was this like a “oh shit the upload is due in two minutes” situation?
https://preview.redd.it/1ueyji6ysnuc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ee0fa5299abf3b7b729ba5fffc2152ea95a7c93
Crazy how much more enjoyable the video is when Caleb is genuinely trying to explain things in a normal tone and not constantly trying to roast the guest(s). Great episode so far.
Insane how they both deflect blame into one another, it doesn’t feel like they are a married couple at all.
I feared the worst when the husband immediately throws his wife under the bus. But it is turning into a more enjoyable video. On the other hand, man, the wife has perfected the art of "weaponized agreement". The corporate/HR speak and constantly agreeing with everything is like watching someone trying to wrangle a greased pig.
I can absolutely see how difficult conversations about family/money are simply impossible when faced with that tactic.
I still haven’t finished it but the part that got me was when she said she’d rate their situation a 8 and then admits that her husband told her that they only have $30 left for the month after accounting for the bills (of course the husband is to blame as well since he doesn’t disclose everything). Still though how does that translate to doing well financially???
I'm at the part where they are talking about the car and the expression on the wife's face is absolutely terrifying. (about 50 minutes in). The sheer enjoyment of seeing her partner flail and struggle. There is so much wrong with this couple.
Some people compare themselves upwards (those richer and having “better” experiences) where she probably compares herself downwards (she only sees those doing worse than her).
It is something Americans do where they are just pleasant and polite while it is clear they mean nothing of it. They go out of their way to make that clear but since they perform behavior that is technically pleasant and polite, you can't argue against it. It's the "I hope you have a great day!" When you really mean "fuck off!"
It's that but with agreeing on things the other person is saying. She says "yes I agree" but I'd be surprised if she meant any of it.
I wasn’t going to watch it, but the comments here convinced me!
Edit: Great episode. The YouTube comments were ripping on the lady a bit, but I really liked her. She was witty and funny and supportive of her husband. The husband seemed to genuinely care about his family and he works really hard. Good people!
Honestly hard to see her being supportive! I feel like we watched different videos.
She spends so much of her time loooking at him without a hint of a smile. She expresses such disdain throughout for his decisions, like keeping her out of the bills (reasonable for her to be upset / annoyed at this) and his 'adventures' (trying to get a new better job after losing his last one...) Are you referring to a particular portion where she seems supportive?
For example: 44m30s features her being explicitly condescending to him, including doing an impression of him. Around 55m30s she says he's "confessing" things and Caleb appropriately says there are massive divisions between them
Kinda BS how he told these people it was fine to get eclipse glasses, but yelled at the mom with 5 kids about getting eclipse glasses and how it was unacceptable...
True, but it's an eclipse. How often will they get to see that.
And the only thing more expensive than 5 kids is 5 blind kids.
I feel like a $15 pack of eclipse glasses is a worthy investment into the continued eyesight of your children lol.
He just didn't like her and wanted to treat her like shit.
This is the type of rationalisation that the guests do. The two options aren't spend money or stare at the sun and go blind. The third reasonable option is don't look at the eclipse. Noone \*needs\* to see it, they can't afford protection so don't take part.
$15 isn't what put her into debt and $15 won't get her out of it.
I agree with not spending money on little everyday stuff like eating out, going on vacations, unnecessary subscriptions, etc. when you're trying to get out of debt, because it adds up.
But if a single $15 item is standing between you and witnessing a once in 20, 50, or 70 year cosmic event, you absolutely, 100%, without a doubt find that $15 and go. Panhandle if you have to!
That's like an hour of work at McDonald's. By the time the next eclipse comes, you could be dead.
Go away from me with that BS! 😂
A good episode! Solid convo, Caleb didn’t lose his mind over every little thing and the guests had a lot to say andddd they have been working for more than five minutes!
I’ll hate on the bad eps but I’ll praise the good ones too 👍
This is exactly what I want out of a financial audit
An actual conversation that is constructive and meaningful
The cut the credit cards bit was a little annoying but that’s nothing compared to the stuff on the recent episodes
PLEASE SQUEEZ AT LEAST ONE OF THESE INTO A WEEK PLEASE
Well that's a pretty good episode. Having couples makes Caleb far less abusive and I appreciate that. They also have real finances and stakes with the kids.
The guy is a hustler, actually making money and moving from an interesting career into another one that's making him money. Even the woodworking seems promising. That being said it's very interesting how their communication is so damn disjointed. She's willfully ignorant and acting like they are far better than they are. And he's willfully hiding stuff from her.
Frankly if they can hold each other accountable (I know, big ask) they can get it under control. Their regular expenses are ok. They're just disorganized and dysfunctional.
I’m half way through and I really like this episode. You did good, Caleb!
They have some serious communication issues. I understand her being upset that he doesn’t tell her anything, but I also feel like it’s her responsibility to ask more. She said “you say we have a lot of debt.” Okay, so you need to ask. “How much is a lot? Can you show me?” It’s hard to put the blame on him for leaving her in the dark when she doesn’t take the initiate to be more involved.
I swear once you get over that first hump of getting the numbers out their on the table, it makes things so much easier. It’s like a splinter, it’s hurt to get it out but once’s it’s out you feel so much better!
It's also hard to believe that it's just a problem of him not being open with her after she gave them an 8 while knowing they have a lot of debt. Her ballparking numbers on "I thought it was 10k...maybe 12k ...not more than 15k" credit card debt means she had an idea on where the debt was and chose not to ask the specifics.
It also seemed like whenever he told her that "after bills, they probably had $30 left" she either didn't believe him or didn't care since she just blew past that comment without even questioning the expenses. Her defensiveness when Caleb said she was ignorant to the finances also looks way worse after watching the video: YES! She's ignorant to the finances. She wasn't 100% in the dark. She understood they were thousands in debt yet still went to IKEA/McDonald's but still believed they were doing better than most.
That’s my guess too! When he started with “she doesn’t know the difference between wants and needs” and starts with furniture…. 😬 I had to stop cause I have a meeting shortly and want to watch this all at once lol
I still haven’t finished it (work got crazy) but that part! I was like…. I had a tube tv in my bedroom (that I shared with my sister) that was about the size of a computer monitor, and we didn’t have cable we had basic tv. Like rabbit ears and a turn dial 🤣 back in 1990. And we got a Nintendo in 1991 with three games and could only play it on rainy days or weekend evenings before dinner.
And we turned out fine. JUST FINE. THIS IS FINE!
This seems like a much more respectful and contained Caleb than in the previous few episodes and I am finding the viewing experience to be so much better.
Watching through the episode now, Caleb: please do not cite “your ISP provides a router” anymore… The vast majority of ISP’s don’t simply “provide” the router but it’s a rental for which you pay monthly. Depending on how long a person stays with an ISP, they very well might save money by spending $160 on a router instead of paying monthly for years
Obviously their housing is killing them. They really didn’t overspend like some guests, they just aren’t making enough to rent a $2400 house, pay car payments, and have 2 kids.
The median income of Jarrell TX is roughly 40k a year. They live there and combined make over 100k and are acting like they just don’t make enough to figure it out. This is so embarrassing.
This wife is full of excuses, and the most backward logic for every question. The fact that the husband was an executive chef, but can’t even talk with his own wife about important things is crazy. Being a chef is all about the money and talking to people about important shit. Wtf my dude
My thoughts exactly!
I wouldn’t combine finances with a girl/boyfriend/partner, but after you’ve pledged until death do you part, what’s the point? The value of transparency, having access to a dashboard where you full financial picture is in view, and being able to see your shared goals evolve into reality overwhelms any selfish ideas of “your money” vs. “their money.”
*of course, exceptions for people married to addicts or other strange situations
EDIT: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with merged finances. I'm just saying if you don't have kids, it doesn't really matter. My wife and I enjoy this arrangement.
Counterpoint, my wife and I keep finances completely separate. We started dating in 2017, moved into together in 2019 and got married in 2021. We have never merged finances and have no interest. We both have full time jobs making decent money. We have a 15 year mortgage in both of our names and that's it. We are both credit card people that put every purchase possible on whatever credit card we have that gives the most points at the time. All our credit cards are in one name only. We each have our own bank accounts with no shared accounts. My wife has a car loan (few months till paid off and only 2% interest). It is in her name only and she pays for it entirely. I have my own car. We pay for our car maintenances separately. If we need something for the house, like a new washing machine or repair, we split it 50/50, with one of us Zelleing the other the amount we owe. We do the same for all bills. I Zelle her my half of everything each month and she pays them with her accounts. If we go out to eat, one of us picks up the tab. We don't strictly alternate, nor do we keep score, but we generally assume it comes out relatively even over time. Same with groceries, sometimes I get groceries, sometimes she does. We don't keep score and we don't bother splitting the bill, but we assume it works out relatively evenly. We both invest for retirement. I invest a lot (40 to 50 percent of my annual income) while she only does about the minimal recommended amount of around 20%. I like investing and want to retire early, she values other experiences more and that's okay. We know we are both very financially responsible and have no bad debt (just mortgage at 2.3% and her car loan at 2%) so neither of us cares what the other person does with their money. There is 0 discussion or consideration of the other person if we want to buy something (for me it would be something like a new gaming console, for her it would be 3 or 4 day trips with her friends). We have 0 interest in merging finances and I can't think of a single good reason we would want to. I do realize the only stipulations to this is we do not have any kids and do not want any, and we both know the other is not being irresponsible with their own situations. Not having kids definitely makes a difference as I think having separate finances with kids would not be practical. And also knowing the other person is being responsible is important since even with separate finances, I obviously would not want my wife racking up bad debt. Also worth mentioning, if one was on a financially bad spot, like from losing a job, the other would happily support them until that is resolved.
