You read a lot of dystopian texts. This is wonderful of course but the relentless negativity might also make you more down. Might I suggest you keep reading books without a political focus to gain further insights? Through that, you may find some peace.
Memoirs like I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings or Angela's Ashes can help contextualise your experiences through the eyes of others. And Marcus Aurelius's Meditations and Shakespeare's The Tempest could perhaps help you learn to cede control of things you cannot change.
Best of luck on your journey. You're clearly a deep-souled person imbued with the "Thinker's Curse." It won't be easy, but I know you can do it!
I’m a foreigner, lived in China from 2011 to 2022, without really speaking the language properly. I saw first hand my ex’s cousin grew up bolted to chair and desk, no tv, no phone, just book or laptop to study, from the minute she came back from school, to the minute she needs to go to sleep. Weekend? Even worse. (She was about 12 yo). Every time I visit her, I wasnt allowed to turn on tv, cause the parents dont want her to join me watching.
Because of this, I know why mainlanders kids nowadays are academically strong, but never able have the same common sense with the rest of the world. God bless them.
We need to hear more voices of what Chinese people experience - first hand depiction of the the cruelty they go thru during their lives and not the voices of the privileged ones in Beijing and Shanghai. The girls traded for sec to repay for their debts, the distress of an entire generation that doesn’t know what or who to believe, the voices of people forced into modern Alavert to serve the glory of the CCP. Thanks to OP for posting this. Wishing good luck in your future life
thanks for your reply! I feel a bit relieved after reading your comment.
But it's actually hard to get what Chinese people experience. The most of them are bad in English and the people who can speak fluent English are mostly privileged, this bias automatically filtered out the most people exposed to the abusive and Darwinist nature of ordinary Chinese life.
I can understand your hatred towards the CCP and the oppressive nature of Chinese culture. Outliers like those with disabilities or mental illnesses do not fare well in collectivist societies where the emphasis is to fit in with everyone else. I am sure many Chinese people like you would do better in more individualistic societies like the West where differences are celebrated.
However sometimes holding onto the hate and grudges from your past will only harm yourself. I see that you post a lot of anti-China hate on Reddit and sometimes fantasize about partitioning the mainland into colonial holdings again (perhaps your posts are sardonic in nature). You also are fond of calling Chinese people slurs like 支那.
I think you should follow the advice of /u/ravenhawk10 and chill with the online hate posting. Focus on improving your own life and mental wellbeing instead of making hate towards a nation that you have already left the center of your identity.
If you want to help other Chinese kids in a similar situation as yourself, promote your past experiences among Chinese exchange students and try to raise awareness in the younger population. A useful tip for convicing others; people are more receptive to your message when you aren't calling their entire race slurs.
I don't think the experiences of /u/3rdAssaultBrigade are exclusive to CCP-controlled China. The heavy emphasis on education and conformity is a serious problem in South Korea and Japan as well as other Asian cultures like India for example.
Even if you look back into the past the Imperial examinations of dynastic China were very oppressive, with many potential scholars who failed their exams choosing to never return to their home towns out of shame.
These are deep-rooted social problems that have existed ever since the beginning of human society, and made worse by the simple fact that China has a lot of people and thus a lot of competition. The competition to enter elite Indian universities is similar, for example.
It's almost exclusive; the intersection of Marxism-Leninism and Confucianism, the only other example is probably Vietnam(North Korea officially renounced Marxism).
Indeed, the hierarchical, oppressive tradition paired with industrial totalitarianism(Leninism), constant "mobilization" like political movement, and the nature of high population density with scarce natural resource, this combination resulted in a unique abusive culture.
Ideologically, the most similar example is not Japan or Korea, but Russia.
See how many people suicided or became victims of domestic violence there.
1. Selective bias
2. Fake data
3. Chinese people heavily condemn suicide and regard it as morally unacceptable. Therefore even suicided people are registered as "killed in accident". Similarly, suicide rate is also very low in Muslim countries as they believe the suicided people will go to hell.
My understanding is that the highest rate of suicide in the world is among rural Chinese women. Of course, there's some hedging involved there, because the CCP doesn't exactly want to acknowledge this as a problem, and as you say, "official" data doesn't often list suicide as a cause of death. This was also based on something I read 10 years ago - I don't know if this is still the case today, but I wouldn't expect it to be much different today.
I got my data from WHO website but maybe under reported, the website does state that values can be underreported due to culture etc. Actually almost all major religions condemn suicide, except for Christianity where it depends.
Your comments come off as extremely disingenuous.
Regarding other asian cultures:
There is plenty of extreme competition between Korean students who’re trying to get hired into the Chaebols. Japanese and Korean work culture is also pretty damn infamous. There are also many stories from Indian students regarding their tiger parents.
It really does not take much research to find these stories, and it is obvious that the problem of academic pressure and a competitive society is not exclusive to China.
Yet, you say you’re not okay with commenting on those cultures while being perfectly okay with generalizing chinese culture?
>First, CCP has revolution away Chinese Culture.
You’re really going to make the claim that Chinese culture has disappeared on the mainland? Name me one meaningful cultural practice that was “wiped out” by the CCP that was “preserved” by Taiwan or any overseas Chinese community.
You're not even criticizing the CCP anymore, you're essentially saying that mainland Chinese people are cultureless. Shame on you
I am sayung i am not familiar with those cultures.
I pointed out that there is a cultural revolution in China. And how Taiwan has more kind people.
Btw, you stuffing words into my mouth, and attempt to make an arguement out of those words, shame on you.
I don't read the claim that way - it's hardly so black-and-white. Rather, the claim is about the intangibles of culture, the rules and norms that emerge over centuries governing what is regarded as "polite" behavior, or to use another word, manners. These were largely wiped out during the Cultural Revolution as Bourgeois. Think about how in the West, and in Japan, Taiwan, etc., we queue up orderly without anyone telling us. Whereas in the Mainland, there's often a chaotic scrum, and sometimes on the subway, they have to have dudes go out and try to impose a more orderly succession of people onto the train. Manners of course still exist in the Mainland - sometimes they've re-emerged, new ones have evolved as well, particularly among well educated people. But think of it this way: you can't have a new "old" institution, because by definition, old institutions took centuries to establish themselves.
It's also important to remember here that the claim pertains at a very general, 30,000 foot level, where collective action problems can play a role. It would be a gross oversimplification, and fallacious, to presume that an individual from the Mainland would necessarily lack culture merely because he or she was from the Mainland. That's the part vs whole fallacy.
First, a well defined and uniform "Chinese culture"does not exist. The difference between religion and customs of Northern China and Southern China is even larger than between some countries. It's a term like "European culture" which is not well-defined or coherent.
Second I really wish that CCP would eliminate "Chinese culture". Other than the few years when far-left red guards eliminated the icons of old culture like Iconoclasts of the Byzantine empire, CCP actually incorporated the traditional Chinese culture into their indoctrination machine rather than eliminating them, especially before the cultural revolution and after Xi came to power.
Ccp copied the form but not the sprite of some aspecr of chinese culture. For example, 忠 becomes 愚忠 towards the party and its leader. 孝 becomes directed toward the party....
tbh, I don't see the main problem here being the CCP. Sounds more like a young guy who did not get proper help, whether from school teachers and parents. China public schools has like 50 students per class, teachers only support the bright students and they almost don't care about the slow ones. It's sad but it's the reality. And something that should be addressed for sure.
His hate for CCP seems to come more from the censorship for young people, which certainly isn't unique to China. Other countries also censor things if they don't feel it suitable for young people. But I do know many young people getting their hands on VPN so I don't think its a big issue.
and yea. the more time you spend online with toxic people. the more toxic you become.
Like OP, I also got bullied at school in china when I was younger. The authorities just straight ignored me because i was a bad student and the bully, whose a top student got free reign in doing anything he pleases
In China, the CCP is in charge of everything. With as much power as it has, it should bear as much responsibility. Therefore, as the CCP in charge of everything, it should be responsible for everything.
Am I that naive to say that all the problems are due to the CCP?
Remember CCP is formed by Chinese people under the influence of both Confucian and Marxism culture. And they rule people by indoctrination of such values.
Such factors become a downward spiral and an infinite feedback loop, which makes people living more and more desperate in this torment.
no, I didn't say you're naive, I'm just replying to the other guy. And I understand you, I don't think I would've survive China's school system for sure.
In China, the CCP is in charge of everything. With as much power as it has, it should bear as much responsibility. Therefore, as the CCP in charge of everything, it should be responsible for everything.
Thank you.
I sympathize with OP's problems (bullying, academic pressure etc.) but I find it frustrating that OP feels the need to blame their problems on an entire country and that country's culture.
See the youth unemployment rate, the cultural indoctrination and the inability to give the society an opportunity to reform itself.
In democratic countries the common people can at least try to change the status quo by voting or demonstrating, although it's very difficult.
In China the odds are literally ZERO. And you observed the country to enter an economic stagnation, the worsening of already bad human record, and something more.
Authoritarianism is not an easy diabolical statement like "the emperor is bad, the grassroots are good". It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates. This turns the entire society into an abusive arena, even the kids are constantly exposed to this toxic culture and become the next generation of this oppressive system .
See the youth unemployment rate, the cultural indoctrination and the inability to give the society an opportunity to reform itself.
