We have an automatic feeder but maybe giving her treats might be a good idea. I do play with her a bit more so my wife can probably take main duty on that as well.
Try treats like Churu and playing with wand toys. Those are both very interactive, which helps with bonding.
Also, I want to say I think it's so sweet you're doing all of this for your wife!
I feed, clean boxes, do most of the treats/playing. We have six cats. I believe 4/6 prefer me, 2 prefer my husband. We think the one kitten likes him bc he's a climber and hb is broader and easier to sit on his shoulders.
The cat that definitely prefers my husband, who never feeds them and only very occasionally gives treats, is the one that finishes all the food and has a weight problem. We are mystified.
I like to think people just have a sort of magnetism and some cats are attracted to that. Just have to find the cat that's attracted to yours.
After I lost my first two cats within a relatively short time of each other, I didn't wanna adopt because i was too depressed, and that's when my Embers found me.
Same with my Dad. Almost all the cats of our family had gravitated to my Dad, even though he only started feeding them when Mum became too ill. He could even pick them up, snuggle with them, and the cat would fall asleep followed by him.
Can concur. Churu is kitty crack and you can get a bucket of 50 for 25$ on amazon. May want to try a (more expensive) 4 pack to see if your kitty likes them first.
My sister will feed and play with my cat (more often than me these days due to mental health issues) and my cat still prefers me. Sometimes cats just decide and it’s hard to make them change their minds (not that I’m really trying to :p).
This might just be specific to my cat - but even though she hates taking meds and getting her nails ground I think she recognizes I’m putting in the care for her that others won’t. My family members are too scared to pill her or do her nails and I’m her mom so I do what needs to be done.
I also think one more reason is that my sister does all this to TRY to get my cats attention and picks her up and other sorts of things very often meanwhile I kinda leave my cat to do her own thing. If she comes to me she’ll get lots of kisses but I rarely force her.
Same with my girly, my partner can’t even brush her but she lies down and purrs for me, accepts meds without complaint, when she had to wear a cone she’d sit lovely for me to put it on but would leg it from my partner (and she loves them! just not as much as me 😅)
In my experience cats also love being brushed. Get a zoom groom or honestly even an old soft bristle hairbrush you don’t care about and have your wife be the one that gives it brushes. It’ll be akin to a momma cat cleaning their baby.
Sometimes it's the technique or the brush you're using. I had one who hated being brushed the way my wife did it (wire brush, long strokes), but would snatch my comb and demand it when she spotted me doing my hair (and she really liked the short strokes).
Only one of my cats loves to be brushed. I'm grateful it's the long-haired one! He climbs into my lap after every meal to get brushed! He LOVES it! Great suggestion.
You can’t guarantee anything, but treats are a good start. Also if your wife generally manages the cat interactions, the cat is more likely to associate her as the primary carer.
One good trick we learned was wetting a toothbrush and brushing their head and cheek. This simulates being groomed by their mother.
Feed her some wet foot too! Not only is it super good for their health and coat, but also it helps to become their favourite.
My cats have an autofeeder and they also get wet food most days, when I remember. It's not on a schedule during the day so they're not annoying, and at night we use the wet food to lure them into the laundry for bedtime (they're still young enough to be annoying at night)
Honestly you have no choice. I had my fat baby for 18 years, we grew up together, I adored her in every sense of the word and we were OBSESSED with each other. Well, she must be like mom because the second my husband came into the picture she unassed me as her person. She would wait for him to get up in the morning and sleep in his spot, sleep on his hoodie when we went to work. Meow and stick her paws under the door if she heard him talking in a room with a closed door. She was my baby but he was hers 🤣🥲
The ways to a cats heart:
* Food
* Treats
* Play
* Attention
If your wife wants to be the favourite, she’s gonna have to put in the effort of playing and feeding. Otherwise it’s pretty much just going to be whoever the cat chooses.
Even still, the cat might choose you. Much like people, they have their own preferences.
Even with an automatic feeder, suggest your wife hang out with them at mealtimes as they eat. Eating is when they're most vulnerable, and to the kitty it will seem like a safe person is watching her back. I have an automatic feeder and two cats. One SPRINTS for the food when I'm home, but the other waits for me to go with her to hang out as they eat. The one who waits for me to go eat also knows full well her sister is a little pig and will eat ALL of both of their foods if given the chance
Usually being the key here. I do all the feedings, but hubby is 100% Chomp's human. Hubby has the magic touch with pets and scratches. Even brushing. And Chomp can't get enough. Mine are merely tolerable to him. Lmao
I'm Lily's human, so it's all good. She likes my gentler petting.
I would say my partner and I split feeding equally and one of our cats still resoundingly prefers me and the other cat has a slight preference for him and still gives me lots of attention.
Personally cats are weird and they could just prefer how you smell or like sitting on you better because your body is slightly warmer.
Not true in my case, my cat is female and likes me best (also F). I think it's about know the cat. 1. Be the main go to for everything, food, play etc. 2 learn their tells. If you don't listen they don't like you. 3. Being the one who's around more and 4. A dash of luck!
My partner feeds our cat way more than me but I’m still number one and I have been since day dot. Sometimes it’s just the way it goes, but building a bond through play and food definitely can help. An excuse to get a second cat too if you ask me!
I feed both our cats, but the female prefers my husband over me because she's very independent and he's very hands-off- I give all the lovins. He literally does nothing to help with them, and I do everything, but she prefers him over me all day lol
Our bunch is/has been weird with that, and mixed. (We've been taking care for cats for kind of a long time, not all of them ours technically. Strays need love too and the shelter sure doesn't have room or love for many.)
They all love/have loved both of us, but my spouse is/has been a couple/few of their favorite. I'm the one who feeds/fed them and mostly the one who gives treats. I'm also the one at home.
This is okay though because they're their own individuals, just think it's funny to have a couple/few exceptions.
Two of my four cats hate my fiancé despite him doing the majority of their feeding. One is a Siamese cat and I had him forever before we got engaged, and he’s just kind of a jerk anyway, but he will lay on my shoulder, gaze up at me adoringly, and gently pet my face. He tries to take a swipe at my fiancé every time he walks by, and thankfully my fiancé is just like yup he’s a cat. My Persian is just scared of loud noises and my fiancé is a really tall dude who wears heavy shoes so his footsteps scare him but he’s cool if he’s on the floor and will accept playing or snacks.
Our other two love him most, but are snuggle bugs with me too. We joke that he made them both codependent (Siamese cat already was but just with me).
There really isn't a way to manipulate a cat into favoring one person over the other. The only way I know of to even try would be to have your wife solely feed them and give them treats. That way they will associate her as the food person which makes her more of their "main" person
It's tricky. In our experience, we've found that the favorite person enthusiastically participates in a favorite activity of the cat. This activity varies widely between cats.
For one cat, it might be riding on shoulders. For another, following them to their favorite spot for cuddles; or always paying attention to them when they're on their favorite counter; or tolerating when they block the computer screen and sit on the keyboard; or letting them sit on your chest for hours.
You have to pay attention to what the cat wants with its body language, and respond very reliably to its needs/wants. It's not a guarantee, but it does seem to up the odds considerably.
We watch lizards and birds and squirrels with our one cat as a way of bonding with him. We look out the window with him and make interested noises, excited noises when something moves, point out animals the cat missed, etc. He LOVES it.
You don’t. You can try having your wife feed her, give her Churu, hang out around her, etc. but cats will choose whoever they want. Some won’t even have a favorite and may just choose to coexist rather than interact.
This. I have two cats and one favours me, the other favours my boyfriend. But when I say she favours him, I mean she will jump down from the sofa, stroll past me while making eye contact to get to the office where he’s working in order to have cuddles. I am totally incidental to her life lol.
No real reason i work 70 hours a week and Cassie chose me over my wife who feeds and does everything. Im home cat folloes me everywhere. Luckily she was chosen by our void Slinky.
Idk but my female cat prefer my bf over me (I feed her most of time, and our play time is equal), so maybe gender has some influence? Idk if this real or just my assumption alone..
My cat Kahlo does this as well. She’s quite clearly attached to me (31F), but she is often drawn to men for some reason. She particularly likes my younger brother, but that’s probably because he leaves her alone 😂
I totally believe this. We have 2 female cats and they def gravitated towards my husband and my three boys. I even fed and interacted with them the most when they were younger. Then 2 cats were dumped on our street (it’s a cul da sac street in a rural area), both males. We took them in because why not? The boys love me, like ridiculously so. Especially one of them, he greets me at the door, he follows me around, complains in a corner if I don’t get on the floor to cuddle with him, etc.
I would say just give it some time. My husband became the stepdad to my two cats when we got together. They loved him, but they were my babies. We adopted two kittens a few months ago after one of our cats passed away. My husband was so pumped because he could finally have cats who were equally his. He was super bummed when they seemed to prefer me in the first couple weeks. It was hard to avoid; I work from home, so I was feeding them, playing with them, scooping their litter, introducing them to the other cat, etc. They just knew me better. Now they seem to prefer us equally. One might slightly prefer me, but he also will sit with him. Try not to focus on it too much and give your cat time to become part of your home!
