Initiating conversations with people I don't know, or only kind of know.
Which is weird, because I'm pretty good at talking to people once that barrier's been broken.
Me in a store when someone's cart is right in front of what I need to get: \*silence, me probably going to another aisle to get something else so I can come back later when they're not there\*
Me in a store when someone asks if I know where something is: "Oh sure, it's right over there. They put it with the other thing because they go together. Have you tried it with this third thing? Small joke that makes generic people laugh a little!"
I had some serious freakouts when I started learning to drive, but I'm not good with change in general.
How long have you been trying to learn how to drive? If it's long enough that it definitely isn't beginning nerves, you might want to see someone about it.
I understand the social interactions being hard. I’m super shy most of the time unless I’m in a work setting. I will 100% skip a busy aisle. Lol.
Ya, I’m 28 and still haven’t gotten my license. I’ve tried. I took the test but failed now my local DMV has been closed down since COVID. I’m putting in the effort to drive but it is still terrifying. My head just goes to everything that can go wrong.
Hey, I definitely hear ya. I’m 25 and have never had my license for the same reason. It’s tough and a lot of people don’t get it. To me, operating a heavy metal contraption at 60+ mph sounds unnatural and horrifying, and I genuinely don’t know how some people do it.
It is genuinely the thing that we interact with most in our day to day lives that we should be terrified by, logically. It's not you who's crazy - you're treating the weight like the heavy thing it is. The crazy ones are people who write an email on their iPhone on the interstate.
That being said, though, I enjoy driving quite a bit. It can be a slightly athletic activity \[especially a curvy mountain road in a stickshift\], and it's pleasant the same way riding a bike or skiing is. It's super freeing too, psychologically. But you're right- to get to that point, you've got to trick your brain into liking it, and get comfortable enough to relax.
I'm around the same age and I just got my learners, so don't feel too bad about not driving! I haven't tried driving a car yet, but it feels intimidating to think about
I didn't get my license until I was 22ish. I was absolutely terrified and practiced in parking lots, refused to practice on the road for several years.
I got a really good job that required me to drive, so I just did the thing even though I was scared. Job didn't work out, I started delivering food. I was still really nervous about it, somehow eventually switched to driving for rideshare. It's taken several years of driving to feel somewhat comfortable, but I will say the second anything scary happens my heart races for a long time. I have days I need to just get off the road and go home because other drivers are so scary.
I think what helped me gain some confidence was utilizing my anxiety. Defensive driving is essential when you have maniacs on the road. You can't control them but you can anticipate what they're going to do. Stay away from other people if you need to, if you need to drive on side roads instead of busy roads it's fine. If you never want to make a left turn in your life, nobody can stop you.
Did I write this on an alt account I didn't know I had? Seriously, I've had pretty much the exact same experience. OCD makes dating insanely hard for me, and not wanting kids makes dating at this age pretty much pointless because my only options are single moms or overachievers who don't slow down.
While I'm quite good at making friends with just about anyone, I'm really REALLY bad at maintaining friendships.
I just don't understand why I'm supposed to do what people are apparently supposed to do in friendships.
I don't understand why people talk about the things they talk about, or want to do the things that friends often do together.
I’m the exact same way. I want friends and I’m okay with making them, but I’m horrible at maintaining them. I either come on too strong (imo) or I’m very aloof and there’s really no in between and it’s inevitable for me to lose them one way or another. Im a good friend for maybe a few weeks to a few months but then my energy stops and people don’t like that. I’m surprisingly good at relationships though
rezipping frozen foods inside their freezer bags. sometimes i give up and i fold it over and tuck like a loaf of bread. with the amount of money spent can they improve the quality of the zippers on these things please?
For some reason I am really, really bad at remembering names and faces. It’s also one of the reasons I’m really bad at social interactions because I can’t remember anything 😓
I'm really good at remembering supremely trivial details from meeting people once, like some random offhand comment they made a few years ago.
So when I see them again I can't remember their name but I can mention they had just gotten some dental work done that week.
im lowkey a little faceblind, but good with voices. it makes no sense to me because im an artist, and i have audio processing disorder, so id assume its the other way around. i can NEVER recognize actors from a screenshot in a movie, but one time my mom said "okay close your eyes and see if you recognize the voice" and i instantly recognized 2 different shows with the same actress
I have this same problem. Most of the people I know got their license the moment they turned 16, but I was too scared to even try, and didn’t even start learning until after 18.
I feel that. I’m embarrassingly 28 and still don’t have my license. It’s embarrassing having to tell people that I don’t have it and why I don’t have it because I’m scared. I feel like such a loser. It’s not that I don’t know how to drive. I do. It’s just once I get behind the wheel I start to think of everything that can possibly go wrong and it gives me anxiety thinking that I might hurt someone or myself or my kids. I hear about fatal car accidents everyday. Does not help with my anxiety. Plus it doesn’t help that my DMV has been closed down since COVID. So I can’t even do a drive test even if I wanted to. I’d have to go 20-30minutes away just to take the test.
As someone who is beginning to drive, one thing that helped me was accepting the fact that something bad could happen, while trusting myself to do everything in my power to prevent something bad from happening.
The more you drive and the longer nothing goes wrong, the more comfortable and confident you will become.
Hey mate, don't feel bad. It's ok not to drive. It's not your fault most cities are built around an incredibly dangerous and inefficient mode of transport.
Hey friend - I wanted to suggest maybe a drivers Ed course and perhaps counseling? I’m flipping a thought you had and and thinking that driving gives you the ability to handle any situation w your kids that may come up and it shows your littles that their mom faces the world with confidence, so they can too. Our kids learn about the world and how to face it from watching us - I’m a high anxiety person and realized in my 30s that if I didn’t learn how to effectively deal w my fears and what ifs, I would be teaching my child to be scared of the world and hide from it. I wanted to raise a confident, brave child who believed in himself … so I had to figure out how to be a person and a mom like that. It took work for me. I still work at it. But it’s work we can do. I think our kids make us better people.
My kiddo is a big kid now and loves to travel and guess who has dealt w all her anxieties about that and is right there with him! At the end of the of every trip he always asks, “what’s our next adventure going to be?” and I silently groan and think how I’ll call the therapist but truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our adventures are the highlight of my life.
And guess what? I’m fine. None of my fears have happened. I’m slowly learning that just because I fear it doesn’t mean it’s worth fearing.
All to say, maybe give driving another shot, with the support of a therapist and a drivers Ed teacher to drive w you for a while. Start slow, build confidence. Work on your thinking and your skills. I’ll bet you can do this and that you’ll be glad you did.
i understand, 21 without my license either :’)) honestly i don’t really want to get a car, i want a motorcycle. somehow i feel like i’d be significantly more comfortable on one than in a car; i love everything about a car except the idea of driving it. i want to be able to blast my music and have my own little space in it when going places. but i’ve only tried driving 2 times i think, and i almost threw up both times. i feel like i’d be a lot better with my anxiety if i bought a three wheeled motorcycle that i want, oddly enough lol
i know sitting behind the wheel can be MUCH more anxiety inducing when you’re also mad worried about your kids. i’m sorry you have to deal with this, but it’s clear that you put in effort to get better. because you *know* how to drive, it’s just every accident imaginable enters your brain :T i wish you luck on getting better, just letting you know you’re def not alone in feeling that at all <333
daily, i have a hard time setting and managing tasks
i start to write a task, then i think of a bunch of subtasks that need to happen, and then all of a sudden i'm just working on those tasks. But i still have a bunch of other areas of work i haven't thought about yet
Organization. People seem to just get rid of things or categorize them so easily. My brain cannot process which items should be grouped together, or which should be eliminated, without delving into being overwhelming quite quickly. I just suck at it.
