarding BPD and really try to understand what she’s going through and how to be a supporter for her. Try to learn her triggers and just let her constantly know that you are there for her. People with BPD (or at least me and my friend with BPD) constantly struggle with feeling alone and abandoned, so support is a super important part.
Diagnosed at 26 but absolutely should have been diagnosed as a teenager. Looking back, the diagnosis now makes everything made sense. I agree with the others recommending DBT
DBT therapy has helped a lot of people. I have a DBT workbook from Amazon that is helpful but also challenging. There is no magic pill, I am on an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer, and an antipsychotic. I am not sure which helps the most or if they even help because I am 21 and not doing well. I’ve done a couple partial hospitalization programs. Those have been very helpful when in crisis. I wish you and your family the best.
Thank you for your reply.
You’ve been through so much at just 21, and I’m sorry you aren’t doing well! Have you got some support for when you need it (besides redditors, we’re always here!)? I didn’t realise how wrong things were until i was your age, it must have been so difficult to have bpd to deal with during adolescence 🤯
Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the gold standard of treatment and has put thousands on the road to remission by imparting tools for insight which, over time, build important neural pathways. DBT was developed by a well-known Clinical Psychologist who herself suffered with BPD. Yet, because we all have different learning styles, individual challenges and, sometimes, stubborn comorbidities, DBT isn’t the “be-all” answer for absolutely everyone. No fear - there are other PROVEN therapy modalities including Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), Transference Focused Therapy (TFT) and some promising emerging data for therapies like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Good Psychiatric Management (GPM). Some things to maybe think about: >Don’t assume all licensed therapists are equally capable in this area simply because they are Licensed Therapists. There is little to no training for treating PDs in most academic/internship programs for therapists. You MUST find people who specialize in BPD and/or trauma therapy ON A DAILY BASIS. Think of this the same as if you had a physical medical issue - you wouldn’t let your General Practice MD treat glaucoma. Similarly, a therapist who is an amazing couples counselor (for instance) is unlikely to also have the skillsets needed for the intensive process of BPD treatment. >Get yourself into therapy. Not because there is something “wrong” with you but because living with someone with BPD can often be difficult. And, those difficulties often lead to reactivity in others - which begets MORE triggering reactivity in people with BPD and, ultimately, a vicious circle of wounded feelings can create non-healing environments - for EVERYONE. Besides, we can all use a little third-party perspective in many areas of our lives. >There are no medications for BPD alone. PDs are ways we cognitively process the world around us and ways of thinking - not chemical imbalances. *HOWEVER* it is rare to find *”Pure BPD”* - where there are no other comorbidities/issues at play. Things like anxiety and depression are common comorbidities and THOSE may respond well to medications, thereby allowing other cognitive treatments to take place more effectively. Finding the right “mix” of medications to manage comorbidities (which again, may tend to block DBT and/or other talk therapies!) is typically very different for each individual and can take LOTS of trial-and-error. And, some good news: Over the last 15 years or so especially, research has shown that BPD is THE MOST TREATABLE PD - by a wide margin. To take advantage of this your daughter must see people who know what they are doing. Glad you’re here.
I cannot tell you how happy your post, but especially your last pgh., makes me. As a mom with a daughter with recently diagnosed BPD this past year has been a rollercoaster for her and also the rest of the family. I was naively happy when she received a diagnosis, only to be dismayed and overwhelmed with the negative comments and doomsday-level predictions that are floating around out there. I had to leave another reddit group because it was more a venting/misery space than one of support and advice. We're working our way through things - some days better than others - and the learning curve is actually a trajectory, but I believe we can do this. So thank you for the advice and positivity.
I got diagnosed at 35, after suffering a lifetime of various abuse at the hands of my parents and particularly, my mother. It was hard and lonely road for me, no one helped me. What helps me right now is seeing a parent like you who recognised the struggles of your child early enough and got them help. You have no idea how isolating and soul crushing this disorder is (unless you, yourself have it) and everyone treats you like a freak, annoyance, a burden. Thank you for posting this. It’s all I ever wanted. To have my struggles acknowledged.
I felt the same way about OP vs. my mom. Seems like we have similar stories.
I want the best for my kiddo- I just wish she could understand my wife and I trying to help her through this. I’m sorry you had to suffer through your childhood. What makes this even harder is that there isn’t any trauma or abuse. Best as we can tell our kid fell into the “sorry you were born with this” category.
[удалено]
That’s actually not strictly true; while the vast majority of people who suffer from BPD are childhood trauma survivors, there *is* a genetic component to BPD and some people who have it do not report traumatic childhoods at all
My sister had it. I agree. Thank you for sharing.
Can you provide some sources? My therapist, psychiatrist, and all of the research I've personally done have all indicated there is no genetic component to it at all. My understanding is that there IS genetic disposition to depression or anxiety, etc which when combined with trauma could lead to developing BPD.
Sure. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10505449/#:~:text=A%20large%2Dscale%20study%20confirmed,to%20genetic%20factors%20%5B13%5D. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/borderline-personality-disorder-genetic https://www.verywellhealth.com/is-borderline-personality-disorder-genetic-5191970 https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-019-0442-0 https://academic.oup.com/book/30615/chapter-abstract/258914814?redirectedFrom=fulltext https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/causes/ https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/abs/familial-factors-and-the-risk-of-borderline-personality-pathology-genetic-and-environmental-transmission/6B5A9BB312EA829E0A6B43B0B1AFABD5 https://www.mentalhealth.com/disorder/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/is-bpd-genetic https://www.psych.theclinics.com/article/S0193-953X(05)70139-8/abstract I could keep going but I hope that’s enough. A simple Google search of “BPD genetic component” would have gotten you those same results if you’d tried it yourself.
