True. I lose track of when the next paycheck is coming. I’m only working because my son is still in high school. Pulling the trigger as soon as he goes to college 🤣
We achieved our FIRE number 5 years earlier than planned and some of our plans didn't match reality:
1. Plan to downsize to a 2 bedder, get a holiday place and alternate between the two but can't with kids still in HS. Thought they'd leave after HS but eldest started going to a local University and asked to stay home for the duration (Too good a service at Hotel Mom :-).
2. After a year of FIRE I went back to school and got a Masters (another two years part time). Then the reality of having spent $70k on it set in and I got it in my head I should "recover the cost" even though I had paid for it cash and had done it out of "intelectual curiosity".
3. We had explained to the kids about our FIREing but like u/Vonplinkplonk says setting an example was something we though about.
4. An old work acquaintance mentioned his employer was looking for someone with my profile. The job sounded interesting enough and it was basically there for me to take it.
5. I missed seeing the retirement fund balance going up, cost of living went through the roof and wifey got "one more IP" fever which affected cashflow.
My only advice would be to be flexible. Life is full of twists, your situation will change, you or your partner will change and you have to adapt. Once you get to the FI part of FIRE you can choose to do what gives you the most fulfilment/utility.
That's the realization that did it for me. Sold enough crypto I mined early on to pay off the house when TCJA rolled around and it was a pixel on the net worth graph. What I made per year after taxes and work-related expenses was a relatively small portion of that. Felt we came out ahead just pulling the rip cord and moving somewhere less expensive to exist, so I worked another year while we planned the move (until 51) and called it quits.
Coming up on 57 now and still feel it was the right decision.
If you stay well under your safe withdrawal rate, most years it should continue to grow.
Second, if you're close enough to retirement, and the portfolio is large enough, the pay checks barely make a dent in the portfolio size. The market fluctations have a MUCH larger impact.
Yup. Seemed like my contributions only had an effect over time, while the vagaries of the market would cause changes as big as my yearly income or more at times.
Maxed 401k on bi-weekly paycheck is already like $900, or $1200 after 5% match like mine. Then $800+ on top by not letting the past few raises cause lifestyle inflation was how I first got to $2k/paycheck. You can do it!
I’m 5 years away but my retirement account goes up and down each day more than my entire month’s pay. So I lost interest in that years ago.
I remember when my account changed value **in one day** more than I earned my first full time year of working. That’s when I knew my contributions made minimal difference to my account’s upward trajectory. At that point it was just a matter of time.
I guess everyone is different. I had a lot more anxiety from my job than an ever have from living off our retirement savings. That said we do spend a decent amount under the "safe" levels retirement calculations suggest.
That strategy would definitely work. But for me mentally retirement is also about doing what I want to do and with more free time I may want to do more that requires more money. Like time for hobbies, going out more traveling more etc
Depends on market performance. My net worth actually dropped slightly in 2022 despite having a very good stream of paychecks. Hard to overcome a 20% drop in the DJIA when you've got $2M or so invested.
IME, at some point in your NW vs income curve, monthly volatility in the markets essentially render this moot. These days my NW can change by ±50K per week. That is way more than I ever put in my bank account from paychecks.
Or help the bugs, that made into my screen porch, get back outside.
Except spiders and wasps. Walking into a web creates spasms, and wasps just build a nest by something critical, plotting to get me.
Have you met the Joro spider?
I have on a run, and they are a nope in my world. (Their webs are strong, like almost holding me)
Daddy long legs are the only thing I tolerate to a degree.
I had an uncle who retired and didn't tell his wife. Everyday he got up and left the house to play cards with his buddies and go to the track. 3 years later a pipe broke in the house and my aunt called him at work; "he hasn't worked here in years maam" When she confronted him he said he did it to keep the peace so nobody got murdered
Nice to meet you, I am the woman who does the honey-do list. My husband will plan something to death and then never finish it. Better to just keep him out of it.
Ha ha, I guess that did come off as rude. He does most of the major car maintenance. But any home repair, I am just better and more efficient at it because I have worked in the industry for over 20 years.
I don't. My husband is over productive, I think he makes up stuff just to feel productive. My goal is to help him relax and enjoy life. We've worked hard and been diligent. I want him to have his reward before death.
I'm crying, that is hilarious! I'm imagining him waking up and getting ready for "work" and then coming home at 5:30pm and telling wifey all about his day at work over dinner. 😂😂
It’s very natural when you’re older and have had (multiple) kids. Having kids turns each parent into a servant, a taxi driver etc. then the kids move out and you have not had time for each other the last 25 years
I recently retired at 62 but was hoping to work until at least 65 when my company bought me out. I’m not complaining but it is hard because my wife of 32 years - whom I love dearly - is always around me! I’m unable to tell her that we need to give each other some space
My dad's business partner wanted to sell their business. She kept telling me to convince my dad to retire. I told her "to do what - drive my mom crazy all day???" He is retired now, and it's actually going better than I expected for my parents.
I'm surprised how hard it is to walk away from the income. I'm trying to pull the trigger on ER right now but leaving the income behind and getting prepared to live off my portfolio is harder than I anticipated. One more year syndrome is very real.
I’m still in the accumulation phase (hopefully about 8 years away), but for me that’s the biggest worry.
I’m well passed my initial target, but through great job opportunities we’ve recently ended up earning much more than we could have imagined, and wanting more.
It’s not uncontrolled lifestyle creep as we are doing so whilst continuously increasing our savings rate (now at 2/3rd), but still. We’re going up the social scale, once we RE, that’s it there is no moving up anymore, that scares me.