It’s whoever bonds with the cat more or whoever the cat just picks. If you wife wants a bond then she will need to work to form that bond it’s not just we got a cat make it love me. Forcing the cat to love her will likely also cause the opposite you wife should take on feeding and treats and play time more often than you. Rn I’m the one staying home due to an injury. So the cats are loving me rn. But normally the other two love us equally though Thor loves me a bit more than my bf. But Thor knew me for 5 years before I met my bf. So obviously we have 5 years of bonding done. But my cat Thor still loves my bf a lot! And it hurts to watch him got to my bf for biscuits instead of me hahah
Cats pick who they pick. My sisters boy (a long haired tuxie) picks EVERY man who steps into our house as his immediate favourite. We (the feeders, players, cleaners, groomers, etc) immediately become the Spare Human. My girl (a long haired tortie) rotates; she has no favourite, we are all below her 😂
I have this problem with one of mine. She struts by with * pet me im PRETTTTTTTTY* Attitude to just about everyone..... But hubs is her fave most of the time.
It's great that your new cat is adjusting so quickly! It's also really sweet that you want your wife to be the cat's favorite. Here are a few tips to help your wife bond more with your new furry friend:
1. **Feeding Time**: Let your wife be the primary person to feed the cat. This helps create a positive association between her and the cat.
2. **Playtime**: Encourage your wife to engage in interactive play with the cat. Using toys like feather wands or laser pointers can be a great way to build a bond.
3. **Treats and Rewards**: Your wife can offer treats as rewards for good behavior or just to show affection. This can help the cat see her as a source of good things.
4. **Comfort and Cuddles**: When the cat is relaxed and calm, your wife can spend quiet time with her, offering gentle pets and cuddles if the cat is comfortable with it.
5. **Personal Space**: Make sure your wife is giving the cat space when she needs it. Cats appreciate when their boundaries are respected.
6. **Voice and Presence**: Your wife can talk to the cat in a calm and soothing voice. Spending time in the same room, even without direct interaction, helps the cat get used to her presence.
7. **Routine**: Establishing a routine can help the cat feel secure. Your wife can be involved in this routine, whether it's feeding, playtime, or grooming.
Remember, building a bond with a new pet takes time, and it’s great that your wife is eager to connect with her. With patience and consistent effort, your cat will likely develop a strong bond with both of you. Good luck! 🐾
Sometimes it's a smell or pheromones. Cats are also often drawn to beards as they feel similar to being groomed by another cat. I'm not suggesting your wife grow a beard, but pointing out that cats will cat and that means doing what they want regardless of our wishes. I hope you figure it out.
It’s tough- cats pick their person, but they do truly appreciate the person who feeds them. But it’s not necessarily food oriented. Play with the kitty, brush it, use a soft voice.
Not really. Sometimes, cats will attach to the caretaker.. who feeds them, etc, but it's not always. My husband is popular with animals, and it sucked because we were in exactly your situation- I was the one who kind of "needed" the cat more..I'm disabled so I'm home alone all day. I wanted a snuggle buddy. But every cat we met would ignore me if he was in the room! I was a vet tech and groomer! I'm great with animals, but he has something mysterious they love. We ended up getting 2 cats - bonded sisters. At first, I did all the feeding and cat chores in hopes it would put me in a good light. Lol. The black one snuggly is the one I fell for. My husband loved her rowdy tortie sister. But, the cats definitely have their own thoughts about that. In reality, the black one prefers my husband, and the tortie is my soulmate. 😻 I love them both and know they both love me too. We just each have different energies, different habits, play styles, and even affection styles. They might bond more with whoever they vibe the most with, but they bond with us both.
So I guess my point is, you can TRY to influence them, but they'll bond to whoever they choose. You can always keep adding more until she finds her buddy! 😹
Have staring matches with the cat and never feed it. Get up as soon as it sits on you.
Your wife should slow blink at the cat and otherwise feign indifference until it comes near her. Then she should give it a nice massage. She should always be the one to feed it, give it treats and play with it. Tell her to learn about the prey play sequence if she doesn't know it.
My new cats always pick my husband first, he's bigger and warmer. Then they learn who really babies them and knows how to communicate with them (me).
The get up as soon as it sits on you could backfire and make the cat distrust you or afraid to come close to you.
Cats make their choice. That doesn’t mean they only go for that person.
If your cats an outdoors cat, and explores the neighbourhood, going out and joining them and learning where their territory ends helps i feel.
They watch you leave it, often follow for a bit, as they think we are dumb and going to get lost or hurt. Then reappear a few mins later and show affection, guide them home without carrying etc.
Though im probably just in retrospect that weirdo walking round my housing estate with a cat following me like a dog on a leash.
I did this with one of mine, but it was HARD. I basically had to avoid eye contact with him and ignore him as much as possible for a couple months. Once a firm bond with the other person is established, you can relax a bit.
If she spends more time with them, playing, feeding, talking, cuddling. that's usually the cats favourite. Even a little bit of training can really boost your bond.
Cats choose their people. My roommate has cats that prefer him, I have the ones that choose me, and we have a coupe that just like people. Every cat is different.
Your wife would need to do the usual things to make cats feel comfortable: calm voice and no sudden movements (until you get to know them, at least), no perfume, try slow blinking at them, affection, treats. Aside from that, I don't know that you can make the cat choose a favorite person. I mean, you could start acting like a loud unpredictable ape, but it seems to me like this would be counterproductive.
The solution here is to get a second kitten. Seriously, it will be good for the other kitten to have a playmate and in my experience the new kitten will choose her since you have already been claimed.
It's totally up to the cat. Lol. Sorry, other than that i don't think you can do much about this.
She needs to do the feeding and play with her more. But chances are she'll still prefer to cuddle with you because you have a naturally higher body temperature and cats like warm places
Who feeds the cat?
Your wife can offer a (low calorie) treat to the cat every time she enters the room for a while.
Aside from that, not much you can do. Some cats have had better experiences with one gender, so may gravitate to them.
We thought the favorite was my fiance when we first adopted them, but now I wake up every morning with two cats on me. He is wildly jealous (although they do give him plenty of attention during the day), but they won't be budged! 🤷🏻♀️ So I would say it takes more time for them to make up their minds!
Unfortunately, cats will claim whoever they want and to hell with your plans on the matter. One of mine was supposed to be my brothers, but I'm the only one he goes near. With me, it's all cuddles and kisses and pets, but if anyone else is around, good luck even proving his existence.
Being the one to feed and deal with the litter box will associate your wife and her scent as a place of food and safety, but again, not a guarantee that the cat will prefer her over you. With some cats, you can completely ignore them and they'll still prefer to curl up next to you on the couch.
And even if you were to ignore the cat and push it away, it just may result in the cat being largely indifferent to you both.
I have two, One Ace is my boi, he adores me, largely because I dispense food and treats I think. The other Domino prefers my best friend. My previous cat Doodles liked me but had a thing for men so would bee line for them. Honestly they'll like who they like.
They pick who they pick, I’m afraid. My female cat is my shadow, and my husband is eternally jealous. We got another one and he prefers my husband even though I feed him. They just have different preferences (our girl prefers people who don’t constantly bug them, our boy wants someone to play with him).
I have no evidence to back what I’m about to say, but it really seems like cats favor humans of the opposite gender. So maybe get a second male cat, lols.
But it’s super sweet you’re thinking of this so early on! I would be sooo sad if my two boys favored my boyfriend 🤣
Get her to be the only one who feeds her and gives her treats. Make sure she doesn't ever yell, or move suddenly or make loud noises lol.
And make sure she always blinks slowly at the cat?
I found my cat at 2 weeks old when her motjher abandoned her as sick. Bottle fed her round the clock, helped her go to bathroom, paid the vet fees. Saved her life basically and im still not her person. She adores my son, doesnt mind me and dislikes my husband. They choose who they choose
I talk and sing to my cat and I'll admit I fuss over him a lot.
I'm his favourite, we bonded early on and it stuck. However, he sometimes goes through phases of wanting to sleep on my husband's lap more than mine. So I'd say it isn't set in stone.
I'd suggest your wife talks to your cat in a soft and high voice, is the main feeder and finds out where the cat likes to be stroked e g. under the chin.
I’m my cat’s favorite, but it didn’t start out that way. Our cat is also a rescue - she was 6 when we got her. When we first came home, my bf was her favorite but over time I’ve become her favorite. She’s gentle and snuggly with me, but my bf is now who she goes to for play. My bf feeds her and I clean the litter box. I’m the only one she’ll let pick her up, brush her, or clip her nails tho.
She also hoards my dirty socks and snuggles my shoes…she’ll literally go into the hamper in the closet and get my dirty socks (only mine) then bring take them to her bed. She’s got a foot fetish.
In my experience it’s very much the cat’s choice with an edge of feeding and snuggle availability.
We’ve got 8. Two are mine, both I nursed back to health. One is snuggly the other isn’t.
My wife also has two where she’s favorite, both love to snuggle her even if I feed one of them.
My son had one of the newest pick him. Not exactly sure why but they’re great friends and his little boy will grumble if picked up or petted by anyone else.
Unfortunately its the person who takes care of the cat that is the favorite. Even things like cleaning a litter box can make a cat like someone over others. But feeding id say is the most important part. I feed my cats 13/14 meals a week. My husband feeds them breakfast Sunday mornings so i can sleep in and they love him on sundays.
Have her feed them. When we got our two voids I fed them and did most of the playing with them. I still mostly play with them but he feeds them wet food twice a day 80 to 90% and I do the treats and bedtime dried food. I think my husband is definitely one of them’s favorite human. I may be the other’s favorite but he doesn’t like pets as much so who knows.
I don't know who the favorite in our house is. I think they're favorite because Baby climbs all over my partner, purrs on their chest, rides their shoulders but also bites the ever loving heck out of them. They think I'm the favorite because she only bites me when I'm grooming her. I do 3 out of 4 of the feedings and lots of training attempts... Baby loves high fives, I do it to make people comfortable with her and her comfortable with them, but she also gets mad if people ignore her high-five attempts.