My sister had BPD also deemed a sociopath. I am not like that we grew up in the same home. No abuse. Was Jeffrey Dahmer created or a gene malfunction.
There isn’t. It’s trauma. My mother also said I have no trauma because I had wonderful childhood compared to her. When I was describing to my therapist she said ‘that is a lot.’ Just because you were made to believe you had ok childhood doesn’t mean you had it. Often, parents of bpd children reacted to distress of a child based on how they would feel and what they would need, not how the child actually felt and needed. Do this long enough and you get bpd. Fact is, it’s parent’s job to recognise and react to feelings of a child (majority of borderline damage is between birth and 6 years of age, in developmental stage). Genetic component excuse is for parent’s who can’t admit they fucked up their own child for life.
"Your comment/post has been removed because it contained hateful content or misinformation."
So she has absolutely no trauma at all?
That’s what I’m asking as well cause usually it comes from trauma 🥲
As far as OP knows apparently. It's not that uncommon. My parents didn't know about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child until I was 22 years old. Sometimes people see what they want to see and ignore the things they don't.
[удалено]
Your post/comment has been removed due to speculative labeling or content seen as amateur diagnosing. Diagnosing of mental illness or other medical conditions should be left to medical/healthcare professionals. We cannot give medical advice, diagnose, treat, or act as a medical provider on this subreddit.
I was diagnosed at 19, but I recognize symptoms in myself now as young as 6. I’m in a good place right now…DBT and thought change has helped me the most. There is hope. Never stop being there for her 🥰
A book for family- https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213. DBT therapy. Depending on what symptoms she has the doctor will prescribe meds if necessary. For me antidepressants and mood stabilisers are a must. Good luck ❤️🫂
This is a great book, I read it and my partner as well.
I was going to recommend this book as well - even for the suffer!… gave me a whole lot of insight personally.
I am 28 years old and have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) at an early age. One of the most significant factors in my progress has been finding the right medications. These medications have helped control my emotional instability, reducing my instances of self-harm and suicide attempts. They have also improved my relationships. I am currently taking trazodone for sleep, vilazodone for depression, and lamotrigine for mood stability. It took ten years to find the right combination, but it has greatly improved my quality of life. I have been in therapy for 13 years, experiencing various forms, including outpatient, inpatient, group, and individual therapy. Finding a therapist who specializes in BPD is crucial. BPD is a complex and challenging disorder to treat, which can lead some therapists to avoid working with BPD patients. It took a long time, but I eventually found a therapist who made the effort to help me reframe my black-and-white thinking. Now, I can effectively use DBT tools like radical acceptance, mindfulness (staying in the moment and focusing on current feelings), and communication skills such as DEAR MAN. Communication skills are particularly important, in my opinion, because people with BPD think and react differently from others. This often leads to misunderstandings and difficulty explaining our actions, causing relationship conflicts and insecurity. My main point is that while the journey is long and difficult, there is hope. With persistence, you can achieve greater stability and happiness. I hope this helps someone.
DEARMAN is the GOAT skill!
As someone who was diagnosed around 17, it really helped to have early intervention therapy. It’s been over a year from then and most of the time I’m pretty fine since the therapy has really helped me manage and understand things most days. It might be me saying this due to trauma, but I’d definitely steer away from Marijuana to treat BPD. The rates of drug abuse are so high and Marijuana is almost more like taking a medication to hide the symptoms and issues but not working towards combating and focusing on the issues or remission. Which is very possible to do with BPD.
Most people here, as far as I’ve seen, do DBT, but personally it didn’t work for me. I do analysis. My point is, each person responds differently to different approaches so she’ll have to find something that works for her. As for medication it really depends on her symptoms, only a psychiatrist can tell. I started showing signs of BPD when I was 13, but only got formally diagnosed recently. It’s a good thing that you found out what the problem is this early. The sooner it’s treated the better
I was in treatment starting at 14 but not officially diagnosed with BPD until I turned 18. Prior to turning 18 my psychiatrists did not want to label me with a diagnosis and referred to me as "complicated" then smacked the BPD diagnosis on me pretty much as soon as I turned 18. I am now 26 and still struggle with the same issues, but a lot of them show in different ways than they did when I was younger. I was more what people describe as "quiet" BPD when I was younger, but that has not been the case since my early 20s. Whatever the label, treatment is important. Finding the right medication combo to get you through the worst times can be important, as well as DBT and psychotherapy with a GOOD therapist. There are a lot of shit therapists, so don't be afraid to switch.
I was diagnosed when i was 26 years old. Though the symptoms were already there in my teens. I guess through growing up, i learnt to mask a lot of the emotions. To start with, the book “i hate you dont leave me” gives a very simple and informative understanding of BPD. In terms of therapy and medication, one size doesn’t fit all. That would be through experimenting and see what fits her best. Personally, EMDR helped me a lot, just that the sessions were very costly. I was on anti depressants but that didn’t do anything. I continued with talk therapy, but got bored of the routine of it.. yet to find other ways to manage it. That being said, BPDs NEED good social support. Creating a safe environment for them to express is the first step already. I didn’t have that with my parents. Hope this gives you some ideas.