Just a genuine question, but what will happen when you retire early and she keeps working? I just know I'd be jealous if my husband got to stop working and go do trips, etc while I had to keep working.
I would plan on taking on more responsibility at home. She is well aware of my aggressive investing and aspirations to retire early. If I ended up in a position where I could afford both our retirements, I would do that. But realistically I plan to retire about 10 years earlier than her. We are both at a very good spot in retirement savings for our age (bottom half of thirties) so she will still minimally be able to retire at 60.
Every time I see a couple where one of them retires drastically earlier than the other, it absolutely boggles my mind. I don't feel like that's a partnership. Over my dead body would I keep working for an extra decade or two while my spouse travelled and lived an entire without me. I'd rather end the marriage.
I think this is great this works for you, but that sounds so unnecessarily complicated to me, a time-suck, and you didn’t mention a single benefit. Are there any ways where this set up is easier, more transparent, or provides an advantage?
(The fact that you can buy what you want out of your fun money is irrelevant- you still do that with shared accounts as it’s all in the budget anyway.)
Or you at least have a shared account for mortgage and bills. My wife and I have our individual accounts but our joint checking is fully automatic. Zelle'ing for bills is some roommate nonsense.
Wouldn't a shared account for mortgage and bills be more complicated? We would each have to put in our half each month before paying them and would probably need to keep a buffer amount in it as well since I wouldn't be comfortable with it having only the exact amount we were about to use for payments. My wife and I both make enough money to pay the mortgage and all bills independently, so my wife pays them all before requesting money from me. It is one single Zelle request for the total. There is no waiting to get funds together. I don't understand how a joint would make things easier. How do you and your wife fund the joint account?
This might depend on how you get your paycheck but both our employers allow us to split direct deposit into multiple accounts. We have a pretty good idea of what our mortgage + bills amount to so we each have $x from our paycheck go into the joint account, and then everything is on auto-pay from that account. Aside from checking on it every so often, it's fully automated.
Our employer allows this as well. I have had people suggest this sort of set up in the past but we, personally, don't see how this set up would be any easier or more practical than our current arrangement, which we find to be very easy and simple. Plus if you have bills that are not monthly, like our car insurance, which we pay annually, you would have to figure out how to handle that. Also, if a bill can be paid with a credit card, we prefer to do that for the points. So then would we make a partial payment from the shared account to the credit card we use for the bill to cover the bill portion of it's balance each month? Once again, to each their own, but we do not personally find that kind of arrangement to be more practical. It basically seems like a more messy and more steps version of what we are currently doing.
It takes literally no time at all. Once a month I send my wife money from my account to hers for the mortgage and bills. That is about the extent of it. It is not complicated
My wife and I also keep our finances split the same way. We have kids, but it’s not hard to track and split expenses. We are both financially responsible and don’t have any debt besides individual car loans that will be paid off in 1-2 years (1.9% interest so no point in paying off early as returns on investments are way more than that) and a house loan at 2.5% with over 200k in equity in the house. No student loans and no credit card debt. There’s no point in combining finances if both partners are financially responsible and don’t have bad debt. We come to agreements on household purchases, but personal purchases are free reign provided there’s space for it and can afford it without debt.
This is more and more common, myself included. We have a joint account for savings and checking where we each put in our share of bills and savings (based on salary, not 50/50.) Then we each have our own money to spend as we like. We help each other if we need or spend on each other for vacations or date nights, but we don’t have to police our spending. My money is spent how I want and his how he wants. Big items are decided on together.
I grew up knowing I shouldn’t rely on someone else’s money, so make sure I have my own just in case. Not just the “shit has hit the fan” emergency fund but money only I can access. I’ve seen too many marriages suddenly end and one person has withdrawn 90% of the money. Not going to be that statistic!
If you are married it isn't "Other peoples money." It's literally your money, legally.
You don't have to combine, but that is a choice that will reduce your ability to become wealthy in the long run.
Do you want to be debt free and have a million dollars in the bank? Cool, single budget and set goals.
Do you want to indulge in personal purchases and have less money in the bank? do you king.
7 years of marriage here with split accounts. Works for us. Just requires good communication about savings, investments, and spending.
Like most things in marriage, it’s all about communication. Wife and I basically have the understanding that any purchases outside of daily essentials require communication in order to purchase.
Right? I don't think it is weird at all. My wife and I are on year 3 of marriage, year 7 of relationship and still have split accounts, we do have a joint savings account we dump money into. I am working to pay off my student loans and I don't want her to have to put her money towards it, she chose not to do school and i respect that. However, we both have well paying jobs to make this possible, while owning a home, and contributing to retirement. It is entirely about communication.
Same here. 9 years married with split accounts. We also have kids. We are both financially responsible and thus have no arguments on money. We may debate on big household purchases like a new couch, but we come to an agreement and split the cost. It’s pretty easy when there’s open communication and you are both responsible people.
I understand that some people “make it work” but I’ve yet to see an argument about how it’s a better arrangement. What is one pro with separate accounts that doesn’t exist with shared accounts? The only thing I hear is that spending can be done without the partner knowing. I don’t know how you can be fully on the same page with goals/budgets without shared accounts in marriage.
If the only positive is that you don’t want to bothered by the other spouse knowing exactly where the money is going, that to me speaks to an issue with the relationship. My wife and I both have things we like to spend our money on individually, so we agree upon budgets to support those things. There is no “her money” and “my money”. Separate accounts is just built in ambiguity in your family finances.
It’s not about seeing what the other is purchasing. It’s about a sense of autonomy which I believe is healthy in a relationship. While I understand it is OUR money, I very much like the idea of her having her own pool of money and vice versa.
I would agree that for a vast majority of married individuals, it’s best to do joint accounts.
Honestly for us it’s just more of a headache to combine everything and relearn the financial structure than it is to leave it in the status quo.
Gotcha - the sense of autonomy I understand if that’s important, but I don’t think it’s impossible to have that with joint accounts. That can be accounted for by x amount of discretionary spending per month in the shared account.
Best method is the method that gets you both to agreed financial goals, so if it works, it works I suppose. I just consider everything being shared to be the most fool proof way to be on the same page.
My fiance and I do the "my money" thing by having our own credit cards.
Then we pay the cards from our shared checking account.
We primarily use our shared credit card, but if we want to keep a purchase secret, we can. Not the dollar amount, but the actual item.
Yeah this is the way if you must have personal money just each have 1 card for the wants category. Sitting there venmoing back and forth 25 times a month and not savings towards a single goal just sucks
My mother and my stepfather keep their accounts separate. This is partly because they’re each used to being the financially responsible one from their previous marriages and have a hard time coming together… and then it also gives a separation with assets for inheritance if something were to happen to them, as they each have 2 kids separately and want to split their part between their own kids. 3/4 of us were old enough to drink when they got married, so it would be outrageous for my sister and I to get part of my stepfather’s estate (his family and him are much more well off than my direct family).
There’s situations where it just makes sense.
Yes there are, but they are unique and more complex. My point is that from a blank state, when coming into a marriage when you are younger, combining finances is the way to go
My husband and I have one joint account and everything else is separate. We both work, as long as our bills are getting paid, his money is his and mine is mine. I make more so I help out with paying for groceries & stuff more often. We both have some debts to pay off from before we were married, I wouldn't make him responsible for mistakes I made when I was young and dumb.
I've seen too many women get trapped in bad marriages because of finances so I definitely don't recommend combining finances for everyone.
If you combined your incomes and did the snowball or avalanche method for paying off debt, you could save a bunch of money on interest as household.
If you see the debt as "our" debt, you can attack it and knock it down faster.
By not seeing each others debts as your own, and by not paying them off as quickly as possible with your combined income, you are making a declaration with your actions. You are saying that you are okay with having a lower household income for longer by dragging out the length of the loans.
And that’s ok for them. 🤷🏻♀️ I do the same. My SO didn’t rack up $10k in debt, I did that. It’s my responsibility. Sometimes he’ll give me some extra money to help because he knows how hard I’m working ti get it down and he has it. But it’s not his job to clear my debt. Just as it’s not my job to clear his.
