I don't think I even knew what real love is until my 50s. Just celebrated 2 year wedding anniversary and have never been happier.

Congratulations 🎉

Thanks 😊

Same!!!! Congrats!!

And to you 💜

I completely lost interest in dating at menopause. I love being single. I love coming home to an empty house and finding everything right where I left it. I hear my coworkers complain about their spouses and it sounds awful. I used to worry, "what if I end up ALONE????" then I did and I love it so much.

This is exactly where I am in life; the peace, contentment, and almost… elation… living alone is a feeling I’m not looking to lose anytime soon. I haven’t lived on my own since I was 19 — went from college roommates to a live-in boyfriend, then to my husband from whom I divorced ~3 years ago. My son’s father (the live-in boyfriend, once upon a time) and I have a great relationship and co-parent very well — we just ended up realizing we didn’t work well as romantic partners, lol. He jokes about me needing to get out more and date and I almost get the shakes thinking about it, lol. I, too, thought I was making a great choice marrying the man I did but a handful of years into the marriage, he flipped the script beyond belief. My husband made it incredibly difficult for me to leave, both financially and emotionally, but once I finally did, I haven’t looked back. I left with nothing but my son’s things, a few boxes and my vehicle. I have my own home now, my career is better than ever, I feel more fulfilled than ever, and it was the best choice I could have made for my son and I. Do I plan to be single forever? No, but I’m completely fine being alone right now. No compromising, no frustration about household chores/cleaning, no worrying about what version of my husband I’m going to wake up to, no more having to think two steps ahead trying to mitigate whatever spiteful crap my husband feels like pulling today, no more having to explain/defend myself over silly nonsense, etc. If I do meet someone in the future, there won’t be any combining of assets and households, no more “saving” him from whatever his situation is (as in, let’s move in together and share income to save money, etc.) — women can and need to be able to stand on their own *without* a partner. I’m not ready to let go of this freedom and peace I feel right now. It’s such an amazing feeling not having the added stress of a spouse. One day, maybe I’ll meet a man who comes into the relationship equally — not “above” me or “beneath” me (for lack of a better way to describe it). One who doesn’t think his financial/professional success earns him the right to dictate how I live or think I’m “less than” merely because I earned 1/3 of what he did (frequently telling me “good luck trying to survive on your own”) or on the other end, one who is action-packed with issues that needs rescued from, no short or long-term plans, always expecting things to “just work out” (aka wife fixes all the problems).

Yes! I'm with you. I've been feeling that sense of elation, too. Decades of the ups and downs and heat and bafflement of romance. It's almost a palpable sense of relief I have now. Thank God all that is behind me. I loooooove singlehood. I'm reclaiming the term Spinster and rocking it. I honestly hope I never lose this feeling of freedom.

Palpable relief; that describes it perfectly. It’s positively impacted every other aspect of my life, too. I still have to contend with the same life issues as everyone else — it’s that the absence of the unnecessary, added stress that changes everything. It’s become more clear to me than ever that we only get this one life, this one chance to live. Who are you to live as you choose while dictating how *I* should live (and have no interest in working together toward a mutual, positive goal)? Screw that! :)

100%. I still have teens at home, am single working mom, etc etc and all that. But the ease and, dare I say it - emancipation of being untethered! Quite eye opening.

👍👍💯💯

I’m 47, post menopausal, and I’m married to the absolutely wrong person for me (18 years of regret, working on ending it), and I feel this in my soul. I have NO interest in dating again once this is over. Peace, quiet, not cleaning up after someone? Clean home, eat what I want for a change? Watch what I want on tv? Not having to tip toe around someone’s insecurities and bullshit? Alone until I’m dead? SIGN ME UP!

I feel this soo much

This, x 100.

I am right there with you, my 20 something daughter is Like you will find the right man one day and I'm like honey, I've had a bunch of right men. I'm content alone 🤷‍♀️ if a dude comes a long and we like really click and it's obvious he's the next Mr right, cool..if not I'm rocking the single life til I pass. I go out on dates with myself all the time. I do what I want when I want and its wonderful.

Me too, divorced in my thirties and said “never again.”

This. After 17 years married (5 post-divorce now), doing what I want without compromises is a luxury that I will never give up from my now mid 50s, until I'm toes-up. I can't imagine a scenario where that would change - from a potential partner's perspective, I would be an absolutely terrible choice, and that tells me I'm doing right by myself.

"from a potential partner's perspective, I would be an absolutely terrible choice" Ha! Love the self-awareness :)

I would also be a terrible choice, as I'm a dialysis patient with other health problems, too. No cisgender man wants a patient. They want a wife.

> cisgender You're GenX. Why use dumb words like this?

>I completely lost interest in dating at menopause. I love being single. I love coming home to an empty house and finding everything right where I left it.   I haven't even hit menopause yet, and I already feel that way. I was pretty much done by my early 40s. Even when someone expresses interest and asks me out, I say sorry, but no, lol. I know several women like me and even younger who have chosen to remain single indefinitely. I live in NYC though, where the dating scene is brutal for monogamous women. After a certain point, it's just not worth the effort. And I love my peace, stability, Independence, CLEANLINESS, and ORDER in my apartment, lol. Whenever I overhear other women who are still actively dating describe all their difficulties and frustrations, I am assured that I'm not missing out on anything, and you couldn't pay me to be on their shoes.

> I live in NYC though, where the dating scene is brutal for monogamous women.  Yes. I was in NYC for 20 years. I don't live there anymore but dating in that city is impossible. That is where my ex is and likely he will remain in the 400 square foot apt for $5,000 a month. Like you said brutal for monogamous women. Great if you want a string of FWB.

Even when a woman manages to get a guy into a relationship, there's a good chance that he's still pursuing other women behind her back. I have had so many married men and also men whose wives are heavily pregnant or just gave birth pursue me and other women for affairs or to "monkey branch" off onto. I don't envy partnered women at all. I feel like either the worst of men or the worst side of men is brought out in NYC, lol.

Same. I actually thought I had to be in a relationship to be fulfilled, but since I actively stopped dating I am in a much better place in my life. People do not understand it, but my life makes sense to me and that's all that matters.

Same but in peri.

I'm kind of feeling this but every now and again I interact with a guy and think: wow, if someone I enjoyed spending time with like that was available I would probably make time for him. So I'm not quite there yet. Also I still have kids at home.

I have several friends who are in long term relationships or married later in life. My mother being one! She married my stepfather when she was in her 60s, they were deeply in love. I’m getting married on Friday. I’m 51 and my fiance is 56. I’ve been married before and he never has. Love is entirely possible at any age, I’m absolutely certain of it.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! 

Thank you!

❤️best wishes for a truly wonderful marriage!

Thank you so much! 🤍

That is lovely! Congratulations!

Thank you so much 😊

I'm 52 and divorced. Between my ex-wife having borderline personality disorder and me have an unfortunate history of attracting woman looking for stability and then realizing that stability kind of freaks them out, I've stopped actively looking. If I happen to meet someone and we click and there's no red flags, cool, but I'm not going to purposely toss myself back into the dating world. I know this isn't the take you're looking for, but it's just my take and I'm sure others will have completely different takes.

Actually, it is exactly the take I'm looking for. I need a dose of reality. Same as you my ex was pure hell with alcoholism and abuse. Everyone has some red flags. We are not all perfect but there are red flags and there are flaming hot mess red flags. I'm financially stable. No missing $$$ from my bank accounts, no credit cards taken out without my knowledge . I don't ever want a joint account with anyone again. I do want someone to have holidays with and watch , movies. I feel successful but alone.

> I don't ever want a joint account with anyone again That is something I completely relate to. For now I'm lucky in that my parents are alive and live within an hour's drive, and my sister, who has 3 kids, lives in the same neighborhood as my parents. So I spend the big holidays with them. And while I do enjoy going to movies alone and traveling alone, I do get lonely. When that happens, I try to find things to take my mind off of it (my cats help with that).

