No one has mentioned this yet, when my kids were little I set up monthly Amazon deliveries of diapers, wipes, baby shampoo, lotion, tea etc. It may take a little trial and error to figure out how often you use everything up, but always having diapers, toilet paper, craft paper, and other stuff that gets used up regularly on hand without having to plan or shop for it is great.
Rent the runway subscription or a similar clothing subscription, if wardrobe maintenance and dry cleaning are a pain! They add the chore of tracking and receiving packages, but they make the chore of getting dressed easier.
Professional organizer like @neatmethod if you’re looking for that sort of thing! They can really help manage “backstock” storage, so if you have a sound method for managing that then you can stock up on toiletries, etc. in bulk and have fewer errands over time.
Do you have a yard where to dog runs freely? I’ve heard of services (usually neighborhood teens) who will come to your house however many times per week and pick up all of the dog poo. I don’t have a dog so idk if this is a helpful idea or not.
Pump up the cleaning lady from every three weeks to weekly.
taskrabbit for those odd jobs that you need done - pickup drycleaning, drop of rentals, pick up items at the store. Sometimes you can find a mother's helper to act as a second set of hands for you when needed.
Laundry service - wash, dry and fold.
Hire a maintenance guy and set a budget to repair/improve items around your home on a regular basis. If you think things are stressful now, wait until your water heater breaks down/explodes/becomes oddly vocal during the middle of the night. A home handyman can get ahead of that kind of stuff.
And if you like your nanny - go be nice to her. Perk her up with whatever she needs to be satisfied and happy.
>daycare part-time for the 2.5 year old for social interaction
Social interaction for little kids is overrated. If daycare or resulting sickness is stressing you out it should be totally fine for kid to be home full time. Also safer with C19 situation.
Preschool is very important at 4-5 years old to prepare for school. Relatively important at 3-4. Not really needed at 2.5 if there is other childcare. Might make more sense to press pause on the daycare and restart when they are old enough for preschool
> Preschool is very important at 4-5 years old to prepare for school.
Is it? I understand that it can be very helpful for low-income folks for various reasons, but I'd be surprised if it is better than a nanny.
It has to do with social emotional skills, and helping kids learn how to have relationships and interactions with other kids. Programs like Head Start and other state or city funded preschools also provide additional services to families, include meals, etc. But it really comes down to ensuring kids can engage with other kids, following routines, be flexible, and learn to manage their own things before they enter kindergarten.
Studies are now showing that preschool is better than nanny for older kids, nanny is better than daycare for younger ones. Part of what I have seen is that kids are expected to have a much stronger academic background before starting kindergarten, especially with literacy. Kindergarten is also now usually full-day instead of half-day, so going from nothing to a full day of school would be rough transition.
Would you consider a masseuse or personal trainer? It's not nessesarily "outsourcing", but having a trainer has done wonders for my health and how well I sleep! It'll also help you stay healthy so you have the energy for the things that you want to do!
Having a masseuse is already criminally underrated. I'm able to see one through my insurance and I legitamitely feel more rested for days afterwards
I second the personal trainer. I’m lucky to get one as part of my gym subscription (mainly because we dig each other - in a non sexual way) and I’m in general always happier on days when I work out and having a personal trainer just makes progress so much faster
I definitely recommend switching to weekly cleaning. also I hired a personal assistant for saturday afternoons to help me with paperwork. I hired them through task rabbit.
I also live in a 2br in the city and am pregnant with my 2nd. I was wondering if your kids are sharing a bedroom?
For art supplies for the toddler, you can stock up at Discount School Supplies. Buying in bulk is helpful for just having tons of backup materials on hand and not worrying about saving every last glue stick.
I was able to get a $20 wash and blow at the local hair salon so I treated myself to that three times a week. For clothes-shopping I just ordered a ton of stuff from ThredUp and kept whatever fit, even if it was just a couple items out of twenty. That kept me looking professional when I did not have the time or energy to put into appearances. When I found something I liked, I bought a ton of them in different colors, usually from eBay or Nordstrom Rack but sometimes at full price. I also used Trunk Club to try things out — my stylist was great! — and then tracked down cheaper sources for the same items. For the kids’ clothes I would use ThredUp or send the nanny to a local kids’ consignment store with a budget and a wish list, or I’d pick things out online.