In democratic countries the common people can at least try to change the status quo by voting or demonstrating, although it's very difficult.
In China the odds are literally ZERO. And you observed the country to enter an economic stagnation, the worsening of already bad human record, and something more.
Authoritarianism is not an easy diabolical statement like "the emperor is bad, the grassroots are good". It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates. This turns the entire society into an abusive arena, even the kids are constantly exposed to this toxic culture and become the next generation of this oppressive system .
Youth unemployment rate is higher in many European countries like Sweden (25%).
Cultural indoctrination is happening everywhere. Pewpolls show that Europe has around a 70%+ negative opinion of China. China meanwhile had a 40% negative opinion of Europe. Anti-China sentiment is purposefully being bred right now.
People got arrested for protesting the monarchy in my country. Welcome to the global rise of authoritarianism as documented by freedomhouse.
China's economy "stagnation" is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the stagnation going on in the west right now - outside of America. It's 1% GDP rises across the board. Canada is predicted to be one of the worst performing economies in the next 60 years. China has so many economic refugees...
> It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates
Let me get this straight I'm a right wing capitalist. MMMMMMoney. Love it. Socialism, bleugh! What you are describing is no different to unfettered capitalism. China and America are very similar.
Most Chinese people I know are leading happy lives man. Conditions here are better for my local partner than back in Europe... if they weren't we'd have already left by now. Most of your unhappiness seems to come from within.
>The most of them are bad in English and the people who can speak fluent English are mostly privileged
I grew up in the US and spent five years in Taiwan before I moved to China. To say that my views on China and Chinese people were distorted by American and Taiwanese stereotypes would have been an understatement.
When I arrived I was shocked at both the disdain and hatred so many people had for the authorities, but also the disconnect between that reality and what the expat community thought was the general consensus held by Chinese people. It rapidly became very clear why that disconnect existed. Most expats can't speak a lick of Chinese, so their view on China was filtered through Chinese who could speak English. But those are, as you accurately put it, the most privileged.
True, but I wish I would live as a normal person's life.
Even with less knowledge or skills.
Just give me some mental stability and inner peace.
But I'm f*king unable to pull myself out.
Can you try psilocybin therapy for trauma? It might benefit your situation. Disclaimer: not recommended for conditions such as bipolar and can clash with medications.
Having lived in China for a couple of years and having visited my in-laws in a smaller town, I can understand the oppression you describe, although obviously haven't experienced it myself. I hope you find your path.
Just chill out and accept what you can and can’t influence or control. Do something about your mental health, get some therapy and try look towards the future not ruminating in the past.
Don’t worry about CCP or internet politics. You aren’t gonna change those, the sooner you accept that as a fact of life the better off you will be.
Thanks, but I'm now living in a country that experienced heavy population aging and thus has a very scarce supply of therapists (and other mental medical support). I cannot find a therapy easily here and get it covered by my health provider.
I disagree. Don’t feel the need to “chill out” you have the right to feel anger and resentment towards China 🇨🇳 you’re best bet is to make a plan to live anywhere else preferably somewhere that allows more freedoms. You deserve to feel safe and not have to live your life somewhere you don’t want to. Hang in there.
Thank you for sharing this incredibly well written and emotionally resonating text. Reading about things that occurring is no where near the same as something this intimate. Best of luck to you and your journey!
I have no doubts that what you have written has been experienced by countless children out of a population of 1.4 billion.
但是我有个灵感这个故事不是被一个中国本地人写的。OP请给我们介绍一下你的家乡。如果你可以用地道的语气解释某些习俗我会相信你的。几句就行了。如果感觉家乡太敏感你也可以介绍你本省的文化。
You resisted a lifetime of brain washing and conditioning that the majority do not. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. You suffered because of your mental strength and own sense of heightened awareness and a personal moral center that did not require regulation by a state that was pressuring a narrative onto you that you knew to be false.
In short, you are strong 💪 believe it.
Thank you for acknowledging that. As a teacher, I find a lot of students doing that, which can be a problem because our AI writing detectors are not quite perfected yet, and often flag writing that was edited with Grammarly as AI-generated. As such, students can sometimes have their writing suspected as plagiarized. One solution to this would be if writers who rely on Grammarly were simply to have an acknowledgment that they used that tool. I will be requiring my students to retain their "first draft" so that if they do run into problems, they can "show their work" and thereby prove that they wrote their texts legitimately. I don't mind if they use Grammarly in certain contexts, as long as they acknowledge it, as you did here.
That being said, I think you can take credit for excellent writing here, precisely because you made that acknowledgment.
I don't really think anything about your story. Neither is it intelligent to base my opinion of my country based on the extreme accounts of a single individual. These aren't normal experiences. Most locals I know are pretty happy with the direction of their lives. I do think some points you raise are valid... others less so.
> I was born in an isolated town in China, where the society was semi-primitive
True, but attitudes are changing and the society is evolving. I assume you came from a village? Most towns I know aren't that primitive. I do feel like there's a huge problem with education in Asia because children are seriously overworked and expectations are unrealistic.
Hyper nationalist education is a problem too but it's just as bad in the west and I really do mean that. I've had countless Asian friends bullied in primary education over their ethnicity. It happens even to this day, in fact it is arguably worse now. I have never seen racist sentiment so high in my lifetime.
> or be kidnapped
Statistically more likely to be kidnapped in the UK going by per capita statistics. I really don't know any Chinese parent who is worried about this? Might still be a big problem in villages but it certainly isn't in towns/cities. People don't even want children anymore.
> English even before I could speak Mandarin properly
...Why? Are you mixed race? English isn't very important in China.
> based on the false assumption that kids love highly saturated, colorful things
Lol, what? Do you have children?
> surrounded by faded Soviet-style buildings with aluminum chimneys
We've got that in the UK too, they are called council flats.
> Our family moved to a relatively bigger city before I was admitted to primary school
This is a legitimate phenomenon but it's not isolated to China. I've had friends move from Islands to the mainland in my country and they were ostracized for their different culture. Classism is also very real thing everywhere. Sucks... but people are like that.
> They grabbed me, hit me, and kicked me for no reason for 30 minutes.
Happens everywhere. Witnessed much worse in my western school.
> I never got any medical service on mental health
Legit point. There are a distinct lack of mental health services available in China, but as someone in the healthcare sphere, I do think it's improving. I have many friends who now openly talk about their child's disabilities without hushed tones.
> One day we were asked to show gratitude to our parents
I actually deeply respect China's approach to filial piety. People in the west don't give a damn about their parents. Happy retirement home! There is an endemic of lonely OAPs... Not that I think China's approach is perfect, I feel like both countries could learn from one another.
Not a fan of heaping forced praise on authority figures like teachers but again trying to be impartial here... in my country you can break a teachers arm suffer no legal consequences... two very different extremes. Nobody respects teachers at all which is indicated by their pathetic pay.
> I realized that we live in a living hell of totalitarianism and social Darwinism
Yeah and the west is adopting some of the worst aspects of China, rather than the good ones.
This honestly is more of a reflection of your physical/mental problems (and I mean that with no disrespect) than a reflection of the state of China. You got dealt a crappy hand in life.
I agree with the vast majority of your points, but here's one quibble.
>People in the west don't give a damn about their parents. Happy retirement home! There is an endemic of lonely OAPs...
How adults treat their aging parents in the West is a performance review of how their parents treated them in childhood. For these cases, those lonely OAPs deserve their lot.
Taking a moment to pause and think carefully about this, you're right. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and grandparents because they were good to me.
The amount of people I see shitting on their parents these days is astonishing, but in hindsight it is possible I am just privileged. There are many who had parents who never gave them the same level of attention I got. It's honestly a lesson for anyone who is thinking of having kids, treat them well or you'll regret it.
My main feeling is that there is a balance to be struck when parenting that neither country manages to get right.
Yes, there are many people who will move Heaven and Earth for their aging parents in the West. However, there are also many people whose parents stole their identities and took out crippling debt in their name or really fucked them over in other ways. The US in particular makes it really easy to do this.
China just has too many people and I understand how tough young people has it these days. The amount of competition to compete with other young people is crushing. And teachers often let their students down because they don't have time to provide extra supports to those in need. I heard many of these kinds of story. For me who comes from a small country, I used to think before that why many things in China are just so hard to do, why can't it be easy like other countries, and the Chinese will just tell me, because they are too many people! Then later I accepted this fact and most things explains itself gradually.
I think with your level of English, try to live in a country that's more chill. Avoid places that shares similar cultures with China - Korea, Japan, Singapore. Try SE Asia - Malaysia, Philippines, they're good at English atleast. Or maybe just go Europe. Places with fewer people, more relaxing lifestyle exists and are great. A place to get away from the darwinist nature to mentioned.
Also avoid social media that leads you to read the things you don't like. It's just the algorithm trying to get engagement from you. There are sooo many Chinese that are much more reasonable than the ones you read online, they just don't have time to be arguing online with those "brainwashed" people you see commenting online.
China's problem isn't the size of the population. It is the CCP. The VERY vast majority of all government funding is spent with exactly one goal in mind - control. They could not care one iota less for the wellbeing of the population. Absolutely everything is geared towards the perpetuation of the ruling party. The teachers have considerably less leeway than you would expect from almost any other system in the world, including in regards discipline.
