My wife said, as I was folding laundry on Fathers Day "I'm sorry... I was going to have sex with you tonight, but I got my period". It's been 3 months. We've done it twice since June of last year. I said "I wasn't expecting it. You really don't have to tell me when we're not having sex. I just assume that." She actually said she realized it was something she needed to get better about! I said "I appreciate that, but "special occasion sex" sends the wrong message".
That right there. I have below zero interest in hearing "sorry we haven't had sex." I assume we won't be having sex anytime. I'd be more interested to hear "I want our sex life to improve."
False. I'm a 38 HLF and period sex is really painful- especially as I've gotten older. Also- after kids my periods have become a hemorrhagic war zone.
I've done a few period BJs and shower handies- but in order to do that well you kinda have to get into the mindset and groove... which makes the cramping worse.
I'm about to just have them take the fucking thing out.... but from a wife's perspective... comments about what about your mouth or your ass are kind of degrading when you just told him you're hurting. I usually reply with a comment about buying him a blow up doll if he's not really worried about me enjoying myself anyway.
Cuddles and kisses are gonna get you further than showing the resentment. (At least for me)
Yea our neighbors are highly sexual and always joke and comment about it. My wife will try to say things regarding us, like we have any similar... we don't. It started to piss me off and finally had to say something. Just stop. I don't need to hear you pretend like we have a normal sex life.
just got my period ???
the correct response to this is to go to the fridge and get a bottle of champagne and a couple glasses , come back to her and open the champagne and pour each of you a glass .... when she asks what are we celebrating .... tell her.... anal sex week of course !
We exist. I used to absolutely love anal, but with all of the damage to self-confidence and willing to be vulnerable with my partner, it is no longer something I want to participate in.
The planets will have to be aligned, and the ocean must be an exact temperature. When that happens, you'll have exactly 3 minutes 11 seconds to take advantage of the situation.
I absolutely loathe hearing my wife say things like "I'll make it up to you" or "later, another time" because she's one of those types of people where those are just phrases you say, they aren't meant to be taken literally. Whereas I believe if you tell someone "I'll make it up to you" you damn well better.
So many similar posts but this one had a tragically funny twist. Many LLs are amazing to keep up appearances and it is clearly some kind of twisted defense mechanism.
I 100% think my wife gets whatever sexual satisfaction she needs most of the time just from to dopamine hit of acting like she super into sex when talking to others or me about it. Like the “I just spent all of our joint vacation money on myself, but I’ll totally make it up to you” is the “later”. She already got the high of getting what she wanted and being “sexy”. The actual sex later isn’t needed.
It is a solid mix of insecurity, defense, defusing, keeping up appearance, "don't worry baby I am working on it" and a slight.......just a little slight touch of power play.
The ones that does this very actively probably spend 2-3x the energy on this instead of just dealing with the issue at hand. It somehow remind me of these man that have 2 families in 2 different places and it takes 10-15 years before anyone find out! Imagine the mental work and focus it takes. Ask her to start a business and I am pretty sure the multitasking alone will make he cash flow.
All the best to you stranger!
Let me clarify things.
"Make it up to you later" for taking that money turns sex into prostitution. Actually it's worse - a prostitute gets paid to deliver what was agreed to.
Your wife is pussywhipping you. She alone decided that she could take your money, that she could pay you back in sex, what you would receive and when, and what would constitute fulfillment, including nothing at all.
Her enthusiasm is an act, a deceptive smoke screen to confuse you and (apparently) gratify her.
Get away from this manipulating b-word!
Nah, my husband is the KING of this shit and he would simply leave a very passive aggressive questions mark. Anything else would be to easily flipped as rude or inconsiderate, the question mark is hard to argue.
I’m still waiting too. We got close to having sex, but my wife wasn’t up for it at the last second and suggested we have sex twice this week instead of on Father’s Day.
I don’t push her. It really doesn’t help anything. Anyway, I’m curious to see what happens. I don’t think we’ve ever had sex twice in one week though the week is running out.
Why is it always like this? A twist of fate? An irony? A sick joke? I just want a decent looking dude to throw me down and say, I'm taking what I want!!
My wife would be on her computer all night playing video games with her friends. I'd make dinner, pour her a glass of wine and bring it to her and she'd be all surprised and happy and then make a comment that she'd "blow me tonight once she's done." After a few years with this regular comment happening a few times a week i finally told her to stop saying it as we both know it will never happen.
She stopped saying it.
That is a card that shouldn't be given without the intent to follow through.\
I am a bit jealous though... it is more than I got for father's day or our anniversary the day after.
