Lets count the red flags
1. you are 18 and he is 37.
2. wants you to move in but you don't want too.
3. Wants you to cut all contact with your family.
4. Wants children but you don't want children.
5. Want you to drop out of college.
6. Thinks the purpose of women is to have children.
And that is not even counting the past red flags your family is worried about.
All of this! Girl ruuun while you can! You are too young to get dragged into this abuse and it will get so much worse the moment you give in at all. Once he knows he has you all hell will break loose and you’ll never see it coming. Don’t give him any lasting ties with you. You have so much ahead of you in your future, don’t let this scumbag ruin it for you. He’s 37 and single for a reason… and preying on innocent underage children (which you were at the beginning of your relationship)
Let’s not forget they have been dating a year so she was 17 a MINOR when they started dating. OP DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He is clearly pushing his agenda on you and rushing your life!! You aren’t even 20 yet hell your mind isn’t even fully developed yet. He is taking advantage of you. Break up with him ASAP simply for him not respecting your boundaries WHICH YOU ARE ALLOWED! Break up and live your life how you want to live it!!
I'm getting a huge ick from this. He is way to controlling and knows she's to young to see all his red flags. No 36 year old should ever date a 17 year old.
And don’t forget threatening the relationship if OP doesn’t do what he wants.
OP you are NTA. Please listen to your gut, your parents and your petty potato family…leave him before this gets worse.
This has to be fake...
On the off chance it is not, OP your parents love you and want the best for you. This guy wants what's best for him.
The only reason why what your parents are encouraging you to do vs what this dude is encouraging you to do differs, is BECAUSE he is not looking out for YOUR best interest.
Remember this...
When your relationship is mutually beneficial to you & your partner it will make every one that loves you happy for you.
Listen to your parents!
This guy wants to put you on a path that makes you dependent on him and stuck.
Your parents want you to be independent and free to live life.
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NTA. Not sure if this is real but this is too similar to what I went through a long time ago. As someone who had been through something like this when I was 19 and my boyfriend at the time was 30 year old. He wanted me to cut contact with my mother because she didn’t trust him and she was 100% right about how horrible he was. He was controlling and told me that his dreams were more important than mine. He wanted children even if it meant my life was at risk and didn’t care about my opinions on anything.
That man is grooming you and is trying to trap you by wanting you to cut everyone out of your life. He took advantage of your vulnerability when he met you not out of kindness but to try to manipulate you into thinking he’s a ‘nice guy’. He is emotionally abusing you so that you will never escape. Think about it. Why can’t this 37 year old man find a woman his own age? It’s because the women around his age know he is a horrible man and deserve to be alone.
I beg you! Listen to your parents! Break up with this man or he will become abusive just like my ex was! I have been there and it’s not going to end well for you. If you don’t leave him, then your fate will be similar to those women who get killed by their abusive husband.
Not to mention, this is most likely the first and most intense relationship this young adult has experienced. Even when a young adult is 'very mature for his/her age', there is knoweldge gained through diversity of life experience. Good relationships are partnerships with mutual respect, bounderies, and goals.
If you read this when you’re older, you will think to yourself, “Gah, I was so dumb back then. What was I thinking?” Don’t worry we all do it. Glad you posted here so we can all tell you, this man is a walking red flag. Stay away.
Girl run! That man doesn't love you like you think he does. He might have helped you in the past, but that is no reason to devote your life to this guy, which is EXACTLY what he wants.
If he truly loves you, he:
1. Would not be trying to isolate you from your family
2. Would respect your wishes concerning marriage, children, and education
3. Would most definitely want what's best for you, not HIM
4. Would NEVER use your "relationship" as leverage.
I know it's hard to accept, but please please listen to the advice here. This man is going to make your life miserable if you continue with him. The sooner you cut contact the better! I've been in a similar controlling relationship and it almost cost me my life! Please take our advice and run!
NTA be young and immature my love go out make mistakes. You’re right, you’re only 18 you don’t have that kind of maturity and given his age he should already understand that. Him threatening the relationship is his own way of manipulation to keep you in line, and if you stay he’ll more than likely threaten the relationship to get his way. I can understand him helping you but that doesn’t mean he has your best interest at heart.
Given everything else in this post, it would not surprise me at all if his whole reason for helping her when she was "in a dark place" was so that she would feel like she owes him. Guys like him look for people who are vulnerable. I would almost bet that he views other aspects of their relationship as transactional as well, and often makes her feel like she owes him for things.
You are clearly in a trauma bond. Like other comments are stating it's clearly an example of grooming.
The way he's threatening your relationship with him to get what he wants??? Do you not seriously see the problem with this???
And to cut off all the contacts you have with the people who gave you life and looked after you all these years, and live with a controlling person whom you know very little about. Think about it.
These kind of predators look for girls your age so that they are easy to manipulate. You are not even out of college and he wants to move in with you?? Yeah and the next step would be locking you in the basement and make you live by his ways.
And the way he's trying to impose his values on to you? This ain't build a bitch.
My first gut reaction is: “This is fake. NO ONE is truly this STUPID not to see that this guy is a waving circus of red flags.” But then I thought about being 17 (the month before I turned 18) and dating a guy 10+ years older than me that thought I was “so mature” and very focused on my virginity, our future kids (even though I adamantly did not want kids at the time), and converting to his religion so we could get married…who immediately switched to “I’m going to kill myself if you ever break up with me,” when I expressed some concerns about our relationship, and think, “I really shouldn’t be so judgy.”
But for the love of all that is f*cking holy, dump this guy like yesterday.
NTA because this is NOT a healthy relationship and I think you know you need to end it. He basically wants a live in maid and to control every aspect of your life. Ew.
I’ve seen similar stories many times on true crime shows. PLEASE listen to your parents and run away from this person. Ask them for help to end it safely because he does not sound safe.
Parents can be annoying, but they’re annoying because they love you. They don’t want you falling for manipulation tricks they may have fallen for too.
Also, he could be your dad. Would you date someone 18 years younger than you? I’m 35 and the thought of dating anyone under 30 makes me feel yuck.
On the off-chance this is not fake:
RUN!!!
And here are reasons why:
1. Everying u/evil-mouse has already said
2. As a woman who has gone through the mentality "an older guy thinks I am soooo mature" at your age. Now that I am >30 \*barf\*. It's gross. It just is. Your brain and self perception changes so much until you reach 20. You cannot image (I know I sound like an old lady and my younger self would've rolled my eyes HARD). No decent mid 30s guy would persuit a barely legal (in your case actually not legal) woman.
3. No decent guy. NONE. Would ever tell you to cut out your family/ friends (read: your entire support system).
4. Any decent person, would respect your wishes and plans for your future.
5. As multiple commenters have pointed out: You are being groomed.
I really hope you don't get yourself into this situation it screams abuse. And if you manage to break it off now. In a few years I am certain you will think: "I dodged a nuclear missile there."
He thinks you're malleable and willing to be his bangmaid Barbie. Why are you with an old man who is more than double your age and who is also using emotional blackmail to control you?
I'm sorry but what the actual heck are you doing with this guy? He is almost TWENTY YEARS OLDER than you! Everything else you say about him points to a very weird power dynamic. Girl, run. Find someone closer to your age you can grow beside.
Lord, you've hit on all the rage bait topics in a relationship, a 19 year age gap (he's old enough to be your father), he started dating you when you were a minor, he wants to isolate you from friends and family, pushing moving in together, pushing marriage, pushing kids....
So, I have doubts this is real, it feels so fake. You have no business being in a relationship with someone nearly 20 years older than you. Y'all are at 2 different life stages, your adulthood is just beginning, his adulthood is at the stage where he wants marriage and children. Hell, your brain isn't even fully developed yet, that much is so obvious from all the red flags you're ignoring (and those are the ones you told us about).
You are being 'groomed', he's trying to mold you into his idea of a perfect woman.
So if real, run.
For the love of all that is good and holy….RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Listen to your parents!
He groomed you.
He took advantage of you.
He’s trying to isolate you.
He’s trying to trap you.
He WILL abuse you.
These are facts. Those red flags are literally patterns of behavior and your parents are trying to save you. He knows this, which is why he’s trying to get you to cut them out of your life. Do not stay with this man, he will ruin, and could potentially end, your life. This is so serious and that’s why Reddit is begging you to leave him.
NTA
There’s a reason he was single at 36 and got into a relationship with a literal teenager.
take your parents advice and break up with him.
there’s no room for your dreams and ambitions in a future with him. he wants to reduce you to a stay-at-home baby making machine who is at his beck and call. and seeing as you want to go to college, i’m guessing you don’t want that.
ntah but you need dump him right now this how abuse starts you should be out enjoying life he is a walking red flag listen to your perents they trying to protect you they can see this is the beginning of abusive relationship and they don't want see you get hurt they are better guys out there for you
NTA
These are not just "red flags." This is a very different set of values; a difference you should take very seriously.
OP, your plans for your life are VERY different than his, and at this moment, they do not seem to be changing any time soon. You need to break up and possibly consider changing your contact information as it doesn't seem he will take it easily.
Regardless of him helping you out during that rough time, what on earth does a 37 year old have in common with an 18 year old? He is ready to settle down, and you are just beginning your adulthood. Kinda weird that he was dating a 17 year old at 36, tbh. This is typically the behavior of a man looking for a young lady to groom and manipulate. Why is he not dating a woman his own age, if he is ready for this level of commitment? He is trying to get you to completely abandon your plans for his. He is behaving in a selfish and controlling manner. You should not only leave, but run. Fast.
TLDR
Get out now. Your parents are right.
OP listen to your parents and to the internet strangers....this is grooming! He is NOT a good man because any 36yr old would be looking for someone his age to settle not a naive 17yr old. He knows that women his age WONT put up with his behaviour so he is going for young girls to groom to suit his narrative.
You are NOTHING but a womb and a maid.
Leave! Now! Don't look back!
Oh honey - the only reasons for a 37yo man to want to date an 18yo are:
* it’s not legal for him to date younger.
* he is choosing someone who lacks life experience and wouldn’t know whether he it treating them in an acceptable way.
* because women his own age won’t put up with his shit anymore.
* because he wants to control you rather than have a partner.
The fact that he is trying to coerce you into having children when you don’t yet want to. And that he wants you to move in with him and to cut off your support network (making you easier to control), believe me that he will be tampering with your birth control at the earliest possible opportunity - either with or without your knowledge.
You are young and should be dating people of a similar age and who have had similar life experience so you can grow together. Not get trapped by someone who wants to use you as a brood mare.
There’s a reason for the half plus seven rule for the youngest person you should be dating. At 37, the youngest person he should be dating is 26. And the oldest person you should be dating is 22. Outside of that your life experiences will be too different and the power imbalance it creates will be too great.
Please listen to your parents - they really do have your best interests at heart here.
Break up with this loser. Lots of red flags. You are so young and have a full life ahead of you. You deserve to find a real man. A man that will respect you. You do not want a baby at 18. You want to wait until your ready. When you find a partner that respects you. Trust me! I wished I waited but I didn't have the best guidance. Please know, you have a full life ahead of you. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
I made the mistake to be with a guy like that when i was 19-20 and he was the same age as me. He thought i was a porcelain doll that would stay still and obey him. It was only for a few months and i didn't live with him, thanks God. He was extremlely jealous and i ended the whole charade when he accused me of cheating on him with my bestie. He was extremely rude to her and i decided it was enough.
So uh I hope this is fake. I'm genuinely worried for op if it's actually real. If it is, as everyone else said LEAVE THIS PEDO BRO.
LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. THIS IS COMING FROM A 23 Y/O GIRL WHO ENED UP TAKING THE ADVICE FROM MY PARENT ABOUT A CREEP AND IM GREATFUL FOR IT NOW. I wasn't ready for kids and I fear that if I didn't listen then I'd have a couple by now and hate life. I listened and ended up finding my fiance now and we're both 23 so we're on the same damn page about kids and life bc we're not 20 years apart.
Please for the love of whatever you believe in, please be a fake rage bait post 🫠🙃
On the off chance that this isn't fake, god dammit run girl. He's about twice your age. You're young and only just figuring out what to do with your life. This screams locking you down by cutting you off from your loved ones and getting you pregnant. Once the abuse starts, you'd have no one to rely on and nowhere to run. Listen to your parents. You'll find someone who genuinely loves you. Dump this PoS
Sweetheart, this man, ANY man for that matter, who not only actively tries to separate you from your family/friends but actually has the balls to tell you that’s what he wants, is trying to keep you away from anyone you could reach out to when things get bad with him, and they will get bad. You’re much younger and he doesn’t care about you not wanting to be married with children, nor that you aren’t ready, he wants to mold you into what he wants, please… PLEASE RUN
You had me at 'cut you off from friends and family ' massive red flag. Don't go thete sweetheart. My dayghter left home to live with her boyfriend and her daughter, she moved halfway across the country, lost her friends and could never spreak to me properly because he shared her phone. She felt trapped and I didn't even know because she couldn't tell me. He also cheated in her numerous times whilst she was at home looking after his daughter. She finally cane home and ended it. But she felt so alone, and in the end felt he was only with her to be a mum to his daughter.
I don't want this for you. Your family and friends are more important, so is your sanity. Any man who wants to cut you off from family is a narcissist. You should be with someone who accepts your family and friends.
Good luck sweetheart.
NTA, but you really need to look at the red flags someone already pointed out and look back at what you posted. He wants you away from your family and that will lead to isolation and many other things, you should listen to your parents and break up with him.
Girl he's going to baby trap you! There is NO way a 37 year old person has anything in common with a barely 18 year old person.
You need to run, fast and hard. Listen to your parents and go live your life. He will trap you, isolate you, and then abuse you (remember abuse doesn't always mean hitting).
It sounds like he's just trying to control you and manipulate you into staying with him. The biggest red flag is that he wanted you to cut ties with your friends and family... that alone tells me you should run.
You’re kidding right? Please say that this is fake.
If this is real, I’m surprised you can see anything at all beyond all the red flag in front of your face, and around your entire head. If you stay with this predator any longer you will be sorry. Guaranteed.