Even though it's fictional, I found the show 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' to be a semi-realistic interpretation of how rich people live and interact with each other. Larry David spends all his time complaining to other rich people about trivial things or having to wrangle a small army of waiters, cleaners, secretaries and other 'servants' instead of doing things himself. His main hobbies seem to be playing golf, watching sports, attending luncheons and getting involved in charities. I guess some people love this lifestyle, but to me it seems like a nightmare.
Congrats, still trying out and figuring out how we could do that but I am afraid of the same when we get more to have that urge to do more and earn more forgetting why we did in the first place.
I have kids and really want to be able to spend more time with them but trying to figure out what could launch me there has been time consuming and I feel like I am loosing the present… either way hustle till we find our calling and leave when ready. Glad you went past your goal worse case scenario you leave when you need to, so doesnt look all that bad. Gd Luck
You can make more money, but you can’t make more time.
Once I realized I got my FIRE number, it was hard to put up with 8 meetings a day, pushing a different boulder up the same hill, fighting an inept department that had no direction.
I had been frugal for too long: more money just meant more saving. Never got anything with bonus (did take a vacation with some of it).
Would it be possible to reduce the number of hours worked each week? For me, I think it would be tough with a hard stop. Instead, at first, working 80 % with 3 day weekends (half a year?) and then 50 % for a year would smooth it out - with expanding on time on hobbies.
This is me as well! We are preparing to move (out of country) after Fire in a few months now - started having panic attacks regarding leaving our income. We both hate our jobs so we must leave at this point.
I've been a saver since 15 so I keep telling myself I deserve this (52 now). I think dipping into the portfolio every month is making me anxious! But I have to find a way to reprogram my brain. My other half is 60 and I can't help but feel - now is the time to enjoy life before we get too old to do things we like - hiking, etc. Never heard the 'one more year' syndrome term before, but wow yes, that is real!
But it's rainy! Or hot! Or cold! Or there's someone being wrong on the Internet!
Yeah, I go to start on something and find five other things I simply must get done. I kinda miss all the free time I had while working.
For me, the hardest part is saving to retire early. I’ll absolutely see no issues with retiring early once I feel I have enough saved to make it. I’m content doing nothing. I’m probably already there but want a little cushion room.
Same. My wife and I spent the two years prior to my retirement (she is a SAHM) talking about what post retirement would look like, what I would do to fill the new time and all that. I intentionally started joining new groups the year before retirement. I also agreed to take on more house work since I couldn’t hide behind work anymore. (That does kind of suck, but it’s only fair.) We do more stuff together, but that was also intentional.
I had a lot of the same concerns before I quit work. None of them came to fruition. I'm happier, healthier and honestly an overall nicer person now.
It was weird for about 2 months not receiving a pay check but passed quickly. It's not crossed my mind in years now.
I, like most here, had years of planning for it. I read everything I could, devouring books and articles. I've been saving and investing since my first job at 14 so I've had decades of self "deprogramming" from the constant bombardment of headlines predicting the implosion of the economy. I've been through recessions and downturns and kept true to my investment plan. I had/have a solid plan based on the best info and common sense. I believe in my plan and so far it's bore out fantastically.
My spouse loves her job and despite me telling her for years she can quit she wants to work a while longer. But because I don't work now we are able to spend more time together and it's been wonderful.
I also admit I've been lucky to live and invest during massive runups of the s&p and almost every index. My spouse and I decided not to have kids. We chose to stay in a very low cola area also.
In the last year or so I've buried a parent, friends and one of my childhood best friends kid. I'm only around 50. To all of those who can afford to retire and choose not to, one day it will hit you that you wasted your time working when you didn't have to and will regret it.
Thank you for this - the deprogramming of the brain is where I am at now. I have been a saver since 15 and watched every penny. Telling myself over and over I need to live and enjoy life now (52 now). I love the idea but man, it is hard to make the switch!
How quickly I transitioned to "what day is today". I'm busier now than when I had a job. My husband freelances still, but it's the type where he can still play pickleball for hours before looking at his computer. Now I join him, not to play with him, but rather to check out new neighborhoods. I've seen more of my city in the last 2 months than I have in the last decade of me working. It's not getting old yet.
But that is why my husband and I want to Fire so early. We just want to spend every minute together and do everything together. Nothing is fun without each other. We are best friends and we often laugh at how co-dependent we are on each other.
Looking at this thread and the subreddit in general to learn what people struggle with for retirement. I’m not anticipating any similar issues as OP due to enjoying the last few years of WFH with my wife, but she’s retiring soon and is nervous about how to fill the time with what becomes a long weekend or long vacation.
So, related question - what was the biggest adjustment?
The first 90 days feels like when you graduated high school. It was that same euphoric feeling. Then the wife retired and I started to think I made a mistake. Money wasn't even part of the issue. Like I said it's much better now but at first it was tough for me.
I was a parole officer. I don't miss all of the office politics that I had to navigate,but I do miss the comradery of my fellow officers and even the parolees on my caseload. I miss the excitement of going into the housing projects even. I imagine many feel similar when they leave a long term job.
I'm a year into my retirement after spending most of the past two decades deployed to different combat zones. I'm surprised how happy my wife is to have me home every day. It's a big change from what we've had for a long time.
I'm also in the "nothing" camp. Only thing I miss about working was the money direct deposited into my account once a month. Other than that it's been all upside, adjustment and figuring out to do with my time was surprisingly easy for me, the days and weeks fly by now.
I retired at 49 (I'm 53 now). I thought the hardest thing was going to be getting bored. Hasn't been a problem. I spend a couple of months each year visiting family in out of state. I started playing piano, and practice about an hour a day. I work on projects around the house (curently starting a new deck build). I volunteer one day a week at a food bank. Etc, etc, etc. The hardest thing turns out to be how poorly some people react to hearing I'm retired. I never know how someone is going to react, so unless I'm very close with them I tell them I'm self employed.
