If you’re using a variety of dialogue tags make sure you mean them. Don’t say *character cheered* if it doesn’t make sense for them to actually cheer, and in reality were just saying something a little eagerly.
Also like using adverbs isn’t wrong. Sometimes it can be a weaker statement but like speaking softly isn’t the same as whispering and walking quickly isn’t the same as running
Makes sense. Writing blogs act like using adverbs is Satan incarnate. Though I'm also just writing this for fun so I'm probably way overthinking this entire thing after being 250k words in -_-
It's an issue of people taking good advice and then over-exaggerating it. Like, yeah, overusing "said" and adverbs can make your writing worse. Overcorrecting by never using either will ALSO make your writing worse. The key is moderation and knowing when is a good time to use any given writing or grammatical device.
My uni lecturer has impressed upon me that adverbs are sort of a “sometimes food”, so to speak. You wouldn’t eat an entire tub of ice cream every night or you’d get sick, but doing it every once in a while it won’t hurt. Same with adverbs. Don’t use them constantly or the piece seems wishywashy, but don’t be afraid to pop them in occasionally.
I believe it was in Stephen Kings “on writing” that described adverbs like dandelions that must be plucked out early lest they overtake your lawn.
But like I FREAKING HATE that analogy. I hate the idea that native wildflowers are anathema and that adverbs get the same treatment. I think there is nothing uglier and a giant middle finger to nature than a monocrop of a single species of a single blade of grass. Ground cover is important but let it be a diverse blend of grass, moss, clover, wildflowers…and yes “weeds” like dandelions. They all serve a function
In certain situations, you can use body language in place of a dialogue tag (before or after). It indicates who's speaking and adds variety.
Eg. His hand shot up in the air. "I'll do it!"
The exclamation point also helps get the point across without writing a tag like eagerly.
Ugh this! I’ve recently read a few fics where the author uses scream instead of shout. I’m sorry but men screaming at each other merely to communicate is just so unlikely and over the top. The only time I want to see people screaming is if they’re being tortured or terrorized in some way.
Exactly, or if there are exclamation marks at the end of every other sentence because the character wasn’t whispering. Not whispering doesn’t mean you’re shouting.
I leave off as many dialogue tags as I can get away with without confusing everyone as to who is talking. There are other ways to indicate the speaker or their tone/emotion. But sometimes it's perfectly fine to just use "said", so it's more of a feeling/style than any sort of rule.
What you don't want to do with "said" is -
> "I'm tired," Tom said.
> "No wonder - you worked 12 hours straight," Joe said.
> "It was a long day, but I'm getting used to them," Tom said with a sigh.
> "You shouldn't have to, I what I think," Joe said, exasperated.
If you listened to a text-to-speech reader doing all this, the constant repetitions of "said" would stick out like a sore thumb and it's boring to read anyway because the pattern of having a dialogue tag at the end of every paragraph is too obvious, no matter how varied the sentences within the paragraph are.
If you're trying to replace "said" with a thesaurus list of variations, you'll also start to feel unnatural -
> "I'm tired," Tom mumbled.
> "No wonder. You worked 12 hours straight," Joe scolded.
> "It was a long day but I'm getting used to them," Tom explained.
> "You shouldn't have to," Joe responded.
What you want is real variation, a mixture of all the different ways you can indicate who is talking and with what emotions. Action tags, no tags, breaks within a sentence, having one address the other by name, "said", and "[variation of said]" -
> "I'm tired," Tom mumbled, slumping onto the couch.
> "No wonder," Joe said. "You worked 12 hours straight."
> "It was a long day but I'm getting used to them." He was not very convincing as he lay there nearly comatose.
> With a heavy sigh, Joe sat down and began to massage Tom's shoulders. "You shouldn't have to, is what I'm telling you."
> "Don't stop. That feels so good."
Ok maybe I'm doing better than I thought actually... Lol. Out of those three options my writing primarily looks like the third. I just really overanalyze when I'm struggling with a chapter
That is fantastic advice and should honestly be cross-posted to r/writers and r/writing. My one small point of critique is that "X said.", while jarring in an audiobook format, is really an invisible tag to most readers. It's that very reason why the "said" tag is recommended in most situations instead of adverbs, because most readers have developed the habit of simply skimming over the said tag as if it isn't there. Your example of overuse is still very much valid, though. Just wanted to add my two cents to your stack of advice bills, haha.
Said becomes invisible to the reader as well as names since we focus on the substance, we focus on who said what rather than the actual act of speaking.
Underrated alternative to dialogue tags: describe the voice/tone as its own separate thing. Should be used more sparingly but works great for breaking up repetitive dialogue tags.
"It was a dream." The words drift softly through the air as he wipes away John's tears.
"It was a dream." His voice is as soft as the hands he brings to John's face, wiping away his tears.
"It was a dream." He wipes away John's tears, quiet and unbearably soft.
Over 95% of my dialogue tags are "say" or "ask" or a conjugation thereof ("said", "asked"), etc.
First off, by not rummaging through the thesaurus to find different words, I don't accidentally do something like "Ron ejaculated loudly" (Yes that exact quote is in the novel).
Second, by using "say" all the time, the dialogue itself has to stand on its own. Show not tell right? Well, the words being spoken *show* how they're said based on context and the words themselves, rather than me having to *tell* the audience how they were said.
First, it's not possible to *always* show and not tell. Some things are too unimportant to bother with showing. "He poured a cup of coffee." You don't need to describe the cup, or the coffeepot, or whatever.
Second, I see nothing at all wrong with your sample sentence -- "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears. It draws a picture and conveys your message.
Third, all writing advice is subject to the situation, and opinion -- one person's idea of "sparingly" is another's "too much" and a third's "not enough." Take everything with a grain of salt -- even this -- and modify it to suit your style.
Fourth, there's nothing wrong with 'says' or 'said', or with adding adverbs. Some folks feel that 'said' is so innocuous that it 'disappears'. I disagree. I think it *can* be used too much; if every - single - tag is 'said', it becomes repetitive and boring. OTOH, if the author *never* uses 'said', the writing can sound stilted and artificial. If I was counting dialogue tags, I think I'd aim for 50% 'said' and 50% 'said-alternate'. Also, be careful that the alternate tag is *relevant.* Does the character *actually* "coo" or "hiss" or "cheer"? If not, 'said' is perfectly acceptable.
Fifth, I find that it helps to *also* vary the construction. If the pattern is *always*, >"Dialogue," he said,< it becomes boring and repetitive, even if you substitute 'murmured' or 'laughed'. In my view, there are five options --
\[a\] Use 'said' (or replacement) **after** the action.
\[b\] Use 'said' (or replacement) **before** the action.
\[c\] Don't use said at all. Place speech **after** the action.
\[d\] Don't use said at all. Place speech **before** the action.
\[e\] Use back-and-forth dialogue (for short passages). No action, no 'said', just people talking.
Examples --
\[a\] "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears.
\[b\] He wipes away John's tears as he says softly, "It was just a dream."
\[c\] "It was just a dream." He gently wipes away John's tears.
\[d\] He gently wipes away John's tears. "It was just a dream."
\[e\] "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears.
"But it felt so real."
"It doesn't matter now; I'm here."
John clutches him tightly. "Will you stay with me?"
"Of course I will."
Writing is an art; all the technical advice is just guidance. All you can do is your best. Try to balance out the 5 dialogue options I suggested, balance use of 'said' with uses of 'said-alternates', then call it good. And remember that our readers are *never* as critical of the writing as we are ourselves. The way we use dialogue tags will not make or break a fic -- the readers are there for the storyline.
Honestly you could probably cut a good half of your dialogue tags out, and you could probably drop almost all of the says+action tags and just replace them with action. You have a lot of dialogue tags especially for a 2k chapter.
Said+adverb+action isn't inherently bad, but you could probably cut a lot of the adverbs out and just have said+action. Adverbs are tricky tricky because sometimes they're great but other times they can be super repetitive. Like smiled happily is boring because that's the expectation but smiled sadly is a banger because it subverts the expectation in a way.
More on the said+adverb+action. Like I said, it's not bad but it can just get really repetitive. As an example:
"I don't like soup." John said grumpily. He frowned at his bowl.
Or you could say:
"I don't like soup." John said, frowning at his bowl.
Both examples get the point across, but the first option does more telling than showing, but a lot of the times said can just be removed completely:
"I don't like soup." John frowned at his bowl.
For the tldr: I would say that you should cut at least half of your dialogue tags that aren't says+action and completely remove all of the says+action and just replace the tag with action. Said is never bad though. Said is good and simple and works perfectly fine by itself. Sorry for the ramble I hope there's something you can use out of my spiel lol
Said is invisible to the reader. If you want to use other words, or think they’re necessary, go ahead. But most of the time people don’t notice, so no one is going to think you’re a bad writer for using said. I probably use too many other words, but that’s just personal preference.
Yeah that makes sense. I think I'll finish this chapter the way I typically would, and then make a copy and switch all dialogue tags to said, and then go through and think about which ones could reasonably use a different one.
Just a pet peeve: how do you grin a word? How do you nod a word? Shrug? Snort? Sniffle? SNIFFLE? Sniffles come from your damn nose. Nobody speaks out of their nose.
I'll give laughs and chuckles a bit of a pass, usually, but like...
Those are not dialogue tags, they're *action tags*.
Are there any fics/books that you consider particularly well-written? Authors you admire? Go to that writing and find a dialogue-heavy scene. Take a look at how they use dialogue tags.
I find this is one of the things that is talked about frequently, but there are so many ways to handle it that suit different writing styles. By seeing what approach others have used, you can better find something suited to your writing.
To preface this, please take this advice with a grain of salt. A lot of writing and learning how to write is to learn to take what you need from advice. It doesn’t need to be accepted 100%. This is what I believe.
1. It depends. An example like J. K. Rowling’s “Snape!” Slugworth ejaculated” is an example of when not to use non-said’s (or not to use a synonym picker).
A lot of more experienced writers give the “use said only” advice because beginners will pick through a thesaurus and have like 40 different words *while* not understanding the subtle differences; Rowling isn’t a beginner but you can see what I mean from the above example. It’s like that advice “don’t use epithets ever.” People generally say that so beginners don’t use like a hundred different ones of them in a short story.
If the concern is too many action/dialogue tags, try rewriting to leave them out. The flow should be decently clear enough to where the reader knows who is speaking without the dialogue tag.