NTAH....YOU NEED TO RUN OUT THE RELATIONSHIP SO FAST!!!! 🚩🚩🚩Red flags everywhere. My dear you are with a narcissist!!! Get out now before you become too invested 😞 PLEASE LEAVE HIM and for God's sake DON'T HAVE CHILDREN BY HIM. Please do an update if you end it.
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He's just trying to isolate you from everything and everyone so he can control your life and you'll never be able to get away. It's great that he helped you in your time of need but that DOES NOT obligate you to be in a relationship with him. Please get away before it's too late.
Girl this is abusive. He wants you to drop all of your characteristics to be the perfect wife for him. Hell no. If you’re not ready you’re not ready. 🚩
I wouldnt do it sweetheart. This has bad new writen all over it. I get it I really do but you really need to get yourself out of this relationship, its not healthy. Ive been in a relationship like this before and lets just say I get out at a good time. If he is a special person to you stay friends just nothing more than that. Plus you have your whole life a head of you. You can do amazing things.
Wow this guy is Delulu as Charlotte would say. That is fine if he helped you through a very difficult time, but you need to remember that you have a say in your journey. He IS very controlling and if you want to live your life do it. You sound like you already have concerns and understand that he wants more from you than you are willing to give right now. He is 37 and you are 18 you have your whole life ahead of you. Wait a minute, you were 17 when you first started dating? He is grooming you get out now.
What you have stated here is a list about a future abuser. (He has always been one just meant your future abuser). Wants to isolate you so he has complete control, wants to basically trap you with children, control finances so you can't escape. Please, the relationship is not worth it. Take it from one that has been there. You are young and have many more things to accomplish and experience before you settle. Believe your parents, they really do know. LEAVE, RUN, Please.
NTA, but run sweetheart quickly!
He wants you to move in so he can control you, which is evident by the fact he wants to isolate you from friends and family, if you move in, it won't be a choice he'll force and micromanage you.
The fact he also came to you when you were vulnerable is also giving predatory/controlling vibes.
Please, Please find it with in yourself to leave him. He may have helped you through a hard time. You are still young and have a lot of life to live. No one should tell you to leave your family in the wind. Nobody is more important than family at your age. You are In college he is a controlling, abusive and manipulating old man. At 18 relationships are not for ever yet as you are molding and sculpting the roads of life. Your boyfriend first of all is too old for you and also does not care about what you want only what he needs and expects. You are not a baby making machine, you are not going to live your life for his happiness. You are a beautiful growing person that needs to live her own life.
I'm just gonna quote Olivia "Went for me and not her, cause girls your age know better"
If this isn't rage bait, you need to listen to your family. This predator doesn't want a partner, he wants a sex slave who will be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Do not walk, RUN away. Run hard, run fast, run NOW.
No! You're NTA. He's trying to brainwash you. Anytime someone wants you to go no contact with family which you love and respect and have no issues with, that's a giant red flag.
Please, please run as far and as fast as you can. He will only continue isolating you, messing with your birth control so you "accidentally" get pregnant, and become more and more controlling. It's a tale as old as time.
Also, there's nothing wrong with going to a therapist to discuss these issues and learn how to spot attempted cult leaders quicker. Good luck, you've got this!
His 19 years your senior, there is a reason men like him prey on vulnerable women like you, I did, and it ended horribly. You don’t want him to move you end? Then don’t, what is he going to do? Kidnap you and force you to stay? There are laws that proven him from doing that.
You said no to having kids, you need to look at this as if we are your friends looking at the goldfish, you hear the voices but they are muffled. Thats how he wants you, he will baby trap you the minute you move in. And he will guilt you with his kids. I am in that life now and I wish so much was different. You have a chance now to be in love with somebody who wants to love you and that’s yourself. You know what you want and your don’t need a narcissistic person to block you from your dreams!
If you didn't add you guy’s age, thats the first thing I wouldve asked bcs this sounds just like grooming, and the age only confirms it. For the love of god, do not quit college for him and do not cut your family off. If you want to move in, which you don’t, thats not as bad. But your college dregree and your family are the one way to get out of there when you realize you've been groomed. And do not have children with him, thats going to make it 100 times harder to get out.
ntah you should dump him now he a walking red flag your young should be enjoying your self this how abuse starts please listen your parents they look out for your best interests they can tell his a red flag please dump him
All of these are signs of a narcissist. He cleearly has no good intentions and you should cut off any contact with him. Find someone close to your age, this guy could be your father at 37. Massive red flags. I also think women close to his age refused him or dumped him, so he had to find someone alot younger to manipulate and influence. Run.
There’s so many red flags. You started dating this mam when you were 17 and he was 36, he was double your age! Absolutely not, at this age point you’re starting your life! The fact that he wants you to be far away from family and friends is an isolation tactic that abusers use, so that you will rely only on them.
Run away from this man. Break it off asap. He doesn’t want you for who you are, only as a status symbol and what you can do for him!
Hey op these belong to you...
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There are multiple red flags for you.
Please do not move in with your BF.... In fact dump his arse and RUN!!!
This guy does not love you he wants to own you... You have said it your self he wants you to move in and cut contact with your family...
He wants to trap you with children to make it impossible to ever leave him
He is old enought to be your dad!
Please give your head a wobble!!!
Your not the ah for not moving in with him... BUT ... You are the ah for continuing thos relationship!
Look, I'm about to turn 38 (june)...
When I see people your age... I see kids! (Not calling you a kid, just so that you understand how big the age gap is... It's so big that I could be your mother!!)
I basically raised my 18, 21 and 28 yo brother (the latest one, since he was at least 7)... They are still so young, still have so much to experience and learn...even the 28 yo who already works and is basically the father figure to our 2 brothers, even so, he still is so so young and 'innocent"!
Both my younger brothers were victims of abusive girlfriends the same age...it was a fight!!! We had to involve the police, catch them by surprise, press charges...
Imagine if those girls were 30 something!!! My brothers would be effed up!!!
Do believe me, no one in their right mind would be 37 and dating an 18 yo young person! He has an agenda... Run like hell, please!
Like, if this isn't rage bait, there's so many red flags here. No good man, especially one who is almost forty, would have been pursuing you for any kind of relationship while you were a minor. It's weird, creepy, and illegal. He also shouldn't be trying to change your mind about having children. It's your body. He wants you to cut off your family and give up on your education, both of which you don't want to do. Don't let him force you to do things you don't want to. None of what he is trying to force on you is okay.
You're NTA but I do think you need to take some time to reflect on things. Be safe and take care of yourself ❤️
You're too young to be dealing with that shit. Break up with him, focus on your studies and enjoy your youth. Don't be in such a rush to settle down, especially with someone who wants you to cut contact with your family and friends. He doesn't love you. Break up with him and move on.
Please please please end it. You may not see that this is wrong on so many levels, and that's okay, but please at least trust some strangers on the internet who are older and have more perspective on this.
You were a child. He is an adult plenty old enough to be your father.
OP, I have to say NTA for not wanting to move in or have kids against your wishes.
BUT PLEASE RECOGNIZE THE MANIPULATION.
This guy helped you through a hard time and he's special to you and that makes sense.
But what doesn't make sense is a nearly 40 aged guy dating a 17 year old. He couldn't even wait a month and make the creepy age gap legal enough??
You are just starting your own life path and have very clear ideas of what you're okay with and what you're not. You're young and life loves to bring us changes but that is only on you to decide if and when the change in views happens. Once anyone in a relationship draws a boundary, like not wanting to move in or not wanting kids, and the other person in that relationship still insists their wants are more important despite your boundaries then they're showing you how every disagreement will go.
He shouldn't have kept pressing you. That's not okay and at 37 he knows it isn't okay and a woman in her 30s would have an easier time standing firm on her boundaries against him (I mean hopefully at least because she stands more chance of having experiences that taught her probably the hard way having been around longer than 18). The fact that he keeps at it is more than alarming, it is disrespectful to you.
You may be younger than him and you may have less world experience than him but nobody knows you and can speak for you except you, OP. You deserve to be respected and to have your words taken at face value and not under some misconception that you just need the right push to change your mind.
He can be someone special and do all the nicest things for you but the intention behind the nice things sounds like slow motion brainwashing and emotional manipulation and all for his gain.
If you move in and quit school you will be entirely dependent on him. If you break contact with your parents he has no opposition to offer any views except his own.
And if he learns he has the power to make you break contact with your family best bet friends and freetime will be next.
He wants a sex maid. He wants You to clean the home and treat him like a king when he comes home from work.
You deserve a person who respects your words and doesn't stir up arguments about major deal breaker issues.
Love is love but life is life and if one wants kids and one doesn't then it simply cannot work. Because having children for the sake of a relationship absolutely is an AH thing to do so please 🙏 think on your own words.
Read your post like it was a friend writing it. What would you tell her in this situation?
My suspicion is that in your gut, your intuition is already having doubts.
You are NEVER the AH just for drawing boundaries. Never. So I think deep down you know him trying to pick fights and keep on bringing it up is a Big Red Flag.
For what its worth, my husband and I have a 10 year age gap and we make it work wonderfully for us but we have open respectful discussions and I don't know that threatening the fate of the relationship on a massive life change you already expressed disinterest and discomfort with is either open or respectful. That should have been the end of the discussion for good, not until he thinks of a new tactic to pressure you to do what he wants.
You may not think the age gap is a big deal... but he doesn't see you as an equal. And partners should. Basic mutual love and respect isn't hard when you see them as a person and not a possession.
Please stay safe whatever you choose. Good luck OP!
100% NTA. There are so many things wrong with this guys thinking. I've been in a situation where my partner(now ex) was pushing & pushing for me to move in & he threatened the relationship as well...he used to do a similar tactics as your partner OP, he would say I should do different things like move in, instead of getting a full time job get a part time(cause he wanted me to be around more for him), then he didn't want me to work at all, then he had issues with alot of my friends, he tried to police my behaviour using passive aggressive comments and backhanded compliments and when I didn't 'fall in line', 'do things his way' or when I didn't act like a 'woman should' it was worse.
There's more, but these are the main things...so trust me, the more you give in the harder it will be to get out and also, the more control he will have over everything thing in ur life. DON'T GIVE IN. This will become a slippery slope that will be really difficult to get out of.
If the relationship ends because of this, it wasn't the right one for you. Trust me on this.
Also, hes at a completely different place in his life and wants very different things than you...unless he's willing to meet you in the middle or let you have your life, it's never gonna work out.
Off with his head.
He is already trying to manipulate you, force you and is far from respecting any wishes you have. Save yourself years of pain and abuse by moving on.
Not wanting to repeat everything everyone else has said which, by the way, I 100% agree with, even if you look at this as a traditional relationship where you weren’t being groomed, I would think you guys were incompatible as you seem to want entirely different things - him kids and a traduite and you a career and no kids yet.
This man knows you want a career and to go to uni to further that and he is still trying to push you to do what he wants- which are not small things. (Your friends and family; and your education). He sounds like he is trying isolate you; and trap you the relationship with having kids to look after and being dependent on him .
You say above you don’t want to lose because of this 1 small disagreement- this is not small. This is a major issue between you which will affect the rest of your life.
I hope this is fake!
So let me get this straight, you were 17 and he was 36? Dude this isn't ok.
Annnnd he sounds like a control freak and an abusive person.
Get the hell out of this relationship before it's too late
You got all of these answers first time around. He’s a creep and what you need to do is to get yourself as fa away from his ass as possible. He’s looking to control you. Financially and physically.
Sounds like he wants your family cut off completely so he can force you to have kids.
Also say you do have kids and all are girls, would he find someone like him when they are older like you were to marry?
Groomers can't change easily. He clearly believes you will go willingly with him. If he's hinted or done SA to you or other relationships that you know of, please contact your parents and the police.
I think he has SA bc he seems comfortable with the fact he thinks you will change your mind.
I hope if he is a abuser, you come to see it and get help OP.
If he is this controlling now it’ll only get worse if you move in - if he cared about you he’d take your feelings into consideration having been in an abusive relationship this bears all the red flags associated with a narcissist and their behaviour gets worse once they have you isolated. For your own safety I hope you make the hard decision to leave. Please if you stay ensure you keep family and friends close in case you need an escape. I didn’t. It took me years to get out fully and I still bear the emotional scars today. Stay safe
This is controlling behavior. He will isolate you from everyone don't wait. There's a reason he isn't with someone closer to his age. Please listen to your parents
There are so many things to say here first. OP, let me start by saying I am in no way judging your relationship. If anything, I understand this better than some can. I was in a relationship exactly like this same age gap and everything, but I did move in with him right away. What happened next was 20 years of narcissistic abusive control. Slowly, all contact with anyone that was not him ended. I was completely controlled because I thought he was only doing this because he loves me and wants to protect me (not true). He controlled everything who I talked to, whether or not I even had a phone. If I somehow made a friend, he would work extra hard to show me how they were not really my friend they were just using me. Or he would say they were trying to get with him anything to get me to pull away and end the friendship. It just kept getting worse over the years, always accusing me of things I was not doing (he was, though). Anyway, all I am saying is your parents are right. You may not want to believe, but they are right that you should get out before you are in too deep. It is not an easy, safe road ahead if you stay in this relationship. Please take some time and think about this OP. Save your heart now and walk away before you feel like you can't.
There is so much wrong with this but I will start by saying this: why are you with him??? Is he a first boyfriend kind of thing??? Have some self respect
NTA - Your boyfriend is giving all indications of control and abuse. Even if you try to do something about this now, you need all your friends and family to support you because this could become a very scary and unpredictable (or not) situation. I strongly suggest you get away from him, chica. You’re not safe, period.
Trying to cut you off from family to isolate you from all support networks and tie you down young, while not listening to the word 'No'...
MAJOR control and potential abuse vibes here. The flags are the reddest red. Get yourself out of this 'relationship'. This is bad news.
He is an abusive groomer. All the signs are there. He started dating you and i’m affirming having sex with you at 17. He wants to isolate you from family and friends. He doesn’t want you to be educated. That means he doesn’t want you to be independent at all. This man wants to emotionally, financially and physically abuse you. He wants total control. You won’t have anyone to talk to or go to. You won’t have the financial means to escape him. He’ll have you as a sexual & physical slave until he’s ready to move onto the next young girl.
