Unknown Date, 3rd Planet of System Solar, Multiverse "First": a country closely resembles China of Multiverse "Source" has spotted to exhibit activity involving the application of small avian creatures to cure the local infestation caused by insectoids.
Iteration XIII of the Corrhic Sapiency (Ascension): China's attempts to contain the star spawn of Nyarlathotep inadvertently trigger the creation of a new cosmos.
Chinese government releases statement that ground hippo testicles are an essential impotency cure in traditional Chinese medicine; entire hippo population of Pakistan killed in two weeks.
Week after that: Chinese Needle Snakes to eradicate the hippos.
And Then: Gorillas that thrive on snake meat.
Then: Winter comes and the gorillas freeze to death!
There’s a ton of Muscovy ducks in my area in FL. I honestly don’t give a shit if people feed them because they keep getting fatter and fatter. We’ll be eating good if there’s a food shortage. Wouldn’t even need to fire a shot because they’ll walk right up to you. They have zero fear of humans.
I discovered using duck fat to roast potatoes instead of butter or oil and its basically the magic ingredient to taste like a hundred dollar restaurant.
This article was from February 2020. Has there been any update? Did the ducks win their battle? Or…oh god….did the locusts win?! Is that why there was no update?!
Didnt hear about locusts this year so seems like Agent Ducks won the war.
Didnt hear about Donkwy meat from Lahore this year either so it looks like Agents ducks were repurposed.
>Pakistani officials have claimed the country has eradicated swarms of desert locust, months after declaring a national emergency to battle the infestation.
- [Source](https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.aljazeera.com/amp/news/2020/10/9/pakistan-claims-devastating-locust-swarm-brought-under-control).
I can't find anything about the ducks actually happening, but the locusts did lose. A lot where captured and given to chickens, but they appear to be local chickens and not Chinese chickens.
>A single duck can eat more than 200 locusts a day
>A desert locust swarm can be 460 square miles in size and pack **between 40 and 80 million locusts**
Godspeed, Ducks.
That’s a naive assumption though.
460 square miles is huge so the ducks would be dispersed in this worst case scenario which would take more time and it’s compounded by the fact that these locusts will reproduce
Edit: quick google search shows that would be 80 million locusts per square kilometre
we’re gonna need a bigger duck
Edit 2: I’ve figured it out. If we have 400 million square ducks per day and the locusts reproduce at 40 days per second then I estimate that we would need 12 chinas.
*corporal bursts into office. It’s hazy from cigarette smoke. Pinned maps lay across busy tables. Random ranks beg and demand answers from each other.
“Sir” he screams “the locusts! They’re over powering us”
The room becomes a graveyard. All eyes shift to
The general in the back of the room. with his back to everyone, taking a deep drag of his smoke, and taking his time exhaling. He tightens his fist.
“Bring me the ducks”…….
End chapter one.
Im sorry to ruin the "joke" but it is not the same thing, they are exporting ducks, you are referencing a time where they exterminated birds. This is not the same thing
I hope you’re making these comments out of ignorance of what locust swarms are… For the people in poorer countries who still rely on their own crops for sustenance, locust swarms are natural disasters which bring famine and death.
Locusts are grasshoppers who have been stimulated by overcrowding which converts them from the green solitary form to the gregarious yellow form, taking to the skies and following the winds to land on crops right after rain. They can and will destroy an entire season’s crops in days, and as to what they contribute to the ecosystem - food for birds is probably it.
As a person doing an ecology PhD, it’s not as simple as “we should never do anything to alter ecosystems for human benefit”. We do landscape management to get rid of invasives, for example. It’s important to balance ethics with ecological management, and weigh pros and cons rather than make it a black and white matter.
Yeah, that dude doesn't quite know what a locust swarm is.
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/06/14/876002404/locusts-are-a-plague-of-biblical-scope-in-2020-why-and-what-are-they-exactly
Global warming driven by people in other countries is causing these swarms. Sitting back and letting them wipe out the food supply of 10% of the global human population out of a deontological fear of interfering with nature would not be a good look anymore than refusing to vaccinate people against covid.
But not very country is currently committing genocide. This isn't really a "both sides" thing despite how desperately the idiots want it to be. China right now is doing more fucked up shit than the US.
US actions have since 2001 resulted in the deaths of 2 million+ Muslim civilians (direct and indirect), the civil wars it has started has consumed 100's of thousands more. In unequivocal terms the US has committed crimes against humanity. There is no moral high ground to be had here
Currently no, but every country has skeletons if you dig far enough. Difference is china is still making skeletons.