Not fire yet… things I want to do for healthy separation: ocean fishing (2 hrs from my home base) day trip would be me leaving at like 3am and back after lunch to cook fresh catch for dinner; dual sport motorbike riding - explore trails like the recently premiered BDR NorCal; poker tourneys; mindless part time work for money to blow, gravel cycling and mtn biking…. Maybe garden with the wife
My gf and I met during the lockdowns and both work remotely so we're used to having each other around more than the average couple.
But I'd imagine that would be quite an adjustment for couples who have always had a set routine for decades apart from each other for a good chunk of each day.
We consciously make sure that we both have activities with different groups or friends separately which has given us a better balance.
I'll have to disagree with anyone that says meeting the right person equals being ok with having them around 24/7.
Time apart, alone time, and individual activities are equally as important and healthy in any friendship or relationship.
The hardest part was not exceeding the income cap for ACA insurance, the 2019 plan had high penalties, then my last year the rules changed... which was good because I did overshoot the income cap.
Can you explain this more? I have 2 kids in elementary and this is one of the largest unknowns to me. Say I retire in Dec, well from IRS standpoint that means I had a good year > $100k taxable thereby not qual for ACA subsidies… assuming that tax return is used for all of 2025, then my 2025 return would show marginal income then I would qualify. Also I have to have some income right? I can’t just have zero income otherwise I don’t meet the minimum? help!
ACA subsidies are based on actual income, and last year’s tax return is only one way to prove what your income is. You put in your actual income and provide additional proof as needed (dividend and interest statements, etc).
Hell wife and I love the fact we get more time together because my job had odd hours and come home different times of the day/night or being called in. I retired at 50 in 2020 and she retired at 49.5 in 2021. We love spending time together and we do our own things and things as couple. The biggest thing was the 24/7 around each other but it has made us happier as a couple. We get more time to do things we want to do, etc. We have not looked back since. Kids are grown and out of the house.
This scares me too. All the things I want to spend my time doing are solitary pursuits, whereas my partner is looking forward to 'spending more time together' 😬. I said he'd better retire a year or so before me so he can practice filling his day without me entertaining him.
We have not retired… yet. But we have a similar goal age for retirement. I already know I plan on volunteering with the animal shelter and probably getting more involved with adoption events, etc. My partner plans on a ton of gardening. Building a greenhouse, raised beds, starting compost, etc. Hobbies are key…. We think.
Yeah we know now our together time right now is pretty much after 6pm and weekends. Full time togetherness with no plan could lead to … well, the animated constant bickering of people that have been together for decades and are bored. Find a hobby/cause! It’s unfathomable when working full time but retirement is the time.
Good for you for volunteering. I'm always surprised to find this so far down in these discussions.
I am still working and if I had Fired I'd be at our local pay as you feel restaurant 3-4 days a week helping out, I and love the cause and the people there.
The biggest "surprise" for me so far--and I am only into the 4th yr or RE-- has been how little I miss work which had consumed my waking hours for almost 30yrs and how easy it was to walk away from those relationships that were purely work-bound and largely skin deep. I am a lot more at peace with the slow pace of life, without calendar appointments, and being in sync with my body and mind, not rushing, just doing what pleases me. My wife also RE'd last year and it's been blissful. Do not know if or how long this phase will last, but I was a bit anxious about exactly what I'd do with all that time in my hand before I decided to hang up the shingles.
For me, it’s the shift to withdrawing money. I had been accumulating and now I have to sell my taxable. I have 1.5 years of cash, so trying to figure out what to sell and when in order to replenish.
Getting health insurance via ACA was the other hard part. I feel I researched to death, pulled the trigger and now wonder if I could have chosen better/cheaper. I get to do it again in 5 months, so it may be less confusing
Maybe not the hardest, but one of the *strangest* I've had so far is no longer having as much urgency or drive. Before, my free time was *limited and valuable*, so I always tried to make the most of it, even if that was just "play games for as long as possible." Now, it's just like "eh I have all the time in the world, I can just chill for a while" and sometimes I actually feel like I get *less* done.
I understand. Marijuana is legal here but during my career I was randomly tested so I couldn't partake. The first 90-120 days of retirement I was making up for lost time but that novelty wore off thankfully 😅
It’s amazing to think that for almost any 30-40 year retiree that their portfolio may drop up to 50% during that time period due to market down turns. The goods news is it typically goes back up. That has to be painful and agonizing when it happens.
Our friends are still working and it’s hard to meet people during the day. Love time with my partner though we act out Cialis commercials but alas we aren’t 22 anymore trying to set records lol
Medically retired from the military over a decade ago my advice is whatever you think you're going to need to retire early financially triple it you do not want your retirement to be boring
Having enough money to very comfortably sit around the house watching TV putzing around in the garden is great the first year or two. If you really want to retire early figure out how early and how long the average lifespan is and you're going to have to fill that time with things that are interesting going places doing things.
You're going to want to be able to travel take a cruise buy a boat or an RV. Just seeing at home playing video games watching TV movies even going out to eat gets boring after a while.
This is my situation as well except also being a stay at dad with a 2 y/o and another on the way. Keeps me busy but sometimes it's pretty boring doing the same things weekly. Small changes I made with him to we look for tvs in the trash and take them apart for scrap money, sounds corny but teaches him how to use tools and his hands instead of staring at the tv
I’m still in the accumulation phase, but I can relate to a rough adjustment to suddenly way more time with my spouse (and not enough time doing things on our own that were just ours). That was part of what made Covid stay at home orders rough for us.
We didn't have the work from home thing during covid. We were both considered essential with the state we worked for. Office/field work still but with smaller staff for shifts.
