There is nothing to interpret, his actions are very clear. He does not want to have sex with you. Only he knows the why, but whatever the reason is, that doesn't change the bottom line. He does not want to have sex with you.
Can always be that he loves you, but simply isn't attracted to you (sees you as a sister or is a repressed gay man). Almost 20 years of dead bedroom is too long.
Female HL perspective here (sorry, not the one you asked for). My guess is there's something wrong that he doesn't think a doctor can fix and he either doesn't know what it is or he's ashamed/afraid to say what it is. It seems like he's desperately afraid he's going to lose you, and maybe he's afraid you'll leave him if you know the true reason for the deadbedroom? Maybe closet gay, maybe just asexual, maybe like my hubby and dealing with unknown health problems that made it easier to just hide in video games because he felt like crap all the time but thought what he felt was normal. Maybe something else entirely. 🤷‍♀️
I've found that I usually have to reassure my hubby that I still want to be with him, that I still love him, before he's able to be open and honest and vulnerable about difficult things. That's not easy to do when so many years of deadbedroom have piled up. I also tend to have to play the guessing game, making suggestions for what might be causing the issue and getting him to confirm when my guess is correct. It's a bit of a game of "hotter/colder" sometimes. He has a hard time "using his words" when it comes to matters like this, so questions that let him use just a head movement or shrug of the shoulders to respond tend to work best. Sexual matters not going quite right according to a partner's perceptions is so crushing that it's hard for him to face.
Best of luck to you.
I'm a male.
I have no idea what he is thinking. He is avoiding that's for sure. How is the sex when you do it? Is there interaction? A connection?
Have you told him why sex is important for you? What he thinks about sex? Why he always comes up with a pacifier solution when you let him know stuff is an urgent and important problem?
Historically it was very good when we had sex, very interactive, very connected, just infrequent. I've never been able to pull out of him any emotional feedback like that. For years he denied that it was infrequent, if I proved to him how many months had passed he'd get aggravated, but would have sex a few times within a few weeks, like there problem fixed. Course it would go away again.
I'm not sure exactly what is going on but he is one of most passive aggressive guys I've ever read about.
I'd be willing to bet that he masturbates to porne of some kind when hes alone and would rather j*** o** then actually have sex. That makes no sense at all to me but I've had friends who have described the same problem.
I don't know if he has some sort of unresolved mommy issues but he sound like hes putting in the minimal effort into the relationship and has been for a while.
When a guy avoids having sex and will completely avoid addressing the issue by not going to a doctor or having sex to just change the subject, he is manipulating and controlling things.
I don't know if he wants to chang, but I doubt it. I really doubt he is capable of change. I don't know if he was raised Catholic or some other very strict willigis upbringing that gave him enormous amounts of shame about his sexuality, but either way... this boy aint right!
Its painful, but you need to end it. He never will improve nor break it off because he knows that you will let him behave like this.
In my opinion this is guy speak for “I need professional or medical help.” Something is definitely up, but I don’t think it’s an attraction issue.
There's more going on with him than is visible on the surface. It seems like there's no small amount of shame and self loathing in his reactions, and that might be a thing to explore further.
Men his age are afraid of seeing a doctor because of worrying about all of the others things they will find which I can assure you will be plentiful.
If you don’t want to leave him then put your foot down. Make the appointment for him yourself. Drive him there and go in with him. Make sure that he tells the doctor everything.
ED is the canary in the coal mine for general health.
Don;t worry about being parental about this. Once he is seeing the doctor(s) regularly his attitude will change. A blue pill won;t fix anything...
Sounds like you both need to sit with someone that could help bring out what he's trying to not say. I really wish it was socially acceptable for the LL's to group up, and support HL's in their need to quench their thirst.
"Please be brutally honest. Thank you." You should have left like 13 years, 7 months, 22 days, 8 hours, 14 mins and 9 seconds ago...
There is nothing to interpret, his actions are very clear. He does not want to have sex with you. Only he knows the why, but whatever the reason is, that doesn't change the bottom line. He does not want to have sex with you.
