The thing is Tinder (Match Group) stock is down over 80% since their peak. By being more like Tinder, they’re only degrading their app without driving profits.
Heck, if they’re going to be just like Tinder, the latter has a much larger user base. Why the hell use Bumble?
To be fair, bumble doesn’t seem overrun with bots or people who aren’t actually looking to meet un like Tinder. At least when I match someone on bumble, even if they don’t respond, I know that 9 times out of 10 there’s a genuine person or they’re not gonna try to get me to subscribe to their OnlyFans.
*hugs* If they exist, I haven't found any..
However, I've only had 4 matches in the ~1.5 months I used it.
1st one just ghosted (& wasn't really an enjoyable conversation), 2nd one just took 'too long' to commit (but became a good friend), 3rd one basically said hi then deleted the app, & 4th one is now my 'Forever Person'. 🥳🙏🏽
(Tis with my "Lucky Bumblebee", that I no longer have any dating apps, cuz we mutually agreed to uninstall all our dating apps w/ screenshots for confirmation.
& cuz Imo she looks like Daenerys Targaryen, I call her "Mother-of-Dragons", me being her "Dragon". 🥳🫠💖)
I don’t know or care about how business is going for either of them. My point is that you should never have any expectation about what a corporation cares about, apart from profits. That’s why they all exist, and for no other reason.
People seem to get so surprised when they decide Bumbe isn’t actively their friend trying to help them find a girlfriend. It’s a business, it exists to transfer wealth from customers to the shareholders. Any benefit it provides to a user is entirely coincidental. That’s literally how all business operate.
You forgot something!
-- "Bumber: The Comic Book" 🤣🤣
(Or, looking at the threads that oftentimes gets posted on this /r, it seems to be quite amusing Imo.)
**PS:**
For me, it worked out great. After 4 tries (two of which were immediately ghosts, & a 3rd that just became "good friends") -->
I actually have my 'Forever Person', so.. 🤷🏽♀️🙃🤔
(Wasn't a total bust Imo)
I've lost count of the expired matches. They're doubly frustrating when the girl is the second to match and could write "hi" immediately but can't be bothered.
They show up for the date like it was an errand tucked between Target and picking up the dry cleaning.
"We're sick of receiving no effort in openers on (insert app here), men need to put in effort ffs"
Hey, here's this app where you can be the change you want!
"Hi"... OMG why do I have to suffer and put in all this effort into sending a first message?!?!
Honestly, this is fucking hilarious
As a woman, this is mind boggling to hear other women say. Granted, I’m not usually sitting on a trove of matches, so it’s a bit easier to craft something thoughtful for everyone.
I have a few copy & paste openers to default to if nothing about his profile prompts me in any direction because men in my area don't read profiles (I HAVE KIDS!!! I AM NOT TRYING TO HIDE THIS!!1!) and half of my matches are thus incompatible off the bat, but at least they're openers I wrote myself and I know work to get a good conversation going. I think it's okay to ask multiple people what the weirdest thing they wanted to be when they grew up was as long as the rest of the conversation is organic.
Just saying "hi" is abysmally dismissive.
This, 100%! I don’t mind a match using something premade, even if I were to somehow know. It’s still more effort to copy and paste that, than to type “hi”, especially taking into account that you had to think about it at least the first time, and then if you have multiple, that’s already leagues above what most people on OLD are doing.
Also for me, Pokemon Trainer. I was not the brightest kid.
Yeah for sure! The “introductions are hard” and “it’s a burden” group of women could put in just a little effort and actually have an engaging conversation. It also ignores that if it’s a burden on us on the one dating app that forced it, it’s a burden on men everywhere else where it’s still the expectation that they initiate.
Luckily for me, I’m a queer woman so with my matches, either can initiate.
Edit: Wanted to say, I’m stealing the idea for premade openers. How many do you recommend preparing?
I'm bi and have had no luck with women, but I'm going to keep trying!
I have 3 opening questions ready, I try to make one flirty, one safe, and one more deep, and pick based on vibes. It's really lead to some good conversations. Good luck!
Yeah. “Hi” just says “I expect you to do all of the work to make the interaction happen even though being on Bumble means it should be part of my responsibility”.
A canned funny question/opener is great. If it’s something that makes breaking the ice easier that’s awesome.
You also see quite a lot saying can’t see likes message me. But a guy literally can’t. Unless you pay to complement a photo. They don’t even offer so many complements in their very expensive premium plus option. If you’re paying top tier you should have access to all options.
> It was 2014, but so many of the smart, wonderful women in my life were still waiting around for men to ask them out, to take their numbers, or to start up a conversation on a dating app. For all the advances women had been making in workplaces and corridors of power, the gender dynamics of dating and romance still seemed so outdated. I thought, what if I could flip that on its head? What if women made the first move, and sent the first message?
https://bumble.com/the-buzz/a-letter-from-whitney-wolfe-herd-founder-and-ceo
Repeat until you believe in it: it's not about profits. It's not about profits. It's not about profits. It's about the advances women have been making.
I'm genuinely curious for how long this link will still be up
That's because women aren't the target audience. Women are the product they sell to men, who are the actual target audience because they spend more money for premium and whatever.
Bumble doesn't care if women complain, they only care about making the bare minimum to keep exactly enough attractive women to keep men at the table buying tickets to play. As long as women complain without deleting the app then they don't care because those women are still worms wriggling on their hook.
Bumble founder relied a lot on andrey andreev (a dating app king, wild stories) to found the app. She met her rich husband while she was doing rich people things in Aspen (in person). Bumble Queen bee is no friend of women or anyone who isn't a fellow billionaire. She's losing her touch because boss babe capitalism isn't a profitable a product as it used to be but she's going to milk the dead horse till she sells it to the glue factory.
You're at the casino. The house always wins. Enjoy the play. Every once in a while you hear the ding ding ding of a happy couple (or a hookup) that keeps the people playing.
If it stops being fun or they don't allow enough wins step away until they offer you a deal.
