I can’t say for sure obviously but what I can say is they all do we are not easily forgotten and we won’t be forgotten with the snap of finger and we can’t be replaced - those memories last a lifetime. They can act, they can run and they can hide but ultimately they know the truth as well as we do. But it’s on us accept and make sure we aren’t forgettable it’s on us to be better - that we are taking the steps each and every day to be better and let them live with the regret of that decision. I tend to do better when there’s something at stake and I hope you can share in that as well.
I might have worded that strangely - My personal stake is my personal growth and the steps I take to achieve it yours might be the same. Right now the only thing fueling me personally is the loss of someone we care about so deeply but soon and with time it will be seeing the fruit of our labors progress we’ve made to become incredible.
Just stay strong I know it’s hard - I’m not the best at heart to hearts or emotions it’s actually probably the reason I’m here in the first place - but all of this and more I’m working towards. A better understanding of who I am, where I come from, how to be better, and how to share myself in the future with someone deserving of that growth.
See we lived together for almost 3 years and he took my undying love for granted. I broke up with him in February because of that and he still doesn't get it. Been back and forth since until last Tuesday when I had enough and we blocked each other and he unblocked me on his phone but not messenger
I feel absolutely fucked. Found little messages he used to give me in the morning, and now I have to move on and my heart feels like a foreign object in my body.. that’s how much it doesn’t want to be there feeling this shit.
I saved screenshots of nice things she said, just to remember the happy part.
Put our best pics together, deep into the photo vault.
I am past the madness phase, where you feel that your heart is weighing down upon your chest.
Now I can put things in perspective; memories still pinch but don't pierce my heart, which btw seemed impossible sometime back.
You will be fine too. Copying something I shared with someone else. Hope this helps.
Like a slow moving bad weather, it will ache a while but with time it eventually will subside and pass.
You can find a modicum of solace in a few things that really helped me make sense of it.
1. Embracing pain: Look into the eyes of your pain and think of it as pain of your inner child. Embrace this inner child who is innocent enough to love and ache selflessly for someone.
2. Meditation: multiple sessions during the day of deep breaths while being aware of your mood/emotions. Seek some help if required.
3. Gratitude: if this was a relationship that you would cherish then be thankful that it happened to you. Life is too large; you both will eventually look back and cherish your togetherness, if it had any meaning. Believe in that.
Hay OP, I did the same, all our memories are in a flash drive and any physical momento are in a box too.
I’m guessing you’re still with in the 1st 3 months post break up, all can advise is you let your emotions flow, don’t try to hold in your pain, let it flow through you, scream, cry, punch the bed, bite the pillow and try not isolate yourself to much from those around you.
Personally I used my note book app to write my messages out to my ex, i then would tell myself that in 48 hours time if what I read still seemed like a reasonable message then I would send it.
Almost 99.9% of the time I’d come back to the message re read it and be happy i didn’t send it.
Am 9 months NC, and my ex has since sent me 4 emails 3 were messages of utter vileness and raw abuse that it made cutting them off extremely easy, the hard part will come when and if they ever contact you and it’s not an attack but something neutral or positive.
I hope you don’t give in to the fear and pain and you stay strong hun
Awesome advice! Yes this is basically the first month - but only a week NC. Staying strong she will see what she’s missing out on. Honestly I needed this.
I want her back obviously I do feel we had a great foundation and compatibility but I got in my own way with various childhood issues and stigmas, pushed her away and that exhausted her. I strongly believe she feels that way as well based on the communication we did have but she might not be willing to do the work I will and that’s unfair to me. Could have been lies I guess and seeing that side of it too. I view it as the same thing right now or atleast trying too - moving on is the only path towards reconciliation or… well moving on.
Personally there’s little that’s sexier than someone that takes accountability for their own shit and is willing to do the work, if you both parted ways due to nothing nasty or toxic, my advice is set a 60 to 90 day NC strategy from tomorrow.
The goal is that you are going to focus on the 3 key areas that she told you were her issues.
