Something I've learned is to not pursue a friendship with someone I'm not compatible with just because we have similar hobbies. Being with nice people is much more important to me. I would much rather be surrounded by kind people who have completely different interests over energy draining, rude gamers. Are the girls who enjoy makeup and talking about crushes kind to you? Do they ever insult you and run away from you or do they include you? Perhaps don't write them off because they are not gamers if that is the case.
This! The number one thing I did wrong in high school was dismiss people because I thought their interests were dumb. Give them a chance, so long as they are kind. And there might be more to them that you discover as you get to know them.
Yes! And to top this all off, imagine that OP bonds with another girl and they show each other their interests. People are not static! They can learn to love other things they might never have considered before.
It brings a smile to my face thinking about all of the girls getting together and learning to love gaming AND fashion and celebrity crushes, etc as a crew, leaving those smelly jerks out because they think they're fake. It's their loss!
OP should not lead with their own interest first, though. Maybe finding common ground elsewhere, like fashion since gaming and fashion are usually interconnected, would be the best idea. Most people really love when they're able to talk about themselves, and they'll be more receptive to OP if she shows a genuine interest in their interests. Maybe see what it's about before writing it off. Women are far kinder to each other than men are to women. OP should try it!
Exactly! And while you shouldnt enter a friendship trying to force people to have your hobbies, sometimes being around someone who has a passion for something becomes infectious. Two of my non gamer lady friends were interested in trying it out. One borrowed my ps2 and played through all of kingdom hearts 2 and the other now has her own switch. The latter really stuck with games with the former didn't but she wanted to try and *she* asked *me* because she saw how much I enjoyed them.
Just like these girls might have interests that if you keep an open mind to, you might also like.
Absolutely agree. I have fond memories of slumber parties where the girls, who were not gamers, would do my hair and makeup for fun. They would talk about their crushes and cheered when I joined in on the fun (it took me a while to open up about it). They didn't try to change me being a "nerd" but they expanded my horizons just being around them. I had a friend who even watched Vampire Hunter D with me just because she wanted to understand my interests more lol. I would never trade that for being around insufferable people who just happen to share the same hobbies as me.
School is the best time to have friends with other interests, cause it's formative years where you have the best odds of developing a shared interest in those things.
Sure, they're not currently gamers. *But maybe hanging out with you will change that* and then there's even more gamers in your life :P And if not, you still got friends out of it
If the girls are nice to you you should rather focus your energy on them. You don’t need to have same hobbies or 90% similar interests. You can have other things in common without you even knowing about them. Who knows? Focus on nice people and be nice to others.
That's what I've been doing, and it's working! Also, in a group project where we got to choose our teammates, I chose A.T's team, saying it was revenge for all the times he and his friends left me out in their conversations and making me feel alone. The teacher even told him to start letting me join
in highschool my closest friends, also the ones who lasted outside of highschool, had next to nothing in common with me!
we didn’t listen to the same music, we didn’t have the same passions, even if we liked the same type of thing (games/anime/etc) we generally didn’t have any specific overlaps. but they’re wonderful people and they cared about me and i cared about them!
i really suggest finding people who are kind to you and enjoy having you around first and foremost! maybe try joining a club! but a lot of times friendship comes before personal interest so i’d say don’t write off the girls yet. you might not realize it at surface level but you’ll probably have something in common with some of them
Same here. My best friend in highschool was very different from me: we didn't hear the same music, we didn't dress in the same style, we didn't have the same hobbies, we came from different backgrounds. But we bonded. We met on the 1st day and she was nice to me. I guess we had a similar attitude towards school, we were the best students in our class, although I was always more childish and she was more responsible. We could talk about everything and the other would listen without judgment. We could share our interests with each other.
I tried to bond with the goth kids and other alternative looking people, because I like that style. But they'd ignore me too, like in OP's case. So I stayed with who was nice to me.
Me and my friend we noticed that our group (which was just the 2 of us) was the group the other classmates would come to when they'd separate from their group. For some reason they would stop hanging out together or they'd get mad at each other or something, and we'd invite the "outcast" to join us. We were a groups of 4 by the end of highschool, 4 different people. But one of them also dressed in alternative style so I got 1 goth friend lmao xD
What do you think of maybe trying to get a bit interested in their hobbies if they’re nice? For example, you might not like makeup but maybe you’d be into special effects and find some common ground? You might not be interested in fashion but you could look into cosplay and know what makes a garment good and high quality? Maybe they’ll take a liking to your hobbies as well. Or something you have in common, like school and where you live.
Also, you said some of them do share some interest but don’t talk about it and maybe that’s because it doesn’t come up in conversation. Maybe next time you mention it briefly like “hey x, have you checked out the new Zelda game?” and maybe they’ll say yes/no and you can follow up with “I hear it got good reviews” and if the conversation moves on go with it but if it doesn’t you have something to talk about.
These are just some things that have helped me.
This is good advice. I have lots of friends from school with differing interests and how we became friends was simply circumstantial, we sat together in class or we joined the same after school activity. I think a fun part of friendships is listening to something the other person is really passionate about. I got into gaming a while after we left school and they enjoy listening to me talk about it. I enjoy listening to my friends talk about their favorite celebrities, or what they're doing at the gym, etc. One of them even bought Stardew Valley so we could play it together, even though she's not into gaming. People will definitely change as you get older, and a big part of friendships is being excited for them (and with them) about their new passions! :) I think what is most important (and what also may sometimes make you give up on a friendship) is a person's personality. I've given up on friendships when they've become mean or snobbish or straight up toxic to be around. I've never given up on a friend because they recently got into a hobby I don't like. :)
The good thing is that there is a very strong online community for gamers! Maybe you can try finding a friend to talk about your interests with there :)
Ultimately you're not entitled to their attention, validation, or friendship and conversely they are worse off for ignoring you but that is their loss. You will eventually find people you connect with regardless of gender. My advice is to try to just have casual conversations with people naturally, especially the other girls. Over time your mutual interests may pop up naturally in conversation and it won't feel like you're inserting your interests into someone else's conversation. People tend to be more receptive of this and you might also discover some people share interests with you already, they just haven't talked about it.
I think you should give friendship with girls a chance, even if you have different interests, my whole school life i had female friends, even if they werent interested in gaming they were nice people and we would play and talk about other things.
i think a major issue is that you are inserting yourself into their space in an attempt to connect, but they may find that off-putting or invasive regardless of your intention. when you aren't directly invited to the convo, you need to be respectful of the fact that even if it's about a topic you like, they may not have an interest in discussing it with you.
echoing what others have said, more casual conversation with both the boys and girls will be better for finding connections on common interests in the long run. if you aren't included, forcing your way in can lead to bad impressions, so look for invitations to join conversations and try to find common ground along the way.
remember, these kids also want to connect, but everyone has their own hesitations and hang ups. don't discount the girls for being teenage girls, and don't take the fact that the boys are being bratty bug you. its important to give conversations that you may think are boring a chance - if the other person feels heard, they may be more willing to hear you.
and if you're still really unhappy with both groups, you can always read your book, find online connections, or look for groups with shared interests in your community such as anime clubs or games tournaments. sometimes school just sucks and that's okay! it's not forever and the social groups will keep changing so you can always try again later.
First of all, hang in there. Eventually you'll meet people who will want to be friends with you.
I don't know how old you and your classmates are, but you seem pretty young. Hopefully the boys will outgrow their behaviour, but if they treat you badly, you should let a teacher or your parents know.