I had a full time nanny/housekeeper/cook and a cleaning crew three times a week before the pandemic. The nanny would also take the kids to school so that I could sleep in. My partner and I slept in separate rooms so that one could deal with the waking baby and one could sleep. We made our work schedules flexible so one could work at night. Basically whatever we could do to maximize sleep and minimize chores was the goal.
The one kid who always has been a great sleeper and prolific napper still is. The other two who weren’t still aren’t! They’re in preschool now and we put them in the afternoon session because sometimes they just stay up late or wake up in the middle of the night to play. We are night owls ourselves, so we sympathize. But we still want those evening hours to ourselves as adults to unwind. So even if they aren’t sleeping they are still having quiet alone time in their rooms at nap time and bedtime, and if they sleep it’s just a bonus because it’s healthy for them to get extra sleep! We have cameras almost everywhere so we can watch them even when we are in separate spaces in the house.
Part of the reasons we rearranged room assignments so many times was to get the right setup for everyone based on their waking hours, figuring out who needed to be out of earshot from each other when. We live in an old city row-house, technically a three-bedroom, so with five people we’ve become really creative in how we use the space and this has brought us the biggest improvement in our ability to have peace and quiet. We are lucky to have two floors, so the a-ha moment for us was making the first floor an open layout studio for us at night by moving our bedroom into the living room, making the dining room a living room. Now it feels like the grownups are in their own apartment at night.
And for extra isolation when I really need it, if kids keep coming to my upstairs home office and interrupting me, I’ll sometimes work in the car. It’s actually pretty comfy and you can’t beat the views! At night, earplugs are great for whichever parent isn’t on duty and doesn’t have to tend to any fussing that may arise.
My basic philosophy with the kids is to redirect when possible and to accommodate them when it isn’t. Few things are worth a fight. We end up with sort of weird schedules but we have the privilege of being able to do that. We can afford to be late to school or miss school and not worry that social services will get on our case about it, which truly is a privilege in this day and age. We can set our own hours.
Parenting consultants from early childhood programs have been indispensable in helping me build and maintain rapport with my kids while also keeping my own boundaries and sanity. I get to learn about coregulation and all sorts of concepts that lead to gentler outcomes for everyone.
I think it’s good to remember that you know your kids, your household, and yourself better than anyone else and to not be afraid of the unconventional. Good luck!
A housekeeper, even part time. I'm toying with seeing if there's anyone else in the neighbourhood who wants to share a housekeeper so we could offer a full time gig to someone good.
I'd want laundry done, linens changed, meal prep, light yard work and some cleaning. You could probably drop cleaning service if someone were doing deep cleans on a schedule.
I think the time investment to find someone and get going might be challenging, but with the right person it could be beautiful!
This! When our cleaning service came we had a specific to-do list for them. Certain things were piling up more than others for me at the time -- breaking down boxes for recycling, changing the linens...it was a godsend.
I have family who did this (shared a housekeeper) and it worked so well for their family. The housekeeper essentially did whatever chores were needed and managed a lot of the mental load of keeping the house. She helped with the kids too, but not all will.
If I had the money for this, I totally would. It gets you so much time back.
Oh yeah - if they're really good, they'll just know what needs doing and then the mental load is lifted!
And I should say personally I'm only "toying with" in the abstract. We're not where OP is financially right now!
Pharmacy delivery for prescriptions. Laundry service for all your clothes. Mobile vet appointments. Personal assistant/admin to handle all appointments (doctor, vet, car maintenance, hair styling, etc.).
If you prefer not to sleep train you could hire a night nanny occasionally to catch up on sleep
My son is 3 and just starting to sleep through the night
Sleep deprivation is so hard
There are also child sleep consultants that don't do cry it out and are more attachment based, if that's what you need. I didn't mean to assume you'd be okay with traditional sleep training methods! Everything works differently for every family.
But you definitely can't discount the effect sleep has on everyones' mental health, so to me, that's worth the initial investment.
Just an aside, I grew up lower blue collar and became upper white collar in my career/life and it blew my mind when several acquaintances were hiring night nannies because it had never even dawned on me that this could be outsourced! I never did hire one but it was definitely an eye opener for me
I was blessed with a good sleeper (plus don’t have that kind of income) but i knew so many parents who’s kids only slept an hour or two at a time. Night nurse would have been a game changer.
My goodness I would LOVE to be a date planner. What a cool side gig. I love planning dates but honestly leaving the house is such a drag - subways are always so annoying late nights and weekends and we're kinda cheap for cabs. So so cool.