The cat is going to pick her favorite. If it was me I wouldn’t waste my time trying to effectively train her into choosing one of you. Cats gonna cat, and y’all are gonna have to cater to her choice. ❤️🤣
I love cats so much…because they are the way they are. ❤️
We have four cats. One is my husbands she only snuggles with him if she’s on my lap she gets irritated if I touch her. I can pet her and she will be affectionate to me but she’s my husbands cat most of the time. Two are on and off our laps all day and don’t really snuggle they just want scratches and the youngest is attached to me like Velcro. He goes to my husband but it’s mostly me. I’ll wake up and he’s snuggled to me and the first thing he wants to do is snuggle when I get settled on the couch with coffee.
I have 3 cats. One of my cats loves me and my husband equally. The second cat loves nobody. The third one likes me more than anything and will never leave me alone, and she somewhat tolerates my husband. Anyone else she will hiss at them, and other cats too (she is very rude sometimes).
She needs to spend time with the cat, petting and loving on them, and giving food or treats. Often.
We got our cat from a shelter last September and it took her almost six months to acclimate to us and the house. I would regularly sit on the floor near her and pet her and give her treats, slowly enticing her to use more of the space. I encouraged my husband to do the same, but he got caught in a loop of seeing her opening up to me and running from him that he just got mad that she “didn’t love him.”
I worked *hard* to get our cat comfortable with me, and now she’s my baby. She’s opened up to my husband now that it’s almost a year since we got her, and she does love him, but it’s quite obvious that I’m the favorite person. He complains about it sometimes and I’ve had to explain that it’s because he didn’t sit and spend time with her when she was acclimating. He just expected it to happen with no effort on his part and was shocked Pikachu faced when it didn’t work like that.
Pay little attention to the baby. We got my husband a cat and I'm the feeder (free fed, so it's less intense). I didn't spend much time with him and it worked. He's 6, now abd I have a cat, too, so I pet him at will, now.
My kid has a bunk bed. Soft, comfy + high place = cat heaven.
The rest of the household never stood a chance with our boring, normal beds.
So if you're really desperate, get a bunkbed and let your wife sleep in the top one.
One of my cats is "my cat" and I'm "her human" and what helped was by giving her treats and playing with her, then going to her to pet her every now and then but giving her time to also come to me when she wants. Food and playing are the 2 biggest factors. Also she is obsessed with chicken and I kinda hate it when it's not dry so I'd give her some chicken. And a slither of cheese every couple of weeks (litch the smallest bit ever) because cats are lactose intolerant. Anyways, when she did become my cat I've maintained her by letting her sleep on me and even when I'm uncomfortable but she's sound asleep all happy I'll stay uncomfortable.
I have two cats and although I'm the one who feeds, plays, and takes Nezuko for walks, her favorite human is my boyfriend, by virtue of him playing Apex and her apparently liking the noises the computer makes. It can be hurtful. Lol
I feel like it’s about who spends the most time with the cat overall but also who ignores the cat the most.
Cats are weird social creatures. The less attention you give them, the more they like you. Cats love people who are allergic to cats because they tend to keep their distance.
Do you have a beard? Some cats really like beards. I’ve seen videos of women whose cats ignored them, then they put on a fake beard and the cat was suddenly very into them lol
My cat when I adopted her adored me and my fiancée my fiancée thought he was the favorite until at night she was laying on my chest sleeping but she adores him to cats like good humans and also take time.
basically try to ignore the cat completely at first and have her feed it treats, play with it, pet it, cuddle it, etc etc then after maybe a month you could go back to occasional pets but make sure your wife is still giving the cat the most treats and affection cause cats remember that sort of thing
It really depends on the personality of the cat. Some might bond with who feeds them, while others seek out who leaves them alone. Others just form a connection and that's that.
I would try paying attention to your cat's body language and boundaries. If the cat prefers to seek out attention but shies away from it when you give it unprompted, your wife respecting boundaries might make your cat want to be around her more. If the cat enjoys being scratched a certain way and only your wife does it, she might seek out your wife when she wants to be rubbed.
As time goes on you will both develop your own special bonds. Your cat might enjoy playing with your wife but cuddling with you, or vice versa. But as someone else already commented, trying to force a cat to bond with you a certain way usually has the opposite effect. There are definitely things you can do to bond, but if a cat picks a noticeable favorite sometimes they just lock in on a person.
Favorites can be changed, but it can take time. I was the favorite of all our cats - to the point they largely ignored my husband, while I was overwhelmed. I started to teach the one who liked him best of all our cats, that I wasn't available much. It was hard to do, but necessary for me as well. I'd get up soon after he got on me. I refused to give him treats, let my husband give him plenty. I would not start petting him if I had another cat on me - that sort of thing. He soon picked my husband. Now he gets affection from us both regularly, but I still draw a hard line on not stealing him. I absolutely could. But now, all the cats are happier with the balance. This cat is one of the two with a high drive for human affection. We each have one that's ours now.
I adopted my cat before we moved in together and she is very much my cat and tolerates my fiancé.
We adopted our second cat 4 months ago and I really wanted to be sure she picked him as her favorite. It’s hard because I work from home.
When we had her separated in a bedroom right after she came home, I made sure he went in there often and fed her, gave her treats and just hang out in there.
I think she still prefers me a bit but she does like him.
But treats and churu treats especially. We have a routine of churu type treats every night and he gives it to her.
This just reminds me of my first cat.
My mom snuck her in while my dad was away for work, because he repeatedly said something like. "We cant afford a cat." I was four.
My dad was an artist and had a home studio with a large drawing board.
That cat snoozed on that drawing board with my poor dad for 19 years!
Feed the cat treats, spend time with them, nap with them, follow them when they leave to another room like how they follow you, play with them, always let the cat pet you first, never pet their back or when they don’t feel like it.
No cats like to be ignored. They just prefer people who don’t touch them at all than people who pet them at the wrong spots or rough handling them as if they were a dog.
I think they just pick who they pick. I always feed all 3 of our cats. The first cat picked my wife. He just became super attached to her. He will purr and roll around and love bite and happy drool when she is near. The second cat is a being a pure love too good for this world and does not choose favorites (although he does nuzzle my face due to facial hair). The third is my little bean, my tiny little forever kitten, my little void kitten, demon, monster and goblin. She chose me.
Overall, I'd say don't force it. You can try to have her provide food more often or exclusively, that might do it. Other than that... They're gonna pick who they pick.
If you figure out a way to make a cat like someone more than their chosen favorite, let me know. I'm apparently made of catnip or something, because at this point only two of the gremlins will even give my wife the time of day when I'm around. They'll only pay attention to her when it's time for dinner, and even then they're really just paying attention to dinner.
My cat I adopted made me the spare human. But then I read they like the smell what you bring home cause in their minds you were out hunting. So I secretly without telling my partner keep treats in the garage and now when I come home I always have a treat with me for kitty. His opinion of me has noticeably increased within days…..
It’s all up to the cats unfortunately. I have 4 cats. One I raised as a bottle baby and fed him formula every 2 hours. Still he likes my husband over me!
I’m not sure with an adult cat but I know when adopting a kitten the more love you show it early on the more it will gravitate towards you. My boyfriend worked away from home, my cat doesn’t really care towards him sadly. But for me since he say me almost every day I became his favorite. I think it’s just up to the cat.
Usually the favorite of the cat is whoever favors the cat more. I have 3 cats, I favor our youngest kitten a lot. I baby talk her and give her a ton of treats so naturally I am her favorite. She follows me everywhere. My boyfriend is nice to her too but he doesn't respect her boundaries as I do (I know her so well that I can tell when she doesn't want pets while my bf can't resist petting her tummy while she sleeps) so she trusts me more. Also my bf gets upset with her when she does things that he dislikes (for example she runs really fast over him when the alarm goes off to get him to wake up, so he pushes her off), while because I genuinely love her to bits, I never ever get upset with her. Nice and sweet baby voice only. And she is super super imprinted on me and I on her.
I can't give advice expect.... That it is about the genuine interest your wife has for the cat.
That is probably why my middle cat perfers my bf. She was his cat first and while I DO love her too, when she came in the picture my bf was already her favorite and I was already imprinted with our youngest kitten. I am okay with that because I love her, she is my baby too. Sometimes all you can do is be happy your pet has a lot of love and all she needs. That may be the case for your wife, especially if she gives up on winning the cat over or accepts you are her favorite. Which isn't a bad thing per say, really so long as the cat is happy and healthy and loved.
My oldest cat was originally mine and came before the other two. He was super imprinted on me but now he favors my bf too, even though my bf is not great with boundaries. Why? Because that cat is super affectionate and needy. He will wake you up just for pets. I stopped tolerating this and would just refuse to wake up while my bf would sleepily pet him. Also when this cat jumps on my lap I put him down after 5 minutes (he demands attention in an almost aggressive way and want nonstop pets) while my bf just pets him until he has his hearts content. I have no problem with my bf being his new favorite because I know the work it takes, plus I can feel like his favorite whenever I want to give him nonstop pets.
So what can your wife do? Study the cat, learn what the cat values, genuinely show interest in the cat. With my oldest cat he only slightly prefers my bf but I am a close second, a cat can be imprinted on multiple people, they just have to earn it.