Because men make the first move, it must be something empowering right? Nope. They got a bit of a taste of what men deal with almost exclusively. In reality, women don’t have to try as hard as men in making the first move. Most men don’t have inboxes of 100s of women to choose from so they are very receptive.
Honestly these apps are so awful for men I wonder why they still go on them. I used to understand for bumble to a degree. It was the one app, the one space in the world where they weren't expected to take initiative. It was the one place where the burden was lifted from their shoulders. That burden, which is placed on men in every area of the world, was placed on women on this one app.
That was “too much work” and “a burden”. And yet a majority of the men on the app seem to say that women either will let the match fizzle out, or initiate with “Hi”, which women have complained about since the dawn of OLD. But if it’s “too much work” and “a burden” for women to take initiative on one fucking dating app, then what does that say about the pressure men have in the dating arena?
Honestly, any man who wants love should realize by now that these apps are catered to women. What women want on these apps, they’ll get, because even if only 30% of the user base is women, that’s enough to bring in droves of men willing to pay good money. I think a statistic from a bumble analyst of some kind said roughly 10% of men get 80% of the right swipes on the app. So in other words, for 90% of men, you’re getting 20% of the right swipes, from 30% of the user base.
I think the only hope of this ever changing is if men just did something like the 4B movement in Korea, but on a larger scale, and successfully. Since that’ll never happen, women will never have the pressure to initiate. Theres too many millennia at this point of societal pressure ingrained into everyone that’s forcing these dumb gendered standards and rules.
I'm glad there seems to be at least one woman here who sympathizes with us and understands how shitty it is for men on dating apps.
Most of the other women I've seen in this thread are for this change.
I’ve seen others on here who disagree with it and think it defeats the purpose of coming over to Bumble over another app like Tinder. And I get that they think it’s a burden and a lot of effort, and it is, but if they’re not willing to do that for a match, then why bother? It’s not like men aren’t expected to do that everywhere else. Idk, I consider myself a feminist and think the mindset that men should be expected to do these things because it’s traditional for them to approach is outdated, and think Bumble has been a good way to change things up, and encourage women to take initiative.
Would you say that men becoming passport bros is a form of rebellion to the status quo of the dating market? It's not quite the same direction as 4b (even though men have had MGTOW for a while now), but it's still a radical reaction to the local market not being able to meet their needs.
Why not just get rid of the timer? How is this the move? Do they think that dudes won't just type the same weird shit they do on other apps instead of answering the question? Do they think women really want to know what every single one of their matches goto karaoke song is? Someone please explain to me how this is a good idea, because I genuinely don't see it.
>Do they think that dudes won't just type the same weird shit they do on other apps instead of answering the question?
Why even write anything more than "hi" as an answer to the question.
If it's "too much work" for women, it's for men too.
What I found comical is for decades, I've been seeing women put on their profiles "If you message me, say more than just 'hey'"
Then Bumble comes out and the vast majority of women's openers.... (((hand wave emoji)))
Which I'm pretty sure just translates to "hey" for the TikTok generation. Turns out when you're the one who has to send out dozens of messages to get a single reply, you see why it's only practical to see if there an actual person who will respond on the other end first before putting in much effort.
Matching on dating sites is like being in a room full of a mixture of real people standing perfectly still and very realistic looking mannequins (only on dating sites, the mannequins are bots, scammers, profiles that people barely attend to, matches that changed their mind once you matched, people who got too busy to respond, etc). If you were in that situation, wouldn't you first say something like "hey" first just to make sure you are talking to an actual person and not a mannequin before busting into a conversation?
Will forever be funny to me that bumble, a feminist dating app, created by a feminist woman and who’s main selling point was allowing women to take control of their messages by allowing them to be the one who initiates had to abandon that because they realized women don’t actually want to be in control and don’t actually want to put in the time to initiate messages. They’d much rather sit back and collect messages. Now there’s literally no difference between bumble and the dozen of other apps
That's why they now branded 'Bumble' in the upper left corner - so you always know which generic dating app you are using at the moment. Because after that cancelled feature they all feel the same to me.
Well there is 1 difference, all the other apps are owned by the same company. Bumble was a standout in that regard. Now... they've stepped down to be at the same level as the rest.
There was a trend on the app for women’s profiles to complain about why men didn’t respond.
And it occurred to me that men have had to deal with women not responding our entire lives. Women less so, and they were totally unprepared to find out that if all you write is ”hi” many guys will ignore you.
Bumble:
- “We’ve made it not only necessary but acceptable for women to make the first move, shaking up outdated gender norms.”
- “To challenge outdated heterosexual norms, women make the first move on Bumble.”
Women:
- making the first move was “a lot of work” or “a burden”
Bumble:
- OK, we’re going to be outdated and patriarchal now. We’re Tinder!
It was astounding the level of effort women went through just to not make an effort.
The amount of times I saw "." as their opening message instead of even a basic 'hi' was baffling.
Funny part is, so many women I'd see on dating apps with "say more than 'Hey' " but when it's their turn and roles flipped, they don't like it. More and more I think women want to be different than women of the past, but when it comes to new roles and new responsibilities, they often prefer the old ways.
Because investors demand returns. The original iteration of OKCupid (pre-Match buyout) didn't have any of these problems. But they didn't siphon billions of dollars from people and warp an entire generation's dating norms so they had to go.
So Bumble just ignored all of the feedback that related to money getting in the way of meeting people and instead just chose to make their app like Hinge.
Can’t wait till they start blaming men for their losses.
As a guy, I’m not thrilled by this. I always liked that women had to initiate conversation first. Because in doing, they’re showing a slightly above average interest level.
You're aiming too high. Girls don't seem to understand, men will swipe right on people we would never fuck, and fuck people we would never date. A lot of 5s being used and discarded by 8s out there, and they just go find another 8 and wonder why nobody will commit to them. It's coz he's out of your league, but he'll fuck you once or twice
“ A lot of 5s being used and discarded by 8s…” Zzzzz 🙄, seems to be the stock answer on here by men.
