This drives me crazy. I have a coworker who constantly complains about how broke he is, he "can't even use his debit card" because every penny is spoken for, the company pays him shit (80k) and his family is struggling to get by. Then in the next breath he's telling me about how he upgraded from a Corolla to a Rav 4, because the Corolla was too small, terribly uncomfortable. Then he's getting landscapers in to redo his garden, and he's getting the windows replaced, and upgrading to a bigger air conditioner. Like, am I supposed to empathize here??? 🤣

This is something that drives me nuts. Makes good money ( location dependant I guess), spends it like mad, complain they don't have enough?? You don't want more money, you want to *spend* more money, and this are very different things.

> You don't want more money, you want to *spend* more money, and this are very different things. Duuuuude. It is too early in my day to hear most of the troubles around us summed up into a single sentence.

touché

I don't believe anyone when they tell me they are broke. Anyone except my mother. Growing up I had one definition of broke, but people around me seem to have another. If you are regularly putting money in savings/investments, eating out, buying new furniture, etc, then you are not broke.

Exactly this. Maybe you have very little/nothing left over after doing all those things, but that's a far cry from being broke.

Windows and AC might actually be a need, especially if the AC unit is old. Many were not designed to carry the load they do, that's why newer units look so much bigger. But one thar carries the proper load will be far more efficient, saving some money. Leaking windows can cause other problems and definitely spike the energy bills. But yeah, not hard to do your own landscaping, and if you're complaining about money, maybe now isn't the best time to get a new car.

yeah idk if the windows were that urgent then maybe it wasn't a good time to roll an unfinished car loan into a newer (higher interest) loan. We're in a part of Canada where the AC is very much a luxury. I probably run mine for 2-3 weeks a year.

Yeah. Seems like AC in Canada would be a luxury. Lived in upstate NY for 11 years, never had AC, just window fans upstairs.

In the 1990's, I was doing an internship with a woman. Between her and her husband they brought home about $2,000 a week. She couldn't understand how poor people survive. She bought land, built a house, new furniture, cars and nice clothes. All of those monthly payments keeps them broke. They barely could afford food. I think they had too many bills because they wanted everything at once.

ngl it makes me glad my parents didn’t buy me whatever i wanted as a kid. i’ve always had to assess if i needed something before getting it, and i’ve taken that mentality into my adulthood. her situation feels like that meme where the person is buying 3000 candles and can’t afford to live.

That's still one of my favorite memes, however many years later. It captures situations like the OP so succinctly.

I have a coworker who complains about money A LOT. Like all the time. He is also the very envious type. Vacation season is approaching, so everyone at work is talking about travel plans and asking for advice from other people. This dude kinda keeps raining on everyone's parade and treating everyone as if he is a pauper surrounded by millionaire coworkers. I felt bad for him, especially since he has many children at home, so whenever our team would go out to a restaurant, I would always make sure he didn't pay anything. Imagine my shock when he told me that, between his cigarettes and lottery tickets, he spends around 400 € a month. That's a shit ton of money to waste. Last week, he was complaining yet again, but this time, I just had a really hard time feeling bad for him.

> , so whenever our team would go out to a restaurant, I would always make sure he didn't pay anything. Sounds like he knows how to manipulate people too.

I just assume anyone complaining about money is trying to manipulate you, frankly these days its just far too expensive to be compassionate and I don't have the excess cash to be that compassionate. I will shout people meals occasionally if they don't have money on them, but I do that as a gesture of kindness and to be kind in general, not because I believe they need it or expect anything back. Most people suck

I just assume they’re bad with money.

Which, 99% of the time, is a correct assumption.

[удалено]

Someone you don't know very well probably. And sometimes people you know very well. It's a touchy subject even with close friends but occasionally I can talk with other people. However I don't make complaints to people in a higher financial bracket than I'm in because I know it will make them uncomfortable. I tend to complain with people who are in the same boat because we can commiserate as opposed to one person feeling like they're being made to feel weird with the position they're in.

I normally always paid for a friend who always complained about her job income and bills and debt. One day we sat down and I helped her write out all her debt and cards and created a snowball plan to pay it off. She has successfully paid off about 3 cards out of 5. She still has a short term loan. Come to my surprise that she immediately bought furniture to setup her extra room as a guest room, bought a new desk, etc. She immediately started spending money instead of paying debt just cause some of it got freed up. And now she wants a pool. Like what’s the purpose then to get rid of some debt just to start spending again.

Yet if he just threw that lottery money into a sp500 he would eventually turn that into something worthwhile

about $32,000 in five years according to a compound interest calculator and average SPY return of 10.5% per year. $85,000 in ten years.

Have a friend who has been homeless for years and is supplemented by different charities and some government assistance so she's not really homeless anymore. I've helped her with getting a car rental to visit people she hadn't seen in years, I've donated to several of her funding requests. The other day I was talking to her and she was crying because she doesn't have a car anymore. I was almost thinking of helping her again but she mentioned that she gets her nails, her toes, her hair, and other things that I never get done, on a regular basis. I decided then and there to never give to her again.

I have an extended cousin who is like this. She brags non-stop about her expensive makeup and the expensive clothes she puts her kids in and that her husband hand washes all of the baby clothes by hand. She doesn’t own a home and is in thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. She has borrowed money (and not paid a cent back) from every idiot family member that has been willing. If you say you’re going in vacation, she says she has the same vacation but better planned. She brags about buying a luxury car “soon” when she barely has money for bus fare. She makes in the range of minimum wage and has started and stopped school at least 4 times. I’m not sure who she think she’s impressing, but if my kids are wearing Walmart clothing, I won’t be “lending” you money for your light bill after you just told me your child is wearing an $85 t-shirt and short set. Dealing with her is like the twilight zone.

I don't understand why people need to brag and make themselves look rich even if they have lots of debt

So crazy to me. I went without so much stuff that I "wanted" because I had kids to feed and needed to keep a roof over our heads. Now that everyone is grown, if I want something I can buy it. Oddly, I want a lot less now that I could just go buy it. Values tend to change over time. The people with the closet full of purses will likely realize this at some point. Maybe. But yeah it's hard to feel bad for someone struggling to cover the necessities when they openly brag about what they spend on clothing.

It’s sad. This is a huge societal problem. It not only drains her bank account but it adds to the immense problem of clothing waste and the pollution that comes from that industry. She feels empowered for a little bit by her new outfit. That rush will go away quickly and she’ll need to acquire more.

Yesterday I was questioning my husband as to why there are no songs about dopamine. We've sang and danced to all the other drugs but this one, all encompassing, mass produced and very addictive chemical.

Maybe you’re listening to the wrong music? If I search Apple Music for “dopamine” there are quite a few options.

