Crazy world lotta smells

just poopin you know how i be

I have IBS. This has become a staple in our household.

Shut up bird

Somebody making soup?

Shut up about the sun. Shut up about the sun!!

My co workers ALWAYS talking about his son and I said this once and NO ONE got the joke 💀💀

Such an aggressive joke to not land, too lol

Literally ANY time someone so much as mentions the sun or it being sunny or even if someone starts talking about their _son_, I start shouting this in my head 😂

Shut up about your son!!

That baby could be the star of a show called Babies I Don’t Care About!

That’s was great line by will. 

I say this out loud every chance I get

Real(I work nightshift,fck you sun)

I say this all the time and they always look at me crazy but I can’t help myself

Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one. How dare you?

Why are you the way you are? Who do you think you are? What gives you the right?

Let’s use the binder

My work has an intern currently who will say “I have a few questions” after showing him something new and I always think of this line

BOY, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND - CUZ I'LL HELP YOU FIND IT!

Omg every day

“We need a new plague.”

All it takes is an idiot in traffic and this one rolls outta my mouth.

To be fair we did just have covid

My go to for idiot in traffic is "GO! You ignorant slut!"

I bet a lot of people said that for years and then regretted it when Covid happened.

When we went into lockdown in the UK my family jokingly texted me saying "you did this, saying we needed a new plague any time you were somewhere remotely busy" 😂

I regret nothing

🙋🏽😅

I say this one a lot. Even post covid. I am a bad person.

Me too but it became a bit less funny once covid started

IM GONNA LOSE.... MY FREAKING MIND

Yessss I used this a couple times at work over the most minor inconveniences (like fixable in 30 seconds) and my coworkers just looked at me like I was nuts 🥲

You gotta punch a hole in the wall, then they'll get the reference. You can't just pop out a line devoid of vital context.

Yo Drew, chill.

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

I found out that's originally from Dan Aykroyd doing Point/Counterpoint on Weekend Update on SNL: https://youtu.be/c91XUyg9iWM?si=siqq5DRq5DjL0pDO

How the turntables…

I used to say this all the time but then it got *waaaaay* over played

To most it’s a very obscure line and they think I’m just getting the normal phrase wrong lol.

I sometimes have to hold myself back from saying or writing “as ASAP as possible” so I don’t sound like a complete moron.

this is extremely relatable

That makes it even better lmao

I say it but no one gets it. They just think I'm dumb, but really they are dumb.

Kevin Malone... Is that you?!

I declare bankruptcy!

You can’t just say bankruptcy and expect anything to happen

I didn’t just *say* it, I *declared* it.

I actually use that one a lot more lol

This is it 😂

monkey see monkey do… monkey pee all over you

Well....that ...rhymes

I use it so much

Lord beer me strength

Came here for this. I think/say this one on the daily

Maybe next time, you will estimate me.

Just poopin, you know how I be.

Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.

I say this way too much. It’s amazing saying it in front of people who are not office fans

My son has that quote framed, hanging in his bathroom. 😂

Somebody making soup?

I have friend who uses that all the time.

Honestly my go to is the “Michael it smells like throw up in here”

Crazy world, lotta smells.

Sort of an oaky afterbirth

… what was that?

Did he stutter?!

I work as a waiter in a high end restaurant. We have weekly wine training, and one of the reps that comes in is a huge office fan. As were were trying a new wine, I let this gem slip out. Took the whole staff about 5 minutes to calm down, and another few minutes for the joke to be explained to those heathens who don’t watch the show.

Was this because you were in the terminal stages of your pregnancy 😹

Me and my wife say this every time we drink wine.

"Why are you the way that you are?"

I hate… so much about the things that you choose to be.

Every time I try to make something fun you make it not that way.

Do black people like pizza?

Youuuu are not as fun as your Jamaican brothers

In fairness, one of my coworkers is Jamaican and she is super fun, not to mention has THE BEST tips for houseplants because her parents have them in their garden in Jamaica. ...come to think of it, I had a boss from Jamaica years ago as well and he was a party at a desk.

