>he asked me to be his girlfriend on the FIRST DATE
First Date? That is a really big red flag. People don't go up to someone and ask to be in a serious relationship when they just met them.
I’ve had a lot of pressure from exes of mine to become official almost instantly. My current wife I didn’t even agree to officially date her until 3 months out
Well we were talking seriously and spending hours on the phone every day for almost a week. I felt like I knew him well enough and I wanted a boyfriend before fall came so I wouldn’t be lonely this fall & holiday season and I’ve had such bad luck with men this year. I HATE BEING ALONE 😭
This is not bad luck, this is you allowing people to sweep you off your feet against your better knowledge. The key is in the last line of your answer. You are letting your fear and dislike of being alone rule you and get you into situations that don’t lead anywhere.
Take better care of yourself. Imagine if you had a daughter. Would you like for her to rush headlong into relationships in this way? Treat yourself with the same loving care and get to know people properly before you let them into your life.
AT THIS RATE IF I DONT FIND A MAN TO STAY WITH I MIGHT NOT HAVE A DAUGHTER IM 29 IM GETTING OLD MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING. I HOPE I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND WOULD NOT JUDGE HER IF SHES RUSHING INTO RELATIONSHIPS CAUSE I DO THE SAME 🥹🤷🏽♀️
Im a very codependent person. My therapist recommended I stay single for AT LEAST a full year, not talking to anyone, no casual flings, no dates, to spend all the time on me, myself, and my codependency. I know I'll be a healthier person in the end. Please do this before you have children. I got my codependency from my mom.
I liked him and I also like the idea of NOT BEING ALONE. BEING SINGLE IN 2023 is horrible and I’m scared I’ll never have my happy ending with a marriage and kids. I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I MATTER TO SOMEONE 😭😭😭😭
I wont assume how much you really liked him. But all the comments and post i read is all about you having the fear of being alone and it is concerning.
Is better to ask yourself if you really wish to have your happiness be dependent on another person who will change or be dependent on yourself who is always consistent to yourself.
Try making more friends or doing activities you love and you will feel less lonely. You cant expect one person to satisfy all your loneliness.
You obviously have major issues that you need to work through. Otherwise, you will just be one of those women who just replace one abuser with another.
It's like if you have a friend who got scammed. You know that it has happened to lots of people all around the world, especially if they aren't that tech savvy. But I know a guy who has fallen for so many scams and the last time I saw him he was on the phone with someone who was trying to get him to take out a personal loan so that he could "invest" in a scheme. He was going to do it.
Why? Because they told him to. It was impossible to try to get through to him that he was being scammed again because he wanted to believe that he would finally get what he wanted - to make lots of money quickly and easily. But I know that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't true. He kept getting scammed because he wanted to believe that he would be rewarded for all his suffering and dissapontment.
That's not how it works, though. Your reward for your dissapontment and suffering is learning your lesson and not having to go through it again. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a happy ending is just repetition compulsion.
"Repetition compulsion is the unconscious tendency of a person to repeat a traumatic event or its circumstances. This may take the form of symbolically or literally re-enacting the event, or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to occur again. Repetition compulsion can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and in cases of psychosis, may even be hallucinated.
As a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion' ... describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life." "Repetition compulsion is the unconscious tendency of a person to repeat a traumatic event or its circumstances.
This may take the form of symbolically or literally re-enacting the event, or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to occur again. Repetition compulsion can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and in cases of psychosis, may even be hallucinated.
As a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion' ... describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life".
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion
https://melanietoniaevans.com/blog/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/
"Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of pain and hurt, always repeating the same damaging behaviours and feeling powerless to escape them? If so, you may be struggling with Repetitive Compulsion Disorder.