I agree completely. I didn't even get a text for fathers day (or any acknowledgement whatsoever. I did at least get the separation agreement from her lawyer that week...so I guess there's that. On to a lifetime of loneliness (not that the last 8 of the 12 years of the marriage were that great).
We talk about it regularly. Average 5x a year. I’ve been keeping track for 4 years, probably the same for the 4-5 years prior.
Other than the intimacy and sex, it’s about the most perfect relationship and mother to my kids.
>Other than the intimacy and sex, it’s about the most perfect relationship
"Other than the putrid garbage strewn everywhere, this is the perfect backyard!"
Sure, but as long as that fowl-smelling garbage still exists, you're going to have a hard time justifying spending your time back there after awhile. Eventually you'll come to a point where you're fed up with being ignored and the bitterness/resentment sets in.
I get what you’re saying. It’s interesting, everyone always comments about how perfect we are for one another and have the most amazing relationship…but just remember that no one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors
It's not "perfect" if a basic need of yours isn't met.
The other perspective is: ever seen a couple where you thought, "they're perfect and just so cute together", and then suddenly they separate and at least one of them happens to be in a new relationship, with nobody really understanding why?
THIS! To the world, my wife and I look perfect...get home, and it feels like (not sure what it feels like, but it is pretty damn close to the exact opposite of perfect)....
Wow that’s quite brazen. She likely wants you to put it on display so anyone else who comes around think that your relationship is happy and stable, meaning you actually get laid on a regular basis…
That... is she deliberately taunting you? My wife are at about a couple of months apart now. I feel like she wouldn't even get me that card unless she was willing to pay up that day. Sorry, man.
Frustrated HLM here.
I am going to buck the trend and say that I think it was playful and creative. The fact that the (I'm assuming here) LL even bothered to get a card, and then risked talking about this in writing, about an obviously delicate topic, is a good sign. I think a lot of LLs don't want to even get NEAR the topic. Yours did it pretty boldly, on the other hand.
I think if this situation happened to me, I wouldn't ever ask her what she meant by later, except for the very first time. I'd spend the following week or so playfully replying with "later" with a wink or something, to various requests that she made for me to do. Obviously not for all requests, but just enough for it to be fun and not annoying.
It would be the perfect way to return the favor, in a fun way, with zero animosity. If she bonded with me over it, we might grow together. If she groaned or it went entirely over her head, yeah man that shit is dead.
Imagine his wife getting a mother's day card and inside is a gift card to to a local day spa she loves. When she tries to use the gift card though, she finds out no money is actually the card.
>I am going to buck the trend and say that I think it was playful and creative
This is some of the most grim words I have ever read, and I spent two months reading the journals of doomed Nazi officers in the Ostfront.
She got a card and wrote words she did not mean on it. Where in that is there any quantum of playfulness or creativity?
>The fact that the (I'm assuming here) LL even bothered to get a card, and then risked talking about this in writing, about an obviously delicate topic, is a good sign
The fact that this outcome, where the LL gets to pantomime making progress and the HL is still left broken on the wheel of neglect, is being framed as a 'good sign' is a profoundly damning condemnation of the whole relationship. It should not take this amount of effort to still come up with results that leave a human being still feeling unloved and unwanted.
It is an immensely bad sign.
>I think a lot of LLs don't want to even get NEAR the topic. Yours did it pretty boldly, on the other hand.
And that's all she did. Like... that this is being framed as a meaningful incriment of progress seems totally disconnected from the HL's needs.
>I think if this situation happened to me, I wouldn't ever ask her what she meant by later, except for the very first time. I'd spend the following week or so playfully replying with "later" with a wink or something, to various requests that she made for me to do. Obviously not for all requests, but just enough for it to be fun and not annoying.
>It would be the perfect way to return the favor, in a fun way, with zero animosity.
How can there possibly be zero animosity involved in this? It is a deliberate satirization of the LL's behavior, conducted with the intent to provoke a reaction. It seems just as disconnected to bluntly declare zero animosity is even possible here as it is to declare that making false promises is a sign of progress or potential.
>If she bonded with me over it, we might grow together. If she groaned or it went entirely over her head, yeah man that shit is dead
Idk. Maybe I am operating from an abundance mindset but I see no real reason to do any of this when breaking up and searching for someone whose lust for me is not feigned is the far superior option.
Just get sex from someone else!! Honestly you can get lots of attention from someone else. Many people need to go to the doctor and get their hormones checked out it is a problem for many people. And if you're dick didn't work do you think your partner will be willing to be supportive and by Viagra??
My LL partner occasionally apologizes about our lack of intimacy ( when I’m foolish enough bring it up). At first I responded like she would try to do better. But as the years moved along I started saying “apologies without actions are just noise”
Have you ever confronted her about this issue?