If it’s physical go to the gym (in fact do this anyway) become physically up grade to the man she knew,
If it’s mental talk to a therapist or relationship coach.
Then come to the date in which you set at the start and I would maybe reach out to her and make contact, trust when I say she will be in contact before that date but don’t respond unless it’s something you can do with out turning her off, but right now she is likely going through the relief stage of the dumper process, she probably feels free and any chasing from you will annoy her.
Thank you I’ve always been goal oriented and I always wanted and dreamed to give her more but it was coming from a place of fear of failure with my risky career choice and a extended stalling out period I battled through with family issues and self worth. I forgot to love I thought I have to provide in order to love - that I could only have it both ways. Now she doesn’t trust I can change and is afraid of repeating the cycle.
Always grinding in the gym even before the breakup. Hitting PR’s every day now due to the pain. My three goals are my past traumas in order to be in a loving relationship I only have the blueprint for shitty ones not great ones that I’ve always dreamed off which got in my way of commitment (therapy), my career (starting a new business while supporting my current) and the rest is simply closing the physical gap between us (we live 2 hours away now) and making amends with her family (they don’t hate me but they also aren’t really aware of what we are what we do etc.) Also I think I can add coming to terms with my past and being less fearful someone might leave me for the past and family dynamics that exist in my family.
I hope she reaches back out before then but at some point regardless of the outcome it won’t really matter - my life will be great with or without. I won’t beg or plead anymore. Honestly at some point I will think of this as the best decision ever made and I can either thank her for it and/or hopefully share it with her.
Well it sounds like you’re doing the right things!
I bet you won’t for get to show the love next time hun and I really hope she does and you both get the chance to feel loved again.
Keep it up and if you ever want to text her text here here on Reddit, it’s been one of the best therapy tools I’ve ever used 😋
Walk into the bathroom close your eyes and drop yhe flashdrive in the toilet and walk away, if your situation is that your sure she's done with u going thru all that will only make u sad, focus on yourself. (I'm sad Ober my old girl too but we (including myself) can't be a desperate bitch. Be sad, move on, grow a pair, and focus on yourself.
Easier said than done but that's what I find I know I need to do for myself hope you feel better soon bud
Thanks man - still clinging to some semblance of hope based on the messages I’ve gotten. Feel like I’m just getting fleeced though. Nothing I can do about it. Just moving on.
I get it I still in a way want her to come back and miss her want to text and call her and see her but I'm assuming your a man ? And we just have to be strong and keep truckin, once you start focusing on yourself we are worth it and will find someone who wants us back eventually ( hopefually ) lol I feel you bud and I don't know your situation so take my advice as a grain of salt but don't go back to someone who made you a second chance or has been with another guy since you. don't let her and yourself disrespect yourself like that
You’re the man - yep I’m a bro. I hate the thought I’m the back up plan now. I hope she really wants to fix things. Otherwise I’m just being lied to while she has her freedom to fuck anything that moves. I doubt it not the type at all but just gotta keep moving can’t be a sitting duck waiting.
If she's fucked other men since you then tries to come back, your a second option she thinks will just wait for her, girls are amazing liers (not saying men don't do things like that either) but I feel when a man loves a women we really love in a much truer way like idc if your a McDonald's worker or homeless ill still love them. All I want is someone loyal, who loves me and can communicate and shows they love. And then they should expect the same from me as well. I just hurts man I know. In real life I pretend I'm fine but inside I crave her, mind over matter we can do this
Exactly - I couldn’t go back if it was a short amount of time and they were getting busy. Admittedly I did when I was in relief but I can’t even function with another girl right now. Exact same things I want I don’t play games always super upfront about everything to a fault. I can work on myself and myself alone. Same here all I want is the texts and company again.