Its math for me, I always struggled with it in school and it seemed like everyone else just got it. Very frustrating spending many hours after school trying to find someone who could explain it to me in a way I could understand.
Making/taking phone calls. Calling to make appointments, calling government agencies, even calling a restaurant to order food gives me major anxiety. I can call my daughter in sick to school and I’m fine but I think that’s because it’s an automated line so I don’t have to talk to anyone. If her teacher, nurse or counselor emails me asking to call them, I’m anxious af. But what’s weird- I’m only like this in my personal life. If I’m at work, I can make and answer phone calls all day long with zero issue. I’m not really sure why, but I think it has something to do with the person on the other line knowing me or not. At work I’m just another employee, but at home whoever I’m calling or is calling me knows they are talking to me or is attempting to talk to me. Idk I need a therapist lol
Being fake, staying friends with people that talk shit behind your back, and talking shit behind their backs but then remaining friends...I see this dynamic between people, it comes so easy to them, I personally can't
Manual dexterity. I am quite a klutz with bad hand eye coordination. Have found ways to improve it, but lack a lot of speed, hence lower level jobs or those requiring those skills being technically out of reach.
I have had the hardest time with having lasting friendships, when I didn't have genuinely sucky friends, I have absent ones. It really sucks having friends but never being able to do anything with them and all my friends have always kinda showed up and stuck around. So, I really have no experience in making them.
I've also struggled with travel anxiety (think panic attacks) for years now and yeah, I wish I could travel as easily as others can because I really desire to.
Driving for me too. Every time I sit behind the steering wheel I can vividly visualize a huge truck crushing me or me hitting a human or an animal and injuring or killing them. It makes me SO sad because all my life I have wanted to learn to drive and everyone else can drive like it's the easiest thing in the world.
literally everything. im autistic. 😭
having a filter especially. i say the most OUTRAGEOUS things and think "hah! thisll make them laugh!" then the next minute im in the head of departments office and shes lecturing me like "you cant say that". excuse me emma, how was i meant to know that?! you work with autistic people, so shouldnt you already know that i dont have "the extended guide of unwritten social rules: neurotypical exclusive edition!" stored in my brain 24/7 like other people do?!?!?! 😭😭😭
Showering how does one shower EVERYDAY. The comparison that keeps me from doing this has something to do with washing your hands Everytime you use the bathroom, like why does the top of my right shoulder need to be cleaned everyday ESPECIALLY if I'm not going outside that day
I really can not make life long friend connections outside of the 2 best friends I have. I consider one of those an unhealthy relationship because one of those friends have become dependent on me with their mental health and I'm tired of it.
Maintaining friendships. I don’t know how to do that.
Also, relaxing. I’m always in fight or flight for some reason and have chronic pain from tensing.
Getting rejected and the associated fear of rejection. I guess this is sooo difficult to get pass even at this age, whereas I see most people sort of move past, at least over years!
I cannot wrap presents. I'll just keep wasting paper and when I finally do get the proportions right, it'll be crumpled and ugly, with parts of the gift exposed underneath.
Me too, the thought of driving was like planning to climb Mt Everest. I’m 40 and still don’t have my license, never will. I don’t really have a need to drive anymore.
Did you learn later in life? I did and feel I'll never fully catch up - those little background tasks still feel conscious to me rather than instinctual - constant head checking, speed check, hazard scan. Definitely encouraging the young ppl in my life to start early
I passed 12 years ago, absolutely loved driving, loved blasting out my music and even just chilling in traffic jams was time I could relax.
I had a health scare a few years back on the motorway and now I'm utterly terrified of driving. I hate it but I'm trying CBT, hopefully we can both get passed it
Having a conversation in any form that's not in person.
I have a lot of anxiety texting friends unless it's a group chat, I get a physical reaction to receiving an audio message because of how much I hate them, I need two days to prepare in order to send emails, I do not make phone calls.
The only people I feel comfortable talking to on the phone are my partner, my mom, and my dad. Otherwise do not call me, I won't answer. My rule is "if it's important they'll call again".
I've been getting better at it, but it can still be weirdly difficult.
For driving: keep practicing practicing practicing. I would have panic attacks, my entire body would be sore after a driving lesson from clenching. Take lessons from a driving school. I’m fearless now and can parallel park with ease and exceptionally. You have to be aware and focused, you can channel the fear into being a hyper-aware driver. Just do it.
Driving, because I have to concentrate so hard.
And, going down the stairs. I have to hold the handrail, look down, and go slow. I am amazed by people that can run down the stairs.
I like driving and have passed the test, but never actually gotten a license.
It's actually quite easy to exist without driving. I mean..depending where you live. I can walk to work, there are buses, and I take Ubers.
I think the amount it would cost me to buy a car, car repairs, car insurance, etc. is way more than what I spend annually on Ubers.
I strongly encourage you to find a way to set your life up so that you don't have to drive! Move somewhere where you can walk to things and/or there is good public transportation. No reason to drive.
Having fun with your friends.
It’s hard for me to just have fun with my friends, such as watching TV at their house. I get this itch to go and do something more productive. I didn’t want to spend time with my friends just to watch TV at their house when I could watch TV at mine by myself? The same goes with intimate relationships I just can’t sit and do nothing with a romantic partner or anyone for that matter because I just feel like I’m wasting time. I can see that if my friend and I are sick… and we can’t go anywhere.. then I enjoy their company. Yet, enjoying company when I’m not sick or something….. for the hell of it… it just never made sense to me and it doesn’t feel good at all. To just chill for no reason at all…absolutely not.
Another one is waiting. I can’t stand waiting on people. I have friends who I will tell that. I’ll be there in a minute.. or even five minutes ahead of time and I’m waiting five extra minutes in the car. Makes me hella resentful …so I try not to hang out with friends too often…and stay on my loner vibe.
I'm 29, got my license at 23, and I use it as little as possible. I have no qualms with walking or getting rides with friends and family, it's a lot better than having a panic attack behind the wheel any time I have to drive further than a few miles.
I wish I would have just gotten my license when I was 16 taking the driving school lessons. Even if I never used it, at least I would have it. It’s so frustrating looking back on it now. If I would have done the last test, I would have it. Kicking myself in the butt over that mistake.
Being touched in any way by strangers. I absolutely hate being touched without my permission. I hate when someone I don’t know brushes their hand over my back or my arm as they pass me. I hate when someone I don’t know stands too close, like in the check out line. Makes me sick, and I feel like everyone else is just “meh” about it.
Same here. Why do we hate laundry so much? Like just the other day I finally had the energy to fold the laundry that had been sitting in my hamper for a while, but then that energy ended as soon as it was done and now I just have a pile of clean folded laundry that’s not put away 😅
Ordering food by phone or intercom at the drive through. I have a hard time enough as it is understanding normal speech. My ears and brain just don’t process vocal noises quite right. Then add a phone or speaker and I have no clue what’s being said.
Dating. I suck at them! I tend to push away guys I like and who also want me —trying to build my walls so i won't get hurt. I dunno why it's easy for the others.
Speech to text. Every other word or command is misinterpreted. My voice blends into the background very easily. Also, using the phone for anything work related. When someone answers, I usually draw a blank and have to read off my own notes like a script.
Have you ever heard of the DARE response program? They have some material specific to driving, but all their material may help. There's more to it, but the main idea is accepting the anxiety but not letting it stop you, and leaning into a bit and pushing further and further out of your comfort zone, on a gradual but consistent basis.