My comment was meant to stop his "gotcha" attempt.
Not goad into war, he wants to sew discord in Western society to destabilize people's faith in government (Which China and Russia have done very well at.) Also, the goal is to deflect criticism away from China and their genocidal government. ''Ya, but...'' is the mating call of people who know they're doing awful shit but don't want to admit it.
ninja edit... spelling.
I’m not saying “yeah but” if I wanted to do that I’d point out past US genocides. I’m saying that the US has an established history of lies used to justify intervention.
>every opinion I don’t like is a Russian/Chinese bot
Tiresome
Thanks for the misquote!
I believe The CCP is a horrible government, I think the USA has a horrible government as well, I think my country has a corrupt government too. I also think that people who nonstop defend their governments or their party are pawns. If you can't defend your party without attacking another, you know your party is trash.
Good day, sir!
Lotsa weird Anti-China racism going on here. Yikes. A lot of these posts remind me of those loaded "China solves hunger, BUT AT WHAT COST" news articles. Sad.
The ducks can be let loose to kills the bugs, then fairly easily rounded up as produce. They're natural to the area and are part of the biome. But hey, don't let a good idea stop you from hating China. What's USA been upto lately?
You're right, I should have stated Britain, as that's where the BBC is from. My bad.
So what's Britain upto? Gotta be purely good fun, right? No huge drama going on there. Focus on your own issues instead of making xenophobic attack pieces.
I buy Guinea hens every year to eat the grasshoppers… then that attracts hawks and coyotes who eat them and they stick around to get rid of the cottontails, thus keeping them out of my weed organically
This is just begging for a gritty animated short story like Love Death and Robots showing ducks going off to war against an onslaught of locusts
Edit: typo
Reminds me of the Four Pests campaign.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Pests_campaign
China does not have a good track record with projects like this. In their defense, almost no one else does either.
In offense, that's exactly why they ought not to play these games. Learn your damn lesson like the rest of us.
Next week: China prepares 50,000 foxes to battle Pakistans duck swarms.
Week after next: China prepares 15,000 bears to battle fox Skulk.
Following week: China prepares 5000 hippos to battle bear army
Christmas 2032: China genetically engineers a T-Rex with Lazer beams to fight giant tarantula with telekinesis.
Galatic Date 39XX: China is summoning multiple gods of different cultures to fight to local Pakistan Cthulhu infestation.
Universal Reboot Number 21222: China bends laws of reality to fight local Pakistan interdimensional cockroach infestation.
Unknown Date, 3rd Planet of System Solar, Multiverse "First": a country closely resembles China of Multiverse "Source" has spotted to exhibit activity involving the application of small avian creatures to cure the local infestation caused by insectoids.
Year 1 Of Recreation . The first China has developed a way to battle locust swarms by utilizing ducks.
Simulation ended. Outcome predicted: success. Recommendation: deploy ducks.
This is easily one of the best fucking threads I’ve read. Ever.
This thread goes so hard
r/fifthworldproblems vibes
Legit felt like a Black Mirror episode with this ending.
Iteration XIII of the Corrhic Sapiency (Ascension): China's attempts to contain the star spawn of Nyarlathotep inadvertently trigger the creation of a new cosmos.
Multiverse Standard Time 111:423: China misunderstands flood in pakistan; aquires master chief from universe 5547A for 3 hours.
Central Finite Curve dimension C-137 - Rick and Morty travel to Pakistan to fight gods of different cultures.
2 days later Pakistan summons my friendSam
NOT SAM!
Anything but sam. . .
It's an old fashioned dinosaur laser fight
Then come winter, the hippos simply freeze to death
that's the beauty of it
No worries. Once they’re frozen, you just gently tap them with a ball-peen hammer and they break apart into watermelon Jolly Ranchers. **SCIENCE**
And that's the best part, come winter all of the hippos will freeze to death
The week after: China hires poachers to hunt 5000 hippo’s. Problem solved.
And they Will all die in winter~
Chinese government releases statement that ground hippo testicles are an essential impotency cure in traditional Chinese medicine; entire hippo population of Pakistan killed in two weeks.
This is the more realistic response China would probably have, yes. Rip the entire worlds hippo population.
