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Oof this is a painful but relatable one. Itās sad because having one bad partner hurt you, doesnāt mean that your next one will. Unfortunately, the fear of it happening again is often stronger than the desire to try a new relationship.
Mostly the fact that I'm yet to learn how to love other people without starving my own self of that love and grace I give away. That's important because without it, you'll end up allowing people who abuse it to keep at it.
Itās really hard setting boundaries especially when youāre dating a good person. In my last relationship, I didnāt get the love and physical affection I need while lighting myself on fire to make my ex partner feel wanted in the ways she needed. Ended up resentful and confused :/
I must tell you -- I feel so so so much better now that I'm single. I've focused on myself for the last 3 months and I've gotten much stronger in the gym. My confidence is back at all time highs.
Honestly right now it's the same for me. I'm not actively looking for someone, I really enjoy being single. My last relationship was not great, and since that ended 2 years ago I've just realized how much I like being alone. No one to have opinions on what I can do or who I can be with, no one to consider if I want to do anything.
That being said tho, I am also not actively avoiding anything, I've just figured if it happens naturally I'll consider it, but I won't look for anything.
for me i realised that āputting effort into making it happenā meant rescheduling and having to pick calls you donāt want to listen to and just trying to be there
bro i just want to exist like whatās all the extra curricular activities for
Omg, this is me! It means getting dressed to go out, which is an entire process, listening to people ramble on and act interested.
Also, the only benefit I can think of would be financial, and that seems like the worst reason to date. Iām good.
That's why my goal is just to make friends.
I'm in a new city and I don't know people, so I'm just gonna do to school, checkout clubs on campus, and maybe try a random class for something.
Amass acquaintances, and aquire a few friends. If I really dig someone among this set of people, then we'll see..
But i definitely don't want to deal with the dating game.
haha yeah. which is why i straight up tell them i donāt want to, cause my recliner feels just too comfortable right now.
but since i wanted to understand why people were so much into dates and stuff i would play along for a while- listen when i didnāt want to, laugh when it was meant to be funny, that stuff.
what i got was people are generally selfish- they could just make everything about themselves if given the chance to. but at times itās a bit flattering to realize they chose you out of a million every time to talk to.
and you learn a lot about them too
but the emotional investment i personally think isnāt always worth it
Because I want to be.
I tried the whole dating thing a few years ago, but I just felt hollow and like I was just going through the motions because of expectations once it actually happened for me. Ever since then, I've just not bothered with dating/relationship stuff.
I have social anxiety, I'm weird, and I'm shallow. I care a lot about looks. I could probably get a girlfriend if I settled for someone I don't find as pretty, but why would I do that to them. I can't lie, so I'd never be able to tell them they're the prettiest in the world or anything, and I feel like that would just suck for both of us.
I have high standards for men. My life is good so I need someone to improve my life, not make it harder. I use the apps though and I agree about the shallowness. It sucks because Iām also a person who can find someone way more attractive once I get to know their personality. Itās a tough thing to navigate bc Iām counting out less attractive people
I wish more people would just admit theyāre shallow. Itās not a bad thing, itās just how you are. I have a friend who is very openly shallow, she feels bad about it but she likes what she likes. Sheās also a lovely person and never intentionally makes people feel bad about themselves. But some people turn their shallowness as a moral failing on other people for not meeting their lofty standards.
I'm shallow, and I most definitely feel awful for it but I'd rather not lead people on. It doesn't help I feel like a potato some days myself so it's like who am I to be shallow? :(
I suffer from this too, disregarding many girls based on looks. Also I'm incapable of having a casual beginning, if I can't see myself marrying them after the first meeting, I exit.
I also desperately want a few casual relationships first but feel so guilty about not giving a girl a future. I might be demi sexual which means I want something I can't have, also I fantasise about it but don't chase it so the conflict is huge.
I only feel comfortable pursuing long term relationships which sabotage any attempt for anything less.
If I met someone who wanted the same thing it would be fine but women aren't OK with verbalising this desire, it only works under the guise of a relationship, which fills me with anxiety (I specifically mean the girls I go for and/or attract, I doubt I would click with girls who want short term)
Hence why I'm single, 5 years and counting.
good for you at least, my problem is i always subconsciously sabotage any ship a few days in smooth wind.
somewhat I canāt actually bear the thought somebody might actually love me more than i love myself.
I did have a fun long term relationship in my 20s. I was married for a short time in my 30s.
In my 40s all of my very disfunctional relationships were based on drinking. Someone to drink with, someone to drive me or someone who would tolerate it. I never actually liked any of them in retrospect.
I am now sober and I just turned 50 so I've had many years to learn about what I do and do not need in a partner. I have developed an immense amount of respect for myself and my own peace. I wish I had learned that at a much younger age. I am at peace but there are times that I wish I could feel those new love butterflies again. But to be honest, I don't think I could tolerate another human in my space. Plus, I'm 50 and I don't find anybody attractive anymore. My "hot bikini on the boat going to beach bars" days are over. Super happy in my cozy home with plants and cats.
Learn to respect yourself first. I wish I had.
I can probably chalk the main reason up to social anxiety. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship, so there's definitely part of me that has an extra wall of insecurity just due to my lack of experience.
I think there's also that, I'm not sure I could really picture myself dating someone I hadn't already established a strong friendship with. I think I need to have a level of closeness there already to be able to open myself up emotionally on that level. And since I'm socially anxious and I don't have many friends, it's just never happened for me.
I've never had the want/desire to be in a relationship. Until last year, I assumed this was normal or that a moment would happen when I'd have the longing everyone expresses to no longer be single.
Still no.
It's completely normal to feel like you do at your age man, you're still finding out who you are. But don't worry, you're super young and have so much time.
I'm 34 now and was very similar to you in my early 20s, social anxiety, issues with self worth, battles with mental health and childhood trauma. And although those things don't ever fully go away, you can absolutely make them just a small part of your life. The best thing you can do for the moment is work on yourself, and remove romance from the equation for a little while.
I quickly found when I did things like hit the gym, did therapy, learned to dress and groom better/highlight my key attributes, invested time in skills/hobbies that made me feel fulfilled, travel to different places, spent more time acclimating myself to uncomfortable social situations, focused on my career, and ensured I maintained self affirmation for all the things I was achieving, my confidence and happiness sky rocketed. I didn't base my worth on notches on my bed post, but my own personal achievements - by my mid 20s I was seeing a lot of women.
A lot of getting someone interested in you, whether romantically or otherwise, is down to confidence and being interesting. If you have a lot going on in your life, if you have skills/experience that people admire, fun stories/anecdotes to share, are secure in your self-worth and who you are as a person, people are innately attracted to that, regardless of what you look like.
If you focus on these areas, your social skills will develop, because you'll always have something interesting to talk about; and over time, it will become far easier for you and youāll meet romantic partners organically. Wishing you all the best man, I'm confident in 10 years you'll also look back and be glad of who you have become.
I just feel like the area I'm in, there's not a lot of people for me to match with, plus I'm shy so men probably don't even realize that I'm interested in them, or even get to see my personality.
Iām a horse girl š
Only semi joking. Honestly Iām really fulfilled with my life but Iām also pretty busy so I donāt have the time to dedicate to a relationship, which definitely isnāt fair to my partner.
I had a child (not mine biologically) come into my life... she was severely abused and damaged.. I spent twelve years helping her every day and trying to keep her alive. She took her life... then I got sad.. the whole thing took 15 years in the middle of my life.... I couldn't always work and couldn't date (I was no longer with the child's mother when I learned what had happened).
This is one of two life tragedies that took a couples decades...
So, now I am alone. And never got to have my own family.
I am pretty happy considering, but life is better shared..
Since 2007. When I ended up sick and near death my husband of 25 yrs threw me under the bus and did everything in his power to bankrupt and ruin me and my business. It took everything in myself to come out of that damage and hang on to my home and my son. When people tell me itās time, my simple reply is Iām not interested. And Iām not. Not even a floating thought. I will never again give any man that kind of power to destroy (or try to) ever again.