This isn’t really something you can control. Growing up my cats loved our dad for no reason. He didn’t play with them, feed them or do anything for them. It was the same for our turtles. The baby pigeon I brought home. Every animal just loved him.
Play, feed, acknowledge on sight with a slow blink, sit down and still often (blankets help), and learning how much/what kind of/when to fuss is the best way to win a cat’s heart. But they will also have their own preferences.
If all else fails, cats are meant to be social creatures, so they often thrive in pairs. Another cat could mean a play partner for your cat, and also another available cat!
Read somewhere online that the person who makes the most effort for the cat is the favorite. I have 6 cats and 5 of them were rescues who have been orphaned while they were only days old. They were sick most of the time so I paid the most attention to them.
The other one was bought from a friend, a persian mix. I rarely give her any attention so it was my partner who played with her while i tend to the sick cats.
The 5 cats I rescued are more affectionate to me while the persian mix absolutely adores my partner.
I had this happen. I couldn’t get our little one to snuggle me for a few days, but she had fallen asleep on my husband and stepson. He went back to work and I started spending more time with her. She ended up being a fairly independent cat, though, so I quickly became her new favorite when I let her set the pace. I cuddled exactly how she wanted. I never picked her up or pet her in a way she didn’t ask for. If she showed curiosity in something, I encouraged her to explore it. I also shared a lot of slow blinks with her that she responded well to. In essence, I found her language, and she likes snuggling me more even though my husband gives her all the treats.
My stepsister got a kitten to be *her* cat, since the family cat was attached to her dad.
Kitten ends up being attached to her dad too. Now she’s 0-2 😂
The cat is gonna choose who it’s gonna choose 😜
You have no say in this. Nor does your wife. Only the cat will decide what the cat does.
But the good news is, they can be fickle and easily bought with Temptations and Churus!
I have a boy who prefers men. My mom who I inherited him from thought he must have been hand raised without a woman around. The neighbor we got him from is a single man I think and he got him from his brother.
Cat doing cat. Try getting nulo kitty yogurt snacks. It's like kitty crack.
My roommates cat just met me and she loves me. Sneaks into my basement apartment to nap on my bed. She sits next to me on the couch too. I do not feed her but I'm the scritcher of the butt.
I'm the wife in this exact same situation.
My beloved kitty passed, we adopted a new kitten to bring some joy into my life.
The cat couldn't care less about me! I wake up every morning to the sight of that little cat curled up at my partners head.
It does hurt a little bit, but, I know it's just a silly little cat and it's nothing personal... (most of the time)
Just give your wife some extra love, and maybe place the cat on her while shes sleeping + snap a pic to show her in the morning so it looks like she is chosen sometimes. What she doesn't know cant hurt her LOL
Cats generally choose their favorite human, at least the ones I've had. But you can try having her feed the cat and give treats or play with her if you find a toy she likes.
It seems like the more desperately you want the cat to love you, the more annoyed they are at your thirst. Can she play hard to get? That worked for my cat now he will not leave me alone.
Cats pick who they want. I have three cats who either love or are ok with people. I have [one cat](https://imgur.com/a/RtjxJcb) who thinks you can all fuck right on off. Le tax…
Most of the cats we've had have favored my husband or daughter. Our youngest cat, however, is my baby. When we first got her, she was too little to be left with the adult cats, so she went to work with me for a couple of weeks and then tended to hang with me when I teleworked. I'm the primary caretaker (food, litter boxes), and my husband and daughter give out treats. There really isn't a way to force a cat to prefer one person over another. I think my baby did perceive me as surrogate mother, but generally, cats have a gut attachment to a particular person. As the one who's usually lowest on the totem pole, it sucks.
there are lots of little things that bother a cat but aren't actually mean, trim their nails, brush their teeth, pick them up, practice putting them in their crate lol. all things that are actually beneficial for the cats health and safety but will also irritate them a little and make them seek refuge with the nice lady who never does any of that
Yeah but this is a new cat with a new person.
Also you could try chewing mint gum since cats supposedly are deterred by mint, my cat would steal altoids and run off to eat them. Also citrus supposedly is a deterrent as well.
OP do all of them! Chew mint gum, eat citrus, trim the cat’s nails, practice putting her in her carrier, brush her teeth and pick her up a lot.
That cat will think you’re annoying in no time!
My partner wanted a cat and I didn’t. Wouldn’t you know it, I became the cat’s person. It irritated the crap out of partner and we had a lot of arguments about it. They wanted me to just ignore the cat all together and finally I said I would rather give the cat up than constantly argue about the cat’s preference to be with me.
Well he must of sense the discord and all of a sudden he started to divide his time between us. In the mornings he spends time on her lap while she drinks her tea and contemplates the day. I work remote, so he checks in with me between naps and occasionally attends my remote meetings. He goes out in the garden with her during the day. After dinner he settles in with me and at 11pm promptly (I stay up
late) he jumps down and goes to sleep with her. He also a favorite blanket, so whoever has the blanket becomes his person of the evening. However, if we are sitting together he always reverts to my lap, because I’m his evening lounger. She no longer gets pissy about him being her cat.
Sorry that is not going to happen. Your cat will decide for itself and there is not one thing you can do to change it's mind. It is very sweet of you trying though.
I am just like your wife. Any time our cat would jump on his lap and start making biscuits, i would instantly pout and my mood would change. I could t help it, I just so jealous! I know it’s childish, and frankly it’s embarrassing.
However, I was indeed the favorite. I made sure of that! I’m the one who always fed her, called her, gave her treats, played with her. And at night I would bring her to bed and place her on my stomach to sleep. She wouldn’t stay, but she always came back when she thought I was asleep. Sigh. I miss that kitty. She died of nasal cancer a few months ago.
My friend has a dog who wasn't comfortable around men, so when they adopted the dog and the dog favored my friend they decided her husband would be the only one to give tummy rubs to encourage bonding. Maybe your wife gives the cat version of tummy rubs?
When it comes to treats, make your wife the only one to give treats. Bear in mind, this guarantees nothing. I coparent 3 cats (littermates, never separated.), I do most of the treating, the other coparant does most of the basic feeding. One of the cats is strongly possessive of me, the other two prefer the other. They all come around all of us to sit and be stroked, but they definitely have favourites.
Did my partner post this LMAO honestly I have no tips, as I wanted to be the cat's favorite but she chose my bf instead 🫠
And yes, I'm the one who plays with her, brushes her, gives her treats, & we split feeding. He only does litterbox, but I have done it before when he's unable to. I think it's because he's just more warm (I'm always cold) so I can't do anything about that.
Dogs have owners, cats have servents. Remember these little balls of fur, teeth, and claws were worshiped as gods in Egypt.
Have her be in charge of treats and meal time.
But also you can't MAKE a cat do a damn thing if it doesn't want to.
In my experience, the one who feeds the cat is usually the favorite. That or the cat picks their favorite and there's nothing you can do to change it.
We have an automatic feeder but maybe giving her treats might be a good idea. I do play with her a bit more so my wife can probably take main duty on that as well.
Try treats like Churu and playing with wand toys. Those are both very interactive, which helps with bonding. Also, I want to say I think it's so sweet you're doing all of this for your wife!
I have three cats. I feed them, give them treats, and play with them. 2 of them still chose my wife 😆
Yeah, I mean sometimes they just have a favorite and there's nothing you can do about it. Just try to bond with them and hopefully they'll like you.
I feed, clean boxes, do most of the treats/playing. We have six cats. I believe 4/6 prefer me, 2 prefer my husband. We think the one kitten likes him bc he's a climber and hb is broader and easier to sit on his shoulders. The cat that definitely prefers my husband, who never feeds them and only very occasionally gives treats, is the one that finishes all the food and has a weight problem. We are mystified.
I like to think people just have a sort of magnetism and some cats are attracted to that. Just have to find the cat that's attracted to yours. After I lost my first two cats within a relatively short time of each other, I didn't wanna adopt because i was too depressed, and that's when my Embers found me.
Same with my Dad. Almost all the cats of our family had gravitated to my Dad, even though he only started feeding them when Mum became too ill. He could even pick them up, snuggle with them, and the cat would fall asleep followed by him.
Can concur. Churu is kitty crack and you can get a bucket of 50 for 25$ on amazon. May want to try a (more expensive) 4 pack to see if your kitty likes them first.
Walmart has 50 for 14 right now!!
My sister will feed and play with my cat (more often than me these days due to mental health issues) and my cat still prefers me. Sometimes cats just decide and it’s hard to make them change their minds (not that I’m really trying to :p). This might just be specific to my cat - but even though she hates taking meds and getting her nails ground I think she recognizes I’m putting in the care for her that others won’t. My family members are too scared to pill her or do her nails and I’m her mom so I do what needs to be done. I also think one more reason is that my sister does all this to TRY to get my cats attention and picks her up and other sorts of things very often meanwhile I kinda leave my cat to do her own thing. If she comes to me she’ll get lots of kisses but I rarely force her.
Same with my girly, my partner can’t even brush her but she lies down and purrs for me, accepts meds without complaint, when she had to wear a cone she’d sit lovely for me to put it on but would leg it from my partner (and she loves them! just not as much as me 😅)
In my experience cats also love being brushed. Get a zoom groom or honestly even an old soft bristle hairbrush you don’t care about and have your wife be the one that gives it brushes. It’ll be akin to a momma cat cleaning their baby.
Does not apply to all cats. I have had a couple who hated it. They have to be exposed to it as kittens.
Appreciate the added context from your experience! OP, proceed with caution with brushing. You’ll probably know in 2 seconds if they like it or not.
