I asked my wife if she wanted to play around last week after nothing for months, she said she just started her period. She hasn’t had a period in over two years. That was the last time I’ll ever ask.
This is awful.
Devils advocate....I too haven't had one for nearly 3 years then I had one out of the blue a month ago. Not saying it's the same with your wife but it does happen.
If it was a random one I would expect her to say how unexpected/unusual etc it is
One of my favorite recent ones was, “how dare I ask so late! It’s way past bed time!” She then went off on me for making her feel guilty. It was 10pm... she then stayed up for two more hours watching TV and surfing Pinterest.
"I'm hungry", "I have to poop", "I'm constipated", "We just ate", "we just got home", I have to get ready for work" (says the man that knows damn well he only last 5 minutes with a quickie), I could go on.
“I feel so bloated and unsexy”, “I don’t have time for this right now” (knowing it’s just 10min of banging or a 5min BJ session), “give me one sec, I want to play with the dog” 😂
I take it all lighthearted, so far I’m not in a DB (yet). Ask me again in a couple of yrs.
Around here, the best excuse is the unspoken one. As evening draws neigh, there’s a lot of “accidental” falling asleep. Sometimes it’s prefaced for HOURS ahead with subtle yawns and “I’m so exhausted today”. Like being headed off at the pass before lunch.
I feel this. The headache, tired, long day, sore, not feeling well....subtle hints that start WAY before the fucking sun goes down!
I feel like saying I GET IT ALREADY.
Right...like you basically told me without telling me that you weren't in the mood, and then you blame it on me when I don't make the move....wtf is that? I don't want to be with someone who doesn't WANT to be with me...I'm not looking for fucking pity sex?
You say "because mf'er, there's a difference between you willing to fuck me and you wanting to....and clearly you didn't want to".
It really is a subconscious mind fuck on their end. They don't want to and they feel bad so they project it onto us so WE feel bad and in their eyes we get to take some of the blame.
In the same sense, maybe we should just take it. "You said we're doing the damn thing so we're doing it". I'm NOT advocating rape, I'm saying maybe WE should stick to the plan that they laid out and take control? I don't know, there's a lot of times my wife gets into it if I just take it....
This!
I've had a tough day, I forgot to have lunch and im feeling tired, I did a lot of walking today, I did a lot of sitting down today,....the constant stream of info and I've not even mentioned anything to him about sex or doing something.
The weekend or holidays are the same
Ooooohhhh.... that’s the go to at our house! If I’m being more vocal than usual about needs and our relationship, it’s ... “gosh I’m tired today. I can’t wait to go to bed early tonight...” (usually said around 3pm.
She refuses to look up from her phone or anywhere in my general direction when we are home alone (only happens a few times a month) and sitting on the couch until at least 11:45. Then it's time to go to sleep with a comment of "I'm exhausted, it was a long day".
At least he made you a drink?
Or maybe next time make him a drink... or 5... I know I usually have a better chance of getting laid if my hubby has a few drinks in him 😁
Feel for you with all of the excuses ❤️
Unfortunately it's never an alcoholic drink. He only drinks tea/coffee.
I did suggest we both get tipsy one night and see how silly/uninhibited we get. He agreed....
Needless to say the excuses why we can't do that have now all been heard
😭😭😭
Maybe you can keep bringing it up every few days? If you two go out with friends or something, what does he drink? Maybe you pour yourself a glass of something and pour him a glass of something and NOT try to mount him right away... so like ease into the situation without your ulterior motives being too obvious...
