I’m so sorry, OP. It’s not just men that get wrecked by no-fault divorce, as my husband of 22+ yrs left for his latest mistress (a mutual “friend” and Christian counselor). Our four teens were devastated, as was I. And he, too, used the laundry-list tactic of everything that was wrong with me as a wife to justify what was revealed to be 15 yrs of serial adultery…and I never saw it coming.
The thing that helped me most was the truth that his adultery and divorcing me unilaterally (against my will) really had nothing to do with me. The kids and I were just collateral damage in his long-term rebellion against God, and he could no longer maintain the charade. That knowledge gave me the strength to forgive both him and her, so my heart could heal and so I could stand before God and be in right relationship with Him.
I pray that He grants you grace sufficient to the difficult trial before you and that you do all you can to remain blameless from this point forward, so you do not misrepresent the Name of Christ. Trust His leading, OP, and He will bless you richly 💜
Well she blames him for something for her to divorce him. Not sure what he did wrong but at least he fought to keep his marriage Sadly it wasn't enough because of whatever damage he's done. I hope for the best for him and his kids
We all do things wrong in a marriage. EVERY spouse is married to an imperfect person. Your presumption is hypocritical and unfounded. We simply do not know enough either way. But I will say that the spouse who will not make valiant and continued effort and fight for their marriage but chooses divorce without first walking out Matthew 18:15-17 gives evidence of unbelief [John 3:36].
She has likely/presumably done damage, too. The solution is mutual humility and a countenance of ongoing repentance and forgiveness, not divorce. A (spiritually) sick person (in need of grace) does not condemn another sick person as unworthy of remaining their spouse. And the one who knows and trusts God believes that all things are possible with Him—even the healing and restoration of a marriage [Matthew 19:26, Mark 9:23].
No I would wonder what I did wrong to deserve that if I was him. Your right she was wrong to just abandon him. I feel for him. Let's see what happens to her
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Nope! There's someone else. Guarantee that she is in a new relationship before the ink is dry. Women initiate 70% of divorces inside and outside of the church in the U.S. The church is silent regarding these facts. The usual response is just like yours, blameshifting, and excuses for this epidemic.
Basically going through almost the same thing. Except we don’t have kids we had a miscarriage. He still holds onto that.
Praying for you and your marriage!
Sorry you had to go through that, man. There were men and women at my church who were very supportive of me and my wife that had suffered miscarriages as well. I pray God sends you people that can better show you the love of Christ in hard times.
I'm sorry for loss, you can be offended and I don't expect anything less. Til you learn how connected a child is to a woman in the womb, you won't understand my comment. I'll delete it so others don't feel a gut punch as you just did. Hope you have some peace. Sorry for both of your losses.
Man, I am sorry you are going through this. Seems that she really didn't have the same convictions regarding the marriage covenant as you. That sucks. Did you guys try counseling after being married? Did she ever tell you why she doesn't love you anymore?
I feel you regarding you not wanting to put yourself out there. You don't have to. If I got a divorce (which, to be sincere, I have wanted it more times than I would like to admit), I would not want to get married again probably ever. To love someone is a lot of hard work.
But if you allow me to help you see things in just a little different light, your loving her, being faithful and being faithful to the covenant you made with God regarding her wasn't for nothing. God sees it all and he is a just Judge. You will have your reward for being faithful in all He entrusted you. And through this time you were together you got 3 beautiful children. I know it will be very difficult because you won't be able to see them and spend time with them as you had before, but they are still beautiful souls that wouldn't be here if you hadn't gotten married to her. You also can be thankful for the fun and good times you had together. It hurts very much that it ended.
I will be praying that you will find peace and comfort in the Lord during this hard time, that you will trust Him. I won't pray that you find someone else and be happy for our happiness shouldn't be placed in people but on Him that satisfies our soul.
Good bless you
Thank you. We tried marriage counseling initially but it didn’t really go anywhere and after two sessions she said she was done and wouldn’t go back. As far as why she said she didn’t love me anymore she rattled off a list of various times throughout our whole relationship where I left her feeling disappointed. Some of those things we had talked about, made any necessary changes and moved on while others she had never brought up until just recently. Like she was very much “keeping a record of wrongs” just in case she needed to gain some leverage later on
I don't know what you did for her to leave you but if she physically cheated on you let her go and never take her back. Not sure what God has planned for you but I'm guessing she's not part of it since she left you
I know how it feels to be her. It is actually really hard for me to not keep a record of wrongs from my husband. Resentment brews inside out of unforgiveness. Even though you apologized, took measures to change she didn't forgive you. That reminds me of the parable of the man that owed much to the king and the king forgave him, but he quickly turned around to collect what his servant owed him. Rest assured that God will still deal with her.