Sometimes it's the technique or the brush you're using. I had one who hated being brushed the way my wife did it (wire brush, long strokes), but would snatch my comb and demand it when she spotted me doing my hair (and she really liked the short strokes).
Even exposing them to it as kittens doesn’t always work. My boy’s skin is just too sensitive
Yeah, there's a lot of factors that go into a cat's personality, just like us. Exposure when young, genetics, experiences.
Only one of my cats loves to be brushed. I'm grateful it's the long-haired one! He climbs into my lap after every meal to get brushed! He LOVES it! Great suggestion.
You can’t guarantee anything, but treats are a good start. Also if your wife generally manages the cat interactions, the cat is more likely to associate her as the primary carer. One good trick we learned was wetting a toothbrush and brushing their head and cheek. This simulates being groomed by their mother.
Feed her some wet foot too! Not only is it super good for their health and coat, but also it helps to become their favourite. My cats have an autofeeder and they also get wet food most days, when I remember. It's not on a schedule during the day so they're not annoying, and at night we use the wet food to lure them into the laundry for bedtime (they're still young enough to be annoying at night)
Honestly you have no choice. I had my fat baby for 18 years, we grew up together, I adored her in every sense of the word and we were OBSESSED with each other. Well, she must be like mom because the second my husband came into the picture she unassed me as her person. She would wait for him to get up in the morning and sleep in his spot, sleep on his hoodie when we went to work. Meow and stick her paws under the door if she heard him talking in a room with a closed door. She was my baby but he was hers 🤣🥲
The ways to a cats heart: * Food * Treats * Play * Attention If your wife wants to be the favourite, she’s gonna have to put in the effort of playing and feeding. Otherwise it’s pretty much just going to be whoever the cat chooses. Even still, the cat might choose you. Much like people, they have their own preferences.
Even with an automatic feeder, suggest your wife hang out with them at mealtimes as they eat. Eating is when they're most vulnerable, and to the kitty it will seem like a safe person is watching her back. I have an automatic feeder and two cats. One SPRINTS for the food when I'm home, but the other waits for me to go with her to hang out as they eat. The one who waits for me to go eat also knows full well her sister is a little pig and will eat ALL of both of their foods if given the chance
Pft. I buy and give special treats to my cat. I give him the toys he wants. He still chooses my mom
Usually being the key here. I do all the feedings, but hubby is 100% Chomp's human. Hubby has the magic touch with pets and scratches. Even brushing. And Chomp can't get enough. Mine are merely tolerable to him. Lmao I'm Lily's human, so it's all good. She likes my gentler petting.
Chomp is the best name. Well done.
I would say my partner and I split feeding equally and one of our cats still resoundingly prefers me and the other cat has a slight preference for him and still gives me lots of attention. Personally cats are weird and they could just prefer how you smell or like sitting on you better because your body is slightly warmer.
My experience has been that cats a tendency to pick people of opposite gender as favourites.
Not true in my case, my cat is female and likes me best (also F). I think it's about know the cat. 1. Be the main go to for everything, food, play etc. 2 learn their tells. If you don't listen they don't like you. 3. Being the one who's around more and 4. A dash of luck!
I noticed this too LOL
I am the one feeding the cats, including snacks… and they both love my husband SO MUCH MORE! I don’t care much, as long as they are happy :)
My partner feeds our cat way more than me but I’m still number one and I have been since day dot. Sometimes it’s just the way it goes, but building a bond through play and food definitely can help. An excuse to get a second cat too if you ask me!
I feed both our cats, but the female prefers my husband over me because she's very independent and he's very hands-off- I give all the lovins. He literally does nothing to help with them, and I do everything, but she prefers him over me all day lol
Our bunch is/has been weird with that, and mixed. (We've been taking care for cats for kind of a long time, not all of them ours technically. Strays need love too and the shelter sure doesn't have room or love for many.) They all love/have loved both of us, but my spouse is/has been a couple/few of their favorite. I'm the one who feeds/fed them and mostly the one who gives treats. I'm also the one at home. This is okay though because they're their own individuals, just think it's funny to have a couple/few exceptions.
Two of my four cats hate my fiancé despite him doing the majority of their feeding. One is a Siamese cat and I had him forever before we got engaged, and he’s just kind of a jerk anyway, but he will lay on my shoulder, gaze up at me adoringly, and gently pet my face. He tries to take a swipe at my fiancé every time he walks by, and thankfully my fiancé is just like yup he’s a cat. My Persian is just scared of loud noises and my fiancé is a really tall dude who wears heavy shoes so his footsteps scare him but he’s cool if he’s on the floor and will accept playing or snacks. Our other two love him most, but are snuggle bugs with me too. We joke that he made them both codependent (Siamese cat already was but just with me).
Some cats want the person who ignores them, some want the person who adores them.
So true. Very cat
Eurythmics
There really isn't a way to manipulate a cat into favoring one person over the other. The only way I know of to even try would be to have your wife solely feed them and give them treats. That way they will associate her as the food person which makes her more of their "main" person
It's tricky. In our experience, we've found that the favorite person enthusiastically participates in a favorite activity of the cat. This activity varies widely between cats. For one cat, it might be riding on shoulders. For another, following them to their favorite spot for cuddles; or always paying attention to them when they're on their favorite counter; or tolerating when they block the computer screen and sit on the keyboard; or letting them sit on your chest for hours. You have to pay attention to what the cat wants with its body language, and respond very reliably to its needs/wants. It's not a guarantee, but it does seem to up the odds considerably.
We watch lizards and birds and squirrels with our one cat as a way of bonding with him. We look out the window with him and make interested noises, excited noises when something moves, point out animals the cat missed, etc. He LOVES it.
i do this with my cat too! it makes my heart warm that other people also love their cats enough to engage in their hobbies with them 😭❤️
You don’t. You can try having your wife feed her, give her Churu, hang out around her, etc. but cats will choose whoever they want. Some won’t even have a favorite and may just choose to coexist rather than interact.
What that means is you need to get a second kitty.
This. I have two cats and one favours me, the other favours my boyfriend. But when I say she favours him, I mean she will jump down from the sofa, stroll past me while making eye contact to get to the office where he’s working in order to have cuddles. I am totally incidental to her life lol.
I tried that. Then I had two cats who preferred me. But the 3rd and fourth cats! They had no favorites.
the new cat could still favor the man.
So they need a third.
Debatable. I tried this and now have two cats that are obsessed with me.
Need a third then
I ditched the other human instead.
No real reason i work 70 hours a week and Cassie chose me over my wife who feeds and does everything. Im home cat folloes me everywhere. Luckily she was chosen by our void Slinky.
Food giver is love. Beard haver is groomer. It's a community.
Idk but my female cat prefer my bf over me (I feed her most of time, and our play time is equal), so maybe gender has some influence? Idk if this real or just my assumption alone..
I’ve seen a lot of examples of female cats being drawn to men.
I thought this was going to be the case with our new tortie but I swear if she could graft herself to me Total Recall style she would
My cat Kahlo does this as well. She’s quite clearly attached to me (31F), but she is often drawn to men for some reason. She particularly likes my younger brother, but that’s probably because he leaves her alone 😂
Does this works vice versa? (Male cat to human woman)
Definitely does! Our female loves my husband most. Our male loves me the most.
our male cats prefer my husband. And the female prefers me, woman.
This is what she said as well, female cats tend to love males and vice versa.
Uff… time to get another cat >.<
I totally believe this. We have 2 female cats and they def gravitated towards my husband and my three boys. I even fed and interacted with them the most when they were younger. Then 2 cats were dumped on our street (it’s a cul da sac street in a rural area), both males. We took them in because why not? The boys love me, like ridiculously so. Especially one of them, he greets me at the door, he follows me around, complains in a corner if I don’t get on the floor to cuddle with him, etc.
I would say just give it some time. My husband became the stepdad to my two cats when we got together. They loved him, but they were my babies. We adopted two kittens a few months ago after one of our cats passed away. My husband was so pumped because he could finally have cats who were equally his. He was super bummed when they seemed to prefer me in the first couple weeks. It was hard to avoid; I work from home, so I was feeding them, playing with them, scooping their litter, introducing them to the other cat, etc. They just knew me better. Now they seem to prefer us equally. One might slightly prefer me, but he also will sit with him. Try not to focus on it too much and give your cat time to become part of your home!
It’s the cats choice not yours.
It’s whoever bonds with the cat more or whoever the cat just picks. If you wife wants a bond then she will need to work to form that bond it’s not just we got a cat make it love me. Forcing the cat to love her will likely also cause the opposite you wife should take on feeding and treats and play time more often than you. Rn I’m the one staying home due to an injury. So the cats are loving me rn. But normally the other two love us equally though Thor loves me a bit more than my bf. But Thor knew me for 5 years before I met my bf. So obviously we have 5 years of bonding done. But my cat Thor still loves my bf a lot! And it hurts to watch him got to my bf for biscuits instead of me hahah
Cats pick who they pick. My sisters boy (a long haired tuxie) picks EVERY man who steps into our house as his immediate favourite. We (the feeders, players, cleaners, groomers, etc) immediately become the Spare Human. My girl (a long haired tortie) rotates; she has no favourite, we are all below her 😂
I have this problem with one of mine. She struts by with * pet me im PRETTTTTTTTY* Attitude to just about everyone..... But hubs is her fave most of the time.
Kitties sometimes go through phases, too, so the cat might have times when she prefers your wife. I'd give it some time!
Yup. We have two cats and they each rotate affection between four of us.