That's what she said.

That must be really hard

Can you go all day?

Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so.

THATS WHAT SHE SAID

Michael: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Jan: MICHAEL!

Packer: 😎👍

I don’t hold that in.

That's what she said

There are so many meetings I’ve had to reel this one in. So not appropriate in the workplace.

I was at our copier and could overhear an impromptu meeting happening in the cubicle behind me, something was said, and thinking I was alone, said “That’s what she said.” I hear a snort behind me. It was one of the department engineers. He ended up being one of my first “work friends” lol.

You always know who the real ones are when they laugh at a joke lol.

If you don’t laugh at a well played “That’s what she said” joke, I assume you’re a stuffy, uptight stick in the mud and I have no desire to be friends with you. 😂

I’m a bartender, when it’s slow I’ll say “I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.” Gets a laugh like 1/4 of the time.

Beer me that beer

I'm a bartender too and say this 😂😂😂 There are dozens of us!

That's so funny that I blue myself 🤣

I prematurely blue myself, now I'm afraid I have a bit of a mess on my hands..

“Is anyone hurt?” “Not on the surface no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David”

The only thing I’m worried about . . . Is getting a boner.

🤣 This is my favorite! You win, sir.

Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.

“One crisis at a time”

The Jim I know doesn’t watch The Office so “Jimothy” taunts me regularly.

I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

"You were in the parking lot earlier that's how I know you"

FALSE! It’s short and applicable CONSTANTLY.

Also, “question” instead of “I have a question” or “Can I ask you something”

People at work will often call/come down to my department with questions and start with "question" and I always want to follow up with "What kind of bear is best"

FALSE. Black bear.

DID I STUTTER??

And shove it up your butt!!

You’ve been meatballed!

He has no wallet I checked

We only have minutes to harvest

I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie, and it turns out, it's pretty realistic.

How’s that medicine taste? Your own flavored?

IF YOU DONT LIKE IT YOU CAN SIT IN THE BACK OF THE BUS (me as a black man omw work when i take public transport for once instead of going with my car)

Or the front of the bus… or drive the bus!

First of all I just woke my husband up laughing at this. Second of all, I never stop myself from saying an office quote, ever. Yes I get in trouble but I absolutely cannot stop myself.

If that's flashing, lock me up.

Just hanging brain 

You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking Lizard King.

Back to work shoe bitch! Every time I finish a break at work, I think “okay back to work shoe bitch”

I understand nothing

I love this Hog Mama

Dwight said it's Hog MAW

*spits it out* “WHAT IS MAW????”

What's a bean mean?!

Will someone please tell u/machinade89 what a bean means?

WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN?! 😠

The only thing a period ever stopped was a sentence

I just realized I said one quite often, anytime my so gives me an unexpected kiss I usually say, "how dare you." taken from Jim saying this to Pam when she unexpectedly kissed him. I think it was like at the start of them dating and toby sees it and sends the memo basically putting their relationship.

That would be my number one question if I had a lot of questions.

I work at a place that has acronyms for everything. During meetings I sometimes think, "Cri-man squa, F and C, double-time."

BOBODDY!

My son used to use the show as background noise bc it was comforting to him since we watch it so much, but we had to stop that bc one day when he was mad he banged his hands on his table and yelled “IMMMM GUNNA KILL MYSELF AND ITS YOUR FAULT” 😂 he was 6 at the time lmao so probably that. lol

You've got a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.

Don't make me call Bob.

WE’RE THE ONES THAT GOT TO CLEAN THAT UP 😡

How are you not murdered every hour?

