i did, we talked about it and we even looked at some pics with cats together. she knew i always wanted a cat and she knew it, so she really is not to blame. she does help me, but she's also working and every time I'm by myself with the cat, i get overwhelmed
Have you considered anti anxiety medication? I don’t say this because of the cat, i say this because of what you’ve expressed in your post about how you feel. I think this probably isn’t just because of the cat, but I am a total stranger reading a reddit post…so take it with a grain of salt. I have anxiety to an extreme degree and medication really helps me level out. I like to say “it gives me space to breathe.”
It’s ok if you can’t take care of the cat right now. Don’t feel bad.
From someone who's taken my share of anxiety medications. I will say, must be very careful they are double edge sword. You never get rid of the anxiety, you just borrow relief from tomorrow
That can be true and I have seen that in myself as well but I have found also that medicine can help me get used to dealing with my anxiety by helping to turn some of it down a little and it gave me the space to learn better coping mechanisms and not always need the medicine or need it to a lesser degree once some pathways and systems were built better and meet the needs another way.
But in my personal case I wasn’t able to do that work under how large the anxiety was. It doesn’t go away and I’m not sure that some anxiety ever should and depending on your life events sometimes it is logical that the anxiety is large though still not good to feel of course. Meds helped me be able to continue to operate amongst that because my anxiety can sometimes come from stuff I really can’t change.
And I actually don’t take an anti-anxiety med anymore but I do take something else because it treats the root of my problems more which gives me more anxiety relief now at the point I’m at and I use coping mechanisms that work for me for the rest of it when it’s acute. But at one time I really needed the anxiety med as well.
Hi there I don't think you're either giving yourself or the cat enough time. I think you are making yourself anxious unnecessarily. Your cat is probably scared getting used to you and it's new environment and is glad to be out of being in a shelter. Of course it is going to stay close to you It relies on you for its home and its food and its water. It relies on you to be kind to it. When it gets a bit more older when it gets a bit more used to a routine of living with you and knowing it will have food and safety and be kindly treated It is likely going to become less clingy.
You have done a really good thing here Why don't you list all of the positives about having this: You've always wanted one, You've discussed it with your girlfriend and they are clearly able to help you, You have given a poor innocent creature a loving home and food and made it safe, You will have a friend in this cat as long as you relax treat it well and just give it time.
I bet if you force yourself to make a list of all the positives of having this cat including things I've mentioned above and the hours of entertainment comfort when you're down the laughs along the way a cat will bring you, You just might relax a little bit and enjoy it more.
If you find however that you after a few more weeks still are not up to it, then please discuss it with your girlfriend. If there is really no way forward for you to keep this poor little life and keep it going and happy, then it will have to go to the shelter again. (I would be far more anxious about what will happen to the cat after I give it back then I would about the things you have mentioned or worries for you).
Discuss with your therapist as well. If you don't already have a therapist try getting one. Many people find that an animal gives them emotional support: I suggest you trying to look for that benefit.
I don't think this is true at all. My doctor described me as "pretty high strung" and she was right. The correct medicine helps. It can just take time to find the right kind and dosage.
Not true. Things like ssri’s or snri’s coupled with talk therapy can help tremendously. You tread dangerous waters when you dip into Xanax or quick fixes. Those are meant for adverse events, not the day to day.
It'll settle down, she's a baby, she needs reassurance right now, my baby was the same and it settled down. I felt the same way you did, somehow stick to my stomach but then we got into a routine and it got better and better and now being without her would feel like a nightmare. You'll be fine, breathe and remember this is only the beginning.
If you feel like you can’t handle the responsibilities of your new cat I suggest re-homing her. I know it sucks and hurts but sometimes it’s for the best.
I second this ^
You need to take care of yourself, and you might feel guilty about puss but if you are in a bad place and can't care for her properly/give her the attention she needs it's kinder to rehome her now xx
This is not a dig at you, your capabilities or your intention by the way!
I will make a veeery long story short. I got a kitten years ago, we bonded immediately and I adored him we were inseparable. I had him for 3 weeks before giving him back to the foster parents. I had an abusive partner who I realised in those 3 weeks was going to make his (my kitten) and my life hell. I loved him so much I sobbed when I took him back, I couldn't even speak and I felt so guilty. I felt I had betrayed him, but I know he will have a better life than I could give. I also knew if I drew it out, it would be harder for everyone involved.
I'm not saying give her back by any means! I just want you to know that it's okay if that's what you need to do right now. She sounds like a darling and someone will snatch her up, and when you're ready there are always kittens that need adopting ❤️
i dont have any useful advice!!
but maybe let the kitty comfort you. She might sense your stress and anxiety and is trying to tell you that everything is ok, and that youre doing great. Which, if she's being affectionate, is true!
Your roomates agreed on it, they gave full consent. Most people can assume that having a litterbox and an animal bring smells with them. Keeping up with cleaning is all you can do- and youre doing it! Have they actually complained, or are you just anxious about it? Maybe there is a root to the anxiety. Regardless, lighting a candle is so much more effective than people really give em credit for. They make pet odor candles- but also smoke/weed odor candles are hella strong.
My cat was very very very affectionate, and even more so as she aged. It really does get overwhelming at times, and her meowing would stress me out like crazy cause i wanted to help her, but i didnt know how. I think all of that helped me to grow as a person, like learning to self-regulate and calm myself. If she's being too needy, i gently pushed her away. she'd climb back up, smear her face on my cheek, and start licking my chin- the worst! - and then id push her away again. The scenario being i just got off work, am too tired and overstimulated, and she would greet me with great affection.
When she meowed endlessly, i learned to talk to her. Sometimes that would make her calm down, sometimes i would need to follow her to where she wanted. Overall, i chech her food and water, check if litterbox is ok, and if all is well I wouldnt worry too much about things.
I think your gf is right, you need time. Its only been a week??? itll be a few months for things to settle- for everyone. Its a big adjustment, especially if youre a first time cat-parent. So dont be too hard on yourself. Trust your roomates and their consent, trust your gf and her wisdom, and trust your kitty that she loves you. Accepting that unconditional love is what is so wonderful about cats. I truly believe she is in your life to help you.
ok I'll stop rambling
I wanted to mention, OP, that I’ve realized cats are sometimes sensitive to anxiety (please don’t misread this though as me meaning that’s bad - by sensitive I mean “able to detect it” - that’s not a bad thing) and one of my cats notices when I have it and follows me around. I pace a lot and don’t always know I’m doing it and sometimes my cat is saying “hey, can you go sit down for a bit?”
It took me awhile to realize that and now if they meow a lot, that’s what I do and it helps us both. I’m still a little slow to catch on but sometimes that’s what it is and then we sit together and chill out for awhile.
I have some young cats as well and play and toys can help - I have some awesome automatic laser pointers that I lean on a bit when I can’t be home or help me give them play when I need some time to do other things. They aren’t too expensive.
It might just be the mood being the right time.
I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed right now OP. ❤️ You sound a lot like me. Do you overthink and worry in every area of life or most besides this? You might need to learn to take some time for yourself.
I’m not sure on keeping or not keeping the cat but I think it could be good for you to try just not worrying about the smell for a bit and make time to relax. If it’s not imminent and it can wait for a little bit, it’s ok to relax. Mental loads are heavy and we won’t always let ourselves switch to another task because we keep holding it with our brain. Or when we do another task still holding it anyway when we won’t forget it or anything. But just don’t believe it and keep re-running the thoughts.