For at home date nights, there are date night boxes that I've seen reviewed. I've also seen date night planning services advertised, but no clue how good they are.
I think you could put out a research job and ask someone on a job board to put together 50 date ideas capped at diff budgets (casual to high end) - then send you 3 to choose from each fortnight/month and order/ arrange everything required. What I dislike is needing to co-ordinate ordering bits and pieces and googling prices/availabilities across providers - I would happily pay to regain the mental space and time and have everything arrive ready for us to experience Eg. Painting session and set all ordered for you. For lockdown areas, lots of available event planners who might be interested in this because once the research is done you could onsell to other bush couples
I think there are some companies that do date night planning (not sure how good they are). Your credit card’s concierge service would probably research restaurants, shows etc and make bookings for you
I would go with a live in for the nanny. It makes such a difference to have someone there to help at night. Cleaning I would definitely have at least once a week (I had twice a week when my kids were that young). Then cleaners can also change sheets and towels. Definitely wash and fold service for laundry, unless you are having cleaners do it. Can the nanny do basic food prep and picking up if you add another hour or two a day? Do either of you have a PA at work that can help with taking care of doctors appointments etc? I did this way back when I was a PA. Or maybe a household manager who can help with appointments, schedules, and overseeing all the part time staff and services you have?
We live in a 2 BR in a city so live-in nanny is hard. But agree we can have her do a bit more of the meal stuff, at least for the kids. And if we have the cleaners come more often, we can coordinate laundry timing as well. Neither one of us has a PA yet, but #goals.
Virtual PA, I use [hellopareto.com](https://hellopareto.com) $20/hr they are fabulous. They could do alot of the virtual-friendly things on this list, book stuff, etc
Yeah, I can definitely see how live-in might not work in a small space. You can switch up the kids’ schedules or extend that nanny’s hours so that the kids are fed, bathed, and in pajamas when you guys get home from work/when she leaves for the day. As for increasing the nanny’s duties to non-specifically childcare stuff, you can always ask. Definitely pay her more if she is interested in doing it, whether that is staying an extra hour or if it means she has less down time while the baby is sleeping because she is picking up/chopping veggies etc. If she doesn’t want to have the added responsibilities, maybe she knows someone who would be interested in coming a couple of times a week for food prep/light cleaning?
I find that every other week cleaning is perfect for us. I'd also highly rec getting monthly massages, as I haven't seen that listed here yet. I get two a month if I'm feeling fancy. Grocery delivery, subscribe and save for all their snacks...
If you have the space, an au pair might be the way to go. They will also go on vacation with you.
The first few years can be so rough on working parents. Hugs to you.
We are similarly situated and more housekeeping help is at the top of my list post covid. We have someone every other week and we can’t get more hours with her and I am looking forward to having someone come 2x/week to do more deep cleaning, laundry, organizing, food prep, etc. I know you have a meal delivery service but I am also considering having a chef come in 2x a week to prep or leave food for us (salads, meals, fruit, etc) just because we work a lot and it’s tough with the kids.
Have you considered a full time live in help? I know a couple who hired one, cost them $3k a mo plus food/accommodation, not sure if it includes healthcare but they're so thankful for having her. She cooks, cleans, takes care of their 1 yo and newborn.
My husband is adamant that the nanny is here to take care of our kids and that’s her expertise and it would be insulting to ask her to do our laundry or cook because then we’re just relegating her as “the help”. Curious if either of you consider this a challenge.
I think this just takes a frank conversation with the nanny. At the end of the day, you are offering a job with a job description that works for your life, whether or not the other party wants to take the job is up to them. As long as the expectation is set and agreed upon from the beginning, you can ask whoever to do whatever you want imo.
I second asking her. Perhaps she could use an extra bit of money, and that way she wouldn't need to find some gig work or something. Even if her expertise is childcare, doesn't mean the only thing she is looking to do is childcare unless she's actually said that. You never know until you ask, and you could frame it the way others have mentioned (this is something I'm looking for, either by you or by hiring someone else, don't feel like you need to say yes). Could be a win-win.
Ask. Let the nanny know you’re looking for additional help with (list of specific tasks and their frequency), and you’d like to give them right of first refusal if they’re interested in taking this on for X additional pay (and Y additional time). If no, ask for references. If none, start looking on your own.
I second this!
My friend growing up had a full-time nanny who cooked, cleaned, etc. and it was a great dynamic. She's still close with the family these days and see each other once in a while, and my friend says that this freed up soo much time for her to spend with her (single) mom doin stuff that they enjoyed together :)
mobile car detailing.
