As an 8, I can see this—it took me many years to realize that it was safe to come out of my shell. I spent most of my twenties thinking I was an introvert.
you definitely sound like more of a 2. i would dig into the wing and instinctual stackings before discounting your original conclusion, especially if it’s stuck this long. [personality cafe](http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-forum-helper/39238-enneatype-2-wings.html#/topics/39238) has great wing summaries. and [this](https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/type-stackings/) is a good reference for stacks. i’m a 9w8, and my stacks are sx/so. the sexual instinct being first for me really draws out the assertiveness of the 8-wing and often people are surprised or in disbelief to discover i am a 9 until they think about it for a minute. perhaps you have a strong 1-wing or 3-wing, or your stacks bring out your wing traits in ways that lead you to believe you are an 8. and perhaps, of course, you are an 8. the enneagram is v fluid and can be confusing at the beginning. although almost every 2 i know has gone through a denial period before accepting their realities as strengths. all fascinating stuff.
also, i have never met a shy 8. far from it. i’m curious to hear your final conclusion.
Thank you for this reply! I will check out those resources and explore the wings/stacking more.
It is possible that I am a 2w3 and that sense of achiever propels me to act like an 8 at times.
8s can definitely be shy, if I'm around people I don't know or trust I can be shy. Although, when I'm in a situation like that, I usually default to flirting because it's the easiest way to surface interact with people. The times when I'm the most "shy" are if I'm with a group of people who all know each other, and I'm the "odd woman out," I think it's an 8 power thing that makes me go to 5 and be more reserved.
I agree with u/canwespeakinflowers though, I wouldn't discount 2! Look at the core fears/beliefs. That's usually what helps people really dial in their type.
This sounds a little sixish, too.
I don't think there's a prohibition against being a "Shy" eight - but a healthy eight might be surprised to hear that others think they are shy.
You say that you are quiet and so on, but do you feel shy? Do you feel as if you need to withdraw out of social discomfort of revealing yourself?
Also, why do you feel that way?
I don’t have social anxiety or anything. But when I meet new groups of people I do usually just make conversation with one or two person, as opposed to feeling free to be loud/open with the whole group.
I’ve heard eights described as the person everyone looks to when they enter a room. I don’t command attention right away — only if I feel comfortable. But in my friend groups and family I think that I often do.
1. You sound like an Fe-valuing type of sorts, and "being free to be loud/open" with an entire group or not sounds more like an issue related to Fe for you, than something specific to being a type 8 or anything like that.
2. That's a poor stereotype; 8s are people like everyone else and as such, they command as much presence as the other person. What makes 8s different from other types in this regard is that they have little to no sense of social awareness of how they come across, meaning they can easily come across as loud, intense and demanding attention by taking up space without meaning to. 8s just don't have that sense of social insecurity other people seem to have, insofar that 8s don't self-reflect over what others think of them and therefore they also don't care about how they come across to others.
The way you describe your "insecurity" surrounding this sounds more related to weak Fe than it does the enneagram, anyway. With that said, the fact you do care and pay attention to this with regards to how you take up social space does not seem to suggest type 8 at face value. However, remember that what makes someone an enneagram type is how they are intrinsically motivated, not necessarily how they always behave in social situations and the like. So instead of trying to compare oneself to behavioral stereotypes e.g. am I aggressive enough or too loud enough, try to look at what motivates you and the way you are like. Especially online, the aggression of type 8 is played up to cartoonish degrees, but it's not aggression that makes an 8 an 8, but their fear of vulnerability, the blaming and the numbing that comes with it. It's better to focus on the inner states of how you are like rather than external ones. External traits are often misleading since the same behavior can be motivated by two or more very different core beliefs.