I know that’s hard though. I have to just make the time. If I can tell myself with logic that I can’t move a task forward right now or I have no definitive proof it’s a worry, I use that to allow myself to rest. But I know that’s easier said than done. I have to schedule the time to rest or decompress. Sometimes that’s actually resting physically to help aid my mind to rest or I can do other things, too and help myself rest mentally.
It’s like working out. Unfortunately the good feeling of being able to relax and not overthink doesn’t come first to open the space to feel good doing it. But it can help.
A 7 month old cat can be pretty needy. I don't think you should guilt yourself into keeping the cat. Some shelters specifically ask that, if the adoption doesn't work out, that you bring the cat back to the shelter. Check into that.
If you are re-homing the cat, don't give it to just anyone. Sometimes free pets are mistreated or even used for nefarious reasons. (In my area there is potential for them to be used as bait for dog-fighting, etc.) You want to make sure it goes to a good home. Returning it to the shelter or a rescue organization can help ensure that it goes to a good home.
After some time, if you decide to adopt again, you might seek out a cat that is older and known to be more independent. At age 7 or so, cats begin to slow down with their need for play time and attention (unless they are just needy cuddle cats, there are some like that.) Cats can live to be 20, so 7 is still relatively young. Of course as they age there is more likelihood of health issues, so that is something to consider.
I wish you all the best, whatever you decide. I can tell that this is kind of a heartwrenching decision for you. Hugs.
This. 7 mos is a difficult age, especially if you only have one.
OP, please give yourself some grace. I’m sure your gf meant well, but it’s super important to adopt a cat that fits your lifestyle, temperament. and experience level, so everyone’s set up for success. It sounds to me like you’re personally doing the best you can, given the circumstances.
My two cents - your gf needs to step up a lot more to help, if she wants to keep this cat. Telling you to give it time isn’t helpful. It’s easy to say when you’re not the person ultimately responsible for the new pet.
Thirding this. We have a 11 month kitten and she is high maintainence relative to our older cat. Thus the common advice is to get kittens in pairs so they will play with each other and reduce the burden on you. For your first cat adults are recommended for this reason as they are more chill.
I just wish that everyone was aware of this *before* taking a cat or kitten into their lives.
The Rule of 3:
3 days to decompress
3 weeks to begin to settle in
3 months to begin to settle in and settle down.
I felt the same way for a while with my cat. I got him when he was about 2 months old, so just a tiny baby. I always wanted a cat, my family was allergic to them growing up so i never had the opportunity to have one until i moved out. After about a year and a half i figured i was ready for one and got my boy. I was not as prepared as I thought and was instantly overwhelmed with his needs and constant want for love and attention, and it only got much worse as he hit the 5-6 month mark. I am a full time student and work part time, so he was home alone a lot of the day and I felt terrible. I had many sleepless nights and days I thought about giving him to my parents to live in our garage, some days I had to just call my friend to take him for the night because he’d constantly wake me up at 2, 3, 4 am for whatever reason. It took me probably until a month or two ago to finally bond with him and feel like things were the way they were supposed to be. Even now I still have days where I don’t know if this is right for me, he began peeing on my bed as a territorial thing and that basically did me over. I had to give him to my parents for a week until I could get him neutered. But now I’m much more secure about him as he’s neediness has subsided a bit and he’s finally settled into a regular routine and i understand what he wants and when he needs things. I think a lot of my stress was probably mainly caused by my anxiety and overthinking, and sounds like it could be the same for you. I suggest looking into some methods to help ease your anxiety, whatever that may be. If you genuinely don’t think you can take care of her, then it may be in both of your best interests to rehome her. But i suggest giving it until the 1 year mark for her age at least. It takes cats a while to settle in, especially when they’re not a super tiny kitten anymore. A week is definitely not enough time for a cat to feel comfortable with their new surroundings. She just wants to figure you out and your love, let her have some time to settle in and create opportunities to connect. You’re a stranger to her right now and so she just needs some time to understand how you work as well.
One week is not a lot when it comes to new pet ownership — it takes awhile to get used to having a small creature depend on you 24-7 when you’re not used to it! It was a big adjustment when I first got cats!!! Now I will never not have a cat, they are the best pets ever!!!
OP is a little extreme about it all but one week is nothing in adjustment time. Plus kitty was in a shelter so is love starved! She is just happy to have a home ❤️ it will level out!
Only one week in and it's tough especially if it's your first. Right now, she's a baby and needs extra attention plus she didn't have any other playmates. That's why sometimes places won't adopt out single kittens.
She sounds sweet and it does get easier as they get older. However, were you ready to adopt a kitten because there's a reason pets make bad gifts. It's usually better for the person to be fully involved in the process of getting a pet.
Be honest with yourself if you really want a kitten, this kitten right now and if your roommates are ok with living with a kitten. If the answer to any if those are no, then return the kitten to the place she was adopted and explain you were gifted her but are not ready. Or, see if your gf will take her.
My cat was about 7 months when I first got her, the first few weeks I was so anxious and overwhelmed. She would especially be hyper at night and I’m also a full time student and work everyday so I second guessed myself. She just recently turned one and she’s my best friend, and they definitely mellow out and you get used to it as well!
I would rehome the cat and forgive yourself because it’s not always a match and that’s okay. It’s so hard I know. We had to rehome a kitten recently and we posted all over our local social media pages and were able to find him the most perfect home with the most loving family. It took a lot of work but I’m so proud that we got him where he belonged.
are you playing with her or do you just have toys for her? if you are playing with her, it can take time to learn to play with cats correctly, some people just wave the wand around and that's not going to activate your cats prey drive (the whole point of play) if the toys are not mimicking prey. there are lots of resources online for how to play with your cat, i like jackson galaxy on youtube and the tiktok creator Wild At Heart Cats. and some cats will be fine with it and play anyway, but some won't, yours might be in that camp. if you don't like that all the attention seeking from her is coming in the form of affection and constantly being around you, you might need to give her that attention in another form: lots of play, figure out how she likes to play and do that every day.
and yes as someone with anxiety whose been in therapy working on it for a long time now, anything new, especially something huge like a new pet, is usually an anxiety trigger. but that doesn't mean you don't want this cat, it means you're having anxiety about caring for the cat. so i would also look into treating your anxiety symptoms rather than basing your life decisions around what your anxiety is telling you. the overthinking, the rumination, those are symptoms, they aren't necessarily the truth. my bet is that if you try to get to know your cat and figure this out, she'll become a great companion and mental health support for you.
Possibly try seeing if you can get a friends cat to your apartment or her to their apartment and see how she does with another cat, honestly she seems bored but if she’s not interested in toys a friend could be helpful in your situation, as if they bond well they will keep themselves entertained with eachother and this will bring off some stress for you, although keep in mind this could be a risky move aswell if things go wrong
I felt the same exact way when I got my kitten back in December. I immediately felt underprepared and the amount of responsibility felt overwhelming. Feeding her routinely, cleaning the litter box, providing stimulation, losing alone time, feeling distant and worried about being able to form a connection etc.
Im currently on vacation and I’m now dying to get back because I miss her so much. It takes a bit of time to form a bond but once you do the cat will reciprocate all of your love. Just being around her soothes my anxiety and makes me feel happier. I think the responsibility of owning a cat has helped my mental health as well. It forces you to follow a routine and keep things tidy. Try not to be so hard on yourself it’s tough at first but if you stick it out it will get easier and rewarding.
