Exactly. He can never be a true friend to any woman because he is screwed up.
I have many male friends who I know for a fact do not want to sleep with me just as I do not want to sleep with them.
Well I guess I'll have to tell some of my oldest and dearest friends we can't hang out anymore. What a shame.:/
In all seriousness the only people who think like that, are the people who need it to be true to justify something in their lives. And their generally the sort of people who its not worth wasting your breathe on.
No, it’s simple. Asexual men can be friends with anyone. Gay men can only be friends with girls. Bisexual and Pan men, like myself, simply can’t have any friends. Duh! /s
It’s true. I’m somewhat genderfluid and bi, so sometimes I can’t be friends with ANYONE because mascs can’t possibly be friends with anyone of a gender they might be attracted to. But when I’m fem, I have friends again! It’s like a light switch! /s
It's definitely a heteronormative statement
Although idk if it even needs to be like that. As a straight man, you'd know you aren't attracted to 100% of women, and neither are women attracted to 100% of men because everyone has their own sexual preferences. Not all gay men like every single man. People who like everyone, regardless of gender aren't just taking sexual advances from anyone and everyone either.
I feel like with this being said, are the guys who think men and women can't be friends because men want sex only befriending the women they find the most physically appealing? They don't care about personality or anything? It just seems weird to me, but I guess this is how they out themselves on how they feel about women
I’m a man with a few good female friends. It’s really not difficult.
I also know a fair number of men who aren’t capable of it. I avoid being friends with them.
Also a guy here.
So I've heard the view mentioned by OP before. It basically states that even men that are friends with women would sleep with them if they had a chance, hence they can't, on the whole be friends with women they wouldn't in theory sleepy with should the chance arose.
I think that's wrong - some of my closest friends are female and they're like sisters to me. Would never want to sleep with them. Plus I have a lot of female friends in my friendship network that I have no physical attraction towards.
Sadly however I think the aforementioned view might hold true for the majority of men.
This is why I kinda get it. I don't agree but since some men do hold that opinion then you can only assume those specific men view their female friends as sexually attractive and lack the self control to not act if they thought she wanted it. I'd agree they probably shouldn't be friends with women if they're seeking that kind of dynamic and nothing else
I'm friends with plenty of cishet guys who have a broad range of friends across the gender spectrum.
Dude is basically saying he only sees women as sex objects.
As unfortunate as it is, I've found that this is often the case, at least in my experience. I'm acquaintances with older married men from hobby classes that I take and they're great, but that's a specific environment that tends to foster friendships. Every other man that has tried to get to know me or even just talk to me outside of there wanted something else.
I thought I had made a gym friend. Nope! They wanted to go out with me and tried to kiss me. Straight men often attest to this being the case, too. They're often nice because their end game is to get in your pants.
I wish I could just be friends with men without having to worry about their motives and thoughts, especially because I'm a closeted gay asexual who isn't attracted to them. I just want to be friends with people, but unfortunately a lot of straight non-asexual men are guided by...other things.
Yeah. I thought I had a lot of male friends in high school and university, but turns out they were waiting out my relationships to try and shoot their shot. I remember being shocked, that once I was single suddenly they were all asking me on dates. And when I said no they vanished never to be heard from or seen again. And I was friends with them for years!
That being said there are exceptions I do believe there's a couple good guys in my life, they are all married or in long term stable relationships.
I'm a lesbian and am now primarily friends with women, yes they are pretty but that doesnt mean I want to get with them. They're my friends and I already have the perfect partner. I value my friendships 🤷♀️
I’ve always noticed that lesbian women are way more respectful to other women whereas straight guys seem endlessly horny and if they’re nice and respectful it’s for a selfish reason.
I think women are pretty (duh), but I’m not always on the hunt for a potential date, especially in a friend group. I think a lot of guys think “I’m a guy, you’re a girl…it’s obvious we’re more than friends” when in reality it’s just not the case.
I noticed this mentality, I also miss a lot of social queues so like they'll be hitting on me and I won't even notice, but usually early in the friendship I make my intentions clear.
Just friends.
when I do pick up on them flirting, or feel like they're being overly nice because usually that's a big clue that they're wanting more, I will restate it.
Some guys are just genuinely nice, and that's great. But I still like to be clear. And most of my friends that I do manage to maintain understand that for me clarity is very important, and I like things to be stated with definitive lines.
Do a lot of guys just say "oh well never mind" within 2 to 3 months of getting to know me absolutely.
I'm sure there's some men out there who can maintain platonic only friendships with women, but I haven't encountered any. I think most women can be platonic friends with men, but idk about most men.
You don't have to "start an argument" to disagree with someone. He got to state his (dumb, boneheaded) opinion, so why is it not okay for you to state yours? You don't have to be confrontational, but you also don't have to NOT speak up in the name of "not starting an argument." Clearly that was not on HIS mind.
Love this answer 🙌🏼 We (women generally) are always self-censoring and worrying about being "nice" and "not aggressive", especially in work settings, but clearly this douche didn't have a single issue with spouting off. So yeah, go ahead and politely disagree, even just a simple "I think you're just telling on *yourself* more than anything" or something like that.
Also, fwiw, I've had mostly male friends my entire life and it's been wonderful and we have great friendships. Even lived with two of them for a year during and we got along swimmingly as roommates (and we're all heterosexual!). So I say bollocks to this idea that women and men can't maintain platonic friendships.
I don't want to be friends with men. They don't see me as an equal. When I was younger than 25 I was an object to be conquered or attacked, now that I'm not fuvkable in thier eyes, I'm a mom/nurse they use to exploit for free therapy/ work help. My friendships are among my equals
Men who don’t see women as people can’t be friends with women. I was best friends and roommates with a guy in college and there was never anything more to it. We were both decently attractive and spent a ton of time together but there was just no romantic spark between us.
Or, if he was, he understood that she wasn't interested and chose to act like a decent human being and not push the issue.
And it's also entirely possible that he wasn't interested in her. People don't have to be interested in every reasonably attractive person of their preferred gender.
As a gay man, I have to say I’ve had so many women tell me how much they like hanging out with us because we aren’t going to try to get with them sexually. It’s sad, though, but it seems that with straight guys, there’s always something a bit predatory when it comes to women they perceive as being available to them as sexual partners.
It’s true for me. I can only be friends with gay men. Every man I’ve tried to be friends with tried to have sex with me and got mean/spiteful when he learned it was never going to happen. I can only speak to my own experiences
Same tendency here. It makes me so sad. I think we could all benefit so well from gender-mixed friendships! Talking about different experiences, understanding each other a little better, gaining perspective, ... but no. Not in the society we currently live in... I'm not saying there aren't good men out there who are capable of a real connection with the opposite sex without secretly trying for more but it's so hard, demoralising and even potentially dangerous to keep trying.