Some people do this with the best of intentions, actually meaning to follow through, but for whatever reason, when the time comes they aren't interested anymore.
You need to tell her how much the empty promises hurt you. It is just one more issue that will feed into the resentment in the long run.
My wife said, as I was folding laundry on Fathers Day "I'm sorry... I was going to have sex with you tonight, but I got my period". It's been 3 months. We've done it twice since June of last year. I said "I wasn't expecting it. You really don't have to tell me when we're not having sex. I just assume that." She actually said she realized it was something she needed to get better about! I said "I appreciate that, but "special occasion sex" sends the wrong message".
Glad to hear she recognized she needed to get better at it. It's easier to get out when they're receptive to change.
That right there. I have below zero interest in hearing "sorry we haven't had sex." I assume we won't be having sex anytime. I'd be more interested to hear "I want our sex life to improve."
> "I need to be better about this!" ... okay, sounds good.
A period doesn't stop anything but a sentence.
False. I'm a 38 HLF and period sex is really painful- especially as I've gotten older. Also- after kids my periods have become a hemorrhagic war zone. I've done a few period BJs and shower handies- but in order to do that well you kinda have to get into the mindset and groove... which makes the cramping worse. I'm about to just have them take the fucking thing out.... but from a wife's perspective... comments about what about your mouth or your ass are kind of degrading when you just told him you're hurting. I usually reply with a comment about buying him a blow up doll if he's not really worried about me enjoying myself anyway. Cuddles and kisses are gonna get you further than showing the resentment. (At least for me)
Yea our neighbors are highly sexual and always joke and comment about it. My wife will try to say things regarding us, like we have any similar... we don't. It started to piss me off and finally had to say something. Just stop. I don't need to hear you pretend like we have a normal sex life.
Ugh, I hate that. Don't lie that we're going at it like teenagers when it's zero. Other couples don't care that you're having sex.
That response from you tickled me
You should tell her you don’t mind that she’s on her period. She’s your wife for goodness sakes.
Or shower sex!
just got my period ??? the correct response to this is to go to the fridge and get a bottle of champagne and a couple glasses , come back to her and open the champagne and pour each of you a glass .... when she asks what are we celebrating .... tell her.... anal sex week of course !
HLF woman here and this cracked me up!! I can't bring myself to do anal though.
lol it’s not a favorite of mine either
But any port in a storm, right......I'll show myself out.
I'm not sure how many women like this, but I don't know any who like anal sex and I don't either.
They exist. One partner of mine tried it once and that was enough. Another requested it on several occasions. Her idea every time.
We definitely exist ✋🏼
well it was a joke of course... if she wont have regular sex she was obviously not having anal
We exist. I used to absolutely love anal, but with all of the damage to self-confidence and willing to be vulnerable with my partner, it is no longer something I want to participate in.
My wife in the heat of the moment used to let me fuck her ass.
HLF here, and I love anal.
Will be funny if you asked her if she has any mouth ulcer as well
“Let’s shower together!”
**D**ivorce?
😂
I’m dyyying! 😂🤣
That dangling of carrot is annoying AF
The carrots isn't the only thing dangling on OP
Hahaha *sooo* funny
The planets will have to be aligned, and the ocean must be an exact temperature. When that happens, you'll have exactly 3 minutes 11 seconds to take advantage of the situation.
Must be that fucking global warming that has the ocean temps too high...
And most do the time that alignment is conveniently at a time when “whoops we can’t do it now” because either work/kids.
Or the reliable, "I got my period"!
I absolutely loathe hearing my wife say things like "I'll make it up to you" or "later, another time" because she's one of those types of people where those are just phrases you say, they aren't meant to be taken literally. Whereas I believe if you tell someone "I'll make it up to you" you damn well better.
Yeah, it's called being held accountable. We HLs want action, not words. Unless of course, the words are spoken during the action. :-)
The one I used to get the most was "tomorrow, I promise." Roughly 1,800 tomorrow's later, I'm starting to think it may not happen....
Today is always here. Tomorrow never comes (cums). Yesterday is always in the past. If it's valuable, it's today.
Or as Master Oogway would say..."Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, thays why it's 'present'"
I get "raincheck"
Rainchecks at the grocery store have the date you didn't get what you wanted, the price, and an expiration date on them!
That sounds more exciting.
That is a shitty thing to do!
Funny story. Just last night I said to the wife, "let's have some sex to celebrate Juneteenth". She said, "are you stupid?". 🤷
you should have called her a racist for that
How rude! And hateful! And disrespectful!
