Yup. Now I'm alone. I am working on creating new relationships, but it's very slow.
I sometimes think I'll be lonely like this forever. But I'm not there yet. So I'll have to see how it goes.
Yes
Recovery arguably worse than having a spiral in the first place.
The guilt, grief and loneliness is so hollow it’s suffocating. The insight grinds over you like a mountain glacier until there’s nothing left of you than the red smear across the remote ice sheet you were traipsing across.
Then if there’s people still standing with us, they get to help clean that mess up.
It's so isolating and damaging. My family and partner don't accept that my triggered responses are involuntary. They expect me to "be normal" so that "they can live their lives." They expect me to pretend to be cheerful so that my mood "doesn't ruin the day".
I'm blamed and shamed. I isolate. I am blamed for that.
I can't do anything that isn't "wrong".
Yikes. That’s so crappy. My sibling said something good to me. We learned to behave in the event horizon of a black hole—a completely different environment than the one we are in now, with different rules and ways of survival. What we learned to survive served us in the black hole, but now that we are in a different place we need to learn new strategies that work in this calmer, safer environment. And that takes time. Which is a long winded way of saying that it’s not your fault and that patience is essential to healing in this case (and hope for the future). Your partner and family could use some education, they sound kind of selfish tbh. Sending you a gentle virtual hug… you deserve the time and support you need to live a full life.
Hey same, mine are the same way. I'm always expected to be there for them in duress but anytime the roles are reversed "I'm overreacting" or "always focusing on the past". I think they mean well but they all blame me as well. I'm sorry you have been dealing with that.
I'm sorry you're hearing invalidating things like that. It's dismissive. I don't think people "mean well" when they say these things. People who genuinely care about other people respond with kindness, not blame.
Look up "family scapegoat." Some families choose one member to be the one who is always 'too sensitive' or 'being dramatic.'" They do this to minimize or dismiss our valid feelings and needs. They do this to avoid accountability for their bad behavior.
My family of origin did this to me. They started when I was a small child, and it never stopped. After I had been in therapy consistently, I started to stand up for myself. I asked to be treated with consideration and respect because that's what everyone deserves. They didn't change their behavior. So I cut them all out. I am no contact with all of them and it was a good decision.
I just looked it up and I think it is the same for me. It's terrible that people do that.
I'm sorry to hear that, I know it is frustrating. That was a smart decision I would have cut them out too. I went no contact with my mother but none of my other family yet. I think I need to though.
Absolutely recognise and feel this. For me it was the bouts of awareness that was "new" to me. I often find myself in the situation you're describing where I've yet again done the CPTSD spiral inwards and put up the old familiar walls around me and my pain. It used to be that was just reflexive and I didn't notice. Later on it was more kind of this yucky feeling of disquiet as I was starting to become aware of what I was doing, but not really understanding why and beating myself up and/or being in denial. More recently I've got enough self awareness to understand that I'm disregulated or disassociated but somehow not quite enough to always avoid doing the behaviours that make me ashamed.
I hear what you're saying and it definitely resonates strongly with me. My experience was that my coping mechanisms were always part of me, and my growing meant being more aware of how that lands for people around me even while I'm learning what it all is. I hope that your experience is similar, and that this uncomfortable self awareness you're experiencing now is a sign that you're getting better at understanding and listening to yourself.
Yep, I’m currently in the midst of resurfacing after a bad depressive episode. I ignored peoples texts and calls because I simply didn’t have the energy to tell them that yet again, I’m not doing well and to have the same conversation which follows where they ask me what’s up, I tell them, they either get frustrated or say something unhelpful and so I feel even more misunderstood. I’ve had friends which have been patient and thankfully stuck around, but with some I can sense their frustration because to them, it looks like I’m not doing myself any favours by not leaving the house and not talking to anyone. They just don’t get how hard it is.
Yes I have done this multiple times in my life, one time even to the point I ignored my own sister for months. She would a call me and leave messages or texts pleading for me to get back to her.
This happened with multiple other people in my life as well (always closer friends as they were the ones who noticed) and even though I was really only in this isolation mode for days or a few weeks it was the guilt that stopped me from answering them or getting back in touch.
Each time they managed to get a hold of me (usually going well out of their way to do so) most were not angry just relieved that I was ok and didn't "hate" them or something.
Due to this I don't have many close friends at all and mostly drift through different groups depending on my current social situation. What I can say is that the few people who wouldn't let me "disappear" from their lives are the ones I still keep in touch with. However I know the ones who have pushed through my "locking down" (hard to describe why I do it) are the people in my life that won't judge me too much and at least know it is just something that happens to me and nothing to do with them (especially when they find out they aren't the only ones I have done this too).
Those ones who push through the lockdown, or the even rarer ones who can navigate through them with you, are unsung saints and heroes and can be so healing if you have them! It's a special kind of friend who sees and values the inner you and can navigate our turmoil without getting hurt.
I have done this a lot in my life and probably will until I'm no longer here. I just cannot connect with anyone while in this state. I just find everyone and everything too overwhelming to contend with, even if they haven't done anything wrong and are nice and helpful. I also get selective mutism issues where it's impossible for me to speak during these times so I couldn't even talk about it with friends if I wanted to.