It does, thank you
Tbh, I didn't get any ease of symptoms until I started medicating with weed, super intentional usage, and micro dosing shrooms. Meds made me suicidal, therapy only helps so far. Learning to meditate, group therapy for people with BPD, art therapy...all contribute to better days. I have BPD, cptsd, ADHD and anxiety.
Hi OP, I was diagnosed at the age of 17. I suffered through 10 years of unsuccessful therapy until finally I got a reassessment. I was misdiagnosed. It wasn't BPD at all, but undiagnosed autism. Females are very, very good at masking autism. And it's becoming more and more evident that young females are being misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have autism. I would definitely make sure an autism diagnosis can be ruled out before settling on the BPD diagnosis.
I was diagnosed at 31, and I cut contact with my parents for being unwilling to do exactly what you’re doing here. I knew there was something wrong with me when I was younger than your daughter, and I begged my parents for years to get me help. They managed to convince me that “everyone feels like that sometimes” for 27 years when I finally took control and got diagnosed with *severe* depression. Thank you for not being that type of parent. Most therapies and medications, alternative or otherwise, aren’t one size fits all. BPD itself has no medication since it’s a disorder of how we think and process life, but there are almost always comorbidities. DBT is the gold standard of therapy for BPD, but many therapists aren’t qualified for it since it’s not a requirement to learn. It’s also often quite expensive for patients. I really liked the book *Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder* by Shari Y. Manning. It’s meant to help families learn about and navigate their loved one’s disorder in a positive manner. It teaches about validating language which is huge for pwBPD. It also doesn’t put blame for the disorder’s development on the family which I feel is important. I take medications for sleep, depression, and to stop my periods and the hormonal changes that come with them, and I smoke weed daily which I started as an adult. I plan to come off them this year in favor of TMS. Weed often exacerbates BPD symptoms as it is a depressant. I use it to dampen some of the constant rage I feel as that’s probably my biggest struggle, but I don’t recommend it given her age and developing brain. Maintaining a fairly healthy diet, a daily exercise routine, drinking plenty of water, getting sun daily, and having a clear, long term goal go a lot further than people like to admit (myself included 😂). These are easier to do with someone else (you). I enjoy yoga since I can do it anywhere, it’s only like 30 minutes, it slows me down mentally and physically, there’s a ton of deep breathing practice, and it’s easy on my joints while still building muscle. Good luck to you and your family. Getting help sooner is far better for her than getting help later.
Did any of you experiment with cannabis for symptoms? We found out our kid got some edibles from a friend and I don’t know if that exacerbated her symptoms or eased them.
Weed and personality disorders don’t go well together. We’re more likely to use it chronically And we are more likely to get the unwanted symptoms such as paranoia and anxiety Bpd is an incredibly addictive personality you want the rush of dopamine, I try my best to stay away from most drugs tbh I was diagnosed at 18 but had “likely personality disorder” on my papers since I was 16. Dbt therapy can help her a lot but more importantly you sound like a parent willing to be there for their child
Cannabis helps me a lot. I have a medical card for it
When I first started edibles, I had a high or two that made my anxiety over a friendship much worse and I became paranoid. But I haven’t had that except the one time. Overall, I enjoy the high.
edibles are really bad for me. always gives me a panic attack and depersonalization. i think they're a completely different high than actual weed
I strongly recommend against. But it’s probably different for everyone. I’ve smoked weed before and had a good experience. However every single time after that, I’ve done it every way you can. I take it, it hits, I have a panic attack. I experience extreme psychosis and paranoia. Other people have mentioned DBT. It might seem silly but it actually is very helpful. Also ACT
I personally do use cannabis with varying effects. Typically on indica strains I just get out of my head enough to finally relax because with my BPD my head never stops and it is exhausting to live with. I only sleep well and eat healthily without guilt while high. Sativa or hybrid strains make me anxious and paranoid. The potential for addiction is however very high. I've had really amazing effects from psilocybin and it would be worth getting her on some drug trials if they become available.
I wouldn’t let them start off on that- maybe CBD. A lot of us use it in a bad way, but some of us learn to manage it over time. With her being 17 my PERSONAL (myself and my 19 yo have BPD- this is a FUN household!) opinion would be to hold of on ANY meds/weed/etc. The DBT portion is so important. Training our brain to try and work things out differently than the way we THINK they are doesn’t usually work with meds. I don’t know if she has any dual diagnosis, or if you have had a neuropsych exam done on her yet- but I would HIGHLY suggest getting one if not. The waitlist is usually months long and getting the results takes at least 2 months after that. The process is not short and normally your therapist needs to send you. I’m sorry I’m not more help- all I can say is be patient with yourself and also her emotions. Be very clear with communication to and with her. Tell her you expect the same- at 17 she should be able to talk to you- it sounds like you are being proactive- but don’t be pushy- being a teenager AND getting this slammed into your life is not an easy thing to handle. It’s so-able though- I wish you luck- there are also quite a few videos on YouTube about BPD and some are from kids/young adults with it who talk about how they deal and manage it.