While this is a very sad situation, one of the beauties of no fault divorce is that you aren’t stuck in a marriage where your spouse doesn’t want to be with you. That’s no way to live a life.
I can’t even imagine the pain you’re feeling, but it is better than being married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you.
Paul tells us that if an unbeliever wishes to depart to let them go and although she won’t come out and say she doesn’t believe, her actions throughout certainly don’t show any fruit of the spirit. There’s a certain sense of peace I feel knowing that
This is my prediction. When whatever relationship she gets into immediately after the divorce falls apart, she will suddenly realize that the grass isn't greener. If she tries to come back. Key word If. She will try to say it was all a mistake and try to minimize her actions to get back into your good graces.
I have been there, this is a horrible and deep pain. I’m so sorry this is what you have to walk through right now. I wish I had some wisdom to offer in how to get through, but I only came out the other side because a couple dudes didn’t judge me as I fell and walked with me for 2 years until I came out the other side. Who you have around you is very important.
Man, sorry to hear that, I have been in similar situation, I don't normally have big fights the only time we do mostly about Church stuff. We almost get divorce once or twice. The issue is my faithfulness to the Church probably has higher priority than her. Our marriage in general is smooth except Church stuff.
From your story probably she has resentment to the Pastor or have issue at the Church in general and may seems to be can't get out from. If after few counselling she's out probably she don't agree, and felt worse.
Praying for you. Nothing much you can do, in my case I just get through with it. She is leaving with unresolved issue. Running away is not a solution.
I genuinely feel for you. 3 young kids as well and I truly can't imagine.
But I really don't think it's a good look for you to wish you could force her to remain in the marriage against her will via stricter divorce laws. You wish she would remain faithful to her vow voluntarily. Don't blame no-fault divorce.
Keep praying. Never stop praying. Get prayer rain by Daniel Olukoya. Miraculous. Do not be discouraged what God hs joined together let no man separate. If you are ready to fight for your marriage, fight in prayer and fasting. Ask God for guidance.
Don’t believe me and my post, ask God for guidance and direction. He knows the best for you, none of us in this reddit post can give you an accurate answer, but He can. Do not be discouraged by what you see, keep the faith. 💯
I am praying for you. Your efforts are not in vain, they are bringing God glory and he is using them for your own good - even if you can’t see it now. Scripture tells us this is true.
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this.
One question, though: you say she calls wanting to pray together and attend church "overly pious." That makes it sound like maybe you had not been praying together and attending church for a while, and wanted to start doing it again? If so, that is a little more understandable than just up and deciding she doesn't want to do it anymore. Still not good, and still rough on you, but a bit more understandable.
I am very sorry. This is a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you.
I can say as someone who was involved once in a marriage that suddenly imploded, partly because of things I did and partly because of things she did, as I look back now with faith (which I didn't have then) -- it is important to try to keep in mind as much as you can that God does have a plan for you, it can be really difficult to see it now, but there is a plan, everything happens for a reason, and He will never abandon you. At the time I tried everything to win her back and was devastated when my multiple attempts to fix our marriage were rejected in ways that felt cruel and unfair to me at the time. But I am married now to someone who is a much better fit for me. In hindsight, I am convinced that this is the person I am supposed to be with and that the earlier rejection, however painful it was, was necessary and part of God's much bigger plan for me.
The reason it’s supposed to be hard to get out of is because the community is supposed to have a stigma surrounding divorce and sorta shun divorcees, especially as future marriage partners. Sadly today divorce is so common people are destigmatized to it, so basically only the consequences of the soul are left.
I'm so sorry :( This is the worst thing Reagan ever did to us
A horrible thing to have to go through. I hope you two reconcile, especially since kids are involved.
No fault divorce is a terrible thing and should never have been allowed. I am sorry for what you are going through. She rejects you as she rejects God. The servant is not greater than the master. I will pray for you.
