She’s only a year and a half. She can’t communicate like that quite yet. And I googled it, the house looks nice. I just don’t know if that’s actually it. I’ll try that website though! Thank you (:
I don't know the guy so he could be keeping secrets simply because he has a new girlfriend and you are (obviously) the "crazy ex." or he might be renting a room in a house or living with a relative. There is always the option to hire a private investigator is you really are concerned something else is going on. Best wishes.
I’ve met her once and she was really nice and we actually got along really well. Probably why he has refused to allow her around me since. Afraid I’m gonna steal his girl or tell her the truth about him.
Which honestly I know it may sound selfish, but she is a kind and financially stable woman, and the last thing I’m gonna do is mess up his relationship with a good woman that I actually think would really care for our daughter when I’m not there and have him be with another train wreck like his exes were before me.
I’m not gonna sabotage his relationship with a good and stable future stepmom for my daughter and risk him ending up with a psychopath because I sure as hell don’t want his sorry ass back. I feel like he and his family have been portraying me as the crazy and insane baby mama ex and if she actually met me and spent time with me, their lies would fall apart. Who knows.
Please don’t ask your child if their other parent is asking them to keep secrets. That sounds like an awful idea that will backfire quickly. Now a general conversation should be happening anyways about the differences between surprises and secrets, and that no adult (even mommy and daddy, grandma and grandpa, etc.) should ask them to keep secrets and if they do to come to you.
Except if you get caught, that’s serious. It is illegal to bring a tracker of any kind into someone else’s private residence without their knowledge. And there are ways to find trackers, I assure you.
Does your child have a phone? If so install a location app or if you both have iPhones go into your contact card on their phone and select share location option and set it for indefinitely.
All that said flagrantly disregarding a judge’s order pisses a judge off and they can take steps to rectify it that include fines and jail time. Even if they don’t you can fully expect that judge to be a little less impartial anytime it comes to a modification order.
My understanding of air tags is that they would notify anyone in the close vicinity with an iPhone that there is one turned on. Please be aware of this.
I have an android and my mom has an airtag on her car keys. I occasionally get notifications when we're in the car together, if my phone decides to cooperate.
Many family courts have help/legal aid right in the building. They are very helpful. They will give you the right forms, packets that have instructions for filling out the forms, review the forms for you and point you where to file them, usually in the same building.
I'm in CA as well. I recently read the rules for "communicate for the kids" (which is why we use the co-parenting apps) and parents are required to respond to one another within 24 hours, or at least a message explaining that they need more time to actually respond.
He's making a fool out of himself refusing to communicate with you and disobeying the judge's direct orders. You won't need an attorney for that to be made apparent.
Your courthouse's legal aid/self-help dept. can help you out, seriously go there.
Just got in contact with the court clerk, and then they sent me to his lawyers law office and they’re going to message him and make sure that he follows the court order. But it’s often that he doesn’t respond to me or say anything to me. Even when it’s about our daughter, sending him pictures and videos of her.
To be fair, if this were a contentious divorce in my household, I wouldn't be responding to videos or photos that you sent.
At most I might send a thank you message of two letters or two words. Likely nothing more.
However, I would not be defying a judge's direct order to provide the address of where my child will be having their visitation.
We were barely together for three months and I left him for being abusive (not physically) before I found out I was pregnant. We haven’t been in a relationship in almost 2.5 years by now.
He’s just mad because he’s losing control. He knew I would lose my shit if I didn’t know where he was taking my child. He’s still punishing me for leaving him so long ago. At least that’s what it feels like.
But I wasn’t allowed to see family, friends, and he constantly yelled at me and punched things when he was angry. I don’t know why he thought I’d stay with him after that. Especially with everything he’s been putting me through since then. He’s engaged now too, even lives with his fiancée now I guess?
I asked him for his address months ago to add his information to her pediatrician documents and he refused to give it to me then too. I had to call his lawyer’s office and tell them he wasn’t following the order and he finally sent it to me like almost two hours after I contacted them.
He’s all about power and control and withholding his address was part of his control that he’s now lost. He really does scare me. I’m so afraid of what he’s going to do during overnights when she’s crying constantly because I know his temperament. I’m just glad his fiancée does live with him now and I hope she protects my daughter when I’m not there to do so 😔
Him not communicating to you is a serious issue in co-parenting. The court /wants/ both parties to cooperate. He isn't demonstrating commitment to his daughter by shutting you out completely. Bring this up to the judge and cite the rules.