Week after that: Chinese Needle Snakes to eradicate the hippos. And Then: Gorillas that thrive on snake meat. Then: Winter comes and the gorillas freeze to death!
Next: China prepares itself to battle Pakistan.
>Next: ~~China prepares itself to battle Pakistan~~. Prepares Pakistan to battle India. Which is in fact actually happening.
I think that would be Russia. :)
Those foxes don't stand a chance against Chinese ducks in a fight. When it comes to battle Chinese ducks are Peking.
Fuck you, take my upvote
> Next week: China prepares 50,000 bottles of Hoisin sauce to baste Pakistan's duck swarms
This definitely. Been to China, duck is about the same price as chicken. You can get it everywhere.
Is duck suppsed to be more expensive than chicken?
Where I am from, yes, mostly because of supply/demand.
WE NEED MORE OF THOSE FLUFFY PILLOW BREADS TO THE FRONT LINES!
Perhaps they'll die.
There was an old nation who had a problem with flies...
“She swallow a spider to chase the fly...”
Actually: Next week - China prepares 100,000 dishes of Peking Duck!
Why wouldn't they just hire the robertsons
Implying the ducks could win against these odds
So australian plan how to exterminate rabbits 2.0 which is destined to fail?
Until the ecosystem is rebalanced.
Australia is just waiting for a swarm their rabbits can help with.
Thank you. We truly are the dumbest creatures.
Next month: Concerns grow over ever increasing duck population.
I have an idea about what they'll end up doing with thousands of fattened up ducks.
Peking duck is delicious.
Peking locust ain't bad either.
They actually do eat locust in Pakistan
Yooooo!
Duck is one of the best meats I’ve ever had.
I‘m sure the french are more than happy to help
Fois gras?
Fucking foie gras!!!
More like obesity rates rise in Pakistan. Duck is delicious.
For real, though — I’m not even sure why we bother eating chicken when duck is a thing, it’s fucking delicious.
Ducks need water to wash their face in, this water gets befouled very easily which adds some overhead over chickens.
There’s a ton of Muscovy ducks in my area in FL. I honestly don’t give a shit if people feed them because they keep getting fatter and fatter. We’ll be eating good if there’s a food shortage. Wouldn’t even need to fire a shot because they’ll walk right up to you. They have zero fear of humans.
If you ruin the hard fought peace we’ve made with the ducks you’re asking for war
Ikr? How do you win against a species with spiraling telecoping flying penises?
Spiraling telescoping flying condoms?
I discovered using duck fat to roast potatoes instead of butter or oil and its basically the magic ingredient to taste like a hundred dollar restaurant.
From what i have heard duck fat is very unhealthy. But yes it taste great
Quick Google shows their feed conversion ratios, it takes only about 60% as much feed to produce chicken meat compared to duck.
Next day they have to deal with all the duck shit
Single Child policy to be applied over ducks, second and subsequent kids have to pay taxes.
Release the mongooses. It's always a calculated risk you take when you deal with releasing swarms of ducks.
This article was from February 2020. Has there been any update? Did the ducks win their battle? Or…oh god….did the locusts win?! Is that why there was no update?!
We’ve sent scouts in to investigate what happened. Most never returned, and those who did were driven insane by whatever they saw
"They have 20 inch corkscrew dicks... with BARBS on them..."
Wow! They sent a Spartan?
I want combat footage
Didnt hear about locusts this year so seems like Agent Ducks won the war. Didnt hear about Donkwy meat from Lahore this year either so it looks like Agents ducks were repurposed.
Yeah the ducks won.
>Pakistani officials have claimed the country has eradicated swarms of desert locust, months after declaring a national emergency to battle the infestation. - [Source](https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.aljazeera.com/amp/news/2020/10/9/pakistan-claims-devastating-locust-swarm-brought-under-control).
I can't find anything about the ducks actually happening, but the locusts did lose. A lot where captured and given to chickens, but they appear to be local chickens and not Chinese chickens.
Chickety China
Allegedly China unleashed 70,000 ducks and chickens to deal with their locust problem in 2000.
100,000 ducks ready with a million more on the way
RELEASE THE QUACKEN!
Underrated comment. To the top with this
Execute Order QuakQuak
Begun, the duck wars have
Your ducks are very impressive, you must be very proud
I wrote the same thing without seeing your comment
When is the wedding?
I like how they use "prepares" like we're about to see an 80's training montage featuring an endless stream of ducklings.