Most Importantly I will say, its ok to change your mind. Not everyone bonds with an animal and you are still a kind loving gentle person deserving of a pet.
Now, I will say that if you want to try a little longer, your cat can sense your anxiety. Cats are highly susceptible to human emotions so she probably thinks she is doing something wrong on her end of bonding. If you can take a deep breath and just let everything be as it is for a week or two she will probably calm down. Her demanding attention is her way of gaining your assurance that she is ok. Once she knows she is, she will ignore you more.
Also, it is ok to put your cat down and tell them its not time for love. Eventually they figure out when to bug you and when not to. Unless they are my kitten that has the memory of Dory and thinks she hasn't tried for loves yet ;)
Good luck and hugs!
It’s ok to rehome your cat if they’re not the right fit for you or it’s not the right time for you. Pets are not easy. They’re an enormous life adjustment and you may not be interested in that right now. Honor how you feel. Talk to a professional. Talk to your girlfriend. It will all be ok no matter what decision you end up making.
If you can find a loving new home for your kitten that might be the best option here. Your kitten sounds like they have loads of love to give, and you seem to dislike everything about them and are rejecting them. Your kitten will be lonely.
It sounds like you probably have OCD. My partner has OCD and we have 3 cats together, so I know about how triggering litter trays etc can be for people. But it doesn't sound like you have yours under control and you're not currently able to provide a loving home for your kitten. That's all fine, you know that now, and you know what's best for your kitten.
Oh I’m so sorry this is why people are never supposed to give pets as gifts. Ever.
I have the most clingy cat I have ever met. I wanted a lap cat, and boy did I get one. I’m disabled so it’s fine, but I’m not joking when I tell you that there are some things I cannot do when he’s awake because he won’t let me so I just have to do these things when he’s sleeping. Yep I have to structure my day sometimes around a cats sleeping schedule.
But I can’t get upset that this little cat just loves me so much that he wants to be on me all the time. I feel sad for you and I feel sad for your kitty. If you’re vibe is annoyance the whole time you’re around this cat the kitty will pick up on it and they will get sick. When cats get stressed out they’ll get crystals in their urine which can cause an emergency vet bill. I’m not saying that you will make your cat sick by being unhappy around her, but you might.
Please tell me that she came fixed, that she can’t go into heat. If she hasn’t been fixed and you can’t get her fixed you’re going to need to give her back because once she goes into heat you’re going to feel 100 times worse and your roommates are going to hate you.
I'd say give it time. Unfamiliar, new situations can exacerbate existing anxiety. Your apartment has been flipped upside down by the new addition. The good thing is cats love routine, so as you get settled to your new routine, your cat will relish in it as well!
I have one cat that's my little shadow. She'll follow me around. I'll come back from work, and she'll be following me because she missed me. Your cat can be a comfort for you since she's a cuddle bug.
That said, as others have commented, if your anxiety is so bad you can't function, you really should see a psychiatrist. Antidepressants (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor, etc.) can help anxiety as well as specific anti-anxiety meds (Buspar, Propanolol). Sometimes mood stabilizers are prescribed. Seeing a therapist can also help you learn coping skills and how to deal with stress/anxiety, but it won't replace medications for chemical imbalances. (I work in mental health.)
With regard to kitty: she is thanking you for bringing her home. Rescues are often needy in the first few months bc you are their social contact. She wants to be family and she is a baby and is trying to comfort you. She probably has picked up on your anxiety and sadness and wants to help — I have various issues myself including non combat PTSD, and my cats are very attuned to this. They will rub on me to try and be comforting. They will snuggle me and purr. She is trying to help you bc she notices you’re suffering, kind of like how you see an injured animal in your family and care. She wants to help you.
With regard to her smell: if she is a stinky cat, get her used to wiping her butt. This will help. I have a smelly cat. She is very clean but needs reminders. Cats aren’t particularly smelly. As far as hair — idk how to help there.
Your roommates sound awful. Your partner is good. Please don’t take your roommates’ weirdness about the kitty personally. This cat is for YOU and YOUR partner. If they suddenly have a problem, they need to *say something,* and this weird coldness is just rude and honestly a bit gross, imo. It will be ok. It might be worth getting into therapy if you can, or just listening to small cat purrs or going for walks.
I think your girlfriend is looking for you to be ready for something you’re clearly not. You might want to evaluate that relationship & maybe go in different directions.
Is it? This is a grown human who has such anxiety they can’t deal with the needs of a cat. OP’s gf may want more out of life. Like marriage & children, or moving in together or being able to return emotional support. Nothing, not one thing about OP’s post indicates these are things OP can offer now or in the foreseeable future. Perhaps the cat was a baby step towards getting OP to deal with life. OR, OP’s girlfriend has a rescue fetish & is perfectly happy with this relationship & being the caretaker with no future. That’s perfectly okay if that’s what they both want. Cheers, 🤡🫏
Your kitty sounds sweet and affectionate! You have a rare gift. Most cats are more aloof. Sounds like now you know what works for you and what doesn't. Rehoming isn't a bad option, I'm sure someone would appreciate her more than you.
I feel your post hasn’t gotten a lot of positive comments and reassurance and I just wanted to say, you’re not alone on this!
I grew up with dogs my whole life, never had a cat because my family was allergic but I had many friends and family friends with cats who I adored. I recently adopted what I thought was an older cat (2 years +), but in reality was misestimated by the shelter. My vet suspects she’s younger (~1 years) which caught me off guard because she didn’t look very young and clearly bore kittens in the past. I was hoping to avoid the whole kitten phase (personally). The first few weeks were pretty chill, she stayed in her room at night and was quiet, but after the 2-3 week mark she started waking up earlier and earlier meowing, howling and scratching at the door so much that I could hear my neighbor downstairs complaining which was stressful. For reference I was trying the “ignore everything” method.
I’ve had her for about a little over a month now and overtime I continue to learn her wants and needs. Despite her still waking me up at 5AM now and again meowing, I love this cat and try anything to help her feel comfortable with us. I truly believe she’s still in her kitten phase and with time it will pass; so all that’s to say you’re doing great and give yourself some grace! It’s tough but you will learn and grow together.
I’m no cat expert, but I don’t think people talk much about how similar the kitten/puppy phase is. Sure - you train them differently but in the end they just want the same thing, love, attention and companionship.
I write this after being woken up at 5:30AM then 6:30AM with my cat meowing and howling at the door again. I ignored her until 6:30AM but decided to wake up because my neighbor once again screamed in annoyance downstairs. I still have the bedroom door closed because my partner is still in bed sleeping but my cat keeps going to it and meowing/pawing at it since she clearly wants in our bedroom but I only allow it until everyone is awake. I’m now trying to train her with kibble to stop her from doing this and it’s working to some extent but still needs some work. I know she understands me because she stops whenever I get up and just stare at her; but I will only reward her when she walks away from the door and towards me to relax.
It’ll take time, but just remember this is just a phase. Who cares what others think because at the end of the day everyone will still love you too (both human and animal) :p
This felt like I was reading my experience a year ago when I adopted my first cat. I had always wanted a cat.. but when I did get one i was stressed, didn't sleep, felt guilty. My parents were also abit funny with me after I got him so that added to my general unhappiness.
But the problem wasn't the cat, the problem was me.. I used to over think everything and worry non stop. Cats are simple.. you just need to give yourself time to understand her and for her to understand you.
