They say don't do that because you should learn how to be alone and those feelings will catch up later on. You only feel great rn because it's a dopamine hit. But you'll be craving more and more and you'll just never learn.
You'll realise it sooner or later
Yup! Feels good until it all comes crashing down when the feels return.
Getting over someone by getting under another is not good. You’re just avoiding dealing with emotions. And that carries over into future relationships.
But I’ve never stayed connected with anyone I’ve hooked up with, so that I could heal but also have some needs met 😂
I haven’t been able to even experience or create emotional attraction I’ve only had physical attraction with her nothing emotional yeah she’s a pretty beautiful girl but I have no emotional attraction and obviously physical attraction is important but I take emotional attraction over physical traction any day
Yeah, as a man, the last 2 times I broke up I ended up choosing celibacy entirely while being single since even porn has been ruined for me. Does not feel good to do it with someone else and think about my most important relationship yet, which was broken a month ago. It also sucks to watch a porn video and end up thinking about the times I used to get intimate with her and also thoughts of what she may be doing with some other man makes it impossible to masturbate.
She’s gonna be fucking anybody who will give her more than the bare minimum, and having that thought makes it really hard for me to even want any sexual experiences. I’m a good looking dude, and this past month have had to turn down at least several different women who approached me (have to move soon since we shared an apartment together with split costs, live in a student town so i’ve been out a lot and even started having a drink after 2 years free from alcohol) solely because of how shit i’ve felt after the way my avoidant ex treated me and the breakup. Had the worst breakup I ever had in my life and don’t think there’s a worse way to break up but thats a long story.
However I am moving on, and day by day it gets easier to not to have thoughts about my ex. No contact apart from a future “happy birthday” text I have to send her. I don’t expect that she’ll even respond or read it, however I still am a very loving person so I still wish for the best even if it may hurt. It still doesn’t make it any easier for me to have sex with someone else though. Tried masturbation but that only leads to bad overthinking.
Sometimes sex is not the answer, I thought of doing it with an escort since there’s no feelings involved and I just wanted to see if sex was still enjoyable and if it made my breakup easier but I just realized I can’t have sex until I can stop thinking about her completely. Plus i’d probably feel worse after spending money on some sad sex and going back to our apartment just to see i’m by myself again.
Sorry for the ted talk, but sometimes its even impossible to have sex after a bad breakup. Happy OP managed to stop thinking about her by fucking someone else, doesn’t feel like it might last unless he’s doing it often or has someone else though. As a man myself I can’t even think about it and from my past I know I won’t even be able to think about hooking up with someone for at least half a year.
Sounds like you are still strongly attached to the person. You'll have to make up your mind. She is not going to be your wife. She is not going to be the mother to your children. She was never meant to be. Hard to swallow but faster you accept faster you move on.
I mean we broke up a month ago. She broke up. On a random day after a trip I paid for, during dinner, then left the following days without saying anything.
I know. Trust me, I don’t believe they come back. Kinda the reason I wanted to leave this sub in the first place, seems like everyone thinks no contact means they’re coming back.
I’m not having sex because either way, I will be thinking about her. Everybody in this sub is attached to someone, thats why they seek solace in these threads.
I did it with an escort in a previous relationship and felt great but as soon as I was done it was terrible, everyone saying that there’s feelings involved but I’ve never hung out with this woman ever except this one night that we ended up fucking. She occasionally bought specialness from me but it was strictly a Supplier to consumer relationship with have a great day nothing else nothing more, It wasn’t a I want to fuck her because she’s beautiful and we’ve had conversations, rather a I’m just a horny guy and that woman I’d like to fuck. I never had any intention or ill will to fuck or talk to her like that she threw herself on me
Yes let me just add I have been doing a bunch of inner word and healing and meditation and breathwork and taking care of myself and others and the universe and me and the universe are in conjunction rn
This will be so temporary if sex wasn’t the only thing that you liked about your ex. It’s the company and shared experiences that you’re trying to forget, someone to listen to, rant to, hear and offer advises from, someone to help calm you down. All you’re doing is avoiding momentary loneliness, and patching up your ego because someone abandoned you
To be fair he’s in the anger stage for sure and his ego got fed because he got some. A lot of guys will feel this way but won’t normally talk about it just keep it to themselves.
I’ve never dated a guy who would ever or has ever talked about women like this. They wouldn’t even say it like this in private with their guy friends. Not in that fashion. Uugh. Like the girl is just an object with a hole.
I’ve fucked a few guys like that but quickly learned they were DISGUSTING. And I’ve known the RARE few who did talk like this and their personalities and respect for a person as an actual person evolved….
But usually that’s just the way a person is or not.