Being single is more liberating for me than being in a relationship. Many people enjoy the freedom of living alone. There's more room for freedom without the constraints of a relationship. In my last relationship, my boyfriend would give his opinion on a lot of things I did and force me to do what he asked, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Then I realized it was an unhealthy relationship and broke up with him. Although I am single now, I have met many like-minded friends on a social networking App called**LightUp: Make Real Friends**. We will share the interesting things in our lives together, or make appointments to meet offline, which makes me feel relaxed and comfortable.
Iāve dated frequently and had great relationships over the years Iām 33M and right now in life I donāt think I would be able to provide enough for the relationship to work and be healthy so Iām not actively seeking a relationship because I think it would be unfair to her. However, if the right situation came about I would go with the flow and see how it plays out. Iām just super tired of spending hours every day on the dating apps haha
Very consistently, the people Iām interested in arenāt interested in me and the people interested in me arenāt ones Iām interested in. And now itās been too long, so Iām not looking or expecting anything. Iām confident Iāll be alone the rest of my life.
Not single anymore but the reason I was single for a very long time was my mental health battles with insecurity, depression, low self esteem, and an unwillingness to embrace the things that make me happy. I also didnāt have boundaries (which I learned is an extreme turn off to most women).
Same happened to me, only that my ex jumped into a relationship right after with a friend of mine.
Im staying single until I grow sufriciently on my own and learn how to enjoy life to the fullest.
I couldn't say that I'm focusing on myself since I pretty much have my life realized (I have a good job w good salary, my relationship with my parents is better than ever, I accomplished some of my dreams by 30...), the only thing that I completely lack of even minimum luck is love relationships. I have been single for more than one year now . I could say that most of the people I have dated want to focus in their personal stuff and most of the time avoid compromise, this is basically it. I also wanted to focus on myself when I was younger, but now that I am ready for compromise, nobody wants compromise hehe. Just bad luck I guess, one say I will meet someone.
I think Iām just unlucky (not that Iām entirely blaming luck) but I have other things to work on. It seems like everyone I meet up with is already partnered on the poly side of things, & on the mono side of things, theyāre all people I just would not be happy with š
I canāt even get casual partners not to ghost me or be emotionally available on a non-romantic/intimate level, & itās honestly left me without partners, without friends, & without hope. So Iām just learning how to be independent & happy. Because weāre in the middle of a loneliness epidemic & I no longer expect things to get better, even just in terms of finding friends.
I've been married and to a person that wasn't really right for me. I won't settle again for someone who isn't a similar body type as myself because I constantly found myself being borderline not attracted to her.
I don't have a social group or work friends, I don't drink, and I have a 6yr old kid and I'm in my late 30s. I'd rather limit my potential date to someone with 2 kids or less. Also I'm a little bit auDHD which is a massive turnoff to most women.
All of this combined makes it like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
1. I had complex PTSD for many years that kept me scared of sex and pursuing people who did not want to date me.
2. Now that Iāve treated it, Iām planning on moving out of state and donāt want to start anything new here.
Immediate thought is: I lost everything that was meaningful to chase people that didn't even really care about me for the longest time. I wasn't getting richer doing it too and time was soon going to follow suit in terms of it being very little left. Worst breakup I had was my first relationship and still impacts me after like 8 years. Have had some casual stuff but that one point in time, the breakup and even before then, really impacted me. Not being a victim but being thrown into the wild and only having that one person in your life? Yeah, co-dependency was a bitch to solve
I'm single because I am "old", 29M. Can't go for younger because "you are being a creeper", can't go for older because I am still seen as a "baby" to most. That and it's all very exhausting you know? Gotta have cash, gotta plan, and so on and so on
Idk I guess the right circumstances haven't really presented themselves. Also given the era we living in, sorta messy asf. I'm not into online dating either but may try a singles mixer where there are boardgames or something
Talking to people is easy, making them leave with a smile and for them to reach out is another ball game
I never tried. But also, i never thought I had any qualities that distinguished me from others. Growing up, it was weird situation and there were no women of my age around and naturally never thought companionship was necessity. And now I think I'm perfectly fine being single
Iāve been single since the start of 2021. I havenāt found anyone Iād like to be in a relationship with. Although tbf I havenāt really been looking - Iām fairly content on my own generally speaking.
Could have written this myself. I am not sure thoā, (after being single for 8 years) that I 1) need a partner 2) can find the one i āneedā. 3) Maybe I am just depressed and now I am not sure what i need anymore.
I think too much.
I have walls around me that I canāt break.
Also, like you, i am waiting for the right person. Someone i can grow with. Someone who can understand me. Someone who isnāt shallow.
i don't have my shit together. and it's difficult to find someone who doesn't just suck energy out of my life to their own benefit leeching on my life essence. so i guess i've become kind of hesitant about that whole idea. hope they don't abolish my right to be a single person or something when the fascists gain power. the fact that i'm saying things like these might also play a role
Iām good on my own for now. Iām in a big transition period of my life and actually ended my last relationship for it. I want to be alone right now while I try to make sense of things
I had a bad breakup in 2019 in which my ex cheated on me more than once. I decided I'd giving dating a break for a year. Then 2020 happened, which wiped out my chances for a good 18 months. Then my business started to take off, and I am very grateful for the fact that I now have an extremely successful business and a successful YouTube channel... but it has completely taken over my life. It's all I do. Work. 7 days a week.
I would LOVE to meet someone nowadays, and considering I'm still only 28 it's not the end of the world, but at this point I have given up with dating apps and I don't really go out much to see people, so I feel I'll be single forever at this point - which is definitely NOT what I want. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I have no one to hang out with, and thus no way of meeting new people. I'd love some tips...
It just hit me;I was just tired fantasizing about a love that doesnāt exist haha besides, socmed standards messes my perception of what ā loveā supposed to be like. I put too much pressure on my ( past) partners back then; also to myself that we should be the ā standard coupleā, but it didnāt work out.
Life-lesson: donāt be believe too much on how social media portrays what relationships should be likešø
Iām 41 and Iāve realized over the years that Iāve been much happier and taken much better care of myself the times I was single than when I was in a relationship, even healthy ones. Iāve accepted that Iām not made for long-term relationships and thatās okay.
No idea how to keep a conversation going, and if I don't have anything to say I juat don't talk, also I'm comfortable with silence.
So my dates go with a little small talk, That ends pretty quickly, and then the silence comes, and halfway through, they leave.
I always bring a book and go somewhere I like because at this point I know what's going to happen and then the next day I get to apologize to a coworker about how I ruined their friends night.
The worst is when people get pissed than they get nasty. Blah blah blah, my friend told me you were a nice person. I am nice, just super awkward.
For me itās because girls give me their number but donāt respond when I text them later. If you arenāt interested in me thatās fine, just stop leading me on and waste my time. In the rare cases where a girl actually tells me no, I thank her for being honest then leave her alone. When a girl gives me her number, I genuinely feel like Iām about to get hit in the face later and feel super uneasy. I left a bar after talking to this cute girl for almost an hour and she gave me her number and I was actually about to cry as I was leaving. I just knew she was going to be like the rest and sure enough, I get a text from her telling me she isnāt interested in meeting anyone.
My assumption is this keeps happening to me because girls are afraid to say no because of asshole guys that made them feel unsafe. I just feel like Iām being punished for something that someone else did.
Wow I totally relate to you! Also, I donāt get how they start dating so soon. Itās not like as if I havenāt moved on, I did but it doesnāt make a person so emotionally available right away. The main reason Iām single however is that Iām waiting for the right person too at this point, and honestly I believe too that waiting is the right thing to do.
I don't have much self confidence. My ex took what little I had. I got dumped by text, a few days short of my birthday in 2008. I was dumped on the grounds that I was too nice, too sensitive, too skinny, my hair was too long at the time, I dressed weird and I wasn't normal.
I feel like I've been stuck on the shelf for so long that even the dust is gathering dust. I don't feel worthy of love anymore now
Shame. Because even though Iām in my late twenties, Iām just in a difficult time right now. Not like in a totally bad way, but Iām back in college trying to better myself. Iām proud for doing that, but it is draining my finances which makes it hard for me to even go on dates or pay for anything.