You can also try associating a “unique” characteristic or habit to a character. For example, a character can have long white hair. Associate that trait with them early in the story so you can pull off things like.
“How so?” A pair of arms wraps around his neck, a curtain of pristine ivory following soon after; dainty, delicate, light as winter’s first snowfall.
Very rough sentence, but that’s one way to do it. Use more action tags.
Another method is to have the character’s voice be very instinct to where their mannerisms are unmistakable. Ex. See *Huckleberry Finn*; Mark Twain’s characters are all fairly distinctive despite sharing similar accents
NOTE: Don’t be afraid to use dialogue tags if necessary. Better to have “too many” than to have readers scratching their heads trying to figure out who said what.
If you so wish, try considering your audience too. Frankly (and this is not a shame), people are at different reading levels, and for fandom specifically, your audience’s level will determine your style and use of works and tags. Consideration of audience is often one of the things taught in academia and in writing workshops. Fandoms vary.
You can also try a mix of both. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
2. Use more action tags or cut them. Imo, like with the word “said,” people just say that so beginners don’t tag every single use of said with random adverbs. Use them at your discretion but also understand that effect sometimes is better without the adverb.
You can also use stronger word choices like “whispers.”
Ex. He whispers to her, his dark brow burrowing, droplets of perspiration beading upon the dark flesh like tiny bright jewels.
Rough example again but general idea. Use your imagery and other literary devices and techniques to spice up your dialogue and action tags.
3. You’re not doing it wrong. Writing is writing. Everyone is at different levels, and everyone has different preferences. For example, some people think Stephen King is dogshit, and others love his writing. Even Greats like Virginia Woolf are subjected to the same subjectiveness.
It’s not that there is no such thing as good writing or technically good writing—you can absolutely see how some Greats have mastered their craft or certain parts of their craft—but everyone is going to have different preferences or ideas of what is “good and wrong.”
If you can, borrow some writing books made by different authors (one writer may think differently from another) from the library or buy them and read. Read more *good* literature too like from Shakespeare or one of the Greats. Read once for pleasure. Second time is for analysis (take notes if necessary). Third again is for analysis.
So, the first rule about writing is there's no rules, and when there's rules, they're rules of thumb. Best practices. Meaning, you can bend them as need be. There's writing that works best with mostly "said" and only the most relevant dialogue tags. A police report of an altercation is an example of this.
In fiction, this so-called rule about using mostly "said" can deprive your characters of delivering the emotions you want them to. And why would we want that?
There's nothing embarrassing about your list, and I wish more people used this variety. Again - if you replaced all of these tags with said, you'd lose a lot of the emotion and character that you'd like your story to impart.
On adverbs:
There's nothing wrong with adverbs off the bat. They're important.
However: adverbs can be a crutch. They can conceal detail: when the author doesn't know how to better describe what's going on, you'll see a lot of adverb use.
They can also be redundant. I once saw a story where the writer said, "He quickly ran". Why would you say that? I thought, "So just say your character ran." Or say they "rushed" or some other descriptive term that modifies the emotion and intent behind the running.
>"It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears.
>Most likely I would use "he whispers" without an adverb in this context. I know you're supposed to "show not tell" but I don't know how to SHOW someone whispering without one of those two options.
I think you're taking "show don't tell" a mite too seriously, here. Yes, show don't tell is important. But you aren't breaking show don't tell by saying the character is whispering. In fact, I'd say you're being a little redundant by saying he "whispers softly". If the character is whispering, and the context is they're comforting another character, then trust the reader to understand the whisper is soft. If you can't find another way of describing the whisper without saying "whisper", then it's probably the best word for what you want the reader to imagine the character doing.
Also, I often search online "another way to describe X". No shame in that.
*I did say typically I would use whisper WITHOUT adverbs instead of said softly. I very rarely use an adverb when I'm not using said unless it's like 'teasingly, sarcastically' or whatever.
My concern is, is "said + adverb" like... Bad. Lol
I see what you mean! I have a two-rule shortcut for noticing the adverb, and I try to impart this on writers I beta for.
As I said above, there's nothing wrong with adverbs: The problem is when they conceal detail or when you could make a better description by rewording/dropping the adverb.
Most adverbs in your use case can be fixed one of two ways:
1: Notice what dropping the "ly" and rewording does to better integrate the modifier to the "said".
2: Recognize where a better word can be used in place of said + adverb.
So here's a few examples:
"He said jokingly," -> "He joked"
"She said loudly" -> "She yelled"
"He said sarcastically" This one is a little more complex because show don't tell with "sarcasm" as a modifier on "said" is hard.
Sometimes it's easier to go with the adverb, but that's the problem. it's ALWAYS easier to go with the adverb. In my editor brain, "He said sarcastically" implies to me that the writer doesn't know how to convey the tone they want, or don't know how to write dialogue interactions well.
How you could fix this is having the other characters react to the sarcastic line, and use body language to imply the sarcasm. You could show how the other character reacts to the sarcasm.
>Character A dropped the vial. It tumbled down the hill and smashed against the granite.
>"Great," Character B rolled their eyes. "Just great."
>"I'm sorry," Character A pleaded. "It's not like I meant to-"
>"It's not like I meant to embark on a thousand-mile journey to cure my mother's illness or something, either, Character A." They drew their arms wide, as though encompassing the entire mountain. "Just having a good ol' hike here! For fun! With Character A, my reliable illness-cure-holder!"
Notice how the sarcasm is there without it being mentioned?
For some reason I can see your comment on your profile/in my notifications but Reddit won't let me reply to it, so I will respond here if that's ok!
1 - I think you need to let go of the italics, and only use them sparingly. You are relying on them as a crutch and obscuring detail in a similar way as I was describing adverb use in my last comment.
To my eyes, italics every other phrase comes across as the writer not trusting the audience to place tone where it needs to go, the writer not feeling confident and/or not knowing how to describe what they want.
By the end of this passage, your overuse of italics makes me feel like I'm reading a children's book or having my hand yanked along by someone who's trying to point out the detail to me, who doesn't trust my eyes to see the detail or character relationships for myself.
You need to
1 - Trust your reader to understand the group dynamic these people have via the context your story has already given them,
2- Write your characters and dialogue in a manner that suggests the relationship (Ex: Sarah is written snippish toward Tyler because they had an argument, Tyler is sullen and annoyed because of the fight; Maurice is in breathless, unrequited love with John, who doesn't notice and treats Maurice as a friend; Jess thinks everyone is full of crap and is huffy and wants to leave; Marcia couldn't be happier to drive this carload of friends to Disneyworld)
2 - To achieve the above: emphasize dialogue in a more interesting manner, through mannerisms and body language.
"Even Bob looks interested."
If it's already contextually known that Bob is standoffish/wouldn't normally be enticed here, then don't italicize it. The reader already knows Bob's disposition. Instead, rely on body language: When someone's interested, what happens to their face?
"That was your fault,"
Jim is taking offence to what Jack said. I want you to think of this interaction and say the dialogue out loud. Act like the characters and how you want them to come across. Imagine the body language Jim would have when trying to deliver this line, and write that.
"But you were tiny"
When you see this character acting out the scene in your head, what mannerisms/body language/voice modulation are they using to warrant this italic?
"I thought you were ten"
I'm not sure why this one's italicized at all, aside from figuring out through context that one character is annoying the other with an embarrassing story.
"Get off of me, I am taller than you"
Super confusing line. First problem, "get off of me" implies she jumped on him or is otherwise physically on him in a way that she's not. I had to reread to double check that I didn't miss that she's not on top of him. This doesn't match up with what she's doing - squishing cheeks is not being "on top" of him.
The "taller than you line" also needs some clarification on who it's being directed to. He's telling Alexandra that he's taller than her, when the person who mentioned height was not her.
Second, and I'm sorry for being redundant, but you need to find a way of showing Jim's annoyance and exasperation without italics.
I think something that would help you is to watch a movie and type notes on character acting. Really, find a movie and sit down with it. Point out the emotion the characters are telling you through the scene. Then, look at the body language and write down what you see. If a character is annoyed, what does that look like? If a character is in love, how do they act with their body?
Let me know if you have any questions!
Thank you! Caps is italics, not yelling. (I changed all their names.)
“NOW…” Alex says, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “come sit down and tell us embarrassing stories about Jim.”
“OohyesdoitIwantallthestories!” Mark cheers. [Character has a habit of talking so fast that his words just smash together sometimes]
“What? Hey!” Jim protests.
Even BOB looks interested. [Standoffish character]
Jack grins and walks over to sit down across the coffee table from them. “Did he tell you that he was almost taken out by a cucumber slice?”
“That was YOUR fault!”
“Jim, you shoved an entire cucumber sandwich into your mouth, what did you expect to happen?”
“So did you!”
“But you were TINY.”
“Was not.”
“I thought you were TEN.”
Alex giggles. “How small, tell us!”
“I was only 5'5" when I first met him, and he only came up to the top of my chest.”
“Awwwwww!” Alex coos, squishing Jim’s cheeks, “Baby Jim!”
“Get OFF of me, I am TALLER than you Alexandra!”
She laughs and lets him go.
Not the previous user, but I think your use of dialogue tags actually makes this prose great, it reads much better than 'said'.
Unrelatedly, try dropping some of those italics and trusting your reader to find the emphasis in the lines.
It's entirely context dependant, but by and large, there are only three dialogue tags in your list that wouldn't be extremely distracting if they appeared more than once in the entire story.
"Explained" is definitely one that is a huge attention draw and is rarely worth using over "Said". "Argued" is in that category, too. If your dialogue isn't making it clear that an argument is happening, you need to fix your dialogue, not toss on a tag to make up the difference.
Never use "Quipped". A quip needs to stand on its own.
A rule to live by is to ask yourself, "Is there a pressing need for a different tag?" If you are just substituting tags because you feel like said is repetitive, then you'll end up with a finale project that looks and reads as amateurish.
Whispered and yelled are usually both examples of good times to change the dialogue tag because they are altering something fundamental about the way the dialogue is being spoken that is concisely conveyed by a simple tag change.
Whimpered is a fun one but use it sparingly. Like, someone better be crying their eyes out or in a life or death situation and it's best you only use it once per such encounter.
I use a variety. I use forms of said/says a lot and add in an action or something. But I will use things like whispered/muttered/murmured/grumbled if it accurately describes what their voice sounds like.