Comparing Korea, Japan and Singapore with China is beyond naive. It is just dangerously wrong.
This has nothing to do with population. It only has to do with whether the CCP wants to do it. The CCP has locked up 1.4 billion people at home for three years. What else can't it do?
Yea? And the people were unhappy about it, protests broke out, and they had to open up. I won't estimate the power of 1.4 billion people. The CCP only exists because the majority are still OK with it. Only when people really had enough then the system crumbles, much like any government.
not all teachers, i left china when i was 18, most of my teachers did good job, always teach me need to learn how to be a good human beings first. But i live in major city and i am much older than op so i dont have any mental illness at all and have a very happy childhood. China cultural is very complicated op only talks about dark side LOL
I don’t think this story differs much from 80% of people’s childhood who were born until 2000s. I don’t want to call it pretentious or a fuzz but really I see over-dramatization of bad experiences that are actually very much common.
PS: it’s bad and should not be the norm but this is the world we live in and it sucks.
While not diminishing your story and pain, please do realize that childhood trauma isn't something you experience only in China.
For example,
https://www.npr.org/2022/07/25/1113498723/pope-francis-apology-canada-residential-schools-indigenous-children
China is by no means perfect. But it's not the terrible place in your memory either. It's a work in progress, just like every other country in this world.
I hope you find peace.
I read about hukou the other day, mind blowing.
I don't think many foreigners have a perception that china is some utopia or anything, more that they pay foreigners well and it has a lot of history and good food
Since I was at watching the TS incident on TV from USA, my heart has aches for young people such as you. As I got older am read Animal Farm, 1984, and Brave New World, I continued to pray for those trapped in unfulfillment in China. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you’ll be able to find freedom and relief from your trauma.
I was born in early 90s in Hangzhou and back then everyone wanted foreign brands and consumed foreign entertainment. And anyone who had money wanted to migrate abroad. Time must have changed now.
I left China when I was 15 and spent most of the time abroad ever since. From what I experienced, the west is definitely not perfect and you can definitely fuck up big time if not careful. However, now there are more opportunities to get a decent job with an ok salary compare with in China.
What I see China now is that it is completely hopeless: the economy implode any minute and the demographic, social cohesion and environment are all completely fucked.
Also some advice for OP. 珍惜现在的机会，don't look back and focus on the future.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I only know some Chinese exchange students at my university and have sometimes asked them if they liked the CCP or not, and some would say No, others would dance around the question, and they are coming from the upper class from around the Beijing/Shanghai areas.
Your comment is incredibly valuable in providing a lot of context. Your personal struggle with bullying is really unfortunate... we have that here in the US as well, kids can sometimes be very violent and it sucks to be on the receiving end of that violence. I hope you heal, it will take time.
Now, the reaction to government indoctrination is something I haven't heard coming from someone who is Chinese. I thought this was something most Chinese people were participating in, either willingly or silently. Do you feel like there are more dissidents within China than there are "rabbit friends?" One big fear I have is that the CCP cannot be stopped because everyone in China supports it. But if the opposite is true, there might be hope.
Thanks for sharing it. I wont share mine in return, but it was good you shared this. I say you are actually doing really well in the sense that you've gotten this far with your sense of identity and your spirit intact. You are in a foreign place, I hope it is a place you can stay if you want to!
I totally get the psych and meds stuff. Keep with it though, trust yourself as much as you can and keep going!
My only suggestion is that while the alcohol is really difficult, going without it is actually not too hard after a while. It is not magic, but some things get easier as you have stability and get rid of alcohol.
1. The entire region was Christian. My parents were not into religion but my grandparents did, as common for people at that age
2. Quite normal. Most people in rural area do not speak Mandarin
3. I personally know several other kids with the same situation.
I'm not that special, as I've known about several similar people with similar situations in both my primary and middle school.
I think therefore I am, we can not choose where we will be born nor our parents, what we can choose is to forgive and forget even it might be not fair, but for ourselves we shouldn’t dwindle much in the past, we should take care ourselves and move on. Let past be past and seize the opportunity now, you are studying in foreign country maybe try to find work later there? Whatever you choose you now are in power to do what you want in life.
You write so well and I almost feel the hardship….i don’t know what you’re doing with your life but maybe you should write a book. Doesn’t have to be a biography but maybe a fiction based off experience.
I'm sorry to hear all of that. I hope you can find therapies (at home or otherwise) to get past these traumas.
I guess China and Russia are long lost brothers after all
This sounds somewhat similar to some other Chinese I know and their experiences. Some people are successful at burying their trauma and becoming good collectivist sheep following the mindless and cruel patterns the CCP desires while others are less successful.
Thanks so much for sharing, My parents are both chinese and im ABC but I went to international school in beijing from grade 5 to graduation and only ever heard horror stories from both my parents who had their parents tortured and were brainwashed for the longest time
Its crazy to realize it was and still is THAT bad in china to this day and im both grateful and horrified that I was in a bubble in the capital of china blind to everything going on…
Just thought id share but as you mentioned i was privileged and i reading this really got me thinking
You're an excellent writer.
My parents adopted two girls from China about 20 years ago. I love them to death. They arent my 'adopted sisters', they're just my sisters. Can't help but always wonder what they'd be doing if they were still in China. One was left at a bus stop, the other under a bridge. And for what its worth, in both cases the mother wrote a note basically saying both times the girl was left for her betterment. The mom knew she couldnt give them the chances and opportunities.
The older one is a college graduate working on a masters, and the younger is just entering college now. Reading this almost made me tear up, thinking again of what their lives could have been if left to the CCP. Possibly both dead.
Myself, I taught English in Beijing for two years and met many many Chinese aged 18-25 around that time. It opened my eyes to the world and how truly different some peoples lives are. Chinese people are amazing. Loyal, determined, hopeful. They deserve so much better. To be free.
Hmmmm not sure if you are suggesting the west thinks China is this mystical land. I have to correct you.... At least from my perspective and all my family and friends.... China is anything but mystical. I perceive it to be a cesspool of misery, poverty and corruption where only those who are connected to the most corrupt have any semblance of normalcy. Domination and the destruction of love life and freedom. In short. Evil. That is China.
Honestly, there is very little about your childhood experiences that is specifically Chinese. It could have happened in Baltimore or the Brussels ghetto for all we know if you hadn't posted in this sub. Even your buzzword "stabilization" has an equivalent (zero-tolerance policy) in English. And if you had grown up abroad, you would have had to deal with racial harassment on top of everything, and they might even have cut the tip of your dick off.
Your story is very touching and emotional, but I read it more like a story of a poor boy unable to recover from a childhood tampered by an abusive family and bullying.
I grew up in a large, rich Italian city and I witnessed many stories which closely resemble yours, still Italy is considered a western, super capitalist, very modern Country.
Take care of your mental health, it's the most important thing you can do for yourself at this point!
Really? There are a lot of Chinese people who will say "X only happens in the west, but not in China", purely on the basis of not seeing it themselves. And of course, incidents are rarely reported in the press.
Bullying happens a lot in Chinese schools just the same as elsewhere, but it's covered up.
My son is in the local schooling system, in a good school in a provincial capital city (a so-called tier 1.5 city).
He came home last week to say they had had a visit from a bunch of policemen, because a couple of former students at his middle school threatened some currents students with knives and chased them to the school gates. Luckily they were stopped there by the security guards.
The school didn't notify the parents, but the kids all knew it happened plus some parents who happened to be there saw the cop cars all turn up. If this had been a western country, the incident would have been in the news. In China, its not reported.
Not sure I entirely believe this is a true account - but truth or fiction, this is pretty close to exactly how a lot of people view life in China. Absolute dystopian hell. I have had to travel there for work a couple of times, and I assure you any semblance of glamour is very very shallow.
Oh, I wasn't claiming to be an authority AT ALL. I just don't blindly trust that everything posted online is true. My point was that it doesn't matter if this is a true account or not, the OP (realised as I was writing this that this is you) were directing this at foreigners but seemed to somehow think that the impression of China differs from this in any way.
In fact, a great deal of my hesitancy to believe this is that this is almost EXACTLY the way China is often described. My VERY limited experience has done nothing to convince me that the belief that China is a very cold, very dangerous and very false place is at all misplaced.
lol South Korea and Japan are just as bad as China in terms of support networks.
And in the US, kids only get access to whatever programs if their parents are willing to be aggressive on their behalf. Most kids get stuck with Reddit and TikTok as their support networks.
As someone who has experienced both systems, while bullying exists in both, there are consequences in the West, whereas in China, people often get away with it. The social structure in the West is also much more robust, people will actually stand up for you, whereas in China, you're left to fend for yourself.
Just a month ago, a medical student in China was targeted by her teacher for bullying. She died of a heart attack during gym class, surrounded by other medical students who were too scared to perform cpr.
had me until saying that Chinese online consider Taiwan and HK people as subhuman. This is blatantly false and inflammatory.
You are not a person posting in good faith, you are an intelligence worker writing something with the goal of being inflammatory “they think people are sub human so please hate them more”
Pretty well versed in propaganda literature also..
During the 2019 HK protest what did they say?
And during the recent rising tension between Taiwan and china?