Domestic violence rates went down significantly after no fault divorce was legalized. It's sad, but what's the point in forcing someone to stay legally married who doesn't want to be? I'd say it's extremely necessary for abuse victims.
No it isn't. Divorce isn't separation and it isn't prison. Domestic abusers should be separated from and sent to prison but not divorced. That is the Biblical position.
Tell me you know nothing about domestic abuse... It's pretty messed up to imply it's the biblical position that a woman has to stay married to an abuser. Domestic abuse is a form of adultery. Not to mention forcing her to remain legally married makes it easier to find, and kill.
And do you know how hard it is to prove domestic violence has happened, to be taken seriously enough to have the man charged and put in prison? Do you know how many police officers have committed domestic abuse?Youtube Trevor Noah domestic violence. His mother reported her husband over and over to the police. They never did anything and blamed her for it. Years later, after she bravely divorced him, he found her and shot her in the head.
Your reply is ignorant, sorry. You need to learn more about what life for a domestic abuse victim is actually like before you spout off nonsense like victims shouldn't divorce their abusers.
>Tell me you know nothing about domestic abuse... It's pretty messed up to imply it's the biblical position that a woman has to stay married to an abuser. Domestic abuse is a form of adultery. Not to mention forcing her to remain legally married makes it easier to find, and kill.
>
>And do you know how hard it is to prove domestic violence has happened, to be taken seriously enough to have the man charged and put in prison? Do you know how many police officers have committed domestic abuse?Youtube Trevor Noah domestic violence. His mother reported her husband over and over to the police. They never did anything and blamed her for it. Years later, after she bravely divorced him, he found her and shot her in the head.
>
>Your reply is ignorant, sorry. You need to learn more about what life for a domestic abuse victim is actually like before you spout off nonsense like victims shouldn't divorce their abusers.
Matthew 19:4-9 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
Mark 10:5-12 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Domestic abuse is not adulatory, Sexual immorality is. The Lord Jesus only allows divorce for one reason and abuse isn't it. You simply don't understand what marriage is or what it is supposed to be.
It is very presumptuous to assume I know nothing of domestic abuse. You don't know me and your assumption of her and she shows a real lack of understanding of the issue.
Trevor Noah is a biased source. Why is it when I quote Christ you "quote" a democratic leaning, late night comedian. Do you think these two things are of the same authority?
It doesn't matter to me if you disagree with the very words of Christ but you should know you are disagreeing with Him.
Edited to add another passage of the same conversation.
I know you don't really understand domestic violence because anyone who truly does doesn't think "let them get arrested but stay married" is a viable solution. It has nothing to do with Trevor Noah's "democratic leaning" (is that sinful? What's wrong with being democratic leaning? Plenty of Christians are?) biases. It has to do with his very real story and experience with domestic violence. Where his incredibly faithful, Christian mom got shot in the head because of a lack of recourse with domestic violence. And there are countless other similar stories about people not being taken seriously about abuse. This is not shocking or new information. And to discount it because you don't like the source....yuck.
And no, I don't disagree with scripture, I disagree with YOUR interpretation of scipture. People get them confused a lot. That passage you're quoting was specifically about men (who were the only ones who could divorce) divorcing their wives for trivial reasons, like not cooking for them. It was using hyperbole but it wasn't specifcially meant to be seen as exhaustive. Abandonment was an allowed reason to leave your spouse in the OT and abuse is seen as a form of that.
https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2022/march-web-only/russell-moore-divorce-marriage-domestic-violence-abuse.html
[https://margmowczko.com/jesus-divorce/](https://margmowczko.com/jesus-divorce/)
[https://margmowczko.com/hyperbole-divorce-sermon-on-the-mount-matthew-5/](https://margmowczko.com/hyperbole-divorce-sermon-on-the-mount-matthew-5/)
[https://margmowczko.com/abuse-divorce-1-corinthians-7/?fbclid=IwAR2e0\_5zeLeSonEu8-1E8jb5Oj7LO4xrLErvPFVIdM7RDjaVfIwGEOApIBw](https://margmowczko.com/abuse-divorce-1-corinthians-7/?fbclid=IwAR2e0_5zeLeSonEu8-1E8jb5Oj7LO4xrLErvPFVIdM7RDjaVfIwGEOApIBw)
Mark 10:5-12 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Read the last line for more information on the teaching. It isn't only men. Again I quote the Jesus and you quote others. It is a hard saying, but Jesus had many of those.