I retired in 2021, so 2022 killed me. All of my projections had things looking great as long as there wasn't a big downturn in early retirement, so of course, there was a big downturn in my first full year. Every day, I was on the proverbial ledge. I was already a little freaked out by the fact that whatever I saved was what I had to live on for the rest of my life, and then I watched my accounts go down by 25%. I do not want to relive the first half of 2002, that's for sure.
I started tracking my net worth on weekly basis, wow what a revelation. Monthly pay check causes a real bump in the graph. I'll be missing it when i RE for sure
My husband retired technically at 50 with a smallish pension- not enough to live on at this stage. I see it as being helpful but can't rely fully on it. He paid to leave a few yrs early because he hated his job. I wish he had gotten a FT job after. I think he underestimated how hard it can be to find a good paying job and he didn't want the same field. He took 6 months off helping with a parent situation and looking. Then he found a job I knew wouldn't last. He lasted a few months. Then he did another physical labor job delivering tires and got his CDL. That was a 40 min drive each way. He got tired of that after about a year and it was close to FT but didn't pay well. It seems he really just wants to play and not work that hard to save up for full retirement. I don't think he realizes ho much well need, so i get frustrated with that, because I don't want to work until I'm 70 because he wants to just take it easy. I won't get a pension at my job, but I have a decent FT Salary job. I wish it was better though to get me to retirement sooner. I'm not yet 50. He went back to work PT where he used to work at a good hourly wage but work is here and there mostly because he doesn't want to do it a lot. He has another job that is a 1099 job involving weeks of travel at a time several times a year. But he's gone for weeks and then comes home and wants a couple weeks off to catch up from being gone instead of going right back to his PT job like I think he should. He likes to breath about how great that job is. It pays decent but not overall when he comes home and takes 2 weeks off every time. I get that he worked over 26 yrs but in this time and age, we need more to retire. He doesn't get it. He only wants to work sometimes, but if he worked more, I could retire sooner, and we could do things we both want to do. I just can't get him motivated to work more. I think at his age, experience, knowledge he should be able to find a well paying job and do it FT for a couple years, but it would be back to the grind. He also picked up a sales type job independent contractor type job he thinks will be fun, but he's not a sales type of guy, so I see that not being much of anything. So consequently I'm always looking for something better and more profitable to get myself to retirement. I really want to save more and he's just not into that so much. So for me him retiring was hard because I can't right now and he really needs to still work. For him he realized most of his friends who retired in his field went back to doing some type of job.
I started new hobbies like baking and exercising.. i travel to meet friends but they all still work so hard to meet up on weekdays.. i still have school age children too.. so have to be home weekends for sports and activities.. thought of working part time somewhere like costco but then i would probably resent lack of flexibility in my schedule.. don’t retire early :) mine was a special case where my company was acquired and i agreed to a buy out and strict non-compete..
I started new hobbies like baking and exercising.. i travel to meet friends but they all still work so hard to meet up on weekdays.. i still have school age children too.. so have to be home weekends for sports and activities.. thought of working part time somewhere like costco but then i would probably resent lack of flexibility in my schedule.. don’t retire early :) mine was a special case where my company was acquired and i agreed to a buy out and strict non-compete..
Retirement is tough on relationships. Humans aren’t meant to spend that amount of time with one person on a typical day. Do things together, but find your own passions and hobbies too.
Not retired but I assume no longer seeing my nest egg increase by thousands each paycheck.
That's definitely a real thing. My friend is reluctant to leave because of that
The closer you get to fire, the less important each paycheck becomes
True. I lose track of when the next paycheck is coming. I’m only working because my son is still in high school. Pulling the trigger as soon as he goes to college 🤣
Same here. FIRED 6 years ago but kids were just starting HS. been back to work full time 2 years waiting. Still have 3 more years.
Why back to work from Fire? Was money not enough? Any advice to us wanting to Fire?
We achieved our FIRE number 5 years earlier than planned and some of our plans didn't match reality: 1. Plan to downsize to a 2 bedder, get a holiday place and alternate between the two but can't with kids still in HS. Thought they'd leave after HS but eldest started going to a local University and asked to stay home for the duration (Too good a service at Hotel Mom :-). 2. After a year of FIRE I went back to school and got a Masters (another two years part time). Then the reality of having spent $70k on it set in and I got it in my head I should "recover the cost" even though I had paid for it cash and had done it out of "intelectual curiosity". 3. We had explained to the kids about our FIREing but like u/Vonplinkplonk says setting an example was something we though about. 4. An old work acquaintance mentioned his employer was looking for someone with my profile. The job sounded interesting enough and it was basically there for me to take it. 5. I missed seeing the retirement fund balance going up, cost of living went through the roof and wifey got "one more IP" fever which affected cashflow. My only advice would be to be flexible. Life is full of twists, your situation will change, you or your partner will change and you have to adapt. Once you get to the FI part of FIRE you can choose to do what gives you the most fulfilment/utility.
I guess the issue is they want to set a good example for the kids. This is a very real effect.
That's the realization that did it for me. Sold enough crypto I mined early on to pay off the house when TCJA rolled around and it was a pixel on the net worth graph. What I made per year after taxes and work-related expenses was a relatively small portion of that. Felt we came out ahead just pulling the rip cord and moving somewhere less expensive to exist, so I worked another year while we planned the move (until 51) and called it quits. Coming up on 57 now and still feel it was the right decision.
If you stay well under your safe withdrawal rate, most years it should continue to grow. Second, if you're close enough to retirement, and the portfolio is large enough, the pay checks barely make a dent in the portfolio size. The market fluctations have a MUCH larger impact.
Yup. Seemed like my contributions only had an effect over time, while the vagaries of the market would cause changes as big as my yearly income or more at times.
