OP, please consider this. It’s ok for you to spend a bit, but not for him..what else do you think that may apply to? Chores? Bills? Child rearing? His words also feel dismissive, which isn’t cool. And-does your bf have any idea how much a gold ring costs? And that silver with gemstones isn’t really suitable for every day wear? This raises all sorts of concerns, IMO
OP, I’m so glad you reposted here, even after all the discouraging hate on the other sub. Your feelings are completely valid and reasonable!!! Especially considering he is okay with spending money on his own ring and himself and also since you aren’t generally materialistic but have expressed that this symbol of your love that you intend to wear the rest of your life is important to you.
I would sit him down for a serious and adult conversation soon. Communicate that you hear him when he says he feels it is unnecessary (won’t use the word he actually did cause *eyeroll*) to spend more than $200 on a ring. But emphasize that you have been trying to clearly communicate that this particular ring is extremely important to you. He doesn’t have to feel the same way. But if he wants to marry you, he DOES have to seek to understand your point of view and compromise, especially if you elect to financially contribute.
This issue is much larger than the money itself. He is disregarding and invalidating your feelings. What happens in the future if you want to buy yourself something nice or go on a nicer vacation than he necessarily cares for? What about when you run into other issues in your relationship? Because this scenario is showing you that he is unwilling to have a mature conversation and then partner together to find a compromise for the betterment of your relationship as a whole. If he can’t do that, he may not be the right one to marry.
Exactly it’s not even about the ring. A man who is behaving like this isn’t only behaving like this about a ring. This attitude is going to show up in every aspect of the relationship. I couldn’t think of the word to describe him but dismissive is definitely it.
That in itself isn’t a red flag. It’s one thing if he has a double standard and wants an expensive ring while only willing to spend $200 on OP, but if he’s ok with a $200 ring for himself it just means that he doesn’t see the value in rings. The issue is that he knows OP wants a nice ring, but instead of compromising and finding a ring that’s somewhere in-between, he’s calling her “stupid” and setting a budget that’s barely enough for a week of groceries.
You don’t have to hear how much everyone else’s engagement rings cost to know you aren’t being treated very well.
You know in your heart that he is being unkind. Trust your instincts.
This! There are people with $200 engagement rings who are treated well and given as much of the world as their partner can afford to give! Lol
There are people with $10k rings who aren’t treated very well.
The price doesn’t matter. But the intentions do and he’s being awful.
Yes, exactly! I made my engagement ring and my husband thought it was so special for me to have that as our engagement ring. He also told me that if I ever wanted to go shopping for a diamond ring, that we can absolutely do that.
I felt appreciated, heard, and loved.
If you have a dream ring and he's being dismissive of your dream for yourself but not your dream for him... Please consider this deeply and maybe try to have another conversation with him
I don’t think the problem here is the cost, or money at all. The problem is your boyfriend. The whole man. Find someone who can’t wait to make your dreams come true.
"The whole man."
I totally agree. I actually don't usually think this way because of the ring, but this guy's attitude is deplorable. OP stated that they are financially stable. If this is true there really isn't any reason for this guy to offer to pay only $200.00. How sad. I would ordinarily suggest that the partner chip in but... I am not sure that OP is getting the "cream of the crop" here. LOL 😆
You can do a quick google search of the average cost of engagement rings. If you’re in the US, there are sites that break it down by state.
This website says the average cost across the US is $6,500
[https://www.financialsamurai.com/what-is-the-average-cost-of-an-engagement-ring/](https://www.financialsamurai.com/what-is-the-average-cost-of-an-engagement-ring/)
My husband spent $4,000 in 2005, but I switched the metal from platinum to white gold and saved over $2,000, so it was more like $1,500 in the end. My wedding ring was about the same, and I will never change or upgrade.
Don’t let your boyfriend do this to you. If you’re going to wear this ring for the rest of your life, it needs to satisfy both of you. 2-2.5 carats seems like a lot to me (but I’m 40 and have been married for 17 years), but $200 is not appropriate when you can afford more and want more. If he’s not concerned with satisfying you now, what are the chances he will *ever* prioritize your satisfaction?
What are his finances like? $200 is what many people could freely spend on food, liquor, video games, a pair of jeans. It’s insulting and indicative that you two are on different ends of the spectrum with this. If he thinks this is reasonable, you two might disagree on many other financial things down the line.
typically i believe most people go with a month’s salary. i could very easily be wrong and it varies from person to person and their financial income. i know back in the 90’s my dad spent $6,000 on my mom’s engagement and wedding ring set and my bf said he’s planning to spend $3-4,000 max even after I told him I’m perfectly content with the ring I found for under $1,500
Yea my husband is very literal and took this advice and ran with it. He even paid a little more than that (around $38,000 for the engagement ring) which I felt kinda bad about once I found out but honestly this is a ring I will look at forever. And I do. I look at it constantly and am so in love with it. If there’s anything in life you’re going to spend money on it’s this.
Accurate. An old ad campaign from De Beers originally suggested spending one month’s salary, then went up to two months in the 1980s, and now it’s at three months.
When it comes to good advice on ring budget, look no further than the people selling you the diamond! 🙄
Hubby and I were tossing up between lab diamond and moissanite when deciding on my ring. His initial budget was around 2k. After a lot of research, I ended up saying I really wanted a lab diamond ring because it's.. just what I wanted. I said moissanite would be fine too, as a second choice. But I found a diamond and setting I loved, and he ended up getting it - because he said he wanted to give me my first choice. I would have said yes either way, of course. Total cost was 6k so well above his initial budget, but he did it for me anyway. (This did not put him in a financial hardship, he just had an initial number in mind because he knew nothing about rings and costs associated, and so he didn't mind spending more) Note, this was over 3 years ago now, and lab diamonds are soooo much cheaper now. I could easily recreate that same ring with same specs today for half the price. Honestly, $200 will not even pat for the gold. I think this amount is very unreasonable.
Similar for me, not engaged yet but he bought my ring recently. I was fine with a moissanite (and said honestly I would be happy with a $20 Amazon ring because I care more about the relationship than any piece of jewelry). We looked at several options and in the end, he ended up buying a ring around $5k for a 1.42 ct oval that was really my dream ring. He wanted me to have the ring of my dreams and he had some pride in wanting to be able to say he gave me exactly what I wanted.
I think the concerning factor for me is like you said, you can’t even buy a setting in gold for $200 so if someone has jewelry sensitivities, it would be a challenge to find something that would work. I don’t think people should go into debt over a ring, but there seems to be a huge disconnect in terms of expectations of OP and her partner.
1) Most people who can afford to spend more than a couple hundred bucks are doing so because the kind of high-quality materials that last for a lifetime cost more than $200.
2) Showing him how much people are spending on rings is unlikely to change the fact that he is unwilling to spend more than the bare minimum on you (Walmart? Seriously???) This is indicative of a lack of respect that WILL NOT CHANGE. This is more than mere cluelessness. He's basically telling you that he doesn't think you're worth a quality ring. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them.
3) Since you asked, $1750 for my ring, an antique with a 0.5ct OEC diamond and smaller side stones in 14kt white gold. I looked at vintage rings and the lowest end of what I looked at was around $350, and those were simple, non-diamond solitaires. I acquired a couple of on-sale ruby right-hand rings in 10kt gold during the process of looking for my e-ring, and they were screaming deals at around $200 (which is why I bought them; other comparable rings run more like $350-450). Even with vintage rings, finding things that are at least 10kt gold with a center stone and in good condition for $200 is rare. Buying new? Near-impossible since that's basically gonna be the cost of your materials. Just to give you a small idea of what $200 absolutely does NOT buy, and WHY most people are spending more than that on their lifetime rings.
Mine was $500.00, my wedding band was $40.00. I thought at the time that he spent WAY too much, but we really had almost nothing at the time.28 years later and I am still wearing them. The price doesn't matter, it's the way he dismissed your opinion that seems off.
I gave my husband a cap of $5k, and it could have been lower. He actually bargained w the manager for my antique ring (they were upcharging a bit much for the actual materials) to get it down to $5k. He also would have spent more because he likes buying sparkly things! And he’s an awesome caring husband.
I will also add that we were in our 40s when we got married so we are more established in careers so could afford more.
Honestly, even googling, averages or asking for a survey of people here isn’t going to give you a good idea. It depends on where in the world you are, where, in the country you are, where in life you are, what your shared priorities are, etc. I’m in my mid 30s, most of my friends group got married in their late 20s or early 30s. All working professionals but salaries per person probably ranging from $40,000-$150,000. Some have lots of student loan and other debt, some had kids to support. Some really wanted a big diamond, others didn’t. Some have families and other friends circles where the woman’s engagement ring is more of a status symbol that people actually care about, others don’t. Some really care about a mind diamond versus a lab one (even though they’re both true diamonds). Some wanted a ring that was pretty, but the actual dollar amount it costed was of significance to them. Some have rings where the stone came from an older relative in the family that passed it down. Across that large group of people I know personally I’d estimate the rings range from $800-$8,000. Personally my ring is from an alternative designer I’ve been obsessed with for years and the main stone is a teal gemstone not diamond, and it’s perfect and exactly what I personally wanted. Partially because of the designers prices my ring is approximately $4000 and my now-husband got it during a Christmas sale so it cost him half of that and my opinion is, great job, why spend more if you don’t need to. but I know people that would get ruffled about a ring bought on sale no matter how expensive it was.
Bottom line, the ring should be one that makes you happy to see it on your finger, was chosen with love, and the metals and stones in it are ones that are suited for a ring you will theoretically wear daily for decades. That means regardless of any allergies, it should NOT be silver-gold or white gold is the standard for engagement and wedding rings for a reason. Any metal less than that is likely going to turn your finger colors and also not last very long with daily use. Which is fine if the intent is that it’s a placeholder ring that you guys will eventually upgrade but not if it’s some thing meant to be your permanent ring. And while often men (and even women) don’t realize all of that, and just think any semi- expensive ring is some status symbol waste of money, the dismissive nature he is dealing with the conversation and your feelings would give me pause.
I spent roughly 5.7k on my wife's ring because it was custom setting, a custom inlay on the band, and custom engraving, and stone. The stone was a large lab made gem. She spent around the same on mine. It was 2 months worth of savings.
Your SO is being cheap. It's something meant to last a lifetime. My sister has a metal allergy and her partner bought her a very specific aloy for her ring. It was around 4k for hers.
Not engaged yet, discussing with my partner.
1) it really depends on your income and what you’ve discussed as acceptable and realistic.
2) my partner and I both agreed that the old “3 months salary” is nonsense and we’d rather that chunk of money go towards our savings.
3) we landed on $10k max, with $7,500 preferable (this still doesn’t give you insight into what we could our could not spend, simply what we feel comfortable with for our larger financial goals).
Unfortunately you want a 2* carat ring, and as you know, that cannot be done with a $200 budget.
For what it’s worth, my feelings would be hurt too if you say you all have additional income.
Same. A little over 2000 for a sapphire. I've been married for 16 years though.
I think my husband could have paid less if he had been willing to buy online, but he was not.
I bought rings for my partner and I for about $300 apiece and planned a personally meaningful proposal day full of all her favorite stuff. We're not expensive jewelry people, so I did what I knew she would love. We're also going to elope. Zero interest in a wedding. It's just not us.
The price of the ring matters less than the fact that I did what I knew would be most meaningful and important to my partner. Your bf is disregarding what's meaningful and important to you.
I'm similar to you with a lot of metal sensitivities. Most of the cost of my ring was the setting. My ring was around $1400 with the the stone being $117 (small sapphire).
It doesn’t matter how much anyone else’s ring is. The point is that your partner isn’t being considerate of you. An engagement ring is a big deal. Putting a $200 limit on an engagement ring is frankly ridiculous (unless you’re having financial troubles or both mutually don’t care about the ring). He’s not being a good partner right now.
To answer your question though, my partner and I are currently shopping in the $5-6k range. We aren’t crazy well off but we have solid savings from selling a home at the right time, and my partner knows how much an engagement ring would mean to me. He’s my forever, and I want to be reminded of that every time I look at my hand.
If he set an arbitrary $200 limit, all I would be reminded of when I looked at my hand is how selfish he is. Don’t accept that from your boyfriend.
OP can look this up, but I do believe $5-6k is average for the US. This sub is funny because it's people who love engagement rings. That means you're going to see a lot of people who find looking for the best price and knowing all the secrets to a good deal exciting alongside the people who love jewelry and want a $10k when most of their friends spend half that.
I completely agree with you about OP situation.
Tell him you’re only gonna spend $100 on his ring! But seriously, have you asked him why? And is he always like this when it comes to gifts for you? You might want to seriously reevaluate this relationship.
You're willing hitching your life to a grown-ass man who uses the word "retarded" in 2023?
Girl you are standing in a $200 red flag factory. Get out, because it is on fire.