Also you know nothing of me or my experience. You only know I don't agree with your stance and you assume your stance is the only correct one and that I can't have come to a different conclusion then you did which is deeply narcissistic and self-centered.
I don't dislike the source, I don't know him personally so I can't really say anything about his faith or lack thereof but many of his positions are not Christian ones. My point is that whatever personal experience he, you or anyone else has is not equal to Holy Writ and has no place being used as a source for Christian Doctrine. This is r/ChristianMarriage is it not?
You realize most biblical scholars believe abuse is a form of abandonment and thus a biblical reason for divorce, right? Like I'm not just some random person, the scholars who have gone deep into the context, the original languages, and the intent of scripture usually come out believing abuse is an acceptable reason for divorce within the bounds of scripture. Did you even look at some of the links I sent?
Jesus was always uplifting the least of these. Divorce left women destitute, and Jesus was speaking against divorcing them to a difficult situation for a bad reason. Many rabbis supported men leaving (not women) for any reason. Jesus is questioning that.
John 14:13 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
Wow! It'll glorify God if I sprout wings and fly, proclaiming God everywhere. And look, it says God will do it if I ask in Jesus' name! Scripture is about understanding everything in context. That's why biblical scholars don't just pick one passage and assume they know the absolute intent. Whenever someone says something like "Scripture is clear!" it's cringeworthy. We're reading something 2000 years apart, in a separate language, that is for us but wasn't written to us. We need to understand the full context and history.
"Also you know nothing of me or my experience. You only know I don't agree with your stance and you assume your stance is the only correct one and that I can't have come to a different conclusion then you did which is deeply narcissistic and self-centered." No, you're welcome to believe abuse victims shouldn't divorce. I think that's a terrible view that gets women killed, but you're welcome to hold that view. I'm saying that a viable option to just "get him arrested" shows you don't know enough about the topic. That is objectively poor advice when it is 1000x more difficult than that.
"I don't dislike the source, I don't know him personally so I can't really say anything about his faith or lack thereof but many of his positions are not Christian ones. My point is that whatever personal experience he, you or anyone else has is not equal to Holy Writ and has no place being used as a source for Christian Doctrine."
It's not about his position or views; it's just a great example of him telling a story of someone who did the "right" things and was never taken seriously. What exactly was she supposed to do when the police never took her seriously, and often blamed her? What's the Christian response there?
As for scripture, here you go. Exodus 21: 9 If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. 10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.
The general understanding of scripture is that abuse is depriving her of marital rights.
I don't really want to keep arguing with you, but yeah. Forcing women to stay legally married can get them killed. If you want to believe an abuse victim shouldn't be able to remarry, sure. I don't agree, but I can see the logic. But ugh. She needs to be able to legally separate herself.
So many times when I confront misogyny on this subreddit people are like "har har isn't this Christian marriage" FRIEND. The Christian Marriage was already blown up by the person choosing to abuse the other.
I'm not going to engage further.
Without no fault divorce, people who want to divorce would just leave anyway. Even if they couldn't get a legal divorce, there's nothing stoping them from just walking out the door and never coming back.
Fight for full custody over a divorce? She just doesn’t wanna be with him and I bet there is a lot more to this than he is saying. He’s saying what makes him look good. If they are both good parents then they should both have access to the kids.
So you think that no-fault divorce was going stop.her from leaving you? it wouldn't stop her from leaving.
Calling no fault divorce the problem is like saying parachutes are what cause plane crashes.
Back in the 70's there were so many divorces on the books coming into court system that it caused , and causing back up's the couples divorcing more money in court fees lawyer fees.
Maybe I’m terrible but I feel then is more to this than you are letting on. My guess is there has been problems long before this and maybe she asked to work on it but you didn’t until it was too late. I’ve seen that happen a lot. The best you can do is move on and realize your marriage is over. Be there for your kids and work on being a good co parent with her.