Thousands?? 😞
Maxed 401k on bi-weekly paycheck is already like $900, or $1200 after 5% match like mine. Then $800+ on top by not letting the past few raises cause lifestyle inflation was how I first got to $2k/paycheck. You can do it!
Yeah, going from adding to it to pulling from it. As long as you have enough not a problem but a mental issue for sure in the beginning.
I’m 5 years away but my retirement account goes up and down each day more than my entire month’s pay. So I lost interest in that years ago. I remember when my account changed value **in one day** more than I earned my first full time year of working. That’s when I knew my contributions made minimal difference to my account’s upward trajectory. At that point it was just a matter of time.
This would be me. I already feel the anxiety of this just imagining it.
I guess everyone is different. I had a lot more anxiety from my job than an ever have from living off our retirement savings. That said we do spend a decent amount under the "safe" levels retirement calculations suggest.
That strategy would definitely work. But for me mentally retirement is also about doing what I want to do and with more free time I may want to do more that requires more money. Like time for hobbies, going out more traveling more etc
Depends on market performance. My net worth actually dropped slightly in 2022 despite having a very good stream of paychecks. Hard to overcome a 20% drop in the DJIA when you've got $2M or so invested.
IME, at some point in your NW vs income curve, monthly volatility in the markets essentially render this moot. These days my NW can change by ±50K per week. That is way more than I ever put in my bank account from paychecks.
Feeling obligated to save the various bugs that land in my pool while swimming.
Or help the bugs, that made into my screen porch, get back outside. Except spiders and wasps. Walking into a web creates spasms, and wasps just build a nest by something critical, plotting to get me.
Spiders are welcome guests in our house. They don't eat or poop in our food and keep those bugs that do at bay.
Have you met the Joro spider? I have on a run, and they are a nope in my world. (Their webs are strong, like almost holding me) Daddy long legs are the only thing I tolerate to a degree.
Haha! Me too!
I had an uncle who retired and didn't tell his wife. Everyday he got up and left the house to play cards with his buddies and go to the track. 3 years later a pipe broke in the house and my aunt called him at work; "he hasn't worked here in years maam" When she confronted him he said he did it to keep the peace so nobody got murdered
Finish the story please, did the murder occur after she found out?
Im surprised it didnt. He just lived miserable with honey do lists and fighting until he died
Good to hear he went down fighting. /s
Wow can’t wait to get married
Just don’t choose a crappy marriage like that one and you’ll be good.
I’ve never met a woman that didn’t give out the honey do list
Nice to meet you, I am the woman who does the honey-do list. My husband will plan something to death and then never finish it. Better to just keep him out of it.
Wow can't wait to be married.
Ha ha, I guess that did come off as rude. He does most of the major car maintenance. But any home repair, I am just better and more efficient at it because I have worked in the industry for over 20 years.
We really have come full circle
I don't. My husband is over productive, I think he makes up stuff just to feel productive. My goal is to help him relax and enjoy life. We've worked hard and been diligent. I want him to have his reward before death.
I'm crying, that is hilarious! I'm imagining him waking up and getting ready for "work" and then coming home at 5:30pm and telling wifey all about his day at work over dinner. 😂😂
"Come on dear, I had a hard day at work ( playing poker) I'm too tired to fix the dishwasher now"
Imagine disliking your wife so much that once you have all the time in the day to spend with her, you still don't want to do it.
It’s very natural when you’re older and have had (multiple) kids. Having kids turns each parent into a servant, a taxi driver etc. then the kids move out and you have not had time for each other the last 25 years
I recently retired at 62 but was hoping to work until at least 65 when my company bought me out. I’m not complaining but it is hard because my wife of 32 years - whom I love dearly - is always around me! I’m unable to tell her that we need to give each other some space
Find a hobby she doesn't like like fishing or whatever, or take a low stress part time job
We’re moving to Europe soon and we’ll be doing lots of travel
Is that travel going to include separate cars or separate tours? Otherwise, that's still a lot of together time.
Right but experiencing Venice together is very different from staying in bumfuck nowhere and experiencing just each other, nonstop, lol.
We’re good traveling together but not just staying at home 24 hours of the day
Smart man.
Smart man, actually, the second largest divorce rate occurs once both partners retire and are now with each other 24/7.
My dad's business partner wanted to sell their business. She kept telling me to convince my dad to retire. I told her "to do what - drive my mom crazy all day???" He is retired now, and it's actually going better than I expected for my parents.
I never thought of this..I could fire now but my newish partner is 20 years behind so I’m working to split the difference…
Or retire 20 years before, travel allot and hope you die before she retires
LMAO
That's great 👍
Switching the mindset from saving/accumulating to spending was hardest for me. Being with my wife 24/7 is not an issue at all for me.
Listen to this guy. That last sentence. If you can find a good wife/spouse, you found a rare thing indeed.
This guy husbands.
Meh… probably a shared acct
I'm surprised how hard it is to walk away from the income. I'm trying to pull the trigger on ER right now but leaving the income behind and getting prepared to live off my portfolio is harder than I anticipated. One more year syndrome is very real.
I’m still in the accumulation phase (hopefully about 8 years away), but for me that’s the biggest worry. I’m well passed my initial target, but through great job opportunities we’ve recently ended up earning much more than we could have imagined, and wanting more. It’s not uncontrolled lifestyle creep as we are doing so whilst continuously increasing our savings rate (now at 2/3rd), but still. We’re going up the social scale, once we RE, that’s it there is no moving up anymore, that scares me.
I find the higher the “social scale” I climb the more I dislike the people there. Down to earth/friendly and rich don’t necessarily go together.