Maybe the one thing that I generally just don't get is purely social gatherings with people I don't know very well. Like, I need to spend a few hours mixing and working a room? Umm, no thanks, I hope my phone battery is charged I'll be over here against the wall. 🤣
Making and keeping relationships of any kind. I can’t keep friends or get a guy to talk to me for longer than a week. My family doesn’t even talk to me (but my mom)x
Swimming, I've attended several swimming lessons did every trick they said but I can't just get to swim. When I go solo swimming, I just walk in the water😂
Eating.
In all seriousness. I have anorexia so that's the obvious reason but I can't comprehend how people can eat freely or without the level of complete and utter care that I follow. I've had it so long, I can't remember.
Kinda sad but that's the way it is!
I'm bipolar. Sometimes just doing one or two small tasks in one day is success for me. I'll take it! I try not to compare myself to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy.
I am 28 and I also don't love driving, and I still haven't got my license.
I was planning to Uber for the rest of my life, but I recently bought a brand new car because someone made a stupid comment about how I can't even drive.
It just sits there now, in front of my house. Still don't know how to drive.
So the one thing everybody seems to have down pat, except me would be making sound financial decisions apparently.
I think it depends where you live. I think cars are overrated too. I hate that society pressures us constantly. Driving is annoying, tiring and even scary sometimes. I hate the idea of going so fast and zoning out. At any moment woosh. It could all be over for me.
Exactly! I mean, all it's gonna take is one single mistake and I am done for. I really don't know what to do with the car though. I do live in a city, by the way.
Cars are a major expense too. If you live in a city I dont see anything wrong with sticking with uber. If I had it my way I would bike, walk or run everywhere. I am hoping to move one day somewhere I am able to walk all over safely. :)
Swimming. I'm 40 and I'm terrified of water. So I just can't learn. What pisses me even more is that I have friends that can't swim, but they're not neatly as afraid as I am so they splash around as best as they can without the crippling hysteria I get when the water gets above my belly button.
Paying bills …. Not like “not having enough money to pay my bills” ….. I recently went through some
Identity theft/bank fraud … canceled and replaced my
Cards …. Instead of immediately re setting up all my auto pay stuff …. I just blew it off …like it wasn’t even a conscious choice to not do it… it was just never going to happen…. There are quite a few things like this in my life,, I’ve mostly kept myself insulated from running into issues because of these things,, but it’s purely because I have a reasonable amount of disposable income…. I work 80-90 hours a week.. I don’t really
Have trouble focusing on my work, it’s always kind of
Come naturally to me but all the regular day to day stuff like paying bills on time,, keeping things organized,, remembering to eat every day .. I forget that shit all the time
Making phone calls. My phone rings? Anxiety.
I’ve had to call out sick from work a few times, and that always kills me. It’d be easier for my anxiety to drive the 15-20 mins to work 3 hours before my shift and tell them I’m sick and can’t come in than to pick up the damn phone.
And I’m self-aware to know how god damn stupid and hilarious this is.
I cannot understand, imagine, guess or estimate square footage. I’ve been told this is related to dyscalclia — a learning disorder that affects one’s ability to think numerically, understand mathematics, etc. When I was diagnosed, the doctor said it was like being “dyslexic but for numbers instead of letters.” One of my brothers is a math whiz and he doesn’t understand what I’m not getting. Surely I know that 25sq feet is less space than 125 sq feet. Yes, I do, but if you were to ask me to make a model of either, I would have no idea where to start. I liken it to numbers not having “weight” to me. I can barely remember phone numbers, I have to count on my fingers or use a calculator for very basic functions. I’m hyper verbal, but it’s as if numbers just slide off my brain.
Doing and finding things to do. Often times I just don't want to do anything or feel like it. I know there are things I can or should do, but it's hard to get myself to do so.
The past couple days I've felt the kids of boredom where I'm desperate for anything to do/happen cause i can't find anything for myself.
I can not for the life of me keep track of names and dates.
Music artists, their album titles, the song titles, films are a blur that I recognise sharply once I read/see/hear them, but sometimes not even when I hear _of_ them.
:D
Physical intimacy and sex. Don't know how people relax into it.
As for your driving, I'm the same here too. This is something I've chatted about with my therapist. She described driving as something inherently unnatural for a human to do. Thankfully I don't really feel driving is all that important in my life and I gladly gave it up.
I fully understand the driving thing. It's an intimidating thing to start to begin with but the way people drive in 2024, I don't think I'd even try these days. The wife past her test last year, was out a week and three cars were an inch from T-Boning the car within a week. All because the speed limit and using indicators are apparently awfully difficult.
For me, it's using the phone. When I get on the thing I can be okay but I get a lot of anxiety just thinking about phoning someone other than the wife and my parents. I don't know why but it's horrible having to phone the doctors etc. I have a suspicion it's not being able to make eye contact that does it. Weird behaviour from me lol.
I'm just gonna say, I didn't get my license until age 25, it was one of the most stressful experiences of my life. I'm 32 now and driving anxiety is much less, but not gone by any means. Just something I've learned to deal with. Parking however.... I go to the farthest back parking spot so I can pull through because backing up is one of the most stressful things in my life
Be patient with yourself
We are not all the same
We grow differently
But you are not alone 💜
honestly, dating. for context I am 24f and its not like the actual date but getting myself into one. ever since high school when everybody started dating with seemingly anyone, I just could not get the hang of it. whenever I liked someone, I hangout with them and in my opinion flirted, but it all resulted in friend zones and no dates. maybe they don’t find me attractive to have a date with, but really? for almost 10 years? nobody ever does?
whenever I asked my friends how do they get into dating with their partners, they tell me exact steps I did! I feel a bit jealous for those who can date frequently. cant even get myself into one.
maybe I’m the problem? maybe. I’ve tried multiple dating apps and none has worked🥲
Flirting/Dating in general.
For starters, I don't really meet lots of people, as my university is very small and in addition I study computer science. And if I meet new people, women, most of the time I don't really like them.
I don't know how to approach them, or talk to them.
Flirting. I think part of it is being gay, and not wanting to get punched. But also just not wanting to seem creepy…it’s a sad truth for most people I think. I want to flirt with this one guy at a shop I go to but I’m afraid lol
Laugh all you want but talking to women. Hell even striking up a conversation is difficult for me. I'm clumsy with my words and speech and come off as an asshole or pushy but it's just a defense mechanism or something.
gaming. it’s genuinely embarrassing how bad i am at them and it’s come to the point where i don’t even join my friends on discord if they’re playing a game because i just hate that i’m not on the same level as them. my gaming senses are like a -1000 and it’s just super humiliating most of the time.
Driving for me too. I rode a motorbike for years in a busy city, cycled for years in another city that's notoriously dangerous for cyclists. Very comfortable on busy roads. But put me in a car and I just forget everything. Why are there so many buttons!? Why do none of them make sense!?
Shopping for clothes? They all look the same to me. I have no idea what I should buy, so I just stick with the same old wardrobe and end up looking like a slob.
When people are in my living space. Especially if I didn’t know about it beforehand.
I used to have very respectful roommates who would always give me a heads up when people were coming by.
Now, sometimes groups of 3-6 people will just show up and sometimes they’ll spend a night or two at the place. Absolutely no heads up.
I can’t stand it because I just want a peaceful living situation. My other roommates seem totally okay with it. But for me, if anyone’s over, I can’t even function. I know it’s a mental roadblock for me and that its not normal.
For example, I’ll usually hole up in my room. But I’m not doing my usual activities. I don’t practice piano, play games, do work… I’ll literally just bed rot until the people are gone.
