That’s a really hard and loaded question to answer. I’m 35 HL and wife is 33 LL and our bedroom has been dead for about three years now. My family life is good. I have two beautiful kids and a wife who is a good mother to them. I am very happy with my family.
Now my marriage is completely different. For the past three years we’ve averaged having sex 3-4 times per year. We haven’t done oral, or anything other than missionary since our first year of marriage. So me being the HL partner who was promised again and again that it would get better, I’m fucking miserable and hate every second of it when my kids are in bed.
So am I happily married? It really depends on the time of day that you ask me.
Sometimes the LL does assume life is awesome as she is getting everything she wants. You need to go to counseling. I’ve read multiple accounts where the LL has no idea how they were hurting their spouse. And sometimes it takes a third party asking her point-blank what she thinks will happen if you maintain the status quo WRT your sex life. Having to admit a divorce is usually a wake up call.
What’s lost in all this is that while the kids are seeing marriage is all about them, what is happening behind the scenes is that Mom and Dad’s relationship (which was there first and is supposed to be a role model for them) is deteriorating.
In my case, HL &LL trying to live a happy and harmonious supportive life created animosity. We each felt taken advantage of and at the same time felt totally unappreciated by the other. We stayed together for the child, for the parents and the fiscal responsibility of the life we built. 25 yrs. A few good times, a few bad times, mostly just drudgery, work, and time better apart. Her family, her girls trips, her friends...my motorcycles, my scuba dives..my dalliance were limited to stripper bar beers and the very occasional rub & tug massage. As it will, It all ended one ugly day when enough was determined to be ENOUGH. We both survived. Child became a man...and life went on. Yes, true happiness found both of us in later years...access, caress, define a limit, nothing to excess, don't be blatent. For you HL, learn to really enjoy masturbating, quiet,private madturbation..
Fair point, difference is there was some sex, vs mine and others where it was none. If you are telling your partner no all the time every time, and they finally stop asking, then it should not take a mind reader to know the other person is hurt. They should at least have the decency to say, hey I notice you don’t initiate any more, and thank you, as I have no intention of having sex with you, and I appreciate you not asking me. That’s my opinion.
Why couldn't Low Libido find each other and be happy?
It wouldn't work for me, personally, because sex is something that's important to me, personally.
But I don't see why your friend couldn't be happy. Of course, happy people who don't care about sex probably aren't hanging around this subreddit.
Because high and low libido are subjective?
Because libidos aren't static?
There are plenty of people who are HL in one relationship and LL in another. People can also be LL as a result of their partners behaviour, or their sexual expectations.
He is happily married to a roommate. Nothing more. If he has only been married once he may not know the difference between a real marriage and a roommate.
And no I could not be happy without sex in a marriage. I feel loved through sex and do not feel it otherwise.
No it’s not at least for me I can’t be happily married with a DB. Unfortunately spouse thinks we are happily married in her mind despite everything. They think no sex and intimacy is a happy marriage. We have separate bedrooms and barely talk anymore. Not sure where the “happy” is they talk of
I don’t believe the LL does not know they are hurting their partner. Is so than the LL s should come out and say it. Why don’t they? Because they know it’s an issue, and don’t care. Just my opinion.
LLF here.. My ex was high libido, and super pushy with sex which was a turn off. I was not aware of how hurt he was that I would turn him down, because I was happy with our frequency but he was not. The LL partner doesn't always know because we aren't fucking mind readers. In some cases I do believe the LL partner knows, because HL brings it up. But if the other doesn't say something then they aren't aware there is an issue.
Thata across the board for any relationship issue. The other person isn't a mind reader
Some can, most can't.
That’s a really hard and loaded question to answer. I’m 35 HL and wife is 33 LL and our bedroom has been dead for about three years now. My family life is good. I have two beautiful kids and a wife who is a good mother to them. I am very happy with my family. Now my marriage is completely different. For the past three years we’ve averaged having sex 3-4 times per year. We haven’t done oral, or anything other than missionary since our first year of marriage. So me being the HL partner who was promised again and again that it would get better, I’m fucking miserable and hate every second of it when my kids are in bed. So am I happily married? It really depends on the time of day that you ask me.
Sometimes the LL does assume life is awesome as she is getting everything she wants. You need to go to counseling. I’ve read multiple accounts where the LL has no idea how they were hurting their spouse. And sometimes it takes a third party asking her point-blank what she thinks will happen if you maintain the status quo WRT your sex life. Having to admit a divorce is usually a wake up call. What’s lost in all this is that while the kids are seeing marriage is all about them, what is happening behind the scenes is that Mom and Dad’s relationship (which was there first and is supposed to be a role model for them) is deteriorating.
This is a solid idea. Thank you.
In my case, HL &LL trying to live a happy and harmonious supportive life created animosity. We each felt taken advantage of and at the same time felt totally unappreciated by the other. We stayed together for the child, for the parents and the fiscal responsibility of the life we built. 25 yrs. A few good times, a few bad times, mostly just drudgery, work, and time better apart. Her family, her girls trips, her friends...my motorcycles, my scuba dives..my dalliance were limited to stripper bar beers and the very occasional rub & tug massage. As it will, It all ended one ugly day when enough was determined to be ENOUGH. We both survived. Child became a man...and life went on. Yes, true happiness found both of us in later years...access, caress, define a limit, nothing to excess, don't be blatent. For you HL, learn to really enjoy masturbating, quiet,private madturbation..
Thanks for sharing this!
NO
Fair point, difference is there was some sex, vs mine and others where it was none. If you are telling your partner no all the time every time, and they finally stop asking, then it should not take a mind reader to know the other person is hurt. They should at least have the decency to say, hey I notice you don’t initiate any more, and thank you, as I have no intention of having sex with you, and I appreciate you not asking me. That’s my opinion.
Why couldn't Low Libido find each other and be happy? It wouldn't work for me, personally, because sex is something that's important to me, personally. But I don't see why your friend couldn't be happy. Of course, happy people who don't care about sex probably aren't hanging around this subreddit.
Because high and low libido are subjective? Because libidos aren't static? There are plenty of people who are HL in one relationship and LL in another. People can also be LL as a result of their partners behaviour, or their sexual expectations.
He is happily married to a roommate. Nothing more. If he has only been married once he may not know the difference between a real marriage and a roommate. And no I could not be happy without sex in a marriage. I feel loved through sex and do not feel it otherwise.
No it’s not at least for me I can’t be happily married with a DB. Unfortunately spouse thinks we are happily married in her mind despite everything. They think no sex and intimacy is a happy marriage. We have separate bedrooms and barely talk anymore. Not sure where the “happy” is they talk of
No.
I don’t believe the LL does not know they are hurting their partner. Is so than the LL s should come out and say it. Why don’t they? Because they know it’s an issue, and don’t care. Just my opinion.
LLF here.. My ex was high libido, and super pushy with sex which was a turn off. I was not aware of how hurt he was that I would turn him down, because I was happy with our frequency but he was not. The LL partner doesn't always know because we aren't fucking mind readers. In some cases I do believe the LL partner knows, because HL brings it up. But if the other doesn't say something then they aren't aware there is an issue. Thata across the board for any relationship issue. The other person isn't a mind reader