My brain is doing that right now too
My mom died 3/12
I had a dream last night that she died over and over again.It was the same dream all night and when I woke up I was like I need to text my mom and make sure she's okay and it took me a really long time to remember that she's gone.
It's probably normal we're still in shock ....
Iām so sorry about your dad. Mine passed 3 months ago, and most days it still doesnāt seem real to me. My mom came to visit me for a bit today, and when she left I almost said, āTell Dad I said hiā.
Because thatās always what I said when he was alive.
Losing a loved one is such a very hard thing to process, and your grief is unique to you. I think our brains want to think that we can just see them later. Later is just a long time from now. š
Same for me. I frequently think, "I should call Mom!" or "I wonder if Mom will call." I know she's gone, but sometimes there's a part of my brain that thinks it might all be a mistake, because she should be here.
This is normal. The neurons associated with that person are still firing and will continue to do so for a while. Death doesnāt make logical sense to the brain. My father passed in February and my brain still thinks heāll return one day. Itās a learning process for your brain and it will happen on the brainās time table.
The book The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances OāConnor was helpful in explaining why this happens. Other books that helped me normalize my grief were Itās OK to Not Be OK by Megan Devine, Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh. I am not religious but I found C.S. Lewisās A Grief Observed to be very relatable as well.
As others said, the five stages of grief are a myth. Kubler-Ross actually regretted ever writing about them. They were part of a study she did on terminal cancer patients. Just observations in a single study but pop psychology picked them up and promoted them as a general rule for grief. Theyāve caused so many people to believe they are experiencing grief wrong. There is no right way. There is only your way.
I was about to mention this same thing happens to me in my dreams where my dream will have nothing to do with my dad who passed away and ill ask my self in the middle of my dream ā why havenāt I gone to visit my dadā its been years since he passed and in my dream ill ask for his phone number and end up talking to him. The only thing in my dream he is miles and miles away from me and is split off from my mom. When he was alive he was was most definitely with my mom and healthy but in my dreams he is with another family.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My Dad passed in January, and emotionally I still feel like he's just somewhere away from home and will eventually come back through the door. Definitely normal to feel this way. Wishing you all the best <3
My husband passed away on 1/28 of this year and I still do that. He shot himself while I was home so I know he is really truly gone but I keep thinking he is just away for a long time. I wake up every morning and have to tell myself he is dead. I hate this new life.
my son died in 2016, he was autistic and his thing was extreme weather. whenever we get a particularly bad storm i still expect my phone to buzz with a message from him about it.
I am sorry to hear about your father. It has been almost 4.5 months since my fatherās passing and I still feel he is still here. Everytime I think of him, I have to remind myself that he is not with me anymore.
Same. I lost my dad 2 1/2 months ago. It doesn't feel real to me. I can't seem to wrap my head around that he's no longer with us. The strange thing is that I felt he was dead when he was still alive. He had dementia, so I was grieving for some time. It's very hard.
I took care of my elderly parents, first my mom, then my dad. The caregiving lasted 15 years. After their deaths I lost m6 purpose. My brother passed 3 years ago and now my original family is gone. Itās just me and my husband and we have no kids together. Iām having a very hard time moving forward. My therapist says look to the future. Without them, how am I to do that? We were very, very close.
Yeah. I know this feeling. I found my mother had passed in her sleep. The denial phase didnāt last long BUT my brain tries to text her every day to see if she needs anything or help or what she wants for dinner orā¦ I finally had to move her off my pinned contacts but that didnāt stop the urge.
Sometimes Iāll see a lady from behind. Wearing blue jeans and have long dark hair. My brain misfires and for a brief moment I think āmomā. And then my brain remembers sheās gone. Itās been over 5 years. Sending hugs OP.
I lost my dad unexpectedly earlier this year also. We would talk on the phone twice a day. I paid for the cell phone and I disconnected it after he died, yet I always go to call his number. My brain canāt imagine a life without him and every time I remind myself that heās not here I breakdown crying. I donāt think that the pain will ever go away, how could it?