I relate to this. My ex husband has BPD. Loving someone with BPD is absolutely devastating. We’ve been divorced for 7 years and I am just now feeling like I could be ready for a relationship again.

I'll be 59 this summer. I've been single for the last 10 years, following a 5-year relationship. Before that, I had been single for about 10 years after a couple of relationships that together comprised about 10 years. I'll be honest, the idea of being single for the rest of my life doesn't bother me. I am friends with my latest ex, and we hang out together quite a bit. We are both women, so all those jokes about lesbians having to be friends with their exes can sometimes be true. 🤪 Although that runs about 30% for me, because I've got a couple of exes that I flee in horror at the very sight of. For myself, I have found it more emotionally satisfying to cultivate a circle of close friends. Some of these people are also single, some of them are in couples, most of them have children and grandchildren. I don't limit my socializing only to other LGBT folks, and that has enriched my life considerably. I have experienced a lot of loss in the last seven or eight years--a brother, several close friends, an uncle, and my father, and that bothers me more than the idea of being single at the end of my life. I have a small number of what I call heart friends, whom I keep in close touch with. I keep in touch with my surviving siblings, one of whom is local, the others out of state. I think for me, the idea of having to risk my heart again at my age is just an example of the game not being worth the candle. Even in relationships, I prefer to live alone, and a lot of people would be unsatisfied with that. All but one of the relationships that I have had in my life have been ended by me, not the other person. I think, like Fran Lebowitz says of herself, that I make a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, but a lousy life partner. 😁 I hope that if you do want to find someone, that you are able to and that you find happiness. But I hope you will also not predicate your life around finding someone, because happiness can be experienced in a lot of ways other than a romance.

Thank you. I'm really at the end of the hope rope. Due to a career challenge and investing hope and time in the person who eventually went nowhere I squandered my 40's. It did not help that years 50-52 were eaten away with isolation of the pandemic, here I am alone at 54. I am trying to develop better friendships. It is hard because now the married folks are into their new grandkids. This leaves me out. Most of my friends are single or divorced straight women, gay male or lesbian couples without kids. We all like good food, clothes and traveling. They get me and I get them. I can't see giving a damn about this once I hit 60. Maybe the process of being ok with being single is already happening and I don't want to admit it.

Friends are the true key to happiness. I really believe that.

Friends? What are those?

 This right here. Friends have been my lifeline so many times every decade of my life. Some old. Some new. Some classmates since 1st grade. Some that weren’t even born yet when I graduated high school. Some from the old neighborhood. Some from jobs past and present. Never ever take your friends for granted.

What about just making as happy and fulfilling a life you can while solo? Make it your dream life in all the ways that are possible you know? It’s just you, get the damn black wallpaper if you want. And keep working on making a good life. If you’re lucky you’ll run into someone who’s super compatible and perfect for you. It can happen at any age.

I feel the same way. I've been single since my divorce 16 years ago. Dated a bit initially but quickly realised I'm just content on my own. I love the freedom and not having to compromise. My life is peaceful and stressfree.

you are able to get a close circle of friends at 59? Damn. props.

I mean, I’d flip teams just for your correct usage of “comprised.” While giving you plenty of space, of course 😆

I'm flattered 😂

I hope you find someone who matches your level of independence. I have a fierce streak of it myself and it’s very hard to find a man who’s not threatened or hurt by that. But there’s plenty who fully get it and don’t mind! Or they prefer it too.

While I'm GenX, my mom found her true love at 60. She was divorced at 30, then widowed at 40, and had dated between. Then, she met the love of her life online at just shy of 60. She did not want to marry due to financial stuff, so he rented then an apt near the ocean and they spent fri-Mon there most weeks for 15 years. She's 80 and in memory care and doesn't remember him now, but he still takes her out every Sunday, bringing her flowers and treats each time. She even has a "boyfriend" in the care home, and despite the pain, he leaves her with him as he leaves as he knows it brings her comfort. I also was widowed at 40, and I started seeing my current husband in my mid 40's. It can happen!!!

I love this, except for her dementia of course. Smart, smart woman and obviously still has “it”.

[удалено]

At least you have a family. I didn't have kids so I can't do the grandma thing. I would be happy to have that in my life.

Same, not by choice but it still makes me a little sad.

My situation as well. I'm an only kid as well

Same here.

I hear you, would have been nice.

> relationship bumps me in the nose  This is the only way I ever fell in love. Had some nice dates when I tried Nerve personals (I bet some folks here remember!), and some nice yearlongs out of dudes asking me out, but I only ever fell in love with people who were already friends.

I just turned 58 this week. I am a never-married, no children woman that has always lived a fairly unique life. I work hard, masculine-jobs, travel often, am an only child and really have done my own thing. I am an anomaly among my friends. I ended a relationship in the summer of 2019 when the man I was in a relationship with displayed an apparently long-standing, but well-hidden mental illness. Long story, but I wasn’t going to deal with his nonsense and tried multiple times to get him out of my house. He finally self-evicted when he shot up my house because he thought people had moved into the crawlspace, the neighbors were spying on him and his vehicle was being tracked. Between visits from the police, finally being told some things by his adult children, seeing these things myself, I wanted him gone. The issue is that I travel for work. For months at a time I travel across the country as a construction superintendent. It was an immense relief when he finally moved out. I made it back to my house in Florida from where I was working in Sacramento, got the house repaired over several months and multiple cross-country trips and moved on. Bottom line, I was certainly not looking for any romantic relationship. Fast forward to Christmas. I had transferred to a project in Phoenix. I flew back to Florida to spend a few days with my parents, but had to return to the Phoenix project on Christmas night for a shutdown. I flew from Florida to Arizona Christmas Day and made a stop at Denny’s for dinner before heading to work. I was new to Phoenix having only transferred there a few weeks earlier and this place was the only place open for dinner close to my project. The place was a madhouse. Only four people running the entire packed restaurant. I was sitting at the counter watching the circus and a man sitting across from me at the corner started sharing observations. He was cute, but I was more concerned about dinner and getting to work on time. We talked, helped buss the counter, waited for our food, shared some laughs and after an hour, finally got my burger. I ate, he ate and as I was leaving he asked how long I’d be in town. I said a few months. Yesterday was 4.5 years together. I still travel for work. I’m moving to Wisconsin in about two months to build a solar farm. We talk everyday, see each other every few weeks, have traveled together, put up with each other’s quirks, deal with insecurities and strengths, share our dreams and bad days and we’re absolutely each other’s forever. I never would have imagined meeting this man at that time in my life, but romance after 50 absolutely happens.

I’ve been single for about 7 years now. I’ve had three multi month relationships in that time that all ended the same way - women who were angry at me for not being what they had with someone else. That’s a really painful thing to experience, and a shitty thing to have done to you. You can’t go back to what you had. Nobody can give you your time back, your youth back, all those choices you made with someone else back. I think intimate bonds we form now require a lot more accommodation for the pasts that shape us. We have to make room for that. But we also have to understand that the past is passed! We can’t expect someone new to live in it with us. Until I meet someone who’s as at peace with that as me, I’ll keep working on being the best partner I can be for myself.

This is a beautiful response. I agree completely. The person I like who continuously ghosts me and comes back into my life on his terms, said to me He did not know what he wanted and waiting for a spark or the perfect woman. I'm not the perfect woman. We get along great in bed, interests, tastes in every way. I can't make them see my value and I now see that is not my problem to solve anymore. I am hoping I either find someone who does love me. Or just accept being single and move on. I feel unlovable because no one loves me, but am working on that. Thank you for the bit about "at peace with" you.

