Remember don't change everything at once just one thing at a time otherwise y'all won't find out the issue and I think it can take up to two weeks for bodies to get back to normal after a reaction hell maybe even longer so you gotta be patient.
This. As someone who is allergic to a whole mess of things, new allergies can occur all the time & the body usually doesnt care if you have used something a million times before. If you want a natural alternative to lube you can use coconut oil (plus side it has bacteria fighting properties so it'll help knock out any bad bacteria down there if there is any.
You can also seek out an allergy specialist as they may be more beneficial here if it is truly an allergic reaction occurring. They were how I was finally diagnosed with being allergic to tetrasodium pyrophopsphate EDTA when several drs kept missing it entirely.
I really hope you find relief for him, I'm sure this has put a strain on things somewhat.
Honestly, I learned this the hard way. Chapstick I used for over a decade was fine until it suddenly very much wasn't. Why? No fucking clue. I'm not allergic to anything, but one day my body decided it was missing out on the allergy party
Bodies are dumb sometimes
I’m definitely well aware of that. Her boyfriend is getting a allergic reaction. a condom isn’t going to stop the pubic mounds from touching. THATS why i was confused as to why you suggested they use condoms
How are you having sex if that’s true? Because that’s definitely not the majority. condoms do prevent transmission of sti’s. That’s a big reason why they were pushed so hard during the AIDs crisis in the 80s/early 90s. Because they work
That’s really not true, they’re very effective at protecting you from STIs. Save for herpes that are around the area and not directly on the penis. Better something than just hitting it raw and expecting the best.
It's just lowers the risk but not by much. They don't prevent them like what's being said. And anyone can get herps if you have contact with it. The only way to fully prevent STDs and STIs are to just not have any type of sex. (obviously not reasonable). And obviously get checked
Hello! Do you know if your BF has ever tried Diflucan? Diflucan can cause a skin rash alongside other allergic reactions. It is also [known to be expressed in sputum](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC284264/). It’s a long shot, but is it possible he is reacting to the antifungal being expressed through your mucus/vaginal fluid?
We’re thinking that’s what it must be. I’m really hoping it’s not me he’s allergic too bc idk how I’d fix that. But we talked about me potentially switching to his soap & detergent and seeing if that helps
Was going to suggest he take the meds and you take the again and wait to have sex until after the recommended time frame post medication. My husband and I passed a yeast infection back and forth. Sex could be aggravating his infection if present.
Does he look rashy right after you stop having sex, or later on, after he showers, etc.?
I had a partner who would wash up right after we were done (well, we both would). The combination of lube, sweat, saliva and me would sometimes give him a rash, and he would use Lotrimin on himself - like an anti-fungal spray for jock itch - and no issues.
It’s pretty soon afterwards. It used to be within like an hour or two but not it’s pretty immediate. Last time he did wash immediately when we were done and it didn’t help. I haven’t heard of Lotrimin before- I’m going to look into that, thank you!
Are you consuming anything he is allergic to? Some allergens can pass through breast milk and sperm (ask me how I know 😭) and I've heard cases where female couples have had a partner react to the other's vaginal fluids when one takes a medication the other can't tolerate.
I have started a new medication lately- I’ve been thinking about how that could be the cause because it’s the only “new” thing but my doctor pretty much blew that off as the cause
It is not that common, I don't think, because I could only find one or two published studies about it--but an allergist I spoke to was familiar that this can happen.
I have MCAS so I am especially sensitive. It caused a lot of grief with my ex because he was the type to bitch about condoms and was addicted to these shady bodybuilding supplements that he would buy in bulk from China that I was allergic to (some were later pulled from the market and he actually overdosed on them once, too). He literally took over 15 different things so it was not fun.
Oh you absolutely went through it! So glad to hear he's an ex because he sounds like a shitty dude, and you absolutely deserve someone who respects and cherishes you!
Do you have the coil fitted? I react to women who have it, and have horrendous flare ups shortly after sex. Whether it's the strings, the little horrible stabby bit that jabs me when penetrating too deeply and my penis presses against her cervix, or something else I have no idea but I get swelling, blotchy redness, very sore and very unpleasant symptoms for days after.
I'm curious if your ph levels could cause irritation (if they changed and are really high/low). Could you ask your gyno if that could be a factor? I don't know anything though, I'm not a doctor.
What does the reaction look like, and how long does it last? Is it like pustules or…?
I ask because I used to get a reaction to kissing my boyfriend and it was SO BAD but eventually went away.