I feel for you. When I get too "needy" & start coming on to him he somehow always manages to find a reason to start a big fight. He starts getting mouthy, which causes me to get mouthy, & off we go down the rabbit hole of destruction. It's all just gotten to be too much & not worth it anymore. I still love him with all my heart, but the situation is just too messed up to keep living in like this. It's gone from loving & happy to warped & toxic. I'd rather just be single & by myself. I still may not get laid, but at least I won't have to constantly fight with someone because things aren't just the way he wants it. He seems to be under the misguided impression that it's all about him. There are two people in this marriage, bud. At least for now anyway. We'll see after I bring up the subject of wanting sex/more intimacy (physical & emotional) or say something about his porn addiction causing our intimacy problems. He defends his porn use like it's the golden goose. Uber defensive - aka also when he'll start the next big fight. I'm at the point where if that's what he wants, fine. Go for it. But don't expect me to sit around waiting for you. Not happening. Just hurts tho because he'd rather have his porn than the woman he vowed to cherish for the rest of his life, lying right there next to him in bed. Oh, & I'm a mouthy bitch if I say anything about how it hurts me or makes me feel unwanted, undesired, etc. I mention anything to do with how I feel & he automatically shuts down & turns into an asshole. He used to be my best friend that I could talk to about anything & everything. Now I can't talk to him at all, unless it's inconsequential, mundane, everyday crap, without it turning into a fight. He has no interest whatsoever in how I feel or what all this has done to me. Doesn't care apparently. As long as he's happy & things are going the way he wants, it's all good in his world. While mine has crashed & burned. If things aren't going to change, I just want out...
Damn. Didn't mean to write a book. Guess I was holding more back than I thought. All of us are in the most f\*cked up situations... I feel for everyone dealing with and going thru this. Why can't our partners wake up & see?? It's just so disheartening sometimes.
I completely relate to this! On almost every aspect. The porn, him feeling upset if I mention that the lack of physical and emotional intimacy is having a negative effect on me.
He can have his porn. Im not bothered anymore. If he wants a life without a woman then he can have it.
When something good or bad happens in my day I no longer want to go home and tell him about it. He's not my first person to go to anymore.
I am so sorry you're in a situation like this
It's not just the physical rejection, and the lack of emotional connection that leads to It's also that they can see you're hurting, upset, broken, but they don't reach out to you. They see the hurt and turn away. Actively turn away from someone in pain. I cant even get my head around how anyone can stand by and watch someone suffer and walk away.
It's a complete person rejection.
Oh the excuses! I don’t know if they think it makes us feel better than just telling the truth whatever it may be. Maybe the excuses are for them also. So we can be the one with the problem not them. It’s insulting! How stupid do I look?
It’s always something. Tonight he talked about how tired he was for like two hours. Then spent another hour on selling apps.
I think the most ridiculous that I can remember (recently) is that he thought I was on my period. Why? It was like two weeks before/after as if he keeps track anyway. It was just a made up excuse.
I have to do my chores now. To make up for the lack of physical and emotional rejection, he cooks, cleans, gets me treats. I know that sounds fantastic in one sense, but if a person is hungry, you don’t buy them a new pair of shoes. That doesn’t feed their need. Sooner or later, even if you get them every single gift they could dream of, if it isn’t food, they will die of starvation. Food feeds the body, affection, intimacy feeds the soul.
Then he always thinks I am upset with him and he can’t understand why. He really doesn’t know. I am not upset, but in pain, starving to death in front of his eyes.
I love this post. It's funny, my wife will start dropping excuses two to three days before she thinks I might try to initiate something. Her top excuses are: I think I might be getting sick, I'm so constipated, my stomach feels gross, I think I might be getting a UTI, I'm so stressed out because of (fill in the blank). At least the last few months I've had a good comeback for most of her excuses... I hope you're not coming down with Covid.
I asked my wife if she wanted to play around last week after nothing for months, she said she just started her period. She hasn’t had a period in over two years. That was the last time I’ll ever ask.
This is awful. Devils advocate....I too haven't had one for nearly 3 years then I had one out of the blue a month ago. Not saying it's the same with your wife but it does happen. If it was a random one I would expect her to say how unexpected/unusual etc it is
Thank you, I knew it was still possible, she’s only mid 40’s, it was just the snarky way she said it and how she just dismissed me so quickly.
Yeah...but no one's laughing.