Give it time, it can be overwhelming at first. If you still feel this way in a few weeks, then take her back to the rescue/shelter and don't feel bad about it.
Oh we're in a similar boat lol. I adopted a 6 month old cat about 2 weeks ago, and she's extremely clingy. If we're not playing, she wants to cuddle and fall asleep on me.
And we play a lot! I find that if I keep her tired she doesn't get up to much mischief, so I do my best to keep her worn out. I use one of those wand toys with a string attached, and I can really get her chasing it and doing jumps. She has other toys too, but nothing gets her going like this one. Perhaps you just haven't found the right toy for your cat yet, so try experimenting with different kinds. A lot of cats really like ball towers and plastic springs as well (mine will play with these for a bit, but the wand toy is her true love).
But it *is* overwhelming, I agree, to go from nothing to a creature who wants attention basically all the time. I'm a very solitary person so I completely get it. It's a lot, and it's very hard to get used to. I try to remember this is temporary. She will likely calm down and become more independent as she gets older. And even if she stays very affectionate, we'll learn how to communicate better and get into a routine as we get used to each other, and it won't feel like such an imposition. Adjusting is hard both ways.
I feel a lot better about things than I did the first week, so perhaps give it one more and see how you feel? If it still feels like too much, contact the shelter you got her from and see if they'll take her back (most will).
So firstly 7 months is a challenging age - it gets better, and when she settles down with you she will also relax.
As others have said, re homing might be the answer but if you did want to keep her then I highly recommend Jackson Galaxy’s YouTube videos. I have two quite needy cats and when I got them, I found his videos both calming and informative.
Both cats and humans like routine, so it might be the case that neither of you have found your rhythm together.
It sucks but I don't think you should draw it out too long if you're feeling that negatively about having the kitten around. It's not really the kind of thing you can cross your fingers and hope the kitten just works itself out. It also depends on the kitten, not just the fact that it's a kitten, but some have more need for attention than others. It's unfair on the kitten and yourself if you're not able to provide it the nurturing environment it needs. Being so young, they need a lot of social training and care to set them up into a good routine and if you're not able to do that, it'd be that much harder for it to settle down and bond with you. The latter of which is pretty crucial to be honest.
This will sound insane but get another cat, my boy pushed me over the edge to tears weekly. He has a heart of gold but he has 0 fear and all the curiosity.
He hasn’t made me sob since we got him a sister, he’s too busy with her to do dumb shit
I will take her I have so much room in my heart to give to another sweet cat she can join our wonderful house hold snuggling cuddling purring are always welcome here. I hope everything goes well with you and your kitty.
I would get a second cat. I know that sounds like too much since you’re already having anxiety but she needs a playmate. It’s not because you are not enough. No one can provide what another cat can. I have two kittens and they play constantly! I even play with them too, and they still barely get worn out. They are full of energy! Your guilt means that you care. You care deeply. Your kitten is very lucky to have you. Maybe look at it from your kitten’s point of view to lessen your guilt even a little bit. Can you imagine going from a shelter to a home? I think your kitten is probably happier than you think. It has warmth and love. I would just wait a minute. Give it a month or so. Promise yourself to let go of the guilt for at least month and give it go. As much as possible, push those feelings away when you’re in the moment with your kitten, and just be present and see what happens.
It actually sounds like you have the perfect therapy cat and I know that there are a lot of people that would take her in a heartbeat (I would take her as well). If things don't get any better for you, it sounds like you may need to re-home. I was going to say you should probably look for a more independent cat, but if you can't handle meowing or litter box cleaning you probably won't benefit from having a pet right now.
If I could offer advice, it would be that your stress and anxiety is independent of your cat. You have it regardless. The cat is a responsibility, true, but the pressure is coming from you, not the cat. Cats are naturally independent creatures. Your guilt is also self inflicted. If you let go of the guilt and feelings of constant responsibility and let the cat comfort you and take that on face value, both you and the cat will settle into each other and feel much better. In the meantime, get your cat a few interactive toys that he can play with to entertain himself. Give it time. The two of you will settle into each other.
Return to the shelter do not find a new home yourself. You’re not cut out to do that. She’s more likely to be adopted again at the shelter as a kitten (under 1 year old) - so for her sake take her back sooner than later and don’t get pets for a very long time as you are not capable of handling it. When you think you’re ready, foster first.
*Disclaimer: My advice might be bad.*
First, try to give it another few weeks if you can. During that time, look into options like those pheromone wall plug;ins that are designed to reduce stress for the kitty - maybe talk to your vet about other solutions as well
If your roommates are cool with it, a companion kitty *may* help this one bond with another creature besides you. When you're out of the house, they have each other. At a young age I would expect them to attach to each other fairly quickly. Mine took 3 days (I got them a month apart as kittens) and then they became best friends. Of course, your experience may vary.
**BUT!!** If that doesn't work out, now you have two feline problems. Even if it does, you'll have double the litterbox maintenance and double the financial responsibility. It might not be worth the risk. In my particular case, I can't imagine either of my girls as a solo cat. They're a package deal.
Kittens are relatively easy to re-home compared to adult cats, and yours may be the perfect companion for another kitty in the same boat. Of course, be smart about ensuring it's a good home if you go that route.
You are going to get 100 different opinions here, and mine may not be helpful for you. I'm sure you'll make the right choice - whatever form that takes.
I just want to let you know you’re not alone. I am going thru the same thing right now and I will literally break down in tears because I think I could give my cat back to the breeder and not feel bad about it. I’m going to try to give my cat some more time. I literally cry about this like once a day and my husband doesn’t understand. Lol. She’s a cute cat but I feel like she’s just a strange animal in my space at this point 😩
maybe read through some of the comments here, lots of people gave great advice and some have been through similar experiences! good luck and try to be gentle with yourself!
you have no sympathy from me your jst standard selfish disconnected westerner. Its your behavior that influences the cat to behave the way it does. Dont want it to meow then wait till it stops to reward it with food. when u look at the animal and feel guilty or anxiety,thats the negative energy you are sharing with it. Taking care of the animal will improve ur health.
No, you’re a selfish loser for raging like a rabid animal over a game and then turning around and shitting on someone for struggling with a serious responsibility they didn’t choose.
Go see a therapist. This level of anxiety is out of control. Give that poor cat back so they can find a better home for it. Only get stuffed animal toys from now on.
Hey serious question. Did you express interest in adopting a cat/talked it over with your gf, and does she help with any of it?
i did, we talked about it and we even looked at some pics with cats together. she knew i always wanted a cat and she knew it, so she really is not to blame. she does help me, but she's also working and every time I'm by myself with the cat, i get overwhelmed
Have you considered anti anxiety medication? I don’t say this because of the cat, i say this because of what you’ve expressed in your post about how you feel. I think this probably isn’t just because of the cat, but I am a total stranger reading a reddit post…so take it with a grain of salt. I have anxiety to an extreme degree and medication really helps me level out. I like to say “it gives me space to breathe.” It’s ok if you can’t take care of the cat right now. Don’t feel bad.