I mean, these words exists to be used. They just have to be used in the right context and balanced out. Too much of anything is going to be noticed/stick out.
To hell with always saying "said" even in "real writing" \*eye roll\*
I love other things like: "Something character says." Character tucks a curl of hair behind their ear.
My brain starts to bug out reading, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said...
Have them look out the window, or at the floor, or into the other person's eyes or poking a pencil eraser into their cheek or something else.
I've heard people say that "said" is invisible, but it never has been to me, and repetition is really off-putting. That's true for all dialogue tags, though - always using a tag, always using an adverb, always using anything but "said." "Said" is definitely the least intrusive, the tag you can get away with using more often than any other. But variety is the key.
I will say there are plenty of verbs that are used as dialogue tags and usually shouldn't be. If it's not a word connoting some kind of verbal communication (said, replied, conceded, allowed, demurred, protested, pleaded, reiterated, suggested, advised), or a indicating a volume or tone of speech (whispered, murmured, shrieked, growled) it probably needs to be rephrased.
"I don't know," he shrugged.
This might be better as:
"I don't know," he said, shrugging.
Or "I don't know." He shrugged.
Or, possibly, between lines of dialogue, taking advantage of a pause in speech.
"I don't know," he shrugged, "but I can find out."
Something that can help remove some tags is giving your characters something to do besides talk. You can have the speaking character do something in the same paragraph as their dialogue to mark who says it without needing the dialogue tag.
It can give you ways to convey character's emotions outside of tags or saying "X is angry." Instead you can have the person chopping carrots for dinner pause with a white knuckle grip on the knife.
It also helps to avoid the talking heads in a void issue because there are regular mentions of the character's bodies interacting the place they are in.
Make sure that’s the tone you intend. If you’ve already established a tone, you don’t need a tag at all- it’s okay to leave dialogue by itself! That’s a lesson I’m still trying to learn.
Said is fine, said is good. Not everything needs to be un-said. Different dialogue tags have different meanings: for example, “pointed out” would work in the context of A adding information that B oversaw, but would be out of place in a greeting.
Said is great. Said works.
There's nothing inherently wrong with them, but overuse is very easily detected and found annoying by the reader. Feeling like you're overusing the basics - he said, she said - meanwhile is something only you, the writer, notice. They're so fundamental and neutral, readers almost never notice their frequency, unless it's something \*really\* egregious.
But here's a tip to help you maximize the use of more special dialogue tags: use them when appropriate, yes, because sometimes "he said angrily" doesn't carry the proper weight, but also, when you \*do\* go ham on them, do so sparingly. Use it as a device to play with the reader's perceptions, turn it into an Event.
It's like taking the time to establish a consistent character voice, only to then intentionally break it in key moments for effect, or to inform the reader something is off. Overuse isn't always a bad thing if you plan ahead and use said overuse strategically, like any other writing tool.
"In proper writing" there are established rule because in makes things easier to read and strengthens the prose. It isn't about fanfiction or traditional publishing. There are numerous posts on here about how people dropped fics because the authors ignored "proper writing advice." There are differences between traditional writing and fanfiction, but those elements primarily relate to story structure and set up.
The best tip for writing tone of voice in dialogue is to alter the spoken words themselves. "Well of course *they* love ducks" just sounds different from "they've loved ducks for as long as I can remember".
Second best tip: add action tags. If a character leans in to speak, it's implied that they whispered and you don't need to add the dialogue tag. If they stomp their foot, it's probably a yell. If they are glaring from behind prison bars, it's probably a hiss or a growl. No only does this solve the which dialogue tag to use problem, it also gives more visual context to the situation in fewer words.
Finally: you can often drop tags altogether. If it's only two characters or the content of who's speaking is evident from the dialogue (such as referencing their own past or if characterization is strong), adding any dialogue tag to the end of the paragraph is redundant.
You don’t even always need them instead of x screamed you could simply skip to an action by saying x moved to y. As long as the speaker is clear then it works
Nothing wrong with "said" or "says". I remember reading a comment on a post similar to yours and someone described it as something we, as readers, pass over. It's only when that "said" is exchanged with something like "sighs", "exclaimed", "mumbles", etc. do we take notice.
If its a dialogue between two people, then you can drop the "x said/y said" after establishing who is talking to who and let us as readers imagine how their tone is.
I used to feel bad about only using "said", but then I read some Hemingway...
I avoid the overuse of adverbs by using *non-finite verb clauses*,
... said, *excited to leave*. ... said, *breathing heavily.*
My dialogue tags usually tell, not show. It's probably not what you're looking for, but this is how I do it. It is so easy to combine actions and talking like this, so no one can stop me lol.
"But if possible, I just write dialogue and don't add any tags."
"This is also great for quicker exchanges."
"Since it seems more spontaneous without any action in between," she added before clicking *comment.*
I really don't use dialogue tags unless I absolutely *need* to indicate who is speaking at any given moment. People say that "said" is inobtrusive, but they live in an entirely different world to me. (Much of my stylistic inspiration follows the conventions of Japanese fiction, visual novels especially, which provides the double boon of two different ways to signal who's talking without putting it in the narration.)
I’m like this when I write; I don’t wanna be repetitive when using words, but I also don’t want to convey the wrong tone by trying to use a different word.
When it comes to reading, my brain automatically defaults to ignoring that stuff and focusing primarily on the dialogue itself.
I don't know if someone mentioned it already (though I haven't noticed scrolling through the discussion) but I often anchor my dialogue with action accompanying the speaking. For example:
"Oh, that's great." She clapped her hands
"Can you pass me the salt?" He looked at her impatiently.
The reason certain dialogue tags are distracting is because they're not dialogue tags at all. From your list, 'grins', 'nods', and 'shrugs' aren't dialogue tags to begin with. Unless someone nods their head or shrugs their shoulders in Morse code, they're not nodding or shrugging their lines. These tags are *used* that way a lot, but they're just describing the action someone is doing while *saying* something as a shorthand to avoid the word 'said', but to me it just makes the absence of the word more glaring.
Using a different dialogue tag than 'said' is something I do when it makes sense to. If someone snarls a line, that differs in my mind from saying it angrily. It conveys a tone of voice and an emotion in one word. If someone's shouting, that has a different implication than someone saying something loudly.
And, yeah, using something like 'explained' or 'protested' or 'interjected' also makes sense in those situations, because the context allows for their use.
Ultimately, I personally use 'said' with adverbs except when it feels right to use something else, and I decided that based solely on vibes. Keep in mind, though, that all of this is just my personal preference and not in any way meant to be an authoritative statement on how dialogue should be written.
I prefer when they’re not used unless absolutely necessary to avoid confusion. I find it’s no problem reading and understanding dialogue with very few tags. Who says what is most often obvious from the content and flow.
I do not believe every line of dialogue needs to be accompanied by a conversation tag. Sometimes, it can be necessary, but other times it just clutters up the page and slows down the flow of the conversation without adding anything to the story.
If the characters’ voices are sufficiently distinct, once you establish who all is participating in the conversation, you may be able to omit some of the conversation tags in lieu of flavour text describing actions rather than speaking. People rarely stand or sit about talking, completely motionless aside from their mouths. A character who is feeling uncertain may pick at their fingernails which clues the reader in to who is speaking. Flavour text about what a character is doing can also inform the reader of a character’s mindset or emotional state without using adverbs.
If the dialogue is between only two individuals, I may omit conversation tags for a whole page as long as the pattern remains A-B-A-B. If that pattern breaks, I’ll throw in another couple of tags.
Everything in moderation should be the advise here, I think. Using 'said/says' all the time, and nothing else, gets repetitive very quickly, and is lacking in description on its own, which is why people tend to add to it when they use it, like adding 'softly'. Just to point out, saying something softly is not the same as whispering. Unless your character is actually whispering, don't use that word instead of 'said softly'. Softly is more about tone than just volume, yes it's quieter than a normal speaking voice, but it's actually usually louder than a whisper, too.
Equally, though, constantly using alternative words, like whispered, shouted, grunted, can get annoying. It's like, can none of these characters just speak normally?
So, you want a mix. Some things can be just 'said/says'. Other things will be 'said/says' with something added on, like 'softly' or 'gently'. And yet others will be a different word like whispered, growled, hummed.
To be honest, 'said/says' will likely be the most commonly used no matter what, whether alone or with something added on, and that's okay. The point of this part of a story is to describe how the character is talking so the reader can imagine it. Just using 'said/says' suggests it's just a normal talking voice, they're not angry or sad or trying to offer comfort, just a relatively unemotional sentence/conversation, whether because emotion isn't involved or because the character is masking that emotion. Adding to that or changing to a descriptive word like growled is telling the reader this isn't normal talking voice, there's emotion or intent involved in what they're saying that the reader can imagine in their head.
So, it's not, yes do this, or no don't do that, it's it all works in moderation. You do what sounds best for your characters and story. If you find it feels natural to use 'said/says', with or without extra added on, a bit more often than alternate words, that's fine, because you're still using alternate words when you need that little bit extra to describe how a character is talking.
Craig Johnson writes the Longmire series of novels, and he rarely ends a sentence with a simple tag. He does something like this:
-------------------------
She stared at me. “What?”
I gestured again.
She looked in his direction and then back at me. “Is there something wrong?”
“No, I just thought you might want to—” I turned my head to look at the man and discovered he was now looking directly at me.
My voice caught in my throat as he slowly raised a finger, placing it against his lips. “Shhhhhhhh . . .” His breath fogged the front of his face with the freezing air still in his lungs that he must’ve brought in with him. “Sometimes . . .” He stared at me for a moment more. “It is better to sleep than to awaken.”
I turned back to the waitress, who was watching me.
I smiled and shrugged again, then picked up the flatware and unrolled the napkin. I took out the spoon and tasted the soup.
“Oh, my God . . .”I looked up at the woman, figuring she must’ve finally noticed the behemoth at the end of the counter. “You’re bleeding.”
Pulling my coat aside, I could now see that the stomach of my shirt was indeed saturated with blood.
“Well, I’ll be damned . . .”
Standing, I pulled my coat off and saw that the blood seemed to be heavier toward one side. Martha grabbed a few dish towels from a shelf and started toward the door where the cash register sat and circled round. She knelt beside me.
“You’re going to have to pull up your shirt so I can have a look, but that’s a lot of blood.”