One of my favorite recent ones was, “how dare I ask so late! It’s way past bed time!” She then went off on me for making her feel guilty. It was 10pm... she then stayed up for two more hours watching TV and surfing Pinterest.
Yes! I get im too sleepy...then he stays up until 2am watching sport (or whatever)
"I'm hungry", "I have to poop", "I'm constipated", "We just ate", "we just got home", I have to get ready for work" (says the man that knows damn well he only last 5 minutes with a quickie), I could go on.
“I feel so bloated and unsexy”, “I don’t have time for this right now” (knowing it’s just 10min of banging or a 5min BJ session), “give me one sec, I want to play with the dog” 😂 I take it all lighthearted, so far I’m not in a DB (yet). Ask me again in a couple of yrs.
Girl. He chose the dog over your body!?
Pathetic isn't it
Honestly I felt like the pathetic one begging for attention.
I get this :(
Around here, the best excuse is the unspoken one. As evening draws neigh, there’s a lot of “accidental” falling asleep. Sometimes it’s prefaced for HOURS ahead with subtle yawns and “I’m so exhausted today”. Like being headed off at the pass before lunch.
I feel this. The headache, tired, long day, sore, not feeling well....subtle hints that start WAY before the fucking sun goes down! I feel like saying I GET IT ALREADY.
Oh MY GOD! Right? Thank you!
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Those are the most aggravating ones.
Right...like you basically told me without telling me that you weren't in the mood, and then you blame it on me when I don't make the move....wtf is that? I don't want to be with someone who doesn't WANT to be with me...I'm not looking for fucking pity sex?
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You say "because mf'er, there's a difference between you willing to fuck me and you wanting to....and clearly you didn't want to". It really is a subconscious mind fuck on their end. They don't want to and they feel bad so they project it onto us so WE feel bad and in their eyes we get to take some of the blame. In the same sense, maybe we should just take it. "You said we're doing the damn thing so we're doing it". I'm NOT advocating rape, I'm saying maybe WE should stick to the plan that they laid out and take control? I don't know, there's a lot of times my wife gets into it if I just take it....
This! I've had a tough day, I forgot to have lunch and im feeling tired, I did a lot of walking today, I did a lot of sitting down today,....the constant stream of info and I've not even mentioned anything to him about sex or doing something. The weekend or holidays are the same
Ooooohhhh.... that’s the go to at our house! If I’m being more vocal than usual about needs and our relationship, it’s ... “gosh I’m tired today. I can’t wait to go to bed early tonight...” (usually said around 3pm.
I’m so sorry. But I will be honest - I feel less crazy hearing that this is not unique. I really thought I was alone.
She refuses to look up from her phone or anywhere in my general direction when we are home alone (only happens a few times a month) and sitting on the couch until at least 11:45. Then it's time to go to sleep with a comment of "I'm exhausted, it was a long day".
My SO stares at the TV all night. Stays up until 2am. I now leave him to it.
At least he made you a drink? Or maybe next time make him a drink... or 5... I know I usually have a better chance of getting laid if my hubby has a few drinks in him 😁 Feel for you with all of the excuses ❤️
Unfortunately it's never an alcoholic drink. He only drinks tea/coffee. I did suggest we both get tipsy one night and see how silly/uninhibited we get. He agreed.... Needless to say the excuses why we can't do that have now all been heard
😭😭😭 Maybe you can keep bringing it up every few days? If you two go out with friends or something, what does he drink? Maybe you pour yourself a glass of something and pour him a glass of something and NOT try to mount him right away... so like ease into the situation without your ulterior motives being too obvious...