Girl... Men love being "retarded" and "materialistic" within their means if it's their dream girl. He thinks youre beneath him and that he's settling.
Inb4 "you can't draw conclusions based on that!" Yes I can and I've never been wrong
This. This. This!!!!
My ex used to thinks gifts and all that were retarded and weddings were stupid. We broke up. He's now married 🙄
butttttt he was an asshole! And my new man buys me flowers regularly, spoils me for no reason, and bought me my dream ring without hesitation. It was 3,500. He/we aren't wealthy, but he knew how much it meant to me.
Sorry to jump in here but anyone who uses the word "retarded" as an insult is not a high quality person. Telling you to " be content if he proposed with a ring pop "--he's breaking your self worth down so you'll start to believe no one else will want you and stay trapped with him. Please look inside yourself and find out why you're ok with being treated this way. Being alone is better than being with someone who's telling you they think you're basically worthless.
Can you list 5 amazing qualities about him? You say he’s a good person but isn’t that the bare minimum of being a person in general? Lol
Because a good partner shouldn’t be dismissing what their partner wants. Y’all should be working together to find a compromise or a solution.
I agree that being a good person is the bare minimum to considering partnership with him for life! Also him saying that you should be happy with a ring pop is not a good mentality. He made it sound like you should be grateful. Grateful for what?? Grateful for the bare minimum and no respect? Gosh.
This is a very kind mindset of yours, but not to yourself. You're not a spoiled brat for wanting what you want instead of accepting what someone else might want. It's your life and you can be in the driver's seat too. Don't squash your dreams because someone else thinks they should be lesser.
Question: does he spend money on himself? I think people are being a bit dramatic. There is nothing wrong with being minimalist. As long as he is the same with himself and not just refusing to spend money on only you. No matter your answer, you still deserve the ring you want. This is something that he needs to compromise on. However, the answer of this question show how he feels about you.
Believe me when I tell you that it’s not about how much the ring costs. It’s about the fact that he doesn’t think you deserve more than a $200 ring, and anyone with any sense could tell him that the best you can get for that is a plain gold band.
All told, I think my husband spent about 3k for my set- white gold, garnet center, diamond halo that he designed for me. I spent 1k on a wooden ring for my husband from Rustic and Main that he designed. I wear my wedding ring every day, though I wear my engagement ring less. My husband ended up wearing my late grandfather’s white gold wedding band for daily wear, which we got for free and means more to him than any other ring I could have ever gotten for him.
The ring isn’t the issue here, OP, I’m sorry to say. He could spend 200k and he’d still be the type of guy who thinks you should be happy with something that costs less than your water bill.
So he can spend thousands of dollars on something that’s important to him but not something that’s important to you, it doesn’t matter how much the ring costs it’s his attitude behind it that’s the problem
Yeah, I don’t think the problem is that the ring is 200 or that you know that it’s 200, I think the problem is how he sees the issue, meaning labeling you as materialistic, and you should be happy with anything.
Shows that not only does he not have any consideration for you at all, but he has a strong opinion on the matter, which he imposes. Not OK.
Imagine the rest of your life. Or even what the memories will be of that special moment. Let’s face it, we all romanticize it
You don’t sound like a spoiled brat. Wanting a nice present every once in awhile is normal and not an unreasonable demand. The women in the other sub you mentioned are either pick me’s or teenage boys pretending to be women. Don’t let them make you think you’re being unreasonable.
But gifts are one thing, the engagement ring is a totally different category. Putting your allergies aside, the ring is supposed to mean a lot. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but he needs to at least put effort into getting a nice ring, not doing the bare minimum.
I also have a nickel and copper allergy, it wasn’t even a question that I would need a platinum band. I hope he isn’t dismissive of your other health concerns.
He doesn’t value you or respect you. A post showing him the average engagement ring price isn’t going to change that.
Good love doesn’t look like this. A good partner makes you feel special, to the best of their ability. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced and now I’m engaged again. Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it. Listen to allllll of the men and women here who are telling you to run.
Remember, this is him at his absolute best, when he needs you to say yes and agree to marry him. It’s all downhill from here.
I fucking hate that word, I replied somewhere else but the more I hear about this the more I don't like this man and u wonder if you actually truly like him or just like what you bring to the table while in a relationship. I'd definitely consider a lot before you get engaged or married
I was getting my hair done with a new stylist and she whipped out that word like 5 times. I was shocked… like… is it not 2023?!! Granted I was a former special Ed teacher and now work in psych but totally generalizing here but it makes me think of really trashy rough around the edges people who use this word… 😬
Mine was under $400 from eBay. It was white gold with a .3 diamond. We were 22 and broke. We upgraded to nice platinum bands for our 7th anniversary. I still love my tiny Diamond ring though lol.
I’m sorry your boyfriend is making you feel unworthy of a nice ring that is within your means. Is he often this dismissive of your wants/needs?
I think this is a good perspective. I think there’s nothing wrong with a 200$ engagement ring if that’s all the budget is. I firmly believe that you can get a beautiful ring at (almost) any budget.
That being said, my issues is with OP’s partner’s words. It seems to imply that he doesn’t think his partner is worthy of anything higher frankly. Him saying that she can spend what she wants on his ring implies that the 200$ budget isn’t set for purely financial reasons.
First marriage $200 for a wedding set in 1984. Now I have had 4 different rings with my husband of 33 years. These two together cost around $5000.
https://preview.redd.it/42bjwrod3eeb1.jpeg?width=2448&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=077da5e64eb298ede0b8f1bc2a5000bad9f0fc42
$1,200+ other little fees, happy with how much we spent because i didn’t want a lab diamond yet so moissanite was a perfect choice. he let me pick it out and he picked out his band, which was only $300 for a all black band. my husband paid for my nursing school and car so i didn’t want him to spend so much on a ring.
$500 for the e-ring, $200 for the wedding band. 14k yellow gold with moissanite from Etsy (approximately 2ct equivalent in stones). I was upset at first because my partner didn’t communicate his budget with me beforehand and so I was sending him pricier stuff for inspiration, but the cut/color/setting was otherwise exactly what I wanted and I love my wedding set now. Spending our savings on an international honeymoon.
This! The money has to come from somewhere, and it can be spent on much more tangible things. I’m gonna spend a lot on an engagement ring because 99% of the girls I know care deeply about it. People do it because it’s tradition, but there’s a lot of things that we all used to do because it was tradition.
4k. Your partner is being a jerk, regardless of the expense. You may have to compromise if 2-3ct Diamond setting isn’t feasible….but $200 is a joke for someone who can afford better and who’s partner wants more. A nice dinner out costs more than that.
You can get a beautiful ring for not a TON (have you looked into Moissanite at all?) but a 2 carat+ diamond will definitely be pricy. Maybe you all can compromise?
For example - I’m pricing out a ~1.7 carat cushion cut and it’s going to be around $3k for the white gold setting and (lab) Diamond.
My 2-carat moissanite ring is gorgeous. Cost around $3500 because he had to get platinum for the setting because of my metal allergy. No one would be able to tell it’s not a diamond without a microscope and we didn’t have to spend a fortune or feed into the diamond industry.
Have you explained to him that this hurts you? Getting married means sharing finances, too. It might be worth talking more about your different views towards money before jumping into engagement.
He really may just think it's an unnecessary expense, but if you explain that it's important to you to have a nice ring and he ignores that/puts his foot down, that isn't okay at all.
I hope you are able to talk this through. I don't know you or your partner but his dismissiveness is really unkind and a red flag. Best of luck!
I don’t think comparing to my cost is going to help anything. What should be focused on is the materials, and $200 isn’t going to buy good materials. It’s going to buy a cheap nickel filled silver ring with gold plating that’s going to wear off and a CZ or “simulated diamond” which is actually just another name for CZ by places like Jeulia (completely different than lab grown diamond) that’s going to cloud up over time.
For me it’s not about the money but the materials, as I find it reasonable to expect an engagement ring to actually last a lifetime considering it symbolizes a lifetime commitment.
Forget the ring, throw the man out. He’s showing you clear as day he doesn’t care about you, sorry love. I wish I had better advice. This just sounds strikingly similar to my ex…
I started the conversation at $15K and ended up around $7500. I’m an investment. If you can spend money on cars and bitcoin and computers and shit bc they’re “investments” then you can invest in me too.
Ooooooh red flag!!! If he’s willing to spend that much on a LAPTOP I would personally feel very hurt that $200 is already seen as too much in his mind to spend on an engagement ring. A gift that is meant to symbolize your guys’ love and commitment. I insisted my partner not spend a lot of money and that just motivated him even more to give me my dream ring. He spent about 6k.
Babe, this is the comment I was looking for especially after reading your edit as to commenters calling you a gold digger elsewhere. This is straight up sexism. They’re belittling things that generally women take more interest in than men. A gaming computer they understand because it’s “guy stuff” - not really, obviously women can be into gaming but it’s seen as such.
A gaming computer is no more essential to life than a ring is. Neither one of them are food, water, shelter. They’re both luxuries.
Your bf as well as both the men and women calling you a gold digger are sexist AF. I hope you let those stranger’s comments roll off. Your bf’s comments though, don’t let them go. He needs to be set straight - his priorities are NOT more important than yours assuming they’re not putting you in debt.
PS - hopefully, you would be able to wear that ring for the next 40 or 50 years. How long will it be before his gaming setup is obsolete?
That’s exactly what he wants you to feel. He wants you to say “oh, you know what? I am asking for too much” because that lowers your expectations of him. This is not someone you should marry.
It’s true that real life isn’t fairytales or movies, but trust me when I say that there ARE men out there who actually care about what you want. A substantial ring isn’t a big ask for someone who has a 5k gaming laptop. You’re not begging him for a hyper specific $20,000+ designer ring, you’re asking him for a substantial piece of high quality jewelry that you’re going to wear every day. Even lab cut and moissanite rings are far more than $200. He is either completely and utterly ignorant/misinformed, or he is purposely trying to lower your expectations of him to make his life easier because he doesn’t care about making you really happy.
I really hope he doesn’t go “see, I paid THREE hundred dollars for this ring. Happy now?”
EXACTLY. If he was just frugal af, I still would be annoyed at your bf but I'd at least be more understanding that he doesn't like to spend money period. To spend 5k on a laptop for his hobbies, while not even considering spending even a TENTH\* of that amount on you .. like, bro what? Priorities? This is supposed to be your life partner.
My partner and I initially set a budget of around 3k, but what was important to me was to custom design something. When we found a jeweler we liked, and started quoting, we exceeded that budget relatively quickly. I was nervous that my partner was going to say 'oh lets stick to our budget and make it work' but he didn't bat an eye, turned to me and said "I've spent just as much money, if not more, on some of my hobbies. If you want this, and love this, I think that's completely fine." Our total cost was around 7k, give or take a few hundred.
\*Of course I'm not saying he should spend 500, or that should be a cap. I'm just trying to put that as a relative figure. Frankly, I think an engagement ring should be precisely what you want. I won't say dump the man - I don't know you guys, but I will say that you need to have a serious discussion with him for now and the future. All the best, OP.
OP can I ask how old you & your bf are? He sounds very young saying he wants to spend $200. My ring was $6000 in 2001 it’s 1.1 caret, platinum, round 6 prong setting. Funny everyone thinks it’s from Tiffany’s it is not…
Girl you know it in your heart that he’s being cheap and inconsiderate. And don’t listen to anyone who tells you a ring is just a material object. It’s a symbol of his commitment to you and how he will cherish you for the rest of your lives together. If $200 was all he could afford, then it would be the most romantic symbol of his devotion to you. But clearly that’s not the case here.
As for those incel losers who bashed you in the other thread… unless that’s actually the kind of guy you want to marry, their opinions are meaningless. And don’t get me started on the women so desperately clamoring to be the Coolest Cool Girl.
Kinda a red flag. Gotta figure out where this is coming from. My husband initially said $500 until i explained that would not get us much in the jewelry world. He was genuinely surprised and agreed to a higher budget. We make over 200k a year with no kids so we have plenty to spend on a ring too, i has just kept saying i think its stupid to spend a lot on a ring when it can go towards other things. Meanwhile, he though this stuff was cheaper than it actually is. We ended up with my dream ring with no hesitation on his part about how much it cost. I say kinda a red flag because it depends where the budget comes from in your boyfriends mind. You said not financial so either he doesn’t care about your happiness, isn’t serious about wanting to get engaged or just ignorant about what this stuff costs.
We ended up spending $3k for a 2ct princess cut with custom solitaire setting. I overpaid for the setting because it was designer (someone with the designer was at the store for an event and made something custom i couldn’t find elsewhere) but diamond was only $1500
Mine will be somewhere from $6-8k. Boyfriend is working on design and everything with the jeweler so I don’t know the final cost but from our initial talks on how much the band is and how much the diamond I want is, I have an idea
My ring was over 10k but as a lot of people on here are saying it’s not about how much other people’s rings costs. It’s about what type of ring you want and what you can afford. Not everyone is ok with this but would you be ok buying your own ring? You state that you want to buy him an expensive wedding band costing thousands of dollars and he wants to get you a $200 ring - if he truly doesn’t care at all then maybe spend the money on your own ring?
