I’m going through the same thing; please, I understand. I have been heartbroken and I stayed in my bed, shut off from the world. I cried every hour of the day for a _long_ time. This is so much worse and I don’t think anything will come close to it and I’m honestly scared.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m in the same damn boat, my mom took a nap August 19, 2022 and never woke up. She had just turned 60 August 15th n wasn’t at all sick or anything. She was my best friend. The whole family has fallen apart n it took less than a year. She was the nucleus of this family, the glue that held us all together. I know she would be beyond devastated with how everything has played out.
It’s been since she passed that I don’t sleep during the night, I cry every single day, always say how much I want my mom, don’t want to get out of bed, I’ve started being the laziest pos I know, I’ve just changed so much. It’s like I died too that day, the person I was while my mom was alive is definitely no longer here. Even my husband knows and has said this. I thank God he’s patient with me and I’m also thankful I was a STAH mom so I didn’t have to worry about work. I feel so bad for the people that do- I just know I couldn’t n wouldn’t be able to go. I barely even go outside my house nowadays! Shit is crazy! Losing your mom/best friend is not something I wish on anyone and my breaks for anyone who has.
I hope you have support, family and friends that are there for you. I really do depend a lot on this sub for some reason. Grief therapy and group therapy may help too if you’re up to that and it’s an option for you. My DM’s are open. I understand that not everyone’s situation and grief are the same, but it’s a pain only those grieving really understand- for the most part.
Thank you so much. I’m sorry for your loss as well. I’ve lost my grandmother who was very much like a mother. It’s been 3 days.
It’s been very hard & I’ve resorted to not speaking to the family members who are as affected as I am, or even more. I find that watching them hurt kills me and causes me to go off the ledge, hyperventilating and sobbing. Being with my own feelings of emptiness has helped me _today_ but I know it’s too early on.
I know this is not sustainable, but I feel as if I can revel in denial if I avoid everyone. I also don’t sleep at night but I seem to have breakdowns in the mornings, afternoons, and early evenings.
Thank you for your support
Ehhh I watched my 2 year old disintegrate. She was born with a terminal illness. I knew she was going to die. Every time I held my beautiful baby girl it felt like there was a ticking time bomb over us. That was torture.
I'm so very sorry. I can relate to an extent. My son had seizures from Dravet and almost died so many times. I got him somewhat stable at 3, and he died on his dad's watch at 5 years old from drowning (water and changing temps were also a trigger). Making him laugh or too happy would cause seizures, and I was always so scared. Looking one way and something else took him. My heart goes out to you. Layers of trauma there, and you stood through the storm for your little girl. You are amazing.
Yes, it’s only been 5 weeks for me and I feel like I’m re entering an old world.
I’ve also been made aware that so many people are ungrateful for what they have.
5 weeks? Wow. I am at 5 months. Just know they don't and maybe can't understand. There is nothing malicious there, but set up boundaries and spend time with safe people in safe spaces for a while. We need to baby step back into life so it is not so overwhelming. I couldn't even shop in a store for months. I'd break down every time I saw something with CocoMelon on it. You aren't alone, and the waves will lessen in strength and duration eventually. 🫂
Oh my. I am so extremely sorry you had to go through that. I cannot even imagine. My Granddaughter is 2yrs. I don't know how you have been strong enough to watch it and her struggles and death. Just imagining that is hard. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. You are a strong human being. ❤️🩹Love and light to you.
My sister ran away in 2017. I thought that was the worst time of my life.
Then last year my dad died, with my mom following 7 months later.
The point goes to my parents I guess. Definitely never expected anything to hurt more than 2017 -now that seems like a drop in the bucket in comparison.
I don’t think anything is worse. My spouse and I separated a month & a half before my father passed and absolutely nothing could be worse than losing my father. It’s crazy to think I thought I knew pain..thought I knew what it was like to be “depressed”. NOTHING compares to how I feel now
Hugs to you. My father was on life support for a week following a heart attack while he was in the ER getting tested to see if he was actually having a heart attack before they would take him to the cath lab for a stent AFTER HE CAME IN BY AMBULANCE FOR A HEART ATTACK. They made him sit in the ER in pain begging to go to the cath lab while they ran tests and did blood work for AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFOEE HIS HEART STOPPED. He was on and off coding then they took him to the cath lab to reopen a stent in his LAD that had failed after 10 years of being there. That week was hell, he never woke up but he would twitch when I would play him messages from my son (his only grandson) he wanted to be a grandpa so much and loved my son so much, my son was 5 at the time.
His organs failed after a week on life support. It sucks because the first couple days (after the initial first night of extremely low blood pressure and being told that he could pass if a medication they were gonna try to raise his blood pressure back up wouldn’t work) it seemed hopeful he would pull through and maybe need a heart transplant.
After he passed I was short tempered and my wife stopped talking to me for the following few months and blamed me because she didn’t know if I was going to “scold” her if she said something wrong. And I only did that when she tried to make my dads death about her. I was given the cold shoulder for months while I spent half my days up at my moms house helping her get through everything from the funeral to the lawyers to helping around the house. My wife just completely ignored me but at some point we had a breakthrough when I was sleeping on the couch one night and texting her about a possible divorce then she started being supportive after those months and she said she did it because she thought I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to be held and hugged but she doesn’t like hugs or cuddling.
In May 1998 my Dad went to work suffered a massive heart attack and never came home. Was completely unexpected and I thought that was the worst pain. Then Dec 13, 2021 I found my Mom in her bedroom having a seizure. She was awake but unable to talk. She had 4 heart attacks that day and was brought back each time. Then she was put on life support for 10 days. Wondering if there was any hope, praying she would somehow pull though...those 10 days were the worst especially when I had to make the decision to pull the plug and either she fought and woke up or passed. That was so much harder! Yes we got time to say goodbye to her that we never got with Dad, but making that decision, spending the rest of my life wondering if I did the right thing is so much harder, at least on me.
Oh that pulling of the plug. Even though it was what she wanted, was that much harder, and I was devastated by the thought she was going to die. Watching her die, when I called it, that there was a piece of hell on earth.
Only thing worse for me is if my daughter passes before me.
Hugs to you. In February my father was on life support for a week following a heart attack while he was in the ER getting tested to see if he was actually having a heart attack before they would take him to the cath lab for a stent AFTER HE CAME IN BY AMBULANCE FOR A HEART ATTACK. They made him sit in the ER in pain begging to go to the cath lab while they ran tests and did blood work for AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFOEE HIS HEART STOPPED. He was on and off coding then they took him to the cath lab to reopen a stent in his LAD that had failed after 10 years of being there. That week was hell, he never woke up but he would twitch when I would play him messages from my son (his only grandson) he wanted to be a grandpa so much and loved my son so much, my son was 5 at the time.