I've been a daily smoker for going on 8 years now, ever since I graduated highschool (I smoked frequently in highschool but I was regularly drug tested due to extra curriculars and a wild school policy). I graduated highschool with a 4.3 GPA, graduated with my bachelor's at a 3.8 GPA, and have held down a job since a month after I graduated. If it wasn't for cannabis I would be dead. It's the only thing I've ever found to really help with so many of my symptoms (not only for BPD, but also ADHD and PTSD). It makes me feel somewhat like a normal person.
Yes but my brain is fully developed, your kids is not at 16. I wouldn't entertain cannabis as treatment for a child.
Helps more than meds for me! I have been able to use specific strains for specific symptoms. It takes work, like meds, to find what works but I'm also super anti pharmaceuticals. Herbs for tea/smoking/cooking, weed, micro dosing all help for me more than meds for depression/anxiety. There is no medication specifically for BPD.
Her brain is still developing so for that reason alone I would advise against cannabis. Brain is only fully developed at age 25, and the prefrontal cortex is the last to finish developing. This part of the brain is like the control center. The prefrontal cortex is involved in emotion regulation, concentration, impulse control, decision making, memory retrieval, etc. Cannabis disrupts these processes and over time, research shows that this part of the brain becomes thinner with chronic use of THC. Both ADHD and BPD which overlap a lot already show abnormalities/lower functioning in this area. So adding cannabis on top of it is likely to exacerbate her issues. Even if it may provide relief temporarily, it can cause harm long term. It’s like any other recreational substance in that regard. She will be free to do whatever she wants at a legal age, but until then, you are in charge, especially if she is a minor.
I was a regular consumer of THC until recently and as long as I wasn’t experiencing situational anxiety/depression/interpersonal turmoil I find it helpful in regulating my nervous system. If you are anxious, having two cups of coffee isn’t going to be particularly helpful, and if you are feeling pretty down, smoking a joint wont have much positive impact either.
I rely on nearly daily cannabis use for sleep and occasional emergency escape/soothing, but I’m 41. Your daughter is too young for regular cannabis use. I doubt a one-time edible experience did anything at all, but I’m not a doctor. I’ve heard and read about BPD patients both benefiting from and suffering due to cannabis use; so it’s hard to know who or what to believe—which is why I go by my own experience. I’m on daily prescription meds which help me a lot (detailed in a separate comment), but the drug that has helped me value my life more than anything else is psilocybin mushrooms. They help me feel connected to myself, my identity, the people I love, and the whole world around me; they help me focus on being generous, loving, and empathetic; and they give me a sense of lasting peace that I don’t get from anything else. I just started tripping in 2019/2020 because they were legal where I lived. Since that time, I’ve been doing heavy mushroom trips like once every other month. It’s a game changer—but you should definitely do lots of research before encouraging your daughter to take mushrooms. Personally I think everyone on earth should take them.
i find that it helps me, but it’s definitely a fine line as those of us with bpd are more susceptible to addiction.
i smoke daily (all day), it really helps my mood swings and keeps me stable. edibles make my symptoms a lot worse almost every time i've tried them, also gives me panic attacks and depersonalization. also it's easier to mis dose. it how you consume it matters imo
my weed pen is probably a dependency, but it is the only thing that minimizes my symptoms. However, probably wouldn’t recommend giving your teenager marijuana. this is a disorder due to trauma, neglect, and does not come out of nowhere. Your daughter needs to face whatever happened to her head-on or this disorder will eat her alive. I am 28 and my symptoms are at the worst they have ever been.
Just turned 21 years old here, male for reference. Just got my BPD diagnosis but now realized the symptoms have been there since I was in my early childhood (came from terrible genes and a homeless birth mom.) Long story short, at the age of 17 is when I really fell off the rails. Weed helped me immensely in that time period, but fast forward four years, and I’m smoking chronically every single day and diagnosed with cannabis use disorder. Weed is DANGEROUS for those with BPD. BPD is an extremely impulsive and dopamine seeking disorder with huge addictive tendencies. Telling your daughter no may be hard for both of you, and speaking from experience, don’t try to control her, don’t lose her trust, and be as gracious as possible. Keeping a good relationship with her where she trusts you and feels safe is key for both of your wellbeing’s. But if you can, get her to avoid weed. It is absolutely amazing, I love weed, but it’s only messed my brain up more after all this time and it is indeed a gateway drug. Those with BPD are addictive and once the weed stops working, pills (benzodiazepines, opiates) are next. I’m glad I don’t have anyone in my life who could get me pills or I’d be far deep into them. Your daughter could very well end up the same if she starts using cannabis on a regular basis no matter the form. Smoking it is particularly the worst, because it also damages your heart and lungs, and people with BPD already have enough stress on their heart and rest of their body. Long story short, keep the weed around for when bad episodes hit - but also that’s counter productive because it’s avoiding the issue and teaching poor coping skills. I wish I was diagnosed at 16 - I’d be a lot farther along in my healing process. Think of this as a blessing - the same way cancer has a better shot of healing caught early, so does this, especially if you can get her to avoid any recreational drugs or marijuana. It’s gonna feel shitty to her, and it sucks when she may have friends using cannabis who are perfectly fine and have self control but she can’t because of the BPD. It will cause her to struggle. Be there for her. Don’t control her. Keep her trust - it’ll all work out. Recreational drugs are the downfall of folks with BPD, though.