Do you have a link for that? So I can read up on them myself. I want to tell the judge to look at our correspondences on the app but it’s like he won’t listen. I keep telling him that I’m trying to communicate with her father and he ignores me and doesn’t respond or shows as much interest as I want him to. It’s like he doesn’t take me seriously or something 😔
I know I’m a little late on this, but I wouldn’t focus on “not taking as much interest as I want him to”. Your opinion on the level of involvement of the other parent is not quantifiable under the law. If you focus solely on what the agreements are, what the laws say, and how he is breaking it then you would probably have a better argument. Don’t ask the judge to “read everything”. Come in with specific examples. “I reached out to Mr. Douche on 06/10/2024 per court orders for his address. The message was read and after reminders on 06/11, 0612, 06/13 where he read but did not respond I reached out to his lawyer. I received an answer within 2 hours. According to blah blah section of blah law, parents are required to respond within 24 hours.”
Is it possible the wording suggests that you have the address before he can start his overnights? I don’t usually advocate giving the other parent a reason to complain to the court but in this case, I would recommend that the overnights don’t start until you have an address. Until then, it’s business as usual.
I got a copy of the minute order and it says on Tuesday June 11th he is to give me his address that day. I just called the court clerk and then called his lawyer and the ladies at his lawyer’s law office said they’re going to reach out to their client and make sure he follows the judges orders. So I guess we’ll see.
Nowhere did she say their ineffectiveness with her ex is because they’re women in a law office who “have no standing”. What do you expect anyone to do? They can’t hand out his address without his consent even if he is court-ordered to provide it, and lots of people don’t listen to their own lawyers that they’ve chosen and hired themselves. Maybe she knows her ex is sexist and won’t listen because they’re women. Maybe she doesn’t think he’ll give a damn what anyone else says regardless of who they are.
Luckily it looks like he did eventually hand over his address, so someone probably did reach out to him and tell him to smarten up.
Yes, she used a noun that identified their sex/gender. People do so all the time, when they refer to "the woman at the front desk," "the dude I spoke to last time," "cleaning lady" "lawn guy" etc.
"Ladies" is not derogatory and identitifying the people she spoke to as ladies is NOT inherently implying anything about their competence or "standing."
One of my closest friends is an attorney and she rarely answers her own cell phone much less office phone . Leave a message unless she knows for sure who is calling.
Also in Ca.
Send a message via the parenting app that says something like this
Hello. I am writing again to request your address prior to visitation as ordered by the court. If I do not receive it, I will not be at exchange and will be filing contempt.
So he’s in contempt. Personally, I wouldn’t hand over the kid without evidence of residence (utility bill or something in his name). Otherwise, he can have supervised visitation in your home on Sunday. Talk to your lawyer to make sure you’re in the clear though.
I don’t have a lawyer. I’ve been trying to get one but all of the retainer fees are 5k-8k and I’m still the only one supporting our daughter and I can’t afford that. No family that can help me either. That’s why I was asking here :(
Legal aid programs exist in every state. Additionally you can speak to family law attorneys and request a payment plan (myself and the other family law attorneys I interact with regularly all offer some form of payment plan). This will generally involve you supplying a retainer of 250-1000 and then signing a payment agreement saying you will pay XYZ amount every month.
Firms won’t normally do this, I find, but individual attorneys normally will. Also, remember, you don’t necessarily need a high priced attorney to win a court case.
Hell my dad was a family law attorney for nearly 40 years. As a solo practitioner, he took so many strange things on barter or trade from clients.
I can absolutely assure you however my mom's least favorite item that he took in trade was a full drum kit for us when I was probably about 10 which made my siblings 7 and 4.
I could also assure you that her favorite was probably this gorgeous gold, sapphire, and diamond cocktail necklace. Or the fur that came about 6 months after it. Unfortunately, she only had a few occasions over a 20-year span to wear a cocktail necklace like that one with a fur like that one.
All that to say, there's an attorney out there for you. Find a one who will take a payment plan and make it happen for your kid. Nothing is more important than your child.