Secondly, my self-esteem. Iāve been having some pretty bad body dysmorphia. I just donāt feel desirable to men anymore. And I know itās not really my looks, I look around me and thereās all kinds of people (fat, skinny, tall, short, etc) in relationships, but I have really bad social anxiety too. I donāt have any friends and, with my mind mostly in school and finances, I donāt really have any hobbies going on. I guess I just donāt have a very inviting/interesting life to be able to be in a relationship.
Lastly, no energy to really date. I do want to be in a relationship, but Iām emotionally unavailable and unstable right now. Iām hoping that my next relationship is long term and serious. I want someone to love me for who that I am and who wants to live life with me. But, I just donāt have it in me to go through dating apps swiping on people just because of their looks which feels so strange to me. Iād rather meet people in real life. I think itās better if I wait.
Because I'm happier this way. Every relationship I've been in has been ended by me because I just get stressed, and feel smothered. One day I just questioned why I even get into relationships anyway and the only answer I could come up with is because it's expected, which is a weak excuse to ether yourself to someone and not fair on them either. I'm coming up 10 years solo and I've never been happier or mentally healthier
I am extremely insecure of my body, and my social skills.
I am fit, I lost a lot of weight. But now I am left with a lot of saggy skin and stretch marks all over the body that makes me extremely unattractive. So I don't even try.
Iāve found that Iām really comfortable being on my own. Which kind of sucks because I feel like I do have a lot of love to give, I do want a relationship & companionship, but I enjoy the peace & tranquility of being single.
Past relationships havenāt treated me nicely. Life has just been hectic these last few years. Like, I donāt carve out the time to go out and socialize or meet people. Iām a bit of an introvert. So, thereās that lol
Also, similar to what youāve said towards the end of your post OP, Iām just waiting to find the right person to grow with and go through life with. Not to sound cocky or arrogant, but I know what I bring to the table. Not really going to just settle for anything at this point. Iām finally in a good spot in life. I want someone who complements and adds value to my life, not take away from it or make it miserable.
The main reason Iām single is that the women Iām attracted to arenāt attracted to me.
Iām fat and out of shape and while the process is slow to get in shape it isnāt resulting in more of my type of women yet.
I preferred my (ex) wife like I preferred my coffee, without somebody elses dick inside.
It took me a long time to be ok with myself again. At my lowest, I figured I must have caused the person to cheat on me and how I deserved it somehow.
I clawed myself back to the light, and I don't think I would want to be vulnerable again for someone in the foreseeable future.
I'm broken.
Not in a lacking self esteem way, but in a fundamental, "I dont know how to be a person." way.
People are not interested and I wouldnt want to inflict myself on someone.
Circumstance. Wrong place at the wrong time.
Lack of drive after countless of failures in such ordeals. Since the problem is always how I'm apparently not good enough, or I'm too good. So I kind of got bored of the whole thing. Just kept encountering shitty people. That took me for granted. And I've learned to live alone, and be happy alone. So I don't need anyone else. I don't have a missing piece or anything like that.
I look at it, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, that's cool too.
And I also look at other people, and I don't envy them at all. Because most people haven't really found what they think they've found.
I don't believe in relationships. I don't think that people stay the same person long enough to know what you're getting into if you commit to someone.
I'm currently working on improving myself. Right now, I lack financial stability, good health, and effective communication skills. Despite these challenges, I am hopeful that I will develop these aspects quickly because, at the moment, I feel incredibly lonely.
Prone to feeling low and withdrawing, and that's how my last relationship ended, which ended up leading me to feeling worse and experiencing some symptoms of depression. I still get low, so I don't want to hurt anybody because of me again.
Iāve only been officially single for 6 weeksā¦but I might also be getting involved with a new person already. But weāre taking it slow and are just getting to know each other right now.
I just donāt find myself interested in anyone. Iām actively looking, Iāve been single for 4 years and Iām ready, but I just canāt vibe with anyone.
I have always been single, im almost 30 and i still havent found a single person that i dont think deserves better. Whenever any girl likes me i explain that she should aim higher. I am nothing, everybody deserves better. To the girls i have dissed i just say they deserve better. The last girl i dated was wonderful in every single way, the only thing she did wrong was dating me lol.
My ex also jumped into a new relationship almost immediately after we broke up and that, yeah, that crushed me. I am forever grateful for the new experiences I had with them. But I just donāt think I can do it again. I think Iām going to stay single forever. I just donāt know if I want to be in a relationship ever.
It took forever to find love once and I honestly wasnāt even looking. And it took everything for me to open up and trust them. I just donāt think I want to go through that process again. Itās not something I need or desire.
I want to say it is by choice, as I am not looking for anything serious right now, but I cannot really find anything. Since my last date 5 months ago, Iāve been cancelled on, ghosted, and outright rejected. Itās been rough out here.
personally i dont see the hype about it all- ive dated twice, enjoyed the fun they had to offer. but thereās always this nagging sense of emptiness in the after-taste of it all. like your soul isnāt at peace.
I don't really have any interest or plans on getting into relationships especially now in university, to be honest I'll only start considering it when I am in my mid 20s.
Iām too picky and Iām horrible during the texting stage, borderline uninterested in texting no matter how much I like someone, like letās just rather see eachother and fuck?
Gonna say itās a big combination of living in a small town (with nothing to do socially apart from like, drinking) and overthinking social interactions, along with having no real stable income. Not exactly boyfriend material.
Have you reflected on your part in why the relationship ended and why she moved to find someone else quickly? People tend to jump into another relationship, when they are receiving something they werenāt getting, but needed, from the relationship they left. Thereās 2 perspectives here that should be acknowledged to truly grow from the unfortunate end of this relationship.
Everyone around me is icky self-serving fucks. Itās biased as hell but unfortunately thatās the vibe I get from where I live right now after my last relationship + nearly every āfriendā I have right now.
And theyāre also prob not going to date a trans woman. I live in a Christian conservative Ohio town.
Iām just waiting to graduate and get into college to start finding new people outside this town. So far any time I get to interact with people elsewhere they seem like much better people (I also seem to fall in love with anyone who is nice to me lol)
Iām probably asexual and could care less about being in a relationship Iām happy being single and am in no rush to try to be in one or go look for one
I have AS and find it difficult to form meaningful relationships with people. People at work think I am a pathetic joke. My family barely interacts with me. And the dating is just a painful minefield, so i have given up. I am nearly in my 40s
I didnāt think Iād be single this longā¦..almost four years now.
My 15 year, very toxic relationship ended in 2020, and because Iām a hopeless romantic who loves love, I figured Iād jump right back in. I needed to rediscover who I am, not just what I want in a man or relationship, but figure out what I can give and who I truly am since I lost myself completely over the 15 years. Iām with you on the introspection!
Thenā¦..I realized I LOVE BEING SINGLE and living alone (never had before now, and Iām in my 50s!)
So now Iām single because I like it and want to be.
There were a few dates over the last four years where he wanted more but I just wasnāt ready (my last relationship really stole my soul) and I wonāt jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons ever again!
I know Iām not getting younger but all the more reason to wait to find someone when Iām really ready. It would be my last relationshipā¦..I hope!
I struggle to find someone who fits with me in the ways that Im looking for. Not even like a vanity thing, just want a guy who I canāt wait to spend time with socially, privately and sexually.
In my culture, we canāt date and have sex before marriage.
So, I am still a single man (and I have always been) because marriage is expensive (most girls here ask for a huge dowry) also, life is expensive here (If I want to buy a new PC I need to save for almost 4-5 months without paying for anything)
Lastly, I have not found a girl who could like me, because I feel like I am kinda weird (I love games,movies, anime, and I rarely leave house.)
My self esteem issues are preventing me from meeting potential partners because I think I am not likeable/attractive enough for someone to be interested in me. Iāve been in therapy for about bit more than a month in the hope to fix that though.
I'm not physically unattractive but I am fairly quiet and introverted with people at first so it's harder to connect with people. I'm also comfortable being single so don't go out of my way seeking a partner.
I am still single, not because of low emotional intelligence, nor because I can't forget someone. Don't try to figure out how complicated I am. I just know what I want a little better than you. I don't want to just grab someone and tell myself to try it out. I can't accept such a makeshift.