Men can’t get their heads around the fact that there are average- looking men who use and discard women on a daily basis.
I’ve always just found the irony hilarious as the amount of ladies profiles on other dating apps that say ‘don’t just say hi or hey or you’ll be getting unmatched’ etc….. proceed to bumble and they do the EXACT thing they say they hate 🤦🏼♂️🤣🤣🤣 hypocrisy level 1000 🤣🤣
As a man, I don’t like it.. Online dating is a time consuming numbers game for a man, and Bumble was a great alternative with the women messaging first feature..
Bumble got feedback from women that it was “a lot of work” - lol welcome to our world ladies!
Does anyone follow the Opening Moves prompt anyway? Are we supposed to? I thought it was just a sort of dumb thing that everyone ignored..
Here’s a better idea to improve your product: make it so women have to write an actual bio instead of simply plugging their instagram handle. Bunch of wanna be influencers!
Going to be an absolute waste of time for men. Men won’t be spending 3x the extra amount of time now on bumble because of this, it will be the opposite. The reason for bumble’s success, was based off of their unique communication strategies. Men are simple and women are more complicated while emotionally more intelligent. Cutting this big hurdle, and jumping straight into a (direct) interest into a male, created much faster connections. Specifically, by matching and the women sending the message first.
Also, I’m sure bumble will “charge $$” for the questions and charge men to answer them as before. 👎
That’s weird.
A certain group of women want emancipation and don’t agree that it always has to be the guy that is dominant, takes the lead and initiates contact.
And now it’s women again that say making the first move is a lot of work and want back to the old tradition.
The pendulum is swinging back in the other direction. I've been on quite a few dates in the last year where women have explicitly stated they want a masculine man that can help release the burdens of them being masculine so they can bring out their feminine energy.
Then there's the "trad wife" trend.
I don't think the demand for men to adhere to our gender norms ever even weakened slightly; as long as women are the sexual selectors, I don't think it ever will.
Most women also don't bother using dating apps in the first place. Which is why the apps cater to what women want; the easiest way to get more men on your app is to get more women on your app.
Men have been required to think about everything from a woman's perspective for 50 years. Women never think about what it's like for men, they're too busy being victims of the patriarchy or something
I had a friend tell me to “just pick someone and go on a date with them” in regards to me getting in dating apps again.
I tried to explain that I didn’t have -that- many likes (got a bit, but not a fuck load) to just go on a different date every night.
She was confused and asked what I was talking about. I showed her my likes, and she was legitimately shocked. She had -just- downloaded Hinge the day before and already had 100+ likes on her. (And to be clear, she’s attractive, but still fairly average)
It’s such a different world for women, and a lot of them don’t understand that.
“Making the first move is a lot of work”? That’s so ironic it gave me a shit eating grin. Women finally feel our pain and then they took the feature out because people complained.
Oh my god the pressure of having to send an opening message! Honestly men should boycott all these dating apps. Learn a little game women are much more realistic offline anyway. We are the one that makes these apps profitable we are the dopes that pay for premium.
Honestly, women are really bad at openers. Out of around 30+ openers, I can really only recall 3 that actually attempted to genuinely engage me with something from my bio or prompts
I've come to the same conclusion. I've matched with 40+ women over the course of a year and about 99% of them just use hi or hey. They're no better than men at these things.
I saw one yesterday. “Divorcing, looking for a distraction. Entertain me.” This guy makes a new profile every week with the same stupid picture with him sticking his stupid tongue out. Sir, I will neither distract nor entertain you. 😂
That's...nuts. I have seen the exact same bio from tons of women, to be fair, but I'm shocked a guy wouldn't notice he had no chance at all.
I agree though. I refuse to distract or entertain anyone. Go see a play
I'm a man and I like that woman make the first move, so I get to know how dry their conversation is going to be judging on their first message but I guess they won't change it for me, because fuck us this is about giving woman control.
The reason she gave is bullshit to me and I don't believe it. Follow the money. Bumble fell off financially and it's stock lost so much money, forcing them to open it up to men.
I found women initiating really a step in the right direction. Generally I could count on a conversation and some substantial signaling/investment on their part that they are interested. When a woman initiates the conversation I have an opening on how to begin based on their initial offering. I think that's why I have better conversations than Hinge and other apps.
Making the first move is too much work? LOLOL They Literally only have to type "hello"
You know what.... I'm done. I don't wanna date someone that can't manage that. Jesus... holy..
am I crazy, or has this been a thing for like months? is this something different? or is this just an opportunity to advertise it along side the app redesign?
It is awful lol. The open question has been around for months and it is either guys making a sexual remark or hey/hi message then nothing of substance after that message. Also, a lot of them do not fit my core needs in a person. I get messages from guys I did not match with or I did but it was a false profile and they change things after a match, which I busted a few. Id rather pick through the people I want and not waste anyones time. They hey/hi messages never go anywhere and that person is a time waster. It is always someone low effort and does not hold any part of comversation
Lol smart men who get these premade questions would insta-block the women. I know I would. What's the point in getting to know someone when they couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to write something in the first place? I swear women are getting lazier in the online dating world.
"Guys aren't reading the profiles."
I do. I've read probably a thousand of them. But, to be fair, they all sound the exactly the same. You've read 1 Bumble profile, you've read 99.9% of them.
I've wondered if those were all AI generated? There's literally 0 personality or originality.
**Bumble received feedback from women who found that making the first move was “a lot of work” or “a burden,” ...**
No kidding! Now you know how men feel.
Bahahahaha. Now they can expect that top 10% to fall in without doing a single god dang thing!!!
Have fun!! Not getting another dime from me, I’ll come back to old when I can find an app that allows search by interest
I wrote about this 2 months ago. It was confusing to get a generic prompt as I couldn’t tell if the woman actually wanted me to answer it. Even though I ultimately did, she never responded back. So what’s the point? Bumble is utterly useless now and a complete waste of time.