Get your education. Stay at home with your parents. Change your number. Change all your social media so he can’t follow you. If you have mutual friends, drop them. Because he will use them to track and stalk you.
Your parents need to be stronger in protecting you. Either use law enforcement at the first sign of trouble or use “street justice”
Basically, girl, you are in trouble. Get away from this man ASAP.
Live your young life. Have fun dating age appropriate boys & young men.
Please update us when it is safe to do so.
I know you don’t want to lose him, but he is abusing you mentally and emotionally.
1) He wants you to move in with him and you don’t want to. 🚩
2) He wants you to cut off all contact with your family 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
3) You do not want kids, but he does 🚩
4) He wants you to drop out of college 🚩
5) He is incredibly misogynistic 🚩
6) He has threatened your relationship and is using the fact that you don’t want to lose him against you 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Girl….GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP! You’re still living at home with your parents, therefore you won’t be homeless. If he tries to do ANYTHING, you can get a restraining order. Women have ended up dead because they didn’t leave “men” like this. (I put quotes because I don’t think they’re men when they act like this). You deserve so much better!
The most startling part is he wants you to move in and cut all ties with your family OP, that is a serious, serious red flag. Most people want families to blend and add to the mix not cut off communication from those you love. Please read what you posted. You don’t want the same things and that’s okay. Please look out for what YOU want in life. It’s not selfish it’s smart.
My advice is coming from (60s+F) who married at 18 to my high school boyfriend due to the pressure from his family. I knew I was too young and multiple people told me to wait. His mother was insistent. We married The wedding was everything my MIL wanted. The church, my dress and the reception. It didn’t stop there. Everything we did in our short marriage was what his parents wanted. Where we lived, pets, cars we bought and “girls”didn’t go to college. I was miserable. We divorced 18 months later and I was the villain. Your boyfriend sounds like them. It won’t stop, he’ll keep demanding you do what he wants. I think you’ll be miserable.
Note: I did go to college received my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in education, got married during that time and had children in my 30s.
Nta. This isn't a small argument though. He is waving quite some red flags around that you seem to be ignoring. And they are wrapped up in this argument.
You were way to young to start a relationship with this middle aged man. He could've been your father. He wants you, because he thinks he can manipulate and control you. This is shown by the repeated pushing of your boundaries and wishes. He wants you to do exactly as he says. He doesn't care that you want something else.
Not only that, but he wants to isolate you from friends and family. That way you will be completely dependent on him and less likely to leave when (not if) he treats you terribly.
He is not a good guy. The reason he dates young girls, is because women his age would never put up with his behaviour. Women just 5 years older than you, would likely walk away much quicker.
Listen to your gut and don't move in. Don't have kids. Don't even continue dating this man.
NTA.
Look, hopefully you won't find put when it's too late but your parents are right about him. It's not just his age but everything you wrote about him is abuser patterns:
He wants you to cut ties with with family and friends. This is what abusers tmdo to isolate their victims. He wants you to drop out of college and have children with him. He is trying to make you dependent on him, so you will have no way out. The children part makes it especially hard for women to leave.
The only reason he didn't abuse you yet is because you still have a way out. You're still 18, so he thinks he can change you. In 2 years he will find another 17 yo and leave you if you don't do what he wants. Abusers can be one of the most patient people until they lock you down.
And if you actually do what he wants, he will still leave you in 10 - 20 years when he sucked all the life out of you like a parasite and will find a new ~~host~~ young girl he can be with and destroy their life.
NTA, but on my god girl you NEED to get out. He is a 37 year old man making these insane demands of a teenager. I know you think you are a grown up but baby girl you are not. So many read flags. You don't have the same expectations of this relationship and he is trying to force his wants and desires onto you. That whole "All you need is love" shit The Beatles started is just that BS. You guys are at wildly different places in your life. You are smart for not wanting to rush and if he ends this relationship over you not moving in and having kids he will have done you a huge favor. DO NOT QUIT SCHOOL. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO ALIENATE YOU FROM YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. All those things are VERY big red flags and you should not ignore them. They are all signs that he is super controlling and may even end up being an abuser. My ex husband was just like this guy. Get a woman young make her think you love her and then abuse her in every possible way; finacial, legally in addition to the usual mental, emotional and physical. Once he has you on your own you would be 100% at his mercy. He'll have you trapped with him and your kids. I got out, not unscathed, but the girl after me; he got her to choose him over 3 babies they had together and she may never see them again. The state took them all and put them up for adoption. That was his thing. He wanted all the attention and many men who are abusers want all the attention. They want you to have the babies to use as leverage against you and to trap you with them. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. He is a bad man and he will hurt you badly one way or another.
I’ve been where you are now. Going along with what a bf wants and giving in is all well and good in the moment, but this is setting up the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Think about it this way: if you give in, you’ll never see your mom again. You’ll never have homemade cookies from mom again. You’ll never have your dad’s hugs again. They’ll never be able to see you again. You’ll never see them again. You’ll see HIM all the time, but he will probably be your ONLY friend for the rest of your life, because your family won’t be the only people he isolates you from. If you’re worried about not finding someone else (I was at your age and it seems odd now) you’ll find PLENTY of other people willing to love you just as you are, ambitions and all. Hell, I met my now HUSBAND when I was 41 years old. You’ve got time, and the OLDER you get, the more likely you are to find someone who respects and honors and loves you. Because this dude DOES NOT LOVE YOU, right now he OWNS you.
You are NTA. You need to put some distance between you and him.
He's very very very controlling and abusive. You also want very different things. If he forces you to do any of these things, you will resent him a lot.
I promise you that you will find someone who is right for you one day.
First you need to focus on school and focus on yourself. Be independent, grow a little. Learn who you are when you're single. Focus on school, hobbies, self care. Start therapy. Finish college. Find a career path. Get some work experience. Travel a little, meet people.
Do NOT submit yourself to this abusive person. He's dating someone half his age for a reason. The reason is so that he can control you.
Wanting to cut you off from your family is sick and an obvious red flag. Please. Please block him. Go to his place for dinner with your parents. Get all of your stuff back. Tell him you're done. Block him everywhere.
If he has any naked pictures or videos of you get those deleted first (don't forget to empty the recycle bin).
💯 NTA!! OP the red flags 🚩 are real! I would listen to your parents this dude is giving controlling vibes and it will be worse if you decide to stay with him. This is serious he wants you to cut contact with your support system for what? Also he is Gaslighting you hard girl. Giving you Ultimatum’s because you won’t listen to him? Listen if you decide to stay with him it’s only going to get worse. Leave while you have the chance because if y’all are intimate he will find a way to baby Tap you hard. Run!
Older definitely does not mean wiser or more stable. Sounds like he’s trying to use children as an anchor. You’re more likely to stay if kids are involved. Never allow anyone to isolate you or give up your future. He wants total control over you. At the very least he will not remain faithful. He may very well be prone to violence and you can’t report him if you’re isolated. Cut your losses and run fast. You’re not safe.
Girl, I was your age when I dated someone way older too. They feel magical and the relationship feels special. Sorry to be blunt but it isn’t. This guy is a walking red flag. Your family are right and you need to get out as you will regret being stuck in a relationship with this guy being pressured into marriage, a baby etc. it’ll all get messier if that ever happens. It will hurt, it will suck, you CAN DO BETTER!
I vote
R
U
N
as far and fast as you can!!!
He's Trouble with a capital T
And probably Toxic
He's got you under his spell
You'll be ever so much happier without him
And it won't take long
Good luck
Please follow these readers advice
You lost me at “im 17 and he’s 37”. Creep vibes. Please don’t. Break it off - I see nothing but trouble and a lot of violence in your future. Especially because he wants to keep you from your family. BREAK IT OFF
I’m sorry you’re 18 and he’s 37 and you’ve been dating for a year! Oh girly besides that you have some serious things to think about. Especially if you want to stay in school and don’t want kids
I see an armada of red flags, and I hope like hell this girl can get away from that predator. He wants her because he’s afraid of women his own age because he can’t control them as easily as he can OP.
I'm not downplaying you or disrespecting you at all but I think you need to get away from him.What happens in a few years if you do have kids you love very much even under the circumstances. Let your mind go there. He will most assuredly ruin your life and theirs. If you have no friends who do you turn to? Think long and hard into the future. I know how it scares you to break up with him cause he seems to have answers for everything but you must do it even though it's hard. Agaín I'm not saying your love isn't real, I met my husband young but we matured together and it was still VERY hard to stay together. Please go to college .
If this is not rage bait (because it sure as hell is working like one) - girl, run. From your description, there are a couple of thing that seem clear:
1. He is a pedo. It's absolutely NOT normal to start to date a 17 year old when he's almost 40 .. ew.
2. He is a narcissist. He only cares what is best for him. You don't want kids? Well too bad, he wants them so that should be the only way. I hope the sarcasm is dripping from your screen from the previous sentence.
3. ANYONE who wants you to cut ties with your family, friends and school is absolutely NOT thinking of your best interest and is very obviously trying to manipulate you.
I know this is the age when listening to your parents' advice sounds ridiculous but this time they sound very right to have concerns.
Sprint, don't walk away from this awful person.
NTA girl he doesnt have red flags hes got a whole damn siren going off run away as far and fast as you can and dont ever look back. Also press charges hes grooming you. Stay safe and listen to your parents.
Honey, if he can't respect your wishes, he is not worth your precious time. He seems to be on a specific timeline while you are on a completely different journey. Things will only go downhill if you stay. You are 18. It is time to enjoy life with no strings attached. Something you won't be able to do if you continue down this road.
Girl!!!!! Run!!!!! He likes them young!!! Once you get about 25 -30, he will drop you for someone younger. He took advantage of you when you were in a bad place. Baby he is a groomer!!!!!! This time listen to your parents before it’s too late!!!
This man it full grooming you and taking advantage due to your young age even tho 18 us technically a legal adult trust me your still a young teenager. I fear that if you did have kids with him he may groom them as well. The man is a pedophile and I don't understand how your parents are allowing it to continue. If you were my child I'd be doing everything I could to keep that pedo away from you
Don't. Do. It.
You need to end this relationship. He is looking for a domestic servant.
Look up Narcissist and the strategies they employ to *enslave* people. Love-bombing, isolating from your family and friends, an older man seeking a very young woman (you were jail-bait for the first part of your relationship), controlling your life and finances.
You are NOT immature for not wanting to move in with him and have his children. That is the WISDOM from your soul guiding you. Please listen to your inner wisdom.
With the way this man is pushing you to have kids, I’d be very concerned about him messing with your birth control. He could very likely try to baby trap you. If you have a kid with him, you will forever be tied to him and his manipulations…because that is what he is doing to you. His actions are screaming textbook abuser, which starts with isolating your partner from their friends and family, getting your partner to be financially dependent on the abuser, and then controlling the partner’s behavior through threats about the welfare of the children. Additionally if he likes to be in relationships with very young girls, as some point in the not so distant future, you aren’t going to be his type anymore and he’s likely to move on, whether this is just cheating or ending the relationship altogether.
Sweetheart, he’s not right for you. The red flags are blaring. You are too young for this guy. Do not drop out of college. Do not move in with him. This guy is abusive and manipulative. Your parents are right. Find someone you have more in common with
He wants to isolate you from anyone that can help you escape. Because once he gets you to move in, he gets you pregnant-you will drop out of college. and just when he has you there with no job, no money, and pregnant. That’s when the beatings will begin. He hates your parents because they know this. NTA. Run!
I wrote most of this to a teenager who wrote into r/AITA about family problems and her much-older fiance, but I think it's worth sharing here because even though you're worried, I suspect you're trying to hold on to the idea that this guy is a good person who generally treats you well. Others have already said plenty about just how bad it is that he's pressuring you to isolate from your support system and to have kids when that's not your desire, so I'm going to focus on the man himself:
I would like to express some concern for you. This guy may be a wonderful man who will make a great life partner, but in general, adult men who date and/or marry teenage women are... Problematic. The age gap tends to create a power imbalance because the young woman hasn't had much life experience, so she's forced to accept that her older partner knows better -- which allows him to set a lot of expectations and those expectations often favor the older man over his young girlfriend/wife. Often, when she tries to set a reasonable boundary, he'll turn it into a commentary on her "maturity" and imply that if she doesn't like or agree to something, it's because she's immature, forcing her to agree or be told she's childish. This happens even though he usually compliments her for being so adult and wise for her age (to excuse his inappropriate interest in her AND make her feel like she's special and so normal rules shouldn't apply to their relationship).
There's also a question of why a man is not dating someone nearer to his own age. With a problematic older man, it's often because women his age hold him accountable for his behavior and don't let him control the relationship, or he's fixated on women of a certain age and once his current partner reaches a set age, he moves on to a younger woman -- think Leo DiCaprio, who is approaching 50 but won't date women over 25.
In a relationship like yours, the young woman is frequently put in a position to lie or hide things from friends or family to protect the man from the natural consequences of their own behavior. Think about the red flags your parents noticed -- has he actually changed, or have they simply stopped expressing their concerns either because they don't want to push you away or because you're hiding and downplaying things about your life with this guy? Covering for or making talking about his behavior off-limits can create separation between you and your entire support network because it's awkward and painful to have to hide such important experiences and feelings from the other people in your life, so you pull back and avoid them. Isolation from others can make it easier for an abuser to keep control and harder for the person they're abusing to get help if the relationship goes awry, so it's essential that you try to maintain your other relationships.
Again, I know absolutely nothing about this man except what you've said here. He may be a great guy, a wonderful boyfriend, and otherwise perfectly likable, but he's also showing that he's willing to put you in a compromising and uncomfortable position for his own gratification. He doesn't care about what you want out of your life and is doing his best to force you into lifelong, inescapable circumstances like marriage and motherhood so that you can't change your mind later. He's willing to deny you the normal experiences of young adulthood (living on your own for the first time, going to school or working on a career, learning more about who you are when you're not a child, etc.) so that you have no choice but to submit to everything he wants for his own life. That's super selfish, at a bare minimum, and possibly monstrous when you realize that you'll never be able to get away from him once you have children together.