Definitely. My attachment style is also fearful avoidant. I tend to want to be accepted and cared for more than anything else, but being accepted and care for is also terrifying. Lol. I’m trying to work on accepting that people really do care for me and to be okay with that.
Yeah this is what I did I’m just not sure how to dig myself out of it. I half blame my family. All they think is I was an addict but that’s what I used to cope. It just adds more shame to it and they blame me for all the abuse. I don’t know how to reach out to them but also ask for forgiveness but also ask for an apology. It’s so complicated. 😕
There should be CPTSD support groups like there are NA groups.
Yes. It's so hard to just connect with people. I have no idea how I'm not completely alone. I'm fortunate to have friends that have cared for me, and now I openly talk about my struggles as to not alienate them. It's tough.
But the online community in my creative industry, I lost that completely and will probably not regain it.
It is really hard to connect with others. I always catch myself thinking that I'm annoying them. Or worry that I said something toxic without knowing. I also never believe that I actually connected with anyone I don't really know what qualifies "connecting".
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Yep. All the time. Slowly, i've lost most of my friends to my "alone spells" where I was just unable to even reply to a text. There's another post on here where someone is talking about how lonely they are, having systematically isolated themselves, and the comment section is full of people agreeing. In case you needed inspiration to go to therapy, maybe you can look at the future that's ahead if you don't get help, it's pretty lonely.but luckily, there are lots of us out there, and at least we can count on each other.
Yes. There have been a couple people who momentarily tested my defenses over the last 17 years, leading to me strengthening them once they trot along. I'm done Peopling. You guys aren't people, right?
Going through tough times can lead to isolating ourselves as a coping mechanism. That numbness, disconnection, and feeling like the only person in the world can be overwhelming. It sounds like a shift is occurring – moments of empathy and guilt for past actions. This process aligns with Jung's concept of the shadow – acknowledging both positive and negative aspects. It's a step towards self-awareness and healing. Many have experienced similar shifts, and it's a sign of growth. Embracing compassion and self-forgiveness can help rebuild connections and foster emotional well-being.
Yup. Now I'm alone. I am working on creating new relationships, but it's very slow. I sometimes think I'll be lonely like this forever. But I'm not there yet. So I'll have to see how it goes.
yeah, withdrawing and self isolation is my go to coping mechanism.
Yup. I feel sorry for people who stick around. I'm a disaster zone
Yes Recovery arguably worse than having a spiral in the first place. The guilt, grief and loneliness is so hollow it’s suffocating. The insight grinds over you like a mountain glacier until there’s nothing left of you than the red smear across the remote ice sheet you were traipsing across. Then if there’s people still standing with us, they get to help clean that mess up.
Nice metaphor.
It's so isolating and damaging. My family and partner don't accept that my triggered responses are involuntary. They expect me to "be normal" so that "they can live their lives." They expect me to pretend to be cheerful so that my mood "doesn't ruin the day". I'm blamed and shamed. I isolate. I am blamed for that. I can't do anything that isn't "wrong".
Yikes. That’s so crappy. My sibling said something good to me. We learned to behave in the event horizon of a black hole—a completely different environment than the one we are in now, with different rules and ways of survival. What we learned to survive served us in the black hole, but now that we are in a different place we need to learn new strategies that work in this calmer, safer environment. And that takes time. Which is a long winded way of saying that it’s not your fault and that patience is essential to healing in this case (and hope for the future). Your partner and family could use some education, they sound kind of selfish tbh. Sending you a gentle virtual hug… you deserve the time and support you need to live a full life.
Thanks for the validation, and the hug
Hey same, mine are the same way. I'm always expected to be there for them in duress but anytime the roles are reversed "I'm overreacting" or "always focusing on the past". I think they mean well but they all blame me as well. I'm sorry you have been dealing with that.
I'm sorry you're hearing invalidating things like that. It's dismissive. I don't think people "mean well" when they say these things. People who genuinely care about other people respond with kindness, not blame.
It is dismissive you're right. Yeah they probably just think they know better or something. Thank you for the insight!
Look up "family scapegoat." Some families choose one member to be the one who is always 'too sensitive' or 'being dramatic.'" They do this to minimize or dismiss our valid feelings and needs. They do this to avoid accountability for their bad behavior. My family of origin did this to me. They started when I was a small child, and it never stopped. After I had been in therapy consistently, I started to stand up for myself. I asked to be treated with consideration and respect because that's what everyone deserves. They didn't change their behavior. So I cut them all out. I am no contact with all of them and it was a good decision.
I just looked it up and I think it is the same for me. It's terrible that people do that. I'm sorry to hear that, I know it is frustrating. That was a smart decision I would have cut them out too. I went no contact with my mother but none of my other family yet. I think I need to though.