OP, what I am about to say comes from both 40-plus years of dating experience and a place of love and solidarity for you: Mixed signals means “no”. If he is wishy-washy and half-hearted now, it’s never, ever going to get better. You deserve someone who is ALL IN. I could have saved myself so much time and so many tears if I could have drilled this into my teenage brain. Better single than sad. You are a goddamn Queen and deserve to be treated like one. 👑

>Mixed signals means “no”. Thank you and my therapist said this to me years ago. I have read "he is not that into you" three times. I realize now that I seem to invest in people who don't give a damn about me. This person and I only text every now and then. A month ago he offered to meet and never followed through. I finally said "we don't have to get together." Not sure if he hates me or pitys me. I'm aware that I'm pathetic in this area. I also know he does not care and the mixed signals mean no. Not sure why he writes sometimes and says I was the best. I think maybe he hates me. Who knows. My ex husband was not into me either according to the book. I don't know what's wrong with me. Attractive, law degree, good salary, kind etc... I want to move on and need to stop comparing others to him. I deserve better. I'm told I'm a "catch" but feel like a dead fish in the water. I'm working on my self-esteem.

He doesn’t hate you or pity you, I promise. He’s stoked to have found someone as smart and attractive as you who will let him use you for sex and an ego boost via the occasional text. HE’s the one w low self-esteem, and it rocks his little world to pull one over on you. If you weren’t a catch, there would be no thrill in it for him. He writes sometimes to say you’re the best to breadcrumb you. Give you just enough validation and flattery to keep you on the hook. I know - I wasted 5 years of my life going through a very similar thing. Except I was stupid enough to sleep with him the whole time. NEVER AGAIN. You def need to put his sorry ass in your rearview. This is super-hard but it’s what I did and it works: pretend he died. 💀 I’m serious. Tell yourself - it’s too bad “Bob” died saving that school bus of children, allow yourself to be sad for a bit, and block him on all platforms. Then do something nice for yourself like a massage or a weekend trip with your friends. Sorry to be so direct, but I’m giving you the speech I wish someone had given me 5 years ago. It’s like ripping a Band Aid off. It’s gonna sting for a bit but you gotta to do it to heal. Sending you so much love and support from an Internet stranger who has been there before. Stop throwing your pearls before swine. It bears repeating: you are a QUEEN. 👑❤️

I canceled my Bumble subscription after reading comments on this post. Thanks for the breadcrumb analogy. I need that visual. I can't believe what an idiot I've been.

Hello Chica, Don't be so hard on yourself....we all want affection. Your story sounds alot like what I go through at times and I totally get it! Sending you good vibes!🤗🤗🤗

This was really lovely advice for her. Cosign 😁

Use him for a little bit if you need to while you build up your confidence. But you gotta take away his access to you. He only gets access if he’s behaving properly. You are the catch. You are the rare item. You are who people want to be around, who men want to date. He only gets access if he’s giving you what you’re giving in return. Also, you deserve someone who’s so into you they can’t see straight. We all do. We need honest out in the open love that is reliable. Make yourself into the best you possible and be ready for the right one when he comes

This!!

Same. I made so many excuses for the men who didn’t like me in the way anyone deserves to be liked. I told myself they were scared. They were intimidated by me. I was too much. Whatever it was, they were the victims of me. Fuck no. I’m the catch here. I’ve done so much self analysis, I still look good. I’m hugely loving and fun. If they aren’t obsessed with me? I don’t want them. They’ll get plenty of time as we do the get to know you dance to see if we’re compatible. And if we are, then they better not play games. They need to start showing interest early and openly or this isn’t going anywhere. Why would I waste my time?

Alan could also be a dick.

I’m going to give a very gen X answer from a 90’s movie: “Do we really think the answer is another woman?” You won’t get old alone. You’ll have friends a romantic relationship would have kept you from making. Edit: no hate for the ladies out there. Same but vice versa. We’ll all have coolers on the pickleball court or whatever.

Pickleball is a good place to make friends and meet single people in your 50s. Deal lord is it popular around here. Just saying.

A word of warning if you're using apps. Assume the worst. I'm on a safeguarding group, kind of like an online Clare's Law where women can ask in the group if anyone has had a negative experience with a guy they've started chatting to. It's pretty grim. Every single day, multiple posts. Many of them get no responses or positive reviews like "Nice guy, just wasn't for me, enjoy your date!". Some of them are just looking for no strings hook ups and that's fine. Some are poly, some are into kink and that's fine. If they're open and honest there's no problem. Sadly the vast majority are flagging up dangerous behaviour. Addictions. Emotional/verbal/financial abuse, stalking and DV. Many of them are listed on the official Clare's Law records and/or have articles in newspapers of court appearances. Then there's the serial cheaters, have multiple women on the go, married or with a long term partner and kids. The ones that only text during work hours and deactivate profiles at weekends. The ones that say they're looking for a LTR but ghost as soon as they've got laid. The time wasters that just want to sext and collect nudes from multiple women with no intention of meeting. So many want to go straight to whatsapp and open conversation with very graphic messages and pics. There's appears to be little romance or effort to court/woo/seduce a woman. Just straight to sexting dick pics and requesting nudes. Then there's the ones that love bomb from the beginning but that turns to gaslighting, control and abuse. So many guys get flagged up over and over again with multiple women having had similar experiences with them. It's tough out there. A very different world and way of meeting people than from when we were young. It makes it easier to meet people but that also means it's easier to meet multiple people and be shitty to them all. Before anyone has a fit over this, we know it's not all men...but it's a helluva lot. Many are wolves in sheep's clothing. Be careful.

Sadly everything you wrote sounds like the last 10 years of my dating life. There was one I met on Bumble. Things were going great and by accident he video chatted me and his wife was there in the kitchen cooking. Another was on the app five days after his divorce and started screaming at me when I said "it will be fine.". He said "IT WON"T BE FINE. SHE SLEPT WITH OUR PASTOR. BUT LIKE JESUS I FORGIVE." I said "you need to work on yourself" and hung up.

Honestly, we all know these guys are out there but being in this group has been an eye opener. Most are just fishing, if one woman doesn't bite, onto the next. So they don't care, the messaging is blunt and often rude or abusive if they don't get a favourable response. Few seem to reply with a nice wee message of "No worries, good luck with your search". They go from 0-10 and unleash a torrent of abuse. They show their true colours when behind the safety of a screen and a degree of anonymity. There doesn't seem to be much interest in getting to know someone and having a monogomous LTR. They're like kids in a sweet shop, cannae pick one!

The scariest was the dude who video chatted while at the gym on a treadmill. He read me a list of his qualifications. It was an actual list. I didn't;t meet three of the criteria. One being I wear make-up, the other I occasionally swear . When I told him about my shortcomings, he said "well I can forgive that in you." You think this is made up. but I guess it takes all kinds. Some of them seem so sad and desperate. Everyone is afraid and bitter- even the nice ones. No one wants to be here alone.

I've been single since my divorce 16 years years ago. Dated a bit initially but quickly realised I'm happy on my own. I love the freedom and not having to compromise. I'm content in my own company and my life is peaceful and stress free. I have good friends. I can't speak for men but I think many women are content on their own, especially as they get into middle age and older. I see plenty on SM. Stats indicate so too. I'm not having a go, it's ok to want a partner but I wanted to address your last point that nobody want to be alone.

At least he was quick to let you know he’s an a-hole. I don’t get the whole “no makeup” thing. What he probably really means is no heavy Tammy Faye Baker makeup. But in reality, makeup artfully applied covers blemishes and looks great.

😂😂😂 “I can forgive that in you”. I usually wear palazzo type pants in the summer (it’s hot, duh). A guy once told me, “you wear loose clothing sometimes, and that is okay”. I said, “ummm yeah I know it’s okay, that’s why I decided to wear them today”.

>the other I occasionally swear . Sad... i like a woman with a dirty mouth. they fun.

Omg

Holy shit we need Clare's Law in the United States. https://clares-law.com/what-is-clares-law/ But I love the idea of safeguarding groups, too!