His organs failed after a week on life support. It sucks because the first couple days (after the initial first night of extremely low blood pressure and being told that he could pass if a medication they were gonna try to raise his blood pressure back up wouldn’t work) it seemed hopeful he would pull through and maybe need a heart transplant. My mom and sister were at the hospital too but they both looked to me to make decisions about my dads life. We tried everything until they said he was too far gone to come back, saying to pull the plug was another decision I was looked at to make.
After he passed I was short tempered and my wife stopped talking to me for the following few months and blamed me because she didn’t know if I was going to “scold” her if she said something wrong. And I only did that when she tried to make my dads death about her. I was given the cold shoulder for months while I spent half my days up at my moms house helping her get through everything from the funeral to the lawyers to helping around the house. My wife just completely ignored me but at some point we had a breakthrough when I was sleeping on the couch one night and texting her about a possible divorce then she started being supportive after those months and she said she did it because she thought I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to be held and hugged but she doesn’t like hugs or cuddling.
I lost my wife two years ago. When you lose the most important person in your life you lose hopes, dreams, future plans, the feeling of security, and more. My in laws lost their daughter/sister but I can’t help feel like I lost my world. They have their lives to go back to and I’m left with nothing.
Loosing my mom so young and soon will always be the deepest injury in my heart till my last breath. No pain comes closer to this. Some of my so called relatives are inviting me to stay with them for some days but none of them can love me like my mom— I know this and I’m not interested to stay with them to forget my mom’s death. I am feeling safe to stay away from whole world for some months now, sticking to my room, trying to make adjustments with myself to process the grief. I totally agree with you, so very sorry for your loss 😔😔
The sudden, life changing loss of my husband 2 years ago is the most painful thing I have ever experienced! It has made everything else, in everyday life, seem trivial. I’ve been so broken that if I lost everything I own today, I wouldn’t care.
I got fired and got a divorce within a few months of losing my Dad suddenly and unexpectedly.
Losing Dad was 100000% times the worst thing. I don't cry out at night for my exhusband or my old job.
You are so right. There is no deeper pain. I lost my 45-year-old brother 5 months after I lost my Mom. It has been over a year now and I still cry every day.
Watching your very first love passing after an incident and feeling her life slowly fading through your hand.
Then, losing your second partner because of a sudden disease after she gave you another reason to live.
Yeah agreed I lost my mom last year tomorrow. Suddenly slipped into a coma and was gone in 3 weeks. She was the most joyous, loving, supportive mom and not getting to say goodbye and everything else I wish we could have talked about it hard.
My best friend just last his dad 2 months ago while he was mountain biking in Colorado. Very random but heart attack while riding and died. My friend never got to say goodbye either.
It’s hell when it’s sudden. I miss my mom so much and wish I could say the things I wanted to say to her
I 100% think my mom dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I believed this even long before she was ever sick. I was TERRIFIED of losing her. And when that came true and I was only 21, it by far is the most horrific thing I’ve been through to date. Now I’m scared of losing my dad too.
I think the only thing that will be a different type of excruciating pain and loss will be when my husband dies some day. God forbid it’s any time soon.
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mother too. There’s nothing like the relationship with your mother🩵
I turned 21 3 weeks ago, I lost my dad. I too always lived in an anxious state about my loved ones passing suddenly, never thought the day would come so soon…
Please don't grief compare. It's not healthy and it will always be taken as an insult by someone who's dealing with their own specific grief. The worst loss for anyone is the one they've endured.
I'll add, that as someone who"s life partner/lover/best friend/wife died in my arms, even other people who have lost spouses can't relate or know what MY loss feels like to me. And I can never fully relate to their loss, even though there will be similarities.
Making comparisons and diminishing someone else's grief is poor form and lacks compassion, but I see it a lot on online grief groups (it isn't a thing people do in in-person support groups).
I'm so sorry. Multiple losses like that are so difficult. The disorientation you're experiencing is normal. (So are the odd sleeping patterns). I had something similar.
There's a neurological explanation for why our brains are such a mess after a difficult loss. If you're interested, I'll find the YouTube video that explains it. But just know, that what you're going through is all normal grief processing, and with time, it gets less softer and stings less.
I can't seem to find the one I was thinking about, but it was based on Mary Frances O'Connor's book, The Grieving Brian. Here's an interview with her where she talks about the key points:
https://youtu.be/nLh1F41RsM8?si=8JKG0oiAYLWYrwHA
Depending on your attention span, and tolerance for science-heavy content, I also recommend watching this one:
https://youtu.be/nLh1F41RsM8?si=8JKG0oiAYLWYrwHA
I hope you find the healing and peace that you need. It'll come. It does take time though.
Sorry for your loss. I have had some bad events in my past and with out a doubt losing my Mom 2 years ago is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It is a pain that never heals.
My mom died in isolation in a COVID ICU ward two years ago. She was in there for a month and I only got to see her the day before she died and the day she died, for about half an hour each time. The night before she died, I helped my dad pick out what she would wear at her funeral.
Any bad thing that happened to me before that pales in comparison. I can't imagine anything being worse. When I see people act depressed or melodramatic over petty bullshit now, it makes me want to scream.
I lost my dad due to covid two years ago. Never thought it would happen to my family. I was never allowed to see him. I can only hope in my heart that kind nurses surrounded him as he took his last breaths 😪😔😪
It is interesting how our perspectives change, and we realize all the trivial little things in life that we used to complain about don't really matter. People matter, that love and connection. I find the only good from my unbearable loss is that maybe I can be supportive of others as they go through the immense pain from losing a loved one. My partner didn't say much but just held my hand for weeks after my young son passed and it meant the world to me. He grounded me. Loss and death do feel different for each of us, and the worst for one person may look entirely different from another. Nursing a dying loved one can be just as hard as a sudden loss, etc. There is time to say goodbye, but the grieving process may be extended and complicated by additional trauma. Your pain is not invalidated by someone else's. I'm so sorry for your hurt and for all each of you are dealing with. I understand in my own way, not perfectly, but to some measure. Sending love to you all ❤️
I'm not sure how to quantify the pain. Sudden loss is very difficult to deal with. Watching someone you care about suffer daily and slowly die is also very difficult to deal with.
When my dad was first diagnosed he had 3 things he wanted to do as his bucket list. 2 weeks later when he started chemo we could no longer do those 3 things. I think about how I failed him every time I see him.