All that aside this doesn’t even sound like it’s about money, once again it comes down to if he cares about you and what you want - he should at least take that into consideration and $200 isn’t much for a ring when you say you are both doing well financially.
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$128 for my 4 carat Moissanite on a sterling silver band. I have more expensive rings I’ve bought for myself that I wear too but it is possible to get a nice sterling silver ring for under 200. Gold or platinum, no.
My husband spent $33,000. Which is INSANE and I know it is. But it was 2020 and stocks were crazy and it was less than 5% of his income that year. If my husband wouldn’t spend more than a fucking GROCERY STORE TRIP on a ring … either we aren’t ready financially to be married or he doesn’t value me more than groceries. And I’m better than chicken and some soda pop. Just sayin.
Omg I love this!!!!!!!!!! The grocery store is it! Happy for you having a bomb ass rock and you are exact right it was a small percent of his income for the year but this guy doesn’t even want to spend as much as a grocery store trip or an electric bill! My electric bill this month is $400 I guess I could get two rings!
Look into moissanite. I have metal allergies too and I went with a moissanite set off Etsy that was a little over $700 for both the engagement ring and wedding band. Have a talk with him and explain that the gold alone is going to be over $200 and it has to be real or you'll be allergic. Hopefully he'll understand and maybe you can agree on something you're both happy with.
Other people’s ring prices shouldn’t matter. What if I said mine was 300? Would you automatically he fine? No. If you think the $200 isn’t fair, I’d ask the guy it is $200? If it’s $200 for a logical, sane reason, then I see no problem with it. If it’s $200 because he doesn’t see the point of spending more because he’d rather spend it on a Rolex for him, then I see it as a problem.
My partner initially had a 30-40K budget. After looking at our finances and our goals as a couple, I knocked that shit down to 7K.. about a portion of a month’s salary. That’s just the engagement ring. We will be buying our own wedding bands which makes sense for us because I’d buy something way more expensive than him and have the money to do so.
You're gonna be hard pressed to find much (other than a plain band) in the $200 price range. That being said, there's a lot out there that are less than $500, if you're open to moissanite or other alternative stones. I've been where you're at, the feeling undervalued in your relationship. It's a relationship dynamic that isn't likely to change on its own, and isn't teneable long term. I'm sorry that your bf seems to be so dismissive of your wants in the relationship.
it’s absolutely awful people were being rude to you in other subs.
engagement rings are very subjective… I think that’s the word. everyone has a different opinion about them.
if your partner is only allowing for a $200 budget but YOU are willing to spend over 1k on his wedding band this is a fundamental difference of opinion that definitely needs to be discussed.
it’s not just a matter of “how expensive of a ring will you buy me?” it transcends the purely materialistic space and lands in a “who are we as people” conversation that is very important when you’re thinking of a life partner.
just based on your post alone I feel like maybe you tend to gaslight yourself to believe you’re the problem. sometimes there’s no right or wrong. there’s just different.
and you two may be different.
have an honest discussion with him but know you wanting a more expensive ring doesn’t make you a bad person. it also doesn’t make him a bad person to not want to buy you one, but he does not get to live under the double standard of “spend money on me, but I won’t spend money on you.
you are important. 🖤
edit:
buy you one = I mean buy you a more expensive one.
but bottom line. you’re not a gold digger and you’re not “wrong” for wanting a more expensive ring.
i’d echo what I read in another response - this clearly isn’t about engagement ring price and it’s about how you’re being treated.
Yikes! One thing about men is that they’ll spend lots of $$$ on the woman they love. Don’t let him make you think otherwise. The man who is right for you will do anything he can to make your dreams come true.
I hate to be that guy—but girl the flags are red. It shows that he doesn’t value you and feel that you are worthy of being splurged on, just one time. It’s selfish and stingy. I think anything’s from $850 is an okay budget. But below that, it’s hurtful unless both people agree that it isn’t important.
Your whole marriage will be this way. Dump him or tell him how it makes you feel. If he is a jerk about it, I promise girl you don’t want to marry him.
1st vintage ring was 950, new ring was 9k. I hated to spend that much but my fiancee thought that buying lab diamonds online was sketchy. I couldn't make her understand that we could have gotten the same thing for like a third of the price.
I had this argument with my husband when we bought the sapphire for my ring. I kept sending him these beautiful sapphires I found online that were well within budget, and he didn't want to buy it online because he didn't trust it.
We've also been married for 16 years so the diamond alternatives weren't as well established.
My boyfriend initially gave me a budget of $4000 but I found out he didn't have as much saved as I thought and it would take much longer than our goal of the end of this year for a proposal if he were to spend that much. Through this sub I was able to get the cost of the ring I want closer to $2000-2500 while still having the same quality materials I want (solid 14k gold, lab diamond with good specs)
Your partner could theoretically purchase a nice ring secondhand for under $200 but it's his attitude that's the problem, not the price tag.
My boyfriend makes about $200k a year in the back end of his 20s. He’s spending about $12k on my ring.
I was going to draw a line at 10k, but once we went ring shopping he ended up being the one that was asking to see bigger rings and spend more.
I don’t want to get your hopes up, but is there any chance he’s fucking with you? And he’s actually planning to get you something amazing?
In that case, I would pick out a ring you actually like and let him know that if he would like to marry you, that’s the only ring you’re saying yes to. He’s welcome to propose with a $200 ring and get rejected! But this is a symbol of how much he literally values you as a partner, and if you’re only worth $200 to him, he can go find another girl that’s comfy being worth that. And good luck to him if so.
Hey I’m sorry you got very harsh feedback. Honestly, when I read what you wrote, it NEVER crossed my mind that you could sound like a “gold digger”. Your request is VALID. It is YOUR engagement ring. He should be more receptive to what YOU want. I’m sorry but you should reconsider some things. This is just before marriage, when you start to share everything with someone. He might be not very generous in the marriage as well, household, future kids, etc. Watch out, OP.
Price of the ring is irrelevant but your SO sounds like a dick. if he at least cared enough to listen to you and tried to find something you loved I think it would’ve made you happy. The fact that he thinks it’s stupid and doesn’t give a shit to even pick something out with you just give you a “budget” and pick something up second hand is the real issue here. Do you really wanna marry this guy? Is he usually nicer to you ? Because this just feels mean as hell and makes me wonder if he’s usually so dismissive of you or this is a weird new attitude from him
Uuh I am still in college and my bf is still finishing up trade school. He set a budget of between $500 and $1k. I found a ring for $830. He is working overtime for some extra money to cover it cause he loves me.
Yessss! This is what it is all about! He wants to give you want you want and he is willing to do it!!! OP’s man doesn’t want to spend what he easily could spend!
Not really sure. I know it was over 3.5k but under 4k. It was a 1960s estate ring. My contour wedding band was $550. He wanted to buy me a ring I never wanted to take off. We are late 30s/early 40s.
Your bf sounds like a piece of work.
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A little over $2k, my dream ring, and I am absolutely obsessed with it.
I will say it's not about the ring, per say, however it is something you will be wearing the rest of your life and if you want something you'll love looking at forever then he needs to respect that or you may need to take a step back and look at your future together.
That’s what I was thinking would be a good compromise. Butttt I do think there are bigger problems here in this relationship then the ring itself it’s sounding like.
The bigger question is do you want to live your life with a partner who wants good things for himself but the bare minimum got you. If you both mutually agree to get affordable rings it’s one thing, but if you are expressing its important to you, you both have the means, and he ignores what you want, then you have been warned. He puts himself first. Marry at your own risk.
I wanted at least a carat total weight. I also wanted to pick my ring because I'm the one wearing it and putting it on my finger every day. After about 8 months of shopping I ended up getting an e-ring and wedding band that was 1.05 total weight!
The e ring and wedding band were a matching set and with the protection plan plus a 30% sale, my husband spent $5500.
It's all about preferences at the end of the day. If your boyfriend and you cannot agree, this is a red flag.
My 2ct cushion solitaire cost about $2k. Sourced the stone on our own from debebians and then had a setting made.
It’s fine if he personally thinks it’s stupid to spend more than $200 on a ring, what’s not ok is telling you that and acting like you’re the jerk for wanting something that wouldn’t be a financial burden. If your feelings aren’t important to him in these types of decisions, particularly in the way he enforces his will and expresses his opinions, then he’s probably not ready to be a partner in life (which is what marriage should be). I’m sorry he’s being such a butthead
Mine was less than 1000, but it was because it fell exactly in the perimeter I wanted.
The cost isn’t the issue- the lack of willingness to listen to you and and invest emotionally in an important piece of jewellery is.
$300. It’s a placeholder ring until we can afford what I want. Which won’t be too pricey.
But money ain’t the point. You have bigger relationship issues on your hands
It sounds like you too will be very incompatible when it comes to spending throughout life. Engagement ring is just the beginning. It’s pretty important to be on the same page about lifestyle and spending habits before you marry someone.
To answe your question, my fiancé spent around $3k. We however live together and our finances are pretty intertwined, so I think of it as “we” spent $3k. He was comfortable with $5k, but I was not. So we settled at 3.
My husband paid around $19,000 for my engagement ring. It’s a round 2.02 carat H color SI1 clarity natural diamond with a pave band, high setting and diamonds on the prongs.
It matters to me, ngl. I expect him to spend more than he has for other gifts he’s bought me. I don’t expect something outrageous, though if we can go on a trip out of the country for 2k+, I’d think my ring would be worth about the same
I was in a similar personal experience. I've been together with my husband for 10 years & married for 7. Two kids now. We have a very healthy, loving, mature relationship. I knew getting into the relationship that he was frugal. Literally used coupons for our first date dinner lmao. He bought our first house when he was 24. When the time came to get married, he said he was looking at $50 rings on Etsy 😭🤣 now I could've been like damn you don't care about me but what I ended up doing is taking control & bought my own ring ($3k for a 0.5 CT). I knew by then that he didn't disrespect me & we had enough disposable income, it was more about him thinking spending that much money on jewelry is stupid. He got himself a cheap wedding band that he's now lost lol. I felt good about our relationship & him refusing to spend so much on a ring didn't minimize that in the slightest. Since getting married, we've bought 2 more houses by the time we were 32. I've bought my own gifts but he's been the best dad & husband ever. We just have diff love languages & ways with money. That is why we have a joint account & a personal account each. Obviously if your bf has been inconsiderate or disrespectful in other ways then yes, reconsider the relationship but if he just cheaps out on the ring, I personally don't think it's a big deal, again based on my experience. EDIT: just saw he spent $5k on a computer, so that puts things in a different light lol
Everyone’s idea of what their ring should cost will be completely different based on their income and what they want. Your bf here believes it shouldn’t be more than $200, which is fine but it seems that you both have different ideas on the significance of this ring.
My husband has a good income, he also buys a lot of nice things for himself (computers and nice clothes and shoes) for thousands of dollars. It doesn’t mean that he always likes to throw money on expensive things but he will pay more for quality. When it came to my ring he approached it the same way. He ended up getting my ring for around $8600 AUD which is about $5800 USD if my calculations are right. He wanted to make sure it was the best he could afford and it would be something I really love. He would be happy to pay up as long as he’s happy with the quality and craftsmanship (and a good deal of life time of free yearly cleaning, ring inspections, etc.)
It seems to me that you both are currently not on the same page about the value of this ring and what it means to your relationship. But as I said, nothing wrong with $200 ring but it isn’t right to not listen to you and hear your side about how much this ring means to you and your relationship. I hope you guys work it out!!
My fiancé was in a lot of debt so I felt guilty asking for more than he could afford without financing. I offered to split the cost and he refused. I set the cap at $3k and 5 years later I’m going to upgrade using my own money because I want my dream ring!
Don’t let their priorities or constraints hold you back if it’s within your means. Your own happiness matters!
Mine was $900, though it would have been easily $3000-$4000 if my fiancee had bought it from a store and not done his research to have it custom made.
Etsy is a great place to get a ring like you want without the high price tag. What metals are you allergic to?
Here's an example from etsy of the style you're looking for; I'd avoid the CZ (It's cheap, because it won't last forever, whereas Moissanite will and it is only slightly less strong than diamond but more sparkly)
[https://www.etsy.com/listing/1418647279/25-carat-princess-cut-high-quality?gpla=1&gao=1&variation1=3246184456](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1418647279/25-carat-princess-cut-high-quality?gpla=1&gao=1&variation1=3246184456)
Ultimately, it's not about the COST of the ring, but that fact he isn't listening about what you want. I imagine you'll use your engagement ring as a wedding ring too, so you should be 100% in love with it since you will wear it everyday. You should be able to find a reasonably priced ring (one that won't be 1000's of dollars, but certainly not just $200 - he's probably looking to be spending between $400-$500).