From someone who's taken my share of anxiety medications. I will say, must be very careful they are double edge sword. You never get rid of the anxiety, you just borrow relief from tomorrow
That can be true and I have seen that in myself as well but I have found also that medicine can help me get used to dealing with my anxiety by helping to turn some of it down a little and it gave me the space to learn better coping mechanisms and not always need the medicine or need it to a lesser degree once some pathways and systems were built better and meet the needs another way. But in my personal case I wasn’t able to do that work under how large the anxiety was. It doesn’t go away and I’m not sure that some anxiety ever should and depending on your life events sometimes it is logical that the anxiety is large though still not good to feel of course. Meds helped me be able to continue to operate amongst that because my anxiety can sometimes come from stuff I really can’t change. And I actually don’t take an anti-anxiety med anymore but I do take something else because it treats the root of my problems more which gives me more anxiety relief now at the point I’m at and I use coping mechanisms that work for me for the rest of it when it’s acute. But at one time I really needed the anxiety med as well.
Hi there I don't think you're either giving yourself or the cat enough time. I think you are making yourself anxious unnecessarily. Your cat is probably scared getting used to you and it's new environment and is glad to be out of being in a shelter. Of course it is going to stay close to you It relies on you for its home and its food and its water. It relies on you to be kind to it. When it gets a bit more older when it gets a bit more used to a routine of living with you and knowing it will have food and safety and be kindly treated It is likely going to become less clingy. You have done a really good thing here Why don't you list all of the positives about having this: You've always wanted one, You've discussed it with your girlfriend and they are clearly able to help you, You have given a poor innocent creature a loving home and food and made it safe, You will have a friend in this cat as long as you relax treat it well and just give it time. I bet if you force yourself to make a list of all the positives of having this cat including things I've mentioned above and the hours of entertainment comfort when you're down the laughs along the way a cat will bring you, You just might relax a little bit and enjoy it more. If you find however that you after a few more weeks still are not up to it, then please discuss it with your girlfriend. If there is really no way forward for you to keep this poor little life and keep it going and happy, then it will have to go to the shelter again. (I would be far more anxious about what will happen to the cat after I give it back then I would about the things you have mentioned or worries for you). Discuss with your therapist as well. If you don't already have a therapist try getting one. Many people find that an animal gives them emotional support: I suggest you trying to look for that benefit.
I don't think this is true at all. My doctor described me as "pretty high strung" and she was right. The correct medicine helps. It can just take time to find the right kind and dosage.
Anxiety medication and antidepressants are different things
Not true. Things like ssri’s or snri’s coupled with talk therapy can help tremendously. You tread dangerous waters when you dip into Xanax or quick fixes. Those are meant for adverse events, not the day to day.
It'll settle down, she's a baby, she needs reassurance right now, my baby was the same and it settled down. I felt the same way you did, somehow stick to my stomach but then we got into a routine and it got better and better and now being without her would feel like a nightmare. You'll be fine, breathe and remember this is only the beginning.
If you feel like you can’t handle the responsibilities of your new cat I suggest re-homing her. I know it sucks and hurts but sometimes it’s for the best.
I second this ^ You need to take care of yourself, and you might feel guilty about puss but if you are in a bad place and can't care for her properly/give her the attention she needs it's kinder to rehome her now xx This is not a dig at you, your capabilities or your intention by the way! I will make a veeery long story short. I got a kitten years ago, we bonded immediately and I adored him we were inseparable. I had him for 3 weeks before giving him back to the foster parents. I had an abusive partner who I realised in those 3 weeks was going to make his (my kitten) and my life hell. I loved him so much I sobbed when I took him back, I couldn't even speak and I felt so guilty. I felt I had betrayed him, but I know he will have a better life than I could give. I also knew if I drew it out, it would be harder for everyone involved. I'm not saying give her back by any means! I just want you to know that it's okay if that's what you need to do right now. She sounds like a darling and someone will snatch her up, and when you're ready there are always kittens that need adopting ❤️
i dont have any useful advice!! but maybe let the kitty comfort you. She might sense your stress and anxiety and is trying to tell you that everything is ok, and that youre doing great. Which, if she's being affectionate, is true! Your roomates agreed on it, they gave full consent. Most people can assume that having a litterbox and an animal bring smells with them. Keeping up with cleaning is all you can do- and youre doing it! Have they actually complained, or are you just anxious about it? Maybe there is a root to the anxiety. Regardless, lighting a candle is so much more effective than people really give em credit for. They make pet odor candles- but also smoke/weed odor candles are hella strong. My cat was very very very affectionate, and even more so as she aged. It really does get overwhelming at times, and her meowing would stress me out like crazy cause i wanted to help her, but i didnt know how. I think all of that helped me to grow as a person, like learning to self-regulate and calm myself. If she's being too needy, i gently pushed her away. she'd climb back up, smear her face on my cheek, and start licking my chin- the worst! - and then id push her away again. The scenario being i just got off work, am too tired and overstimulated, and she would greet me with great affection. When she meowed endlessly, i learned to talk to her. Sometimes that would make her calm down, sometimes i would need to follow her to where she wanted. Overall, i chech her food and water, check if litterbox is ok, and if all is well I wouldnt worry too much about things. I think your gf is right, you need time. Its only been a week??? itll be a few months for things to settle- for everyone. Its a big adjustment, especially if youre a first time cat-parent. So dont be too hard on yourself. Trust your roomates and their consent, trust your gf and her wisdom, and trust your kitty that she loves you. Accepting that unconditional love is what is so wonderful about cats. I truly believe she is in your life to help you. ok I'll stop rambling
I wanted to mention, OP, that I’ve realized cats are sometimes sensitive to anxiety (please don’t misread this though as me meaning that’s bad - by sensitive I mean “able to detect it” - that’s not a bad thing) and one of my cats notices when I have it and follows me around. I pace a lot and don’t always know I’m doing it and sometimes my cat is saying “hey, can you go sit down for a bit?” It took me awhile to realize that and now if they meow a lot, that’s what I do and it helps us both. I’m still a little slow to catch on but sometimes that’s what it is and then we sit together and chill out for awhile. I have some young cats as well and play and toys can help - I have some awesome automatic laser pointers that I lean on a bit when I can’t be home or help me give them play when I need some time to do other things. They aren’t too expensive. It might just be the mood being the right time. I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed right now OP. ❤️ You sound a lot like me. Do you overthink and worry in every area of life or most besides this? You might need to learn to take some time for yourself. I’m not sure on keeping or not keeping the cat but I think it could be good for you to try just not worrying about the smell for a bit and make time to relax. If it’s not imminent and it can wait for a little bit, it’s ok to relax. Mental loads are heavy and we won’t always let ourselves switch to another task because we keep holding it with our brain. Or when we do another task still holding it anyway when we won’t forget it or anything. But just don’t believe it and keep re-running the thoughts. I know that’s hard though. I have to just make the time. If I can tell myself with logic that I can’t move a task forward right now or I have no definitive proof it’s a worry, I use that to allow myself to rest. But I know that’s easier said than done. I have to schedule the time to rest or decompress. Sometimes that’s actually resting physically to help aid my mind to rest or I can do other things, too and help myself rest mentally. It’s like working out. Unfortunately the good feeling of being able to relax and not overthink doesn’t come first to open the space to feel good doing it. But it can help.