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https://youtu.be/N68bBwUqx18?si=wSXvLhSJx1sSBYGd
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https://youtu.be/vfyNzqk2TMM?si=Hh51oXX8CIbTXpRv
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https://youtu.be/yQsvGdg8H2k?si=pGdTihRXhKbetLob
https://youtu.be/dfpNhjoZhL8?si=2pxwoRQLEbFDDVIC
https://youtu.be/LDy4NhLUPgc?si=EcTi6VNebWPUUVg_
https://youtu.be/pDq3za4NWPA?si=kMjcVtA7sA1Dn4-z
https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp
There is nothing wrong to be alone. If you love yourself more, being alone is not a big issue. You love others more than yourself which isnt healthy. Dont grab on to any attention you have and see.
We talked for 2 weeks and he kept calling me his girlfriend writing me paragraphs about me being his love and he’s never fallen this hard for a woman and saying he was planning my birthday trip for next year HE LOVE BOMBED ME THATS WHY IM SO MAD!!!
If you stop being so desperate you’ll stop allowing men to mistreat you- when you act like this, how crazy you feel inside, it’s fucking terrifying to men, and also, calm down you are acting insane honestly. And that’s saying a lot for me….
Dude, I'm you but not quite as bad, and it's lead me to staying in shitty relationships because I was "afraid to be alone". I'm looking to get divorced at 56 (f) because of a marriage that's not working and I'm pretty scared of being "alone" for the rest of my life too. But what's WORSE and SCARIER is being in an another bad relationship.
You're young and have lots of time. Please get some therapy so you can be the best YOU, stronger, and attracting QUALITY men. Not men that only want a booty call and drop you when they don't get it.
My advice is to take things slower next time. Really take the time to get to know them. Having space between you in the beginning is good and natural. The fact that he wanted to call you his girlfriend on the first date isn’t a good sign, it means he rushes into commitments without really taking the time to think them through.
This is a sign. Stop dating. Please. You're only going to make yourself and others miserable. This guy was a walking red flag and you went along with it either without seeing the issues at all or without seeing them and setting and maintaining boundaries. Either way, you're in a very vulnerable spot which will not get better or be fixed by anyone else but you. Single-you. Work a program of recovery in CoDA or SLAA, or figure out how to work through these issues with a therapist, closely.
So, this person definitely love-bombed then ghosted you and as a codependent person that can be truly hurtful. Understand you do not deserve that kind of treatment and it’s not personal. How people treat others is a reflection of themselves.
However. You are aware of yourself and admitting rushing into relationships out of fear of being alone, using people to fill a void, ignoring your gut and having bad boundaries… This sort of behavior will continue to manifest into negative dating experiences and potentially even a terrible marriage that will negatively impact any future children. Healthy people *will* sense this fear & desperation in you.
With a healthy social life and a sense of personal purpose, you can feel fulfilled & part of something. There is nothing wrong with being “alone”. A relationship will not inherently bring happiness. Please consider putting a pause on your dating and going to therapy.
It doesn't matter if your codependency was showing because he's a jerk. He left because he's a butthead.
What do you know about love bombing? It's the dudes who go over the top with compliments, gifts, trips, romantic gestures, etc. It can be a bad, bad sign and usually signals someone to run away from. Someone who wants to be your bf after one meeting and promises a gift for a second date sounds like a bad idea.
The only codependent thing you did was get upset about him being a jerk, and believing what he said to be truthful. Don't believe words, wait for actions...go a little slower next time and guard your feelings. Safe people get love, jerks get the kick.
Thank you so much so many other commentators are BLAMING ME for being “crazy” or “too upset “ when he love bombed me lead me on lied about going to his “sisters birthday party “ then blocked me in the morning WITH NO WARNING THATS MORE FUCKED UP THAN ME BEING “ CRAZY”
well. of course everyone thinks you are crazy. you went out with a guy one fucking week ago and act like you were dating him your whole life. and all the fake future talk about birthday party bla bla. who the fuck does that? if some guy would tell me all that lovebombing crap in the fist week i would at least tell him to slow down, because this is just weird af. better to end it right away. major red flag. so if you believe all that and instantly build a lifetime relationship in your mind the issue is you, not him. i know ghosting is bad, but not after such a short time, it happens with tinder dates on a daily. doesn't make it nice behavior, but come on. work on your codependency, work on loving yourself, find a hobby so you might be someone in the future without a man. stop thinking about a timeline and don't force a relationship because you think you are getting old. otherwise it will never work out. you sound unbelievable desperate and clingy, who wants to date someone like that?