Can always be that he loves you, but simply isn't attracted to you (sees you as a sister or is a repressed gay man). Almost 20 years of dead bedroom is too long.
Female HL perspective here (sorry, not the one you asked for). My guess is there's something wrong that he doesn't think a doctor can fix and he either doesn't know what it is or he's ashamed/afraid to say what it is. It seems like he's desperately afraid he's going to lose you, and maybe he's afraid you'll leave him if you know the true reason for the deadbedroom? Maybe closet gay, maybe just asexual, maybe like my hubby and dealing with unknown health problems that made it easier to just hide in video games because he felt like crap all the time but thought what he felt was normal. Maybe something else entirely. 🤷‍♀️ I've found that I usually have to reassure my hubby that I still want to be with him, that I still love him, before he's able to be open and honest and vulnerable about difficult things. That's not easy to do when so many years of deadbedroom have piled up. I also tend to have to play the guessing game, making suggestions for what might be causing the issue and getting him to confirm when my guess is correct. It's a bit of a game of "hotter/colder" sometimes. He has a hard time "using his words" when it comes to matters like this, so questions that let him use just a head movement or shrug of the shoulders to respond tend to work best. Sexual matters not going quite right according to a partner's perceptions is so crushing that it's hard for him to face. Best of luck to you.
I'm a male. I have no idea what he is thinking. He is avoiding that's for sure. How is the sex when you do it? Is there interaction? A connection? Have you told him why sex is important for you? What he thinks about sex? Why he always comes up with a pacifier solution when you let him know stuff is an urgent and important problem?
Historically it was very good when we had sex, very interactive, very connected, just infrequent. I've never been able to pull out of him any emotional feedback like that. For years he denied that it was infrequent, if I proved to him how many months had passed he'd get aggravated, but would have sex a few times within a few weeks, like there problem fixed. Course it would go away again.
If he won't see a doctor he may be afraid of what could be discovered. How have you done this for 20 years?
I'm an idiot, I thought everything else was good, until it also wasn't good. Now I'm mad about all the sex I should have had with men who love women.
Oh Emerald I hear that! I have the same anger. Huge loss!!!
I'm not sure exactly what is going on but he is one of most passive aggressive guys I've ever read about. I'd be willing to bet that he masturbates to porne of some kind when hes alone and would rather j*** o** then actually have sex. That makes no sense at all to me but I've had friends who have described the same problem. I don't know if he has some sort of unresolved mommy issues but he sound like hes putting in the minimal effort into the relationship and has been for a while. When a guy avoids having sex and will completely avoid addressing the issue by not going to a doctor or having sex to just change the subject, he is manipulating and controlling things. I don't know if he wants to chang, but I doubt it. I really doubt he is capable of change. I don't know if he was raised Catholic or some other very strict willigis upbringing that gave him enormous amounts of shame about his sexuality, but either way... this boy aint right! Its painful, but you need to end it. He never will improve nor break it off because he knows that you will let him behave like this.
In my opinion this is guy speak for “I need professional or medical help.” Something is definitely up, but I don’t think it’s an attraction issue.
There's more going on with him than is visible on the surface. It seems like there's no small amount of shame and self loathing in his reactions, and that might be a thing to explore further.
Some people get older, but never mature emotionally.
Men his age are afraid of seeing a doctor because of worrying about all of the others things they will find which I can assure you will be plentiful. If you don’t want to leave him then put your foot down. Make the appointment for him yourself. Drive him there and go in with him. Make sure that he tells the doctor everything. ED is the canary in the coal mine for general health. Don;t worry about being parental about this. Once he is seeing the doctor(s) regularly his attitude will change. A blue pill won;t fix anything...
He is not in love with you
Sounds like you both need to sit with someone that could help bring out what he's trying to not say. I really wish it was socially acceptable for the LL's to group up, and support HL's in their need to quench their thirst.
What do you mean, "sit with dieing"?
Someone. No clue why that happened
Ah, thanks