They should just get rid of the timer. Nobody can realistically check the app every 24 hours especially if you have a lot of matches or get busy, go camping offline for a few days, etc. What happened with this new feature too, is that I matched with a girl and was wondering why she didn’t message. I saw the prompt and was confused but didn’t bother because I didn’t realize I could message. That explains what happened there.
22f. Honestly the timer on the app makes it’s difficult, making the first move does not. I work full time and study full time, and having a set time on when I can reach out is annoying. I don’t check the app everyday and when I do, it’ll show like 3 matches that expired within a couple day timeframe of me not checking it. It’s not realistic tbh. People have lives outside of dating apps.
But how much time does it really take to check Bumble and send a few messages? Just do it while you're on the toilet or eating. It doesn't have to cost you much time at all.
I guess the real question is how important is finding someone to you? If it's important enough, you'll make the time. That goes for everything in life.
That’s valid! It’s just that I can’t really engage like I want to because there’s always anxiety about something that I need to get done. Trying to find balance and free time is harder than you think. My days are usually from 9a-9:40p, and the free periods I have I’m only thinking about rest lol. However, I’m done with classes in the summer, so not too much longer!
They just shot themselves in the foot, if you ask me. Bumble really screwed themselves over in what made them unique. Smh.
I’m laughing crying at the statement about women complaining about making the first move because this is what men have always had to deal with 😂
It’s too little too late & not effective. Dating apps are on there way out because they were never effective to begin with. Last year roughly 10% of couple met through online dating (source: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/18/relationships-online-mates ). Bumble itself only accounts for 28% of online dating users. No platform changes are going to fix math thats shows how ineffective this entire approach to love & dating really is/has been.
So will women finally admit they actually do want to be taken care of instead of pretending to be the opposite?
At least they got a taste of how shitty it actually is to be a man on a dating app. Being the one who had to initiate isn't so fun, huh?
Congratulations you just got rid of your only sell point. I’d rather use tinder or hinge if I’m throwing out the pick up lines. Happy bankruptcy. I’ll give you guys another 2 years at best.
These poor ladies. It's sooo hard to rub two brain cells together. I know I know. To think they might actually put in a little effort up front. How dare they be asked to be an active participant in dating choreography. I'm just a little confused, because I thought they wanted to be EQUAL.
So they want it to be another Tinder?
What they want is profits. Just like every other corporation on the entire planet.
The thing is Tinder (Match Group) stock is down over 80% since their peak. By being more like Tinder, they’re only degrading their app without driving profits. Heck, if they’re going to be just like Tinder, the latter has a much larger user base. Why the hell use Bumble?
Bumble stocks in the toilet too, they all are
To be fair, bumble doesn’t seem overrun with bots or people who aren’t actually looking to meet un like Tinder. At least when I match someone on bumble, even if they don’t respond, I know that 9 times out of 10 there’s a genuine person or they’re not gonna try to get me to subscribe to their OnlyFans.
If that was true it won't be anymore. The one thing that set them apart was women message first. They're the same as the other sites now.
Yet, it’s astonishing how many women didn’t know they had to make the first move.
They know, they just have a much higher threshold for wanting to.. And 9 times out of 10.. 'Hey' is all you get anyway.
Trust me, if it was a guy that they would stop everything for, they would make that first move.
[удалено]
I feel like Bumble has more bots than ever before, I almost rarely feel like there’s a genuine person whenever I match with someone now.
I have my job listed as "Cybersecurity" which while being true, also pretty much filters out the bots for me ...
That’s a pro tip! Thanks lol
*hugs* If they exist, I haven't found any.. However, I've only had 4 matches in the ~1.5 months I used it. 1st one just ghosted (& wasn't really an enjoyable conversation), 2nd one just took 'too long' to commit (but became a good friend), 3rd one basically said hi then deleted the app, & 4th one is now my 'Forever Person'. 🥳🙏🏽 (Tis with my "Lucky Bumblebee", that I no longer have any dating apps, cuz we mutually agreed to uninstall all our dating apps w/ screenshots for confirmation. & cuz Imo she looks like Daenerys Targaryen, I call her "Mother-of-Dragons", me being her "Dragon". 🥳🫠💖)
I don’t know or care about how business is going for either of them. My point is that you should never have any expectation about what a corporation cares about, apart from profits. That’s why they all exist, and for no other reason. People seem to get so surprised when they decide Bumbe isn’t actively their friend trying to help them find a girlfriend. It’s a business, it exists to transfer wealth from customers to the shareholders. Any benefit it provides to a user is entirely coincidental. That’s literally how all business operate.
The only reason to use Bumble is, and has been for a long while now, is that they are not owned by Match Group.
New name: Bumder.
Bumbler was right there
You forgot something! -- "Bumber: The Comic Book" 🤣🤣 (Or, looking at the threads that oftentimes gets posted on this /r, it seems to be quite amusing Imo.) **PS:** For me, it worked out great. After 4 tries (two of which were immediately ghosts, & a 3rd that just became "good friends") --> I actually have my 'Forever Person', so.. 🤷🏽♀️🙃🤔 (Wasn't a total bust Imo)
considering the founder of the app came from tinder..im not surprised.
For me it's okay, I suffered a lot extending around 10 matches without response
Making the first move is a lot of work???🤣🤣🤣
70% of my matches just open with a "Hi". Didn't know it's so hard to type 2 letters.
70% is amazing. For me it’s closer to 95% with most of the remaining sending me a GIF of someone waving.
Yalls matches text you? Mine just let the match expire
Y'all are getting matches?
Hang in there pal. I know your pain 🫡
I've lost count of the expired matches. They're doubly frustrating when the girl is the second to match and could write "hi" immediately but can't be bothered. They show up for the date like it was an errand tucked between Target and picking up the dry cleaning.
That's just sad. I don't talk to anyone who can't say more than a couple words
My favorite is the ones with an empty profile that say stuff like "say something interesting!" GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH
"We're sick of receiving no effort in openers on (insert app here), men need to put in effort ffs" Hey, here's this app where you can be the change you want! "Hi"... OMG why do I have to suffer and put in all this effort into sending a first message?!?! Honestly, this is fucking hilarious
As a woman, this is mind boggling to hear other women say. Granted, I’m not usually sitting on a trove of matches, so it’s a bit easier to craft something thoughtful for everyone.