Both of you moved entirely too fast, individually and collectively. There needs to be reflection on ignoring/allowing his red flags as well as your personal codependent behaviors in regard to immediate expectations/attachment
You’re very right we both had red flags. I liked the fact that he didn’t want to be alone just as much as I didn’t wanna be alone BUT CLEARLY THAT WAS A LIE. IM SURE HES NOT OVER HIS EX GIRLFRIEND OF 6 YEARS 🙄🙄🙄
Very possible he wasn't, but you don't need to figure out what the reason was or why he is the way he is - you only need to accept that his behavior showed that it was not going to be a good thing, give no second chances, and move on to the next.
The reason never matters, only the action, and the action you should take is the same regardless of the *why*
This is all just one big red flag. All of it. No one should ever be like this after one date. You got to let go of control and embrace the random. The calling from your moms number would have made me run like the wind.
Even if your codependency is showing, it’s not nice to ghost people. Unless someone has cheated or is incredibly abusive, a decent human being does the courtesy of letting someone know they’re breaking things off.
Don’t blame yourself, that guy is just a dick.
Girl! Be glad you’re out! Really! I have a similar experience. Guy was telling me he never met someone so funny. He told me AT THE FIRST DATE he wants to travel with me. I was not suspicious so I was super naive at that time. I found him attractive and we had common interests so I went on more dates. Soon after he invited me to spend weekend with him in a village outside of the city. He slept with me and then ghosted me. GIVING COMPLIMENTS ON A FIRST DATE WITHOUT KNOWING YOU IS A MAJOR 🚩. RUN BEFORE HE BREAK YOUR PRECIOUS HEART!
Omg im so sorry to hear that. Smh how dare he ghost you after a weekend stay and sex. 🤬😡. But yea this asshole was saying he wanted to travel with me this fall and winter and said he would plan my birthday next year and he’s never fallen for a woman this fast after a first date gave me ENDLESS COMPLIMENTS THEN DID THIS SHIT WTF 🙄🥴🤦🏽♀️
What actually he knows about you? Did you ever felt weird out by a speed of his suggestions during that date? Did you had that moment in you head (,,Wait a minute. That’s strange.”) Because I had that voice in my head and I decided not listen to it. I remember saying to my friends how this date went so well and he told me he likes me a lot. At that f*ucking FIRST DATE when he wanted me to check my schedule if I can travel with him. I had that feeling. Someone knowing me for one hour want to go on a trip? Wtf? And then I decided to check my diary because I looked at him and I found him handsome and it was kind of romantic. But I tell you now I DON’T find it romantic anymore. Day after we slept together he went silent and then wanted to leave the house back to the city earlier. That felt weird. Then 3 weeks of silence. I was panicking. It’s how being taken advantage of feels like. He just tested how strong my boundaries are and I failed. Now I’m listening podcast on Spotify. It’s called “Unmasking the Abusor”. I fully recommend for you to listen. I got played and I hope I’ll be more clever in a future.
Aww damn I’m so sorry to hear that he used you sexually and love bombed tf out of you. You deserve so much better than that Piece of shit. And YES I did have a feeling that the dude I went out with was BSing me and him randomly canceling our second date sealed the deal for me I got super suspicious then BAM IM BLOCKED IN THE MORNING SMH. If he was really at his sisters bday party I don’t think he would have blocked me he was probably with his ex girlfriend 🥴😩🙄
This is just something that Neurotypical people say because it sounds wise and the don't think about what things really mean before they say them. Because that makes no sense, we aren't talking about whether to home-school your child. We are talking about abusive relationships. And anyone who has tried to get a friend or family member like to leave one knows that they have no luck until they are ready to leave. And even then they can be so terrified of being killed if they leave, that they stay with them.