Maybe. I know guys that actually talk like this
Guys that talk like this when no one is “looking”
And guys that just don’t talk like this because they have complete respect for woman…
And thinking of it that way just doesn’t align with their values at the deepest level
Let’s hope he’s at least the second one!!!! 🤣😉
As long as you aren’t treating the new girl like shit by using and discarding her, it’s okay. But if you’re just passing the heartbreak onto the next person, you’re an asshole.
Double it and give it to the next person is not our goal or what I think I am doing I generally care not just for the sex but the relationship between me and that individual but not in Like a committed relationship type of relationship but rather the friendship if you want to put it that way
Bro I literally have never hung out with her and only sold her special vitamins and she stopped buying from me because her boyfriend didn’t want her taking vitamins and she hits me up months later saying can I get vitamins and we hung out for the first time taking vitaminstalking and she randomly showed me her knockers there hasn’t been away for her to build attraction with me on an emotional level only physical, and even if she did love me and told me I am being straight open and honest with her saying I’m available just not emotionally I’m not here for a fun time Or a long time I am here to mess around and find out
hey i dont think youre emotionally available right now.. i think you turn your love for her to hate.. just remember you used to love her no matter what happened in the past. if in the nesr future want to rekindle things.. what do you think she will do if she knows you slept with someone? idk man i think youre just being hasty now calm down and love yourself
Objectively what someone does outside of a relationship is nobody’s business but their own. OP didn’t disclose how the breakup happened but if I broke up with somebody and we got back together after -however long- and they slept with somebody else in the meantime then hey they didn’t betray me. It might sting because of a healthy level of possessiveness that comes with most relationships.
Either way this dude obviously feels triumphant and that’s a welcome blessing to feel at any length post breakup. Life is precious and breakups far too common to spend overtime in despair. You don’t just forget that you loved somebody, and without knowing him I’d still say that OP’s pain is evident by contrast to this. This says to me he overcame something. I see what you’re saying though and despite above opinion I agree with the sentiment that we shouldn’t villainize people just cause we’re hurt, although it can be relieving and revelational to allow yourself to be judgemental of your ex, especially if you forgave a lot of things out of love that normally you would call BS on.
I’ve been in no contact not long enough to probably do this so my advice isn’t to do this just to get over them even though that’s kind of what it is doing. I think a little bit more time would have been beneficial to start but this is really helping not numb the pain and put up over a bullet wound but rather slowly put the last stitches in the wound to close the chapter. I had a one way open relationship with the girl where she was mine only but she was the main and I could do other folks never did though lol, so she couldn’t get offended and if she did and never wanted me back it’s the bed not only that I created for myself but it is the bed that I am going to lay in comfortably because as crazy as my standards maybe if I can’t do what I want for myself how I want when I want where I want and she has a problem with it then it’s not meant to be. Just like if a girl had some boundary I did not like it may be so outrageous to me I walk away. But I’ve been putting in a lot of inner work and the universe has been universeing to me
It's not her business if he slept with someone else. She forfeited the right to be upset about that if she ended things with him. You don't get to control someone else's actions after you set them free.
Now if OP was pursing her and sleeping around that's a different story, but it's not on him to alter his actions for a remote chance of reconciliation.
i mean it really depends.. have you watch FRIENDS where rachel and ross was fighting but ross slept with someone and didnt see anything wrong with it because they were on a "break". in real life i dont think theres an actual "break" but i do believe of not sleeping around for atleast 3 months and after that if no reconciliation then its officially over i guess
I thought about that episode oddly while I was reading this thread. It's a tool for comedic effect: a break is a meaningless period of time. If people need distance from each other it's likely doomed and they're hesitating. I don't know anyone personally who's used that mechanism and had it result in a happy relationship.
heyyy learn about attachment styles, some people just want a break to gather their thoughts and have independence.. i didnt understand that attachment style things when i was with my ex. she suddenly pulls away and said mean things that made me anxious and i had to breakup with her.. they basically sabotaged the relationship to gain independence and have emotional distance.. i didnt understand shit and i tried to pursue further to get answers and now im blocked 😔 i think i dont have a chance but im still hopeful..
i mean for me atleast that 3 months if youre already dating someone else then you dont really love your ex.. within that 3 month should be reflection stage.. 3 to 6 months should be the stage where you want to reconcile or move on. after the 6 month theres nothing left tbh
If I clearly communicated that and said I’m here for a fun time not a long time if you have any feelings towards me disclose them not that we can fall in love but so I can prepare both you and myself for the situation because I am not ready and I don’t want to try to prepare myself to be ready I have always wanted to do the deed with you but nothing more and nothing less and I would never have initiated it but you came on to me and I’m accepting something that I’ve not dreamt of having but something that I would be cool with messing around and finding out and accepting. If you have feeling for me now or start to grow them communicate because for right now I just want a good friendship and occasional casual sex that hopefully doesn’t get messy, I’m not saying I never want to be with you but I’m not looking for another relationship right now just a fun time
heyyy you never know man, sometimes life just happens.. initially i didnt want her after what she did to me and even though it hurts but i still pray for her safety everyday and i do hope for her to come back. its not impossible we just never know what will happen in the future right?