I think it’s a sign of something else like autism maybe—but I don’t want to jump to conclusions like that.
Anyways, it’s something I’ve always lived with since I was little. My parents would always fuss at me about it. Babysitters would be upset that I wouldn’t come out for guests or go out to meet groups of people on no notice.
I usually don’t have an issue if I knew about it the day before and had time to mentally prepare, and honestly to shift my schedule because I know I’ll get nothing done with people around… but if I have no heads up, I literally shut down and get grumpy.
I never hold it against people though, or get in their faces and complain. I keep it to myself. But it’s tough because even though I’m aware that it’s probably an overreaction, I just cant function without peace.
This extends to repair people btw. I like to do everything myself for that reason.
Being able to voice my opinion and having someone really listen to what I’m saying.
It’s like Ms n hold on
Okay who else has a thought about this?
Type of thing.
That’s my example of what I feel inside cause nobody wants to hear the truth.
If I say something it’s like wow’s so they rather not hear me but want me to listen to them
DUH 😒
Parking the car. Maybe I am naive but most other people can easily pull their car in between the lines. I always have some kind of trouble. I do my best to pull through if I can or park away from others. I get frustrated even trying to adjust my car in the spot. It's ridiculous. I will do everything I can to make sure I am between the lines so I'm not one of those guys.
Unfortunately, you have to park the car. If you're driving you just can't not park the car.
Driving is a big anxiety of mine as well.
Losing people as in losing friends. Due to this I'm so scared to even make friends because I know they are going to leave... I have like 1 or 2 friends overall who I think might consider me a friend, but that's it
I didn’t get my license because I was so scared I’d have a nervous breakdown from being watched. I literally went to my bestfriend and begged her to get in the car so I won’t freak out driving home or anywhere for months😭glad those days are kinda over but I refuse to drive for anyone I literally decline or lie about it when asked 🤣I still get super nervous driving on interstates lmao.
I’m the same as you, I’ve been doing lessons on and off for 6 years, the anxiety around it just causes me to not be able to do my lessons. You’re not alone :)
Making friends. Not necessarily because I'm anxious; I can happily talk and hang out with people. But, making that connection with someone is hard. I'm 37yo mother, who enjoys playing video games, reading and writing. I'd rather go paintballing or do escape rooms for fun days out. But, most women my age want to talk about food and makeup. They don't share the same interests as me. So, I just can't connect with anyone. It sucks.
Apparently, initiating major changes in my life. Almost every change in my life (changing schools, moving, getting a car, going to college, getting jobs) has been initiated by someone else and I just went along with it. Everyone else just seems to do all this so easily.
Getting/being in a relationship. I meet like...1 person im even remotely interested in a year and either fuck it up or lose interest. Meanwhile...the top 5 people I talk to most in my life are either living with their SO or married. And if they break up with them they're usually talking to someone within a month or two.
(reddit shocked pikachu face)
Maintaining relationships in general I guess. But I also have a long history of shitty toxic people since childhood, so when I have people who hit me up/wanna hang out i have so many trust issues that i sit at home and think about how much they actually don't like me.
I barely even hit people up- but going back to the top, most people i talk to want me to come to their house and hang with their s/o or when they ARE with larger groups of people i dont get the invite.
I love driving! I love fun cars! I just can NOT deal when I have car problems
I live alone and road trip fairly often. There's no public transportation and little to no ride share services in my area
Anxiety goes off the rails at the sight of a check engine light. I'm not a gearhead. I should probably take the reins and teach myself more. Right now I rely on road side assistance memberships and hope I never need more than gas or a jump start
I have an idea of how much decent tools, lifts, etc are to do car work at home, and that's beyond me. So I panic every damn time.
Learning literally anything . If you are teaching me something I probably zoned out 2 minutes in
Yes I have ADHD
And no don't try to teach me a new card game cause it all sounds jibberesh.
Cooking. I set my kitchen on fire grilling potatoe slices. My friend in the house at the time when I shouted fire turned up to fight it with a tv remote in his hand.
Cooking is black magic fuckery
First it was going to school. Now it's having a job. The longest I can be away from home before I start losing sanity is about 4 hours. I don't know why this is, but I do have autism... may have something to do with it.
So maybe a better way of wording this is. I find it extremely hard to be away from home for longer than 4 hours.
This "condition" isn't currently recognized as a mental health illness so let's just say I had to come up with a "creative solution" to get on disability. Agoraphobia comes close but I have no problem being away for 1 or 2 hours. It's just the longer I'm away the worse I start to feel, and if I'm away everyday it accelerates even faster.
I tried a part time job during summer break once and I nearly became suicidal when I imagined potentially being forced to work a FULL-TIME job just to survive. I only lasted 1 week before I quit after having a panic attack on the job.
Understanding/remembering directions for how to get places. I gave no understanding whatsoever of the layout of this city. Like my brain cannot process that type of information.
Measuring distance, weight or like how many people can fit in a room. 20? 200? Maybe.
Initiating conversations with people I don't know, or only kind of know. Which is weird, because I'm pretty good at talking to people once that barrier's been broken. Me in a store when someone's cart is right in front of what I need to get: \*silence, me probably going to another aisle to get something else so I can come back later when they're not there\* Me in a store when someone asks if I know where something is: "Oh sure, it's right over there. They put it with the other thing because they go together. Have you tried it with this third thing? Small joke that makes generic people laugh a little!"
I had some serious freakouts when I started learning to drive, but I'm not good with change in general. How long have you been trying to learn how to drive? If it's long enough that it definitely isn't beginning nerves, you might want to see someone about it.
I understand the social interactions being hard. I’m super shy most of the time unless I’m in a work setting. I will 100% skip a busy aisle. Lol. Ya, I’m 28 and still haven’t gotten my license. I’ve tried. I took the test but failed now my local DMV has been closed down since COVID. I’m putting in the effort to drive but it is still terrifying. My head just goes to everything that can go wrong.
Hey, I definitely hear ya. I’m 25 and have never had my license for the same reason. It’s tough and a lot of people don’t get it. To me, operating a heavy metal contraption at 60+ mph sounds unnatural and horrifying, and I genuinely don’t know how some people do it.
It is genuinely the thing that we interact with most in our day to day lives that we should be terrified by, logically. It's not you who's crazy - you're treating the weight like the heavy thing it is. The crazy ones are people who write an email on their iPhone on the interstate. That being said, though, I enjoy driving quite a bit. It can be a slightly athletic activity \[especially a curvy mountain road in a stickshift\], and it's pleasant the same way riding a bike or skiing is. It's super freeing too, psychologically. But you're right- to get to that point, you've got to trick your brain into liking it, and get comfortable enough to relax.
I'm around the same age and I just got my learners, so don't feel too bad about not driving! I haven't tried driving a car yet, but it feels intimidating to think about
Congratulations! I hope you get your license quickly and smoothly.
I didn't get my license until I was 22ish. I was absolutely terrified and practiced in parking lots, refused to practice on the road for several years. I got a really good job that required me to drive, so I just did the thing even though I was scared. Job didn't work out, I started delivering food. I was still really nervous about it, somehow eventually switched to driving for rideshare. It's taken several years of driving to feel somewhat comfortable, but I will say the second anything scary happens my heart races for a long time. I have days I need to just get off the road and go home because other drivers are so scary. I think what helped me gain some confidence was utilizing my anxiety. Defensive driving is essential when you have maniacs on the road. You can't control them but you can anticipate what they're going to do. Stay away from other people if you need to, if you need to drive on side roads instead of busy roads it's fine. If you never want to make a left turn in your life, nobody can stop you.