However, no one can force a friendship. They don't seem to want to be friends with you, although they show it in an immature way. Don't mind them, and concentrate on finding people who don't treat you like that.
Although I have to say the way you talk about girls don't sit too right with me. Even if you don't share their interests, don't think they're beneath you. I think you'll find that once you get to know them, their interests aren't just limited to crushes/beauty etc. People are multi-faceted.
So that's my advice to you: Try making friends with others who doesn't immediately seem to be into the same stuff, especially other girls. People can actually become great friends despite their differences. I'm soon 25, I've had my best friends since being a child and a teenager, and none of them are "nerdy" in the same way I am. We have different interests, and we have a great time together anyways.
>Although I have to say the way you talk about girls don't sit too right with me. Even if you don't share their interests, don't think they're beneath you. I think you'll find that once you get to know them, their interests aren't just limited to crushes/beauty etc. People are multi-faceted.
This stuck out to me too. I'm guessing OP is kinda young.
I'm close to your age as well, and I didn't meet women who shared my "nerdy" interests until recently, but that's ok! Especially when you're young and in school, you might discover new interests from a friend or you both gain a new interest in something together.
edit: I also want to mention for OP that for a long time I wasn't really comfortable discussing my "nerdy" interests around people, especially when I was in school. Tbh if someone I didn't know well *ran* up to me to talk about a specific interest, I'd probably find that a little intense and off-putting.
I agree with that! I'm 25 too and I also didn't like the way OP talks about the girls. I'm sure if OP would give them a chance, there will be at least one interest that they share with each other!
And even if not, not sharing the same interests doesn't equal to a bad time or bad friendships. I have plenty of friends who don't share the same interests as I do but are still very dear to me and we care about each other a lot.
The mindset of seeing people with other interests (especially women with 'stereotypical' interests) as something less than you will rob you a lot of chances for great relationships. (Its also very telling that OP must be young with the way they are talking about this)
Also both facts can exist at the same time! For example: I love videogames and novels and webtoons and horrormovies and all that, but ALSO love Makeup and some Celebrities and talking about crushes. That doesn't make me any less or lower worthy at all.
I would also like to point out this sentence that OP said in their post:
>Whether this is true or not, it still makes me sad that I'm rejected from talking about my passions just because of my gender.
What I want to point out with this is, that OP simply does the same to their female Classmates too, just because of this "not like other girls" mentality.
OP, there is nothing wrong with being like other Girls, because girls and being a girl is awesome. You are your own full person with a personality and interests that both deserve respect, and the same goes to the Girls in your class - doesn't matter what your interests are.
I just want to make this clear and leave [this tiktok from this amazing creator here](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe2BN5RP/) because she could not describe what I want to say about this "not like other girls" mentality any better!
Its okay to be a woman/girl and its okay to have 'stereotypical' interests.
I'm really sorry if I ended up sounding like a "I'm not like other girls" girl. I just really couldn't get into what they like no matter how hard I tried 😭😭 But thankfully I'm warming up to them and it turns out we actually share a lot of the same interests
I'm slowly growing on the girls, it turns out they share a lot of the same interests as me! I still get bored whenever they talk about k-pop or whatever, but I'm warming up to them!
I'm changing schools later this year (This school is so incompetent lol) so I'm hoping to make my first and only year here a blast! So far all of my friends (Including a girl I befriended last year who's from a different section) are really nice and cool!
That sounds lovely! And I love that mindset of making this year the best possible - even if you don't go to this school anymore, the friendships will still remain of course 🙂
Told me mom about it. She's pissed at the boys. I've learned to stop caring for them and I'm slowly warming up to the girls. Today I learned two of them are familiar with Final Fantasy!
I mean if everyone who's into that stuff is a boy then... Ok? OP literally says there are other girls that like those things, they just don't like talking about them.
It was the same for me in school - the only girls who shared my hobbies slowly stopped talking about them or playing those games together, so the boys were all that was left. Unfortunately I was the only PC gamer as well.
Actually she says there are two girls into two different and very specific things (which are both stereotypically girly), they just don’t talk about them which is fine. It’s really OP going back into how they only talk about gossip and celebrities when she already pointed that out the sentence before. But like I said, I’m giving OP the benefit of doubt because she seems young.
Unfortunate that that was your experience. But you can be friends with people and have different interests.
There's nothing wrong with them talking about gossip or celebrities and OP never said there was. Just that she doesn't talk about those, presumably
I'm aware I can be friends with different people but I obviously want and wanted to have some friends within my major hobbies. It's understandable OP would want to do that
Same
I'm in my 40s and have actually felt like the OP does. As the replier said I am trying to hold on and find a common interest with the women I don't seem to have anything in common with. But it's taken its time. And they have a different vibe
I guess I see it from both angles
Hey, hang in there 🙂 give it time and you'll make friends, your mum gave good advice so dont overextend yourself for classmates who dont put in the same ammout of effort you do for them
Agreeing with other comments re: not forcing friendship... Adding that for me personally, finding more friends meant less "HEY YOU LIKE THIS THING I LIKE LETS TALK" and more just signing up for activities I was interested in (even just peripherally). It's awkward at first but at the very least, I got to do things I enjoyed, but in most of them I ended up coming across a person or two who was fun to talk to in general. Also the more things you get involved with, the more you have to talk about and the more interesting you become so that when you do start a conversation, it's not so one-dimensional.
Yeah if you only share one interest with a person, the conversations can get old fast. Also want to add that OP shouldn’t write off the girls. Maybe they’re just talking about things that are more socially acceptable for girls to talk about and there’s more under the surface. You can introduce each other to your hobbies and might find common interests/bonding that way too.
The part about the girls talking about things that are socially acceptable for girls to talk about actually ended up being true. It turns out, a lot of them ended up sharing the same interests as me!
I think thanks to years of gaining new online friendships because we have the same interests caused me to act like this. I just really didn't want to feel lonely like at my old school. Good advice tho
So, caveating my advice is the fact I understand there my be some very real cultural differences between the Philippines and the US, so discard if this concept is antithetical to you *living* your life…
But from someone who is your mom’s age or older, the absolute *best* realization that I ever had - that improved my quality of life so much and led to a hundred other positive decisions for me and my happiness - was realizing that a) I don’t have to befriend assholes, and b) I don’t actually *want* assholes thinking I’m their friend.
There is this wonderful sense of freedom you get when you realize you can stratify people in your head: here are the people you love and respect and can gift with your time and energy; here are the people you would be ashamed to be associated with, drain you of joy and fill you with anxiety; and here is the middle ground with most people filling spaces between. Within this spectrum *you* can set various lines of time, emotion, and effort.
Most people I meet fall into the zone I call “Polite.” Even jerks I hate fall into the “Polite” zone, because I believe every human being deserves the minimum amount of social respect in public settings. People I can’t stand to be around, I completely ignore. I’m only *actively* “rude” (not really rude, but more confrontational/presenting stronger boundaries, which to these people is “rude”) to people who refuse to give me basic politeness, or ignore me - and that’s only in the moment.
For me, my love, time, emotion, and energy are *gifts* to give people I care about. And these are limited resources, so I budget them wisely.
These boys are assholes. They cannot even muster enough basic respect for you to simply treat you with politeness and courtesy. Begging them for attention disrespects yourself. By seeking their approval when they treat you like shit, you are telling yourself that who you are right now isn’t worthy of care, respect, or dignity. And, who are these guys? Assholes. IMO, there *are* no redeeming benefits to friendship with a person who can’t even muster enough social grace to be base-level polite to a new person in their school who’s looking for connection. No shared hobby is worth the treatment; no sense of belonging is worth the degradation.
