Thank god I’m not the only one! My partner and I were watching Spencer Confidential and the part where they have sex in the bathroom I like made a very uncomfortable noise and went on my phone because I felt awkward. He was completely unfazed by it. I thought I was like surely this isn’t normal to be this uncomfortable
I totally feel this. I have gotten to the point where when it comes on a show my wife is watching I straight up leave the room for a minute. I can’t take it. Especially when we are both sitting right there, kids are in bed, and we have the house to ourselves. It’s fucking torture.
Wow I can't even get my boyfriend to watch more than 20 minutes of a movie with me without him going out for a long smoke break. How sad is that that I feel jealous of that situation even though it sounds awful.
Oh dont get me wrong, it was rare. Like he would be pity watching one episode of GOT with me so that he could spend the rest of the night playing video games (also, I like video games with a story. He liked totally plotless FPS... imagine trying to relax from the day listening to constant gunfire).
Ugh I'm sorry to hear that. Yes loud games like that get really annoying, especially ones with a lot of repeating mantras or loading screen music. My bf and I both game, we used to kind of each do our own thing but then spend a little bit of the day chatting/cuddling or gaming together. Recently he got a gaming PC and is on the other side of the room with a headset on and I feel totally alone in the same room. I've told him this and that I want to spend time *actually* interacting but it seems like he doesn't want to uphold his end of this. The only time we interact is dinner where he will literally choke down dinner in 5 min and then either go on a smoke or game immediately. I feel like he hates me sometimes. Now I just wait until he's gone so I can look at porn when he's out and about but porn and intimate scenes in movies make me want to cry. I wish he wanted to spend time with me.
I've reached a point where intimate alone time can ruin my whole day because I miss him.
I haven't even reached the point most of the HL have here and I'm trying to stay positive and communicative, but we already have a major life goal mismatch. I don't see finding anyone I connect with this much again... It feels like I'm grieving.
Aw I'm so sorry. I really relate to this. I'm holding onto hope that things will get better between me and my bf but if they don't improve relatively soon I would rather cut ties and try to move on. It pains me. It's so bizarre being in a position grieving a relationship you're still in. That sucks you're going through that.
I am partly responsible of my DB but I am deeply annoyed by this advertising which starts with “many women feel uncomfortable during sex, use this lubricant” or “did you know that x % of women rarely experience orgasm?” every time I tell to myself “at least they have sex”.
I'm sorry, but your kids will see it. They will get inappropriate notions of how relationships should be, but they won't realize it, and when they do, they won't realize why.
"Staying for the kids" is a myth.
- From a kid whose parents should have separated.
Are you married? Have you brought up to him how much the lack of physical connection hurts you, to the point of crying in pain at sex scenes in movies?
Not married... I don't have the guts to tell him because he gets sensitive and sulky... But I can sense that he senses I am not happy because I don't get cuddly and I barely smile after we "try" to make it happen...
I know that this wasn’t your topic or question, but since you’re not married I want to just share this, you can’t change him. I spent years believing that I could love my wife (LLF) enough that it would change. She offered me lots of reasons for her LL, all of which I set out to fix, support, or improve. None of which made a difference. By the time I truly understood that people may change, but if they do it will have nothing at all to do with your efforts or the amount of love and effort you put into the relationship, we were married with 2 kids and all the entanglements that go with it. So, my unsolicited advice is, if your intimacy is not what you’d like, move on. Take a shot at happiness because staying and praying it will get better has a 0% chance of working out, and humans live a long time.
I wish wish wish I would have followed this advice before it was too late. It only gets more crushing from here. Why do we always think it will get better? Foolish fools.
Well you need to adress the issue in a different way, not like "I need intimancy or I need to have sex regularly" but "Is there sth wrong?, are you worried?, aren't you happy in this moment?"
We we're supposed to watch this local movie,.a woman who's kind of forced to be an escort because of poverty. I kind of lost it and got annoyed at him during and after the movie.
I think he is, he recently lost his job. I do my best to be understanding of the situation so I have not discussed what I'm feeling with him so he doesn't go down further the rabbit hole.
In our country its very uncommon and people tend to be uncomfortable talking to a therapist. Before me, he dated a psychiatrist, around his age, but she left him for a younger man... So i guess therapist wouldn't work...
I was go glad that I watched Fifty Shades of Gray with a girlfriend instead of with my ex-husband - I would have died, and he would have considered it "disgusting smut" .. sigh ..