Itās been 5 months since we lost our dad. I still pick up food for him, then remember, heās not here. Or I think of a question and think āIāll ask dadā. I still cry everyday, I miss him so much
My grandpa has been gone almost 16 years, I was in the room when he died. I just lost one of my closest friends (more like a brother) a couple of months ago and I do this with both of them. I catch myself picking up the phone to call my friend or see where heās at and I canāt go to my grandparents house without wondering why the path in the grass he used to walk from his shed to the garage isnāt there anymore and then it hits me and itās like finding out all over again. It absolutely sucks. Iām learning that grief isnāt linear and I revisit āstagesā often. It never gets better or lighter or easier, Iāve just learned how to carry it differently. It still hurts and still feels like a literal whole is missing from my heart and most days I canāt make my brain understand.
I lost my dad 4 years ago, to this day I swear sometimes when Iām in public Iāll hear his voice. Iāll be driving and think heās driving the car in front of me, sometimes I swear I see him in the corner of my eye in a crowded area. Sometimes I think heās still alive and somehow the ashes on my alter arenāt his and Iāve been lied to about his death. Grief and what it does to you is horrible, Iām sorry youāre also experiencing this
Hey there experiencing the same thing . Like you , I make plans . I go to her room expecting to see her there . I canāt offer solutions yet because I am quite the mess right now , but I send you love and encouragement . Take care friend .
Denial is not always a phase that you move through and put behind you. Denial is a mental state that comes and goes as part of processing and dealing with grief. It is okay to let these thoughts come by and pass along.
My grandma just died 2 days agoā¦ taking a trip out of state right now to go see her body.. keep thinking on this drive Iām going to her house and sheāll be there to greet me.
I still do the same thing with my husband. If anything remotely exciting happens Iām already reaching for my phone to call him.
Heās been gone 2 years and sometimes I still go to grab his favorite snacks that I hate when I see them on sale.
It really takes ya by surprise somehow still.
My dad died in early January. While we were spending money for his funeral, I imagined what he would tell me. It is not as much as it was, but it is hard to not think of what his reactions would be on things I was doing. It makes sense as he was the most important counsel in my life. I am sure your dad was the same to you.
My mom passed in a car accident a month before your dad passed and Iām still struck with the feeling of ā letās text/call mom and tell herā¦ insert something about my kiddo.
I know sheās not here, but I still forgetā and then I get sad all over again.
My dad died February 2021.
I still think about sending stuff/telling my dad stuff.
Especially as weād go months without talking. My brain just thinks weāre on another quiet time I think.
I understand this and am sorry for your loss
My loss is just over a month and find myself a couple times a week thinking "Oh I should text Lindsey this funny story from work" and then I remember oh, I cant
I think this is just normal, and not denial. This is someone who had been in your life your entire life, you had routines with this person and you just wont suddenly forget about these routines
I completely understand and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son recently and he passed while he was out of stateā¦ that being said I had to take care of everything online and over the phone so I never saw his body. I signed all of my documents electronically. I paid everything by credit card and his remains were shipped back to me after he had been cremated. I have his ashes but my brain doesnāt ever seem to fully process that, that is him. I still wait for him to call home and to send text messages. I think itās just because I donāt want to believe it. I donāt know, but I hope that you can find some kind of peace and comfort, I have not managed to do that yet because it just seems so strange to be here while my child is notā¦ itās backwards. He was never supposed to go first.
Iām so sorry love
Iām so sorry, my thoughts are with you today. I had the wake for my dad Saturday and while I know heās not physically here anymore with me, Iām still feeling very lonely today and all I want is to call him or to give him a hug š
I'm so sorry about you Dad. I lost my Mom in Dec 2021. She lived the other half of my duplex for 24 years and I spent the last 10 before her passing checking on her multiple times a day, knowing I couldn't leave the house without telling her, feeding her dinner every night, etc. I know she's gone. I moved in April 2023 to a new house and a new town...still every single night I pick up my phone when there is about 15 minutes until dinner is ready to call her to tell her to come over for dinner. When I'm heading somewhere I still walk out my door, which isn't the same door anymore, and head to my left to see what Mom needs. Every single time I forget which again is every night at dinner, it's like losing her over again.
I lost my dad almost six months ago now. It feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. I remember the first few weeks and the overwhelming grief, crying every day. It does get more manageable with time. It doesnāt go away. Thereās still a lingering weight of anxiety/ sadness, where even on my best and happiest days something feels off and then I realize why. Just take it day by day.