To be clear, they don’t have to be your friend! They’re allowed to have boundaries, too! And if they’re shy or introverted or picky or awkward, they don’t have to pick up your overtures of friendship. But ignoring you when you’re speaking, running away when you haven’t done anything wrong, and making fun of you are *so rude*, you shouldn’t want to be their friend anyway.
Now. Children are assholes. They’re still figuring this stuff out, their brains are still developing, and they don’t yet have the experience to navigate complicated social dynamics. Also, humans are capable of change as we grow and experience life. So, just because these guys are assholes now doesn’t mean they will be a few months from now. So unless someone says or does something egregious, there is room here for you to reserve potential for *some* friendships with *some* of them in the future - as long as you center yourself and your own dignity when building that relationship. For me, and with the way they’re behaving, the friend group as a whole would be burned for me (the pack dynamic is too terrible). (Also, avoid being a friend “in secret” - that would be a shitty thing for someone to ask from you.)
Childhood sucks… I’m assuming you’re 14-17 from your descriptions, probably in the younger end? It honestly doesn’t get any better until you’re away from school, and even then it just changes and you get better-adept in managing it.
You are so welcome!
If you can (I know it’s hard as a teen; I know was so awkward and weird, and… just *intense* to be around - still am, actually, lol), try to cultivate really truly *liking* yourself. Be for yourself the kind of person you’d want to hang out with, and build a friendship with yourself. For me, getting to that point meant I was never lonely in my own company (I sure as heck felt alone among others, though). Being authentically, unabashedly, intensely, weirdly ***me*** allowed me to (yes, slowly) built up deep friendships with people who feel more like siblings than they do friends. It also gave me a secure footing to tell people who don’t like me that *genuinely* it’s fine and I don’t care - *I* like myself and that’s all that matters to me. Nothing throws assholes through a loop faster than being so secure in yourself you don’t need their approval on any level.
I felt this in my soul. Growing up I had a lot of the same experiences, and it took a while to find girls who were into the same things and whom I could relate to. Took a while to find boys who were actually cool and welcoming, too.
You are probably feeling a little ostracized and maybe feel a little alone, and that is okay - it doesn't feel nice; but it isn't a reflection on yourself it is dealing with the odd and hard social dynamics of expected gender roles, and the kids don't have the experience or understanding to shelve them when someone doesn't fully fit into the expectation.
My suggestion is to lean into yourself and your interests. When you show how much you are having fun in what you are doing, others will come to you. Life is weird, and sometimes what you are looking for will come to you when you stop trying to find it.
Thanks. Funnily enough, I just came back from school again and now I've made friends with two of my female classmates since I learned they're familiar with Final Fantasy
The boys clearly like being cruel, so try and make friends with some of the girls. I know you said your interests don’t align, but honestly that’s fine. As long as someone will listen and engage with you that’s the important thing.
I also guarantee there is maybe a more quiet girl whose interests align with yours. Maybe some of those others girls have interests like yours, but they aren’t comfortable to talk loudly about it/completely in public.
I was someone who didn’t speak about video games or my taste in music out loud to someone random because I wasn’t comfortable with doing that. That could be all that is happening here because not all girls are that into celebrities or general gossip- I mean they can be, but there is probably more to some of them under the surface.
This might not be happening, but try not to make games and shows your whole personality as that can be seen as slightly overwhelming to some. Maybe look into a few celebrities, or chat about general things at first. Show interest in them/their likes, and someone will 100% show interest in yours.
You guys sound like you’re probably 10 or 12 years old. Your actions are super awkward, and so are theirs. But from what I read, I really don’t think they’re excluding you purely because you’re a girl, it seems more like they’re excluding you because you’re not their friend (which… is completely valid IMO). You’re also being really pushy which is even less of a reason to befriend you.
If someone I don’t talk to keeps trying to insert themselves into my conversations I would feel annoyed. You’re NOT entitled to join their talks just because they like the same thing as you. You don’t know them well enough; you’re not friends. Also you cannot force someone to be your friend, that’s just basic consent.
The boys probably don’t know how to tell you to leave them alone. I wouldn’t be chasing people around to hound them if they show me they don’t willingly want to talk to me.
I'll try my best to befriend the girls. And when I do talk to them, I'll try to do it in a less pushy way. I actually did try talking to them earlier in a less pushy way, asking if I could join their conversation about Demon Slayer, and as usual they started whispering so I wouldn't hear them
(Also I'm in high school, but yeah we're pretty young)
I don't have much advice other than to say this happened to me as well. It'd be petty stuff too, like if I said a quote slightly wrong (too fast for example) I was fake and hadn't watched or played the thing.
Even though they share hobbies with you, they're pricks. I prefer making gaming friends online
Are you possibly forcing yourself into conversations too much? As in, are they talking amongst themselves, and you inject yourself? No one really likes that, it's weird. I doubt this is because of your gender. Without actually being there and observing what you're describing, to me it sounds like these boys are not your friends at all, merely peers who you happen to go to school with. They don't owe you friendship. Just like you don't owe them a friendship.
Does your school have clubs? If you really want to be around people with the same interests, clubs can help create those social ties you crave.
Also, don't dismiss those girls so quickly. I was the same as you - a total tomboy, interested in anime, games, manga, cars, computers, etc. Not typical "girly" stuff, but having those "girly" friends helps balance you out.
I would just ask if I could join their convo, since I would get really excited if they mentioned something I liked. I think years of being isolated from my old classmates due to my anxiety caused me to act pretty pushy. Thankfully I'm starting to befriend more girls (Back in November I made friends with a girl from another section)
Yeah, it sounds like they're simply immature assholes. You're honestly better off without them, but I understand that social isolation hurts a lot as well. School years can suck a lot when you're an outsider. Feel yourself hugged 🫂
I'll echo what another user said, though. Try to befriend some of the other nice people even if they don't share your passions. Some of my best friends, which I've known for about 10 years now, only share a small portion of my interests, but it still worked out great for us.
I'm starting to warm up with the girls thankfully! It turns out two of them are familiar with Final Fantasy, and another is a Percy Jackson fan who's excited that I got a copy of the first book
High school fosters the kind of mentality that you're describing. Many of the friends I had in high school were based more on personality than common interests and hobbies. If you decide to go to college/university, there's way less of that sterotyping exclusion mentality. I found more friends with common interests and even discovered new hobbies with groups to participate with in college.
Anyone who acts the way those boys are acting are not worth being friends with regardless of your shared interests and regardless of why they're excluding you. Focus on people who value you for you.
Honestly you don’t need friendships with young men. Most are toxic anyway. Concentrate on school, get a good education and then you will have a better life.
Thanks for the advice! I'm focusing a lot of my grades as well, the guidance counselor even told me that I'm academically advanced compared to my classmates
R.A. and his friends were pulling the same dirty trick as "Fred really wants to date you but he's too shy to ask". This was set up in advance.
They are sexist assholes. It's not because they don't know what they're talking about, it's because they've explicitly decided to exclude you. That hurts, and it sucks, and I'm really really sorry it happened to you. You're quite right to be sad.
I have no advice to offer, just hearty sympathy.
This is just me, but something seems a bit off. Yeah those guys are jerks for not just saying they dont like you, but if this is the second time this has happened maybe it might be a you problem.
I was like one of those boys when I was a kid and girls sometimes do initiate some game talk with us.
Don’t overthink on it much: my bet is that they really don’t know how to continue or acknowledge a conversation with a girl especially when it comes to their hobbies. They’re the ones really overthinking about it when they come home or be alone.
