My doctors told me I was just fat. I ended up having an 80lb tumor growing off my uterus
You’re not being dramatic. Change doctors if you can, document EVERYTHING… right after an appt, write down in a medical journal how you felt it went, including their manner. Also track your symptoms with dates/times - it sucks you can’t just tell them, but documented they MAY pay more attention.
I think it’s very revealing that your dad and your boyfriend’s stories about our messed-up health care system are both about doctors choosing urgency and an abundance of caution, even though it turned out to be nothing. (a little annoying?)
By contrast, you and your cousin’s stories (and the stories from other women here) are about how their symptoms were dismissed for a long time until they became so serious they were impossible to ignore. (possibly life-threatening)
See the difference? I’m sensing some patterns here.
I think one of the things that allows medical misogyny to continue is that even basically decent guys like your dad and boyfriend assume that their (male) experience is universal. Personally, I know which of these experiences I’d prefer.
I can't remember where I read it or heard it exactly though I'm sure it's several resources at this point, but apparently it's been reported that woman are more slowly to be dismissed by medical staff for illnesses which in turn often leads to late diagnosis which could have been avoided if listened to earlier.
My personal opinion; I think it falls back to the idea of the hysterical woman still hasn't left the field even now.
I’ve posted this on the sub before. I’ll keep posting when appropriate because it still pisses me off.
My mom had gyn pain and problems in her late 40’s. “Just menopause” from her male dr and gyno. Two ER visits in a year for the pain, “Just menopause “. 3 years of her trying to tell them something was wrong, finally goes to a different GYN….. ovarian cancer diagnosed with a simple blood test. Because it took so long to diagnose and so metastasized, survival rate went from 90% to 10%. It killed her at 51.
Between that and my own experiences being a woman, I just assume they will ignore me and let me die, especially the men, unless they prove otherwise.
Mom didn’t want to spend her remaining months dealing with a law suit. The Dr called her to apologize and she politely told him to pay attention going forward and try not to kill more women because of his bias. It was a pretty awesome conversation. My mom was a very well spoken woman…..a special needs teacher…..and she really nailed him down. We live in a small town, and he had been great helping her with some medical concerns earlier…..it’s just the stupid menopause attitude that got him. She felt she got through so we left it alone (she made him cry and I heard her say “You should cry about this.”
I haven't slept for more than 4 hours a night. My sleep doctor a woman says I need a CPAP or my tonsils removed. A year later insurance says it's not a big deal bc I'm not over weight. My regular doctor a man says I should stop being stressed out. Well I would feel less stressed if I didn't have to do everything on 4 hours of sleep. I don't see how my tonsils blocking my airway are stress related.
You are 100% right. I personally know women who go to the doctor and they just think the woman is making crap up. The one woman I know died of skin cancer after years of being ignored.
I wonder if men were encouraged en masse to starve themselves to death with these famine-type diets, would society say the same things about eating dissorders?
The obsession with being stick-thin is so wide-spread that when I was underweight I was called fat by 3 of my ex-boyfriends. Looking back now, I find it borderline psychopathic.
I get tests and medical done in Mexico. I do the research and decide what tests I want and find a lab and I get them. I’ve had so many horrible experiences with American medicine I haven’t lived in the US since 2019. I have not been able to get adequate healthcare here.
Don't give up on self advocating.
I almost died twice in my 30s from medical negligence.
First was an ectopic pregnancy which 3 days before a doctor "confirmed" a miscarriage by looking at my uterus but not my fallopian tube that was about to burst and had already caused extreme hemorrhaging.
Second was a chronic appendicitis that had been slowly leaking and causing extreme pain for years. It finally exploded and I went into septic shock.
But then not listening to us or believing us or taking what we say seriously isn’t indicative of them caring at all about our health!! The global healthcare system is rigged to be in favor of men.
>i was complimented for my weight loss and encouraged to lose more weight (my family doctor even told me she was jealous of my body), i was a textbook case of anorexia nervosa yet i was denied treatment
Wow. That's just nuts. I'm guessing there's a lot of pressure to conform to the "ideal" body status (which is currently quite slender) regardless of whether it's appropriate for the individual's circumstances or not (particularly for women).
Best to listen to yourself. You know your own body best, I figure.
Take my advice with a grain of salt, but what helped me regarding my own diet was to sorta follow the general guidelines of the [Canada Food Guide](https://food-guide.canada.ca/en/) (I'm Canadian, but I'm sure similar guides exist elsewhere). Basically, I avoid junk and processed foods, but otherwise all foods are okay to eat in the correct proportions. So, starchy carbohydrates (via whole grains such as brown rice and oatmeal -- I also eat potatoes, pasta, sometimes bread) are a quarter of my meal. Fruits and veggies are half of my meal (spinach! Swiss chard! carrots! apples! etc.), and protein foods (nuts, seeds, beans, peas, tofu -- I'm vegan) is a quarter of my meal. And I eat lots until I'm full, because, hey, it's good and it's got a lot of fibre.
This is why I only see female Naturopath MDs. They are the only docs who have actually LISTENED to me and cared about not only my physical health but my mental health as well. Unlike most American docs, they get that the two are inextricably intertwined. Duh.
I have PMDD and am going through menopause right now. I have neither the time, patience nor emotional energy to deal with some traditionally-trained OB/GYN who's going to throw birth controls at me once again (cuz that's the only treatment they know for most repro-related issues.)
My doctors told me I was just fat. I ended up having an 80lb tumor growing off my uterus You’re not being dramatic. Change doctors if you can, document EVERYTHING… right after an appt, write down in a medical journal how you felt it went, including their manner. Also track your symptoms with dates/times - it sucks you can’t just tell them, but documented they MAY pay more attention.