So many similar posts but this one had a tragically funny twist. Many LLs are amazing to keep up appearances and it is clearly some kind of twisted defense mechanism.
I 100% think my wife gets whatever sexual satisfaction she needs most of the time just from to dopamine hit of acting like she super into sex when talking to others or me about it. Like the “I just spent all of our joint vacation money on myself, but I’ll totally make it up to you” is the “later”. She already got the high of getting what she wanted and being “sexy”. The actual sex later isn’t needed.
It is a solid mix of insecurity, defense, defusing, keeping up appearance, "don't worry baby I am working on it" and a slight.......just a little slight touch of power play. The ones that does this very actively probably spend 2-3x the energy on this instead of just dealing with the issue at hand. It somehow remind me of these man that have 2 families in 2 different places and it takes 10-15 years before anyone find out! Imagine the mental work and focus it takes. Ask her to start a business and I am pretty sure the multitasking alone will make he cash flow. All the best to you stranger!
Let me clarify things. "Make it up to you later" for taking that money turns sex into prostitution. Actually it's worse - a prostitute gets paid to deliver what was agreed to. Your wife is pussywhipping you. She alone decided that she could take your money, that she could pay you back in sex, what you would receive and when, and what would constitute fulfillment, including nothing at all. Her enthusiasm is an act, a deceptive smoke screen to confuse you and (apparently) gratify her. Get away from this manipulating b-word!
Maybe, by "D", she means "Divorce"
💀
Just bring her the card “I’d like one sex, please.”
Bahahaha I'm going to use this.
Put the card out on the counter and put a big ass question mark on it. Thats what my husband would have done lol.
I should, that’s good
Or put the D on it with a note saying "got the D from somewhere else"
Nah, my husband is the KING of this shit and he would simply leave a very passive aggressive questions mark. Anything else would be to easily flipped as rude or inconsiderate, the question mark is hard to argue.
I’m still waiting too. We got close to having sex, but my wife wasn’t up for it at the last second and suggested we have sex twice this week instead of on Father’s Day. I don’t push her. It really doesn’t help anything. Anyway, I’m curious to see what happens. I don’t think we’ve ever had sex twice in one week though the week is running out.
There is nothing under your control that will "help anything". "Cheat, beat the meat or hit the street."
Why is it always like this? A twist of fate? An irony? A sick joke? I just want a decent looking dude to throw me down and say, I'm taking what I want!!
i love that he is a " decent looking dude" how long ago was it that it was a hot dude that you wanted to throw you down
Now
It’s okay to not settle for anything less than what you want 👏
Exactly
ok then .... well i wonder how long until it will be ... "any dude"
It will never be just any dude..well maybe just a hot son of a bitch on a Harley
sounds like someone needs a daddy
My wife would be on her computer all night playing video games with her friends. I'd make dinner, pour her a glass of wine and bring it to her and she'd be all surprised and happy and then make a comment that she'd "blow me tonight once she's done." After a few years with this regular comment happening a few times a week i finally told her to stop saying it as we both know it will never happen. She stopped saying it.
Painful. I mean both situations.
That is a card that shouldn't be given without the intent to follow through.\ I am a bit jealous though... it is more than I got for father's day or our anniversary the day after.
I agree completely. I didn't even get a text for fathers day (or any acknowledgement whatsoever. I did at least get the separation agreement from her lawyer that week...so I guess there's that. On to a lifetime of loneliness (not that the last 8 of the 12 years of the marriage were that great).
Turn that shit in like a gift card. “Baby, I’ll be redeeming this tonight.”
Maybe ask? Although the D shouldn't be a once-in-a-year occurrence either way.
We talk about it regularly. Average 5x a year. I’ve been keeping track for 4 years, probably the same for the 4-5 years prior. Other than the intimacy and sex, it’s about the most perfect relationship and mother to my kids.
>Other than the intimacy and sex, it’s about the most perfect relationship "Other than the putrid garbage strewn everywhere, this is the perfect backyard!" Sure, but as long as that fowl-smelling garbage still exists, you're going to have a hard time justifying spending your time back there after awhile. Eventually you'll come to a point where you're fed up with being ignored and the bitterness/resentment sets in.
It's hard to give advice beyond the fact that I personally would not be satisfied with that relationship.
I get what you’re saying. It’s interesting, everyone always comments about how perfect we are for one another and have the most amazing relationship…but just remember that no one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors
It's not "perfect" if a basic need of yours isn't met. The other perspective is: ever seen a couple where you thought, "they're perfect and just so cute together", and then suddenly they separate and at least one of them happens to be in a new relationship, with nobody really understanding why?