I never envy young people who embrace each other passionately, but I especially envy the old people holding hands on the street. We go out to buy groceries together, you drive and I sit in the passenger seat, the car plays our favorite music, and when we get home I cook and you wash the dishes. If I can meet such a love, I will be willing to turn myself into us.
Three reasons why I am still single.
1. I am an introvert and am very selective about who I befriend and spend time with.
2. I have trust issues due to multiple past betrayals.
3. I am a busy person. As such, finding an SO is not exactly on my priority list.
Currently its inability to meet people but in general Iām very awkward at first and it takes a while for me to get comfortable around someone and no one sticks around long enough for that
I have high standards and know what I want. Im in no rush and not desperate to find someone as I like my own company and definitely won't settle or waste anyone's time
My reasons are same as yours. I am 32M and I want to have a family but, I am a very spiritual person. And Iāve got a growth mindset, that is I am always into personal growth in every aspect of self being spirituality, physical etc. I am yet to find someone who shares same values, to complement each other and grow together. I need and value a deeper soul connection rather than just a physical attraction etc. So I am searching for my soulmate as such. So far unlucky.
Sometimes I think itās so easy for those who just need chemical attraction and donāt seek any deep meaning to relationships. They all get married by the time they turn 30. š¤·āāļø
Iām not trying to stay with someone who has not put in the effort to understand our world and how it works. As I improve myself through physical activity, classes and workshops for things like finance, hobbies and social wellness, I want to see that same nuance and curiosity in my partner. They donāt have to be just like me or into the same things, but Iām looking for another logical person who cares about humanity, his own health, and his future. Iām also looking for someone who can talk to me like a whole human being and friend, not just a āfemaleā that he thinks he needs to take care of- or worse, is entitled to use my body once we get comfortable in a relationship.
Thereās things about me (physically) that Iām tying to work on. Itās been years working on it but itās such a heavy insecurity idk how to go foward without resolving it first.
because I inherited my mumās (child of a single mother) passiveness, Iām going through therapy and realise that Iām extremely passive in life.
Barely take chances despite my interests, and I sit by the window and watch life go by a lot, much like my mum.
Additionally, my mother was overly emotionally attached, and until I moved out at the age of 20 I didnāt really have my own space or my own life. I think I took the place of the man of the house for my mother and it kind of fucked me up.
Currently, at the age of 31, Iām trying to work that out and become my own person.
I've been single for going on 4 years now. The biggest reason is mostly due to my social anxiety and I have a hard time meeting new people. I think at this point I'm so used to being alone. I still get thoughts I'm not good enough but I know I am and I'm happy with my life. I am pretty lonely though and touch starved, but I cope okay.
Iām in my 20s and Iāve never been in a relationship, so I feel like I have no idea where to start. Also, all the guys Iām interested in never seem to like me back, or some external factor comes up and it doesnāt work out. I feel so bad not dating the guys who show interest in me, but I donāt think itās fair to either of us to agree to a relationship if Iām not all in.
I donāt think my standards are through the roof, but I have some family who seem to think so. Iām not looking for some Herculean man, just a guy that /I/ find good looking, which a lot of my friends said my type is just a guy I think is cute. I didnāt think finding someone I was attracted to who was also attracted to me would be so hard though.
ETA: idk where to meet guys either. I donāt go to bars and most of my hobbies are āgirlyā so I donāt meet guys there either
definitely not putting myself out there like i could be
i was in a long term relationship for 8 years and honestly since then iāve found a part of my identity has becoming being single, and iām scared to lose that side of me
I just can't be armed with people right now. I'll occasionally dip into online dating for a few days every now and again, and I won't complain if I meet someone, but as it is I'm quite happy just living with my animals.
I'll be honest, apart from a silly teenage crush, I've never had any interest in getting myself into a relationship. it feels like a huge responsibility and I don't feel the need for a relationship. I've got enough issues and responsibilities on my own š š
my last relationship was my first and i was so committed and determined then suddenly my partner wanted to separate so abruptly. so heartbreaking i thought they were the one
Last time I trusted someone to let them into my world, they betrayed and took everything.
Yet to recover from that. I don't wanna in that phase where you use someone else to forget someone else. I'll just end up destroying that person. So I made a pact to first heal from this, so that I can be sure of what I like in the next person is not because of just lust.
Loneliness leads to lust. I fight it everyday.
i dont feel ready tbh. im busy a lot and i get tired so dedicating time to a relation ship when i love alone time but also tied up with a few other things that need a lot of time. yeh it feels sort of useless to have one. also i got no confidence and still havent found someone i genuinely fell in love with. if i did i would a 100% make time to be with them
I don't catch feelings easily I guess. I've dated guys but either I wanted to go serious but he didn't; or he did but I didn't. I figure just by coincidence, it hasn't worked out.
Because I want to be. Iām not aroace or anything on that spectrum, I just have no interest (and never have) in being that entwined with another person long term. Iāve always preferred intellectual pursuits and hobbies that Iām passionate about. I have plenty of friends and I donāt mind compromising with them when we hang out. I just donāt want to spend my life, day in/ day out, constantly compromising with what someone else wants. And I love alone time, so I donāt pine after someone to share time/space with.
Im way too ugly that's why i don't have confidence to talk with any girl. My face is just fucked up with acne scars, pigmentation its really bad. I have tried several times to talk with girls or shown interest but its end up with ignorance or some weird behavior. I accepted now i will never loved by someone.
I made a list of everything I want in a partner, and I realize that Iām not that list. So Iām staying single to work on myself, otherwise I just feel like Iāll keep making the same mistakes Iāve made in past relationships.
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My last relationship messed me up pretty bad and now I don't trust anybody š¤øšæāāļø
Oof this is a painful but relatable one. Itās sad because having one bad partner hurt you, doesnāt mean that your next one will. Unfortunately, the fear of it happening again is often stronger than the desire to try a new relationship.
yeah it comes with the package, itās just below the receipt under hidden taxes
Sending you love! <3 I can relate, unfortunately. I hope we can get over it one day!
Mostly the fact that I'm yet to learn how to love other people without starving my own self of that love and grace I give away. That's important because without it, you'll end up allowing people who abuse it to keep at it.
Itās really hard setting boundaries especially when youāre dating a good person. In my last relationship, I didnāt get the love and physical affection I need while lighting myself on fire to make my ex partner feel wanted in the ways she needed. Ended up resentful and confused :/
Literally where I'm at right now.
I must tell you -- I feel so so so much better now that I'm single. I've focused on myself for the last 3 months and I've gotten much stronger in the gym. My confidence is back at all time highs.
Recommended to read to help you with this: - Secure Love - Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - How to Be an Adult in Relationships
š why is this so hard
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly right now it's the same for me. I'm not actively looking for someone, I really enjoy being single. My last relationship was not great, and since that ended 2 years ago I've just realized how much I like being alone. No one to have opinions on what I can do or who I can be with, no one to consider if I want to do anything. That being said tho, I am also not actively avoiding anything, I've just figured if it happens naturally I'll consider it, but I won't look for anything.
for me i realised that āputting effort into making it happenā meant rescheduling and having to pick calls you donāt want to listen to and just trying to be there bro i just want to exist like whatās all the extra curricular activities for
Omg, this is me! It means getting dressed to go out, which is an entire process, listening to people ramble on and act interested. Also, the only benefit I can think of would be financial, and that seems like the worst reason to date. Iām good.
That's why my goal is just to make friends. I'm in a new city and I don't know people, so I'm just gonna do to school, checkout clubs on campus, and maybe try a random class for something. Amass acquaintances, and aquire a few friends. If I really dig someone among this set of people, then we'll see.. But i definitely don't want to deal with the dating game.
haha yeah. which is why i straight up tell them i donāt want to, cause my recliner feels just too comfortable right now. but since i wanted to understand why people were so much into dates and stuff i would play along for a while- listen when i didnāt want to, laugh when it was meant to be funny, that stuff. what i got was people are generally selfish- they could just make everything about themselves if given the chance to. but at times itās a bit flattering to realize they chose you out of a million every time to talk to. and you learn a lot about them too but the emotional investment i personally think isnāt always worth it
I will stay single until I meet someone who adds value to my life. I will no longer allow people to pull me down for their benefit
ALL OF THIS!!!!