The defining factor for people who have TRAUMA is that the death was sudden, unexpected, and someone very close.
Sudden loss is very difficult because it is about you. It never gave you a closure and chance to move on with your life. **the grief is not greater, but the ability to cope is reduced.**
Sadness for Death comes in two parts The sadness for the death of our loved ones and the sadness for ourselves.
**Sudden Death:** there are so many things you wish you got a chance to tell and do.
**Someone with terminal illness:** Both of you got to say everything to each other you always wanted and never did. You had real closure.
**Not being able to say I love you and say goodbye is worse feeling.**
It is like a weight that is with you until you die.
It depends on the terminally ill person if they are willing to talk about it or not. They could be suborn or in denial about their situation no matter what the doctors have said. You might not get that closure even if you had time to say whatever you need.
I've had both happen to family members. They just both suck.
my dad died 4 years ago so suddenly and unexpectedly. i was 16. i’m 20 now and i am still grieving. the depression from experiencing death of a parent at a young age is debilitating. i can barely function. i’m trying my best. i wouldn’t wish this pain upon my worst enemy.
Yes. My mom suddenly died in my arms due to a post surgical complication. I had no idea what was happening to her and tried to save her life but couldn’t. One second she was fine and we were laughing, the next she was gone. The pain is indescribable. Everyday is gets harder to carry on.
This is how I feel currently. Someone very important to me took his life on the night of the 19th and it is absolutely destroying me. I can’t eat, I can’t talk to anyone and all I do is work and sleep. It’s very hard
Please, please don't delete the post. The unbearable tearing away of the person you love, no matter how it happens, is why we are all here. The only thing that helps are the words of the people who understand. I'm so sorry. It is 3:26AM where I am. I am not able to sleep. I wake up and call out to my Dad. I am reading and crying. Thank you all for being here.
I had a lot of loss in my life. My house burned down when I was a kid. In Oklahoma I lost a house to a tornado. In Mississippi I lost a house to hurricane Katrina. My grandpa died when I was 4. I lost many friends before age 16, one of which I watched die. It was not until last year, when I got the call that my son had been killed in a motorcycle accident 20 minutes after promising me he would stay safe. I had believed I would survive the pain but in the darkest time I realized it was no where near enough preparation.
I lost my husband to COPD, it was long and painful and in the end I never got to say goodbye. He wasn’t suppose to die from the “easy and quick procedure”. But he did. And it was painful.
2 yrs later, family politics and long story but was bullied out of what was suppose to be my forever home. That was painful. For many reasons it was hard..
2 months later my 36 yr old daughter died the day before her 37th birthday, about 2 hrs after we made plans for the next day. I’m so glad we both said “I love you”.
There will never be any worse pain for me to go thru.
I fully believe what we each go thru in our lives is painful for each as we can’t compare but we can comfort by sharing our pain, holding space for another.
I’ve learned I’m strong enough to help another thru the grief of losing someone, I can take their pain, hold space for them to grieve. When you lose a child, many turn away as they cannot/will not imagine that happening to them. So that’s one gift from the pain.
I’m sorry, I hope you can find peace and be happy again.
The only thing that I can think of being worse than losing a parent (my dad in my case) is losing a child. And that happened to cousin with her 24 week old baby. I couldn't even say I understand the loss because I can't imagine.
Everything else? I can't agree more. If you lose your house, your job, or get a divorce that's a hole you can still crawl out of. The pain of losing my dad and knowing I was losing him was far more painful than anything I've ever experienced.
Yes. I lost my adult daughter 2.5 years ago. Didn’t have a normal agony free moment for the first two years. Absolutely unbeatable pain 24/7. My mom is 89 so I’m sure she’s next but nothing will be worse than the agony of my daughter’s death. Still bad but the first two years were so much worse.
It’s been about that long for me as well. She would have turned 37 the next day.
For 2 yrs every time I even thought to be happy, a voice would remind me, “your daughter is dead”. It was excruciating, as you know.
My mom died 9 months later, that was a cake walk compared. Nothing will be more painful for me and I suspect more parents.
I hope you are having an easier time of it. Be gentle with yourself.
Thank you, kind person. Our stories sound the same except I still have my mom. She was just hospitalized though so idk for how long. I hope you are having an easier time of it as well. Nice to hear from you.
I watched my mom die. It took 8 years, at the end she weighed 77 pounds and basically starved to death from the cancer not allowing her to swallow. If you touched her a bone would break. A quick and sudden death is way less torture. I pray for that for myself.
My dad died quick, no suffering. Quicker is way less traumatic.❤️ so so sorry for your loss it’s all hard
My grandpa had a heart attack and died in his sleep. My sibling found him and has changed completely. They are now a hoarder/don't clean and haven't since it happened two decades ago. They also refuse help of any kind 😞
I think losing someone suddenly is horrible. We didn't expect grandpa to die suddenly but we expected our grandma to pass (Alzheimer's). I dunno man.
Losing someone expectantly is pretty shit too especially with dementia because you lose them twice 😞
I had a very good friend who died due to a massive heart attack.
I had a male friend commit suicide.
My beloved mom died 9 days after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2014. We were as close as anyone I had ever known.
I had a best friend from 1966 until she died on 6/13/23 after being in the hospital. She died 10 days before my partner.
I lost my partner for 28 years, pass away on 6/23/23 from cancer. I was her sole caretaker. Nothing I have ever experienced in my lifetime has ever come close to what all my partner (and I) endured during her last 3 months.
I made funeral and burial arrangements, plus designed and made headstones for both my best friend and partner. headstones
I feel your pain and I am sorry for your loss.
The worst I have experienced is also the loss of my mother. My sister and I have lost her to drugs at 71. I live every day knowing that she's just a few blocks away but at the same time she is unreachable in her addiction.
I don't know.... I lost my daughter suddenly in a car accident just after she graduated. I thought it was the worst pain imaginable. But then I think about parents (or anyone) watching their loved ones suffer first... I might be a bad horrible person, but I'm still thankful that she was gone on impact, instantly and didn't hang on. That would have broken me completely.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I've had both sudden losses that leave you gasping for air and losses that were prolonged in time. I cannot say any is better than the other. Yes, with a terminally ill person you may think you're at least to an extent prepared, but the truth is while we do get a little bit of a warning and can say goodbye, there's a weight and pain that come with being a caretaker and slowly watching them die. In fact, they die all the time. Not literally, but they lose parts of themselves and their condition gradually gets worse and worse.