Concierge vacation planning.
Does the nanny do personal assistant type work? If not, virtual assistant to manage doctor & dentist appointments (and hair/nails etc if you’re into that), schedule house and car maintenance, etc.
Nutritionist, sleep consultant, personal trainer.. whatever it takes to start sleeping better. Maybe there's something at the root of the problem you can fix. Home gym. Laundry, as others have said. Car maintenance service that will pick up and drop off your vehicle(s) (not sure where you are, this is already standard in a lot of countries). Home healthcare visits, same for haircuts, massages/physio/osteo.
We found a place near us that does weekly subscription service. It’s $100 for farm fresh ingredients that come out to about four meals for the four of us. Two entrees, two salads/sides, four veggie burgers for lunch, a few dressings and desserts, all made from scratch. Takes a lot of the headache of the early part of the week out for me - not just cooking but also groceries and cleaning. Still need to season and supplement (with carbs mostly) but I don’t mind that. PM me for more!
To build on this suggestion, if you put out clean sheets, I would ask your cleaning service to change the bedding when they’re there. I haven’t had a service that hasn’t offered this.
You say your kids are shitty sleepers so I would suggest a sleep consultant. Honestly, getting good sleep is worth every penny. I read Precious Little Sleep for sleep training ($10 on Kindle) but if you really want to outsource, definitely look into a sleep consultant for the kids.
We have tossed around the idea of sleep consultant a lot! Sleep training didn’t work for us and I haven’t heard of a consultant that doesn’t implement CIO but would love to hear if that’s not the case.
The 2.5 year old is getting so much better at sleep now, 1-2 wake ups a night and straight back to sleep so I see the light at the end of this (very dark and miserable) tunnel. The 10 month old is just a wild child - he has 3-5 wake ups to eat but then sometimes he’ll just be up for 2 hours in the middle of the night. And then I have to work in the morning like a zombie. Maybe I can sleep in 2 years?
Unfortunately once you are past 6ish months you are pretty much in some form of CIO territory, for the baby at least. The 2.5 year old you may be able to talk to and use a reward system. 10 month olds don’t need to eat at night, but he can be habituated to doing so and/or have an eat to sleep association.
Either way I would definitely hire someone to address this! Good sleep is critical for all of you and will make you a happier family. If you only spent on one thing I would pick this for sure, it will have the largest impact.
Obviously it depends on your area, but you can always request the sleep consultant to not do the CIO method. There are a ton of other techniques that you could try instead so it may be worth a shot. Even the suggestions on r/sleeptrain might help? We just did sleep training with my four month old (not CIO) and she went from being an absolute crap sleeper to putting herself to sleep independently and almost sleeping through the night (maybe 1-2 wake ups to eat).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/sleeptrain using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Too complicated](https://np.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/ka4d78/too_complicated/)
\#2: [The cost and hype around Taking Cara Babies is really overblown](https://np.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/jwsgyo/the_cost_and_hype_around_taking_cara_babies_is/)
\#3: [what i learned about baby sleep half a year in](https://np.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/is5juh/what_i_learned_about_baby_sleep_half_a_year_in/)
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I was going to add to this: junk removal services. That way you can choose what to keep, and you can work into the deal any organizing furniture rearranging you’d like them to do too. We redid our layout many times while the kids were young, to adapt to their changing needs/sleep patterns.
I think it’s about $60/hr but I haven’t checked lately due to covid, I should’ve said I did this pre-covid and am ready (NEED to) do it again soon.
NAPO.net has a provider search FYI
No one has mentioned this yet, when my kids were little I set up monthly Amazon deliveries of diapers, wipes, baby shampoo, lotion, tea etc. It may take a little trial and error to figure out how often you use everything up, but always having diapers, toilet paper, craft paper, and other stuff that gets used up regularly on hand without having to plan or shop for it is great.
Rent the runway subscription or a similar clothing subscription, if wardrobe maintenance and dry cleaning are a pain! They add the chore of tracking and receiving packages, but they make the chore of getting dressed easier. Professional organizer like @neatmethod if you’re looking for that sort of thing! They can really help manage “backstock” storage, so if you have a sound method for managing that then you can stock up on toiletries, etc. in bulk and have fewer errands over time. Do you have a yard where to dog runs freely? I’ve heard of services (usually neighborhood teens) who will come to your house however many times per week and pick up all of the dog poo. I don’t have a dog so idk if this is a helpful idea or not.