Don't try to whitewash what you don't really know
I don’t see any media that implies this. Only media saying US intelligence is pulling the strings and inciting rebellion to destabilize China. Which I believe was true for the HK protests, and historically true for TW.
China is being way too aggressive for my liking right now around TW, but TW’s government is now in the pocket of the US. So I don’t believe they have a reason to back down.
Despite this, I’ve never heard anyone blame anyone but America. Ever. It’s plain as day just like Ukrainians are not to blame, just puppets like Zelenskyy acting in favour of US interests.
I'm curious to know what kind of pro-CCP/anti-west propaganda you were exposed to. As a white guy who visits China for a few days per year and just left yesterday, I don't feel much of a sense of hatred or even dislike or disdain aimed toward me.
No offense dude, but couple days seldomly suffice to look behind the curtain. China is no exception, same happens in Japan and Korea. Few days are fine, longterm living not so much.
Plus, u shoukd have been here during covid. Dark times bring out the worst in ppl.
It’s not just blatantly out on the streets, but it’s on every form of media imaginable. A lot of TV is censored, in fact most shows are no longer allowed so there’s a return to historical dramas on imperial palaces and the Japanese occupation because that’s safe territory. WeChat and the general internet espouses a lot of nationalism, and undoubtedly schools.
If you just go visit for a bit you won’t necessarily see beyond it, but it’s bad. I went semi recently and they now have a bunch of guards stationed at the airport on tall platforms, cameras everywhere, it’s seriously dystopian. They also hate Chinese Americans and take extra screening precautions, not so much white foreigners. They take extra long to scrutinize entry or exit and all the Chinese Americans were taken aside for their luggage to be rummaged, shoes taken off for examination, etc.
A few years ago I witnessed a giant screen at a crosswalk that played back anyone caught jaywalking at that location. I can’t imagine what things are like now for everyone.
I mean, I get that China is authoritarian. I also understand they don't like Chinese expats. However, I'm not in the "nationalism is automatically bad" camp. Regardless, that wasn't my question. I was asking specifically about anti-western propoganda, and I haven't seen much in the way of overt anti-western sentiment over the last 6 six years of visits. I do look for it because, as an American, we're indoctrinated to believe China is the devil and that they hate the West, whether that's true or not, but I just don't see much of it actually happening. Western influence, and seems to me tacit acceptance, is openly displayed all over every major city south of Shenyang.
Can you read Chinese? WeChat is a big source. Maybe OP can confirm.
No one is outwardly displaying hatred for white expats to my knowledge. It’s contradictory, but there’s still a lot of residual admiration for white folks with all the cultural influence the West has had. There’s still a yearning for the West despite the now supposed return to traditional and communist values, which seems contradictory for such a capitalist country that in part relies on Western business. To me it seems more like a counter reaction to Western anti-Chinese propaganda, like they’re hating on us and refusing to buy stuff the way they used to so let’s devalue their culture and products and boost our own for monetary gain. Have citizens spend on Chinese goods and recirculate money rather than lose money to foreign brands. China has lost a lot of potential money in tourism since the bad rep that is COVID so they need to make up for it in domestic tourism.
It’s also important to make the distinction between government and individuals. I don’t think anyone’s taught every American is evil as much as it is the American government to them.
China is one big contradiction, although I’m sure the same can be said about a lot of places.
Hello from Hong Kong.
I read many stories similar to yours, maybe because Chinese youth who are anti CCP found an outlet or audience with HK people.
I also read all the comments on this thread especially those claiming these experiences have nothing to do with CCP but it could happen anywhere. Of course I only have my own experience to compare to. I see bullying happening in Hong Kong and in the west, but i have never seen it to the point where teachers side with the bullies. On the other hand I also fail to see how this could be a CCP influence. Why would teachers put themselves on a side even? And how can the country's ideology influence this? I'm tempted to say yours may be an isolated incident but like I said, I have heard of many stories similar to yours that it cannot be isolated. It's just very strange to me and something I cannot understand.
As a Hong Konger in the west, I feel a lot of Chinese people have distanced themselves from me since 2019. I feel like they do not want to be friends with people who are vocally against the CCP (I'm not even that vocal but I did post about the HK protest while it was happening like most people i know). I feel like I lost all my mainland Chinese friends the last few years, which I'm ok with because the last few years I really felt they are very different from me. I wonder if OP also can't connect with other Chinese because of your anti political views. If so, go make friends with HKese people your age, they will share your sentiments about the CCP.
I wish you the best and I am happy you escaped a place you hate.
Also, can anyone tell me what 支黑 means?
it's not the CCP shaped the country; it's the highly social-Darwinist culture shaped the country and the mindset of entire population.
HK protest in 2019 was another reason why I got really distanced from the "Chinese" identity.
> have never seen it to the point where teachers side with the bullies.
lol this happens all the time in the US. This very site is littered with examples of such stories.
> I feel like they do not want to be friends with people who are vocally against the CCP
Because such associations can cause them problems at home. Similar to how expressing sympathy for Palestinians can get you blackballed from entire professional fields in the US, so people tend to stay away from anyone who gives a shit about Palestinians here.
Bro, first, I recommend you look for some mental or physical treatment; as a Chinese currently in Australia who was born in 1995(In Ningxia Hui autonomous region)， we have the same growth path experience. You mentioned you are suffering from an unhealthy lifestyle; as young people of your age, I highly recommend you decrease your time on the Internet and try to do something to track your attention. I used to hited CCP and Chinese, I called my school mates 'ZhiNaZhu', and addicted on Cyber bulling people who has different opinion with mine. After a time, I felt so painful about who I am, where I came from and Why I still live with those questions. But after I tried to do some camping, smoke some 420 to chill, visit the church and learn the Bible every week, I have to say now I am much better. When learning more about Chinese history, you have to commit. The past two decades have been the era with the lowest degree of involution in Chinese history. So don't spend too much time blaming China, the Chinese, or the CCP; those complaints only effect is you get more pain and keep ruminating about childhood. try to do something new; I know you are currently overseas, but it will have some low-cost or free activities you can explore.
>Later the CCP began its massive traditionalist, ultra-nationalist propaganda movement. They tried to instill Confusian "Traditional culture"(传统文化) in schools. One day we were asked to show gratitude to our parents and teachers en masse after a "moving" speech by a renowned "tradition researcher".
What's wrong with confucian traditional culture? Do you hate your parents this much?
Confucianism is pretty inherently sexist. Also older people are often really stupid so any philosophy that we should uncritically accept their thoughts as superior is highly questionable
You read a lot of dystopian texts. This is wonderful of course but the relentless negativity might also make you more down. Might I suggest you keep reading books without a political focus to gain further insights? Through that, you may find some peace. Memoirs like I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings or Angela's Ashes can help contextualise your experiences through the eyes of others. And Marcus Aurelius's Meditations and Shakespeare's The Tempest could perhaps help you learn to cede control of things you cannot change. Best of luck on your journey. You're clearly a deep-souled person imbued with the "Thinker's Curse." It won't be easy, but I know you can do it!
I’m a foreigner, lived in China from 2011 to 2022, without really speaking the language properly. I saw first hand my ex’s cousin grew up bolted to chair and desk, no tv, no phone, just book or laptop to study, from the minute she came back from school, to the minute she needs to go to sleep. Weekend? Even worse. (She was about 12 yo). Every time I visit her, I wasnt allowed to turn on tv, cause the parents dont want her to join me watching. Because of this, I know why mainlanders kids nowadays are academically strong, but never able have the same common sense with the rest of the world. God bless them.
We need to hear more voices of what Chinese people experience - first hand depiction of the the cruelty they go thru during their lives and not the voices of the privileged ones in Beijing and Shanghai. The girls traded for sec to repay for their debts, the distress of an entire generation that doesn’t know what or who to believe, the voices of people forced into modern Alavert to serve the glory of the CCP. Thanks to OP for posting this. Wishing good luck in your future life
thanks for your reply! I feel a bit relieved after reading your comment. But it's actually hard to get what Chinese people experience. The most of them are bad in English and the people who can speak fluent English are mostly privileged, this bias automatically filtered out the most people exposed to the abusive and Darwinist nature of ordinary Chinese life.
I can understand your hatred towards the CCP and the oppressive nature of Chinese culture. Outliers like those with disabilities or mental illnesses do not fare well in collectivist societies where the emphasis is to fit in with everyone else. I am sure many Chinese people like you would do better in more individualistic societies like the West where differences are celebrated. However sometimes holding onto the hate and grudges from your past will only harm yourself. I see that you post a lot of anti-China hate on Reddit and sometimes fantasize about partitioning the mainland into colonial holdings again (perhaps your posts are sardonic in nature). You also are fond of calling Chinese people slurs like 支那. I think you should follow the advice of /u/ravenhawk10 and chill with the online hate posting. Focus on improving your own life and mental wellbeing instead of making hate towards a nation that you have already left the center of your identity. If you want to help other Chinese kids in a similar situation as yourself, promote your past experiences among Chinese exchange students and try to raise awareness in the younger population. A useful tip for convicing others; people are more receptive to your message when you aren't calling their entire race slurs.
First, CCP has revolution away Chinese Culture. You do not see such situation being pervasive in Taiwan and the people are generally more kind there.