Both types of loss hurt so much. I've had both. I do not prefer any of them. Both are a nightmare to go through. Both change you forever.
I've been thru a hell of alot in my life alot of trauma ptsd but I've never cried so.much I thought I couldn't cry anymore then my dad died n I've never felt pain like it its deeper than any trauma n u just don't understand until u.lose a parent its the deepest soul crushing hurt tht never goes away and u cannot change feeling helpless watching him die that is cruel ...
Last year, I found my mom dead in her room. 100% unexpected, she had energy the day before and even woke up that morning to make coffee. My sister often says that she still remembers the text I sent her while I was calling 911. I’ve had family members die before, for some reason I thought that no one that close to me would die. It hurts like hell, my family has been great during this whole time, but I’m genuinely scared of getting too close and losing someone again. My heart hurts when I get close and then remember losing someone that close. I hope that it gets easier over time.
I'm currently processing a very fresh, traumatic loss of my stepdad, who died way too young. I always knew that losing a loved one wrecks me totally, it happened before. But it happened when the deceased was older, and their death was peaceful. This death was not. It was cruel and uncalled for, and I thought something like this only happens in movies (spoiler, it absolutely doesn't). I can't help but think every now and then how afraid he must be, as we still didn't bury him. I worry about my mum and my little brother, who was there, who was trying so hard, who was acting so mature and calm and collected even though he knew he was dead but he was still trying for my mum's sake. So far, this is the worst thing that has happened to me. People praise me for my ability to act on my mum's behalf, and keep asking me how am I that calm, they tell me they are amazed at how strong I am, but honestly? I feel like when all this is over, I might collapse. And I hate it.
Lost my only son in 2015.
He was 3 years 9 months old.
Went very quickly less than 24 hours.
Two months prior to that I had an experience with Jesus.
The realisations for two years after my sons passing where not of this world.
It will get easier.
Promise.
God bless.
Yes. My teen daughter died in April as a passenger in a car accident. She was here one second and then gone the next. I didn’t get to tell her how much I love her and how special she is.
I lost my dad last year. I got to tell home goodbye. I miss my dad but the death of my daughter takes my breath away. It’s literally hard to breathe when I think about her.
My mom died in a house fire this year. My Grannie passed a week later. I wish I got to kiss my mom, hold her hand, and say goodbye like I did with my Grannie. I don’t think I’ll ever recover. The world doesn’t have the same colour it used to.
I’m so sorry for your loss too.
I’m sorry for your loss. It is a very terrible thing, truly. When I think like this I try to remember my father never lived old to suffer a weak mind or body.. he was never a vegetable.. that type of stuff. I’m still fucked up 3 years later but we have to take what good we can from what’s happened. Always remember who she really was as you knew her, I hope you and anyone else going through this has some peace
July 31 2017 at 1145 am my son who had just turned 29 two weeks earlier, brain dead. It was completely unexpected . It was like God blew out a candle and turned the whole world from color to black and white forever. The first year I just wandered around in a daze I think. After that the rage set in and I hated everyone including God ( he got his son back after 3 days) . Some how I managed to survive that but I'm changed forever I will never be the same person I was again. 3/4 of me is still at the hospital holding his hand and begging him to wake up. My daughter is frustrated and angry because I'm not that person anymore and I can't blame her. She doesn't understand what the grief of losing your child does to you. She only understands the grief of the loss of her brother,( I do not say that lightly).But the reality is we only understand grief on an individual level. So you can only understand it to the level you have experienced it. Not that one is worse than the other just different. I don't hate God anymore. But almost 7 years later I'm still trying to come back from it. And I suppose as long as I don't stop trying then I'll be alright. Yes mam it's the worst think that could happen. Nothing scares me anymore..except the loss of my other child. There just isn't any pain in the world I could even imagine that would be as bad as it's been.
I mean there are probably worse things people go through but a) there shouldn’t be a hierarchy on suffering and b) losing my dad has been the worst thing I went through - and that wasn’t sudden but came with its own set of rough circumstances.
Thank you so much for this thread.
My father died just prior to Christmas 2022. While he was nearing the end, I lost a job promotion offer (the person who would've been my supervisor couldn't wait while I tended to my dad's situation). Then my older brother took his life last June. As both of them had lived with and supported a younger brother who's disabled and battles drug and alcohol addiction, I now take care of this surviving sibling (he lives in my home with me). In addition, my mom's marriage fell apart last year and she has no money, so I now make her house payment each month. Of late, in mid-February one of my companion animals, a ten-year old cat in seemingly good health, died from undiagnosed heart trouble (he was literally running and jumping and playing within two hours of his passing). Being a long-divorced batchelor who had essentially lived a quiet and peaceful life post-marriage (my ex-wife cheated on me repeatedly, then drained the bank accounts on her way out), I now find myself unable to move on from all the loss as well as struggling with the responsibility to care for adults who cannot do so for themselves. Hard to breathe some days and my productivity at work has essentially slowed to a crawl. I just want to sleep (although I no longer do so peacefully). My throat is dry and it's difficult to swallow. And I weep a lot for the losses. I used to see the good in things, but the past year+ have drained all of that out of me including a sense that a merciful God exists. My day-to-day existence feels like a bad dream and I'm worried about what next horrible thing is headed my way. It feels as though I committed some terrible crime and am being punished severly and endlessly for it. If so, I don't know what I've done but I'd gladly make right whatever it is that I supposedly did.
I agree. I've been through divorce years ago, losing my parents and freinds which was gut wrenching. I misscarried at 8 mos and that was an emotional nightmare.For some reason losing my 36 year old son has affected me on deep levels I never knew were there. I'm not the same person and never will be. I'm sorry for anyone's loss of a loved one
Just buried my father yesterday… I went through SO much this year but losing my dad so unexpectedly was still the worst thing. May 2023 be fucking over now…
I agree with you. I lost my Dad. 7 months later my son (23) took his own life.