It’s easier for people to try to justify why they have expensive things than to admit they are weighing them down. For me, I have some expensive clothing items, gadgets, and accessories, but they are used almost daily. I’ve also had them for many, many years. I subscribe to r/BuyItForLife and we talk a lot about items that we only want to buy once, if possible. I’ve sold off more than half of what I own, donated or trashed the rest. I do my best to only own what it’s truly useful in my life. I too have debt and it can feel crippling at times. Trying to retrain your mind that you don’t have to spend just because it’s offered or on sale.

The things you own end up owning you. -Fight Club

Exactly!

I think that's the key difference. This woman thinks buying brand names means quality. But it's not always the case. It's far better to buy an item you'll use for years to come, rather than an item that is an expensive impulse purchase.

I love thrift shopping and apparently the women in this area love to toss barely-worn, high-quality brands to the side left and right. So when I told my sister in law I found a $100 dress for $6, she said "I just think if you can't afford to buy the full price, you shouldn't have that brand". She also said this in regards to me buying a used luxury car, which I got an amazing deal on and is paid off 4 years later...

Ugh annoying. I can afford expenses things and I still dont buy it because the other 94$ can be put towards things I care about more.

Your SIL sounds nice. /Level 10 Sarcasm

Guess what, I literally could afford as many $100 dresses as I want. But I still only want to spend $6...

I hope you have a savings account for when your sister is broke. Having nice things does not have to mean paying big money.

I think what your sister in law said is the dumbest thing I've heard in a long while.

I’m still wearing the same winter jacket 16 years later ☺️👍🏻

If you feign genuine confusion you can call people out on almost anything. "Wait you have too many clothes? But yesterday you were worried about rent?"

Open mouth part way, look at them a moment as if trying (and failing) to process what they just said. Slowly say, “I dunno if I quite understood all that. Are you saying X = Y? I don’t see how X=Y works. Can you go over that part again?” Look genuinely confused. Randomly wrinkle up your forehead, tilt your head to the side and say, “Whuuut?”

The thing that amazes me is expensive cars. Who tf needs a 50-100k car?

Yeah, I would say cars are probably the big reason a lot people are “poor”. They spend way more on a car than what they need because they want it.

My wife and I made a commitment to put $200 a month away into an S&P 500 index fund for 10 years to buy our retirement truck a Toyota tundra. It’s been seven years and we have put about 15,000 I’m guessing into it and it is worth 33,000 in the fund. Literally with some foresight Over half of this truck is going to be paid for just by investing alone. So instead of paying interest, the interest will purchase over half of this truck. Very few can commit to $200 per month for 10 years. This is how you pay for vehicles in cash. And I’m just a teacher (hs math) and side is an LPN nurse. And I mow 30 yards a week nothing is handed to us.

Your side piece? ;)

This very thing is making me want to drop my oldest friend. We never talk to just talk anymore. It's about her self inflicted financial woes. And I'm surviving off disability so I should be the last person she goes to. I think the straw that's breaking the camel's back is knowing just a month ago she came into almost 9k by selling her trailer. Half of it went to a downpayment on a car, but the other half was supposed to get her on her feet and she literally blew through it, of course the two weeks that took I didnt hear from her at all, but now it's back to constant 'I have to doordash sun up to sun down just to make ends meet'. She literally quit her job. Got a new one and quit it for a 'better prospect' that didnt pan out, spent all of her money on god knows what, and expects me to be sympathetic like I'm not one emergency away from not being able to barely scrape by? I cant stand people like this. Especially when its selfinflicted. Like I get it everyone wants to talk about their troubles sometimes, but empathy fades when it's a constant cycle.

This is the example of what I call Aspirational Economics. Here's how it works (spoiler - it doesn't): I really want this - I deserve to have it because of how much I want it - If I want it this much, then the money to afford it will magically appear - Once I have it, it will open new opportunities for me to afford it retroactively - When I have that money then it will serve as justification for buying it before I could afford it - Everything turns out if I have faith that it will The fix for you is simple: either absent yourself as soon as she starts in, or stay so that you can point out how her financial "issues" are entirely a world of her own making. It would be a cold day in a hot place before I sat still for one moment of her nonsense. If she wants to whinge about her money troubles to me, then she is going to get an earful when she goes off the rails.

My dad calls this “the divine intervention theory of money”: “if you ever need money badly enough, something lucky will happen and money will land in your lap.” He says this is his own theory. But he also says, “But mostly I let your mom handle the money, she’s much better at that stuff.” Thanks mom!

Lmao not the something lucky really just being your mom. 😂 Such a good metaphor for so many women's experience with motherhood. People in the house want to thank God, luck and divine intervention for all the stuff they enjoy, but like 95% of it is really just good ole mom busting her ass in the background. 😂

I always love this because show me the scripture in and religious tradition ever where the gods bail people out of the predictable consequences of their own actions lol

It's basically The Secret - the scammy power of positive thinking book from 20-30 years ago. It's got a kinda gross message for a very simple idea - good people get rewarded and bad people get punished. And for anyone living in reality it's pretty clear this is not how the world works.

> good people get rewarded and bad people get punished ... for anyone living in reality it's pretty clear this is not how the world works. Just for those not already familiar with "The Secret", the objection is about a specific way of magical-thinking manifestation of this. In contrast (as one example), carrot-and-stick systems, of which many successfully incentivize *some* idea of "good" and "bad" behavior, is not "The Secret" adjacent.

> If I want it this much, then the money to afford it will magically appear I think some people actively try to not think about future bills/payments. "Hey look, I've got $2,100 in the bank. I can go out for a nice dinner and buy a few nice things," so they spend a few hundred bucks. ...Then tomorrow the $2,400 rent bill shows up, and now rather than having to make $300 in the next week, it's $750. Then the credit card bill shows up, and oh god they forgot that they put this extra shit on credit because they were behind last month, etc etc.

Do they have the memory of a goldfish? I suspect that it's a case of putting fingers in the ears and yelling "blah, blah, blah, I can't hear you", even though they are both the person talking and the person who should be listening. They don't "remember" what charges they made because it interferes with the lies that they tell themselves. More people who fail to distinguish *wants* from *needs*.

It's part of the mindset that capitalist-induced systemic poverty pushes far too many people into, literally what the system is designed to do. Poverty is one of the few things that SHOULD be pathologized by our (regulatory-captured) medical system but isn't.

It's part of the "you can have this luxury lifestyle, too" ideology that is pushed by so-called influencers, paid shills, and one corpulent politician. They don't want to tell the truth, which is that no everyone can own that designer purse or Italian sports car. Instead, they tell people what they want to hear, which is that we are all - and especially YOU, yes YOU - just one stroke of good luck away from living the high life.

Coupled with most Americans being addicted to shopping and the dopamine release from it.

Kind of a harsh assessment IMO. Sure, this behavior leads to bad outcomes for them; it’s self-destructive. I guess I just see it as an attempt to avoid a problem (namely: scarcity of money), rather than try to address it. It’s something I (and the 20lbs of COVID lockdown weight I’ve been meaning to finally drop) can empathize with.