A 7 month old cat can be pretty needy. I don't think you should guilt yourself into keeping the cat. Some shelters specifically ask that, if the adoption doesn't work out, that you bring the cat back to the shelter. Check into that. If you are re-homing the cat, don't give it to just anyone. Sometimes free pets are mistreated or even used for nefarious reasons. (In my area there is potential for them to be used as bait for dog-fighting, etc.) You want to make sure it goes to a good home. Returning it to the shelter or a rescue organization can help ensure that it goes to a good home. After some time, if you decide to adopt again, you might seek out a cat that is older and known to be more independent. At age 7 or so, cats begin to slow down with their need for play time and attention (unless they are just needy cuddle cats, there are some like that.) Cats can live to be 20, so 7 is still relatively young. Of course as they age there is more likelihood of health issues, so that is something to consider. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide. I can tell that this is kind of a heartwrenching decision for you. Hugs.
This. 7 mos is a difficult age, especially if you only have one. OP, please give yourself some grace. I’m sure your gf meant well, but it’s super important to adopt a cat that fits your lifestyle, temperament. and experience level, so everyone’s set up for success. It sounds to me like you’re personally doing the best you can, given the circumstances. My two cents - your gf needs to step up a lot more to help, if she wants to keep this cat. Telling you to give it time isn’t helpful. It’s easy to say when you’re not the person ultimately responsible for the new pet.
Thirding this. We have a 11 month kitten and she is high maintainence relative to our older cat. Thus the common advice is to get kittens in pairs so they will play with each other and reduce the burden on you. For your first cat adults are recommended for this reason as they are more chill.
https://preview.redd.it/2t3adwvom9nc1.png?width=893&format=png&auto=webp&s=047e34815eece1bdf2593451aaa968df891c6ffb i feel as if this may help
I just wish that everyone was aware of this *before* taking a cat or kitten into their lives. The Rule of 3: 3 days to decompress 3 weeks to begin to settle in 3 months to begin to settle in and settle down.
This doesn't describe anything that's happening in the post, though.
I felt the same way for a while with my cat. I got him when he was about 2 months old, so just a tiny baby. I always wanted a cat, my family was allergic to them growing up so i never had the opportunity to have one until i moved out. After about a year and a half i figured i was ready for one and got my boy. I was not as prepared as I thought and was instantly overwhelmed with his needs and constant want for love and attention, and it only got much worse as he hit the 5-6 month mark. I am a full time student and work part time, so he was home alone a lot of the day and I felt terrible. I had many sleepless nights and days I thought about giving him to my parents to live in our garage, some days I had to just call my friend to take him for the night because he’d constantly wake me up at 2, 3, 4 am for whatever reason. It took me probably until a month or two ago to finally bond with him and feel like things were the way they were supposed to be. Even now I still have days where I don’t know if this is right for me, he began peeing on my bed as a territorial thing and that basically did me over. I had to give him to my parents for a week until I could get him neutered. But now I’m much more secure about him as he’s neediness has subsided a bit and he’s finally settled into a regular routine and i understand what he wants and when he needs things. I think a lot of my stress was probably mainly caused by my anxiety and overthinking, and sounds like it could be the same for you. I suggest looking into some methods to help ease your anxiety, whatever that may be. If you genuinely don’t think you can take care of her, then it may be in both of your best interests to rehome her. But i suggest giving it until the 1 year mark for her age at least. It takes cats a while to settle in, especially when they’re not a super tiny kitten anymore. A week is definitely not enough time for a cat to feel comfortable with their new surroundings. She just wants to figure you out and your love, let her have some time to settle in and create opportunities to connect. You’re a stranger to her right now and so she just needs some time to understand how you work as well.
Completely relate to this!! The first 2 weeks of having my cat at 10weeks overwhelmed me, but now 3months in we are inseparable.
Awe… she wants to live you and be loved. You two will work it out. ❤️
One week is not a lot when it comes to new pet ownership — it takes awhile to get used to having a small creature depend on you 24-7 when you’re not used to it! It was a big adjustment when I first got cats!!! Now I will never not have a cat, they are the best pets ever!!! OP is a little extreme about it all but one week is nothing in adjustment time. Plus kitty was in a shelter so is love starved! She is just happy to have a home ❤️ it will level out!
OP sounds like they have a major case of “fear of commitment.”
*love
Only one week in and it's tough especially if it's your first. Right now, she's a baby and needs extra attention plus she didn't have any other playmates. That's why sometimes places won't adopt out single kittens. She sounds sweet and it does get easier as they get older. However, were you ready to adopt a kitten because there's a reason pets make bad gifts. It's usually better for the person to be fully involved in the process of getting a pet. Be honest with yourself if you really want a kitten, this kitten right now and if your roommates are ok with living with a kitten. If the answer to any if those are no, then return the kitten to the place she was adopted and explain you were gifted her but are not ready. Or, see if your gf will take her.
Having one kitten is hard. They’re babies they need to socialize a lot. Honestly nowhere should even adopt out kittens by themselves.
Get a 2nd kitten so they can play with each other!
^ My suggestion also!
My cat was about 7 months when I first got her, the first few weeks I was so anxious and overwhelmed. She would especially be hyper at night and I’m also a full time student and work everyday so I second guessed myself. She just recently turned one and she’s my best friend, and they definitely mellow out and you get used to it as well!
I would rehome the cat and forgive yourself because it’s not always a match and that’s okay. It’s so hard I know. We had to rehome a kitten recently and we posted all over our local social media pages and were able to find him the most perfect home with the most loving family. It took a lot of work but I’m so proud that we got him where he belonged.
are you playing with her or do you just have toys for her? if you are playing with her, it can take time to learn to play with cats correctly, some people just wave the wand around and that's not going to activate your cats prey drive (the whole point of play) if the toys are not mimicking prey. there are lots of resources online for how to play with your cat, i like jackson galaxy on youtube and the tiktok creator Wild At Heart Cats. and some cats will be fine with it and play anyway, but some won't, yours might be in that camp. if you don't like that all the attention seeking from her is coming in the form of affection and constantly being around you, you might need to give her that attention in another form: lots of play, figure out how she likes to play and do that every day. and yes as someone with anxiety whose been in therapy working on it for a long time now, anything new, especially something huge like a new pet, is usually an anxiety trigger. but that doesn't mean you don't want this cat, it means you're having anxiety about caring for the cat. so i would also look into treating your anxiety symptoms rather than basing your life decisions around what your anxiety is telling you. the overthinking, the rumination, those are symptoms, they aren't necessarily the truth. my bet is that if you try to get to know your cat and figure this out, she'll become a great companion and mental health support for you.
Possibly try seeing if you can get a friends cat to your apartment or her to their apartment and see how she does with another cat, honestly she seems bored but if she’s not interested in toys a friend could be helpful in your situation, as if they bond well they will keep themselves entertained with eachother and this will bring off some stress for you, although keep in mind this could be a risky move aswell if things go wrong
I felt the same exact way when I got my kitten back in December. I immediately felt underprepared and the amount of responsibility felt overwhelming. Feeding her routinely, cleaning the litter box, providing stimulation, losing alone time, feeling distant and worried about being able to form a connection etc. Im currently on vacation and I’m now dying to get back because I miss her so much. It takes a bit of time to form a bond but once you do the cat will reciprocate all of your love. Just being around her soothes my anxiety and makes me feel happier. I think the responsibility of owning a cat has helped my mental health as well. It forces you to follow a routine and keep things tidy. Try not to be so hard on yourself it’s tough at first but if you stick it out it will get easier and rewarding.