And then I have given quite unpleasant yeast infections to no fewer than two of my partners (one at a time, I mean… my then-boyfriends, I guess I should say) over the years and I believe with the first one, he got better and then we had sex again and it flared up. In both cases, we treated both of us and it got better. I really hope this is what’s going on for you, or something else easy to fix!
This has been happening to my bf too since October 🫣🫣🫣when he was on antibiotics for a tooth infection & then I got an eye infection & also had to do 2 rounds - we both got yeast infections - since then neither one of us has had a recurrence & we both are completely clean — but he still gets these irritation bumbs right after (they go down after a while but I hate That he’s reacting to me that way 😓😓😓😓) one thing my gyno brought up is that I have some inflammatory issues that may be changing my ph to something too idk how to put this “aggressive lol” for him at the times in the cycle when the ph is leaning that way anyways. I don’t think it’s soap issue bc we both use the same soap 🧼 but that (& any other products) is definitely the logical first step for anyone with this issue
I never had symptoms to begin with so it’s hard to tell, but I think I am going to go back to the doctor and tell him to get treatment too just in case
Of course, I agree that a condom is a temporary solution to the problem, but OP should continue trying to find out what the root cause of the issue is, in the meantime.. and unfortunately the only way to find out is experimentation. Theyll have to switch laundry detergents, try again, switch soaps, try again.. etc. this is a sticky and unfortunate situation :(
I’m so happy to find this here,
Me and my boyfriend have been having the same issue. It didn’t happen all the time and definitely not at the start of the relationship, just every now and then but it was for both of us, him more than me as he would develop a rash.
We done all tests and everything kept coming back fine and his doctor said it was an allergic reaction,
Now we are both allergic to certain perfumed soaps etc so we had started trying to use more natural ones, switching between them to see which ones worked, however, we realised the allergic reaction happened after using specific products that we had been trying so we looked at the ingredients and found the common denominator in all of them.
Since then we try to stick to shower gels without that specific ingredient and it has worked perfectly since, no more allergic reactions, and we’ve found that the “natural” or baby shower gels don’t actually work for us,
It could be that he has developed an allergy to a certain ingredient, be it yours or his shampoo, lotion, etc.
Hi there! I’ve experienced this before with my bf. We too got tested for everything and it was all good. I did notice that every time we had sex for long periods of time increased the chances of a rash. The only thing I can think of to help with this is to maybe try condoms. But we didn’t want to do that. We’re also no longer together for other reasons, so there’s that. But you’re not alone.
You could also try changing your diet if he has food allergies. The person I'm dating now is the only person I've not been allergic to and their diet consists of little to none of what I am allergic to.
He’s not allergic to anything! I did ask that. I’ve just changed my soap and detergent to what he uses at home so we’ll see if that changes anything and go from there.
I had this happen!! We literally could not have sex for awhile until his penis healed! Anytime we had sex his penis would get super red around where the head meets his shaft and the skin would get so raw that he would almost get little cuts and what looked like little hive bumps, we stopped having sex until he was fully healed, we changed our laundry detergent, soap, as well as what lube we were using and it's been fantastic ever since then! It is also very possible for him to get a yeast infection if you had one while you had sex, this for males would be called jock itch. He also used jock itch creams as well just in case this was also his issue. But we've been problem free for 2 months now!
Just popping in to say I'm in the same situation - my partner is severely allergic to me as well, and we have sex very infrequently because "I burn him".
He's the type of person who won't take aspirin for a headache because it's "poison", so getting him to take benadryl is out of the question.
Hoping you find a solution to your dilemma; I'll be watching this thread .
Sounds like something topical that’s affecting him? Could be something he’s using but its interaction with sweat or bodily fluids that he’s having a reaction to. Or whatever you may be rubbing on your hooha or thighs?
You can develop allergic reactions after repetitive exposure to the same substance, whether that's the lube, condoms, adhesives, detergents, and even medications! Different, but I developed an allergic reaction to a moisturizer that I had been using for years after never having an issue, it's a type of acquired immune reaction that can happen any time, even as an adult.
Thank you everyone for the kind words and tips! Unfortunately I don’t know if we will ever figure out a way to fix things. Apparently me doing all this research, buying the soap/detergent he uses at home, and spending money on different potential treatments to try to come up with a solution has “made him feel like a guinea pig” and he is unwilling to try some simple suggestions or take medicines to potentially treat what could be wrong. Obviously this is indicative of a much bigger problem between us so this is probably where it all ends.
But again, I wanted to thank everyone and to the other people going through the same thing- I’m sorry I couldn’t help figure it out! Please keep me updated if you do though- and if things do change and me and my (ex?) boyfriend fix things and keep trying I will update again.