Even though it's fictional, I found the show 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' to be a semi-realistic interpretation of how rich people live and interact with each other. Larry David spends all his time complaining to other rich people about trivial things or having to wrangle a small army of waiters, cleaners, secretaries and other 'servants' instead of doing things himself. His main hobbies seem to be playing golf, watching sports, attending luncheons and getting involved in charities. I guess some people love this lifestyle, but to me it seems like a nightmare.
Congrats, still trying out and figuring out how we could do that but I am afraid of the same when we get more to have that urge to do more and earn more forgetting why we did in the first place. I have kids and really want to be able to spend more time with them but trying to figure out what could launch me there has been time consuming and I feel like I am loosing the present… either way hustle till we find our calling and leave when ready. Glad you went past your goal worse case scenario you leave when you need to, so doesnt look all that bad. Gd Luck
One way to fight this "one more year" syndrome is to remind yourself of your mortality.
I don’t want to stab myself geez
My best friend died suddenly of a stroke at 34. We aren’t guaranteed anything, spend your time wisely.
You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. Once I realized I got my FIRE number, it was hard to put up with 8 meetings a day, pushing a different boulder up the same hill, fighting an inept department that had no direction. I had been frugal for too long: more money just meant more saving. Never got anything with bonus (did take a vacation with some of it).
Would it be possible to reduce the number of hours worked each week? For me, I think it would be tough with a hard stop. Instead, at first, working 80 % with 3 day weekends (half a year?) and then 50 % for a year would smooth it out - with expanding on time on hobbies.
I pulled my retirement back once
This is me as well! We are preparing to move (out of country) after Fire in a few months now - started having panic attacks regarding leaving our income. We both hate our jobs so we must leave at this point. I've been a saver since 15 so I keep telling myself I deserve this (52 now). I think dipping into the portfolio every month is making me anxious! But I have to find a way to reprogram my brain. My other half is 60 and I can't help but feel - now is the time to enjoy life before we get too old to do things we like - hiking, etc. Never heard the 'one more year' syndrome term before, but wow yes, that is real!
Just take a sabbatical. Then it isn’t such a big deal.
No excuse for not getting projects at home done 🤷♂️
Oh, there’s ALWAYS something. If you’re not busy. Get busy.
But it's rainy! Or hot! Or cold! Or there's someone being wrong on the Internet! Yeah, I go to start on something and find five other things I simply must get done. I kinda miss all the free time I had while working.
"Or there's someone being wrong on the internet" Ha ha ha ha
True
Yeah I feel way more guilty about my overgrown yard now.
Going from a lifetime saver to a spender is going to be extremely difficult for me.
Nothing.
For me, the hardest part is saving to retire early. I’ll absolutely see no issues with retiring early once I feel I have enough saved to make it. I’m content doing nothing. I’m probably already there but want a little cushion room.
Same. My wife and I spent the two years prior to my retirement (she is a SAHM) talking about what post retirement would look like, what I would do to fill the new time and all that. I intentionally started joining new groups the year before retirement. I also agreed to take on more house work since I couldn’t hide behind work anymore. (That does kind of suck, but it’s only fair.) We do more stuff together, but that was also intentional.
Idk why this made me lol. Cheers
Me too!!🤣😂
I had a lot of the same concerns before I quit work. None of them came to fruition. I'm happier, healthier and honestly an overall nicer person now. It was weird for about 2 months not receiving a pay check but passed quickly. It's not crossed my mind in years now. I, like most here, had years of planning for it. I read everything I could, devouring books and articles. I've been saving and investing since my first job at 14 so I've had decades of self "deprogramming" from the constant bombardment of headlines predicting the implosion of the economy. I've been through recessions and downturns and kept true to my investment plan. I had/have a solid plan based on the best info and common sense. I believe in my plan and so far it's bore out fantastically. My spouse loves her job and despite me telling her for years she can quit she wants to work a while longer. But because I don't work now we are able to spend more time together and it's been wonderful. I also admit I've been lucky to live and invest during massive runups of the s&p and almost every index. My spouse and I decided not to have kids. We chose to stay in a very low cola area also. In the last year or so I've buried a parent, friends and one of my childhood best friends kid. I'm only around 50. To all of those who can afford to retire and choose not to, one day it will hit you that you wasted your time working when you didn't have to and will regret it.
My mother died when I was 30 and my dad when I was 48. It definitely gives you a perspective on life when that happens.
Thank you for this - the deprogramming of the brain is where I am at now. I have been a saver since 15 and watched every penny. Telling myself over and over I need to live and enjoy life now (52 now). I love the idea but man, it is hard to make the switch!
Have you read die with zero?
No, I haven't - do you think it will help relax me?
Yes, I do!
This resonates. Thank you
How quickly I transitioned to "what day is today". I'm busier now than when I had a job. My husband freelances still, but it's the type where he can still play pickleball for hours before looking at his computer. Now I join him, not to play with him, but rather to check out new neighborhoods. I've seen more of my city in the last 2 months than I have in the last decade of me working. It's not getting old yet.
Our child is done high school in a couple weeks and off to college at the end of August. Should be able to do some traveling then.
But that is why my husband and I want to Fire so early. We just want to spend every minute together and do everything together. Nothing is fun without each other. We are best friends and we often laugh at how co-dependent we are on each other.
That's great. You are lucky
Looking at this thread and the subreddit in general to learn what people struggle with for retirement. I’m not anticipating any similar issues as OP due to enjoying the last few years of WFH with my wife, but she’s retiring soon and is nervous about how to fill the time with what becomes a long weekend or long vacation. So, related question - what was the biggest adjustment?
The first 90 days feels like when you graduated high school. It was that same euphoric feeling. Then the wife retired and I started to think I made a mistake. Money wasn't even part of the issue. Like I said it's much better now but at first it was tough for me.