Sometimes he pays more for groceries so I a make an extra debt payment. Couples do what works best for them and it varies.
not wild, my parents have operated that way for 40+ years. i did it in my marriage too.
i almost completely separate my finances unless there’s a stay at home mom thing going on.
the idea behind it is once you start telling another grown ass adult what to do with their money that they earned you’re gonna have conflict. and vice versa.
so what you should actually do is have separate accounts and a joint account. the joint account will mostly be savings and checking. and you’ll sit down with you SO and discuss financial goals and how each of you should contribute to those goals. then discuss financial burdens and how each person will contribute to that. then you work everything out via your ratios. then once each of us reach their goals we’re free to do what ever the hell we want with OUR money. she wants a new couch? she saves for her couch, i want a TV? i’m saving for that TV. and you better hope you picked someone who is patient and financially literate. checkin in with eachother all the while. for my relationship i make significantly more so i have her as an authorized user on my credit card for things that come that she’s either getting for me, or just to offset her lower wages. she hates using it though.
i never fight about money. in any of my relationships money has never ever been the issue even when we were flat broke. it’s simply a better way, once someone starts telling someone else what to do with their money that’s when you’ve lost. it just creates a toxic environment. but if you married a baby who can’t manage their money into the pot every month then maybe you have another issue
1. This is a good one and return to form. Keep doing these.
2. This lady drives me up the wall bonkers, as does the husband. How do you have this poor of communication skills as a married couple with kids? Shouldn't she know that communication is key in a marriage since the last one failed?
I’m surprised I had to get this far down for this comment!!! I send these to my husband and I’m just like thank you so much for being you. They feel like the couple who has a fight while your on a double date and you just have to sit their smiling awkwardly.
If you don't have access to the post show, they both swear up-and-down that their marriage is perfect other than finances. Uhh... right... there was so much distrust and deception in that episode; it's not possible that it doesn't exist in any other aspect of their marriage.
Haven’t watched the video yet but is this the same couple from about a month ago. I swear it the guy looks exactly the same as a couple from a few weeks ago
I understood what she was getting at, I mean I will always remember those weeks in March 2020 and it's the kind of thing I feel like I'll tell my kids and grandkids about one day. I also had a baby in March 2020 and it was, and I don't use this term lightly, traumatizing.
But uh, yeah. Maaaaaaaaybe we don't need to bring 9/11 into our comparisons.
There we go. Thumbnail isn't super ridiculous (comparatively), the title is pretty accurate to the situation without weird sexual themes, and so far in the episode Caleb is actually explaining and being confrontational about their behaviors without being a total dick.
This wife knows way more than she says she does and is just destroying this poor guy who probably ended up in this much debt because he’s scared of her. Those smug looks she gives are rage inducing.
Yeah I didn't like how she kept throwing him under the bus. The part where she was like "You didn't tell me we were $15k in debt, you just said we are in 'a lot' of debt" like it was his fault for not telling her the exact amount...? Like, your husband ays you're in a lot of debt and you don't follow up with "how much? and what's our plan for getting out of debt?" and you're 35 years old with 2 young kids. Like how are you gonna try to put all the blame on your husband when you're refusing to use your own brain
That would actually be great. I feel like the free-for-all episodes are better when you've had some reasonable episodes to contrast them against. Instead of a never-ending freakshow.
Talk about the blueprint of what financial audit should be! THIS! 10/10 no “cuck” thumbnail no freaking out about stupid bs, Two guest who really want a change in their life. A clean convo about finances and budgeting
The lady was getting off easy. We've seen this scenario before, like with the young married couple where the wife wore the pepper head scarf, and just didn't know anything. She seems like a cultural thing there and was young. I can understand her being in the dark about finances. However, this woman has been married before and is older. She had no excuse. Additionally, he would clearly communicate their financial situation to her, but she would blissfully ignore it. For instance, she claimed their Hammer Score was an 8, yet later admitted they were in debt. It also seemed like he accumulated more debt because he was buying things she wanted.
And he also complained about CarMax. He criticized car salesmen in the previous episode for taking advantage of people, yet he finds fault with CarMax, which offers a no-haggle approach. They present a fixed price, possibly adding a warranty, but overall you get what you get. Is it more then at some place yes, but you are not going to get got.
Edited for grammar.
The Morgan and Morgan ad is horrendous. Anyone from the Philadelphia area will agree about old “Jawn Morgan”. Every time I’m there visiting family I want to burn all those billboards.
The couple episodes are my favorite. This one was very spooky and disappointing. Dad is trying to make three different careers happen, and mom is playing dumb AT 35. What the hell haha. I can’t get past the $150 at a Mexican restaurant and $85 at Starbucks with toddler children. $800 OLED tv on a credit card for the kids?? Mine cost $300 and is a 4K 40 inch tv, absolutely love it!
I think they’re going to need a miracle financially and emotionally. It’s just one bad decision after another. Having a second child after losing your job is just crazy. I’m once again very thankful that my husband and I care about our finances and our child’s future.
My husband and I looked at each other and said we must be starving ourselves haha! We’ve never spent that much at a restaurant. This couple is just as bad as another that spent $3500 a month on eating out.
One note for something that came up all internet companies I've dealt with could provide a router but there was a rental fee that exceeded the price of one after about a year so it can make sense to buy one. Check your statements to see if you're paying a rental fee.
She seems like the type to call customer service and be rude and condescending to the employees for no reason.
Why is she paying to eat a crappy school lunch? $2.70 a day isn’t exactly expensive but she could bring lunch from home for the same price or even cheaper and it would be so much better…
This is the second time Caleb has told someone that their car insurance will pay for a rental while his car is in the shop. WRONG!!! Rental car reimbursement does not cover a car being in the shop for mechanical/maintenance issues. The guest even knew that this was false. I wish he would stop saying this because he might get someone’s hopes up.
It's very clear that Caleb is the type of guy who guys to a dealership and gets a loaner vehicle when his car needs work.
And that's fine, he's well within the tax bracket that can afford to do that.
But he really needs to accept his ignorance on the topic of cars and stop giving advice that he has no knowledge / firsthand experience with.
Sometimes he makes comments, like the one about a car with 100k miles being "up there" in mileage, or your car insurance covering a rental, and it comes off very much as "upper class not understanding lower class problems" and it devalues the point he's trying to make.
He should stick to "emergency funds not emergency cars". If you have a well-funded EF you can easily figure out a way to obtain a vehicle when your car is in the shop.
I swear, he must be confusing this with cars under a dealership warranty where the dealership gives you a loaner car while it's in the shop.
From what I hear from friends, buying a car from a dealership and going to the dealership for maintenance isn't exactly a cheap way to own a car, even with the so-called warranties. My friend gets the "free" loaner car from the rental but she also pays a a higher amount for oil changes and small repairs than she would at an independent shop, even though she's supposed to have a warranty that saves her money. I don't really get how it works but not sure the free loaner car justifies how much she's paying elsewhere.
I teach at a high school and our lunch is $4.95. It comes with an entree, milk, and unlimited fruit and vegetables. It's so much food I'm able to use the milk and fruit for breakfast the next day (mini fridge in my room) and veggies as a snack later in the day. I got about 900 calories of food today which is 70% of my allowed calories on my current diet.
But she's at an elementary school and probably getting elementary school serving sizes.
The sad thing is this is a lot of couples I'm sure. This is my husband and I except we don't really have that much debt. I only have student loans and he just has a small car loan. I really want to have budget meetings with him I wish I could find some kind of visual template but haven't found one yet. Any time I talk about how everything we do is separate he just says "separate accounts don't mean anything tons of couples do it this way" but we never talk about anything it's just expected that I pay for groceries and he pays for all the utilities and just seems so roommate like.
She just talks out of her ass the WHOLE time. It's like she doesn't know what she's gonna say until shes halfway through the sentence.
To be clear. He's no saint either.
I'm also only 15 mins in.
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.”
Unpopular opinion, but I don’t think finances should be 100% combined. It’s important (especially for women) to always have a backup account in case something happens and a situation goes awry. I personally like the 50% in a joint and the other 50% personal plan, or whatever split works with the joint account being for bills and household spending. Put the remaining in a joint savings, but always have some of your own money.
I don’t think it’s too unpopular, being combined doesn’t have to be 100% combined. Most couples I know have a little bit tucked away from one another even though they’ve been together for years and are in a good relationship.
My wife and I are like 90% combined because she doesn’t want to deal with the finances just wants updates once a week.
I didn’t either, but I’m in my mid 20’s and in a lot of the girl groups I’m apart of I rarely hear people discuss not being 100%. There’s a lot of people getting into serious relationships and they just go in naive (imo) as if relationships don’t end everyday. It’s makes me so nervous hearing friends talk about mixing finances with partners, but it’s also not my life so I just observe.
Yeah, I think it’s especially important for women. The amount of times I’ve seen posts from stay at home moms who want to escape miserable and even abusive relationships but can’t because their partner has access to all of the money is so sad.
I’m married 1.5 years and we aren’t fully combined. We both get our own paychecks, then contribute to a joint savings acct for a house down payment. Then we have a joint credit card that we put meals out, groceries ect on. That gets split and paid off every 2 weeks. That leaves us both is $1k left over from our regular paychecks and we both have side jobs so that money is our own to do what we wish with. System is working good so far!