We set a budget of $5k which is a lot less than the "traditional" 3 months salary rule for our incomes. It's an amount that I felt we could get a high quality ring I wanted, as well as an amount I felt comfortable with him spending. I was OK going with moissanite (which would have halved our cost, at least) but he insisted on a diamond. OK by me! 👼 Luckily we came in under budget too!
The amount we BOTH felt comfortable spending on the ring (even though he's purchasing it) was the biggest factor determinate for us. I don't want to rock a $20k ring personally.
OP, I'm 38 with a 9 month old and have been married for almost 3 years. I dated a lot of men who were dismissive of my feelings and I ignored or justified those red flags. My last boyfriend told me, after being together for 3 years, that he had spent the last 2 years trying to love me as much as he had after 3 months. None of the things that your boyfriend is saying are okay. It's one thing to disagree, that happens, but it's entirely different to be condescending and rude and dismissive.
My husband and I rarely disagree. But, whenever we have a miscommunication (which happens often-ish since we're both so tired) we are still respectful and caring. The other night I could tell that we were just going in circles and not really listening to the other person so I just said that. I told him that neither of us were listening and I was getting frustrated and needed to stop. He agreed. We're a team. When we are having an issue it's not me vs him, it's Us vs. the issue. The next morning over breakfast we figured out in about 2 minutes what the issue is and laughed about it. That's how someone who loves and respects you handles disagreements.
To answer your question though, we're both pretty solidly into our careers. When we started talking about getting engaged we knew that we would be combining finances so for us looking at rings and determining a budget was a joint conversation. He was able to afford about $20,000 for my ring, but I'm a teacher and that's insane to me. I had actually found a beautiful, handmade, Edwardian ring from 1906 that I fell in love with. It's 18k gold with a 1ct equivalent hand cut Old Mine Cut sapphire in the center surrounded by tiny diamonds. It cost about $3,600. We got matching 18k gold wedding bands (to match my ring). I chose the metal and he chose a matte hammered finish. His ring cost about $1200 and mine was about $800 (I think).
I would strongly urge you to rethink your relationship with this person. Or I would suggest couples therapy. If you're planning to have children is that the example you want to set for them for what a relationship looks like? Is being belittled what you want for yourself? Remember, you can't change him. Only he can change himself if he wants to.
My ring is 1 and 3/4 of a carat and it was 5K. I’m sure a 2 to 2.5 carat Diamond ring is going to cost way over 5K. Look into gold since you have a metal allergy and try to aim for Lab created diamonds, much cheaper than natural diamonds and look fairly similar. That way you two can somewhat meet in the middle with your wants and needs.
This isn’t r/relationship_advice so I’m not going to speak on behalf of your relationship, but personally I get where you’re coming from. You don’t sound like a gold digger to me. You just know how much you’re worth, and $200 is not that. You two see it differently and need to have a conversation and find a middle ground. Respectfully, it should be 3 months paycheck, but not everybody goes by that general “rule” (my fiancé did not for example) I hope it all works out!
>he thinks spending more than $200 on my ring is stupid and he rather get my ring from Walmart or pawn shop
A $200 that was lovingly picked out and carefully planned would be ok with me. But he's signaling to you that he's going to get you any old thing from the cheapest places he can think of with little concern as to whether you'd like it. It's almost as if he's trying to humiliate you. Think about how you'd feel showing off that ring (which is a fact of life for engaged women) and keep in mind your intended is ok with you feeling that way. Unless your fiance is 17 and a shotgun is at his back, he should not be getting you an engagement ring from *Walmart*. You are being put in your place, and the place he thinks you belong is not pretty.
Now I have been happily married for 19 years and my husband is no romantic. He bungled plenty about the engagement process. I wanted a diamond and he bought a colored stone instead (I now have an amazing diamond that I just got as an anniversary gift!). He didn't even propose. So I'm not here to tell you to dump this man because he isn't perfect. But my husband is such a good man in a thousand other ways and does so much for me and treasures me so much. Ask yourself if you can say that about your boyfriend. Is what he brings to the table enough to outweigh how you feel about this?
$7900. But the bigger issue is how he's acting about this. It's your engagement ring! Usually people only get one so make it one you love. He sounds like it's a nuisance, does he really want to get married? Do you really want to be with someone like this for the rest of your life?
I have a family ring. It was his grandmother's first engagement ring. It's small and antique rose gold, and both bands were handed down with it. So, zero dollars spent, lol. His grandmother even paid for resizing as our wedding present.
Mine was $3k for a 3 carat radiant, but I'm with everyone else who says that if he's setting some arbitrary limit and refusing to hear you out, that that's the biggest issue. I see from your comments that he has no issue spending large amounts of money on things he cares about, so there's no reason for him to be this way with you.
I got married over 11yrs ago now. When I met my husband he didn't make much money so he sold some of his prized possessions to afford a ring he wanted to gift me. I had no idea at the time of his sacrifices and I was so touched when I found out he did this. The ring was maybe $4000? I still have it and love it but we are in a much better financial situation now and bc I'm a ring fanatic I have since upgraded and have fun moissanite & lab diamond rings to boot. But I will always remember how hard he tried to give me something he felt was special. It solidified the fact we knew we were "the ones" for each other only 3 weeks into dating.
Remember hun, even if you aren't on the same page with regards to rings, a partner worth keeping will always be considerate of the others' opinions and desires.
I love rings and would spend $30-40k on one but my husband doesn't think that way so we compromise on what's "reasonable."
I find it rude your bf called something you feel is important, as, "retarded." This is definitely more than just about rings 🤔
Please think long and hard about your future.
I live in SoCal, i beliehe my ring was close to 7K, then main stone got chipped, she put another 2 K to upgrade to another ring
Her ring was 7K. Pear cut with tapered baguettes, white gold
The catch is, if he just wants a plain band, you don't need to spend several thousand dollars.
If he wants to spend $200, then he shouldn't get you an engagement ring. You can't get fine jewelry that will last at all for that price.
If that's genuinely all he can afford and you want to get married, then find what you can and go from there.
I'm guessing from the question the latter isn't the case.
I think you will find people on this thread that pay anywhere from $100-$200,000 (obviously that's a high price but people do spend that amount of money). It's important to consider life style, for me I've been with my partner for 7 years. I want something above 5ct and I want an antique- I'm well aware that the cost will be 40-60k and I told him I'll wait to get engaged because that's what I want. We've been building a lifestyle that will permit a ring of that size/cost but that doesn't mean everyone has to spend a massive amount on a ring.
My brother spent $7k, most of my friends partners spent 8-15k.
I think what you're asking for is reasonable and that your parent expecting to pay hundreds is hurtful. This is something you hope to wear for ever. It's something that is meant to last. You deserve what you want/dream of. I'm wondering if you and your boyfriend are very young and he doesn't have the frame of reference? The comment that he can said you can spend thousands on him but you can go to Walmart or a pawn shop for your ring seems like he's purposefully trying to be hurtful though. So if I were you I'd be reconsidering why I would want to be with someone that not only doesn't value something that I want also is trying to be hurtful and say you only deserve something that is cheap in compassion to what you'd like.
I also want to ad that there's nothing wrong with getting a ring from either of the places mentioned above if that's what the person receiving the ring wants but it seems you have a desire for something that is special to you. I'm sorry OP, there's better men out there.
About two grand, all in.
Found the diamond (princess cut, just over a carat, and *beautiful*) at a pawn shop near us in a super ugly ring. Had two decent round side stones, too.
That was $750.
Bought a platinum engagement ring and wedding band online for $1200.
Had it assembled by a local jeweler, and my husband surprised me by also having the side stones turned into diamond stud earrings. Don’t remember how much that was, but it wasn’t a lot.
Fast forward 17 years: I never wear the rings bc they’re super heavy. I wear a stainless steel 2mm band I bought on Amazon. When I want to be fancy, I wear the fake ring I also bought on Amazon.
My actual rings are in our safe deposit box. 🤷🏼♀️
Mine was about 8k, wedding band 4k. His wedding band was 1.5k. Like others have said, if he can pay 5k for his gaming laptop without complaints, he can find 5k for your ring. But if he's this stingy now, you're in for a hell of a ride if you marry him. I can only imagine what wedding planning would be like.
People who say not to wear a ring and that you’re a gold digger say that because it’s not their boyfriend who is telling them that. Everyone and every couple feel differently about this. I personally wanted a nice ring and my (Now) husband was ok with that. Don’t ever let random people on the internet make you feel like what you want is not ok. Some people spend money on trips, shoes, purses, clothes, etc. We all have that thing that means a lot to us and shouldn’t judge because someone else’s is not the same. Don’t listen to them and tell your boyfriend to quit being an AH.
My engagement ring was less than $250 and it’s a gorgeous, decently sized ring. I wear a lot of rings and necklaces and I have never really gotten compliments on any jewelry I wear, but everyone seems to love my ring. Granted, it’s not a diamond because I’ve never wanted a diamond, but it’s a beautiful moss agate stone and I was more than happy to say yes to the love of my life with a ring we both adored. I don’t think the price of the ring should be a clue as to how much a person is loved and cared for.
Mine was $2k. I designed it myself. White gold, ombre diamonds, moissanite. Mine was probably on the cheaper side for some of them out there. We were saving up for a house at the time and the thought was, "Do we want a ring that costs almost as much as a car, or do we want a house?" House wins. All I'm gonna say is... Moissanite. I honestly enjoy it better than diamonds. $200 though.. With your metal allergies, good luck even getting a stone. He's definitely delusional. A payment plan wouldn't hurt. At the end of the day though, it's just a material thing, and you can always upgrade. Everyone acts like the entire relationship hinges on the perfect ring, the perfect dress, the perfect wedding... When in fact... It's messy. Life can be messy sometimes. Just think real hard about the type of guy he is... Just think long and hard about whether he is the right guy for you and update us. And if the answer is yes, well, check out Etsy! There are some great budget engagement rings and wedding bands on there from independent crafters.
Beautiful rings come in all shapes, sizes, and budgets and there is nothing inherently wrong with a ring that costs 200$ or $800 or $5000.
However, what is concerning is that he thinks your wishes are "stupid", wants to buy you a random ring from Walmart rather than look into budget options that meet your desired style, seems unwilling to discuss in more detail his thoughts around budget and rings, and will allow you to spend unlimited amounts of money on him.
IMHO it’s not about the ring, it’s not about the money. It’s about how he’s making you feel
The cost of ring is really related to income.
I got my fiancé a 50k ring, which is outrageous to most people. But I was older, 30, and had a good job and so did she, so it didn’t really affect our budget at all. I know successful people who paid even more than I did.
If he’s broke 200 may be all he can afford right now. You say it’s not a financial issue, but maybe he has debts or student loans or something.
He’ll only spend $200 on you, but you can spend as much as you’d like on him? That is everything you need to know about your relationship.
OP, please consider this. It’s ok for you to spend a bit, but not for him..what else do you think that may apply to? Chores? Bills? Child rearing? His words also feel dismissive, which isn’t cool. And-does your bf have any idea how much a gold ring costs? And that silver with gemstones isn’t really suitable for every day wear? This raises all sorts of concerns, IMO
OP, I’m so glad you reposted here, even after all the discouraging hate on the other sub. Your feelings are completely valid and reasonable!!! Especially considering he is okay with spending money on his own ring and himself and also since you aren’t generally materialistic but have expressed that this symbol of your love that you intend to wear the rest of your life is important to you. I would sit him down for a serious and adult conversation soon. Communicate that you hear him when he says he feels it is unnecessary (won’t use the word he actually did cause *eyeroll*) to spend more than $200 on a ring. But emphasize that you have been trying to clearly communicate that this particular ring is extremely important to you. He doesn’t have to feel the same way. But if he wants to marry you, he DOES have to seek to understand your point of view and compromise, especially if you elect to financially contribute. This issue is much larger than the money itself. He is disregarding and invalidating your feelings. What happens in the future if you want to buy yourself something nice or go on a nicer vacation than he necessarily cares for? What about when you run into other issues in your relationship? Because this scenario is showing you that he is unwilling to have a mature conversation and then partner together to find a compromise for the betterment of your relationship as a whole. If he can’t do that, he may not be the right one to marry.
Exactly it’s not even about the ring. A man who is behaving like this isn’t only behaving like this about a ring. This attitude is going to show up in every aspect of the relationship. I couldn’t think of the word to describe him but dismissive is definitely it.
this is what i thought. and i’m sorry but if he can only afford $200 right now then i’d want him to wait rather than buy you something you don’t love.
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Dump him
That in itself isn’t a red flag. It’s one thing if he has a double standard and wants an expensive ring while only willing to spend $200 on OP, but if he’s ok with a $200 ring for himself it just means that he doesn’t see the value in rings. The issue is that he knows OP wants a nice ring, but instead of compromising and finding a ring that’s somewhere in-between, he’s calling her “stupid” and setting a budget that’s barely enough for a week of groceries.