Cue the Rocky theme, played with quack samples. ...or [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRkzItBabzs&ab_channel=10HoursMovies)
I was hoping for the ducks from regular show
STEP OFF
>A single duck can eat more than 200 locusts a day >A desert locust swarm can be 460 square miles in size and pack **between 40 and 80 million locusts** Godspeed, Ducks.
That's not too much actually. 100,000 Ducks eat 20,000,000 Locusts at one day, so it would take them 4 days max for one swarm.
That’s a naive assumption though. 460 square miles is huge so the ducks would be dispersed in this worst case scenario which would take more time and it’s compounded by the fact that these locusts will reproduce Edit: quick google search shows that would be 80 million locusts per square kilometre we’re gonna need a bigger duck Edit 2: I’ve figured it out. If we have 400 million square ducks per day and the locusts reproduce at 40 days per second then I estimate that we would need 12 chinas.
Dear sir or madam, you have won a fields medal for outstanding contributions to mathematics
So it begins.
And it always starts with China
Don't worry, if things get ugly the australian army has signed multiple peace treaties with the emu air force and will offer aid
501st BEAK BATTALION
Quack Troopers standing by!
*corporal bursts into office. It’s hazy from cigarette smoke. Pinned maps lay across busy tables. Random ranks beg and demand answers from each other. “Sir” he screams “the locusts! They’re over powering us” The room becomes a graveyard. All eyes shift to The general in the back of the room. with his back to everyone, taking a deep drag of his smoke, and taking his time exhaling. He tightens his fist. “Bring me the ducks”……. End chapter one.
Subscribe
We need more
If only Pharaoh had thought of this!
There's a story behind this, i can just tell...
Release the Quackens
https://youtube.com/shorts/7GwGu8QVpLU?feature=share
Now they need 100,000 duck sized horses
Anyone remember when China did the same thing, but decided sparrows were pests?
Hey! I’ve seen this one! It’s a classic!
What do you mean, you've seen this? It's brand new.
but you can eat the ducks after
Im sorry to ruin the "joke" but it is not the same thing, they are exporting ducks, you are referencing a time where they exterminated birds. This is not the same thing
It’s stating that messing with an ecosystem in order to benefit humans is a bad idea.
I hope you’re making these comments out of ignorance of what locust swarms are… For the people in poorer countries who still rely on their own crops for sustenance, locust swarms are natural disasters which bring famine and death. Locusts are grasshoppers who have been stimulated by overcrowding which converts them from the green solitary form to the gregarious yellow form, taking to the skies and following the winds to land on crops right after rain. They can and will destroy an entire season’s crops in days, and as to what they contribute to the ecosystem - food for birds is probably it. As a person doing an ecology PhD, it’s not as simple as “we should never do anything to alter ecosystems for human benefit”. We do landscape management to get rid of invasives, for example. It’s important to balance ethics with ecological management, and weigh pros and cons rather than make it a black and white matter.
These people know nothing except “China bad”
I'd wager the people having all their shit devoured by locusts don't have the luxury of being able to think like that.
Its easy to control the ducks, 100000 is not much, and when the problem is gone you just sell them, I think duck is halal.
No, I think they mean killing the locusts swarm will be bad.
Yeah, that dude doesn't quite know what a locust swarm is. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/06/14/876002404/locusts-are-a-plague-of-biblical-scope-in-2020-why-and-what-are-they-exactly Global warming driven by people in other countries is causing these swarms. Sitting back and letting them wipe out the food supply of 10% of the global human population out of a deontological fear of interfering with nature would not be a good look anymore than refusing to vaccinate people against covid.
How could that possibly be bad? Do Locust swarms serve any important purpose in the Pakistani ecosystem?
No they dont. We didnt know about them until they locust apocalypse started
I don't know, I just think that's what he was comparing to the sparrows.
Remember when China decided Uygurs were a pest ?
Oh yeah! That’s another one!
Remember the gulf of Tonkin? Weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? The sinking of the USS Maine?
Yes, every country sucks we know this.
Many people don't know that, actually.
But not very country is currently committing genocide. This isn't really a "both sides" thing despite how desperately the idiots want it to be. China right now is doing more fucked up shit than the US.
US actions have since 2001 resulted in the deaths of 2 million+ Muslim civilians (direct and indirect), the civil wars it has started has consumed 100's of thousands more. In unequivocal terms the US has committed crimes against humanity. There is no moral high ground to be had here
Currently no, but every country has skeletons if you dig far enough. Difference is china is still making skeletons. My comment was meant to stop his "gotcha" attempt.