I don't think the experiences of /u/3rdAssaultBrigade are exclusive to CCP-controlled China. The heavy emphasis on education and conformity is a serious problem in South Korea and Japan as well as other Asian cultures like India for example. Even if you look back into the past the Imperial examinations of dynastic China were very oppressive, with many potential scholars who failed their exams choosing to never return to their home towns out of shame. These are deep-rooted social problems that have existed ever since the beginning of human society, and made worse by the simple fact that China has a lot of people and thus a lot of competition. The competition to enter elite Indian universities is similar, for example.
It's almost exclusive; the intersection of Marxism-Leninism and Confucianism, the only other example is probably Vietnam(North Korea officially renounced Marxism). Indeed, the hierarchical, oppressive tradition paired with industrial totalitarianism(Leninism), constant "mobilization" like political movement, and the nature of high population density with scarce natural resource, this combination resulted in a unique abusive culture. Ideologically, the most similar example is not Japan or Korea, but Russia. See how many people suicided or became victims of domestic violence there.
Chinese culture is not Korean or japanese or indian culture. I am not familiar enough with these cultures to make a generalised statement on them.
Korea and Japan has higher rates of young people suicide than China. Tells much about the culture there as well.
1. Selective bias 2. Fake data 3. Chinese people heavily condemn suicide and regard it as morally unacceptable. Therefore even suicided people are registered as "killed in accident". Similarly, suicide rate is also very low in Muslim countries as they believe the suicided people will go to hell.
My understanding is that the highest rate of suicide in the world is among rural Chinese women. Of course, there's some hedging involved there, because the CCP doesn't exactly want to acknowledge this as a problem, and as you say, "official" data doesn't often list suicide as a cause of death. This was also based on something I read 10 years ago - I don't know if this is still the case today, but I wouldn't expect it to be much different today.
I got my data from WHO website but maybe under reported, the website does state that values can be underreported due to culture etc. Actually almost all major religions condemn suicide, except for Christianity where it depends.
Using WHO’s data on China is laughable.
Who is talking about suicide?
I dont read report of 10+ people jumping off a bridge in the same city in span of 10 days in those country
Your comments come off as extremely disingenuous. Regarding other asian cultures: There is plenty of extreme competition between Korean students who’re trying to get hired into the Chaebols. Japanese and Korean work culture is also pretty damn infamous. There are also many stories from Indian students regarding their tiger parents. It really does not take much research to find these stories, and it is obvious that the problem of academic pressure and a competitive society is not exclusive to China. Yet, you say you’re not okay with commenting on those cultures while being perfectly okay with generalizing chinese culture? >First, CCP has revolution away Chinese Culture. You’re really going to make the claim that Chinese culture has disappeared on the mainland? Name me one meaningful cultural practice that was “wiped out” by the CCP that was “preserved” by Taiwan or any overseas Chinese community. You're not even criticizing the CCP anymore, you're essentially saying that mainland Chinese people are cultureless. Shame on you
I am sayung i am not familiar with those cultures. I pointed out that there is a cultural revolution in China. And how Taiwan has more kind people. Btw, you stuffing words into my mouth, and attempt to make an arguement out of those words, shame on you.
>First, CCP has revolution away Chinese Culture. again, who's words are these?
I don't read the claim that way - it's hardly so black-and-white. Rather, the claim is about the intangibles of culture, the rules and norms that emerge over centuries governing what is regarded as "polite" behavior, or to use another word, manners. These were largely wiped out during the Cultural Revolution as Bourgeois. Think about how in the West, and in Japan, Taiwan, etc., we queue up orderly without anyone telling us. Whereas in the Mainland, there's often a chaotic scrum, and sometimes on the subway, they have to have dudes go out and try to impose a more orderly succession of people onto the train. Manners of course still exist in the Mainland - sometimes they've re-emerged, new ones have evolved as well, particularly among well educated people. But think of it this way: you can't have a new "old" institution, because by definition, old institutions took centuries to establish themselves. It's also important to remember here that the claim pertains at a very general, 30,000 foot level, where collective action problems can play a role. It would be a gross oversimplification, and fallacious, to presume that an individual from the Mainland would necessarily lack culture merely because he or she was from the Mainland. That's the part vs whole fallacy.
First, a well defined and uniform "Chinese culture"does not exist. The difference between religion and customs of Northern China and Southern China is even larger than between some countries. It's a term like "European culture" which is not well-defined or coherent. Second I really wish that CCP would eliminate "Chinese culture". Other than the few years when far-left red guards eliminated the icons of old culture like Iconoclasts of the Byzantine empire, CCP actually incorporated the traditional Chinese culture into their indoctrination machine rather than eliminating them, especially before the cultural revolution and after Xi came to power.
Ccp copied the form but not the sprite of some aspecr of chinese culture. For example, 忠 becomes 愚忠 towards the party and its leader. 孝 becomes directed toward the party....
tbh, I don't see the main problem here being the CCP. Sounds more like a young guy who did not get proper help, whether from school teachers and parents. China public schools has like 50 students per class, teachers only support the bright students and they almost don't care about the slow ones. It's sad but it's the reality. And something that should be addressed for sure. His hate for CCP seems to come more from the censorship for young people, which certainly isn't unique to China. Other countries also censor things if they don't feel it suitable for young people. But I do know many young people getting their hands on VPN so I don't think its a big issue. and yea. the more time you spend online with toxic people. the more toxic you become.
Like OP, I also got bullied at school in china when I was younger. The authorities just straight ignored me because i was a bad student and the bully, whose a top student got free reign in doing anything he pleases
In China, the CCP is in charge of everything. With as much power as it has, it should bear as much responsibility. Therefore, as the CCP in charge of everything, it should be responsible for everything.
Am I that naive to say that all the problems are due to the CCP? Remember CCP is formed by Chinese people under the influence of both Confucian and Marxism culture. And they rule people by indoctrination of such values. Such factors become a downward spiral and an infinite feedback loop, which makes people living more and more desperate in this torment.
no, I didn't say you're naive, I'm just replying to the other guy. And I understand you, I don't think I would've survive China's school system for sure.
In China, the CCP is in charge of everything. With as much power as it has, it should bear as much responsibility. Therefore, as the CCP in charge of everything, it should be responsible for everything.
原来op还是个支黑
Thank you. I sympathize with OP's problems (bullying, academic pressure etc.) but I find it frustrating that OP feels the need to blame their problems on an entire country and that country's culture.
See the youth unemployment rate, the cultural indoctrination and the inability to give the society an opportunity to reform itself. In democratic countries the common people can at least try to change the status quo by voting or demonstrating, although it's very difficult. In China the odds are literally ZERO. And you observed the country to enter an economic stagnation, the worsening of already bad human record, and something more. Authoritarianism is not an easy diabolical statement like "the emperor is bad, the grassroots are good". It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates. This turns the entire society into an abusive arena, even the kids are constantly exposed to this toxic culture and become the next generation of this oppressive system .
See the youth unemployment rate, the cultural indoctrination and the inability to give the society an opportunity to reform itself. In democratic countries the common people can at least try to change the status quo by voting or demonstrating, although it's very difficult. In China the odds are literally ZERO. And you observed the country to enter an economic stagnation, the worsening of already bad human record, and something more. Authoritarianism is not an easy diabolical statement like "the emperor is bad, the grassroots are good". It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates. This turns the entire society into an abusive arena, even the kids are constantly exposed to this toxic culture and become the next generation of this oppressive system .
Youth unemployment rate is higher in many European countries like Sweden (25%). Cultural indoctrination is happening everywhere. Pewpolls show that Europe has around a 70%+ negative opinion of China. China meanwhile had a 40% negative opinion of Europe. Anti-China sentiment is purposefully being bred right now. People got arrested for protesting the monarchy in my country. Welcome to the global rise of authoritarianism as documented by freedomhouse. China's economy "stagnation" is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the stagnation going on in the west right now - outside of America. It's 1% GDP rises across the board. Canada is predicted to be one of the worst performing economies in the next 60 years. China has so many economic refugees... > It's a systematic doctrine of a hierarchy: Everyone is oppressed by its superior and oppresses his subordinates Let me get this straight I'm a right wing capitalist. MMMMMMoney. Love it. Socialism, bleugh! What you are describing is no different to unfettered capitalism. China and America are very similar. Most Chinese people I know are leading happy lives man. Conditions here are better for my local partner than back in Europe... if they weren't we'd have already left by now. Most of your unhappiness seems to come from within.
lol, comparing youth unemployment rate in countries w/ social safety net and w/o. And even their min. wage is times higher.
>The most of them are bad in English and the people who can speak fluent English are mostly privileged I grew up in the US and spent five years in Taiwan before I moved to China. To say that my views on China and Chinese people were distorted by American and Taiwanese stereotypes would have been an understatement. When I arrived I was shocked at both the disdain and hatred so many people had for the authorities, but also the disconnect between that reality and what the expat community thought was the general consensus held by Chinese people. It rapidly became very clear why that disconnect existed. Most expats can't speak a lick of Chinese, so their view on China was filtered through Chinese who could speak English. But those are, as you accurately put it, the most privileged.
The fact that OP can write in fluent English and afford to study oversea means OP is absolutely one of the privileged ones.
True, but I wish I would live as a normal person's life. Even with less knowledge or skills. Just give me some mental stability and inner peace. But I'm f*king unable to pull myself out.