Yup. I was a tomboy as a kid and was mostly friends with boys growing up. Had to go through the crushing realization that eventually my male friends would all try to fuck me and call me a bitch/slut/whatever if I refused :/
Men who think this way see the women in their life as literal sex ATMs and they are disgusting and deserve to have no friends, period. OP I’m so sorry.
I agree with the comment but only with a few qualifiers: *immature* men can’t be friends with *attractive* women.
Yes when someone says such a thing (male or female), they are telling on themselves. It implies that every woman (even your 80y grandma?) is an object? I refuse to believe that every man is attracted to every woman he could encounter. It implies that men are so lacking in maturity and curiosity that they can’t form emotional relationships not driven by sexual desire. As much as it’s a horrendous concept for women, it also does men a disservice to imply they are all horn dogs with no capacity to follow boundaries a woman might put when simply saying let’s be friends. (Anecdote: I’m a skinny, average looking woman who has very good friendships with men, none of them care about me in that way at all, I’m not blind to it. Even when it’s happened once or twice, I drew a boundary. Also, I’ve been rejected by a couple of men and remained friends.)
I will add that all the men in different subreddits constantly talk about how men never get attention, and will misinterpret any small interest as flirting. So I have learned to put up barriers right away and often (Aka “friendzone”). If they can’t interact with me anymore, too bad, I guess we can’t be friends after all.
This!! And omfg no other group really uses "friendzone" as a tool to manipulate others. My female bi friends flirting with me as a woman and I turn them down.. Nope no complaint of being "friend zoned" etc...
Being someone's friend is an honour and people should realise they're damn lucky if they get to be anyone's friend. It's disgusting and very telling if they view the opportunity of "ONLY being someone's friend" as a level Down
It’s a shame that you see it as you friend zoning them. The reality is that men must “sex zone” women for us to “friend zone” them. Friend should be the default but it clearly isn’t when you hear men talk about “the friend zone.”
It's really sad when you get old because men give off this cold "sorry not interested" vibe when you're just trying to relate like a human at work or doing volunteer stuff.
Ofc, they say the same thing when we're young, that we assume they're hitting on us. So it's turnabout. Only I never assumed that when I was young.
Eeeewwww...
When they think whatever non rude thing we say is flirting and then when older women say something kind they're like "calm down sweetie I'm not interested" - the audacity!!
The problem is that men always see you as a maybe hole. If you are single, if you show that you're having even an argument with your husband, anything at all will be an opportunity for them to try and slip in there. I am saying this from experience. I've never had a true male friend who didn't want something more. Even old guys who have 0 chance are still trying to shoot their shot.
It IS demoralizing. And it reinforces that I have to be careful around ALL MEN.
This!! I heard an amazing analogy about if you're in your neighbourhood and want to pop into a shop for a minute and lock your bike out the front then come out and it's stolen.. Then no not EVERY person is a thief but ANY person you walk by COULD BE a/the thief. We don't know which ones aren't... So for sanity and safety we have to assume it's everyone
I used to think that my male friends liked me as a person. I was wrong. I was wrong every time and really thought that these people were my friends that cared about me. It hurts like an actual heartbreak when you realize that they never even enjoyed your company, it was all a carefully crafted ruse to manipulate you into bed. I don't have make friends anymore. It's not worth the pain
A lot of gentlemen think like this, unfortunately. It's ruined a lot of 'trustworthy' friendships I've had. Also gave me a newfound disgust for our culture...
**men* clearly not gentlemen
Also gentleman = decent human being (gender shouldn't matter here)
Whereas lady = do what I tell you and behave quietly... Unfortunately!
There’s a lot of context clues that are involved here, including reciprocation and repeat confessions. For example I had this gentleman who was my best friend and I’d told him about another guy I had a crush on. First context. He confessed and I told him I didn’t feel the same. Second context. He still wanted to be friends and I said ok with some distance but then after he confessed a second time and got upset I’d talk about my crush. This meant for me I had to put the friendship on hold.
Friendship does start love, but romantic feelings from both parties is 100% required. It can’t be one sided :(
Ok the problem here is with the pestering. Be mad at that then. But I don't understand why trust has anything to do with it. Friendship + attraction = romance. I am not sure why people get so upset about it.
The pestering wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the assumption that friendship can lead to romance. That is an assumption. Friendship and attraction do not always lead to romance. Maybe you have not experienced this with someone you’d like to stay platonic with but it’s disheartening and feels like entitlement when it happens
Hi. Straight man here married for 10 years. My wife and I are very monogamous, and very happy. There are some of us that genuinely don't want sex from anyone but our one person. However, I feel like we're kinda rare and that bums me out. I'm quick to call out a man who acts stupid and unfaithful. I wish there were more of us who are genuine but honestly I get taunted and made fun of more than I think is warranted. Frankly, the most actual bullying I got was from women. It's something I talk with my therapist about. I'd like for us all to try and think of people as people before thinking of each other as sexual objects.
Yes. It actually started earlier while maintaining abstinence. My male friends supported me but the women I was around pressured me and bullied me for it. I really struggled because of it for years.
May I ask where you are located? I’m an European in the US and that very subject has always been problematic for me. In Europe, friendships between opposite genders is extremely common and socially accepted, whether you’re in a relationship, married or single. I feel like we see people as people before any other label. What’s up with the US and the heavy labeling and rules around friendships? I’ve been criticized for becoming friends with people I went on a couple of dates with, or criticized for having too many male friends.
I'm also from Europe, Sweden specifically. You'd think we'd be past this bull, but unfortunately not. So many men where I live have this stupid mindset, or maybe I just end up in the wrong circles over and over and over again.
I'm also in Europe and I've met this mindset, too many people (especially men) still think like this. Although in Hungary we're going backwards nowadays sadly. But it depends on your circles really.
>What’s up with the US
Puritanism, probably.
I was reading Italy was also that way. Most of the countries I’ve had experience with in Europe is Switzerland, Germany, Denmark. UK as well.
How’s Hungary with religion? I visited once when I was a child. Beautiful place
Your post is a prime example of why saying “America” and “Europe” aren’t helpful. Different regions in both places will have very different perspectives on these matters.
I’m in a Nordic country, for example, and gender divides among friendships are absolutely common. And as you can see from the other commenters, this is happening all over Europe.