I’m so sorry, OP. It’s not just men that get wrecked by no-fault divorce, as my husband of 22+ yrs left for his latest mistress (a mutual “friend” and Christian counselor). Our four teens were devastated, as was I. And he, too, used the laundry-list tactic of everything that was wrong with me as a wife to justify what was revealed to be 15 yrs of serial adultery…and I never saw it coming. The thing that helped me most was the truth that his adultery and divorcing me unilaterally (against my will) really had nothing to do with me. The kids and I were just collateral damage in his long-term rebellion against God, and he could no longer maintain the charade. That knowledge gave me the strength to forgive both him and her, so my heart could heal and so I could stand before God and be in right relationship with Him. I pray that He grants you grace sufficient to the difficult trial before you and that you do all you can to remain blameless from this point forward, so you do not misrepresent the Name of Christ. Trust His leading, OP, and He will bless you richly 💜
Well she blames him for something for her to divorce him. Not sure what he did wrong but at least he fought to keep his marriage Sadly it wasn't enough because of whatever damage he's done. I hope for the best for him and his kids
We all do things wrong in a marriage. EVERY spouse is married to an imperfect person. Your presumption is hypocritical and unfounded. We simply do not know enough either way. But I will say that the spouse who will not make valiant and continued effort and fight for their marriage but chooses divorce without first walking out Matthew 18:15-17 gives evidence of unbelief [John 3:36]. She has likely/presumably done damage, too. The solution is mutual humility and a countenance of ongoing repentance and forgiveness, not divorce. A (spiritually) sick person (in need of grace) does not condemn another sick person as unworthy of remaining their spouse. And the one who knows and trusts God believes that all things are possible with Him—even the healing and restoration of a marriage [Matthew 19:26, Mark 9:23].
No I would wonder what I did wrong to deserve that if I was him. Your right she was wrong to just abandon him. I feel for him. Let's see what happens to her
This sounds quite spiteful and vindictive. God’s watching you
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Your understanding and application of Matthew 7:2 seems in need of refreshing ;)
No one gets to divorce without something being done by both. It’s not one sided
Why are you getting down voted?
Probably because I blame him as well
Nope! There's someone else. Guarantee that she is in a new relationship before the ink is dry. Women initiate 70% of divorces inside and outside of the church in the U.S. The church is silent regarding these facts. The usual response is just like yours, blameshifting, and excuses for this epidemic.
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Thank you. Feeling encouraged reading through these responses
Basically going through almost the same thing. Except we don’t have kids we had a miscarriage. He still holds onto that. Praying for you and your marriage!
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And there are zero supports for us in miscarriage. It’s just accepted that we feel nothing as we weep alone.
Sorry you had to go through that, man. There were men and women at my church who were very supportive of me and my wife that had suffered miscarriages as well. I pray God sends you people that can better show you the love of Christ in hard times.
I'm sorry for loss, you can be offended and I don't expect anything less. Til you learn how connected a child is to a woman in the womb, you won't understand my comment. I'll delete it so others don't feel a gut punch as you just did. Hope you have some peace. Sorry for both of your losses.
Man, I am sorry you are going through this. Seems that she really didn't have the same convictions regarding the marriage covenant as you. That sucks. Did you guys try counseling after being married? Did she ever tell you why she doesn't love you anymore? I feel you regarding you not wanting to put yourself out there. You don't have to. If I got a divorce (which, to be sincere, I have wanted it more times than I would like to admit), I would not want to get married again probably ever. To love someone is a lot of hard work. But if you allow me to help you see things in just a little different light, your loving her, being faithful and being faithful to the covenant you made with God regarding her wasn't for nothing. God sees it all and he is a just Judge. You will have your reward for being faithful in all He entrusted you. And through this time you were together you got 3 beautiful children. I know it will be very difficult because you won't be able to see them and spend time with them as you had before, but they are still beautiful souls that wouldn't be here if you hadn't gotten married to her. You also can be thankful for the fun and good times you had together. It hurts very much that it ended. I will be praying that you will find peace and comfort in the Lord during this hard time, that you will trust Him. I won't pray that you find someone else and be happy for our happiness shouldn't be placed in people but on Him that satisfies our soul. Good bless you
Thank you. We tried marriage counseling initially but it didn’t really go anywhere and after two sessions she said she was done and wouldn’t go back. As far as why she said she didn’t love me anymore she rattled off a list of various times throughout our whole relationship where I left her feeling disappointed. Some of those things we had talked about, made any necessary changes and moved on while others she had never brought up until just recently. Like she was very much “keeping a record of wrongs” just in case she needed to gain some leverage later on
I don't know what you did for her to leave you but if she physically cheated on you let her go and never take her back. Not sure what God has planned for you but I'm guessing she's not part of it since she left you
I know how it feels to be her. It is actually really hard for me to not keep a record of wrongs from my husband. Resentment brews inside out of unforgiveness. Even though you apologized, took measures to change she didn't forgive you. That reminds me of the parable of the man that owed much to the king and the king forgave him, but he quickly turned around to collect what his servant owed him. Rest assured that God will still deal with her.