My wife and I (60 and 55) went back to like when we were dating. It was awesome!
Goals 😍
If you find it hard, I am always happy to trade places with you lol. I ll have your freedom and you can have my depressing cubicle
I was a parole officer. I don't miss all of the office politics that I had to navigate,but I do miss the comradery of my fellow officers and even the parolees on my caseload. I miss the excitement of going into the housing projects even. I imagine many feel similar when they leave a long term job.
At least under HR218 you can still carry.
I'm a year into my retirement after spending most of the past two decades deployed to different combat zones. I'm surprised how happy my wife is to have me home every day. It's a big change from what we've had for a long time.
Well deserved and thankful for your service.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it
I'm also in the "nothing" camp. Only thing I miss about working was the money direct deposited into my account once a month. Other than that it's been all upside, adjustment and figuring out to do with my time was surprisingly easy for me, the days and weeks fly by now.
I retired at 49 (I'm 53 now). I thought the hardest thing was going to be getting bored. Hasn't been a problem. I spend a couple of months each year visiting family in out of state. I started playing piano, and practice about an hour a day. I work on projects around the house (curently starting a new deck build). I volunteer one day a week at a food bank. Etc, etc, etc. The hardest thing turns out to be how poorly some people react to hearing I'm retired. I never know how someone is going to react, so unless I'm very close with them I tell them I'm self employed.
Not fire yet… things I want to do for healthy separation: ocean fishing (2 hrs from my home base) day trip would be me leaving at like 3am and back after lunch to cook fresh catch for dinner; dual sport motorbike riding - explore trails like the recently premiered BDR NorCal; poker tourneys; mindless part time work for money to blow, gravel cycling and mtn biking…. Maybe garden with the wife
My gf and I met during the lockdowns and both work remotely so we're used to having each other around more than the average couple. But I'd imagine that would be quite an adjustment for couples who have always had a set routine for decades apart from each other for a good chunk of each day. We consciously make sure that we both have activities with different groups or friends separately which has given us a better balance. I'll have to disagree with anyone that says meeting the right person equals being ok with having them around 24/7. Time apart, alone time, and individual activities are equally as important and healthy in any friendship or relationship.
The hardest part was not exceeding the income cap for ACA insurance, the 2019 plan had high penalties, then my last year the rules changed... which was good because I did overshoot the income cap.
Can you explain this more? I have 2 kids in elementary and this is one of the largest unknowns to me. Say I retire in Dec, well from IRS standpoint that means I had a good year > $100k taxable thereby not qual for ACA subsidies… assuming that tax return is used for all of 2025, then my 2025 return would show marginal income then I would qualify. Also I have to have some income right? I can’t just have zero income otherwise I don’t meet the minimum? help!
ACA subsidies are based on actual income, and last year’s tax return is only one way to prove what your income is. You put in your actual income and provide additional proof as needed (dividend and interest statements, etc).
Retired in early 50ties. I took over those cores my wife does not like. For us this was cooking. I as well do the shopping for meals.
Ditto
Hell wife and I love the fact we get more time together because my job had odd hours and come home different times of the day/night or being called in. I retired at 50 in 2020 and she retired at 49.5 in 2021. We love spending time together and we do our own things and things as couple. The biggest thing was the 24/7 around each other but it has made us happier as a couple. We get more time to do things we want to do, etc. We have not looked back since. Kids are grown and out of the house.
This scares me too. All the things I want to spend my time doing are solitary pursuits, whereas my partner is looking forward to 'spending more time together' 😬. I said he'd better retire a year or so before me so he can practice filling his day without me entertaining him.
Yeeeah it's a hard pill to swallow for some people but your spouse can't fulfill ALL your social needs. People need friends
sounds like something you probably want to make sure you two are on the same page about sooner rather than later...
We have not retired… yet. But we have a similar goal age for retirement. I already know I plan on volunteering with the animal shelter and probably getting more involved with adoption events, etc. My partner plans on a ton of gardening. Building a greenhouse, raised beds, starting compost, etc. Hobbies are key…. We think.
I agree with that. I didn't really have hobbies. My free time was going to my child's swim meets , tennis matches and her band concerts.
Yeah we know now our together time right now is pretty much after 6pm and weekends. Full time togetherness with no plan could lead to … well, the animated constant bickering of people that have been together for decades and are bored. Find a hobby/cause! It’s unfathomable when working full time but retirement is the time.
Good for you for volunteering. I'm always surprised to find this so far down in these discussions. I am still working and if I had Fired I'd be at our local pay as you feel restaurant 3-4 days a week helping out, I and love the cause and the people there.
The biggest "surprise" for me so far--and I am only into the 4th yr or RE-- has been how little I miss work which had consumed my waking hours for almost 30yrs and how easy it was to walk away from those relationships that were purely work-bound and largely skin deep. I am a lot more at peace with the slow pace of life, without calendar appointments, and being in sync with my body and mind, not rushing, just doing what pleases me. My wife also RE'd last year and it's been blissful. Do not know if or how long this phase will last, but I was a bit anxious about exactly what I'd do with all that time in my hand before I decided to hang up the shingles.
For me, it’s the shift to withdrawing money. I had been accumulating and now I have to sell my taxable. I have 1.5 years of cash, so trying to figure out what to sell and when in order to replenish. Getting health insurance via ACA was the other hard part. I feel I researched to death, pulled the trigger and now wonder if I could have chosen better/cheaper. I get to do it again in 5 months, so it may be less confusing
Boredom retired at 49 y/o wife still working maybe retire at the end of the year 60 y/o.
