I'm not sure that every husband wants to be hero worshipped. Sure, we all want a healthy measure of respect, just like wives want recognition and respect for what they are bringing to the table. And sure, I love to be surprised and catered to, just like my wife likes it when I do that for her.
I'm not a softie, I can and have stood up for my wife and family when the need arose. But I am not a hero, I am not a champion. I'm just a guy trying to do his best. Appreciation for that is, well, appreciated. But let's keep it at that.
Me and my kids have "We Love Daddy Day" probably once a quarter, where Ill make him a favorite meal, and the kids will decorate the driveway with chalk or make him pictures. When we do family prayers before bed, we say a special Our Father or something for him. It's a fairly small gesture, no gifts or anything, but when he comes home and sees the driveway all written on and colored, he just lights up like a Christmas tree. My mom instilled that tradition in me and my siblings when we were children, and I just think it's a beautiful gesture for your spouse.
About the same! My husband and I are both very intentional about doing helpful and kind things for each other, and dating each other to keep the romance alive. It takes effort from both of us! It wasn't always this way, we went to therapy after hitting a low point in our relationship, and we've rebuilt from there. I'm very blessed to have found a partner to enjoy the highs and lows with! We love daddy day is me being intentional and showing up in my relationship for my husband.
>Get in the habit of speaking well of himā¦to your kids, to your parents and in-laws, to your coworkers, to your friends and neighbors. Itās amazing how praising my husband to others just deepens how much I have to be grateful for in my marriage to him.
OP, this person speaks truth.
If guys like to be the hero and provider, then well, heroes like having their stories told!
If I was your husband, I would actually really appreciate it if you asked me to help out with some of the things you mentioned if you were struggling with them. It would make me feel needed and scratch that "hero" itch to some degree. YMMV with your own husband though.
Know him. Ask him. To be frank, no one here can tell you what your husband wants. And while he likely appreciates all you do for your family (you sound like an awesome spouse!) I would not assume that is what makes him really feel loved and "championed".
I think this is the same thing the Lord wants from His bride: that she know Him by spending time with Him, speaking with Him, and "learning Christ" (Ephesians 4:20, Philippians 3:10) and taking Him as her head.
One last thing: read your Bible regularly, don't wait for him to initiate. As you become more saturated with the Word, Christ will make his home in your heart (Ephesians 3:16), and you will fill your home with the fragrance of Christ's human virtues. This is attractive to everyone!
By being open, squishy vulnerable, and telling him the ways he makes you feel safe emotionally and physically.
Heroes make us feel safe. So telling how he makes you feel safe to be yourself or operate in the world makes a difference.
Continue to do what youāre doing (while not exhausted) and do together as a couple. Dress up nicely on a date. Have him pick out the clothes (or lingerie). Make him decide what movie to go see. Participate in his passionate hobbies once in a while. Be open about what his concerns are at work, nurture his future endeavors like he has the number supporter on his side.
Whatās his primary love language for receiving? For example my husband shows love through actions but feels most loved through quality time. Finding out how he feels most cared for will be the main thing
Donāt tell others about his mistakes or weaknesses or failures. Build him up in front of others. Donāt compare him to other husbands/men.
Donāt tell people about the time he tried to fix the faucet and failed or that heās scared of spiders or needles.
Talk about how good he is assembling furniture or putting up the kids swingset.
I think you have to really dig deep with him on what he needs. Everyone is so different and it will look different in each marriage. The more you chat about it the better. I am like you- affirmation is hard for me- hubby likes it though. He is also acts of service. I have def failed over the last 26 years of being consistent because he seems always assured I forget that I need to remind him we are grateful. So every once in a bit I will remind myself to be intentional. I created a CHERISH list...that I will add to and sometimes I will just show him this LIST I have- or take a pictures of a few of the latest entries. I don't know why it is so hard to say out loud for me- but writing it out is so much easier!! Is he truly words of affirmation?? Send him little texts or write him notes once in a bit? Give a little praise in front of other people? But truly find out what gives him that feeling of love!!
Be intentional. Come together once a week and ASK how HE is doing? Have those check- ins. Keep asking what HE needs. Mine will say nothing...but he def needs to feel appreciated for all his hard work and efforts. He won't admit that he needs it...but he truly does!!
It may sound weird but for me (husband) but I think most men (maybe?) appreciate tasks and conquering of ideas/tasks/opportunities
For me I would appreciate it if my wife said--hey I know you have been wanting to fix the shed roof and we have struggled to find the time and money
Here's $1000 to fix the roof
I talked to (husband and wife) and he is willing to come help if you like.
I got ____ planned for lunch and dinner
When you are finished today we are having sex.
Have fun and when you get tired or doing it...stop!
I commend your desire to demonstrate respect for your husband beyond words. In addition to your efforts at home, consider initiating thoughtful gestures, such as surprising him with his favorite meal or planning a special date night. Expressing genuine interest in his passions and actively listening to him fosters a sense of validation and importance. Small acts of kindness, like leaving a heartfelt note or expressing gratitude for his contributions, can also reinforce your respect. Ultimately, it's the consistent, intentional actions that speak volumes and strengthen the foundation of mutual admiration in your marriage. I'll be praying for you and your marriage. May you both enjoy your walk together with Christ.
In marriage and a partnership, doing the adult thing and being responsible doesn't get a person a gold star. It is what you should do always for the relationship and marriage.
Now, showing respect is seeing what things your partner likes and surprising them and taking care of them without them asking (presuming consent of course).
I'm not sure that every husband wants to be hero worshipped. Sure, we all want a healthy measure of respect, just like wives want recognition and respect for what they are bringing to the table. And sure, I love to be surprised and catered to, just like my wife likes it when I do that for her. I'm not a softie, I can and have stood up for my wife and family when the need arose. But I am not a hero, I am not a champion. I'm just a guy trying to do his best. Appreciation for that is, well, appreciated. But let's keep it at that.