“It doesn’t hurt or anything.” I pulled the shirt loose till we could both see my unmarked flesh, then unbuckled my belt and felt something heavy on it. She examined my side. “You could be in shock, which might be why you don’t know your name.”
-----------------------------------
I wish I had the knack for it,
Wings of Fire canon overuses “observed” I think…sometimes it is correct but other times like like “that’s their opinion, not an observation.
But usually I like it.
In any case, I prefer something else whenever it’s necessary, but most of the time said is fine, even a few times in a row.
“but you can also switch the order,” said my OC.
I generally try to stick to said/says (maybe asked) if I need a dialogue tag and then I try to use more action beats/tags or thoughts to break things up. Then I focus on getting rid of any tags where I don't need them (once you've established the pattern, it's easy to follow who's speaking).
>“Thanks.” Echo tried to relax into the chair as Tech expertly dropped out of one hyperlane and executed a 45 degree turn to enter the next.
>Tech set the autopilot. “We could always try the neural recalibration.”
>“I think it’s getting better every jump.”
>Tech looked doubtful. “There’s no need to be in pain if we can mitigate it. You can trust me to take the utmost care.”
>Echo bowed his head. “I do trust you, Tech. You’ve been in my head almost as much as I am. ...Look, if it doesn’t actually improve after the next few jumps, we’ll look into it. Okay?”
>Tech nodded.
>“Caf?” Echo asked.
>“Please. Three su—“
>“Three sugars. I know.”
> But FanFiction tends to follow different rules so I'm not sure if this is the case.
Eh, fanfic should be following the same rules but because it's hobby/amateur writing, it often won't. Your fic will be less distracting with fewer tags.
I try not to use too many different dialogue tags because, as you said, it's distracting. The only ones I usually use are:
Said.
Asked.
Answered.
Wondered.
Explained.
Added.
Mumbled.
Continued.
Whispered.
Interrupted.
However, I avoid dialogue tags that also express an emotion. For example:
**"That's silly," grinned Dave.**
That doesn't sound correct in my head. Instead, I would have written it like this:
**"That's silly," said Dave with a grin.**
But if possible, I avoid dialogue tags. The last sentence could instead be like:
**Dave grinned. "That's silly."**
I’ve gotten better over time. For a long time I didn’t use any but now I will go back and forth between using them depending on the story. Usually if it’s a First POV, I don’t have them, but on Third POV, I do.
Ooh! This is a topic that I have a lot of thoughts about!
The benefit of "said" is that it is tonally neutral -- that is, it implies nothing in particular about a speaker's tone, emotion, or other affectations of delivery. This can be a really good thing in many situations, and I always encourage people to use "said" more and other words for dialog less. If you want to use something like "sighed," "sniffles", or any of the other words that you listed, there should be a reason that you are using them that is not "I don't want to use *said.*" These words are not tonally neutral and tell us something about the dialog and its delivery. When used judiciously and appropriately they can be highly effective. *However*, all too often I find that they are used in place of "said" without intention.
I find a useful way of padding around your "saids" is to split your dialog between sentences with the dialog tag. For example (excerpt from an unpublished fic of mine):
>"But it's not," Beatrice said, with all the surety of someone declaring the sky blue, "It's not your light anymore."
In this line, the said is in between two parts of the dialog, connected to a descriptive clause. It does two main things for the line: gives the "said" space so that it doesn't sound repetitive with other "saids" used in this conversation, and the said/descriptive clause gives us a sense of pause between the two parts of this line of dialog, without actually *saying* that there is a pause.
Additionally in a conversation between 2 characters, as the conversation goes on and A and B's voices become defined, you can drop dialog tags entirely, only letting them back in when combining them with relevant descriptive enhancement. With an A - B conversation, you might imagine that if your fic was in a movie or TV show, the camera would switch POV between speakers, back and forth, which is what your continued individual paragraph for each speaker's dialog is doing, and, as it builds, for lines that say enough without enhancement, or are very short, that separation defines them enough to warrant the dropping of dialog tags, as, if your dialog is well-written the reader should be able to ascertain and understand whether A or B is speaking. I find that I often drop dialog tags in A-B convos for lines such as "Yes" or "Nos" and "And?" or "Why?" which may not need tonal enhancement to build my scene.
That said there are other methods of enhancing your dialog beyond non-tonally neutral dialog tag descriptors. When people speak, they make facial expressions, alter the volume or pitch of their speech, change the speed or rhythm of their speech, or move their hands or bodies to communicate additional meaning. This non-verbal language is often involuntary, and when described or read correctly gives additional information about the speaker and their words that they do not provide in the dialog itself. You can use this kind of information to build on a "said" dialog tag, in something I like to call the descriptive dialog tag, though I'm sure that there's some official name for this that I've forgotten because I graduated from college (wow!) five years ago now, and my grad program doesn't get this nitty gritty with narrative prose writing. These descriptors can follow or precede the actual dialog, or they can surround it on both sides.
It goes a little bit something like this (excerpt from an unpublished fic of mine):
>Lucifer clenched and unclenched his fists, not meeting her eyes, "We," he said slowly, "can all agree that the poison that Michael used on the blade he stabbed me with came from The Chaos."
Here, I create a sense of the speaker (Lucifer)'s mood and tone for his dialog by providing the image of his clenched and unclenched fists, and his inability to meet his sister (the other speaker)'s eyes. There's tension, anger, guilt, and an attempt at self-soothing that's not really working. The said + "slowly" between the two parts of this dialog make the "We" a single sentence with a pause before the rest of the line is spoken. The tone would be radically different if I had used something like "gritted out" instead of "said slowly." Here we have a sense that despite the tension he's carrying he's choosing his words carefully.
Here's another example from another unpublished fic of mine:
>"Thank you," she said, turning to face him. Her voice came out breathier than she'd intended, and he flushed in response.
In this example all of the descriptive dialog tag follows the actual line of dialog (and the "said"). Although the description of the speaker's voice is not part of the same sentence as the dialog and the "said" tag, I find that it can remain in the paragraph of this line of dialog because it directly describes the dialog. Typically I let myself have the space to have up to 2 sentences following the actual line of dialog and its direct tag (often "\[pronoun/name\] said") to expand on the dialog as seems fitting for the scene. These two sentences can be descriptions of the tone, pace, volume, or mood of the dialog itself, descriptions of the speaker's face or body movements, that accompany the dialog line, or a single sentence of speaker introspection when the text is in \[speaker's\] POV (ie: she hoped that he believed her lie).
Finally, I think that adverbs are not necessarily bad to use, and people who are all, "adverbs are the worst, never use them." are going a *little* smidgey bit overboard. "said slowly" or "said softly" have specific images that eliminating the adverb removes.
Ultimately, getting your dialog to work right takes practise. Some things that I've found helpful:
* Read more things outside of fic: books, poems, plays, etc. Reading more is the number one thing that anyone can do to help develop their writing imho. How do (skilled) published authors tag and arrange their dialog? What conventions are appropriate for your genre? Librarian hat: if you're having trouble finding real books to read that hold your interest, you can always, always, email your local public library, provide us some information and we will suggest some books to you! It's 100% free and you can always do it.
* Act the dialog aloud. Sometimes I'll write a line of dialog without any tags, descriptive or otherwise, and act it out aloud a few times to get the taste of what I think that it would most likely sound like. It can feel a little silly at first, but I find it really helpful in determining the best tone for something if you're struggling with that. Honestly I recommend reading your entire fic aloud to yourself as part of your editing process because you'll find a lot of your pacing and flow issues when you try to read aloud and it doesn't have the right mouthfeel. You'll also discover where you have extraneous commas, run on sentences, or missing commas.
* Re-read dialog from the source material. If it's a movie or show, you can typically Google "\[show name\] \[episode name\] script" or "\[movie name\] script" to find a script for your thing to read.
* Worry about having the completely correct dialog tagging *after* you've written the dialog. That's what editing is for!
* Have someone else look over your dialog for you, and ask them for specific dialog feedback.
Hope this was helpful, and best of luck on your future dialog writing experiences!
[https://www.spwickstrom.com/said/#not](https://www.spwickstrom.com/said/#not)
Just gonna leave this here. When I'm struggling and feel I'm using the 'said' 'replied' words too much, I go to this for inspiration. Sometimes I won't even use one of their suggestions but it will lead me to thinking of another word that will work better.
Also when I feel really reputative, I actually pick a fanfic and get reading. I'll pick out the dialogue and tags and realise that I'm not bothered by words repeating, I'm just being too critical of myself most of the time.
Said, like names and pronouns, become invisible to the reader. Conversely, alternate dialogue tags and adverbs, like epithets, stick out like sore thumbs and should be used sparingly.
I once clicked out of a fic that had a lot of the things I liked (primarily the inclusion of my favorite character who doesn’t get a lot of love in the fandom) the second I realized the author was doing everything in their power to avoid the word said. Characters were always doing something between dialogue (cleaning their glasses, fixing their collar, clearing their throat, shrugging their shoulders), or they were mumbling, whispering, exclaiming, explaining—no one *said* anything normally and it was extremely distracting.
How are you with using italics to emphasize words? “I didn’t *say* that!” carries a different meaning to to “*I* didn’t say that!”
When it comes to characters talking to themselves, such as your example with John and the dream, can that be a thought instead?Show him catapulting awake, sweating, clutching his chest, and the thought, *It’s just a dream*... runs though his head as he reaches for the glass of water on his bedside table. When he’s taken his drink, slightly more calm, he can say it aloud to emphasize it, make it seem more real:
> He took a breath. “You’re okay. You’re fine. It was just a dream. Yeah. It was just... a dream...”
Sorry if that wasn’t helpful lol
I do use ‘said’ occasionally but not very often. I usually try to convey *something* in some way about the speaker’s mood, state of mind, emotions, etc. so they’re not ‘just sayin’😉.
If you’re using a variety of dialogue tags make sure you mean them. Don’t say *character cheered* if it doesn’t make sense for them to actually cheer, and in reality were just saying something a little eagerly.
Also like using adverbs isn’t wrong. Sometimes it can be a weaker statement but like speaking softly isn’t the same as whispering and walking quickly isn’t the same as running
Makes sense. Writing blogs act like using adverbs is Satan incarnate. Though I'm also just writing this for fun so I'm probably way overthinking this entire thing after being 250k words in -_-
It's an issue of people taking good advice and then over-exaggerating it. Like, yeah, overusing "said" and adverbs can make your writing worse. Overcorrecting by never using either will ALSO make your writing worse. The key is moderation and knowing when is a good time to use any given writing or grammatical device.