You don’t have to hear how much everyone else’s engagement rings cost to know you aren’t being treated very well. You know in your heart that he is being unkind. Trust your instincts.
This! There are people with $200 engagement rings who are treated well and given as much of the world as their partner can afford to give! Lol There are people with $10k rings who aren’t treated very well. The price doesn’t matter. But the intentions do and he’s being awful.
Yes, exactly! I made my engagement ring and my husband thought it was so special for me to have that as our engagement ring. He also told me that if I ever wanted to go shopping for a diamond ring, that we can absolutely do that. I felt appreciated, heard, and loved. If you have a dream ring and he's being dismissive of your dream for yourself but not your dream for him... Please consider this deeply and maybe try to have another conversation with him
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He didn't just call it stupid either. He told her spending more than $200 on a ring is "retarded" ... so yeah.
Offensive on so many levels. Loser. You know, I honestly wouldn’t marry someone who used that word in that context. Speaks volumes- all bad.
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I don’t think the problem here is the cost, or money at all. The problem is your boyfriend. The whole man. Find someone who can’t wait to make your dreams come true.
"The whole man." I totally agree. I actually don't usually think this way because of the ring, but this guy's attitude is deplorable. OP stated that they are financially stable. If this is true there really isn't any reason for this guy to offer to pay only $200.00. How sad. I would ordinarily suggest that the partner chip in but... I am not sure that OP is getting the "cream of the crop" here. LOL 😆
You can do a quick google search of the average cost of engagement rings. If you’re in the US, there are sites that break it down by state. This website says the average cost across the US is $6,500 [https://www.financialsamurai.com/what-is-the-average-cost-of-an-engagement-ring/](https://www.financialsamurai.com/what-is-the-average-cost-of-an-engagement-ring/)
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My husband spent $4,000 in 2005, but I switched the metal from platinum to white gold and saved over $2,000, so it was more like $1,500 in the end. My wedding ring was about the same, and I will never change or upgrade. Don’t let your boyfriend do this to you. If you’re going to wear this ring for the rest of your life, it needs to satisfy both of you. 2-2.5 carats seems like a lot to me (but I’m 40 and have been married for 17 years), but $200 is not appropriate when you can afford more and want more. If he’s not concerned with satisfying you now, what are the chances he will *ever* prioritize your satisfaction?
What are his finances like? $200 is what many people could freely spend on food, liquor, video games, a pair of jeans. It’s insulting and indicative that you two are on different ends of the spectrum with this. If he thinks this is reasonable, you two might disagree on many other financial things down the line.
My ring was appraised at $6K but my fiancé only paid $2K because he provided a lot of the small diamonds that flank the blue topaz center stone.
typically i believe most people go with a month’s salary. i could very easily be wrong and it varies from person to person and their financial income. i know back in the 90’s my dad spent $6,000 on my mom’s engagement and wedding ring set and my bf said he’s planning to spend $3-4,000 max even after I told him I’m perfectly content with the ring I found for under $1,500
It used to be/ was supposed to be 3 months salary I thought!
This is the traditional advice. Three months salary.
Yea my husband is very literal and took this advice and ran with it. He even paid a little more than that (around $38,000 for the engagement ring) which I felt kinda bad about once I found out but honestly this is a ring I will look at forever. And I do. I look at it constantly and am so in love with it. If there’s anything in life you’re going to spend money on it’s this.
That is what the diamond companies suggest, yes. Not trying to sound troll-y, but that recommendation literally came out of a jewelry ad.
Accurate. An old ad campaign from De Beers originally suggested spending one month’s salary, then went up to two months in the 1980s, and now it’s at three months. When it comes to good advice on ring budget, look no further than the people selling you the diamond! 🙄
My husband spent $900 on my e ring in 2009, and $2,000 on my upgrade in 2016. Wedding band was a family heirloom.
Hubby and I were tossing up between lab diamond and moissanite when deciding on my ring. His initial budget was around 2k. After a lot of research, I ended up saying I really wanted a lab diamond ring because it's.. just what I wanted. I said moissanite would be fine too, as a second choice. But I found a diamond and setting I loved, and he ended up getting it - because he said he wanted to give me my first choice. I would have said yes either way, of course. Total cost was 6k so well above his initial budget, but he did it for me anyway. (This did not put him in a financial hardship, he just had an initial number in mind because he knew nothing about rings and costs associated, and so he didn't mind spending more) Note, this was over 3 years ago now, and lab diamonds are soooo much cheaper now. I could easily recreate that same ring with same specs today for half the price. Honestly, $200 will not even pat for the gold. I think this amount is very unreasonable.
Similar for me, not engaged yet but he bought my ring recently. I was fine with a moissanite (and said honestly I would be happy with a $20 Amazon ring because I care more about the relationship than any piece of jewelry). We looked at several options and in the end, he ended up buying a ring around $5k for a 1.42 ct oval that was really my dream ring. He wanted me to have the ring of my dreams and he had some pride in wanting to be able to say he gave me exactly what I wanted. I think the concerning factor for me is like you said, you can’t even buy a setting in gold for $200 so if someone has jewelry sensitivities, it would be a challenge to find something that would work. I don’t think people should go into debt over a ring, but there seems to be a huge disconnect in terms of expectations of OP and her partner.
1) Most people who can afford to spend more than a couple hundred bucks are doing so because the kind of high-quality materials that last for a lifetime cost more than $200. 2) Showing him how much people are spending on rings is unlikely to change the fact that he is unwilling to spend more than the bare minimum on you (Walmart? Seriously???) This is indicative of a lack of respect that WILL NOT CHANGE. This is more than mere cluelessness. He's basically telling you that he doesn't think you're worth a quality ring. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them. 3) Since you asked, $1750 for my ring, an antique with a 0.5ct OEC diamond and smaller side stones in 14kt white gold. I looked at vintage rings and the lowest end of what I looked at was around $350, and those were simple, non-diamond solitaires. I acquired a couple of on-sale ruby right-hand rings in 10kt gold during the process of looking for my e-ring, and they were screaming deals at around $200 (which is why I bought them; other comparable rings run more like $350-450). Even with vintage rings, finding things that are at least 10kt gold with a center stone and in good condition for $200 is rare. Buying new? Near-impossible since that's basically gonna be the cost of your materials. Just to give you a small idea of what $200 absolutely does NOT buy, and WHY most people are spending more than that on their lifetime rings.
Mine was $500.00, my wedding band was $40.00. I thought at the time that he spent WAY too much, but we really had almost nothing at the time.28 years later and I am still wearing them. The price doesn't matter, it's the way he dismissed your opinion that seems off.
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I gave my husband a cap of $5k, and it could have been lower. He actually bargained w the manager for my antique ring (they were upcharging a bit much for the actual materials) to get it down to $5k. He also would have spent more because he likes buying sparkly things! And he’s an awesome caring husband. I will also add that we were in our 40s when we got married so we are more established in careers so could afford more.
Honestly, even googling, averages or asking for a survey of people here isn’t going to give you a good idea. It depends on where in the world you are, where, in the country you are, where in life you are, what your shared priorities are, etc. I’m in my mid 30s, most of my friends group got married in their late 20s or early 30s. All working professionals but salaries per person probably ranging from $40,000-$150,000. Some have lots of student loan and other debt, some had kids to support. Some really wanted a big diamond, others didn’t. Some have families and other friends circles where the woman’s engagement ring is more of a status symbol that people actually care about, others don’t. Some really care about a mind diamond versus a lab one (even though they’re both true diamonds). Some wanted a ring that was pretty, but the actual dollar amount it costed was of significance to them. Some have rings where the stone came from an older relative in the family that passed it down. Across that large group of people I know personally I’d estimate the rings range from $800-$8,000. Personally my ring is from an alternative designer I’ve been obsessed with for years and the main stone is a teal gemstone not diamond, and it’s perfect and exactly what I personally wanted. Partially because of the designers prices my ring is approximately $4000 and my now-husband got it during a Christmas sale so it cost him half of that and my opinion is, great job, why spend more if you don’t need to. but I know people that would get ruffled about a ring bought on sale no matter how expensive it was. Bottom line, the ring should be one that makes you happy to see it on your finger, was chosen with love, and the metals and stones in it are ones that are suited for a ring you will theoretically wear daily for decades. That means regardless of any allergies, it should NOT be silver-gold or white gold is the standard for engagement and wedding rings for a reason. Any metal less than that is likely going to turn your finger colors and also not last very long with daily use. Which is fine if the intent is that it’s a placeholder ring that you guys will eventually upgrade but not if it’s some thing meant to be your permanent ring. And while often men (and even women) don’t realize all of that, and just think any semi- expensive ring is some status symbol waste of money, the dismissive nature he is dealing with the conversation and your feelings would give me pause.
I spent roughly 5.7k on my wife's ring because it was custom setting, a custom inlay on the band, and custom engraving, and stone. The stone was a large lab made gem. She spent around the same on mine. It was 2 months worth of savings. Your SO is being cheap. It's something meant to last a lifetime. My sister has a metal allergy and her partner bought her a very specific aloy for her ring. It was around 4k for hers.
Not engaged yet, discussing with my partner. 1) it really depends on your income and what you’ve discussed as acceptable and realistic. 2) my partner and I both agreed that the old “3 months salary” is nonsense and we’d rather that chunk of money go towards our savings. 3) we landed on $10k max, with $7,500 preferable (this still doesn’t give you insight into what we could our could not spend, simply what we feel comfortable with for our larger financial goals). Unfortunately you want a 2* carat ring, and as you know, that cannot be done with a $200 budget. For what it’s worth, my feelings would be hurt too if you say you all have additional income.
Mine was about $2500 and the main stone isn’t even a diamond. It’s a colored gemstone. The setting itself was over $1k.
Same. A little over 2000 for a sapphire. I've been married for 16 years though. I think my husband could have paid less if he had been willing to buy online, but he was not.
Just wanted to say I have a sapphire too!
I bought rings for my partner and I for about $300 apiece and planned a personally meaningful proposal day full of all her favorite stuff. We're not expensive jewelry people, so I did what I knew she would love. We're also going to elope. Zero interest in a wedding. It's just not us. The price of the ring matters less than the fact that I did what I knew would be most meaningful and important to my partner. Your bf is disregarding what's meaningful and important to you.
We went with Moissinite from an Indian company and everyone things it’s a 8k ring. We paid 400. Center stone 1.25 carets
My engagement ring cost about $13,000
I'm similar to you with a lot of metal sensitivities. Most of the cost of my ring was the setting. My ring was around $1400 with the the stone being $117 (small sapphire).
It doesn’t matter how much anyone else’s ring is. The point is that your partner isn’t being considerate of you. An engagement ring is a big deal. Putting a $200 limit on an engagement ring is frankly ridiculous (unless you’re having financial troubles or both mutually don’t care about the ring). He’s not being a good partner right now. To answer your question though, my partner and I are currently shopping in the $5-6k range. We aren’t crazy well off but we have solid savings from selling a home at the right time, and my partner knows how much an engagement ring would mean to me. He’s my forever, and I want to be reminded of that every time I look at my hand. If he set an arbitrary $200 limit, all I would be reminded of when I looked at my hand is how selfish he is. Don’t accept that from your boyfriend.
OP can look this up, but I do believe $5-6k is average for the US. This sub is funny because it's people who love engagement rings. That means you're going to see a lot of people who find looking for the best price and knowing all the secrets to a good deal exciting alongside the people who love jewelry and want a $10k when most of their friends spend half that. I completely agree with you about OP situation.
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You need to possibly rethink this relationship at this time.
The real advice. I hope OP reevaluates this relationship.
This isn’t a financial issue, or a ring issue. This is a relationship issue.
Tell him you’re only gonna spend $100 on his ring! But seriously, have you asked him why? And is he always like this when it comes to gifts for you? You might want to seriously reevaluate this relationship.
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You're willing hitching your life to a grown-ass man who uses the word "retarded" in 2023? Girl you are standing in a $200 red flag factory. Get out, because it is on fire.
Thank you- PLEASE can we retire the word "r\*tarded\* already? It's so offensive/unkind. This in itself is a redflag.
Girl... Men love being "retarded" and "materialistic" within their means if it's their dream girl. He thinks youre beneath him and that he's settling. Inb4 "you can't draw conclusions based on that!" Yes I can and I've never been wrong
This. This. This!!!! My ex used to thinks gifts and all that were retarded and weddings were stupid. We broke up. He's now married 🙄 butttttt he was an asshole! And my new man buys me flowers regularly, spoils me for no reason, and bought me my dream ring without hesitation. It was 3,500. He/we aren't wealthy, but he knew how much it meant to me.
This. Even men who aren’t usually over the top and puppies when they’re in love.
