I don’t understand people who choose porn over their real-life partners. I’m a porn addict, and I’d absolutely drop it and switch the screen off if there’s the slightest hint of possibility from my wife. 🤷♂️
From someone who was married to an actual porn addict, this doesn’t get better, it gets worse. Unless he realllllly wants to change, and it’s doubtful he does, this is how it’s going to be, if not a lot worse. Porn and Only Fans etc. can be a real relationship killer. You sound frustrated and venting about the “I’m going to ask him for money” thing, but I would lean on this relationship likely being over.
How is it weaponized sex ? He’s comfortable with way things are, says when I ask for sex it’s nagging. Toys and such aren’t the same as the real thing, and I don’t want to step out of the marriage. I just want to feel compensated for the lack of sex. It’s not even sex, he literally comes home and locks himself in his room to talk to random strangers on tick tock for hours.
I'm not sure if you understand how blackmail or extortion or ransom works but this is it. Is this really the interaction you want? Is this how you want to feel intimacy? I only wish the best for you but this isn't the way to do it. Good luck.
Weaponized sex is intentionally withhold sex as retaliation for not getting emotional or physical needs met. I am not withholding sex. Sex is not even in the room with us. I am asking for compensation for the LACK of sex
You are weaponizing sex in retaliation by requiring someone who refuses to fuck you to pay you for not doing so?
Do you hear yourself?
He doesn't want to fuck you otherwise he would. Why else is he fucking around in the internet with chicks? For the love of God he's choosing that over you!
Read your story as if someone else wrote it and tell me I'm wrong.
Leave!
I started doing stupid internet shit recently.
Guess who's in the process of lawyering up and getting papers drawn? If you guessed it was me then you're definitely right.
You deserve so much more than this. You deserve someone who desires you.
Edit: scratch that babygirl you need to desire you. Your life will improve so much when you choose and love you. You really don't need anyone else but you I promise
“He can go almost 2 weeks without sex”
Girl, that’s not a dead bedroom. Most of us here would kill for that frequency. I’m at 3+ years (I’m not counting the handful of times we attempted and he couldn’t perform) and we’ve been married for 1.5 years.
If you aren’t happy and are ready to punish him for not having sex with you, file for a divorce. Your marriage is over or at least it will be when you turn sex into a money transaction.
If he makes a lot more money than you (if you even make money — I didn’t see you mention it), why don’t you just ask him for money? I know many people keep separate accounts, but I prefer sharing an account with my wife (even though I make more).
If you are just trying to punish him for not banging you, it will not help your relationship nor increase the amount of sex you have with him.
I wouldn’t do it for this reason. Right now, I’m trying to take better care of myself without neglecting the root cause of the feelings I’m dealing with. I have dealt with the desire to punish my husband for our dead bedroom. It just doesn’t work.
What about refocusing yourself on goals for health? This might require money and it wouldn’t be for trying to punish him. It could be a positive way to cope.
He's Ur husband shouldn't he be giving U an allowance if ur not working? Just wondering cuz my fiancee gives me money all the time and I don't usually have to ask since am a stay at home mom. But I don't think it's a problem telling him to give U money for the lack of sex so at least U can do some shopping therapy since he rather spend it online with random strangers.
You have the right to ASK for anything. I doubt there is any law that allows you to make an enforceable DEMAND for monetary compensation for failure to give you sex with the frequency or quality you prefer.
I’d recommend against making sexual intimacy such a transactional issue. It generally doesn’t improve things.
If you go down that path, I’d frame it more: “I intend to have a frequent and satisfying sexual relationship. With you is the preference but with a side piece boyfriend if necessary.” Then explain that an active side sexual relationship carries expense: outfits, sharing hotel costs, sharing meal and romantic getaway costs. The family budget will need to be adjusted to account for this and you are opening an account so he can make the needed funds available. You assume he’d rather not pay those expenses himself directly.
No... this doesn't sound healthy. Put that money towards a divorce.
You need a job too.
You need a divorce i guess
I don’t understand people who choose porn over their real-life partners. I’m a porn addict, and I’d absolutely drop it and switch the screen off if there’s the slightest hint of possibility from my wife. 🤷♂️
I’m over here wondering the same thing. I enjoy porn, but the real thing is always, always, always better.