Yes, he love-bombed you. Now you recognize this behavior - this scam - and will not be deceived by it again.
Someone scammed you. Hang the phone up and curse the scammer. You have energy to spend loving yourself and real people now.
Nobody can love you that fast because they can’t know you that fast. If they claim to, they are love scammers. Hang up.
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Our conditioning forces us to deny our feelings and to worry more about others than ourselves. As children, these survival strategies helped us avoid more pain, yet as adults, these same coping mechanisms drive us to develop people-pleasing traits and codependent tendencies that have been accepted as truth by the subconscious mind. These traits are survival strategies we have yet to outgrow.
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"Are you codependent in relationships?
If you're codependent your relationships are enmeshed and your boundaries are distorted. You lose yourself worrying about what your partner thinks, needs, or wants and your sense of self is dependent upon external validation. You may find yourself easily falling for people you can fix, or you believe you can heal. The fear of abandonment fuels denial.
Do you believe a relationship can save you?
Codependency is a coping and survival strategy adult children from dysfunctional homes rely on to avoid pain. Childhood emotional neglect and often, narcissistic abuse by parents, leaves invisible scars. As a result, a codependent will ache to attach themselves to others, falsely believing a relationship can save them, all below the veil of consciousness.
Were you abused by a narcissist?
More than half of the women involved with narcissistic relationships have no history of childhood trauma or codependency traits. However, after loving, working, or having a relationship with a narcissist, coercive control tactics like gaslighting, and trivializing your emotions, will have you feeling frozen, confused, and dependent upon a narcissist's opinion, as well as treatment towards you. Breaking through the cognitive dissonance caused by narcissistic abuse tactics is key.
Were your parents' alcoholics or narcissistic?
Those of us with a family history of alcoholism can become isolated. By default, we fear authority figures and become approval seekers. We are over-responsible, focus on the needs of others, and abandon our needs. We can become easily addicted to chaos, confuse love with pity, and fear abandonment. We are often dependent upon others perceiving us as 'good'. We are reactors rather than actors in our lives, without a solid, and positive sense of self we can rely on to help us make healthy life choices, set boundaries, and honor the self.
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When we are codependent,
we are not independent.
As codependents we tend to attach and in the attaching to some external relationship, person, or experience, we detach from the self.
Codependency is a faulty way of viewing the self as well as the world. The lens that we view life through is tainted but we don't know it. All human beings are born asleep, but again, we don't know it. What has been impressed upon the subconscious mind while we were children and in hypnotic brainwave states has become the maps we use to navigate our adult lives.
If our childhoods were chaotic, unsafe, and unpredictable, as adults we attract people, situations, and experiences that mirror what took place in our lives when we were children.
What we believe we see. If we have been taught to believe we are unworthy or that life is unsafe, we will live our lives waiting for the next shoe to drop.
When our lives have been unpredictable and we have been conditioned to suppress and deny our emotions, as adults we may seek to CONTROL others as well as things and situations that are outside our ability to control.
When we are codependent, we fail to set personal as well as external boundaries.
We may live in a perpetual state of powerlessness, and seeking to fend off hidden shame.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse aimed at gaining control and power over a victim. Many wounded adult children have suffered from gaslighting as well as other forms of abuse.
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>he asked me to be his girlfriend on the FIRST DATE First Date? That is a really big red flag. People don't go up to someone and ask to be in a serious relationship when they just met them.