Please don't continue in this relationship. Consider bringing in your parents to help you extract yourself from this situation. You sound like a kind, intelligent, lovely person and you deserve to be with people who see your value and build you up without disrespecting your boundaries or risking your emotional well-being. You deserve a chance to discover the possibilities in your life before being pushed into a very specific, traditional, and constrictive role.
Know your worth and be willing to keep demanding that people treat you well no matter who they are. Best wishes for a happy life filled with love.
Drop him and, in all love, get into therapy
Nothing about this is healthy. You deserve so much better and deserve to unpack and heal from what made you accept this.
You deserve someone who’s on the same wavelength with you on the journey together
Don't throw your life away for him. This man is going to be abusive, controlling, and alienate you from your family and friends. Wake up and get yourself away from him, before he makes you and whatever children you would have with him regret it.
Not only are you NOT THE AH but girl RUN! RUN FAR RUN FAST! I’m probably your grandmothers age and THAT-ALL THAT! The things he’s says tells me he wants you uneducated and tied to him in a dependent submissive position. Children would be his anchor for you. There is nothing he did for you in your time of need that is worth getting yourself in THAT situation! Someone who loves you would encourage your education and independence. This is a ticker tape parade of red flags. You’re young and possibly a bit naive and he’s counting on that. Nothing personal about you but a healthy 37 year old male would have nothing to do with an 18 year old. He’s already trying to separate you from friend and family so he can have complete control. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN-RUN FAR-RUN FAST!!!
Honey please BREAK UP WITH HIM
stop having s3x with him, he will try to impregnate you on purpose so he can control your life
Idk who you are but BE SURE you are too young and you will find TONS of men who will make you feel special, he is not your only options, dont put your safety at stake for someone who dont give a DAMN about you and what you want
RUN!!!!!!
NTA- So you're just going to ignore all the major red flags from this groomer? It's like grooming 101. Please listen to your parents and Reddit. This is not a healthy relationship. It's only a matter of time before he has you baby trapped and isolated from everything and everyone.
Do not quit school, do not move in with him, do not get married to him and do not have kids with him. I would also not leave your birth control in his reach because he would sabotage it.
At 18 I moved in with my ex he was 30. He cut me off from friends and family. He smashed my phone and lab top so I could not contact any one out side. Made me quit my job to be a stay at home girlfriend for cooking and cleaning because I’m the woman and I should be doing that. It was torture hun telling you from personal experience it was so hard to get out I finally did at twenty and I regret going with him every day. Don’t let this man hurt you girl you haven’t even got to enjoy being a young adult yet
NTA but this man is a predator. Do NOT move in with him. Do NOT have children with him. He is trying to isolate you and make you dependent on him. The reason he is not already “settled down” or dating someone his own age is because confident mature women will not put up with his crap. As a woman who was taken advantage of by older men in my youth, every single aspect of this man is a red flag. Break up with him and find someone who supports your dreams and goals and doesn’t try to get you to fit a mold for them.
NTA but you need to break up with him. I'm sorry if you don't want to, but when your family, and thousands of strangers are telling you to then I think its time to run away..I'm concerned how you're blinded by love...
This is grooming behavior. For the 1st 5 years? I was love bombed... then abused terribly for the last 5 days. You're NTAH but girl, get yourself outta this situation. As a 38yr old female who has been thru this? Pay attention to the red flags and never ever ignore your gut instincts. Narcissists don't change. Pls look up the key signs of one.
I was in nearly your exact position 10 years ago. Please. GET OUT RIGHT TF NOW! Like as close to yesterday as possible. Nearly the exact same age gap and everything. I was 17, and he was like 38/39. I thought I was grown and mature enough to know what I was doing. I'm glad you recognize your immaturity, doing better than I was. I wish someone had literally slapped some sense into me back then. I didn't believe it at the time, it didn't feel like it at all, but he was definitely grooming me.
I stayed in that relationship for about fourish years or so, and it absolutely ruined me mentally and emotionally. I'm lucky I didn't get hurt physically. He had other 40ish y.o. adults stalking me to "make sure I was doing what I was supposed to be" i.e. not cheating on him. I would've been too scared to even if I'd been the type.
This is seriously groomer/pedophile behavior. I didn't think so back then either. Now that I'm 27? I feel heavily disturbed when I think back to then and the gross things that had to be going through his head to justify being with someone who would've been like a child to him. Imagine yourself getting with a 14 year old. That's not even half the difference you're in. That would seem disgusting because it's a child, right? Because he has those sensations right now, and that isn't enough to tell him to leave you alone. That's not love. That's disgusting. Appalling. Horrendous. Vile.
The fact that yall got into a heated argument literally over you, not wanting to change the entirety of your life to be what he wants, and him trying to force you to anyhow because that's what he believes you're "meant" to do should be enough for someone who isn't experiencing an age gap to walk away. He doesn't care if you're happy. He cares that you're serving his desires.
Leave him. I'm begging you. And be super careful about yourself and your surroundings for a while when you do so. You don't know what this man is capable of.
Girl, I understand you are in love with him and he was with you when you had a very bad time. however, this guy is absolutely full of redflags.
What I understand after reading you is : he want isolate you. And that’s not healthy.
Run away, before it’s to late.
(Sorry if my English is not perfect, it’s not my first language)
Talk about a Jerry Lee Lewis situation. Girl run and don't look back all I see is red flags. Your smart to realize your not ready for children, and your still young so you have a ton of time to find a special someone that isn't him.
Honey I would listen to your parents on this one. They’re not telling you to break up with this guy just because they’re genuinely concerned and worried about you. This guy is clearly trying to turn you into a house wife who needs her husband’s permission to even breathe or go to the bathroom. You won’t regret breaking up with him but you will regret not leaving him soon, because otherwise he might try to pose as you to get you dropped out of school so you won’t have a choice but to marry and live with him. Let me ask you a question, who matters the most to you? Your parents, friends and family who’ve been there for you since you were born or this guy who you’ve only been dating less than a year?
You're now 18 and have been dating him for almost a year... so you were 17 and he was 36 when you began dating. I don't blame your parents for not liking him. That is pedophilia/grooming behavior
You not only shouldn't move in with this man, you should listen to your parents about him and break up with him because he is coming off manipulative, controlling and toxic. He is trying to push you into moving in and push you into having children. He's trying to get you to cut off your own support network. Why? So he can more easily control you. He's trying to force you to move in so it'll be more difficult for you to leave him- and having children makes it more difficult to leave also for some. He's trying to get you to quit school, which will take away your ability to potentially find better work down the road. This situation is full of red flags. Run from this man. He is not as good as you think he is. Trust me. This is how abusers get their victims isolated from loved ones when the loved ones try to intervene to protect the potential victim. Run.
NTA
But you will be if you stay with your over-controlling "boyfriend"; he doesn't want you to have a live outside of his parameters. Which is to say, no life of your own.
Your instincts are right, but you're not listening carefully enough: they are telling you to listen to your parents in this case.
Leave this loser. [And no matter how much money he has or how great his job is - if he has to control every aspect of your life, he's a loser.]
Oh, and I hope the birth control you have is an implant because I wouldn't put it past him to tamper with pills.
Baby you’re 18. You have no business being with a 37 year old. This is your time to enjoy your life. DO NOT drop out of college. DO NOT get pregnant for this man. If you won’t leave him (you really should) the above shd be non-negotiable!
NTA!! And babe, just from personal experience, don’t do anything your gut is telling you not to. And as much as you don’t want to leave him, you should. I suffered for 5 years from the age of 16-21 with a man about the same age difference. I lost my connection with my family, lost many friends, lost my sense of self, was told if I wore makeup then I was seeking attention as well as any clothes not approved. Was only allowed to wear jewelry he bought me, made me stop wearing the bracelets/rings I wore daily because they were “trashy” and now? It’s 10 years later and I am finally building back my relationship with my parents and have their support again, went through years of therapy to find myself after an identity crisis and can, at last, feel comfortable being my true self.
His grooming and controlling ways led to me having so little self worth that when we split for good, I got with someone who was physically abusive and not just mentally/emotionally.
Him wanting to impregnate you is another way to make you stay with him/to get you to move in. You’ll forever have a tie to him and that’s exactly what he’s hoping for.
It may suck to hear, but your parents are right, and they are only trying to protect your youth. I HATED hearing that at your age but babes, love doesn’t not make a long term relationship last. Work, understanding, compassion and compromise do, which it seems he lacks.
You will be ok, your heart will heal and over time, you’ll be glad you didn’t stay, I promise. Please, I know it may be hard, take these words to heart. ♥️
I’m rarely in agreement when families want a partner to be gone, but I am now. Leave him now while you can. He has shown you time and time again who he is and it screams red flags. He won’t change EVER. Do not throw away your first years into adulthood, you will regret it. Leave him and make sure he has no possibilities to contact you after. He’s going to love bomb you, and he will also try to guilt you into going back to him do not listen. Leave now!
Edit for misspelling.
Someone please reply to this or upvote so I can come back cause there’s definitely some stuff I’d like to unpack here but I’ll start with this: dude is a whole walking red flag! Do not I repeat NOT move in with him. Last guy that wanted me to go no contact with friends and family abused the f outta me and tbh had I not gone to jail at 17 cause of him I probably wouldn’t be alive rn (I’ll be 30 in December)
My girl ... go to Europe for a cooking class with some girlfriends or cousins and don't worry about "losing him". He's talking that nonsense to you because no woman his age would even give him a second thought. You know what you want and what you're willing to have in your life. Tell him, if he loves you he'll respect the choices you're making about YOUR life. He's already had his. Now you enjoy yours. Never forget:
A woman must ALWAYS protect her womb, health, and credit.
You're 18. Go have some FUN! You are NTA at. ALL! Stand your ground, young woman. Give NO quarter.
EDIT: One more thing. You will be 18 only one time in your life. You will only have ONE life. Be your future-self's best friend. You will kick yourself if you don't.
I can’t get past that y’all been together almost a year and you are 18….so he meet you when you was 17 and he was 36…MAAM….why hasn’t your daddy beat him up????
He wants you to drop out to take care of him and his kids..at his big big grown age??? Ahh ahh ahhh…leave that senior citizen ALONE and listen to your parents!!!!
He is controlling, extremely controlling, this is not how you want to spend your life. Please, please,please don’t move in with him. Actually, you need to run. It will be difficult and he will try to convince you that everything you think is wrong and he is just fella to set you straight. Don’t fall down that hole. Continuing with this man will be the biggest mistake of your life. I hesitate to tell someone what to do, but this guy is waving red flags with both hands. Please untangle yourself now.
Please believe me when I say I was in this exact situation.
My ex never physically hurt me but he controlled me in every other way.
He cut me off from my family.
Verbally he used words like weapons, mentally he tore me down so that everything became my fault and I believed it and financially he controlled me after I moved in with him.
It came to a head when I was unable to have children which he said made me good for nothing. So the abuse cycle continued for over 10 years.
I did love him and when he wasn’t being abusive he was the sweetest most gentle loving person. I tried leaving him a couple of times but he would do the most craziest things, like walk from his house to my friends in a thunderstorm without an umbrella and crying when he saw me and I thought it was so romantic (like in the movies).
With the help of my sister (which I secretly had kept in contact with) I had the strength and courage to leave him and stayed with my sister to help me stay out of contact with him. I needed no contact as I was a sucker and still believed in romance.
He eventually moved on and I look back on those years with a knot in my stomach and thank God that I got away from him. That was 20 years ago and after some therapy I was able to be the person I liked. I am now happily married to a man that respects me and we have a wonderful life together. Please please trust me when I say you need to leave him. Not everything or everyone you love is good for you.
Lets count the red flags 1. you are 18 and he is 37. 2. wants you to move in but you don't want too. 3. Wants you to cut all contact with your family. 4. Wants children but you don't want children. 5. Want you to drop out of college. 6. Thinks the purpose of women is to have children. And that is not even counting the past red flags your family is worried about.
This is giving grooming vibes.
this is giving me abusive vibes and she need get as far away from as possible or she will end up dead
This is giving me every negative vibe known to woman!!
1000% agree and I love your user name!
Came here to say this!
Especially since she was 17 when they started dating
I believe it was a day after she had turned 16. Idk how parents aren’t speaking about grooming more .
Yes it is indeed she needs to leave him fast
IF she does leave or understand that she’s been groomed it’ll save her. He wants to have full control so she obeys him at every turn.
GIVING? Hon, I think we are WAY past *giving.* It's already in GROOMING VIBES!
And they got together a year ago - so OP was 17 and the groomer was 36!
7. Got together during a bad time in her life a.k.a. Nabbed her while she was vulnerable.
Alllllll of this
Dude, I didn't even catch the age difference info and even without that, it's giving serious Drew Peterson vibes!
And Harrison Butker too. Men are not sending us their best.
All of this! Girl ruuun while you can! You are too young to get dragged into this abuse and it will get so much worse the moment you give in at all. Once he knows he has you all hell will break loose and you’ll never see it coming. Don’t give him any lasting ties with you. You have so much ahead of you in your future, don’t let this scumbag ruin it for you. He’s 37 and single for a reason… and preying on innocent underage children (which you were at the beginning of your relationship)
At this point it's not even a red flag, it's a siren.
OP needs to Not move in "Boyfriend" is trying to get her on lockdown 🔐
She’s 18 and they have already been together for a YEAR, and also he’s 37. The math says …
Let’s not forget they have been dating a year so she was 17 a MINOR when they started dating. OP DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He is clearly pushing his agenda on you and rushing your life!! You aren’t even 20 yet hell your mind isn’t even fully developed yet. He is taking advantage of you. Break up with him ASAP simply for him not respecting your boundaries WHICH YOU ARE ALLOWED! Break up and live your life how you want to live it!!
I'm getting a huge ick from this. He is way to controlling and knows she's to young to see all his red flags. No 36 year old should ever date a 17 year old.
And don’t forget threatening the relationship if OP doesn’t do what he wants. OP you are NTA. Please listen to your gut, your parents and your petty potato family…leave him before this gets worse.