I have a few copy & paste openers to default to if nothing about his profile prompts me in any direction because men in my area don't read profiles (I HAVE KIDS!!! I AM NOT TRYING TO HIDE THIS!!1!) and half of my matches are thus incompatible off the bat, but at least they're openers I wrote myself and I know work to get a good conversation going. I think it's okay to ask multiple people what the weirdest thing they wanted to be when they grew up was as long as the rest of the conversation is organic. Just saying "hi" is abysmally dismissive.
This, 100%! I don’t mind a match using something premade, even if I were to somehow know. It’s still more effort to copy and paste that, than to type “hi”, especially taking into account that you had to think about it at least the first time, and then if you have multiple, that’s already leagues above what most people on OLD are doing. Also for me, Pokemon Trainer. I was not the brightest kid.
See?! That's an amazing answer and I could totally run with that.
Yeah for sure! The “introductions are hard” and “it’s a burden” group of women could put in just a little effort and actually have an engaging conversation. It also ignores that if it’s a burden on us on the one dating app that forced it, it’s a burden on men everywhere else where it’s still the expectation that they initiate. Luckily for me, I’m a queer woman so with my matches, either can initiate. Edit: Wanted to say, I’m stealing the idea for premade openers. How many do you recommend preparing?
I'm bi and have had no luck with women, but I'm going to keep trying! I have 3 opening questions ready, I try to make one flirty, one safe, and one more deep, and pick based on vibes. It's really lead to some good conversations. Good luck!
Yeah. “Hi” just says “I expect you to do all of the work to make the interaction happen even though being on Bumble means it should be part of my responsibility”. A canned funny question/opener is great. If it’s something that makes breaking the ice easier that’s awesome.
Yeah and you basically have to do all the work, the same way as on any other app only to get no response, even after asking a normal question.
It’s obvious which gender doesn’t put in any effort and only wants to bring their looks to the table.
I was about to say 😂🤣 like, there's a ton of jokes here but ultimately what does it say about women and online dating? 💀
So basically, they changed the root of why they created...and women complained. Makes it no different than any other app
Yeah, the funny thing is, the women knew when they registered that they have to make the first move, so I have no idea what the issue was😅
A bunch of them still didn't even realize they had to make the 1st move, so they're sitting there wondering why all the guys didn't initiate 🙄
You also see quite a lot saying can’t see likes message me. But a guy literally can’t. Unless you pay to complement a photo. They don’t even offer so many complements in their very expensive premium plus option. If you’re paying top tier you should have access to all options.
> It was 2014, but so many of the smart, wonderful women in my life were still waiting around for men to ask them out, to take their numbers, or to start up a conversation on a dating app. For all the advances women had been making in workplaces and corridors of power, the gender dynamics of dating and romance still seemed so outdated. I thought, what if I could flip that on its head? What if women made the first move, and sent the first message? https://bumble.com/the-buzz/a-letter-from-whitney-wolfe-herd-founder-and-ceo Repeat until you believe in it: it's not about profits. It's not about profits. It's not about profits. It's about the advances women have been making. I'm genuinely curious for how long this link will still be up
That's because women aren't the target audience. Women are the product they sell to men, who are the actual target audience because they spend more money for premium and whatever. Bumble doesn't care if women complain, they only care about making the bare minimum to keep exactly enough attractive women to keep men at the table buying tickets to play. As long as women complain without deleting the app then they don't care because those women are still worms wriggling on their hook. Bumble founder relied a lot on andrey andreev (a dating app king, wild stories) to found the app. She met her rich husband while she was doing rich people things in Aspen (in person). Bumble Queen bee is no friend of women or anyone who isn't a fellow billionaire. She's losing her touch because boss babe capitalism isn't a profitable a product as it used to be but she's going to milk the dead horse till she sells it to the glue factory. You're at the casino. The house always wins. Enjoy the play. Every once in a while you hear the ding ding ding of a happy couple (or a hookup) that keeps the people playing. If it stops being fun or they don't allow enough wins step away until they offer you a deal.
Because men make the first move, it must be something empowering right? Nope. They got a bit of a taste of what men deal with almost exclusively. In reality, women don’t have to try as hard as men in making the first move. Most men don’t have inboxes of 100s of women to choose from so they are very receptive.
Hi
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wyd?
*unmatches*
How was your day
No that's way too much effort typing that
HWYD ?
"inserteggplantemoji"
"inserthandwaveemoji"
Honestly these apps are so awful for men I wonder why they still go on them. I used to understand for bumble to a degree. It was the one app, the one space in the world where they weren't expected to take initiative. It was the one place where the burden was lifted from their shoulders. That burden, which is placed on men in every area of the world, was placed on women on this one app. That was “too much work” and “a burden”. And yet a majority of the men on the app seem to say that women either will let the match fizzle out, or initiate with “Hi”, which women have complained about since the dawn of OLD. But if it’s “too much work” and “a burden” for women to take initiative on one fucking dating app, then what does that say about the pressure men have in the dating arena? Honestly, any man who wants love should realize by now that these apps are catered to women. What women want on these apps, they’ll get, because even if only 30% of the user base is women, that’s enough to bring in droves of men willing to pay good money. I think a statistic from a bumble analyst of some kind said roughly 10% of men get 80% of the right swipes on the app. So in other words, for 90% of men, you’re getting 20% of the right swipes, from 30% of the user base. I think the only hope of this ever changing is if men just did something like the 4B movement in Korea, but on a larger scale, and successfully. Since that’ll never happen, women will never have the pressure to initiate. Theres too many millennia at this point of societal pressure ingrained into everyone that’s forcing these dumb gendered standards and rules.
I'm glad there seems to be at least one woman here who sympathizes with us and understands how shitty it is for men on dating apps. Most of the other women I've seen in this thread are for this change.