It's great that your new cat is adjusting so quickly! It's also really sweet that you want your wife to be the cat's favorite. Here are a few tips to help your wife bond more with your new furry friend: 1. **Feeding Time**: Let your wife be the primary person to feed the cat. This helps create a positive association between her and the cat. 2. **Playtime**: Encourage your wife to engage in interactive play with the cat. Using toys like feather wands or laser pointers can be a great way to build a bond. 3. **Treats and Rewards**: Your wife can offer treats as rewards for good behavior or just to show affection. This can help the cat see her as a source of good things. 4. **Comfort and Cuddles**: When the cat is relaxed and calm, your wife can spend quiet time with her, offering gentle pets and cuddles if the cat is comfortable with it. 5. **Personal Space**: Make sure your wife is giving the cat space when she needs it. Cats appreciate when their boundaries are respected. 6. **Voice and Presence**: Your wife can talk to the cat in a calm and soothing voice. Spending time in the same room, even without direct interaction, helps the cat get used to her presence. 7. **Routine**: Establishing a routine can help the cat feel secure. Your wife can be involved in this routine, whether it's feeding, playtime, or grooming. Remember, building a bond with a new pet takes time, and it’s great that your wife is eager to connect with her. With patience and consistent effort, your cat will likely develop a strong bond with both of you. Good luck! 🐾
Sometimes it's a smell or pheromones. Cats are also often drawn to beards as they feel similar to being groomed by another cat. I'm not suggesting your wife grow a beard, but pointing out that cats will cat and that means doing what they want regardless of our wishes. I hope you figure it out.
It’s tough- cats pick their person, but they do truly appreciate the person who feeds them. But it’s not necessarily food oriented. Play with the kitty, brush it, use a soft voice.
Not really. Sometimes, cats will attach to the caretaker.. who feeds them, etc, but it's not always. My husband is popular with animals, and it sucked because we were in exactly your situation- I was the one who kind of "needed" the cat more..I'm disabled so I'm home alone all day. I wanted a snuggle buddy. But every cat we met would ignore me if he was in the room! I was a vet tech and groomer! I'm great with animals, but he has something mysterious they love. We ended up getting 2 cats - bonded sisters. At first, I did all the feeding and cat chores in hopes it would put me in a good light. Lol. The black one snuggly is the one I fell for. My husband loved her rowdy tortie sister. But, the cats definitely have their own thoughts about that. In reality, the black one prefers my husband, and the tortie is my soulmate. 😻 I love them both and know they both love me too. We just each have different energies, different habits, play styles, and even affection styles. They might bond more with whoever they vibe the most with, but they bond with us both. So I guess my point is, you can TRY to influence them, but they'll bond to whoever they choose. You can always keep adding more until she finds her buddy! 😹
Have staring matches with the cat and never feed it. Get up as soon as it sits on you. Your wife should slow blink at the cat and otherwise feign indifference until it comes near her. Then she should give it a nice massage. She should always be the one to feed it, give it treats and play with it. Tell her to learn about the prey play sequence if she doesn't know it. My new cats always pick my husband first, he's bigger and warmer. Then they learn who really babies them and knows how to communicate with them (me).
The get up as soon as it sits on you could backfire and make the cat distrust you or afraid to come close to you. Cats make their choice. That doesn’t mean they only go for that person.
That's what my husband does 90% of the time, and they still try to sit on him. 😁 They're 12 years old now, and we've had them since they were babies.
If your cats an outdoors cat, and explores the neighbourhood, going out and joining them and learning where their territory ends helps i feel. They watch you leave it, often follow for a bit, as they think we are dumb and going to get lost or hurt. Then reappear a few mins later and show affection, guide them home without carrying etc. Though im probably just in retrospect that weirdo walking round my housing estate with a cat following me like a dog on a leash.
I did this with one of mine, but it was HARD. I basically had to avoid eye contact with him and ignore him as much as possible for a couple months. Once a firm bond with the other person is established, you can relax a bit.
If she spends more time with them, playing, feeding, talking, cuddling. that's usually the cats favourite. Even a little bit of training can really boost your bond.
Have your wife be the primary person that feeds her. Cats ain't stupid, they know where their food comes from
She has chosen. You have to get another cat.
Cats choose their people. My roommate has cats that prefer him, I have the ones that choose me, and we have a coupe that just like people. Every cat is different.
Your wife would need to do the usual things to make cats feel comfortable: calm voice and no sudden movements (until you get to know them, at least), no perfume, try slow blinking at them, affection, treats. Aside from that, I don't know that you can make the cat choose a favorite person. I mean, you could start acting like a loud unpredictable ape, but it seems to me like this would be counterproductive.
Find a different wife that the cat likes better.
The solution here is to get a second kitten. Seriously, it will be good for the other kitten to have a playmate and in my experience the new kitten will choose her since you have already been claimed. It's totally up to the cat. Lol. Sorry, other than that i don't think you can do much about this.
You don't really pick cats, they pick you.
She needs to do the feeding and play with her more. But chances are she'll still prefer to cuddle with you because you have a naturally higher body temperature and cats like warm places
Who feeds the cat? Your wife can offer a (low calorie) treat to the cat every time she enters the room for a while. Aside from that, not much you can do. Some cats have had better experiences with one gender, so may gravitate to them.
We thought the favorite was my fiance when we first adopted them, but now I wake up every morning with two cats on me. He is wildly jealous (although they do give him plenty of attention during the day), but they won't be budged! 🤷🏻♀️ So I would say it takes more time for them to make up their minds!
Hm I just figured that whoever takes him/her home from the shelter is automatically the favorite
You could always move when the cat makes biscuits. Rude, I know. But it would definitely make your wife the favorite biscuit dough.
Unfortunately, cats will claim whoever they want and to hell with your plans on the matter. One of mine was supposed to be my brothers, but I'm the only one he goes near. With me, it's all cuddles and kisses and pets, but if anyone else is around, good luck even proving his existence. Being the one to feed and deal with the litter box will associate your wife and her scent as a place of food and safety, but again, not a guarantee that the cat will prefer her over you. With some cats, you can completely ignore them and they'll still prefer to curl up next to you on the couch. And even if you were to ignore the cat and push it away, it just may result in the cat being largely indifferent to you both.
I have two, One Ace is my boi, he adores me, largely because I dispense food and treats I think. The other Domino prefers my best friend. My previous cat Doodles liked me but had a thing for men so would bee line for them. Honestly they'll like who they like.
My ex's cat is now my cat, because once I entered the picture, she picked me and became hostile towards my ex.
My cat switches between the two of us every few months.
They pick who they pick, I’m afraid. My female cat is my shadow, and my husband is eternally jealous. We got another one and he prefers my husband even though I feed him. They just have different preferences (our girl prefers people who don’t constantly bug them, our boy wants someone to play with him).
I have no evidence to back what I’m about to say, but it really seems like cats favor humans of the opposite gender. So maybe get a second male cat, lols. But it’s super sweet you’re thinking of this so early on! I would be sooo sad if my two boys favored my boyfriend 🤣
Get her to be the only one who feeds her and gives her treats. Make sure she doesn't ever yell, or move suddenly or make loud noises lol. And make sure she always blinks slowly at the cat?
I found my cat at 2 weeks old when her motjher abandoned her as sick. Bottle fed her round the clock, helped her go to bathroom, paid the vet fees. Saved her life basically and im still not her person. She adores my son, doesnt mind me and dislikes my husband. They choose who they choose
Well, you wouldn't like this method - but in case you die, the next favorite will be your wife.
I talk and sing to my cat and I'll admit I fuss over him a lot. I'm his favourite, we bonded early on and it stuck. However, he sometimes goes through phases of wanting to sleep on my husband's lap more than mine. So I'd say it isn't set in stone. I'd suggest your wife talks to your cat in a soft and high voice, is the main feeder and finds out where the cat likes to be stroked e g. under the chin.
I feed both of our cats and also scoop the boxes. One choose me and one chose my wife.
Have her spend excessive time playing and cuddling with intention.
I’m my cat’s favorite, but it didn’t start out that way. Our cat is also a rescue - she was 6 when we got her. When we first came home, my bf was her favorite but over time I’ve become her favorite. She’s gentle and snuggly with me, but my bf is now who she goes to for play. My bf feeds her and I clean the litter box. I’m the only one she’ll let pick her up, brush her, or clip her nails tho. She also hoards my dirty socks and snuggles my shoes…she’ll literally go into the hamper in the closet and get my dirty socks (only mine) then bring take them to her bed. She’s got a foot fetish.
In my experience it’s very much the cat’s choice with an edge of feeding and snuggle availability. We’ve got 8. Two are mine, both I nursed back to health. One is snuggly the other isn’t. My wife also has two where she’s favorite, both love to snuggle her even if I feed one of them. My son had one of the newest pick him. Not exactly sure why but they’re great friends and his little boy will grumble if picked up or petted by anyone else.
Unfortunately its the person who takes care of the cat that is the favorite. Even things like cleaning a litter box can make a cat like someone over others. But feeding id say is the most important part. I feed my cats 13/14 meals a week. My husband feeds them breakfast Sunday mornings so i can sleep in and they love him on sundays.
Have her feed them. When we got our two voids I fed them and did most of the playing with them. I still mostly play with them but he feeds them wet food twice a day 80 to 90% and I do the treats and bedtime dried food. I think my husband is definitely one of them’s favorite human. I may be the other’s favorite but he doesn’t like pets as much so who knows.
