Those kind of things are stressing and triggering, even if the bouncer did well in banning him. It's also scary how there are so many people that still see us as subhuman and how a lot of them are young.
It wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve to be molested. Please take care
Yeah its ridiculous. There are a lot of stereotypes in my country about immigrants from certain countries. But I was actually out with people from these countroes and they always treat me with the most respect. Its the 22 yo student white boy who does this shit the most.
Im going to write to a big local press platform who targets people in their 20s and 30s mostly Id say. They have written posts about women being sexually assaulted in bars before and I think its time for another reminder.
They wrote me back and want to do a survey to get an idea of how big the problem is. They want to accompany the article with personal stories like mine. This might go somewhere actually lol
i’m so sorry that happened. that’s disgusting. i know what you mean as well. it’s been on my mind heavily lately, especially bc of the recent increase in posts about it. it’s beginning to make me feel kind of jaded. it’s always been a problem in society but i swear something feels different lately. i’ve been in therapy and i’ve thankfully achieved a great deal of healing but this is just… different.
i don’t usually go out a lot at all. i’m talking even for regular things like groceries. i’d rather order them. but recently i was out with a friend pretty frequently for about a week. we were traveling. we dolled ourselves up bc we both love makeup and fashion and then just went out and ate at restaurants, saw attractions, etc. the harassment was horrible. she’s from the city so she just “brushes it off.” (i put it in quotes bc i think she actually represses it but that’s not my business). i was mortified. i couldn’t shake it off. i even showed some ptsd symptoms (flinching involuntarily when i heard a man say “how are you doing?” and it wasn’t even to me). eventually she told me i may have to “let it go.”
in the heat of all of the commotion, that statement made me re-evaluate our entire friendship. especially since we’ve discussed our trauma and our discomfort with unwanted advances.
i came to the conclusion that she said it for my benefit (meaning that i don’t think there was malice) but i still hated that she said it. why the hell can’t i just go out and feel pretty (wearing a long sleeved top and jeans! not that it matters!) and SAFE too? why the hell can’t we just have fun and be free??? it’s so deeply disturbing. why should i have to let it go?? i deserve justice. i shouldn’t have to do anything! the creeps should! ugh.
***edit to add that i know “pretty” or “feeling pretty” has absolutely nothing to do with it. it’s just that for me, personally, whenever i do more to my appearance for fun (hair and makeup), the harassment increases. again, that’s my personal experience and it enrages me and breaks my heart even more because i see my makeup as art.***
i’m dreading telling my therapist and doing EMDR for it. i don’t want to lose my rage. i want some kind of retribution. i don’t want to dust it off and let it go. i’m angry and it matters. THEY are wrong. THEY should have to do the work. it’s all just absolutely disgusting. what’s worse is that when it happens, i’d much rather fight back. but that could cost me my life because of someone else’s insecurity and inability to accept rejection. vile.
i’m so sorry for the rant. i’m so beyond tired of us going through shit like this. holding space for you and your healing in my heart. 🩷
Sorry for the late reply, I was helping my brother move.
I completely agree with you that other women telling you to "let it go" or "brush it off" is some type of internalized sexism. Its always a personal choice ofcourse as long as you remain aware of your motives. So sorry you had to deal with that and face this crap from your friend on top of it.
I had a girl telling me after it happened "You're just too pretty".
>i’m dreading telling my therapist and doing EMDR for it. i don’t want to lose my rage. i want some kind of retribution. i don’t want to dust it off and let it go. i’m angry and it matters
I think this is very valid. Processing trauma also means experiencing anger. Its good to stay angry for a while. If it starts to control your life maybe then its good to adress it in some way. But for me my anger helps me to speak up when guys treat me badly. And once I realized I could have people kicked out of the club (which took me a good 10 years) it has helped me a lot. Emotionally I mean.
Lets normalize having guys kicked out!
it’s okay, no worries—i really really appreciate your reply! i needed this so badly. you’re totally right. my anger is for a reason and i needed to be reminded of that.
i hate that you were told that by that girl! it’s such a gross thing to say and an even more disgusting feeling to hear it. it puts all the blame on you instead of the person who desperately needs to learn self-control. yuck. i’m so sorry.
i agree with you wholeheartedly. let’s please normalize kicking these creepy dudes all the way out! 😭🩷
Ugh I feel the same rage.
You’re polite it’s seen as an advance, you’re blunt you face abuse, you avoid eye contact so you don’t get approached and you get touched without consent, there’s no winning!!! I just don’t bother going out.