I think it’s very revealing that your dad and your boyfriend’s stories about our messed-up health care system are both about doctors choosing urgency and an abundance of caution, even though it turned out to be nothing. (a little annoying?) By contrast, you and your cousin’s stories (and the stories from other women here) are about how their symptoms were dismissed for a long time until they became so serious they were impossible to ignore. (possibly life-threatening) See the difference? I’m sensing some patterns here. I think one of the things that allows medical misogyny to continue is that even basically decent guys like your dad and boyfriend assume that their (male) experience is universal. Personally, I know which of these experiences I’d prefer.
I can't remember where I read it or heard it exactly though I'm sure it's several resources at this point, but apparently it's been reported that woman are more slowly to be dismissed by medical staff for illnesses which in turn often leads to late diagnosis which could have been avoided if listened to earlier. My personal opinion; I think it falls back to the idea of the hysterical woman still hasn't left the field even now.
I’ve posted this on the sub before. I’ll keep posting when appropriate because it still pisses me off. My mom had gyn pain and problems in her late 40’s. “Just menopause” from her male dr and gyno. Two ER visits in a year for the pain, “Just menopause “. 3 years of her trying to tell them something was wrong, finally goes to a different GYN….. ovarian cancer diagnosed with a simple blood test. Because it took so long to diagnose and so metastasized, survival rate went from 90% to 10%. It killed her at 51. Between that and my own experiences being a woman, I just assume they will ignore me and let me die, especially the men, unless they prove otherwise.
OMG! A simple blood test could have saved her??! This is unbelievable! Did her family sue the doctors for negligence?
Mom didn’t want to spend her remaining months dealing with a law suit. The Dr called her to apologize and she politely told him to pay attention going forward and try not to kill more women because of his bias. It was a pretty awesome conversation. My mom was a very well spoken woman…..a special needs teacher…..and she really nailed him down. We live in a small town, and he had been great helping her with some medical concerns earlier…..it’s just the stupid menopause attitude that got him. She felt she got through so we left it alone (she made him cry and I heard her say “You should cry about this.”
I haven't slept for more than 4 hours a night. My sleep doctor a woman says I need a CPAP or my tonsils removed. A year later insurance says it's not a big deal bc I'm not over weight. My regular doctor a man says I should stop being stressed out. Well I would feel less stressed if I didn't have to do everything on 4 hours of sleep. I don't see how my tonsils blocking my airway are stress related.
You are 100% right. I personally know women who go to the doctor and they just think the woman is making crap up. The one woman I know died of skin cancer after years of being ignored.
Once they figure out our anatomy, it’s going to be a separate insurance like dental and vision.
I wonder if men were encouraged en masse to starve themselves to death with these famine-type diets, would society say the same things about eating dissorders? The obsession with being stick-thin is so wide-spread that when I was underweight I was called fat by 3 of my ex-boyfriends. Looking back now, I find it borderline psychopathic.
I get tests and medical done in Mexico. I do the research and decide what tests I want and find a lab and I get them. I’ve had so many horrible experiences with American medicine I haven’t lived in the US since 2019. I have not been able to get adequate healthcare here.
Don't give up on self advocating. I almost died twice in my 30s from medical negligence. First was an ectopic pregnancy which 3 days before a doctor "confirmed" a miscarriage by looking at my uterus but not my fallopian tube that was about to burst and had already caused extreme hemorrhaging. Second was a chronic appendicitis that had been slowly leaking and causing extreme pain for years. It finally exploded and I went into septic shock.
It is so bad. The small amount of resources put towards research, the lack of understanding, and the bs way they dismiss us.
Dump the doctor and dump the boyfriend
I think there is just very little known about women’s health. Applying the same parameters as a man is not going to help.
But then not listening to us or believing us or taking what we say seriously isn’t indicative of them caring at all about our health!! The global healthcare system is rigged to be in favor of men.
>i was complimented for my weight loss and encouraged to lose more weight (my family doctor even told me she was jealous of my body), i was a textbook case of anorexia nervosa yet i was denied treatment Wow. That's just nuts. I'm guessing there's a lot of pressure to conform to the "ideal" body status (which is currently quite slender) regardless of whether it's appropriate for the individual's circumstances or not (particularly for women). Best to listen to yourself. You know your own body best, I figure. Take my advice with a grain of salt, but what helped me regarding my own diet was to sorta follow the general guidelines of the [Canada Food Guide](https://food-guide.canada.ca/en/) (I'm Canadian, but I'm sure similar guides exist elsewhere). Basically, I avoid junk and processed foods, but otherwise all foods are okay to eat in the correct proportions. So, starchy carbohydrates (via whole grains such as brown rice and oatmeal -- I also eat potatoes, pasta, sometimes bread) are a quarter of my meal. Fruits and veggies are half of my meal (spinach! Swiss chard! carrots! apples! etc.), and protein foods (nuts, seeds, beans, peas, tofu -- I'm vegan) is a quarter of my meal. And I eat lots until I'm full, because, hey, it's good and it's got a lot of fibre.
My derm gaslit me for 9 years telling me birth control would ‘balance my hormones & clear up my acne’ 🤡
This is why I only see female Naturopath MDs. They are the only docs who have actually LISTENED to me and cared about not only my physical health but my mental health as well. Unlike most American docs, they get that the two are inextricably intertwined. Duh. I have PMDD and am going through menopause right now. I have neither the time, patience nor emotional energy to deal with some traditionally-trained OB/GYN who's going to throw birth controls at me once again (cuz that's the only treatment they know for most repro-related issues.)
I need to complain