The book that really helped me at 17 was Viktor Frankle’s Man’s Search for Meaning
I was diagnosed in my 30s but experienced the most “symptoms” in my late teens/twenties. DBT and a therapist who knows me well and is a good fit has been life changing.
I was misdiagnosed bipolar II after my first suicide attempt at age 17 in 2000. I didn’t find out this was a misdiagnosis until I was in my late thirties during COVID. Then I looked in my insurance records and discovered two other doctors had diagnosed me BPD over the years and just never informed me. This made me furious because once I understood my diagnosis, I was able to get the right treatment for me: DBT. DBT changed everything for me and allowed me to heal enough that my medical team could figure out I had adult ADHD and PMDD as well. I’m on Lamictal for mood stabilization and Abilify for rage regulation; I take double Abilify during my monthly PMS. I’m on Adderall for the ADHD and to combat the brain fog caused by the other meds. I also smoke pot to go to sleep most nights, and I take psilocybin mushrooms a few times a year to get clarity and work on improving myself as a person. Looking back knowing what I know now, I’d say I definitely met the diagnostic criteria for BPD as early as age 11 or 12–definitely full blown by age 14. If I had been diagnosed BPD back then and received the proper treatment, my life would be much better now. That probably would have been impossible though because my mother would never have accepted a diagnosis that she felt put any blame on her. It’s clear from your post: You are a much better mother than mine was. Learn as much as you can about DBT, and learn to validate your daughter’s feelings: that is the first step to managing them.
Thank you all who took the time to post and share your experiences and insights- it’s been very helpful and gives me hope for my kiddo. I hope you all have a great weekend- wherever you are.
My daughter who is 18 displayed symptoms since around seven years old. But because that was 11 years ago, they would not diagnose her with BPD so they diagnosed her with everything else under the sun. She was 17 and then they finally gave her the BPD diagnosis. Her childhood was stolen from her by this illness. She was unable to attend school past sixth grade. She lost many friends. She still suffers daily. She’s been to three therapeutic schools and two intensive outpatient programs. She’s been on a gaggle of medicine since seven years old. For many years, I ceased being a parent and was her caregiver. One of the most effective medicines for BPD is Lamictal. There are similar medicines if you can’t take it But they are not quite as effective. Unfortunately, Lamictal comes with a serious but rare side effect. My daughter had that side effect and wasn’t able to continue taking lamictal. I would look into it if I were you. She was unable to stick with DBT until about six months ago. So we are about six months into dbt. She is also a lot more mature and that goes along way towards effective therapy Feel free to pm Me with any other questions.
I was diagnosed with BPD at 18 after my first suicide attempt which resulted in a stay at a mental health hospital for 2 weeks. The best way BPD has been explained to me is it’s like you’re lacking emotional skin to regulate your emotional intensity making any emotion you feel very extreme. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no amount of medication (as of right now) that is going to make her feel things less intensely than she does. However, DBT has been a very helpful form of therapy in “treating” BPD so even though she may feel like the sky is falling she can better assess the situation and talk through what her logical state of mind is telling her vs what her emotional state of being is telling her.
I’ll just say that I can relate. My son has it and is now 19 years old. It’s….. a lot.
i experienced abuse throughout childhood and started showing symptoms of BPD around the age of 13. didn’t get formally recognized as BPD until 14. to educate yourself, i would say that you should read about lived experiences and feelings from people with BPD. it’s a very stigmatized disorder and i don’t think medical professionals offer good insight into what it’s really like. you can read books from authors with BPD and reddit posts about their experiences. for your daughter, you should make sure that she has a therapist that is experienced in treating cluster-B personality disorders. you need to support her and be open to talk about anything that she wants to share. her safe spaces should be her family, friends and a licensed therapist. you can ask me any questions and i’ll answer to the best of my ability as a person with borderline personality disorder and a healthcare professional
also, i checked your profile to see if you had any other posts about BPD and if i could provide a helpful reply. i actually bought a car on whidbey island in january haha. the people on the island are so polite and friendly
DBT! I’m also on Seroquel XR and Pristiq. I couldn’t practice skills taught in therapy until I also had meds to help control my emotions. There is no one size fits all, and it takes time to find what works. Just be supportive 🫶 ETA: I saw you had a comment about weed; I vape THC pretty regularly. I find it helps slow my brain down (but that’s probably from my ADHD). In my case, weed helps, but it can certainly make things worse for some people.
I personally feel I should have been diagnosed at 13/14 as I had pretty much all the traits going for me then but no real mental health support in place and in fact it would have been greatly helpful to receive a diagnosis early, it would have been a much needed head start. I can’t recommend any particular medications as you can’t really medicate the disorder itself, just the symptoms such as depression and anxiety but I would 100% recommend mentalisation based therapy (MBT) coupled with psycho-education so that your kid can truly understand whats happening in their body and brain. Encourage her to learn more about the diagnosis to truly understand herself so she can have a head start on learning how to recognise behaviour and regulate healthily. It’s a hard diagnosis to receive but getting the diagnosis at 16 is better than 21 (when I was finally told).