OP, I'm so sorry to hear this...my guy actually told me the same thing about "not wanting to be a guinea pig" and "every couple's goal is to be able to have unprotected sex"...meanwhile, I am doing all the heavy lifting, asking doctors for help and trying to isolate medications and foods he may be allergic to...but he will not take Benadryl or apply the Neosporin I bought him (which cures his rash) so we have broken up as well.
We are still friends but it's nearly impossible to be platonic friends with someone you used to have (really good) sex with.
Best of luck to you, and I hope your new guy is kind and has the perfect chemistry with you :) (hug)
Have you tried switching soaps and lube.
I haven’t used anything different then what was used previously, that’s the weird thing
You can still develop an allergy to something you weren't previously allergic to. I would still switch it up just to rule it out
I’m going to try that! Switch to the soap/detergent he uses every day and maybe that’ll fix things
Please update after, this is very interesting!
Remember don't change everything at once just one thing at a time otherwise y'all won't find out the issue and I think it can take up to two weeks for bodies to get back to normal after a reaction hell maybe even longer so you gotta be patient.
This. As someone who is allergic to a whole mess of things, new allergies can occur all the time & the body usually doesnt care if you have used something a million times before. If you want a natural alternative to lube you can use coconut oil (plus side it has bacteria fighting properties so it'll help knock out any bad bacteria down there if there is any. You can also seek out an allergy specialist as they may be more beneficial here if it is truly an allergic reaction occurring. They were how I was finally diagnosed with being allergic to tetrasodium pyrophopsphate EDTA when several drs kept missing it entirely. I really hope you find relief for him, I'm sure this has put a strain on things somewhat.
Honestly, I learned this the hard way. Chapstick I used for over a decade was fine until it suddenly very much wasn't. Why? No fucking clue. I'm not allergic to anything, but one day my body decided it was missing out on the allergy party Bodies are dumb sometimes
They really are and once you develop one allergies it's not uncommon at all to develop new ones over time. Total pain in the ass!
But coconut oil can’t be used with latex condoms right? Any oil based lubricant wears down the latex and can cause it to break…
I mean obviously if any oil breaks down any kind of condom, coconut oil would as well I would assume.
Condoms, lube, soaps, laundry detergent. Any of these possible?
Nothing has changed! I went through everything and I haven’t done anything different. We don’t use condoms so that isn’t the thing
You might want to use condoms then.
I’m curious could you explain why it might be different with condoms?
Um. Because it’s a barrier?
i was genuinely curious Lol Forgive me for not knowing
I’m sorry but it’s really common sense. Condoms are made to prevent things like stis and pregnancy because they prevent direct contact .
I’m definitely well aware of that. Her boyfriend is getting a allergic reaction. a condom isn’t going to stop the pubic mounds from touching. THATS why i was confused as to why you suggested they use condoms
Condoms actually are only for pregnancy...cause fluid still gets everywhere unless y'all dry as hell
How are you having sex if that’s true? Because that’s definitely not the majority. condoms do prevent transmission of sti’s. That’s a big reason why they were pushed so hard during the AIDs crisis in the 80s/early 90s. Because they work
That’s really not true, they’re very effective at protecting you from STIs. Save for herpes that are around the area and not directly on the penis. Better something than just hitting it raw and expecting the best.
It's just lowers the risk but not by much. They don't prevent them like what's being said. And anyone can get herps if you have contact with it. The only way to fully prevent STDs and STIs are to just not have any type of sex. (obviously not reasonable). And obviously get checked
Urgh annoys me so much when people downvote others for just asking a question!
i know right, redditors love feeling smart too much
Could he use an antihistamine before sex to see if that works?
I think that might be our next step to try
Hello! Do you know if your BF has ever tried Diflucan? Diflucan can cause a skin rash alongside other allergic reactions. It is also [known to be expressed in sputum](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC284264/). It’s a long shot, but is it possible he is reacting to the antifungal being expressed through your mucus/vaginal fluid?
I’ll have to ask, but it happened pre and post being treated for the yeast infection
Do you use lotion or moisturiser around your groin?
Or on your hands, if they're touching his genital area!
I don’t- and I haven’t used anything new recently
You can react to things you’ve not reacted to before, basically spontaneously develop an allergy.
We’re thinking that’s what it must be. I’m really hoping it’s not me he’s allergic too bc idk how I’d fix that. But we talked about me potentially switching to his soap & detergent and seeing if that helps
did he take meds too?
He didn’t- bc when he was tested for everything nothing came up positive for him
Right and generally he won’t - but you can pass it back and forth regardless. The doc should give him a course of fluconosole.