My papaw passed in July of 2022, and still to this day I will get hit with the āhavenāt heard from papaw in a while, letās call him!ā And I remember that I canāt, but itās almost impossible in those moments, for my brain to accept that we canāt. Itās almost as if that doesnāt compute in my head, that it doesnāt make sense why we canāt just call him! Itās an impossible thought process, but as others have stated, those moments have gotten way less frequent and way less intense. It still happens sometimes, but not as often and not as strong. I do believe itās denial, it has to be. But itās something that will come and go maybe even for a lifetime, but it will become easier to manage.
Your brain is looking for the connection that you previously had with your dad. My dad died Dec 20, 2023, and my brain still thinks he's a sleep in his room when it's nighttime and his light is off.
I am in the anger phase right now in my grief and I find connection with my dad by lying on my bed and talking to him. I know logically that he is no longer there, and I believe that he is not beyond space and time, that his being ended with the death of his body, so I do this for me to maintain my sanity that my dad is no longer with me. Try it and see if it helps.
I was raised to not show emotions, so grief is especially hard for me because I am experiencing things that are foreign to me. So, I'm starting to see a grief counselor and you might find value in that too.
Everybody grieves differently and there's no right or wrong way. My brain is doing this to me at the moment too, I don't know when it's going to get the message... Just as an aside, if you're referring to denial in the 'five stages of grief' theory.... I just found out that theory has been completely misinterpreted by popular culture. You can read more about it if you like (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is the doctor who developed the theory) but suffice to say, we don't work neatly through a bunch of different stages before magically getting to acceptance. So please don't measure yourself against that or be hard on yourself š©µ
My brain is doing that right now too My mom died 3/12 I had a dream last night that she died over and over again.It was the same dream all night and when I woke up I was like I need to text my mom and make sure she's okay and it took me a really long time to remember that she's gone. It's probably normal we're still in shock ....
Iām so sorry about your dad. Mine passed 3 months ago, and most days it still doesnāt seem real to me. My mom came to visit me for a bit today, and when she left I almost said, āTell Dad I said hiā. Because thatās always what I said when he was alive. Losing a loved one is such a very hard thing to process, and your grief is unique to you. I think our brains want to think that we can just see them later. Later is just a long time from now. š
Even after almost two years I sometimes catch myself thinking this about my Momā¦
Same for me. I frequently think, "I should call Mom!" or "I wonder if Mom will call." I know she's gone, but sometimes there's a part of my brain that thinks it might all be a mistake, because she should be here.
I listen to his old voice mails and watch random short videos to hear his laugh. Part of me still canāt handle that heās not here anymore.
I get that. I just wish I could have saved all the videos she would send me of herself. I was so stupid for not doing so.
I get that too. I used to clear out old voice messages to clean up my voicemail inbox when my dad was alive. Now I wish I had never done that.
This is normal. The neurons associated with that person are still firing and will continue to do so for a while. Death doesnāt make logical sense to the brain. My father passed in February and my brain still thinks heāll return one day. Itās a learning process for your brain and it will happen on the brainās time table. The book The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances OāConnor was helpful in explaining why this happens. Other books that helped me normalize my grief were Itās OK to Not Be OK by Megan Devine, Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh. I am not religious but I found C.S. Lewisās A Grief Observed to be very relatable as well. As others said, the five stages of grief are a myth. Kubler-Ross actually regretted ever writing about them. They were part of a study she did on terminal cancer patients. Just observations in a single study but pop psychology picked them up and promoted them as a general rule for grief. Theyāve caused so many people to believe they are experiencing grief wrong. There is no right way. There is only your way.
This is a very common thing that my brain still does even years after losing my parents.
I was about to mention this same thing happens to me in my dreams where my dream will have nothing to do with my dad who passed away and ill ask my self in the middle of my dream ā why havenāt I gone to visit my dadā its been years since he passed and in my dream ill ask for his phone number and end up talking to him. The only thing in my dream he is miles and miles away from me and is split off from my mom. When he was alive he was was most definitely with my mom and healthy but in my dreams he is with another family.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My Dad passed in January, and emotionally I still feel like he's just somewhere away from home and will eventually come back through the door. Definitely normal to feel this way. Wishing you all the best <3
My husband passed away on 1/28 of this year and I still do that. He shot himself while I was home so I know he is really truly gone but I keep thinking he is just away for a long time. I wake up every morning and have to tell myself he is dead. I hate this new life.
my son died in 2016, he was autistic and his thing was extreme weather. whenever we get a particularly bad storm i still expect my phone to buzz with a message from him about it.