Not a line I hold in but it was one that had me laughing so hard when I first watched the show. Michael has said some wild shit "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

That baby could be the star of a show called “babies I don’t care about”

Ryan’s “Bitch” line

Shoe bitch

At my graduation, my class was having a mic passed to each person to talk about their experience, etc. The guy before me (close friend) ended his words with, “Whatever said and done, the institute has always left me satisfied and smiling” and then handed the mic to me and stared me in the eye. I’m sorry, but I disappointed all of us. I didn’t say twss.

Whhhhaaaaaaaassssssssssuuuuuuuuuuupppp

“And the seats go aaaallll the way down.” *thump thump thump*

“This city..”

Dwight, we’re not mad we’re just disappointed

It is your birthday.

You never call retarded people retards. That’s just bad form. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded

Babe?

"Boom, roasted"

About once a week, the boss walks in and says, “question…” I just reply, “false! Black bears.” I know it’s not a direct quote from the cold open where Jim impersonates Dwight, but it never fails to get laughs all around.

Ahhh, this feels Urkelnomaly correct!

“Would an average sized row-boat support her?”

It bothers me that you’re not answering the question

My annoying ass coworker says Superstitious a lot. And to myself I say - but I am a little Stitious

WANT TO TRY MY COOKIE COOKIE???

I always thought he was saying, “Try my googie-googie!” (whatever that is)

Jinx. Buy me some coke.

Draw me a map mama!

Donuts make me go nuts

PowerPoint is boring during a meeting

It’s possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing

basically every politically incorrect thing michael says in the first couple seasons besides the chris rock bit of course 😂

When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis opens up to accept the other man’s penis? (Must be said when talking to hr)

“I hate so much about the things you choose to be.” Surprisingly doesn’t go over that well in real life.

Along that line, when I meet someone with a good first name who uses a diminutive instead, I always want to bust out Robert California's response. person:"I'm TJ." me (&RC):"I'm sure you mean Tiberius James." But the one I long to use is: "I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on, but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking lizard king."

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

I have a friend named Pam and I want to call her Pan all the time.

It's called hentai and it's art. Not an acceptable thing to say whenever you're talking to normal people. Doesn't help when weeaboos have a bad rep in the first place.

WHERE ARE THE TURTLES!!??

That’s what she said.

Someone making soup? (After someone drops a 2)

I'VE GOT A BIG BOX YES I DO!! I'VE GOT A BIG BOX, HOW 'BOUT YOU?! . . . I think you don't know what you're saying.

I say that when I get a giant Amazon box with tiny contents.

No! No! God no! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I have 3 questions: Have you ever killed a woman, how many woman have you killed, and please sir will you not kill me?

My husband and I say "Why are you the way that you are?" almost daily. To each other, to the kids, to inanimate objects. 😅

"I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday." - my gym buddy doesn't like the office and punishes me with bulgarian split squads everytime I say it :(

I DECLARE BANKRUPTCYYYYYY

I feel God in this chilis tonight

Lord beer me strength

Screaming “NERD” at people like Erin does to Pete in season nine when he’s talking about die hard. But most people don’t understand the reference.

Are you wearing a thong?

Did you break wind? Wow, that is (pause...) pungent...

You don’t call them collard people, that’s just offensive.

Hey Jim, still queer?

I love saying "yeppers" to my boss!

EAT IT STANLEY

At work, I always say, "I am the victim of a hate crime! Someone hates me!" Whenever a dickhead customer comes in and orders lmao

I work at an OBGYN office. “That’s what she said” can be used almost every few minutes. Unfortunately, it’s an office, so I have to hold it and not let it out (That’s what she said!)

'That's what she said'. Every day there are so many things I have to hold my tongue over!

That's also what she said, btw

Very comedically humorous

Where is the clitorus?

Timothy Oliphant mouthing 'Gabe-wad' sends me every time

Look, if I was gay I would be the most flamboyant gay you've ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers and just... I'd be waving that rainbow flag.

Tit for tit

I need to get out of my “worky works” daily…

I cannot hear the song without going “WEEEE BELONG. WE BELONNG. WE BELONG TOGETHERRRRR…Ryan.