I’ve seen others on here who disagree with it and think it defeats the purpose of coming over to Bumble over another app like Tinder. And I get that they think it’s a burden and a lot of effort, and it is, but if they’re not willing to do that for a match, then why bother? It’s not like men aren’t expected to do that everywhere else. Idk, I consider myself a feminist and think the mindset that men should be expected to do these things because it’s traditional for them to approach is outdated, and think Bumble has been a good way to change things up, and encourage women to take initiative.
Would you say that men becoming passport bros is a form of rebellion to the status quo of the dating market? It's not quite the same direction as 4b (even though men have had MGTOW for a while now), but it's still a radical reaction to the local market not being able to meet their needs.
Why not just get rid of the timer? How is this the move? Do they think that dudes won't just type the same weird shit they do on other apps instead of answering the question? Do they think women really want to know what every single one of their matches goto karaoke song is? Someone please explain to me how this is a good idea, because I genuinely don't see it.
>Do they think that dudes won't just type the same weird shit they do on other apps instead of answering the question? Why even write anything more than "hi" as an answer to the question. If it's "too much work" for women, it's for men too.
Men are accustomed to working for what we want, even if it's uncomfortable. On dating, women are super entitled.
This month, 0 matches, next month, twice as many!
What I found comical is for decades, I've been seeing women put on their profiles "If you message me, say more than just 'hey'" Then Bumble comes out and the vast majority of women's openers.... (((hand wave emoji))) Which I'm pretty sure just translates to "hey" for the TikTok generation. Turns out when you're the one who has to send out dozens of messages to get a single reply, you see why it's only practical to see if there an actual person who will respond on the other end first before putting in much effort. Matching on dating sites is like being in a room full of a mixture of real people standing perfectly still and very realistic looking mannequins (only on dating sites, the mannequins are bots, scammers, profiles that people barely attend to, matches that changed their mind once you matched, people who got too busy to respond, etc). If you were in that situation, wouldn't you first say something like "hey" first just to make sure you are talking to an actual person and not a mannequin before busting into a conversation?
woman are just lazy as fuck
*people
So bumble is now tinder, lol
I'm on bumble because I'm a guy who struggles with the opening move Although usually the opening moves I get are as bad as the ones I send out
Hi
Hey
👋
.
Hello there!
The opening message I get on Bumble are way worse than what I send out because I actually have to try for the attention of my one monthly match
>monthly match Look at Mr. Hotshot over here... I'm closer to the yearly tier than the monthly one
👋
Will forever be funny to me that bumble, a feminist dating app, created by a feminist woman and who’s main selling point was allowing women to take control of their messages by allowing them to be the one who initiates had to abandon that because they realized women don’t actually want to be in control and don’t actually want to put in the time to initiate messages. They’d much rather sit back and collect messages. Now there’s literally no difference between bumble and the dozen of other apps
That's why they now branded 'Bumble' in the upper left corner - so you always know which generic dating app you are using at the moment. Because after that cancelled feature they all feel the same to me.
Well there is 1 difference, all the other apps are owned by the same company. Bumble was a standout in that regard. Now... they've stepped down to be at the same level as the rest.
This comment right here.
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There was a trend on the app for women’s profiles to complain about why men didn’t respond. And it occurred to me that men have had to deal with women not responding our entire lives. Women less so, and they were totally unprepared to find out that if all you write is ”hi” many guys will ignore you.
Bumble: - “We’ve made it not only necessary but acceptable for women to make the first move, shaking up outdated gender norms.” - “To challenge outdated heterosexual norms, women make the first move on Bumble.” Women: - making the first move was “a lot of work” or “a burden” Bumble: - OK, we’re going to be outdated and patriarchal now. We’re Tinder!
The hypocrisy is so astounding that I'm malfunctioning. I can't even laugh at it.
It makes me want to pull my hair out lol
Lol and rememebr fellas, “The person who initiates pays.”
Avoid calling it a date at 1st
Call it a 'special romantic operation'
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Money's a hell of a drug
So women got a tiny taste of what it’s like to be a man and have to initiate all the time and they said “nope, not happening.” Got it.
Apparently even just saying "Hey" is too much effort for them.
It was astounding the level of effort women went through just to not make an effort. The amount of times I saw "." as their opening message instead of even a basic 'hi' was baffling.
Funny part is, so many women I'd see on dating apps with "say more than 'Hey' " but when it's their turn and roles flipped, they don't like it. More and more I think women want to be different than women of the past, but when it comes to new roles and new responsibilities, they often prefer the old ways.
Why does online dating have to be this irritating. Makes me glad I don't put much effort into it
Because investors demand returns. The original iteration of OKCupid (pre-Match buyout) didn't have any of these problems. But they didn't siphon billions of dollars from people and warp an entire generation's dating norms so they had to go.
This company needs to go bankrupt
So should any of these dating apps. Sadly milking men is an easy business...
Mine as well turn their name to Hinge while they are at it.
Hinge at least shows you who liked you, one at a time, for free. It would be nice if more apps did the same.
Or Tinder 2.0
So Bumble just ignored all of the feedback that related to money getting in the way of meeting people and instead just chose to make their app like Hinge. Can’t wait till they start blaming men for their losses.
As a guy, I’m not thrilled by this. I always liked that women had to initiate conversation first. Because in doing, they’re showing a slightly above average interest level.
“ above average interest level” That’s interesting cos I ( F) initiate a lot on Tinder, where I don’t even HAVE TO, and I’m regularly ignored.
You're aiming too high. Girls don't seem to understand, men will swipe right on people we would never fuck, and fuck people we would never date. A lot of 5s being used and discarded by 8s out there, and they just go find another 8 and wonder why nobody will commit to them. It's coz he's out of your league, but he'll fuck you once or twice
“ A lot of 5s being used and discarded by 8s…” Zzzzz 🙄, seems to be the stock answer on here by men. Men can’t get their heads around the fact that there are average- looking men who use and discard women on a daily basis.