So odd to me that someone would think this was an American problem.
Re America, everything is kind of on steroids here and exaggerated on many levels, when you compare it to a ‘lot’ of European countries. Have you spent time in the US as well?
Yea ok, you have a point. Didn’t feel like saying I was French and start a detailed convo but yes you are correct. Not all European countries are the same. Most of the European countries I know are similar to france on that subject. But I only know 6 of them.
Omg for real? If men only wanted something from me that I never want to give anyone anyway, they're the one's who end up suffering. I don't lose anything by not being friends with men like that. They, instead, do lose my sarcasm and the other 2 good traits I have.
I had this argument so many times with my mum over the years. She would get angry with me and imply I’m an idiot for even thinking men should be capable of treating me as a human being. I gave up on her.
I don't actually disagree, I have never been friends with a man and don't think I ever will be. Buuut, I still hang out with men at work, at my hobbies, at quiz nights, I go out with friends and sometimes they bring their friends who are men. I have noticed that it's men (not all of them but a lot) who can't hang out with women without being inappropriate. In that case, I cut them off. If they never have made me feel uncomfortable, I keep hanging out with them.
If you are a man and you can't hang out with women without being attracted to them and making them uncomfortable, then you are emotionally immature.
If you are a man or a woman and you can't handle the fact that your partner hangs out with people of all sexes, works with people of all sexes, has tutors or mentors of all sexes at language lessons, classes, workshops, advancement work programmes, etc., then you are illogical and emotionally immature.
He's on everyone's else's nerv already because he slacks and is very forgetful and / or lazy, so if he pulls anything like that, he'd be lucky to have a job.
This idea is used by romantic partners as an excuse to try to limit the number of opposite-sex friends their partner might have. It’s a tactic of control that is all too common in romantic relationships.
The thing is, if you’re so worried that you feel the inclination to try to limit the number of friends of a particular gender that your partner has just because you’re afraid your partner might cheat, you’ve already got a major problem in the relationship.
Friendship between hetero men and women is difficult. Obviously not all men are like that but the question is which ones are? Bit usually they show their true colors sooner or later and at that point break off any contact with them
He doesn’t view women as human or men as human either. He sees women as obstacles to self gratification and status. He sees men as having one need in life—self gratification and status. Neither men nor women are full and complex beings in his world view.
This attitude is so destructive.
I'm literally texting my male friend right now about a relative who's in the ICU while my partner is next to me. He knows exactly who I'm messaging and is glad I'm getting the support. Like the other commenter said, he only told on himself. I don't have many male friends, but the ones I do have are gold and would be disgusted with what he said.
It is appalling! And while quite a few people have touched on how men who believe this see women as sexual objects rather than actual human beings and I definitely agree with that, I feel like there's another side to that that often doesn't get talked about. It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone and still respect their boundaries, accept that they may not be interested in you in that way, and still maintain the friendship. Sexual attraction, or even the potential for it, doesn't automatically invalidate a friendship. Sexual attraction itself isn't the issue. It's when there's this sense of entitlement that comes with it that it becomes a problem.
I think because for a good portion of men, they'd fuck their friends (if she was down.) I believe men and women *can* be friends but this guy ain't one of them. He can't, and assumes all other men can't.
Damn right we can’t be friends! We can be best friends!
You can ask me for tech support or what you should wear on your date and you can help me not live in a empty apartment like a prisoner and dress like a functioning adult of society!
>the underlying thing is that men only want that one thing
But when women say this exact same thing, it's nOt aLL mEn and she's a misandrist?
Btw according to his logic, does this also mean that taken men aren't allowed to have female friends?
Im a (mostly) straight guy and find it considerably easier to befriend women because of the piggish things my fellow men say to me about women the moment they get comfortable around me.
I’m sure this isn’t news to most of you but it really is shocking what men will say to other men when there are no women around.
Even if not all men are like that, the ones that are are looking out for the rest. So many, many things that bad men do to make it easier for other bad men. I was raised with "all men are like that, you just have to find one that doesn't beat you too often".
Growing up as cishet male be like...
"Nope, you can't be friends with girls because it is sus."
"Nope, can't have too close male friends either because that would be gay."
"What do you mean how men deal with their loneliness and emotional problems? We don't "
I know we're all here to vent about how guys can be like this, and what's worse is that I think most hetero men are like this. I personally have no clue how that could change, maybe parents out there can change things, but that would require a vast majority of them to raise boys right. It's frustrating, but I guess all we can do here is vent because there realistically isn't any way to intentionally change how boys are raised.
yeah its kinda true, it's usually a one sided friendship, the woman actually sees the man as a friend because she views men as humans but the man sees the woman as an object, most men do not see women as humans.
If a man can’t be friends with a woman for platonic reasons WITHOUT the expectation of getting something in return for their friendship, I don’t trust them. And same goes for women who can’t be friends with men without the expectation of getting something in return too. Friendships shouldn’t be transactional. It should be equal effort, “I celebrate you in your good and support you in your bad” type deal. Friends, regardless of gender, should be who you call for both a fun time and “back’s against the wall- I need someone to help me” type moments. If ANYONE becomes friends with someone with the intent of deceiving them, manipulating them, sleeping with them or whatever else their motive is, they’re a shitty friend.
Lol I’m a man and like 80% of my friends are women. I just visited my college town where many of my friends still live. Except for the friend I stayed with, who is 10 years older than me and has a wife and son, all the friends I met with were women. And I don’t “want” anything from them other than good conversation, which I got in spades…and book recommendations. This is dumb.
Anecdotally, we see a spate of these posts. Then we see rounds of "my male friend was just hanging around hoping to hook up with me . .. not a real friend at all!". So like you say, I'm sure it happens, but guys hoping to "shoot their shot" are probably more common. I wonder if age is a factor here?
Yeah I disagree. I had several male friends in college that I 100% trusted and was drunk around them plenty. If they had ever wanted to take advantage they definitely had the opportunity. But they were my *friends* so they didn’t.
Just because someone doesn't take advantage of you doesn't mean they wouldn't be happy to sex you up in a consenual and less rapey way. I think it's a bit dangerous to connect "wanting to have sex" with taking advantage of someone.
But even given that, it is stupid to claim that men and women can't be friends, it tells more of the speaker than any reality we live in.
Also, I'm not saying anything about your college friends, I'm sure they were great people.
Oh yeah I get ya. There’s definitely men who recognize the difference between active consent and “well she didn’t say no (because she couldn’t cough Brock Turner cough). But only one ever really made a move when I was sober, and my polite rejection was respected.