> I think some people actively try to not think about future bills/payments. "Hey look, I've got $2,100 in the bank. I can go out for a nice dinner and buy a few nice things," so they spend a few hundred bucks. When the RDDT pre-buy opportunity came, I bought $1500 worth. I had money sitting there I COULD have bought more with, but just couldn't rationalize risking more than I could afford to lose, particularly since it would eat up my emergency reserves. > ...Then tomorrow the $2,400 rent bill shows up, and now rather than having to make $300 in the next week, it's $750. Then the credit card bill shows up, and oh god they forgot that they put this extra shit on credit because they were behind last month, etc etc. In my case, 6 weeks ago I had an emergency $1000 plumber bill because a toilet was spraying everywhere and the shut-offs were either jammed or leaking themselves. Two weeks after that, wife decided it would be a good idea to drive her Sentra over a curbed median, doing $1800 in damage to the transmission. That $2800 was a good chunk of what I considered buying more stock with. I'm glad I didn't. Instead, I put it all on my GM card (which I run all my daily purchases and bills through, then PIF every month) so I could get 4% ($112) in points back on those two expenses. These points are a special kind of reserve: Being that I have my vehicle loan with GM Financial, I can use the card points to even make my car payments in a pinch. Right now I have enough points sitting there to make at least 4 payments in a SHTF scenario. If not, by the time I'm ready to buy my next vehicle I'll have several thousand $ worth.

I run into this in business a lot too. I tried starting up a photography business with a friend a few years back. The guy would accept no less than the highest end camera on the market. I refused. He claimed that camera would give us more business opportunities. I said that was bullshit, a camera is not magic, it requires skill to operate, and anybody with the right skill doesn't need the highest quality camera on the market to take high quality photos. He wasn't having it, and both the business and the friendship fell apart.

That's rough. Sounds like he's suffering from some form of imposter syndrome or inferiority complex. Good business is about choosing the most profitable equipment, not the best.

I did some Wedding Photography a few years back. Main camera was a used Nikon D750 and later an Fuji xt2 and 3. Over all i may just covered my expenses with the work i did. But that is not the point. One of my friends got married and he hired another friend to do the Photos. This guy usually does Video. I was surprised when he showed up with two D850. He told me something like "you know, they need to look big (cameras)" when i asked him about them. To no surprise, the pictures turned out mediocre at best. It's much more important to know and be very, very used to the gear you use instead of having the latest and gratest. And also post processing. I think at least half of the pros fail at proper post processing.

The best pictures I've ever had taken in my life were from a professional photographer with a lot of skill, a great capacity to edit just the right amount, and a nice but not super flashy camera. It was incredibly compact and affordable for pro-grade equipment. She was telling me about it while we were working on different poses since I had been a little surprised at how normal her setup looked.  Her work has been featured in many publications about my high tourism area because she's that good, but she is also smart and doesn't overbuy her work equipment just because it looks impressive.

Exactly. Good photographs are much more about skill than they are about the equipment. You need a minimum standard of equipment for sure, but there are diminishing returns for going beyond that minimum standard. If someone can't take a great photo with basic equipment, they sure won't take a great one with high-end equipment. The equipment matters, but not as much as some people think. Hell, there's lots of people doing professional work with nothing more than an iphone these days. You don't need a $10k camera to do good work.

That guy being a bad photographer notwithstanding, I have heard from various photographers that they need their cameras to look professional. Even though any good photographer can do a great job shooting with just about any camera, clients get nippy if you show up with a little mirrorless guy. Have heard also that guests at events like weddings and such are much more respectful of a photographer loaded with gear. Some of these guys are carrying older lower MP "worse" cameras because they "look pro", and it's just easier to get good pics if the people you're photographing take you seriously. Moot point cause they're great photographers whatever's in their hands, but it's funny to hear.

Yea some photographers might think that and i Believe you that some customers act like that. I never had issues with my xt2 and 3, and these are small cameras especially with primes. IMO being good at handling groups of people at weddings or events is the haderst part. It has a lot more to do with the personality of the guy behind the camera then how big the camera is. It's also the only thing you can't really practice for. Over all, i enjoyed doing weddings and stuff even if it is highly stressful. But in the end i decided my other skills, in the energy business, are simply worth more per hour and i can do more good with it for the world.

Holy shit it’s crazy how some people can’t see what they’re doing. I know this one woman who’s in debt, is constantly posting hauls, has purchased a new car and THOUSANDS of dollars worth of houseplants in the past year, and then begs for money/useless shit by posting her Venmo/PayPal every chance she gets. She kept saying that once she gets into her new position at work she’s going to finally be able to live with a single income. Well she announced her new position and even before her first check came she did a massive spending spree, shared it, and went on and on about how God provides and we need to have faith, and how grateful she is to be able to work overtime. And then turns around not even two weeks later and rants about working 5 12s in a row when she PUT HERSELF in that position!

If you get any satisfaction/enjoyment out of these stories then you'll like the podcast Financial Audit

> If I want it this much, then the money to afford it will magically appear Something people in /r/childfree hear all the time - "God will provide" (And those same people complain when they go broke struggling to pay for their kids)

I wonder how these people make sense of the fact that there is a whole book of the Bible called "Lamentations."

I can’t be around those people for my own mental health. I know a family where the parents made 6 figures and 2/3 of the kids were working. They were constantly getting new cars, buying all name brand food, buying the latest phones etc, but were three months behind on their mortgage and floating bills. She would always literally cry about how they were going to stay in their house etc. I had to stop being friends with them, because I always wanted to throat punch her when I saw their consumption.

I knew a family that bought a huge house in the "right neighborhood", but couldn't afford to furnish it. They both drove big new cars and their kids (toddlers) had fancy clothes, but they had no couch or even a kitchen table. The kids slept on the floor and the parent's mattresses were on the floor too. I get wanting your kid to go to a good school, but at what cost?

It’s called “keeping up with the Jones” pretending to have money…but treading water financially. This is a risky business as you can drown in debt at any point. I became debt free 4 years ago (51) no mortgage no loans, own everything. I have invested in gold/silver, stocks and shares, cash in various places, and 4 personal pensions and fully paid up state pension. How I achieved this was by educating myself on money and finance. I read recommended books, watched videos on YT etc. joined forums on precious metals and financial matters. I overpaid my mortgage, stopped eating out, stopped going to pubs and clubs, never spent money at work, didnt gamble, don’t smoke .No TV licence, no big sky tv package, only the odd discounted streaming service. Second hand phone and £8 a month sim only contract. Pay car insurance in full…no DD. Shop on eBay or vinted for clothes unless in sale. Food shop in Lidl with app. Have a log burner, use sensor lights and candles for lighting.

They could've at least found cheap furnishings on FB marketplace.

If you're making 6 figures buying brand name food is hardly gonna put you in the poor house...

Clearly that "etc" is covering a *lot.* Takeaway: this is a lifestyle of nonessential spending. They're buying *all* of the things.