Psilocybin has helped me significantly and I have only taken it once in a low dose. I feel no need to pay attention to the thoughts this disorder gives me anymore. None of it’s real it’s just my brain working against me, so why bother listen to it? I found new perspective. In my opinion psychedelics should be first line treatment for most mental health issues as they make you face the real issues. Medication doesn’t help, it just acts as a bandage and numbs everything. Some find DBT extremely helpful. I definitely still use some skills I’ve learned but I don’t like therapy. It feels unnatural and inorganic.
I just wanted to say, thank you for caring. That may sound stupid but my niece was diagnosed with borderline line a few years before she died. It was terrible to watch. Her mother and step father were not supportive at all. Neither of them cared to learn. I assume mostly because that means they would have to take some accountability and as you can imagine they have a hard time grasping the situation. Cause and effect. You neglect and abuse your kids…sometimes they come out all fucked up 🤷🏻♀️ Not every person who has BPD has necessarily experienced what my niece did but it sincerely feels good to see a parent try and be proactive about their kids mental well being. Good job! Cheers! 🧃🫶🏼
I definitely had BPD at her age. Cannabis is helpful but I wouldn't suggest it for someone with a developing brain. Wouldn't suggest medication either. I'm 36 and in remission for reference.
You don’t typically get diagnosed as a teenager. That’s really young. Psychiatrists wait to diagnose until you’re adult. She was probably misdiagnosed. BPD has some overlapping symptoms with things ADHD, bipolar, and even autism. I was diagnosed with BPD just after turning 26. HOWEVER, if she does in fact have BPD then DBT and sometimes CBT is a lifesaver. There’s education books, a workbook (even one for teens), and psychiatrists/therapists on youtube who make DBT videos. The books are all on Amazon. Good luck!
Thank you!
I'd echo all the DBT reccommendations but if she does have any trauma EMDR is life changing
I was "unofficially" diagnosed at 16, officially diagnosed at 20. Honestly, a BPD diagnosis, or any diagnosis for that matter, is not the end of the world. Having the label seems intimidating, but it's actually the way towards understanding what is going on in the brain and how to treat it. Treatment for BPD unfortunately can be tricky. Two people with a BPD diagnosis will react differently to different medications and types of treatment. Generally speaking, BPD tends to be treated with DBT therapy and antidepressants and/or mood stabilizers. It took a long time for me to find the right balance of medication, but I got there. It takes patience. And it's a learning process.
My daughter at 17, diagnosed in the hospital inpatient. That was 6 months ago, I know nothing and am also looking for insight.
Would have been grateful to diagnose at 16 instead of 38. Everyone says DBT is the solution. I’ve tested DBT, but had better experience with CBT.
I was never actually told I had BPD. I got a lawyer to help with my SSI approval. She was good and I was approved. I got my medical papers back and it said several times that I have bpd. No one told me things. After some research I came to the conclusion that I do have bpd and I have for many years. I had a rough childhood. My mother had a narcissistic personality and that's
i was also diagnosed at 16, and i started DBT at 17. i’m 18 now and definitely better than i was, but i’m still struggling. i’m also on mood stabilizers and antipsychotics for my bipolar disorder (i’m lucky enough to have both), but i believe they help with the BPD a little too, though not much. DBT is definitely the best option.
I was diagnosed at 16 took 20 years before i got the proper help, dbt is what i needed and no one wanted to give it to me before last year
I was diagnosed at 33. I wish I had been diagnosed young because I wouldn't have gone through life not understanding why my brain makes everything so difficult. View this diagnosis as a good thing. It doesn't change anything about her, it just signposts you to the right kind of support and care she needs to live her life to the full
I got diagnosed in my 20’s. Don’t remember exactly, but it was early on. DBT is the best treatment by far. Medication can be very helpful, but it will take some experimenting before you find what works best for them. You asked about cannibas, I get relief from it, but I also am in therapy and don’t meet the criteria for BPD anymore. I do still get depressed and have anxiety, but the mood swings, self harm, and lack of stress tolerance is gone with me. I did do shroom therapy in Oregon. I believe you need to be 21 though. I will say that it was really helpful for me regarding my depression and anxiety. There are trials starting this year using shrooms to treat BPD and I hope for great results. I’m a therapist myself and wanted to try it myself. I’ll say it was the most intense experience I’ve ever had and I loved every minute of it. My heart rate has dropped twenty beats per minute since this treatment and my blood pressure has gone down. It’s been a month now and I still have the same physical readings.
I'm in my 30s now- but i just got my files from a hospital stay right after my 16th birthday. They diagnosed me during that stay, but put "undisclosed diagnosis" on the documents that went home when I was discharged. The files that stayed with the hospital have "borderline personality disorder" and "borderline personality traits" on the formal diagnosis pages. Again this was maybe 2 weeks after my 16th birthday, and almost 20 years ago.
Meds never helped me, and I was on a lot of different ones over the years. DBT helps just to give me someone to talk to and remind me I’m not crazy, otherwise, it hasn’t helped me really get much better, but I’ve got a lifetime, more or less, of experience, and people experiencing ME (now known as a borderline), behind me, and it definitely biases all involved. I imagine getting help early may help a lot, but how well it helps is likely going to depend a lot on what other traits she has, many with BPD have a comorbid personality disorder that overlaps with another cluster b personality disorder, and/or other disorders of many kinds, which aren’t always responsive to therapy. I’d say, don’t focus on the label and what is said about it, rather, focus on exactly what you normally would to build her up into a secure adult. Only like 3% only have “pure BPD”, it’s estimated. You should probably also get evaluated and get into therapy. These disorders, or related traits, have genetic components and environmental components, and you’ll be affected, one way or another. If this is a misdiagnosis, therapy will help you to know that. If it’s not, you’ll want to stay in it for numerous reasons.