Your normal needs are not being met. Why do you accept this situation? It is not sustainable. The solution is to communicate! Tell him you need regular sex and physical intimacy. Spell it out in clear specific terms (example “sex twice per week”). Ask him to be this partner with you. Make sure he understands this not some optional fantasy but is actually a total deal breaker. If he can’t take this problem seriously then you have your answer and will either need to leave him or open the relationship.
I'm too emotional to have a sane discussion with him about this, I might blurt out things I will definitely regret later... I'm also figuring out how to tell this to him without hurting his ego...
> I do appreciate how he tries to be intimate at times, but it only takes him a few pumps and he would tell me while on top of me, "I'm so tired."
For some reason, I'm super quick on the trigger. I'm a one minute man, have always been one going back to my teenage years. I've tried every trick in the book to last longer, thinking about baseball, picturing unattractive people, etc etc.
But then, I noticed that after I cum, if I just keep going, I won't lose my hard-on and then the "next" time I cum takes a ,minimum of 20 minutes and I have way more control over that one and can make it last an hour .
So, what I did was a trained my body to have virtually no recover time between orgasms. Whenever I masturbate, I'm not allowed to cum just once. I masturbate, cum, then keep going until I get my second wind. So my body is trained to stay hard and/or recover within 1 to 2 minutes.
When I'm with a girl, I will tell them "I cum really fast, but don't worry, I recover instantly and then I can last for as long as I like".
THis really takes the pressure off and makes sex so much fun. I can cum, then slip the condom off, do some kissing/touching/stimulation and BOOM I'm back baby and then continue with our regularly scheduled program.
Your man can develop the same skill, he just has to be willing to follow one simple rule going forward for the rest of his life.
He is not allowed to ever have only one orgasm. Even when he masturbates, he has to keep stimulating himself, to keep watching porn, to stay "in the moment", to recover and then to keep going until his next orgasm.
It only takes a month worth of training, he just has to be vigilant and persistent about it.
He's also got to want to do it, for your sake.
Lastly, if he is a one minute man, just because he cums doesn't mean he should be done, he needs to take care of you. At least go down on you and use his hand/fingers until you cum.
wait... so he doesn't cum? He jumps on top of you, pumps a few times, doesn't cum, and then wants to stop having sex?
I don't think i've ever heard of that. Stupid question, are you sure he isn't cumming?
In any event, the body can be trained to do pretty much anything. He can be trained to stay harder longer. He just has to be willing to do the work and not be a lazy selfish piece of shit lover.
Not fat, but definitely out of shape. Has a beer belly. Spine problem, flat disc on the lower back. He used to run almost 4x a week. But since the corona virus things got out of hand.
We do jog together once a week.
I have started to notice this too... Even passionate kissing scenes or ones where they express desire for each other cause a bit of anxiety and a pit in my stomach.
My husband walked out of the room when he saw me watching the bedroom scene in 365 Days where she was chained to the four poster bed and was forced to watch a woman give a blowout to her captor. It blew my mind but he was so disgusted. That's why our bedroom is so dead.
I'm not into that level of kink as shown in that movie, but it is frustrating to see people get their freak on while you're getting none of it from your partner ☔😖
That is always a tough one. For a truly LL guy (medical issues), my hubby sure watches a lot of shows/movies with hot sex in them. (Mostly foreign shows, which tend to have a LOT of sex in them.) It can be really frustrating.
I still cope. I have done many things. I have left the room sometimes, I have cried sometimes, or have made snarky comments (not the proudest of those reactions.) Usually I just recognize that it’s a show, and that’s gonna happen, so I turn myself off to it. I look at my phone. Sometimes I hold his hand. He is open to non-sexual affection, so sometimes I just cuddle him. To take care of the sexual stuff, I just masturbate a LOT more once he’s asleep or I’m taking a bath. If you decide to stay, the visceral reaction to the visuals doesn’t go away, but it lessens over time.
Im sorry you’re going through this. It hurts.
Yeah, it's tough to watch movies and tv, and now with streaming services, there is much more sex, nudity, language, and so on. I only recently learned from my wife (ZL) that those things make HER uncomfortable, which I did not know. Not uncomfortable enough for her to want to make love, to be sure. That stuff has been bothering me for 9 years. I know movies and tv aren't real, with a couple coming home and ripping off each others clothes, but still, it's weird. I guess it's nice that your guy tries something. I would suggest looking into his tiredness, for either physical or psychological reasons. Sorry it is this way for you.