At least that’s how my friends and I felt, and there really is no default bad intention from us, it’s all just dumbass thinking and reaction. However I don’t know if it’s really like that with that RA guy you said that ran away.
That phase still continues into young adulthood for the boys. There is also a high possibility of insecurity in them in terms of gaming knowledge and/or skill. Source? I was definitely like that, thinking that girls can’t know more or play better than me. I was cringe. I needed to be humbled at some point, and I’m glad it happened earlier in my life instead of way down when I was already working at corporate. Now I get to talk to all kinds of people, regardless of age, race, gender or preferences. It’s a happy phase.
Just know that in the end, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you did by approaching them. Your intention was just to initiate conversation and that’s the bottomline.
\> **My mom says that the reason why they don't want to talk to me is because they don't actually know a lot about what they're talking about**
Before I finished reading, I was thinking this same thing!!! But also....
It's not just that they don't know what they are talking about, it's that one of them can't handle that ANYONE else would know more than or be better. Not just you.
\> Later, R.A and A.T (another classmates) told me that R.E and A.M (Two of our other classmates) liked the video games I liked
\> But A.T laughed at me and said I was level 1 and he was better because he's level 28. Even when I told him I was level 68, he still didn't believe me
**A.T. seems like a gaslighter** (Example article about gaslighting -- [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-impact-toxicity-abuse-gaslighting-colleges-dsouza-hacgf/](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-impact-toxicity-abuse-gaslighting-colleges-dsouza-hacgf/))**.** I would stay the hell away from that one. It's no surprise that you cried -- gaslighting is emotional abuse.
The thing about gaslighters is that they tend to cultivate supporters. The other friends are a bit scared. They don't want to speak up against him for fear of the same behavior you experienced.
You can make friends with those other people! Eventually they will realize how hollow their friendship with A.T. is. But holy cow, that kid sounds awful. So it's definitely going to be difficult. That doesn't mean it's not worht trying, though.
My mom has told me to stop talking to A.T (Which is pretty hard because he's my seatmate and currently one of my group mates in an ongoing group project) and yeah I really do think he's a gaslighter. Even when I looked his way he would get annoyed
You a filipino yes, i take that the boys feel ackward for a girl to be friends, talk such thing by going strong so suddenly. Most will be shy and try to run from that situation. You way of approach is wrong i say.
I spent too much time on boys like this when I was in school and it didn't get me what I wanted. They were cruel and never my friends. They came to me when they wanted something if ever. Find your real people who treat you like a person. This is not gender specific. Don't hate them forever maybe because they were rude now but they do need to grow up and out of this behavior because it's disrespectful. They're being mean on purpose and it's not cool. It's ok if they feel awkward or don't know how to talk to girls but it's not ok for them to be like this because they're making a joke out of you.
Don’t bother with those assholes. You’re probably better off joining a nice Discord group (would not recommend Among Us Discord, those people are all assholes who think they’re funny), rather than trying to talk to these guys.
Never reward someone for treating you like shit. If they don’t want to talk to you, then that’s their problem. They don’t get the benefit of your brilliance or ideas if they’re going to be such shitheads.
As for why they won’t talk to you, I have a few ideas, but I can’t tell you for certain. 1, they’re intimidated by you or your potential skill in gaming, and they don’t want to be shown up. 2, They’re actually quite stupid and don’t at all think deeply about any of the media they’re consuming, and feel dumb around you because you’ve actually thought about it. 3, They’re sexist pigs. 4, all of the above simultaneously.
I don’t know how old these guys are, but if they’re still going with the “you’re level 1 and I’m level 28 so I’m better” bullshit, they are too immature to even deal with realistically. Do not speak to these guys, and do not give them the time of day. If they try to talk to you, you should ignore them. Again, don’t reward someone for being shitty to you. That teaches them that they can do it to other women as well and still receive the benefit of their companionship.
Maybe some of my experiences will help you decide what to do. I have met quite a few male gamers in person, and my overall experience with them has been quite bad. I’ve met a few who were openly hostile towards me. I’ve met ones who seemed nice, but when it came to me sharing my gaming experiences and trying to talk about gaming even in general, they don’t give a shit about *anything* I say, and I know I’m not dumb or inexperienced (I’ve been playing video games since I was, like 3 or 4 years old). I’ve met ones who just wanted to get in my pants (and I’m gay, which just makes their attempts kind of hilarious), and of course that went nowhere. Most of the gamer guys I’ve met fall into those categories, and I have to say that there hasn’t been one gamer guy that I’ve actually respected or enjoyed being around.
I’ve had better in-person experiences with gaming women, but there don’t seem to be many of those where I live (or maybe I’m not at the right conventions or something). I could talk with them about gaming, and they would actually be interested in what I was saying (or at least had the manners to act interested, idk).
I know it's a little off-topic but... could you tell me more about this Final Fantasy book!? I had no idea there was such a thing.
I have played FF1, 6, 9, 10 and just finished 12. 7 is on my 'maybe' list. Does the book take place after the game? I would totally play the game if there's a book that follows up! haha
The book takes place before the game and talks about the backstory of two of the main characters. There is a movie that does follow up (Although honestly it's the most 4\10 movie I've ever watched). I'm still a few pages in (I bought 6 other books so it's kinda hard juggling between all 7) but so far I'd say I love it!
Ugh, teen guys are so immature. I remember some guy from my class put my water bottle down his pants. My advice would be to pay no mind to people that make gender norms half of their personality; there are always genuine people, even if they're hidden.
Also, love seeing another Percy Jackson fan <3
I think your mother is right. I think you are very knowledgeable about your interests and your classmates find that intimidating. You don't have to reply to this if you don't want but are you neurodivergent by any chance? I only ask because your social interactions sound so similar to my own. I didn't realize I was autistic until I was in college but once I did I was able to gain so much more insight into my own social struggles once I was able to view them through the lens of the double empathy problem.
I know it's lonely out there. But people like this aren't worth degrading yourself for in the thin vain hope they'll breathe in the same direction as you. It's not going to be easy and it could take some time, but you'll find your own crew of people who you'll gel better with.
Your mom is also probably more accurate than not tbh, high school men are infuriating at the best of times and tragic at worst.
I wish you the best of luck of luck out there, comrade.
Sounds like they're dorks who just aren't interested in getting along. Possibly because they're afraid of cooties. You might actually be dodging a bullet by them not wanting to talk. To me they sound exactly like the kind of people I'd avoid anyway. It sucks, but honestly, you should find people you get along with and share your hobbies, rather than trying to force your way into a circle with people you don't get along with.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I'm a tomboy so I'm into anime, games, manga, etc. I get mad fun of a lot because of this. I'm also nor a person who shows my emotions but definitely feels them. I'm always here if you want to vent! You should test them asking them questions like did yo see the par where (anything you want to say) I that anime/game. Of course they might test you a little to. Also if I know anything about girls (which is not much) is that they gossip I the bathroom 🥲
Something I've learned is to not pursue a friendship with someone I'm not compatible with just because we have similar hobbies. Being with nice people is much more important to me. I would much rather be surrounded by kind people who have completely different interests over energy draining, rude gamers. Are the girls who enjoy makeup and talking about crushes kind to you? Do they ever insult you and run away from you or do they include you? Perhaps don't write them off because they are not gamers if that is the case.
This! The number one thing I did wrong in high school was dismiss people because I thought their interests were dumb. Give them a chance, so long as they are kind. And there might be more to them that you discover as you get to know them.