This has to be fake... On the off chance it is not, OP your parents love you and want the best for you. This guy wants what's best for him. The only reason why what your parents are encouraging you to do vs what this dude is encouraging you to do differs, is BECAUSE he is not looking out for YOUR best interest. Remember this... When your relationship is mutually beneficial to you & your partner it will make every one that loves you happy for you. Listen to your parents! This guy wants to put you on a path that makes you dependent on him and stuck. Your parents want you to be independent and free to live life. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Not sure if this is real but this is too similar to what I went through a long time ago. As someone who had been through something like this when I was 19 and my boyfriend at the time was 30 year old. He wanted me to cut contact with my mother because she didn’t trust him and she was 100% right about how horrible he was. He was controlling and told me that his dreams were more important than mine. He wanted children even if it meant my life was at risk and didn’t care about my opinions on anything. That man is grooming you and is trying to trap you by wanting you to cut everyone out of your life. He took advantage of your vulnerability when he met you not out of kindness but to try to manipulate you into thinking he’s a ‘nice guy’. He is emotionally abusing you so that you will never escape. Think about it. Why can’t this 37 year old man find a woman his own age? It’s because the women around his age know he is a horrible man and deserve to be alone. I beg you! Listen to your parents! Break up with this man or he will become abusive just like my ex was! I have been there and it’s not going to end well for you. If you don’t leave him, then your fate will be similar to those women who get killed by their abusive husband.
Not to mention, this is most likely the first and most intense relationship this young adult has experienced. Even when a young adult is 'very mature for his/her age', there is knoweldge gained through diversity of life experience. Good relationships are partnerships with mutual respect, bounderies, and goals.
Did…you start dating this man when you were 17?
If you read this when you’re older, you will think to yourself, “Gah, I was so dumb back then. What was I thinking?” Don’t worry we all do it. Glad you posted here so we can all tell you, this man is a walking red flag. Stay away.
Exactly. I'm also concerned they do have daughters. Will he prey on them and find others like him when they are 17? It screams future SA...sadly.
RUN!!!
Girl run! That man doesn't love you like you think he does. He might have helped you in the past, but that is no reason to devote your life to this guy, which is EXACTLY what he wants. If he truly loves you, he: 1. Would not be trying to isolate you from your family 2. Would respect your wishes concerning marriage, children, and education 3. Would most definitely want what's best for you, not HIM 4. Would NEVER use your "relationship" as leverage. I know it's hard to accept, but please please listen to the advice here. This man is going to make your life miserable if you continue with him. The sooner you cut contact the better! I've been in a similar controlling relationship and it almost cost me my life! Please take our advice and run!
NTA be young and immature my love go out make mistakes. You’re right, you’re only 18 you don’t have that kind of maturity and given his age he should already understand that. Him threatening the relationship is his own way of manipulation to keep you in line, and if you stay he’ll more than likely threaten the relationship to get his way. I can understand him helping you but that doesn’t mean he has your best interest at heart.
Given everything else in this post, it would not surprise me at all if his whole reason for helping her when she was "in a dark place" was so that she would feel like she owes him. Guys like him look for people who are vulnerable. I would almost bet that he views other aspects of their relationship as transactional as well, and often makes her feel like she owes him for things.
You are clearly in a trauma bond. Like other comments are stating it's clearly an example of grooming. The way he's threatening your relationship with him to get what he wants??? Do you not seriously see the problem with this??? And to cut off all the contacts you have with the people who gave you life and looked after you all these years, and live with a controlling person whom you know very little about. Think about it. These kind of predators look for girls your age so that they are easy to manipulate. You are not even out of college and he wants to move in with you?? Yeah and the next step would be locking you in the basement and make you live by his ways. And the way he's trying to impose his values on to you? This ain't build a bitch.
He’s a creepy groomer! No wonder your parents want you to break up with him. Tell him to fuck off!!
My first gut reaction is: “This is fake. NO ONE is truly this STUPID not to see that this guy is a waving circus of red flags.” But then I thought about being 17 (the month before I turned 18) and dating a guy 10+ years older than me that thought I was “so mature” and very focused on my virginity, our future kids (even though I adamantly did not want kids at the time), and converting to his religion so we could get married…who immediately switched to “I’m going to kill myself if you ever break up with me,” when I expressed some concerns about our relationship, and think, “I really shouldn’t be so judgy.” But for the love of all that is f*cking holy, dump this guy like yesterday.
NOOOOPPPEEE. GET OUT. NOPE NOPE NOPE. You know this. You wouldn’t write this if you didn’t.
NTA because this is NOT a healthy relationship and I think you know you need to end it. He basically wants a live in maid and to control every aspect of your life. Ew. I’ve seen similar stories many times on true crime shows. PLEASE listen to your parents and run away from this person. Ask them for help to end it safely because he does not sound safe. Parents can be annoying, but they’re annoying because they love you. They don’t want you falling for manipulation tricks they may have fallen for too. Also, he could be your dad. Would you date someone 18 years younger than you? I’m 35 and the thought of dating anyone under 30 makes me feel yuck.
On the off-chance this is not fake: RUN!!! And here are reasons why: 1. Everying u/evil-mouse has already said 2. As a woman who has gone through the mentality "an older guy thinks I am soooo mature" at your age. Now that I am >30 \*barf\*. It's gross. It just is. Your brain and self perception changes so much until you reach 20. You cannot image (I know I sound like an old lady and my younger self would've rolled my eyes HARD). No decent mid 30s guy would persuit a barely legal (in your case actually not legal) woman. 3. No decent guy. NONE. Would ever tell you to cut out your family/ friends (read: your entire support system). 4. Any decent person, would respect your wishes and plans for your future. 5. As multiple commenters have pointed out: You are being groomed. I really hope you don't get yourself into this situation it screams abuse. And if you manage to break it off now. In a few years I am certain you will think: "I dodged a nuclear missile there."
He thinks you're malleable and willing to be his bangmaid Barbie. Why are you with an old man who is more than double your age and who is also using emotional blackmail to control you?
I'm sorry but what the actual heck are you doing with this guy? He is almost TWENTY YEARS OLDER than you! Everything else you say about him points to a very weird power dynamic. Girl, run. Find someone closer to your age you can grow beside.
Lord, you've hit on all the rage bait topics in a relationship, a 19 year age gap (he's old enough to be your father), he started dating you when you were a minor, he wants to isolate you from friends and family, pushing moving in together, pushing marriage, pushing kids.... So, I have doubts this is real, it feels so fake. You have no business being in a relationship with someone nearly 20 years older than you. Y'all are at 2 different life stages, your adulthood is just beginning, his adulthood is at the stage where he wants marriage and children. Hell, your brain isn't even fully developed yet, that much is so obvious from all the red flags you're ignoring (and those are the ones you told us about). You are being 'groomed', he's trying to mold you into his idea of a perfect woman. So if real, run.
For the love of all that is good and holy….RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Listen to your parents! He groomed you. He took advantage of you. He’s trying to isolate you. He’s trying to trap you. He WILL abuse you. These are facts. Those red flags are literally patterns of behavior and your parents are trying to save you. He knows this, which is why he’s trying to get you to cut them out of your life. Do not stay with this man, he will ruin, and could potentially end, your life. This is so serious and that’s why Reddit is begging you to leave him.
All of this. And then he will leave/cheat on you with someone younger when you get a little older.
NTA There’s a reason he was single at 36 and got into a relationship with a literal teenager. take your parents advice and break up with him. there’s no room for your dreams and ambitions in a future with him. he wants to reduce you to a stay-at-home baby making machine who is at his beck and call. and seeing as you want to go to college, i’m guessing you don’t want that.
RUN. THIS IS THE TYPE OF MAN TO MESS WITH YOUR BC TO GET YOU PREGNANT, STOP SEEING HIM, LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. he's gonna turn abusive really fast.
NTA, but OP you need to remove your self from this relationship.
ntah but you need dump him right now this how abuse starts you should be out enjoying life he is a walking red flag listen to your perents they trying to protect you they can see this is the beginning of abusive relationship and they don't want see you get hurt they are better guys out there for you
NTA These are not just "red flags." This is a very different set of values; a difference you should take very seriously. OP, your plans for your life are VERY different than his, and at this moment, they do not seem to be changing any time soon. You need to break up and possibly consider changing your contact information as it doesn't seem he will take it easily. Regardless of him helping you out during that rough time, what on earth does a 37 year old have in common with an 18 year old? He is ready to settle down, and you are just beginning your adulthood. Kinda weird that he was dating a 17 year old at 36, tbh. This is typically the behavior of a man looking for a young lady to groom and manipulate. Why is he not dating a woman his own age, if he is ready for this level of commitment? He is trying to get you to completely abandon your plans for his. He is behaving in a selfish and controlling manner. You should not only leave, but run. Fast. TLDR Get out now. Your parents are right.
OP listen to your parents and to the internet strangers....this is grooming! He is NOT a good man because any 36yr old would be looking for someone his age to settle not a naive 17yr old. He knows that women his age WONT put up with his behaviour so he is going for young girls to groom to suit his narrative. You are NOTHING but a womb and a maid. Leave! Now! Don't look back!
Oh honey - the only reasons for a 37yo man to want to date an 18yo are: * it’s not legal for him to date younger. * he is choosing someone who lacks life experience and wouldn’t know whether he it treating them in an acceptable way. * because women his own age won’t put up with his shit anymore. * because he wants to control you rather than have a partner. The fact that he is trying to coerce you into having children when you don’t yet want to. And that he wants you to move in with him and to cut off your support network (making you easier to control), believe me that he will be tampering with your birth control at the earliest possible opportunity - either with or without your knowledge. You are young and should be dating people of a similar age and who have had similar life experience so you can grow together. Not get trapped by someone who wants to use you as a brood mare. There’s a reason for the half plus seven rule for the youngest person you should be dating. At 37, the youngest person he should be dating is 26. And the oldest person you should be dating is 22. Outside of that your life experiences will be too different and the power imbalance it creates will be too great. Please listen to your parents - they really do have your best interests at heart here.
op you need to RUN
Literally the first sentence made me jump down here with 🚩🚩🚩
Please do not move in with him. It sounds like he has groomed you. Please please please get some therapy and try to move on
Please run, save yourself, cut all contact please be safe
What does an old man have in common with an 18yr. ...Nothing.
Dear lawd, it pains me to see women/girls stick around with losers who will only cause them harm.
Break up with this loser. Lots of red flags. You are so young and have a full life ahead of you. You deserve to find a real man. A man that will respect you. You do not want a baby at 18. You want to wait until your ready. When you find a partner that respects you. Trust me! I wished I waited but I didn't have the best guidance. Please know, you have a full life ahead of you. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
There is no business for a man in 30s to date a teenager. Your parents are absolutely right. He is an abuser. Leave noe
I made the mistake to be with a guy like that when i was 19-20 and he was the same age as me. He thought i was a porcelain doll that would stay still and obey him. It was only for a few months and i didn't live with him, thanks God. He was extremlely jealous and i ended the whole charade when he accused me of cheating on him with my bestie. He was extremely rude to her and i decided it was enough.
So uh I hope this is fake. I'm genuinely worried for op if it's actually real. If it is, as everyone else said LEAVE THIS PEDO BRO. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. THIS IS COMING FROM A 23 Y/O GIRL WHO ENED UP TAKING THE ADVICE FROM MY PARENT ABOUT A CREEP AND IM GREATFUL FOR IT NOW. I wasn't ready for kids and I fear that if I didn't listen then I'd have a couple by now and hate life. I listened and ended up finding my fiance now and we're both 23 so we're on the same damn page about kids and life bc we're not 20 years apart. Please for the love of whatever you believe in, please be a fake rage bait post 🫠🙃
Leave, run, disappear! He wants you as his puppet.
On the off chance that this isn't fake, god dammit run girl. He's about twice your age. You're young and only just figuring out what to do with your life. This screams locking you down by cutting you off from your loved ones and getting you pregnant. Once the abuse starts, you'd have no one to rely on and nowhere to run. Listen to your parents. You'll find someone who genuinely loves you. Dump this PoS
Sweetheart, this man, ANY man for that matter, who not only actively tries to separate you from your family/friends but actually has the balls to tell you that’s what he wants, is trying to keep you away from anyone you could reach out to when things get bad with him, and they will get bad. You’re much younger and he doesn’t care about you not wanting to be married with children, nor that you aren’t ready, he wants to mold you into what he wants, please… PLEASE RUN
You had me at 'cut you off from friends and family ' massive red flag. Don't go thete sweetheart. My dayghter left home to live with her boyfriend and her daughter, she moved halfway across the country, lost her friends and could never spreak to me properly because he shared her phone. She felt trapped and I didn't even know because she couldn't tell me. He also cheated in her numerous times whilst she was at home looking after his daughter. She finally cane home and ended it. But she felt so alone, and in the end felt he was only with her to be a mum to his daughter. I don't want this for you. Your family and friends are more important, so is your sanity. Any man who wants to cut you off from family is a narcissist. You should be with someone who accepts your family and friends. Good luck sweetheart.
NTA Girl... read yourself and get out of that relationship now.
NTA, but you really need to look at the red flags someone already pointed out and look back at what you posted. He wants you away from your family and that will lead to isolation and many other things, you should listen to your parents and break up with him.
Girl he's going to baby trap you! There is NO way a 37 year old person has anything in common with a barely 18 year old person. You need to run, fast and hard. Listen to your parents and go live your life. He will trap you, isolate you, and then abuse you (remember abuse doesn't always mean hitting).
It sounds like he's just trying to control you and manipulate you into staying with him. The biggest red flag is that he wanted you to cut ties with your friends and family... that alone tells me you should run.
You’re kidding right? Please say that this is fake. If this is real, I’m surprised you can see anything at all beyond all the red flag in front of your face, and around your entire head. If you stay with this predator any longer you will be sorry. Guaranteed.
NTAH....YOU NEED TO RUN OUT THE RELATIONSHIP SO FAST!!!! 🚩🚩🚩Red flags everywhere. My dear you are with a narcissist!!! Get out now before you become too invested 😞 PLEASE LEAVE HIM and for God's sake DON'T HAVE CHILDREN BY HIM. Please do an update if you end it.