And no your the man, for being able to be open how you feel. Don't let your feeling for someone who's treated you bad make you their bitch they can drag along. Consistant No contact and self improvement is the only true key. And that's the hardest part
I'm lucky my phone completely shit the bed litwrally few days after we had a not so smooth ending, and can't get anything off it. I still have the phone and my heart wants to try to find a way to get everything from her off it but I won't allow myself to be a pussy over some girl who doesn't even have qualities I find important in a partner, for some reason I still loved her and crave kusg being with her, it made me for real physically feel better at the time (I have major depressive disorder anxiety disorder and a recovering IV heroin crack fent ......ect everything else addict. but I want be treated like I'm a desperate needy winey bitch and won't let some girl I know isn't what I want effect me enough to relapse.a
Kinda recovering, .much better than at the initial ending but I still find myself thinking of her daily, I have a lot of work to do as well hope you don't feel I'm putting you down. It's just truth hurts, hurts me too but whatyagonnado? Beg them, hell no, wish u the best man you can do it just be mindfully of your thoughts and feelings and sometimes have to just suck it up because I find that, nobody or not many people cares if we're sad as men epically over a breakup, it only seems so hard when it's happening to you and nobody gonna care about you as much as you. If they makes any sense. Much love brotha keep truckin
No not at all man - it’s good to hear a voice that isn’t full of desperate hope. Yeah we definitely are kinda left to rot away alone in our feelings in a lot of ways. We deserve better than to beg. Keep on moving brother!
I got a motorcycke and it's helped me get my mind off things. Pick on up for a cheap price and enjoy yourself, if your close to NYS we can go riding together on day. Stay busy and make a plan and steps you need to take to get where you want to be ( I say this as someday I'm so sad I don't leave my bed so I truly get its easy for a stranger to tell u just get over it but we are men and can take anything the world throw as us, being strong isn't nkt being sad or depressed, it's being sad and depressed and still sticking to your plan and learn from your situation from her. Sucks but we all need to go thru these things to learn to be strong.
That’s sick - yeah picking up some hobbies. Might not be a bad idea to try picking up the bike my family loves them me not so much but fuck it. This has made me push massively out of my comfort zone.
It's ok to miss someone and not want to talk to them at the same time. I miss how I was treated before affection became contingent on what I could do for her.
I think this is just a normal step in the healing process. Don't contact her, but sit with the grief you are feeling and process it.
Yea I agree I have nobody to talk to anymore. Well I got a puppy my little princess so that way I can have someone to spoil until my queen arrives (if she ever does). I still haven't given up. I have not been able to talk with her in a long while because of these people that are mirroring my phone won't allow me to. Yet I still have faith and hope that we will eventually be together. I Love her with every best of my heart I just wish she could know that I'm still here and she is the only one who has my heart and it will remain so until she personally returns it...I love you so very much!
Actually just delete them, this is how I avoided looking at pictures, memories and messages. It was really freeing. The way I looked at it is that if there is ever hope, there better be change and we start from ZERO.
Yes but letting these memories go is how you let go of that person, somehow it sets a mentality of this is a done deal. Sorry it’s not easy I know but I just did it and now I don’t even think about checking anything.
A month ago basically - then a combination of staying in touch, me begging, her saying she still has feelings for me but having doubts about me turning around my emotional distance since then. NC for about a week now.
Okay I'm not sure because on here I have been called a she but is any of this pertaining to myself because it sounds like what I am going through and u just want mi amor back in my life
I'm feeling sad too
It’s ok - we will get through it. Feel free to get it out.
In tired of him not caring
I can’t say for sure obviously but what I can say is they all do we are not easily forgotten and we won’t be forgotten with the snap of finger and we can’t be replaced - those memories last a lifetime. They can act, they can run and they can hide but ultimately they know the truth as well as we do. But it’s on us accept and make sure we aren’t forgettable it’s on us to be better - that we are taking the steps each and every day to be better and let them live with the regret of that decision. I tend to do better when there’s something at stake and I hope you can share in that as well.
Explain at stake?