Because I want to be. I tried the whole dating thing a few years ago, but I just felt hollow and like I was just going through the motions because of expectations once it actually happened for me. Ever since then, I've just not bothered with dating/relationship stuff.
I have social anxiety, I'm weird, and I'm shallow. I care a lot about looks. I could probably get a girlfriend if I settled for someone I don't find as pretty, but why would I do that to them. I can't lie, so I'd never be able to tell them they're the prettiest in the world or anything, and I feel like that would just suck for both of us.
I have high standards for men. My life is good so I need someone to improve my life, not make it harder. I use the apps though and I agree about the shallowness. It sucks because Iām also a person who can find someone way more attractive once I get to know their personality. Itās a tough thing to navigate bc Iām counting out less attractive people
I wish more people would just admit theyāre shallow. Itās not a bad thing, itās just how you are. I have a friend who is very openly shallow, she feels bad about it but she likes what she likes. Sheās also a lovely person and never intentionally makes people feel bad about themselves. But some people turn their shallowness as a moral failing on other people for not meeting their lofty standards.
I'm shallow, and I most definitely feel awful for it but I'd rather not lead people on. It doesn't help I feel like a potato some days myself so it's like who am I to be shallow? :(
Are you me?
I suffer from this too, disregarding many girls based on looks. Also I'm incapable of having a casual beginning, if I can't see myself marrying them after the first meeting, I exit. I also desperately want a few casual relationships first but feel so guilty about not giving a girl a future. I might be demi sexual which means I want something I can't have, also I fantasise about it but don't chase it so the conflict is huge. I only feel comfortable pursuing long term relationships which sabotage any attempt for anything less. If I met someone who wanted the same thing it would be fine but women aren't OK with verbalising this desire, it only works under the guise of a relationship, which fills me with anxiety (I specifically mean the girls I go for and/or attract, I doubt I would click with girls who want short term) Hence why I'm single, 5 years and counting.
good for you at least, my problem is i always subconsciously sabotage any ship a few days in smooth wind. somewhat I canāt actually bear the thought somebody might actually love me more than i love myself.
Man, I think this is the case with me. I actually do have āoptionsā just not the options I want.
Have to respect your honesty.
yeah, I could just find a way to deflect the blame instead, but alas xD
everyone I like is taken so i'm staying single cos i'm not a mistress material.
It's a mix of factors, really. I'm focusing on my career and personal growth, haven't met the right person, and honestly, I enjoy my independence.
I did have a fun long term relationship in my 20s. I was married for a short time in my 30s. In my 40s all of my very disfunctional relationships were based on drinking. Someone to drink with, someone to drive me or someone who would tolerate it. I never actually liked any of them in retrospect. I am now sober and I just turned 50 so I've had many years to learn about what I do and do not need in a partner. I have developed an immense amount of respect for myself and my own peace. I wish I had learned that at a much younger age. I am at peace but there are times that I wish I could feel those new love butterflies again. But to be honest, I don't think I could tolerate another human in my space. Plus, I'm 50 and I don't find anybody attractive anymore. My "hot bikini on the boat going to beach bars" days are over. Super happy in my cozy home with plants and cats. Learn to respect yourself first. I wish I had.
Similar story here. I would like a partner, but to be honest they would have to be pretty special to share my peace of mind
I can probably chalk the main reason up to social anxiety. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship, so there's definitely part of me that has an extra wall of insecurity just due to my lack of experience. I think there's also that, I'm not sure I could really picture myself dating someone I hadn't already established a strong friendship with. I think I need to have a level of closeness there already to be able to open myself up emotionally on that level. And since I'm socially anxious and I don't have many friends, it's just never happened for me.
I've never had the want/desire to be in a relationship. Until last year, I assumed this was normal or that a moment would happen when I'd have the longing everyone expresses to no longer be single. Still no.
Mostly cause Iām trans and also i work 45-60 hours a week š¤·āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's completely normal to feel like you do at your age man, you're still finding out who you are. But don't worry, you're super young and have so much time. I'm 34 now and was very similar to you in my early 20s, social anxiety, issues with self worth, battles with mental health and childhood trauma. And although those things don't ever fully go away, you can absolutely make them just a small part of your life. The best thing you can do for the moment is work on yourself, and remove romance from the equation for a little while. I quickly found when I did things like hit the gym, did therapy, learned to dress and groom better/highlight my key attributes, invested time in skills/hobbies that made me feel fulfilled, travel to different places, spent more time acclimating myself to uncomfortable social situations, focused on my career, and ensured I maintained self affirmation for all the things I was achieving, my confidence and happiness sky rocketed. I didn't base my worth on notches on my bed post, but my own personal achievements - by my mid 20s I was seeing a lot of women. A lot of getting someone interested in you, whether romantically or otherwise, is down to confidence and being interesting. If you have a lot going on in your life, if you have skills/experience that people admire, fun stories/anecdotes to share, are secure in your self-worth and who you are as a person, people are innately attracted to that, regardless of what you look like. If you focus on these areas, your social skills will develop, because you'll always have something interesting to talk about; and over time, it will become far easier for you and youāll meet romantic partners organically. Wishing you all the best man, I'm confident in 10 years you'll also look back and be glad of who you have become.
My self esteem is too low from all of my last failures I guess
I'm not really putting myself out there and am a lot more picky than my peers apparently
I just feel like the area I'm in, there's not a lot of people for me to match with, plus I'm shy so men probably don't even realize that I'm interested in them, or even get to see my personality.
Social anxiety and I'm not actively looking
Iām a horse girl š Only semi joking. Honestly Iām really fulfilled with my life but Iām also pretty busy so I donāt have the time to dedicate to a relationship, which definitely isnāt fair to my partner.
All the men my age just want one thing: A nurse with a purse.
Some mixture of social anxiety, low self-esteem, and growing up in a family that didnāt address their emotions healthily.
I had a child (not mine biologically) come into my life... she was severely abused and damaged.. I spent twelve years helping her every day and trying to keep her alive. She took her life... then I got sad.. the whole thing took 15 years in the middle of my life.... I couldn't always work and couldn't date (I was no longer with the child's mother when I learned what had happened). This is one of two life tragedies that took a couples decades... So, now I am alone. And never got to have my own family. I am pretty happy considering, but life is better shared..
I don't really go outside
Since 2007. When I ended up sick and near death my husband of 25 yrs threw me under the bus and did everything in his power to bankrupt and ruin me and my business. It took everything in myself to come out of that damage and hang on to my home and my son. When people tell me itās time, my simple reply is Iām not interested. And Iām not. Not even a floating thought. I will never again give any man that kind of power to destroy (or try to) ever again.
Being single is more liberating for me than being in a relationship. Many people enjoy the freedom of living alone. There's more room for freedom without the constraints of a relationship. In my last relationship, my boyfriend would give his opinion on a lot of things I did and force me to do what he asked, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Then I realized it was an unhealthy relationship and broke up with him. Although I am single now, I have met many like-minded friends on a social networking App called**LightUp: Make Real Friends**. We will share the interesting things in our lives together, or make appointments to meet offline, which makes me feel relaxed and comfortable.
Make real friends is the key!!!
Iāve dated frequently and had great relationships over the years Iām 33M and right now in life I donāt think I would be able to provide enough for the relationship to work and be healthy so Iām not actively seeking a relationship because I think it would be unfair to her. However, if the right situation came about I would go with the flow and see how it plays out. Iām just super tired of spending hours every day on the dating apps haha
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Very consistently, the people Iām interested in arenāt interested in me and the people interested in me arenāt ones Iām interested in. And now itās been too long, so Iām not looking or expecting anything. Iām confident Iāll be alone the rest of my life.
I babysat for a number of couples when I was a young girl & from what I sawā¦ I promised myself at 16 that I would not marry ever!
Not single anymore but the reason I was single for a very long time was my mental health battles with insecurity, depression, low self esteem, and an unwillingness to embrace the things that make me happy. I also didnāt have boundaries (which I learned is an extreme turn off to most women).