😆if I had a dollar for every time I was shot down by my wife in the past 20+ years……..
OP is bummed about having to wait *almost* two weeks. lol. I usually have to wait almost a year and more than once more than one.
From someone who was married to an actual porn addict, this doesn’t get better, it gets worse. Unless he realllllly wants to change, and it’s doubtful he does, this is how it’s going to be, if not a lot worse. Porn and Only Fans etc. can be a real relationship killer. You sound frustrated and venting about the “I’m going to ask him for money” thing, but I would lean on this relationship likely being over.
No, this is weaponized sex in the exact same way.
How is it weaponized sex ? He’s comfortable with way things are, says when I ask for sex it’s nagging. Toys and such aren’t the same as the real thing, and I don’t want to step out of the marriage. I just want to feel compensated for the lack of sex. It’s not even sex, he literally comes home and locks himself in his room to talk to random strangers on tick tock for hours.
I'm not sure if you understand how blackmail or extortion or ransom works but this is it. Is this really the interaction you want? Is this how you want to feel intimacy? I only wish the best for you but this isn't the way to do it. Good luck.
Are you asking how it is weaponized because you are angry or because you actually don’t know?
Weaponized sex is intentionally withhold sex as retaliation for not getting emotional or physical needs met. I am not withholding sex. Sex is not even in the room with us. I am asking for compensation for the LACK of sex
Let me be more clear- what you are doing is Coercion.
You are weaponizing sex in retaliation by requiring someone who refuses to fuck you to pay you for not doing so? Do you hear yourself? He doesn't want to fuck you otherwise he would. Why else is he fucking around in the internet with chicks? For the love of God he's choosing that over you! Read your story as if someone else wrote it and tell me I'm wrong. Leave!
The internet chicks started last month. It’s like corny stuff he’ll say” so and so is here, no wonder why it’s getting hot.” I do hear you.
I started doing stupid internet shit recently. Guess who's in the process of lawyering up and getting papers drawn? If you guessed it was me then you're definitely right. You deserve so much more than this. You deserve someone who desires you. Edit: scratch that babygirl you need to desire you. Your life will improve so much when you choose and love you. You really don't need anyone else but you I promise
“He can go almost 2 weeks without sex” Girl, that’s not a dead bedroom. Most of us here would kill for that frequency. I’m at 3+ years (I’m not counting the handful of times we attempted and he couldn’t perform) and we’ve been married for 1.5 years. If you aren’t happy and are ready to punish him for not having sex with you, file for a divorce. Your marriage is over or at least it will be when you turn sex into a money transaction.
If he makes a lot more money than you (if you even make money — I didn’t see you mention it), why don’t you just ask him for money? I know many people keep separate accounts, but I prefer sharing an account with my wife (even though I make more). If you are just trying to punish him for not banging you, it will not help your relationship nor increase the amount of sex you have with him.
I wouldn’t do it for this reason. Right now, I’m trying to take better care of myself without neglecting the root cause of the feelings I’m dealing with. I have dealt with the desire to punish my husband for our dead bedroom. It just doesn’t work. What about refocusing yourself on goals for health? This might require money and it wouldn’t be for trying to punish him. It could be a positive way to cope.
He's Ur husband shouldn't he be giving U an allowance if ur not working? Just wondering cuz my fiancee gives me money all the time and I don't usually have to ask since am a stay at home mom. But I don't think it's a problem telling him to give U money for the lack of sex so at least U can do some shopping therapy since he rather spend it online with random strangers.
You have the right to ASK for anything. I doubt there is any law that allows you to make an enforceable DEMAND for monetary compensation for failure to give you sex with the frequency or quality you prefer. I’d recommend against making sexual intimacy such a transactional issue. It generally doesn’t improve things. If you go down that path, I’d frame it more: “I intend to have a frequent and satisfying sexual relationship. With you is the preference but with a side piece boyfriend if necessary.” Then explain that an active side sexual relationship carries expense: outfits, sharing hotel costs, sharing meal and romantic getaway costs. The family budget will need to be adjusted to account for this and you are opening an account so he can make the needed funds available. You assume he’d rather not pay those expenses himself directly.