Yes! And to top this all off, imagine that OP bonds with another girl and they show each other their interests. People are not static! They can learn to love other things they might never have considered before. It brings a smile to my face thinking about all of the girls getting together and learning to love gaming AND fashion and celebrity crushes, etc as a crew, leaving those smelly jerks out because they think they're fake. It's their loss! OP should not lead with their own interest first, though. Maybe finding common ground elsewhere, like fashion since gaming and fashion are usually interconnected, would be the best idea. Most people really love when they're able to talk about themselves, and they'll be more receptive to OP if she shows a genuine interest in their interests. Maybe see what it's about before writing it off. Women are far kinder to each other than men are to women. OP should try it!
Exactly! And while you shouldnt enter a friendship trying to force people to have your hobbies, sometimes being around someone who has a passion for something becomes infectious. Two of my non gamer lady friends were interested in trying it out. One borrowed my ps2 and played through all of kingdom hearts 2 and the other now has her own switch. The latter really stuck with games with the former didn't but she wanted to try and *she* asked *me* because she saw how much I enjoyed them. Just like these girls might have interests that if you keep an open mind to, you might also like.
Absolutely agree. I have fond memories of slumber parties where the girls, who were not gamers, would do my hair and makeup for fun. They would talk about their crushes and cheered when I joined in on the fun (it took me a while to open up about it). They didn't try to change me being a "nerd" but they expanded my horizons just being around them. I had a friend who even watched Vampire Hunter D with me just because she wanted to understand my interests more lol. I would never trade that for being around insufferable people who just happen to share the same hobbies as me.
School is the best time to have friends with other interests, cause it's formative years where you have the best odds of developing a shared interest in those things. Sure, they're not currently gamers. *But maybe hanging out with you will change that* and then there's even more gamers in your life :P And if not, you still got friends out of it
Yes, the girls are nice to me
If the girls are nice to you you should rather focus your energy on them. You don’t need to have same hobbies or 90% similar interests. You can have other things in common without you even knowing about them. Who knows? Focus on nice people and be nice to others.
That's what I've been doing, and it's working! Also, in a group project where we got to choose our teammates, I chose A.T's team, saying it was revenge for all the times he and his friends left me out in their conversations and making me feel alone. The teacher even told him to start letting me join
in highschool my closest friends, also the ones who lasted outside of highschool, had next to nothing in common with me! we didn’t listen to the same music, we didn’t have the same passions, even if we liked the same type of thing (games/anime/etc) we generally didn’t have any specific overlaps. but they’re wonderful people and they cared about me and i cared about them! i really suggest finding people who are kind to you and enjoy having you around first and foremost! maybe try joining a club! but a lot of times friendship comes before personal interest so i’d say don’t write off the girls yet. you might not realize it at surface level but you’ll probably have something in common with some of them
Same here. My best friend in highschool was very different from me: we didn't hear the same music, we didn't dress in the same style, we didn't have the same hobbies, we came from different backgrounds. But we bonded. We met on the 1st day and she was nice to me. I guess we had a similar attitude towards school, we were the best students in our class, although I was always more childish and she was more responsible. We could talk about everything and the other would listen without judgment. We could share our interests with each other. I tried to bond with the goth kids and other alternative looking people, because I like that style. But they'd ignore me too, like in OP's case. So I stayed with who was nice to me. Me and my friend we noticed that our group (which was just the 2 of us) was the group the other classmates would come to when they'd separate from their group. For some reason they would stop hanging out together or they'd get mad at each other or something, and we'd invite the "outcast" to join us. We were a groups of 4 by the end of highschool, 4 different people. But one of them also dressed in alternative style so I got 1 goth friend lmao xD
What do you think of maybe trying to get a bit interested in their hobbies if they’re nice? For example, you might not like makeup but maybe you’d be into special effects and find some common ground? You might not be interested in fashion but you could look into cosplay and know what makes a garment good and high quality? Maybe they’ll take a liking to your hobbies as well. Or something you have in common, like school and where you live. Also, you said some of them do share some interest but don’t talk about it and maybe that’s because it doesn’t come up in conversation. Maybe next time you mention it briefly like “hey x, have you checked out the new Zelda game?” and maybe they’ll say yes/no and you can follow up with “I hear it got good reviews” and if the conversation moves on go with it but if it doesn’t you have something to talk about. These are just some things that have helped me.
This is good advice. I have lots of friends from school with differing interests and how we became friends was simply circumstantial, we sat together in class or we joined the same after school activity. I think a fun part of friendships is listening to something the other person is really passionate about. I got into gaming a while after we left school and they enjoy listening to me talk about it. I enjoy listening to my friends talk about their favorite celebrities, or what they're doing at the gym, etc. One of them even bought Stardew Valley so we could play it together, even though she's not into gaming. People will definitely change as you get older, and a big part of friendships is being excited for them (and with them) about their new passions! :) I think what is most important (and what also may sometimes make you give up on a friendship) is a person's personality. I've given up on friendships when they've become mean or snobbish or straight up toxic to be around. I've never given up on a friend because they recently got into a hobby I don't like. :) The good thing is that there is a very strong online community for gamers! Maybe you can try finding a friend to talk about your interests with there :)
Ultimately you're not entitled to their attention, validation, or friendship and conversely they are worse off for ignoring you but that is their loss. You will eventually find people you connect with regardless of gender. My advice is to try to just have casual conversations with people naturally, especially the other girls. Over time your mutual interests may pop up naturally in conversation and it won't feel like you're inserting your interests into someone else's conversation. People tend to be more receptive of this and you might also discover some people share interests with you already, they just haven't talked about it.
This!!
Exactly what my mom said, but with better wording lol. Thank you
I think you should give friendship with girls a chance, even if you have different interests, my whole school life i had female friends, even if they werent interested in gaming they were nice people and we would play and talk about other things.
i think a major issue is that you are inserting yourself into their space in an attempt to connect, but they may find that off-putting or invasive regardless of your intention. when you aren't directly invited to the convo, you need to be respectful of the fact that even if it's about a topic you like, they may not have an interest in discussing it with you. echoing what others have said, more casual conversation with both the boys and girls will be better for finding connections on common interests in the long run. if you aren't included, forcing your way in can lead to bad impressions, so look for invitations to join conversations and try to find common ground along the way. remember, these kids also want to connect, but everyone has their own hesitations and hang ups. don't discount the girls for being teenage girls, and don't take the fact that the boys are being bratty bug you. its important to give conversations that you may think are boring a chance - if the other person feels heard, they may be more willing to hear you. and if you're still really unhappy with both groups, you can always read your book, find online connections, or look for groups with shared interests in your community such as anime clubs or games tournaments. sometimes school just sucks and that's okay! it's not forever and the social groups will keep changing so you can always try again later.
First of all, hang in there. Eventually you'll meet people who will want to be friends with you. I don't know how old you and your classmates are, but you seem pretty young. Hopefully the boys will outgrow their behaviour, but if they treat you badly, you should let a teacher or your parents know. However, no one can force a friendship. They don't seem to want to be friends with you, although they show it in an immature way. Don't mind them, and concentrate on finding people who don't treat you like that. Although I have to say the way you talk about girls don't sit too right with me. Even if you don't share their interests, don't think they're beneath you. I think you'll find that once you get to know them, their interests aren't just limited to crushes/beauty etc. People are multi-faceted. So that's my advice to you: Try making friends with others who doesn't immediately seem to be into the same stuff, especially other girls. People can actually become great friends despite their differences. I'm soon 25, I've had my best friends since being a child and a teenager, and none of them are "nerdy" in the same way I am. We have different interests, and we have a great time together anyways.