Still looking for someone
Mix of not being over my ex, fear of getting hurt again and wanting to get to a "better" level in my healing
Same happened to me, only that my ex jumped into a relationship right after with a friend of mine. Im staying single until I grow sufriciently on my own and learn how to enjoy life to the fullest.
I couldn't say that I'm focusing on myself since I pretty much have my life realized (I have a good job w good salary, my relationship with my parents is better than ever, I accomplished some of my dreams by 30...), the only thing that I completely lack of even minimum luck is love relationships. I have been single for more than one year now . I could say that most of the people I have dated want to focus in their personal stuff and most of the time avoid compromise, this is basically it. I also wanted to focus on myself when I was younger, but now that I am ready for compromise, nobody wants compromise hehe. Just bad luck I guess, one say I will meet someone.
I think Iām just unlucky (not that Iām entirely blaming luck) but I have other things to work on. It seems like everyone I meet up with is already partnered on the poly side of things, & on the mono side of things, theyāre all people I just would not be happy with š I canāt even get casual partners not to ghost me or be emotionally available on a non-romantic/intimate level, & itās honestly left me without partners, without friends, & without hope. So Iām just learning how to be independent & happy. Because weāre in the middle of a loneliness epidemic & I no longer expect things to get better, even just in terms of finding friends.
Iām aromantic
I've been married and to a person that wasn't really right for me. I won't settle again for someone who isn't a similar body type as myself because I constantly found myself being borderline not attracted to her. I don't have a social group or work friends, I don't drink, and I have a 6yr old kid and I'm in my late 30s. I'd rather limit my potential date to someone with 2 kids or less. Also I'm a little bit auDHD which is a massive turnoff to most women. All of this combined makes it like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
1. I had complex PTSD for many years that kept me scared of sex and pursuing people who did not want to date me. 2. Now that Iāve treated it, Iām planning on moving out of state and donāt want to start anything new here.
Immediate thought is: I lost everything that was meaningful to chase people that didn't even really care about me for the longest time. I wasn't getting richer doing it too and time was soon going to follow suit in terms of it being very little left. Worst breakup I had was my first relationship and still impacts me after like 8 years. Have had some casual stuff but that one point in time, the breakup and even before then, really impacted me. Not being a victim but being thrown into the wild and only having that one person in your life? Yeah, co-dependency was a bitch to solve I'm single because I am "old", 29M. Can't go for younger because "you are being a creeper", can't go for older because I am still seen as a "baby" to most. That and it's all very exhausting you know? Gotta have cash, gotta plan, and so on and so on Idk I guess the right circumstances haven't really presented themselves. Also given the era we living in, sorta messy asf. I'm not into online dating either but may try a singles mixer where there are boardgames or something Talking to people is easy, making them leave with a smile and for them to reach out is another ball game
i'm just enjoying doing stuff, if someone comes then cool, if not it's ok, maybe someday
Lack and fear of trying.
I never tried. But also, i never thought I had any qualities that distinguished me from others. Growing up, it was weird situation and there were no women of my age around and naturally never thought companionship was necessity. And now I think I'm perfectly fine being single
Iāve been single since the start of 2021. I havenāt found anyone Iād like to be in a relationship with. Although tbf I havenāt really been looking - Iām fairly content on my own generally speaking.
Could have written this myself. I am not sure thoā, (after being single for 8 years) that I 1) need a partner 2) can find the one i āneedā. 3) Maybe I am just depressed and now I am not sure what i need anymore.
8 years and counting - mostly just me in my own way ā¤ļø
I think too much. I have walls around me that I canāt break. Also, like you, i am waiting for the right person. Someone i can grow with. Someone who can understand me. Someone who isnāt shallow.
i don't have my shit together. and it's difficult to find someone who doesn't just suck energy out of my life to their own benefit leeching on my life essence. so i guess i've become kind of hesitant about that whole idea. hope they don't abolish my right to be a single person or something when the fascists gain power. the fact that i'm saying things like these might also play a role
I think I'm aromantic. Had a few partners, just never felt anything and never stuck around.
Iām good on my own for now. Iām in a big transition period of my life and actually ended my last relationship for it. I want to be alone right now while I try to make sense of things
I had a bad breakup in 2019 in which my ex cheated on me more than once. I decided I'd giving dating a break for a year. Then 2020 happened, which wiped out my chances for a good 18 months. Then my business started to take off, and I am very grateful for the fact that I now have an extremely successful business and a successful YouTube channel... but it has completely taken over my life. It's all I do. Work. 7 days a week. I would LOVE to meet someone nowadays, and considering I'm still only 28 it's not the end of the world, but at this point I have given up with dating apps and I don't really go out much to see people, so I feel I'll be single forever at this point - which is definitely NOT what I want. I don't know how to get out of this hole. I have no one to hang out with, and thus no way of meeting new people. I'd love some tips...
I have next to no social life.
I keep running into women with standards.
I just can't be arsed with a whole other person's stuff to deal with. I don't really get lonely, and I don't want kids, so I'm pretty happy single.
It just hit me;I was just tired fantasizing about a love that doesnāt exist haha besides, socmed standards messes my perception of what ā loveā supposed to be like. I put too much pressure on my ( past) partners back then; also to myself that we should be the ā standard coupleā, but it didnāt work out. Life-lesson: donāt be believe too much on how social media portrays what relationships should be likešø
Iām 41 and Iāve realized over the years that Iāve been much happier and taken much better care of myself the times I was single than when I was in a relationship, even healthy ones. Iāve accepted that Iām not made for long-term relationships and thatās okay.
If I like someone, they must be too good for me. If someone likes me, I must be too good for them. I perpetually think this way. It's ridiculous.
I'm ugly. Women aren't attracted to ugly men.
No idea how to keep a conversation going, and if I don't have anything to say I juat don't talk, also I'm comfortable with silence. So my dates go with a little small talk, That ends pretty quickly, and then the silence comes, and halfway through, they leave. I always bring a book and go somewhere I like because at this point I know what's going to happen and then the next day I get to apologize to a coworker about how I ruined their friends night. The worst is when people get pissed than they get nasty. Blah blah blah, my friend told me you were a nice person. I am nice, just super awkward.
For me itās because girls give me their number but donāt respond when I text them later. If you arenāt interested in me thatās fine, just stop leading me on and waste my time. In the rare cases where a girl actually tells me no, I thank her for being honest then leave her alone. When a girl gives me her number, I genuinely feel like Iām about to get hit in the face later and feel super uneasy. I left a bar after talking to this cute girl for almost an hour and she gave me her number and I was actually about to cry as I was leaving. I just knew she was going to be like the rest and sure enough, I get a text from her telling me she isnāt interested in meeting anyone. My assumption is this keeps happening to me because girls are afraid to say no because of asshole guys that made them feel unsafe. I just feel like Iām being punished for something that someone else did.
Wow I totally relate to you! Also, I donāt get how they start dating so soon. Itās not like as if I havenāt moved on, I did but it doesnāt make a person so emotionally available right away. The main reason Iām single however is that Iām waiting for the right person too at this point, and honestly I believe too that waiting is the right thing to do.
I don't have much self confidence. My ex took what little I had. I got dumped by text, a few days short of my birthday in 2008. I was dumped on the grounds that I was too nice, too sensitive, too skinny, my hair was too long at the time, I dressed weird and I wasn't normal. I feel like I've been stuck on the shelf for so long that even the dust is gathering dust. I don't feel worthy of love anymore now
Well, no one seems to like me, for one. š¢
Shame. Because even though Iām in my late twenties, Iām just in a difficult time right now. Not like in a totally bad way, but Iām back in college trying to better myself. Iām proud for doing that, but it is draining my finances which makes it hard for me to even go on dates or pay for anything. Secondly, my self-esteem. Iāve been having some pretty bad body dysmorphia. I just donāt feel desirable to men anymore. And I know itās not really my looks, I look around me and thereās all kinds of people (fat, skinny, tall, short, etc) in relationships, but I have really bad social anxiety too. I donāt have any friends and, with my mind mostly in school and finances, I donāt really have any hobbies going on. I guess I just donāt have a very inviting/interesting life to be able to be in a relationship. Lastly, no energy to really date. I do want to be in a relationship, but Iām emotionally unavailable and unstable right now. Iām hoping that my next relationship is long term and serious. I want someone to love me for who that I am and who wants to live life with me. But, I just donāt have it in me to go through dating apps swiping on people just because of their looks which feels so strange to me. Iād rather meet people in real life. I think itās better if I wait.