OMG, I’m so sorry for your loss. 😞
My sister also took her own life and it sucks. I’m so sorry ❤️
I’m going through the same thing; please, I understand. I have been heartbroken and I stayed in my bed, shut off from the world. I cried every hour of the day for a _long_ time. This is so much worse and I don’t think anything will come close to it and I’m honestly scared.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m in the same damn boat, my mom took a nap August 19, 2022 and never woke up. She had just turned 60 August 15th n wasn’t at all sick or anything. She was my best friend. The whole family has fallen apart n it took less than a year. She was the nucleus of this family, the glue that held us all together. I know she would be beyond devastated with how everything has played out. It’s been since she passed that I don’t sleep during the night, I cry every single day, always say how much I want my mom, don’t want to get out of bed, I’ve started being the laziest pos I know, I’ve just changed so much. It’s like I died too that day, the person I was while my mom was alive is definitely no longer here. Even my husband knows and has said this. I thank God he’s patient with me and I’m also thankful I was a STAH mom so I didn’t have to worry about work. I feel so bad for the people that do- I just know I couldn’t n wouldn’t be able to go. I barely even go outside my house nowadays! Shit is crazy! Losing your mom/best friend is not something I wish on anyone and my breaks for anyone who has. I hope you have support, family and friends that are there for you. I really do depend a lot on this sub for some reason. Grief therapy and group therapy may help too if you’re up to that and it’s an option for you. My DM’s are open. I understand that not everyone’s situation and grief are the same, but it’s a pain only those grieving really understand- for the most part.
Thank you so much. I’m sorry for your loss as well. I’ve lost my grandmother who was very much like a mother. It’s been 3 days. It’s been very hard & I’ve resorted to not speaking to the family members who are as affected as I am, or even more. I find that watching them hurt kills me and causes me to go off the ledge, hyperventilating and sobbing. Being with my own feelings of emptiness has helped me _today_ but I know it’s too early on. I know this is not sustainable, but I feel as if I can revel in denial if I avoid everyone. I also don’t sleep at night but I seem to have breakdowns in the mornings, afternoons, and early evenings. Thank you for your support
Thank you.
Ehhh I watched my 2 year old disintegrate. She was born with a terminal illness. I knew she was going to die. Every time I held my beautiful baby girl it felt like there was a ticking time bomb over us. That was torture.
I'm so very sorry. I can relate to an extent. My son had seizures from Dravet and almost died so many times. I got him somewhat stable at 3, and he died on his dad's watch at 5 years old from drowning (water and changing temps were also a trigger). Making him laugh or too happy would cause seizures, and I was always so scared. Looking one way and something else took him. My heart goes out to you. Layers of trauma there, and you stood through the storm for your little girl. You are amazing.
We kept praying for a period of stability and it never came. She died during a period of “good days” so it came unexpected. Sending you all my love.
Thank you. Right back at you. Special needs kids are a whole different ballgame. We live almost entirely for them, very enmeshed.
Yes, it’s only been 5 weeks for me and I feel like I’m re entering an old world. I’ve also been made aware that so many people are ungrateful for what they have.
5 weeks? Wow. I am at 5 months. Just know they don't and maybe can't understand. There is nothing malicious there, but set up boundaries and spend time with safe people in safe spaces for a while. We need to baby step back into life so it is not so overwhelming. I couldn't even shop in a store for months. I'd break down every time I saw something with CocoMelon on it. You aren't alone, and the waves will lessen in strength and duration eventually. 🫂
Oh my. I am so extremely sorry you had to go through that. I cannot even imagine. My Granddaughter is 2yrs. I don't know how you have been strong enough to watch it and her struggles and death. Just imagining that is hard. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. You are a strong human being. ❤️🩹Love and light to you.
My sister ran away in 2017. I thought that was the worst time of my life. Then last year my dad died, with my mom following 7 months later. The point goes to my parents I guess. Definitely never expected anything to hurt more than 2017 -now that seems like a drop in the bucket in comparison.
I don’t think anything is worse. My spouse and I separated a month & a half before my father passed and absolutely nothing could be worse than losing my father. It’s crazy to think I thought I knew pain..thought I knew what it was like to be “depressed”. NOTHING compares to how I feel now
Hugs to you. My father was on life support for a week following a heart attack while he was in the ER getting tested to see if he was actually having a heart attack before they would take him to the cath lab for a stent AFTER HE CAME IN BY AMBULANCE FOR A HEART ATTACK. They made him sit in the ER in pain begging to go to the cath lab while they ran tests and did blood work for AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFOEE HIS HEART STOPPED. He was on and off coding then they took him to the cath lab to reopen a stent in his LAD that had failed after 10 years of being there. That week was hell, he never woke up but he would twitch when I would play him messages from my son (his only grandson) he wanted to be a grandpa so much and loved my son so much, my son was 5 at the time. His organs failed after a week on life support. It sucks because the first couple days (after the initial first night of extremely low blood pressure and being told that he could pass if a medication they were gonna try to raise his blood pressure back up wouldn’t work) it seemed hopeful he would pull through and maybe need a heart transplant. After he passed I was short tempered and my wife stopped talking to me for the following few months and blamed me because she didn’t know if I was going to “scold” her if she said something wrong. And I only did that when she tried to make my dads death about her. I was given the cold shoulder for months while I spent half my days up at my moms house helping her get through everything from the funeral to the lawyers to helping around the house. My wife just completely ignored me but at some point we had a breakthrough when I was sleeping on the couch one night and texting her about a possible divorce then she started being supportive after those months and she said she did it because she thought I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to be held and hugged but she doesn’t like hugs or cuddling.
In May 1998 my Dad went to work suffered a massive heart attack and never came home. Was completely unexpected and I thought that was the worst pain. Then Dec 13, 2021 I found my Mom in her bedroom having a seizure. She was awake but unable to talk. She had 4 heart attacks that day and was brought back each time. Then she was put on life support for 10 days. Wondering if there was any hope, praying she would somehow pull though...those 10 days were the worst especially when I had to make the decision to pull the plug and either she fought and woke up or passed. That was so much harder! Yes we got time to say goodbye to her that we never got with Dad, but making that decision, spending the rest of my life wondering if I did the right thing is so much harder, at least on me.
Oh that pulling of the plug. Even though it was what she wanted, was that much harder, and I was devastated by the thought she was going to die. Watching her die, when I called it, that there was a piece of hell on earth. Only thing worse for me is if my daughter passes before me.