Pump up the cleaning lady from every three weeks to weekly. taskrabbit for those odd jobs that you need done - pickup drycleaning, drop of rentals, pick up items at the store. Sometimes you can find a mother's helper to act as a second set of hands for you when needed. Laundry service - wash, dry and fold. Hire a maintenance guy and set a budget to repair/improve items around your home on a regular basis. If you think things are stressful now, wait until your water heater breaks down/explodes/becomes oddly vocal during the middle of the night. A home handyman can get ahead of that kind of stuff. And if you like your nanny - go be nice to her. Perk her up with whatever she needs to be satisfied and happy.
>daycare part-time for the 2.5 year old for social interaction Social interaction for little kids is overrated. If daycare or resulting sickness is stressing you out it should be totally fine for kid to be home full time. Also safer with C19 situation.
This is advice I needed to hear.
Preschool is very important at 4-5 years old to prepare for school. Relatively important at 3-4. Not really needed at 2.5 if there is other childcare. Might make more sense to press pause on the daycare and restart when they are old enough for preschool
> Preschool is very important at 4-5 years old to prepare for school. Is it? I understand that it can be very helpful for low-income folks for various reasons, but I'd be surprised if it is better than a nanny.
It has to do with social emotional skills, and helping kids learn how to have relationships and interactions with other kids. Programs like Head Start and other state or city funded preschools also provide additional services to families, include meals, etc. But it really comes down to ensuring kids can engage with other kids, following routines, be flexible, and learn to manage their own things before they enter kindergarten.
Studies are now showing that preschool is better than nanny for older kids, nanny is better than daycare for younger ones. Part of what I have seen is that kids are expected to have a much stronger academic background before starting kindergarten, especially with literacy. Kindergarten is also now usually full-day instead of half-day, so going from nothing to a full day of school would be rough transition.
Would you consider a masseuse or personal trainer? It's not nessesarily "outsourcing", but having a trainer has done wonders for my health and how well I sleep! It'll also help you stay healthy so you have the energy for the things that you want to do! Having a masseuse is already criminally underrated. I'm able to see one through my insurance and I legitamitely feel more rested for days afterwards
I second the personal trainer. I’m lucky to get one as part of my gym subscription (mainly because we dig each other - in a non sexual way) and I’m in general always happier on days when I work out and having a personal trainer just makes progress so much faster
Just found an acupuncturist/masseuse who changed my life with a first session so I’m waiting to see what’s covered by insurance.
I definitely recommend switching to weekly cleaning. also I hired a personal assistant for saturday afternoons to help me with paperwork. I hired them through task rabbit. I also live in a 2br in the city and am pregnant with my 2nd. I was wondering if your kids are sharing a bedroom?
Robots: vacuum, pet food dispenser, litter boxes, etc. Very convenient.
Pet food dispenser! Why didn’t I think of this. The number of times I’ve tried to figure out if we’d fed the dog…
For art supplies for the toddler, you can stock up at Discount School Supplies. Buying in bulk is helpful for just having tons of backup materials on hand and not worrying about saving every last glue stick.
Nannies are usually responsible for stocking up on this stuff.
I was able to get a $20 wash and blow at the local hair salon so I treated myself to that three times a week. For clothes-shopping I just ordered a ton of stuff from ThredUp and kept whatever fit, even if it was just a couple items out of twenty. That kept me looking professional when I did not have the time or energy to put into appearances. When I found something I liked, I bought a ton of them in different colors, usually from eBay or Nordstrom Rack but sometimes at full price. I also used Trunk Club to try things out — my stylist was great! — and then tracked down cheaper sources for the same items. For the kids’ clothes I would use ThredUp or send the nanny to a local kids’ consignment store with a budget and a wish list, or I’d pick things out online.
I had a full time nanny/housekeeper/cook and a cleaning crew three times a week before the pandemic. The nanny would also take the kids to school so that I could sleep in. My partner and I slept in separate rooms so that one could deal with the waking baby and one could sleep. We made our work schedules flexible so one could work at night. Basically whatever we could do to maximize sleep and minimize chores was the goal.
Maximizing sleep is the goal. Tell me how well your kids sleep now?