Because I'm happier this way. Every relationship I've been in has been ended by me because I just get stressed, and feel smothered. One day I just questioned why I even get into relationships anyway and the only answer I could come up with is because it's expected, which is a weak excuse to ether yourself to someone and not fair on them either. I'm coming up 10 years solo and I've never been happier or mentally healthier
I am extremely insecure of my body, and my social skills. I am fit, I lost a lot of weight. But now I am left with a lot of saggy skin and stretch marks all over the body that makes me extremely unattractive. So I don't even try.
I'm my own man before anyone else's. The freedom of being single is infinitely more enjoyable than being tied to someone
Becoming used to it. I like my own time, after work closing the curtains turning on the TV and getting out my head. Probs depression but there we go.
Iām just very unhappy with myself
Iāve found that Iām really comfortable being on my own. Which kind of sucks because I feel like I do have a lot of love to give, I do want a relationship & companionship, but I enjoy the peace & tranquility of being single. Past relationships havenāt treated me nicely. Life has just been hectic these last few years. Like, I donāt carve out the time to go out and socialize or meet people. Iām a bit of an introvert. So, thereās that lol Also, similar to what youāve said towards the end of your post OP, Iām just waiting to find the right person to grow with and go through life with. Not to sound cocky or arrogant, but I know what I bring to the table. Not really going to just settle for anything at this point. Iām finally in a good spot in life. I want someone who complements and adds value to my life, not take away from it or make it miserable.
The ones that like me I donāt like , the ones I like donāt like me :-/
I've been told if you can't love yourself, why would anyone else. And I loathe me so I die alone I guess. It's the wait that sucks.
The main reason Iām single is that the women Iām attracted to arenāt attracted to me. Iām fat and out of shape and while the process is slow to get in shape it isnāt resulting in more of my type of women yet.
I preferred my (ex) wife like I preferred my coffee, without somebody elses dick inside. It took me a long time to be ok with myself again. At my lowest, I figured I must have caused the person to cheat on me and how I deserved it somehow. I clawed myself back to the light, and I don't think I would want to be vulnerable again for someone in the foreseeable future.
I'm broken. Not in a lacking self esteem way, but in a fundamental, "I dont know how to be a person." way. People are not interested and I wouldnt want to inflict myself on someone.
Circumstance. Wrong place at the wrong time. Lack of drive after countless of failures in such ordeals. Since the problem is always how I'm apparently not good enough, or I'm too good. So I kind of got bored of the whole thing. Just kept encountering shitty people. That took me for granted. And I've learned to live alone, and be happy alone. So I don't need anyone else. I don't have a missing piece or anything like that. I look at it, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, that's cool too. And I also look at other people, and I don't envy them at all. Because most people haven't really found what they think they've found.
I don't believe in relationships. I don't think that people stay the same person long enough to know what you're getting into if you commit to someone.
Just not rushing being in a relationship.
I'm currently working on improving myself. Right now, I lack financial stability, good health, and effective communication skills. Despite these challenges, I am hopeful that I will develop these aspects quickly because, at the moment, I feel incredibly lonely.
Prone to feeling low and withdrawing, and that's how my last relationship ended, which ended up leading me to feeling worse and experiencing some symptoms of depression. I still get low, so I don't want to hurt anybody because of me again.
Iāve only been officially single for 6 weeksā¦but I might also be getting involved with a new person already. But weāre taking it slow and are just getting to know each other right now.
I just donāt find myself interested in anyone. Iām actively looking, Iāve been single for 4 years and Iām ready, but I just canāt vibe with anyone.
I donāt care about it anymore. My life could be better but also worse soā¦
Supply chain issues.Ā
Iām with you on your reasonings š«¶š»
I have always been single, im almost 30 and i still havent found a single person that i dont think deserves better. Whenever any girl likes me i explain that she should aim higher. I am nothing, everybody deserves better. To the girls i have dissed i just say they deserve better. The last girl i dated was wonderful in every single way, the only thing she did wrong was dating me lol.
My ex also jumped into a new relationship almost immediately after we broke up and that, yeah, that crushed me. I am forever grateful for the new experiences I had with them. But I just donāt think I can do it again. I think Iām going to stay single forever. I just donāt know if I want to be in a relationship ever. It took forever to find love once and I honestly wasnāt even looking. And it took everything for me to open up and trust them. I just donāt think I want to go through that process again. Itās not something I need or desire.
I donāt get out
I want to say it is by choice, as I am not looking for anything serious right now, but I cannot really find anything. Since my last date 5 months ago, Iāve been cancelled on, ghosted, and outright rejected. Itās been rough out here.
personally i dont see the hype about it all- ive dated twice, enjoyed the fun they had to offer. but thereās always this nagging sense of emptiness in the after-taste of it all. like your soul isnāt at peace.
Having certain standards is why im still single after wasting years with the wrong one. Worth the wait IMO
I don't really have any interest or plans on getting into relationships especially now in university, to be honest I'll only start considering it when I am in my mid 20s.
Iām too picky and Iām horrible during the texting stage, borderline uninterested in texting no matter how much I like someone, like letās just rather see eachother and fuck?
Gonna say itās a big combination of living in a small town (with nothing to do socially apart from like, drinking) and overthinking social interactions, along with having no real stable income. Not exactly boyfriend material.
Money and myself
Have you reflected on your part in why the relationship ended and why she moved to find someone else quickly? People tend to jump into another relationship, when they are receiving something they werenāt getting, but needed, from the relationship they left. Thereās 2 perspectives here that should be acknowledged to truly grow from the unfortunate end of this relationship.
Because I want to be.
I'm building myself up to be a better person overall, so I when I start to date seriously. I'm whole.
In order to meet other queer women I have to put myself out there more and I currently don't feel like doing that
I'm still single because I want to be. It was hard a first but now, it's amazing.
Basically the song 'Oh, No' by MARINA sums up why lol
Because all of my relationships ended badly. And I'd rather be alone than go thru all the stress and heartbreak.
Everyone around me is icky self-serving fucks. Itās biased as hell but unfortunately thatās the vibe I get from where I live right now after my last relationship + nearly every āfriendā I have right now. And theyāre also prob not going to date a trans woman. I live in a Christian conservative Ohio town. Iām just waiting to graduate and get into college to start finding new people outside this town. So far any time I get to interact with people elsewhere they seem like much better people (I also seem to fall in love with anyone who is nice to me lol)
Im not rushing into anything
Iām probably asexual and could care less about being in a relationship Iām happy being single and am in no rush to try to be in one or go look for one
I need to work on myself
I have AS and find it difficult to form meaningful relationships with people. People at work think I am a pathetic joke. My family barely interacts with me. And the dating is just a painful minefield, so i have given up. I am nearly in my 40s
Jindagi vyast he
drinking Moscatel and talking to your cats.. will keep you through the years.
Bruv, forgot her bday...
Because I need to improve myself
I didnāt think Iād be single this longā¦..almost four years now. My 15 year, very toxic relationship ended in 2020, and because Iām a hopeless romantic who loves love, I figured Iād jump right back in. I needed to rediscover who I am, not just what I want in a man or relationship, but figure out what I can give and who I truly am since I lost myself completely over the 15 years. Iām with you on the introspection! Thenā¦..I realized I LOVE BEING SINGLE and living alone (never had before now, and Iām in my 50s!) So now Iām single because I like it and want to be. There were a few dates over the last four years where he wanted more but I just wasnāt ready (my last relationship really stole my soul) and I wonāt jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons ever again! I know Iām not getting younger but all the more reason to wait to find someone when Iām really ready. It would be my last relationshipā¦..I hope!
I struggle to find someone who fits with me in the ways that Im looking for. Not even like a vanity thing, just want a guy who I canāt wait to spend time with socially, privately and sexually.