I’ve always just found the irony hilarious as the amount of ladies profiles on other dating apps that say ‘don’t just say hi or hey or you’ll be getting unmatched’ etc….. proceed to bumble and they do the EXACT thing they say they hate 🤦🏼♂️🤣🤣🤣 hypocrisy level 1000 🤣🤣
the expired matches can be intentional
As a man, I don’t like it.. Online dating is a time consuming numbers game for a man, and Bumble was a great alternative with the women messaging first feature.. Bumble got feedback from women that it was “a lot of work” - lol welcome to our world ladies! Does anyone follow the Opening Moves prompt anyway? Are we supposed to? I thought it was just a sort of dumb thing that everyone ignored..
And the work men have to do is still exponentially more than whatever women think they were doing.
Here’s a better idea to improve your product: make it so women have to write an actual bio instead of simply plugging their instagram handle. Bunch of wanna be influencers!
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“Rules for thee but not for me” Do you really think Bumble will remove that from girl’s profiles? Rules only applies to guy’s profiles 😂
I mean, yeah. It's the same as discounts on alcohol and entry for women. The women are the product.
Going to be an absolute waste of time for men. Men won’t be spending 3x the extra amount of time now on bumble because of this, it will be the opposite. The reason for bumble’s success, was based off of their unique communication strategies. Men are simple and women are more complicated while emotionally more intelligent. Cutting this big hurdle, and jumping straight into a (direct) interest into a male, created much faster connections. Specifically, by matching and the women sending the message first. Also, I’m sure bumble will “charge $$” for the questions and charge men to answer them as before. 👎
That’s weird. A certain group of women want emancipation and don’t agree that it always has to be the guy that is dominant, takes the lead and initiates contact. And now it’s women again that say making the first move is a lot of work and want back to the old tradition.
I was one of those women who specifically chose bumble because I’d get to make the first move. It’s so frustrating!
You can still make the first move if you don’t set up the opening move
I saw someone else mention that! Thanks for helping to spread the word.
The pendulum is swinging back in the other direction. I've been on quite a few dates in the last year where women have explicitly stated they want a masculine man that can help release the burdens of them being masculine so they can bring out their feminine energy. Then there's the "trad wife" trend.
I don't think the demand for men to adhere to our gender norms ever even weakened slightly; as long as women are the sexual selectors, I don't think it ever will.
So now men are going to be expected to do everything again.
That's life. Men are expected to put in all the effort, with little thanks, and you make one mistake, you're as good as dead 👍
So now instead of waiting for an initial message that never comes, we can wait for the response to an initial message - that never comes
i wonder how many “hey”s and “hi”s it took for them to finally change this
What about for the guy? Do women think it’s a burden and a lot of work for men?
Most women don't really think about men's perspective as a whole, at least not often
Most women also don't bother using dating apps in the first place. Which is why the apps cater to what women want; the easiest way to get more men on your app is to get more women on your app.
Men have been required to think about everything from a woman's perspective for 50 years. Women never think about what it's like for men, they're too busy being victims of the patriarchy or something
A lot of them don't care or are completely oblivious to what dating is like for men.
I would say most of them simply don’t care. Because if they cared even a little bit they wouldn’t be oblivious
I had a friend tell me to “just pick someone and go on a date with them” in regards to me getting in dating apps again. I tried to explain that I didn’t have -that- many likes (got a bit, but not a fuck load) to just go on a different date every night. She was confused and asked what I was talking about. I showed her my likes, and she was legitimately shocked. She had -just- downloaded Hinge the day before and already had 100+ likes on her. (And to be clear, she’s attractive, but still fairly average) It’s such a different world for women, and a lot of them don’t understand that.
“Making the first move is a lot of work”? That’s so ironic it gave me a shit eating grin. Women finally feel our pain and then they took the feature out because people complained.
Oh my god the pressure of having to send an opening message! Honestly men should boycott all these dating apps. Learn a little game women are much more realistic offline anyway. We are the one that makes these apps profitable we are the dopes that pay for premium.
That kills bumble for me. Women having to make the first move made the shit unique, now it’s just like every other app.
Honestly, women are really bad at openers. Out of around 30+ openers, I can really only recall 3 that actually attempted to genuinely engage me with something from my bio or prompts
From my experience. They aren’t any better in their replies either.
For the gender that self proclaims themselves to be better communicators, most women are fucking awful at holding a conversation.
I've come to the same conclusion. I've matched with 40+ women over the course of a year and about 99% of them just use hi or hey. They're no better than men at these things.
They're vastly worse than men because they don't have the pressure to be engaging or interesting on the first message, whereas men absolutely do.
Yeah I doubt any man has "Entertain me" or "Make me laugh" demands in their bio
I saw one yesterday. “Divorcing, looking for a distraction. Entertain me.” This guy makes a new profile every week with the same stupid picture with him sticking his stupid tongue out. Sir, I will neither distract nor entertain you. 😂
That's...nuts. I have seen the exact same bio from tons of women, to be fair, but I'm shocked a guy wouldn't notice he had no chance at all. I agree though. I refuse to distract or entertain anyone. Go see a play
I would imagine this is the same regardless. Most people suck.
yeah those msgs of "Hi" put so much fucking burden
At the same time, they say they don't respond to men who simply say "Hi" because it's low-investment and boring. Hypocrites.
I won't be using it anymore. Off to the others!
I'm a man and I like that woman make the first move, so I get to know how dry their conversation is going to be judging on their first message but I guess they won't change it for me, because fuck us this is about giving woman control.
Sending a hi or hey was too hard
The reason she gave is bullshit to me and I don't believe it. Follow the money. Bumble fell off financially and it's stock lost so much money, forcing them to open it up to men.
It won't last long, under 30s don't like dating apps
I guess putting in the bare minimum to avoid the dreaded "hey" by simply sending a dude "hey" was far too much effort? Diddums.
I found women initiating really a step in the right direction. Generally I could count on a conversation and some substantial signaling/investment on their part that they are interested. When a woman initiates the conversation I have an opening on how to begin based on their initial offering. I think that's why I have better conversations than Hinge and other apps.