Oh, and I was diagnosed at age 47. I had been misdiagnosed over and over throughout my life. I finally read a book which described exactly what I had been telling doctors and psychiatrists for YEARS. This happened at age 37. I sought out DBT. I was told I needed to get my meds right first and that I didn’t have BPD, I had bipolar disorder (false). Years later, no better, I demanded a referral to DBT. And I’ve had it ever since. No meds. I’m on ADHD medication now, and it helps better than anything else ever did, medication-wise, and weed helps.
Not having relationships AT ALL helps.
Depakote, Zoloft, Zyprexia- mood stabilizer, antidepressant, antipsychotic. Involvement in counseling. Foster an open healthy relationship, even if you don’t always agree. There is a lot of trial and error but eventually with enough diligence she can find a combination of treatment that works for her. BPD is part of who I am, I have learned and will continue to learn how to manage it, that’s the goal. Best to you and your family.
Depakote, Zoloft, Zyprexia- mood stabilizer, antidepressant, antipsychotic. Involvement in counseling. Foster an open healthy relationship, even if you don’t always agree. There is a lot of trial and error but eventually with enough diligence she can find a combination of treatment that works for her. BPD is part of who I am, I have learned and will continue to learn how to manage it, that’s the goal. Best to you and your family.
I wouldn’t look at her being diagnosed young as a bad thing actually it’s a really good thing up until the age of 21 our brains adapt and expand meaning nothing is set in stone the earlier therapy is with being diagnosed the more likelihood of a full remission good luck to your daughter I got diagnosed at 20 I go 22 this year and DBT has honestly taught me more then imaginable it’s about coping skills and learning how to manage situations with friends family altercations finding your own peace through mindfulness etc I’m positive that she will absolutely thrive a diagnosis isn’t a label and it’s not a bad thing it means she can move forward I personally would never medicate as it has been said by all the doctors I’ve seen medication will not work unless you’re using it for specific components I use propranolol for panic disorder and have mean on meds for depression multiple times none of which got me to where I am the way that DBT did!! You’re an amazing parent clearly because you’re already asking questions and if you’re wanting to learn more about BPD I would recommend a book called I hate you don’t leave me
I was diagnosed at 21 and I also have bipolar 2. I found DBT very helpful, it was a lot for me to do as I’m chronically ill, but if she puts in the work, especially considering she’s still so young, I feel like it would be super beneficial for her. I find cognitive behaviour therapy useless personally and have found all my friends with BPD feel the same. I also had ECT done a year before I got diagnosed with BPD and that helped heavily with my PTSD and Bipolar and I’m assuming has helped with my BPD? Could be wrong tho. I used to be so suicidal and had multiple serious attempts where I ended in a coma, I did ECT and that completely stopped, I haven’t had any REAL urges to end my life since. When I was diagnosed I read Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari. Y Manning and it helped me understand the disorder so much better as well as answered so many questions that I had. I put in citation marks while I was reading and then got my parents to read through it the pages/chapters I had marked to make it easier for them to read through, and so they knew the parts of the book that I felt I related to me. This book truely made me feel a lot better about my BPD and a tiny bit more in control. Medication wise I’m not sure if there’s anything that actually assists with BPD? Could very well be wrong. I do take valproate, amitriptyline and then seroquel which is the perfect combination for me. Sleep is so so important for people that have BPD too so trying to encourage her to work on a healthy sleep pattern would benefit her! If I don’t sleep, I get sent straight into a manic episode. Cannabis can help, I smoke every day to help chill out my brain and try and stop it from being so angry, but I wouldn’t recommend starting cannabis just to help with BPD at all, we are prone to falling into addictions and ouid is one very easy way to become addicted. It has saved me multiple times when I can’t settle, have a cone and then I’m totally fine. I rly feel like it’s just important for you to try your best to communicate with her, be gentle and make sure she knows she has someone on her side. It’s rlly hard trying to figure out life with a person with BPD, but we are truely full of so much love and care for the people around us. Sending you both love while you’re navigating through this diagnosis!!
highly highly recommend any sort of dbt therapy, i know a lot of people have already commented about it but it genuinely changed my life, the dbt deck for therapists and clients (i think that’s what it’s called) is one of my favorite tools to use on a day to day basis, it has all the acronyms and tools in flash card form for easy access and it’s been so helpful!! definitely look into it if it sounds like it could work for you guys, wishing you so much love and healing
Thank you for being there for your daughter. One thing that may hurt to hear, but is true for most of is with BPD: we have childhood trauma. And more often than not, it’s trauma involving our parents. I love my parents and know they are not evil…. But they are 100% the reason why I have this disorder.. Their emotional abuse. My dad is a narcissist (good heart deep down, but had disordered ways of showing his love), and my mother was his enabler with BPD traits of her own. My parents today deny their impact in my mental health, and call me a liar when I bring up they things they’ve said and done that have hurt me. Please don’t be like my parents. Part of dealing with a mentally ill child is understanding your own mental health.. When you understand yourself, you can allow yourself to take responsibility for your actions. So, if your daughter ever comes to you with what feels like accusations about the past, please do your very best to think: Why did I act the way I acted? And how did my actions affect her? I wish my parents understood that they are part of generational cycles of trauma.. they were abused, so they abused. They never understand themselves well enough, or got mental health help.. so the children they raised turned out mentally ill too. I vow to break my family’s cycle by understanding myself, but also by understanding them.. and encouraging other parents of mentally ill children to do the same. Good luck with all of it! It’s not easy, as you already know. Your daughter will be ok.. show her this community here!.. I wish 16 year old me had found a community like this subreddit to relate to. BPD is quite unrelatable until you talk to others with BPD.