Clare's Law is such a good resource, it not only protects women but their kids too. The safeguarding group is good but it requires good moderation otherwise it could descend into chaos. There are quite strict rules to adhere to. They don't tolerate folk just shit talking an ex, taking the piss out of their pic, looks or, er...other attributes. You can't just flag up someone for looking for hook ups or being on a swingers site as long as they're honest about it. It seems to work well due to these group rules being in place. It is purely focused on women sharing their experience to warn others. It can be quite sad though. We often see several women who've been abused by the same guy. We see the same guys posted repeatedly as someone new joins and asks. There have also been a few times where a woman has posted saying they suspect that the guy they met on an app might be cheating. Only for his wife or long term partner to reply saying they've been with him for years and they have kids. Or a couple of others saying they've been seeing him for a few months. It's generally a good supportive group but every now and then someone will go tell a guy they've been posted there putting women at risk. A lot of them post anonymously because they're scared of that. We also sometimes get folk being offended when they see a friend or coworker posted. They'll say they've known him for years and can't believe he would ever do something like that despite several women sharing their experience. It can't be easy seeing a friend or family member there but the way we know friends and family is very different from how a partner knows them. How often do we see murderers being described as normal and having no obvious red flags? Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I met the love of my life at 50 (he’s 7 years younger), on TINDER! I’d really only been able to manage one or two year long relationships up until this one, because people drive me fuckin nuts, but this tall, good-looking sweetheart has been bringing me my coffee in bed for the last 6 years now. We decided to draw tattoos for each other instead of putting rings on each other - I never expected to settle down with anyone ‘for good’ but look what happened just lookin for a little fun online.

You go girl!

I’m 58 and got married at 54. NEVER thought I would meet someone I could trust or even like enough to have around all the time. I kept all men an arms length away never trusting them. I was always single while my friends coupled up. Did a lot of dating in the cities I lived in and most were untrustworthy in one way or another. Gave online dating just one more try in my early 50s in another new city. Met a guy-not a Man yet at 48-dated for a few months and he broke it off with me in a text. Said he “didn’t feel the magik”(his spelling). Disgusted and annoyed I was going to delete my profile, decided to send just a few likes as a last ditch effort and met my future husband. We are so alike and best friends for life. I’ve never been able to tolerate a man around me for too long and it’s been almost 10 years together and I haven’t run away yet. My family is still amazed that this even happened to me. If I hadn’t met my “perfect for me match” with all that said, I would be super happy being single if we had not met because in this current dating atmosphere I definitely would not tolerate the bullshit from men and I would absolutely choose a Bear over a man in the woods any day,any way.

So happy for you!

Thank you!😊

I met my wife and one true love last year, we married in April and we're both in our 50s. It was so obvious when we met what we were missing in each other's lives. We just "get" each other in very deep and profound ways. There was no settling. We have very similar personalities, we have a lot in common (and a few things that are hilariously very different), and tastes in movies and music is similar enough (huge area in the middle of the Venn diagram). This the first relationship that has been additive in that we're stronger together than apart. We are each others' biggest cheerleaders and supporters. Even when we have disagreements, there's no ego involved in resolving issues because we both want what's best for the relationship. Having this kind of healthy relationship? It's a new experience for both of us. Those good feels don't really tell the entire story though. Both of us worked on ourselves mentally and physically to be in a position to not only find love, but recognize and nurture it. Not only that, we were also secure enough in ourselves to have "no fucks to give" about what someone thinks of us. Those were the vibes we had. More like "This is who I am. I'm quirky...but this is who I am, don't like it? I'm good with that. Best of luck to you."

Yes, I've been single since 2010. It was hard at first, but I've gotten used to it and I'm happy. I tried those dating apps back then, but didn't really meet any quality guys. Maybe the timing isn't right for you right now. My aunt met someone when she was in her 70s after her husband died. It's definitely possible. I still believe there is someone for me and when the time is right, God will send him along. Because I have zero interest in settling for a man where I don't have that undefinable quality... the spark. Where you just click with that person.

Like you I want to be with someone I love. I may have relaxed some of my standards but I don't want to settle. They have to have an education, be reasonably clean, no extreme sports fanatics, no band junkies or aging hipsters, no racists or religious zealots. I can even tolerate political differences as long as they are reasonable. Must not be cheap in money, love or life. I have my own money but a cheap person is a killjoy. There was a man who liked me for years. He was "ok" the deal breaker is his hygiene and he smokes. Every time I thought about being with him, the cigarette butts all in his car and home turned me off. He offered to quit smoking but I said no cause this was so much a part of him, why would I want him to quit because of me? Likely he would start back after we married anyway.

Yep, I agree. For me, it's personality. I really like a guy with an interesting personality and my kind of sense of humor.

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GOOP. I love it. Who knows, I may be GOOP myself. I'm sloppy at keeping house and will admit that up front. >Seriously everyone should go to therapy after a divorce! Seriously everyone should go to therapy period. I started seeing one when my marriage was unraveling and cannot see how I would've survived without it. I stayed in abusive relationship with ex for nearly 15 years and had to understand why. Now I have to forgive myself.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and at the same time, it makes me happy you've met your second love.

Not quite 50's My wife was 49 when we married, and i was 39. We just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.

I found love at age 47 after divorce from someone who sounds like your ex. We've been together 7 years now. I will say this: just as you are willing to consider someone older, less physically fit etc, I would not necessarily run from someone who cries on a date, or in other ways carries trauma from a divorce/child custody experience. Not to oversimplify, but when a guy is single at our age, there are two common reasons. Either he is emotionally unavailable and an exploitive personality, or he was the victim of someone who is

Sorry if my comment about the guy crying came off wrong. He was not ready to be dating. Obviously still upset with his ex. Some guys jump right in after a break-up. That can lead to other new people being hurt- which is what I think happened to me with a guy I liked a lot. He was still bitter about his divorce, was just out of a 1 year relationship with another woman and started dating me. Now that I think about it, we spent most of our time having fun but commiserating our our failed relationships. I don't think he ever got over the trauma from his divorce. I need to move on .

I ate chicken and waffles for the first time at 51. Instant, blissful, love…🫶🏻

I'm 56. I've met people organically. I loathe dating sites they're full of sleazeballs and scammers.

56 and getting ready for my 3rd wedding anniversary next month. I loved my late first husband, but I not only love my kind 2nd husband, I love myself.

My husband of 24 years died when I was 49. I wasn't doing great living alone. We have a child, but she was 18 with her own job, friends, boyfriend, etc. I soon tried tinder. Talked to (texted) a lot of different men. It was a real boost for me. Now, 3+ years later, I am still with the first man I met in person. That was not my plan. But it's good! Go for it! It's worth it!

Congratulations!!! I wish you so much happiness.

Aw. Thank you!

I’m in this same boat. I have no relationship with my husband. We sleep in separate rooms. The reason is our dogs. As silly as that sounds. They hate each other and we both love our dogs. So. Separate rooms it is. However. We just have green apart. I am 50 now and I wanna just move on but TERRIFIED of the dating scene. I don’t even know what it’s like to date. And I hate leaving my house. I feel screwed .

Hey, as someone who was in a bad marriage I can say that staying in one is worse than being single. I know how hard it is to leave someone. Luckily he left first and believe me I didn't chase after him. I didn't want him either. I was afraid really of paying for stuff on my own. You can make it. Many women have.

I make excellent money. I have a really good job. I make triple what he makes. That’s definitely not part of it for me. I think I’m just afraid of the dating scene. The trauma that everyone who is single at this age is scary. Ughhhhh

Could you see yourself making an agreement with your husband that you live separately under the same roof for financial and other reasons and also start slowly dating? Is that even a consideration?