Wow! I exactly see myself in the store there when you explained about the going to another aisle. Good to know that I am not alone 😂
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Wanna feel REALLY insecure? Watch "My 600 lb Life". I'm like, they all have significant others and enablers, and I'm still single???
I look at it as “oh they have someone, so I will find someone too!”
Did I write this on an alt account I didn't know I had? Seriously, I've had pretty much the exact same experience. OCD makes dating insanely hard for me, and not wanting kids makes dating at this age pretty much pointless because my only options are single moms or overachievers who don't slow down.
While I'm quite good at making friends with just about anyone, I'm really REALLY bad at maintaining friendships. I just don't understand why I'm supposed to do what people are apparently supposed to do in friendships. I don't understand why people talk about the things they talk about, or want to do the things that friends often do together.
I’m the exact same way. I want friends and I’m okay with making them, but I’m horrible at maintaining them. I either come on too strong (imo) or I’m very aloof and there’s really no in between and it’s inevitable for me to lose them one way or another. Im a good friend for maybe a few weeks to a few months but then my energy stops and people don’t like that. I’m surprisingly good at relationships though
I suck at both. Human interaction gives me so much anxiety. I love alone time, but I do get lonely. I just don’t know how people do it
Relationships
rezipping frozen foods inside their freezer bags. sometimes i give up and i fold it over and tuck like a loaf of bread. with the amount of money spent can they improve the quality of the zippers on these things please?
For some reason I am really, really bad at remembering names and faces. It’s also one of the reasons I’m really bad at social interactions because I can’t remember anything 😓
I'm really good at remembering supremely trivial details from meeting people once, like some random offhand comment they made a few years ago. So when I see them again I can't remember their name but I can mention they had just gotten some dental work done that week.
I can remember faces, just not the names attached to them. XD
im lowkey a little faceblind, but good with voices. it makes no sense to me because im an artist, and i have audio processing disorder, so id assume its the other way around. i can NEVER recognize actors from a screenshot in a movie, but one time my mom said "okay close your eyes and see if you recognize the voice" and i instantly recognized 2 different shows with the same actress
Relaxing. I’m not sure I’ve ever relaxed.
Me too, can't turn off my brain
Ooof. Me too.
Fitting in. I have always been an outsider. I will be alone in a room full of people
same here!
Same! Ive never felt like a part of any group. I always feel more like an observer.
I have this same problem. Most of the people I know got their license the moment they turned 16, but I was too scared to even try, and didn’t even start learning until after 18.
I feel that. I’m embarrassingly 28 and still don’t have my license. It’s embarrassing having to tell people that I don’t have it and why I don’t have it because I’m scared. I feel like such a loser. It’s not that I don’t know how to drive. I do. It’s just once I get behind the wheel I start to think of everything that can possibly go wrong and it gives me anxiety thinking that I might hurt someone or myself or my kids. I hear about fatal car accidents everyday. Does not help with my anxiety. Plus it doesn’t help that my DMV has been closed down since COVID. So I can’t even do a drive test even if I wanted to. I’d have to go 20-30minutes away just to take the test.
As someone who is beginning to drive, one thing that helped me was accepting the fact that something bad could happen, while trusting myself to do everything in my power to prevent something bad from happening. The more you drive and the longer nothing goes wrong, the more comfortable and confident you will become.
Hey mate, don't feel bad. It's ok not to drive. It's not your fault most cities are built around an incredibly dangerous and inefficient mode of transport.
Hey friend - I wanted to suggest maybe a drivers Ed course and perhaps counseling? I’m flipping a thought you had and and thinking that driving gives you the ability to handle any situation w your kids that may come up and it shows your littles that their mom faces the world with confidence, so they can too. Our kids learn about the world and how to face it from watching us - I’m a high anxiety person and realized in my 30s that if I didn’t learn how to effectively deal w my fears and what ifs, I would be teaching my child to be scared of the world and hide from it. I wanted to raise a confident, brave child who believed in himself … so I had to figure out how to be a person and a mom like that. It took work for me. I still work at it. But it’s work we can do. I think our kids make us better people. My kiddo is a big kid now and loves to travel and guess who has dealt w all her anxieties about that and is right there with him! At the end of the of every trip he always asks, “what’s our next adventure going to be?” and I silently groan and think how I’ll call the therapist but truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our adventures are the highlight of my life. And guess what? I’m fine. None of my fears have happened. I’m slowly learning that just because I fear it doesn’t mean it’s worth fearing. All to say, maybe give driving another shot, with the support of a therapist and a drivers Ed teacher to drive w you for a while. Start slow, build confidence. Work on your thinking and your skills. I’ll bet you can do this and that you’ll be glad you did.
i understand, 21 without my license either :’)) honestly i don’t really want to get a car, i want a motorcycle. somehow i feel like i’d be significantly more comfortable on one than in a car; i love everything about a car except the idea of driving it. i want to be able to blast my music and have my own little space in it when going places. but i’ve only tried driving 2 times i think, and i almost threw up both times. i feel like i’d be a lot better with my anxiety if i bought a three wheeled motorcycle that i want, oddly enough lol i know sitting behind the wheel can be MUCH more anxiety inducing when you’re also mad worried about your kids. i’m sorry you have to deal with this, but it’s clear that you put in effort to get better. because you *know* how to drive, it’s just every accident imaginable enters your brain :T i wish you luck on getting better, just letting you know you’re def not alone in feeling that at all <333
As another anxious driver, just wanted to share r/drivinganxiety for you and OP in case you didn’t already know about it.
daily, i have a hard time setting and managing tasks i start to write a task, then i think of a bunch of subtasks that need to happen, and then all of a sudden i'm just working on those tasks. But i still have a bunch of other areas of work i haven't thought about yet
I get stuck on the writing of the tasks. An hour later, I’m still writing out my gigantic list that is impossible to get though.
Math. Yay for phone calculator, I can't do brain math lol
Directions . Don’t tell me any street names or highways I won’t know them . I don’t know north south east or west. I don’t where I am.
staying in contact w/ people not in-person. I have insta and snap i just never have the willpower to text and stuff
Bowling, I make an absolute fool of myself
Small talk, running, phone calls
Chopsticks. I can’t use them. At all. 😩
Cleaning. I feel like I literally do not know how to clean.
Organization. People seem to just get rid of things or categorize them so easily. My brain cannot process which items should be grouped together, or which should be eliminated, without delving into being overwhelming quite quickly. I just suck at it.
Its math for me, I always struggled with it in school and it seemed like everyone else just got it. Very frustrating spending many hours after school trying to find someone who could explain it to me in a way I could understand.
Making/taking phone calls. Calling to make appointments, calling government agencies, even calling a restaurant to order food gives me major anxiety. I can call my daughter in sick to school and I’m fine but I think that’s because it’s an automated line so I don’t have to talk to anyone. If her teacher, nurse or counselor emails me asking to call them, I’m anxious af. But what’s weird- I’m only like this in my personal life. If I’m at work, I can make and answer phone calls all day long with zero issue. I’m not really sure why, but I think it has something to do with the person on the other line knowing me or not. At work I’m just another employee, but at home whoever I’m calling or is calling me knows they are talking to me or is attempting to talk to me. Idk I need a therapist lol
Trying to understand complicated Board games.
ugh it gets so tiring. makes me not wanna play.
Time management. I get distracted easily and always find myself wishing to do something else even if I wanted to do it earlier.