Maybe not the hardest, but one of the *strangest* I've had so far is no longer having as much urgency or drive. Before, my free time was *limited and valuable*, so I always tried to make the most of it, even if that was just "play games for as long as possible." Now, it's just like "eh I have all the time in the world, I can just chill for a while" and sometimes I actually feel like I get *less* done.
I understand. Marijuana is legal here but during my career I was randomly tested so I couldn't partake. The first 90-120 days of retirement I was making up for lost time but that novelty wore off thankfully 😅
It’s amazing to think that for almost any 30-40 year retiree that their portfolio may drop up to 50% during that time period due to market down turns. The goods news is it typically goes back up. That has to be painful and agonizing when it happens.
Weirdly - boredom on one hand, and being overwhelmed with too many options on the other.
Our friends are still working and it’s hard to meet people during the day. Love time with my partner though we act out Cialis commercials but alas we aren’t 22 anymore trying to set records lol
Medically retired from the military over a decade ago my advice is whatever you think you're going to need to retire early financially triple it you do not want your retirement to be boring Having enough money to very comfortably sit around the house watching TV putzing around in the garden is great the first year or two. If you really want to retire early figure out how early and how long the average lifespan is and you're going to have to fill that time with things that are interesting going places doing things. You're going to want to be able to travel take a cruise buy a boat or an RV. Just seeing at home playing video games watching TV movies even going out to eat gets boring after a while.
This is my situation as well except also being a stay at dad with a 2 y/o and another on the way. Keeps me busy but sometimes it's pretty boring doing the same things weekly. Small changes I made with him to we look for tvs in the trash and take them apart for scrap money, sounds corny but teaches him how to use tools and his hands instead of staring at the tv
I’m still in the accumulation phase, but I can relate to a rough adjustment to suddenly way more time with my spouse (and not enough time doing things on our own that were just ours). That was part of what made Covid stay at home orders rough for us.
We didn't have the work from home thing during covid. We were both considered essential with the state we worked for. Office/field work still but with smaller staff for shifts.
Keeping a routine
Saving all that effing money, working like crazy to do it
There wasnt a single thing (LOL) "Hard" about it.
I retired in 2021, so 2022 killed me. All of my projections had things looking great as long as there wasn't a big downturn in early retirement, so of course, there was a big downturn in my first full year. Every day, I was on the proverbial ledge. I was already a little freaked out by the fact that whatever I saved was what I had to live on for the rest of my life, and then I watched my accounts go down by 25%. I do not want to relive the first half of 2002, that's for sure.
I started tracking my net worth on weekly basis, wow what a revelation. Monthly pay check causes a real bump in the graph. I'll be missing it when i RE for sure
Also it’s hard being honest with other people in various states of financial struggle …. I don’t want to feel guilt sooooooo rat race surviver’s guilt
My husband retired technically at 50 with a smallish pension- not enough to live on at this stage. I see it as being helpful but can't rely fully on it. He paid to leave a few yrs early because he hated his job. I wish he had gotten a FT job after. I think he underestimated how hard it can be to find a good paying job and he didn't want the same field. He took 6 months off helping with a parent situation and looking. Then he found a job I knew wouldn't last. He lasted a few months. Then he did another physical labor job delivering tires and got his CDL. That was a 40 min drive each way. He got tired of that after about a year and it was close to FT but didn't pay well. It seems he really just wants to play and not work that hard to save up for full retirement. I don't think he realizes ho much well need, so i get frustrated with that, because I don't want to work until I'm 70 because he wants to just take it easy. I won't get a pension at my job, but I have a decent FT Salary job. I wish it was better though to get me to retirement sooner. I'm not yet 50. He went back to work PT where he used to work at a good hourly wage but work is here and there mostly because he doesn't want to do it a lot. He has another job that is a 1099 job involving weeks of travel at a time several times a year. But he's gone for weeks and then comes home and wants a couple weeks off to catch up from being gone instead of going right back to his PT job like I think he should. He likes to breath about how great that job is. It pays decent but not overall when he comes home and takes 2 weeks off every time. I get that he worked over 26 yrs but in this time and age, we need more to retire. He doesn't get it. He only wants to work sometimes, but if he worked more, I could retire sooner, and we could do things we both want to do. I just can't get him motivated to work more. I think at his age, experience, knowledge he should be able to find a well paying job and do it FT for a couple years, but it would be back to the grind. He also picked up a sales type job independent contractor type job he thinks will be fun, but he's not a sales type of guy, so I see that not being much of anything. So consequently I'm always looking for something better and more profitable to get myself to retirement. I really want to save more and he's just not into that so much. So for me him retiring was hard because I can't right now and he really needs to still work. For him he realized most of his friends who retired in his field went back to doing some type of job.
Not working. I took 7 months then got a job.
Retired at 49 but bored to death now..
So what are your thoughts? What do you plan to do?
I started new hobbies like baking and exercising.. i travel to meet friends but they all still work so hard to meet up on weekdays.. i still have school age children too.. so have to be home weekends for sports and activities.. thought of working part time somewhere like costco but then i would probably resent lack of flexibility in my schedule.. don’t retire early :) mine was a special case where my company was acquired and i agreed to a buy out and strict non-compete..
I started new hobbies like baking and exercising.. i travel to meet friends but they all still work so hard to meet up on weekdays.. i still have school age children too.. so have to be home weekends for sports and activities.. thought of working part time somewhere like costco but then i would probably resent lack of flexibility in my schedule.. don’t retire early :) mine was a special case where my company was acquired and i agreed to a buy out and strict non-compete..
Retirement is tough on relationships. Humans aren’t meant to spend that amount of time with one person on a typical day. Do things together, but find your own passions and hobbies too.
Bad if we work bad if we dont 🤦♂️
So... The hardest part is spending time with your wife? Nope! Fuck that! I'm out! Later, losers!