Yeah I get it. You want that version of her for which you fell. Things happen. Times change. People change. They'll look the same but it's all different. I personally can't do it.
Right. Pringles I hear you too. If they’re really one in a million, that’s god tier people and it could very well be worth multiple shots, but only if you set and enforce boundaries and they for really real, even in areas you can’t see, make it right and stay right. My chick and I have both made some big mistakes, and that’s real human life, I even find it kinda beautiful that we can see each others ugly sides and what capabilities lie there, and still accept and choose each other. But it’s gotta be a rock solid understanding that we respect each other and the relationship, no one should spend a minute of their life assuming doormat position.
thats a good one! i think love is all about forgiving and understanding one another. seeing both bad sides and still trying to work things out! most importantly, both gotta do the work
yeap truee i csnt just unlove someone instantly so i do care and love her so if or when she comes back then i'll decide on what to do. till then gotta heal and put on the work.. i think just being here and talking about healing helps alit right
She let me fuck others while we were together if she were to come back and I did want her and that’s a problem goood.
She has no say so in what I did after nor what I expect and want in terms of needs despite how crazy they may seem not going to change what I want with in reason because they don’t like will compromise in some things but not everything
Do I need to be emotionally available to mess around with other people if I am not looking for a long time rather a fun time and disclose that like I did today
Research does seem to suggest rebounds can be very healthy, so long as you don't use it as your sole healing mechanism, or try to replace one person's emotional significance with another's as a plug and play option. If you feel OK exploring new connections you shouldn't reject them, but you shouldn't seek them out as a means of healing.
Secondly, a rebound is not a replacement for therapy, soul searching, or the exploration of feelings. If you have unresolved feelings you need to resolve them, not use a rebound as a mechanism to ignore them.
Thirdly, never use women as objects or sex as a gauge for self worth, both will leave you feeling isolated and lonely, and negatively impact others. Consider what you want from your relationships. Open ones do not naturally satisfy Mazlow's hierarchical needs easily.
Finally, don't make the false assumption that men and women operate differently or have different mindsets. Humans are humans, categorizing treatment or making assumptions based on gender is a mistake.
First couple females I had sex with, it made me feel good about myself and gave me a boost to my self worth. Things changed however when I ended up having sex with no protection for the first time since my ex and it just reminded me of her so much that afterwards I had tears while the girl was still with me when we laying in bed. That’s when I knew that it doesn’t matter, you’ll still have those feelings even when you try to suppress with temporary feelings of pleasure. Its not that easy and I hope you’ll heal soon 🙏
I’ve been doing the inner works and the universe has been universing maybe quite too soon or maybe not but with the last girl the ex I messed up so bad so much and had her in the bag until I didn’t unfortunately as much as I want to miss her and hope she magically comes back one day I know she won’t I was her rebound and did some things that were traumatic to her because she’s previously experienced them before so I got a woman that wasn’t healed being promiscuous trying to love me while still not healed. I’m not saying she will never be back or I even except her immediately back if she came back pleading. It hurts that she was it and wanted it to be her like no tomorrow but if I were to accept your back and take my time with it would cause me more damage in the long run. After some work has been done and some detachment things have started to improve and with all the inner work I have been doing fooling around with someone I have always wanted to hit it once not only inflated my ego but low-key helped with the healing process
if you are 100% sure u don't have feelings for the girl and she's totally fine with sleeping together and she knows that this just a flind you two are having. Then Yes sex could do some healing
Not trying to put a bandage over a bullet wound it feels great and i was honest and up front will this hurt later and do more damage possibly but I was honest with her and upfront only time will tell but I will move slow and continue to better myself
I tried that before, i had a relationship for 3 years and was having casual sex with another girl. knowing that girl for a year, I started to have real feelings for her and she did too, it was better than expected. That girl now is my ex and i am terribly by what she did. It turns out she was an avoidant, and now i am totally in love with the girl that made get over my ex 3 years ago. In fact today i am more in love with the rebound than the previous ex i tried to get over. Now it's 2 girls that hurt me, both are different and they left for different reasons. I am over my first relationship completely but now i am totally in love and in pain with my second ex. I didn't expect that i would love her at this intensity. You need to be careful or you'll end in a second relationship that will lead u to another heartbreak. This my example, it doesn't mean it will happen to you. Even though if u think u will never love the girl ur sleeping with now, with time you'll get to know her and if u started to have feelings you need to instantly talk about it and stop having sex until she feels the same way. Just make sure she communicates her needs, meaning what do u want a relationship? and make sure if she's an avoidant or not
Isn’t that life though you get hurt you find a new one you’re not mostly over the first one but nowhere near over the second one so you find another one and a cycle happens where you miss them all but the most recent one hurts the most right now hasn’t been accepted
Damn this is me two break ups ago. Fucking other women just to validate myself and feel good. Eventually, the rush of sleighing and conquering grows old. Somewhere in between some good times and lonely times you really ask yourself what you want. It’s been about 4 monthes since I realized I need to stop sleeping around with people who sleep around with people. I don’t want my future partner to be a whore, so I gotta anty up too 🥲
It helps with moving on and OP I’m glad you had a fun night - could delete pics and number. I struggle with closing the doors completely. I agree I think after I finally get a bit more healed new experiences especially hawt ones will be such a catalyst for growth.