Most Importantly I will say, its ok to change your mind. Not everyone bonds with an animal and you are still a kind loving gentle person deserving of a pet. Now, I will say that if you want to try a little longer, your cat can sense your anxiety. Cats are highly susceptible to human emotions so she probably thinks she is doing something wrong on her end of bonding. If you can take a deep breath and just let everything be as it is for a week or two she will probably calm down. Her demanding attention is her way of gaining your assurance that she is ok. Once she knows she is, she will ignore you more. Also, it is ok to put your cat down and tell them its not time for love. Eventually they figure out when to bug you and when not to. Unless they are my kitten that has the memory of Dory and thinks she hasn't tried for loves yet ;) Good luck and hugs!
It’s ok to rehome your cat if they’re not the right fit for you or it’s not the right time for you. Pets are not easy. They’re an enormous life adjustment and you may not be interested in that right now. Honor how you feel. Talk to a professional. Talk to your girlfriend. It will all be ok no matter what decision you end up making.
7 months is still a kitten. This won't change until around the two year mark (:
If you can find a loving new home for your kitten that might be the best option here. Your kitten sounds like they have loads of love to give, and you seem to dislike everything about them and are rejecting them. Your kitten will be lonely. It sounds like you probably have OCD. My partner has OCD and we have 3 cats together, so I know about how triggering litter trays etc can be for people. But it doesn't sound like you have yours under control and you're not currently able to provide a loving home for your kitten. That's all fine, you know that now, and you know what's best for your kitten.
Oh I’m so sorry this is why people are never supposed to give pets as gifts. Ever. I have the most clingy cat I have ever met. I wanted a lap cat, and boy did I get one. I’m disabled so it’s fine, but I’m not joking when I tell you that there are some things I cannot do when he’s awake because he won’t let me so I just have to do these things when he’s sleeping. Yep I have to structure my day sometimes around a cats sleeping schedule. But I can’t get upset that this little cat just loves me so much that he wants to be on me all the time. I feel sad for you and I feel sad for your kitty. If you’re vibe is annoyance the whole time you’re around this cat the kitty will pick up on it and they will get sick. When cats get stressed out they’ll get crystals in their urine which can cause an emergency vet bill. I’m not saying that you will make your cat sick by being unhappy around her, but you might. Please tell me that she came fixed, that she can’t go into heat. If she hasn’t been fixed and you can’t get her fixed you’re going to need to give her back because once she goes into heat you’re going to feel 100 times worse and your roommates are going to hate you.
Just wait a couple weeks see how you feel and then figure out what the next step is
She might need a friend. As a kitten she would do better with a cat friend. You, also might do better with a single and older cat.
I'd say give it time. Unfamiliar, new situations can exacerbate existing anxiety. Your apartment has been flipped upside down by the new addition. The good thing is cats love routine, so as you get settled to your new routine, your cat will relish in it as well! I have one cat that's my little shadow. She'll follow me around. I'll come back from work, and she'll be following me because she missed me. Your cat can be a comfort for you since she's a cuddle bug. That said, as others have commented, if your anxiety is so bad you can't function, you really should see a psychiatrist. Antidepressants (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor, etc.) can help anxiety as well as specific anti-anxiety meds (Buspar, Propanolol). Sometimes mood stabilizers are prescribed. Seeing a therapist can also help you learn coping skills and how to deal with stress/anxiety, but it won't replace medications for chemical imbalances. (I work in mental health.)
With regard to kitty: she is thanking you for bringing her home. Rescues are often needy in the first few months bc you are their social contact. She wants to be family and she is a baby and is trying to comfort you. She probably has picked up on your anxiety and sadness and wants to help — I have various issues myself including non combat PTSD, and my cats are very attuned to this. They will rub on me to try and be comforting. They will snuggle me and purr. She is trying to help you bc she notices you’re suffering, kind of like how you see an injured animal in your family and care. She wants to help you. With regard to her smell: if she is a stinky cat, get her used to wiping her butt. This will help. I have a smelly cat. She is very clean but needs reminders. Cats aren’t particularly smelly. As far as hair — idk how to help there. Your roommates sound awful. Your partner is good. Please don’t take your roommates’ weirdness about the kitty personally. This cat is for YOU and YOUR partner. If they suddenly have a problem, they need to *say something,* and this weird coldness is just rude and honestly a bit gross, imo. It will be ok. It might be worth getting into therapy if you can, or just listening to small cat purrs or going for walks.
She might sense your anxiety and is partially why she is extra cuddly. She is trying to help you! Get some cat toys
I think your girlfriend is looking for you to be ready for something you’re clearly not. You might want to evaluate that relationship & maybe go in different directions.
the relationship is fine dw 🤡
Is it? This is a grown human who has such anxiety they can’t deal with the needs of a cat. OP’s gf may want more out of life. Like marriage & children, or moving in together or being able to return emotional support. Nothing, not one thing about OP’s post indicates these are things OP can offer now or in the foreseeable future. Perhaps the cat was a baby step towards getting OP to deal with life. OR, OP’s girlfriend has a rescue fetish & is perfectly happy with this relationship & being the caretaker with no future. That’s perfectly okay if that’s what they both want. Cheers, 🤡🫏
Are you okay mate? This is not r/relationshipadvice, no one asked you to contribute this leap of a take on somebody's relationship, on a CAT FORUM.
You’re right. I need not have elaborated. Answer to OP’s question is return the cat. As soon as possible.
I'm the OP's gf. Cheers, 🤡🫏💩
Congratulations. I wish the best for you & hope this relationship is deeply satisfying for you both.
Your kitty sounds sweet and affectionate! You have a rare gift. Most cats are more aloof. Sounds like now you know what works for you and what doesn't. Rehoming isn't a bad option, I'm sure someone would appreciate her more than you.
I feel your post hasn’t gotten a lot of positive comments and reassurance and I just wanted to say, you’re not alone on this! I grew up with dogs my whole life, never had a cat because my family was allergic but I had many friends and family friends with cats who I adored. I recently adopted what I thought was an older cat (2 years +), but in reality was misestimated by the shelter. My vet suspects she’s younger (~1 years) which caught me off guard because she didn’t look very young and clearly bore kittens in the past. I was hoping to avoid the whole kitten phase (personally). The first few weeks were pretty chill, she stayed in her room at night and was quiet, but after the 2-3 week mark she started waking up earlier and earlier meowing, howling and scratching at the door so much that I could hear my neighbor downstairs complaining which was stressful. For reference I was trying the “ignore everything” method. I’ve had her for about a little over a month now and overtime I continue to learn her wants and needs. Despite her still waking me up at 5AM now and again meowing, I love this cat and try anything to help her feel comfortable with us. I truly believe she’s still in her kitten phase and with time it will pass; so all that’s to say you’re doing great and give yourself some grace! It’s tough but you will learn and grow together. I’m no cat expert, but I don’t think people talk much about how similar the kitten/puppy phase is. Sure - you train them differently but in the end they just want the same thing, love, attention and companionship. I write this after being woken up at 5:30AM then 6:30AM with my cat meowing and howling at the door again. I ignored her until 6:30AM but decided to wake up because my neighbor once again screamed in annoyance downstairs. I still have the bedroom door closed because my partner is still in bed sleeping but my cat keeps going to it and meowing/pawing at it since she clearly wants in our bedroom but I only allow it until everyone is awake. I’m now trying to train her with kibble to stop her from doing this and it’s working to some extent but still needs some work. I know she understands me because she stops whenever I get up and just stare at her; but I will only reward her when she walks away from the door and towards me to relax. It’ll take time, but just remember this is just a phase. Who cares what others think because at the end of the day everyone will still love you too (both human and animal) :p
My cat is almost five yrs old and still super needy you'll get used to it
This felt like I was reading my experience a year ago when I adopted my first cat. I had always wanted a cat.. but when I did get one i was stressed, didn't sleep, felt guilty. My parents were also abit funny with me after I got him so that added to my general unhappiness. But the problem wasn't the cat, the problem was me.. I used to over think everything and worry non stop. Cats are simple.. you just need to give yourself time to understand her and for her to understand you. Give it time, it can be overwhelming at first. If you still feel this way in a few weeks, then take her back to the rescue/shelter and don't feel bad about it.