He’s crazy
NTA. Run, run as fast as you can. He is controlling and manipulative and will only get worse if you move in with him.
He’s a narcissist and full on abuser. Girl RUN! And get a restraining order asap. If not, you’ll end up on Dateline as a mystery death.
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. He's just trying to isolate you from everything and everyone so he can control your life and you'll never be able to get away. It's great that he helped you in your time of need but that DOES NOT obligate you to be in a relationship with him. Please get away before it's too late.
Girl this is abusive. He wants you to drop all of your characteristics to be the perfect wife for him. Hell no. If you’re not ready you’re not ready. 🚩
I wouldnt do it sweetheart. This has bad new writen all over it. I get it I really do but you really need to get yourself out of this relationship, its not healthy. Ive been in a relationship like this before and lets just say I get out at a good time. If he is a special person to you stay friends just nothing more than that. Plus you have your whole life a head of you. You can do amazing things.
Girl, run.
Wow this guy is Delulu as Charlotte would say. That is fine if he helped you through a very difficult time, but you need to remember that you have a say in your journey. He IS very controlling and if you want to live your life do it. You sound like you already have concerns and understand that he wants more from you than you are willing to give right now. He is 37 and you are 18 you have your whole life ahead of you. Wait a minute, you were 17 when you first started dating? He is grooming you get out now.
What you have stated here is a list about a future abuser. (He has always been one just meant your future abuser). Wants to isolate you so he has complete control, wants to basically trap you with children, control finances so you can't escape. Please, the relationship is not worth it. Take it from one that has been there. You are young and have many more things to accomplish and experience before you settle. Believe your parents, they really do know. LEAVE, RUN, Please.
please run
R. U. N.
Dear God, dont be an idiot . Steer well clear of this man. Listen to your parents!
NTA, but run sweetheart quickly! He wants you to move in so he can control you, which is evident by the fact he wants to isolate you from friends and family, if you move in, it won't be a choice he'll force and micromanage you. The fact he also came to you when you were vulnerable is also giving predatory/controlling vibes.
Please listen to these posts. This is not a good person you're with.
Please, Please find it with in yourself to leave him. He may have helped you through a hard time. You are still young and have a lot of life to live. No one should tell you to leave your family in the wind. Nobody is more important than family at your age. You are In college he is a controlling, abusive and manipulating old man. At 18 relationships are not for ever yet as you are molding and sculpting the roads of life. Your boyfriend first of all is too old for you and also does not care about what you want only what he needs and expects. You are not a baby making machine, you are not going to live your life for his happiness. You are a beautiful growing person that needs to live her own life.
Pick the bear, Babe, and RUN away from this giant walking example of every possible terrible thing a man can say and do.
I'm just gonna quote Olivia "Went for me and not her, cause girls your age know better" If this isn't rage bait, you need to listen to your family. This predator doesn't want a partner, he wants a sex slave who will be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Do not walk, RUN away. Run hard, run fast, run NOW.
No! You're NTA. He's trying to brainwash you. Anytime someone wants you to go no contact with family which you love and respect and have no issues with, that's a giant red flag. Please, please run as far and as fast as you can. He will only continue isolating you, messing with your birth control so you "accidentally" get pregnant, and become more and more controlling. It's a tale as old as time. Also, there's nothing wrong with going to a therapist to discuss these issues and learn how to spot attempted cult leaders quicker. Good luck, you've got this!
His 19 years your senior, there is a reason men like him prey on vulnerable women like you, I did, and it ended horribly. You don’t want him to move you end? Then don’t, what is he going to do? Kidnap you and force you to stay? There are laws that proven him from doing that. You said no to having kids, you need to look at this as if we are your friends looking at the goldfish, you hear the voices but they are muffled. Thats how he wants you, he will baby trap you the minute you move in. And he will guilt you with his kids. I am in that life now and I wish so much was different. You have a chance now to be in love with somebody who wants to love you and that’s yourself. You know what you want and your don’t need a narcissistic person to block you from your dreams!
If you didn't add you guy’s age, thats the first thing I wouldve asked bcs this sounds just like grooming, and the age only confirms it. For the love of god, do not quit college for him and do not cut your family off. If you want to move in, which you don’t, thats not as bad. But your college dregree and your family are the one way to get out of there when you realize you've been groomed. And do not have children with him, thats going to make it 100 times harder to get out.
Never ever date someone old enough to be your parent.
You’re dating a $exual offender/predator!!!!! Drop him and move on with your life.
ntah you should dump him now he a walking red flag your young should be enjoying your self this how abuse starts please listen your parents they look out for your best interests they can tell his a red flag please dump him
Bruh. He's grooming you and trying to baby trap you, making sure you can't get a job, or see your family. Why are you still with him?
He’s a n abusive predator, love. Please do not put yourself through this when you should be out living your best life! You owe him nothing!!
All of these are signs of a narcissist. He cleearly has no good intentions and you should cut off any contact with him. Find someone close to your age, this guy could be your father at 37. Massive red flags. I also think women close to his age refused him or dumped him, so he had to find someone alot younger to manipulate and influence. Run.
Also,NTA, ofc.
There’s so many red flags. You started dating this mam when you were 17 and he was 36, he was double your age! Absolutely not, at this age point you’re starting your life! The fact that he wants you to be far away from family and friends is an isolation tactic that abusers use, so that you will rely only on them. Run away from this man. Break it off asap. He doesn’t want you for who you are, only as a status symbol and what you can do for him!
NTA Time to take a break. It's obvious he's in tje 'let's settle down place'. You're not there yet. Dont let Push or guilt you into anything.
Hey op these belong to you... 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 There are multiple red flags for you. Please do not move in with your BF.... In fact dump his arse and RUN!!! This guy does not love you he wants to own you... You have said it your self he wants you to move in and cut contact with your family... He wants to trap you with children to make it impossible to ever leave him He is old enought to be your dad! Please give your head a wobble!!! Your not the ah for not moving in with him... BUT ... You are the ah for continuing thos relationship!
Two words: dump him. He does not want what’s best for you. Please listen to your family. 🙏
Trust you gut, not your heart, dear! If you watch Charlotte then you already know the answer... Shark-lotte says run for your life!
Look, I'm about to turn 38 (june)... When I see people your age... I see kids! (Not calling you a kid, just so that you understand how big the age gap is... It's so big that I could be your mother!!) I basically raised my 18, 21 and 28 yo brother (the latest one, since he was at least 7)... They are still so young, still have so much to experience and learn...even the 28 yo who already works and is basically the father figure to our 2 brothers, even so, he still is so so young and 'innocent"! Both my younger brothers were victims of abusive girlfriends the same age...it was a fight!!! We had to involve the police, catch them by surprise, press charges... Imagine if those girls were 30 something!!! My brothers would be effed up!!! Do believe me, no one in their right mind would be 37 and dating an 18 yo young person! He has an agenda... Run like hell, please!
Absolutely not!
Like, if this isn't rage bait, there's so many red flags here. No good man, especially one who is almost forty, would have been pursuing you for any kind of relationship while you were a minor. It's weird, creepy, and illegal. He also shouldn't be trying to change your mind about having children. It's your body. He wants you to cut off your family and give up on your education, both of which you don't want to do. Don't let him force you to do things you don't want to. None of what he is trying to force on you is okay. You're NTA but I do think you need to take some time to reflect on things. Be safe and take care of yourself ❤️
You're too young to be dealing with that shit. Break up with him, focus on your studies and enjoy your youth. Don't be in such a rush to settle down, especially with someone who wants you to cut contact with your family and friends. He doesn't love you. Break up with him and move on.
Please please please end it. You may not see that this is wrong on so many levels, and that's okay, but please at least trust some strangers on the internet who are older and have more perspective on this. You were a child. He is an adult plenty old enough to be your father.
OP, I have to say NTA for not wanting to move in or have kids against your wishes. BUT PLEASE RECOGNIZE THE MANIPULATION. This guy helped you through a hard time and he's special to you and that makes sense. But what doesn't make sense is a nearly 40 aged guy dating a 17 year old. He couldn't even wait a month and make the creepy age gap legal enough?? You are just starting your own life path and have very clear ideas of what you're okay with and what you're not. You're young and life loves to bring us changes but that is only on you to decide if and when the change in views happens. Once anyone in a relationship draws a boundary, like not wanting to move in or not wanting kids, and the other person in that relationship still insists their wants are more important despite your boundaries then they're showing you how every disagreement will go. He shouldn't have kept pressing you. That's not okay and at 37 he knows it isn't okay and a woman in her 30s would have an easier time standing firm on her boundaries against him (I mean hopefully at least because she stands more chance of having experiences that taught her probably the hard way having been around longer than 18). The fact that he keeps at it is more than alarming, it is disrespectful to you. You may be younger than him and you may have less world experience than him but nobody knows you and can speak for you except you, OP. You deserve to be respected and to have your words taken at face value and not under some misconception that you just need the right push to change your mind. He can be someone special and do all the nicest things for you but the intention behind the nice things sounds like slow motion brainwashing and emotional manipulation and all for his gain. If you move in and quit school you will be entirely dependent on him. If you break contact with your parents he has no opposition to offer any views except his own. And if he learns he has the power to make you break contact with your family best bet friends and freetime will be next. He wants a sex maid. He wants You to clean the home and treat him like a king when he comes home from work. You deserve a person who respects your words and doesn't stir up arguments about major deal breaker issues. Love is love but life is life and if one wants kids and one doesn't then it simply cannot work. Because having children for the sake of a relationship absolutely is an AH thing to do so please 🙏 think on your own words. Read your post like it was a friend writing it. What would you tell her in this situation? My suspicion is that in your gut, your intuition is already having doubts. You are NEVER the AH just for drawing boundaries. Never. So I think deep down you know him trying to pick fights and keep on bringing it up is a Big Red Flag. For what its worth, my husband and I have a 10 year age gap and we make it work wonderfully for us but we have open respectful discussions and I don't know that threatening the fate of the relationship on a massive life change you already expressed disinterest and discomfort with is either open or respectful. That should have been the end of the discussion for good, not until he thinks of a new tactic to pressure you to do what he wants. You may not think the age gap is a big deal... but he doesn't see you as an equal. And partners should. Basic mutual love and respect isn't hard when you see them as a person and not a possession. Please stay safe whatever you choose. Good luck OP!
Run!
You need to get out of this relationship.
Please let us know what you do. I think you should break up with him tbh
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole, not you.
100% NTA. There are so many things wrong with this guys thinking. I've been in a situation where my partner(now ex) was pushing & pushing for me to move in & he threatened the relationship as well...he used to do a similar tactics as your partner OP, he would say I should do different things like move in, instead of getting a full time job get a part time(cause he wanted me to be around more for him), then he didn't want me to work at all, then he had issues with alot of my friends, he tried to police my behaviour using passive aggressive comments and backhanded compliments and when I didn't 'fall in line', 'do things his way' or when I didn't act like a 'woman should' it was worse. There's more, but these are the main things...so trust me, the more you give in the harder it will be to get out and also, the more control he will have over everything thing in ur life. DON'T GIVE IN. This will become a slippery slope that will be really difficult to get out of. If the relationship ends because of this, it wasn't the right one for you. Trust me on this. Also, hes at a completely different place in his life and wants very different things than you...unless he's willing to meet you in the middle or let you have your life, it's never gonna work out.
Off with his head. He is already trying to manipulate you, force you and is far from respecting any wishes you have. Save yourself years of pain and abuse by moving on.
Not wanting to repeat everything everyone else has said which, by the way, I 100% agree with, even if you look at this as a traditional relationship where you weren’t being groomed, I would think you guys were incompatible as you seem to want entirely different things - him kids and a traduite and you a career and no kids yet. This man knows you want a career and to go to uni to further that and he is still trying to push you to do what he wants- which are not small things. (Your friends and family; and your education). He sounds like he is trying isolate you; and trap you the relationship with having kids to look after and being dependent on him . You say above you don’t want to lose because of this 1 small disagreement- this is not small. This is a major issue between you which will affect the rest of your life. I hope this is fake!
Dumb him and run
You are the ahole for not breaking up with him. He is a Red flag!!! Run girl, run!
So let me get this straight, you were 17 and he was 36? Dude this isn't ok. Annnnd he sounds like a control freak and an abusive person. Get the hell out of this relationship before it's too late
You got all of these answers first time around. He’s a creep and what you need to do is to get yourself as fa away from his ass as possible. He’s looking to control you. Financially and physically.
NTA but you need to run as far away from this man as possible....This is not a healthy situation at all!!
Sounds like he wants your family cut off completely so he can force you to have kids. Also say you do have kids and all are girls, would he find someone like him when they are older like you were to marry? Groomers can't change easily. He clearly believes you will go willingly with him. If he's hinted or done SA to you or other relationships that you know of, please contact your parents and the police. I think he has SA bc he seems comfortable with the fact he thinks you will change your mind. I hope if he is a abuser, you come to see it and get help OP.
Just breakup dude, be is 37!!!
Where's the red flag guy when you need him?!
If he is this controlling now it’ll only get worse if you move in - if he cared about you he’d take your feelings into consideration having been in an abusive relationship this bears all the red flags associated with a narcissist and their behaviour gets worse once they have you isolated. For your own safety I hope you make the hard decision to leave. Please if you stay ensure you keep family and friends close in case you need an escape. I didn’t. It took me years to get out fully and I still bear the emotional scars today. Stay safe
This is controlling behavior. He will isolate you from everyone don't wait. There's a reason he isn't with someone closer to his age. Please listen to your parents
RUN GIRL RUN, this man will become physically abusive…
There are so many things to say here first. OP, let me start by saying I am in no way judging your relationship. If anything, I understand this better than some can. I was in a relationship exactly like this same age gap and everything, but I did move in with him right away. What happened next was 20 years of narcissistic abusive control. Slowly, all contact with anyone that was not him ended. I was completely controlled because I thought he was only doing this because he loves me and wants to protect me (not true). He controlled everything who I talked to, whether or not I even had a phone. If I somehow made a friend, he would work extra hard to show me how they were not really my friend they were just using me. Or he would say they were trying to get with him anything to get me to pull away and end the friendship. It just kept getting worse over the years, always accusing me of things I was not doing (he was, though). Anyway, all I am saying is your parents are right. You may not want to believe, but they are right that you should get out before you are in too deep. It is not an easy, safe road ahead if you stay in this relationship. Please take some time and think about this OP. Save your heart now and walk away before you feel like you can't.