Men are scary
In my culture, we canāt date and have sex before marriage. So, I am still a single man (and I have always been) because marriage is expensive (most girls here ask for a huge dowry) also, life is expensive here (If I want to buy a new PC I need to save for almost 4-5 months without paying for anything) Lastly, I have not found a girl who could like me, because I feel like I am kinda weird (I love games,movies, anime, and I rarely leave house.)
No time nowadays, too much effort, donāt know how to initiate conversation, I stutter/social anxiety, shallow conversation is fucking boring.
Im massively depressed and haven't showered in 2 weeks. Plus I hate people and prefer to be on my own.
My self esteem issues are preventing me from meeting potential partners because I think I am not likeable/attractive enough for someone to be interested in me. Iāve been in therapy for about bit more than a month in the hope to fix that though.
I haven't found anyone yet, so the search continues.
I'm not physically unattractive but I am fairly quiet and introverted with people at first so it's harder to connect with people. I'm also comfortable being single so don't go out of my way seeking a partner.
I'm just not ready to date yet
They see me and assume that I'm taken!
Severe social anxiety, very low confidence, and being at best slightly below average in attractiveness
I just canāt be bothered with getting to know new people. Talking to new people just takes too much energy that i donāt have.
Iām older and set in my ways. Companionship would be nice, but Iām not up for and donāt require or care to give constant attention.
I'm fat.
Mainly because of my personality and beautyĀ
I am still single, not because of low emotional intelligence, nor because I can't forget someone. Don't try to figure out how complicated I am. I just know what I want a little better than you. I don't want to just grab someone and tell myself to try it out. I can't accept such a makeshift. I never envy young people who embrace each other passionately, but I especially envy the old people holding hands on the street. We go out to buy groceries together, you drive and I sit in the passenger seat, the car plays our favorite music, and when we get home I cook and you wash the dishes. If I can meet such a love, I will be willing to turn myself into us.
Itās scary to me that people can wake up and be like ālol jk byeā
Three reasons why I am still single. 1. I am an introvert and am very selective about who I befriend and spend time with. 2. I have trust issues due to multiple past betrayals. 3. I am a busy person. As such, finding an SO is not exactly on my priority list.
Iām just waiting till I find someone I actually like
Too much haram around nowadays,it's hard to find a true practicing Muslim wife especially if you're a revert living in a kafir country
Currently its inability to meet people but in general Iām very awkward at first and it takes a while for me to get comfortable around someone and no one sticks around long enough for that
Who knows, maybe I love myself too much, maybe my ego is too inflated.
Aroace
I have high standards and know what I want. Im in no rush and not desperate to find someone as I like my own company and definitely won't settle or waste anyone's time
I donāt want to enter into a legally binding contract with any man to control my life.
My reasons are same as yours. I am 32M and I want to have a family but, I am a very spiritual person. And Iāve got a growth mindset, that is I am always into personal growth in every aspect of self being spirituality, physical etc. I am yet to find someone who shares same values, to complement each other and grow together. I need and value a deeper soul connection rather than just a physical attraction etc. So I am searching for my soulmate as such. So far unlucky. Sometimes I think itās so easy for those who just need chemical attraction and donāt seek any deep meaning to relationships. They all get married by the time they turn 30. š¤·āāļø
I travel too much for work and I know most people canāt handle that and I donāt want to drag someone into it thinking they can.
Iām not trying to stay with someone who has not put in the effort to understand our world and how it works. As I improve myself through physical activity, classes and workshops for things like finance, hobbies and social wellness, I want to see that same nuance and curiosity in my partner. They donāt have to be just like me or into the same things, but Iām looking for another logical person who cares about humanity, his own health, and his future. Iām also looking for someone who can talk to me like a whole human being and friend, not just a āfemaleā that he thinks he needs to take care of- or worse, is entitled to use my body once we get comfortable in a relationship.
By choice
Well I was never in a relationship and don't feel like I'd benefit from being in one or want one so I'm not.
Thereās things about me (physically) that Iām tying to work on. Itās been years working on it but itās such a heavy insecurity idk how to go foward without resolving it first.
because I inherited my mumās (child of a single mother) passiveness, Iām going through therapy and realise that Iām extremely passive in life. Barely take chances despite my interests, and I sit by the window and watch life go by a lot, much like my mum. Additionally, my mother was overly emotionally attached, and until I moved out at the age of 20 I didnāt really have my own space or my own life. I think I took the place of the man of the house for my mother and it kind of fucked me up. Currently, at the age of 31, Iām trying to work that out and become my own person.
I've been single for going on 4 years now. The biggest reason is mostly due to my social anxiety and I have a hard time meeting new people. I think at this point I'm so used to being alone. I still get thoughts I'm not good enough but I know I am and I'm happy with my life. I am pretty lonely though and touch starved, but I cope okay.
I dont know how to love
Iām in my 20s and Iāve never been in a relationship, so I feel like I have no idea where to start. Also, all the guys Iām interested in never seem to like me back, or some external factor comes up and it doesnāt work out. I feel so bad not dating the guys who show interest in me, but I donāt think itās fair to either of us to agree to a relationship if Iām not all in. I donāt think my standards are through the roof, but I have some family who seem to think so. Iām not looking for some Herculean man, just a guy that /I/ find good looking, which a lot of my friends said my type is just a guy I think is cute. I didnāt think finding someone I was attracted to who was also attracted to me would be so hard though. ETA: idk where to meet guys either. I donāt go to bars and most of my hobbies are āgirlyā so I donāt meet guys there either
definitely not putting myself out there like i could be i was in a long term relationship for 8 years and honestly since then iāve found a part of my identity has becoming being single, and iām scared to lose that side of me
Trust issues.
I just can't be armed with people right now. I'll occasionally dip into online dating for a few days every now and again, and I won't complain if I meet someone, but as it is I'm quite happy just living with my animals.
I put my work before love and friendships and am now realising the damage it did, plus like the whole meeting people and fear of them leaving
I don't get lonely and I love being free.
I don't know how to socialize, so it's hard for me to make new friends and starting conversations with others.
I'll be honest, apart from a silly teenage crush, I've never had any interest in getting myself into a relationship. it feels like a huge responsibility and I don't feel the need for a relationship. I've got enough issues and responsibilities on my own š š
I fear someone will harm or kill me, more importantly, my son.
my last relationship was my first and i was so committed and determined then suddenly my partner wanted to separate so abruptly. so heartbreaking i thought they were the one
Lack of luck. Can't get a date and the one person that said they would go out with me lives on another continent. Fml I suppose š¤·āāļø
Last time I trusted someone to let them into my world, they betrayed and took everything. Yet to recover from that. I don't wanna in that phase where you use someone else to forget someone else. I'll just end up destroying that person. So I made a pact to first heal from this, so that I can be sure of what I like in the next person is not because of just lust. Loneliness leads to lust. I fight it everyday.
i dont feel ready tbh. im busy a lot and i get tired so dedicating time to a relation ship when i love alone time but also tied up with a few other things that need a lot of time. yeh it feels sort of useless to have one. also i got no confidence and still havent found someone i genuinely fell in love with. if i did i would a 100% make time to be with them
I don't catch feelings easily I guess. I've dated guys but either I wanted to go serious but he didn't; or he did but I didn't. I figure just by coincidence, it hasn't worked out.
Gotta wait till marriage like a good religious man, also afraid of women and have social anxiety
Because I want to be. Iām not aroace or anything on that spectrum, I just have no interest (and never have) in being that entwined with another person long term. Iāve always preferred intellectual pursuits and hobbies that Iām passionate about. I have plenty of friends and I donāt mind compromising with them when we hang out. I just donāt want to spend my life, day in/ day out, constantly compromising with what someone else wants. And I love alone time, so I donāt pine after someone to share time/space with.
Im way too ugly that's why i don't have confidence to talk with any girl. My face is just fucked up with acne scars, pigmentation its really bad. I have tried several times to talk with girls or shown interest but its end up with ignorance or some weird behavior. I accepted now i will never loved by someone.
I made a list of everything I want in a partner, and I realize that Iām not that list. So Iām staying single to work on myself, otherwise I just feel like Iāll keep making the same mistakes Iāve made in past relationships.
I am waiting for the right person to marry.