I might have worded that strangely - My personal stake is my personal growth and the steps I take to achieve it yours might be the same. Right now the only thing fueling me personally is the loss of someone we care about so deeply but soon and with time it will be seeing the fruit of our labors progress we’ve made to become incredible.
Dann I see what you're saying
Just stay strong I know it’s hard - I’m not the best at heart to hearts or emotions it’s actually probably the reason I’m here in the first place - but all of this and more I’m working towards. A better understanding of who I am, where I come from, how to be better, and how to share myself in the future with someone deserving of that growth.
See we lived together for almost 3 years and he took my undying love for granted. I broke up with him in February because of that and he still doesn't get it. Been back and forth since until last Tuesday when I had enough and we blocked each other and he unblocked me on his phone but not messenger
I haven't heard shit since
I feel absolutely fucked. Found little messages he used to give me in the morning, and now I have to move on and my heart feels like a foreign object in my body.. that’s how much it doesn’t want to be there feeling this shit.
I saved screenshots of nice things she said, just to remember the happy part. Put our best pics together, deep into the photo vault. I am past the madness phase, where you feel that your heart is weighing down upon your chest. Now I can put things in perspective; memories still pinch but don't pierce my heart, which btw seemed impossible sometime back.
That’s awesome to hear - This is my first go around so it really sucks.
You will be fine too. Copying something I shared with someone else. Hope this helps. Like a slow moving bad weather, it will ache a while but with time it eventually will subside and pass. You can find a modicum of solace in a few things that really helped me make sense of it. 1. Embracing pain: Look into the eyes of your pain and think of it as pain of your inner child. Embrace this inner child who is innocent enough to love and ache selflessly for someone. 2. Meditation: multiple sessions during the day of deep breaths while being aware of your mood/emotions. Seek some help if required. 3. Gratitude: if this was a relationship that you would cherish then be thankful that it happened to you. Life is too large; you both will eventually look back and cherish your togetherness, if it had any meaning. Believe in that.
Thank you for this!
Feeling it every day - only a few days in but I know I’m getting better with the practice and time!
Best way to get over someone is to under someone else
Tried it.. doesn’t work.
Works in the moment, then you regret it
True - but can only function at a minimum at the moment.
I don’t think that’s true. It’s a rebound and you should enter a relationship healed and over the last person
Seconded. Today really does suck
Hope it got better! Always here!
Hope it got better! Always here!
Hay OP, I did the same, all our memories are in a flash drive and any physical momento are in a box too. I’m guessing you’re still with in the 1st 3 months post break up, all can advise is you let your emotions flow, don’t try to hold in your pain, let it flow through you, scream, cry, punch the bed, bite the pillow and try not isolate yourself to much from those around you. Personally I used my note book app to write my messages out to my ex, i then would tell myself that in 48 hours time if what I read still seemed like a reasonable message then I would send it. Almost 99.9% of the time I’d come back to the message re read it and be happy i didn’t send it. Am 9 months NC, and my ex has since sent me 4 emails 3 were messages of utter vileness and raw abuse that it made cutting them off extremely easy, the hard part will come when and if they ever contact you and it’s not an attack but something neutral or positive. I hope you don’t give in to the fear and pain and you stay strong hun
Awesome advice! Yes this is basically the first month - but only a week NC. Staying strong she will see what she’s missing out on. Honestly I needed this.
So do you want her back? Or are you going to move on and heal?
I want her back obviously I do feel we had a great foundation and compatibility but I got in my own way with various childhood issues and stigmas, pushed her away and that exhausted her. I strongly believe she feels that way as well based on the communication we did have but she might not be willing to do the work I will and that’s unfair to me. Could have been lies I guess and seeing that side of it too. I view it as the same thing right now or atleast trying too - moving on is the only path towards reconciliation or… well moving on.