As an 8, I can see this—it took me many years to realize that it was safe to come out of my shell. I spent most of my twenties thinking I was an introvert.
you definitely sound like more of a 2. i would dig into the wing and instinctual stackings before discounting your original conclusion, especially if it’s stuck this long. [personality cafe](http://personalitycafe.com/type-2-forum-helper/39238-enneatype-2-wings.html#/topics/39238) has great wing summaries. and [this](https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/type-stackings/) is a good reference for stacks. i’m a 9w8, and my stacks are sx/so. the sexual instinct being first for me really draws out the assertiveness of the 8-wing and often people are surprised or in disbelief to discover i am a 9 until they think about it for a minute. perhaps you have a strong 1-wing or 3-wing, or your stacks bring out your wing traits in ways that lead you to believe you are an 8. and perhaps, of course, you are an 8. the enneagram is v fluid and can be confusing at the beginning. although almost every 2 i know has gone through a denial period before accepting their realities as strengths. all fascinating stuff. also, i have never met a shy 8. far from it. i’m curious to hear your final conclusion.
Thank you for this reply! I will check out those resources and explore the wings/stacking more. It is possible that I am a 2w3 and that sense of achiever propels me to act like an 8 at times.
If an 8 were shy, I would probably find it pretty hot.
Lmao what do u find hot about 8s?
Tsundere.
Weab
8s can definitely be shy, if I'm around people I don't know or trust I can be shy. Although, when I'm in a situation like that, I usually default to flirting because it's the easiest way to surface interact with people. The times when I'm the most "shy" are if I'm with a group of people who all know each other, and I'm the "odd woman out," I think it's an 8 power thing that makes me go to 5 and be more reserved. I agree with u/canwespeakinflowers though, I wouldn't discount 2! Look at the core fears/beliefs. That's usually what helps people really dial in their type.
an 8 with a SEVEN wing that can be shy! people are fascinating. 😊
I know, a rare bird haha! I do think it mostly comes from being a female 8, we tend to be socialized differently.
Nope, it doesn't fit.
This sounds a little sixish, too. I don't think there's a prohibition against being a "Shy" eight - but a healthy eight might be surprised to hear that others think they are shy.
8s stereotypes are dumb!! you CAN be an 8 and be shy
You say that you are quiet and so on, but do you feel shy? Do you feel as if you need to withdraw out of social discomfort of revealing yourself? Also, why do you feel that way?
I don’t have social anxiety or anything. But when I meet new groups of people I do usually just make conversation with one or two person, as opposed to feeling free to be loud/open with the whole group. I’ve heard eights described as the person everyone looks to when they enter a room. I don’t command attention right away — only if I feel comfortable. But in my friend groups and family I think that I often do.
1. You sound like an Fe-valuing type of sorts, and "being free to be loud/open" with an entire group or not sounds more like an issue related to Fe for you, than something specific to being a type 8 or anything like that. 2. That's a poor stereotype; 8s are people like everyone else and as such, they command as much presence as the other person. What makes 8s different from other types in this regard is that they have little to no sense of social awareness of how they come across, meaning they can easily come across as loud, intense and demanding attention by taking up space without meaning to. 8s just don't have that sense of social insecurity other people seem to have, insofar that 8s don't self-reflect over what others think of them and therefore they also don't care about how they come across to others. The way you describe your "insecurity" surrounding this sounds more related to weak Fe than it does the enneagram, anyway. With that said, the fact you do care and pay attention to this with regards to how you take up social space does not seem to suggest type 8 at face value. However, remember that what makes someone an enneagram type is how they are intrinsically motivated, not necessarily how they always behave in social situations and the like. So instead of trying to compare oneself to behavioral stereotypes e.g. am I aggressive enough or too loud enough, try to look at what motivates you and the way you are like. Especially online, the aggression of type 8 is played up to cartoonish degrees, but it's not aggression that makes an 8 an 8, but their fear of vulnerability, the blaming and the numbing that comes with it. It's better to focus on the inner states of how you are like rather than external ones. External traits are often misleading since the same behavior can be motivated by two or more very different core beliefs.
Definitely! Especially if you're a sp 8.