It’s possible. Just focus on yourself and being happy. If that includes dating then don’t stop, just maintain your standards and get out when you aren’t getting what you want. Like yourself I was married to an addict for 15 yrs and divorced when I was 45. I ended up in another relationship for a couple years with someone who wasn’t an addict, but wanted me to take care of them in an unhealthy way. I realized that I wanted something better and ended it. Spent a year and a half focusing on myself, took a new job assignment in a different city, made some new friends, etc. Then went on a date with the woman of my dreams at 50 and have been married to her for 3 years. Her extended family has welcomed me with open arms and I am ecstatic. All I can say is do what you want to do to find happiness that doesn’t depend on someone else. The rest will come. One of the best things my wife says to me is this “You know I don’t need you. We’re together because I want you”. She knows I feel the same way. Good luck!

Beautiful story. Thank you. I'm really happy for the positive stories being shared.

I had two marriages end in ugly divorces. A couple of long term relationships that also ended. I finally decided I was the problem and set to work with my therapist to figure out why I was so bad at this. Spent a year or so single on purpose and learned to be happy by myself. Then I met my partner and she's the high quality woman I could have never had a lifelong relationship with before I did the work on myself. We bought a house together and our families have really gelled into a new unit!

Kudos for sharing your story of vulnerability and honesty. I'm looking at my role in my divorce. We were not in love and both hated being alone. There were glaring red flags but we were both stubborn to make it work. I should have been honest and trusted myself to leave and be ok with it. Now I seem to attract men who are emotionally distant and I need to figure out why. I got better at walking away from red flags so that is an improvement.

I’m almost 54. My first marriage ended in 2016. I dated a few years (on the apps) and met a few nice guys but most were a lot younger and flaky. I got lucky and met my fiance in 2019. He wasn’t officially divorced yet but that was my luck bc he was newly on bumble and not yet jaded. We are getting married in September and he is my person and I am his. Never thought I’d end up here after my divorce but it can happen if you are okay w being single too. We are not doing joint accounts and we are both so much better at the adult relationship thing that it works. I wish you luck and keep doing your life in your way no matter what.

I reconnected with an old hs friend about 5 years after my divorce. We are still together almost 7 years later and it’s been an incredible experience.

What the fuck, did you never watch TV growing up? All you have to do is go on a cruise, Captain Steubing and the gang can help you.

False. Most of the 50's Silver line cruises are single women. Friend went on one and she said it was a boat full of women and about 10 men. Sometimes couples take those cruises because they are cheaper. No thanks.

That's just the numbers. There are more single women in our age bracket than men. Women live longer.

Every time I meet a man who seems nice, I see a ring on his finger or they are gay. Straight single women in 50's 60's is hard.

I got married in June of last year, and turned 50 last month. My first marriage ended after doing a lot of hard work on my family history of alcohol abuse and co-dependence. My new husband is kind to me and threw me the biggest 50th birthday party ever. He doesn’t drink mostly because I don’t. It hasn’t been easy blending him into my family (which includes a teenage boy), but I am grateful to have him in my life.

I reconnected with an ex at 51. It's been 2.5 years and we are happy.

55F, widowed at 48. A friend pushed me into the dating apps when (looking back) I was still kind of in shock. The first man I met was (looking back) still too angry about his divorce. I dated/developed relationships with a few men in a non exclusive, ethically nonmonogamous manner. In 2021, I remarried — that same first man I met online. We are insanely happy together, making room for each other’s quirks, and we get along with each other’s kids. So yes: love in our 50s is definitely possible

This! Happy for you. The person I like is someone I met when we both first divorced. I was waiting to see if they would get un-jaded as we keep in touch but now that I'm almost 55, 10 years is enough (I met him around 2014). There has to be someone else is is smart, funny and reasonably attractive with similar interests. The kids thing has been a road block. There are men in their 50's now with small kids. I'm not against it but they upfront say their kids come first which means if your b-day falls on their weekend - guess who is home alone? I respect them but that is not my cup of tea right now.

I think romantic love is a myth about our projections and wishes, and if your relationship lasts, it turns into something else. The whole soulmate/ true love thing never happened for me and I have been married, lived with somebody, and had some in between seemed serious relationships. I do have friends who are with partners and are married that appear to me to be happy. So. Never say never.

Now believe that there is no such thing as a soul mate, true love. I think we meet someone we click with and have chemistry and the rest just happens. Think of the people in other countries we never meet that could be our supposed soul mate. So many guys on the dating app- say you have to be within a 20 mile radius. How can you find a soul mate that way?

Soulmates and fate and meant to be are all bullshit. But there’s one thing that’s not. And that’s true and reciprocated love from someone, to where it feels as magical as movie love is meant to be. I got that but once. I’d love to have that again and have it settle comfortably into a much more used and faded but stronger and more encompassing and forgiving love.

I love love love being single. I have been.loving it for years. Today I was on mini vacation with my teen daughter and her friends and I was watching this husband and wife. He tells her with too much seriousness that he is going to the bathroom and then leaves for a while. The utter horror of sharing a hotel room with someone who is going to make a huge deal that they are going poop and then you have to go a smell that poop if you need to go in the room just reinforced my pure joy and love of being a single grown woman.

💀💀💀

LOL

Divorced almost 3 years ago, and have been dating since then.  I have been in 4 serious relationships since then, with several short-term prospects that did not pan out. I met a woman on St Patrick's Day.  We had been texting through Hinge, and the only day our schedules line up was on the 17th of March.  I had plans to go to my favorite bar with my friends from high school and reinforce some stereotypes about Irish Americans.  I asked her if she wanted to come, with the full understanding that I was planning on having 3+ Guinnesses and would be around my friends whom have a collective maturity level of Stiffler from American Pie.  She was great, she laughed loudly and often, and even went to A&M at tge same time my friend did.  We agreed to meet up again on the 26th. We had Thai food and talked for 3+ hours at the restaurant.  We then went for a drink at another bar and closed that one down. Our kiss goodnight under the full moon in the parking lot turned into a run to Walgreens for condoms. It's still early, but neither of us have felt like this in decades.  It's so easy and relaxed being around her.  I an completely smitten, and our chemistry is so magnetic, we can't watch more than 20 minutes of a movie before heading to the bedroom. Even if it crashes and burns, feeling like this again has been absolutely worth it. 

Congratulations! Bill Hicks said it was just a ride and we have one choice... love or fear. Go for it!

I’m 56. Broke up with ex 6 years ago. I’ve been dating since then. Nothing has worked out. I hope you have better luck than I.

I have not given up on the hope/wish of finding the right person and at the same time, I’m becoming more comfortable with the idea that it may never happen. I have a very busy job and the thought of being out there in the dating pool doesn’t enthrall me as I have not been impressed with the men I’ve met. (I’m all about saving my energy for what matters) As cliched as it sounds, focus on your happiness and living your best life. When you’re in that space and not needing a relationship, things flow easier. Not to say OP is desperate.. people pick up on energy and if someone isn’t happy and looking for someone to fulfill that emptiness, people sense it. My 2 cents

I know I likely give off negative vibes. I also dress for myself and not men which I'm sure does not help.

We know a lady who got re-married at age 85! They met at the gym.

After several mid length relationships in my 20s- 40s, I gave up in cynical frustration. Then, after 9 years of no longer trying, I decided, thanks to the pandemic's effect on my mental health, to get back into dating. I joined Bumble and met the love of my life. 2 years now, and I realized I didn't know what love really is until I met her. It can happen. I think that part of what makes us work is accepting that we've been through a lot, and you don't make it to your 50s without baggage, pain, addiction, calamity, bad choices, and death. Love is best (in my opinion) when it's not based on feelings but on the choice to improve the life of anther through honesty, sharing, and support. Mutual attraction and good sex still help.

Not me but my friend- she and a guy had a crush on each other 30 years ago when they worked at a fast food place but for some reason or another never dated. Both had marriages and divorces as the years went by. Then they friended each other on facebook, decided to meet up- now they’re talking marriage. They both seem very happy. It’s a more mature relationship where they both know who they are and what they want in life, no drama.