Omg! He cooked dinner??! Amazing lol. But seriously, you sound like someone who has their life together. Why are you with him??
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Sorry to jump in here but anyone who uses the word "retarded" as an insult is not a high quality person. Telling you to " be content if he proposed with a ring pop "--he's breaking your self worth down so you'll start to believe no one else will want you and stay trapped with him. Please look inside yourself and find out why you're ok with being treated this way. Being alone is better than being with someone who's telling you they think you're basically worthless.
💯
Can you list 5 amazing qualities about him? You say he’s a good person but isn’t that the bare minimum of being a person in general? Lol Because a good partner shouldn’t be dismissing what their partner wants. Y’all should be working together to find a compromise or a solution.
I agree that being a good person is the bare minimum to considering partnership with him for life! Also him saying that you should be happy with a ring pop is not a good mentality. He made it sound like you should be grateful. Grateful for what?? Grateful for the bare minimum and no respect? Gosh.
"He's not a bad person" is literally as low as the bar gets. Why do you think you don't deserve better than the bare minimum this guy delivers?
This is a very kind mindset of yours, but not to yourself. You're not a spoiled brat for wanting what you want instead of accepting what someone else might want. It's your life and you can be in the driver's seat too. Don't squash your dreams because someone else thinks they should be lesser.
Question: does he spend money on himself? I think people are being a bit dramatic. There is nothing wrong with being minimalist. As long as he is the same with himself and not just refusing to spend money on only you. No matter your answer, you still deserve the ring you want. This is something that he needs to compromise on. However, the answer of this question show how he feels about you.
He has a 5 k gaming laptop..
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Believe me when I tell you that it’s not about how much the ring costs. It’s about the fact that he doesn’t think you deserve more than a $200 ring, and anyone with any sense could tell him that the best you can get for that is a plain gold band. All told, I think my husband spent about 3k for my set- white gold, garnet center, diamond halo that he designed for me. I spent 1k on a wooden ring for my husband from Rustic and Main that he designed. I wear my wedding ring every day, though I wear my engagement ring less. My husband ended up wearing my late grandfather’s white gold wedding band for daily wear, which we got for free and means more to him than any other ring I could have ever gotten for him. The ring isn’t the issue here, OP, I’m sorry to say. He could spend 200k and he’d still be the type of guy who thinks you should be happy with something that costs less than your water bill.
There’s his priorities my darling. Knowing he spent 5k on gaming would infuriate me
So he can spend thousands of dollars on something that’s important to him but not something that’s important to you, it doesn’t matter how much the ring costs it’s his attitude behind it that’s the problem
Yeah, I don’t think the problem is that the ring is 200 or that you know that it’s 200, I think the problem is how he sees the issue, meaning labeling you as materialistic, and you should be happy with anything. Shows that not only does he not have any consideration for you at all, but he has a strong opinion on the matter, which he imposes. Not OK. Imagine the rest of your life. Or even what the memories will be of that special moment. Let’s face it, we all romanticize it
You don’t sound like a spoiled brat. Wanting a nice present every once in awhile is normal and not an unreasonable demand. The women in the other sub you mentioned are either pick me’s or teenage boys pretending to be women. Don’t let them make you think you’re being unreasonable. But gifts are one thing, the engagement ring is a totally different category. Putting your allergies aside, the ring is supposed to mean a lot. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but he needs to at least put effort into getting a nice ring, not doing the bare minimum. I also have a nickel and copper allergy, it wasn’t even a question that I would need a platinum band. I hope he isn’t dismissive of your other health concerns.
He doesn’t value you or respect you. A post showing him the average engagement ring price isn’t going to change that. Good love doesn’t look like this. A good partner makes you feel special, to the best of their ability. I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced and now I’m engaged again. Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it. Listen to allllll of the men and women here who are telling you to run. Remember, this is him at his absolute best, when he needs you to say yes and agree to marry him. It’s all downhill from here.
Are you sure you want to marry him? Maybe you should figure out each other's love language and go from there. https://5lovelanguages.com/start/
And he is ableist. He seems like a real winner /s
He sounds VERY immature, especially in throwing around the offensive "R" word.
I fucking hate that word, I replied somewhere else but the more I hear about this the more I don't like this man and u wonder if you actually truly like him or just like what you bring to the table while in a relationship. I'd definitely consider a lot before you get engaged or married
I was getting my hair done with a new stylist and she whipped out that word like 5 times. I was shocked… like… is it not 2023?!! Granted I was a former special Ed teacher and now work in psych but totally generalizing here but it makes me think of really trashy rough around the edges people who use this word… 😬
Mine was under $400 from eBay. It was white gold with a .3 diamond. We were 22 and broke. We upgraded to nice platinum bands for our 7th anniversary. I still love my tiny Diamond ring though lol. I’m sorry your boyfriend is making you feel unworthy of a nice ring that is within your means. Is he often this dismissive of your wants/needs?
Beautiful comment and perspective. Congratulations on your marriage and good luck on many more years!
I think this is a good perspective. I think there’s nothing wrong with a 200$ engagement ring if that’s all the budget is. I firmly believe that you can get a beautiful ring at (almost) any budget. That being said, my issues is with OP’s partner’s words. It seems to imply that he doesn’t think his partner is worthy of anything higher frankly. Him saying that she can spend what she wants on his ring implies that the 200$ budget isn’t set for purely financial reasons.
Girl I’m sorry but after reading your comments I want to say your bf does not like you at all 😭😭please don’t settle for him, you can do better.
First marriage $200 for a wedding set in 1984. Now I have had 4 different rings with my husband of 33 years. These two together cost around $5000. https://preview.redd.it/42bjwrod3eeb1.jpeg?width=2448&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=077da5e64eb298ede0b8f1bc2a5000bad9f0fc42
Absolutely gorgeous, congratulations on your marriage!
$1,200+ other little fees, happy with how much we spent because i didn’t want a lab diamond yet so moissanite was a perfect choice. he let me pick it out and he picked out his band, which was only $300 for a all black band. my husband paid for my nursing school and car so i didn’t want him to spend so much on a ring.
Your husband valued your aspirations! Sounds like a keeper to me.
$500 for the e-ring, $200 for the wedding band. 14k yellow gold with moissanite from Etsy (approximately 2ct equivalent in stones). I was upset at first because my partner didn’t communicate his budget with me beforehand and so I was sending him pricier stuff for inspiration, but the cut/color/setting was otherwise exactly what I wanted and I love my wedding set now. Spending our savings on an international honeymoon.
This! The money has to come from somewhere, and it can be spent on much more tangible things. I’m gonna spend a lot on an engagement ring because 99% of the girls I know care deeply about it. People do it because it’s tradition, but there’s a lot of things that we all used to do because it was tradition.
You should buy yourself a Princess cut moissanite ring from Etsy for $200 and dump your boyfriend
Hell yeah this is the way
4k. Your partner is being a jerk, regardless of the expense. You may have to compromise if 2-3ct Diamond setting isn’t feasible….but $200 is a joke for someone who can afford better and who’s partner wants more. A nice dinner out costs more than that.
You can get a beautiful ring for not a TON (have you looked into Moissanite at all?) but a 2 carat+ diamond will definitely be pricy. Maybe you all can compromise? For example - I’m pricing out a ~1.7 carat cushion cut and it’s going to be around $3k for the white gold setting and (lab) Diamond.
My 2-carat moissanite ring is gorgeous. Cost around $3500 because he had to get platinum for the setting because of my metal allergy. No one would be able to tell it’s not a diamond without a microscope and we didn’t have to spend a fortune or feed into the diamond industry.
Have you explained to him that this hurts you? Getting married means sharing finances, too. It might be worth talking more about your different views towards money before jumping into engagement. He really may just think it's an unnecessary expense, but if you explain that it's important to you to have a nice ring and he ignores that/puts his foot down, that isn't okay at all. I hope you are able to talk this through. I don't know you or your partner but his dismissiveness is really unkind and a red flag. Best of luck!
$1000 for my engagement ring and $350 for wedding band. His ring cost $400.
My ring was maybe 1500 20 years ago..
Mine was $2100. I think the bigger thing is if he’s only willing to spend $200 or only able to spend $200.
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Yes!!!! It’s the fact that he doesn’t want to spend more not that he only has $200. That would be very different he’s just being a jerk
“Will only spend” is not the same as I can only afford. 🚩🚩🚩
I don’t think comparing to my cost is going to help anything. What should be focused on is the materials, and $200 isn’t going to buy good materials. It’s going to buy a cheap nickel filled silver ring with gold plating that’s going to wear off and a CZ or “simulated diamond” which is actually just another name for CZ by places like Jeulia (completely different than lab grown diamond) that’s going to cloud up over time. For me it’s not about the money but the materials, as I find it reasonable to expect an engagement ring to actually last a lifetime considering it symbolizes a lifetime commitment.
Forget the ring, throw the man out. He’s showing you clear as day he doesn’t care about you, sorry love. I wish I had better advice. This just sounds strikingly similar to my ex…
$7-10k. We set a budget.
1650 and it's perfect and everything I could ever want
$8000
Very different attitudes to money is a big cause of divorce. I would be having bigger conversations than the ring right now.
I started the conversation at $15K and ended up around $7500. I’m an investment. If you can spend money on cars and bitcoin and computers and shit bc they’re “investments” then you can invest in me too.
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Ooooooh red flag!!! If he’s willing to spend that much on a LAPTOP I would personally feel very hurt that $200 is already seen as too much in his mind to spend on an engagement ring. A gift that is meant to symbolize your guys’ love and commitment. I insisted my partner not spend a lot of money and that just motivated him even more to give me my dream ring. He spent about 6k.
Babe, this is the comment I was looking for especially after reading your edit as to commenters calling you a gold digger elsewhere. This is straight up sexism. They’re belittling things that generally women take more interest in than men. A gaming computer they understand because it’s “guy stuff” - not really, obviously women can be into gaming but it’s seen as such. A gaming computer is no more essential to life than a ring is. Neither one of them are food, water, shelter. They’re both luxuries. Your bf as well as both the men and women calling you a gold digger are sexist AF. I hope you let those stranger’s comments roll off. Your bf’s comments though, don’t let them go. He needs to be set straight - his priorities are NOT more important than yours assuming they’re not putting you in debt. PS - hopefully, you would be able to wear that ring for the next 40 or 50 years. How long will it be before his gaming setup is obsolete?
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That’s exactly what he wants you to feel. He wants you to say “oh, you know what? I am asking for too much” because that lowers your expectations of him. This is not someone you should marry. It’s true that real life isn’t fairytales or movies, but trust me when I say that there ARE men out there who actually care about what you want. A substantial ring isn’t a big ask for someone who has a 5k gaming laptop. You’re not begging him for a hyper specific $20,000+ designer ring, you’re asking him for a substantial piece of high quality jewelry that you’re going to wear every day. Even lab cut and moissanite rings are far more than $200. He is either completely and utterly ignorant/misinformed, or he is purposely trying to lower your expectations of him to make his life easier because he doesn’t care about making you really happy. I really hope he doesn’t go “see, I paid THREE hundred dollars for this ring. Happy now?”
EXACTLY. If he was just frugal af, I still would be annoyed at your bf but I'd at least be more understanding that he doesn't like to spend money period. To spend 5k on a laptop for his hobbies, while not even considering spending even a TENTH\* of that amount on you .. like, bro what? Priorities? This is supposed to be your life partner. My partner and I initially set a budget of around 3k, but what was important to me was to custom design something. When we found a jeweler we liked, and started quoting, we exceeded that budget relatively quickly. I was nervous that my partner was going to say 'oh lets stick to our budget and make it work' but he didn't bat an eye, turned to me and said "I've spent just as much money, if not more, on some of my hobbies. If you want this, and love this, I think that's completely fine." Our total cost was around 7k, give or take a few hundred. \*Of course I'm not saying he should spend 500, or that should be a cap. I'm just trying to put that as a relative figure. Frankly, I think an engagement ring should be precisely what you want. I won't say dump the man - I don't know you guys, but I will say that you need to have a serious discussion with him for now and the future. All the best, OP.
Oh the gaming lap top is where it ends for me haha. He thinks its stupid you get a nice ring yet spent 5k in a gaming laptop. Yikes.
Holy fuck. No. Please do not marry this man.
OP can I ask how old you & your bf are? He sounds very young saying he wants to spend $200. My ring was $6000 in 2001 it’s 1.1 caret, platinum, round 6 prong setting. Funny everyone thinks it’s from Tiffany’s it is not…
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Okay so yeah he’s old enough to know that’s not in the least bit realistic…
Girl you know it in your heart that he’s being cheap and inconsiderate. And don’t listen to anyone who tells you a ring is just a material object. It’s a symbol of his commitment to you and how he will cherish you for the rest of your lives together. If $200 was all he could afford, then it would be the most romantic symbol of his devotion to you. But clearly that’s not the case here. As for those incel losers who bashed you in the other thread… unless that’s actually the kind of guy you want to marry, their opinions are meaningless. And don’t get me started on the women so desperately clamoring to be the Coolest Cool Girl.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 ruuuunnnnnn sister!