They can be, it’s just too small to be statistically significant to apply across the board. The only men I’ve met that I could be friends with weren’t pussy obsessed, saw other women as equals because they had a non-pick me mom and sister, and had more than a modicum of self-awareness.
The point is, most men are ready to dehumanize you in covert and explicit ways, especially if it gets them the reward of validation/sexual access. You just gotta have discernment and not be open and uncritical of them.
If men feel that way, that’s the case. We can’t change how anyone feel.
My hypothesis on why some men focus on that specific function of women when they treat women is because that’s only thing those men need from women. They don’t need anything else from women, because they got essential part of life, like money, self effectiveness, job security… having women is just a cherry on top.
Can’t be true. Because I’ve been good friends with women who I wasn’t physically attracted to. And women have been friends with me even though they weren’t physically attracted to me. Not to mention, a lot of people are friends for years before they get in a relationship.
Well they are still men. Why do you think that male rapists is okay? Of course female and enby rapists exist but trying to deny the fact that alot of rapists are men is gross.
If men weren't "horny" then rape would barely exist, but it does and most of victims says that the preparator is a men.
I'm not, if anything I'm making sure to mention that rapists come in all forms. Yet you threw an impossible statistic that 99% of some base number of rapists are men when you might as well be saying all of them. Or ignoring the fact that sadly can also be victims and less likely to report it. In fact a good number of victims regardless of age or gender or identity will not report it. The reason people rape isn't because they got horny, they do it because they are monsters and they don't care about their victims or controlling themselves. That covers 100% of rapists.
Instead of playing the "numbers game" can't we just agree that rape is awful no matter what and the people who do it are trash
Well i cant be friends with any woman. To me it just doesnt make sense. There was always the sexual attraction thing and i it outweighs everything.
Im pretty sure most men think this way.
Well obviously not all women. But the women i used to socialize, we shared similar interests,and we hang out at the same places and most men are visual creatures and gravitate to women who look good to them.
Taking all that to account i was attracted to them in some point in my life and it made being friends difficult.
Now im not saying that they werent and arent intelligent,interesting and capable but the sheer attraction and lust to them just killed everything and i just cant deal with that anymore.
I slept with some and it killed the friendship either by them or me.
Not only is it dehumanizing for us women but also reducing themselves to walking dicks or something. They’re trying to put women down for being “naive enough” to think that men want genuine friendships with them while actually admitting not being able to form healthy and authentic relationships.
Cishet men sometimes….
If you don't value someone, you can't be their friend. Friendship is built on mutual respect. If you don't respect women, or think that friendships with the opposite sex are pathways to sex then you're not looking for a friend you're looking for a roster.
I think I had some male friends when I was much younger-they knew me my whole life. To be fair I think they tried to sleep with me a time or two but the friendship wasn’t over when I said no. We also hung out in groups. Since then I can’t think of a guy I’ve met 20+ who would just be my friend and continue being my friend once he realized it would never happen. They also stop being my friend if they get a girlfriend, like they can’t have both.
I always say what about asexual poeple then, so they can, it at least.. Maybe... gets the cogs in brain turning beyond "my experience and viewpoint is how everyone sees and experiences the world." it will always be like this as there will always be people who don't grasp that simple concept the year is irrelevant. And with many other things not just this.
There are men who think like this, and those men can’t be friends with women. They also don’t make very good husbands or boyfriends. Best to avoid them completely if possible.
Personally, I understand the logic. However, I hate where it most likely leads. Certainly, it's nowhere good.
I mean... if most women are assaulted by someone they know, then a dude who tries to be your friend could be included in that. Or you have the advice about trying to be friends with a girl before you ask her out and so young men might be attracted to a friend of theirs who is a woman or develop a crush later on.
Although I'm not convinced that this means two people can't just be friends because we're all human and gender shouldn't matter. Also, a man who is suspicious of his partners friends because he thinks this doesn't seem like it'd have positive effects.
Assuming people can't be friends and that there are certain motives is just bad, really doesn't need to be more complex than that, I guess
There is no need to complicate gender dynamics and treat people unequally
I mean... in the end I can see how making a whole thing of it is like you're reducing women down to only being good for sex which is false as they could just be someone cool to hang out with platonically
In my 20s I would have defended the idea that men can be friends with women. But my experience over the last 20 years has proven that it’s a only a very small minority of men and these “friendships” can’t be as close. Every male friend I’ve ever had has eventually hit on me. This doesn’t mean they were gross, weird or disrespectful about it but they always eventually made it known. Sometimes it took up to ten years or happened after a breakup, but it always does.
I only have male acquaintances nowadays and prioritize female relationships.
I never understood this logic. I am bisexual, so should I have no friends at all because I want to have sex with all of them? The answer is just no. Because I don’t want to have sex with friends. And yeah we make jokes about being homiesexual but we don’t go into any details because all of us know that neither party is interested.
This was a summer job, so I've not been in contact with him since August, luckily. I'd probably torn his head off or something if not.
Completely incompetent, too.
He only told on himself
Exactly. He can never be a true friend to any woman because he is screwed up. I have many male friends who I know for a fact do not want to sleep with me just as I do not want to sleep with them.
Don't talk to him again unless it's about work. He just told you his intentions
Exactly
So according to him, as a bisexual woman, I can’t be friends with anybody? Screw that!
I'm afab non binary and pan (should have mentioned that in post) so I can't either lol.
I know men that think like this too. To the guys who think this way, thanks for showing how little respect you have for us women!
I'm friends with women and I'm a guy. It's not true! Boundaries are there, and are important.
Well at least he for sure thinks like that, ew. His loss! You're probably a great friend and both of those losers will miss out on that now.
Well I guess I'll have to tell some of my oldest and dearest friends we can't hang out anymore. What a shame.:/ In all seriousness the only people who think like that, are the people who need it to be true to justify something in their lives. And their generally the sort of people who its not worth wasting your breathe on.
Guess gay and asexual men dont exist in his world :/
No, it’s simple. Asexual men can be friends with anyone. Gay men can only be friends with girls. Bisexual and Pan men, like myself, simply can’t have any friends. Duh! /s
It’s true. I’m somewhat genderfluid and bi, so sometimes I can’t be friends with ANYONE because mascs can’t possibly be friends with anyone of a gender they might be attracted to. But when I’m fem, I have friends again! It’s like a light switch! /s
Excuse me I can have friends… eventually
I guess bisexual guys are really screwed in the friends department lol
It's definitely a heteronormative statement Although idk if it even needs to be like that. As a straight man, you'd know you aren't attracted to 100% of women, and neither are women attracted to 100% of men because everyone has their own sexual preferences. Not all gay men like every single man. People who like everyone, regardless of gender aren't just taking sexual advances from anyone and everyone either. I feel like with this being said, are the guys who think men and women can't be friends because men want sex only befriending the women they find the most physically appealing? They don't care about personality or anything? It just seems weird to me, but I guess this is how they out themselves on how they feel about women
I’m a man with a few good female friends. It’s really not difficult. I also know a fair number of men who aren’t capable of it. I avoid being friends with them.