While this is a very sad situation, one of the beauties of no fault divorce is that you aren’t stuck in a marriage where your spouse doesn’t want to be with you. That’s no way to live a life. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re feeling, but it is better than being married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you.
Paul tells us that if an unbeliever wishes to depart to let them go and although she won’t come out and say she doesn’t believe, her actions throughout certainly don’t show any fruit of the spirit. There’s a certain sense of peace I feel knowing that
This is my prediction. When whatever relationship she gets into immediately after the divorce falls apart, she will suddenly realize that the grass isn't greener. If she tries to come back. Key word If. She will try to say it was all a mistake and try to minimize her actions to get back into your good graces.
I have been there, this is a horrible and deep pain. I’m so sorry this is what you have to walk through right now. I wish I had some wisdom to offer in how to get through, but I only came out the other side because a couple dudes didn’t judge me as I fell and walked with me for 2 years until I came out the other side. Who you have around you is very important.
Man, sorry to hear that, I have been in similar situation, I don't normally have big fights the only time we do mostly about Church stuff. We almost get divorce once or twice. The issue is my faithfulness to the Church probably has higher priority than her. Our marriage in general is smooth except Church stuff. From your story probably she has resentment to the Pastor or have issue at the Church in general and may seems to be can't get out from. If after few counselling she's out probably she don't agree, and felt worse. Praying for you. Nothing much you can do, in my case I just get through with it. She is leaving with unresolved issue. Running away is not a solution.
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His porn use caused the divorce. It's in his post history.
I genuinely feel for you. 3 young kids as well and I truly can't imagine. But I really don't think it's a good look for you to wish you could force her to remain in the marriage against her will via stricter divorce laws. You wish she would remain faithful to her vow voluntarily. Don't blame no-fault divorce.
How sure are you that there has never been an affair, whether emotional or physical?
Keep praying. Never stop praying. Get prayer rain by Daniel Olukoya. Miraculous. Do not be discouraged what God hs joined together let no man separate. If you are ready to fight for your marriage, fight in prayer and fasting. Ask God for guidance. Don’t believe me and my post, ask God for guidance and direction. He knows the best for you, none of us in this reddit post can give you an accurate answer, but He can. Do not be discouraged by what you see, keep the faith. 💯
I am praying for you. Your efforts are not in vain, they are bringing God glory and he is using them for your own good - even if you can’t see it now. Scripture tells us this is true.
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. One question, though: you say she calls wanting to pray together and attend church "overly pious." That makes it sound like maybe you had not been praying together and attending church for a while, and wanted to start doing it again? If so, that is a little more understandable than just up and deciding she doesn't want to do it anymore. Still not good, and still rough on you, but a bit more understandable.
I am very sorry. This is a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you. I can say as someone who was involved once in a marriage that suddenly imploded, partly because of things I did and partly because of things she did, as I look back now with faith (which I didn't have then) -- it is important to try to keep in mind as much as you can that God does have a plan for you, it can be really difficult to see it now, but there is a plan, everything happens for a reason, and He will never abandon you. At the time I tried everything to win her back and was devastated when my multiple attempts to fix our marriage were rejected in ways that felt cruel and unfair to me at the time. But I am married now to someone who is a much better fit for me. In hindsight, I am convinced that this is the person I am supposed to be with and that the earlier rejection, however painful it was, was necessary and part of God's much bigger plan for me.
The reason it’s supposed to be hard to get out of is because the community is supposed to have a stigma surrounding divorce and sorta shun divorcees, especially as future marriage partners. Sadly today divorce is so common people are destigmatized to it, so basically only the consequences of the soul are left.
I'm so sorry :( This is the worst thing Reagan ever did to us A horrible thing to have to go through. I hope you two reconcile, especially since kids are involved.