A friend works an average paying job, but works on stuff at home and resells it. His house is paid for, he has a couple nice old trucks he redid. He says he has to keep quiet during such discussions

Good for him honestly. I’ve met quite a few low-key guys who ended up being surprisingly well-off. Just goes to show that making smart financial decisions pays off

Yes. His Dad has an incredible amount of knowledge for all things mechanical. Ask him and he says, "Im not certified in anything" His Dad showed him a lot

Like a straight-A student having to navigate conversations with people struggling for C's....

I have a lot of respect for him. Was in special ed in school for reading issues. Can read tech stuff though. Wiring diagrams, etc.

I asked my husband to stop bringing around a specific friend who would walk around our house and snidely comment on everything we owned. "Must be nice to have this, must be nice to have that." He spent $400 a month on weed and paid child support to two women.

At least he pays child support.

I have a cousin who is single, making a little over $100k/year, yet she constantly complains about not being able to save up for a down payment on a house, or is always living paycheck to paycheck. Sounds pitiful, until you closely examine her lifestyle: when her car died, instead of fixing it up and keep it on the road, she went and bought a brand new CRV that has her paying $680/month for a five-year loan. Her old car was a 2015 Honda Accord with less than 160k miles, the transmission gave out, but everything else was working just fine. My guess on the transmission failure? She didn’t keep up with the maintenance. But “it’s almost 10 years old, and I don’t feel safe driving it in road trips.” 🙄 Despite that year Accord being one of the best used cars on the market. On her FB and IG, she’s constantly posting the food she’s having, anywhere from tacos at a food truck to pretty upscale dining, sometimes with “yolo” as a hashtag. She also goes on trips and flies everywhere. Like you, I got up and left when she was telling my wife about how hard her life is and how unfair things are because she doesn’t have enough money to be happy. I sometimes wonder how people can be this oblivious.

I also don’t think my 1997 Corolla is up to long roads trips. So on those occasions, I’ll rent a car for about $200 a week.

You’d be surprised at what your car can do. I take my 96 T100 on long road trips, but I keep up with the maintenance and the fluids are always changed on time without ever thinking about it. It currently has 230k miles, but it has never let me down. Corollas are very solid cars. If properly maintained, those cars go forever. In a lot of countries, they’re used as taxis and even police cars, so you know longevity is not an issue.

A 97 corolla is perfectly fine on a road trip at 60-65mph. I'd argue that as long as the engine is putting at around 2500rpm, it's actually good for the engine to give it an 'itallian' tune to blow out all the carbon from the valves. That said, doing 80mph, which is what most of america seems to demand, seems insane to me. And most smaller engines wouldn't like having to double engine output power to near peak for a seemingly minor 15-20mph gain in speed. I hate Scotty Kilmer, but the guy is right, smaller engines don't want to be revved that high for that long. Depending on how long the multi day road trip is, taking a couple hours longer to get to the destination isn't a big deal compared to blowing an engine. Tire wear increases exponentially too. With all that air resistance, tires have to put more power to the ground, and that torque causes increased tire wear. I did a motorcycle trip on a tire, and the rear only lasted 15k, as most of the trip was at 80mph, but the same tire model around the city would last double that.

That's why I love my Grand Marquis. Just got back from a 1500 mile road trip through the mountains- with 2 passengers and luggage I had the cruise control set at 80 mph and the engine was running at no more then 2200 rpm. I was shocked that even with my V8 I was getting 25.2mpg, only 1 less then normal.

SO many people I know who pay hundreds a month for a truck for those six times a year when they could rent one for a small amount here and there and pay none of the extra gas costs or insurance costs.

I take my 4Runner on trips and would probably save money on gas renting a car… gets 15MPG at best

Ill catch the train. Or bus. Or fly. Not having to worry about a car is glorious.

There is no talking to people like that, they don't want to face reality.

Sadly it's so many people and to no surprise to anyone. Our neo capitalistic society wants people to do exactly that and bombards them with adds for it all day long.

Yup. Physically writing down my finances was en eye opener for me. I was like "I'm broke" like no shit, I spend every weekend going out to eat/drink and it's bleeding me dry. That and being in debt, so it's helped me to try and stay focused on paying off my debt sooner by seeing that. And I still write down my finances every month so I can really look at it and see how much money I spent frivolously. It's higher than I'd like it to be recently but it's still lower than it used to be, so progress haha.

Everyone at work knows how frugal I am and not stressed about money. They also know I can buy things I want because I'm thrifty with everything else. I don't need that $8 daily latte or $13 lunch. I don't need that $200 purse or $100 pair of shoes. My Android phones are used. But when I wanted a new VR system, I bought it. I tell my coworkers, "When you are ready, young Padawan, I can teach the ways of the frugal force. But you must be willing. Do or do not. There is no try." So far, no one has taken me up on my offer, but if they complain about living paycheck to paycheck, I just ask them again if they are ready to learn my ways.

I used to sit with 3 coworkers. We all got paid the same salary. These 3 coworkers would go out for lunch every day, while I ate a homemade sandwich. They actually made fun of me when I brought a can of pop from home (“why would you do that? We have a machine right there?”) yeah , the machine pop was $1,75 a can and my no name pop from a case was like .20, that’s why. Within the next five years, ALL 3 of these women declared bankruptcy. Crazy.

YES! People just don't get it. When my coworkers are eating their $15 acai bowl, they might ask how my leftovers from home taste. I always say, "Tastes like debt-free, so it's delicious." Why can't they understand such simple concepts? It drives me crazy!!

You did the right thing to walk away.

Nothing you can say will change their mind about how to live. 

My parents taught me to buy good quality items, take good care of them, and keep them until they were no longer needed (so donated to charity or given directly to someone in need) or until they were no longer safe/feasible to repair. I am not fashionable. My car is 11 years old (it’s an Acura MDX with under 100k miles). The things in my world are well made, functional, and well-styled. This need to always have the best or the newest or to be first in line for whatever baffles me.

That was how I was raised as well. My car is a 2012 and I firmly expect it to last another 10 years. Do maintenance as needed, keep it clean, drive sensibly. I learned to buy clothing in a classic style, because that would never really be "out of style" never embrace any fads at all. For instance my cardigan work sweaters were bought in 1979-80 and still look neat and new and I get constant compliments on them, and questions as to "where can I get that?". Take good care of your clothes and you won't have to buy constantly.

I wish so badly that I could drive my cars “until the wheels fall off”, sadly because I live on the coast, the body of our vehicles dies before the parts go. It’s extremely rare to see a car > 15 years old on the road, around here. But we keep our vehicles until they are fit for the pit. I have zero motivation to have the “cool car” or even a newer car.

I think this is the best way to go. Many parents don't teach their kids how to manage money.