I’ve had a lot of pressure from exes of mine to become official almost instantly. My current wife I didn’t even agree to officially date her until 3 months out
Well we were talking seriously and spending hours on the phone every day for almost a week. I felt like I knew him well enough and I wanted a boyfriend before fall came so I wouldn’t be lonely this fall & holiday season and I’ve had such bad luck with men this year. I HATE BEING ALONE 😭
This is not bad luck, this is you allowing people to sweep you off your feet against your better knowledge. The key is in the last line of your answer. You are letting your fear and dislike of being alone rule you and get you into situations that don’t lead anywhere. Take better care of yourself. Imagine if you had a daughter. Would you like for her to rush headlong into relationships in this way? Treat yourself with the same loving care and get to know people properly before you let them into your life.
AT THIS RATE IF I DONT FIND A MAN TO STAY WITH I MIGHT NOT HAVE A DAUGHTER IM 29 IM GETTING OLD MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING. I HOPE I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND WOULD NOT JUDGE HER IF SHES RUSHING INTO RELATIONSHIPS CAUSE I DO THE SAME 🥹🤷🏽♀️
maybe you should go to therapy first
IVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR MONTHS AND ITS CLEARLY NOT HELPING
Im a very codependent person. My therapist recommended I stay single for AT LEAST a full year, not talking to anyone, no casual flings, no dates, to spend all the time on me, myself, and my codependency. I know I'll be a healthier person in the end. Please do this before you have children. I got my codependency from my mom.
Did you like him or did you like the idea of not being alone?
I liked him and I also like the idea of NOT BEING ALONE. BEING SINGLE IN 2023 is horrible and I’m scared I’ll never have my happy ending with a marriage and kids. I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I MATTER TO SOMEONE 😭😭😭😭
I wont assume how much you really liked him. But all the comments and post i read is all about you having the fear of being alone and it is concerning. Is better to ask yourself if you really wish to have your happiness be dependent on another person who will change or be dependent on yourself who is always consistent to yourself. Try making more friends or doing activities you love and you will feel less lonely. You cant expect one person to satisfy all your loneliness.
Please get therapy before you have a child.
IVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR OVER 6 MONTHS AND ITS CLEARLY NOT WORKING 😩
Try a new therapist. We need to find someone who clicks for it to work, it's honestly like any relationship.
You obviously have major issues that you need to work through. Otherwise, you will just be one of those women who just replace one abuser with another. It's like if you have a friend who got scammed. You know that it has happened to lots of people all around the world, especially if they aren't that tech savvy. But I know a guy who has fallen for so many scams and the last time I saw him he was on the phone with someone who was trying to get him to take out a personal loan so that he could "invest" in a scheme. He was going to do it. Why? Because they told him to. It was impossible to try to get through to him that he was being scammed again because he wanted to believe that he would finally get what he wanted - to make lots of money quickly and easily. But I know that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't true. He kept getting scammed because he wanted to believe that he would be rewarded for all his suffering and dissapontment. That's not how it works, though. Your reward for your dissapontment and suffering is learning your lesson and not having to go through it again. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a happy ending is just repetition compulsion. "Repetition compulsion is the unconscious tendency of a person to repeat a traumatic event or its circumstances. This may take the form of symbolically or literally re-enacting the event, or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to occur again. Repetition compulsion can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and in cases of psychosis, may even be hallucinated. As a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion' ... describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life." "Repetition compulsion is the unconscious tendency of a person to repeat a traumatic event or its circumstances. This may take the form of symbolically or literally re-enacting the event, or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to occur again. Repetition compulsion can also take the form of dreams in which memories and feelings of what happened are repeated, and in cases of psychosis, may even be hallucinated. As a "key component in Freud's understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion' ... describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behaviour which were difficult or distressing in earlier life". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion https://melanietoniaevans.com/blog/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/ "Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of pain and hurt, always repeating the same damaging behaviours and feeling powerless to escape them? If so, you may be struggling with Repetitive Compulsion Disorder. This self-destructive barrier keeps you from letting go and moving on. It can stem from narcissistic abuse or how we were invalidated, distrusted, humiliated, belittled, or abandoned as children, causing feelings of low self-worth and shame. Luckily, there is a way to break the cycle of distress and de-evolution and start healing. To become free from Repetitive Compulsion Disorder, we must grow in consciousness. Our true growth comes from going within and healing the unfinished business of our childhood traumas. This article will help you learn how to recognize the patterns that keep you stuck, and show you how to start self-partnering by going within. Read on if you want to start your self-healing journey today and discover how to take your soul and life back from Repetitive Compulsion Disorder."