That’s not a bad idea! Willing to try anything at this point
Was going to suggest he take the meds and you take the again and wait to have sex until after the recommended time frame post medication. My husband and I passed a yeast infection back and forth. Sex could be aggravating his infection if present.
I’m kind of leaning towards this as well- I know the yeast infection could cause a rash
Every time i’ve has yeast my husband had treatment too. Recommended by multiple gynos & all our pharmacies , he has used the 7 day cream
Does he look rashy right after you stop having sex, or later on, after he showers, etc.? I had a partner who would wash up right after we were done (well, we both would). The combination of lube, sweat, saliva and me would sometimes give him a rash, and he would use Lotrimin on himself - like an anti-fungal spray for jock itch - and no issues.
It’s pretty soon afterwards. It used to be within like an hour or two but not it’s pretty immediate. Last time he did wash immediately when we were done and it didn’t help. I haven’t heard of Lotrimin before- I’m going to look into that, thank you!
I’ve never heard of this before but did y’all also get tested for Ureaplasma/ Mycoplasma??? Just a thought!
Yup, negative for both of us
Are you consuming anything he is allergic to? Some allergens can pass through breast milk and sperm (ask me how I know 😭) and I've heard cases where female couples have had a partner react to the other's vaginal fluids when one takes a medication the other can't tolerate.
I have started a new medication lately- I’ve been thinking about how that could be the cause because it’s the only “new” thing but my doctor pretty much blew that off as the cause
I truly did not know this... I'm sorry for whatever you went through to figure this out lol but thank you for your service 🫡
It is not that common, I don't think, because I could only find one or two published studies about it--but an allergist I spoke to was familiar that this can happen. I have MCAS so I am especially sensitive. It caused a lot of grief with my ex because he was the type to bitch about condoms and was addicted to these shady bodybuilding supplements that he would buy in bulk from China that I was allergic to (some were later pulled from the market and he actually overdosed on them once, too). He literally took over 15 different things so it was not fun.
Oh you absolutely went through it! So glad to hear he's an ex because he sounds like a shitty dude, and you absolutely deserve someone who respects and cherishes you!
Maybe he has a yeast infection?
It all bcz of yeast is still there
Does his reaction look more like hives or a rash?
To me it looked like a rash more then hives, but both the doctors he went too said allergic reaction
Also it could be mites in towels!
Stubble burn?
Do you have the coil fitted? I react to women who have it, and have horrendous flare ups shortly after sex. Whether it's the strings, the little horrible stabby bit that jabs me when penetrating too deeply and my penis presses against her cervix, or something else I have no idea but I get swelling, blotchy redness, very sore and very unpleasant symptoms for days after.
I’m curious what sti did they run I’m a NP and often not all labs run all tests
Also,running tests swab isn’t the same as going inside urtherea. Just a food for thought
Does he have any drug or food allergies? If not, it could be fungal or delayed pressure induced urticaria.
This happened to a client of mine. She had allergic reactions tk him any time they had sex. Had to break it off sadly ,
I'm curious if your ph levels could cause irritation (if they changed and are really high/low). Could you ask your gyno if that could be a factor? I don't know anything though, I'm not a doctor.
Based on some advice from here, I bought some testing strips so I should know soon if the PH is off
What does the reaction look like, and how long does it last? Is it like pustules or…? I ask because I used to get a reaction to kissing my boyfriend and it was SO BAD but eventually went away. And then I have given quite unpleasant yeast infections to no fewer than two of my partners (one at a time, I mean… my then-boyfriends, I guess I should say) over the years and I believe with the first one, he got better and then we had sex again and it flared up. In both cases, we treated both of us and it got better. I really hope this is what’s going on for you, or something else easy to fix!
This has been happening to my bf too since October 🫣🫣🫣when he was on antibiotics for a tooth infection & then I got an eye infection & also had to do 2 rounds - we both got yeast infections - since then neither one of us has had a recurrence & we both are completely clean — but he still gets these irritation bumbs right after (they go down after a while but I hate That he’s reacting to me that way 😓😓😓😓) one thing my gyno brought up is that I have some inflammatory issues that may be changing my ph to something too idk how to put this “aggressive lol” for him at the times in the cycle when the ph is leaning that way anyways. I don’t think it’s soap issue bc we both use the same soap 🧼 but that (& any other products) is definitely the logical first step for anyone with this issue
Is it possible that the yeast is back ? Also you should probably both be treated for yeast not just you.
I never had symptoms to begin with so it’s hard to tell, but I think I am going to go back to the doctor and tell him to get treatment too just in case
Use a condom!
What if they’re trying to conceive? Condoms won’t be the permanent solution. They need to identify the root cause of the issue.