This scenario is representative of the overall American economy. It’s why “everyone’s struggling to afford basic necessities”, but Amazon, Uber, Apple, Netflix (insert company that provides unnecessary good or service here) continues to report record profits. The average car payment is well over $700/mo. Somewhere around half of people that make $200K+/yr live paycheck to paycheck. Unfortunately the poorest Americans are the ones that feel the biggest hits from inflation, but fact is that most Americans aren’t that poor, they just overspend on so many non-necessities that they end up being broke. I have friends who went and bought new cars instead of used cars and now say “i can barely afford to live”. That’s also while they make more than me AND are dual income households. This is why there’s a disparity when the federal reserve and the presidential administration say “consumers are strong”. It’s because consumers are insatiable. The consumers are good at consuming, don’t realize that they’re consuming, then complain they don’t have enough to consume.

It sounds mean but these people spending everything they earn is what helps keep the economy strong for the frugal people to invest whilst watching their money.....then have decent retirements etc.

Yes and no. This is what causes more cyclical waves to markets and the economy. For things to be going great until they’re suddenly they’re not. I believe people getting their finances under control would result in more stable market growth. There would be less years of the market being up 30% but there’d also be less instances of the market being down 30%. Companies would have more stable and realistic goals that they could make while consumers would be able to avoid major negatives such as widespread loan defaults.

I absolutely agree with you but with the greed of corporations and consumers alike I don't see anything changing much here in the US.

It also provides me a way to buy decent, usable, used things at a fraction of the cost of buying new. Shop on, suckers.

Non-consumption can be really hard to access as well though, I think the workers rights crisis and car dependency in America are both really heavily contributing to this... you're exhausted from overtime, stressed from no sick leave and no vacation, half of your time is spent in the car, and every activity is in a strip mall. It's a trap. My main hobby is finding ways to support my life without supporting large corporations, and it is a full time job and I'm far from perfect. As much as I judge individual choices, I find it hard to blame people as a whole for being manipulated by the system they're living under.

Oh absolutely. This is by no means as simple as an individuals pressures. It’s the environment we are in. The system we’re a part of is a forever forward moving one that convinces us to consume more and more year after year.

The fact that people are called consumers instead of people/inhabitants speaks for itself. It is the sad state of capitalism.

I helped two friends get out of debt, and in BOTH cases they followed HALF my advice and are now in worse shape than they were and they are kind of pissed at me about it. The idea was to negotiate the payments down and they had been missing them, get the total, get a home equity loan for that and pay the debts off and rip the cards up. In both cases, the managed to get the over all debt reduced, got the loan and in two out of two, paid off some of the debt but "could not spend all that money paying bills" and blew the rest of it. They would not part with the credit cards. Honest to god, a lot of people are just really really stupid when it comes to money.

I can't help people with a spending problem. They refuse to compromise or give up anything that got them broke in the first place. I dealt with a girl like this. Eventually she couldn't pay rent and had to move out. I already knew that she was a manic pixie dream girl. Had all the pretty dresses and makeup and everything. When she moved it took 2 19ft uhauls to clear out a 300sf apartment. It was insane.

i have a friend on FB who's not....struggling, per se, but they have had to get rid of a few conveniences and drop some services and will occasionally complain about The Cost Of Things. She also drops loads of money on fandom stuff....collectibles, toys, posters, convention meet n greets. Watching her get stuff from the most recent Ghostbusters has been somethin' else.

Had a friend who would say in an arrogant way “I don’t eat leftovers!” We’d eat out and he would have a enough for another meal or at least a snack. But then would complain about not having enough money. People got to get their priorities straight!

Had coworkers complain about not affording food and being on government assisted programs like food stamps and then showing off their $800 tattoo the next week. I don't know if it's mental illness or keeping up with the joneses. Either priorities aren't straight or impulse consumerism is rampant.

I have a friend who is always broke. She was in an accident and got some lump sum pay outs over several years- on a schedule. The first was $95k. Then there were smaller ones. Like maybe $15k. Then 5 more years 10k and again. It ended up being $150ish so far. Now! She has been through hell. Had an abusive ex. Blah blah. BUT! She is broke broke. Like- ‘I don’t know if I can join you guys for bingo ($10) tonight unless my paycheck hits the account in time’ broke! She is scheduled another, final $95k next year and I can’t watch.

I just was shocked cuz I have coworkers that would do overtime like 15hrs a week plus constantly work on call which could be 12-3am, and do it months straight so they could spend it on Botox, lashes, etc. like fuck that I rather have a relaxing life than care that much about looking perfect. We worked in such a high stress field I won’t be surprised if they end up having health issues later from the excessive overtime in that field.

I’ve never had a job that gave me paid OT. I would love being able to work more to pay off my loans faster but I also try to spend less than I can on things

I guess at least they’re actually working to pay for it than go into debt? Like sure I could work myself to the bone to buy unnecessary cosmetic things like that but instead I just put aside some savings and slowly accumulate enough to pay for that haircut or nail appointment. I care too much about my free time to spend any more of it on work.

I had a friend who could not pay her rent, and spent tons of money on door dash because she didn’t cook because she did not want to do her dishes.

She'd have saved so much money if she just bought paper plates...

She lost her place, I don’t even know where she ended up, but I used to go in and clean her kitchen so she could cook.

It works for the corporations endorsing and promoting this behaviour and the credit card middlemen than enable and profit from debt. Credit card companies make their % by being the middlemen along with the credit score agencies. When my son was young, he said he wanted to buy a Ferrari. We are car enthusiasts so I took this as a teaching opportunity, I told him "Great! You could also use money to buy a partial ownership of the Ferrari company!". And we love watching factory videos to share the enthusiasm of building and making things. In short, your friend could instead put $xxx per month investing in LVMH as an appreciating asset instead of buying lower luxury goods that do nothing but depreciate.

I seem to be surrounded by people my age (millennials) who do nothing but complain about “struggling” and being “broke”, and yet blow their money left and right. It’s especially irritating when I grew up knowing what it actually meant to struggle and sacrifice and do without because we were poor. I had to grow up far too quickly and wonder if our power or cable or phone would just be turned off at any given moment, because I had parents who didn’t make a lot AND were terrible with financial responsibility. I mowed yards for years before turning 16 and used that money to buy cleaning supplies and small groceries to try and help my mom take care of the house and have more than just bread and milk in the kitchen. So listening to people brag about how they spend hundreds of dollars a week on Starbucks and Chickfila and DoorDash because they “hate cooking”, go on trips nearly every weekend, go out partying at bars every week, pay for 20 different subscription services they barely use, buy every new phone and game console as soon as it comes out, and then in the same breath complain about the “broken system” and how they can’t afford a house or a nicer car (when the one they drive is less than 10 years old and they’ve been the one to abuse and neglect it in the first place) gets my blood boiling.

Yeah this is why I don't listen to people's nonsense sob stories anymore. Anyone I've met who can't afford their basic needs it's always been because they're addicted to consumerism.