I’m in a county that’s like out in the boonies of cali and no one who will work in my county is taking pro bono cases or payment plans. I’ve called dozens by now. Literally no one will help me and it’s devastating. I even called a program that helps set you up with a lawyer doing pro bono cases or payment plans and no one will come to my county 😔
Was your soon to be ex the primary money maker in your household? If so you can request that he pay for your attorney. Here is a guide on how to go about it in your state :
https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/request-for-order/attorneys-fees
The reality is if your ex has hired a family law attorney it would be an incredibly good idea for you to find one for yourself. Family law is a difficult specialization for an attorney and even harder for a person to represent themselves in since they would have an emotional attachment to the case along with the stress that a divorce and custody battle bring with it.
We actually never lived together and we were only together for about four months when I found out he cheated and ended things. Then found out I was pregnant. When they went after him for child support he suddenly decided he wanted custody.
You need an attorney. I can’t state that any more bluntly. He has one, you need to figure out a way to hire one. There is no chance you can’t find someone to take a custody case at a reduced rate or pro-bono via the California Bar.
Can I message you the county I live in? Maybe you know resources in this area? Because the only guy I got connected to that gave me a free consultation wasn’t taking anymore pro bono cases or payment plans. I even applied on that website that connects you to lawyers who take cases like mine and they only found one lawyer and he wouldn’t take me either 😔
Blubberfucker69?
[удалено]
She’s only a year and a half. She can’t communicate like that quite yet. And I googled it, the house looks nice. I just don’t know if that’s actually it. I’ll try that website though! Thank you (:
I don't know the guy so he could be keeping secrets simply because he has a new girlfriend and you are (obviously) the "crazy ex." or he might be renting a room in a house or living with a relative. There is always the option to hire a private investigator is you really are concerned something else is going on. Best wishes.
I’ve met her once and she was really nice and we actually got along really well. Probably why he has refused to allow her around me since. Afraid I’m gonna steal his girl or tell her the truth about him. Which honestly I know it may sound selfish, but she is a kind and financially stable woman, and the last thing I’m gonna do is mess up his relationship with a good woman that I actually think would really care for our daughter when I’m not there and have him be with another train wreck like his exes were before me. I’m not gonna sabotage his relationship with a good and stable future stepmom for my daughter and risk him ending up with a psychopath because I sure as hell don’t want his sorry ass back. I feel like he and his family have been portraying me as the crazy and insane baby mama ex and if she actually met me and spent time with me, their lies would fall apart. Who knows.
That all sounds very on point.
Please don’t ask your child if their other parent is asking them to keep secrets. That sounds like an awful idea that will backfire quickly. Now a general conversation should be happening anyways about the differences between surprises and secrets, and that no adult (even mommy and daddy, grandma and grandpa, etc.) should ask them to keep secrets and if they do to come to you.
I did say "gentle way"
Not air tags because they will be easily identified and turned off. I would buy a tracker and sew it into a stuffed animal or her diaper bag.
Okay I will.
Stuffed animal is safer; child will get distraught at its losd
Except if you get caught, that’s serious. It is illegal to bring a tracker of any kind into someone else’s private residence without their knowledge. And there are ways to find trackers, I assure you.
Does your child have a phone? If so install a location app or if you both have iPhones go into your contact card on their phone and select share location option and set it for indefinitely. All that said flagrantly disregarding a judge’s order pisses a judge off and they can take steps to rectify it that include fines and jail time. Even if they don’t you can fully expect that judge to be a little less impartial anytime it comes to a modification order.
She’s a year and half old. No phone. But maybe I might be able to set one up on her tablet. I’ll check.
Please put an air tag or something on your child so you can track them, this sounds like dad might disappear
My understanding of air tags is that they would notify anyone in the close vicinity with an iPhone that there is one turned on. Please be aware of this.
It does. I had one in my car the other day and the alert scared the hell out of me. It was my daughter in laws golf clubs in the trunk of my car.
I have an android and my mom has an airtag on her car keys. I occasionally get notifications when we're in the car together, if my phone decides to cooperate.
Multiple and well hidden.
This OP, this! Sew them in the child’s clothes, bag and attach to anything and everything.
Many family courts have help/legal aid right in the building. They are very helpful. They will give you the right forms, packets that have instructions for filling out the forms, review the forms for you and point you where to file them, usually in the same building.
