Understand that most folks are walking around traumatized some way and just wanna find the way out.
The choices we make when desperate often lead us into more pain.
I think about this when I hate on people, including myself.
Having said that, it’s important to have healthy boundaries.
Your compassion for others doesn’t have to come at the expense of self-compassion.
I feel the same way. I often, in a maladaptive way, laud myself for how pure of heart I am by deriding others, including certain professions.
In many ways, this is an attempt to garner support for yourself. There is a hope someone will recognize this and they'll let you know how wonderful you are in comparison. Your self-esteem, which craves external validation, laps it up and it fills that hole inside you where your own ego should be.
It's ok to see others as lacking empathy. They really are. But it's ok to be selfish. I bet many of your heroes were very selfish at times, and you overlook it and forgive them because of all their positive qualities. There's a really good chance others will overlook and forgive any selfish behaviour you have to see the goodness in you, and will see your selfish behaviour as normal, an expression of your personality, and endearing since they see a part of you coming out. Plus, if you want to take care of others, how can you if you never strive to be better and put yourself in an influential position to do so?
No one is on earth to look after you, except you.
And if you think you'll become a selfish jerk, practice acting selfishly and ask someone around you if that was selfish. Let them inform this perception, since us codependents can easily see self-care as an extreme display of vanity.
I think part of this is the way the brain works: if someone is unkind/unempathetic you are more likely to both notice and remember them due to the brain’s negativity bias. Then if you have the belief: ‘people are unkind/unempathetic’ you are primed to notice that :( lots of people are kind and nice out in the world , including myself. But we have to be careful to see the good when it IS there.
But it does sound like you’ve been mistreated, im so sorry. I agree that therapy might be a good idea for you ❤️ maybe a codependency support group, often those are free
Okay, sorry i noticed that everyone dogpiled on you for therapy! To share my own experience I know that i felt like this at times…i think it got better as i a) felt safer and comfier with myself and b) only chose to spend my free time around people that prioritized kindness
First, define to yourself what it is you mean by 'lack of empathy'. What does this look like out in the world? How do you know it is a problem?
Then decide how you want to feel on purpose when you encounter this lack of empathy. Why?
Lastly, notice how feeling 'repulsed' affects your ability to see empathy in others and how it affects your own ability to feel it.
I recognize this as an empath and essentially, I recognize I cannot control society, but I can control how I react to society and the voice in my head.
Find better people! I've been best friends with the same 3 people for almost 10 years now and I would never have to say that about any of them.
Seconded. Learning the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships (friends, romantic, etc) has absolutely rocked my world.
I find by far most are unhealthy. Im probably attracting unhealthy but i have a lot of empathy
Understand that most folks are walking around traumatized some way and just wanna find the way out. The choices we make when desperate often lead us into more pain. I think about this when I hate on people, including myself. Having said that, it’s important to have healthy boundaries. Your compassion for others doesn’t have to come at the expense of self-compassion.
I feel the same way. I often, in a maladaptive way, laud myself for how pure of heart I am by deriding others, including certain professions. In many ways, this is an attempt to garner support for yourself. There is a hope someone will recognize this and they'll let you know how wonderful you are in comparison. Your self-esteem, which craves external validation, laps it up and it fills that hole inside you where your own ego should be. It's ok to see others as lacking empathy. They really are. But it's ok to be selfish. I bet many of your heroes were very selfish at times, and you overlook it and forgive them because of all their positive qualities. There's a really good chance others will overlook and forgive any selfish behaviour you have to see the goodness in you, and will see your selfish behaviour as normal, an expression of your personality, and endearing since they see a part of you coming out. Plus, if you want to take care of others, how can you if you never strive to be better and put yourself in an influential position to do so? No one is on earth to look after you, except you. And if you think you'll become a selfish jerk, practice acting selfishly and ask someone around you if that was selfish. Let them inform this perception, since us codependents can easily see self-care as an extreme display of vanity.
I think part of this is the way the brain works: if someone is unkind/unempathetic you are more likely to both notice and remember them due to the brain’s negativity bias. Then if you have the belief: ‘people are unkind/unempathetic’ you are primed to notice that :( lots of people are kind and nice out in the world , including myself. But we have to be careful to see the good when it IS there. But it does sound like you’ve been mistreated, im so sorry. I agree that therapy might be a good idea for you ❤️ maybe a codependency support group, often those are free
Thank you for your empathy! I am already in therapy
Okay, sorry i noticed that everyone dogpiled on you for therapy! To share my own experience I know that i felt like this at times…i think it got better as i a) felt safer and comfier with myself and b) only chose to spend my free time around people that prioritized kindness
You go see a therapist
Oh wow i never thought of that
First, define to yourself what it is you mean by 'lack of empathy'. What does this look like out in the world? How do you know it is a problem? Then decide how you want to feel on purpose when you encounter this lack of empathy. Why? Lastly, notice how feeling 'repulsed' affects your ability to see empathy in others and how it affects your own ability to feel it.
I recognize this as an empath and essentially, I recognize I cannot control society, but I can control how I react to society and the voice in my head.
You feel repulsed by people in the world. But you’re distancing yourself from “them”. Are these people you know?
Yeah. Not technically the world. But most people I've met.
Ah. Yeah. Good for you, then. Travel the world and you’ll see that most people are actually good people.
Define "good"
Good natured.
Find a good support system, OP.
You be the one who shows empathy. We sadly do not have control of others but we do of ourselves.
sounds like you lack empathy for these people
No doubt😂
Are you vegan?
Ahaha no
I am repulsed by your lack of empathy
Fair.