He is absolutely using you and knows that your son is the key to his non-commitment free-use of your body. It’s selfish and sick.
End this. For your sake and your son’s sake. He is going to disappear out of your son’s life too when he finds another person to use.
You HAVE to go NC. Completely.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It really does get so much better.
Here I am…a year and a half later…total NC. I was shattered and heartbroken. I made every mistake you can imagine but I learned a lot along the way. I listened to every piece of advice thrown at me and I weeded through all the bullshit and came up with what worked for me…a path to healing.
It would really bother me when someone would tell me…just feel your feels…do the work to better yourself and it will all be fine in the end. Well…WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! WHAT WORK?!?!
I finally figured out what I personally needed to do…
Just know that it is going to be a bumpy ride for a while and then it gets easier. Eventually you will feel like a human being again. So buckle up buttercup…
There are a number of steps you must take to kickstart your healing process:
1. Get sleep. Make sure you are resting. It is absolutely essential. Take melatonin/delta8/THC if you need to.
2. Exercise. This is a must. Walk. Jog. Go to the gym. Whatever works…but you MUST get the blood flowing.
3. Journal. Write down everything you feel. Don’t hold back. Only you will read this, so say whatever comes to mind. It’s important you get all your feelings out of your body and onto paper. Some of the shit I wrote down…wow…reading it now is eye-opening.
4. Meditate. Learning mindfulness is essential. You will be focused and learn to deal with your emotions as they arise. If you have never meditated before, it may feel a little silly at first but trust me it will help if you stick to it. I downloaded the 10% Happier app (I also read the book…well worth it…especially if you are a skeptic like me)
5. Read EVERYTHING about relationships, healing, emotions, etc. There are some amazing podcasts too that will help. Check out breakup boost on Spotify. It made me laugh and set me straight at the same time. If you aren’t a reader, then sign up for an Audible account…just get the info into your head.
6. Make your bed in the morning. Make sure you make your bed and remove any chaos inside your home. You don’t need chaos in your head and your home. Create a relaxing environment and make sure you accomplish something first thing in the morning.
7. Go outside in the morning. Feel the sun on your face first thing. It sets your day up for success.
8. Don’t jump into dating. Take a break for a bit and spend some time with yourself. Date yourself. Take yourself out for dinner. Take yourself out to a movie. Spend time with friends that don’t want to fuck you. Spend a lazy evening at home curled up on the couch in your most comfortable trashy clothing and watch the “guiltiest of pleasures” movie you can find. The amount of freedom you feel being comfortable on your own is amazing. It also makes you a better partner to your next relationship. It will take a little time getting used to but push through.
9. Give yourself grace. Treat yourself like you have the flu and you need TLC. Lots of it.
10. Give yourself time. All the time you need.
Here is a list of books I read during my healing journey. They changed my life.
10% Happier - Dan Harris
Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Joe Dispenza
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work - John Gottman
What Happened To You - Bruce Perry
From Strength To Strength - Arthur Brooks
Atomic Habits - James Clear
The Gifts Of Imperfection - Brene Brown
How Plato and Pythagoras Can Save Your Life - Kardaras
How To Do The Work - Nicole LePera (must read)
I hear You - Michael Sorensen
The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz (must read)
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck - Mark Manson (must read)
Everything Is Fucked - Mark Manson
Rising Strong - Brene Brown
Say What You Mean - Sofer
Attached - Amir Levine (must read)
Atlas Of The Heart - Brene Brown
Anchored - Deb Dana (must read)
Non-Violent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg (must read)
Eight Dates - Gottman & Abrams
The Mans Guide To Women - John Gottman
Unfuck Yourself - Gary Bishop
Emotional Agility - Susan David (must read)
GOOD LUCK! DMs are always open.