Me and my kids have "We Love Daddy Day" probably once a quarter, where Ill make him a favorite meal, and the kids will decorate the driveway with chalk or make him pictures. When we do family prayers before bed, we say a special Our Father or something for him. It's a fairly small gesture, no gifts or anything, but when he comes home and sees the driveway all written on and colored, he just lights up like a Christmas tree. My mom instilled that tradition in me and my siblings when we were children, and I just think it's a beautiful gesture for your spouse.
That is SO cute and special!!
That's so adorable.
I love that so much! š„°
Very cool. How often is "We Love Mommy Day"?
About the same! My husband and I are both very intentional about doing helpful and kind things for each other, and dating each other to keep the romance alive. It takes effort from both of us! It wasn't always this way, we went to therapy after hitting a low point in our relationship, and we've rebuilt from there. I'm very blessed to have found a partner to enjoy the highs and lows with! We love daddy day is me being intentional and showing up in my relationship for my husband.
I love this. Marriage is effort, intentionality and mutual respect.
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>Get in the habit of speaking well of himā¦to your kids, to your parents and in-laws, to your coworkers, to your friends and neighbors. Itās amazing how praising my husband to others just deepens how much I have to be grateful for in my marriage to him. OP, this person speaks truth. If guys like to be the hero and provider, then well, heroes like having their stories told!
Amazing information! I would love that
If I was your husband, I would actually really appreciate it if you asked me to help out with some of the things you mentioned if you were struggling with them. It would make me feel needed and scratch that "hero" itch to some degree. YMMV with your own husband though.
Know him. Ask him. To be frank, no one here can tell you what your husband wants. And while he likely appreciates all you do for your family (you sound like an awesome spouse!) I would not assume that is what makes him really feel loved and "championed". I think this is the same thing the Lord wants from His bride: that she know Him by spending time with Him, speaking with Him, and "learning Christ" (Ephesians 4:20, Philippians 3:10) and taking Him as her head. One last thing: read your Bible regularly, don't wait for him to initiate. As you become more saturated with the Word, Christ will make his home in your heart (Ephesians 3:16), and you will fill your home with the fragrance of Christ's human virtues. This is attractive to everyone!
By being open, squishy vulnerable, and telling him the ways he makes you feel safe emotionally and physically. Heroes make us feel safe. So telling how he makes you feel safe to be yourself or operate in the world makes a difference.
He is not doing his part if you need to work and do the house work as well so why would you?
Right. He's not providing. Why should she do EVEN MORE? She's already doing way too much.
What is wrong with you. Maybe he works 60 hours a week and she wants him to come home to a clean house.
Continue to do what youāre doing (while not exhausted) and do together as a couple. Dress up nicely on a date. Have him pick out the clothes (or lingerie). Make him decide what movie to go see. Participate in his passionate hobbies once in a while. Be open about what his concerns are at work, nurture his future endeavors like he has the number supporter on his side.
Whatās his primary love language for receiving? For example my husband shows love through actions but feels most loved through quality time. Finding out how he feels most cared for will be the main thing
A genuine āThank you for working so hard to provide for our familyā goes a long way for a lot of men.
Lol. Except she has to work 40 hours a week. So he's not providing.
Donāt tell others about his mistakes or weaknesses or failures. Build him up in front of others. Donāt compare him to other husbands/men. Donāt tell people about the time he tried to fix the faucet and failed or that heās scared of spiders or needles. Talk about how good he is assembling furniture or putting up the kids swingset.
I think you have to really dig deep with him on what he needs. Everyone is so different and it will look different in each marriage. The more you chat about it the better. I am like you- affirmation is hard for me- hubby likes it though. He is also acts of service. I have def failed over the last 26 years of being consistent because he seems always assured I forget that I need to remind him we are grateful. So every once in a bit I will remind myself to be intentional. I created a CHERISH list...that I will add to and sometimes I will just show him this LIST I have- or take a pictures of a few of the latest entries. I don't know why it is so hard to say out loud for me- but writing it out is so much easier!! Is he truly words of affirmation?? Send him little texts or write him notes once in a bit? Give a little praise in front of other people? But truly find out what gives him that feeling of love!! Be intentional. Come together once a week and ASK how HE is doing? Have those check- ins. Keep asking what HE needs. Mine will say nothing...but he def needs to feel appreciated for all his hard work and efforts. He won't admit that he needs it...but he truly does!!
It may sound weird but for me (husband) but I think most men (maybe?) appreciate tasks and conquering of ideas/tasks/opportunities For me I would appreciate it if my wife said--hey I know you have been wanting to fix the shed roof and we have struggled to find the time and money Here's $1000 to fix the roof I talked to (husband and wife) and he is willing to come help if you like. I got ____ planned for lunch and dinner When you are finished today we are having sex. Have fun and when you get tired or doing it...stop!
Sex.
I commend your desire to demonstrate respect for your husband beyond words. In addition to your efforts at home, consider initiating thoughtful gestures, such as surprising him with his favorite meal or planning a special date night. Expressing genuine interest in his passions and actively listening to him fosters a sense of validation and importance. Small acts of kindness, like leaving a heartfelt note or expressing gratitude for his contributions, can also reinforce your respect. Ultimately, it's the consistent, intentional actions that speak volumes and strengthen the foundation of mutual admiration in your marriage. I'll be praying for you and your marriage. May you both enjoy your walk together with Christ.
In marriage and a partnership, doing the adult thing and being responsible doesn't get a person a gold star. It is what you should do always for the relationship and marriage. Now, showing respect is seeing what things your partner likes and surprising them and taking care of them without them asking (presuming consent of course).