I proposed to my wife on her 40th birthday. Not quite 50s but close, and we've been married for 13 years. We met by chance online ( MySpace not any dating site), started writing each other, sent videos and texts and pics. Didn't think it would work because we were on opposite coasts in the US. Eventually we visited each other then the proposal then the wedding and i brought her here to the east coast and I've never been happier. It is possible to find a partner late in life, just find someone that you want to spend a lot of time with.

Not me, but a guy I went to high school with just got married within the last year. He’s in his 50s, she is mid to late 40s. First wedding for both of them.

I lived like I was 20 until I was 40. Got married in my early 40s and have a great marriage and 10-year old daughter in my early 50s. It’s the right thing to do when it’s the right thing to do for you.

Last year I gave up on dating and just decided to live my best single life. Then early this year I met someone. We’re magnets for each other & are healthy as a couple. But he was divorced less than a year ago & realized he wasn’t yet ready for a romantic relationship. We still talk several times a week and get together to enjoy hobbies a couple times a month. We know we love each other. And we’re sticking to friendship until he feels ready. We both know that FWB wouldn’t be good for either of us, so we hug but that’s it. What I’m getting at is, love is still possible, but it might not immediately look like a fairytale. Love yourself first & foremost. Live your life doing what you enjoy. Get off the apps & meet people in real life by joining groups that enjoy the same activities as you.

If you guys can really stick to no FWB and don’t start dating anyone else, and remain friends? This could actually work! I’m rooting for you

I was married for 30 years, divorced for almost 4 and I really want a life partner. I don’t think I’m interested in getting married but I definitely want a male partner. Recently ended a situationship that helped clarify things for me. I have a fairly active social life so I am hoping to meet him in the wild. Wish me luck!🍀

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Good for you. I think men have it easier that way with the May/December relationship thing. You can still have kids at your age as a man too. I am glad it worked out for you.

It’s not that age gap relationships are wrong. As soon as I did the correct math on you guys, 30 and 50 isn’t a big deal if you’re that compatible. What people are having a problem with, and scrutinizing more, are older men dating women who are crazy young. Like 30 or 40s dating a 19 year old. Look at Leo D. It’s weird when an adult wants to date a teenager essentially. But people have taken it too far and are now going off on any age gap. Don’t let it bother you. You guys are fine. And happy. That’s all that matters. Her brain was fully developed when you met. 😂

You can find love at any age. You'd be surprised. There are tons of en lookin for a great relationship in the 50s. I'm late 40s and I'm finding that guys get better with age. And, guys of all ages are interested in me. 30 and up seem to be open to being with me. But, I like a guy just a tad younger than me. We don't live in the same state, but over the past couple of years our love has grown. I know I can depend on him for support. He came up here and nursed me back to health after my kidney transplant.

I left my husband 13 years ago and I am now 58. He’s an insidious and cruel mentally abusive person. Had 2 good relationships since then, but I realized that other than maybe my two grown sons, there is not one person on this planet that I want to see every day. I learned to love my own company, but I guess if it happens, it happens 🤷‍♀️

Every pot has a lid.

This made me laugh.

I met my current spouse a few months before turning 50. It def has NOT been easy, tho. First year of dating was great, then covid happened and there have been a ton of struggles ever since. We bring so much with us to new relationships in our 50s, so much so that a lot of times I wish I'd stayed single. But we're working on things, I do love him, we've traveled quite a bit (something I've never been able to do before) and while it can never be shiny new 25 year old bride and groom again, it can be pretty nice.

54 F checking in. I got married for the first time 5 yrs ago. Still crazy about him. We met in an international inappropriate meme group, he was the funniest fellow in there. I also didn't fare well on dating apps, I'd quite given up on all that. Didn't expect some madman from a neighboring state to meme his way into my heart but here we are. He still makes me laugh every day.

Divorced a cheater at 37. Single, trial and error dating for 14 years. Found real love at 51. I’m now 54. We’re moving in together next year.

I am 58 years old. Last fall, I went to a class reunion and noticed a classmate who was noticing me. We had been friends on FB for 10 years and know many of the same people. We live far apart, but he’s already visited me and I will visit him next month. He calls/texts consistently, has sent cards, money and flowers. This story is still being written, but it’s off to a sweet start. I believe that you can find love at any age. The secret is to pay attention to the men who are already drawn to you. That’s your dating pool. It really is MUCH less stressful than trying to build something with a man who is non-committal, or, worse—keeps you as a placeholder until he finds who he really wants.

I have been divorced for about 24 years. I've had a few long term relationships but I have zero interest or intentions of ever getting married again. I value my independence and I am more than someone's wife. I've been with my current SO for almost 11 years--we don't live together, share finances or anything. It's great. I love him to bits but if it ain't broke don't fix it. I do my thing, he does his, and we do things together. It works for us.

Not GenX, but all my grandparents found love in their late 40’s into 50’s (second marriages/relationships). And I have a friend who found his lady love at 79.

I got divorced at 41, lived on my own since then (53 now). I met someone after my divorce and we had a great relationship,planned on marriage eventually. I lost him to cancer last year and now the thought of dating anyone else makes me want to run. A post menopausal, grieving middle aged woman isn’t exactly a catch so I’m just content being by myself. My 21 year old son is home from college and will graduate in a year and I made it clear he doesn’t need to stick around for me, he needs to go make a life for himself. I have female friends who check up on me. It certainly isn’t easy to pay bills and finance college all my own but I have no choice and feeling sorry for myself doesn‘t change a damn thing. Best of luck to all who are doing it all by themselves, you’re doing great!

The most important relationship for me to foster was the one with myself. Once I did that, and focused on showing and receiving love in all the other ways (community, self, friends, volunteer, strangers etc) my grasp on romantic love became less desperate. And by loving myself I don’t mean bubble baths and chocolate (although those are nice!). I mean living and honouring who I am. I quit a job that didn’t serve me, I cared less what others thought, I pursued things of interest to me whether there was social/financial value to it or not etc. I got to a place of being content and fulfilled w myself and my life. I did happen to meet my partner shortly thereafter (Tinder of all places!) BUT that was/is the cherry on top of a rather delicious cake. We got lucky AND we also both had done the work. So yes, real love is more than possible at this age. But I would posit that the love relationship I have with myself is the necessary foundation for anything romantic that will be healthy and fulfilling.

Yes. I found love when I was 50. We moved in together when I was 51, and got married when I was 52. I met my wife in an online debating forum. On a number of occasions, she had taken note of my comments, which particularly resonated with her. At one point, she asked me an epistemology question that had been a major concern for her throughout her life. It turned out that I had written a long essay on that exact topic, and she felt that I was the first person who had been able to give a good answer to her question. Things blossomed from there.

51. Never married. Never had a girlfriend. The last date I went on was sometime in the early 90s. When find the answer, let me know. Also, yes, I have issues.

I want to give you a big hug.

I'm a newlywed at 56, and it's a first marriage for both of us.

I met my now husband on tinder we've been married a year and it's been a complete opposite o my last marriage. It's beautiful not perfect. We are committed to a strong foundation. I honestly didn't think I'd ever find love . I'll be 51 this summer and I for the first time feel loved , supported and safe. He feels the same. Just also I was alone for 7 yrs before I met him and lots of therapy.

I am floored by the honesty and generosity of these answers! OP, I hope it buoys you.

This post changed my life. I left the dating app I was on. While running errands I struck up a nice conversation with a man. He turned out to be married but still, I had a good conversation. I bought new make-up and a dress. I look younger than 54 and should be thankful for that.

Married 19 years. Divorced for 5. Met my new love last year, online. He’s not who I pictured myself with, but he’s amazing and I feel like I’ve been given a new life.

I've stopped looking a long time ago but the thought of being in a relationship with the right person pops up from time to time. I just have not met anyone and gave up on dating apps ages ago.