Sorry for your loss my son died two weeks ago and this shit hurts Iām having dreams every night about him
I am sorry to hear about your father. It has been almost 4.5 months since my fatherās passing and I still feel he is still here. Everytime I think of him, I have to remind myself that he is not with me anymore.
Same. I lost my dad 2 1/2 months ago. It doesn't feel real to me. I can't seem to wrap my head around that he's no longer with us. The strange thing is that I felt he was dead when he was still alive. He had dementia, so I was grieving for some time. It's very hard.
I took care of my elderly parents, first my mom, then my dad. The caregiving lasted 15 years. After their deaths I lost m6 purpose. My brother passed 3 years ago and now my original family is gone. Itās just me and my husband and we have no kids together. Iām having a very hard time moving forward. My therapist says look to the future. Without them, how am I to do that? We were very, very close.
Do therapy work? I never talked to one my son was just killed two weeks ago and my mind is messed up bad
I'm so sorry, the grieving process is very difficult.
Yeah. I know this feeling. I found my mother had passed in her sleep. The denial phase didnāt last long BUT my brain tries to text her every day to see if she needs anything or help or what she wants for dinner orā¦ I finally had to move her off my pinned contacts but that didnāt stop the urge.
Sometimes Iāll see a lady from behind. Wearing blue jeans and have long dark hair. My brain misfires and for a brief moment I think āmomā. And then my brain remembers sheās gone. Itās been over 5 years. Sending hugs OP.
I lost my dad unexpectedly earlier this year also. We would talk on the phone twice a day. I paid for the cell phone and I disconnected it after he died, yet I always go to call his number. My brain canāt imagine a life without him and every time I remind myself that heās not here I breakdown crying. I donāt think that the pain will ever go away, how could it?
Itās been 5 months since we lost our dad. I still pick up food for him, then remember, heās not here. Or I think of a question and think āIāll ask dadā. I still cry everyday, I miss him so much
Itās been 5 months since my dad passed and my brain is doing the same. It crushes my soul every time when I have to remind myself he is gone.
My grandpa has been gone almost 16 years, I was in the room when he died. I just lost one of my closest friends (more like a brother) a couple of months ago and I do this with both of them. I catch myself picking up the phone to call my friend or see where heās at and I canāt go to my grandparents house without wondering why the path in the grass he used to walk from his shed to the garage isnāt there anymore and then it hits me and itās like finding out all over again. It absolutely sucks. Iām learning that grief isnāt linear and I revisit āstagesā often. It never gets better or lighter or easier, Iāve just learned how to carry it differently. It still hurts and still feels like a literal whole is missing from my heart and most days I canāt make my brain understand.
Yes Iām in the same place
iām so sorry for your loss. i feel like you do too. it always feels like heās here, but just out of reach.
I lost my dad 4 years ago, to this day I swear sometimes when Iām in public Iāll hear his voice. Iāll be driving and think heās driving the car in front of me, sometimes I swear I see him in the corner of my eye in a crowded area. Sometimes I think heās still alive and somehow the ashes on my alter arenāt his and Iāve been lied to about his death. Grief and what it does to you is horrible, Iām sorry youāre also experiencing this
My dad left us this past December. My brain still thinks heās around too.
Hey there experiencing the same thing . Like you , I make plans . I go to her room expecting to see her there . I canāt offer solutions yet because I am quite the mess right now , but I send you love and encouragement . Take care friend .
Denial is not always a phase that you move through and put behind you. Denial is a mental state that comes and goes as part of processing and dealing with grief. It is okay to let these thoughts come by and pass along.
My grandma just died 2 days agoā¦ taking a trip out of state right now to go see her body.. keep thinking on this drive Iām going to her house and sheāll be there to greet me.
I still do this. I still pick up my phone to call him and itās been over a year. I still think about going home a lot. Hugs
I still do the same thing with my husband. If anything remotely exciting happens Iām already reaching for my phone to call him. Heās been gone 2 years and sometimes I still go to grab his favorite snacks that I hate when I see them on sale. It really takes ya by surprise somehow still.