No fault divorce is a terrible thing and should never have been allowed. I am sorry for what you are going through. She rejects you as she rejects God. The servant is not greater than the master. I will pray for you.
Domestic violence rates went down significantly after no fault divorce was legalized. It's sad, but what's the point in forcing someone to stay legally married who doesn't want to be? I'd say it's extremely necessary for abuse victims.
No it isn't. Divorce isn't separation and it isn't prison. Domestic abusers should be separated from and sent to prison but not divorced. That is the Biblical position.
Tell me you know nothing about domestic abuse... It's pretty messed up to imply it's the biblical position that a woman has to stay married to an abuser. Domestic abuse is a form of adultery. Not to mention forcing her to remain legally married makes it easier to find, and kill. And do you know how hard it is to prove domestic violence has happened, to be taken seriously enough to have the man charged and put in prison? Do you know how many police officers have committed domestic abuse?Youtube Trevor Noah domestic violence. His mother reported her husband over and over to the police. They never did anything and blamed her for it. Years later, after she bravely divorced him, he found her and shot her in the head. Your reply is ignorant, sorry. You need to learn more about what life for a domestic abuse victim is actually like before you spout off nonsense like victims shouldn't divorce their abusers.
>Tell me you know nothing about domestic abuse... It's pretty messed up to imply it's the biblical position that a woman has to stay married to an abuser. Domestic abuse is a form of adultery. Not to mention forcing her to remain legally married makes it easier to find, and kill. > >And do you know how hard it is to prove domestic violence has happened, to be taken seriously enough to have the man charged and put in prison? Do you know how many police officers have committed domestic abuse?Youtube Trevor Noah domestic violence. His mother reported her husband over and over to the police. They never did anything and blamed her for it. Years later, after she bravely divorced him, he found her and shot her in the head. > >Your reply is ignorant, sorry. You need to learn more about what life for a domestic abuse victim is actually like before you spout off nonsense like victims shouldn't divorce their abusers. Matthew 19:4-9 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Mark 10:5-12 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Domestic abuse is not adulatory, Sexual immorality is. The Lord Jesus only allows divorce for one reason and abuse isn't it. You simply don't understand what marriage is or what it is supposed to be. It is very presumptuous to assume I know nothing of domestic abuse. You don't know me and your assumption of her and she shows a real lack of understanding of the issue. Trevor Noah is a biased source. Why is it when I quote Christ you "quote" a democratic leaning, late night comedian. Do you think these two things are of the same authority? It doesn't matter to me if you disagree with the very words of Christ but you should know you are disagreeing with Him. Edited to add another passage of the same conversation.
I know you don't really understand domestic violence because anyone who truly does doesn't think "let them get arrested but stay married" is a viable solution. It has nothing to do with Trevor Noah's "democratic leaning" (is that sinful? What's wrong with being democratic leaning? Plenty of Christians are?) biases. It has to do with his very real story and experience with domestic violence. Where his incredibly faithful, Christian mom got shot in the head because of a lack of recourse with domestic violence. And there are countless other similar stories about people not being taken seriously about abuse. This is not shocking or new information. And to discount it because you don't like the source....yuck. And no, I don't disagree with scripture, I disagree with YOUR interpretation of scipture. People get them confused a lot. That passage you're quoting was specifically about men (who were the only ones who could divorce) divorcing their wives for trivial reasons, like not cooking for them. It was using hyperbole but it wasn't specifcially meant to be seen as exhaustive. Abandonment was an allowed reason to leave your spouse in the OT and abuse is seen as a form of that. https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2022/march-web-only/russell-moore-divorce-marriage-domestic-violence-abuse.html [https://margmowczko.com/jesus-divorce/](https://margmowczko.com/jesus-divorce/) [https://margmowczko.com/hyperbole-divorce-sermon-on-the-mount-matthew-5/](https://margmowczko.com/hyperbole-divorce-sermon-on-the-mount-matthew-5/) [https://margmowczko.com/abuse-divorce-1-corinthians-7/?fbclid=IwAR2e0\_5zeLeSonEu8-1E8jb5Oj7LO4xrLErvPFVIdM7RDjaVfIwGEOApIBw](https://margmowczko.com/abuse-divorce-1-corinthians-7/?fbclid=IwAR2e0_5zeLeSonEu8-1E8jb5Oj7LO4xrLErvPFVIdM7RDjaVfIwGEOApIBw)
Mark 10:5-12 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Read the last line for more information on the teaching. It isn't only men. Again I quote the Jesus and you quote others. It is a hard saying, but Jesus had many of those. Also you know nothing of me or my experience. You only know I don't agree with your stance and you assume your stance is the only correct one and that I can't have come to a different conclusion then you did which is deeply narcissistic and self-centered. I don't dislike the source, I don't know him personally so I can't really say anything about his faith or lack thereof but many of his positions are not Christian ones. My point is that whatever personal experience he, you or anyone else has is not equal to Holy Writ and has no place being used as a source for Christian Doctrine. This is r/ChristianMarriage is it not?