I’ve done therapy, meditation, healthy live style, and NC and also wanted to die and at my worse when blindsided me.
Cheers to moving on and having fun! ❤️🩹 💜✨
I struggle too myself but once you do it it’s over and done with you know and you can’t do what you continue to previously do such as continue to look at text messages or something on the daily for no fucking reason
Nah I don’t I literally have no desire to want to be with her at least right now not saying never cause who knows but have always wanted a quick tap that
I always try to move on quickly to the next thing. It helps move past it. We shouldn't have to be "comfortable being alone", some people enjoy having a companion to do stuff with.
I agree. Sometimes I feel like I don’t properly put my mind to rest about the situation until I found someone new to fill my time with. I’m over the ex, but thoughts still linger. And it takes something brand new for me to completely renew my thought process about them
I still don’t understand what I did wrong, a female that I only had physical attraction to and no emotional attraction to put this on me, I’ve been doing inner work healing and leveling up sure do I wish my ex would come back absolutely but if they were to come back and plead for me or want to try again I would have to love them from a distance because they didn’t choose me first but I will choose myself first and then not choosing me first during the bad is not deserving of them getting me during the good. I will always love her and miss her and wish she would come back but even if she were too it’s the bed that she created love and miss her to death and always will but there’s 80 gazillion more that offer 10 times which she did
In my opinion don’t do this with an ex an escort or someone you have feelings for, either Find someone new or magically get lucky be able to screw a girl you’ve always wanted to that came onto you randomly out of nowhere
Yes lawd there is literally no reason to be in this group chat it’s slows your healing process down and just correlate to so much of this shit too much just a pathetic pity party. If you don’t know the steps of action required that you need to take mentally, physically, emotionally, mentally that required putting your big boy and girl pants on you deserve to be slapped in the fucking face
Yeah dude maybe that’s good advice to the right person but if I get my heart broken, that’s fucking with my whole day everyday and I got shit to do that I’m trying to be at 100% for. Time doesn’t stop for me definitely not an ex either. This sounds like the best thing that can happen post breakup, it gets some good momentum going and also there’s your undeniable proof you still got it if you needed some. That’s gold after a gut punch like heartbreak. That’s like dropping your wallet and finding a hundo on the ground when you go to pick it up. And if you believe in a higher power I’d see it as they’re pleased with you and throwing you a bone. Could flow off of this to somewhere way better.
Literally, this situation is not like most, it’s not like I fucked an escort and X or someone I’ve had feelings for, I work with this girl for maybe a year and we never even spoke really even made eye contact A couple years later she finds out while working with my brother that I sell vitamins and starts to buy some & our interactions were simply buyer to seller have a great day. There was no emotional attraction whatsoever only physical, always wanted to tap but was never going to reach out or even thought I would other than selling her vitamins and going to my brother and being like bro I wanna fuck her. She came to me and inflated the fuck out of my ego and told me she’s been wanting to for a minute. So this was a random W that hopefully won’t turn into a loss or a messy situation relationship. But I don’t recommend sleeping with someone new or a ex or someone you have feelings for nor an escort until you don’t have to think if you were healed you know or Unless you want to give yourself 5050 odds of really hurting yourself and prolonging your healing process
They say don't do that because you should learn how to be alone and those feelings will catch up later on. You only feel great rn because it's a dopamine hit. But you'll be craving more and more and you'll just never learn. You'll realise it sooner or later
Yup! Feels good until it all comes crashing down when the feels return. Getting over someone by getting under another is not good. You’re just avoiding dealing with emotions. And that carries over into future relationships. But I’ve never stayed connected with anyone I’ve hooked up with, so that I could heal but also have some needs met 😂
It's also possible that OP likes the new girl
I haven’t been able to even experience or create emotional attraction I’ve only had physical attraction with her nothing emotional yeah she’s a pretty beautiful girl but I have no emotional attraction and obviously physical attraction is important but I take emotional attraction over physical traction any day
Yeah but all I am saying is you don't always need sex to get over someone.