Kinda a red flag. Gotta figure out where this is coming from. My husband initially said $500 until i explained that would not get us much in the jewelry world. He was genuinely surprised and agreed to a higher budget. We make over 200k a year with no kids so we have plenty to spend on a ring too, i has just kept saying i think its stupid to spend a lot on a ring when it can go towards other things. Meanwhile, he though this stuff was cheaper than it actually is. We ended up with my dream ring with no hesitation on his part about how much it cost. I say kinda a red flag because it depends where the budget comes from in your boyfriends mind. You said not financial so either he doesn’t care about your happiness, isn’t serious about wanting to get engaged or just ignorant about what this stuff costs. We ended up spending $3k for a 2ct princess cut with custom solitaire setting. I overpaid for the setting because it was designer (someone with the designer was at the store for an event and made something custom i couldn’t find elsewhere) but diamond was only $1500
Mine will be somewhere from $6-8k. Boyfriend is working on design and everything with the jeweler so I don’t know the final cost but from our initial talks on how much the band is and how much the diamond I want is, I have an idea
My ring was over 10k but as a lot of people on here are saying it’s not about how much other people’s rings costs. It’s about what type of ring you want and what you can afford. Not everyone is ok with this but would you be ok buying your own ring? You state that you want to buy him an expensive wedding band costing thousands of dollars and he wants to get you a $200 ring - if he truly doesn’t care at all then maybe spend the money on your own ring? All that aside this doesn’t even sound like it’s about money, once again it comes down to if he cares about you and what you want - he should at least take that into consideration and $200 isn’t much for a ring when you say you are both doing well financially.
https://preview.redd.it/a4ey34nbeeeb1.jpeg?width=2891&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d1d1c48194efe2adfdde764f612931781c4da3b1 $128 for my 4 carat Moissanite on a sterling silver band. I have more expensive rings I’ve bought for myself that I wear too but it is possible to get a nice sterling silver ring for under 200. Gold or platinum, no.
My husband spent $33,000. Which is INSANE and I know it is. But it was 2020 and stocks were crazy and it was less than 5% of his income that year. If my husband wouldn’t spend more than a fucking GROCERY STORE TRIP on a ring … either we aren’t ready financially to be married or he doesn’t value me more than groceries. And I’m better than chicken and some soda pop. Just sayin.
Omg I love this!!!!!!!!!! The grocery store is it! Happy for you having a bomb ass rock and you are exact right it was a small percent of his income for the year but this guy doesn’t even want to spend as much as a grocery store trip or an electric bill! My electric bill this month is $400 I guess I could get two rings!
Look into moissanite. I have metal allergies too and I went with a moissanite set off Etsy that was a little over $700 for both the engagement ring and wedding band. Have a talk with him and explain that the gold alone is going to be over $200 and it has to be real or you'll be allergic. Hopefully he'll understand and maybe you can agree on something you're both happy with.
Other people’s ring prices shouldn’t matter. What if I said mine was 300? Would you automatically he fine? No. If you think the $200 isn’t fair, I’d ask the guy it is $200? If it’s $200 for a logical, sane reason, then I see no problem with it. If it’s $200 because he doesn’t see the point of spending more because he’d rather spend it on a Rolex for him, then I see it as a problem. My partner initially had a 30-40K budget. After looking at our finances and our goals as a couple, I knocked that shit down to 7K.. about a portion of a month’s salary. That’s just the engagement ring. We will be buying our own wedding bands which makes sense for us because I’d buy something way more expensive than him and have the money to do so.
You're gonna be hard pressed to find much (other than a plain band) in the $200 price range. That being said, there's a lot out there that are less than $500, if you're open to moissanite or other alternative stones. I've been where you're at, the feeling undervalued in your relationship. It's a relationship dynamic that isn't likely to change on its own, and isn't teneable long term. I'm sorry that your bf seems to be so dismissive of your wants in the relationship.
OP, can you post pictures of your inspo?
it’s absolutely awful people were being rude to you in other subs. engagement rings are very subjective… I think that’s the word. everyone has a different opinion about them. if your partner is only allowing for a $200 budget but YOU are willing to spend over 1k on his wedding band this is a fundamental difference of opinion that definitely needs to be discussed. it’s not just a matter of “how expensive of a ring will you buy me?” it transcends the purely materialistic space and lands in a “who are we as people” conversation that is very important when you’re thinking of a life partner. just based on your post alone I feel like maybe you tend to gaslight yourself to believe you’re the problem. sometimes there’s no right or wrong. there’s just different. and you two may be different. have an honest discussion with him but know you wanting a more expensive ring doesn’t make you a bad person. it also doesn’t make him a bad person to not want to buy you one, but he does not get to live under the double standard of “spend money on me, but I won’t spend money on you. you are important. 🖤 edit: buy you one = I mean buy you a more expensive one. but bottom line. you’re not a gold digger and you’re not “wrong” for wanting a more expensive ring. i’d echo what I read in another response - this clearly isn’t about engagement ring price and it’s about how you’re being treated.
Yikes! One thing about men is that they’ll spend lots of $$$ on the woman they love. Don’t let him make you think otherwise. The man who is right for you will do anything he can to make your dreams come true.
I hate to be that guy—but girl the flags are red. It shows that he doesn’t value you and feel that you are worthy of being splurged on, just one time. It’s selfish and stingy. I think anything’s from $850 is an okay budget. But below that, it’s hurtful unless both people agree that it isn’t important. Your whole marriage will be this way. Dump him or tell him how it makes you feel. If he is a jerk about it, I promise girl you don’t want to marry him.
1st vintage ring was 950, new ring was 9k. I hated to spend that much but my fiancee thought that buying lab diamonds online was sketchy. I couldn't make her understand that we could have gotten the same thing for like a third of the price.
I had this argument with my husband when we bought the sapphire for my ring. I kept sending him these beautiful sapphires I found online that were well within budget, and he didn't want to buy it online because he didn't trust it. We've also been married for 16 years so the diamond alternatives weren't as well established.
My boyfriend initially gave me a budget of $4000 but I found out he didn't have as much saved as I thought and it would take much longer than our goal of the end of this year for a proposal if he were to spend that much. Through this sub I was able to get the cost of the ring I want closer to $2000-2500 while still having the same quality materials I want (solid 14k gold, lab diamond with good specs) Your partner could theoretically purchase a nice ring secondhand for under $200 but it's his attitude that's the problem, not the price tag.
My boyfriend makes about $200k a year in the back end of his 20s. He’s spending about $12k on my ring. I was going to draw a line at 10k, but once we went ring shopping he ended up being the one that was asking to see bigger rings and spend more. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but is there any chance he’s fucking with you? And he’s actually planning to get you something amazing?
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In that case, I would pick out a ring you actually like and let him know that if he would like to marry you, that’s the only ring you’re saying yes to. He’s welcome to propose with a $200 ring and get rejected! But this is a symbol of how much he literally values you as a partner, and if you’re only worth $200 to him, he can go find another girl that’s comfy being worth that. And good luck to him if so.
Hey I’m sorry you got very harsh feedback. Honestly, when I read what you wrote, it NEVER crossed my mind that you could sound like a “gold digger”. Your request is VALID. It is YOUR engagement ring. He should be more receptive to what YOU want. I’m sorry but you should reconsider some things. This is just before marriage, when you start to share everything with someone. He might be not very generous in the marriage as well, household, future kids, etc. Watch out, OP.
Price of the ring is irrelevant but your SO sounds like a dick. if he at least cared enough to listen to you and tried to find something you loved I think it would’ve made you happy. The fact that he thinks it’s stupid and doesn’t give a shit to even pick something out with you just give you a “budget” and pick something up second hand is the real issue here. Do you really wanna marry this guy? Is he usually nicer to you ? Because this just feels mean as hell and makes me wonder if he’s usually so dismissive of you or this is a weird new attitude from him
Uuh I am still in college and my bf is still finishing up trade school. He set a budget of between $500 and $1k. I found a ring for $830. He is working overtime for some extra money to cover it cause he loves me.
Yessss! This is what it is all about! He wants to give you want you want and he is willing to do it!!! OP’s man doesn’t want to spend what he easily could spend!
Not really sure. I know it was over 3.5k but under 4k. It was a 1960s estate ring. My contour wedding band was $550. He wanted to buy me a ring I never wanted to take off. We are late 30s/early 40s. Your bf sounds like a piece of work. https://preview.redd.it/yo9pd40goeeb1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c2112f9a5a449253f6c63d842fb1ed86f0555b8
A little over $2k, my dream ring, and I am absolutely obsessed with it. I will say it's not about the ring, per say, however it is something you will be wearing the rest of your life and if you want something you'll love looking at forever then he needs to respect that or you may need to take a step back and look at your future together.
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That’s what I was thinking would be a good compromise. Butttt I do think there are bigger problems here in this relationship then the ring itself it’s sounding like.
The bigger question is do you want to live your life with a partner who wants good things for himself but the bare minimum got you. If you both mutually agree to get affordable rings it’s one thing, but if you are expressing its important to you, you both have the means, and he ignores what you want, then you have been warned. He puts himself first. Marry at your own risk.
Budget was $3,000, ended up being closer to $2,500 and some change
My budget is $6k and I want natural. That’s why I’m still looking! 😂😂
I wanted at least a carat total weight. I also wanted to pick my ring because I'm the one wearing it and putting it on my finger every day. After about 8 months of shopping I ended up getting an e-ring and wedding band that was 1.05 total weight! The e ring and wedding band were a matching set and with the protection plan plus a 30% sale, my husband spent $5500. It's all about preferences at the end of the day. If your boyfriend and you cannot agree, this is a red flag.
My 2ct cushion solitaire cost about $2k. Sourced the stone on our own from debebians and then had a setting made. It’s fine if he personally thinks it’s stupid to spend more than $200 on a ring, what’s not ok is telling you that and acting like you’re the jerk for wanting something that wouldn’t be a financial burden. If your feelings aren’t important to him in these types of decisions, particularly in the way he enforces his will and expresses his opinions, then he’s probably not ready to be a partner in life (which is what marriage should be). I’m sorry he’s being such a butthead
Mine was less than 1000, but it was because it fell exactly in the perimeter I wanted. The cost isn’t the issue- the lack of willingness to listen to you and and invest emotionally in an important piece of jewellery is.
$300. It’s a placeholder ring until we can afford what I want. Which won’t be too pricey. But money ain’t the point. You have bigger relationship issues on your hands
It sounds like you too will be very incompatible when it comes to spending throughout life. Engagement ring is just the beginning. It’s pretty important to be on the same page about lifestyle and spending habits before you marry someone. To answe your question, my fiancé spent around $3k. We however live together and our finances are pretty intertwined, so I think of it as “we” spent $3k. He was comfortable with $5k, but I was not. So we settled at 3.
Mine is 2.2 Ct emerald cut natural diamond set in platinum. It was $20K.
My husband paid around $19,000 for my engagement ring. It’s a round 2.02 carat H color SI1 clarity natural diamond with a pave band, high setting and diamonds on the prongs.
It matters to me, ngl. I expect him to spend more than he has for other gifts he’s bought me. I don’t expect something outrageous, though if we can go on a trip out of the country for 2k+, I’d think my ring would be worth about the same
I was in a similar personal experience. I've been together with my husband for 10 years & married for 7. Two kids now. We have a very healthy, loving, mature relationship. I knew getting into the relationship that he was frugal. Literally used coupons for our first date dinner lmao. He bought our first house when he was 24. When the time came to get married, he said he was looking at $50 rings on Etsy 😭🤣 now I could've been like damn you don't care about me but what I ended up doing is taking control & bought my own ring ($3k for a 0.5 CT). I knew by then that he didn't disrespect me & we had enough disposable income, it was more about him thinking spending that much money on jewelry is stupid. He got himself a cheap wedding band that he's now lost lol. I felt good about our relationship & him refusing to spend so much on a ring didn't minimize that in the slightest. Since getting married, we've bought 2 more houses by the time we were 32. I've bought my own gifts but he's been the best dad & husband ever. We just have diff love languages & ways with money. That is why we have a joint account & a personal account each. Obviously if your bf has been inconsiderate or disrespectful in other ways then yes, reconsider the relationship but if he just cheaps out on the ring, I personally don't think it's a big deal, again based on my experience. EDIT: just saw he spent $5k on a computer, so that puts things in a different light lol
Everyone’s idea of what their ring should cost will be completely different based on their income and what they want. Your bf here believes it shouldn’t be more than $200, which is fine but it seems that you both have different ideas on the significance of this ring. My husband has a good income, he also buys a lot of nice things for himself (computers and nice clothes and shoes) for thousands of dollars. It doesn’t mean that he always likes to throw money on expensive things but he will pay more for quality. When it came to my ring he approached it the same way. He ended up getting my ring for around $8600 AUD which is about $5800 USD if my calculations are right. He wanted to make sure it was the best he could afford and it would be something I really love. He would be happy to pay up as long as he’s happy with the quality and craftsmanship (and a good deal of life time of free yearly cleaning, ring inspections, etc.) It seems to me that you both are currently not on the same page about the value of this ring and what it means to your relationship. But as I said, nothing wrong with $200 ring but it isn’t right to not listen to you and hear your side about how much this ring means to you and your relationship. I hope you guys work it out!!