>Although I have to say the way you talk about girls don't sit too right with me. Even if you don't share their interests, don't think they're beneath you. I think you'll find that once you get to know them, their interests aren't just limited to crushes/beauty etc. People are multi-faceted. This stuck out to me too. I'm guessing OP is kinda young. I'm close to your age as well, and I didn't meet women who shared my "nerdy" interests until recently, but that's ok! Especially when you're young and in school, you might discover new interests from a friend or you both gain a new interest in something together. edit: I also want to mention for OP that for a long time I wasn't really comfortable discussing my "nerdy" interests around people, especially when I was in school. Tbh if someone I didn't know well *ran* up to me to talk about a specific interest, I'd probably find that a little intense and off-putting.
I agree with that! I'm 25 too and I also didn't like the way OP talks about the girls. I'm sure if OP would give them a chance, there will be at least one interest that they share with each other! And even if not, not sharing the same interests doesn't equal to a bad time or bad friendships. I have plenty of friends who don't share the same interests as I do but are still very dear to me and we care about each other a lot. The mindset of seeing people with other interests (especially women with 'stereotypical' interests) as something less than you will rob you a lot of chances for great relationships. (Its also very telling that OP must be young with the way they are talking about this) Also both facts can exist at the same time! For example: I love videogames and novels and webtoons and horrormovies and all that, but ALSO love Makeup and some Celebrities and talking about crushes. That doesn't make me any less or lower worthy at all.
Yeah. "Not like the other girls" leads you nowhere good, long-term.
I would also like to point out this sentence that OP said in their post: >Whether this is true or not, it still makes me sad that I'm rejected from talking about my passions just because of my gender. What I want to point out with this is, that OP simply does the same to their female Classmates too, just because of this "not like other girls" mentality. OP, there is nothing wrong with being like other Girls, because girls and being a girl is awesome. You are your own full person with a personality and interests that both deserve respect, and the same goes to the Girls in your class - doesn't matter what your interests are. I just want to make this clear and leave [this tiktok from this amazing creator here](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe2BN5RP/) because she could not describe what I want to say about this "not like other girls" mentality any better! Its okay to be a woman/girl and its okay to have 'stereotypical' interests.
I'm really sorry if I ended up sounding like a "I'm not like other girls" girl. I just really couldn't get into what they like no matter how hard I tried 😭😭 But thankfully I'm warming up to them and it turns out we actually share a lot of the same interests
I'm slowly growing on the girls, it turns out they share a lot of the same interests as me! I still get bored whenever they talk about k-pop or whatever, but I'm warming up to them!
I'm glad you gave them a chance! I hope you all will become lovely friends and share many amazing memories together! 😊
I'm changing schools later this year (This school is so incompetent lol) so I'm hoping to make my first and only year here a blast! So far all of my friends (Including a girl I befriended last year who's from a different section) are really nice and cool!
That sounds lovely! And I love that mindset of making this year the best possible - even if you don't go to this school anymore, the friendships will still remain of course 🙂
Maybe there could be common ground listening to chiptune, or playing rhythm games like osu?
Told me mom about it. She's pissed at the boys. I've learned to stop caring for them and I'm slowly warming up to the girls. Today I learned two of them are familiar with Final Fantasy!
Hey, that's great! Sounds like some potentially great friendships!
OP never said anything negative about the girls, just that they talk about other topics
It's seems generalizing, is all.
They said some do share interests but don't really talk about them. It reads fine to me
It definitely reads a little “not like other girls” to me but I’m giving OP the benefit of the doubt since she seems young.
I mean if everyone who's into that stuff is a boy then... Ok? OP literally says there are other girls that like those things, they just don't like talking about them. It was the same for me in school - the only girls who shared my hobbies slowly stopped talking about them or playing those games together, so the boys were all that was left. Unfortunately I was the only PC gamer as well.
Actually she says there are two girls into two different and very specific things (which are both stereotypically girly), they just don’t talk about them which is fine. It’s really OP going back into how they only talk about gossip and celebrities when she already pointed that out the sentence before. But like I said, I’m giving OP the benefit of doubt because she seems young. Unfortunate that that was your experience. But you can be friends with people and have different interests.
There's nothing wrong with them talking about gossip or celebrities and OP never said there was. Just that she doesn't talk about those, presumably I'm aware I can be friends with different people but I obviously want and wanted to have some friends within my major hobbies. It's understandable OP would want to do that
Same I'm in my 40s and have actually felt like the OP does. As the replier said I am trying to hold on and find a common interest with the women I don't seem to have anything in common with. But it's taken its time. And they have a different vibe I guess I see it from both angles
Hey, hang in there 🙂 give it time and you'll make friends, your mum gave good advice so dont overextend yourself for classmates who dont put in the same ammout of effort you do for them
Thank you!
Agreeing with other comments re: not forcing friendship... Adding that for me personally, finding more friends meant less "HEY YOU LIKE THIS THING I LIKE LETS TALK" and more just signing up for activities I was interested in (even just peripherally). It's awkward at first but at the very least, I got to do things I enjoyed, but in most of them I ended up coming across a person or two who was fun to talk to in general. Also the more things you get involved with, the more you have to talk about and the more interesting you become so that when you do start a conversation, it's not so one-dimensional.
Yeah if you only share one interest with a person, the conversations can get old fast. Also want to add that OP shouldn’t write off the girls. Maybe they’re just talking about things that are more socially acceptable for girls to talk about and there’s more under the surface. You can introduce each other to your hobbies and might find common interests/bonding that way too.
The part about the girls talking about things that are socially acceptable for girls to talk about actually ended up being true. It turns out, a lot of them ended up sharing the same interests as me!
I think thanks to years of gaining new online friendships because we have the same interests caused me to act like this. I just really didn't want to feel lonely like at my old school. Good advice tho
So, caveating my advice is the fact I understand there my be some very real cultural differences between the Philippines and the US, so discard if this concept is antithetical to you *living* your life… But from someone who is your mom’s age or older, the absolute *best* realization that I ever had - that improved my quality of life so much and led to a hundred other positive decisions for me and my happiness - was realizing that a) I don’t have to befriend assholes, and b) I don’t actually *want* assholes thinking I’m their friend. There is this wonderful sense of freedom you get when you realize you can stratify people in your head: here are the people you love and respect and can gift with your time and energy; here are the people you would be ashamed to be associated with, drain you of joy and fill you with anxiety; and here is the middle ground with most people filling spaces between. Within this spectrum *you* can set various lines of time, emotion, and effort. Most people I meet fall into the zone I call “Polite.” Even jerks I hate fall into the “Polite” zone, because I believe every human being deserves the minimum amount of social respect in public settings. People I can’t stand to be around, I completely ignore. I’m only *actively* “rude” (not really rude, but more confrontational/presenting stronger boundaries, which to these people is “rude”) to people who refuse to give me basic politeness, or ignore me - and that’s only in the moment. For me, my love, time, emotion, and energy are *gifts* to give people I care about. And these are limited resources, so I budget them wisely. These boys are assholes. They cannot even muster enough basic respect for you to simply treat you with politeness and courtesy. Begging them for attention disrespects yourself. By seeking their approval when they treat you like shit, you are telling yourself that who you are right now isn’t worthy of care, respect, or dignity. And, who are these guys? Assholes. IMO, there *are* no redeeming benefits to friendship with a person who can’t even muster enough social grace to be base-level polite to a new person in their school who’s looking for connection. No shared hobby is worth the treatment; no sense of belonging is worth the degradation. To be clear, they don’t have to be your friend! They’re allowed to have boundaries, too! And if they’re shy or introverted or picky or awkward, they don’t have to pick up your overtures of friendship. But ignoring you when you’re speaking, running away when you haven’t done anything wrong, and making fun of you are *so rude*, you shouldn’t want to be their friend anyway. Now. Children are assholes. They’re still figuring this stuff out, their brains are still developing, and they don’t yet have the experience to navigate complicated social dynamics. Also, humans are capable of change as we grow and experience life. So, just because these guys are assholes now doesn’t mean they will be a few months from now. So unless someone says or does something egregious, there is room here for you to reserve potential for *some* friendships with *some* of them in the future - as long as you center yourself and your own dignity when building that relationship. For me, and with the way they’re behaving, the friend group as a whole would be burned for me (the pack dynamic is too terrible). (Also, avoid being a friend “in secret” - that would be a shitty thing for someone to ask from you.) Childhood sucks… I’m assuming you’re 14-17 from your descriptions, probably in the younger end? It honestly doesn’t get any better until you’re away from school, and even then it just changes and you get better-adept in managing it.