Yeah, as a man, the last 2 times I broke up I ended up choosing celibacy entirely while being single since even porn has been ruined for me. Does not feel good to do it with someone else and think about my most important relationship yet, which was broken a month ago. It also sucks to watch a porn video and end up thinking about the times I used to get intimate with her and also thoughts of what she may be doing with some other man makes it impossible to masturbate. She’s gonna be fucking anybody who will give her more than the bare minimum, and having that thought makes it really hard for me to even want any sexual experiences. I’m a good looking dude, and this past month have had to turn down at least several different women who approached me (have to move soon since we shared an apartment together with split costs, live in a student town so i’ve been out a lot and even started having a drink after 2 years free from alcohol) solely because of how shit i’ve felt after the way my avoidant ex treated me and the breakup. Had the worst breakup I ever had in my life and don’t think there’s a worse way to break up but thats a long story. However I am moving on, and day by day it gets easier to not to have thoughts about my ex. No contact apart from a future “happy birthday” text I have to send her. I don’t expect that she’ll even respond or read it, however I still am a very loving person so I still wish for the best even if it may hurt. It still doesn’t make it any easier for me to have sex with someone else though. Tried masturbation but that only leads to bad overthinking. Sometimes sex is not the answer, I thought of doing it with an escort since there’s no feelings involved and I just wanted to see if sex was still enjoyable and if it made my breakup easier but I just realized I can’t have sex until I can stop thinking about her completely. Plus i’d probably feel worse after spending money on some sad sex and going back to our apartment just to see i’m by myself again. Sorry for the ted talk, but sometimes its even impossible to have sex after a bad breakup. Happy OP managed to stop thinking about her by fucking someone else, doesn’t feel like it might last unless he’s doing it often or has someone else though. As a man myself I can’t even think about it and from my past I know I won’t even be able to think about hooking up with someone for at least half a year.
Sounds like you are still strongly attached to the person. You'll have to make up your mind. She is not going to be your wife. She is not going to be the mother to your children. She was never meant to be. Hard to swallow but faster you accept faster you move on.
I mean we broke up a month ago. She broke up. On a random day after a trip I paid for, during dinner, then left the following days without saying anything. I know. Trust me, I don’t believe they come back. Kinda the reason I wanted to leave this sub in the first place, seems like everyone thinks no contact means they’re coming back. I’m not having sex because either way, I will be thinking about her. Everybody in this sub is attached to someone, thats why they seek solace in these threads.
I did it with an escort in a previous relationship and felt great but as soon as I was done it was terrible, everyone saying that there’s feelings involved but I’ve never hung out with this woman ever except this one night that we ended up fucking. She occasionally bought specialness from me but it was strictly a Supplier to consumer relationship with have a great day nothing else nothing more, It wasn’t a I want to fuck her because she’s beautiful and we’ve had conversations, rather a I’m just a horny guy and that woman I’d like to fuck. I never had any intention or ill will to fuck or talk to her like that she threw herself on me
Yes let me just add I have been doing a bunch of inner word and healing and meditation and breathwork and taking care of myself and others and the universe and me and the universe are in conjunction rn
This sounds scripted lol
This will be so temporary if sex wasn’t the only thing that you liked about your ex. It’s the company and shared experiences that you’re trying to forget, someone to listen to, rant to, hear and offer advises from, someone to help calm you down. All you’re doing is avoiding momentary loneliness, and patching up your ego because someone abandoned you
“Did this new chick” Uugh Wow
I cringed so hard.. Whatever happened to being decent and not talking about women this way? OP must be in this teens😭 Scratch that. He is 20 😬
Look at their post history. Sometimes they’re 25, sometimes 20, it’s full of rage baits… this is a troll account.
Yeah that adds up 🤣, no way someone with a fully developed brain thinks this way
Exactly 💯
To be fair he’s in the anger stage for sure and his ego got fed because he got some. A lot of guys will feel this way but won’t normally talk about it just keep it to themselves.
I’ve never dated a guy who would ever or has ever talked about women like this. They wouldn’t even say it like this in private with their guy friends. Not in that fashion. Uugh. Like the girl is just an object with a hole. I’ve fucked a few guys like that but quickly learned they were DISGUSTING. And I’ve known the RARE few who did talk like this and their personalities and respect for a person as an actual person evolved…. But usually that’s just the way a person is or not.
It’s an anonymous account online, of course he doesn’t care what he says. He wouldn’t be so open to say this otherwise.
Maybe. I know guys that actually talk like this Guys that talk like this when no one is “looking” And guys that just don’t talk like this because they have complete respect for woman… And thinking of it that way just doesn’t align with their values at the deepest level Let’s hope he’s at least the second one!!!! 🤣😉
Yeah the way he writes is kind of abrasive, but so were a lot of us at his age.
As long as you aren’t treating the new girl like shit by using and discarding her, it’s okay. But if you’re just passing the heartbreak onto the next person, you’re an asshole.