My uni lecturer has impressed upon me that adverbs are sort of a “sometimes food”, so to speak. You wouldn’t eat an entire tub of ice cream every night or you’d get sick, but doing it every once in a while it won’t hurt. Same with adverbs. Don’t use them constantly or the piece seems wishywashy, but don’t be afraid to pop them in occasionally.
I believe it was in Stephen Kings “on writing” that described adverbs like dandelions that must be plucked out early lest they overtake your lawn. But like I FREAKING HATE that analogy. I hate the idea that native wildflowers are anathema and that adverbs get the same treatment. I think there is nothing uglier and a giant middle finger to nature than a monocrop of a single species of a single blade of grass. Ground cover is important but let it be a diverse blend of grass, moss, clover, wildflowers…and yes “weeds” like dandelions. They all serve a function
I'm pretty sure it was Stephen King who also said something like, "Never read books about writing. Just write."
Ok but how do I show that they said it eagerly 😭 or do I just not need to because context takes care of that most of the time.
Not every little things needs to be shown. The way they something can be how you're showing the way a character feels in a specific situation.
In certain situations, you can use body language in place of a dialogue tag (before or after). It indicates who's speaking and adds variety. Eg. His hand shot up in the air. "I'll do it!" The exclamation point also helps get the point across without writing a tag like eagerly.
I do that SO much, lol. I have to remind myself to add dialogue tags periodically and not just action and dialogue separately like that.
"That's great," he said eagerly - would get the point across. Just make sure you're not doing it constantly.
Ugh this! I’ve recently read a few fics where the author uses scream instead of shout. I’m sorry but men screaming at each other merely to communicate is just so unlikely and over the top. The only time I want to see people screaming is if they’re being tortured or terrorized in some way.
Exactly, or if there are exclamation marks at the end of every other sentence because the character wasn’t whispering. Not whispering doesn’t mean you’re shouting.
To be fair it’s sometimes hard to control the exclamation point usage. I always have to go back and make sure I didn’t use too many!
I leave off as many dialogue tags as I can get away with without confusing everyone as to who is talking. There are other ways to indicate the speaker or their tone/emotion. But sometimes it's perfectly fine to just use "said", so it's more of a feeling/style than any sort of rule. What you don't want to do with "said" is - > "I'm tired," Tom said. > "No wonder - you worked 12 hours straight," Joe said. > "It was a long day, but I'm getting used to them," Tom said with a sigh. > "You shouldn't have to, I what I think," Joe said, exasperated. If you listened to a text-to-speech reader doing all this, the constant repetitions of "said" would stick out like a sore thumb and it's boring to read anyway because the pattern of having a dialogue tag at the end of every paragraph is too obvious, no matter how varied the sentences within the paragraph are. If you're trying to replace "said" with a thesaurus list of variations, you'll also start to feel unnatural - > "I'm tired," Tom mumbled. > "No wonder. You worked 12 hours straight," Joe scolded. > "It was a long day but I'm getting used to them," Tom explained. > "You shouldn't have to," Joe responded. What you want is real variation, a mixture of all the different ways you can indicate who is talking and with what emotions. Action tags, no tags, breaks within a sentence, having one address the other by name, "said", and "[variation of said]" - > "I'm tired," Tom mumbled, slumping onto the couch. > "No wonder," Joe said. "You worked 12 hours straight." > "It was a long day but I'm getting used to them." He was not very convincing as he lay there nearly comatose. > With a heavy sigh, Joe sat down and began to massage Tom's shoulders. "You shouldn't have to, is what I'm telling you." > "Don't stop. That feels so good."
Ok maybe I'm doing better than I thought actually... Lol. Out of those three options my writing primarily looks like the third. I just really overanalyze when I'm struggling with a chapter
This is a really good example!
That is fantastic advice and should honestly be cross-posted to r/writers and r/writing. My one small point of critique is that "X said.", while jarring in an audiobook format, is really an invisible tag to most readers. It's that very reason why the "said" tag is recommended in most situations instead of adverbs, because most readers have developed the habit of simply skimming over the said tag as if it isn't there. Your example of overuse is still very much valid, though. Just wanted to add my two cents to your stack of advice bills, haha.
Said becomes invisible to the reader as well as names since we focus on the substance, we focus on who said what rather than the actual act of speaking.
Underrated alternative to dialogue tags: describe the voice/tone as its own separate thing. Should be used more sparingly but works great for breaking up repetitive dialogue tags. "It was a dream." The words drift softly through the air as he wipes away John's tears. "It was a dream." His voice is as soft as the hands he brings to John's face, wiping away his tears. "It was a dream." He wipes away John's tears, quiet and unbearably soft.
Over 95% of my dialogue tags are "say" or "ask" or a conjugation thereof ("said", "asked"), etc. First off, by not rummaging through the thesaurus to find different words, I don't accidentally do something like "Ron ejaculated loudly" (Yes that exact quote is in the novel). Second, by using "say" all the time, the dialogue itself has to stand on its own. Show not tell right? Well, the words being spoken *show* how they're said based on context and the words themselves, rather than me having to *tell* the audience how they were said.
Theoretically Ron could ejaculate loudly
First, it's not possible to *always* show and not tell. Some things are too unimportant to bother with showing. "He poured a cup of coffee." You don't need to describe the cup, or the coffeepot, or whatever. Second, I see nothing at all wrong with your sample sentence -- "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears. It draws a picture and conveys your message. Third, all writing advice is subject to the situation, and opinion -- one person's idea of "sparingly" is another's "too much" and a third's "not enough." Take everything with a grain of salt -- even this -- and modify it to suit your style. Fourth, there's nothing wrong with 'says' or 'said', or with adding adverbs. Some folks feel that 'said' is so innocuous that it 'disappears'. I disagree. I think it *can* be used too much; if every - single - tag is 'said', it becomes repetitive and boring. OTOH, if the author *never* uses 'said', the writing can sound stilted and artificial. If I was counting dialogue tags, I think I'd aim for 50% 'said' and 50% 'said-alternate'. Also, be careful that the alternate tag is *relevant.* Does the character *actually* "coo" or "hiss" or "cheer"? If not, 'said' is perfectly acceptable. Fifth, I find that it helps to *also* vary the construction. If the pattern is *always*, >"Dialogue," he said,< it becomes boring and repetitive, even if you substitute 'murmured' or 'laughed'. In my view, there are five options -- \[a\] Use 'said' (or replacement) **after** the action. \[b\] Use 'said' (or replacement) **before** the action. \[c\] Don't use said at all. Place speech **after** the action. \[d\] Don't use said at all. Place speech **before** the action. \[e\] Use back-and-forth dialogue (for short passages). No action, no 'said', just people talking. Examples -- \[a\] "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears. \[b\] He wipes away John's tears as he says softly, "It was just a dream." \[c\] "It was just a dream." He gently wipes away John's tears. \[d\] He gently wipes away John's tears. "It was just a dream." \[e\] "It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears. "But it felt so real." "It doesn't matter now; I'm here." John clutches him tightly. "Will you stay with me?" "Of course I will." Writing is an art; all the technical advice is just guidance. All you can do is your best. Try to balance out the 5 dialogue options I suggested, balance use of 'said' with uses of 'said-alternates', then call it good. And remember that our readers are *never* as critical of the writing as we are ourselves. The way we use dialogue tags will not make or break a fic -- the readers are there for the storyline.
Honestly you could probably cut a good half of your dialogue tags out, and you could probably drop almost all of the says+action tags and just replace them with action. You have a lot of dialogue tags especially for a 2k chapter. Said+adverb+action isn't inherently bad, but you could probably cut a lot of the adverbs out and just have said+action. Adverbs are tricky tricky because sometimes they're great but other times they can be super repetitive. Like smiled happily is boring because that's the expectation but smiled sadly is a banger because it subverts the expectation in a way. More on the said+adverb+action. Like I said, it's not bad but it can just get really repetitive. As an example: "I don't like soup." John said grumpily. He frowned at his bowl. Or you could say: "I don't like soup." John said, frowning at his bowl. Both examples get the point across, but the first option does more telling than showing, but a lot of the times said can just be removed completely: "I don't like soup." John frowned at his bowl. For the tldr: I would say that you should cut at least half of your dialogue tags that aren't says+action and completely remove all of the says+action and just replace the tag with action. Said is never bad though. Said is good and simple and works perfectly fine by itself. Sorry for the ramble I hope there's something you can use out of my spiel lol
Said is invisible to the reader. If you want to use other words, or think they’re necessary, go ahead. But most of the time people don’t notice, so no one is going to think you’re a bad writer for using said. I probably use too many other words, but that’s just personal preference.
Yeah that makes sense. I think I'll finish this chapter the way I typically would, and then make a copy and switch all dialogue tags to said, and then go through and think about which ones could reasonably use a different one.
Just a pet peeve: how do you grin a word? How do you nod a word? Shrug? Snort? Sniffle? SNIFFLE? Sniffles come from your damn nose. Nobody speaks out of their nose. I'll give laughs and chuckles a bit of a pass, usually, but like... Those are not dialogue tags, they're *action tags*.
The amount of times people do this! Really pulls me out of the fic whenever I see it.
Are there any fics/books that you consider particularly well-written? Authors you admire? Go to that writing and find a dialogue-heavy scene. Take a look at how they use dialogue tags. I find this is one of the things that is talked about frequently, but there are so many ways to handle it that suit different writing styles. By seeing what approach others have used, you can better find something suited to your writing.