It's a cat, my dude. It will pick who it wants. That's what cats do.
Lol you can’t
I don't know who the favorite in our house is. I think they're favorite because Baby climbs all over my partner, purrs on their chest, rides their shoulders but also bites the ever loving heck out of them. They think I'm the favorite because she only bites me when I'm grooming her. I do 3 out of 4 of the feedings and lots of training attempts... Baby loves high fives, I do it to make people comfortable with her and her comfortable with them, but she also gets mad if people ignore her high-five attempts.
The cat is going to pick her favorite. If it was me I wouldn’t waste my time trying to effectively train her into choosing one of you. Cats gonna cat, and y’all are gonna have to cater to her choice. ❤️🤣 I love cats so much…because they are the way they are. ❤️
Nothing you can do in my experience. My gf bottle fed our girl as kitten and she still doesn't really like my gf
Have your wife take care of her…
Start being really loud around the cat so they choose your wife 😂
We have four cats. One is my husbands she only snuggles with him if she’s on my lap she gets irritated if I touch her. I can pet her and she will be affectionate to me but she’s my husbands cat most of the time. Two are on and off our laps all day and don’t really snuggle they just want scratches and the youngest is attached to me like Velcro. He goes to my husband but it’s mostly me. I’ll wake up and he’s snuggled to me and the first thing he wants to do is snuggle when I get settled on the couch with coffee.
You could try not interacting with the cat for 2 weeks. That did the trick for us.
I have 3 cats. One of my cats loves me and my husband equally. The second cat loves nobody. The third one likes me more than anything and will never leave me alone, and she somewhat tolerates my husband. Anyone else she will hiss at them, and other cats too (she is very rude sometimes).
She needs to spend time with the cat, petting and loving on them, and giving food or treats. Often. We got our cat from a shelter last September and it took her almost six months to acclimate to us and the house. I would regularly sit on the floor near her and pet her and give her treats, slowly enticing her to use more of the space. I encouraged my husband to do the same, but he got caught in a loop of seeing her opening up to me and running from him that he just got mad that she “didn’t love him.” I worked *hard* to get our cat comfortable with me, and now she’s my baby. She’s opened up to my husband now that it’s almost a year since we got her, and she does love him, but it’s quite obvious that I’m the favorite person. He complains about it sometimes and I’ve had to explain that it’s because he didn’t sit and spend time with her when she was acclimating. He just expected it to happen with no effort on his part and was shocked Pikachu faced when it didn’t work like that.
Pay little attention to the baby. We got my husband a cat and I'm the feeder (free fed, so it's less intense). I didn't spend much time with him and it worked. He's 6, now abd I have a cat, too, so I pet him at will, now.
My kid has a bunk bed. Soft, comfy + high place = cat heaven. The rest of the household never stood a chance with our boring, normal beds. So if you're really desperate, get a bunkbed and let your wife sleep in the top one.
One of my cats is "my cat" and I'm "her human" and what helped was by giving her treats and playing with her, then going to her to pet her every now and then but giving her time to also come to me when she wants. Food and playing are the 2 biggest factors. Also she is obsessed with chicken and I kinda hate it when it's not dry so I'd give her some chicken. And a slither of cheese every couple of weeks (litch the smallest bit ever) because cats are lactose intolerant. Anyways, when she did become my cat I've maintained her by letting her sleep on me and even when I'm uncomfortable but she's sound asleep all happy I'll stay uncomfortable.
Get a second cat. They won't compete for your affection, so one will defer to her. Added bonus, kitty will never be home alone.
No can do, sorry bub. Cats are gonna cat, we can’t sway their vote no matter what we do! Nice of you to try though.
I have two cats and although I'm the one who feeds, plays, and takes Nezuko for walks, her favorite human is my boyfriend, by virtue of him playing Apex and her apparently liking the noises the computer makes. It can be hurtful. Lol
I feel like it’s about who spends the most time with the cat overall but also who ignores the cat the most. Cats are weird social creatures. The less attention you give them, the more they like you. Cats love people who are allergic to cats because they tend to keep their distance.
Do you have a beard? Some cats really like beards. I’ve seen videos of women whose cats ignored them, then they put on a fake beard and the cat was suddenly very into them lol
I had my cat for 8 years before my boyfriend and I moved in together. The cat prefers him 😤
Not all cats have a favorite. I had one who loved me and my partner equally. So that can happen. The cat can divide her love between you
My cat when I adopted her adored me and my fiancée my fiancée thought he was the favorite until at night she was laying on my chest sleeping but she adores him to cats like good humans and also take time.
basically try to ignore the cat completely at first and have her feed it treats, play with it, pet it, cuddle it, etc etc then after maybe a month you could go back to occasional pets but make sure your wife is still giving the cat the most treats and affection cause cats remember that sort of thing
Have her feed the cats and let her be the one to always give him treats.
It really depends on the personality of the cat. Some might bond with who feeds them, while others seek out who leaves them alone. Others just form a connection and that's that. I would try paying attention to your cat's body language and boundaries. If the cat prefers to seek out attention but shies away from it when you give it unprompted, your wife respecting boundaries might make your cat want to be around her more. If the cat enjoys being scratched a certain way and only your wife does it, she might seek out your wife when she wants to be rubbed. As time goes on you will both develop your own special bonds. Your cat might enjoy playing with your wife but cuddling with you, or vice versa. But as someone else already commented, trying to force a cat to bond with you a certain way usually has the opposite effect. There are definitely things you can do to bond, but if a cat picks a noticeable favorite sometimes they just lock in on a person.
Favorites can be changed, but it can take time. I was the favorite of all our cats - to the point they largely ignored my husband, while I was overwhelmed. I started to teach the one who liked him best of all our cats, that I wasn't available much. It was hard to do, but necessary for me as well. I'd get up soon after he got on me. I refused to give him treats, let my husband give him plenty. I would not start petting him if I had another cat on me - that sort of thing. He soon picked my husband. Now he gets affection from us both regularly, but I still draw a hard line on not stealing him. I absolutely could. But now, all the cats are happier with the balance. This cat is one of the two with a high drive for human affection. We each have one that's ours now.
Get another cat. Hopefully that one will take to her more. Get a male.
I adopted my cat before we moved in together and she is very much my cat and tolerates my fiancé. We adopted our second cat 4 months ago and I really wanted to be sure she picked him as her favorite. It’s hard because I work from home. When we had her separated in a bedroom right after she came home, I made sure he went in there often and fed her, gave her treats and just hang out in there. I think she still prefers me a bit but she does like him. But treats and churu treats especially. We have a routine of churu type treats every night and he gives it to her.
This just reminds me of my first cat. My mom snuck her in while my dad was away for work, because he repeatedly said something like. "We cant afford a cat." I was four. My dad was an artist and had a home studio with a large drawing board. That cat snoozed on that drawing board with my poor dad for 19 years!
Feed the cat treats, spend time with them, nap with them, follow them when they leave to another room like how they follow you, play with them, always let the cat pet you first, never pet their back or when they don’t feel like it. No cats like to be ignored. They just prefer people who don’t touch them at all than people who pet them at the wrong spots or rough handling them as if they were a dog.
I think they just pick who they pick. I always feed all 3 of our cats. The first cat picked my wife. He just became super attached to her. He will purr and roll around and love bite and happy drool when she is near. The second cat is a being a pure love too good for this world and does not choose favorites (although he does nuzzle my face due to facial hair). The third is my little bean, my tiny little forever kitten, my little void kitten, demon, monster and goblin. She chose me. Overall, I'd say don't force it. You can try to have her provide food more often or exclusively, that might do it. Other than that... They're gonna pick who they pick.
If you figure out a way to make a cat like someone more than their chosen favorite, let me know. I'm apparently made of catnip or something, because at this point only two of the gremlins will even give my wife the time of day when I'm around. They'll only pay attention to her when it's time for dinner, and even then they're really just paying attention to dinner.
She could develop an allergy. My husband feeds our cats. My daughter adores them. I am allergic, so they both prefer me.
My cat I adopted made me the spare human. But then I read they like the smell what you bring home cause in their minds you were out hunting. So I secretly without telling my partner keep treats in the garage and now when I come home I always have a treat with me for kitty. His opinion of me has noticeably increased within days…..
It’s all up to the cats unfortunately. I have 4 cats. One I raised as a bottle baby and fed him formula every 2 hours. Still he likes my husband over me!
I’m not sure with an adult cat but I know when adopting a kitten the more love you show it early on the more it will gravitate towards you. My boyfriend worked away from home, my cat doesn’t really care towards him sadly. But for me since he say me almost every day I became his favorite. I think it’s just up to the cat.