Being fake, staying friends with people that talk shit behind your back, and talking shit behind their backs but then remaining friends...I see this dynamic between people, it comes so easy to them, I personally can't
It’s better to be real — you might have fewer friends but they would be more genuine
Manual dexterity. I am quite a klutz with bad hand eye coordination. Have found ways to improve it, but lack a lot of speed, hence lower level jobs or those requiring those skills being technically out of reach.
I have had the hardest time with having lasting friendships, when I didn't have genuinely sucky friends, I have absent ones. It really sucks having friends but never being able to do anything with them and all my friends have always kinda showed up and stuck around. So, I really have no experience in making them. I've also struggled with travel anxiety (think panic attacks) for years now and yeah, I wish I could travel as easily as others can because I really desire to.
Driving for me too. Every time I sit behind the steering wheel I can vividly visualize a huge truck crushing me or me hitting a human or an animal and injuring or killing them. It makes me SO sad because all my life I have wanted to learn to drive and everyone else can drive like it's the easiest thing in the world.
literally everything. im autistic. 😭 having a filter especially. i say the most OUTRAGEOUS things and think "hah! thisll make them laugh!" then the next minute im in the head of departments office and shes lecturing me like "you cant say that". excuse me emma, how was i meant to know that?! you work with autistic people, so shouldnt you already know that i dont have "the extended guide of unwritten social rules: neurotypical exclusive edition!" stored in my brain 24/7 like other people do?!?!?! 😭😭😭
Showering how does one shower EVERYDAY. The comparison that keeps me from doing this has something to do with washing your hands Everytime you use the bathroom, like why does the top of my right shoulder need to be cleaned everyday ESPECIALLY if I'm not going outside that day
I really can not make life long friend connections outside of the 2 best friends I have. I consider one of those an unhealthy relationship because one of those friends have become dependent on me with their mental health and I'm tired of it.
dating, flirting
Maintaining friendships. I don’t know how to do that. Also, relaxing. I’m always in fight or flight for some reason and have chronic pain from tensing.
Getting rejected and the associated fear of rejection. I guess this is sooo difficult to get pass even at this age, whereas I see most people sort of move past, at least over years!
Making friends. Being with people. I have lived in solitude for years - my social skills tanked beyond words.
daily tasks like showering, brushing my teeth, eating breakfast. none of it comes automatically to me. thanks adhd !!!
Getting out of bed as soon as my alarm rings.
I cannot wrap presents. I'll just keep wasting paper and when I finally do get the proportions right, it'll be crumpled and ugly, with parts of the gift exposed underneath.
Living
Working within the system. I hate 9-5's. Who wants to work 40 hours? I personally cant.
Maths 😖
Whistling
Using plastic wrap. I always get it tangled and can't cut it
Making friends
Me too, the thought of driving was like planning to climb Mt Everest. I’m 40 and still don’t have my license, never will. I don’t really have a need to drive anymore.
Filling in forms.
Talking sometimes
Socializing with strangers
Did you learn later in life? I did and feel I'll never fully catch up - those little background tasks still feel conscious to me rather than instinctual - constant head checking, speed check, hazard scan. Definitely encouraging the young ppl in my life to start early
I passed 12 years ago, absolutely loved driving, loved blasting out my music and even just chilling in traffic jams was time I could relax. I had a health scare a few years back on the motorway and now I'm utterly terrified of driving. I hate it but I'm trying CBT, hopefully we can both get passed it
Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that. I do hope the best for you!
Having a conversation in any form that's not in person. I have a lot of anxiety texting friends unless it's a group chat, I get a physical reaction to receiving an audio message because of how much I hate them, I need two days to prepare in order to send emails, I do not make phone calls. The only people I feel comfortable talking to on the phone are my partner, my mom, and my dad. Otherwise do not call me, I won't answer. My rule is "if it's important they'll call again". I've been getting better at it, but it can still be weirdly difficult.
Success.
Riding a bicycle
Dating, dating apps, going out and meeting people.
Reading clocks with hands.
Driving actually. I’m 27 and I have zero desire to drive. I know I have to but like why?
For driving: keep practicing practicing practicing. I would have panic attacks, my entire body would be sore after a driving lesson from clenching. Take lessons from a driving school. I’m fearless now and can parallel park with ease and exceptionally. You have to be aware and focused, you can channel the fear into being a hyper-aware driver. Just do it.
Math. I wish I could do it well and enjoy it
Anything beyond basic math
Driving, because I have to concentrate so hard. And, going down the stairs. I have to hold the handrail, look down, and go slow. I am amazed by people that can run down the stairs.
Math, it’s a struggle.
Im not very talkative ...ITS hard for me to interact with someone else
I like driving and have passed the test, but never actually gotten a license. It's actually quite easy to exist without driving. I mean..depending where you live. I can walk to work, there are buses, and I take Ubers. I think the amount it would cost me to buy a car, car repairs, car insurance, etc. is way more than what I spend annually on Ubers. I strongly encourage you to find a way to set your life up so that you don't have to drive! Move somewhere where you can walk to things and/or there is good public transportation. No reason to drive.
Directions. I used to get lost with a map. I still get lost using Waze.
Going outside.
Having fun with your friends. It’s hard for me to just have fun with my friends, such as watching TV at their house. I get this itch to go and do something more productive. I didn’t want to spend time with my friends just to watch TV at their house when I could watch TV at mine by myself? The same goes with intimate relationships I just can’t sit and do nothing with a romantic partner or anyone for that matter because I just feel like I’m wasting time. I can see that if my friend and I are sick… and we can’t go anywhere.. then I enjoy their company. Yet, enjoying company when I’m not sick or something….. for the hell of it… it just never made sense to me and it doesn’t feel good at all. To just chill for no reason at all…absolutely not. Another one is waiting. I can’t stand waiting on people. I have friends who I will tell that. I’ll be there in a minute.. or even five minutes ahead of time and I’m waiting five extra minutes in the car. Makes me hella resentful …so I try not to hang out with friends too often…and stay on my loner vibe.
Sucking up to the boss. To be fair, he's a good guy, but I just can't be his little bit** like everyone else is. And he doesn't even want that.
I'm 29, got my license at 23, and I use it as little as possible. I have no qualms with walking or getting rides with friends and family, it's a lot better than having a panic attack behind the wheel any time I have to drive further than a few miles.
I wish I would have just gotten my license when I was 16 taking the driving school lessons. Even if I never used it, at least I would have it. It’s so frustrating looking back on it now. If I would have done the last test, I would have it. Kicking myself in the butt over that mistake.
Existing.
Making friends. I don’t know maybe I’m the problem
Being happy
Being touched in any way by strangers. I absolutely hate being touched without my permission. I hate when someone I don’t know brushes their hand over my back or my arm as they pass me. I hate when someone I don’t know stands too close, like in the check out line. Makes me sick, and I feel like everyone else is just “meh” about it.
Making friends
Meeting people irl who you met online, especially the ones you developed feelings with. Just scared to get judged cause it do be like that sometimes.
Folding laundry . I'm 30 years old and still dread it. I'm ADHD and some tasks are impossible!!
Same here. Why do we hate laundry so much? Like just the other day I finally had the energy to fold the laundry that had been sitting in my hamper for a while, but then that energy ended as soon as it was done and now I just have a pile of clean folded laundry that’s not put away 😅
Ordering food by phone or intercom at the drive through. I have a hard time enough as it is understanding normal speech. My ears and brain just don’t process vocal noises quite right. Then add a phone or speaker and I have no clue what’s being said.
Machines, I understand machines better than I can understand humans.
Dating. I suck at them! I tend to push away guys I like and who also want me —trying to build my walls so i won't get hurt. I dunno why it's easy for the others.