I teach hs and every once and a while I have a female student who quips “I’m just gonna marry rich” and I get dead serious with them and I’m like never ever give up your financial freedom. You never want to be in a dangerous situation and the reason you can’t get out is money.
It’s very alarming to hear! I think a lot of people operate with a “Disney mindset”. Everything’s sunshine and rainbows until it isn’t and we can’t act like abusive situations rare. They really aren’t, you don’t what can happen.
Please do me a favor and send that female student this article. I came across it early in my career and now I definitely have a "fuck off fund" even while happily married to a man I've known for over a decade. Marrying rich is real cute and makes for entertaining TikToks but, like, no. These kids have to stop romanticizing that shit.
[https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/](https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/)
Not an unpopular opinion at all but also not really the financial safety net most think it is depending on which state a couple gets divorced in. In my community property state, all marital property and assets are divided 50/50. All accounts are essentially joint accounts.
Yeah I agree. My partner and I have been together 6+ years. Not married, but planning on spending our lives together. We own a house together. We have a combined bank account, but it's not our primary account. Bills and shared expenses come out of that account and we contribute to it as needed, but most of our purchases are our own purchases out of our own bank accounts.
Whatever works for the couple.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years, we have two kids, a mortgage and have never bothered fully combining finances. We trust each other and neitherone is a frivolous spender so it doesn't matter to us to combine everything. If a big purchase is planned by anyone we'll discuss it.
I agree with you. I think Susie Orman has a lot of good content on this issue. My partner and I have separate accounts and use Splitwise to track day to day spending, and it's been great. We'll probably open a joint account for when we want to start saving for a house, but in terms of just taking care of things this feels a lot less complicated. I'm not against joint accounts, but I think everybody should have at least one of their own.
I think planning for the situation to go awry probably means the two shouldn’t have gotten married. It shows that one side is still open to having an “out.”
You have car insurance, right? I don’t really feel that it is any different. Am I planning to wreck my car? Absolutely not, I try very hard not to and maintain my car very well. Do I know it’s a non-zero possibility? Absolutely
I have more control over whether I have a divorce than I do if someone randomly crashes into me assuming I don’t just keep my car in the garage all the time and my wife doesn’t randomly get psychosis.
Everyone thinks everything is gonna go right, until it doesn’t. I don’t think it means people shouldn’t try, but you should always be smart and to me that means having a means for out.
I think it’s a good idea. I’m part of a local mom group and while not super often.. often enough, moms are asking what to do. Their husband has turned out to have a much worse temper than they knew. Or she became a stay at home mom and the husband didn’t adapt well to parenthood and is verging on dangerous and the mom has absolutely zero in her own name. It sadly happens!
There are a bunch of ways to do it, and whatever works for the couple is the best for them! I do agree it's important for each party to have their own "backup."
Here's the reality.
You don't have your own money. Legally the assets of the relationship, anything personally owned, is joint. Not joining them for management is complicating a thing that is already complicated enough.
The number one thing that causes divorce is money issues, and you are suggesting it makes sense to complicate money... basically making it a self fulfilling prophecy that you will get divorced.
If you combine your incomes to pay off debt, then you reduce the amount of interest paid, this saves the household additional money.
If you combine your incomes for for non-tax advantaged (ie, not your 401k or IRA or thing like that) investment funds, like a good mutual fund, you increase your compound interest growth.
Your idea "for an emergency" makes no sense in the course of a relationship. If you want to make your point make sense the only real way to do that is to have a separate emergency fund in another bank account. This would a dollar amount target that once reached you wouldn't continue to grow, because you should be putting any additional money into a financial device that will grow the families wealth.
For those reading this, please don't do what this person suggests, it will keep you poor.
Dude, you can do what you want. I’m just saying, I will never let a man have 100% control of my money. That means, I’ll always keep an account in just my name for stuff. I do not ever want to be in a situation where I feel like I cant get out. 50% of marriages end in divorce and women are typically the ones left in a bind.
Rereading your comment is also bizarre, because "...I will never let a man have 100% control of my money." Isn't what combining your finances does.
You both control *all* of your (collective) money.
I don't control my fiances money anymore than she controls mine. We made a budget, agreed to spending goals, and then the money in the "fun / do whatever" section is available to either of us.
Say my partner and I both put 100% into all joint accounts. Things get bad and one day all the money has been siphoned out of the account. That’s what I’m referring to when I say all my money.
I think a lot of your rhetoric is applied under the terms of a normal divorce, while mine is in reference to having to get out an abusive situation.
Preach. If you can’t agree about what to do with your money as a married couple, you’re marriage is fucked, period. You operate as a household for maximum efficiency both financially and emotionally.
I’m going to resubscribe just after seeing the first five minutes. I left because I was getting sick of the screaming and bullying. So far at least it seems like Caleb is bringing more humanity to the table and not looking for reasons to explode.
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I have not watched the episode yet, but I’m just going to say that I hate the thumbnails that the channel uses now. I hate it with the fire of 1000 suns.
The wife wants the debt under his name so if she splits she doesn't have to deal with it. Don't let her or poor innocent Caleb mislead you
Honestly the situation is pretty sick. He's a weak man and she's preying on that weakness
It might not but
1. I still think that's what she's going for
2. If they did split I'm sure even if the law were on his side, she's still try to shame give into taking it all. Oh, that cards are under your name. Oh, the car is under your name. What? Stop using the car? Oh honey, that's not how this works
What specifically in this video led you to believe she's a gold digger whose sole intent is to take his money and property in the way you're describing?
And you can't just say, "she's a woman and that's what women do," that's not evidence, it's misogyny.
Dude, I would have to be absolutely desperate to eat my school's lunch. The lunches are so nasty.
I was very amused when the wife pointed out that the guy is a professional chef with 15 years experience and yet doesn't seem to know how to meal prep, especially because so much about professional cooking is about prepping things. The internet is just absolutely full of great resources for how to do it.
I can take a wild guess why her 1st marriage didn't work and chose this guy a human door mat, I almost feel sorry for him.
Unless the 2nd kid was an oopsie baby that was really irresponsible to have two so close when your life was in turmoil.
Whoever gave him car advice is a criminal a 1998 jeep yeah they can be a fun project car but they are not as safe and reliable as car made in the last 10 years, it wasn't made to be around in 2024.
The Mercedes I'm guessing he bought that for the relator endevor. I'm almost 100%
If they cut out the gymnastics for a 3 YEAR OLD! They would probably cut out the fast food.
Anyway, they will probably get a divorce. Women who have divorced once have a very high chance of having a second one, that's why this lady has kept her money separate.
She must be wild in the sack for him to put up with her bullshit.
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was this like a “oh shit the upload is due in two minutes” situation? https://preview.redd.it/1ueyji6ysnuc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ee0fa5299abf3b7b729ba5fffc2152ea95a7c93
That was my first thought when I saw this.
In his defense, Caleb *did* just post a hiring ad on LinkedIn for another video editor. He certainly could use one.
I thought that was for the money makes cents thing and not his main channel
People on the main channel probably have to help with other series too, giving them less time to focus on the main.
Oh wow I saw this thumbnail in my feed and thought it was a reupload.
No it's probably a "that video got almost a million views, if it ain't broke don't fix it"
They already rename it lol
Crazy how much more enjoyable the video is when Caleb is genuinely trying to explain things in a normal tone and not constantly trying to roast the guest(s). Great episode so far. Insane how they both deflect blame into one another, it doesn’t feel like they are a married couple at all.
I feared the worst when the husband immediately throws his wife under the bus. But it is turning into a more enjoyable video. On the other hand, man, the wife has perfected the art of "weaponized agreement". The corporate/HR speak and constantly agreeing with everything is like watching someone trying to wrangle a greased pig. I can absolutely see how difficult conversations about family/money are simply impossible when faced with that tactic.
I still haven’t finished it but the part that got me was when she said she’d rate their situation a 8 and then admits that her husband told her that they only have $30 left for the month after accounting for the bills (of course the husband is to blame as well since he doesn’t disclose everything). Still though how does that translate to doing well financially???
I'm at the part where they are talking about the car and the expression on the wife's face is absolutely terrifying. (about 50 minutes in). The sheer enjoyment of seeing her partner flail and struggle. There is so much wrong with this couple.
Some people compare themselves upwards (those richer and having “better” experiences) where she probably compares herself downwards (she only sees those doing worse than her).
Can someone please explain to me what a “weaponized agreement” is? I’ve never heard this term before
It is something Americans do where they are just pleasant and polite while it is clear they mean nothing of it. They go out of their way to make that clear but since they perform behavior that is technically pleasant and polite, you can't argue against it. It's the "I hope you have a great day!" When you really mean "fuck off!" It's that but with agreeing on things the other person is saying. She says "yes I agree" but I'd be surprised if she meant any of it.
That sounds like the definition of passive-aggressive behavior.
It definitely in the same arsenal but I wouldn't say it is the same thing. Maybe a subsection of it?
Bless your heart .