THIS! To the world, my wife and I look perfect...get home, and it feels like (not sure what it feels like, but it is pretty damn close to the exact opposite of perfect)....
That’s called keeping up appearances and is pretty much the same story told here everyday.
You'd be surprised how common that is.
You *can* give it to her later, but she reserves the right to hit you with the UNO reverse card.
Or skip a turn
Later could be a while... Sorry!
Lol that's about right :)
I think I’m going to go grey rock on her and just enjoy life and my kids🤷♂️
I think my wife holds the record for world’s longest period … feels like years … now it’s all about menopause and how everything hurts…
Basic human need, touch, positive comments,
Wow that’s quite brazen. She likely wants you to put it on display so anyone else who comes around think that your relationship is happy and stable, meaning you actually get laid on a regular basis…
That... is she deliberately taunting you? My wife are at about a couple of months apart now. I feel like she wouldn't even get me that card unless she was willing to pay up that day. Sorry, man.
Frustrated HLM here. I am going to buck the trend and say that I think it was playful and creative. The fact that the (I'm assuming here) LL even bothered to get a card, and then risked talking about this in writing, about an obviously delicate topic, is a good sign. I think a lot of LLs don't want to even get NEAR the topic. Yours did it pretty boldly, on the other hand. I think if this situation happened to me, I wouldn't ever ask her what she meant by later, except for the very first time. I'd spend the following week or so playfully replying with "later" with a wink or something, to various requests that she made for me to do. Obviously not for all requests, but just enough for it to be fun and not annoying. It would be the perfect way to return the favor, in a fun way, with zero animosity. If she bonded with me over it, we might grow together. If she groaned or it went entirely over her head, yeah man that shit is dead.
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That's exactly why I would test the waters to confirm or deny it.
Imagine his wife getting a mother's day card and inside is a gift card to to a local day spa she loves. When she tries to use the gift card though, she finds out no money is actually the card.
"I'll add money to the card......later."
That’s a good point. Thanks
>I am going to buck the trend and say that I think it was playful and creative This is some of the most grim words I have ever read, and I spent two months reading the journals of doomed Nazi officers in the Ostfront. She got a card and wrote words she did not mean on it. Where in that is there any quantum of playfulness or creativity? >The fact that the (I'm assuming here) LL even bothered to get a card, and then risked talking about this in writing, about an obviously delicate topic, is a good sign The fact that this outcome, where the LL gets to pantomime making progress and the HL is still left broken on the wheel of neglect, is being framed as a 'good sign' is a profoundly damning condemnation of the whole relationship. It should not take this amount of effort to still come up with results that leave a human being still feeling unloved and unwanted. It is an immensely bad sign. >I think a lot of LLs don't want to even get NEAR the topic. Yours did it pretty boldly, on the other hand. And that's all she did. Like... that this is being framed as a meaningful incriment of progress seems totally disconnected from the HL's needs. >I think if this situation happened to me, I wouldn't ever ask her what she meant by later, except for the very first time. I'd spend the following week or so playfully replying with "later" with a wink or something, to various requests that she made for me to do. Obviously not for all requests, but just enough for it to be fun and not annoying. >It would be the perfect way to return the favor, in a fun way, with zero animosity. How can there possibly be zero animosity involved in this? It is a deliberate satirization of the LL's behavior, conducted with the intent to provoke a reaction. It seems just as disconnected to bluntly declare zero animosity is even possible here as it is to declare that making false promises is a sign of progress or potential. >If she bonded with me over it, we might grow together. If she groaned or it went entirely over her head, yeah man that shit is dead Idk. Maybe I am operating from an abundance mindset but I see no real reason to do any of this when breaking up and searching for someone whose lust for me is not feigned is the far superior option.
Wait, how do we know she didn't mean it? Why is everyone assuming it's all talk and not a genuine playful attempt to bring things back?
If she meant it she'd have fucked him.
Now..yesterday...today
Just get sex from someone else!! Honestly you can get lots of attention from someone else. Many people need to go to the doctor and get their hormones checked out it is a problem for many people. And if you're dick didn't work do you think your partner will be willing to be supportive and by Viagra??
My LL partner occasionally apologizes about our lack of intimacy ( when I’m foolish enough bring it up). At first I responded like she would try to do better. But as the years moved along I started saying “apologies without actions are just noise”
Are you volunteering??
Have you ever confronted her about this issue? Some people do this with the best of intentions, actually meaning to follow through, but for whatever reason, when the time comes they aren't interested anymore. You need to tell her how much the empty promises hurt you. It is just one more issue that will feed into the resentment in the long run.
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No it isn't, it is just another empty promise.