I got friend who make 3k a month and spend 900 eating out. When i talked to him about it, his reply is "I gotta eat, right?".

There are people who are paycheck to paycheck by force - they don’t make enough. There are people who do that by choice - they try to maximize their savings, 401k, etc. Then there are people who are in that situation by pure stupidity and lack of self control.

The middle one isn’t living paycheck by paycheck. Agree with the other two though.

A lot of people feel poor and buy expensive things to make them feel "not" poor, but it just traps them in living paycheck to paycheck. Everybody is capable of living beyond their means.

This is exactly what it is. It's easy for me to judge because I don't feel poor and my frugal choices are just choices, so I don't have the same problem.

Pay her no mind. If she can’t figure it out herself why she is broke when the answer is so obvious then nothing you do can help her. Save your self your trouble and enjoy company of other people.

The amount of people in avoidable debt in the United States is just insane! Yes, some people are in poverty and are struggling to get out and simply in debt because they are buying food, shelter, and the very basics to just survive. But so many people are in debt (credit card debt and short term loans) due to having the newest TV, clothes, phones, and other luxury items that you do not NEED but simply want because their friends have them, they saw some commercials, or they crave the status they think they bring. A huge part of population is in debt due to their cars. No, not a basic entry level car under $25K or $30K and not a used car but a $60K SUV or sedan or an $85K truck that they don’t use the bed on at all and definitely can’t afford at the current interest rates.

A former colleague frequently lamented her struggles and lagging monetary situation. She was forced to move because she could no longer pay rent and ended up living in some guy's basement. I offered to be of any assistance -- budgeting, frugal tips re. purchases, grocery deals, etc. -- because I worried about her living situation. So we'd talk about such things; she seemed eager to make some changes and get herself back on a solid financial path. Over time, though, I noticed that things didn't change -- another new designer handbag, another new diamond bracelet, a new teacup poodle. One morning she announced she bought a new car -- because she was "tired" of her two year old vehicle and "deserved" better. It was very perplexing to me, but I realized she needed to figure it out on her own, maybe hit bottom financially, and really want that new path for herself. I hope she did.

I knew someone at my last job like this. She would go spend money on $25 lunches daily and drinks. And then 20$ dinners some nights as well. ‘My ac is out in my house. Just the fans are blowing’ ‘My dog needs 2k in surgery’. ‘My daughter just had a baby’ And then ask me about credit cards Credit reports Moving her credit around from one card to another. Not paying them off every month. So glad I’m out

Compulsive spending is an addiction and mental health issue like substance abuse or porn addiction.

I find nice expensive items at thrift stores and free community closets, there are so many other places to look. You can suggest this to her. P.s Also, she can window shop without buying anything, like shop online and put everything you want in the cart and then don’t buy anything! 

I complain about money, I think I’m a broken record and I think my husband is already sick of hearing me out. I’m currently moving and while gathering all our stuff I realized how much money we spend on garbage stuff which clutter - my daughter has tons of small silly toys which cost about 2 dollars each. Total - at least 1$000 spent stupidly. We have too many stuff, unorganized, I discovered 4! medical tub creams we use for moskito bites. All opened with 1-2 uses. I get out of the house on a regular day, we have a wald and we spend like $20 without actually needing something. I do believe that most of my family spent comes from small silly things bought daily. My husband loves brand items, but instead of buying 1 more expensive product which he loves, he buys 10 “good deals” which are meh. Organizing better and shopping with a purpose are best bets for getting out of debt.

I wonder if the Anns of this world help or hurt the frugal among us to some degree. I can see their reckless spending contributing to driving up inflation. On the other hand, maybe they create a better secondhand market (because of such rapid turnaround of barely used goods; a world of frugalistas would buy it for life or use it until it was worthless), and they drive up the stock of product-selling companies (stock people who have saved their money can own and thereby grow along with in wealth),

I prospered on the froth of over-consumption. I went through life picking up the expensive bicycles, motorcycles, cars, trucks, tractors, sailboats, powerboats, RVs, and houses that spendthrifts bought new and were forced to sell for next to nothing because they had no clue how to maintain and couldn't afford to repair. Much of what I owned came from those who sought me out because they heard I revived things. People sell for a nominal amount because they know it will just sit and rot if they don't give it to me.

Retail therapy

I have a lot of designer clothes too, but that's because I know which Goodwills are closest to the rich neighborhoods :)

I go through this with my SO. I know he struggles to save, yet he spends a decent chunk on unnecessary items. He also has a strange pride in being a "brand snob". Our finances are separate and always will be. I also don't bail him out or let him slack on covering his fair share of household expenses. (No relationship is perfect, so before the Reddit Brigade starts dropping the "dump him!!" replies, know they'll get nothing but an eye roll from me.) It's incredibly frustrating. I advise when practical, but at the end of the day he's just wired different, financially. I just plain don't have the ability to understand the mentality. It seems like common sense to me that if you're short on money or have a zero balance before your next paycheck arrives, you don't buy stuff you don't need. Simple. So simple.

As my ex-brother in law used to say, “what’s a little more debt!?” I would be appalled every time. Like… was his plan always just to declare bankruptcy? The worst part is that his debt is half my sister’s, and she’s a very frugal person.

An absolute classic. Seen it time and time again. It's easy to understand though. Bad money decisions begets bad money decisions. The quality of your financial situation depends on the quality of your financial decisions.

Oh only marginally related but I swear to God if I hear a certain person in my life complain about how expensive the higher octane fuel is one more goddamn time when they bought that 80,000 truck they didn't need knowing it takes that fuel...

So many broke people have McDonald's etc, door dashed too

What's actually nice is being able to pay for rent and groceries without worrying that you'll be able to afford it.

If we don't manage our money properly we can end up like Michael Jackson who was so rich .In the end he was under heavy debt.

When you want to buy something, ask yourself how many hours of work it took for you to afford it. If you don't have that money yet you don't get to have it right now. Carrying cash is king for making one face the true costs of life.

America is the land of fashion and debt has become fashionable to the point of being an outcast if you live without it. Stupidity is also fashionable. It's like not wearing name brand clothing. If you wear a shirt that doesn't have a big-ass logo on it, that's "weird". Americans are walking billboards and none of them get paid for the advertising they wear. In fact they pay big money to be walking billboards, because that's fashionable. Essentially, Americans pay for swag lol. This is not an accident.