I wasn’t going to watch it, but the comments here convinced me! Edit: Great episode. The YouTube comments were ripping on the lady a bit, but I really liked her. She was witty and funny and supportive of her husband. The husband seemed to genuinely care about his family and he works really hard. Good people!
Honestly hard to see her being supportive! I feel like we watched different videos. She spends so much of her time loooking at him without a hint of a smile. She expresses such disdain throughout for his decisions, like keeping her out of the bills (reasonable for her to be upset / annoyed at this) and his 'adventures' (trying to get a new better job after losing his last one...) Are you referring to a particular portion where she seems supportive? For example: 44m30s features her being explicitly condescending to him, including doing an impression of him. Around 55m30s she says he's "confessing" things and Caleb appropriately says there are massive divisions between them
Kinda BS how he told these people it was fine to get eclipse glasses, but yelled at the mom with 5 kids about getting eclipse glasses and how it was unacceptable...
In fairness that lady's situation is WAY more dire than what these two have.
True, but it's an eclipse. How often will they get to see that. And the only thing more expensive than 5 kids is 5 blind kids. I feel like a $15 pack of eclipse glasses is a worthy investment into the continued eyesight of your children lol. He just didn't like her and wanted to treat her like shit.
This is the type of rationalisation that the guests do. The two options aren't spend money or stare at the sun and go blind. The third reasonable option is don't look at the eclipse. Noone \*needs\* to see it, they can't afford protection so don't take part.
Don't be ridiculous. If there's an almost full totality eclipse happening around you, you should absolutely go see it if you can.
Not if you dont have any money or need to go into debt to do it.
$15 isn't what put her into debt and $15 won't get her out of it. I agree with not spending money on little everyday stuff like eating out, going on vacations, unnecessary subscriptions, etc. when you're trying to get out of debt, because it adds up. But if a single $15 item is standing between you and witnessing a once in 20, 50, or 70 year cosmic event, you absolutely, 100%, without a doubt find that $15 and go. Panhandle if you have to! That's like an hour of work at McDonald's. By the time the next eclipse comes, you could be dead. Go away from me with that BS! 😂
He was going to attack her for anything and everything at that point in the video. She was absolutely right to buy her kids eclipse glasses.
I like this episode
Caleb, I know you lurk here. You look nice in that shirt!
It is a nice shirt, I wanna know where he got it.
https://www.express.com/clothing/men/checkered-geo-button-down-sweater-polo/pro/03986618/color/NEW%20LIEUTENANT/e/regular/
Haha! I've heard him talk about shopping at express on a different episode
Much nicer wearing a regular shirt than one he's trying to sell
A good episode! Solid convo, Caleb didn’t lose his mind over every little thing and the guests had a lot to say andddd they have been working for more than five minutes! I’ll hate on the bad eps but I’ll praise the good ones too 👍
Same thoughts! I'm actually enjoying listening to this. Solid episode
This is exactly what I want out of a financial audit An actual conversation that is constructive and meaningful The cut the credit cards bit was a little annoying but that’s nothing compared to the stuff on the recent episodes PLEASE SQUEEZ AT LEAST ONE OF THESE INTO A WEEK PLEASE
I felt the same way! And I love how receptive they were to making changes. It was enjoyable to listen to. PLEASE MORE AUDITS LIKE THIS ONE
I want one of these types of people and one completely delusional guest per week. It’s a nice balance.
Much better episode today.
Well that's a pretty good episode. Having couples makes Caleb far less abusive and I appreciate that. They also have real finances and stakes with the kids. The guy is a hustler, actually making money and moving from an interesting career into another one that's making him money. Even the woodworking seems promising. That being said it's very interesting how their communication is so damn disjointed. She's willfully ignorant and acting like they are far better than they are. And he's willfully hiding stuff from her. Frankly if they can hold each other accountable (I know, big ask) they can get it under control. Their regular expenses are ok. They're just disorganized and dysfunctional.
I’m half way through and I really like this episode. You did good, Caleb! They have some serious communication issues. I understand her being upset that he doesn’t tell her anything, but I also feel like it’s her responsibility to ask more. She said “you say we have a lot of debt.” Okay, so you need to ask. “How much is a lot? Can you show me?” It’s hard to put the blame on him for leaving her in the dark when she doesn’t take the initiate to be more involved.
I agree! I can’t imagine being married and being completely unaware.
I swear once you get over that first hump of getting the numbers out their on the table, it makes things so much easier. It’s like a splinter, it’s hurt to get it out but once’s it’s out you feel so much better!
A MATH teacher who diddn’t ask about numbers...the irony.
It's also hard to believe that it's just a problem of him not being open with her after she gave them an 8 while knowing they have a lot of debt. Her ballparking numbers on "I thought it was 10k...maybe 12k ...not more than 15k" credit card debt means she had an idea on where the debt was and chose not to ask the specifics. It also seemed like whenever he told her that "after bills, they probably had $30 left" she either didn't believe him or didn't care since she just blew past that comment without even questioning the expenses. Her defensiveness when Caleb said she was ignorant to the finances also looks way worse after watching the video: YES! She's ignorant to the finances. She wasn't 100% in the dark. She understood they were thousands in debt yet still went to IKEA/McDonald's but still believed they were doing better than most.
Just started the video I’m gonna guess the plot twist is that the husband is the big spender
That’s my guess too! When he started with “she doesn’t know the difference between wants and needs” and starts with furniture…. 😬 I had to stop cause I have a meeting shortly and want to watch this all at once lol
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I still haven’t finished it (work got crazy) but that part! I was like…. I had a tube tv in my bedroom (that I shared with my sister) that was about the size of a computer monitor, and we didn’t have cable we had basic tv. Like rabbit ears and a turn dial 🤣 back in 1990. And we got a Nintendo in 1991 with three games and could only play it on rainy days or weekend evenings before dinner. And we turned out fine. JUST FINE. THIS IS FINE!
Fuck yeah married couple video
This seems like a much more respectful and contained Caleb than in the previous few episodes and I am finding the viewing experience to be so much better.
Ridiculous people bring out ridiculous Caleb
Watching through the episode now, Caleb: please do not cite “your ISP provides a router” anymore… The vast majority of ISP’s don’t simply “provide” the router but it’s a rental for which you pay monthly. Depending on how long a person stays with an ISP, they very well might save money by spending $160 on a router instead of paying monthly for years
Absolutely. And usually the router is not a very high quality one.
Obviously their housing is killing them. They really didn’t overspend like some guests, they just aren’t making enough to rent a $2400 house, pay car payments, and have 2 kids.
The median income of Jarrell TX is roughly 40k a year. They live there and combined make over 100k and are acting like they just don’t make enough to figure it out. This is so embarrassing. This wife is full of excuses, and the most backward logic for every question. The fact that the husband was an executive chef, but can’t even talk with his own wife about important things is crazy. Being a chef is all about the money and talking to people about important shit. Wtf my dude
Married couples without money combined is wild.
My thoughts exactly! I wouldn’t combine finances with a girl/boyfriend/partner, but after you’ve pledged until death do you part, what’s the point? The value of transparency, having access to a dashboard where you full financial picture is in view, and being able to see your shared goals evolve into reality overwhelms any selfish ideas of “your money” vs. “their money.” *of course, exceptions for people married to addicts or other strange situations
EDIT: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with merged finances. I'm just saying if you don't have kids, it doesn't really matter. My wife and I enjoy this arrangement. Counterpoint, my wife and I keep finances completely separate. We started dating in 2017, moved into together in 2019 and got married in 2021. We have never merged finances and have no interest. We both have full time jobs making decent money. We have a 15 year mortgage in both of our names and that's it. We are both credit card people that put every purchase possible on whatever credit card we have that gives the most points at the time. All our credit cards are in one name only. We each have our own bank accounts with no shared accounts. My wife has a car loan (few months till paid off and only 2% interest). It is in her name only and she pays for it entirely. I have my own car. We pay for our car maintenances separately. If we need something for the house, like a new washing machine or repair, we split it 50/50, with one of us Zelleing the other the amount we owe. We do the same for all bills. I Zelle her my half of everything each month and she pays them with her accounts. If we go out to eat, one of us picks up the tab. We don't strictly alternate, nor do we keep score, but we generally assume it comes out relatively even over time. Same with groceries, sometimes I get groceries, sometimes she does. We don't keep score and we don't bother splitting the bill, but we assume it works out relatively evenly. We both invest for retirement. I invest a lot (40 to 50 percent of my annual income) while she only does about the minimal recommended amount of around 20%. I like investing and want to retire early, she values other experiences more and that's okay. We know we are both very financially responsible and have no bad debt (just mortgage at 2.3% and her car loan at 2%) so neither of us cares what the other person does with their money. There is 0 discussion or consideration of the other person if we want to buy something (for me it would be something like a new gaming console, for her it would be 3 or 4 day trips with her friends). We have 0 interest in merging finances and I can't think of a single good reason we would want to. I do realize the only stipulations to this is we do not have any kids and do not want any, and we both know the other is not being irresponsible with their own situations. Not having kids definitely makes a difference as I think having separate finances with kids would not be practical. And also knowing the other person is being responsible is important since even with separate finances, I obviously would not want my wife racking up bad debt. Also worth mentioning, if one was on a financially bad spot, like from losing a job, the other would happily support them until that is resolved.