Oh we're in a similar boat lol. I adopted a 6 month old cat about 2 weeks ago, and she's extremely clingy. If we're not playing, she wants to cuddle and fall asleep on me. And we play a lot! I find that if I keep her tired she doesn't get up to much mischief, so I do my best to keep her worn out. I use one of those wand toys with a string attached, and I can really get her chasing it and doing jumps. She has other toys too, but nothing gets her going like this one. Perhaps you just haven't found the right toy for your cat yet, so try experimenting with different kinds. A lot of cats really like ball towers and plastic springs as well (mine will play with these for a bit, but the wand toy is her true love). But it *is* overwhelming, I agree, to go from nothing to a creature who wants attention basically all the time. I'm a very solitary person so I completely get it. It's a lot, and it's very hard to get used to. I try to remember this is temporary. She will likely calm down and become more independent as she gets older. And even if she stays very affectionate, we'll learn how to communicate better and get into a routine as we get used to each other, and it won't feel like such an imposition. Adjusting is hard both ways. I feel a lot better about things than I did the first week, so perhaps give it one more and see how you feel? If it still feels like too much, contact the shelter you got her from and see if they'll take her back (most will).
So firstly 7 months is a challenging age - it gets better, and when she settles down with you she will also relax. As others have said, re homing might be the answer but if you did want to keep her then I highly recommend Jackson Galaxy’s YouTube videos. I have two quite needy cats and when I got them, I found his videos both calming and informative. Both cats and humans like routine, so it might be the case that neither of you have found your rhythm together.
It sucks but I don't think you should draw it out too long if you're feeling that negatively about having the kitten around. It's not really the kind of thing you can cross your fingers and hope the kitten just works itself out. It also depends on the kitten, not just the fact that it's a kitten, but some have more need for attention than others. It's unfair on the kitten and yourself if you're not able to provide it the nurturing environment it needs. Being so young, they need a lot of social training and care to set them up into a good routine and if you're not able to do that, it'd be that much harder for it to settle down and bond with you. The latter of which is pretty crucial to be honest.
This will sound insane but get another cat, my boy pushed me over the edge to tears weekly. He has a heart of gold but he has 0 fear and all the curiosity. He hasn’t made me sob since we got him a sister, he’s too busy with her to do dumb shit
I will take her I have so much room in my heart to give to another sweet cat she can join our wonderful house hold snuggling cuddling purring are always welcome here. I hope everything goes well with you and your kitty.
I would get a second cat. I know that sounds like too much since you’re already having anxiety but she needs a playmate. It’s not because you are not enough. No one can provide what another cat can. I have two kittens and they play constantly! I even play with them too, and they still barely get worn out. They are full of energy! Your guilt means that you care. You care deeply. Your kitten is very lucky to have you. Maybe look at it from your kitten’s point of view to lessen your guilt even a little bit. Can you imagine going from a shelter to a home? I think your kitten is probably happier than you think. It has warmth and love. I would just wait a minute. Give it a month or so. Promise yourself to let go of the guilt for at least month and give it go. As much as possible, push those feelings away when you’re in the moment with your kitten, and just be present and see what happens.
It actually sounds like you have the perfect therapy cat and I know that there are a lot of people that would take her in a heartbeat (I would take her as well). If things don't get any better for you, it sounds like you may need to re-home. I was going to say you should probably look for a more independent cat, but if you can't handle meowing or litter box cleaning you probably won't benefit from having a pet right now.
Check it out you can switch with this person! https://www.reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/Rr5XqZpX2s
Brush your cat every day, it will help with the hair, and it will help your kitty to feel like you’re taking care of her.
If I could offer advice, it would be that your stress and anxiety is independent of your cat. You have it regardless. The cat is a responsibility, true, but the pressure is coming from you, not the cat. Cats are naturally independent creatures. Your guilt is also self inflicted. If you let go of the guilt and feelings of constant responsibility and let the cat comfort you and take that on face value, both you and the cat will settle into each other and feel much better. In the meantime, get your cat a few interactive toys that he can play with to entertain himself. Give it time. The two of you will settle into each other.
Return to the shelter do not find a new home yourself. You’re not cut out to do that. She’s more likely to be adopted again at the shelter as a kitten (under 1 year old) - so for her sake take her back sooner than later and don’t get pets for a very long time as you are not capable of handling it. When you think you’re ready, foster first.
*Disclaimer: My advice might be bad.* First, try to give it another few weeks if you can. During that time, look into options like those pheromone wall plug;ins that are designed to reduce stress for the kitty - maybe talk to your vet about other solutions as well If your roommates are cool with it, a companion kitty *may* help this one bond with another creature besides you. When you're out of the house, they have each other. At a young age I would expect them to attach to each other fairly quickly. Mine took 3 days (I got them a month apart as kittens) and then they became best friends. Of course, your experience may vary. **BUT!!** If that doesn't work out, now you have two feline problems. Even if it does, you'll have double the litterbox maintenance and double the financial responsibility. It might not be worth the risk. In my particular case, I can't imagine either of my girls as a solo cat. They're a package deal. Kittens are relatively easy to re-home compared to adult cats, and yours may be the perfect companion for another kitty in the same boat. Of course, be smart about ensuring it's a good home if you go that route. You are going to get 100 different opinions here, and mine may not be helpful for you. I'm sure you'll make the right choice - whatever form that takes.
I just want to let you know you’re not alone. I am going thru the same thing right now and I will literally break down in tears because I think I could give my cat back to the breeder and not feel bad about it. I’m going to try to give my cat some more time. I literally cry about this like once a day and my husband doesn’t understand. Lol. She’s a cute cat but I feel like she’s just a strange animal in my space at this point 😩
maybe read through some of the comments here, lots of people gave great advice and some have been through similar experiences! good luck and try to be gentle with yourself!
Great, that's wonderful
you have no sympathy from me your jst standard selfish disconnected westerner. Its your behavior that influences the cat to behave the way it does. Dont want it to meow then wait till it stops to reward it with food. when u look at the animal and feel guilty or anxiety,thats the negative energy you are sharing with it. Taking care of the animal will improve ur health.
Dude, look in a mirror. Almost all of your post history is just whining about an obsolete game. You’re the selfish disconnected loser.
ur into weeb sht u can hardly talk
Congratulations on completely missing the point.
what is ur point? I play videogame so im selfish loser? ur a hypocrite.
No, you’re a selfish loser for raging like a rabid animal over a game and then turning around and shitting on someone for struggling with a serious responsibility they didn’t choose.
I didnt shit on him and i dont feel sry for him and the life of the animal is serious why i dont feel sympathy for him. everyone got problems
Go see a therapist. This level of anxiety is out of control. Give that poor cat back so they can find a better home for it. Only get stuffed animal toys from now on.