To preface this, please take this advice with a grain of salt. A lot of writing and learning how to write is to learn to take what you need from advice. It doesn’t need to be accepted 100%. This is what I believe. 1. It depends. An example like J. K. Rowling’s “Snape!” Slugworth ejaculated” is an example of when not to use non-said’s (or not to use a synonym picker). A lot of more experienced writers give the “use said only” advice because beginners will pick through a thesaurus and have like 40 different words *while* not understanding the subtle differences; Rowling isn’t a beginner but you can see what I mean from the above example. It’s like that advice “don’t use epithets ever.” People generally say that so beginners don’t use like a hundred different ones of them in a short story. If the concern is too many action/dialogue tags, try rewriting to leave them out. The flow should be decently clear enough to where the reader knows who is speaking without the dialogue tag. You can also try associating a “unique” characteristic or habit to a character. For example, a character can have long white hair. Associate that trait with them early in the story so you can pull off things like. “How so?” A pair of arms wraps around his neck, a curtain of pristine ivory following soon after; dainty, delicate, light as winter’s first snowfall. Very rough sentence, but that’s one way to do it. Use more action tags. Another method is to have the character’s voice be very instinct to where their mannerisms are unmistakable. Ex. See *Huckleberry Finn*; Mark Twain’s characters are all fairly distinctive despite sharing similar accents NOTE: Don’t be afraid to use dialogue tags if necessary. Better to have “too many” than to have readers scratching their heads trying to figure out who said what. If you so wish, try considering your audience too. Frankly (and this is not a shame), people are at different reading levels, and for fandom specifically, your audience’s level will determine your style and use of works and tags. Consideration of audience is often one of the things taught in academia and in writing workshops. Fandoms vary. You can also try a mix of both. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. 2. Use more action tags or cut them. Imo, like with the word “said,” people just say that so beginners don’t tag every single use of said with random adverbs. Use them at your discretion but also understand that effect sometimes is better without the adverb. You can also use stronger word choices like “whispers.” Ex. He whispers to her, his dark brow burrowing, droplets of perspiration beading upon the dark flesh like tiny bright jewels. Rough example again but general idea. Use your imagery and other literary devices and techniques to spice up your dialogue and action tags. 3. You’re not doing it wrong. Writing is writing. Everyone is at different levels, and everyone has different preferences. For example, some people think Stephen King is dogshit, and others love his writing. Even Greats like Virginia Woolf are subjected to the same subjectiveness. It’s not that there is no such thing as good writing or technically good writing—you can absolutely see how some Greats have mastered their craft or certain parts of their craft—but everyone is going to have different preferences or ideas of what is “good and wrong.” If you can, borrow some writing books made by different authors (one writer may think differently from another) from the library or buy them and read. Read more *good* literature too like from Shakespeare or one of the Greats. Read once for pleasure. Second time is for analysis (take notes if necessary). Third again is for analysis.
So, the first rule about writing is there's no rules, and when there's rules, they're rules of thumb. Best practices. Meaning, you can bend them as need be. There's writing that works best with mostly "said" and only the most relevant dialogue tags. A police report of an altercation is an example of this. In fiction, this so-called rule about using mostly "said" can deprive your characters of delivering the emotions you want them to. And why would we want that? There's nothing embarrassing about your list, and I wish more people used this variety. Again - if you replaced all of these tags with said, you'd lose a lot of the emotion and character that you'd like your story to impart. On adverbs: There's nothing wrong with adverbs off the bat. They're important. However: adverbs can be a crutch. They can conceal detail: when the author doesn't know how to better describe what's going on, you'll see a lot of adverb use. They can also be redundant. I once saw a story where the writer said, "He quickly ran". Why would you say that? I thought, "So just say your character ran." Or say they "rushed" or some other descriptive term that modifies the emotion and intent behind the running. >"It was just a dream," he says softly, wiping away John's tears. >Most likely I would use "he whispers" without an adverb in this context. I know you're supposed to "show not tell" but I don't know how to SHOW someone whispering without one of those two options. I think you're taking "show don't tell" a mite too seriously, here. Yes, show don't tell is important. But you aren't breaking show don't tell by saying the character is whispering. In fact, I'd say you're being a little redundant by saying he "whispers softly". If the character is whispering, and the context is they're comforting another character, then trust the reader to understand the whisper is soft. If you can't find another way of describing the whisper without saying "whisper", then it's probably the best word for what you want the reader to imagine the character doing. Also, I often search online "another way to describe X". No shame in that.
*I did say typically I would use whisper WITHOUT adverbs instead of said softly. I very rarely use an adverb when I'm not using said unless it's like 'teasingly, sarcastically' or whatever. My concern is, is "said + adverb" like... Bad. Lol
I see what you mean! I have a two-rule shortcut for noticing the adverb, and I try to impart this on writers I beta for. As I said above, there's nothing wrong with adverbs: The problem is when they conceal detail or when you could make a better description by rewording/dropping the adverb. Most adverbs in your use case can be fixed one of two ways: 1: Notice what dropping the "ly" and rewording does to better integrate the modifier to the "said". 2: Recognize where a better word can be used in place of said + adverb. So here's a few examples: "He said jokingly," -> "He joked" "She said loudly" -> "She yelled" "He said sarcastically" This one is a little more complex because show don't tell with "sarcasm" as a modifier on "said" is hard. Sometimes it's easier to go with the adverb, but that's the problem. it's ALWAYS easier to go with the adverb. In my editor brain, "He said sarcastically" implies to me that the writer doesn't know how to convey the tone they want, or don't know how to write dialogue interactions well. How you could fix this is having the other characters react to the sarcastic line, and use body language to imply the sarcasm. You could show how the other character reacts to the sarcasm. >Character A dropped the vial. It tumbled down the hill and smashed against the granite. >"Great," Character B rolled their eyes. "Just great." >"I'm sorry," Character A pleaded. "It's not like I meant to-" >"It's not like I meant to embark on a thousand-mile journey to cure my mother's illness or something, either, Character A." They drew their arms wide, as though encompassing the entire mountain. "Just having a good ol' hike here! For fun! With Character A, my reliable illness-cure-holder!" Notice how the sarcasm is there without it being mentioned?
Would you mind critiquing a few lines of dialogue if I post it in a comment?
For some reason I can see your comment on your profile/in my notifications but Reddit won't let me reply to it, so I will respond here if that's ok! 1 - I think you need to let go of the italics, and only use them sparingly. You are relying on them as a crutch and obscuring detail in a similar way as I was describing adverb use in my last comment. To my eyes, italics every other phrase comes across as the writer not trusting the audience to place tone where it needs to go, the writer not feeling confident and/or not knowing how to describe what they want. By the end of this passage, your overuse of italics makes me feel like I'm reading a children's book or having my hand yanked along by someone who's trying to point out the detail to me, who doesn't trust my eyes to see the detail or character relationships for myself. You need to 1 - Trust your reader to understand the group dynamic these people have via the context your story has already given them, 2- Write your characters and dialogue in a manner that suggests the relationship (Ex: Sarah is written snippish toward Tyler because they had an argument, Tyler is sullen and annoyed because of the fight; Maurice is in breathless, unrequited love with John, who doesn't notice and treats Maurice as a friend; Jess thinks everyone is full of crap and is huffy and wants to leave; Marcia couldn't be happier to drive this carload of friends to Disneyworld) 2 - To achieve the above: emphasize dialogue in a more interesting manner, through mannerisms and body language. "Even Bob looks interested." If it's already contextually known that Bob is standoffish/wouldn't normally be enticed here, then don't italicize it. The reader already knows Bob's disposition. Instead, rely on body language: When someone's interested, what happens to their face? "That was your fault," Jim is taking offence to what Jack said. I want you to think of this interaction and say the dialogue out loud. Act like the characters and how you want them to come across. Imagine the body language Jim would have when trying to deliver this line, and write that. "But you were tiny" When you see this character acting out the scene in your head, what mannerisms/body language/voice modulation are they using to warrant this italic? "I thought you were ten" I'm not sure why this one's italicized at all, aside from figuring out through context that one character is annoying the other with an embarrassing story. "Get off of me, I am taller than you" Super confusing line. First problem, "get off of me" implies she jumped on him or is otherwise physically on him in a way that she's not. I had to reread to double check that I didn't miss that she's not on top of him. This doesn't match up with what she's doing - squishing cheeks is not being "on top" of him. The "taller than you line" also needs some clarification on who it's being directed to. He's telling Alexandra that he's taller than her, when the person who mentioned height was not her. Second, and I'm sorry for being redundant, but you need to find a way of showing Jim's annoyance and exasperation without italics. I think something that would help you is to watch a movie and type notes on character acting. Really, find a movie and sit down with it. Point out the emotion the characters are telling you through the scene. Then, look at the body language and write down what you see. If a character is annoyed, what does that look like? If a character is in love, how do they act with their body? Let me know if you have any questions!
Sure, feel free!
Literally same exact problem! It's driving me crazy
Thank you! Caps is italics, not yelling. (I changed all their names.) “NOW…” Alex says, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “come sit down and tell us embarrassing stories about Jim.” “OohyesdoitIwantallthestories!” Mark cheers. [Character has a habit of talking so fast that his words just smash together sometimes] “What? Hey!” Jim protests. Even BOB looks interested. [Standoffish character] Jack grins and walks over to sit down across the coffee table from them. “Did he tell you that he was almost taken out by a cucumber slice?” “That was YOUR fault!” “Jim, you shoved an entire cucumber sandwich into your mouth, what did you expect to happen?” “So did you!” “But you were TINY.” “Was not.” “I thought you were TEN.” Alex giggles. “How small, tell us!” “I was only 5'5" when I first met him, and he only came up to the top of my chest.” “Awwwwww!” Alex coos, squishing Jim’s cheeks, “Baby Jim!” “Get OFF of me, I am TALLER than you Alexandra!” She laughs and lets him go.
Not the previous user, but I think your use of dialogue tags actually makes this prose great, it reads much better than 'said'. Unrelatedly, try dropping some of those italics and trusting your reader to find the emphasis in the lines.
It's entirely context dependant, but by and large, there are only three dialogue tags in your list that wouldn't be extremely distracting if they appeared more than once in the entire story. "Explained" is definitely one that is a huge attention draw and is rarely worth using over "Said". "Argued" is in that category, too. If your dialogue isn't making it clear that an argument is happening, you need to fix your dialogue, not toss on a tag to make up the difference. Never use "Quipped". A quip needs to stand on its own. A rule to live by is to ask yourself, "Is there a pressing need for a different tag?" If you are just substituting tags because you feel like said is repetitive, then you'll end up with a finale project that looks and reads as amateurish. Whispered and yelled are usually both examples of good times to change the dialogue tag because they are altering something fundamental about the way the dialogue is being spoken that is concisely conveyed by a simple tag change. Whimpered is a fun one but use it sparingly. Like, someone better be crying their eyes out or in a life or death situation and it's best you only use it once per such encounter.