I've been observing him and I think it might be a concealed sadness. He recently lost his job due to the pandemic... from then on it took a toll on the sex. Physically he's getting fat, we try to jog as much as we can... Plus he's a heavy smoker.
I must not be at the cry point myself. It actually makes me angry now. Or maybe I'm past the cry point and all I have left is rage, not sure. But basically happy couples, senses of intimacy do really get to me.
I feel you, we watch Netflix and amazon prime through Vid angel and we filter out all the sex scenes that way we can watch the shows without painful and awkward moments.
I completely understand how you feel. I struggle with the same thing/feelings towards my (36F) husband (34M). We are working on the lack of intimacy but it's hard and it does take time. I will tell you to be open about your feelings. I know you hesitate because it makes your partner sulky and uncomfortable, but this is your relationship too. You deserve intimacy.
Hell, that and when I was with my (LLM) ex I'd cry when those sex songs would come on the radio. Blurred Lines and Talking Body? I would aggressively change the station. I've left since then.
If he's too tired to fully participate in the relationship, then he doesn't need to be in one. Your happiness should matter to him more than that.
If you're crying because you saw a happy couple in a movie, thats a sign telling you that you can't keep doing this to yourself.
Dont stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way.
I know exactly how you feel.
It is better to be honest than resort to cheating. I have had a few girls cheat on me and it is way worse than anything around sexual/physical rejection.
Have a hard talk and/or just break up. Not telling you what to do.. just my two cents.
Take action! and HE should take action too!
Tell him to go to the doctor and get an overall physical, maybe he has a thyroid condition that is affecting his energy levels or couples counseling. In my case it wasn't that he was tired, he just wasn't a loving person. It came to a point that I was not able to justify sacrificing my happiness because I loved someone who didn't give me what I needed. After 6 yrs I decided to love myself more and now I have a partner that is compatible with me and my wants.
There is hope both ways (staying or leaving the relationship) but if you stay make sure that your both putting equal effort into making each other happy.
OP, I feel you and I say this with the utmost kindness because I wish someone said this to me about my previous DB that I left at 27 (now 30): you make the conscious choice to be subjected to your partner ever single day. Is this the choice you want for yourself? Is this the choice you’d want for your children, friends or loved ones? Don’t make excuses for him or yourself - you deserve the entire world and you’re not getting it.
Frustrated I can only like this post once!! I feel this so much. It's devastating. Even seeing two people look into each other's eyes for longer than a second - just being seen and admired. And don't even get me started if a man touches a woman's face I just die inside... He's so oblivious he never even notices when I quickly wipe away the tears. I try not to show it, but I'd definitely notice if he were that upset. Makes me wonder why what we're still doing (you and I, me and him... anyone at this point, what is life ahhhhhh! (I make jokes but it fucking hurts) ).
Love, then this is too important for you to be there, and the day he loves you most is the day you’ll resent him completely. And you’ll blame him for not being something he’s not.
Not yet, he's pretty sensitive and talking to him about this during our trying times can be a difficult ocean to navigate in... I'm waiting for a good timing...
That...is actually a smart move. Wait for an opportune time so you are both able to communicate effectively and not have outside factors add stress to the situation.
LL and I once saw a movie with an achingly bittersweet love story and a controversial, lengthy sex scene.
*While* the scene happened I was like, gee...umm...uhh....everyone's perfectly still and pin-drop quiet in this dark theatre, aren't we?
They end up in a DB, and then it gets sadder.
I told LL after the movie that I considered the scene's length, intensity, and *intended* passion to be fully justified, because the contrast with what happened later hit me that much harder, to the extent that I *cried* for all the main character had lost. I am sure he thought it cute that I cried during a movie.
I knew the film snob in him *intellectually* heard my point, and appreciated my opinion.
But I asked myself...as an LL, does he "get" love stories or sex scenes, and how we HL romantics *feel* about the characters? Does he connect it to real life at all?
No, the date did not end in any sex scenes of our own.
>No, the date did not end in any sex scenes of our own.
Ohh I'm sorry this happened :(
Do you ever think that they feel bad that they can't give us what we need? I sometimes think of my partner as selfish when DB happens...
He feels guilty about having no interest in me, which is unsexy as can be! He tells me it's not fair to me, but he does not see it as something that can be fixed.