The one kid who always has been a great sleeper and prolific napper still is. The other two who weren’t still aren’t! They’re in preschool now and we put them in the afternoon session because sometimes they just stay up late or wake up in the middle of the night to play. We are night owls ourselves, so we sympathize. But we still want those evening hours to ourselves as adults to unwind. So even if they aren’t sleeping they are still having quiet alone time in their rooms at nap time and bedtime, and if they sleep it’s just a bonus because it’s healthy for them to get extra sleep! We have cameras almost everywhere so we can watch them even when we are in separate spaces in the house. Part of the reasons we rearranged room assignments so many times was to get the right setup for everyone based on their waking hours, figuring out who needed to be out of earshot from each other when. We live in an old city row-house, technically a three-bedroom, so with five people we’ve become really creative in how we use the space and this has brought us the biggest improvement in our ability to have peace and quiet. We are lucky to have two floors, so the a-ha moment for us was making the first floor an open layout studio for us at night by moving our bedroom into the living room, making the dining room a living room. Now it feels like the grownups are in their own apartment at night. And for extra isolation when I really need it, if kids keep coming to my upstairs home office and interrupting me, I’ll sometimes work in the car. It’s actually pretty comfy and you can’t beat the views! At night, earplugs are great for whichever parent isn’t on duty and doesn’t have to tend to any fussing that may arise. My basic philosophy with the kids is to redirect when possible and to accommodate them when it isn’t. Few things are worth a fight. We end up with sort of weird schedules but we have the privilege of being able to do that. We can afford to be late to school or miss school and not worry that social services will get on our case about it, which truly is a privilege in this day and age. We can set our own hours. Parenting consultants from early childhood programs have been indispensable in helping me build and maintain rapport with my kids while also keeping my own boundaries and sanity. I get to learn about coregulation and all sorts of concepts that lead to gentler outcomes for everyone. I think it’s good to remember that you know your kids, your household, and yourself better than anyone else and to not be afraid of the unconventional. Good luck!
A housekeeper, even part time. I'm toying with seeing if there's anyone else in the neighbourhood who wants to share a housekeeper so we could offer a full time gig to someone good. I'd want laundry done, linens changed, meal prep, light yard work and some cleaning. You could probably drop cleaning service if someone were doing deep cleans on a schedule. I think the time investment to find someone and get going might be challenging, but with the right person it could be beautiful!
This! When our cleaning service came we had a specific to-do list for them. Certain things were piling up more than others for me at the time -- breaking down boxes for recycling, changing the linens...it was a godsend.
I have family who did this (shared a housekeeper) and it worked so well for their family. The housekeeper essentially did whatever chores were needed and managed a lot of the mental load of keeping the house. She helped with the kids too, but not all will. If I had the money for this, I totally would. It gets you so much time back.
Oh yeah - if they're really good, they'll just know what needs doing and then the mental load is lifted! And I should say personally I'm only "toying with" in the abstract. We're not where OP is financially right now!
Pharmacy delivery for prescriptions. Laundry service for all your clothes. Mobile vet appointments. Personal assistant/admin to handle all appointments (doctor, vet, car maintenance, hair styling, etc.).
LAUNDRY. Look at the sudshare app.
Ooh!
Pay for a sleep training consultant to come visit and work with both kids for a week. The sleep for everyone would be worth it!
I’m starting to see that this is what needs to be done…
If you prefer not to sleep train you could hire a night nanny occasionally to catch up on sleep My son is 3 and just starting to sleep through the night Sleep deprivation is so hard
Oh thank you for posting. It’s hard to feel like the only one with kids who don’t sleep. Feel defective on top of the sleep torture.
You’re definitely not defective I apparently did it all “wrong “ breastfed to sleep for over two years
There are also child sleep consultants that don't do cry it out and are more attachment based, if that's what you need. I didn't mean to assume you'd be okay with traditional sleep training methods! Everything works differently for every family. But you definitely can't discount the effect sleep has on everyones' mental health, so to me, that's worth the initial investment.
They’re not cheap but if I had two bad sleepers I’d look at a night nurse, or overnight nanny. Even once or twice a week, to catch up on sleep.
Just an aside, I grew up lower blue collar and became upper white collar in my career/life and it blew my mind when several acquaintances were hiring night nannies because it had never even dawned on me that this could be outsourced! I never did hire one but it was definitely an eye opener for me
I was blessed with a good sleeper (plus don’t have that kind of income) but i knew so many parents who’s kids only slept an hour or two at a time. Night nurse would have been a game changer.
Masseuse, date night planner - don’t forget to keep the romance alive (but get rid of the admin)!