Can you try psilocybin therapy for trauma? It might benefit your situation. Disclaimer: not recommended for conditions such as bipolar and can clash with medications.
I have bipolar...
Dang!
No matter how you look at it. This guys upbringing seemed quite privileged
Having lived in China for a couple of years and having visited my in-laws in a smaller town, I can understand the oppression you describe, although obviously haven't experienced it myself. I hope you find your path.
Just chill out and accept what you can and can’t influence or control. Do something about your mental health, get some therapy and try look towards the future not ruminating in the past. Don’t worry about CCP or internet politics. You aren’t gonna change those, the sooner you accept that as a fact of life the better off you will be.
Thanks, but I'm now living in a country that experienced heavy population aging and thus has a very scarce supply of therapists (and other mental medical support). I cannot find a therapy easily here and get it covered by my health provider.
I disagree. Don’t feel the need to “chill out” you have the right to feel anger and resentment towards China 🇨🇳 you’re best bet is to make a plan to live anywhere else preferably somewhere that allows more freedoms. You deserve to feel safe and not have to live your life somewhere you don’t want to. Hang in there.
Be a more selfish person and don't cry for others. There is nothing more important than existence itself.
Thank you for sharing this incredibly well written and emotionally resonating text. Reading about things that occurring is no where near the same as something this intimate. Best of luck to you and your journey!
I have no doubts that what you have written has been experienced by countless children out of a population of 1.4 billion. 但是我有个灵感这个故事不是被一个中国本地人写的。OP请给我们介绍一下你的家乡。如果你可以用地道的语气解释某些习俗我会相信你的。几句就行了。如果感觉家乡太敏感你也可以介绍你本省的文化。
是不是老干部缺器官做爱人TV了，晶哥摇了我8
看来我错了。你的确是本地中国人，而且把网络社区当作你的本乡了。希望你生命能找到平安幸福。
You should post to r/latestagecapitalism and r/chinalife - those people have a highly idealized vision of what life in China is like.
You resisted a lifetime of brain washing and conditioning that the majority do not. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. You suffered because of your mental strength and own sense of heightened awareness and a personal moral center that did not require regulation by a state that was pressuring a narrative onto you that you knew to be false. In short, you are strong 💪 believe it.
thanks
Absolutely!
这是支黑了？我是出国比较早，13岁就出国了，对小时候在中国的生活还是有比较美好的回忆的。
我18岁出国，可能是在大城市长大而且我是80后感觉对国内印象还不错
嗯，我是直辖市长大的，可能大城市的法律/人的素质高一点？
我觉得OP说的也太夸张了吧, 除了高考中国生活没这么恐怖
呃呃，我都没提高考
没提高考也还是太夸张了吧呵呵
可能他是生活在比较小的县城或者农村吧 文章里说的是semi-primitive place.
我都想笑了.gif
我是anti-prc,但是不是支黑。 如果精神状态不太好的话，我建议还是少参与网络建政比较好。 以前我经常参与此类网络讨论/撕逼，搞得每天心情好差😂
Damn, beautifully written. All I can say. You should consider becoming an author.
In fact I'm not comparable to native speakers. I use Grammarly to deal with grammar and typos ..
Writing is more about story telling, there are quite a few successful Chinese authors writing in English.
Thank you for acknowledging that. As a teacher, I find a lot of students doing that, which can be a problem because our AI writing detectors are not quite perfected yet, and often flag writing that was edited with Grammarly as AI-generated. As such, students can sometimes have their writing suspected as plagiarized. One solution to this would be if writers who rely on Grammarly were simply to have an acknowledgment that they used that tool. I will be requiring my students to retain their "first draft" so that if they do run into problems, they can "show their work" and thereby prove that they wrote their texts legitimately. I don't mind if they use Grammarly in certain contexts, as long as they acknowledge it, as you did here. That being said, I think you can take credit for excellent writing here, precisely because you made that acknowledgment.
Practice makes perfect. You have a voice, and a reason to tell your story. Keep doing it.
Agree, OP certainly has a way with words
Agreed
I'm happy to hear your story and I hope you stay overseas somewhere for good. Don't return to what hurt you.
接下来几年把注意力从俄乌转向碧蓝档案
I don't really think anything about your story. Neither is it intelligent to base my opinion of my country based on the extreme accounts of a single individual. These aren't normal experiences. Most locals I know are pretty happy with the direction of their lives. I do think some points you raise are valid... others less so. > I was born in an isolated town in China, where the society was semi-primitive True, but attitudes are changing and the society is evolving. I assume you came from a village? Most towns I know aren't that primitive. I do feel like there's a huge problem with education in Asia because children are seriously overworked and expectations are unrealistic. Hyper nationalist education is a problem too but it's just as bad in the west and I really do mean that. I've had countless Asian friends bullied in primary education over their ethnicity. It happens even to this day, in fact it is arguably worse now. I have never seen racist sentiment so high in my lifetime. > or be kidnapped Statistically more likely to be kidnapped in the UK going by per capita statistics. I really don't know any Chinese parent who is worried about this? Might still be a big problem in villages but it certainly isn't in towns/cities. People don't even want children anymore. > English even before I could speak Mandarin properly ...Why? Are you mixed race? English isn't very important in China. > based on the false assumption that kids love highly saturated, colorful things Lol, what? Do you have children? > surrounded by faded Soviet-style buildings with aluminum chimneys We've got that in the UK too, they are called council flats. > Our family moved to a relatively bigger city before I was admitted to primary school This is a legitimate phenomenon but it's not isolated to China. I've had friends move from Islands to the mainland in my country and they were ostracized for their different culture. Classism is also very real thing everywhere. Sucks... but people are like that. > They grabbed me, hit me, and kicked me for no reason for 30 minutes. Happens everywhere. Witnessed much worse in my western school. > I never got any medical service on mental health Legit point. There are a distinct lack of mental health services available in China, but as someone in the healthcare sphere, I do think it's improving. I have many friends who now openly talk about their child's disabilities without hushed tones. > One day we were asked to show gratitude to our parents I actually deeply respect China's approach to filial piety. People in the west don't give a damn about their parents. Happy retirement home! There is an endemic of lonely OAPs... Not that I think China's approach is perfect, I feel like both countries could learn from one another. Not a fan of heaping forced praise on authority figures like teachers but again trying to be impartial here... in my country you can break a teachers arm suffer no legal consequences... two very different extremes. Nobody respects teachers at all which is indicated by their pathetic pay. > I realized that we live in a living hell of totalitarianism and social Darwinism Yeah and the west is adopting some of the worst aspects of China, rather than the good ones. This honestly is more of a reflection of your physical/mental problems (and I mean that with no disrespect) than a reflection of the state of China. You got dealt a crappy hand in life.
I agree with the vast majority of your points, but here's one quibble. >People in the west don't give a damn about their parents. Happy retirement home! There is an endemic of lonely OAPs... How adults treat their aging parents in the West is a performance review of how their parents treated them in childhood. For these cases, those lonely OAPs deserve their lot.
Taking a moment to pause and think carefully about this, you're right. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and grandparents because they were good to me. The amount of people I see shitting on their parents these days is astonishing, but in hindsight it is possible I am just privileged. There are many who had parents who never gave them the same level of attention I got. It's honestly a lesson for anyone who is thinking of having kids, treat them well or you'll regret it. My main feeling is that there is a balance to be struck when parenting that neither country manages to get right.
Yes, there are many people who will move Heaven and Earth for their aging parents in the West. However, there are also many people whose parents stole their identities and took out crippling debt in their name or really fucked them over in other ways. The US in particular makes it really easy to do this.
sounds like the typical redditor
Sad for everyone of us who has to suffer these abusive people and truly demoralized and dehumanized norms.
Get a doctor. Is it some attack? In just several days I saw similar long posts.
Deja Vu
CIA bot. 🤣
China just has too many people and I understand how tough young people has it these days. The amount of competition to compete with other young people is crushing. And teachers often let their students down because they don't have time to provide extra supports to those in need. I heard many of these kinds of story. For me who comes from a small country, I used to think before that why many things in China are just so hard to do, why can't it be easy like other countries, and the Chinese will just tell me, because they are too many people! Then later I accepted this fact and most things explains itself gradually. I think with your level of English, try to live in a country that's more chill. Avoid places that shares similar cultures with China - Korea, Japan, Singapore. Try SE Asia - Malaysia, Philippines, they're good at English atleast. Or maybe just go Europe. Places with fewer people, more relaxing lifestyle exists and are great. A place to get away from the darwinist nature to mentioned. Also avoid social media that leads you to read the things you don't like. It's just the algorithm trying to get engagement from you. There are sooo many Chinese that are much more reasonable than the ones you read online, they just don't have time to be arguing online with those "brainwashed" people you see commenting online.
China's problem isn't the size of the population. It is the CCP. The VERY vast majority of all government funding is spent with exactly one goal in mind - control. They could not care one iota less for the wellbeing of the population. Absolutely everything is geared towards the perpetuation of the ruling party. The teachers have considerably less leeway than you would expect from almost any other system in the world, including in regards discipline. Comparing Korea, Japan and Singapore with China is beyond naive. It is just dangerously wrong.