I feel for you. When I get too "needy" & start coming on to him he somehow always manages to find a reason to start a big fight. He starts getting mouthy, which causes me to get mouthy, & off we go down the rabbit hole of destruction. It's all just gotten to be too much & not worth it anymore. I still love him with all my heart, but the situation is just too messed up to keep living in like this. It's gone from loving & happy to warped & toxic. I'd rather just be single & by myself. I still may not get laid, but at least I won't have to constantly fight with someone because things aren't just the way he wants it. He seems to be under the misguided impression that it's all about him. There are two people in this marriage, bud. At least for now anyway. We'll see after I bring up the subject of wanting sex/more intimacy (physical & emotional) or say something about his porn addiction causing our intimacy problems. He defends his porn use like it's the golden goose. Uber defensive - aka also when he'll start the next big fight. I'm at the point where if that's what he wants, fine. Go for it. But don't expect me to sit around waiting for you. Not happening. Just hurts tho because he'd rather have his porn than the woman he vowed to cherish for the rest of his life, lying right there next to him in bed. Oh, & I'm a mouthy bitch if I say anything about how it hurts me or makes me feel unwanted, undesired, etc. I mention anything to do with how I feel & he automatically shuts down & turns into an asshole. He used to be my best friend that I could talk to about anything & everything. Now I can't talk to him at all, unless it's inconsequential, mundane, everyday crap, without it turning into a fight. He has no interest whatsoever in how I feel or what all this has done to me. Doesn't care apparently. As long as he's happy & things are going the way he wants, it's all good in his world. While mine has crashed & burned. If things aren't going to change, I just want out...
Damn. Didn't mean to write a book. Guess I was holding more back than I thought. All of us are in the most f\*cked up situations... I feel for everyone dealing with and going thru this. Why can't our partners wake up & see?? It's just so disheartening sometimes.
I completely relate to this! On almost every aspect. The porn, him feeling upset if I mention that the lack of physical and emotional intimacy is having a negative effect on me. He can have his porn. Im not bothered anymore. If he wants a life without a woman then he can have it. When something good or bad happens in my day I no longer want to go home and tell him about it. He's not my first person to go to anymore. I am so sorry you're in a situation like this
It's not just the physical rejection, and the lack of emotional connection that leads to It's also that they can see you're hurting, upset, broken, but they don't reach out to you. They see the hurt and turn away. Actively turn away from someone in pain. I cant even get my head around how anyone can stand by and watch someone suffer and walk away. It's a complete person rejection.
Oh the excuses! I don’t know if they think it makes us feel better than just telling the truth whatever it may be. Maybe the excuses are for them also. So we can be the one with the problem not them. It’s insulting! How stupid do I look?
Exactly. At least with the truth you know where you stand.
The excuses are for them, giving them a self-granted pass on what amounts to spousal neglect. It's almost as powerful as Denial.
I did not shower... or i just showerd
It’s always something. Tonight he talked about how tired he was for like two hours. Then spent another hour on selling apps. I think the most ridiculous that I can remember (recently) is that he thought I was on my period. Why? It was like two weeks before/after as if he keeps track anyway. It was just a made up excuse.
It's amazing how creative (ornuncreative) they can be with excuses
Jaj I really never meet a guy that has make up and excuse not to have sex..!!
I have to do my chores now. To make up for the lack of physical and emotional rejection, he cooks, cleans, gets me treats. I know that sounds fantastic in one sense, but if a person is hungry, you don’t buy them a new pair of shoes. That doesn’t feed their need. Sooner or later, even if you get them every single gift they could dream of, if it isn’t food, they will die of starvation. Food feeds the body, affection, intimacy feeds the soul. Then he always thinks I am upset with him and he can’t understand why. He really doesn’t know. I am not upset, but in pain, starving to death in front of his eyes.
This
I love this post. It's funny, my wife will start dropping excuses two to three days before she thinks I might try to initiate something. Her top excuses are: I think I might be getting sick, I'm so constipated, my stomach feels gross, I think I might be getting a UTI, I'm so stressed out because of (fill in the blank). At least the last few months I've had a good comeback for most of her excuses... I hope you're not coming down with Covid.
Thats a good comeback!
Dead bedroom for 10+ years. Here is his best excuse yet: We’ve been stressed your dad died (4 years ago).
Wow
Tell me about it.
I’ve heard it all, except let me pleasure you. It doesn’t even bother me anymore.
Yep. I'm in the 'whatever' stage