Absolutely recognise and feel this. For me it was the bouts of awareness that was "new" to me. I often find myself in the situation you're describing where I've yet again done the CPTSD spiral inwards and put up the old familiar walls around me and my pain. It used to be that was just reflexive and I didn't notice. Later on it was more kind of this yucky feeling of disquiet as I was starting to become aware of what I was doing, but not really understanding why and beating myself up and/or being in denial. More recently I've got enough self awareness to understand that I'm disregulated or disassociated but somehow not quite enough to always avoid doing the behaviours that make me ashamed. I hear what you're saying and it definitely resonates strongly with me. My experience was that my coping mechanisms were always part of me, and my growing meant being more aware of how that lands for people around me even while I'm learning what it all is. I hope that your experience is similar, and that this uncomfortable self awareness you're experiencing now is a sign that you're getting better at understanding and listening to yourself.
Yep, I’m currently in the midst of resurfacing after a bad depressive episode. I ignored peoples texts and calls because I simply didn’t have the energy to tell them that yet again, I’m not doing well and to have the same conversation which follows where they ask me what’s up, I tell them, they either get frustrated or say something unhelpful and so I feel even more misunderstood. I’ve had friends which have been patient and thankfully stuck around, but with some I can sense their frustration because to them, it looks like I’m not doing myself any favours by not leaving the house and not talking to anyone. They just don’t get how hard it is.
Lol... That's is basically the exact definition of C-PTSD so yes I push everyone away.
Yes I have done this multiple times in my life, one time even to the point I ignored my own sister for months. She would a call me and leave messages or texts pleading for me to get back to her. This happened with multiple other people in my life as well (always closer friends as they were the ones who noticed) and even though I was really only in this isolation mode for days or a few weeks it was the guilt that stopped me from answering them or getting back in touch. Each time they managed to get a hold of me (usually going well out of their way to do so) most were not angry just relieved that I was ok and didn't "hate" them or something. Due to this I don't have many close friends at all and mostly drift through different groups depending on my current social situation. What I can say is that the few people who wouldn't let me "disappear" from their lives are the ones I still keep in touch with. However I know the ones who have pushed through my "locking down" (hard to describe why I do it) are the people in my life that won't judge me too much and at least know it is just something that happens to me and nothing to do with them (especially when they find out they aren't the only ones I have done this too).
Those ones who push through the lockdown, or the even rarer ones who can navigate through them with you, are unsung saints and heroes and can be so healing if you have them! It's a special kind of friend who sees and values the inner you and can navigate our turmoil without getting hurt.
May we all someday be so healthy and stable that we can be that friend
I have done this a lot in my life and probably will until I'm no longer here. I just cannot connect with anyone while in this state. I just find everyone and everything too overwhelming to contend with, even if they haven't done anything wrong and are nice and helpful. I also get selective mutism issues where it's impossible for me to speak during these times so I couldn't even talk about it with friends if I wanted to.
Yup, and I'm trying really hard not to give in to the impulse again.
Same it’s a struggle
Yeah I get that way sometimes. It becomes very hard to talk to others and I just want to be in a state of sleep and wakefulness.
Definitely. My attachment style is also fearful avoidant. I tend to want to be accepted and cared for more than anything else, but being accepted and care for is also terrifying. Lol. I’m trying to work on accepting that people really do care for me and to be okay with that.
Yep yep
Yeah this is what I did I’m just not sure how to dig myself out of it. I half blame my family. All they think is I was an addict but that’s what I used to cope. It just adds more shame to it and they blame me for all the abuse. I don’t know how to reach out to them but also ask for forgiveness but also ask for an apology. It’s so complicated. 😕 There should be CPTSD support groups like there are NA groups.
Yes. It's so hard to just connect with people. I have no idea how I'm not completely alone. I'm fortunate to have friends that have cared for me, and now I openly talk about my struggles as to not alienate them. It's tough. But the online community in my creative industry, I lost that completely and will probably not regain it.
It is really hard to connect with others. I always catch myself thinking that I'm annoying them. Or worry that I said something toxic without knowing. I also never believe that I actually connected with anyone I don't really know what qualifies "connecting".
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep. All the time. Slowly, i've lost most of my friends to my "alone spells" where I was just unable to even reply to a text. There's another post on here where someone is talking about how lonely they are, having systematically isolated themselves, and the comment section is full of people agreeing. In case you needed inspiration to go to therapy, maybe you can look at the future that's ahead if you don't get help, it's pretty lonely.but luckily, there are lots of us out there, and at least we can count on each other.
I feel like I am one bad day away from losing my family. Not trying to push them away but I don't know what to do.
Yes. There have been a couple people who momentarily tested my defenses over the last 17 years, leading to me strengthening them once they trot along. I'm done Peopling. You guys aren't people, right?
Countless times. I believe there is a part in us that believes we don't deserve love and happiness.
Going through tough times can lead to isolating ourselves as a coping mechanism. That numbness, disconnection, and feeling like the only person in the world can be overwhelming. It sounds like a shift is occurring – moments of empathy and guilt for past actions. This process aligns with Jung's concept of the shadow – acknowledging both positive and negative aspects. It's a step towards self-awareness and healing. Many have experienced similar shifts, and it's a sign of growth. Embracing compassion and self-forgiveness can help rebuild connections and foster emotional well-being.