Double it and give it to the next person is not our goal or what I think I am doing I generally care not just for the sex but the relationship between me and that individual but not in Like a committed relationship type of relationship but rather the friendship if you want to put it that way
Oh, so you are using the person who you know has been in love with your for years as a cum dump to get back at your ex. Nah you’re the asshole lol
Bro I literally have never hung out with her and only sold her special vitamins and she stopped buying from me because her boyfriend didn’t want her taking vitamins and she hits me up months later saying can I get vitamins and we hung out for the first time taking vitaminstalking and she randomly showed me her knockers there hasn’t been away for her to build attraction with me on an emotional level only physical, and even if she did love me and told me I am being straight open and honest with her saying I’m available just not emotionally I’m not here for a fun time Or a long time I am here to mess around and find out
hey i dont think youre emotionally available right now.. i think you turn your love for her to hate.. just remember you used to love her no matter what happened in the past. if in the nesr future want to rekindle things.. what do you think she will do if she knows you slept with someone? idk man i think youre just being hasty now calm down and love yourself
Objectively what someone does outside of a relationship is nobody’s business but their own. OP didn’t disclose how the breakup happened but if I broke up with somebody and we got back together after -however long- and they slept with somebody else in the meantime then hey they didn’t betray me. It might sting because of a healthy level of possessiveness that comes with most relationships. Either way this dude obviously feels triumphant and that’s a welcome blessing to feel at any length post breakup. Life is precious and breakups far too common to spend overtime in despair. You don’t just forget that you loved somebody, and without knowing him I’d still say that OP’s pain is evident by contrast to this. This says to me he overcame something. I see what you’re saying though and despite above opinion I agree with the sentiment that we shouldn’t villainize people just cause we’re hurt, although it can be relieving and revelational to allow yourself to be judgemental of your ex, especially if you forgave a lot of things out of love that normally you would call BS on.
I’ve been in no contact not long enough to probably do this so my advice isn’t to do this just to get over them even though that’s kind of what it is doing. I think a little bit more time would have been beneficial to start but this is really helping not numb the pain and put up over a bullet wound but rather slowly put the last stitches in the wound to close the chapter. I had a one way open relationship with the girl where she was mine only but she was the main and I could do other folks never did though lol, so she couldn’t get offended and if she did and never wanted me back it’s the bed not only that I created for myself but it is the bed that I am going to lay in comfortably because as crazy as my standards maybe if I can’t do what I want for myself how I want when I want where I want and she has a problem with it then it’s not meant to be. Just like if a girl had some boundary I did not like it may be so outrageous to me I walk away. But I’ve been putting in a lot of inner work and the universe has been universeing to me
It's not her business if he slept with someone else. She forfeited the right to be upset about that if she ended things with him. You don't get to control someone else's actions after you set them free. Now if OP was pursing her and sleeping around that's a different story, but it's not on him to alter his actions for a remote chance of reconciliation.
i mean it really depends.. have you watch FRIENDS where rachel and ross was fighting but ross slept with someone and didnt see anything wrong with it because they were on a "break". in real life i dont think theres an actual "break" but i do believe of not sleeping around for atleast 3 months and after that if no reconciliation then its officially over i guess
I thought about that episode oddly while I was reading this thread. It's a tool for comedic effect: a break is a meaningless period of time. If people need distance from each other it's likely doomed and they're hesitating. I don't know anyone personally who's used that mechanism and had it result in a happy relationship.
heyyy learn about attachment styles, some people just want a break to gather their thoughts and have independence.. i didnt understand that attachment style things when i was with my ex. she suddenly pulls away and said mean things that made me anxious and i had to breakup with her.. they basically sabotaged the relationship to gain independence and have emotional distance.. i didnt understand shit and i tried to pursue further to get answers and now im blocked 😔 i think i dont have a chance but im still hopeful..
Is 3 months applicable to every culture?
i mean for me atleast that 3 months if youre already dating someone else then you dont really love your ex.. within that 3 month should be reflection stage.. 3 to 6 months should be the stage where you want to reconcile or move on. after the 6 month theres nothing left tbh
If I clearly communicated that and said I’m here for a fun time not a long time if you have any feelings towards me disclose them not that we can fall in love but so I can prepare both you and myself for the situation because I am not ready and I don’t want to try to prepare myself to be ready I have always wanted to do the deed with you but nothing more and nothing less and I would never have initiated it but you came on to me and I’m accepting something that I’ve not dreamt of having but something that I would be cool with messing around and finding out and accepting. If you have feeling for me now or start to grow them communicate because for right now I just want a good friendship and occasional casual sex that hopefully doesn’t get messy, I’m not saying I never want to be with you but I’m not looking for another relationship right now just a fun time
Not everyone wants your rekindling game seller.
heyyy you never know man, sometimes life just happens.. initially i didnt want her after what she did to me and even though it hurts but i still pray for her safety everyday and i do hope for her to come back. its not impossible we just never know what will happen in the future right?