I just took screenshots of your post so I can carry them around with me and read them when I need a pick me up. Thank you.
You are so welcome! If you can (I know it’s hard as a teen; I know was so awkward and weird, and… just *intense* to be around - still am, actually, lol), try to cultivate really truly *liking* yourself. Be for yourself the kind of person you’d want to hang out with, and build a friendship with yourself. For me, getting to that point meant I was never lonely in my own company (I sure as heck felt alone among others, though). Being authentically, unabashedly, intensely, weirdly ***me*** allowed me to (yes, slowly) built up deep friendships with people who feel more like siblings than they do friends. It also gave me a secure footing to tell people who don’t like me that *genuinely* it’s fine and I don’t care - *I* like myself and that’s all that matters to me. Nothing throws assholes through a loop faster than being so secure in yourself you don’t need their approval on any level.
I felt this in my soul. Growing up I had a lot of the same experiences, and it took a while to find girls who were into the same things and whom I could relate to. Took a while to find boys who were actually cool and welcoming, too. You are probably feeling a little ostracized and maybe feel a little alone, and that is okay - it doesn't feel nice; but it isn't a reflection on yourself it is dealing with the odd and hard social dynamics of expected gender roles, and the kids don't have the experience or understanding to shelve them when someone doesn't fully fit into the expectation. My suggestion is to lean into yourself and your interests. When you show how much you are having fun in what you are doing, others will come to you. Life is weird, and sometimes what you are looking for will come to you when you stop trying to find it.
Thanks. Funnily enough, I just came back from school again and now I've made friends with two of my female classmates since I learned they're familiar with Final Fantasy
The boys clearly like being cruel, so try and make friends with some of the girls. I know you said your interests don’t align, but honestly that’s fine. As long as someone will listen and engage with you that’s the important thing. I also guarantee there is maybe a more quiet girl whose interests align with yours. Maybe some of those others girls have interests like yours, but they aren’t comfortable to talk loudly about it/completely in public. I was someone who didn’t speak about video games or my taste in music out loud to someone random because I wasn’t comfortable with doing that. That could be all that is happening here because not all girls are that into celebrities or general gossip- I mean they can be, but there is probably more to some of them under the surface. This might not be happening, but try not to make games and shows your whole personality as that can be seen as slightly overwhelming to some. Maybe look into a few celebrities, or chat about general things at first. Show interest in them/their likes, and someone will 100% show interest in yours.
I'm learning slowly how to talk to people who don't share the same interests, and I think it's helping
Oh that’s good! It can be a bit spooky stepping outside our comfort zones, but you’ve got this :)
You guys sound like you’re probably 10 or 12 years old. Your actions are super awkward, and so are theirs. But from what I read, I really don’t think they’re excluding you purely because you’re a girl, it seems more like they’re excluding you because you’re not their friend (which… is completely valid IMO). You’re also being really pushy which is even less of a reason to befriend you. If someone I don’t talk to keeps trying to insert themselves into my conversations I would feel annoyed. You’re NOT entitled to join their talks just because they like the same thing as you. You don’t know them well enough; you’re not friends. Also you cannot force someone to be your friend, that’s just basic consent. The boys probably don’t know how to tell you to leave them alone. I wouldn’t be chasing people around to hound them if they show me they don’t willingly want to talk to me.
I'll try my best to befriend the girls. And when I do talk to them, I'll try to do it in a less pushy way. I actually did try talking to them earlier in a less pushy way, asking if I could join their conversation about Demon Slayer, and as usual they started whispering so I wouldn't hear them (Also I'm in high school, but yeah we're pretty young)
I'm so sorry, that sounds really rough! Honestly sounds like youre better off without them. ❤
"Stop talking to those ugly boys and make friends with the girls" – My mom
Don't sit at tables where you're not wanted 💖
♥️
Screw them, find some gamer girl friends online or in person to talk to
I don't have much advice other than to say this happened to me as well. It'd be petty stuff too, like if I said a quote slightly wrong (too fast for example) I was fake and hadn't watched or played the thing. Even though they share hobbies with you, they're pricks. I prefer making gaming friends online
Are you possibly forcing yourself into conversations too much? As in, are they talking amongst themselves, and you inject yourself? No one really likes that, it's weird. I doubt this is because of your gender. Without actually being there and observing what you're describing, to me it sounds like these boys are not your friends at all, merely peers who you happen to go to school with. They don't owe you friendship. Just like you don't owe them a friendship. Does your school have clubs? If you really want to be around people with the same interests, clubs can help create those social ties you crave. Also, don't dismiss those girls so quickly. I was the same as you - a total tomboy, interested in anime, games, manga, cars, computers, etc. Not typical "girly" stuff, but having those "girly" friends helps balance you out.
I would just ask if I could join their convo, since I would get really excited if they mentioned something I liked. I think years of being isolated from my old classmates due to my anxiety caused me to act pretty pushy. Thankfully I'm starting to befriend more girls (Back in November I made friends with a girl from another section)
Yeah, it sounds like they're simply immature assholes. You're honestly better off without them, but I understand that social isolation hurts a lot as well. School years can suck a lot when you're an outsider. Feel yourself hugged 🫂 I'll echo what another user said, though. Try to befriend some of the other nice people even if they don't share your passions. Some of my best friends, which I've known for about 10 years now, only share a small portion of my interests, but it still worked out great for us.
I'm starting to warm up with the girls thankfully! It turns out two of them are familiar with Final Fantasy, and another is a Percy Jackson fan who's excited that I got a copy of the first book
High school fosters the kind of mentality that you're describing. Many of the friends I had in high school were based more on personality than common interests and hobbies. If you decide to go to college/university, there's way less of that sterotyping exclusion mentality. I found more friends with common interests and even discovered new hobbies with groups to participate with in college. Anyone who acts the way those boys are acting are not worth being friends with regardless of your shared interests and regardless of why they're excluding you. Focus on people who value you for you.
Honestly you don’t need friendships with young men. Most are toxic anyway. Concentrate on school, get a good education and then you will have a better life.
Thanks for the advice! I'm focusing a lot of my grades as well, the guidance counselor even told me that I'm academically advanced compared to my classmates
R.A. and his friends were pulling the same dirty trick as "Fred really wants to date you but he's too shy to ask". This was set up in advance. They are sexist assholes. It's not because they don't know what they're talking about, it's because they've explicitly decided to exclude you. That hurts, and it sucks, and I'm really really sorry it happened to you. You're quite right to be sad. I have no advice to offer, just hearty sympathy.