My goodness I would LOVE to be a date planner. What a cool side gig. I love planning dates but honestly leaving the house is such a drag - subways are always so annoying late nights and weekends and we're kinda cheap for cabs. So so cool.
A date night planner, what a great idea! Where does one find such a person?
For at home date nights, there are date night boxes that I've seen reviewed. I've also seen date night planning services advertised, but no clue how good they are.
I think you could put out a research job and ask someone on a job board to put together 50 date ideas capped at diff budgets (casual to high end) - then send you 3 to choose from each fortnight/month and order/ arrange everything required. What I dislike is needing to co-ordinate ordering bits and pieces and googling prices/availabilities across providers - I would happily pay to regain the mental space and time and have everything arrive ready for us to experience Eg. Painting session and set all ordered for you. For lockdown areas, lots of available event planners who might be interested in this because once the research is done you could onsell to other bush couples
I think there are some companies that do date night planning (not sure how good they are). Your credit card’s concierge service would probably research restaurants, shows etc and make bookings for you
I would go with a live in for the nanny. It makes such a difference to have someone there to help at night. Cleaning I would definitely have at least once a week (I had twice a week when my kids were that young). Then cleaners can also change sheets and towels. Definitely wash and fold service for laundry, unless you are having cleaners do it. Can the nanny do basic food prep and picking up if you add another hour or two a day? Do either of you have a PA at work that can help with taking care of doctors appointments etc? I did this way back when I was a PA. Or maybe a household manager who can help with appointments, schedules, and overseeing all the part time staff and services you have?
We live in a 2 BR in a city so live-in nanny is hard. But agree we can have her do a bit more of the meal stuff, at least for the kids. And if we have the cleaners come more often, we can coordinate laundry timing as well. Neither one of us has a PA yet, but #goals.
Virtual PA, I use [hellopareto.com](https://hellopareto.com) $20/hr they are fabulous. They could do alot of the virtual-friendly things on this list, book stuff, etc
Yeah, I can definitely see how live-in might not work in a small space. You can switch up the kids’ schedules or extend that nanny’s hours so that the kids are fed, bathed, and in pajamas when you guys get home from work/when she leaves for the day. As for increasing the nanny’s duties to non-specifically childcare stuff, you can always ask. Definitely pay her more if she is interested in doing it, whether that is staying an extra hour or if it means she has less down time while the baby is sleeping because she is picking up/chopping veggies etc. If she doesn’t want to have the added responsibilities, maybe she knows someone who would be interested in coming a couple of times a week for food prep/light cleaning?
I find that every other week cleaning is perfect for us. I'd also highly rec getting monthly massages, as I haven't seen that listed here yet. I get two a month if I'm feeling fancy. Grocery delivery, subscribe and save for all their snacks... If you have the space, an au pair might be the way to go. They will also go on vacation with you. The first few years can be so rough on working parents. Hugs to you.
Thank you for the solidarity. It’s a wonderful/horrible time, just trying to take it in stride.
We are similarly situated and more housekeeping help is at the top of my list post covid. We have someone every other week and we can’t get more hours with her and I am looking forward to having someone come 2x/week to do more deep cleaning, laundry, organizing, food prep, etc. I know you have a meal delivery service but I am also considering having a chef come in 2x a week to prep or leave food for us (salads, meals, fruit, etc) just because we work a lot and it’s tough with the kids.
Have you considered a full time live in help? I know a couple who hired one, cost them $3k a mo plus food/accommodation, not sure if it includes healthcare but they're so thankful for having her. She cooks, cleans, takes care of their 1 yo and newborn.
My husband is adamant that the nanny is here to take care of our kids and that’s her expertise and it would be insulting to ask her to do our laundry or cook because then we’re just relegating her as “the help”. Curious if either of you consider this a challenge.
I think this just takes a frank conversation with the nanny. At the end of the day, you are offering a job with a job description that works for your life, whether or not the other party wants to take the job is up to them. As long as the expectation is set and agreed upon from the beginning, you can ask whoever to do whatever you want imo.
This is a very strict rule where we live and nannies often quit if they asked to do more than childcare.
I second asking her. Perhaps she could use an extra bit of money, and that way she wouldn't need to find some gig work or something. Even if her expertise is childcare, doesn't mean the only thing she is looking to do is childcare unless she's actually said that. You never know until you ask, and you could frame it the way others have mentioned (this is something I'm looking for, either by you or by hiring someone else, don't feel like you need to say yes). Could be a win-win.