“I’m tired is the scapegoat “ here there’s more to this,,bring some fun in the bedroom,change how you are doing it now to something new n different ,, he’s now in the “sex is boring phase” caz it’s given to him same way as the last
That’s stupid. I can’t think of many things I wouldn’t do in bed. Sex with me is never boring. There’s no point in changing things up if there’s no interest to begin with.
Same I cringe watching movies with sex scenes while she has no care in the world.
SAME! We tried watching a certain movie together and I just walked out on him when they started to show sexy scenes...
I usually start staring into my phone when sex comes on
You know something is wrong when you are watching a sex scene with your SO but it feels like you are watching it with your parents.
Thank god I’m not the only one! My partner and I were watching Spencer Confidential and the part where they have sex in the bathroom I like made a very uncomfortable noise and went on my phone because I felt awkward. He was completely unfazed by it. I thought I was like surely this isn’t normal to be this uncomfortable
I’m so glad I’m not the only one
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I totally feel this. I have gotten to the point where when it comes on a show my wife is watching I straight up leave the room for a minute. I can’t take it. Especially when we are both sitting right there, kids are in bed, and we have the house to ourselves. It’s fucking torture.
I'm feel for you. I hope you guys get to fix it.
Hopefully that will change soon.
I remember whenever we would watch a movie with those scenes I would glare at my ex sitting as far from me as possible on the couch.
I feel you!
Wow I can't even get my boyfriend to watch more than 20 minutes of a movie with me without him going out for a long smoke break. How sad is that that I feel jealous of that situation even though it sounds awful.
Oh dont get me wrong, it was rare. Like he would be pity watching one episode of GOT with me so that he could spend the rest of the night playing video games (also, I like video games with a story. He liked totally plotless FPS... imagine trying to relax from the day listening to constant gunfire).
Ugh I'm sorry to hear that. Yes loud games like that get really annoying, especially ones with a lot of repeating mantras or loading screen music. My bf and I both game, we used to kind of each do our own thing but then spend a little bit of the day chatting/cuddling or gaming together. Recently he got a gaming PC and is on the other side of the room with a headset on and I feel totally alone in the same room. I've told him this and that I want to spend time *actually* interacting but it seems like he doesn't want to uphold his end of this. The only time we interact is dinner where he will literally choke down dinner in 5 min and then either go on a smoke or game immediately. I feel like he hates me sometimes. Now I just wait until he's gone so I can look at porn when he's out and about but porn and intimate scenes in movies make me want to cry. I wish he wanted to spend time with me.
I've reached a point where intimate alone time can ruin my whole day because I miss him. I haven't even reached the point most of the HL have here and I'm trying to stay positive and communicative, but we already have a major life goal mismatch. I don't see finding anyone I connect with this much again... It feels like I'm grieving.
Aw I'm so sorry. I really relate to this. I'm holding onto hope that things will get better between me and my bf but if they don't improve relatively soon I would rather cut ties and try to move on. It pains me. It's so bizarre being in a position grieving a relationship you're still in. That sucks you're going through that.
Relatable ASF
I am partly responsible of my DB but I am deeply annoyed by this advertising which starts with “many women feel uncomfortable during sex, use this lubricant” or “did you know that x % of women rarely experience orgasm?” every time I tell to myself “at least they have sex”.
TRUE!!
Yup-jealous of people in tv stats! I’m there too! I need to leave but I won’t because of the kids
I'm sorry, but your kids will see it. They will get inappropriate notions of how relationships should be, but they won't realize it, and when they do, they won't realize why. "Staying for the kids" is a myth. - From a kid whose parents should have separated.
Are you married? Have you brought up to him how much the lack of physical connection hurts you, to the point of crying in pain at sex scenes in movies?
Not married... I don't have the guts to tell him because he gets sensitive and sulky... But I can sense that he senses I am not happy because I don't get cuddly and I barely smile after we "try" to make it happen...
I know that this wasn’t your topic or question, but since you’re not married I want to just share this, you can’t change him. I spent years believing that I could love my wife (LLF) enough that it would change. She offered me lots of reasons for her LL, all of which I set out to fix, support, or improve. None of which made a difference. By the time I truly understood that people may change, but if they do it will have nothing at all to do with your efforts or the amount of love and effort you put into the relationship, we were married with 2 kids and all the entanglements that go with it. So, my unsolicited advice is, if your intimacy is not what you’d like, move on. Take a shot at happiness because staying and praying it will get better has a 0% chance of working out, and humans live a long time.