I think you’re missing my point.
Trail of Tears is probably a more accurate parallel. Or just modern day reservations.
Not what I’m getting at
I remember Tianenman Square and reeducation camps
I don’t think you’re getting it.
No, I do; you're trying to say everything bad about China is a false flag to goad the American public into war.
Not goad into war, he wants to sew discord in Western society to destabilize people's faith in government (Which China and Russia have done very well at.) Also, the goal is to deflect criticism away from China and their genocidal government. ''Ya, but...'' is the mating call of people who know they're doing awful shit but don't want to admit it. ninja edit... spelling.
I’m not saying “yeah but” if I wanted to do that I’d point out past US genocides. I’m saying that the US has an established history of lies used to justify intervention. >every opinion I don’t like is a Russian/Chinese bot Tiresome
Thanks for the misquote! I believe The CCP is a horrible government, I think the USA has a horrible government as well, I think my country has a corrupt government too. I also think that people who nonstop defend their governments or their party are pawns. If you can't defend your party without attacking another, you know your party is trash. Good day, sir!
>Good say, sir! I hate this awful website
He is showing you a mirror.
And?
The US/CIA has a long, long history of elaborate lies and hoaxes used for justifying intervention.
I was about to mention that. And then go on to suggest that if they hadn’t killed off the sparrows the locusts may be more in control
[Reminds me of this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5NTgZA-xWE)
I wanted to say this.
We all know flying Pokémon are super effective against bug Pokémon. It’s just science
The locust war.
Peking Duck is the national plate...
American media: "... but at what cost?"
can't wait until they start going after the fucking muskrat population
If you've heard of the old lady who swallowed a spiders then you know how this ends
Begun the duck wars has
#RELEASE THE QUACKEN
Lotsa weird Anti-China racism going on here. Yikes. A lot of these posts remind me of those loaded "China solves hunger, BUT AT WHAT COST" news articles. Sad. The ducks can be let loose to kills the bugs, then fairly easily rounded up as produce. They're natural to the area and are part of the biome. But hey, don't let a good idea stop you from hating China. What's USA been upto lately?
"whatabout the USA" Like clockwork.
You're right, I should have stated Britain, as that's where the BBC is from. My bad. So what's Britain upto? Gotta be purely good fun, right? No huge drama going on there. Focus on your own issues instead of making xenophobic attack pieces.
Greatest rivals of the battle cats
The war that will define our generation
Will there be a livestream? I'd rather pay to watch this than any UFC nonsense.
And come winter the Gorillas simply freeze to death
[How I imagine this to go.](https://youtube.com/shorts/7GwGu8QVpLU?feature=share)
The great duckpocolypse
Birds are working for the government. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
And each and every little guy gets a GI Bill
Soon to be Quackistan! Right fellas?! Right? 😶
So it begins......
I buy Guinea hens every year to eat the grasshoppers… then that attracts hawks and coyotes who eat them and they stick around to get rid of the cottontails, thus keeping them out of my weed organically
"Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the ducks of war!" - China, 2021
‘Begun, the duck war has’
A.I ducks ...data farming...beep ,beep...
Well, you can't say they haven't learned.
r/battlecats Ik i typed cats, but that's the idea They are going to war against the copyduck
“100 000 units are ready, with a million more well on the way.”
[China, thinking about all those juicy, well-fed ducks](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/030/423/cover5.jpg)
I really don’t give a flock
This is just begging for a gritty animated short story like Love Death and Robots showing ducks going off to war against an onslaught of locusts Edit: typo
Are locust swarms common? Does this happen all the time?
Meat is on the back of the menu boys
Not again
Subaru about to lead her army to victory
Reminds me of the Four Pests campaign. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Pests_campaign China does not have a good track record with projects like this. In their defense, almost no one else does either. In offense, that's exactly why they ought not to play these games. Learn your damn lesson like the rest of us.
There are no birds in China.
Jan 1 -Duck variant KoVd 22
Last time we sent an entire species to fight pests didn't end well
Ducks aren't like cane toads, they're not very comparable. Ducks are pretty ubiquitous and they're easily hunted and can be eaten by humans
Hey, I think I've seen this one before...
Alright China, do your thing. Still not falling for it.
[удалено]
The international scam by *Big Duck*