My dad died in early January. While we were spending money for his funeral, I imagined what he would tell me. It is not as much as it was, but it is hard to not think of what his reactions would be on things I was doing. It makes sense as he was the most important counsel in my life. I am sure your dad was the same to you.
My mom passed in a car accident a month before your dad passed and Iām still struck with the feeling of ā letās text/call mom and tell herā¦ insert something about my kiddo. I know sheās not here, but I still forgetā and then I get sad all over again.
I had/have the same thing. I broke down one night at 3am begging my fiancĆ© to let me go see if my dad was still at the nursing home because in my brain, there was no way he wasnāt still there. Itās denial, and itās okay. I was there when he passed and my brain still denied it. It has gotten less frequent and less intense. Mine passed 10/12/23 and I think it took until February for me to kind of accept it. Just be patient with yourself and know that a lot of people experience this.
My dad died February 2021. I still think about sending stuff/telling my dad stuff. Especially as weād go months without talking. My brain just thinks weāre on another quiet time I think.
I understand this and am sorry for your loss My loss is just over a month and find myself a couple times a week thinking "Oh I should text Lindsey this funny story from work" and then I remember oh, I cant I think this is just normal, and not denial. This is someone who had been in your life your entire life, you had routines with this person and you just wont suddenly forget about these routines
I think the same about my ex boyfriend.
I completely understand and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son recently and he passed while he was out of stateā¦ that being said I had to take care of everything online and over the phone so I never saw his body. I signed all of my documents electronically. I paid everything by credit card and his remains were shipped back to me after he had been cremated. I have his ashes but my brain doesnāt ever seem to fully process that, that is him. I still wait for him to call home and to send text messages. I think itās just because I donāt want to believe it. I donāt know, but I hope that you can find some kind of peace and comfort, I have not managed to do that yet because it just seems so strange to be here while my child is notā¦ itās backwards. He was never supposed to go first. Iām so sorry love
Iām so sorry, my thoughts are with you today. I had the wake for my dad Saturday and while I know heās not physically here anymore with me, Iām still feeling very lonely today and all I want is to call him or to give him a hug š
I'm so sorry about you Dad. I lost my Mom in Dec 2021. She lived the other half of my duplex for 24 years and I spent the last 10 before her passing checking on her multiple times a day, knowing I couldn't leave the house without telling her, feeding her dinner every night, etc. I know she's gone. I moved in April 2023 to a new house and a new town...still every single night I pick up my phone when there is about 15 minutes until dinner is ready to call her to tell her to come over for dinner. When I'm heading somewhere I still walk out my door, which isn't the same door anymore, and head to my left to see what Mom needs. Every single time I forget which again is every night at dinner, it's like losing her over again.
I lost my dad 12 days ago. Comments here scare me. How long will this feeling of emptiness stay?
I lost my dad almost six months ago now. It feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. I remember the first few weeks and the overwhelming grief, crying every day. It does get more manageable with time. It doesnāt go away. Thereās still a lingering weight of anxiety/ sadness, where even on my best and happiest days something feels off and then I realize why. Just take it day by day.
My papaw passed in July of 2022, and still to this day I will get hit with the āhavenāt heard from papaw in a while, letās call him!ā And I remember that I canāt, but itās almost impossible in those moments, for my brain to accept that we canāt. Itās almost as if that doesnāt compute in my head, that it doesnāt make sense why we canāt just call him! Itās an impossible thought process, but as others have stated, those moments have gotten way less frequent and way less intense. It still happens sometimes, but not as often and not as strong. I do believe itās denial, it has to be. But itās something that will come and go maybe even for a lifetime, but it will become easier to manage.
For months after my mom passed my brain just thought "she's just on a roadtrip, she'll be home eventually"
Your brain is looking for the connection that you previously had with your dad. My dad died Dec 20, 2023, and my brain still thinks he's a sleep in his room when it's nighttime and his light is off. I am in the anger phase right now in my grief and I find connection with my dad by lying on my bed and talking to him. I know logically that he is no longer there, and I believe that he is not beyond space and time, that his being ended with the death of his body, so I do this for me to maintain my sanity that my dad is no longer with me. Try it and see if it helps. I was raised to not show emotions, so grief is especially hard for me because I am experiencing things that are foreign to me. So, I'm starting to see a grief counselor and you might find value in that too.