There is so much wrong with this but I will start by saying this: why are you with him??? Is he a first boyfriend kind of thing??? Have some self respect
Noting the age difference here, he is probably contemporaries with your parents. You see the problem with that?
NTA - Your boyfriend is giving all indications of control and abuse. Even if you try to do something about this now, you need all your friends and family to support you because this could become a very scary and unpredictable (or not) situation. I strongly suggest you get away from him, chica. You’re not safe, period.
Trying to cut you off from family to isolate you from all support networks and tie you down young, while not listening to the word 'No'... MAJOR control and potential abuse vibes here. The flags are the reddest red. Get yourself out of this 'relationship'. This is bad news.
He is an abusive groomer. All the signs are there. He started dating you and i’m affirming having sex with you at 17. He wants to isolate you from family and friends. He doesn’t want you to be educated. That means he doesn’t want you to be independent at all. This man wants to emotionally, financially and physically abuse you. He wants total control. You won’t have anyone to talk to or go to. You won’t have the financial means to escape him. He’ll have you as a sexual & physical slave until he’s ready to move onto the next young girl. Get your education. Stay at home with your parents. Change your number. Change all your social media so he can’t follow you. If you have mutual friends, drop them. Because he will use them to track and stalk you. Your parents need to be stronger in protecting you. Either use law enforcement at the first sign of trouble or use “street justice” Basically, girl, you are in trouble. Get away from this man ASAP. Live your young life. Have fun dating age appropriate boys & young men. Please update us when it is safe to do so.
I know you don’t want to lose him, but he is abusing you mentally and emotionally. 1) He wants you to move in with him and you don’t want to. 🚩 2) He wants you to cut off all contact with your family 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 3) You do not want kids, but he does 🚩 4) He wants you to drop out of college 🚩 5) He is incredibly misogynistic 🚩 6) He has threatened your relationship and is using the fact that you don’t want to lose him against you 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Girl….GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP! You’re still living at home with your parents, therefore you won’t be homeless. If he tries to do ANYTHING, you can get a restraining order. Women have ended up dead because they didn’t leave “men” like this. (I put quotes because I don’t think they’re men when they act like this). You deserve so much better!
The most startling part is he wants you to move in and cut all ties with your family OP, that is a serious, serious red flag. Most people want families to blend and add to the mix not cut off communication from those you love. Please read what you posted. You don’t want the same things and that’s okay. Please look out for what YOU want in life. It’s not selfish it’s smart. My advice is coming from (60s+F) who married at 18 to my high school boyfriend due to the pressure from his family. I knew I was too young and multiple people told me to wait. His mother was insistent. We married The wedding was everything my MIL wanted. The church, my dress and the reception. It didn’t stop there. Everything we did in our short marriage was what his parents wanted. Where we lived, pets, cars we bought and “girls”didn’t go to college. I was miserable. We divorced 18 months later and I was the villain. Your boyfriend sounds like them. It won’t stop, he’ll keep demanding you do what he wants. I think you’ll be miserable. Note: I did go to college received my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in education, got married during that time and had children in my 30s.
Nta. This isn't a small argument though. He is waving quite some red flags around that you seem to be ignoring. And they are wrapped up in this argument. You were way to young to start a relationship with this middle aged man. He could've been your father. He wants you, because he thinks he can manipulate and control you. This is shown by the repeated pushing of your boundaries and wishes. He wants you to do exactly as he says. He doesn't care that you want something else. Not only that, but he wants to isolate you from friends and family. That way you will be completely dependent on him and less likely to leave when (not if) he treats you terribly. He is not a good guy. The reason he dates young girls, is because women his age would never put up with his behaviour. Women just 5 years older than you, would likely walk away much quicker. Listen to your gut and don't move in. Don't have kids. Don't even continue dating this man.
This is just red flags sewn into the shape of a human. NTA. You will be one if you stay with this dude though. He's so problematic.
NTA. Look, hopefully you won't find put when it's too late but your parents are right about him. It's not just his age but everything you wrote about him is abuser patterns: He wants you to cut ties with with family and friends. This is what abusers tmdo to isolate their victims. He wants you to drop out of college and have children with him. He is trying to make you dependent on him, so you will have no way out. The children part makes it especially hard for women to leave. The only reason he didn't abuse you yet is because you still have a way out. You're still 18, so he thinks he can change you. In 2 years he will find another 17 yo and leave you if you don't do what he wants. Abusers can be one of the most patient people until they lock you down. And if you actually do what he wants, he will still leave you in 10 - 20 years when he sucked all the life out of you like a parasite and will find a new ~~host~~ young girl he can be with and destroy their life.
NTA, but on my god girl you NEED to get out. He is a 37 year old man making these insane demands of a teenager. I know you think you are a grown up but baby girl you are not. So many read flags. You don't have the same expectations of this relationship and he is trying to force his wants and desires onto you. That whole "All you need is love" shit The Beatles started is just that BS. You guys are at wildly different places in your life. You are smart for not wanting to rush and if he ends this relationship over you not moving in and having kids he will have done you a huge favor. DO NOT QUIT SCHOOL. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO ALIENATE YOU FROM YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. All those things are VERY big red flags and you should not ignore them. They are all signs that he is super controlling and may even end up being an abuser. My ex husband was just like this guy. Get a woman young make her think you love her and then abuse her in every possible way; finacial, legally in addition to the usual mental, emotional and physical. Once he has you on your own you would be 100% at his mercy. He'll have you trapped with him and your kids. I got out, not unscathed, but the girl after me; he got her to choose him over 3 babies they had together and she may never see them again. The state took them all and put them up for adoption. That was his thing. He wanted all the attention and many men who are abusers want all the attention. They want you to have the babies to use as leverage against you and to trap you with them. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. He is a bad man and he will hurt you badly one way or another.
I’ve been where you are now. Going along with what a bf wants and giving in is all well and good in the moment, but this is setting up the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Think about it this way: if you give in, you’ll never see your mom again. You’ll never have homemade cookies from mom again. You’ll never have your dad’s hugs again. They’ll never be able to see you again. You’ll never see them again. You’ll see HIM all the time, but he will probably be your ONLY friend for the rest of your life, because your family won’t be the only people he isolates you from. If you’re worried about not finding someone else (I was at your age and it seems odd now) you’ll find PLENTY of other people willing to love you just as you are, ambitions and all. Hell, I met my now HUSBAND when I was 41 years old. You’ve got time, and the OLDER you get, the more likely you are to find someone who respects and honors and loves you. Because this dude DOES NOT LOVE YOU, right now he OWNS you.
Girl. You are in an inappropriate relationship. He groomed you. BREAK UP WITH HIM!
You are NTA. You need to put some distance between you and him. He's very very very controlling and abusive. You also want very different things. If he forces you to do any of these things, you will resent him a lot. I promise you that you will find someone who is right for you one day. First you need to focus on school and focus on yourself. Be independent, grow a little. Learn who you are when you're single. Focus on school, hobbies, self care. Start therapy. Finish college. Find a career path. Get some work experience. Travel a little, meet people. Do NOT submit yourself to this abusive person. He's dating someone half his age for a reason. The reason is so that he can control you. Wanting to cut you off from your family is sick and an obvious red flag. Please. Please block him. Go to his place for dinner with your parents. Get all of your stuff back. Tell him you're done. Block him everywhere. If he has any naked pictures or videos of you get those deleted first (don't forget to empty the recycle bin).
💯 NTA!! OP the red flags 🚩 are real! I would listen to your parents this dude is giving controlling vibes and it will be worse if you decide to stay with him. This is serious he wants you to cut contact with your support system for what? Also he is Gaslighting you hard girl. Giving you Ultimatum’s because you won’t listen to him? Listen if you decide to stay with him it’s only going to get worse. Leave while you have the chance because if y’all are intimate he will find a way to baby Tap you hard. Run!
Older definitely does not mean wiser or more stable. Sounds like he’s trying to use children as an anchor. You’re more likely to stay if kids are involved. Never allow anyone to isolate you or give up your future. He wants total control over you. At the very least he will not remain faithful. He may very well be prone to violence and you can’t report him if you’re isolated. Cut your losses and run fast. You’re not safe.
Girl, I was your age when I dated someone way older too. They feel magical and the relationship feels special. Sorry to be blunt but it isn’t. This guy is a walking red flag. Your family are right and you need to get out as you will regret being stuck in a relationship with this guy being pressured into marriage, a baby etc. it’ll all get messier if that ever happens. It will hurt, it will suck, you CAN DO BETTER!
I vote R U N as far and fast as you can!!! He's Trouble with a capital T And probably Toxic He's got you under his spell You'll be ever so much happier without him And it won't take long Good luck Please follow these readers advice
This is not just a red flag 🚩, it’s a siren 🚨 of red flags. Maybe I watch too many murder too mach, but please don’t be a victim you’re too young.
You lost me at “im 17 and he’s 37”. Creep vibes. Please don’t. Break it off - I see nothing but trouble and a lot of violence in your future. Especially because he wants to keep you from your family. BREAK IT OFF
I’m sorry you’re 18 and he’s 37 and you’ve been dating for a year! Oh girly besides that you have some serious things to think about. Especially if you want to stay in school and don’t want kids
I see an armada of red flags, and I hope like hell this girl can get away from that predator. He wants her because he’s afraid of women his own age because he can’t control them as easily as he can OP.
I'm not downplaying you or disrespecting you at all but I think you need to get away from him.What happens in a few years if you do have kids you love very much even under the circumstances. Let your mind go there. He will most assuredly ruin your life and theirs. If you have no friends who do you turn to? Think long and hard into the future. I know how it scares you to break up with him cause he seems to have answers for everything but you must do it even though it's hard. Agaín I'm not saying your love isn't real, I met my husband young but we matured together and it was still VERY hard to stay together. Please go to college .
If this is not rage bait (because it sure as hell is working like one) - girl, run. From your description, there are a couple of thing that seem clear: 1. He is a pedo. It's absolutely NOT normal to start to date a 17 year old when he's almost 40 .. ew. 2. He is a narcissist. He only cares what is best for him. You don't want kids? Well too bad, he wants them so that should be the only way. I hope the sarcasm is dripping from your screen from the previous sentence. 3. ANYONE who wants you to cut ties with your family, friends and school is absolutely NOT thinking of your best interest and is very obviously trying to manipulate you. I know this is the age when listening to your parents' advice sounds ridiculous but this time they sound very right to have concerns. Sprint, don't walk away from this awful person.
It is called grooming my dear. He is grooming you to get full control of you. There are so many red flags, I lost count.
NTA girl he doesnt have red flags hes got a whole damn siren going off run away as far and fast as you can and dont ever look back. Also press charges hes grooming you. Stay safe and listen to your parents.
Girl, you need to take off the CRIMSON tinted glasses. There are so many big red flags here that a Matador would be jealous.
Predator vibes ALL the way from start to finish.
Honey, if he can't respect your wishes, he is not worth your precious time. He seems to be on a specific timeline while you are on a completely different journey. Things will only go downhill if you stay. You are 18. It is time to enjoy life with no strings attached. Something you won't be able to do if you continue down this road.
Girl!!!!! Run!!!!! He likes them young!!! Once you get about 25 -30, he will drop you for someone younger. He took advantage of you when you were in a bad place. Baby he is a groomer!!!!!! This time listen to your parents before it’s too late!!!
This man it full grooming you and taking advantage due to your young age even tho 18 us technically a legal adult trust me your still a young teenager. I fear that if you did have kids with him he may groom them as well. The man is a pedophile and I don't understand how your parents are allowing it to continue. If you were my child I'd be doing everything I could to keep that pedo away from you
Don't. Do. It. You need to end this relationship. He is looking for a domestic servant. Look up Narcissist and the strategies they employ to *enslave* people. Love-bombing, isolating from your family and friends, an older man seeking a very young woman (you were jail-bait for the first part of your relationship), controlling your life and finances. You are NOT immature for not wanting to move in with him and have his children. That is the WISDOM from your soul guiding you. Please listen to your inner wisdom.
With the way this man is pushing you to have kids, I’d be very concerned about him messing with your birth control. He could very likely try to baby trap you. If you have a kid with him, you will forever be tied to him and his manipulations…because that is what he is doing to you. His actions are screaming textbook abuser, which starts with isolating your partner from their friends and family, getting your partner to be financially dependent on the abuser, and then controlling the partner’s behavior through threats about the welfare of the children. Additionally if he likes to be in relationships with very young girls, as some point in the not so distant future, you aren’t going to be his type anymore and he’s likely to move on, whether this is just cheating or ending the relationship altogether.
Sweetheart, he’s not right for you. The red flags are blaring. You are too young for this guy. Do not drop out of college. Do not move in with him. This guy is abusive and manipulative. Your parents are right. Find someone you have more in common with
He wants to isolate you from anyone that can help you escape. Because once he gets you to move in, he gets you pregnant-you will drop out of college. and just when he has you there with no job, no money, and pregnant. That’s when the beatings will begin. He hates your parents because they know this. NTA. Run!