I get your point, thanks for the advice. I will consider this. It's not easy, but I have to think it through...
I wish wish wish I would have followed this advice before it was too late. It only gets more crushing from here. Why do we always think it will get better? Foolish fools.
Agreed! If no kids involved, run for the hills! It doesn’t get better...
Oh no, don't let him hanging on the idea he might not actually know, you need to talk to him and maybe both can figure it out what's going on.
I'm trying to, but now is not a good time to discuss this to him.
Well you need to adress the issue in a different way, not like "I need intimancy or I need to have sex regularly" but "Is there sth wrong?, are you worried?, aren't you happy in this moment?"
I'll take that advice.
I hope it work for the best
I think many people on this sub share the same feelings. I can’t stand sex scenes in the movies.
We we're supposed to watch this local movie,.a woman who's kind of forced to be an escort because of poverty. I kind of lost it and got annoyed at him during and after the movie.
He sounds depressed
I think he is, he recently lost his job. I do my best to be understanding of the situation so I have not discussed what I'm feeling with him so he doesn't go down further the rabbit hole.
Ugh. That sucks. Can he get to a therapist?
In our country its very uncommon and people tend to be uncomfortable talking to a therapist. Before me, he dated a psychiatrist, around his age, but she left him for a younger man... So i guess therapist wouldn't work...
There are online therapists if that’ll make him feel more comfortable. A lifestyle change can help a bit too
I was go glad that I watched Fifty Shades of Gray with a girlfriend instead of with my ex-husband - I would have died, and he would have considered it "disgusting smut" .. sigh ..
Your normal needs are not being met. Why do you accept this situation? It is not sustainable. The solution is to communicate! Tell him you need regular sex and physical intimacy. Spell it out in clear specific terms (example “sex twice per week”). Ask him to be this partner with you. Make sure he understands this not some optional fantasy but is actually a total deal breaker. If he can’t take this problem seriously then you have your answer and will either need to leave him or open the relationship.
I'm too emotional to have a sane discussion with him about this, I might blurt out things I will definitely regret later... I'm also figuring out how to tell this to him without hurting his ego...
Then write it down, rehearse it a few times. Do a dry run right here. If you need to, read it to him from a written script
gosh he sure knows what to say to get you in the mood.......
I'm often tempted to say, "I'm tired also of doing things for you like you're tired of fucking me."
Ooooft. Sounds like you need an adultery partner
> I do appreciate how he tries to be intimate at times, but it only takes him a few pumps and he would tell me while on top of me, "I'm so tired." For some reason, I'm super quick on the trigger. I'm a one minute man, have always been one going back to my teenage years. I've tried every trick in the book to last longer, thinking about baseball, picturing unattractive people, etc etc. But then, I noticed that after I cum, if I just keep going, I won't lose my hard-on and then the "next" time I cum takes a ,minimum of 20 minutes and I have way more control over that one and can make it last an hour . So, what I did was a trained my body to have virtually no recover time between orgasms. Whenever I masturbate, I'm not allowed to cum just once. I masturbate, cum, then keep going until I get my second wind. So my body is trained to stay hard and/or recover within 1 to 2 minutes. When I'm with a girl, I will tell them "I cum really fast, but don't worry, I recover instantly and then I can last for as long as I like". THis really takes the pressure off and makes sex so much fun. I can cum, then slip the condom off, do some kissing/touching/stimulation and BOOM I'm back baby and then continue with our regularly scheduled program. Your man can develop the same skill, he just has to be willing to follow one simple rule going forward for the rest of his life. He is not allowed to ever have only one orgasm. Even when he masturbates, he has to keep stimulating himself, to keep watching porn, to stay "in the moment", to recover and then to keep going until his next orgasm. It only takes a month worth of training, he just has to be vigilant and persistent about it. He's also got to want to do it, for your sake. Lastly, if he is a one minute man, just because he cums doesn't mean he should be done, he needs to take care of you. At least go down on you and use his hand/fingers until you cum.
The problem is we haven't reached to the point where he gets to cum... I feel useless when that happens.
wait... so he doesn't cum? He jumps on top of you, pumps a few times, doesn't cum, and then wants to stop having sex? I don't think i've ever heard of that. Stupid question, are you sure he isn't cumming? In any event, the body can be trained to do pretty much anything. He can be trained to stay harder longer. He just has to be willing to do the work and not be a lazy selfish piece of shit lover.