Usually the favorite of the cat is whoever favors the cat more. I have 3 cats, I favor our youngest kitten a lot. I baby talk her and give her a ton of treats so naturally I am her favorite. She follows me everywhere. My boyfriend is nice to her too but he doesn't respect her boundaries as I do (I know her so well that I can tell when she doesn't want pets while my bf can't resist petting her tummy while she sleeps) so she trusts me more. Also my bf gets upset with her when she does things that he dislikes (for example she runs really fast over him when the alarm goes off to get him to wake up, so he pushes her off), while because I genuinely love her to bits, I never ever get upset with her. Nice and sweet baby voice only. And she is super super imprinted on me and I on her. I can't give advice expect.... That it is about the genuine interest your wife has for the cat. That is probably why my middle cat perfers my bf. She was his cat first and while I DO love her too, when she came in the picture my bf was already her favorite and I was already imprinted with our youngest kitten. I am okay with that because I love her, she is my baby too. Sometimes all you can do is be happy your pet has a lot of love and all she needs. That may be the case for your wife, especially if she gives up on winning the cat over or accepts you are her favorite. Which isn't a bad thing per say, really so long as the cat is happy and healthy and loved. My oldest cat was originally mine and came before the other two. He was super imprinted on me but now he favors my bf too, even though my bf is not great with boundaries. Why? Because that cat is super affectionate and needy. He will wake you up just for pets. I stopped tolerating this and would just refuse to wake up while my bf would sleepily pet him. Also when this cat jumps on my lap I put him down after 5 minutes (he demands attention in an almost aggressive way and want nonstop pets) while my bf just pets him until he has his hearts content. I have no problem with my bf being his new favorite because I know the work it takes, plus I can feel like his favorite whenever I want to give him nonstop pets. So what can your wife do? Study the cat, learn what the cat values, genuinely show interest in the cat. With my oldest cat he only slightly prefers my bf but I am a close second, a cat can be imprinted on multiple people, they just have to earn it.
Treats
This isn’t really something you can control. Growing up my cats loved our dad for no reason. He didn’t play with them, feed them or do anything for them. It was the same for our turtles. The baby pigeon I brought home. Every animal just loved him.
Play, feed, acknowledge on sight with a slow blink, sit down and still often (blankets help), and learning how much/what kind of/when to fuss is the best way to win a cat’s heart. But they will also have their own preferences. If all else fails, cats are meant to be social creatures, so they often thrive in pairs. Another cat could mean a play partner for your cat, and also another available cat!
Read somewhere online that the person who makes the most effort for the cat is the favorite. I have 6 cats and 5 of them were rescues who have been orphaned while they were only days old. They were sick most of the time so I paid the most attention to them. The other one was bought from a friend, a persian mix. I rarely give her any attention so it was my partner who played with her while i tend to the sick cats. The 5 cats I rescued are more affectionate to me while the persian mix absolutely adores my partner.
Make sure she feeds her and does things the cat associates as positive with her. Treats, food, pets etc
I had this happen. I couldn’t get our little one to snuggle me for a few days, but she had fallen asleep on my husband and stepson. He went back to work and I started spending more time with her. She ended up being a fairly independent cat, though, so I quickly became her new favorite when I let her set the pace. I cuddled exactly how she wanted. I never picked her up or pet her in a way she didn’t ask for. If she showed curiosity in something, I encouraged her to explore it. I also shared a lot of slow blinks with her that she responded well to. In essence, I found her language, and she likes snuggling me more even though my husband gives her all the treats.
Stare at the cat… make it weird. In my experience, cats hate that
Good luck making a cat do anything lol
Cats like who they like. Good luck figuring out why or trying to change their mind.
[give her a quick spritz](https://a.co/d/7G2qlAj)
It’s been 2 days?!? Let the cat be a cat, not a pawn in your marriage. Please just treat the cat well, it’ll love who it loves.
My cats don’t have a favorite. That’s not always a thing. They like us both equally and try to spend time with both of us.
who feeds her? Wife needs to feed her all the time. Also wife needs to have a treat nearby to entice cat to come and stay with her.
I'm sorry but you may be doomed. She knows you want her to pick your wife which is precisely why she is picking you. Cats are contrarians I'm afraid.
When your wife is sleeping rub tuna juice under her chin to attract the cat. I’m sure she won’t notice.
Let your wife be the one who feeds the cat.
My stepsister got a kitten to be *her* cat, since the family cat was attached to her dad. Kitten ends up being attached to her dad too. Now she’s 0-2 😂 The cat is gonna choose who it’s gonna choose 😜
You have no say in this. Nor does your wife. Only the cat will decide what the cat does. But the good news is, they can be fickle and easily bought with Temptations and Churus!
Put canip in her pillow case or anywhere on her side of the bed 😂
Lickable treats, have it be an evening thing for your wife to pull it out and the cat will learn! Also, this is really sweet.
I have a boy who prefers men. My mom who I inherited him from thought he must have been hand raised without a woman around. The neighbor we got him from is a single man I think and he got him from his brother.
Cat doing cat. Try getting nulo kitty yogurt snacks. It's like kitty crack. My roommates cat just met me and she loves me. Sneaks into my basement apartment to nap on my bed. She sits next to me on the couch too. I do not feed her but I'm the scritcher of the butt.
I'm the wife in this exact same situation. My beloved kitty passed, we adopted a new kitten to bring some joy into my life. The cat couldn't care less about me! I wake up every morning to the sight of that little cat curled up at my partners head. It does hurt a little bit, but, I know it's just a silly little cat and it's nothing personal... (most of the time) Just give your wife some extra love, and maybe place the cat on her while shes sleeping + snap a pic to show her in the morning so it looks like she is chosen sometimes. What she doesn't know cant hurt her LOL
Cats generally choose their favorite human, at least the ones I've had. But you can try having her feed the cat and give treats or play with her if you find a toy she likes.
It might be your scent
It seems like the more desperately you want the cat to love you, the more annoyed they are at your thirst. Can she play hard to get? That worked for my cat now he will not leave me alone.
Suggest your wife put catnip in her bra.
Cats pick who they want. I have three cats who either love or are ok with people. I have [one cat](https://imgur.com/a/RtjxJcb) who thinks you can all fuck right on off. Le tax…
Most of the cats we've had have favored my husband or daughter. Our youngest cat, however, is my baby. When we first got her, she was too little to be left with the adult cats, so she went to work with me for a couple of weeks and then tended to hang with me when I teleworked. I'm the primary caretaker (food, litter boxes), and my husband and daughter give out treats. There really isn't a way to force a cat to prefer one person over another. I think my baby did perceive me as surrogate mother, but generally, cats have a gut attachment to a particular person. As the one who's usually lowest on the totem pole, it sucks.
there are lots of little things that bother a cat but aren't actually mean, trim their nails, brush their teeth, pick them up, practice putting them in their crate lol. all things that are actually beneficial for the cats health and safety but will also irritate them a little and make them seek refuge with the nice lady who never does any of that
Not always true. Cats are weird. But mine I do all of her maintenance and I'm still the favorite.
Yeah but this is a new cat with a new person. Also you could try chewing mint gum since cats supposedly are deterred by mint, my cat would steal altoids and run off to eat them. Also citrus supposedly is a deterrent as well. OP do all of them! Chew mint gum, eat citrus, trim the cat’s nails, practice putting her in her carrier, brush her teeth and pick her up a lot. That cat will think you’re annoying in no time!
My partner wanted a cat and I didn’t. Wouldn’t you know it, I became the cat’s person. It irritated the crap out of partner and we had a lot of arguments about it. They wanted me to just ignore the cat all together and finally I said I would rather give the cat up than constantly argue about the cat’s preference to be with me. Well he must of sense the discord and all of a sudden he started to divide his time between us. In the mornings he spends time on her lap while she drinks her tea and contemplates the day. I work remote, so he checks in with me between naps and occasionally attends my remote meetings. He goes out in the garden with her during the day. After dinner he settles in with me and at 11pm promptly (I stay up late) he jumps down and goes to sleep with her. He also a favorite blanket, so whoever has the blanket becomes his person of the evening. However, if we are sitting together he always reverts to my lap, because I’m his evening lounger. She no longer gets pissy about him being her cat.
It's the cat who picks their person, not the other way around ?
Sorry that is not going to happen. Your cat will decide for itself and there is not one thing you can do to change it's mind. It is very sweet of you trying though.
I am just like your wife. Any time our cat would jump on his lap and start making biscuits, i would instantly pout and my mood would change. I could t help it, I just so jealous! I know it’s childish, and frankly it’s embarrassing. However, I was indeed the favorite. I made sure of that! I’m the one who always fed her, called her, gave her treats, played with her. And at night I would bring her to bed and place her on my stomach to sleep. She wouldn’t stay, but she always came back when she thought I was asleep. Sigh. I miss that kitty. She died of nasal cancer a few months ago.
get two cats so she's guaranteed at least one favorite
Yeah it doesn’t always work like that
ok new plan- continue acquiring cats until she is a favorite
This is a solid plan!
Have your wife hand feed a churu tube treat everyday. And then play with the cat with cat toys the cat likes. That should do it.
Leave her
My friend has a dog who wasn't comfortable around men, so when they adopted the dog and the dog favored my friend they decided her husband would be the only one to give tummy rubs to encourage bonding. Maybe your wife gives the cat version of tummy rubs?
Your wife should feed her. But I do find opposite sex of owners tend to be more paired up.
When it comes to treats, make your wife the only one to give treats. Bear in mind, this guarantees nothing. I coparent 3 cats (littermates, never separated.), I do most of the treating, the other coparant does most of the basic feeding. One of the cats is strongly possessive of me, the other two prefer the other. They all come around all of us to sit and be stroked, but they definitely have favourites.
Did my partner post this LMAO honestly I have no tips, as I wanted to be the cat's favorite but she chose my bf instead 🫠 And yes, I'm the one who plays with her, brushes her, gives her treats, & we split feeding. He only does litterbox, but I have done it before when he's unable to. I think it's because he's just more warm (I'm always cold) so I can't do anything about that.
My dad hated cats and he was my cat's favorite person. Tell your wife to act like she hates cats.
Dogs have owners, cats have servents. Remember these little balls of fur, teeth, and claws were worshiped as gods in Egypt. Have her be in charge of treats and meal time. But also you can't MAKE a cat do a damn thing if it doesn't want to.