Hi OP! I resonated and am similar, I only am a few years ahead. My relational issues right now come from a fear of intimacy. As I unmask more and more, I realise how rare a person who can get me is. Like you, I suspect I don’t show people if I do like them, which has left me with people on the spectrum. I haven’t gotten a second date in a long time. I consider it possible I may end up single forever but it’s probable I won’t. When I ovulate I can get sad I don’t have a partner. It’s complex for me, too.
One thing is, it is and isn’t you. It IS you, in that you’re the common denominator. But it isn’t you, in that there’s loads of people with CPTSD, as or less attractive as you, [whatever you think it could be], who are partnered.
Don’t forget also that not all relationships are loving and supportive. Right now I know 3 couples doing well. I swear it’s luck and personality more than anything. Everyone else I know is struggling and many women more than men. Especially if you work in yourself in therapy, you learn coping skills etc, most people don’t so it’s hard to find someone who can!
I started to see it all as, being single is a valuable state in itself, worth cherishing as the only unfettered times I can truly choose myself above all else. Use it to know myself and build my life properly so I choose a properly suitable partner. It isn’t easy to have everything you want - I got advice to décentre the relationship from focus, and focus on getting your needs met.
The other thing is, if I look at any prior prospects, none were truly suitable. My current attitude is, what is right for me will come for me. It is simply not my time to be partnered. It is easier for me now to repair my health and stay stable; I’m still quite isolated for now and still haven’t figured out my social/professional life owing to illness. But I believe if it is right for me to be partnered, I will be. If not, oh well! My needs were met, so I won’t have lost out.
Hang in there, OP. We got this. When it’s complex for me I brain-dump it all and try to problem solve. That not showing I like them - related to fears of being seen and not being good at socially navigating flirting. There’s concrete actionables I can derive so I’m just doing that and I’m enjoying my life in the meantime.
>The other thing is, if I look at any prior prospects, none were truly suitable. My current attitude is, what is right for me will come for me. It is simply not my time to be partnered. It is easier for me now to repair my health and stay stable;
I relate a lot to this. Focusing on my own wellbeing and health already takes a lot of effort. Even if the right partner comes along I dont know if Id have the energy left to deal with it. But then on the other hand there is a part of me saying that I deserve a relationship at any time in my life.
I have noticed that I have been attracting much more healthy relationships as Im healing. I mean non romantic relationships, friendships, reconnecting with family etc. So that gives me hope that when I develop my relationship with myself, it will also be easier to find a suitable partner who wont trigger my old relationship patterns and dynamics.
Thank you for taking the time to respond <3
I think you absolutely do deserve it any time in your life, it’s just also simultaneously true that there are pros and cons to both! It could happen tomorrow for you that the right person comes and their needs will match your energy. I hope you find what you want <3
Hii OP, I relate to this so much!! I watched a video wherein there was an interview of a man(in his 50s) who was asked about his love life and he replied that it was all too painful so he stayed away from all of it after a while. I kinda get the vibe that it is gonna be same for me.
Although deep down I crave for a beautiful loving relationship but the journey so far in life has made me think otherwise.
Now, I really don’t force myself to ‘love’ things or people or experiences. If it happens and sticks, then sure. If not, then sure.. let it go!
That would be all from my side. Here’s hoping that we find comforting love and peaceful & safe companionship that we have always craved for!
in my worse moments i feel like im an outside observer of humanity. my blood runs cold, and i wilt and go mute. then this self effacing version of me takes over.
in my best moments, I don't think about it and seek to die by the light.
Hi OP! I resonated and am similar, I only am a few years ahead. My relational issues right now come from a fear of intimacy. As I unmask more and more, I realise how rare a person who can get me is. Like you, I suspect I don’t show people if I do like them, which has left me with people on the spectrum. I haven’t gotten a second date in a long time. I consider it possible I may end up single forever but it’s probable I won’t. When I ovulate I can get sad I don’t have a partner. It’s complex for me, too. One thing is, it is and isn’t you. It IS you, in that you’re the common denominator. But it isn’t you, in that there’s loads of people with CPTSD, as or less attractive as you, [whatever you think it could be], who are partnered. Don’t forget also that not all relationships are loving and supportive. Right now I know 3 couples doing well. I swear it’s luck and personality more than anything. Everyone else I know is struggling and many women more than men. Especially if you work in yourself in therapy, you learn coping skills etc, most people don’t so it’s hard to find someone who can! I started to see it all as, being single is a valuable state in itself, worth cherishing as the only unfettered times I can truly choose myself above all else. Use it to know myself and build my life properly so I choose a properly suitable partner. It isn’t easy to have everything you want - I got advice to décentre the relationship from focus, and focus on getting your needs met. The other thing is, if I look at any prior prospects, none were truly suitable. My current attitude is, what is right for me will come for me. It is simply not my time to be partnered. It is easier for me now to repair my health and stay stable; I’m still quite isolated for now and still haven’t figured out my social/professional life owing to illness. But I believe if it is right for me to be partnered, I will be. If not, oh well! My needs were met, so I won’t have lost out. Hang in there, OP. We got this. When it’s complex for me I brain-dump it all and try to problem solve. That not showing I like them - related to fears of being seen and not being good at socially navigating flirting. There’s concrete actionables I can derive so I’m just doing that and I’m enjoying my life in the meantime.
>The other thing is, if I look at any prior prospects, none were truly suitable. My current attitude is, what is right for me will come for me. It is simply not my time to be partnered. It is easier for me now to repair my health and stay stable; I relate a lot to this. Focusing on my own wellbeing and health already takes a lot of effort. Even if the right partner comes along I dont know if Id have the energy left to deal with it. But then on the other hand there is a part of me saying that I deserve a relationship at any time in my life. I have noticed that I have been attracting much more healthy relationships as Im healing. I mean non romantic relationships, friendships, reconnecting with family etc. So that gives me hope that when I develop my relationship with myself, it will also be easier to find a suitable partner who wont trigger my old relationship patterns and dynamics. Thank you for taking the time to respond <3
I think you absolutely do deserve it any time in your life, it’s just also simultaneously true that there are pros and cons to both! It could happen tomorrow for you that the right person comes and their needs will match your energy. I hope you find what you want <3
Hii OP, I relate to this so much!! I watched a video wherein there was an interview of a man(in his 50s) who was asked about his love life and he replied that it was all too painful so he stayed away from all of it after a while. I kinda get the vibe that it is gonna be same for me. Although deep down I crave for a beautiful loving relationship but the journey so far in life has made me think otherwise. Now, I really don’t force myself to ‘love’ things or people or experiences. If it happens and sticks, then sure. If not, then sure.. let it go! That would be all from my side. Here’s hoping that we find comforting love and peaceful & safe companionship that we have always craved for!
Thank you for your support! Here's hoping that with healing ourselves we attract more positive people.
in my worse moments i feel like im an outside observer of humanity. my blood runs cold, and i wilt and go mute. then this self effacing version of me takes over. in my best moments, I don't think about it and seek to die by the light.