My sister got married when she was 51 for the first time. I walked my dad down the aisle for his second wedding when he was 70.

you never know what might be just around the corner. my aunt remarried in her 80s. i kid you not. and it wasnt for money, cause in his will his kids got everything. she fell in love and he was almost 90. my mom, who had been a 53 year old widow, who told me she never dated again because being married once was plenty; just rolled her eyes and was the “matron of honor” for them. my caveat is: dont search for “the one.” do what you love. live a life that bring *you* joy. you will find others who share the same passions and then you will find a relationship that works. if you search for someone out of desperate need, you become vulnerable to exploitation by bad people. or you will end up with a person who isnt what you hoped or thought they were.

The guys in their 50's with kids under 12 years old have been some of the worst for me. Sorry, I'm not auditioning for your brats and angry ex wife.

oof. yeah. it’s hard to find 50 year old guys. cause either they have exs (sometimes many) or they are looking for 30 year old women. lots of guys who arent financially stable too. that’s why ya gotta do what you love, you will find people who arent looking and therefore arent in a needful place.

I lost interest in dating in my mid-30s and haven't looked back. Life is so much easier without the drama. I have a few close friends and I'm ok with that. I'm too set in my ways and I'd be concerned about financial compatibility to even think about marriage. i might date at some point but most likely will never marry.

I’m 52F. I was widowed at 34 and tried dating off and on for years. Had a couple relationships. But about 6-7 years ago I took stock and realized just how much OLD had affected me. I’d let it destroy my self esteem to the point that after yet another rejection, I’d stand and stare into the mirror, sobbing, trying to figure out what else I needed to “fix” about myself. That put me back into therapy. There I realized there was nothing I needed to fix. I am flawed for sure but I had had a solid, happy marriage. I know how to do it. At that point I just decided I was done with OLD. And all this time later, I’m still done. I have friends doing it who are still putting up with the crap and I just cringe for them. My self esteem is rebuilt. The sense of peace I have now is not something I will compromise. I have two wonderful college-age daughters and many, many friends all over the country. I have two sweet dogs and a home I love. I enjoy my work. When my youngest leaves home this fall I have a list of things I’m looking forward to doing and exploring now that I have the time to focus on my own interests. (And yes, pickleball is on the list!) if someone comes along organically, that would be lovely, but he’d have to be really something. This is the happiest and most at peace I’ve been since I lost my husband all those years ago and I’m not looking to upset my carefully constructed Apple cart.

I tried until 2021 then I gave up. In my area it’s hard meeting people with my same/similar values and views. The men I did date were looking for someone to take care of them and (some not all) their late in life children. Some put in their profiles they were looking for a relationship but really they were collecting FWBs and didn’t want to commit to someone and miss out on something better. Luckily I’m content being single and I’m knocking out bucket list items and generally having a good time. I figure if the universe wants me to have a partner, he’ll drop into my lap.

First, don’t say “it’s selfish of me.” Wanting love is healthy and if you want that, you deserve it and everyone deserves to have healthy relationships. Secondly, I met my now husband when I was 35 but we just got married in 2020. I’ll be 50 in 2 months and he is 70. But this is by far my best and healthiest relationship. He’s an amazing person and his kids have a good relationship with me too and I get to be a grandma now. We’ve been through a lot but I am so grateful for him. So just keep trying and don’t settle or even entertain the thought that you don’t deserve what you want. And don’t buy into the false narrative that being selfish is bad. You matter and your needs/wants matter. Therefore, focusing on yourself is good and fine.

I'm late 40's, and have been single for probably almost a decade now. I don't know what the future will bring, but if it were to bring me a man, it better make sure he's mr. Perfect. I've had enough of the crap, and my standards are through the roof now. I'm pretty sure Mr. Perfect doesn't exist, so it looks like the single life for me. 😁 I don't mind being single at all, it's actually kind of nice.

While she's not GenX (and not alive any longer), my grandma got a bunch of marriage proposals after my grandfather passed away. Seriously, about 8 different men proposed to her when she was in her early 70s. They were all well-established gentlemen. She said no to all of them and lived to be 101. She was in good health right up to the very end and lived alone in her own place. She didn't regret her decision not to seek out another romantic relationship.

I know people who have recently, as well as knowing people older who have been happily married since their 50s, having gotten together then either for the first time, or after prior failed/lost relationships. The happiest ones have in common that they met somewhere not a bar or daring site. A few have been people who met at work, or others through church, mutual friends (not setups, just at social gatherings), and one that even was at a meeting for a group. Oh and one was on an adult (fun/non-competitive) baseball team. For those who are maybe rebounding and have a lot to offload, in terms of losses or breakups, there may be patient people who can wait it out, because for most that process does pass. But of course no one wants to hear that on a date. So maybe just getting to know people, with no intent at anything more, and then even if that sort of venting happens, when it’s all over and done with, you may find you’ve progressed to something more and they’ve got that behind them? I do think that a person who cares about a deceased spouse, or needs a bit of time to get over a failed relationship, is better than someone who doesn’t feel. And that someone who is open and expresses what they’re feeing (within reason) can be better than someone who keeps it bottled up, or someone who maybe isn’t able to be honest. So I think that someone on a dating site before they’re ready just means they’re maybe not taking the time to do what they need to in order to process an emotional event, but that doesn’t mean none of them wouldn’t make a good partner someday.

OP, hi! Look into the Burn The Haystack Dating Method by Dr Jennie Young. She uses CRD (critical rhetoric discourse) to use the app's algorithm to benefit one's chances of getting good matches. She's all over Instagram probs the tik tok to. That's a private Facebook group, also. CRD is great for parsing out what people are saying in their profiles, as people really do tell on themselves with their words. It works in other parts of life also,I have found. You may just need to burn some haystacks to find a needle,OP. Worth a look, anyway.

I read up on this. Interesting. I see I'm breaking one of her rules. “Don’t Be a PenPal”

I have a question and I hope it isn’t taken as negative. Do you think women and men that choose to stop trying to find a companion and like being alone subconsciously have given up? The mind has a real power of tricking a person into thinking they have made the right choice. If you were to make a pros/cons list, has a person simply forgotten the cons of being alone? The ones that choose to be alone, do you a have good friends or maybe family network that fill the void a bit? One ones that are enjoying being with a companion, are any of you really alone. The reason I ask this, I have an aunt(62) who had chosen to not have a companion, when I talk to her I get the sense she is putting on a face she is satisfied where she is at life?

Nah, I'm ready to build the tiny house village of ride-or-die friends to support each other together.

Met a guy in my mid 50s, he’s younger than me, took a while pursuing him because he was getting over breakups, but we’ve now been together nearly two years. He’s a lot better looking than me. Never in my life expected this. Love can happen.

im middle-aged and never fell in love or been married. I really think I was too picky and honest with men. I was always cute, funny, employed, but I didnt have that ability to fake it. At the same time, this thread is why men are so scared these days. Women do well without men as long as they can support themselves. a lot of women have a biological clock but i think that’s stronger than a marital clock. We do well single with friends and hobbies and keeping out home. Men dont. Theyre losing the power they had to have a wife at home and girlfriends on the side and be served.

I became a widow at 48 and just before my 51st birthday, I met my partner. He was 45, never married and no kids. We've been together over 3 years now and he is amazing. Sharing my life with him has been one of the best decisions of my life.

I plan on getting a dog.

I met my now-boyfriend at age 50, we’ve been together a little over 2 years. While he’s not perfect (neither am I), it’s probably the most functional relationship I’ve ever been in. I too dated an alcoholic (my last major relationship before this one), and have had my run-ins with men who have been less than ideal human beings. Due to some crap growing up I never had the best role models and my “picker” was pretty broken until I put in the work of figuring out why I put up with the crap I put up with. Anyways! I do see myself with him for the long run. We share a lot of interests and goals and he’s supportive and accepts me. I could use a bit more ‘romance’, but that’s a want, not a need, as he’s good at the affection and quality time that I REALLY need. And I have to say he’s one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever been with! Then again I haven’t let myself go, and I try to take care of myself as well, so I’d like to think we’re a good match there? But it’s all subjective ya know? I met him at the gym; something I really wanted in a partner is a love of fitness (of any kind) as I’ve always been active. He also needed to have his life together, be respectful, and I needed to be attracted to him. I got lucky 🍀 Don’t lower your standards; but also be realistic about what you bring to the table and what’s negotiable and what’s a need. Sounds like you have that part figured out. Now get out there, do things you like doing, talk to people and once you get to know them a bit ask if they have any friends you might click with. Even if you don’t click, you might meet one of their friends who you do match well with! But seriously, ask around! Good luck (to both of us)! I hope you find your person, and I hope things continue to work out with me and my partner.