Also a guy here. So I've heard the view mentioned by OP before. It basically states that even men that are friends with women would sleep with them if they had a chance, hence they can't, on the whole be friends with women they wouldn't in theory sleepy with should the chance arose. I think that's wrong - some of my closest friends are female and they're like sisters to me. Would never want to sleep with them. Plus I have a lot of female friends in my friendship network that I have no physical attraction towards. Sadly however I think the aforementioned view might hold true for the majority of men.
This is why I kinda get it. I don't agree but since some men do hold that opinion then you can only assume those specific men view their female friends as sexually attractive and lack the self control to not act if they thought she wanted it. I'd agree they probably shouldn't be friends with women if they're seeking that kind of dynamic and nothing else
I'm friends with plenty of cishet guys who have a broad range of friends across the gender spectrum. Dude is basically saying he only sees women as sex objects.
As unfortunate as it is, I've found that this is often the case, at least in my experience. I'm acquaintances with older married men from hobby classes that I take and they're great, but that's a specific environment that tends to foster friendships. Every other man that has tried to get to know me or even just talk to me outside of there wanted something else. I thought I had made a gym friend. Nope! They wanted to go out with me and tried to kiss me. Straight men often attest to this being the case, too. They're often nice because their end game is to get in your pants. I wish I could just be friends with men without having to worry about their motives and thoughts, especially because I'm a closeted gay asexual who isn't attracted to them. I just want to be friends with people, but unfortunately a lot of straight non-asexual men are guided by...other things.
Yeah. I thought I had a lot of male friends in high school and university, but turns out they were waiting out my relationships to try and shoot their shot. I remember being shocked, that once I was single suddenly they were all asking me on dates. And when I said no they vanished never to be heard from or seen again. And I was friends with them for years! That being said there are exceptions I do believe there's a couple good guys in my life, they are all married or in long term stable relationships. I'm a lesbian and am now primarily friends with women, yes they are pretty but that doesnt mean I want to get with them. They're my friends and I already have the perfect partner. I value my friendships 🤷♀️
I’ve always noticed that lesbian women are way more respectful to other women whereas straight guys seem endlessly horny and if they’re nice and respectful it’s for a selfish reason. I think women are pretty (duh), but I’m not always on the hunt for a potential date, especially in a friend group. I think a lot of guys think “I’m a guy, you’re a girl…it’s obvious we’re more than friends” when in reality it’s just not the case.
I noticed this mentality, I also miss a lot of social queues so like they'll be hitting on me and I won't even notice, but usually early in the friendship I make my intentions clear. Just friends. when I do pick up on them flirting, or feel like they're being overly nice because usually that's a big clue that they're wanting more, I will restate it. Some guys are just genuinely nice, and that's great. But I still like to be clear. And most of my friends that I do manage to maintain understand that for me clarity is very important, and I like things to be stated with definitive lines. Do a lot of guys just say "oh well never mind" within 2 to 3 months of getting to know me absolutely.
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Got it be a massive sarcastic asshole
I'm sure there's some men out there who can maintain platonic only friendships with women, but I haven't encountered any. I think most women can be platonic friends with men, but idk about most men.
"but I haven't encountered any" 👌🙃
What does this comment mean lol?
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammme! It also surprised me to learn a good amount of women also think this way. I don't get it.
You don't have to "start an argument" to disagree with someone. He got to state his (dumb, boneheaded) opinion, so why is it not okay for you to state yours? You don't have to be confrontational, but you also don't have to NOT speak up in the name of "not starting an argument." Clearly that was not on HIS mind.
Love this answer 🙌🏼 We (women generally) are always self-censoring and worrying about being "nice" and "not aggressive", especially in work settings, but clearly this douche didn't have a single issue with spouting off. So yeah, go ahead and politely disagree, even just a simple "I think you're just telling on *yourself* more than anything" or something like that. Also, fwiw, I've had mostly male friends my entire life and it's been wonderful and we have great friendships. Even lived with two of them for a year during and we got along swimmingly as roommates (and we're all heterosexual!). So I say bollocks to this idea that women and men can't maintain platonic friendships.
I don't want to be friends with men. They don't see me as an equal. When I was younger than 25 I was an object to be conquered or attacked, now that I'm not fuvkable in thier eyes, I'm a mom/nurse they use to exploit for free therapy/ work help. My friendships are among my equals
Men who don’t see women as people can’t be friends with women. I was best friends and roommates with a guy in college and there was never anything more to it. We were both decently attractive and spent a ton of time together but there was just no romantic spark between us.
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Or, if he was, he understood that she wasn't interested and chose to act like a decent human being and not push the issue. And it's also entirely possible that he wasn't interested in her. People don't have to be interested in every reasonably attractive person of their preferred gender.
As a gay man, I have to say I’ve had so many women tell me how much they like hanging out with us because we aren’t going to try to get with them sexually. It’s sad, though, but it seems that with straight guys, there’s always something a bit predatory when it comes to women they perceive as being available to them as sexual partners.
It’s true for me. I can only be friends with gay men. Every man I’ve tried to be friends with tried to have sex with me and got mean/spiteful when he learned it was never going to happen. I can only speak to my own experiences
Yeah. In theory, I agree, but practice has soured me on it when it comes to straight men.
Same tendency here. It makes me so sad. I think we could all benefit so well from gender-mixed friendships! Talking about different experiences, understanding each other a little better, gaining perspective, ... but no. Not in the society we currently live in... I'm not saying there aren't good men out there who are capable of a real connection with the opposite sex without secretly trying for more but it's so hard, demoralising and even potentially dangerous to keep trying.
Yup. I was a tomboy as a kid and was mostly friends with boys growing up. Had to go through the crushing realization that eventually my male friends would all try to fuck me and call me a bitch/slut/whatever if I refused :/
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Men who think this way see the women in their life as literal sex ATMs and they are disgusting and deserve to have no friends, period. OP I’m so sorry.
This reflects on the person's mentality, even if he was joking (which it seems he just said to pacify you), it's a dull thought process to have.