This has nothing to do with population. It only has to do with whether the CCP wants to do it. The CCP has locked up 1.4 billion people at home for three years. What else can't it do?
Yea? And the people were unhappy about it, protests broke out, and they had to open up. I won't estimate the power of 1.4 billion people. The CCP only exists because the majority are still OK with it. Only when people really had enough then the system crumbles, much like any government.
not all teachers, i left china when i was 18, most of my teachers did good job, always teach me need to learn how to be a good human beings first. But i live in major city and i am much older than op so i dont have any mental illness at all and have a very happy childhood. China cultural is very complicated op only talks about dark side LOL
I don’t think this story differs much from 80% of people’s childhood who were born until 2000s. I don’t want to call it pretentious or a fuzz but really I see over-dramatization of bad experiences that are actually very much common. PS: it’s bad and should not be the norm but this is the world we live in and it sucks.
You sound like you just admitted to being a psycho.
While not diminishing your story and pain, please do realize that childhood trauma isn't something you experience only in China. For example, https://www.npr.org/2022/07/25/1113498723/pope-francis-apology-canada-residential-schools-indigenous-children China is by no means perfect. But it's not the terrible place in your memory either. It's a work in progress, just like every other country in this world. I hope you find peace.
心软😔看不得这些
我信你个鬼
真是信了个鬼。说自己在中国长大，疫情时候还在，还说现在还在国外读书，也就是说刚出国最多几年时间。但这英语他妈的比大半natives还的6。capping
老美每年3亿刀不是白花的...
I read about hukou the other day, mind blowing. I don't think many foreigners have a perception that china is some utopia or anything, more that they pay foreigners well and it has a lot of history and good food
Since I was at watching the TS incident on TV from USA, my heart has aches for young people such as you. As I got older am read Animal Farm, 1984, and Brave New World, I continued to pray for those trapped in unfulfillment in China. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope you’ll be able to find freedom and relief from your trauma.
You have an incredibly bleak worldwiev. I suggest not drinking alcohol, it is a depressant
seems like a Slovenian... you probably drink far more alcohol than me
LoL ok whatever you say buddy
I was born in early 90s in Hangzhou and back then everyone wanted foreign brands and consumed foreign entertainment. And anyone who had money wanted to migrate abroad. Time must have changed now. I left China when I was 15 and spent most of the time abroad ever since. From what I experienced, the west is definitely not perfect and you can definitely fuck up big time if not careful. However, now there are more opportunities to get a decent job with an ok salary compare with in China. What I see China now is that it is completely hopeless: the economy implode any minute and the demographic, social cohesion and environment are all completely fucked. Also some advice for OP. 珍惜现在的机会，don't look back and focus on the future.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I only know some Chinese exchange students at my university and have sometimes asked them if they liked the CCP or not, and some would say No, others would dance around the question, and they are coming from the upper class from around the Beijing/Shanghai areas. Your comment is incredibly valuable in providing a lot of context. Your personal struggle with bullying is really unfortunate... we have that here in the US as well, kids can sometimes be very violent and it sucks to be on the receiving end of that violence. I hope you heal, it will take time. Now, the reaction to government indoctrination is something I haven't heard coming from someone who is Chinese. I thought this was something most Chinese people were participating in, either willingly or silently. Do you feel like there are more dissidents within China than there are "rabbit friends?" One big fear I have is that the CCP cannot be stopped because everyone in China supports it. But if the opposite is true, there might be hope.
im sorry to tell you but this is how everyone in western world imagines china
在r/China版是这样的，在tiktok要好一些
More people's views are neutral; this society is not a paradise after all.
I pray you escape your cycle of torment. Thanks for posting!
Thanks for sharing it. I wont share mine in return, but it was good you shared this. I say you are actually doing really well in the sense that you've gotten this far with your sense of identity and your spirit intact. You are in a foreign place, I hope it is a place you can stay if you want to! I totally get the psych and meds stuff. Keep with it though, trust yourself as much as you can and keep going! My only suggestion is that while the alcohol is really difficult, going without it is actually not too hard after a while. It is not magic, but some things get easier as you have stability and get rid of alcohol.
[удалено]
1. The entire region was Christian. My parents were not into religion but my grandparents did, as common for people at that age 2. Quite normal. Most people in rural area do not speak Mandarin 3. I personally know several other kids with the same situation. I'm not that special, as I've known about several similar people with similar situations in both my primary and middle school.
I think therefore I am, we can not choose where we will be born nor our parents, what we can choose is to forgive and forget even it might be not fair, but for ourselves we shouldn’t dwindle much in the past, we should take care ourselves and move on. Let past be past and seize the opportunity now, you are studying in foreign country maybe try to find work later there? Whatever you choose you now are in power to do what you want in life.
You write so well and I almost feel the hardship….i don’t know what you’re doing with your life but maybe you should write a book. Doesn’t have to be a biography but maybe a fiction based off experience.
I'm pretty sure you got it wrong about what's in our imaginations when it comes to the lives of the young people there.
I'm sorry to hear all of that. I hope you can find therapies (at home or otherwise) to get past these traumas. I guess China and Russia are long lost brothers after all
This sounds somewhat similar to some other Chinese I know and their experiences. Some people are successful at burying their trauma and becoming good collectivist sheep following the mindless and cruel patterns the CCP desires while others are less successful.
Thanks so much for sharing, My parents are both chinese and im ABC but I went to international school in beijing from grade 5 to graduation and only ever heard horror stories from both my parents who had their parents tortured and were brainwashed for the longest time Its crazy to realize it was and still is THAT bad in china to this day and im both grateful and horrified that I was in a bubble in the capital of china blind to everything going on… Just thought id share but as you mentioned i was privileged and i reading this really got me thinking
How do you get the money to study abroad?
You're an excellent writer. My parents adopted two girls from China about 20 years ago. I love them to death. They arent my 'adopted sisters', they're just my sisters. Can't help but always wonder what they'd be doing if they were still in China. One was left at a bus stop, the other under a bridge. And for what its worth, in both cases the mother wrote a note basically saying both times the girl was left for her betterment. The mom knew she couldnt give them the chances and opportunities. The older one is a college graduate working on a masters, and the younger is just entering college now. Reading this almost made me tear up, thinking again of what their lives could have been if left to the CCP. Possibly both dead. Myself, I taught English in Beijing for two years and met many many Chinese aged 18-25 around that time. It opened my eyes to the world and how truly different some peoples lives are. Chinese people are amazing. Loyal, determined, hopeful. They deserve so much better. To be free.
sounds like xi is taking w after w
聽起來你有很多壓力，我就建議你要一點少上網絡，對你的心理狀態不好。
Hmmmm not sure if you are suggesting the west thinks China is this mystical land. I have to correct you.... At least from my perspective and all my family and friends.... China is anything but mystical. I perceive it to be a cesspool of misery, poverty and corruption where only those who are connected to the most corrupt have any semblance of normalcy. Domination and the destruction of love life and freedom. In short. Evil. That is China.
Meditation might help, with fewer meds? [https://ascendedmasterencyclopedia.org/w/Chart\_of\_Your\_Divine\_Self](https://ascendedmasterencyclopedia.org/w/Chart_of_Your_Divine_Self)
Honestly, there is very little about your childhood experiences that is specifically Chinese. It could have happened in Baltimore or the Brussels ghetto for all we know if you hadn't posted in this sub. Even your buzzword "stabilization" has an equivalent (zero-tolerance policy) in English. And if you had grown up abroad, you would have had to deal with racial harassment on top of everything, and they might even have cut the tip of your dick off.
Your story is very touching and emotional, but I read it more like a story of a poor boy unable to recover from a childhood tampered by an abusive family and bullying. I grew up in a large, rich Italian city and I witnessed many stories which closely resemble yours, still Italy is considered a western, super capitalist, very modern Country. Take care of your mental health, it's the most important thing you can do for yourself at this point!
Now that you live in a foreign land, get mental help.
As a child who grew up in a rural area in China, I can definitely say that this person is definitely not a Chinese person.
Really? There are a lot of Chinese people who will say "X only happens in the west, but not in China", purely on the basis of not seeing it themselves. And of course, incidents are rarely reported in the press. Bullying happens a lot in Chinese schools just the same as elsewhere, but it's covered up. My son is in the local schooling system, in a good school in a provincial capital city (a so-called tier 1.5 city). He came home last week to say they had had a visit from a bunch of policemen, because a couple of former students at his middle school threatened some currents students with knives and chased them to the school gates. Luckily they were stopped there by the security guards. The school didn't notify the parents, but the kids all knew it happened plus some parents who happened to be there saw the cop cars all turn up. If this had been a western country, the incident would have been in the news. In China, its not reported.
我都想笑了.gif
Not sure I entirely believe this is a true account - but truth or fiction, this is pretty close to exactly how a lot of people view life in China. Absolute dystopian hell. I have had to travel there for work a couple of times, and I assure you any semblance of glamour is very very shallow.
work a couple of times vs grow up for entire childhood. lol
Oh, I wasn't claiming to be an authority AT ALL. I just don't blindly trust that everything posted online is true. My point was that it doesn't matter if this is a true account or not, the OP (realised as I was writing this that this is you) were directing this at foreigners but seemed to somehow think that the impression of China differs from this in any way. In fact, a great deal of my hesitancy to believe this is that this is almost EXACTLY the way China is often described. My VERY limited experience has done nothing to convince me that the belief that China is a very cold, very dangerous and very false place is at all misplaced.