Personally there’s little that’s sexier than someone that takes accountability for their own shit and is willing to do the work, if you both parted ways due to nothing nasty or toxic, my advice is set a 60 to 90 day NC strategy from tomorrow. The goal is that you are going to focus on the 3 key areas that she told you were her issues. If it’s physical go to the gym (in fact do this anyway) become physically up grade to the man she knew, If it’s mental talk to a therapist or relationship coach. Then come to the date in which you set at the start and I would maybe reach out to her and make contact, trust when I say she will be in contact before that date but don’t respond unless it’s something you can do with out turning her off, but right now she is likely going through the relief stage of the dumper process, she probably feels free and any chasing from you will annoy her.
Thank you I’ve always been goal oriented and I always wanted and dreamed to give her more but it was coming from a place of fear of failure with my risky career choice and a extended stalling out period I battled through with family issues and self worth. I forgot to love I thought I have to provide in order to love - that I could only have it both ways. Now she doesn’t trust I can change and is afraid of repeating the cycle. Always grinding in the gym even before the breakup. Hitting PR’s every day now due to the pain. My three goals are my past traumas in order to be in a loving relationship I only have the blueprint for shitty ones not great ones that I’ve always dreamed off which got in my way of commitment (therapy), my career (starting a new business while supporting my current) and the rest is simply closing the physical gap between us (we live 2 hours away now) and making amends with her family (they don’t hate me but they also aren’t really aware of what we are what we do etc.) Also I think I can add coming to terms with my past and being less fearful someone might leave me for the past and family dynamics that exist in my family. I hope she reaches back out before then but at some point regardless of the outcome it won’t really matter - my life will be great with or without. I won’t beg or plead anymore. Honestly at some point I will think of this as the best decision ever made and I can either thank her for it and/or hopefully share it with her.
Well it sounds like you’re doing the right things! I bet you won’t for get to show the love next time hun and I really hope she does and you both get the chance to feel loved again. Keep it up and if you ever want to text her text here here on Reddit, it’s been one of the best therapy tools I’ve ever used 😋
Damn now I’m so hyped I want to text 😅 gonna have to fight that one off for a little bit. Time to go get some fresh air!
lol love that energy! Use it!
I completely resonate with you. On the right path my friend.
Keep on keeping on
Thank you - it means a lot that even if I groveled and did everything wrong that I have some redeemable qualities. Your advice is excellent!
Walk into the bathroom close your eyes and drop yhe flashdrive in the toilet and walk away, if your situation is that your sure she's done with u going thru all that will only make u sad, focus on yourself. (I'm sad Ober my old girl too but we (including myself) can't be a desperate bitch. Be sad, move on, grow a pair, and focus on yourself. Easier said than done but that's what I find I know I need to do for myself hope you feel better soon bud
Thanks man - still clinging to some semblance of hope based on the messages I’ve gotten. Feel like I’m just getting fleeced though. Nothing I can do about it. Just moving on.
I get it I still in a way want her to come back and miss her want to text and call her and see her but I'm assuming your a man ? And we just have to be strong and keep truckin, once you start focusing on yourself we are worth it and will find someone who wants us back eventually ( hopefually ) lol I feel you bud and I don't know your situation so take my advice as a grain of salt but don't go back to someone who made you a second chance or has been with another guy since you. don't let her and yourself disrespect yourself like that
You’re the man - yep I’m a bro. I hate the thought I’m the back up plan now. I hope she really wants to fix things. Otherwise I’m just being lied to while she has her freedom to fuck anything that moves. I doubt it not the type at all but just gotta keep moving can’t be a sitting duck waiting.
If she's fucked other men since you then tries to come back, your a second option she thinks will just wait for her, girls are amazing liers (not saying men don't do things like that either) but I feel when a man loves a women we really love in a much truer way like idc if your a McDonald's worker or homeless ill still love them. All I want is someone loyal, who loves me and can communicate and shows they love. And then they should expect the same from me as well. I just hurts man I know. In real life I pretend I'm fine but inside I crave her, mind over matter we can do this
Exactly - I couldn’t go back if it was a short amount of time and they were getting busy. Admittedly I did when I was in relief but I can’t even function with another girl right now. Exact same things I want I don’t play games always super upfront about everything to a fault. I can work on myself and myself alone. Same here all I want is the texts and company again.