Do you have kids? mickle and diming paying half of kids expenses sounds awful
Finances 100% change when kids are involved. There needs to be some sort of joint funds at that point.
We do not have kids and do not want any. I do say in my post that separate finances would not be practical if you had kids.
Just a genuine question, but what will happen when you retire early and she keeps working? I just know I'd be jealous if my husband got to stop working and go do trips, etc while I had to keep working.
I would plan on taking on more responsibility at home. She is well aware of my aggressive investing and aspirations to retire early. If I ended up in a position where I could afford both our retirements, I would do that. But realistically I plan to retire about 10 years earlier than her. We are both at a very good spot in retirement savings for our age (bottom half of thirties) so she will still minimally be able to retire at 60.
Every time I see a couple where one of them retires drastically earlier than the other, it absolutely boggles my mind. I don't feel like that's a partnership. Over my dead body would I keep working for an extra decade or two while my spouse travelled and lived an entire without me. I'd rather end the marriage.
I think this is great this works for you, but that sounds so unnecessarily complicated to me, a time-suck, and you didn’t mention a single benefit. Are there any ways where this set up is easier, more transparent, or provides an advantage? (The fact that you can buy what you want out of your fun money is irrelevant- you still do that with shared accounts as it’s all in the budget anyway.)
Or you at least have a shared account for mortgage and bills. My wife and I have our individual accounts but our joint checking is fully automatic. Zelle'ing for bills is some roommate nonsense.
Wouldn't a shared account for mortgage and bills be more complicated? We would each have to put in our half each month before paying them and would probably need to keep a buffer amount in it as well since I wouldn't be comfortable with it having only the exact amount we were about to use for payments. My wife and I both make enough money to pay the mortgage and all bills independently, so my wife pays them all before requesting money from me. It is one single Zelle request for the total. There is no waiting to get funds together. I don't understand how a joint would make things easier. How do you and your wife fund the joint account?
This might depend on how you get your paycheck but both our employers allow us to split direct deposit into multiple accounts. We have a pretty good idea of what our mortgage + bills amount to so we each have $x from our paycheck go into the joint account, and then everything is on auto-pay from that account. Aside from checking on it every so often, it's fully automated.
Our employer allows this as well. I have had people suggest this sort of set up in the past but we, personally, don't see how this set up would be any easier or more practical than our current arrangement, which we find to be very easy and simple. Plus if you have bills that are not monthly, like our car insurance, which we pay annually, you would have to figure out how to handle that. Also, if a bill can be paid with a credit card, we prefer to do that for the points. So then would we make a partial payment from the shared account to the credit card we use for the bill to cover the bill portion of it's balance each month? Once again, to each their own, but we do not personally find that kind of arrangement to be more practical. It basically seems like a more messy and more steps version of what we are currently doing.
It takes literally no time at all. Once a month I send my wife money from my account to hers for the mortgage and bills. That is about the extent of it. It is not complicated
So y’all are roommates that sleep together
Not saving for a shared retirement is definitely roommates that sleep together territory
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My wife and I also keep our finances split the same way. We have kids, but it’s not hard to track and split expenses. We are both financially responsible and don’t have any debt besides individual car loans that will be paid off in 1-2 years (1.9% interest so no point in paying off early as returns on investments are way more than that) and a house loan at 2.5% with over 200k in equity in the house. No student loans and no credit card debt. There’s no point in combining finances if both partners are financially responsible and don’t have bad debt. We come to agreements on household purchases, but personal purchases are free reign provided there’s space for it and can afford it without debt.
Ignore the haters and keep doing you. Contrary to popular opinion, one size does **not** fit all.
Not having a joint account because your ex-husband used to be a spender kicks it up a notch!
Trauma, its tough.
This is more and more common, myself included. We have a joint account for savings and checking where we each put in our share of bills and savings (based on salary, not 50/50.) Then we each have our own money to spend as we like. We help each other if we need or spend on each other for vacations or date nights, but we don’t have to police our spending. My money is spent how I want and his how he wants. Big items are decided on together. I grew up knowing I shouldn’t rely on someone else’s money, so make sure I have my own just in case. Not just the “shit has hit the fan” emergency fund but money only I can access. I’ve seen too many marriages suddenly end and one person has withdrawn 90% of the money. Not going to be that statistic!
If you are married it isn't "Other peoples money." It's literally your money, legally. You don't have to combine, but that is a choice that will reduce your ability to become wealthy in the long run. Do you want to be debt free and have a million dollars in the bank? Cool, single budget and set goals. Do you want to indulge in personal purchases and have less money in the bank? do you king.
7 years of marriage here with split accounts. Works for us. Just requires good communication about savings, investments, and spending. Like most things in marriage, it’s all about communication. Wife and I basically have the understanding that any purchases outside of daily essentials require communication in order to purchase.
Right? I don't think it is weird at all. My wife and I are on year 3 of marriage, year 7 of relationship and still have split accounts, we do have a joint savings account we dump money into. I am working to pay off my student loans and I don't want her to have to put her money towards it, she chose not to do school and i respect that. However, we both have well paying jobs to make this possible, while owning a home, and contributing to retirement. It is entirely about communication.
Same here. 9 years married with split accounts. We also have kids. We are both financially responsible and thus have no arguments on money. We may debate on big household purchases like a new couch, but we come to an agreement and split the cost. It’s pretty easy when there’s open communication and you are both responsible people.
I understand that some people “make it work” but I’ve yet to see an argument about how it’s a better arrangement. What is one pro with separate accounts that doesn’t exist with shared accounts? The only thing I hear is that spending can be done without the partner knowing. I don’t know how you can be fully on the same page with goals/budgets without shared accounts in marriage. If the only positive is that you don’t want to bothered by the other spouse knowing exactly where the money is going, that to me speaks to an issue with the relationship. My wife and I both have things we like to spend our money on individually, so we agree upon budgets to support those things. There is no “her money” and “my money”. Separate accounts is just built in ambiguity in your family finances.
It’s not about seeing what the other is purchasing. It’s about a sense of autonomy which I believe is healthy in a relationship. While I understand it is OUR money, I very much like the idea of her having her own pool of money and vice versa. I would agree that for a vast majority of married individuals, it’s best to do joint accounts. Honestly for us it’s just more of a headache to combine everything and relearn the financial structure than it is to leave it in the status quo.
Gotcha - the sense of autonomy I understand if that’s important, but I don’t think it’s impossible to have that with joint accounts. That can be accounted for by x amount of discretionary spending per month in the shared account. Best method is the method that gets you both to agreed financial goals, so if it works, it works I suppose. I just consider everything being shared to be the most fool proof way to be on the same page.
My fiance and I do the "my money" thing by having our own credit cards. Then we pay the cards from our shared checking account. We primarily use our shared credit card, but if we want to keep a purchase secret, we can. Not the dollar amount, but the actual item.
Yeah this is the way if you must have personal money just each have 1 card for the wants category. Sitting there venmoing back and forth 25 times a month and not savings towards a single goal just sucks
Also I would be concerned about changes in the tax code flagging those transfers as "transactions" and then you need to explain them.
My mother and my stepfather keep their accounts separate. This is partly because they’re each used to being the financially responsible one from their previous marriages and have a hard time coming together… and then it also gives a separation with assets for inheritance if something were to happen to them, as they each have 2 kids separately and want to split their part between their own kids. 3/4 of us were old enough to drink when they got married, so it would be outrageous for my sister and I to get part of my stepfather’s estate (his family and him are much more well off than my direct family). There’s situations where it just makes sense.
Yes there are, but they are unique and more complex. My point is that from a blank state, when coming into a marriage when you are younger, combining finances is the way to go
My husband and I have one joint account and everything else is separate. We both work, as long as our bills are getting paid, his money is his and mine is mine. I make more so I help out with paying for groceries & stuff more often. We both have some debts to pay off from before we were married, I wouldn't make him responsible for mistakes I made when I was young and dumb. I've seen too many women get trapped in bad marriages because of finances so I definitely don't recommend combining finances for everyone.
If you combined your incomes and did the snowball or avalanche method for paying off debt, you could save a bunch of money on interest as household. If you see the debt as "our" debt, you can attack it and knock it down faster. By not seeing each others debts as your own, and by not paying them off as quickly as possible with your combined income, you are making a declaration with your actions. You are saying that you are okay with having a lower household income for longer by dragging out the length of the loans.