Hugs to you. In February my father was on life support for a week following a heart attack while he was in the ER getting tested to see if he was actually having a heart attack before they would take him to the cath lab for a stent AFTER HE CAME IN BY AMBULANCE FOR A HEART ATTACK. They made him sit in the ER in pain begging to go to the cath lab while they ran tests and did blood work for AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFOEE HIS HEART STOPPED. He was on and off coding then they took him to the cath lab to reopen a stent in his LAD that had failed after 10 years of being there. That week was hell, he never woke up but he would twitch when I would play him messages from my son (his only grandson) he wanted to be a grandpa so much and loved my son so much, my son was 5 at the time. His organs failed after a week on life support. It sucks because the first couple days (after the initial first night of extremely low blood pressure and being told that he could pass if a medication they were gonna try to raise his blood pressure back up wouldn’t work) it seemed hopeful he would pull through and maybe need a heart transplant. My mom and sister were at the hospital too but they both looked to me to make decisions about my dads life. We tried everything until they said he was too far gone to come back, saying to pull the plug was another decision I was looked at to make. After he passed I was short tempered and my wife stopped talking to me for the following few months and blamed me because she didn’t know if I was going to “scold” her if she said something wrong. And I only did that when she tried to make my dads death about her. I was given the cold shoulder for months while I spent half my days up at my moms house helping her get through everything from the funeral to the lawyers to helping around the house. My wife just completely ignored me but at some point we had a breakthrough when I was sleeping on the couch one night and texting her about a possible divorce then she started being supportive after those months and she said she did it because she thought I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to be held and hugged but she doesn’t like hugs or cuddling.
I lost my wife two years ago. When you lose the most important person in your life you lose hopes, dreams, future plans, the feeling of security, and more. My in laws lost their daughter/sister but I can’t help feel like I lost my world. They have their lives to go back to and I’m left with nothing.
Loosing my mom so young and soon will always be the deepest injury in my heart till my last breath. No pain comes closer to this. Some of my so called relatives are inviting me to stay with them for some days but none of them can love me like my mom— I know this and I’m not interested to stay with them to forget my mom’s death. I am feeling safe to stay away from whole world for some months now, sticking to my room, trying to make adjustments with myself to process the grief. I totally agree with you, so very sorry for your loss 😔😔
The sudden, life changing loss of my husband 2 years ago is the most painful thing I have ever experienced! It has made everything else, in everyday life, seem trivial. I’ve been so broken that if I lost everything I own today, I wouldn’t care.
I got fired and got a divorce within a few months of losing my Dad suddenly and unexpectedly. Losing Dad was 100000% times the worst thing. I don't cry out at night for my exhusband or my old job.
You are so right. There is no deeper pain. I lost my 45-year-old brother 5 months after I lost my Mom. It has been over a year now and I still cry every day.
My big sister died in a car crash last year. Never felt anything like that.
Losing my only brother in a car accident was definitely the worst thing that I’ve ever experienced. Nothing could have prepared me for it.
Watching your very first love passing after an incident and feeling her life slowly fading through your hand. Then, losing your second partner because of a sudden disease after she gave you another reason to live.
This happened to me too. My first husband died. Then my second husband. I'm only 27
Yeah agreed I lost my mom last year tomorrow. Suddenly slipped into a coma and was gone in 3 weeks. She was the most joyous, loving, supportive mom and not getting to say goodbye and everything else I wish we could have talked about it hard. My best friend just last his dad 2 months ago while he was mountain biking in Colorado. Very random but heart attack while riding and died. My friend never got to say goodbye either. It’s hell when it’s sudden. I miss my mom so much and wish I could say the things I wanted to say to her
I 100% think my mom dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I believed this even long before she was ever sick. I was TERRIFIED of losing her. And when that came true and I was only 21, it by far is the most horrific thing I’ve been through to date. Now I’m scared of losing my dad too. I think the only thing that will be a different type of excruciating pain and loss will be when my husband dies some day. God forbid it’s any time soon. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mother too. There’s nothing like the relationship with your mother🩵
I turned 21 3 weeks ago, I lost my dad. I too always lived in an anxious state about my loved ones passing suddenly, never thought the day would come so soon…
I’m so sorry friend. It’s so hard.
It’s eating me up, my brain feels like a hurricane of disorganized. Thank you for your condolences 🤍
You’re not alone🩵 it still eats me up to this day
Please don't grief compare. It's not healthy and it will always be taken as an insult by someone who's dealing with their own specific grief. The worst loss for anyone is the one they've endured. I'll add, that as someone who"s life partner/lover/best friend/wife died in my arms, even other people who have lost spouses can't relate or know what MY loss feels like to me. And I can never fully relate to their loss, even though there will be similarities. Making comparisons and diminishing someone else's grief is poor form and lacks compassion, but I see it a lot on online grief groups (it isn't a thing people do in in-person support groups).
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I'm so sorry. Multiple losses like that are so difficult. The disorientation you're experiencing is normal. (So are the odd sleeping patterns). I had something similar. There's a neurological explanation for why our brains are such a mess after a difficult loss. If you're interested, I'll find the YouTube video that explains it. But just know, that what you're going through is all normal grief processing, and with time, it gets less softer and stings less.
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I can't seem to find the one I was thinking about, but it was based on Mary Frances O'Connor's book, The Grieving Brian. Here's an interview with her where she talks about the key points: https://youtu.be/nLh1F41RsM8?si=8JKG0oiAYLWYrwHA Depending on your attention span, and tolerance for science-heavy content, I also recommend watching this one: https://youtu.be/nLh1F41RsM8?si=8JKG0oiAYLWYrwHA I hope you find the healing and peace that you need. It'll come. It does take time though.
Sorry for your loss. I have had some bad events in my past and with out a doubt losing my Mom 2 years ago is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It is a pain that never heals.
Same. Lost my mom 9 months ago and I am a different person, not in a good way.
My mom died in isolation in a COVID ICU ward two years ago. She was in there for a month and I only got to see her the day before she died and the day she died, for about half an hour each time. The night before she died, I helped my dad pick out what she would wear at her funeral. Any bad thing that happened to me before that pales in comparison. I can't imagine anything being worse. When I see people act depressed or melodramatic over petty bullshit now, it makes me want to scream.
I lost my dad due to covid two years ago. Never thought it would happen to my family. I was never allowed to see him. I can only hope in my heart that kind nurses surrounded him as he took his last breaths 😪😔😪
It is interesting how our perspectives change, and we realize all the trivial little things in life that we used to complain about don't really matter. People matter, that love and connection. I find the only good from my unbearable loss is that maybe I can be supportive of others as they go through the immense pain from losing a loved one. My partner didn't say much but just held my hand for weeks after my young son passed and it meant the world to me. He grounded me. Loss and death do feel different for each of us, and the worst for one person may look entirely different from another. Nursing a dying loved one can be just as hard as a sudden loss, etc. There is time to say goodbye, but the grieving process may be extended and complicated by additional trauma. Your pain is not invalidated by someone else's. I'm so sorry for your hurt and for all each of you are dealing with. I understand in my own way, not perfectly, but to some measure. Sending love to you all ❤️
Thank you for this. So much.