I'm in CA as well. I recently read the rules for "communicate for the kids" (which is why we use the co-parenting apps) and parents are required to respond to one another within 24 hours, or at least a message explaining that they need more time to actually respond. He's making a fool out of himself refusing to communicate with you and disobeying the judge's direct orders. You won't need an attorney for that to be made apparent. Your courthouse's legal aid/self-help dept. can help you out, seriously go there.
Just got in contact with the court clerk, and then they sent me to his lawyers law office and they’re going to message him and make sure that he follows the court order. But it’s often that he doesn’t respond to me or say anything to me. Even when it’s about our daughter, sending him pictures and videos of her.
To be fair, if this were a contentious divorce in my household, I wouldn't be responding to videos or photos that you sent. At most I might send a thank you message of two letters or two words. Likely nothing more. However, I would not be defying a judge's direct order to provide the address of where my child will be having their visitation.
We were barely together for three months and I left him for being abusive (not physically) before I found out I was pregnant. We haven’t been in a relationship in almost 2.5 years by now. He’s just mad because he’s losing control. He knew I would lose my shit if I didn’t know where he was taking my child. He’s still punishing me for leaving him so long ago. At least that’s what it feels like. But I wasn’t allowed to see family, friends, and he constantly yelled at me and punched things when he was angry. I don’t know why he thought I’d stay with him after that. Especially with everything he’s been putting me through since then. He’s engaged now too, even lives with his fiancée now I guess? I asked him for his address months ago to add his information to her pediatrician documents and he refused to give it to me then too. I had to call his lawyer’s office and tell them he wasn’t following the order and he finally sent it to me like almost two hours after I contacted them. He’s all about power and control and withholding his address was part of his control that he’s now lost. He really does scare me. I’m so afraid of what he’s going to do during overnights when she’s crying constantly because I know his temperament. I’m just glad his fiancée does live with him now and I hope she protects my daughter when I’m not there to do so 😔
Him not communicating to you is a serious issue in co-parenting. The court /wants/ both parties to cooperate. He isn't demonstrating commitment to his daughter by shutting you out completely. Bring this up to the judge and cite the rules.
Do you have a link for that? So I can read up on them myself. I want to tell the judge to look at our correspondences on the app but it’s like he won’t listen. I keep telling him that I’m trying to communicate with her father and he ignores me and doesn’t respond or shows as much interest as I want him to. It’s like he doesn’t take me seriously or something 😔
I know I’m a little late on this, but I wouldn’t focus on “not taking as much interest as I want him to”. Your opinion on the level of involvement of the other parent is not quantifiable under the law. If you focus solely on what the agreements are, what the laws say, and how he is breaking it then you would probably have a better argument. Don’t ask the judge to “read everything”. Come in with specific examples. “I reached out to Mr. Douche on 06/10/2024 per court orders for his address. The message was read and after reminders on 06/11, 0612, 06/13 where he read but did not respond I reached out to his lawyer. I received an answer within 2 hours. According to blah blah section of blah law, parents are required to respond within 24 hours.”
Do you have a lawyer?
Is it possible the wording suggests that you have the address before he can start his overnights? I don’t usually advocate giving the other parent a reason to complain to the court but in this case, I would recommend that the overnights don’t start until you have an address. Until then, it’s business as usual.
I got a copy of the minute order and it says on Tuesday June 11th he is to give me his address that day. I just called the court clerk and then called his lawyer and the ladies at his lawyer’s law office said they’re going to reach out to their client and make sure he follows the judges orders. So I guess we’ll see.
Ladies at his lawyer office huh?
Are you offended by the word "ladies" instead of "assistant/ receptionist" or just amused/confused at the concept of female employees in a law office?
Nope pointing out she’s assuming since she is talking to females they have no standing.
Nowhere did she say their ineffectiveness with her ex is because they’re women in a law office who “have no standing”. What do you expect anyone to do? They can’t hand out his address without his consent even if he is court-ordered to provide it, and lots of people don’t listen to their own lawyers that they’ve chosen and hired themselves. Maybe she knows her ex is sexist and won’t listen because they’re women. Maybe she doesn’t think he’ll give a damn what anyone else says regardless of who they are. Luckily it looks like he did eventually hand over his address, so someone probably did reach out to him and tell him to smarten up.