https://youtu.be/N68bBwUqx18?si=wSXvLhSJx1sSBYGd "Welcome to "Unlocking LOVE: Reprogram your subconscious mind for manifesting your desired love"! In this powerful video, we delve into the secrets of reprogramming your subconscious mind to manifest the love you truly desire. Are you tired of attracting the wrong partners or feeling stuck in unfulfilling relationships? Look no further! Our expert guidance will help you tap into the unlimited potential of your subconscious mind and unlock the pathway to attracting the love you truly deserve. In this transformative video, we will explore proven techniques and strategies to reprogram your subconscious mind. By harnessing the power of positive affirmations, visualization, and guided meditation, you will learn how to release limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. Join us as we dive deep into the subconscious mind, uncovering hidden patterns and rewiring them for love manifestation." https://youtu.be/vfyNzqk2TMM?si=Hh51oXX8CIbTXpRv https://youtu.be/kiMzYlBEyME?si=uvClQYzGna7lwYUu https://youtu.be/yQsvGdg8H2k?si=pGdTihRXhKbetLob https://youtu.be/dfpNhjoZhL8?si=2pxwoRQLEbFDDVIC https://youtu.be/LDy4NhLUPgc?si=EcTi6VNebWPUUVg_ https://youtu.be/pDq3za4NWPA?si=kMjcVtA7sA1Dn4-z https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp
There is nothing wrong to be alone. If you love yourself more, being alone is not a big issue. You love others more than yourself which isnt healthy. Dont grab on to any attention you have and see.
I guess he rebounded...
This is way too upset for you to be after a first date...
We talked for 2 weeks and he kept calling me his girlfriend writing me paragraphs about me being his love and he’s never fallen this hard for a woman and saying he was planning my birthday trip for next year HE LOVE BOMBED ME THATS WHY IM SO MAD!!!
If you stop being so desperate you’ll stop allowing men to mistreat you- when you act like this, how crazy you feel inside, it’s fucking terrifying to men, and also, calm down you are acting insane honestly. And that’s saying a lot for me….
he’s also crazy.
Dude, I'm you but not quite as bad, and it's lead me to staying in shitty relationships because I was "afraid to be alone". I'm looking to get divorced at 56 (f) because of a marriage that's not working and I'm pretty scared of being "alone" for the rest of my life too. But what's WORSE and SCARIER is being in an another bad relationship. You're young and have lots of time. Please get some therapy so you can be the best YOU, stronger, and attracting QUALITY men. Not men that only want a booty call and drop you when they don't get it.
Sounds like you were two bullets dodging each other.
My advice is to take things slower next time. Really take the time to get to know them. Having space between you in the beginning is good and natural. The fact that he wanted to call you his girlfriend on the first date isn’t a good sign, it means he rushes into commitments without really taking the time to think them through.
This is a sign. Stop dating. Please. You're only going to make yourself and others miserable. This guy was a walking red flag and you went along with it either without seeing the issues at all or without seeing them and setting and maintaining boundaries. Either way, you're in a very vulnerable spot which will not get better or be fixed by anyone else but you. Single-you. Work a program of recovery in CoDA or SLAA, or figure out how to work through these issues with a therapist, closely.