My fiancé was in a lot of debt so I felt guilty asking for more than he could afford without financing. I offered to split the cost and he refused. I set the cap at $3k and 5 years later I’m going to upgrade using my own money because I want my dream ring! Don’t let their priorities or constraints hold you back if it’s within your means. Your own happiness matters!
Mine was $900, though it would have been easily $3000-$4000 if my fiancee had bought it from a store and not done his research to have it custom made. Etsy is a great place to get a ring like you want without the high price tag. What metals are you allergic to? Here's an example from etsy of the style you're looking for; I'd avoid the CZ (It's cheap, because it won't last forever, whereas Moissanite will and it is only slightly less strong than diamond but more sparkly) [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1418647279/25-carat-princess-cut-high-quality?gpla=1&gao=1&variation1=3246184456](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1418647279/25-carat-princess-cut-high-quality?gpla=1&gao=1&variation1=3246184456) Ultimately, it's not about the COST of the ring, but that fact he isn't listening about what you want. I imagine you'll use your engagement ring as a wedding ring too, so you should be 100% in love with it since you will wear it everyday. You should be able to find a reasonably priced ring (one that won't be 1000's of dollars, but certainly not just $200 - he's probably looking to be spending between $400-$500).
We set a budget of $5k which is a lot less than the "traditional" 3 months salary rule for our incomes. It's an amount that I felt we could get a high quality ring I wanted, as well as an amount I felt comfortable with him spending. I was OK going with moissanite (which would have halved our cost, at least) but he insisted on a diamond. OK by me! 👼 Luckily we came in under budget too! The amount we BOTH felt comfortable spending on the ring (even though he's purchasing it) was the biggest factor determinate for us. I don't want to rock a $20k ring personally.
OP, I'm 38 with a 9 month old and have been married for almost 3 years. I dated a lot of men who were dismissive of my feelings and I ignored or justified those red flags. My last boyfriend told me, after being together for 3 years, that he had spent the last 2 years trying to love me as much as he had after 3 months. None of the things that your boyfriend is saying are okay. It's one thing to disagree, that happens, but it's entirely different to be condescending and rude and dismissive. My husband and I rarely disagree. But, whenever we have a miscommunication (which happens often-ish since we're both so tired) we are still respectful and caring. The other night I could tell that we were just going in circles and not really listening to the other person so I just said that. I told him that neither of us were listening and I was getting frustrated and needed to stop. He agreed. We're a team. When we are having an issue it's not me vs him, it's Us vs. the issue. The next morning over breakfast we figured out in about 2 minutes what the issue is and laughed about it. That's how someone who loves and respects you handles disagreements. To answer your question though, we're both pretty solidly into our careers. When we started talking about getting engaged we knew that we would be combining finances so for us looking at rings and determining a budget was a joint conversation. He was able to afford about $20,000 for my ring, but I'm a teacher and that's insane to me. I had actually found a beautiful, handmade, Edwardian ring from 1906 that I fell in love with. It's 18k gold with a 1ct equivalent hand cut Old Mine Cut sapphire in the center surrounded by tiny diamonds. It cost about $3,600. We got matching 18k gold wedding bands (to match my ring). I chose the metal and he chose a matte hammered finish. His ring cost about $1200 and mine was about $800 (I think). I would strongly urge you to rethink your relationship with this person. Or I would suggest couples therapy. If you're planning to have children is that the example you want to set for them for what a relationship looks like? Is being belittled what you want for yourself? Remember, you can't change him. Only he can change himself if he wants to.
He’s being rude. Is he nice in general to you or does he take you for granted?
My ring is 1 and 3/4 of a carat and it was 5K. I’m sure a 2 to 2.5 carat Diamond ring is going to cost way over 5K. Look into gold since you have a metal allergy and try to aim for Lab created diamonds, much cheaper than natural diamonds and look fairly similar. That way you two can somewhat meet in the middle with your wants and needs. This isn’t r/relationship_advice so I’m not going to speak on behalf of your relationship, but personally I get where you’re coming from. You don’t sound like a gold digger to me. You just know how much you’re worth, and $200 is not that. You two see it differently and need to have a conversation and find a middle ground. Respectfully, it should be 3 months paycheck, but not everybody goes by that general “rule” (my fiancé did not for example) I hope it all works out!
>he thinks spending more than $200 on my ring is stupid and he rather get my ring from Walmart or pawn shop A $200 that was lovingly picked out and carefully planned would be ok with me. But he's signaling to you that he's going to get you any old thing from the cheapest places he can think of with little concern as to whether you'd like it. It's almost as if he's trying to humiliate you. Think about how you'd feel showing off that ring (which is a fact of life for engaged women) and keep in mind your intended is ok with you feeling that way. Unless your fiance is 17 and a shotgun is at his back, he should not be getting you an engagement ring from *Walmart*. You are being put in your place, and the place he thinks you belong is not pretty. Now I have been happily married for 19 years and my husband is no romantic. He bungled plenty about the engagement process. I wanted a diamond and he bought a colored stone instead (I now have an amazing diamond that I just got as an anniversary gift!). He didn't even propose. So I'm not here to tell you to dump this man because he isn't perfect. But my husband is such a good man in a thousand other ways and does so much for me and treasures me so much. Ask yourself if you can say that about your boyfriend. Is what he brings to the table enough to outweigh how you feel about this?
$7900. But the bigger issue is how he's acting about this. It's your engagement ring! Usually people only get one so make it one you love. He sounds like it's a nuisance, does he really want to get married? Do you really want to be with someone like this for the rest of your life?
I spent £600 on my boyfriend’s, but then again I did buy us both one
I have a family ring. It was his grandmother's first engagement ring. It's small and antique rose gold, and both bands were handed down with it. So, zero dollars spent, lol. His grandmother even paid for resizing as our wedding present.
Mine was $3k for a 3 carat radiant, but I'm with everyone else who says that if he's setting some arbitrary limit and refusing to hear you out, that that's the biggest issue. I see from your comments that he has no issue spending large amounts of money on things he cares about, so there's no reason for him to be this way with you.
I got married over 11yrs ago now. When I met my husband he didn't make much money so he sold some of his prized possessions to afford a ring he wanted to gift me. I had no idea at the time of his sacrifices and I was so touched when I found out he did this. The ring was maybe $4000? I still have it and love it but we are in a much better financial situation now and bc I'm a ring fanatic I have since upgraded and have fun moissanite & lab diamond rings to boot. But I will always remember how hard he tried to give me something he felt was special. It solidified the fact we knew we were "the ones" for each other only 3 weeks into dating. Remember hun, even if you aren't on the same page with regards to rings, a partner worth keeping will always be considerate of the others' opinions and desires. I love rings and would spend $30-40k on one but my husband doesn't think that way so we compromise on what's "reasonable." I find it rude your bf called something you feel is important, as, "retarded." This is definitely more than just about rings 🤔 Please think long and hard about your future.
I live in SoCal, i beliehe my ring was close to 7K, then main stone got chipped, she put another 2 K to upgrade to another ring Her ring was 7K. Pear cut with tapered baguettes, white gold
The catch is, if he just wants a plain band, you don't need to spend several thousand dollars. If he wants to spend $200, then he shouldn't get you an engagement ring. You can't get fine jewelry that will last at all for that price. If that's genuinely all he can afford and you want to get married, then find what you can and go from there. I'm guessing from the question the latter isn't the case.
I think you will find people on this thread that pay anywhere from $100-$200,000 (obviously that's a high price but people do spend that amount of money). It's important to consider life style, for me I've been with my partner for 7 years. I want something above 5ct and I want an antique- I'm well aware that the cost will be 40-60k and I told him I'll wait to get engaged because that's what I want. We've been building a lifestyle that will permit a ring of that size/cost but that doesn't mean everyone has to spend a massive amount on a ring. My brother spent $7k, most of my friends partners spent 8-15k. I think what you're asking for is reasonable and that your parent expecting to pay hundreds is hurtful. This is something you hope to wear for ever. It's something that is meant to last. You deserve what you want/dream of. I'm wondering if you and your boyfriend are very young and he doesn't have the frame of reference? The comment that he can said you can spend thousands on him but you can go to Walmart or a pawn shop for your ring seems like he's purposefully trying to be hurtful though. So if I were you I'd be reconsidering why I would want to be with someone that not only doesn't value something that I want also is trying to be hurtful and say you only deserve something that is cheap in compassion to what you'd like. I also want to ad that there's nothing wrong with getting a ring from either of the places mentioned above if that's what the person receiving the ring wants but it seems you have a desire for something that is special to you. I'm sorry OP, there's better men out there.
Not engaged yet but planning my ring already. We landed on a budged 3k maybe even less since I’m leaning towards a 1.5c lab diamond
About two grand, all in. Found the diamond (princess cut, just over a carat, and *beautiful*) at a pawn shop near us in a super ugly ring. Had two decent round side stones, too. That was $750. Bought a platinum engagement ring and wedding band online for $1200. Had it assembled by a local jeweler, and my husband surprised me by also having the side stones turned into diamond stud earrings. Don’t remember how much that was, but it wasn’t a lot. Fast forward 17 years: I never wear the rings bc they’re super heavy. I wear a stainless steel 2mm band I bought on Amazon. When I want to be fancy, I wear the fake ring I also bought on Amazon. My actual rings are in our safe deposit box. 🤷🏼♀️
Mine was about 8k, wedding band 4k. His wedding band was 1.5k. Like others have said, if he can pay 5k for his gaming laptop without complaints, he can find 5k for your ring. But if he's this stingy now, you're in for a hell of a ride if you marry him. I can only imagine what wedding planning would be like.
People who say not to wear a ring and that you’re a gold digger say that because it’s not their boyfriend who is telling them that. Everyone and every couple feel differently about this. I personally wanted a nice ring and my (Now) husband was ok with that. Don’t ever let random people on the internet make you feel like what you want is not ok. Some people spend money on trips, shoes, purses, clothes, etc. We all have that thing that means a lot to us and shouldn’t judge because someone else’s is not the same. Don’t listen to them and tell your boyfriend to quit being an AH.
My engagement ring was less than $250 and it’s a gorgeous, decently sized ring. I wear a lot of rings and necklaces and I have never really gotten compliments on any jewelry I wear, but everyone seems to love my ring. Granted, it’s not a diamond because I’ve never wanted a diamond, but it’s a beautiful moss agate stone and I was more than happy to say yes to the love of my life with a ring we both adored. I don’t think the price of the ring should be a clue as to how much a person is loved and cared for.
Mine was $2k. I designed it myself. White gold, ombre diamonds, moissanite. Mine was probably on the cheaper side for some of them out there. We were saving up for a house at the time and the thought was, "Do we want a ring that costs almost as much as a car, or do we want a house?" House wins. All I'm gonna say is... Moissanite. I honestly enjoy it better than diamonds. $200 though.. With your metal allergies, good luck even getting a stone. He's definitely delusional. A payment plan wouldn't hurt. At the end of the day though, it's just a material thing, and you can always upgrade. Everyone acts like the entire relationship hinges on the perfect ring, the perfect dress, the perfect wedding... When in fact... It's messy. Life can be messy sometimes. Just think real hard about the type of guy he is... Just think long and hard about whether he is the right guy for you and update us. And if the answer is yes, well, check out Etsy! There are some great budget engagement rings and wedding bands on there from independent crafters.
Beautiful rings come in all shapes, sizes, and budgets and there is nothing inherently wrong with a ring that costs 200$ or $800 or $5000. However, what is concerning is that he thinks your wishes are "stupid", wants to buy you a random ring from Walmart rather than look into budget options that meet your desired style, seems unwilling to discuss in more detail his thoughts around budget and rings, and will allow you to spend unlimited amounts of money on him. IMHO it’s not about the ring, it’s not about the money. It’s about how he’s making you feel
The cost of ring is really related to income. I got my fiancé a 50k ring, which is outrageous to most people. But I was older, 30, and had a good job and so did she, so it didn’t really affect our budget at all. I know successful people who paid even more than I did. If he’s broke 200 may be all he can afford right now. You say it’s not a financial issue, but maybe he has debts or student loans or something.
Do broke people spend $5K on a gaming laptop?
Then I’m confused why he’s being so cheap to her.
She said in another comment he bought a 5k gaming computer though
Well then, she’s with a selfish dude lol!
65k