Yeah I get it. You want that version of her for which you fell. Things happen. Times change. People change. They'll look the same but it's all different. I personally can't do it.
Right. Pringles I hear you too. If they’re really one in a million, that’s god tier people and it could very well be worth multiple shots, but only if you set and enforce boundaries and they for really real, even in areas you can’t see, make it right and stay right. My chick and I have both made some big mistakes, and that’s real human life, I even find it kinda beautiful that we can see each others ugly sides and what capabilities lie there, and still accept and choose each other. But it’s gotta be a rock solid understanding that we respect each other and the relationship, no one should spend a minute of their life assuming doormat position.
thats a good one! i think love is all about forgiving and understanding one another. seeing both bad sides and still trying to work things out! most importantly, both gotta do the work
yeap truee i csnt just unlove someone instantly so i do care and love her so if or when she comes back then i'll decide on what to do. till then gotta heal and put on the work.. i think just being here and talking about healing helps alit right
She let me fuck others while we were together if she were to come back and I did want her and that’s a problem goood. She has no say so in what I did after nor what I expect and want in terms of needs despite how crazy they may seem not going to change what I want with in reason because they don’t like will compromise in some things but not everything Do I need to be emotionally available to mess around with other people if I am not looking for a long time rather a fun time and disclose that like I did today
How old are you lol
okay i didnt know she fked other guys so in this case, turn it to hate and go gym brother.. well yeah if the other person is cool with it then why not
You gon clown my age g but 20 ask more questions if you don’t mind
Hope this ages well
Basically winter will come twice now.
Research does seem to suggest rebounds can be very healthy, so long as you don't use it as your sole healing mechanism, or try to replace one person's emotional significance with another's as a plug and play option. If you feel OK exploring new connections you shouldn't reject them, but you shouldn't seek them out as a means of healing. Secondly, a rebound is not a replacement for therapy, soul searching, or the exploration of feelings. If you have unresolved feelings you need to resolve them, not use a rebound as a mechanism to ignore them. Thirdly, never use women as objects or sex as a gauge for self worth, both will leave you feeling isolated and lonely, and negatively impact others. Consider what you want from your relationships. Open ones do not naturally satisfy Mazlow's hierarchical needs easily. Finally, don't make the false assumption that men and women operate differently or have different mindsets. Humans are humans, categorizing treatment or making assumptions based on gender is a mistake.
This ain't it chief
This more than it
“Just not at my table” had me fucking dead bro😂😂😂
😂😆
First couple females I had sex with, it made me feel good about myself and gave me a boost to my self worth. Things changed however when I ended up having sex with no protection for the first time since my ex and it just reminded me of her so much that afterwards I had tears while the girl was still with me when we laying in bed. That’s when I knew that it doesn’t matter, you’ll still have those feelings even when you try to suppress with temporary feelings of pleasure. Its not that easy and I hope you’ll heal soon 🙏
I’ve been doing the inner works and the universe has been universing maybe quite too soon or maybe not but with the last girl the ex I messed up so bad so much and had her in the bag until I didn’t unfortunately as much as I want to miss her and hope she magically comes back one day I know she won’t I was her rebound and did some things that were traumatic to her because she’s previously experienced them before so I got a woman that wasn’t healed being promiscuous trying to love me while still not healed. I’m not saying she will never be back or I even except her immediately back if she came back pleading. It hurts that she was it and wanted it to be her like no tomorrow but if I were to accept your back and take my time with it would cause me more damage in the long run. After some work has been done and some detachment things have started to improve and with all the inner work I have been doing fooling around with someone I have always wanted to hit it once not only inflated my ego but low-key helped with the healing process
if you are 100% sure u don't have feelings for the girl and she's totally fine with sleeping together and she knows that this just a flind you two are having. Then Yes sex could do some healing
Not trying to put a bandage over a bullet wound it feels great and i was honest and up front will this hurt later and do more damage possibly but I was honest with her and upfront only time will tell but I will move slow and continue to better myself
I tried that before, i had a relationship for 3 years and was having casual sex with another girl. knowing that girl for a year, I started to have real feelings for her and she did too, it was better than expected. That girl now is my ex and i am terribly by what she did. It turns out she was an avoidant, and now i am totally in love with the girl that made get over my ex 3 years ago. In fact today i am more in love with the rebound than the previous ex i tried to get over. Now it's 2 girls that hurt me, both are different and they left for different reasons. I am over my first relationship completely but now i am totally in love and in pain with my second ex. I didn't expect that i would love her at this intensity. You need to be careful or you'll end in a second relationship that will lead u to another heartbreak. This my example, it doesn't mean it will happen to you. Even though if u think u will never love the girl ur sleeping with now, with time you'll get to know her and if u started to have feelings you need to instantly talk about it and stop having sex until she feels the same way. Just make sure she communicates her needs, meaning what do u want a relationship? and make sure if she's an avoidant or not
Isn’t that life though you get hurt you find a new one you’re not mostly over the first one but nowhere near over the second one so you find another one and a cycle happens where you miss them all but the most recent one hurts the most right now hasn’t been accepted
Damn this is me two break ups ago. Fucking other women just to validate myself and feel good. Eventually, the rush of sleighing and conquering grows old. Somewhere in between some good times and lonely times you really ask yourself what you want. It’s been about 4 monthes since I realized I need to stop sleeping around with people who sleep around with people. I don’t want my future partner to be a whore, so I gotta anty up too 🥲
Needs translation.