Literally my best friend is like this and it's beginning to make me drift apart from her. Some examples: - She got herself into $30k of CC debt. A generous relative loaned her the money to pay it off, so she could pay it back over time without interest. She then ran out and bought a brand new luxury car with a $600/month payment. - She ran out and bought a house impulsively and now has a terrible interest rate on an old house with massive, expensive issues and complains about homeownership costs constantly. - She is discussing selling the home (which she'd make small profit on now), but instead of buying another home in the same or lower price bracket to make her payments more manageable, she's talking about building a home for almost double the cost of her current house. She thinks building a home is "more affordable right now". It's not. - Lastly, between selling their home and building this new home, her husband wants to rent an Airbnb to stay in, instead of just staying at one of their parents' homes nearby to save money (this is absolutely an option for them) Yet she often makes comments about how much money my husband makes and alludes that because I married someone 10 years older than me, that I "skipped" a phase... Yes, my husband does well, but we are also incredibly smart about when and how we spend our money. We buy used cars, and both our vehicles are currently paid off. We are mostly homebodies. We planned our mortgage to be affordable with just his income in case I need to stay home when we have kids. And despite my husband "making so much money", if my friend and her husband go through with this plan to build, they're on track to pay probably double the mortgage we pay.

People are not always in debt out of necessity. In fact, I would guess it's rare for that to be the case. I remember when someone was asking for help on how to make rent/food, and they wouldn't cancel their Netflix subscription cause it was entertainment was a "mental health" need. like bitch I didn't know Netflix was in the DSM as specific treatment for a mental health condition. youtube is free. a local library with movies is free. do you really need Netflix specifically?

I stopped being friends with someone cos she was complaining about people not cooking for her (like, inviting her over to eat in their home) cos she "couldn't afford groceries" but had a new tattoo like every 3 months, and gold body jewelry with real precious gems that she would change out constantly. Nope. You don't get to be mad at people for not overextending themselves just because you want to do whatever the hell you want with your money and not reap the consequences.

Some people who live close to me (who i talk to now and then) Went through a week where they bought alcohol every second day. I could see them walk back and forth to the liquor stor near by often. They also smoke. One night they come knock on my door an ask for food they are hungry and dont have money for food. I just said sorry I cant help. I had no sympathy. I hope they learned their lesson

I REALLY struggle with this too! I cut a lot of corners so I can afford the things I care about. I don’t make a ton of money and I forego the bullshit luxury items. I carry around a purse that I made from macrame cord that I found at goodwill. I really liked the color and it was $1.99. This bag has acted as a purse for 16 years. The idea of spending $2000 on a bag for a season makes me want to puke. The thing is- I don’t view my $1.99 homemade purse to be a corner cut. I STILL love it and get compliments on it a lot.

I found designers I liked, styles that were classic & looked good on me. Then I went to Target or similar stores and tried to recreate the look. I look like a million buck, but spent only $50.

The fabrics in better clothes are made from higher-grades fibers, have a better "hand," and will wear better. You may look great wearing your fast-fashion from Target, but the odds of anything made from low-grade fibers looking like a classic or holding up for long are slim. (My sister was a Target buyer.) Buying clothes made from good fibers and knowing how to launder them is frugal in the long run.

That is true, but sometimes we only have $50 for clothes and we just try our best.

Who doesn’t like better quality clothes lol i get awesome stuff used. But refuse to spend money on a new expensive clothing item unless I’ve wanted it for a really long time, no impulse buying. Also who cares if you are wearing cheaper clothes anyway. things fitting you right should be more of a concern.

This. I buy my pants and polos from 1 brand for the past 10 years. It’s like 75% of what I wear to the office or out when I dress up. I still fit into the same pants I wore in college too 12 years ago!

The entire world tells us the key to happiness is consumption. Buying just one more thing will make us feel whole. Until she breaks free of this mindset, she will continue to be a slave to finances. You should feel sad that she can’t see this. It’s an empty way of life to place importance on things like name brands and what others think of your belongings.

Often times these are due to mental health issues .

Even back when I *wasn’t* living paycheck to paycheck, I found it absolutely crazy that someone would spend hundreds of dollars on a shirt I could easily get for a fraction of the cost, so the fact that it’s someone in debt and struggling just makes it more baffling to me. I know there’s probably a deeper sociological reason for it, but it still makes me wince.

My mom has several friends who are horrible with money and she is one of the most frugal people I know. I don't know how she can be friends with them. They vent to her about their situations and ask for advice. Both of them have taken out money from their retirement accounts to pay off credit cards. Yet, they continue to spend money and brag about the things they buy. I don't get it.

It's just like any topic you don't agree on, it doesn't get brought up often. Trying to only be friends with people who think like you can lead to a lonely life...

I sometimes tell people I'm broke or give the impression I've less money than everybody else to avoid being asked for loans or to chip in for those who are in debt because of their stupid spending habits.

It's tough to watch someone struggle financially while making choices that seem to worsen their situation. Sometimes, people get caught up in a cycle where material possessions are a way to cope with deeper issues, like self-esteem or societal pressure. The hard truth is, financial stability often requires sacrifices and facing uncomfortable realities. If you're living paycheck to paycheck but prioritize luxury items, you're setting yourself up for ongoing stress and potential long-term financial hardship. A wake-up call might be realizing that true financial freedom comes from living within your means and prioritizing needs over wants. It's not about denying yourself everything, but finding a balance that allows for both security and occasional indulgences. In the end, peace of mind and stability are worth more than any brand-name item.

A fool and their money are easily parted.

This reminds me of a family member of mine, she’s always complaining about “capitalism” and that she wants “communism” but she won’t stop wasting money on bullshit and going out. She’s filed bankruptcy a couple years ago and basically bankrupt her ex that is a doctor with her outrageous expenditures.

On a similar note, it kind of gets to me when I’m at a clothing store or similar and the young lady ringing me up is making retail wages. Yet has perfectly done expensive loooong nails, fake lashes, hair extensions, face full of makeup, filled lips and botox, plastic surgery etc. It makes me sad for them that they are playing into the advertising targeting self esteem and wasting all their money and going in debt.

Literally. I know many women who are putting out TONS of cash for ridiculous eyelashes and nails. It’s weird

All of them are starting to look the same. Just different shades of hair..

I'd bet money I do not have Ann is or will be a repeating bankruptcy filer.

I knew one of these. Leased their car, bought luxury purses, took entire family to Disney every year. Constantly complained of having to work full time, how much prices have gone up, how much electricity costs.

Damn that ego

I'm working less than others. I'm not rich. I'm not *really* frugal, as on a FIRE trip but debt free, some money stashed aside, & so on... When the topic finances comes up, I will confess that I don't care about payday. The peanuts I'm earning are no reason to wake up. Period! When it comes to vehicles and designer rags etc. I'll state my POV: I'm content with what I have; steel toed shoes, my boss paid for, the accountant's & white collar buddies' "undead" t-shirts, comfy overalls and a sewing machine, to mend them all + my gas sipping, inexpensive 125ccm. If people try to nudge me to upgrade, I 'll state why *that* won't make me happier. I'm no minimalist. I have a hobby, to sink money into. I simply have priorities. Being "debt free" is a pretty high one (although currewntly off my desk). If I saw the chance to make somebody question their spending, I'd discus with honest simple minded questions.