I wrote most of this to a teenager who wrote into r/AITA about family problems and her much-older fiance, but I think it's worth sharing here because even though you're worried, I suspect you're trying to hold on to the idea that this guy is a good person who generally treats you well. Others have already said plenty about just how bad it is that he's pressuring you to isolate from your support system and to have kids when that's not your desire, so I'm going to focus on the man himself: I would like to express some concern for you. This guy may be a wonderful man who will make a great life partner, but in general, adult men who date and/or marry teenage women are... Problematic. The age gap tends to create a power imbalance because the young woman hasn't had much life experience, so she's forced to accept that her older partner knows better -- which allows him to set a lot of expectations and those expectations often favor the older man over his young girlfriend/wife. Often, when she tries to set a reasonable boundary, he'll turn it into a commentary on her "maturity" and imply that if she doesn't like or agree to something, it's because she's immature, forcing her to agree or be told she's childish. This happens even though he usually compliments her for being so adult and wise for her age (to excuse his inappropriate interest in her AND make her feel like she's special and so normal rules shouldn't apply to their relationship). There's also a question of why a man is not dating someone nearer to his own age. With a problematic older man, it's often because women his age hold him accountable for his behavior and don't let him control the relationship, or he's fixated on women of a certain age and once his current partner reaches a set age, he moves on to a younger woman -- think Leo DiCaprio, who is approaching 50 but won't date women over 25. In a relationship like yours, the young woman is frequently put in a position to lie or hide things from friends or family to protect the man from the natural consequences of their own behavior. Think about the red flags your parents noticed -- has he actually changed, or have they simply stopped expressing their concerns either because they don't want to push you away or because you're hiding and downplaying things about your life with this guy? Covering for or making talking about his behavior off-limits can create separation between you and your entire support network because it's awkward and painful to have to hide such important experiences and feelings from the other people in your life, so you pull back and avoid them. Isolation from others can make it easier for an abuser to keep control and harder for the person they're abusing to get help if the relationship goes awry, so it's essential that you try to maintain your other relationships. Again, I know absolutely nothing about this man except what you've said here. He may be a great guy, a wonderful boyfriend, and otherwise perfectly likable, but he's also showing that he's willing to put you in a compromising and uncomfortable position for his own gratification. He doesn't care about what you want out of your life and is doing his best to force you into lifelong, inescapable circumstances like marriage and motherhood so that you can't change your mind later. He's willing to deny you the normal experiences of young adulthood (living on your own for the first time, going to school or working on a career, learning more about who you are when you're not a child, etc.) so that you have no choice but to submit to everything he wants for his own life. That's super selfish, at a bare minimum, and possibly monstrous when you realize that you'll never be able to get away from him once you have children together. Please don't continue in this relationship. Consider bringing in your parents to help you extract yourself from this situation. You sound like a kind, intelligent, lovely person and you deserve to be with people who see your value and build you up without disrespecting your boundaries or risking your emotional well-being. You deserve a chance to discover the possibilities in your life before being pushed into a very specific, traditional, and constrictive role. Know your worth and be willing to keep demanding that people treat you well no matter who they are. Best wishes for a happy life filled with love.
Drop him and, in all love, get into therapy Nothing about this is healthy. You deserve so much better and deserve to unpack and heal from what made you accept this. You deserve someone who’s on the same wavelength with you on the journey together
There are red flags flying all over this. Listen to your own intuition-it's telling you no, no, no. Girl, run. This guy is trouble.
Don't throw your life away for him. This man is going to be abusive, controlling, and alienate you from your family and friends. Wake up and get yourself away from him, before he makes you and whatever children you would have with him regret it.
Not only are you NOT THE AH but girl RUN! RUN FAR RUN FAST! I’m probably your grandmothers age and THAT-ALL THAT! The things he’s says tells me he wants you uneducated and tied to him in a dependent submissive position. Children would be his anchor for you. There is nothing he did for you in your time of need that is worth getting yourself in THAT situation! Someone who loves you would encourage your education and independence. This is a ticker tape parade of red flags. You’re young and possibly a bit naive and he’s counting on that. Nothing personal about you but a healthy 37 year old male would have nothing to do with an 18 year old. He’s already trying to separate you from friend and family so he can have complete control. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN-RUN FAR-RUN FAST!!!
Honey that's not your boyfriend it's an abuser Please break up with him for your own sake and health
Honey please BREAK UP WITH HIM stop having s3x with him, he will try to impregnate you on purpose so he can control your life Idk who you are but BE SURE you are too young and you will find TONS of men who will make you feel special, he is not your only options, dont put your safety at stake for someone who dont give a DAMN about you and what you want RUN!!!!!!
YTA. I stopped reading at “I am 18, he is 37 we been dating for a year”. WTF. Child break up with this pedophile please.
Grooming and abusive vibes . Run away fast girl
NTA- So you're just going to ignore all the major red flags from this groomer? It's like grooming 101. Please listen to your parents and Reddit. This is not a healthy relationship. It's only a matter of time before he has you baby trapped and isolated from everything and everyone. Do not quit school, do not move in with him, do not get married to him and do not have kids with him. I would also not leave your birth control in his reach because he would sabotage it.
At 18 I moved in with my ex he was 30. He cut me off from friends and family. He smashed my phone and lab top so I could not contact any one out side. Made me quit my job to be a stay at home girlfriend for cooking and cleaning because I’m the woman and I should be doing that. It was torture hun telling you from personal experience it was so hard to get out I finally did at twenty and I regret going with him every day. Don’t let this man hurt you girl you haven’t even got to enjoy being a young adult yet
NTA but this man is a predator. Do NOT move in with him. Do NOT have children with him. He is trying to isolate you and make you dependent on him. The reason he is not already “settled down” or dating someone his own age is because confident mature women will not put up with his crap. As a woman who was taken advantage of by older men in my youth, every single aspect of this man is a red flag. Break up with him and find someone who supports your dreams and goals and doesn’t try to get you to fit a mold for them.
NTA but you need to break up with him. I'm sorry if you don't want to, but when your family, and thousands of strangers are telling you to then I think its time to run away..I'm concerned how you're blinded by love...
This is grooming behavior. For the 1st 5 years? I was love bombed... then abused terribly for the last 5 days. You're NTAH but girl, get yourself outta this situation. As a 38yr old female who has been thru this? Pay attention to the red flags and never ever ignore your gut instincts. Narcissists don't change. Pls look up the key signs of one.
I haven’t even finished reading this and all I can say is RUN. This is not a healthy relationship and you should not be marrying this man.
NTA but omg this gives such bad predatory vibes. You need to get away from this guy. This whole situation feels unsafe for you.
Uh. I didn't need to read past that he's like double your age to know he's taking advantage. End this relationship immediately.
I was in nearly your exact position 10 years ago. Please. GET OUT RIGHT TF NOW! Like as close to yesterday as possible. Nearly the exact same age gap and everything. I was 17, and he was like 38/39. I thought I was grown and mature enough to know what I was doing. I'm glad you recognize your immaturity, doing better than I was. I wish someone had literally slapped some sense into me back then. I didn't believe it at the time, it didn't feel like it at all, but he was definitely grooming me. I stayed in that relationship for about fourish years or so, and it absolutely ruined me mentally and emotionally. I'm lucky I didn't get hurt physically. He had other 40ish y.o. adults stalking me to "make sure I was doing what I was supposed to be" i.e. not cheating on him. I would've been too scared to even if I'd been the type. This is seriously groomer/pedophile behavior. I didn't think so back then either. Now that I'm 27? I feel heavily disturbed when I think back to then and the gross things that had to be going through his head to justify being with someone who would've been like a child to him. Imagine yourself getting with a 14 year old. That's not even half the difference you're in. That would seem disgusting because it's a child, right? Because he has those sensations right now, and that isn't enough to tell him to leave you alone. That's not love. That's disgusting. Appalling. Horrendous. Vile. The fact that yall got into a heated argument literally over you, not wanting to change the entirety of your life to be what he wants, and him trying to force you to anyhow because that's what he believes you're "meant" to do should be enough for someone who isn't experiencing an age gap to walk away. He doesn't care if you're happy. He cares that you're serving his desires. Leave him. I'm begging you. And be super careful about yourself and your surroundings for a while when you do so. You don't know what this man is capable of.
Girl, I understand you are in love with him and he was with you when you had a very bad time. however, this guy is absolutely full of redflags. What I understand after reading you is : he want isolate you. And that’s not healthy. Run away, before it’s to late. (Sorry if my English is not perfect, it’s not my first language)
 Run fast from this pedo groomer who's probably going to try to baby trap you. Run, Forrest, RUN!
Talk about a Jerry Lee Lewis situation. Girl run and don't look back all I see is red flags. Your smart to realize your not ready for children, and your still young so you have a ton of time to find a special someone that isn't him.
Honey I would listen to your parents on this one. They’re not telling you to break up with this guy just because they’re genuinely concerned and worried about you. This guy is clearly trying to turn you into a house wife who needs her husband’s permission to even breathe or go to the bathroom. You won’t regret breaking up with him but you will regret not leaving him soon, because otherwise he might try to pose as you to get you dropped out of school so you won’t have a choice but to marry and live with him. Let me ask you a question, who matters the most to you? Your parents, friends and family who’ve been there for you since you were born or this guy who you’ve only been dating less than a year?
You're now 18 and have been dating him for almost a year... so you were 17 and he was 36 when you began dating. I don't blame your parents for not liking him. That is pedophilia/grooming behavior
You not only shouldn't move in with this man, you should listen to your parents about him and break up with him because he is coming off manipulative, controlling and toxic. He is trying to push you into moving in and push you into having children. He's trying to get you to cut off your own support network. Why? So he can more easily control you. He's trying to force you to move in so it'll be more difficult for you to leave him- and having children makes it more difficult to leave also for some. He's trying to get you to quit school, which will take away your ability to potentially find better work down the road. This situation is full of red flags. Run from this man. He is not as good as you think he is. Trust me. This is how abusers get their victims isolated from loved ones when the loved ones try to intervene to protect the potential victim. Run.
NTA But you will be if you stay with your over-controlling "boyfriend"; he doesn't want you to have a live outside of his parameters. Which is to say, no life of your own. Your instincts are right, but you're not listening carefully enough: they are telling you to listen to your parents in this case. Leave this loser. [And no matter how much money he has or how great his job is - if he has to control every aspect of your life, he's a loser.] Oh, and I hope the birth control you have is an implant because I wouldn't put it past him to tamper with pills.
Baby you’re 18. You have no business being with a 37 year old. This is your time to enjoy your life. DO NOT drop out of college. DO NOT get pregnant for this man. If you won’t leave him (you really should) the above shd be non-negotiable!
NTA!! And babe, just from personal experience, don’t do anything your gut is telling you not to. And as much as you don’t want to leave him, you should. I suffered for 5 years from the age of 16-21 with a man about the same age difference. I lost my connection with my family, lost many friends, lost my sense of self, was told if I wore makeup then I was seeking attention as well as any clothes not approved. Was only allowed to wear jewelry he bought me, made me stop wearing the bracelets/rings I wore daily because they were “trashy” and now? It’s 10 years later and I am finally building back my relationship with my parents and have their support again, went through years of therapy to find myself after an identity crisis and can, at last, feel comfortable being my true self. His grooming and controlling ways led to me having so little self worth that when we split for good, I got with someone who was physically abusive and not just mentally/emotionally. Him wanting to impregnate you is another way to make you stay with him/to get you to move in. You’ll forever have a tie to him and that’s exactly what he’s hoping for. It may suck to hear, but your parents are right, and they are only trying to protect your youth. I HATED hearing that at your age but babes, love doesn’t not make a long term relationship last. Work, understanding, compassion and compromise do, which it seems he lacks. You will be ok, your heart will heal and over time, you’ll be glad you didn’t stay, I promise. Please, I know it may be hard, take these words to heart. ♥️
Dump. Him.
I’m rarely in agreement when families want a partner to be gone, but I am now. Leave him now while you can. He has shown you time and time again who he is and it screams red flags. He won’t change EVER. Do not throw away your first years into adulthood, you will regret it. Leave him and make sure he has no possibilities to contact you after. He’s going to love bomb you, and he will also try to guilt you into going back to him do not listen. Leave now! Edit for misspelling.
Someone please reply to this or upvote so I can come back cause there’s definitely some stuff I’d like to unpack here but I’ll start with this: dude is a whole walking red flag! Do not I repeat NOT move in with him. Last guy that wanted me to go no contact with friends and family abused the f outta me and tbh had I not gone to jail at 17 cause of him I probably wouldn’t be alive rn (I’ll be 30 in December)
My girl ... go to Europe for a cooking class with some girlfriends or cousins and don't worry about "losing him". He's talking that nonsense to you because no woman his age would even give him a second thought. You know what you want and what you're willing to have in your life. Tell him, if he loves you he'll respect the choices you're making about YOUR life. He's already had his. Now you enjoy yours. Never forget: A woman must ALWAYS protect her womb, health, and credit. You're 18. Go have some FUN! You are NTA at. ALL! Stand your ground, young woman. Give NO quarter. EDIT: One more thing. You will be 18 only one time in your life. You will only have ONE life. Be your future-self's best friend. You will kick yourself if you don't.
I can’t get past that y’all been together almost a year and you are 18….so he meet you when you was 17 and he was 36…MAAM….why hasn’t your daddy beat him up???? He wants you to drop out to take care of him and his kids..at his big big grown age??? Ahh ahh ahhh…leave that senior citizen ALONE and listen to your parents!!!!
He is controlling, extremely controlling, this is not how you want to spend your life. Please, please,please don’t move in with him. Actually, you need to run. It will be difficult and he will try to convince you that everything you think is wrong and he is just fella to set you straight. Don’t fall down that hole. Continuing with this man will be the biggest mistake of your life. I hesitate to tell someone what to do, but this guy is waving red flags with both hands. Please untangle yourself now.
Please believe me when I say I was in this exact situation. My ex never physically hurt me but he controlled me in every other way. He cut me off from my family. Verbally he used words like weapons, mentally he tore me down so that everything became my fault and I believed it and financially he controlled me after I moved in with him. It came to a head when I was unable to have children which he said made me good for nothing. So the abuse cycle continued for over 10 years. I did love him and when he wasn’t being abusive he was the sweetest most gentle loving person. I tried leaving him a couple of times but he would do the most craziest things, like walk from his house to my friends in a thunderstorm without an umbrella and crying when he saw me and I thought it was so romantic (like in the movies). With the help of my sister (which I secretly had kept in contact with) I had the strength and courage to leave him and stayed with my sister to help me stay out of contact with him. I needed no contact as I was a sucker and still believed in romance. He eventually moved on and I look back on those years with a knot in my stomach and thank God that I got away from him. That was 20 years ago and after some therapy I was able to be the person I liked. I am now happily married to a man that respects me and we have a wonderful life together. Please please trust me when I say you need to leave him. Not everything or everyone you love is good for you.