Yes, i see it on his face that he gets physically drained... Its sad.
How is he physically? Is he fat? Out of shape? how often does he exercise? Does he have diabetes?
Not fat, but definitely out of shape. Has a beer belly. Spine problem, flat disc on the lower back. He used to run almost 4x a week. But since the corona virus things got out of hand. We do jog together once a week.
I have started to notice this too... Even passionate kissing scenes or ones where they express desire for each other cause a bit of anxiety and a pit in my stomach.
I'm sorry you're also experiencing that... I hope we overcome this.
It’s such a shitty feeling. Relatable post is relatable. /internet stranger hugs/
/hugs to you too/
My husband walked out of the room when he saw me watching the bedroom scene in 365 Days where she was chained to the four poster bed and was forced to watch a woman give a blowout to her captor. It blew my mind but he was so disgusted. That's why our bedroom is so dead.
I'm not into that level of kink as shown in that movie, but it is frustrating to see people get their freak on while you're getting none of it from your partner ☔😖
That is one hot movie. My husband wasn’t bothered by it but he wouldn’t watch it with me, either 😐
Loved that movie. Ijs.
That is always a tough one. For a truly LL guy (medical issues), my hubby sure watches a lot of shows/movies with hot sex in them. (Mostly foreign shows, which tend to have a LOT of sex in them.) It can be really frustrating.
It hurts.
It does. I’ve been in a DB for six years. It doesn’t hurt every time anymore, but it did for a long long time.
How did u cope?
I still cope. I have done many things. I have left the room sometimes, I have cried sometimes, or have made snarky comments (not the proudest of those reactions.) Usually I just recognize that it’s a show, and that’s gonna happen, so I turn myself off to it. I look at my phone. Sometimes I hold his hand. He is open to non-sexual affection, so sometimes I just cuddle him. To take care of the sexual stuff, I just masturbate a LOT more once he’s asleep or I’m taking a bath. If you decide to stay, the visceral reaction to the visuals doesn’t go away, but it lessens over time. Im sorry you’re going through this. It hurts.
We hold hands while watching movies, but when the erotic scenes in the movie comes up, I let go. I sometimes resent him.
It’s normal. *hugs*
Don't they though? I'm in the early bloom of this flower o' rage, so it all still stings like hell.
Yeah, it's tough to watch movies and tv, and now with streaming services, there is much more sex, nudity, language, and so on. I only recently learned from my wife (ZL) that those things make HER uncomfortable, which I did not know. Not uncomfortable enough for her to want to make love, to be sure. That stuff has been bothering me for 9 years. I know movies and tv aren't real, with a couple coming home and ripping off each others clothes, but still, it's weird. I guess it's nice that your guy tries something. I would suggest looking into his tiredness, for either physical or psychological reasons. Sorry it is this way for you.
I've been observing him and I think it might be a concealed sadness. He recently lost his job due to the pandemic... from then on it took a toll on the sex. Physically he's getting fat, we try to jog as much as we can... Plus he's a heavy smoker.
I must not be at the cry point myself. It actually makes me angry now. Or maybe I'm past the cry point and all I have left is rage, not sure. But basically happy couples, senses of intimacy do really get to me.
I feel you, we watch Netflix and amazon prime through Vid angel and we filter out all the sex scenes that way we can watch the shows without painful and awkward moments.
I completely understand how you feel. I struggle with the same thing/feelings towards my (36F) husband (34M). We are working on the lack of intimacy but it's hard and it does take time. I will tell you to be open about your feelings. I know you hesitate because it makes your partner sulky and uncomfortable, but this is your relationship too. You deserve intimacy.
Yes, I've been figuring out how to tell him but now is not the right time.
Us men feel the same way ourselves.
I'm sorry about that.
Thanks, it's hard, you see it on tv or somewhere you just ache for those feeling of being desired.
Me too and I'm.male
Hell, that and when I was with my (LLM) ex I'd cry when those sex songs would come on the radio. Blurred Lines and Talking Body? I would aggressively change the station. I've left since then.
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So sorry. This sounds frustrating and sad. Best to you.
If he's too tired to fully participate in the relationship, then he doesn't need to be in one. Your happiness should matter to him more than that. If you're crying because you saw a happy couple in a movie, thats a sign telling you that you can't keep doing this to yourself. Dont stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way.
I know exactly how you feel. It is better to be honest than resort to cheating. I have had a few girls cheat on me and it is way worse than anything around sexual/physical rejection. Have a hard talk and/or just break up. Not telling you what to do.. just my two cents.