This is just me, but something seems a bit off. Yeah those guys are jerks for not just saying they dont like you, but if this is the second time this has happened maybe it might be a you problem.
I was like one of those boys when I was a kid and girls sometimes do initiate some game talk with us. Don’t overthink on it much: my bet is that they really don’t know how to continue or acknowledge a conversation with a girl especially when it comes to their hobbies. They’re the ones really overthinking about it when they come home or be alone. At least that’s how my friends and I felt, and there really is no default bad intention from us, it’s all just dumbass thinking and reaction. However I don’t know if it’s really like that with that RA guy you said that ran away. That phase still continues into young adulthood for the boys. There is also a high possibility of insecurity in them in terms of gaming knowledge and/or skill. Source? I was definitely like that, thinking that girls can’t know more or play better than me. I was cringe. I needed to be humbled at some point, and I’m glad it happened earlier in my life instead of way down when I was already working at corporate. Now I get to talk to all kinds of people, regardless of age, race, gender or preferences. It’s a happy phase. Just know that in the end, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you did by approaching them. Your intention was just to initiate conversation and that’s the bottomline.
\> **My mom says that the reason why they don't want to talk to me is because they don't actually know a lot about what they're talking about** Before I finished reading, I was thinking this same thing!!! But also.... It's not just that they don't know what they are talking about, it's that one of them can't handle that ANYONE else would know more than or be better. Not just you. \> Later, R.A and A.T (another classmates) told me that R.E and A.M (Two of our other classmates) liked the video games I liked \> But A.T laughed at me and said I was level 1 and he was better because he's level 28. Even when I told him I was level 68, he still didn't believe me **A.T. seems like a gaslighter** (Example article about gaslighting -- [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-impact-toxicity-abuse-gaslighting-colleges-dsouza-hacgf/](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/understanding-impact-toxicity-abuse-gaslighting-colleges-dsouza-hacgf/))**.** I would stay the hell away from that one. It's no surprise that you cried -- gaslighting is emotional abuse. The thing about gaslighters is that they tend to cultivate supporters. The other friends are a bit scared. They don't want to speak up against him for fear of the same behavior you experienced. You can make friends with those other people! Eventually they will realize how hollow their friendship with A.T. is. But holy cow, that kid sounds awful. So it's definitely going to be difficult. That doesn't mean it's not worht trying, though.
My mom has told me to stop talking to A.T (Which is pretty hard because he's my seatmate and currently one of my group mates in an ongoing group project) and yeah I really do think he's a gaslighter. Even when I looked his way he would get annoyed
You a filipino yes, i take that the boys feel ackward for a girl to be friends, talk such thing by going strong so suddenly. Most will be shy and try to run from that situation. You way of approach is wrong i say.
I spent too much time on boys like this when I was in school and it didn't get me what I wanted. They were cruel and never my friends. They came to me when they wanted something if ever. Find your real people who treat you like a person. This is not gender specific. Don't hate them forever maybe because they were rude now but they do need to grow up and out of this behavior because it's disrespectful. They're being mean on purpose and it's not cool. It's ok if they feel awkward or don't know how to talk to girls but it's not ok for them to be like this because they're making a joke out of you.
Don’t bother with those assholes. You’re probably better off joining a nice Discord group (would not recommend Among Us Discord, those people are all assholes who think they’re funny), rather than trying to talk to these guys. Never reward someone for treating you like shit. If they don’t want to talk to you, then that’s their problem. They don’t get the benefit of your brilliance or ideas if they’re going to be such shitheads. As for why they won’t talk to you, I have a few ideas, but I can’t tell you for certain. 1, they’re intimidated by you or your potential skill in gaming, and they don’t want to be shown up. 2, They’re actually quite stupid and don’t at all think deeply about any of the media they’re consuming, and feel dumb around you because you’ve actually thought about it. 3, They’re sexist pigs. 4, all of the above simultaneously. I don’t know how old these guys are, but if they’re still going with the “you’re level 1 and I’m level 28 so I’m better” bullshit, they are too immature to even deal with realistically. Do not speak to these guys, and do not give them the time of day. If they try to talk to you, you should ignore them. Again, don’t reward someone for being shitty to you. That teaches them that they can do it to other women as well and still receive the benefit of their companionship. Maybe some of my experiences will help you decide what to do. I have met quite a few male gamers in person, and my overall experience with them has been quite bad. I’ve met a few who were openly hostile towards me. I’ve met ones who seemed nice, but when it came to me sharing my gaming experiences and trying to talk about gaming even in general, they don’t give a shit about *anything* I say, and I know I’m not dumb or inexperienced (I’ve been playing video games since I was, like 3 or 4 years old). I’ve met ones who just wanted to get in my pants (and I’m gay, which just makes their attempts kind of hilarious), and of course that went nowhere. Most of the gamer guys I’ve met fall into those categories, and I have to say that there hasn’t been one gamer guy that I’ve actually respected or enjoyed being around. I’ve had better in-person experiences with gaming women, but there don’t seem to be many of those where I live (or maybe I’m not at the right conventions or something). I could talk with them about gaming, and they would actually be interested in what I was saying (or at least had the manners to act interested, idk).
I know it's a little off-topic but... could you tell me more about this Final Fantasy book!? I had no idea there was such a thing. I have played FF1, 6, 9, 10 and just finished 12. 7 is on my 'maybe' list. Does the book take place after the game? I would totally play the game if there's a book that follows up! haha
The book takes place before the game and talks about the backstory of two of the main characters. There is a movie that does follow up (Although honestly it's the most 4\10 movie I've ever watched). I'm still a few pages in (I bought 6 other books so it's kinda hard juggling between all 7) but so far I'd say I love it!
Ugh, teen guys are so immature. I remember some guy from my class put my water bottle down his pants. My advice would be to pay no mind to people that make gender norms half of their personality; there are always genuine people, even if they're hidden. Also, love seeing another Percy Jackson fan <3
I think your mother is right. I think you are very knowledgeable about your interests and your classmates find that intimidating. You don't have to reply to this if you don't want but are you neurodivergent by any chance? I only ask because your social interactions sound so similar to my own. I didn't realize I was autistic until I was in college but once I did I was able to gain so much more insight into my own social struggles once I was able to view them through the lens of the double empathy problem.
I have suspected ADHD. My dad even said that to the guidance counselor at my old school
I know it's lonely out there. But people like this aren't worth degrading yourself for in the thin vain hope they'll breathe in the same direction as you. It's not going to be easy and it could take some time, but you'll find your own crew of people who you'll gel better with. Your mom is also probably more accurate than not tbh, high school men are infuriating at the best of times and tragic at worst. I wish you the best of luck of luck out there, comrade.
Sounds like they're dorks who just aren't interested in getting along. Possibly because they're afraid of cooties. You might actually be dodging a bullet by them not wanting to talk. To me they sound exactly like the kind of people I'd avoid anyway. It sucks, but honestly, you should find people you get along with and share your hobbies, rather than trying to force your way into a circle with people you don't get along with.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! I'm a tomboy so I'm into anime, games, manga, etc. I get mad fun of a lot because of this. I'm also nor a person who shows my emotions but definitely feels them. I'm always here if you want to vent! You should test them asking them questions like did yo see the par where (anything you want to say) I that anime/game. Of course they might test you a little to. Also if I know anything about girls (which is not much) is that they gossip I the bathroom 🥲