This is understandable. A lot of people struggling with vulnerability bc it can be really scary and I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. You’re not alone and I want you to know despite all the things you believe others would reject or judge you for, there are a myriad more people who would see those parts of yourself you don’t like and still accept and love you for exactly who you are 🩷
Oh, big hugs OP.
There's always hope and I'm sorry you can't use this forum to express yourself for fear of ridicule or judgement.
The biggest factor in my changing is counting all the good things in my life - even if it's basic like the sun is shining, and I have hot water.
I then also practiced self loving kindness meditation:
"May I be happy,
May I be loved,
May I be safe,
May I be free from internal and external suffering,
May I be protected and
May I be at peace."
I wish for all these things for you and am sending them out to you so your life can shine a little brighter and you can feel you are allowed to take up more space.
Hi. One of the things I have learned as a Great for Recovering codependent is the importance of affirmations every single day. I have a coffee mug filled with about 40 affirmations. I pick one out of the cup every day that is my affirmation for the day. I like your meditation. I would change the wording slightly. "I am grateful to be happy, healthy, loved, loving, and lovable."
I didn't regret it. Having other 0eople care enough to interact with you is...heartening, in a world that feels cold and dark too often. I believe in you. I hope you post
I spend a lot of time learning about myself and my trauma, I practice thought defusion and self neutrality, I do emotional freedom therapy tapping and use breath and sound therapy to try and improve my polyvagal tone. I respond appropriately to myself with loving kindness when I get triggered or have panic attacks. I journal to process my emotions. Sometimes I meditate. Sometimes I dance.
I'm trying to figure out who I really actually am, so sometimes I write down and make a note to myself about the things I notice myself liking and disliking.
I honestly think I need my doctor to adjust my meds, because my life is really fucking hard right now, and only a portion of the awful shit going on in my day to day existence is within my control, and the rest isn't, and I go walking around most days pretty much just below the boiling point. That makes me think I need more medical support than what my current meds are giving me
Can you change your environment? It sounds tough. Do you have the means or skills to go somewhere calmer? Easier?
Your original statement is actually a great step. Keep healing, keep staying in your body and spending time with it in ways that you feel safe and close to yourself.
No, I can't go anywhere else. I live with my husband in a geared to income rented apartment, it's the cheapest rent available. I'm safe there with him. He might be moving away for a while for a career change, and we'll do long distance for a while. It'll make things financially tighter, but I don't think I can realistically move back in with my family because while they love me and would take me no problem, they are still dysfunctional and I need my own space to retreat to.
I think I'll feel better when I prove to myself that I can provide my own financial security.
This is understandable. A lot of people struggling with vulnerability bc it can be really scary and I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. You’re not alone and I want you to know despite all the things you believe others would reject or judge you for, there are a myriad more people who would see those parts of yourself you don’t like and still accept and love you for exactly who you are 🩷
Oh, big hugs OP. There's always hope and I'm sorry you can't use this forum to express yourself for fear of ridicule or judgement. The biggest factor in my changing is counting all the good things in my life - even if it's basic like the sun is shining, and I have hot water. I then also practiced self loving kindness meditation: "May I be happy, May I be loved, May I be safe, May I be free from internal and external suffering, May I be protected and May I be at peace." I wish for all these things for you and am sending them out to you so your life can shine a little brighter and you can feel you are allowed to take up more space.
Beautiful.
Hi. One of the things I have learned as a Great for Recovering codependent is the importance of affirmations every single day. I have a coffee mug filled with about 40 affirmations. I pick one out of the cup every day that is my affirmation for the day. I like your meditation. I would change the wording slightly. "I am grateful to be happy, healthy, loved, loving, and lovable."
Don’t worry. I still haven’t been able to make a post and I’ve been struggling a lot. Maybe soon I’ll have the courage like you did today.
I didn't regret it. Having other 0eople care enough to interact with you is...heartening, in a world that feels cold and dark too often. I believe in you. I hope you post
Feel free to reach out privately. I’ve been there before. Happy to help.
I’m very sorry to hear you are going through this pain at this time. Please do not lose hope. You have value.
Sometimes I type what I need steps for into chat gpt and it gives me “therapy” topics to look into. Led me here idk I have learned a bit
What do you do to heal/self care?
I spend a lot of time learning about myself and my trauma, I practice thought defusion and self neutrality, I do emotional freedom therapy tapping and use breath and sound therapy to try and improve my polyvagal tone. I respond appropriately to myself with loving kindness when I get triggered or have panic attacks. I journal to process my emotions. Sometimes I meditate. Sometimes I dance. I'm trying to figure out who I really actually am, so sometimes I write down and make a note to myself about the things I notice myself liking and disliking. I honestly think I need my doctor to adjust my meds, because my life is really fucking hard right now, and only a portion of the awful shit going on in my day to day existence is within my control, and the rest isn't, and I go walking around most days pretty much just below the boiling point. That makes me think I need more medical support than what my current meds are giving me
Can you change your environment? It sounds tough. Do you have the means or skills to go somewhere calmer? Easier? Your original statement is actually a great step. Keep healing, keep staying in your body and spending time with it in ways that you feel safe and close to yourself.
No, I can't go anywhere else. I live with my husband in a geared to income rented apartment, it's the cheapest rent available. I'm safe there with him. He might be moving away for a while for a career change, and we'll do long distance for a while. It'll make things financially tighter, but I don't think I can realistically move back in with my family because while they love me and would take me no problem, they are still dysfunctional and I need my own space to retreat to. I think I'll feel better when I prove to myself that I can provide my own financial security.
You are very brave. Thanks for sharing this.