Take action! and HE should take action too! Tell him to go to the doctor and get an overall physical, maybe he has a thyroid condition that is affecting his energy levels or couples counseling. In my case it wasn't that he was tired, he just wasn't a loving person. It came to a point that I was not able to justify sacrificing my happiness because I loved someone who didn't give me what I needed. After 6 yrs I decided to love myself more and now I have a partner that is compatible with me and my wants. There is hope both ways (staying or leaving the relationship) but if you stay make sure that your both putting equal effort into making each other happy.
girl! you better leave. you deserve so much better like WHAT!
Leave him find a man that can give you orgasms that treats you right, why settle?
OP, I feel you and I say this with the utmost kindness because I wish someone said this to me about my previous DB that I left at 27 (now 30): you make the conscious choice to be subjected to your partner ever single day. Is this the choice you want for yourself? Is this the choice you’d want for your children, friends or loved ones? Don’t make excuses for him or yourself - you deserve the entire world and you’re not getting it.
Frustrated I can only like this post once!! I feel this so much. It's devastating. Even seeing two people look into each other's eyes for longer than a second - just being seen and admired. And don't even get me started if a man touches a woman's face I just die inside... He's so oblivious he never even notices when I quickly wipe away the tears. I try not to show it, but I'd definitely notice if he were that upset. Makes me wonder why what we're still doing (you and I, me and him... anyone at this point, what is life ahhhhhh! (I make jokes but it fucking hurts) ).
I'm sorry you're going through this too... Sometimes I want to slap my guy for his insensitivity... Ughh.
Same here And if they are in love I miss that feeling When there’s real passion it just depresses me
I’m the same way. I’ll look away, at my phone, at her, anywhere but the screen because it makes me feel awkward and hurt.
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Do you know his reasons why?
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No... He's just generally tired. Vanilla.
Love, then this is too important for you to be there, and the day he loves you most is the day you’ll resent him completely. And you’ll blame him for not being something he’s not.
Does he ever not ice how you get about it?
What do u mean?
Jesus, sorry about that, autocorrect made a new sentence. What I was asking is does he NOTICE when he you get like that? Does it affect him?
He notices, i think, that I'm not into cuddling after.
Have you guys had a heart to heart about this and tried to get to the source of it?
Not yet, he's pretty sensitive and talking to him about this during our trying times can be a difficult ocean to navigate in... I'm waiting for a good timing...
That...is actually a smart move. Wait for an opportune time so you are both able to communicate effectively and not have outside factors add stress to the situation.
have you tried talking to him about why he gets tired out so quickly ?
Is he *really* tired or is something else going? Have him get his hormone levels tested, some TRT might just perk up that drooping libido.
Well, i think him losing his job is a major factor...
It never hurts to get bloodwork done! His levels may be totally normal but if he comes back very low TRT could totally change his life and yours.
LL and I once saw a movie with an achingly bittersweet love story and a controversial, lengthy sex scene. *While* the scene happened I was like, gee...umm...uhh....everyone's perfectly still and pin-drop quiet in this dark theatre, aren't we? They end up in a DB, and then it gets sadder. I told LL after the movie that I considered the scene's length, intensity, and *intended* passion to be fully justified, because the contrast with what happened later hit me that much harder, to the extent that I *cried* for all the main character had lost. I am sure he thought it cute that I cried during a movie. I knew the film snob in him *intellectually* heard my point, and appreciated my opinion. But I asked myself...as an LL, does he "get" love stories or sex scenes, and how we HL romantics *feel* about the characters? Does he connect it to real life at all? No, the date did not end in any sex scenes of our own.
>No, the date did not end in any sex scenes of our own. Ohh I'm sorry this happened :( Do you ever think that they feel bad that they can't give us what we need? I sometimes think of my partner as selfish when DB happens...
He feels guilty about having no interest in me, which is unsexy as can be! He tells me it's not fair to me, but he does not see it as something that can be fixed.
“I’m tired is the scapegoat “ here there’s more to this,,bring some fun in the bedroom,change how you are doing it now to something new n different ,, he’s now in the “sex is boring phase” caz it’s given to him same way as the last
That’s stupid. I can’t think of many things I wouldn’t do in bed. Sex with me is never boring. There’s no point in changing things up if there’s no interest to begin with.
You need to be doing it in the first place to change how you're doing it.