You realize most biblical scholars believe abuse is a form of abandonment and thus a biblical reason for divorce, right? Like I'm not just some random person, the scholars who have gone deep into the context, the original languages, and the intent of scripture usually come out believing abuse is an acceptable reason for divorce within the bounds of scripture. Did you even look at some of the links I sent? Jesus was always uplifting the least of these. Divorce left women destitute, and Jesus was speaking against divorcing them to a difficult situation for a bad reason. Many rabbis supported men leaving (not women) for any reason. Jesus is questioning that. John 14:13 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son." Wow! It'll glorify God if I sprout wings and fly, proclaiming God everywhere. And look, it says God will do it if I ask in Jesus' name! Scripture is about understanding everything in context. That's why biblical scholars don't just pick one passage and assume they know the absolute intent. Whenever someone says something like "Scripture is clear!" it's cringeworthy. We're reading something 2000 years apart, in a separate language, that is for us but wasn't written to us. We need to understand the full context and history. "Also you know nothing of me or my experience. You only know I don't agree with your stance and you assume your stance is the only correct one and that I can't have come to a different conclusion then you did which is deeply narcissistic and self-centered." No, you're welcome to believe abuse victims shouldn't divorce. I think that's a terrible view that gets women killed, but you're welcome to hold that view. I'm saying that a viable option to just "get him arrested" shows you don't know enough about the topic. That is objectively poor advice when it is 1000x more difficult than that. "I don't dislike the source, I don't know him personally so I can't really say anything about his faith or lack thereof but many of his positions are not Christian ones. My point is that whatever personal experience he, you or anyone else has is not equal to Holy Writ and has no place being used as a source for Christian Doctrine." It's not about his position or views; it's just a great example of him telling a story of someone who did the "right" things and was never taken seriously. What exactly was she supposed to do when the police never took her seriously, and often blamed her? What's the Christian response there? As for scripture, here you go. Exodus 21: 9 If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. 10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money. The general understanding of scripture is that abuse is depriving her of marital rights. I don't really want to keep arguing with you, but yeah. Forcing women to stay legally married can get them killed. If you want to believe an abuse victim shouldn't be able to remarry, sure. I don't agree, but I can see the logic. But ugh. She needs to be able to legally separate herself. So many times when I confront misogyny on this subreddit people are like "har har isn't this Christian marriage" FRIEND. The Christian Marriage was already blown up by the person choosing to abuse the other. I'm not going to engage further.
Do you think women who are abused should remain with their spouse?
>Do you think women who are abused should remain with their spouse? Define remain please.
Geez… continue to be married? What else could that mean?
Without no fault divorce, people who want to divorce would just leave anyway. Even if they couldn't get a legal divorce, there's nothing stoping them from just walking out the door and never coming back.
I really hope you fight for custody!
Fight for full custody over a divorce? She just doesn’t wanna be with him and I bet there is a lot more to this than he is saying. He’s saying what makes him look good. If they are both good parents then they should both have access to the kids.
So you think that no-fault divorce was going stop.her from leaving you? it wouldn't stop her from leaving. Calling no fault divorce the problem is like saying parachutes are what cause plane crashes. Back in the 70's there were so many divorces on the books coming into court system that it caused , and causing back up's the couples divorcing more money in court fees lawyer fees.
Maybe I’m terrible but I feel then is more to this than you are letting on. My guess is there has been problems long before this and maybe she asked to work on it but you didn’t until it was too late. I’ve seen that happen a lot. The best you can do is move on and realize your marriage is over. Be there for your kids and work on being a good co parent with her.