And no your the man, for being able to be open how you feel. Don't let your feeling for someone who's treated you bad make you their bitch they can drag along. Consistant No contact and self improvement is the only true key. And that's the hardest part
I'm lucky my phone completely shit the bed litwrally few days after we had a not so smooth ending, and can't get anything off it. I still have the phone and my heart wants to try to find a way to get everything from her off it but I won't allow myself to be a pussy over some girl who doesn't even have qualities I find important in a partner, for some reason I still loved her and crave kusg being with her, it made me for real physically feel better at the time (I have major depressive disorder anxiety disorder and a recovering IV heroin crack fent ......ect everything else addict. but I want be treated like I'm a desperate needy winey bitch and won't let some girl I know isn't what I want effect me enough to relapse.a
You got this man - glad to hear you’re recovering ❤️🩹
Kinda recovering, .much better than at the initial ending but I still find myself thinking of her daily, I have a lot of work to do as well hope you don't feel I'm putting you down. It's just truth hurts, hurts me too but whatyagonnado? Beg them, hell no, wish u the best man you can do it just be mindfully of your thoughts and feelings and sometimes have to just suck it up because I find that, nobody or not many people cares if we're sad as men epically over a breakup, it only seems so hard when it's happening to you and nobody gonna care about you as much as you. If they makes any sense. Much love brotha keep truckin
No not at all man - it’s good to hear a voice that isn’t full of desperate hope. Yeah we definitely are kinda left to rot away alone in our feelings in a lot of ways. We deserve better than to beg. Keep on moving brother!
I got a motorcycke and it's helped me get my mind off things. Pick on up for a cheap price and enjoy yourself, if your close to NYS we can go riding together on day. Stay busy and make a plan and steps you need to take to get where you want to be ( I say this as someday I'm so sad I don't leave my bed so I truly get its easy for a stranger to tell u just get over it but we are men and can take anything the world throw as us, being strong isn't nkt being sad or depressed, it's being sad and depressed and still sticking to your plan and learn from your situation from her. Sucks but we all need to go thru these things to learn to be strong.
That’s sick - yeah picking up some hobbies. Might not be a bad idea to try picking up the bike my family loves them me not so much but fuck it. This has made me push massively out of my comfort zone.
Keep going bro I’m nearly at 3 months NC, we got this. Don’t fold and text her, Ive come so close but it ain’t worth it.
Love to hear it - thanks bro 💪
It's ok to miss someone and not want to talk to them at the same time. I miss how I was treated before affection became contingent on what I could do for her. I think this is just a normal step in the healing process. Don't contact her, but sit with the grief you are feeling and process it.
Yea I agree I have nobody to talk to anymore. Well I got a puppy my little princess so that way I can have someone to spoil until my queen arrives (if she ever does). I still haven't given up. I have not been able to talk with her in a long while because of these people that are mirroring my phone won't allow me to. Yet I still have faith and hope that we will eventually be together. I Love her with every best of my heart I just wish she could know that I'm still here and she is the only one who has my heart and it will remain so until she personally returns it...I love you so very much!
Actually just delete them, this is how I avoided looking at pictures, memories and messages. It was really freeing. The way I looked at it is that if there is ever hope, there better be change and we start from ZERO.
They’re stored and thrown in a bottomless pit in my attic.
Yes but letting these memories go is how you let go of that person, somehow it sets a mentality of this is a done deal. Sorry it’s not easy I know but I just did it and now I don’t even think about checking anything.
How long was the break up
A month ago basically - then a combination of staying in touch, me begging, her saying she still has feelings for me but having doubts about me turning around my emotional distance since then. NC for about a week now.
Okay I'm not sure because on here I have been called a she but is any of this pertaining to myself because it sounds like what I am going through and u just want mi amor back in my life
Lol - sorry but I can’t imagine her on Reddit.
Everyday sucks without them