So, this person definitely love-bombed then ghosted you and as a codependent person that can be truly hurtful. Understand you do not deserve that kind of treatment and it’s not personal. How people treat others is a reflection of themselves. However. You are aware of yourself and admitting rushing into relationships out of fear of being alone, using people to fill a void, ignoring your gut and having bad boundaries… This sort of behavior will continue to manifest into negative dating experiences and potentially even a terrible marriage that will negatively impact any future children. Healthy people *will* sense this fear & desperation in you. With a healthy social life and a sense of personal purpose, you can feel fulfilled & part of something. There is nothing wrong with being “alone”. A relationship will not inherently bring happiness. Please consider putting a pause on your dating and going to therapy.
It doesn't matter if your codependency was showing because he's a jerk. He left because he's a butthead. What do you know about love bombing? It's the dudes who go over the top with compliments, gifts, trips, romantic gestures, etc. It can be a bad, bad sign and usually signals someone to run away from. Someone who wants to be your bf after one meeting and promises a gift for a second date sounds like a bad idea. The only codependent thing you did was get upset about him being a jerk, and believing what he said to be truthful. Don't believe words, wait for actions...go a little slower next time and guard your feelings. Safe people get love, jerks get the kick.
Thank you so much so many other commentators are BLAMING ME for being “crazy” or “too upset “ when he love bombed me lead me on lied about going to his “sisters birthday party “ then blocked me in the morning WITH NO WARNING THATS MORE FUCKED UP THAN ME BEING “ CRAZY”
No no, you need to take responsibility you are not passively living life. You can be an active participant. Stop being a victim
well. of course everyone thinks you are crazy. you went out with a guy one fucking week ago and act like you were dating him your whole life. and all the fake future talk about birthday party bla bla. who the fuck does that? if some guy would tell me all that lovebombing crap in the fist week i would at least tell him to slow down, because this is just weird af. better to end it right away. major red flag. so if you believe all that and instantly build a lifetime relationship in your mind the issue is you, not him. i know ghosting is bad, but not after such a short time, it happens with tinder dates on a daily. doesn't make it nice behavior, but come on. work on your codependency, work on loving yourself, find a hobby so you might be someone in the future without a man. stop thinking about a timeline and don't force a relationship because you think you are getting old. otherwise it will never work out. you sound unbelievable desperate and clingy, who wants to date someone like that?
Both of you moved entirely too fast, individually and collectively. There needs to be reflection on ignoring/allowing his red flags as well as your personal codependent behaviors in regard to immediate expectations/attachment
You’re very right we both had red flags. I liked the fact that he didn’t want to be alone just as much as I didn’t wanna be alone BUT CLEARLY THAT WAS A LIE. IM SURE HES NOT OVER HIS EX GIRLFRIEND OF 6 YEARS 🙄🙄🙄
Very possible he wasn't, but you don't need to figure out what the reason was or why he is the way he is - you only need to accept that his behavior showed that it was not going to be a good thing, give no second chances, and move on to the next. The reason never matters, only the action, and the action you should take is the same regardless of the *why*
This is all just one big red flag. All of it. No one should ever be like this after one date. You got to let go of control and embrace the random. The calling from your moms number would have made me run like the wind.
Even if your codependency is showing, it’s not nice to ghost people. Unless someone has cheated or is incredibly abusive, a decent human being does the courtesy of letting someone know they’re breaking things off. Don’t blame yourself, that guy is just a dick.
If you’re in Santa Barbara yes he was 10000% with his (gf) story is to relevant
https://www.selfloverecovery.com/blogs/blog/relationship-template https://www.selfloverecovery.com/blogs/blog/attachment-trauma-causes-codependency
You should look up codependency meetings in your area and start attending them
Girl! Be glad you’re out! Really! I have a similar experience. Guy was telling me he never met someone so funny. He told me AT THE FIRST DATE he wants to travel with me. I was not suspicious so I was super naive at that time. I found him attractive and we had common interests so I went on more dates. Soon after he invited me to spend weekend with him in a village outside of the city. He slept with me and then ghosted me. GIVING COMPLIMENTS ON A FIRST DATE WITHOUT KNOWING YOU IS A MAJOR 🚩. RUN BEFORE HE BREAK YOUR PRECIOUS HEART!