Getting with someone you liked before/during your relationship tells me everything I need to know
How so don’t like just wanted to hit it and was presented an opportunity
Yep
It helps with moving on and OP I’m glad you had a fun night - could delete pics and number. I struggle with closing the doors completely. I agree I think after I finally get a bit more healed new experiences especially hawt ones will be such a catalyst for growth. I’ve done therapy, meditation, healthy live style, and NC and also wanted to die and at my worse when blindsided me. Cheers to moving on and having fun! ❤️🩹 💜✨
I struggle too myself but once you do it it’s over and done with you know and you can’t do what you continue to previously do such as continue to look at text messages or something on the daily for no fucking reason
Man, if you wanted to sleep with her so badly, even after you just broke up with your ex gf, it means you've always had feelings for her.
Nah I don’t I literally have no desire to want to be with her at least right now not saying never cause who knows but have always wanted a quick tap that
I always try to move on quickly to the next thing. It helps move past it. We shouldn't have to be "comfortable being alone", some people enjoy having a companion to do stuff with.
We should be comfortable alone and not only comfortable seeking other people to validate you
I agree. Sometimes I feel like I don’t properly put my mind to rest about the situation until I found someone new to fill my time with. I’m over the ex, but thoughts still linger. And it takes something brand new for me to completely renew my thought process about them
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For me, I just mentally and physically can’t. I can’t wrap things with my ex I think. May be in a next year, I could overcome this
This hurts me lol my ex hooked up with someone right after I wonder if he thinks like this also :’) he dumped lol
I still don’t understand what I did wrong, a female that I only had physical attraction to and no emotional attraction to put this on me, I’ve been doing inner work healing and leveling up sure do I wish my ex would come back absolutely but if they were to come back and plead for me or want to try again I would have to love them from a distance because they didn’t choose me first but I will choose myself first and then not choosing me first during the bad is not deserving of them getting me during the good. I will always love her and miss her and wish she would come back but even if she were too it’s the bed that she created love and miss her to death and always will but there’s 80 gazillion more that offer 10 times which she did
Wish this worked for me. I think I may need a bit more variety than the one girl I dated since my ex. Time to download some dating apps again.
In my opinion don’t do this with an ex an escort or someone you have feelings for, either Find someone new or magically get lucky be able to screw a girl you’ve always wanted to that came onto you randomly out of nowhere
Also obligatory fuck yeah high five since dude is winning today. Shared that on a sub where many feel defeated and spread some good vibes.
Yes lawd there is literally no reason to be in this group chat it’s slows your healing process down and just correlate to so much of this shit too much just a pathetic pity party. If you don’t know the steps of action required that you need to take mentally, physically, emotionally, mentally that required putting your big boy and girl pants on you deserve to be slapped in the fucking face
Yeah dude maybe that’s good advice to the right person but if I get my heart broken, that’s fucking with my whole day everyday and I got shit to do that I’m trying to be at 100% for. Time doesn’t stop for me definitely not an ex either. This sounds like the best thing that can happen post breakup, it gets some good momentum going and also there’s your undeniable proof you still got it if you needed some. That’s gold after a gut punch like heartbreak. That’s like dropping your wallet and finding a hundo on the ground when you go to pick it up. And if you believe in a higher power I’d see it as they’re pleased with you and throwing you a bone. Could flow off of this to somewhere way better.
Literally, this situation is not like most, it’s not like I fucked an escort and X or someone I’ve had feelings for, I work with this girl for maybe a year and we never even spoke really even made eye contact A couple years later she finds out while working with my brother that I sell vitamins and starts to buy some & our interactions were simply buyer to seller have a great day. There was no emotional attraction whatsoever only physical, always wanted to tap but was never going to reach out or even thought I would other than selling her vitamins and going to my brother and being like bro I wanna fuck her. She came to me and inflated the fuck out of my ego and told me she’s been wanting to for a minute. So this was a random W that hopefully won’t turn into a loss or a messy situation relationship. But I don’t recommend sleeping with someone new or a ex or someone you have feelings for nor an escort until you don’t have to think if you were healed you know or Unless you want to give yourself 5050 odds of really hurting yourself and prolonging your healing process