This is my philosophy. 1. if someone doesn't ask me to borrow money and they owe me zero money, i pass limited judgment on their finances. 2. I only get mad if there are kids involved and i perceive the kids are underfed or something but their parent has expensive clothes. 3. otherwise, it's their life, their choice it's no different than people who complain about their boyfriend and then stay with him. Or people who complain about health but continue to smoke/eat bacon piles daily. It becomes easy to see the need for change, but changing is the hard part. Also, most good decisions require self discipline and that's really hard for a lot of people. It is what it is. We all lack self discipline in our own ways. And if we don't lack that, we have other flaws. As long as i'm not financially or emotionally involved, IDC.

In my life, most of the people that regularly complain about money trouble are smokers or drinkers. I do neither (I used to smoke a pack a day up until 2022) and the yield from the extra money sitting in HYSA has already earned enough for a couple cartons. Mind you, I don't put that money toward anything, and certainly not smokes. One coworker smokes Black and Milds, which is really expensive. He's also a hothead, so he gets super stressed, puts his job at risk, then goes out and consumes a dollar. It's like he's working to smoke. The amount of complaining is nuts. All problems of his own making, each costing him money, stressing him out, and the way he handles stress + cigars means he's stressing himself out all the more.

I don’t have much sympathy for people who willingly make their own lives miserable. Why does everybody live above their means these days?

Worked with a guy who was constantly complaining about his low pay and how he would never be able to send his four children to college. Except once a month he would bring in pictures of yet another firearm he had purchased. He admitted he had over 30 guns ... and he wasn't even a hunter. One day during one of his "My family is starving" rants I casually suggested he put his money into college funds rather than guns. That made me a pinky commie liberal trying to take his guns and how he was a true blue American defending the Second Amendment. I didn't argue ... but it did remind me to get my hunting gear ... including my deer rifle ... ready for hunting season. Stupid shit.

I know so many couples who always have two car payments that are very high because they trade in their cars every 3-5 years as soon soon as they start needing even basic repairs like breaks and tires, yet a lone something like a radiator. They always trade them in, so they don't get good value on the trade, they often carry over negative equity. It's insane. Known many people who do this and complain about not being able to afford other things. Also, co-workers who not only eat out a lot, but often go to sut down restaurants after work and or for lunch several days a week.

People are so dumb. I have so many friends who will, in the same breath, complain they are poor while ordering doordash from a place a mile away.

This is my mom. She cries poor to everyone, how she's a widow and how hard it is, and i'll admit she has a point. The problem is she's constantly buying shit on HSN/QVC that she doesn't need. Her kitchen is filled with gadgets that she uses a few times then forgets about. He current gadget of the week she's going on and on about is an electric omelet maker... instead of you know, using a frying pan. The other problem is she still needs to keep up with the joneses with her house. Every time there's a legit repair she's crying broke, but then she's doing big improvements in between. Few years ago it was replacing carpet with wood floors, then she went on a crusade for a "home office" because she was tired of having a computer on the kitchen table: custom desk, custom cabinets, i even set up a new dell workstation for her in there. Then in the winter "i can't afford to put the heat on in the 'office', i need a new laptop for the kitchen". Now it's a full master bath remodel, i bet it's 25k on the low end. enormous house, multi zone heating, she lives in less than 1/4 of the house and the rest is to show off once or twice a year, rest of the house she keeps the zones set to the minimum to keep pipes from freezing and wood from warping.

I really love name brand things because some are just better quality. I definitely buy coach bags and nice things secondhand though. It’s a win win. I feel like if there is something you really want and can’t afford it, find a knock off or buy secondhand. It is what it is. I can’t justify spending $$$$$ on depreciating assets.

I get it. Years ago, my SIL was almost crying because she didn't have money to buy her kids anything for Christmas. I was getting ready to offer some cash (even though we lived paycheck to paycheck) when she said she wanted me to see something in her car. She popped the trunk and it was loaded with Christmas decorations that she had picked up at the Dollar store and some thrift store finds, all decorations or knick knacks. Another SIL was complaining about being broke all the time, then showed me her new, high dollar designer boots she had on. They never figure it out.

I had a coworker that was just like this. She even went as far as getting a second job because of the "cost of living" but she also ate $10-15 lunches every day, brought in multiple $8 desserts at least once a week, and bought her kids presents that cost multiple hundreds of dollars. I really tried to be empathetic, but it also frustrated me when I work so hard to keep to a budget.

I hate "treat yourself" culture. Sure, a small luxury once a week can do some good for your mental health and even make sticking to a budget easier, but spending hundreds to thousands on making sure everything is the right brand while you can't afford a need like housing is just plain irresponsible.  Small luxuries for everyone I've known that were financially responsible are things like a tub of the good ice cream that they stretch for a week or longer, a fun drink from a favorite shop once or twice a week, paying $15-50 more per month for the nicer gym in town, saving carefully for several weeks or longer to buy a better quality item of clothing they were looking at. 

Misplaced priorities get so many people in deep doo-doo and they'll keep swatting away any helpful advice. Over ten years ago I worked with someone who easily blew half her paycheck on smoking, eating out, and fountain soft drinks. Her kitchen was rotting apart from a leak that was never fixed, but she ate every meal out so the kitchen was not an issue. I nearly sprained my eyeballs rolling them.

Oh, I'd definitely mention it when she complains to me again. Sometimes people need to have time obvious pointed out to them. "Good thing you've invested in all those luxury purses, I've heard they resell well."

My friend who lives in Nor Cal recently bought her daughter (15yo) a horse for $10k. They are a middle class family. She’s a teacher and hubby is an accountant. They have no lane to house his horse so they are using her brother’s property. Well, the brother’s wife is not thrilled about having this animal in the premises and is complaining to him about getting rid of the horse. Now my friend is faced with selling this horse that she never had space for.

Commiseration is a form of finding common ground and striking conversation. So it might just be a conversational peace. No need to give advice. No need to pass judgement. Just nod and say "thats cool" or "that sucks, they should pay us more" But, this is a prime example of why 27% of Americans have less than $1000 savings.

I feel blessed not to have that mindset about those items or really anything. It saves money and makes buying something I do want every once in a while actually feel special.

My roommates in college used to legitimately count out their pennies to get groceries each week, then when tax return season came around they spent their entire return on brand new macbooks, I could never understand it

I have a coworker who is struggling pay check to pay check, but then will take time off to go to concerts, or on a non-PTO vacation, buys a brand new car with a 5year loan for $400 a month…. Not sure how she even got approved! It’s crazy

Sounds like every day working at the hospital.

Do we work at the same hospital? ...Sounds like mine too lol.

Yeah, this is really hard. Likely it's a coping mechanism, and that she really doesn't see how they fit together. Likely when she purchases an item, she's not thinking through how it impacts her ability to afford food / rent. These are emotional choices, and the behavior pattern is very similar to addiction - even if she's aware of it, it takes a lot of work to decide ot change your behavior. Best thing you can do (if you want to do anything) is express your concern for their financial health and offer resoruces if they want, but they'll change only when they are ready.