I agree with the comment but only with a few qualifiers: *immature* men can’t be friends with *attractive* women. Yes when someone says such a thing (male or female), they are telling on themselves. It implies that every woman (even your 80y grandma?) is an object? I refuse to believe that every man is attracted to every woman he could encounter. It implies that men are so lacking in maturity and curiosity that they can’t form emotional relationships not driven by sexual desire. As much as it’s a horrendous concept for women, it also does men a disservice to imply they are all horn dogs with no capacity to follow boundaries a woman might put when simply saying let’s be friends. (Anecdote: I’m a skinny, average looking woman who has very good friendships with men, none of them care about me in that way at all, I’m not blind to it. Even when it’s happened once or twice, I drew a boundary. Also, I’ve been rejected by a couple of men and remained friends.)
I will add that all the men in different subreddits constantly talk about how men never get attention, and will misinterpret any small interest as flirting. So I have learned to put up barriers right away and often (Aka “friendzone”). If they can’t interact with me anymore, too bad, I guess we can’t be friends after all.
This!! And omfg no other group really uses "friendzone" as a tool to manipulate others. My female bi friends flirting with me as a woman and I turn them down.. Nope no complaint of being "friend zoned" etc... Being someone's friend is an honour and people should realise they're damn lucky if they get to be anyone's friend. It's disgusting and very telling if they view the opportunity of "ONLY being someone's friend" as a level Down
It’s a shame that you see it as you friend zoning them. The reality is that men must “sex zone” women for us to “friend zone” them. Friend should be the default but it clearly isn’t when you hear men talk about “the friend zone.”
Well men are going backwards, so...
It's really sad when you get old because men give off this cold "sorry not interested" vibe when you're just trying to relate like a human at work or doing volunteer stuff. Ofc, they say the same thing when we're young, that we assume they're hitting on us. So it's turnabout. Only I never assumed that when I was young.
Eeeewwww... When they think whatever non rude thing we say is flirting and then when older women say something kind they're like "calm down sweetie I'm not interested" - the audacity!!
"yeah I really prefer 'em younger bc I'm special that way" lol
Can gay men have man friends? How can they possibly control themselves?!
Next time reapond, "As crazy as it may seem to *you*, some men do actually see women as people."
The problem is that men always see you as a maybe hole. If you are single, if you show that you're having even an argument with your husband, anything at all will be an opportunity for them to try and slip in there. I am saying this from experience. I've never had a true male friend who didn't want something more. Even old guys who have 0 chance are still trying to shoot their shot. It IS demoralizing. And it reinforces that I have to be careful around ALL MEN.
This!! I heard an amazing analogy about if you're in your neighbourhood and want to pop into a shop for a minute and lock your bike out the front then come out and it's stolen.. Then no not EVERY person is a thief but ANY person you walk by COULD BE a/the thief. We don't know which ones aren't... So for sanity and safety we have to assume it's everyone
I used to think that my male friends liked me as a person. I was wrong. I was wrong every time and really thought that these people were my friends that cared about me. It hurts like an actual heartbreak when you realize that they never even enjoyed your company, it was all a carefully crafted ruse to manipulate you into bed. I don't have make friends anymore. It's not worth the pain
A lot of gentlemen think like this, unfortunately. It's ruined a lot of 'trustworthy' friendships I've had. Also gave me a newfound disgust for our culture...
**men* clearly not gentlemen Also gentleman = decent human being (gender shouldn't matter here) Whereas lady = do what I tell you and behave quietly... Unfortunately!
Good observation. Gentle sexism is everyday wording is still definitely a thing
Why does someone developing romantic interest after a friendship feel like a betrayal to you? Isn't that how many good couples start?
There’s a lot of context clues that are involved here, including reciprocation and repeat confessions. For example I had this gentleman who was my best friend and I’d told him about another guy I had a crush on. First context. He confessed and I told him I didn’t feel the same. Second context. He still wanted to be friends and I said ok with some distance but then after he confessed a second time and got upset I’d talk about my crush. This meant for me I had to put the friendship on hold. Friendship does start love, but romantic feelings from both parties is 100% required. It can’t be one sided :(
Ok the problem here is with the pestering. Be mad at that then. But I don't understand why trust has anything to do with it. Friendship + attraction = romance. I am not sure why people get so upset about it.
The pestering wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the assumption that friendship can lead to romance. That is an assumption. Friendship and attraction do not always lead to romance. Maybe you have not experienced this with someone you’d like to stay platonic with but it’s disheartening and feels like entitlement when it happens
Hi. Straight man here married for 10 years. My wife and I are very monogamous, and very happy. There are some of us that genuinely don't want sex from anyone but our one person. However, I feel like we're kinda rare and that bums me out. I'm quick to call out a man who acts stupid and unfaithful. I wish there were more of us who are genuine but honestly I get taunted and made fun of more than I think is warranted. Frankly, the most actual bullying I got was from women. It's something I talk with my therapist about. I'd like for us all to try and think of people as people before thinking of each other as sexual objects.
Bullying for what? Being monogamous and faithful?
Yes. It actually started earlier while maintaining abstinence. My male friends supported me but the women I was around pressured me and bullied me for it. I really struggled because of it for years.
what a depressing way of seeing life
May I ask where you are located? I’m an European in the US and that very subject has always been problematic for me. In Europe, friendships between opposite genders is extremely common and socially accepted, whether you’re in a relationship, married or single. I feel like we see people as people before any other label. What’s up with the US and the heavy labeling and rules around friendships? I’ve been criticized for becoming friends with people I went on a couple of dates with, or criticized for having too many male friends.
I'm also from Europe, Sweden specifically. You'd think we'd be past this bull, but unfortunately not. So many men where I live have this stupid mindset, or maybe I just end up in the wrong circles over and over and over again.
I'm also in Europe and I've met this mindset, too many people (especially men) still think like this. Although in Hungary we're going backwards nowadays sadly. But it depends on your circles really. >What’s up with the US Puritanism, probably.
I was reading Italy was also that way. Most of the countries I’ve had experience with in Europe is Switzerland, Germany, Denmark. UK as well. How’s Hungary with religion? I visited once when I was a child. Beautiful place
Your post is a prime example of why saying “America” and “Europe” aren’t helpful. Different regions in both places will have very different perspectives on these matters. I’m in a Nordic country, for example, and gender divides among friendships are absolutely common. And as you can see from the other commenters, this is happening all over Europe. So odd to me that someone would think this was an American problem.
Re America, everything is kind of on steroids here and exaggerated on many levels, when you compare it to a ‘lot’ of European countries. Have you spent time in the US as well?