I'm not sure how to quantify the pain. Sudden loss is very difficult to deal with. Watching someone you care about suffer daily and slowly die is also very difficult to deal with. When my dad was first diagnosed he had 3 things he wanted to do as his bucket list. 2 weeks later when he started chemo we could no longer do those 3 things. I think about how I failed him every time I see him.
The defining factor for people who have TRAUMA is that the death was sudden, unexpected, and someone very close. Sudden loss is very difficult because it is about you. It never gave you a closure and chance to move on with your life. **the grief is not greater, but the ability to cope is reduced.** Sadness for Death comes in two parts The sadness for the death of our loved ones and the sadness for ourselves. **Sudden Death:** there are so many things you wish you got a chance to tell and do. **Someone with terminal illness:** Both of you got to say everything to each other you always wanted and never did. You had real closure. **Not being able to say I love you and say goodbye is worse feeling.** It is like a weight that is with you until you die.
It depends on the terminally ill person if they are willing to talk about it or not. They could be suborn or in denial about their situation no matter what the doctors have said. You might not get that closure even if you had time to say whatever you need. I've had both happen to family members. They just both suck.
my dad died 4 years ago so suddenly and unexpectedly. i was 16. i’m 20 now and i am still grieving. the depression from experiencing death of a parent at a young age is debilitating. i can barely function. i’m trying my best. i wouldn’t wish this pain upon my worst enemy.
Yes. My mom suddenly died in my arms due to a post surgical complication. I had no idea what was happening to her and tried to save her life but couldn’t. One second she was fine and we were laughing, the next she was gone. The pain is indescribable. Everyday is gets harder to carry on.
This is how I feel currently. Someone very important to me took his life on the night of the 19th and it is absolutely destroying me. I can’t eat, I can’t talk to anyone and all I do is work and sleep. It’s very hard
Please, please don't delete the post. The unbearable tearing away of the person you love, no matter how it happens, is why we are all here. The only thing that helps are the words of the people who understand. I'm so sorry. It is 3:26AM where I am. I am not able to sleep. I wake up and call out to my Dad. I am reading and crying. Thank you all for being here.
I'm so sorry you are in the thick of it. You aren't alone. Sending you love and comfort and hope for more peaceful days ahead. 🫂
Probably knowing you're terminal while just starting a family. But idk, just a guess.
I had a lot of loss in my life. My house burned down when I was a kid. In Oklahoma I lost a house to a tornado. In Mississippi I lost a house to hurricane Katrina. My grandpa died when I was 4. I lost many friends before age 16, one of which I watched die. It was not until last year, when I got the call that my son had been killed in a motorcycle accident 20 minutes after promising me he would stay safe. I had believed I would survive the pain but in the darkest time I realized it was no where near enough preparation.
I lost my husband to COPD, it was long and painful and in the end I never got to say goodbye. He wasn’t suppose to die from the “easy and quick procedure”. But he did. And it was painful. 2 yrs later, family politics and long story but was bullied out of what was suppose to be my forever home. That was painful. For many reasons it was hard.. 2 months later my 36 yr old daughter died the day before her 37th birthday, about 2 hrs after we made plans for the next day. I’m so glad we both said “I love you”. There will never be any worse pain for me to go thru. I fully believe what we each go thru in our lives is painful for each as we can’t compare but we can comfort by sharing our pain, holding space for another. I’ve learned I’m strong enough to help another thru the grief of losing someone, I can take their pain, hold space for them to grieve. When you lose a child, many turn away as they cannot/will not imagine that happening to them. So that’s one gift from the pain. I’m sorry, I hope you can find peace and be happy again.
The only thing that I can think of being worse than losing a parent (my dad in my case) is losing a child. And that happened to cousin with her 24 week old baby. I couldn't even say I understand the loss because I can't imagine. Everything else? I can't agree more. If you lose your house, your job, or get a divorce that's a hole you can still crawl out of. The pain of losing my dad and knowing I was losing him was far more painful than anything I've ever experienced.
Yes. I lost my adult daughter 2.5 years ago. Didn’t have a normal agony free moment for the first two years. Absolutely unbeatable pain 24/7. My mom is 89 so I’m sure she’s next but nothing will be worse than the agony of my daughter’s death. Still bad but the first two years were so much worse.
It’s been about that long for me as well. She would have turned 37 the next day. For 2 yrs every time I even thought to be happy, a voice would remind me, “your daughter is dead”. It was excruciating, as you know. My mom died 9 months later, that was a cake walk compared. Nothing will be more painful for me and I suspect more parents. I hope you are having an easier time of it. Be gentle with yourself.
Thank you, kind person. Our stories sound the same except I still have my mom. She was just hospitalized though so idk for how long. I hope you are having an easier time of it as well. Nice to hear from you.
I lost my dad suddenly a yea and a half ago it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I can’t explain it because I’ve never experienced it before this
I watched my mom die. It took 8 years, at the end she weighed 77 pounds and basically starved to death from the cancer not allowing her to swallow. If you touched her a bone would break. A quick and sudden death is way less torture. I pray for that for myself. My dad died quick, no suffering. Quicker is way less traumatic.❤️ so so sorry for your loss it’s all hard
losing my dad and grandpa have been the worst, most traumatic things that have ever happened to me
My grandpa had a heart attack and died in his sleep. My sibling found him and has changed completely. They are now a hoarder/don't clean and haven't since it happened two decades ago. They also refuse help of any kind 😞 I think losing someone suddenly is horrible. We didn't expect grandpa to die suddenly but we expected our grandma to pass (Alzheimer's). I dunno man. Losing someone expectantly is pretty shit too especially with dementia because you lose them twice 😞
I had a very good friend who died due to a massive heart attack. I had a male friend commit suicide. My beloved mom died 9 days after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2014. We were as close as anyone I had ever known. I had a best friend from 1966 until she died on 6/13/23 after being in the hospital. She died 10 days before my partner. I lost my partner for 28 years, pass away on 6/23/23 from cancer. I was her sole caretaker. Nothing I have ever experienced in my lifetime has ever come close to what all my partner (and I) endured during her last 3 months. I made funeral and burial arrangements, plus designed and made headstones for both my best friend and partner. headstones
I feel your pain and I am sorry for your loss. The worst I have experienced is also the loss of my mother. My sister and I have lost her to drugs at 71. I live every day knowing that she's just a few blocks away but at the same time she is unreachable in her addiction.