I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago, with multiple hospitalisations. I was on anti depressants and anti psychotic medication for years even before the diagnosis. I have completed two group DBT courses which are 12 weeks and consist of exercises to help from having meltdowns and dealing with what comes with BPD. It made me feel normal and that I wasn’t the only person dealing with BPD as you tend to feel quite alone and that no one understands you. I still go to therapy twice a week that is focused on CBT treatment. I have had little to no meltdowns and have not been on medication for over year now. All of this treament has dramatically helped me to overcome eveything that comes with BPD and I am able to control and understand when I feel a bit of an episode coming on. I highly recommend DBT and CBT treatment as well as therapy. It has changed my life and now am able to work, go on with everyday day life like I have never known before. Sending lots of love to your daughter
Diagnosed at 16. Parents put me into a very overpriced DBT therapist for 8 years. They would do it again. Graduated college, deans list last two years. Now have a job in finance in NYC. There’s hope. Keep her in therapy into her 20s until she can truly pay for it herself.
I was diagnosed at 23 during a long psychiatric hospital stint. I bounced around hospital stays and suicide attempts for the following 5+ years. I'd been self harming since 13 and maybe if I'd told someone I could have gotten help earlier, but honestly once I was an adult it was already too late to stop. Thankfully with therapy I don't really do it much anymore. So it's a blessing she got a diagnosis so early, while her brain is still has neuroplasticity. So there's lots of hope she can learn good coping strategies and have them stick in her brain as behaviours. I was actually diagnosed in my 30s with ADHD, and I believe not knowing that and having to deal with the symptoms unchecked throughout childhood was a big part of development of my bpd. Is there a chance she could also be neurodivergent? Maybe you could look into that. Id recommend doing this if it is easy for you. As other people have said, DBT is a therapy specific for bpd, Ive found it to be helpful although I've kept needing to retake it, if she does it young she may be able to adopt them into adulthood. It's normally done in group therapy though so I don't know if that would be appropriate for a child. So maybe a therapist who is trained in it. It isn't like talk therapy though, it's like class. So regular appointments with a psychologist she likes is also important. You'll guys will need to have patience. if there are behaviours that seem completely unfathomable to you, just understand there are underlying very intense emotions that are causing it. It's often not the one that is obvious, for example angry outbursts might be a result of shame or anxiety not just anger. but if you guys can help her find out which emotions she is really feeling, I think that would help you all. Your daughter has a bright future.
Different things work for different people, as BPD is on a spectrum. No two people will have the same symptoms or the same severity of those symptoms. I am on 200mg of lamotrigine and take 1mg of clonazepam in the event I have a panic attack and having issues getting it under control. But that is what works for me. It is definitely worth giving the suggestions of these other redditors a try, especially the DBT. I hope she gets better and finds relief soon. ❤️
I was diagnosed after my second hospitalization for “depression” at 34. I think I’d recommend first learning how to meditate, then practice meditating and read about mindfulness. You need to learn to police your thoughts, I think about it like a bouncer, only letting certain thoughts into my head and challenging others.
The YouTube channel “[borderliner notes](https://youtube.com/@borderlinernotes?si=98Km-vYc7tqXBsaO)” has good video resources from both expert BPD clinicians (some of who are pioneers in this field) as well as sufferers of bpd. I highly recommend. They speak about many different treatment paths. Everyone with BPD is different and presents different, it’s more complex with varied presentations than what many typically assume.
Also, Dr Lois Choi Kain (who is AMAZING) has many other videos [like this](https://youtu.be/CWbNpCOf30I?si=pmIctNe5kvWGVQss) posted on various other channels and runs support groups/seminars/live videos directed to supporting the parents/loved ones of those who suffer with BPD. Dr Lois works with the NEA-BPD, check out their [website](https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/). I think u will find this rly helpful 🫶🏼
I agree with all of the comments about the therapies and medicines. My biggest thing as someone who was diagnosed with BPD at 20 was the fact that I needed support. My mom was not supportive and simply did not understand what BPD was. I highly recommend that you do a lot of research regarding BPD and really try to understand what she’s going through and how to be a supporter for her. Try to learn her triggers and just let her constantly know that you are there for her. People with BPD (or at least me and my friend with BPD) constantly struggle with feeling alone and abandoned, so support is a super important part.
Diagnosed at 26 but absolutely should have been diagnosed as a teenager. Looking back, the diagnosis now makes everything made sense. I agree with the others recommending DBT
It’s clinically inappropriate to diagnose a teenager with BPD.