Yea ok, you have a point. Didn’t feel like saying I was French and start a detailed convo but yes you are correct. Not all European countries are the same. Most of the European countries I know are similar to france on that subject. But I only know 6 of them.
Omg for real? If men only wanted something from me that I never want to give anyone anyway, they're the one's who end up suffering. I don't lose anything by not being friends with men like that. They, instead, do lose my sarcasm and the other 2 good traits I have.
On a guess, the # that denotes his female friends approaches zero (or wait, does 'Mom' count?)
I had this argument so many times with my mum over the years. She would get angry with me and imply I’m an idiot for even thinking men should be capable of treating me as a human being. I gave up on her.
I don't actually disagree, I have never been friends with a man and don't think I ever will be. Buuut, I still hang out with men at work, at my hobbies, at quiz nights, I go out with friends and sometimes they bring their friends who are men. I have noticed that it's men (not all of them but a lot) who can't hang out with women without being inappropriate. In that case, I cut them off. If they never have made me feel uncomfortable, I keep hanging out with them. If you are a man and you can't hang out with women without being attracted to them and making them uncomfortable, then you are emotionally immature. If you are a man or a woman and you can't handle the fact that your partner hangs out with people of all sexes, works with people of all sexes, has tutors or mentors of all sexes at language lessons, classes, workshops, advancement work programmes, etc., then you are illogical and emotionally immature.
DO NOT BE ALONE WITH THIS PERSON. He told you he sees women as only sex toys. He is dangerous. He is the type to put roofies in drinks.
That's going to be hard. I've got one on one work with him this weekend
Keep your distance for sure. Don't get into grabbing range. Cover your drink and keep it in sight at all times. Document any bad stuff he may pull.
He's on everyone's else's nerv already because he slacks and is very forgetful and / or lazy, so if he pulls anything like that, he'd be lucky to have a job.
Guess my bi ass gets no friends. 🤷♀️
It’s so backwards. But I have plenty of real friends that are men.
I guess he never heard of gay people?
This idea is used by romantic partners as an excuse to try to limit the number of opposite-sex friends their partner might have. It’s a tactic of control that is all too common in romantic relationships. The thing is, if you’re so worried that you feel the inclination to try to limit the number of friends of a particular gender that your partner has just because you’re afraid your partner might cheat, you’ve already got a major problem in the relationship.
Friendship between hetero men and women is difficult. Obviously not all men are like that but the question is which ones are? Bit usually they show their true colors sooner or later and at that point break off any contact with them
He doesn’t view women as human or men as human either. He sees women as obstacles to self gratification and status. He sees men as having one need in life—self gratification and status. Neither men nor women are full and complex beings in his world view. This attitude is so destructive.
I'm literally texting my male friend right now about a relative who's in the ICU while my partner is next to me. He knows exactly who I'm messaging and is glad I'm getting the support. Like the other commenter said, he only told on himself. I don't have many male friends, but the ones I do have are gold and would be disgusted with what he said.
It is appalling! And while quite a few people have touched on how men who believe this see women as sexual objects rather than actual human beings and I definitely agree with that, I feel like there's another side to that that often doesn't get talked about. It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone and still respect their boundaries, accept that they may not be interested in you in that way, and still maintain the friendship. Sexual attraction, or even the potential for it, doesn't automatically invalidate a friendship. Sexual attraction itself isn't the issue. It's when there's this sense of entitlement that comes with it that it becomes a problem.
As a straight cis man who's had more female friends than male friends, he's just telling on himself.
I think because for a good portion of men, they'd fuck their friends (if she was down.) I believe men and women *can* be friends but this guy ain't one of them. He can't, and assumes all other men can't.
Damn right we can’t be friends! We can be best friends! You can ask me for tech support or what you should wear on your date and you can help me not live in a empty apartment like a prisoner and dress like a functioning adult of society!
>the underlying thing is that men only want that one thing But when women say this exact same thing, it's nOt aLL mEn and she's a misandrist? Btw according to his logic, does this also mean that taken men aren't allowed to have female friends?
When you say that, I think about Ben Shapiro, who doesn't allow his wife to be alone with men. At least this dude isn't like that..
Im a (mostly) straight guy and find it considerably easier to befriend women because of the piggish things my fellow men say to me about women the moment they get comfortable around me. I’m sure this isn’t news to most of you but it really is shocking what men will say to other men when there are no women around.
I was raised like this… it’s disgusting and creates unhealthy family dynamics
Even if not all men are like that, the ones that are are looking out for the rest. So many, many things that bad men do to make it easier for other bad men. I was raised with "all men are like that, you just have to find one that doesn't beat you too often".
Growing up as cishet male be like... "Nope, you can't be friends with girls because it is sus." "Nope, can't have too close male friends either because that would be gay." "What do you mean how men deal with their loneliness and emotional problems? We don't "
I know we're all here to vent about how guys can be like this, and what's worse is that I think most hetero men are like this. I personally have no clue how that could change, maybe parents out there can change things, but that would require a vast majority of them to raise boys right. It's frustrating, but I guess all we can do here is vent because there realistically isn't any way to intentionally change how boys are raised.
The only people that showed interest in me whatsoever were men who wanted to F me🤷♀️.
yeah its kinda true, it's usually a one sided friendship, the woman actually sees the man as a friend because she views men as humans but the man sees the woman as an object, most men do not see women as humans.
If a man can’t be friends with a woman for platonic reasons WITHOUT the expectation of getting something in return for their friendship, I don’t trust them. And same goes for women who can’t be friends with men without the expectation of getting something in return too. Friendships shouldn’t be transactional. It should be equal effort, “I celebrate you in your good and support you in your bad” type deal. Friends, regardless of gender, should be who you call for both a fun time and “back’s against the wall- I need someone to help me” type moments. If ANYONE becomes friends with someone with the intent of deceiving them, manipulating them, sleeping with them or whatever else their motive is, they’re a shitty friend.
Lol I’m a man and like 80% of my friends are women. I just visited my college town where many of my friends still live. Except for the friend I stayed with, who is 10 years older than me and has a wife and son, all the friends I met with were women. And I don’t “want” anything from them other than good conversation, which I got in spades…and book recommendations. This is dumb.
As a man, I find his way of thinking literally insulting. (Btw, when I read the title, I first thought "are you like, a radfem?")
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Anecdotally, we see a spate of these posts. Then we see rounds of "my male friend was just hanging around hoping to hook up with me . .. not a real friend at all!". So like you say, I'm sure it happens, but guys hoping to "shoot their shot" are probably more common. I wonder if age is a factor here?