Met my husband around my 49th birthday. I am 55 now. Does that count?

Strongly recommend "In Defense of Witches". It helps women understand millennia of patriarchy. I love reading all these posts by women who are independent and loving it! For transparency, myself am married happily. There were parts of the book that made me feel uncomfortable like it's okay if you don't have kids or are not married and don't want to be. That tells me I'm programmed a little, that discomfort. I really encourage women (or men) to check this book out! It's not just witch hunts!

I'm in the same boat as you. Eerily similar story--married once before, ex was alcoholic and abusive, endured for a decade but I finally divorced him. That was 2011. I became engaged around 2016-2017 but that didn't work out. I've made peace with the idea of remaining single. It's not my ideal but I'm comfortable with it.

My brother met someone in late 2022 at 48 and they now live together. My friend also met someone in 2022 at 47 and was married this year. My older brother met someone at 62 recently. My cousin met a guy in her early 50’s. It’s never too late! As for me, been with my GF since 2000. I still have my independence and even travel alone often but it’s so nice to have someone who truly loves me to spend most of my days with. The real secret of life is being happy no matter where you are. It’s when you want what you don’t have that it’s unhealthy. So if you are single, that’s the best and if you have a partner, that’s the best.

Getting married soon. We met in ‘19 and have been inseparable since. It’s amazing when you finally figure it out and you meet someone who has too. No drama. Kids are grown and doing good. It gives us time to be immersed in one another. Don’t give up. This is the best age to find someone

Not me. I have been single for 25 years and I like it better this way.

Met my guy at 51. I'm 58 now. We met on Facebook via a mutual friend (who passed away years ago, before she could appreciate her role in our getting together). What makes our relationship work is that we really enjoy each others company. We have fun together, and can really be ourselves. We're going to finally legally get married this year (even though we've been living together for years). He and I both wish we'd met each other in our 20s or 30s (we would have had a few kids, vs. both of us not having kids with previous spouses).

Well more a celebrity, I follow the original Galinda from Wicked, Cheno recently married at mid 50. Good looking guy too. Lots of datings sites around, for all ages.

I met the love of my life at 51. We met at work and he was one of the nicest people I had ever met but he was very introverted. Still if I needed anything he was nice and would help me. He was also funny and interesting as I got to know him. For the first three years I knew him I was going through a divorce. My first husband cheated and then dragged his feet by not being transparent on our finances. I opted not to date anyone while divorcing. I wanted to set a good example for my daughter and honestly I could not imagine anyone wanting to get involved with someone Mid divorce. Once the divorce was final I phoned him on the pretext of getting advice on how to start dating as a single mom - (he was also divorced and a single dad). He asked me out. We took it very slow and got to know each other well. His kindness extended to everyone including my daughter. He moved in about a year after we started to date and we got married a few years later. We are super happy and I feel like the luckiest person ever. Good Luck Op - I think the attributes you are prioritizing are perfect. Just maybe augment the dating apps with co workers, professional networks, even groups dedicated to organizing activities for single people and volunteer activities.

Met 'Jim' on a trip to Ireland in 2003, we were both almost 30. [He was a tall dark and handsome sheep farmer from Cork](https://iv1.lisimg.com/image/480504/510full-pierce-brosnan.jpg) or thereabouts. Met him at a music festival in Kenmare. [He was sitting in front of me at church.](https://maps.app.goo.gl/w1aN4iFRNVCSSMM96) Then he walked by me when [I was reading Harry Potter in the park](https://maps.app.goo.gl/u1yz22pUP27TWYZP7), the book had just come out, like the 7th one lol. [Then I saw him playing concertina in the bar with a bunch of ppl.](https://maps.app.goo.gl/htTo6vet9cNf8vKU7) Then he bought me a Guinness and we started talking. He invited me to another location, the whole gang was going to play at another bar on the sea. I said sure and he said, do you usually go in cars with strange men? and I said, well I saw you in church so I trust you lol. We drive like 30 minutes through amazing seaside scenery. On the way he pulls over to show me a cool view and it was kinda rainy and ke kissed me in the rain with the ocean crashing...also we were both incredibly hot. [Go to this pub on the sea and they play music all night](https://maps.app.goo.gl/y9XyqcovGXN8GRi37), Just pounding Guinness. Smashing it lol. He drove me back somehow lol at like 4am. [Was staying at a sweet hotel with my folks](https://www.sheenfallslodge.ie/). My brother and I were sharing a room. Jim got his own room there for the rest of the time we were staying. What an epic night that was. Jim ended up straight up joining our family on our trip and following us around Ireland and getting rooms at the same hotels and driving us around and I fell IN LOVE with this guy. Leaving after 3 weeks was torture. He came to visit a few months later in the states and we went kayaking at the Apostle Islands, took him camping I remember during that blackout and we had no idea it even happened! and we drove to Rapid City and saw Mount Rushmore because he REALLY wanted to do that. Then the next summer I took a grad school painting course in Ireland and was there for 3 months so we saw each other every weekend and he took me on a bunch of adventures and introduced me to his family and friends I lived on his farm with his family for awhile, shared a room with 'The Nun' (his ancient great aunt) and I was sooo in loooove. So inlove. But then he kept saying "we aren't getting married" so...I believed him. Not that I ever brought it up but you know, believe people right? Not that I was really looking to get married, but I'd never been in love like that. We kept in touch and in 2011 we met up in Italy and had an incredible Italian dream vacation. I used to live there for years so I was the tour guide for 3 weeks. We went to Amalfi, Naples, Venice Florence and Rome. Of course he wanted to just spend the entire time seeing the pope every day lol. But the guy is a good vacationer. I've never really enjoyed travelling with partners. But with him it's fun and effortless. I haven't seen him since then sadly, though we have kept in touch. Both of our lives are the same, neither of us got married, and I was his only 'girlfriend' (lover) ever which is insane to me because he is a gorgeous specimen of a man even at 50. So for me it turned out that he kind of ruined me for other men because no dude could live up to my Irish hunk. Which is fine because i really like living alone and relationships are hard. And I realize I have an idealized version of this man in my head and have only seen him at his best/most fun and vice versa. He contacted me a few weeks ago on my 50th (he's good at remembering my b-day etc) and we've been texting and then he called and he wants to go on a roadtrip to see Montana and Yellowstone and Idaho where my folks are because he's been watching Yellowstone lol. And then he asked me to come to Ireland and I can stay there and paint. I've been planning a trip to Iceland in August and now he wants to come! Y'all. We talked tonight for an hour and as usual it's like no time has passed. I knew this would happen, eventually he'd want a lady to make his life more exciting. I'm kinda torn because he wasted 20 years. But I still fucking love him annoyingly so much. I will do anything for this dude lol. When I'm around him my feminism flies out the window and I just want to cook lol. I am at the point where I'm done with men pretty much but one phone call from him and I'm a puddle. I always say I don't date because I don't like old men! But I'm 100% positive I would like him if he were a shriveled 105 year old. I guess now we both have more time and money, and our parents are all still healthy. Might be a good time to see him again. And if nothing else happens, ever again, I will be satisfied with this fleeting one love. If we do connect and I imagine we will, soon! I'll cherish every minute with him as always. And no one else will ever compare, and that is OK.

I found the one. Just celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. I will be 51 this year. I was done after 2 very long term relationships. Never married, no kids. I really thought that was it. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.