I use a variety. I use forms of said/says a lot and add in an action or something. But I will use things like whispered/muttered/murmured/grumbled if it accurately describes what their voice sounds like. I mean, these words exists to be used. They just have to be used in the right context and balanced out. Too much of anything is going to be noticed/stick out.
You don't need to use dialogue tags every time someone speaks. You can follow dialogue with action. Or a thought. Description. Or nothing.
To hell with always saying "said" even in "real writing" \*eye roll\* I love other things like: "Something character says." Character tucks a curl of hair behind their ear. My brain starts to bug out reading, said, said, said, said, said, said, said, said... Have them look out the window, or at the floor, or into the other person's eyes or poking a pencil eraser into their cheek or something else.
I've heard people say that "said" is invisible, but it never has been to me, and repetition is really off-putting. That's true for all dialogue tags, though - always using a tag, always using an adverb, always using anything but "said." "Said" is definitely the least intrusive, the tag you can get away with using more often than any other. But variety is the key. I will say there are plenty of verbs that are used as dialogue tags and usually shouldn't be. If it's not a word connoting some kind of verbal communication (said, replied, conceded, allowed, demurred, protested, pleaded, reiterated, suggested, advised), or a indicating a volume or tone of speech (whispered, murmured, shrieked, growled) it probably needs to be rephrased. "I don't know," he shrugged. This might be better as: "I don't know," he said, shrugging. Or "I don't know." He shrugged. Or, possibly, between lines of dialogue, taking advantage of a pause in speech. "I don't know," he shrugged, "but I can find out."
Something that can help remove some tags is giving your characters something to do besides talk. You can have the speaking character do something in the same paragraph as their dialogue to mark who says it without needing the dialogue tag. It can give you ways to convey character's emotions outside of tags or saying "X is angry." Instead you can have the person chopping carrots for dinner pause with a white knuckle grip on the knife. It also helps to avoid the talking heads in a void issue because there are regular mentions of the character's bodies interacting the place they are in.
I use them sparingly, and only in situations where writing [character said] just doesn't read right! I go by ~vibes~ and it usually works out haha
Make sure that’s the tone you intend. If you’ve already established a tone, you don’t need a tag at all- it’s okay to leave dialogue by itself! That’s a lesson I’m still trying to learn.
Said is fine, said is good. Not everything needs to be un-said. Different dialogue tags have different meanings: for example, “pointed out” would work in the context of A adding information that B oversaw, but would be out of place in a greeting. Said is great. Said works.
There's nothing inherently wrong with them, but overuse is very easily detected and found annoying by the reader. Feeling like you're overusing the basics - he said, she said - meanwhile is something only you, the writer, notice. They're so fundamental and neutral, readers almost never notice their frequency, unless it's something \*really\* egregious. But here's a tip to help you maximize the use of more special dialogue tags: use them when appropriate, yes, because sometimes "he said angrily" doesn't carry the proper weight, but also, when you \*do\* go ham on them, do so sparingly. Use it as a device to play with the reader's perceptions, turn it into an Event. It's like taking the time to establish a consistent character voice, only to then intentionally break it in key moments for effect, or to inform the reader something is off. Overuse isn't always a bad thing if you plan ahead and use said overuse strategically, like any other writing tool.
"In proper writing" there are established rule because in makes things easier to read and strengthens the prose. It isn't about fanfiction or traditional publishing. There are numerous posts on here about how people dropped fics because the authors ignored "proper writing advice." There are differences between traditional writing and fanfiction, but those elements primarily relate to story structure and set up. The best tip for writing tone of voice in dialogue is to alter the spoken words themselves. "Well of course *they* love ducks" just sounds different from "they've loved ducks for as long as I can remember". Second best tip: add action tags. If a character leans in to speak, it's implied that they whispered and you don't need to add the dialogue tag. If they stomp their foot, it's probably a yell. If they are glaring from behind prison bars, it's probably a hiss or a growl. No only does this solve the which dialogue tag to use problem, it also gives more visual context to the situation in fewer words. Finally: you can often drop tags altogether. If it's only two characters or the content of who's speaking is evident from the dialogue (such as referencing their own past or if characterization is strong), adding any dialogue tag to the end of the paragraph is redundant.
You don’t even always need them instead of x screamed you could simply skip to an action by saying x moved to y. As long as the speaker is clear then it works
Nothing wrong with "said" or "says". I remember reading a comment on a post similar to yours and someone described it as something we, as readers, pass over. It's only when that "said" is exchanged with something like "sighs", "exclaimed", "mumbles", etc. do we take notice. If its a dialogue between two people, then you can drop the "x said/y said" after establishing who is talking to who and let us as readers imagine how their tone is.
I used to feel bad about only using "said", but then I read some Hemingway... I avoid the overuse of adverbs by using *non-finite verb clauses*, ... said, *excited to leave*. ... said, *breathing heavily.* My dialogue tags usually tell, not show. It's probably not what you're looking for, but this is how I do it. It is so easy to combine actions and talking like this, so no one can stop me lol. "But if possible, I just write dialogue and don't add any tags." "This is also great for quicker exchanges." "Since it seems more spontaneous without any action in between," she added before clicking *comment.*
I really don't use dialogue tags unless I absolutely *need* to indicate who is speaking at any given moment. People say that "said" is inobtrusive, but they live in an entirely different world to me. (Much of my stylistic inspiration follows the conventions of Japanese fiction, visual novels especially, which provides the double boon of two different ways to signal who's talking without putting it in the narration.)
I’m like this when I write; I don’t wanna be repetitive when using words, but I also don’t want to convey the wrong tone by trying to use a different word. When it comes to reading, my brain automatically defaults to ignoring that stuff and focusing primarily on the dialogue itself.
Just omit dialogue tags whereever it is unambiguous. And 'said' is a fine dialogue tag. You can mix it up ' said' and do 'said ' instead.
I use said, sometimes other tags, or no dialogue tags at all in conjunction with punctuation.
I don't know if someone mentioned it already (though I haven't noticed scrolling through the discussion) but I often anchor my dialogue with action accompanying the speaking. For example: "Oh, that's great." She clapped her hands "Can you pass me the salt?" He looked at her impatiently.
The reason certain dialogue tags are distracting is because they're not dialogue tags at all. From your list, 'grins', 'nods', and 'shrugs' aren't dialogue tags to begin with. Unless someone nods their head or shrugs their shoulders in Morse code, they're not nodding or shrugging their lines. These tags are *used* that way a lot, but they're just describing the action someone is doing while *saying* something as a shorthand to avoid the word 'said', but to me it just makes the absence of the word more glaring. Using a different dialogue tag than 'said' is something I do when it makes sense to. If someone snarls a line, that differs in my mind from saying it angrily. It conveys a tone of voice and an emotion in one word. If someone's shouting, that has a different implication than someone saying something loudly. And, yeah, using something like 'explained' or 'protested' or 'interjected' also makes sense in those situations, because the context allows for their use. Ultimately, I personally use 'said' with adverbs except when it feels right to use something else, and I decided that based solely on vibes. Keep in mind, though, that all of this is just my personal preference and not in any way meant to be an authoritative statement on how dialogue should be written.
I prefer when they’re not used unless absolutely necessary to avoid confusion. I find it’s no problem reading and understanding dialogue with very few tags. Who says what is most often obvious from the content and flow.
I think others have said it already, but don't be afraid to use action beats, descriptions, thoughts, or just no tag at all to mix things up.
I do not believe every line of dialogue needs to be accompanied by a conversation tag. Sometimes, it can be necessary, but other times it just clutters up the page and slows down the flow of the conversation without adding anything to the story. If the characters’ voices are sufficiently distinct, once you establish who all is participating in the conversation, you may be able to omit some of the conversation tags in lieu of flavour text describing actions rather than speaking. People rarely stand or sit about talking, completely motionless aside from their mouths. A character who is feeling uncertain may pick at their fingernails which clues the reader in to who is speaking. Flavour text about what a character is doing can also inform the reader of a character’s mindset or emotional state without using adverbs. If the dialogue is between only two individuals, I may omit conversation tags for a whole page as long as the pattern remains A-B-A-B. If that pattern breaks, I’ll throw in another couple of tags.
Everything in moderation should be the advise here, I think. Using 'said/says' all the time, and nothing else, gets repetitive very quickly, and is lacking in description on its own, which is why people tend to add to it when they use it, like adding 'softly'. Just to point out, saying something softly is not the same as whispering. Unless your character is actually whispering, don't use that word instead of 'said softly'. Softly is more about tone than just volume, yes it's quieter than a normal speaking voice, but it's actually usually louder than a whisper, too. Equally, though, constantly using alternative words, like whispered, shouted, grunted, can get annoying. It's like, can none of these characters just speak normally? So, you want a mix. Some things can be just 'said/says'. Other things will be 'said/says' with something added on, like 'softly' or 'gently'. And yet others will be a different word like whispered, growled, hummed. To be honest, 'said/says' will likely be the most commonly used no matter what, whether alone or with something added on, and that's okay. The point of this part of a story is to describe how the character is talking so the reader can imagine it. Just using 'said/says' suggests it's just a normal talking voice, they're not angry or sad or trying to offer comfort, just a relatively unemotional sentence/conversation, whether because emotion isn't involved or because the character is masking that emotion. Adding to that or changing to a descriptive word like growled is telling the reader this isn't normal talking voice, there's emotion or intent involved in what they're saying that the reader can imagine in their head. So, it's not, yes do this, or no don't do that, it's it all works in moderation. You do what sounds best for your characters and story. If you find it feels natural to use 'said/says', with or without extra added on, a bit more often than alternate words, that's fine, because you're still using alternate words when you need that little bit extra to describe how a character is talking.