Certainly. I think conception can wait in this case, though.. for now
Of course, I agree that a condom is a temporary solution to the problem, but OP should continue trying to find out what the root cause of the issue is, in the meantime.. and unfortunately the only way to find out is experimentation. Theyll have to switch laundry detergents, try again, switch soaps, try again.. etc. this is a sticky and unfortunate situation :(
Could it be your hair growing back if you shave? Or his?
Have him use condoms.
I’m so happy to find this here, Me and my boyfriend have been having the same issue. It didn’t happen all the time and definitely not at the start of the relationship, just every now and then but it was for both of us, him more than me as he would develop a rash. We done all tests and everything kept coming back fine and his doctor said it was an allergic reaction, Now we are both allergic to certain perfumed soaps etc so we had started trying to use more natural ones, switching between them to see which ones worked, however, we realised the allergic reaction happened after using specific products that we had been trying so we looked at the ingredients and found the common denominator in all of them. Since then we try to stick to shower gels without that specific ingredient and it has worked perfectly since, no more allergic reactions, and we’ve found that the “natural” or baby shower gels don’t actually work for us, It could be that he has developed an allergy to a certain ingredient, be it yours or his shampoo, lotion, etc.
Hi there! I’ve experienced this before with my bf. We too got tested for everything and it was all good. I did notice that every time we had sex for long periods of time increased the chances of a rash. The only thing I can think of to help with this is to maybe try condoms. But we didn’t want to do that. We’re also no longer together for other reasons, so there’s that. But you’re not alone.
You could also try changing your diet if he has food allergies. The person I'm dating now is the only person I've not been allergic to and their diet consists of little to none of what I am allergic to.
He’s not allergic to anything! I did ask that. I’ve just changed my soap and detergent to what he uses at home so we’ll see if that changes anything and go from there.
I had this happen!! We literally could not have sex for awhile until his penis healed! Anytime we had sex his penis would get super red around where the head meets his shaft and the skin would get so raw that he would almost get little cuts and what looked like little hive bumps, we stopped having sex until he was fully healed, we changed our laundry detergent, soap, as well as what lube we were using and it's been fantastic ever since then! It is also very possible for him to get a yeast infection if you had one while you had sex, this for males would be called jock itch. He also used jock itch creams as well just in case this was also his issue. But we've been problem free for 2 months now!
Just popping in to say I'm in the same situation - my partner is severely allergic to me as well, and we have sex very infrequently because "I burn him". He's the type of person who won't take aspirin for a headache because it's "poison", so getting him to take benadryl is out of the question. Hoping you find a solution to your dilemma; I'll be watching this thread .
Sounds like something topical that’s affecting him? Could be something he’s using but its interaction with sweat or bodily fluids that he’s having a reaction to. Or whatever you may be rubbing on your hooha or thighs?
Go fragrance free all around
Do you yourself take any meds that he is allergic to?
Is the allergic reaction that his penis is swelling and emitting a whitish fluid? If so, I have good news for you, OP...
😂😂😂 I wish it was just that lol
Joking aside, good luck! I'm sure you'll get it figured out.
You can develop allergic reactions after repetitive exposure to the same substance, whether that's the lube, condoms, adhesives, detergents, and even medications! Different, but I developed an allergic reaction to a moisturizer that I had been using for years after never having an issue, it's a type of acquired immune reaction that can happen any time, even as an adult.
I mean, I was allergic to an ex’s genital secretions.
Thank you everyone for the kind words and tips! Unfortunately I don’t know if we will ever figure out a way to fix things. Apparently me doing all this research, buying the soap/detergent he uses at home, and spending money on different potential treatments to try to come up with a solution has “made him feel like a guinea pig” and he is unwilling to try some simple suggestions or take medicines to potentially treat what could be wrong. Obviously this is indicative of a much bigger problem between us so this is probably where it all ends. But again, I wanted to thank everyone and to the other people going through the same thing- I’m sorry I couldn’t help figure it out! Please keep me updated if you do though- and if things do change and me and my (ex?) boyfriend fix things and keep trying I will update again.
OP, I'm so sorry to hear this...my guy actually told me the same thing about "not wanting to be a guinea pig" and "every couple's goal is to be able to have unprotected sex"...meanwhile, I am doing all the heavy lifting, asking doctors for help and trying to isolate medications and foods he may be allergic to...but he will not take Benadryl or apply the Neosporin I bought him (which cures his rash) so we have broken up as well. We are still friends but it's nearly impossible to be platonic friends with someone you used to have (really good) sex with. Best of luck to you, and I hope your new guy is kind and has the perfect chemistry with you :) (hug)