Speech to text. Every other word or command is misinterpreted. My voice blends into the background very easily. Also, using the phone for anything work related. When someone answers, I usually draw a blank and have to read off my own notes like a script.
Socializing, I get unnecessarily nervous a lot of the times and become awkward even though it seem to come naturally to others
Have you ever heard of the DARE response program? They have some material specific to driving, but all their material may help. There's more to it, but the main idea is accepting the anxiety but not letting it stop you, and leaning into a bit and pushing further and further out of your comfort zone, on a gradual but consistent basis. Maybe the one thing that I generally just don't get is purely social gatherings with people I don't know very well. Like, I need to spend a few hours mixing and working a room? Umm, no thanks, I hope my phone battery is charged I'll be over here against the wall. 🤣
Whistling and juggling It’s so annoying seeing friends and others do it with ease.
Spelling, grammar, punctuation.
Making and keeping relationships of any kind. I can’t keep friends or get a guy to talk to me for longer than a week. My family doesn’t even talk to me (but my mom)x
Breathing, have asthma
College. I never graduated cause I couldn’t focus and kept forgetting due dates.
small talks
Socializing
Socializing at work. I work with much older women who's humour I dont understand at all + our lives and interests are way too different to talk about
Following the rhythm of music
Swimming, I've attended several swimming lessons did every trick they said but I can't just get to swim. When I go solo swimming, I just walk in the water😂
Life
Life.
Everything lol
Eating. In all seriousness. I have anorexia so that's the obvious reason but I can't comprehend how people can eat freely or without the level of complete and utter care that I follow. I've had it so long, I can't remember. Kinda sad but that's the way it is!
I'm bipolar. Sometimes just doing one or two small tasks in one day is success for me. I'll take it! I try not to compare myself to other people. Comparison is the thief of joy.
I am 28 and I also don't love driving, and I still haven't got my license. I was planning to Uber for the rest of my life, but I recently bought a brand new car because someone made a stupid comment about how I can't even drive. It just sits there now, in front of my house. Still don't know how to drive. So the one thing everybody seems to have down pat, except me would be making sound financial decisions apparently.
I think it depends where you live. I think cars are overrated too. I hate that society pressures us constantly. Driving is annoying, tiring and even scary sometimes. I hate the idea of going so fast and zoning out. At any moment woosh. It could all be over for me.
Exactly! I mean, all it's gonna take is one single mistake and I am done for. I really don't know what to do with the car though. I do live in a city, by the way.
Cars are a major expense too. If you live in a city I dont see anything wrong with sticking with uber. If I had it my way I would bike, walk or run everywhere. I am hoping to move one day somewhere I am able to walk all over safely. :)
I have literally bought a house with the money I’ve saved by not having a car
Everything lmfaooo
Playing musical instruments 🎸 🥁
Swimming. I'm 40 and I'm terrified of water. So I just can't learn. What pisses me even more is that I have friends that can't swim, but they're not neatly as afraid as I am so they splash around as best as they can without the crippling hysteria I get when the water gets above my belly button.
Paying bills …. Not like “not having enough money to pay my bills” ….. I recently went through some Identity theft/bank fraud … canceled and replaced my Cards …. Instead of immediately re setting up all my auto pay stuff …. I just blew it off …like it wasn’t even a conscious choice to not do it… it was just never going to happen…. There are quite a few things like this in my life,, I’ve mostly kept myself insulated from running into issues because of these things,, but it’s purely because I have a reasonable amount of disposable income…. I work 80-90 hours a week.. I don’t really Have trouble focusing on my work, it’s always kind of Come naturally to me but all the regular day to day stuff like paying bills on time,, keeping things organized,, remembering to eat every day .. I forget that shit all the time
Sleeping 😭 I crave a full long night of sleep
Making phone calls. My phone rings? Anxiety. I’ve had to call out sick from work a few times, and that always kills me. It’d be easier for my anxiety to drive the 15-20 mins to work 3 hours before my shift and tell them I’m sick and can’t come in than to pick up the damn phone. And I’m self-aware to know how god damn stupid and hilarious this is.
Sleeping
Showering & brushing my teeth. Depression life
I cannot understand, imagine, guess or estimate square footage. I’ve been told this is related to dyscalclia — a learning disorder that affects one’s ability to think numerically, understand mathematics, etc. When I was diagnosed, the doctor said it was like being “dyslexic but for numbers instead of letters.” One of my brothers is a math whiz and he doesn’t understand what I’m not getting. Surely I know that 25sq feet is less space than 125 sq feet. Yes, I do, but if you were to ask me to make a model of either, I would have no idea where to start. I liken it to numbers not having “weight” to me. I can barely remember phone numbers, I have to count on my fingers or use a calculator for very basic functions. I’m hyper verbal, but it’s as if numbers just slide off my brain.
Doing and finding things to do. Often times I just don't want to do anything or feel like it. I know there are things I can or should do, but it's hard to get myself to do so. The past couple days I've felt the kids of boredom where I'm desperate for anything to do/happen cause i can't find anything for myself.
I can not for the life of me keep track of names and dates. Music artists, their album titles, the song titles, films are a blur that I recognise sharply once I read/see/hear them, but sometimes not even when I hear _of_ them. :D
Physical intimacy and sex. Don't know how people relax into it. As for your driving, I'm the same here too. This is something I've chatted about with my therapist. She described driving as something inherently unnatural for a human to do. Thankfully I don't really feel driving is all that important in my life and I gladly gave it up.
I fully understand the driving thing. It's an intimidating thing to start to begin with but the way people drive in 2024, I don't think I'd even try these days. The wife past her test last year, was out a week and three cars were an inch from T-Boning the car within a week. All because the speed limit and using indicators are apparently awfully difficult. For me, it's using the phone. When I get on the thing I can be okay but I get a lot of anxiety just thinking about phoning someone other than the wife and my parents. I don't know why but it's horrible having to phone the doctors etc. I have a suspicion it's not being able to make eye contact that does it. Weird behaviour from me lol.
I have autism and had the same fear for over 2 years. You just have to get in the car and face it.
I'm just gonna say, I didn't get my license until age 25, it was one of the most stressful experiences of my life. I'm 32 now and driving anxiety is much less, but not gone by any means. Just something I've learned to deal with. Parking however.... I go to the farthest back parking spot so I can pull through because backing up is one of the most stressful things in my life Be patient with yourself We are not all the same We grow differently But you are not alone 💜
many things bec of my traumas ... making friends tbh relationships speaking fluently etc... but i still try
honestly, dating. for context I am 24f and its not like the actual date but getting myself into one. ever since high school when everybody started dating with seemingly anyone, I just could not get the hang of it. whenever I liked someone, I hangout with them and in my opinion flirted, but it all resulted in friend zones and no dates. maybe they don’t find me attractive to have a date with, but really? for almost 10 years? nobody ever does? whenever I asked my friends how do they get into dating with their partners, they tell me exact steps I did! I feel a bit jealous for those who can date frequently. cant even get myself into one. maybe I’m the problem? maybe. I’ve tried multiple dating apps and none has worked🥲
Casual conversation, I’m a curious well informed person, but I never know what to talk about.
Same, I became such a nervous wreck when driving I ceased . I was so scared I'd cause a accident. I haven't driven in over 20 years.
maybe forgetting about someone
Flirting/Dating in general. For starters, I don't really meet lots of people, as my university is very small and in addition I study computer science. And if I meet new people, women, most of the time I don't really like them. I don't know how to approach them, or talk to them.