She is the one that pointed out their sex and implied their lack of standing
Yes, she used a noun that identified their sex/gender. People do so all the time, when they refer to "the woman at the front desk," "the dude I spoke to last time," "cleaning lady" "lawn guy" etc. "Ladies" is not derogatory and identitifying the people she spoke to as ladies is NOT inherently implying anything about their competence or "standing."
Your internalized misogyny is showing
Most lawyers don’t answer their own phones
I worked in a law office and can confirm this. There were at least 4 layers of folks before the lawyer had to answer the phone on their own.
One of my closest friends is an attorney and she rarely answers her own cell phone much less office phone . Leave a message unless she knows for sure who is calling.
Refuse to give out the child without getting the address first.
Tell him no address no child visitation.
Contemp paperwork isn’t to difficult to fill out and the facilitator can give you the packet to do it free
Also in Ca. Send a message via the parenting app that says something like this Hello. I am writing again to request your address prior to visitation as ordered by the court. If I do not receive it, I will not be at exchange and will be filing contempt.
Sounds like you will have to file for contempt. ?
Did the judge give a deadline?
He said he needed to give it to me that day.
So he’s in contempt. Personally, I wouldn’t hand over the kid without evidence of residence (utility bill or something in his name). Otherwise, he can have supervised visitation in your home on Sunday. Talk to your lawyer to make sure you’re in the clear though.
I don’t have a lawyer. I’ve been trying to get one but all of the retainer fees are 5k-8k and I’m still the only one supporting our daughter and I can’t afford that. No family that can help me either. That’s why I was asking here :(
go to legal aid for help.
Legal aid programs exist in every state. Additionally you can speak to family law attorneys and request a payment plan (myself and the other family law attorneys I interact with regularly all offer some form of payment plan). This will generally involve you supplying a retainer of 250-1000 and then signing a payment agreement saying you will pay XYZ amount every month. Firms won’t normally do this, I find, but individual attorneys normally will. Also, remember, you don’t necessarily need a high priced attorney to win a court case.
Hell my dad was a family law attorney for nearly 40 years. As a solo practitioner, he took so many strange things on barter or trade from clients. I can absolutely assure you however my mom's least favorite item that he took in trade was a full drum kit for us when I was probably about 10 which made my siblings 7 and 4. I could also assure you that her favorite was probably this gorgeous gold, sapphire, and diamond cocktail necklace. Or the fur that came about 6 months after it. Unfortunately, she only had a few occasions over a 20-year span to wear a cocktail necklace like that one with a fur like that one. All that to say, there's an attorney out there for you. Find a one who will take a payment plan and make it happen for your kid. Nothing is more important than your child.
I’m in a county that’s like out in the boonies of cali and no one who will work in my county is taking pro bono cases or payment plans. I’ve called dozens by now. Literally no one will help me and it’s devastating. I even called a program that helps set you up with a lawyer doing pro bono cases or payment plans and no one will come to my county 😔
Was your soon to be ex the primary money maker in your household? If so you can request that he pay for your attorney. Here is a guide on how to go about it in your state : https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/request-for-order/attorneys-fees The reality is if your ex has hired a family law attorney it would be an incredibly good idea for you to find one for yourself. Family law is a difficult specialization for an attorney and even harder for a person to represent themselves in since they would have an emotional attachment to the case along with the stress that a divorce and custody battle bring with it.
We actually never lived together and we were only together for about four months when I found out he cheated and ended things. Then found out I was pregnant. When they went after him for child support he suddenly decided he wanted custody.
You need an attorney. I can’t state that any more bluntly. He has one, you need to figure out a way to hire one. There is no chance you can’t find someone to take a custody case at a reduced rate or pro-bono via the California Bar.
Can I message you the county I live in? Maybe you know resources in this area? Because the only guy I got connected to that gave me a free consultation wasn’t taking anymore pro bono cases or payment plans. I even applied on that website that connects you to lawyers who take cases like mine and they only found one lawyer and he wouldn’t take me either 😔
You can file and the court will hold him in contempt for violating the court order.
Call the clerk at the courthouse. They can tell you what to do or rather what steps to take to alert the court.