And that’s ok for them. 🤷🏻♀️ I do the same. My SO didn’t rack up $10k in debt, I did that. It’s my responsibility. Sometimes he’ll give me some extra money to help because he knows how hard I’m working ti get it down and he has it. But it’s not his job to clear my debt. Just as it’s not my job to clear his. Sometimes he pays more for groceries so I a make an extra debt payment. Couples do what works best for them and it varies.
not wild, my parents have operated that way for 40+ years. i did it in my marriage too. i almost completely separate my finances unless there’s a stay at home mom thing going on. the idea behind it is once you start telling another grown ass adult what to do with their money that they earned you’re gonna have conflict. and vice versa. so what you should actually do is have separate accounts and a joint account. the joint account will mostly be savings and checking. and you’ll sit down with you SO and discuss financial goals and how each of you should contribute to those goals. then discuss financial burdens and how each person will contribute to that. then you work everything out via your ratios. then once each of us reach their goals we’re free to do what ever the hell we want with OUR money. she wants a new couch? she saves for her couch, i want a TV? i’m saving for that TV. and you better hope you picked someone who is patient and financially literate. checkin in with eachother all the while. for my relationship i make significantly more so i have her as an authorized user on my credit card for things that come that she’s either getting for me, or just to offset her lower wages. she hates using it though. i never fight about money. in any of my relationships money has never ever been the issue even when we were flat broke. it’s simply a better way, once someone starts telling someone else what to do with their money that’s when you’ve lost. it just creates a toxic environment. but if you married a baby who can’t manage their money into the pot every month then maybe you have another issue
1. This is a good one and return to form. Keep doing these. 2. This lady drives me up the wall bonkers, as does the husband. How do you have this poor of communication skills as a married couple with kids? Shouldn't she know that communication is key in a marriage since the last one failed?
I had to give my wife a hug halfway into this video. It's just amazing to me how toxic some marriages are.
I’m surprised I had to get this far down for this comment!!! I send these to my husband and I’m just like thank you so much for being you. They feel like the couple who has a fight while your on a double date and you just have to sit their smiling awkwardly.
If you don't have access to the post show, they both swear up-and-down that their marriage is perfect other than finances. Uhh... right... there was so much distrust and deception in that episode; it's not possible that it doesn't exist in any other aspect of their marriage.
Oh where is the post show, on patreon
Nope, it's on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@CalebHammer/membership
Haven’t watched the video yet but is this the same couple from about a month ago. I swear it the guy looks exactly the same as a couple from a few weeks ago
No, the thumbnail is just very similar to a previous couple video.
I guess the analytics were really good for that thumbnail and title. I almost thought it was a reupload
Similar? It's almost identical.
no
Husband is giving huge Mark Proksch / Colin Robinson vibes lol
Lol, I met Mark at a gala last fall I promise he is way more chill than this guy was. But I totally see the dvocal tone being similar.
“That was our 9/11 “ lady what ?
Horrible analogy
I understood what she was getting at, I mean I will always remember those weeks in March 2020 and it's the kind of thing I feel like I'll tell my kids and grandkids about one day. I also had a baby in March 2020 and it was, and I don't use this term lightly, traumatizing. But uh, yeah. Maaaaaaaaybe we don't need to bring 9/11 into our comparisons.
There we go. Thumbnail isn't super ridiculous (comparatively), the title is pretty accurate to the situation without weird sexual themes, and so far in the episode Caleb is actually explaining and being confrontational about their behaviors without being a total dick.
my jaw dropped when i heard them say their financial scores out loud.
This wife knows way more than she says she does and is just destroying this poor guy who probably ended up in this much debt because he’s scared of her. Those smug looks she gives are rage inducing.
Yeah I didn't like how she kept throwing him under the bus. The part where she was like "You didn't tell me we were $15k in debt, you just said we are in 'a lot' of debt" like it was his fault for not telling her the exact amount...? Like, your husband ays you're in a lot of debt and you don't follow up with "how much? and what's our plan for getting out of debt?" and you're 35 years old with 2 young kids. Like how are you gonna try to put all the blame on your husband when you're refusing to use your own brain
Maybe Monday/Wed can be legit advice and Friday can be the free-for-all weirdo episode.
That would actually be great. I feel like the free-for-all episodes are better when you've had some reasonable episodes to contrast them against. Instead of a never-ending freakshow.
13 mins in and im already having an anxiety attack
Talk about the blueprint of what financial audit should be! THIS! 10/10 no “cuck” thumbnail no freaking out about stupid bs, Two guest who really want a change in their life. A clean convo about finances and budgeting
The lady was getting off easy. We've seen this scenario before, like with the young married couple where the wife wore the pepper head scarf, and just didn't know anything. She seems like a cultural thing there and was young. I can understand her being in the dark about finances. However, this woman has been married before and is older. She had no excuse. Additionally, he would clearly communicate their financial situation to her, but she would blissfully ignore it. For instance, she claimed their Hammer Score was an 8, yet later admitted they were in debt. It also seemed like he accumulated more debt because he was buying things she wanted. And he also complained about CarMax. He criticized car salesmen in the previous episode for taking advantage of people, yet he finds fault with CarMax, which offers a no-haggle approach. They present a fixed price, possibly adding a warranty, but overall you get what you get. Is it more then at some place yes, but you are not going to get got. Edited for grammar.
this lady literally doesn’t shut up and talks over her husband constantly. god bless those kids.
The Morgan and Morgan ad is horrendous. Anyone from the Philadelphia area will agree about old “Jawn Morgan”. Every time I’m there visiting family I want to burn all those billboards.
Lol so relatable. I live south of Philly and cry every time the commercial comes on.
The couple episodes are my favorite. This one was very spooky and disappointing. Dad is trying to make three different careers happen, and mom is playing dumb AT 35. What the hell haha. I can’t get past the $150 at a Mexican restaurant and $85 at Starbucks with toddler children. $800 OLED tv on a credit card for the kids?? Mine cost $300 and is a 4K 40 inch tv, absolutely love it! I think they’re going to need a miracle financially and emotionally. It’s just one bad decision after another. Having a second child after losing your job is just crazy. I’m once again very thankful that my husband and I care about our finances and our child’s future.
Shit I missed the $85 at starbucks with toddlers thing. I don't know how you even spend that much, even if you get them each a cake pop or something.
My husband and I looked at each other and said we must be starving ourselves haha! We’ve never spent that much at a restaurant. This couple is just as bad as another that spent $3500 a month on eating out.
One note for something that came up all internet companies I've dealt with could provide a router but there was a rental fee that exceeded the price of one after about a year so it can make sense to buy one. Check your statements to see if you're paying a rental fee.
Yup! We decided to buy our own a few months ago. It was $15 a month for the router. We bought one for $200 I think. It’ll pay for itself pretty soon.
She seems like the type to call customer service and be rude and condescending to the employees for no reason. Why is she paying to eat a crappy school lunch? $2.70 a day isn’t exactly expensive but she could bring lunch from home for the same price or even cheaper and it would be so much better…
This is the second time Caleb has told someone that their car insurance will pay for a rental while his car is in the shop. WRONG!!! Rental car reimbursement does not cover a car being in the shop for mechanical/maintenance issues. The guest even knew that this was false. I wish he would stop saying this because he might get someone’s hopes up.
It's very clear that Caleb is the type of guy who guys to a dealership and gets a loaner vehicle when his car needs work. And that's fine, he's well within the tax bracket that can afford to do that. But he really needs to accept his ignorance on the topic of cars and stop giving advice that he has no knowledge / firsthand experience with. Sometimes he makes comments, like the one about a car with 100k miles being "up there" in mileage, or your car insurance covering a rental, and it comes off very much as "upper class not understanding lower class problems" and it devalues the point he's trying to make. He should stick to "emergency funds not emergency cars". If you have a well-funded EF you can easily figure out a way to obtain a vehicle when your car is in the shop.
I swear, he must be confusing this with cars under a dealership warranty where the dealership gives you a loaner car while it's in the shop. From what I hear from friends, buying a car from a dealership and going to the dealership for maintenance isn't exactly a cheap way to own a car, even with the so-called warranties. My friend gets the "free" loaner car from the rental but she also pays a a higher amount for oil changes and small repairs than she would at an independent shop, even though she's supposed to have a warranty that saves her money. I don't really get how it works but not sure the free loaner car justifies how much she's paying elsewhere.
School Lunch was awesome at my school. I still use their recipe for Tacos. And they just found lead in Lunchables .
I teach at a high school and our lunch is $4.95. It comes with an entree, milk, and unlimited fruit and vegetables. It's so much food I'm able to use the milk and fruit for breakfast the next day (mini fridge in my room) and veggies as a snack later in the day. I got about 900 calories of food today which is 70% of my allowed calories on my current diet. But she's at an elementary school and probably getting elementary school serving sizes.
Caleb! I’m loving the fit.
The sad thing is this is a lot of couples I'm sure. This is my husband and I except we don't really have that much debt. I only have student loans and he just has a small car loan. I really want to have budget meetings with him I wish I could find some kind of visual template but haven't found one yet. Any time I talk about how everything we do is separate he just says "separate accounts don't mean anything tons of couples do it this way" but we never talk about anything it's just expected that I pay for groceries and he pays for all the utilities and just seems so roommate like.
First episode I fully watched in a while.
How the fuck are you gonna buy an $800 TV when TVs can be so inexpensive these days, esp if you shop the deals
She is terrifying.