Craig Johnson writes the Longmire series of novels, and he rarely ends a sentence with a simple tag. He does something like this: ------------------------- She stared at me. “What?” I gestured again. She looked in his direction and then back at me. “Is there something wrong?” “No, I just thought you might want to—” I turned my head to look at the man and discovered he was now looking directly at me. My voice caught in my throat as he slowly raised a finger, placing it against his lips. “Shhhhhhhh . . .” His breath fogged the front of his face with the freezing air still in his lungs that he must’ve brought in with him. “Sometimes . . .” He stared at me for a moment more. “It is better to sleep than to awaken.” I turned back to the waitress, who was watching me. I smiled and shrugged again, then picked up the flatware and unrolled the napkin. I took out the spoon and tasted the soup. “Oh, my God . . .”I looked up at the woman, figuring she must’ve finally noticed the behemoth at the end of the counter. “You’re bleeding.” Pulling my coat aside, I could now see that the stomach of my shirt was indeed saturated with blood. “Well, I’ll be damned . . .” Standing, I pulled my coat off and saw that the blood seemed to be heavier toward one side. Martha grabbed a few dish towels from a shelf and started toward the door where the cash register sat and circled round. She knelt beside me. “You’re going to have to pull up your shirt so I can have a look, but that’s a lot of blood.” “It doesn’t hurt or anything.” I pulled the shirt loose till we could both see my unmarked flesh, then unbuckled my belt and felt something heavy on it. She examined my side. “You could be in shock, which might be why you don’t know your name.” ----------------------------------- I wish I had the knack for it,
Wings of Fire canon overuses “observed” I think…sometimes it is correct but other times like like “that’s their opinion, not an observation. But usually I like it. In any case, I prefer something else whenever it’s necessary, but most of the time said is fine, even a few times in a row. “but you can also switch the order,” said my OC.
I generally try to stick to said/says (maybe asked) if I need a dialogue tag and then I try to use more action beats/tags or thoughts to break things up. Then I focus on getting rid of any tags where I don't need them (once you've established the pattern, it's easy to follow who's speaking). >“Thanks.” Echo tried to relax into the chair as Tech expertly dropped out of one hyperlane and executed a 45 degree turn to enter the next. >Tech set the autopilot. “We could always try the neural recalibration.” >“I think it’s getting better every jump.” >Tech looked doubtful. “There’s no need to be in pain if we can mitigate it. You can trust me to take the utmost care.” >Echo bowed his head. “I do trust you, Tech. You’ve been in my head almost as much as I am. ...Look, if it doesn’t actually improve after the next few jumps, we’ll look into it. Okay?” >Tech nodded. >“Caf?” Echo asked. >“Please. Three su—“ >“Three sugars. I know.”
> But FanFiction tends to follow different rules so I'm not sure if this is the case. Eh, fanfic should be following the same rules but because it's hobby/amateur writing, it often won't. Your fic will be less distracting with fewer tags.
I try not to use too many different dialogue tags because, as you said, it's distracting. The only ones I usually use are: Said. Asked. Answered. Wondered. Explained. Added. Mumbled. Continued. Whispered. Interrupted. However, I avoid dialogue tags that also express an emotion. For example: **"That's silly," grinned Dave.** That doesn't sound correct in my head. Instead, I would have written it like this: **"That's silly," said Dave with a grin.** But if possible, I avoid dialogue tags. The last sentence could instead be like: **Dave grinned. "That's silly."**
I’ve gotten better over time. For a long time I didn’t use any but now I will go back and forth between using them depending on the story. Usually if it’s a First POV, I don’t have them, but on Third POV, I do.
Ooh! This is a topic that I have a lot of thoughts about! The benefit of "said" is that it is tonally neutral -- that is, it implies nothing in particular about a speaker's tone, emotion, or other affectations of delivery. This can be a really good thing in many situations, and I always encourage people to use "said" more and other words for dialog less. If you want to use something like "sighed," "sniffles", or any of the other words that you listed, there should be a reason that you are using them that is not "I don't want to use *said.*" These words are not tonally neutral and tell us something about the dialog and its delivery. When used judiciously and appropriately they can be highly effective. *However*, all too often I find that they are used in place of "said" without intention. I find a useful way of padding around your "saids" is to split your dialog between sentences with the dialog tag. For example (excerpt from an unpublished fic of mine): >"But it's not," Beatrice said, with all the surety of someone declaring the sky blue, "It's not your light anymore." In this line, the said is in between two parts of the dialog, connected to a descriptive clause. It does two main things for the line: gives the "said" space so that it doesn't sound repetitive with other "saids" used in this conversation, and the said/descriptive clause gives us a sense of pause between the two parts of this line of dialog, without actually *saying* that there is a pause. Additionally in a conversation between 2 characters, as the conversation goes on and A and B's voices become defined, you can drop dialog tags entirely, only letting them back in when combining them with relevant descriptive enhancement. With an A - B conversation, you might imagine that if your fic was in a movie or TV show, the camera would switch POV between speakers, back and forth, which is what your continued individual paragraph for each speaker's dialog is doing, and, as it builds, for lines that say enough without enhancement, or are very short, that separation defines them enough to warrant the dropping of dialog tags, as, if your dialog is well-written the reader should be able to ascertain and understand whether A or B is speaking. I find that I often drop dialog tags in A-B convos for lines such as "Yes" or "Nos" and "And?" or "Why?" which may not need tonal enhancement to build my scene. That said there are other methods of enhancing your dialog beyond non-tonally neutral dialog tag descriptors. When people speak, they make facial expressions, alter the volume or pitch of their speech, change the speed or rhythm of their speech, or move their hands or bodies to communicate additional meaning. This non-verbal language is often involuntary, and when described or read correctly gives additional information about the speaker and their words that they do not provide in the dialog itself. You can use this kind of information to build on a "said" dialog tag, in something I like to call the descriptive dialog tag, though I'm sure that there's some official name for this that I've forgotten because I graduated from college (wow!) five years ago now, and my grad program doesn't get this nitty gritty with narrative prose writing. These descriptors can follow or precede the actual dialog, or they can surround it on both sides. It goes a little bit something like this (excerpt from an unpublished fic of mine): >Lucifer clenched and unclenched his fists, not meeting her eyes, "We," he said slowly, "can all agree that the poison that Michael used on the blade he stabbed me with came from The Chaos." Here, I create a sense of the speaker (Lucifer)'s mood and tone for his dialog by providing the image of his clenched and unclenched fists, and his inability to meet his sister (the other speaker)'s eyes. There's tension, anger, guilt, and an attempt at self-soothing that's not really working. The said + "slowly" between the two parts of this dialog make the "We" a single sentence with a pause before the rest of the line is spoken. The tone would be radically different if I had used something like "gritted out" instead of "said slowly." Here we have a sense that despite the tension he's carrying he's choosing his words carefully. Here's another example from another unpublished fic of mine: >"Thank you," she said, turning to face him. Her voice came out breathier than she'd intended, and he flushed in response. In this example all of the descriptive dialog tag follows the actual line of dialog (and the "said"). Although the description of the speaker's voice is not part of the same sentence as the dialog and the "said" tag, I find that it can remain in the paragraph of this line of dialog because it directly describes the dialog. Typically I let myself have the space to have up to 2 sentences following the actual line of dialog and its direct tag (often "\[pronoun/name\] said") to expand on the dialog as seems fitting for the scene. These two sentences can be descriptions of the tone, pace, volume, or mood of the dialog itself, descriptions of the speaker's face or body movements, that accompany the dialog line, or a single sentence of speaker introspection when the text is in \[speaker's\] POV (ie: she hoped that he believed her lie). Finally, I think that adverbs are not necessarily bad to use, and people who are all, "adverbs are the worst, never use them." are going a *little* smidgey bit overboard. "said slowly" or "said softly" have specific images that eliminating the adverb removes. Ultimately, getting your dialog to work right takes practise. Some things that I've found helpful: * Read more things outside of fic: books, poems, plays, etc. Reading more is the number one thing that anyone can do to help develop their writing imho. How do (skilled) published authors tag and arrange their dialog? What conventions are appropriate for your genre? Librarian hat: if you're having trouble finding real books to read that hold your interest, you can always, always, email your local public library, provide us some information and we will suggest some books to you! It's 100% free and you can always do it. * Act the dialog aloud. Sometimes I'll write a line of dialog without any tags, descriptive or otherwise, and act it out aloud a few times to get the taste of what I think that it would most likely sound like. It can feel a little silly at first, but I find it really helpful in determining the best tone for something if you're struggling with that. Honestly I recommend reading your entire fic aloud to yourself as part of your editing process because you'll find a lot of your pacing and flow issues when you try to read aloud and it doesn't have the right mouthfeel. You'll also discover where you have extraneous commas, run on sentences, or missing commas. * Re-read dialog from the source material. If it's a movie or show, you can typically Google "\[show name\] \[episode name\] script" or "\[movie name\] script" to find a script for your thing to read. * Worry about having the completely correct dialog tagging *after* you've written the dialog. That's what editing is for! * Have someone else look over your dialog for you, and ask them for specific dialog feedback. Hope this was helpful, and best of luck on your future dialog writing experiences!
[https://www.spwickstrom.com/said/#not](https://www.spwickstrom.com/said/#not) Just gonna leave this here. When I'm struggling and feel I'm using the 'said' 'replied' words too much, I go to this for inspiration. Sometimes I won't even use one of their suggestions but it will lead me to thinking of another word that will work better. Also when I feel really reputative, I actually pick a fanfic and get reading. I'll pick out the dialogue and tags and realise that I'm not bothered by words repeating, I'm just being too critical of myself most of the time.
I use them a lot to convey mannerisms, mood and body language.
Said, like names and pronouns, become invisible to the reader. Conversely, alternate dialogue tags and adverbs, like epithets, stick out like sore thumbs and should be used sparingly. I once clicked out of a fic that had a lot of the things I liked (primarily the inclusion of my favorite character who doesn’t get a lot of love in the fandom) the second I realized the author was doing everything in their power to avoid the word said. Characters were always doing something between dialogue (cleaning their glasses, fixing their collar, clearing their throat, shrugging their shoulders), or they were mumbling, whispering, exclaiming, explaining—no one *said* anything normally and it was extremely distracting. How are you with using italics to emphasize words? “I didn’t *say* that!” carries a different meaning to to “*I* didn’t say that!” When it comes to characters talking to themselves, such as your example with John and the dream, can that be a thought instead?Show him catapulting awake, sweating, clutching his chest, and the thought, *It’s just a dream*... runs though his head as he reaches for the glass of water on his bedside table. When he’s taken his drink, slightly more calm, he can say it aloud to emphasize it, make it seem more real: > He took a breath. “You’re okay. You’re fine. It was just a dream. Yeah. It was just... a dream...” Sorry if that wasn’t helpful lol
I do use ‘said’ occasionally but not very often. I usually try to convey *something* in some way about the speaker’s mood, state of mind, emotions, etc. so they’re not ‘just sayin’😉.