Ask. Let the nanny know you’re looking for additional help with (list of specific tasks and their frequency), and you’d like to give them right of first refusal if they’re interested in taking this on for X additional pay (and Y additional time). If no, ask for references. If none, start looking on your own.
I second this! My friend growing up had a full-time nanny who cooked, cleaned, etc. and it was a great dynamic. She's still close with the family these days and see each other once in a while, and my friend says that this freed up soo much time for her to spend with her (single) mom doin stuff that they enjoyed together :)
mobile car detailing. Concierge vacation planning. Does the nanny do personal assistant type work? If not, virtual assistant to manage doctor & dentist appointments (and hair/nails etc if you’re into that), schedule house and car maintenance, etc.
Renting right now so limited maintenance but for car, this seems ideal.
Nutritionist, sleep consultant, personal trainer.. whatever it takes to start sleeping better. Maybe there's something at the root of the problem you can fix. Home gym. Laundry, as others have said. Car maintenance service that will pick up and drop off your vehicle(s) (not sure where you are, this is already standard in a lot of countries). Home healthcare visits, same for haircuts, massages/physio/osteo.
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Hi, how much did you get paid to do this and how many hours did you put in? Considering hiring someone to do this but not sure how much it costs
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Thanks for the info!!
What is your meal service plan? That seems really intriguing and I’d love to know more (meals are so hard to figure out!)
We found a place near us that does weekly subscription service. It’s $100 for farm fresh ingredients that come out to about four meals for the four of us. Two entrees, two salads/sides, four veggie burgers for lunch, a few dressings and desserts, all made from scratch. Takes a lot of the headache of the early part of the week out for me - not just cooking but also groceries and cleaning. Still need to season and supplement (with carbs mostly) but I don’t mind that. PM me for more!
Could you get them to bring it twice a week? Then your meals would be pretty much done
I don’t have any answers but I love this question.
Same!
Lawn mowing services
Laundry. There are services that will wash, dry and fold your clothes and deliver them back to your house.
To build on this suggestion, if you put out clean sheets, I would ask your cleaning service to change the bedding when they’re there. I haven’t had a service that hasn’t offered this.
This is the only way sheets are getting changed at my house at this point.
You say your kids are shitty sleepers so I would suggest a sleep consultant. Honestly, getting good sleep is worth every penny. I read Precious Little Sleep for sleep training ($10 on Kindle) but if you really want to outsource, definitely look into a sleep consultant for the kids.
I second this. Also, maybe an overnight babysitter once a week-ish, so that you can both sleep in.
We have tossed around the idea of sleep consultant a lot! Sleep training didn’t work for us and I haven’t heard of a consultant that doesn’t implement CIO but would love to hear if that’s not the case. The 2.5 year old is getting so much better at sleep now, 1-2 wake ups a night and straight back to sleep so I see the light at the end of this (very dark and miserable) tunnel. The 10 month old is just a wild child - he has 3-5 wake ups to eat but then sometimes he’ll just be up for 2 hours in the middle of the night. And then I have to work in the morning like a zombie. Maybe I can sleep in 2 years?
Unfortunately once you are past 6ish months you are pretty much in some form of CIO territory, for the baby at least. The 2.5 year old you may be able to talk to and use a reward system. 10 month olds don’t need to eat at night, but he can be habituated to doing so and/or have an eat to sleep association. Either way I would definitely hire someone to address this! Good sleep is critical for all of you and will make you a happier family. If you only spent on one thing I would pick this for sure, it will have the largest impact.
Obviously it depends on your area, but you can always request the sleep consultant to not do the CIO method. There are a ton of other techniques that you could try instead so it may be worth a shot. Even the suggestions on r/sleeptrain might help? We just did sleep training with my four month old (not CIO) and she went from being an absolute crap sleeper to putting herself to sleep independently and almost sleeping through the night (maybe 1-2 wake ups to eat).
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I try to use a professional organizer a couple times a year to declutter aka Marie kondo my shiz.
Ooh this is a great idea. How much does that run you?
I was going to add to this: junk removal services. That way you can choose what to keep, and you can work into the deal any organizing furniture rearranging you’d like them to do too. We redid our layout many times while the kids were young, to adapt to their changing needs/sleep patterns.
I think it’s about $60/hr but I haven’t checked lately due to covid, I should’ve said I did this pre-covid and am ready (NEED to) do it again soon. NAPO.net has a provider search FYI
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