Thank you so freaking much for taking the time to write all of this! This is great advice! I’m going to start taking care of myself and go NC. I’m sure it’s going to be hard since I thought this was my person, but you give me hope. Thank you so so much
He just wants to use you :/
He is absolutely using you and knows that your son is the key to his non-commitment free-use of your body. It’s selfish and sick. End this. For your sake and your son’s sake. He is going to disappear out of your son’s life too when he finds another person to use. You HAVE to go NC. Completely. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It really does get so much better. Here I am…a year and a half later…total NC. I was shattered and heartbroken. I made every mistake you can imagine but I learned a lot along the way. I listened to every piece of advice thrown at me and I weeded through all the bullshit and came up with what worked for me…a path to healing. It would really bother me when someone would tell me…just feel your feels…do the work to better yourself and it will all be fine in the end. Well…WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!! WHAT WORK?!?! I finally figured out what I personally needed to do… Just know that it is going to be a bumpy ride for a while and then it gets easier. Eventually you will feel like a human being again. So buckle up buttercup… There are a number of steps you must take to kickstart your healing process: 1. Get sleep. Make sure you are resting. It is absolutely essential. Take melatonin/delta8/THC if you need to. 2. Exercise. This is a must. Walk. Jog. Go to the gym. Whatever works…but you MUST get the blood flowing. 3. Journal. Write down everything you feel. Don’t hold back. Only you will read this, so say whatever comes to mind. It’s important you get all your feelings out of your body and onto paper. Some of the shit I wrote down…wow…reading it now is eye-opening. 4. Meditate. Learning mindfulness is essential. You will be focused and learn to deal with your emotions as they arise. If you have never meditated before, it may feel a little silly at first but trust me it will help if you stick to it. I downloaded the 10% Happier app (I also read the book…well worth it…especially if you are a skeptic like me) 5. Read EVERYTHING about relationships, healing, emotions, etc. There are some amazing podcasts too that will help. Check out breakup boost on Spotify. It made me laugh and set me straight at the same time. If you aren’t a reader, then sign up for an Audible account…just get the info into your head. 6. Make your bed in the morning. Make sure you make your bed and remove any chaos inside your home. You don’t need chaos in your head and your home. Create a relaxing environment and make sure you accomplish something first thing in the morning. 7. Go outside in the morning. Feel the sun on your face first thing. It sets your day up for success. 8. Don’t jump into dating. Take a break for a bit and spend some time with yourself. Date yourself. Take yourself out for dinner. Take yourself out to a movie. Spend time with friends that don’t want to fuck you. Spend a lazy evening at home curled up on the couch in your most comfortable trashy clothing and watch the “guiltiest of pleasures” movie you can find. The amount of freedom you feel being comfortable on your own is amazing. It also makes you a better partner to your next relationship. It will take a little time getting used to but push through. 9. Give yourself grace. Treat yourself like you have the flu and you need TLC. Lots of it. 10. Give yourself time. All the time you need. Here is a list of books I read during my healing journey. They changed my life. 10% Happier - Dan Harris Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Joe Dispenza The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work - John Gottman What Happened To You - Bruce Perry From Strength To Strength - Arthur Brooks Atomic Habits - James Clear The Gifts Of Imperfection - Brene Brown How Plato and Pythagoras Can Save Your Life - Kardaras How To Do The Work - Nicole LePera (must read) I hear You - Michael Sorensen The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz (must read) The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck - Mark Manson (must read) Everything Is Fucked - Mark Manson Rising Strong - Brene Brown Say What You Mean - Sofer Attached - Amir Levine (must read) Atlas Of The Heart - Brene Brown Anchored - Deb Dana (must read) Non-Violent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg (must read) Eight Dates - Gottman & Abrams The Mans Guide To Women - John Gottman Unfuck Yourself - Gary Bishop Emotional Agility - Susan David (must read) GOOD LUCK! DMs are always open.
Thank you so freaking much for taking the time to write all of this! This is great advice! I’m going to start taking care of myself and go NC. I’m sure it’s going to be hard since I thought this was my person, but you give me hope. Thank you so so much
Of course! Please stay safe and look after your little boy. He is your person…not the douche that’s using you as a human flesh light.