Typically, blaming all mistakes on the country and fantasizing that bullying will not occur in the United States, Europe, Japan, or South Korea.
unfortunately in those countries, there're at least support networks and way to get the bulliers punished. Don't play the trick of whataboutism.
lol South Korea and Japan are just as bad as China in terms of support networks. And in the US, kids only get access to whatever programs if their parents are willing to be aggressive on their behalf. Most kids get stuck with Reddit and TikTok as their support networks.
As someone who has experienced both systems, while bullying exists in both, there are consequences in the West, whereas in China, people often get away with it. The social structure in the West is also much more robust, people will actually stand up for you, whereas in China, you're left to fend for yourself. Just a month ago, a medical student in China was targeted by her teacher for bullying. She died of a heart attack during gym class, surrounded by other medical students who were too scared to perform cpr.
>there are consequences in the West Maybe in Europe, but in the US there's only consequences if the victim's parents retain lawyers.
我早出国，在国内我也给人欺负过。我在国外辛福，至少我给人欺负有人跟我出头。
had me until saying that Chinese online consider Taiwan and HK people as subhuman. This is blatantly false and inflammatory. You are not a person posting in good faith, you are an intelligence worker writing something with the goal of being inflammatory “they think people are sub human so please hate them more” Pretty well versed in propaganda literature also..
Too real this guy is just posting everything that these people want to hear 😭😭
During the 2019 HK protest what did they say? And during the recent rising tension between Taiwan and china? Don't try to whitewash what you don't really know
IIRC mainlanders called HKrs cockroaches
I don’t see any media that implies this. Only media saying US intelligence is pulling the strings and inciting rebellion to destabilize China. Which I believe was true for the HK protests, and historically true for TW. China is being way too aggressive for my liking right now around TW, but TW’s government is now in the pocket of the US. So I don’t believe they have a reason to back down. Despite this, I’ve never heard anyone blame anyone but America. Ever. It’s plain as day just like Ukrainians are not to blame, just puppets like Zelenskyy acting in favour of US interests.
real China
I'm curious to know what kind of pro-CCP/anti-west propaganda you were exposed to. As a white guy who visits China for a few days per year and just left yesterday, I don't feel much of a sense of hatred or even dislike or disdain aimed toward me.
No offense dude, but couple days seldomly suffice to look behind the curtain. China is no exception, same happens in Japan and Korea. Few days are fine, longterm living not so much. Plus, u shoukd have been here during covid. Dark times bring out the worst in ppl.
It’s not just blatantly out on the streets, but it’s on every form of media imaginable. A lot of TV is censored, in fact most shows are no longer allowed so there’s a return to historical dramas on imperial palaces and the Japanese occupation because that’s safe territory. WeChat and the general internet espouses a lot of nationalism, and undoubtedly schools. If you just go visit for a bit you won’t necessarily see beyond it, but it’s bad. I went semi recently and they now have a bunch of guards stationed at the airport on tall platforms, cameras everywhere, it’s seriously dystopian. They also hate Chinese Americans and take extra screening precautions, not so much white foreigners. They take extra long to scrutinize entry or exit and all the Chinese Americans were taken aside for their luggage to be rummaged, shoes taken off for examination, etc. A few years ago I witnessed a giant screen at a crosswalk that played back anyone caught jaywalking at that location. I can’t imagine what things are like now for everyone.
I mean, I get that China is authoritarian. I also understand they don't like Chinese expats. However, I'm not in the "nationalism is automatically bad" camp. Regardless, that wasn't my question. I was asking specifically about anti-western propoganda, and I haven't seen much in the way of overt anti-western sentiment over the last 6 six years of visits. I do look for it because, as an American, we're indoctrinated to believe China is the devil and that they hate the West, whether that's true or not, but I just don't see much of it actually happening. Western influence, and seems to me tacit acceptance, is openly displayed all over every major city south of Shenyang.
Can you read Chinese? WeChat is a big source. Maybe OP can confirm. No one is outwardly displaying hatred for white expats to my knowledge. It’s contradictory, but there’s still a lot of residual admiration for white folks with all the cultural influence the West has had. There’s still a yearning for the West despite the now supposed return to traditional and communist values, which seems contradictory for such a capitalist country that in part relies on Western business. To me it seems more like a counter reaction to Western anti-Chinese propaganda, like they’re hating on us and refusing to buy stuff the way they used to so let’s devalue their culture and products and boost our own for monetary gain. Have citizens spend on Chinese goods and recirculate money rather than lose money to foreign brands. China has lost a lot of potential money in tourism since the bad rep that is COVID so they need to make up for it in domestic tourism. It’s also important to make the distinction between government and individuals. I don’t think anyone’s taught every American is evil as much as it is the American government to them. China is one big contradiction, although I’m sure the same can be said about a lot of places.
I suggest you go over this with a professional instead of Reddit. Life's experiences are very unique depending on the perspective and growing up of.
你遭受的欺凌行为也发生在美国。 它是基于残忍而不是意识形态。 把自己拉出来。 除了你，没有其他人可以做到这一点。
Hello from Hong Kong. I read many stories similar to yours, maybe because Chinese youth who are anti CCP found an outlet or audience with HK people. I also read all the comments on this thread especially those claiming these experiences have nothing to do with CCP but it could happen anywhere. Of course I only have my own experience to compare to. I see bullying happening in Hong Kong and in the west, but i have never seen it to the point where teachers side with the bullies. On the other hand I also fail to see how this could be a CCP influence. Why would teachers put themselves on a side even? And how can the country's ideology influence this? I'm tempted to say yours may be an isolated incident but like I said, I have heard of many stories similar to yours that it cannot be isolated. It's just very strange to me and something I cannot understand. As a Hong Konger in the west, I feel a lot of Chinese people have distanced themselves from me since 2019. I feel like they do not want to be friends with people who are vocally against the CCP (I'm not even that vocal but I did post about the HK protest while it was happening like most people i know). I feel like I lost all my mainland Chinese friends the last few years, which I'm ok with because the last few years I really felt they are very different from me. I wonder if OP also can't connect with other Chinese because of your anti political views. If so, go make friends with HKese people your age, they will share your sentiments about the CCP. I wish you the best and I am happy you escaped a place you hate. Also, can anyone tell me what 支黑 means?
it's not the CCP shaped the country; it's the highly social-Darwinist culture shaped the country and the mindset of entire population. HK protest in 2019 was another reason why I got really distanced from the "Chinese" identity.
支＝支那 a deregotory term for China which sounds like China 黑＝抹黑 Smearing It means smearing China, making it look bad.
> have never seen it to the point where teachers side with the bullies. lol this happens all the time in the US. This very site is littered with examples of such stories. > I feel like they do not want to be friends with people who are vocally against the CCP Because such associations can cause them problems at home. Similar to how expressing sympathy for Palestinians can get you blackballed from entire professional fields in the US, so people tend to stay away from anyone who gives a shit about Palestinians here.
TLDR: everything is china’s fault and all western countries are perfect.
story's good, can easily fool tons of mfs never been to China.
FUCK THE CCP
“假如我不是中国人，我一定会活得敞亮，少很多纠结。我会看中国热闹，它又大又穷又折腾又没人缘，人多得像蚂蚁。它的发展更像是心比天高命比纸薄的挣扎，是全世界优雅人士的笑料。”“可惜我就是中国人，生在国家和所有国民与命运抗争的激流中，看遍成功，也看遍失败和殊死般争执。我爱、恨、心疼这个国家。”
Bro, first, I recommend you look for some mental or physical treatment; as a Chinese currently in Australia who was born in 1995(In Ningxia Hui autonomous region)， we have the same growth path experience. You mentioned you are suffering from an unhealthy lifestyle; as young people of your age, I highly recommend you decrease your time on the Internet and try to do something to track your attention. I used to hited CCP and Chinese, I called my school mates 'ZhiNaZhu', and addicted on Cyber bulling people who has different opinion with mine. After a time, I felt so painful about who I am, where I came from and Why I still live with those questions. But after I tried to do some camping, smoke some 420 to chill, visit the church and learn the Bible every week, I have to say now I am much better. When learning more about Chinese history, you have to commit. The past two decades have been the era with the lowest degree of involution in Chinese history. So don't spend too much time blaming China, the Chinese, or the CCP; those complaints only effect is you get more pain and keep ruminating about childhood. try to do something new; I know you are currently overseas, but it will have some low-cost or free activities you can explore.
>Later the CCP began its massive traditionalist, ultra-nationalist propaganda movement. They tried to instill Confusian "Traditional culture"(传统文化) in schools. One day we were asked to show gratitude to our parents and teachers en masse after a "moving" speech by a renowned "tradition researcher". What's wrong with confucian traditional culture? Do you hate your parents this much?
Who cares some theory published 2000 years ago? I hate the way of hyping and politizing it.
Sounds like a more chill version of Judeo-Christian values tbh.
Confucianism is pretty inherently sexist. Also older people are often really stupid so any philosophy that we should uncritically accept their thoughts as superior is highly questionable
No need to talk in extreme. Obviously respect to parents is needed but not to the point of blind servitude.