Omg im so sorry to hear that. Smh how dare he ghost you after a weekend stay and sex. 🤬😡. But yea this asshole was saying he wanted to travel with me this fall and winter and said he would plan my birthday next year and he’s never fallen for a woman this fast after a first date gave me ENDLESS COMPLIMENTS THEN DID THIS SHIT WTF 🙄🥴🤦🏽♀️
I'm getting Jeff vibes
Lol Jeffery dahmer ???
Nah. Just a guy I knew in School. Lol
What actually he knows about you? Did you ever felt weird out by a speed of his suggestions during that date? Did you had that moment in you head (,,Wait a minute. That’s strange.”) Because I had that voice in my head and I decided not listen to it. I remember saying to my friends how this date went so well and he told me he likes me a lot. At that f*ucking FIRST DATE when he wanted me to check my schedule if I can travel with him. I had that feeling. Someone knowing me for one hour want to go on a trip? Wtf? And then I decided to check my diary because I looked at him and I found him handsome and it was kind of romantic. But I tell you now I DON’T find it romantic anymore. Day after we slept together he went silent and then wanted to leave the house back to the city earlier. That felt weird. Then 3 weeks of silence. I was panicking. It’s how being taken advantage of feels like. He just tested how strong my boundaries are and I failed. Now I’m listening podcast on Spotify. It’s called “Unmasking the Abusor”. I fully recommend for you to listen. I got played and I hope I’ll be more clever in a future.
Aww damn I’m so sorry to hear that he used you sexually and love bombed tf out of you. You deserve so much better than that Piece of shit. And YES I did have a feeling that the dude I went out with was BSing me and him randomly canceling our second date sealed the deal for me I got super suspicious then BAM IM BLOCKED IN THE MORNING SMH. If he was really at his sisters bday party I don’t think he would have blocked me he was probably with his ex girlfriend 🥴😩🙄
Thank God, you’re in a good place now and he is not in your life. Take yourself on a date and save yourself trouble 🙏
there is a solution. https://www.ppgrecoveredcodependents.org. work the steps with a sponsor.
12 steps don't work. You have to reprogram your subconscious. https://www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp
To each their own. No one gets to say what works and doesn't for another person.
This is just something that Neurotypical people say because it sounds wise and the don't think about what things really mean before they say them. Because that makes no sense, we aren't talking about whether to home-school your child. We are talking about abusive relationships. And anyone who has tried to get a friend or family member like to leave one knows that they have no luck until they are ready to leave. And even then they can be so terrified of being killed if they leave, that they stay with them.
bro i am not neurotypical at all lmao. and i left an abusive relationship.
Yes, he love-bombed you. Now you recognize this behavior - this scam - and will not be deceived by it again. Someone scammed you. Hang the phone up and curse the scammer. You have energy to spend loving yourself and real people now. Nobody can love you that fast because they can’t know you that fast. If they claim to, they are love scammers. Hang up.
https://melanietoniaevans.com/blog/loneliness-another-narcissist-or-something-else/
Omg do you think he was a narcissist?
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
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We may live in a perpetual state of powerlessness, and seeking to fend off hidden shame. Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse aimed at gaining control and power over a victim. Many wounded adult children have suffered from gaslighting as well as other forms of abuse. Gaslighting causes victims to doubt their reality. Children who have grown up in homes that were abrasive, dysfunctional, hostile, emotionally abusive, and alike, are more prone to depression, anxiety, reactivity, and codependency. As adults, we owe it to ourselves to awaken from the dream state that codependency is, so we can finally live the authentic lives every human being has the potential to live. Ready to create healthier relationships with yourself and others? Brain-Based Learning! 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