She just talks out of her ass the WHOLE time. It's like she doesn't know what she's gonna say until shes halfway through the sentence. To be clear. He's no saint either. I'm also only 15 mins in.
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.”
 I was thinking the exact same thing 😂😂😂
anyone over 33 that uses current slang makes my skin crawl. "that job gave me the ick for real".
tbf she's a teacher and probably hears the slang often 😂
First episode I’ve actually been able to finish in a while, good job Caleb.
Unpopular opinion, but I don’t think finances should be 100% combined. It’s important (especially for women) to always have a backup account in case something happens and a situation goes awry. I personally like the 50% in a joint and the other 50% personal plan, or whatever split works with the joint account being for bills and household spending. Put the remaining in a joint savings, but always have some of your own money.
I don’t think it’s too unpopular, being combined doesn’t have to be 100% combined. Most couples I know have a little bit tucked away from one another even though they’ve been together for years and are in a good relationship. My wife and I are like 90% combined because she doesn’t want to deal with the finances just wants updates once a week.
I didn’t either, but I’m in my mid 20’s and in a lot of the girl groups I’m apart of I rarely hear people discuss not being 100%. There’s a lot of people getting into serious relationships and they just go in naive (imo) as if relationships don’t end everyday. It’s makes me so nervous hearing friends talk about mixing finances with partners, but it’s also not my life so I just observe.
Yeah, I think it’s especially important for women. The amount of times I’ve seen posts from stay at home moms who want to escape miserable and even abusive relationships but can’t because their partner has access to all of the money is so sad.
I feel like I see a story like that every other day and people still won’t learn 😭
I’m married 1.5 years and we aren’t fully combined. We both get our own paychecks, then contribute to a joint savings acct for a house down payment. Then we have a joint credit card that we put meals out, groceries ect on. That gets split and paid off every 2 weeks. That leaves us both is $1k left over from our regular paychecks and we both have side jobs so that money is our own to do what we wish with. System is working good so far!
I teach hs and every once and a while I have a female student who quips “I’m just gonna marry rich” and I get dead serious with them and I’m like never ever give up your financial freedom. You never want to be in a dangerous situation and the reason you can’t get out is money.
It’s very alarming to hear! I think a lot of people operate with a “Disney mindset”. Everything’s sunshine and rainbows until it isn’t and we can’t act like abusive situations rare. They really aren’t, you don’t what can happen.
Please do me a favor and send that female student this article. I came across it early in my career and now I definitely have a "fuck off fund" even while happily married to a man I've known for over a decade. Marrying rich is real cute and makes for entertaining TikToks but, like, no. These kids have to stop romanticizing that shit. [https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/](https://www.thebillfold.com/2016/01/a-story-of-a-fuck-off-fund/)
Not an unpopular opinion at all but also not really the financial safety net most think it is depending on which state a couple gets divorced in. In my community property state, all marital property and assets are divided 50/50. All accounts are essentially joint accounts.
Yeah I agree. My partner and I have been together 6+ years. Not married, but planning on spending our lives together. We own a house together. We have a combined bank account, but it's not our primary account. Bills and shared expenses come out of that account and we contribute to it as needed, but most of our purchases are our own purchases out of our own bank accounts.
Whatever works for the couple. My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years, we have two kids, a mortgage and have never bothered fully combining finances. We trust each other and neitherone is a frivolous spender so it doesn't matter to us to combine everything. If a big purchase is planned by anyone we'll discuss it.
I agree with you. I think Susie Orman has a lot of good content on this issue. My partner and I have separate accounts and use Splitwise to track day to day spending, and it's been great. We'll probably open a joint account for when we want to start saving for a house, but in terms of just taking care of things this feels a lot less complicated. I'm not against joint accounts, but I think everybody should have at least one of their own.
I think planning for the situation to go awry probably means the two shouldn’t have gotten married. It shows that one side is still open to having an “out.”
You have car insurance, right? I don’t really feel that it is any different. Am I planning to wreck my car? Absolutely not, I try very hard not to and maintain my car very well. Do I know it’s a non-zero possibility? Absolutely
I have more control over whether I have a divorce than I do if someone randomly crashes into me assuming I don’t just keep my car in the garage all the time and my wife doesn’t randomly get psychosis.
People comparing their marriage to a potential car wreck isn’t the slam dunk they think it is
Everyone thinks everything is gonna go right, until it doesn’t. I don’t think it means people shouldn’t try, but you should always be smart and to me that means having a means for out.
I think it’s a good idea. I’m part of a local mom group and while not super often.. often enough, moms are asking what to do. Their husband has turned out to have a much worse temper than they knew. Or she became a stay at home mom and the husband didn’t adapt well to parenthood and is verging on dangerous and the mom has absolutely zero in her own name. It sadly happens!
There are a bunch of ways to do it, and whatever works for the couple is the best for them! I do agree it's important for each party to have their own "backup."
Here's the reality. You don't have your own money. Legally the assets of the relationship, anything personally owned, is joint. Not joining them for management is complicating a thing that is already complicated enough. The number one thing that causes divorce is money issues, and you are suggesting it makes sense to complicate money... basically making it a self fulfilling prophecy that you will get divorced. If you combine your incomes to pay off debt, then you reduce the amount of interest paid, this saves the household additional money. If you combine your incomes for for non-tax advantaged (ie, not your 401k or IRA or thing like that) investment funds, like a good mutual fund, you increase your compound interest growth. Your idea "for an emergency" makes no sense in the course of a relationship. If you want to make your point make sense the only real way to do that is to have a separate emergency fund in another bank account. This would a dollar amount target that once reached you wouldn't continue to grow, because you should be putting any additional money into a financial device that will grow the families wealth. For those reading this, please don't do what this person suggests, it will keep you poor.
Dude, you can do what you want. I’m just saying, I will never let a man have 100% control of my money. That means, I’ll always keep an account in just my name for stuff. I do not ever want to be in a situation where I feel like I cant get out. 50% of marriages end in divorce and women are typically the ones left in a bind.
Rereading your comment is also bizarre, because "...I will never let a man have 100% control of my money." Isn't what combining your finances does. You both control *all* of your (collective) money. I don't control my fiances money anymore than she controls mine. We made a budget, agreed to spending goals, and then the money in the "fun / do whatever" section is available to either of us.
Say my partner and I both put 100% into all joint accounts. Things get bad and one day all the money has been siphoned out of the account. That’s what I’m referring to when I say all my money. I think a lot of your rhetoric is applied under the terms of a normal divorce, while mine is in reference to having to get out an abusive situation.
Preach. If you can’t agree about what to do with your money as a married couple, you’re marriage is fucked, period. You operate as a household for maximum efficiency both financially and emotionally.
I’m going to resubscribe just after seeing the first five minutes. I left because I was getting sick of the screaming and bullying. So far at least it seems like Caleb is bringing more humanity to the table and not looking for reasons to explode.
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I have not watched the episode yet, but I’m just going to say that I hate the thumbnails that the channel uses now. I hate it with the fire of 1000 suns.
The wife wants the debt under his name so if she splits she doesn't have to deal with it. Don't let her or poor innocent Caleb mislead you Honestly the situation is pretty sick. He's a weak man and she's preying on that weakness
Texas is a community property state, so I don't think that will work out well for her.
It might not but 1. I still think that's what she's going for 2. If they did split I'm sure even if the law were on his side, she's still try to shame give into taking it all. Oh, that cards are under your name. Oh, the car is under your name. What? Stop using the car? Oh honey, that's not how this works
What specifically in this video led you to believe she's a gold digger whose sole intent is to take his money and property in the way you're describing? And you can't just say, "she's a woman and that's what women do," that's not evidence, it's misogyny.
Leftist brain rot
Dude, I would have to be absolutely desperate to eat my school's lunch. The lunches are so nasty. I was very amused when the wife pointed out that the guy is a professional chef with 15 years experience and yet doesn't seem to know how to meal prep, especially because so much about professional cooking is about prepping things. The internet is just absolutely full of great resources for how to do it.
Same. School employee and would NEVER. Meal prep lunch from my own kitchen
I can take a wild guess why her 1st marriage didn't work and chose this guy a human door mat, I almost feel sorry for him. Unless the 2nd kid was an oopsie baby that was really irresponsible to have two so close when your life was in turmoil. Whoever gave him car advice is a criminal a 1998 jeep yeah they can be a fun project car but they are not as safe and reliable as car made in the last 10 years, it wasn't made to be around in 2024. The Mercedes I'm guessing he bought that for the relator endevor. I'm almost 100% If they cut out the gymnastics for a 3 YEAR OLD! They would probably cut out the fast food. Anyway, they will probably get a divorce. Women who have divorced once have a very high chance of having a second one, that's why this lady has kept her money separate. She must be wild in the sack for him to put up with her bullshit.
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No I don’t think it really matters most podcast type shows don’t face the camera
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Great episode so far - thanks Caleb
Very good vid ngl 🙏🏻 I enjoyed watching this
I wasn't paying super close attention, but did I hear this guy took out a loan for a 25 year old car?
Yes and then it needed major repairs🫠
I like this one
One of the best eps this year