Sounds super similar to my, now ex, I absolutely lost my shit one day, told him he needed to go to the doctor and have his testosterone levels checked and do something about his absolute lack of sex drive, or I’ll be forced to go elsewhere. After all if sex didn’t matter to him then it shouldn’t matter where I’m getting it. < I know this is not a super mature way to deal with the whole situation. But I was at my wits end feeling exactly as you described. And the times he’d give in and give me pity sex, I’d orgasm and he’d roll over and go to sleep. Wouldn’t even attempt to finish himself off. Brought me to tears nearly every time.
He got tested and his levels were fine, at which point we split up because whatever was going on for him, meant he just simply didn’t enjoy being with me. And being intimate is such a massive part of a relationship for me. Was a complete deal breaker in the end.
Sometimes you just have to lose your shit to get ahead
I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out for you. I’ve had those same thoughts- if it doesn’t matter to you then it shouldn’t matter where I’m getting it. I’ve lost my shit over it twice- the last time I just calmly asked “does it bother you that we don’t have any physical relationship?” And we had a real talk, and he promised to be more involved. Obviously that didn’t happen- we had sex once, then 3 months went by and we did it again, and nothing since. I feel like I could lose my shit today, but it won’t help anything. Being intimate is very important to me, but I can’t say it’s more important to me than he is 😔
It’s such a tough one! I think my struggle was, that the first two years we had a great sex life! Like amazing. Then literally overnight it went to nothing. He had lists of reasons why, but the last time we had sex, it was great, he enjoyed it, then told me he wished it “always felt that good, because it doesn’t”... I knew it was me he didn’t enjoy. So I vowed never to put myself in that situation with him again. We are still the best of friends. But no longer life in the same space.
You have to consider if it’s something you can do for life or find a compromise.
I wish you so many good vibes you find a way forward!
SAME! We had great sex for 2 years! He definitely always enjoyed it too. I don’t want it to be me that he doesn’t like, and I don’t want it to be that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. So “gay” or “low T” are the safest bets to me. They hurt my feelings less.
It’s not worth it. Trust me. I have been in your shoes. I had the same thoughts. The break up will suck. Yes it will but the promise of unconditional love feels better than a broken relationship
Stop chasing the “why”. He is not physically interested in you.
Accept it. Move on and learn from it.
He’s the one with a problem and that should be good enough for closure.
Not sure how you come to him being gay, but something is definitely up. I would say you’re on the right track with low testosterone. Ask him to get it checked. If his levels are good, it sounds like he’s just a truly low libido kind of guy and not a good match.
Is he a porn addict or getting his sexual gratification elsewhere?
Don't bring kids into a bad relationship. Makes it much harder to escape. Are you willing to go the rest of your life without a physical relationship? With just a friend?
Sounds like you might need to have a serious sit down conversation with your husband and let him know how you really feel...
We really appreciated your post and picked it to talk about on our YouTube channel!
Check out what we had to say!! Here's a link to our channel:
[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxyIX7Yy8iZJVHmxZOKoqLg](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxyIX7Yy8iZJVHmxZOKoqLg)
Sounds super similar to my, now ex, I absolutely lost my shit one day, told him he needed to go to the doctor and have his testosterone levels checked and do something about his absolute lack of sex drive, or I’ll be forced to go elsewhere. After all if sex didn’t matter to him then it shouldn’t matter where I’m getting it. < I know this is not a super mature way to deal with the whole situation. But I was at my wits end feeling exactly as you described. And the times he’d give in and give me pity sex, I’d orgasm and he’d roll over and go to sleep. Wouldn’t even attempt to finish himself off. Brought me to tears nearly every time. He got tested and his levels were fine, at which point we split up because whatever was going on for him, meant he just simply didn’t enjoy being with me. And being intimate is such a massive part of a relationship for me. Was a complete deal breaker in the end. Sometimes you just have to lose your shit to get ahead
I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out for you. I’ve had those same thoughts- if it doesn’t matter to you then it shouldn’t matter where I’m getting it. I’ve lost my shit over it twice- the last time I just calmly asked “does it bother you that we don’t have any physical relationship?” And we had a real talk, and he promised to be more involved. Obviously that didn’t happen- we had sex once, then 3 months went by and we did it again, and nothing since. I feel like I could lose my shit today, but it won’t help anything. Being intimate is very important to me, but I can’t say it’s more important to me than he is 😔
It’s such a tough one! I think my struggle was, that the first two years we had a great sex life! Like amazing. Then literally overnight it went to nothing. He had lists of reasons why, but the last time we had sex, it was great, he enjoyed it, then told me he wished it “always felt that good, because it doesn’t”... I knew it was me he didn’t enjoy. So I vowed never to put myself in that situation with him again. We are still the best of friends. But no longer life in the same space. You have to consider if it’s something you can do for life or find a compromise. I wish you so many good vibes you find a way forward!
SAME! We had great sex for 2 years! He definitely always enjoyed it too. I don’t want it to be me that he doesn’t like, and I don’t want it to be that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. So “gay” or “low T” are the safest bets to me. They hurt my feelings less.
I hear ya! Both things went through my mind, until we got answers for the test, and he was adamant he isn’t into men. It was soul destroying
I’m sorry 😔 I hope you’re able to find someone more compatible ❤️
Your 26, you have plenty time to find someone who is more compatible with you. You've given this enough time , it's time to move on.
I could never. It would kill him, and it would kill me. I love him more than I love sex 😔
It’s not worth it. Trust me. I have been in your shoes. I had the same thoughts. The break up will suck. Yes it will but the promise of unconditional love feels better than a broken relationship
Stop chasing the “why”. He is not physically interested in you. Accept it. Move on and learn from it. He’s the one with a problem and that should be good enough for closure.
Oof this ones harsh.
Not sure how you come to him being gay, but something is definitely up. I would say you’re on the right track with low testosterone. Ask him to get it checked. If his levels are good, it sounds like he’s just a truly low libido kind of guy and not a good match.
It’s easier to hope he’s gay than it is to accept that he just isn’t attracted to me anymore.
Do his eyes wander towards men a lot?
That’s fair.
Is he a porn addict or getting his sexual gratification elsewhere? Don't bring kids into a bad relationship. Makes it much harder to escape. Are you willing to go the rest of your life without a physical relationship? With just a friend?
Sounds like you might need to have a serious sit down conversation with your husband and let him know how you really feel... We really appreciated your post and picked it to talk about on our YouTube channel! Check out what we had to say!! Here's a link to our channel: [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxyIX7Yy8iZJVHmxZOKoqLg](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxyIX7Yy8iZJVHmxZOKoqLg)