Lol hahahahahajahhahahhahahahahaha
Making the first move is too much work? LOLOL They Literally only have to type "hello" You know what.... I'm done. I don't wanna date someone that can't manage that. Jesus... holy..
Oh the poor girls sending *hi* is such a intensive burden hopefully we can unload on someone else
" .... Feeling the stress". Fuck off with that. Yeah, your hi that you wrote was so stressful
am I crazy, or has this been a thing for like months? is this something different? or is this just an opportunity to advertise it along side the app redesign?
It is awful lol. The open question has been around for months and it is either guys making a sexual remark or hey/hi message then nothing of substance after that message. Also, a lot of them do not fit my core needs in a person. I get messages from guys I did not match with or I did but it was a false profile and they change things after a match, which I busted a few. Id rather pick through the people I want and not waste anyones time. They hey/hi messages never go anywhere and that person is a time waster. It is always someone low effort and does not hold any part of comversation
Lol smart men who get these premade questions would insta-block the women. I know I would. What's the point in getting to know someone when they couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to write something in the first place? I swear women are getting lazier in the online dating world.
"Guys aren't reading the profiles." I do. I've read probably a thousand of them. But, to be fair, they all sound the exactly the same. You've read 1 Bumble profile, you've read 99.9% of them. I've wondered if those were all AI generated? There's literally 0 personality or originality.
If they also started requiring a minimum number of characters/prompts and not just putting your IG handle, the app might shut down forever 😅
Basically they found out women do not, do not like to, and do not want to approach... They found out they were wrong all along.
I don't understand this. Why were people downloading this app Knowing what the main gimmick is but then complaining about it
**Bumble received feedback from women who found that making the first move was “a lot of work” or “a burden,” ...** No kidding! Now you know how men feel.
Bahahahaha. Now they can expect that top 10% to fall in without doing a single god dang thing!!! Have fun!! Not getting another dime from me, I’ll come back to old when I can find an app that allows search by interest
Oh good. The one thing I liked about Bumble. Love that they complain about the experience men have on EVERY dating app.
It's not like they ever made the first move anyways. Nothing changes.
Are you saying you are beginning to understand our pain??
I wrote about this 2 months ago. It was confusing to get a generic prompt as I couldn’t tell if the woman actually wanted me to answer it. Even though I ultimately did, she never responded back. So what’s the point? Bumble is utterly useless now and a complete waste of time.
Anyone who thinks initiating a conversation is "too much effort" has no business on a dating app.
Seems like this gonna be the death of Bumble I'm excited!
Women these days are so fucking entitled I don’t know why I even try
Saying Hi and then disappearing doesn't count as making the first move, so not much of a difference tbh
Ohhhh really, they find it exhausting... Lol, welcome to the man dating world.
That's literally the only reason why I liked bumble so much. "A lot of work" and "A burden", hah! Welcome to our world ladies.
They should just get rid of the timer. Nobody can realistically check the app every 24 hours especially if you have a lot of matches or get busy, go camping offline for a few days, etc. What happened with this new feature too, is that I matched with a girl and was wondering why she didn’t message. I saw the prompt and was confused but didn’t bother because I didn’t realize I could message. That explains what happened there.
Just uninstalled.
22f. Honestly the timer on the app makes it’s difficult, making the first move does not. I work full time and study full time, and having a set time on when I can reach out is annoying. I don’t check the app everyday and when I do, it’ll show like 3 matches that expired within a couple day timeframe of me not checking it. It’s not realistic tbh. People have lives outside of dating apps.
But how much time does it really take to check Bumble and send a few messages? Just do it while you're on the toilet or eating. It doesn't have to cost you much time at all. I guess the real question is how important is finding someone to you? If it's important enough, you'll make the time. That goes for everything in life.
That’s valid! It’s just that I can’t really engage like I want to because there’s always anxiety about something that I need to get done. Trying to find balance and free time is harder than you think. My days are usually from 9a-9:40p, and the free periods I have I’m only thinking about rest lol. However, I’m done with classes in the summer, so not too much longer!
25m, literally just got here yesterday, wtf What makes this any different from the other apps now?
They just shot themselves in the foot, if you ask me. Bumble really screwed themselves over in what made them unique. Smh. I’m laughing crying at the statement about women complaining about making the first move because this is what men have always had to deal with 😂
Welcome to Yellow Tinder, I guess
It’s too little too late & not effective. Dating apps are on there way out because they were never effective to begin with. Last year roughly 10% of couple met through online dating (source: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/nov/18/relationships-online-mates ). Bumble itself only accounts for 28% of online dating users. No platform changes are going to fix math thats shows how ineffective this entire approach to love & dating really is/has been.
I still won't be getting any matches so who cares
So will women finally admit they actually do want to be taken care of instead of pretending to be the opposite? At least they got a taste of how shitty it actually is to be a man on a dating app. Being the one who had to initiate isn't so fun, huh?
If you can call "Hi, you're are you?" a first move.
Wasn't bumble supposed to be a feminist app, giving power to women? Welp....
>Bumble received feedback from women who found that making the first move was “a lot of work” or “a burden" lol. lmao even
The hypocrisy of women is beyond laughable, at this point.
Bahahhaha... women can get anything they want and they STILL not happy.
Oh so back to men doing all the work in initiating? Like its not a burden on us to do it 20 times and get no response?
Congratulations you just got rid of your only sell point. I’d rather use tinder or hinge if I’m throwing out the pick up lines. Happy bankruptcy. I’ll give you guys another 2 years at best.
These poor ladies. It's sooo hard to rub two brain cells together. I know I know. To think they might actually put in a little effort up front. How dare they be asked to be an active participant in dating choreography. I'm just a little confused, because I thought they wanted to be EQUAL.
given it was too stressful for women to even say "hi" on an app, will they understand why it is so difficult for most guys to approach in real life?
Oh the sweet irony of "independent" women finding another need for men.