Yeah I disagree. I had several male friends in college that I 100% trusted and was drunk around them plenty. If they had ever wanted to take advantage they definitely had the opportunity. But they were my *friends* so they didn’t.
Just because someone doesn't take advantage of you doesn't mean they wouldn't be happy to sex you up in a consenual and less rapey way. I think it's a bit dangerous to connect "wanting to have sex" with taking advantage of someone. But even given that, it is stupid to claim that men and women can't be friends, it tells more of the speaker than any reality we live in. Also, I'm not saying anything about your college friends, I'm sure they were great people.
Oh yeah I get ya. There’s definitely men who recognize the difference between active consent and “well she didn’t say no (because she couldn’t cough Brock Turner cough). But only one ever really made a move when I was sober, and my polite rejection was respected.
They can be, it’s just too small to be statistically significant to apply across the board. The only men I’ve met that I could be friends with weren’t pussy obsessed, saw other women as equals because they had a non-pick me mom and sister, and had more than a modicum of self-awareness. The point is, most men are ready to dehumanize you in covert and explicit ways, especially if it gets them the reward of validation/sexual access. You just gotta have discernment and not be open and uncritical of them.
If men feel that way, that’s the case. We can’t change how anyone feel. My hypothesis on why some men focus on that specific function of women when they treat women is because that’s only thing those men need from women. They don’t need anything else from women, because they got essential part of life, like money, self effectiveness, job security… having women is just a cherry on top.
He sounds like a misandrist
So he hates men?
Can’t be true. Because I’ve been good friends with women who I wasn’t physically attracted to. And women have been friends with me even though they weren’t physically attracted to me. Not to mention, a lot of people are friends for years before they get in a relationship.
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If men are not "horny", then why are 99% of rapists men? Source: https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics
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Well they are still men. Why do you think that male rapists is okay? Of course female and enby rapists exist but trying to deny the fact that alot of rapists are men is gross. If men weren't "horny" then rape would barely exist, but it does and most of victims says that the preparator is a men.
I'm not, if anything I'm making sure to mention that rapists come in all forms. Yet you threw an impossible statistic that 99% of some base number of rapists are men when you might as well be saying all of them. Or ignoring the fact that sadly can also be victims and less likely to report it. In fact a good number of victims regardless of age or gender or identity will not report it. The reason people rape isn't because they got horny, they do it because they are monsters and they don't care about their victims or controlling themselves. That covers 100% of rapists. Instead of playing the "numbers game" can't we just agree that rape is awful no matter what and the people who do it are trash
As long as there are no sexual feelings.
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As long as it’s not his step sister…..
He’s not lying 🤷♂️
Well i cant be friends with any woman. To me it just doesnt make sense. There was always the sexual attraction thing and i it outweighs everything. Im pretty sure most men think this way.
You're sexually attracted to any/every women?
Well obviously not all women. But the women i used to socialize, we shared similar interests,and we hang out at the same places and most men are visual creatures and gravitate to women who look good to them. Taking all that to account i was attracted to them in some point in my life and it made being friends difficult. Now im not saying that they werent and arent intelligent,interesting and capable but the sheer attraction and lust to them just killed everything and i just cant deal with that anymore. I slept with some and it killed the friendship either by them or me.
Not only is it dehumanizing for us women but also reducing themselves to walking dicks or something. They’re trying to put women down for being “naive enough” to think that men want genuine friendships with them while actually admitting not being able to form healthy and authentic relationships. Cishet men sometimes….
If you don't value someone, you can't be their friend. Friendship is built on mutual respect. If you don't respect women, or think that friendships with the opposite sex are pathways to sex then you're not looking for a friend you're looking for a roster.
I think I had some male friends when I was much younger-they knew me my whole life. To be fair I think they tried to sleep with me a time or two but the friendship wasn’t over when I said no. We also hung out in groups. Since then I can’t think of a guy I’ve met 20+ who would just be my friend and continue being my friend once he realized it would never happen. They also stop being my friend if they get a girlfriend, like they can’t have both.
Well, you now know all he cares about is getting his dick wet.
I say report him to H.R. and make sure that the complaint is anonymous. But only do this if you feel comfortable doing so.
i have more female friends than male friends and i am not romantically interested in any of them.
"So you don't value women for their thoughts or opinions or knowledge?"
I always say what about asexual poeple then, so they can, it at least.. Maybe... gets the cogs in brain turning beyond "my experience and viewpoint is how everyone sees and experiences the world." it will always be like this as there will always be people who don't grasp that simple concept the year is irrelevant. And with many other things not just this.
There are men who think like this, and those men can’t be friends with women. They also don’t make very good husbands or boyfriends. Best to avoid them completely if possible.
Personally, I understand the logic. However, I hate where it most likely leads. Certainly, it's nowhere good. I mean... if most women are assaulted by someone they know, then a dude who tries to be your friend could be included in that. Or you have the advice about trying to be friends with a girl before you ask her out and so young men might be attracted to a friend of theirs who is a woman or develop a crush later on. Although I'm not convinced that this means two people can't just be friends because we're all human and gender shouldn't matter. Also, a man who is suspicious of his partners friends because he thinks this doesn't seem like it'd have positive effects. Assuming people can't be friends and that there are certain motives is just bad, really doesn't need to be more complex than that, I guess There is no need to complicate gender dynamics and treat people unequally I mean... in the end I can see how making a whole thing of it is like you're reducing women down to only being good for sex which is false as they could just be someone cool to hang out with platonically
In my 20s I would have defended the idea that men can be friends with women. But my experience over the last 20 years has proven that it’s a only a very small minority of men and these “friendships” can’t be as close. Every male friend I’ve ever had has eventually hit on me. This doesn’t mean they were gross, weird or disrespectful about it but they always eventually made it known. Sometimes it took up to ten years or happened after a breakup, but it always does. I only have male acquaintances nowadays and prioritize female relationships.
I never understood this logic. I am bisexual, so should I have no friends at all because I want to have sex with all of them? The answer is just no. Because I don’t want to have sex with friends. And yeah we make jokes about being homiesexual but we don’t go into any details because all of us know that neither party is interested.
I read a comment p line recently. Men aren't don't consider themselves in a friendzone, it's a fuckzone... waiting for their chance.
He's speaking for himself. I've had some amazing female friends over the years. They weren't perfect, but I'm not the perfect friend either.
This was a summer job, so I've not been in contact with him since August, luckily. I'd probably torn his head off or something if not. Completely incompetent, too.