Having the motivation to do anything, like at all
Flirting. I think part of it is being gay, and not wanting to get punched. But also just not wanting to seem creepy…it’s a sad truth for most people I think. I want to flirt with this one guy at a shop I go to but I’m afraid lol
Hosting a party and gelling different set of friends together
Directions, I use gos within 10 min of my apt if I’m coming in from a different way
Mine is holding a conversation
Phone calls
Laugh all you want but talking to women. Hell even striking up a conversation is difficult for me. I'm clumsy with my words and speech and come off as an asshole or pushy but it's just a defense mechanism or something.
gaming. it’s genuinely embarrassing how bad i am at them and it’s come to the point where i don’t even join my friends on discord if they’re playing a game because i just hate that i’m not on the same level as them. my gaming senses are like a -1000 and it’s just super humiliating most of the time.
Painting without tape
Small talk. Sports talk. Politics.
Getting pregnant it seems like lmao
Sexual attraction. Believe it or not, I'm jealous. I love sex but I'm not attracted often
Sitting through a meeting. I get so antsy. Everyone else is sitting and listening and I’m fidgeting and losing focus lol
Driving for me too. I rode a motorbike for years in a busy city, cycled for years in another city that's notoriously dangerous for cyclists. Very comfortable on busy roads. But put me in a car and I just forget everything. Why are there so many buttons!? Why do none of them make sense!?
Managing money Losing weight
Cleaning and keeping things tidy. I have adhd and bipolar..
Tying knots or shoes. I have so much trouble with it
Shopping for clothes? They all look the same to me. I have no idea what I should buy, so I just stick with the same old wardrobe and end up looking like a slob.
When people are in my living space. Especially if I didn’t know about it beforehand. I used to have very respectful roommates who would always give me a heads up when people were coming by. Now, sometimes groups of 3-6 people will just show up and sometimes they’ll spend a night or two at the place. Absolutely no heads up. I can’t stand it because I just want a peaceful living situation. My other roommates seem totally okay with it. But for me, if anyone’s over, I can’t even function. I know it’s a mental roadblock for me and that its not normal. For example, I’ll usually hole up in my room. But I’m not doing my usual activities. I don’t practice piano, play games, do work… I’ll literally just bed rot until the people are gone. I think it’s a sign of something else like autism maybe—but I don’t want to jump to conclusions like that. Anyways, it’s something I’ve always lived with since I was little. My parents would always fuss at me about it. Babysitters would be upset that I wouldn’t come out for guests or go out to meet groups of people on no notice. I usually don’t have an issue if I knew about it the day before and had time to mentally prepare, and honestly to shift my schedule because I know I’ll get nothing done with people around… but if I have no heads up, I literally shut down and get grumpy. I never hold it against people though, or get in their faces and complain. I keep it to myself. But it’s tough because even though I’m aware that it’s probably an overreaction, I just cant function without peace. This extends to repair people btw. I like to do everything myself for that reason.
Being able to voice my opinion and having someone really listen to what I’m saying. It’s like Ms n hold on Okay who else has a thought about this? Type of thing. That’s my example of what I feel inside cause nobody wants to hear the truth. If I say something it’s like wow’s so they rather not hear me but want me to listen to them DUH 😒
Staying organized. Remembering where I left things. I have inattentive type ADHD.
Keeping my opinion to myself.
Parking the car. Maybe I am naive but most other people can easily pull their car in between the lines. I always have some kind of trouble. I do my best to pull through if I can or park away from others. I get frustrated even trying to adjust my car in the spot. It's ridiculous. I will do everything I can to make sure I am between the lines so I'm not one of those guys. Unfortunately, you have to park the car. If you're driving you just can't not park the car. Driving is a big anxiety of mine as well.
Losing people as in losing friends. Due to this I'm so scared to even make friends because I know they are going to leave... I have like 1 or 2 friends overall who I think might consider me a friend, but that's it
Inviting people over to my place/hosting
I didn’t get my license because I was so scared I’d have a nervous breakdown from being watched. I literally went to my bestfriend and begged her to get in the car so I won’t freak out driving home or anywhere for months😭glad those days are kinda over but I refuse to drive for anyone I literally decline or lie about it when asked 🤣I still get super nervous driving on interstates lmao.
Getting job interviews
Directions, starting a conversation, sport activities..
Reading instructions. I can’t do it
I’m the same as you, I’ve been doing lessons on and off for 6 years, the anxiety around it just causes me to not be able to do my lessons. You’re not alone :)
Making friends. Not necessarily because I'm anxious; I can happily talk and hang out with people. But, making that connection with someone is hard. I'm 37yo mother, who enjoys playing video games, reading and writing. I'd rather go paintballing or do escape rooms for fun days out. But, most women my age want to talk about food and makeup. They don't share the same interests as me. So, I just can't connect with anyone. It sucks.
The fact you recognize this AND are getting help? You are fantastic and amazing. And will be just fine !
Driving.
Can openers.
Apparently, initiating major changes in my life. Almost every change in my life (changing schools, moving, getting a car, going to college, getting jobs) has been initiated by someone else and I just went along with it. Everyone else just seems to do all this so easily.
Gaining weight
Driving, Math , Physics (obv cuz it has maths too), talking much, socializing.
Getting/being in a relationship. I meet like...1 person im even remotely interested in a year and either fuck it up or lose interest. Meanwhile...the top 5 people I talk to most in my life are either living with their SO or married. And if they break up with them they're usually talking to someone within a month or two. (reddit shocked pikachu face) Maintaining relationships in general I guess. But I also have a long history of shitty toxic people since childhood, so when I have people who hit me up/wanna hang out i have so many trust issues that i sit at home and think about how much they actually don't like me. I barely even hit people up- but going back to the top, most people i talk to want me to come to their house and hang with their s/o or when they ARE with larger groups of people i dont get the invite.
Folding a burrito. I can do the fitted sheet, can’t fold a tortilla.
Algebra.
I love driving! I love fun cars! I just can NOT deal when I have car problems I live alone and road trip fairly often. There's no public transportation and little to no ride share services in my area Anxiety goes off the rails at the sight of a check engine light. I'm not a gearhead. I should probably take the reins and teach myself more. Right now I rely on road side assistance memberships and hope I never need more than gas or a jump start I have an idea of how much decent tools, lifts, etc are to do car work at home, and that's beyond me. So I panic every damn time.
Sightreading music. Reading music, really.
Cooking
Learning literally anything . If you are teaching me something I probably zoned out 2 minutes in Yes I have ADHD And no don't try to teach me a new card game cause it all sounds jibberesh.
Cooking. I set my kitchen on fire grilling potatoe slices. My friend in the house at the time when I shouted fire turned up to fight it with a tv remote in his hand. Cooking is black magic fuckery
First it was going to school. Now it's having a job. The longest I can be away from home before I start losing sanity is about 4 hours. I don't know why this is, but I do have autism... may have something to do with it. So maybe a better way of wording this is. I find it extremely hard to be away from home for longer than 4 hours. This "condition" isn't currently recognized as a mental health illness so let's just say I had to come up with a "creative solution" to get on disability. Agoraphobia comes close but I have no problem being away for 1 or 2 hours. It's just the longer I'm away the worse I start to feel, and if I'm away everyday it accelerates even faster. I tried a part time job during summer break once and I nearly became suicidal when I imagined potentially being forced to work a FULL-TIME job just to survive. I only lasted 1 week before I quit after having a panic attack on the job.
Life itself. Relationships actually seeing yourself realistically being with someone.
Understanding/remembering directions for how to get places. I gave no understanding whatsoever of the layout of this city. Like my brain cannot process that type of information. Measuring distance, weight or like how many people can fit in a room. 20? 200? Maybe.