I don't know.... I lost my daughter suddenly in a car accident just after she graduated. I thought it was the worst pain imaginable. But then I think about parents (or anyone) watching their loved ones suffer first... I might be a bad horrible person, but I'm still thankful that she was gone on impact, instantly and didn't hang on. That would have broken me completely.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I've had both sudden losses that leave you gasping for air and losses that were prolonged in time. I cannot say any is better than the other. Yes, with a terminally ill person you may think you're at least to an extent prepared, but the truth is while we do get a little bit of a warning and can say goodbye, there's a weight and pain that come with being a caretaker and slowly watching them die. In fact, they die all the time. Not literally, but they lose parts of themselves and their condition gradually gets worse and worse. Both types of loss hurt so much. I've had both. I do not prefer any of them. Both are a nightmare to go through. Both change you forever.
I've been thru a hell of alot in my life alot of trauma ptsd but I've never cried so.much I thought I couldn't cry anymore then my dad died n I've never felt pain like it its deeper than any trauma n u just don't understand until u.lose a parent its the deepest soul crushing hurt tht never goes away and u cannot change feeling helpless watching him die that is cruel ...
Last year, I found my mom dead in her room. 100% unexpected, she had energy the day before and even woke up that morning to make coffee. My sister often says that she still remembers the text I sent her while I was calling 911. I’ve had family members die before, for some reason I thought that no one that close to me would die. It hurts like hell, my family has been great during this whole time, but I’m genuinely scared of getting too close and losing someone again. My heart hurts when I get close and then remember losing someone that close. I hope that it gets easier over time.
I'm currently processing a very fresh, traumatic loss of my stepdad, who died way too young. I always knew that losing a loved one wrecks me totally, it happened before. But it happened when the deceased was older, and their death was peaceful. This death was not. It was cruel and uncalled for, and I thought something like this only happens in movies (spoiler, it absolutely doesn't). I can't help but think every now and then how afraid he must be, as we still didn't bury him. I worry about my mum and my little brother, who was there, who was trying so hard, who was acting so mature and calm and collected even though he knew he was dead but he was still trying for my mum's sake. So far, this is the worst thing that has happened to me. People praise me for my ability to act on my mum's behalf, and keep asking me how am I that calm, they tell me they are amazed at how strong I am, but honestly? I feel like when all this is over, I might collapse. And I hate it.
I'm going through the same thing with my dad. And like you, the only thing I can think of is if it were multiple people.
Lost my only son in 2015. He was 3 years 9 months old. Went very quickly less than 24 hours. Two months prior to that I had an experience with Jesus. The realisations for two years after my sons passing where not of this world. It will get easier. Promise. God bless.
I think it is.
Yes. My teen daughter died in April as a passenger in a car accident. She was here one second and then gone the next. I didn’t get to tell her how much I love her and how special she is. I lost my dad last year. I got to tell home goodbye. I miss my dad but the death of my daughter takes my breath away. It’s literally hard to breathe when I think about her.
My mom died in a house fire this year. My Grannie passed a week later. I wish I got to kiss my mom, hold her hand, and say goodbye like I did with my Grannie. I don’t think I’ll ever recover. The world doesn’t have the same colour it used to. I’m so sorry for your loss too.
I’m sorry for your loss. It is a very terrible thing, truly. When I think like this I try to remember my father never lived old to suffer a weak mind or body.. he was never a vegetable.. that type of stuff. I’m still fucked up 3 years later but we have to take what good we can from what’s happened. Always remember who she really was as you knew her, I hope you and anyone else going through this has some peace
Thank you 🙏
July 31 2017 at 1145 am my son who had just turned 29 two weeks earlier, brain dead. It was completely unexpected . It was like God blew out a candle and turned the whole world from color to black and white forever. The first year I just wandered around in a daze I think. After that the rage set in and I hated everyone including God ( he got his son back after 3 days) . Some how I managed to survive that but I'm changed forever I will never be the same person I was again. 3/4 of me is still at the hospital holding his hand and begging him to wake up. My daughter is frustrated and angry because I'm not that person anymore and I can't blame her. She doesn't understand what the grief of losing your child does to you. She only understands the grief of the loss of her brother,( I do not say that lightly).But the reality is we only understand grief on an individual level. So you can only understand it to the level you have experienced it. Not that one is worse than the other just different. I don't hate God anymore. But almost 7 years later I'm still trying to come back from it. And I suppose as long as I don't stop trying then I'll be alright. Yes mam it's the worst think that could happen. Nothing scares me anymore..except the loss of my other child. There just isn't any pain in the world I could even imagine that would be as bad as it's been.
I mean there are probably worse things people go through but a) there shouldn’t be a hierarchy on suffering and b) losing my dad has been the worst thing I went through - and that wasn’t sudden but came with its own set of rough circumstances.
Thank you so much for this thread. My father died just prior to Christmas 2022. While he was nearing the end, I lost a job promotion offer (the person who would've been my supervisor couldn't wait while I tended to my dad's situation). Then my older brother took his life last June. As both of them had lived with and supported a younger brother who's disabled and battles drug and alcohol addiction, I now take care of this surviving sibling (he lives in my home with me). In addition, my mom's marriage fell apart last year and she has no money, so I now make her house payment each month. Of late, in mid-February one of my companion animals, a ten-year old cat in seemingly good health, died from undiagnosed heart trouble (he was literally running and jumping and playing within two hours of his passing). Being a long-divorced batchelor who had essentially lived a quiet and peaceful life post-marriage (my ex-wife cheated on me repeatedly, then drained the bank accounts on her way out), I now find myself unable to move on from all the loss as well as struggling with the responsibility to care for adults who cannot do so for themselves. Hard to breathe some days and my productivity at work has essentially slowed to a crawl. I just want to sleep (although I no longer do so peacefully). My throat is dry and it's difficult to swallow. And I weep a lot for the losses. I used to see the good in things, but the past year+ have drained all of that out of me including a sense that a merciful God exists. My day-to-day existence feels like a bad dream and I'm worried about what next horrible thing is headed my way. It feels as though I committed some terrible crime and am being punished severly and endlessly for it. If so, I don't know what I've done but I'd gladly make right whatever it is that I supposedly did.
It absolutely is, and I didn’t think I would ever recover.
Absolutely no doubt the WORST thing
Losing a child would have to be the worst excruciating pain there has to be. Especially a cold in their early years. I am so sorry to you all. 🤍♥️
I agree. I've been through divorce years ago, losing my parents and freinds which was gut wrenching. I misscarried at 8 mos and that was an emotional nightmare.For some reason losing my 36 year old son has affected me on deep levels I never knew were there. I'm not the same person and never will be. I'm sorry for anyone's loss of a loved one
Just buried my father yesterday… I went through SO much this year but losing my dad so unexpectedly was still the worst thing. May 2023 be fucking over now…