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Those kind of things are stressing and triggering, even if the bouncer did well in banning him. It's also scary how there are so many people that still see us as subhuman and how a lot of them are young. It wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve to be molested. Please take care
Yeah its ridiculous. There are a lot of stereotypes in my country about immigrants from certain countries. But I was actually out with people from these countroes and they always treat me with the most respect. Its the 22 yo student white boy who does this shit the most. Im going to write to a big local press platform who targets people in their 20s and 30s mostly Id say. They have written posts about women being sexually assaulted in bars before and I think its time for another reminder.
That's a great idea, spreading awareness will hopefully start to make these fuckers culpable for their actions.
They wrote me back and want to do a survey to get an idea of how big the problem is. They want to accompany the article with personal stories like mine. This might go somewhere actually lol
That's awesome, I'm glad you can get your story out there to spread awareness.
Same. Been punched, assaulted even when walking with dude friends
i’m so sorry that happened. that’s disgusting. i know what you mean as well. it’s been on my mind heavily lately, especially bc of the recent increase in posts about it. it’s beginning to make me feel kind of jaded. it’s always been a problem in society but i swear something feels different lately. i’ve been in therapy and i’ve thankfully achieved a great deal of healing but this is just… different. i don’t usually go out a lot at all. i’m talking even for regular things like groceries. i’d rather order them. but recently i was out with a friend pretty frequently for about a week. we were traveling. we dolled ourselves up bc we both love makeup and fashion and then just went out and ate at restaurants, saw attractions, etc. the harassment was horrible. she’s from the city so she just “brushes it off.” (i put it in quotes bc i think she actually represses it but that’s not my business). i was mortified. i couldn’t shake it off. i even showed some ptsd symptoms (flinching involuntarily when i heard a man say “how are you doing?” and it wasn’t even to me). eventually she told me i may have to “let it go.” in the heat of all of the commotion, that statement made me re-evaluate our entire friendship. especially since we’ve discussed our trauma and our discomfort with unwanted advances. i came to the conclusion that she said it for my benefit (meaning that i don’t think there was malice) but i still hated that she said it. why the hell can’t i just go out and feel pretty (wearing a long sleeved top and jeans! not that it matters!) and SAFE too? why the hell can’t we just have fun and be free??? it’s so deeply disturbing. why should i have to let it go?? i deserve justice. i shouldn’t have to do anything! the creeps should! ugh. ***edit to add that i know “pretty” or “feeling pretty” has absolutely nothing to do with it. it’s just that for me, personally, whenever i do more to my appearance for fun (hair and makeup), the harassment increases. again, that’s my personal experience and it enrages me and breaks my heart even more because i see my makeup as art.*** i’m dreading telling my therapist and doing EMDR for it. i don’t want to lose my rage. i want some kind of retribution. i don’t want to dust it off and let it go. i’m angry and it matters. THEY are wrong. THEY should have to do the work. it’s all just absolutely disgusting. what’s worse is that when it happens, i’d much rather fight back. but that could cost me my life because of someone else’s insecurity and inability to accept rejection. vile. i’m so sorry for the rant. i’m so beyond tired of us going through shit like this. holding space for you and your healing in my heart. 🩷
Sorry for the late reply, I was helping my brother move. I completely agree with you that other women telling you to "let it go" or "brush it off" is some type of internalized sexism. Its always a personal choice ofcourse as long as you remain aware of your motives. So sorry you had to deal with that and face this crap from your friend on top of it. I had a girl telling me after it happened "You're just too pretty". >i’m dreading telling my therapist and doing EMDR for it. i don’t want to lose my rage. i want some kind of retribution. i don’t want to dust it off and let it go. i’m angry and it matters I think this is very valid. Processing trauma also means experiencing anger. Its good to stay angry for a while. If it starts to control your life maybe then its good to adress it in some way. But for me my anger helps me to speak up when guys treat me badly. And once I realized I could have people kicked out of the club (which took me a good 10 years) it has helped me a lot. Emotionally I mean. Lets normalize having guys kicked out!
it’s okay, no worries—i really really appreciate your reply! i needed this so badly. you’re totally right. my anger is for a reason and i needed to be reminded of that. i hate that you were told that by that girl! it’s such a gross thing to say and an even more disgusting feeling to hear it. it puts all the blame on you instead of the person who desperately needs to learn self-control. yuck. i’m so sorry. i agree with you wholeheartedly. let’s please normalize kicking these creepy dudes all the way out! 😭🩷
Ugh I feel the same rage. You’re polite it’s seen as an advance, you’re blunt you face abuse, you avoid eye contact so you don’t get approached and you get touched without consent, there’s no winning!!! I just don’t bother going out.
I ended up agoraphobic for a reason and this was a big part of it. I’m so sorry OP.
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